Breaking Up is Hard to Do with Heather Martin

our favorite Heather Martin joining us. Heather, what's going on? What's going on? As it's been a long time. It has been a long time, at least like two months, I know, I think more than that. No, you're right, You're right, it's been a little bit longer than that. Well, Jared, also, I want to say, how do you Hi? Jared, haven't talked to you in a while. Hi, Gene. I know it's been a while. I'm still obviously in the coffee shop right now. Things are good. I'm a little sleep deprived,

that's what happens with a kid. But Dawson's doing well. He had his first well yet. He had a pediatrician appointment this morning. His first one in Rhode Island because the other ones have been in Virginia, and they said that he's measuring in the PenTile in height, So I'm hoping this it's so like he might be six four. Everybody's saying he's got big hands, and this kid might be Tom Brady two point on. I'm just I'm just

throwing it out there. You're right, you know, when you know when the NFL or the NBA do is that does their way too early predictions for next season. That's what this sounds like. It sounds like it's a little too early to be making these kind of predictions. But hey, more power to you if it happened. I know, you know he's only five weeks old, then he's already five ten. You gotta you gotta put a football in the baby's hands asap. Come on, do you think that the thing

is velcrow to him? But how are are you doing? What's going on with you? I have to say, first, Jared, I don't think babies are that cute normally, and your baby is so cute. Yeah, he's kind of the cutest thing ever. And I don't just throw that out there with babies, I think most of the time. They're like, like people just say they're cute because like your parents, but you have a cute baby. Oh well thank you.

Ashley and I say the same thing all the time, and we're like, is it us are biased because it came from us, so we love it more than others. But everybody says that he's a really cute baby, so there's some valided he's very cute. Babies five weeks old? Justum, catch up to see again on that real quick. So five weeks I helped my I helped my brother's uh five week old baby. I think, uh about when was

your baby born? Jan He was February fourth, Okay, so his baby is five days behind your baby, and I've never I was telling him about this and I think the baby came out like a week early too, so um, you know, not underside what was a little undersized, but not like unhealthy undersize or anything like that. Um. All the babies you see like movies and stuff are all like probably like six to twelve months old, right, so they're like big and fat and like chru big looking. Um,

but newborn babies are like kind of weird looking. A lot of newborns, no that's the first. That's the first like new baby I've ever been around, Like within the first you should see. You should see the kid when he first comes out. You you want to see weird looking it's he was a cone head because like when Dawson came out, Dude, he's purple head to toe. He looks like Fanos from Avengers. And then his head is

like pointing in the back. It's pretty jarring. You're like, holy sh your head to go back to like normal shape. It honestly started going back, honestly that night it started getting normal. And then his it's weird. So he's got a soft spot on the top of his head and the back of his head. So the back of the head will be hardened by like four months, but the top of the head stays soft like the first fifteen months of his life. Mhlways, it's really Badfully, I want

to squeeze babies heads. And I know it's like the cutest softest thing. It's like dangerous. Oh it's so dangerous, Like it's there is this really it is very real. You know how people are like something so cute you just want to like shake it. It's a very real thing. Yeah, it's like, yeah, kissing him from up and down and like tickling him, and like, I can tell that he's not enjoying it. He's not at that age where he's like enjoying tickles. But I can't help myself. I'm like, bro,

I just gotta like, I gotta tickle your feet. I can't help myself. I've never heard of cute aggression, but I see where you're coming from. I do the same thing with dogs all the time. I'm like, I just want to squeeze the living out of you, but I know I can't do that obviously. Yeah, I just want to hurt it because it's just so cute. I know. It's the thing some people have that some people don't. I don't get how you can't have it, but it's a real thing. I judge people who walk by dogs

and don't want to stick their face in them. Fully put your face and that dog's fur. What happens whenever stranger comes up to Lois and just show is his face in her for that kind of weird you will bite them. Yeah, Heather Phillis in what's going on? Where have you been? What have you been up to? Honestly, it's kind of been sambled, same wled. Nothing too crazy new the past few months. My my sister actually moved, which has been sad. I like the first one of

us three. She's gone, like my best friend, so that's been sad. But she's back to visit this week, so that's fun. Um, you're still in southern California, right, yea, silen North County, San Diego. Carl's bad. I love it here. It's been so nice. It was like seventy six yesterday. Yeah. Are you You're not twin sisters, right, but you guys are just really close. Yeah, we're all two years apart, so I'm in the middle of three and we all cheers a part. But me and my little sister looked

a lot like where did she moved to? Do you know? She had to boise her boyfriends. Her boyfriends there, so they're going to get married soon, get engaged pretty soon. Excited, tell her to tell her it's not too late. Dean, Are you do you have baby fever? Because Caitlyn last week in the podcast said that you might be getting baby fever ever after holding your brother's kid. She said that on with no grounds, There's no way I like

didn't even talk to her about the baby. I just sent her a picture of me holding the baby and she probably formulated this whole I don't know idea in her head. Um. So we did talk. We did talk about babies the other day. Though I said I would I would be because I'm not. I'm pretty anti baby at the moment. But I told her if I ever get like a job and we've got a lot more financial security, then I'm more open to having the conversation about babies. But the uncertainty is really what the thing

that scares me the most about having a child. Do you think that's going to happen? Though no, I don't. You know what's really funny he talks about financial and not being financially secured. As Calen last week of the podcast was like, yeah, we're thinking about buying in l A. We also have the house in Bagh. Short term, short term we're fine, We're chill, and short term I're talking like ten years down the line. I don't know we're gonna be flipping burgers at McDonald's in twenty years. I

feel like, I think you're going to be fine. I I have faith, all right. Well, anyways, back to back to Heather, Back to Heather. No, I love to hear about when the baby's coming. Are you last time we talked to you, I think you said you were talking to some guy. Right. Are you dating? What's this? What's the update on your love life? Um? No, I currently No, not at the moment. I was. Yeah, recently, I'm not

very timely that I'm on this podcast. I feel like I've come to the realization I really do suck a dating. I feel like You've got a lot to unpack their Phillison, what's going on? It's just you, me and Dan. Nobody else is here listening. No, I just know so I was talking to someone for dating someone for a few months. Um, And I think I just have come to realize, like I'm just really bad at like communicating um my emotions

and my feelings towards people. I think I think he was super He's like the best guy ever, Like seriously, one of the best guys I've ever met, amazing, And he was super open and forward with his emotions and just like very expressive. And I think for my whole life, I've like I have such a fear of like hurting people are rejecting people or like that's just like my biggest fear, like makes you want to die. So I think I've always held back my feelings or emotions um

out of that fear. And I think, um, in this situation where I actually like someone, I just kind of went back to my old habits of doing that, and I think that kind of um hurt me in the long run. It seems like you both really liked each other because you made it seem like he was very forward with his feelings his intentions, which makes me sound makes it feel like he said he wanted a relationship or he saw this going long term. Yes, so are you saying that maybe you like this guy more than

you were leading on? And if so, why were you holding back in the beginning? I don't want to know. Two incluyees of the situation. The situation was very complicated, um one, with everything going on with just yeah, just in general, um so, I think I went in with a lot more fears than I normally would. But I

also think, naturally, I'm just so guarded in general. So I think it like compounded on each other those two things, um so, and it made me I think, naturally, I just don't actress my feelings because it's like a fear

of mine. I have like a million rolls. And then on top of that, the situation was kind of complicated, so I just really held back and he was so and I think I didn't even realize how much I was holding back until um until the end and I was like, dang it, Heather, like what's wrong with you? And um? And you might have mentioned this was it your decision or his decision or was it's it's it's a uh, the situation is so are like I can't

even get into the whole situation. But it was kind of just like I was not, um expressing my emotions in the way that I probably should, and I think it was like kind of hurting him. Um, what's holding you back from expressing your emotions? Now? I think I think I have now. I think I have now. Um, I think he knows where I am now. But I think it was just yeah, and this is all very new and there's not awkward. I just there's just like a lot It's really not award. There's just a lot.

There's a lot um lots of different factors that are involved that Yeah, how do you guys it sounds like too, that there's a chance that you guys might rekindle or I'm way off base. Yeah I could be wrong, but I mean, I don't know. Maybe it's so fresh, but it's possibly. Like I mean, I think we ended both um obviously still have lots of feelings involved. But yeah, when you say fresh, it sounds like you like called him right before this podcast. Okay, yeah, just bawling. Can

you say how you guys met? Uh. Let me put it this way. Everybody listening is assuming that this guy is from the shows. That's what. Oh I wasn't assuming that either, and I was. I was because when you kept saying it was so overly complicated or there's a lot of factors, I was like, I wonder if this guy's like asked to go on Paradise or something. It's a more complicated than that. Well, we love complicated, we love bizarre. So I mean, this is the place to

events and get it all out there. There is free therapy session, no names, no names, we'll call him. We'll call him John x UM. But that's I guess that's good news. It's good news in the sense that you're like, you know, you're starting to dial in those emotions and understand them a little bit better. I feel like, right,

that's it with positive takeaway for sure. I think this has truly been like a really growing experience for me and like realizing um my flaws in a lot of ways that I don't think I realized that, like didn't realize to the extent. It seems like you're putting a lot of blame on yourself, which I can't help but think that you might be a little too hard on yourself, you know. I mean, let's ask the honest question. Do you think that there might have been things that he

could have done better as well? Uh? No, I truly do like this guy's I don't I don't know. He's not saying it's me either. It wasn't like him like saying this isn't it's like eating like dang it, like I messed up because I truly, I truly feel like it was um But the situation is complicated, Like I think it wasn't for the situation that it wouldn't event the same results. But I do think my lack of communication skills was probably what with the whole with everything

going on, is what. Yeah, it was the major issue. It sounds like there's something something's afoot, something so curious right now, Like now my mind is going in all the cogressions. I'm like, this guy's married, has has another family. That that's me. Sure, I'm a home wriner. No, no, but that's where our mind goes, at least for a brief second, and we're like, wait, no, no, that's not

that's not that's not Heather. So I guess all we're left to do is fill in the blanks for yourself, which you know, that's kind of how it should be, I think at the end of the day anyways, But you're doing You're doing good. That's let me ask you how there. So, I'm sure a lot of people are going through similar situation that you are right now post breakup, so or I don't know if you're broken up, but post whatever the hell's going on right now? What are

you focusing on now? How do you get your mindset out of focusing on this other person and focusing on either their future without them, or yourself or multiple factors. Um, that's a hard question. I think I honestly, I'm focusing I'm like, I'm just moving forward with my life. I think it's kind of hard. I think it's been kind of a hard situation to move forward with the kind of like the limbo of like ending of like both still very much have feelings, but also like this is

kind of the best choice right now. So I think that's been hard. I think just focusing on like can't linger on that, but also like how can I move forward? How can I grow from the situation, and then thinking like I just I think I just go back my faith and like I think God has planned. I think there's a plan in this, and I think it's going to all work out the way it's supposed to. Um, So just working through that and praying through that, and I think that's kind of what I've been relying on,

to be honest, nice, No, I respect that. So, um, what do you think your next movie is gonna be just kind of like lay low and take time for yourself or uh yeah as far as dating goes, Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think just take a day by day and figure it out. I have no idea. Um, I think you should jump right back into it. I think that we Well. The reason I say that is for multiple reasons, first

and foremost, to make this guy jealous. I think we need I think because from what you've been telling me, you're looking I know, it seems like you're looking in word right now. What he said, this is the worst advice I've ever heard. Let me finish my piece of advice and then you can criticize it. It seems that you've been looking inward a lot about things that you've been doing wrong, things that you can approve on within a relationship, all great things. Having said that, it also

sounds like you've expressed your feelings towards this person. So if you do maybe want to rekindle things, I think a great way it is just to go back out there and start dating, and who knows, you might meet Mr Perfect or maybe you know, he finds out that you're dating other people and then it's like, oh, I can't you know, let her go. I need to woo her back. I think before Heather, uh, before Heather speaks, I think that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard of.

That that takes the kig. That's number one, And the reason being is she's just got done telling us how complicated the situation was. The last thing she needs to go and do is make it more complicated by dating a bunch of other guys and making him jealous. I'm an agent of chaos. Tein, I see that you're a monster. Because now I'm settled down with a kid and a wife, I need to live vicariously through other people. Yeah, so

let's let's mess this situation up, Heather. How can you do us the favorite next time you have a conversation with the guy or just to go on a date, can you like instagram live it so you can just go along you two in friends? Perfect? Yeah? So what are your intentions with Heather? Would be like your big brothers since you don't have any brothers. Perfect? I need that for sure. Oh gosh um. Yeah, I honestly hate dating.

I think I've told you guys before, So, like I don't just go on dates to date people ever, Like that just sounds like miserable to me. So I mean, I will date people if I feel like there could be potential here, but just going on a date, just just getting back out there, just like I just can't. I just actually cannot. What's your least favorite part of dating?

I think I just hate I hate like just having to say no to people, like because I think I know pretty much like before like just talking to someone for like five minutes if it's going to be yes or no, and so like saying yes to someone having to go through a dinner and be like at the end or whatever later I have to like actually know, like that's just torture. Like I hate It's the worst. Yeah, the first and I feel well, I feel like, uh, you know, one, women have to do it more than men.

Uh and too obviously you're you're very pretty, so I'm sure you've had to do it a lot more than someone like myself has to do it in the past, so I can only imagine. But everybody always says, like when they ask like about bachelor, you know, is it worse to break up with someone or is it worse to be broken up with? And I feel like everybody always says it's way worse to break up with someone because then you have the guilt on your shoulders. Yeah,

it's just terrible. It's the worst. Yeah, I hate it so much. I mean, being broken up with it can't be fun either, but pretty pretty sucky. But yeah, it's terrible. But we still don't know what happened with you, guys. We don't know who broke up with you, and I think you know what, let's live with a veil of mystery over it, perhaps because maybe some things are better

left than them. Yeah, I agree, But if you want to tell us we're all I think that it would be like probably a three our conversation if I went into the details. I think we could. We could break up this podcast into like three segments. Well, we'll get um, we'll get HBO involved, will make a mini series out of it. Perfect. All right, welcome back to Help I Suck at Dating. We're gonna get into emails before we wrap out this podcast, Dean's favorite part of the episode.

We have emails. Uh, Mark, I know you were there earlier. I'm not sure if you're still here, but if you're out in the Help I Suck At Dating Universe more, I'm excited to be here and I can't wait to read these emails. Can I just have one question for you? Mark? Very quickly? Yes, yes or no? On Aaron Rodgers, do you want to back? Oh man, It's not as simple as that, but you know it's funny about a year ago you said to me, like, what do you think

of your quarterbacks? And asshole and I was like, whoa, hey, easy there. But now now the whole world knows that that is an accurate statement. Yes, yes, I was right. It looks like he's coming back, so I'll say, let's bring him back. It doesn't look like dying in that camp. And I think he's going back to Green Bay. Congratulations. I haven't spoken to you since Dawson was born. To congratulations. I hope everything's going well. And I think I love

the pictures on Instagram. I think you're a great dad. It's gonna be really great. Nice Mark. I appreciate buddy. Good Buddy. This is anonymous. I got engaged, so the best guy in the world on Christmas, and I'm planning out wedding for my fiance is very laid back and doesn't have any major opinions on the wedding, but I want some male input. Jared, your wedding looked incredible. What were the best parts and was there anything you would

have done differently? Or don't think it's super important to put energy or money into Dean and Heather. From your perspective as a wedding guest, what makes a great wedding? Uh, that's a good question. I do think our wedding was incredible. I'm a little biased. I would say the best parts were, uh, being surrounded by the people that we loved the most under one roof, because you know, yeah, here's Here's my point is that one of the hardest parts of the

wedding is the guest list. So make sure that you invite the people you want to invite and don't feel bad about the people that not necessarily you don't love or don't wouldn't want to be there. But everybody has a cap everybody has a budget, so there's only a

certain amount of people you can invite. So that would be my advice is making sure that the people that you want to be there are there, because that was Honestly, my favorite part is the fact that like Dean was at the wedding and also my cousin from you know, Coventry, and it's so crazy that I love them both and they're both huge parts of my lives, but yet they've never met, never interacted, and it's so like to have those moments where I felt like my my separate lives

came together was probably the best part for me. For money purposes, I mean, just put money into the things that you desperately want. Uh. I. Of course you have a budget and you want to save money, but like if there's something that you've always dreamt of, whether it be a band or a certain moment, a wedding cake, I would really prioritize and put money into the things that you really wanted and the things that you're kind of indifferent about than just don't worry about those things.

Really focus on the moments and and and and um, you know, the the parts of the wedding that you really want to spend money on. That's my best advice, um, my advice. My favorite thing about Jared's wedding was, without a doubt, the open bar. So that's my advice is if you're gonna have a wedding, have an open bar.

I think my favorite part of the wedding is I think think the most important is the DJ to like a good m C and a good DJ to like get the crowd going and dancing, because I feel like you don't remember the decor, You don't remember anything like you do remember like the dance bar. So for me, so it's my favorite. For sure, Mark, do you remember anything about your wedding? It was twenty years ago this summer. As a matter of fact, U, yes, remember a lot.

And I was just reading. Actually recently a woman posted something about what she wasted money on that she would like to tell brides, don't waste your money on this. So how perfect isn't do these her wedding shoes. No one ever saw them because they were under the dress. She spent so much money on her wedding shoes. She'll never wear them again and no one ever saw them. Waste the money. Also, the invitations, they're going right in the garbage. There's really no reason. It's been a lot

of money on invitations. And also she said she got like a special fragrance for the big day and it was really expensive and nobody noticed that. Nobody cares. So those are things maybe don't worry about. But I do have advice for your fiance, and this is an advice for all guys who are getting married. If you are asked for your opinion, give it. The last thing they want to hear is I don't care. Whatever, I don't care,

you do it, it's fun. Whatever. Don't do that. Give an opinion now, if you have a difference of opinion. She wins but have an opinion. Yeah, I agree with you, but also, at least in my relationship, my opinion really doesn't matter because I, as Mark said, if I have a different opinion. A perfect example is there we just bought this I don't know Ottoman or I don't know. It's something that's in the living room and I was like, well, I don't like that, because she's like do you like this?

To do not like this? And I was like, well, I don't like it, and she was like, well I do, and I was like okay, and then he was there the next day. So that's how much my opinion matters. Dared, Was there anything that you guys thought about that you won over? Um? No, I think I got you know, I got lucky. You guys know that Ashley and I are usually on the same page on a lot of things.

Uh So trying to think of something that because I mean, the biggest thing for me was getting married in Rhode Island and she was like, yeah, I love it, and I was like that's great, Okay, great, mine was outside. I wanted to be outside, so that was that worked out. Actually, it was really hot that day, so it didn't work out great, but it was a ceremony. Um. One other thing I'll say is as an audience, which is not

a word, but should be as an audience. Keep you want a quicker ceremony, and then let's get to the party. I hate the gap when you guys go take pictures for an hour and a half and we're just sitting there waiting for you short to show up at the reception. That's super boring. Quicker reception, keep it moving, make it unique to you, not like a fill in the blank thing. Make it feel like you, guys and things that you like,

and then get to that reception quickly. Yeah. But if there's an open bar in that meantime, you know, in that purgatory phase, then take what else we got Mark. This is from Lily Dan. It's for you cool. Dana said a few times that he almost did not go back to Paradise to ask Klin to leave with him, and that he was going to wait until Calin left the show and then just mess did her Dean, when you made the decision, did you already know that Calin was seeing someone else? What do you think would have

happened if you had not gone back? Would you be together today? Dean? Also said that he sent a long message to Carolin before its tiden to go back. What did you say in that message? Oh, that's funny. I I could probably pull it up. It would take a while to find though. Um did I know that Calin was seeing someone else? I think the reason I left

was because I wanted her. Well, we, me and another person there had decided it was probably in Caylin's best interest for me to leave, so that way she could fully pursue a relationship with someone that she was excited to me. Does that make sense? Uh? It really self was moved with me, if I do say so myself. Uh. And then the other one was what do you think

would have happened if I had not gone back? So yeah, as you alluded to, I sent her a message and uh, when you get put down there, I think all three of us can attest to this is when you're down there, you think, like every decision you make his life or death, and there's no life outside of the bubble that you're in. But in reality, all you're there. You're there for three weeks in your home and then everything goes back to normal.

But you like, it's so hard to perceptualize the fact that you can get home and like pick up your phone and call someone because you haven't had your phone in so long, and it's just like it doesn't make sense for you. Um. So I think that when we got back, like Calen would have been four days into a relationship, and I would have been able to weasel my way into it somehow, I guess. I don't know. I don't know if if she would have even let me do that, but uh probably would have made an

effort too. And I was going to do that until I sat down with Jared and I was like, Jared, what should I do? And Jared was like, go to go go get her back. You're freaking idiot, and I was like, yeah, you're probably right, that's a good idea.

I'll never forget that conversation. Yeah, in the back in the producer room at the because I walked in and I was like, Holy, you're back already, and you were like yeah, but I think I'm going back down and I was like what And then you told me what happened and then you were like, yeah, I'm gonna go back down for Calin And I was like, Okay, are you going back down to go to Paradise and the like, if you don't go with Calin, get with Calin, you're gonna stay, or you're just going for Kalin. If you

don't get with her, you're gonna come back. And you're like, oh, well, we'll only going for Calin. And I was like, bro, you're going to be the White Knight. You can go on that plane, go get Kalin. And I was like, she's not going to say no, Like do you not not to you know, keep just kissing his ask. I'm like, you know, like who you are, what you look like? She's not gonna say no. You can keep too in

my horn if you want. Dean, Dean, did you know when you left that you're gonna like immediately you're gonna want to dat her again? Or do you just like try to release it at all? What do you mean like when you're leaving when to her to date someone else, Like, did you think like, oh, Sho'll probably break up with that person and we'll probably date immediately? Well, No, I knew the second I got there. There was like she told me right away. She was like, yeah, I was

really excited to meet this contrast guy. And I was like oh, I know. Contrast, he's always attractive, UM, he seems nice and smart, all those things that would excite you to date someone. UM. So I knew that he was coming in the next day, and my producer friend on the show knew that I, like, I wasn't really taking anything very seriously, and he was like he likes pulled me aside and he's like, do you think about it?

Like you like this girl, but like you're not taking it seriously, you should leave and like give so give her the chance to be with someone that is going to take her seriously. Um. And so that was kind of the consensus where I was like, oh, you're right, you know that is it is kind of a dick move for me to be here, just I kind of waste her time. And then I left, UM and I was gone for a couple of days, and I was like, you know what, I think I am going to take

this seriously. And so I texted the producer and I was like, we made the wrong decision. I should come back, and he's like, I don't know if you can come back yet, but let me let me see if I can pull some strings and get something UM set up. And they texted me the next day. He's like, you're on a flight tonight at eight pm. You're coming back. And the thing too was I thought that they were gonna let me let us date down in Paradise. But then I got there and I was like, yeah, it's like,

when I talked to her, what do I say? They're like, blah blah blah. Just make sure at the end of whatever you say, make sure you tell her that she has to leave Paradise with you right this very moment. And I was like, what. I didn't know that that was part of the deal. I thought that I was gonna like come back to the beach and like hang out for the last couple of days. The producer is you should be thanking them every day because that is

an example of somebody having your best interest. Because that was the right move, and if you stayed down there, it wouldn't have been as impactful as it was. And oh, whoever that that is a friend right there, whoever, whoever told you that you're absolutely right, It made way more of a statement and it was. It was the perfect scenario.

There's no question to asked, uh, And it would have been weird, like being down there while she was like, still they got like navigating any feelings with Connor, So while you're trying to find that message, dude, My favorite moment ever from Paradise I talked about on the podcast prior, but happened in that moment when you came down the stairs and looking as dashing as ever and you took Kalen to the side, and Contrast was sitting on the

day bed with who is your ex? Who did you date in the first season in Paradise, Christina Christina, and uh, Contrast is like, I'm not worried. I'm not worried. No, no, I feel like we have a strunken action. And Christina looked at at Connors like have you met Dean? And he goes and she goes, and I was like, oh, Ashley and I turned to each other when that moment came by and was like that was awesome. He never said he never stood a chance. I don't. I don't know.

I don't even know what. Yeah, he's doing, he's doing fine. I think he's got a girlfriend now to actually um and he's a nice guy too. It we're like not friends, but we're definitely gorged with each other. I not enemies not enemies. I mean I don't have a no issue with him, But are you still trying to find the message that was I'm going through like my very first Instagram message that I sent Kalin, which is you know you like send a lot of messages here to Ashley.

I'm sure right, Oh yeah, Well I'm curious how far back are you right now? Like, are you even close? I am at November nine, so I like six more months to go, but you probably talked to most on Instagram in those six months. So now you're just what do you mean we had like we basically lived lived together essentially right away. So if anthing, you probably take the lass because you know we're talking face to face. I'm close. I'm like three months away. Just give me,

like give me thirty seconds. Phil a void or something someone else. He's done. It's like, I'm not gonna sit down and wait for this. Heather, will we ever see you back in Paradise? You think, no, no, no, no, no, never say never. It's it's just not for me. Yeah, in Canada a couple of years ago doing Season two. I guess so, but yeah, it's just it's just me. I just can't see it, you wouldn't want to do the Canadian version If I don't want to do it's more in what way like I did Batchel in Paradise,

Australia before ashe and I were together. This is and I've heard Canada. It was all right, but it's definitely way more low key, like you can, like of a good example is you know how we told this story last week in the podcast. I'll talk very briefly on the American version. And it's like you go to bed at two in the morning, you're up by eight, there's always a camera on you, you're always miked up, but

you're never left alone. This is wildly different. Like we'd wake up at like ten in the morning, I just durmed on to breakfast, no Mike's, no cameras we did. We'd hang out with everybody, talk about what happened the night before, not being filmed, and then like noon one o'clock would roll around, they'd start making you up and start filming for the day. But like by that time, it was just like it was so chill and low key. Do you feel like it made it more real or

like more fake? Like when you're actually on camera. I think it didn't either, more real, It didn't really affect that. I think what it affected was the overall um entertainment value. You know. The American version is so entertaining because because we're always on camera and do stupid things, they have everything, you know, and so I feel like the other versions are just a little bit more low key, which means it's not as dramatic or as stressful or you know,

you don't get as good as stuff. Totally do something to keep in mind, Heather, what is it like when you when you start dating someone and you tell them that you were on The Bachelor? Does it has it ever met with like criticism or anything? Uh? No? I mean think yeah, no, they I mean the last person that I did knew that I was. They knew before, you know. So I don't think there ever been the thing a situation where it's like to like and this I was on, you know, like I didn't never to

reveal it in any sort of way. Okay, that's good, that's helpful. All right. How close are you because I was broadcast up, I was. I thought we started doing we started in I'm November nineteen, so I'm like four months away. Jared did you meet someone in Australia or no. No, I actually made I lasted there for two weeks and made it through like five verse over. It is not kissing anybody. It was quite pathetic. I don't know how the hell I did it. Did you not like anyone

at all? No? There was one girl what I liked, but she was a little bit younger and unsure about what she wanted to do, and and she liked someone else, and there was like a complicated situation. So after a

couple of days it just like fizzled out. And then of course, like you know, then she wanted to be with me after a while, and then it was just kind of and honestly, throughout this entire time, Uh, I was honestly thinking of Ashley, because that was the I'll never forget sitting down on a bench talking to a particular girl, and I was like, I just wish Ashley was here, so much easier and more comfortable, and just

I want to be with her. And then that's you know, obviously she was filming Winter Games, and so I came back home and then she was off filming still with Dean, and uh, you know, that's where the whole thing started, don't even't do anything? Was at a turning point you think then that kind of made you realize, like, oh yeah, I mean I always kind of knew, but I think it was just another um, you know, another slap in the face being like, chard you can do something, my god, yeah,

and then you did it. From then I did it, and now we have that little Dawson. He's a good one. All right. How close are you? I got it. It's funny. I haven't read it since I sent it. Oh wait, can you don't read it? Don't read it out loud. I want to hear reactions. Okay, if you want to, you don't have to. But no, it's just a little embarrassing. But I've done worse on this podcast. So uh. At June seventeen, I sent it at ten in the morning, you said, screenshot this. I'm sorry about how things had

to end there. I've done some reflecting and agree with you that it was up of me to make a decision that affected us both. But I hope you know I made it because I thought it was what you needed to flourish and make the most of your time down there. I think there was still a lot left unsaid not sure where your head will be at when you make it out of there, but if you're up for it, it would be good to hear from you nothing oh, wishing you nothing but the best. And I

left at my phone number. I thought at all, it's just, you know, just a little like a peek into the way that I say things to people. It's just I don't know, it's very cute. That was a lot of scrolling. Holy cow, I didn't realize how much we've message each other on Instagram. Also, how cool of it is for it to still be your Instagram all screenshot it, we'll post it on the help I suck at dating um Instagram. Yeah, we'll blur out that. Oh that's right. I'm sorry Mark

for that. So okay, So there's That was the longest answer to any email question we've ever had. UM. Long story short. I'm glad I went back. I'm glad I have friends like Jared who pushed me in the right direction. I'm glad that I have a girlfriend who decided to take me back after three days of me making that decisions. So you know, it could have been a lot worse, but here we are. I was thinking of calin earlier

because someone came in and talked about Cam ABC. Oh yeah, and uh because they were like, oh, my favorite contestant is Cam ABC showed me which I totally forgot about. He did like a rap for his intro in Paradise that included Kalin, and I think he liked Caitlin, had a big crush on Kalin, and I was like, oh my god, I forgot about that. Cam. Cam is a nice guy. Um that he wrote her, He wrote her

a letter. That's because they kissed, and um, Calin wasn't ashamed about it, but she just, you know, she wanted to move on past it, and so I would bring it up sometimes She's like to tease her. And he wrote her a letter and he on the letter he said, I can still taste the hell of peni a rita on your lip. And so for the longest time, I would she would taste, like take a sip of her drink and I would kiss her real quick and be like, I can still taste that peach mimosa on your lips. God,

all the best of Cam. It was just a simple little tease. I guess you know he's thinking a good all right, that's gonna do it. For this week's episode of Help I Suck at Dating, We've got this new format where we're doing two a week now, so just because you listen to this one doesn't mean you're not getting another one. So I'm not sure what day, maybe like a Thursday, this is going to come out. This next one's gonna come out, so stick for that where

maybe we suck just a little bit less. Follow help by Suck at Dating on I Heart Radio or wherever you listen to podcast