Castles & Cameras

can't ask you how your Christmas went? But Jared, how do you think your Christmas is gonna go? Let's go ahead and maybe like peer into the future a little bit, and how do you think it's gonna go? Hopefully well and healthy. Uh, it's a different Christmas everybody's experienced in this man. We're you know the family. Usually we get together with you know, a bunch of different people on Christmas. We go to my cousins for Christmas even usually there's

like ten or fifteen people there. And then Christmas Day will come and my grandfather will come over, my parents, my sister, my brother in law. Uh, and then Christmas night, my cousins will come over, so we see Usually, you know, it's twenty to thirty people throughout the two days and then unfortunately we're just not doing that this year. So we are going to get together a very small group. It's just gonna be my parents, uh, me, Ashley, and my sister. My brother in law is actually in the

Coast Guard and he's serving overseas right now. Um, so he just left a few weeks ago, so he's not gonna be back until next November. So it's just gonna be a small dinner, the five of us. But everybody's going through right now. Quarantine's quarantine birthdays all around. Did

you brother get the vaccine? No? Um, So my dad is actually getting the vaccine soon because he works in the correctional facility and so he's actually getting vaccinated I think in like forty five minutes um, which is insane. So Ashley's dad is a doctor down in Virginia. He's an anesthe geologist and he's in his sixties, so he was one of the first to get vaccinated. He got vaccinated last week and uh, you know, he feels fine and he gets his second dose in a couple of

weeks and then my dad gets vaccinated tonight. They both got the Fiser one, uh not the Maderner one. So it's crazy, man, it's crazy to think that, like, here we go, we have a COVID vaccine and it's being distributed and people are getting uh vaccinated. It's been it's just been a surreal, surreal ten months. And certainly, you know, social distancing and mass wearing isn't gonna be over for quite some time. But in terms of Christmas, that's our

plans right now. What about you? Man, Well, let me check my Fiser stock real quick now that we're on the topic. It's our it's too late for that. He should have got into that bar april. May you have made something down since I first bought it. That's kind of a bummer. Um, well, that's good that they're getting their uh their vaccines. It's I mean, I don't know, I haven't been falling too closely, but I guess there's like a new strand or something that's coming out too.

I mean they're saying there's a new strand over the UK. I mean, what are we gonna do? Like at this point, we're just everybody's trying to do the best we can. We don't know if it's going to affect the vaccine or not. It's still up in the air. How contagious this new strain is? What the new strain is? Is it? You know, is the vaccine not going to you know, work against it. It's just exhausting for everybody out there. So hopefully, dude, we just get out of this sooner

rather than litter and we can all. I was thinking about it the other day because I was a the grocery store and you know, I'm still super nervous to just be within a few feet of anyone, So walking past people on aisles, I'm like trying to turn the other way, keep my distance, and I'm like, man, this

is not the way life is supposed to be. It's so mentally draining and for everybody out there, just constantly being on and constantly trying to just be aware of your surroundings, and truthfully, for me, like being scared of everybody. You know, I'm scared to come within a few feet of anybody, even if they're wearing masks. It's like, damn, this is depressing. Yeah, you are a bit of a hypochondriac, though maybe a little bit, just just a tiny bit,

but you know what I mean. Back in March and April, everybody was on my side when I was like washed down the groceries. Let's not converse with anybody. You know, things have changed since ing I watched this. I saw this TikTok today. That was like, what was something that you're doing pre COVID that you can't even imagine doing now?

And this girl was like, think about how we when we used to go bowling, we would stick our fingers in these little holes and with multiple times that everyone else is touching, and then we would eat these this finger food and just like suck on our fingers, you know, like the chicken wings and all that kind of stuff. Imagine doing that now, Like, that's just disgusting. It's eve. I went bowling in January, so I went bowling when

COVID was in the state. That's pretty I mean, it's one of those obviously, right, It's one of those things that's already disgusting and you don't think about how discussing it is and then you know you kind of have

some hinds. But I'm the type of guy. I always brought sanitizer with me or I would if like my thing, I was aware, you know, so if my fingers had been in a bowling ball, I would make sure I wash my hands before I ate something, which means I was the guy who would go to the bathroom like five or six times throughout the night, not because I had to take a pissed but because I just needed to wash my hands. Because, like you said, I'm a

hypo contract. But you know what, how's your Christmas? Well, Calin and I are actually gonna go get tested here pretty soon because we are going to be getting on an airplane and flying to Bozeman, Montana to see my brother, my brother. Both my brothers are gonna be there and my sister, and we don't really get many opportunities to all get together and just kind of with I don't know why or how, but this year everyone is around, and I guess we have the ability to all get

to the same location, which is Boseman, Montana. Uh, And so we're gonna take that opportunity to kind of see each other. But yeah, like I said, we're gonna get tested before we leave just to make sure everything checks out. Make sense, I got tested. I mean I haven't flown in a while, but I got tested on Sunday just for I mean it's free, and you know, if I'm going to be around even like a couple of people,

it's like for peace of mind, I'd rather know. Yeah, it's like the worst part about it is just waiting in line, which is not even that bad depending on where you go. I don't know if that would be the worst part. The worst part is when it goes all the way up to your brain. I'd say that's, you know, not the best I got. I got tested once, uh, and I think I had like too many Bookers in my nose or something because if they like shoved the Burger Bookers further up my nose. And it was because

it was maybe my third time getting tested. The second time getting tested. The first time was fine, you know, like it's uncomfortable, but like whatever, it was a clean swap up into the brain. But the second time they like shoved all my Bookers up even further up into my nose. It was the worst possible experience. Um. When I went this last time, the doctor was like, do you want a self ad minister, And I was like no, if I do it, like I'm gonna barely go up

in the nose before my nose hairs start tickling. Just do it, shove it up there, and then I'm such a drama queen, like I cough, So I have to keep my mask on because it's just involuntary obviously. So when it goes all the way up to the back of my nose, I'm like, yeah, there is zero posent

chance I can self administer. I got I broke my nose once when I was in high school and they put these like big plastic extens up in my nose and then I don't know if you ever broke your nose, but when they then when they pull them out, it's like the most insane feeling like they feel like it literally feels like they're excavating your brain through your nose. Uh. And so ever since then, I've kind of like, I don't know, you can kind of I guess, But all right,

enough nose talking. What did you get? Are you done Christmas shopping? You've got anything else? Did you get Caroling a gift? Um? Yeah I did. I'm not getting anyone else any gifts. I I think I've I've got my brothers and sister gifts so many times, and they always just seem so ungrateful. I know, I'm sure that they're not ungrateful, but I just they don't really ever seem very excited about the things that I get them, So I'm just kind of given up. Are they annoyed because

they don't get anything in return? I've been yelled at numerous times throughout my adulthood because I'll get my cousins gifts without telling them that I'm getting them something, and then they get piste off at me because I give them the gift and they didn't give me a gift because they didn't think we were exchanging. So even though I'm the gift giver, I end up being the asshole

in the case. Yeah, that's I don't know if they've never verbally expressed it, but they seem pretty content with the idea of me getting them something and them not giving me anything back in return. But also it's like, what, like, I don't need them to get me anything. What are they going to give me that I don't already like the same with Kaylin. It's like, Kylen can't really get me anything because I already have everything I already wants. For the most part mineus, like a like a muscle

car or something like that. I don't know, you get a muscle car for Christmas? That's nice, it would be nice. Yeah, what are you gonna get? I don't know. So Ash and I talked about how we don't want to exchange two months too much. Um. It is funny when you think about buying gifts for people as adults, because you know what the best gift of all is keeping your money. Um. So that's like, you know, cousins and and brothers and sisters, like I'm gonna get you a little knickknacks and stuff

like that, but nothing too big. But Ash and I talked about what we're gonna get each other, how much we're gonna spend on each other. And so she got me two things and she said she didn't spend more than a couple hundred dollars, So I'm not spending more than a couple hundred dollars. Um. And I got her like some small, fun, thoughtful gifts. But I feel like I just I always underwhelmed with gifts. You know, you can tell us because this is an air until after Christmas.

And she definitely doesn't listen to the podcast. I got her like so, I got our Harry Styles candle, uh, which I thought it was a cute gift because she's obsessed with Harry Styles, and I figured, you know, i'd give her a candle with the picture of a beautiful man on there to show my you know, security within this relationship and as a man, even though I feel

quite inferior to Harry Styles obviously. Uh. What else? Oh, I got her a shirt with young Leonardo Dicapro and Mark wahlbark on there, because she's obsessed with both men, and it's a picture of them. I forget a movie they were in together, but they were in a movie when they were like teenagers, so it's a picture of

them very young. I forget. That'd be cute. I got her so last year I got her Mickey and mini snow globe and it's a really nice snow globe and I gotta personalize with our wedding data on their August eleven, two thou nineteen. And of course, what happened a few months later she broke it. It was accidental, she was dusting off the top of the counter. It fell down, shattered it everywhere. So I ended up going back to

the same store getting this name snow globe. But instead of getting just inscribed our wedding day, I saw a mug in there that says you are my favorite person. And I was like, huh, I don't want to get her a mug, but I really like that. So on the Mickey and Miney snow globe, I got it inscribed on the front saying you are my favorite person August eleventh, two thousand nineteen. Dean, don't get jealous, you're a close second. But I thought that'd be a nice gift. Uh. Then

I got her. You know, I got some personal gifts after that. Then I'm not going to talk about on the podcast, but you know, talk about it. Why not some stuck army. Yeah, I guess that's a good point. I got a lingerie, you know. Yeah, you know, just you know, it's a little gift for both her and I. I was gonna say that more of a gift for her for you, a little bit of both, you know, keeping it by say you were trying to have a kid us more detail here. I'm a lace type guy.

My favorite our thigh highs, as we've talked about in this podcast before. But I'm A big fan of black lace with THI highs because there's a few things better in this world than that. I'm not like sometimes, you know, I don't know, Sometimes landre can get like a little

too much. There's like holes in different places and and like like little secret trap doors, and I'm like, I don't I don't know, I don't need all this, Like you like the basic Lingreie then, but yeah, yeah, but a basic good black lace with THI highs is my favorite. Multiple benny? What was that? Multile benny? Isn't that very good? At Italian? I don't know. I don't speak Italian. I went there once. That's that's nice, man, I'm sure she's

gonna love it. I hope you got to choose some Lingrei too, so you guys can wear your lingdreds together. You know, when I did chipping Dale's, she bought me a pair of boxers with like a bow tie in the front, so it made it look like a tuxedo on where you know the man parts are. So that was nice. So I have yet, have you ever? I was gonna say, so you have not wanted them? For

they're quite uncomfortable. They're very tight because they're meant to, you know, really emphasize that part of the party to make it like, you know, look, maybe a little bit bigger than it actually is, t m im. But whatever. Uh So they're really not the most comfortable boxers. I wouldn't say they're me Andy's. But I did try them once, but it was like it was too laughable. It couldn't get in the mood. And you know, you're like this, I just feel like a joke. What do you mean

too laughable? Well, because like it's different when a girl dresses up, that's sexy, when a guy dresses up it's from I don't know, maybe it's just because I'm attracted to women. But like when I when like I put boxes on like that or like a bow tie, I'm like, I look like a jackass. Like nobody's sexually aroused by me wearing this. I mean, hey, have you never dressed you know? No, I've never dressed up. I would never. I would never do that. But listen, like you said,

different strokes for different folks. Some people are in that kind of thing. Sounds like you are into it once you once you're alright, you'll you'll get used to it. We're trying to have a baby. You know, we're trying to figure out different different ways too. I thought you knew that I was already married. Wait wait wait, wait back up a second. I know you guys are I know Ashley is quote unquote off the pill for her instagram post um. But what's the update on the baby situation?

Are you guys still trying to have a baby? What's going on? Uh? Yeah, so we're trying. We're actively trying. We're a couple of months in. Um. Yeah. It's still funny when you know you're you're trying to have a kid, and like every month it's like all right, we're like is there a baby in there? Is this the month? Um? And like, I don't know, I guess you're never ready for to have kids. I feel like I'm ready to be a father. I feel like Ashley is ready to

be a mom. I want to have kids. But it's crazy. I always get, you know, when she's like, Okay, I'm taking the test today, it's like, oh Jesus, are we ready for this? Is this actually happened? Are we bad parents? How does this work? Do you keep track of? Like the ovulation cycle? So she she has like the Ava bracelet. She's got apps and books. She's you know, one of the best traits of Ashley is that when she does something, she does a hundred and ten percent, no matter what

it is in life. Uh, and trying to have kids is no different. She's she's she's really good about it. It's not like, all right, let's just do it and see what happens. She's like, we need to do it on this day, on this hour. This is my peak. So we need to you know, two days before, two days afterwards, and then you know, I drink this or do that or eat that. And she just like got it down to a science. Are you doing anything specific

to help increase your chances? Yeah, that's a negative. You know sometimes I uh uh, you know, after she's pregnant, that's when my big you know, I'll be the support of the supportive guy. Now, like, what am I gonna do? I just I need to like, you know, I literally have like forty five seconds of work into this, that's

all I have to do. It's so funny because she's we talk about it and she's like, you know, all the pressures on you because you need to you know, deliver in the moment just to you know, because but like, let's be honest, if if they were married, forty five seconds listen the reason I bring up forty five seconds. Here we go. So if you're married, or if you've been with someone for quite some quite a while, you know, it's it's you know, it's not like every five minutes.

You guys can just make love and it's as easy as possible. And especially when you're trying to have kids, sometimes it's like, Okay, we need to have sex now, and you're like, like, I just we just had a big prime rib and I just said it's like a brownie and I am not in the mood. So you just need to like be like, all right, I'll just get in the mood because this is like her prime

and so let's do it. And so sometimes it's you know, it's I don't want to call it work because it's great, but like sometimes you want to get it done as quickly as possible. So it's like, you know, it's a numbers game at this point. You guys are just trying to play the odds exactly. You know, we're just throwing as much as we can against the wall and just hopefully one of them sticks. Uh So that was a bad choice of words right there, within the context of

the conversation. But you know, so sometimes it's like all right, Jared, come on now, like you can do this, like focus, you got you know, you can get this in your prime. It took you like fifteen seconds. You know, you can just channel that energy. I think that there are things that men can do to increase their sperm count, like I know for a lot, not for a fact, but I remember, uh, like cowboys have a higher sperm count

because they don't wear boxers. Like the folder. The further away from your body, you can keep the you know, the thing where the seaman are stored because he kills them. And so if they're like not hugged up against your body, they they perform better, I guess. But so that's all stuff that I'm sure you already know. Yes, but that makes me nervous. And do you have you always worn boxer breeze? No? I hate I hate boxers, so I don't wear boxers. So you're at your commando, right, I'm

a command I'm a cowboy. Yeah, So what do you do when you have jeans on? Just just just grip my teeth and get through it. That's terrible, that seems so painful. That's why you're hard pressed to find me wearing a pair of jeans, I think is why. Um but Jared, listen, man, good luck. I think it's gonna happen when it's supposed to happen, right, Like, that's all we can really say. And I mean, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's God's hands now. And you and you want to

know what I want to say something. I appreciate you being so open and forth right about this too. I know it's a sensitive topic. I know sometimes it can be hard to talk about, but I just appreciate your fourth right nows there. So I appreciate especially like maybe like three or four years ago, I would have been

more uh close to the chest about it. But now that I've married Ashley and she just puts everything out there, I've I've become more and more like her as we've been together longer and longer, where I'm just like, screw it, let's just talk about it. I love it. I love it. Well, we're gonna take a quick break. We have a great guest coming up for you guys. His name is Garrett Mercantile. He is from Twelve Dates of Christmas, airing on HBO

Max Uh. He is one of the three leads of the show, and we're excited to hear from him and jump into a little bit more about the show because there's some uh, some similarities to The Bachelor. There's some nuance is that we're familiar with and something that we aren't with familiar with. So we're gonna take one quick break and then we're going to jump right into speaking with Garretts of Stay tuned for that. We have Robin Rain's VP of matchmaking at three Day Rule, which is

a matchmaking website. So Robin, thank you so much for joining us. Hi, thank you for having me. Yeah, so, can you explain what Three Day Rule is and how it differs from traditional dating apps and websites because I know a lot of my friends and even back in the day, I was always on Tinder and now we have Bumble and we have so many different things going on right now, it's hard to keep up with what

to do and what's best. Three Day Rule is a modern matchmaking company, so we work with clients all over the US who basically come to us because they are too busy to waste times wiping and going on bad dates. So it's a lot of guys who, you know, maybe they don't have any troubled getting dates. They probably could go on dates every night of the week if they

wanted to. But they get there and very often they know within five minutes that this date is not for them, and so we want to save them a lot of that time, a lot of that frustration. So they sort of outsource their love lives to us, so we can just queue up the best of the best for them. I'm sure Tory will probably sign up a might maker. We'd love to match you. So where can everyone find you? And also can people request for you to be their matchmaker?

How does that work? Yeah, so I am one of those matchmaker of matchmakers, So I do am one of the people that meets everybody who comes through our door. So there's a few of me on the team. So if you go to our website and sign up, it's

just three day rule dot com. Um you create that private profile, it takes like two minutes and then um you will be assigned to one of the matchmaker of matchmakers on our team and they'll schedule the meeting with you and then if you end up deciding that this is something you want to do, she'll pair you with one of the matchmakers on our team. So again, guys, if you are interested in the matchmaking service, go to three Day Rule dot com slash page spur Rannick. Hey,

welcome back to help I Suck a Dating. We have a very special guests on the line right now. You have seen him from the brand new HBO MAC series Twelve Dates of Christmas. It is Garrett Mark. And Tell Garrett, thanks for joining us. Man, welcome to help I Suck a Dating. Thank you. I'm I'm excited to hear what questions you guys have for a gay man. Listen. We're

excited to ask you some questions too. I want to point out so before before we had Garrett call in to join us on Help by Second Dating, I creep his Instagram a little bit, and the listeners, I'm sure you can tell in his voice, but Garrett is an

incredibly attractive man. Uh. And I've got a lot of questions for you for this show because I think there has been a lot of talks in the past about uh, you know, obviously very informal talks like what would happened if there was a gay bachelor bachelorrette or something along those lines, and that's kind of what we have here.

It sounds like, right, Garrett. So for the for the listeners that aren't familiar with the show, and even honestly for me and Jared, because I haven't seen this show yet, but can you kind of fill us in on the show and how it works? Definitely? Okay, so you have three bachelors here, you have a street female, street male, and a gay mail and the three of us are plucked out of our normal lives and we're sent to a magical Christmas castle that's set in Austria and the Alps.

And while we're there, we have six blind dates and we don't know the structure, so all we just know is we're going to be meeting people. We didn't even know how many people we could meet, and then we had to just really go with the flow. And it was just like a very unique reality dating show set up, I would say, And it was stunning. Everything was just Christmas.

So how many? Okay, so it was you a straight man in a straight woman and you guys were all looking for partners where they're I guess I guess the nice thing about that would be that everyone's contestants quote unquote, right would be there for it's pretty clear who they're

there for. But so, so I have a question because I think one of the reasons why I've always kind of assumed a gay Bachelor Bachelorrette season wouldn't work is because sometimes I feel like the contestants could develop feelings for each other. Right. Well, so, so it's the gay world is very different than the straight world. I'll say that, um, and I I was curious too to see how this

would play out. Um, And I mean, first and foremost, like I really live in this bubble in New York City, where, like I mean, New York is pretty gay, and so like you can kind of just like have your friend group that that you choose, and I think that's one of the great things about New York City is everyone can kind of find their bubble um. But going in,

you're all living together in this castle. And so I didn't know like if at first I would arry and I would have like six people there and then like everyone would have like all the equal amount of time to get to know each other. But there didn't really work that way, and I think that probably was best for me. Um, maybe not for the contestants, but it definitely kind of like mitigated that opportunity for those other individuals to be able to link up, if that makes sense.

So what made you want to go on the show? Okay, so the single and I was like, honestly, I I feel like if there was a time of life to capture something like a romance on camera, it's now, like while I'm still young, and I'm a pretty adventurous type of person, so I don't know anything about television, and so this was kind of like one of those things that I felt if I was thrown into this, then the person that I was like getting thrown into it with, if if we like could do this ride together, then

it would probably be something that we would hold us this like special bond and we would always have it recorded and um, you know, and we like learned all these lessons together, and so I just thought it could

be like a really cool like love journey to have. So, so tell us more about the journey, because you said you had a mansion or not in the Austrian Alps, which sounds freaking amazing, right, So tell us a little bit more about maybe like the dates that you guys would go on, or or how you would spend your days. Because if you're living with everyone, right, are you spending every waking moment with each other or is it kind of like you're only spending times with them when you're

on dates. How did that a whole work? So I had in my own room. Um so we I mean everyone had their own room. I think some of the cast were sharing. Some of the gay cast had like female roommates. Um, but me chat and Faith um so chatting Faith to the other two leads. We all got there like like I think it was thanks uh sorry Valentine's Day February fourteen when we man so we're like, it's super excited for love. Um. And so we each had like our own corner at the top of the castle.

And so the top floor of the castle had like like the bigger bedrooms and we had these like stunning views. And then um, Faith was lucky because she had a room next to Anthony. I won't say anything more than that. Um, but all of my dates they were two floors below me. So I didn't actually get to interact with anyone unless I was on camera. So it was like first it

was me, Faith and Chad. We got to know each other, and then I didn't know who was coming and when, and then once we had the first day, it was just on camera interaction and then I wouldn't see them again until the next opportunity that we're filming. So tell us what a date, Like what was the date? Would you guys go skiing? Would you go like dog sled racing or yeah, so it's like dog sledding, ski biking, snowboarding, skiing, snowshoeing, like any type of winter activity that you can imagine.

It would be like a cute dates it up like this is what we did, Like what Corey and I mo went on a date where we literally just played in the snow and just like look down some wishing well and like made a wish. I mean, it's just like silly stuff, but it's really cute. No, but that's like the best way to get to know someone, you know,

to like related to bachelors. Sometimes when people go on dates, they do these activities, and while they're fun and entertaining, there's not really a way to get to know someone or talk to them or get to know them better. So like a date playing in the snow. I feel like it's the best way to just chill and talk

to someone. Yeah, it's it's hard because like, okay, so you have you have things you have to capture on camera, but then you also really want to get to know the person, right, so you know, it's kind of like the I I think my favorite dates were probably the ones where it's like, you know, just me and jose we were snowshoeing, We're walking in the snow and talking and getting to know each other right, And it's nothing where it's like super technical, like where I was on

a snowboarding date with Dominic and I'm bossing my ass the entire time. So it's just like a little bit more difficult. But yeah, I mean I definitely agree. And you're trying to find those like organic moments as quick as possible. Um, And I think too that, I mean, that's really kind of the piece that I think speaks speaks more than than the process, you know, because you have to have those like chemistry bonds like start to form. M Yeah, what is it about the snow that makes

it so much more romantic? Yeah, there's like something about snowfall that for me personally at least. Maybe it's because I grew up in the Northeast, but it's like so majestic and it's just like I see Christmas lights and I immediately feel like butterflies. Yeah, and this place was in the Alps, so it's like just stunning, and it's

it's like these this Austrian Alp villages. So it's like all these like German inspired towns everywhere, and everyone has a cute little accent and they're really excited because you're filming something in their town that does get like a lot of like film stuff. So it was an experience for everyone. I will say of I've been a few countries in Eastern Europe and Vienna was one of my absolute favorites. Austria, I haven't have the chance to explore the Alps quite as much, but but yeah, I've heard

very good things. And to Jared to your question, I think the thing about snow is it's like it encourages people to like a bundle up but then be like just be closer together and like you know kind of you know, you get like the warm, hot coco, the cozy fires, like all that kind of stuff. You get some like you get some marshmallows in there with some whipped cream and then you drizzle some caramel on top. Hasn't been a dating, so that's like winter based yet

you know, here we go. I was gonna say, it's it's perfect timing for it too, And it's funny too that you guys filmed it in spring and so it's finally out on HBO Max. Now is that right? Yeah? Yeah, so we started yea, we started in February, so that's what like ten months? How long did filming? How open we were in Austria for the leads were there for like a little over a month. I think so you like just made it before quarantine. Oh yeah, no, we flew back and I think it was like days after

they shut all the borders down in Europe. What was it like, just for my own curiosity when you were on on set, you know, February March was when everybody started getting a little nervous like, Okay, is this gonna be something? Is it's not gonna be something? But you guys were secluded filming. But was it like producers like freaking out there, like hey, we might have to cut filming short because of Corona. They were very professional and they like wanted to like keep the process true, and

we didn't really know what was going on. Okay, But however, I have a little like confession. I they unplugged like our TVs and like took all the like equipments. You can't like plug it back in. And I found line and I like plugged it up, and I was like, I feel like, what's going on in the world. And I actually saw that that you know, COVID had a breakout in northern Italy, which was like right at the where we're at, and I was like, oh, like this is getting really close. Um, And so I did ask

my producer. I was like, hey, like is there a game plan in place? And they're like, we're good right now, like we only have like three days left. And then it was like we wrapped up shops right at that's I mean, everything got finished. Um. So we just got super lucky. And it's cool because honestly that was that was the last bit of like pre COVID culture captured and my world. And so I mean I look at the person who I am today and look at that person and it's like the amount of growth that all

of us have gone through the world is a different place. Um. So it's cool to have just like, oh, this was Scarrett at this time pre COVID captured like days before it unraveled, especially you because you're in New York City too, which is obviously seen quite a bit of the worst of it. I feel like, at least in the US day. But how has it been watching yourself back on television?

Has it been like weird for you? Weird? Okay? So it's like you go in and it's a simulation in a way where it's like, Okay, you don't know what's going to happen. You're thrown into this world that's created for you, and you know you're you're going and you're you're being open to to everyone around you, you know, opening up yourself to all these like people, cameraman and lights and everything. Just everyone hears everything, right, so you

no longer have like a private journey. Um. And so like that was an experience that was this like weird social experiment and then watching it again on the other side and you're like, you're you're seeing a lot more of like TV then versus like what I had personal experienced, And that's a whole another simulation in itself. So it's cool. I mean, I'm I'm learning a lot about all of

television and media throughout this whole thing. It. Um, I think it's important the ultimate story that was told, um, and you know it, there's a lot of questions. So I'm like here to answer the questions because there's a

lot that went down and a lot that happened. And I think that it being in the first time that this is like a gay narrative really played out on a major network, people are like not everyone is like happy with the full to be honest, Yeah, I was gonna ask you about that because you know, Bachelor most recently has gotten flak about, you know, not being diverse enough, and so obviously Matt James. So Matt James is the Bachelor coming up in January, and he's the first black bachelor.

We also we've had a black bachelor in New York. He is he lives in New York? Does he live with Tyler? Yeah? Okay, yeah, so I used to sell the tower wo Manhattan Square that they will have an apartment in. Okay, Well, is he nice? Oh for sure? Oh my, both of them are incredible guys. Okay, before UM, I had to let my work know like that I was leaving UM for like a month to film this reality show. And so someone from from my work was really good friends with Tyler, and Tyler and I had

like a quick sit down chat. So that's awesome. Yeah, Matt seems like a super nice guy. I'm excited to meet him. Actually, my wife met him and said just the nicest things. I'm super excited for him. But I wanted to ask you this question because you know, we've so we've also seen within the Bachelor franchise, uh Demi, who is bisexual, and she was dating a guy and

a girl on Bachelor in Paradise. So I wanted to ask you what it means to be a gay man who is going on national television to date other men, because you know, it's very It's it's much more acceptable today than it was many years ago, but still it's it's a little groundbreaking. Yeah, I mean, I'm shocked it took this long. So it's still like again, I've I've kind of lived like in New York City, which is a bubble in itself, so I get it it's not

like the rest of America. But still I mean, like, I I feel like I live a pretty normal life, right, so I don't feel like I'm treated differently than anyone else, and so for for me to have that be represented in media as well, like, I'm not different really than anyone else. Like I have a longing for love and I want to spend someone, um, spend the holidays with someone. And I think, you know, the fact that we can finally capture that, you know, love goes beyond a person's

sexual orientation. I think it's awesome, um, And I'm excited that dating shows are like actually moving into this direction because that's real life representation. I do, I do want to point out there, but I do want to point out there was a show a while back called A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila. I don't know if you guys ever watched that one, but Garrett just promised me you do not have a downward spiral like she did, because well, she's just she's got a little cuckoo. I

don't foresee that happening. I don't I don't obviously foresee that we're happening with you. But good things for you, Gary, But you definitely, I mean, you definitely are a pioneer, there's no question. Uh, you know, it's it's it seems like it's been a long time coming, and obviously it's good to start to see these these things happen, uh, very very much. Still a long time coming. But as a gay man, you you kind of you go through

like a weird journey. You know, you have to come out, you know, you have to like start dating, and you're like dating ten years later than what you would have started dating if you were like straight and dating in high school. You know. And on that note, I guess I guess I have a question for you too, because according to what I see here, you came out just

five years ago and you were twenty four. So that's uh uh you know, I I I guess every every journey is different for every person, but uh, five years after coming out for the first time now to be on, like you said, a major network, pursuing love and finding a relationship, that's I mean, that's huge, and you're definitely a pioneer. It's just it seems like, uh, a lot, you know, just I don't know, you know, it's definitely

a lot. Uh. And and I love that my family has been able to keep up with me too, because it's like here's one bomb boom, here's another bomb. Um. And I was like super busy um the last couple of years, and I wasn't able to go home for the holidays just because I was like kind of low in the totem pole at my my company. So I was like working the holidays and stuff. Um. And so like my first time back home was with like a whole production crew and I'm like surprised, like here all

these gay men. Um. So it definitely was on this like fast track, uh to becoming like a I don't know, a gay man that has that shares his like public life. UM. But I think to like, I learned some really amazing lessons, still learning them as I'm going along. And I think the thing is that one thing about me is is I'm quick to own up to my mistakes because like

that's how we learned. And I think to being a pioneer, like it's kind of a lonely road in a way you don't know like really necessarily how to to navigate it, and um, I don't. I'm just trying to my best, but ultimately I'm just trying to stay teachable along the way, Hey, doing trying your best is all any of us can do, my friend. Uh So, I'm gonna say a spoiler alert

for here. Anybody who wants to watch the eight episodes on hbom X twelve Dates of Christmas uh and doesn't want to be spoiled anything, turn it off right now. But Garrett, you love the show single, I did ya? So what's going on with you now? Are you dating? What has happened post show? Do you suck at dating? I may suck at dating? Um, okay, so like it's just so weird. I mean I didn't Okay, I went and I didn't know what to expect as far as like if I was going to meet someone. I was

hoping of course I would fall in love. And then I go back, um to the States, and the world's like ending, and um, I'm in my Brocomon apartment and I'm like looking out over like the view of Manhattan, and I'm like, like, what am I supposed to do? Like? Am I just gonna like be up in my apartment all alone like while like everything's happening here And I just got heat from my my family and everyone on national television for not really being home for for so long.

So I went home to be with my family in Louisiana. And there's not many options for gay dating in Louisiana in that part like Charles where I'm from. Well, I'd say certainly not as much in Louisiana as there is in New York City. Definitely not. Yeah, So, so I spent that time with my family. Uh, So I moved

away right after high school. I was young. My little brother who's five and so now he's nineteen, so I was able to like just spend that time with him, with my sister, my nephews, my mom, my dad, so like that was super important for me. And then I decided to um kind of like pick up, like I didn't just like a big question mark with New York.

So I also knew that I wanted to put some roots in l A too, So I moved to l A and I started to kind of like put myself to be by coastal within real estate in both cities. So I've just been kind of like a bit all over the place. We were also filming more episodes of Twelve Dates in l A over the summer um which you can see episode eight. Sorry yeah, Episode eight is

um and we did some like studio shoots. Um. So yeah, so I have just been kind of a little bit like back between New York and l A and trying to figure out And also I can't really like date anyone until this is like this show, because until you can get within six ft of someone, it's difficult six Yeah.

So I'm like, okay, well, after remind myself here, it's not really your fault that you're still single, like um, and and it's funny because now that like this shows out and my friends who have known me for years are like seeing this thing that I went through. Um, you know, I'm definitely some guys that in the past have have may have wanted to try to go on a date with me, and obviously that I'm single, Oh yeah,

they're definitely pursuing again. So this is interesting time. It's definitely it's definitely going to continue to happen that way too, for better or for worse, I guess. Um. But it's it's fun, it's exciting, and hopefully as things continue to roll out with COVID and things become you know, more under control, you'll be able to at least experience some of the pros and the benefits of uh, you know, putting yourself out there and being vulnerable and letting people

see you in this new light too. And I heard HBO Max just said that they were doing a season two. So Garrett, are we gonna see you on season two? Is it gonna be like thirteen Dates of Christmas? I don't know anything about season two. I did see that piece come out and there was something on my face that said to be continued about my journey on the

last um. I don't. I don't know what HBO has planned, but well, hopefully you find love before that, but if not, I would love to see you back on twelve Dates of Christmas season two. Garrett, Thank you so much for joining us. Everybody out there, make sure you guys go check out the eight episodes streaming right now on HBO Max Twelve Dates of Christmas, Garrett. Of course, everybody can go follow you on Instagram. Garrett, Mark can tell, so make sure you guys check out what he's going on

in there. Garrett, thank you so much for joining us. Man appreciate you guys. It's a pleasure to meet you both. All right, everyone, welcome back to help I suck at dating and if you haven't already gone to check out Twelve Days of Christmas on HBO, Max, I can't blame you because listen, it's only been a couple of minutes anyways, but be sure to check that out later. Anyways, Jared, we have a couple of emailers, uh that I think

we should get to here. I wonder if Mark is listening in and was willing to give us a read through of these emails. He is, He just admitted himself things are looking up. We have an email from Marita. First of all, Mark, Hello, Well, okay, thank you. Here's a Rita I have to say. I'm a twenty three year old girl from south of Denver, Broncos fan, bachelor's

degree in philosophy, and serial relationship sabotager. My friends kept a joke going for a while about me being the female Dean Unglert, which is how I found your podcast. I'm in a weird relationship position where I think my partner might be the one, but it seems like the more serious we get, the more freaked out I get, and I keep doing stupid. I'm absolutely going to lose him if I don't grow up a little bit but

for some reason I can't. I was wondering if you had any advice for the transition between flings to a serious relationship and how to practice being a good partner. Oh, good, good stuff, Jared, I feel like this is kind of right in your wheelhouse. What do you think she just said, she's the female Deanungler. You should know this, I would say, honestly, though, um, I don't know. I mean, listen, we're all afraid of commitment. This is kind of the way life is. You know,

you never feel like you're ready. The grass is always greener. On the other side, you're always fearful that you're making a mistake and that's something better could be out there.

But at some point, I think you just have to come to accept uh, you know the I don't want to say that like nothing better can come, but like, and I also don't want to make it sound like you're settling, but like, sometimes I think you just have to accept, you know, the responsibility of making a decision and the consequences that come with that, but also the

wonderfulness that comes with that. Like, for me personally, all I could speak about is my own experience and with Ashley, for so long I was confused and indecisive and and afraid of making a commitment because what if I was making a mistake? What if getting together with ruin our friendship? And you know, there's so many things that we we love about each other, but there's some other things that make me nervous about being in a relationship with Ashley.

And then once I got past that fear, because I you know, saw a possible life without her, and I made me like take action, it was the best decision I ever made. So sometimes, you know, you just kind of have to like take a leap of faith. And that would be my suggestion for you, Rita, because I think sometimes you gotta take a leap of faith. And I feel like if you keep being indecisive about this person, you might be really uh kicking yourself down the road

if you end up losing them, um due to your indecisiveness. Yeah, I agree with all of that stuff. I think that like the slight irony here is that she's a philosophy major, uh and now she's worried about whether her partner is or is not the one. And I think that maybe some of that stems from like the constant consideration of

like our our impermanence or whatever. You know. It's like, well, if she want to wants to make sure she finds the one that she's meant to be with, like her soulmate for lack of a better phrase, because she realizes, you know, she's only got so much time on this world and she wants to make sure she does it right the first time. I think that's very natural and a very human thing, and I think we all kind of experienced that. Uh. I think that we kind of

get Jared. I think we've maybe talked about this on the podcast before. We kind of have like a bad role model for relationships ingrained in our brains ever since we're young kids, Like all these freaking romance movies about how there's love at first sight and no matter what they do at the universe always brings them back to

each other. And then we start to think that like that's how love should be, and that we have to find our soul mate that way, and like there's these these criteria as to what your life partners supposed to be. But we only and we only exacerbated the problem by being a bachelor. We're a part of the problem. We are a part of the problem. But I think as I've gotten older, I attend or I've started to realize

that that's not necessarily the case. And read Read is only twenty three, so you know she's so he's obviously pretty young. She just graduated college. It sounds like and like, don't worry about marriage right now as well, Like I mean, unless he's you know, about to propose tomorrow, Like you got plenty of time. You're twenty three, you're super young. I don't know how old he is, Um, but just taking one day at a time, enjoy your life. Definitely, it definitely is a one day at a time thing.

I think you need to not put the pressure on yourself of him being or out being the one, because at the end of the day, all that's gonna do is, like you said, self, sabotage the relationship. Stop thinking about it that way, uh, and just start, like Jared said, ticket day by day, one day at a time. You're a philosophy and you're supposed to be good of that kind of stuff, you know, Um, Mark, Mark, what kind

of advice do you have for Rea day? I think you've got something insightful here similar But I do I do sympathize with her, empathize with her that it's hard to grow up instantly. You know, she's doing all these things that she knows what's stupid. She knows maybe sabotaging the relationship because she's twenty three and she wants to grow up, and so I feel like wanting to grow up is the first step to actually growing up. But the phrase I was gonna say, you guys beat me

to and it's one day at a time. I think that's all you can do is just live in the moment and enjoy him each day. And if it was a good day, you know you didn't sabotage the relationship, well, then good for you, and let's work on tomorrow. Yeah, here's the question. Do you think reader should talk to her significant other about her concerns. I think that'd be great. I think I think being as open and honest as possible and say, look, I do stupid stuff some times,

I'm trying. I really want to be what you want me to be. I think he'd be very open to that. I agree in the sense and for the simple fact that it's it's one thing to not say anything and do something stupid, but another thing to say, hey, I might do something stupid and then do something stupid, because then when you do that stupid thing, that other person is gonna be like, oh, this is exactly what she was telling me that she's gonna do. It doesn't necessarily

reflect anything about me personally. It's just that she's like getting fearful of a long term relationship exactly exactly. You gotta like laugh about at that point. You could be like, ha ha, you said you were going to do this and now you're doing it, Like this is stupid. Let's just carry on and continue to do what we've been doing. So I definitely think that they should have a conversation too, as tricky as it might be, and especially like at

that age. You know, obviously everyone is different, but when I always twenty three, I was always fearful of having that conversation. Hopefully Rita is a little bit more advanced than I was at that age, but um, yeah, communication and take it day by day and I'm sure it will work itself out. And if it doesn't work itself out, uh, don't need through life. Don't go through life thinking about how you might have missed out on the perfect person, because I think that is not the way to do it.

There's right, Well, the perfect person does exist, it's you yourself the perfect person. Yeah, yeah, there he is. But I guess my point is is Rita is the perfect person and she just has to make herself happy and then everything else will fall in mine from there. Uh. That seems to be enough of an answer for that one, Mark, Do you want to get into the next one? Yeah, I'm a little confused by this one. And also we missed our window on this one, so sorry, Lauren, we're

a little late. I've been seeing a guy for four months now. We met and started talking during quarantine. Well, we spent a lot of time together since then. I'm twenty six, she just durned thirty one, so we're both looking for a lifetime partner. At least I think he is, and I hope he is. He works from home, and it spent a lot of time with his family, who lived about six hours away from us. He's planning on

being there for a few weeks. You're on the holidays, and I'm not sure how to approach a relationship before he leaves. What's a guy's opinion? Is it too soon for that conversation, So she is wondering whether or not she I think she wants to find a relationship before he goes home for the holidays. She wants the d t R. Yeah, d TR nice dating term, dean, thank you, thank you. I've been brushing up and trying to prepare myself for anything that you could throw at me. Uh,

she wants to d t R before the holidays. I, uh, you know that's a I don't think she necessarily has to. I don't think that you should ever uh maybe wait, But in this case, it's like he's going home to the hall for the holidays to see his family. Um, I guess the question is she going to go down to visit him? Well, it sounds like she's not going to. So it's my point that solid of a foundation, would you have brought a girl to see your family after

four months? Months? Don't four months is quite a long time. If he's leaving for a few weeks, that means he's going to be gone for about him. I think that you're looking at this through the lens of a normal year and mid pandemic. I don't think it's very strange at all for them not to be spending the holidays

together for only dating for four months. Like it's even, um, you know, we're Calin and I have been dating for over a year and a half, and I'm like, Okay, well I think we should go see my siblings for Christmas this year, like even like we're pretty hesitant on that. So the fact that they're you know, only four months into a relationship, I don't think it matters too much. Um,

I think you can kind of. It's kind of you have the luxury of like sitting back and seeing how it plays out over the next you know, three to four weeks and hopefully guys talk every day and you you get exactly what you need to out of it, and you can kind of carry on the relationship once he gets back. But like let's say, you know, a week or two goes by, he's at home celebrating Christmas

to this family and you don't hear from him. Then it's kind of like, in a weird way, you're getting the answer that you didn't have to ask for because he's giving it to you, you know. And that's my gut too, is to kind of see how this plays out. I mean, I want everyone to be proactive and everything, But let's just kind of see how it goes. Let's be texting, let's be in touch, and let's be in contact and and see how responsive he is and go from there. For Jared, what do you think. I'm torn?

I agree with both of you. But what if my only nerve, my only hesitation would be if Lauren lets it play out and then she waits for him to see how much he'll communicate with her. I guess my only hesitation would be, what if he's doing the exact same thing. What if he's waiting for her to see if she makes the initial move. I know, like old school, the guys are the one who are supposed to text and call and reach out, but like it's not all guys do that anymore. So I don't know. I don't know.

You're welcome to text them. You can certainly initiate. Let's just see how he responds. But like, my gun agrees with you guys, but my head is like, well, what if what if he's waiting for the same thing from her?

I don't know. Well, here's the thing is, if she has to try and force something over these holiday weeks, if she's the one that's constantly having a text, having to call, having a check for updates, then it's probably not a good sign, right, But like if it just continues to carry on and be like a natural, flowing dynamic,

then that's obviously a good thing. The point is, it's like, I don't think you have to really define anything at the moment, because, like I said, you kind of just got to sit back, relax and see what Maybe not relax, but you get to sit back and see what happens. You know. Yeah, I agree with you, guys, don't define anything right now. Let it play out and because then

you'll get your answer over the next month. But before he leaves, or if he already did leave, I'm sorry, but just like make sure he knows that, like, hey, I miss you, I really like you. I were I like where this is headed. Let's keep talking so that like you know, it's easy going so it doesn't scare him away, but also lets him know, Hey, I want

to continue what this is. Well, we need to follow up email because really, by the time this episode hits wherever you listen to podcasts, this I've already worked itself out. So yeah, so Lauren, if you're listening, which we hope you are. Please give us an update. You can email us. I suck at dating at iHeart media dot com. Uh.

You know that obviously because you already emailed us. But for the other listeners out there that might have some questions or concerns about their dating or romance, I suck a dating at iHeart media dot com. Please please email us. We want to hear it from everyone. Um, Jared, you have a dating term for us? This? I do a twenty dating term. This one, Uh is pretty obvious in my estimation. But you know, there's only so many dating terms out there, so hopefully brings us more because I'm

running out of them. But here we go dating term today, the last one? Is it? Holy crap? Holy moly? Wow, this year flew by alright, so the last dating term of God, let's get this year over with bird boxing? What could bird boxing mean in the realm of dating? Uh, I'm gonna pass on this one because I never saw the movie. Oh no, well that makes it even That makes it so much better. Now you can't pass mark. Will you go first? And or Eastern or Becky anywhere else?

Bird Box was a movie where you couldn't look at anything. You couldn't make eye contact with anything. You have to blindfold yourself because if you saw the creatures, do you want to lose your mind? So I think it's someone who denies reality, who refuses to see the problems in a relationship people when they're right in front of their face. They are living with blinders on. Okay, Yeah, I completely agree. Where it's just like you're not even seeing the red flags.

You're like making excuses and it's just like their perfection. It's like I can't can't and see all the potential. I feel like bird boxing is like every girl at a bar, the poor things, like they're like, I can't make eye contact with any of these creepy guys because if I do, they're just gonna It's like if I open my eyes, the creatures are gonna prey upon me. It's good. That's a good one. Yeah, tunnel vision, Yeah, I mean that's that's what That's what I was gonna say.

Like if you if you look upon you're the type of person where if someone looks upon you, they just lose their minds. They they they lose their grip on reality. I live down the street from the house from bird Box, so bird Box is a big, big movie in our town. Still. Oh, talk to the talk of the neighborhood. That's right, everyone Stolly goes up there and takes pictures of blindfolds on years later, It's been a lot of fun. Why have I not seen you with the picture of a blindfold

in front of this house? I have a picture. I'll send it to you. Oh did you post it on the Graham and I just missed out on it? Yeah, some friend you are. I'm an asking some friend you are, Jared. I'm gonna take a shot and say bird boxing is actually more similar to cat fishing someone. Uh, you are hiding your true physical appearance while dating virtually, and uh, that's what bird boxing. Jar. I love the guests. I love you taking outside the box. No pun intended, But

unfortunately Dean everybody else is right, of course. Bird boxing made famous by the Netflix Sandra Bullock starring recent post apocalyptic thriller. Bird Boxing is officially defined by Tinder as quote being blind to just how bad your partner the person you're seeing really is. When you are denial that your partner is a ding bat, you get the honor of calling yourself bird boxed. The last dating term of

here on, Help I Suck at Dating? Bird Boxing? Very nicely done, everybody, Thank you for your effort all year. Rondo applause to all you for putting in the effort. All I had to do was look it up. You guys are the one who had to actually take a guess. Poor Kle And hopefully she doesn't listen to this and start thinking that she's bird boxing herself, but you never know. All Right, well, I think that's gonna do it for this week's and this year's final episode of Help I

Suck at Dating? We made it through another year. Holy crap. I gotta say I think this year we've all become slightly better daters. Uh, it's been a grind, it's been a struggle, but I can confidently say that I can look back, that Chaired can look back, and hopefully you, as a listener, can look back to where we were this time last year and say that now we are slightly better at dating. Right, for instance, i'd like to think so, I mean, we're both married, so if we're

not better at dating, we're really doing something wrong. We got freaking Becky a boyfriend. Mark and Easton haven't filed for divorce yet so, like I said, things like only getting better, we're betting a hundreds pretty bad. You should know that that's great. I I honestly don't know what to say. You know, it's at the end of a year. I hope everyone has a great New Year's and it

is safe. You know, it's crazy, Dean. You know, the last time I saw you in person was back in early March, like March, whenever we recorded at we had she was from the Netflix showed the huge Love Is Blind. I think the one that gave me a lot of crap. Yes, well she was the therapist. We can do so much crap. But yeah, dude, that was back in March. So I'm not going to see you for a full year because I'm probably not gonna see you before March. Who the

hell knows. Hopefully, here's my resolution that we get back into the Help I Suck at Dating studio at I Heart Radio and record an episode in person in studio. That's resolution. That's great. I would actually really appreciate if you would come up with another person more personal in the year's resolution for yourself, maybe your family, and we can talk about that next week on Help I suck at Dating because that will be the first episode of one.

I'll come with a resolution for myself, hopefully Becky's mark. Everyone else can come with one as well. Maybe the email or some of the listeners can email us and say I suck a dating at iHeart media dot com and tell us what their resolutions for dating might be. UM, because listen, we all suck. We could all suck a little bit less, hopefully guys soon in next year, so we can all make that happen. Follow help by Suck at Dating on I Heart Radio or wherever you listen to podcast m HM