Better than Revenge with Latreal Mitchell

The most awesome person in the entire world? Vanessa GRIMALDA, Hey, um, we have a pretty great more clapping. Dean was laid on that one. Dean's eating eminem so he's laid on everything right now. He's a little delayed, but we have a great guest coming in later from the new show Revenge Body with Chloe Kodashi. And I don't know why I said as if like I straight came off the boat from Boston. Uh. Latrella Mitchell known as law or la La, which is Latrell Latreal. I'm so bad at

pronouncing names. Scott, so Latreal Mitchell will be in studio joining us as her new show with Kardashian comes out. She's a celebrity fitness trainer. So everybody's trying to get ready for summer. So hopefully we'll get some pointers about how to get those ads back in my right ning never mind, as he's currently chomping on Eminem's but first

before we get to her, uh Mark and Easton. Also in studio, Tori, another one of our producers, has a question for our panel, which I think we're calling like the help panel. She's in the producer booth. She's being quarantined for some reason. She's not allowed in studio. We're gonna bring her right if you like her, get in here, come on, take a little walk around. So Tori is

gonna come in. She has a quick question which I think is about wedding dresses, which different that was the era that she this is a dating thing, that some guy did this, and she wants our thoughts on it. Oh perfect, Sorry this happened to Tori, Yes, this happened to Tori. Alright, Hello Tori? How are you? I'm good? How about you good? Thanks for joining us? I mean you always joined right? Oh my god, I want to know about this, So hold on first, of all, I

had no idea you were dating. Well, she's always dating. You suck at it, don't we all? One? So what happened? So I met this guy actually three years ago at stage Coach Okay and Dean's and thralled one, it's got better things. I'm listening. I don't understand why people don't understand that I can be on my phone and be listening just two minutes. You met a guy at stage Coach. So I met a guy at stage Coach three years ago. Um, and we like loosely he played football all that stuff.

So he we like loosely stayed in touch like a lot of like drunk face times randomly, like throughout the years, like kind of funny, like his friends would kind of do the same thing. Um. And so finally he reconnects and he's like, hey, I would love to take you to coffee or lunch, dinner or whatever whenever you're free. And when I get back into towns, I was like, sure, y'all let me know. So he lets me know. We planned Saturday. He picks um abbot Kinney, which I think

is great, Like it's outdoors. People don't know that's in Venice California candy, Like, there's shops walk around, there's open little market, good places to eat all around. I like this guy already, so I show up. I have a feeling it's gonna change, it's gonna go all downhill. So I was like sending a lot of pictures to like my sister and friend, being like, what's my vibe? Like cheetah skirt with some white sneakers, jeans and a top, like I don't really remember how tall he is and

I'm five tents. I was like, do I wear booties, flats, a lot of things? Do you know it took time? Do you get insecure about that? I don't get insecure. I get insecure for the guy. So I guess maybe we should have a whole segment devoted to what you should consider wearing on a first date. I would take no, because I don't know. So what did you wear on your first day with the silver Fox? Uh? My leggings?

I it's really bad. He's all, that's a great first date, honestly, as a guy, and asked for anything else, No likings. His way to go a not really since I get to dinner date kind of thing. Well, of course, it's just showing up to a five star restaurant and likings. That's a different conversation. But if you guys getting a drink, here's the thing. As a guy com throw on a pair of jeans. I'm probably gonna wear my flip flops. To be honest, I'm gonna and I'm gonna wear a

T shirt. I don't want to see in my feet on the first day. That's the vie. Dean's gonna pull up through the Apple Bee's for the first day in his van jump out. It's going to be a good time. Too far, Jared, I'm a big apple I I don't know why, but I laughed. I like, okay, far. The it is, what are you supposed to wear on our first date? What's appropriate? What about? Here's the thing? What about guys? Girls can wear leggings, but can guys a k my date, bless his soul show up in basketball

shorts and I ask like, i'd workout shirt here. We just walked around and then that'll get into there later. Maybe who's gonna be active walking around? Here's the thing, here's him attire. Here's the thing that we haven't asked ourselves yet that I think is crucial to the rest of the story, and Tory, you're the only one that can answer this question for us. How the hell do we know this is a date, because by the sound of it, it could have just been like two people

hanging out question. I agree with that. I think that when you say, hey, I would love to set aside time for you, and like if it's not like a group hang out like you know, and I haven't seen him three years, and his buddies have always been like, oh, like he's into you, like well, like on the drunk phone ask you he was like his words were, I would love to take you to lunch cough be dinner like which one like, let me know, I think that's a day it sounds like. And also, well, that's another

good question. Our guys not having to state like, hey, I want to I just feel like I want to take you on a date doesn't really exist anymore. I agree. I don't think guys have to state what what if it's a date or not. But I think saying coffee, lunch, or dinner is indicative that he just wants to hang out with you, meaning he wants to get to know

you more. And I think that he definitely was like trying to feel it out, being like coffee if you don't really want to take this like super intense or whatever, or like lunch, you know, respectful, gentlemanly. Yeah, I don't think that. I also think people are overthinking in today's world what a date is. They're like, well, we met up with coffee. Is it a date? If you guys meet up in a social if you guys meet up one on one, it's a date. No, that's what we

were just saying. I did, But I agree with Jerry. But you're right also Dean, because the modern man is using it as a loophole. But that's exactly my point. Commitment avoidance is what that is. And exactly let me tell you why this could have not been a date. My my, what Tori said, I'm using her words, not anyone else. Is she said, We drunkenly face time each other every once in a while as a me not you guys have met three years ago. He considers you

a friend. At this point, you're nothing more. But he wants to explore if he can get to another level with her. Exactly, and that's why I had I had her clarify whether she thought it was a date or not, but he just thought you were a friend up until that point. Whether you guys, when you went on a date, you're you're a person he can talk to to forget

about something else for a second. He's it's not. But I kind of feel like it's that thing where like if you meet somebody at a bar and you're like, I'm kind of interested in you, you're still being like to meet years ago, and this is the first time you hung out with him. He's not that interested in you, and vice versa. You're not that interested in and she's

not that interested in him. I'm just saying the fact that it's taken three years for you guys to hang out proves that neither of you are that interested in each other. So let's just clarify too, because I'm a little lost. You guys met three year ago at Stage Coach. Since that point, you had not hung out, only drunken facetimes occasionally. Can we just clarify that he's the only one drunk facetia Great, so he's the one drunk facetiming you, but that was the only communication three years. It was

very loosely. Well, Okay, here's the thing. I will say, he's an athlete, and then he was drafted and went to Cleveland Browns for a bit, so then it's like I lost him. Didn't listen. That sounds dramatic, but so basically it's like I knew, like I was also like in college, like we just like we're in separate world. Him being an athlete helps put the truth to the basketball shorts. That is that normal? And the fact that

he drunk in FaceTime. Yeah, I um, I dated an athlete who would always show up even to like my grandmother's house on Sunday lunches with like flip flops and like you know, like the athletes what they wear with the socks and the flip that was and flip flop flip socks and slides, thank you slides. That's that was my alp up like twenty two everywhere I went. Yeah, but that's acceptable because you were in your late teens early twenties. You see a kid like that and you're like,

but if how old this hell was this guy? He's my age, Okay, so I don't know if you show up in socks, Okay, So Tory, are you asking us if this was a date or if this was like a two people hanging out of the front, she hadn't gone to the point yet. So this just has me questioning where we are as girls, Like what's our new move now? Because so then we are walking around and I was like, I'm starving. I'm starving. I didn't prepare, did not really like get right into it. There's gonna

be lunch for dinner or coffee. You just lunch, But then I'm not going to be like, all right, let's get because I also hate decision makings. That's like a little bit on my part, but I made that very clear with him. I was like, I don't do well with decision making. You can tell me. We're watching Aunts

cross the Road and I'm in slapping now. So we're walking around and I was like, oh, I feel so rude, Like I'm drinking my coffee, Like is there something you wanted to eat or get while we're walking O round or like stop somewhere, okay, let's sugar drop in, you know um? And so he's like oh yeah. So like we do another lap and then we get to creation. He's like, let's eat there, and I was like one of my favorite spots, perfect and so we're chatting, like

conversation was good. So come to the end the tab, so I bring out my card because I will never be like, you're paying for me, because I always think it's like a girl should always just at least offer, like, hey, you totally don't have to pay for this, but like, also, this was your idea, not mine. And so I laid my car down, but I just kind of kept talking

and made it really casual. And then he just pulled his car out and put it right on top of mine, and the waitress came and took it, and you know what, I wouldn't be that upset about it, and I'm really not that upset. I'm just confused because I, first of all, I've like every guy I've been with, it's always been like that was nice of you, but like absolutely not.

But also he ordered a latte and I had water for this dude, but you guys didn't get you split a lot, don't know like he had, like you know, tastes are like six bucks here in La. So I'm like, no, the more you talk about it, the less it sounds like a date to I just get hold on. I want to know why Dean doesn't think it's a date. He shows up in basketball shorts and flip flops, not fliplops, nikes, oh sneakers whatever, same deaf. He hasn't hung out with

this girl in three years. He shows up in shorts, first time seeing her in three years. You guys go get food and you go dutch on the bill, Like, how are none of these signs? How? How do you how do you guys think it's anything other than not? How did he I got lost to how did he ask you on this date? Or how did he ask you to hang out? So he was like, oh, like I'm back home, We'll let finally have the time to connect because like he just never had time, you know,

summer training and then into being drafted. He just so it sounds he got fired from his job. He's a little bored. He wanted to kill some time on the day, but he didn't want to change out after his workout. What no, okay, well, whether okay, whether this is a date or not? Is this someone that you can envision having a life with, you know, like, would you want to do even want to think about that? I just want to know what is the girl move? I don't I mean I don't know if I if I really

see a future. It's been one time, like one like two hours. I just want to know. Did I stiff arm him by paying being like friend zone or is this woman to do that's an interesting question. No, no, not at all. You think that you did something wrong by paying for the damn bill? Excuse my language, but she did nothing wrong. But did she send a message by putting out her credit card like this is she telling him this is not a date? No? No, I agree with no, because in fact, women can't pay for bills.

If if she if you wanted to pick up the entire tab, you could have picked up the entire tab and been, you know, gone to place right after, and like I mean, it doesn't mean anything, and you did the right thing, because any girl that offers, I think is in the right because I've been on a couple of dates obviously before actually that I went on the date and the bill would come and they wouldn't even

make a move. No, granted I'd always have my car ready to go, but not even a like, oh let me pay for half, and I the no, of course, So I've always any time a girl was like, hey, let me pay for half. That was always a good sign for me. So like that you had your credit card out is a positive thing. You shouldn't look at it as here's the thing. I split checks all the time with my friends. Yeah, right, do you ask? Okay, I don't understand how you don't think this is a date.

So he hasn't seen her in three years? He comes back home. Tory is a very attractive woman there, around the same age. They live near each other. Why would he not be like, hey, yeah, I thought you were really cool. Are you asking me why this guy might not be interested in Tori? Because I don't have the answer to that. We have to get the guy in here to answer answers it in Tori, why bother spending time with someone if you're not? Am I interested in dating any of you guys in the studio right now?

Clearly not? Why? But he doesn't work we work together, you guys are It's baseless. You guys are saying, why have any human interaction with someone if you don't plan on hooking up with them at some point? No, but why have an interaction with someone that you after three years of knowing them and not really getting close with them? And then obviously fine, Ben fine, because it's so still it's just like, did he make did he make him a physical move on you at any point on the day?

But why does he have to be a physical move because that would be indicative of his intentions or maybe his intentions was to get to know Tori and and get to know intellectually, emotionally and figure out if this is warranting a second day. No, he's you guys are delusion? How are we delusion? Because if you actually wanted to do that, he wouldn't have shown up wearing what he was wearing. Just that it's it's a guy being a oblivious one. But also, guys are so I've asked this

girl out. Oh no, I've I've I've made myself vulnerable for half a second. I need to counterbalance that by showing up looking like a bum and and splitting the bill with her weird like I don't want her to think I'm into her. I'm scared now. I think that's a big factor. But I think specifically, this guy played college football, got draft the NFL. He's probably pretty used

to showing up dressed up. However, he can get like Jim Shorts T shirt doesn't matter, and the girl always still wants to get with him because he plays football and he got drafted in the NFL. Not saying this guy got drafted in the NFL played for the Browns for threes even the Browns have league minimums. In effect, he made at least four hundred thousand dollars over three years, one point two million dollars to he's So he just graduated, and you're telling me this dude can't spring for a

fifty dollar meal like creation. That's my whole point. That's my That is my point, because he can very assuredly afford the meal and would have if he was on a date with her. But the fact that he was not on a day it with her. He's not gonna be buying all his friends food every single time they go out. But it was his idea. He's the one who texted Tory saying, Hey, I'd like to hang out with you. So the idea that Tory paid for his latte after he's made a pretty penny, probably from even

his rookie season in the NFL, come on. That's the one thing that I have against my argument is the fact that if you're the one instigating the date, you should be the one paying for the meal. Again, I don't think it was a date. I think that if you, if you, if you, if you were to text me, if Jared were de text, if Jared were detect me and be like, hey, man, can I please finish? What's

wrong with guy? And God? I'm not saying but if I was a gay man, then of course you might you might have a day with If you two were gay, then obviously he'd be thinking, Oh, I think we're going on a date. It's different. It's different. If Tori texted me and said, hey, let's be up for lunch real quick, I would be like, Okay, let's do it. If you work with Tori, it could be a professionals and I

would argue that it would be a little awkward. If Tory asked, Hey, Dean, I want to get lunch with you one on one, you would be like, wait a minute, is this a date? No one know that she would never ask me on the date. I'm just has she ever asked you to lunch one on one? Uh No? Why haven't you asked me on? Because maybe there's always the expectation that if a guy and a girl are hanging out that there is something more than just a

potential friendship. Tori, for instance, went to lunch with one of my really good girlfriends the other day, who I get food with very a couple of times a month, just to talk and catch up and hang out with her because I like talking to her. But you're you're really good friends with her. There's a difference between being good friends with someone from the opposite sex and asking them to lunch because there's a reporter there, and then asking someone out on the opposite sex that you're attracted

to for the first time. Dude, No, not at all. Who is the Can I just say she paid for me? She's She's absolutely the best. She pays for me sometimes too. Um. The point is all great friendships have to start somewhere, right, Yes, So maybe he wants to go out with Tory to get to know her better, to be in a friendship with her. Oh please after three years? No, they can build a friendship after No. I guess my question is

would you do in this case? Would you text him and ask if it was a date or female friends? I hate this. You guys are literally making my blood boil. You are here representing the typical commitment phobic mail that you are are what it's called a human being that's sometimes enjoys paying with other human beings. There is no commitment. I am commitment phobic, but that's not this in action right now. No, it's not, and it's you, and it's honestly the majority of no offense. You're married. You got

to sit out of this. Have you ever inadvertently been accused of leading someone on and you really have no idea where it's coming from? Yes, do you think maybe this could be an example of that? No, Like you're like, how did you get from there to there? Like what were your thoughts? And you were like, well, you asked me out lunch one on one. Uh, I don't ask people to hang out with me. They're always the ones asking me to hang out. That's a fair point. Actually, okay,

that's a fair point. But if so, I don't know. I think, if if this guy is texting Tori specifically to hang out one on one, where it's a guy that she's known for a little while but never have formed a friendship with um, I would have taken that as a date. And if honestly, if I was the guy asking her. I would want her to take it as a date, because it would be worse if she thought we were just hanging out as friends and I thought it was a date. How you because there was

like a girl. There was a girl when I used to bartend. There was a girl that I thought was super cute, really like she used to come in all the time, Like every time she come in, she comes with her family and be like, oh, hey, what's up, Like how's things? Blah blah blah blah. Never had the balls to ask her out. Finally, one day I did, and the idea she said, yes, we're on a date obviously didn't work out. But the thought of me asking, like finally, you know, asking her to, hey let's hang out,

let's go on lunch. I didn't specifically say hey, let's go on a date. I said hey, let's grab a drink sometime. She's like, yeah, sure great. Now granted we had like this weird rapport because I had known her, but it wasn't a one on one setting, and I when I asked for a drink, I was like, Okay, here we go. This is gonna be kind of a date. She took it the same way, but in my head.

If she took it the other way, thinking oh, this is just a friend hangout, that would crush me and I would never ask anybody to hang out one on one again. So every time I hang out with someone now I have to specify before and hey, just so you know, not a date. I would hope that you would have the common sense to differentiate between someone you're hanging out with as a friend and someone you're hanging out with who might potentially see this as a future relationship,

which I have faith you do. If you're saying that, if you're I think you let off that conversation at that point by saying that it's you don't need to specify if it's a date because it's implied. Yes, I think that's such a pool. Wouldn't you rather specify that it's a friend date? So what am I supposed to do that if I want to hang out with someone that I'm just starting to get to know, we're all adults at this point in our lives mid late early twenties,

thirties forties. It doesn't matter at this point of course. Are you supposed to then say before every single time you meet someone new to hang out with them be like, hey, just to be clear, not a date. If you want to be friends, just want to hang out with you. That's the weirdest thing I've ever heard in my life.

If it's if it's the sex that you're tracked to do, for example, if it's you asking a girl out for the first time, just even get to lunch, Like you met her out at a bar, your all on, your friends were all hanging out, and you're like, Wow, you seem really cool. Let's hang out sometime. Yes, you have to assume she's gonna she's gonna think, oh wow, he's asking me out on a date. Let me tell you

about a little tactic I've adopted in the past. I don't use it so much anymore, but if there was a girl that I wanted to date, a girl that I was really interested in, I would go out of my way to make sure it was clear to her that we were hanging out as friends. My point exactly, the date is implied, So you had to do your due diligence to make sure she knew we were just hanging out as friends. Right, But with my intention to move it past being friends, Well, what the hell was

the point of that? Then you're so complicated. Why do you want to Why would you want to make her think she's in the friend zone, and then she's going to put you in the friend zone, and then you're gonna want to try to date her, and it's going to make things so complicated. I'm not going to give an exact number on this, but I would say the success rate of this tactic is in the high percent. Are single? Are you single right now? By choice? The

point that I'm making is, I don't know. I don't even know what the point is that I'm trying to make anymore. I think that it was a friend thing, a friend hang out, and I think that it's weird that you guys are asking someone to define something at any point where it's like, hey, just so you know, we're just friends, just so you know this is a date,

or just so you know I had serials morning. I'm just saying that there just it doesn't it's not it's not authentic normal human interaction, like pick up on the vibe? How did how was the vibe of the day? Was he flirtatious? Did he tell you how beautiful you look? Did he say he missed you? You hold hands you hold hands, did you guys? Hug? Was there a kiss? Like these are all things that we do on the date, just that, but were there any signs from him of

romantic contention. So when we were walking after lunch back to his car, I was like, because it was like he was at the end of one side of the loop, I was like, okay, like so good seeing you. Like you'll definitely want to hop on the road where traffic starts to build up. And I was like, I don't

know what's going on. He's like, well, let's just go on more loop, like go on more loop, and then he like threw out this like one thing, like kind of laughing, like he was super sarcastic and was like, oh yeah, I'm just trying to impress you and like things like that. And then he texted me being it's

the date. But then I paid for wait to finish you said you texted him no, And then he texted me being like that was so fun, Like I'm here until the end of July, like please let me know next time you're free, and like he's in Idaho right now and he's like, I'll text you when I get back. But I I just I don't really know, like am I supposed to do follow up questions then being like, hey you did this, this and this, so was that

a date? Or like if somebody who talks to you, I feel like I shouldn't assume it's kind of going to be something. When you guys talk, do you guys talk about past relationships or your current state of dating? In Los Angeles we talked a lot about family. I gotta be honest, just from her saying yes, I would have assumed that she was single, because if she had a boyfriend and some dude came back into town and said, hey, let's grab lunch and she said, yes, single, But they're friends.

You have said, you said you've talked, you'd like I have known him for three years. When I say no, I just mean I know. Do you follow each other on Instagram? Yeah? I think that's honestly why we've been

able to kind of keep in touches. Like if we're judging the level of friendships between people by whether they followed, if they didn't follow each other, then I would know without a doubt that they wouldn't be that good of friends, and I would almost think that it was more of a date but I would also say, just by following somebody doesn't mean that I agree. Does he reply to your stories often? You don't really puost many stories? Do

you reply to his stories ever? So it's just the facetimes randomly, really random, like his misturb and t C l A would be like, hey, maybe once a year. Guys are friends. There's nothing more to it. I think you gotta see what happens next. But you gotta let him text you. This was a date, Hondo? Sorry? Do I need to follow up next time? You know? The dean saying is I need to be able to clarify you like him? Would you date him? Do you want it to be you don't even know? Yeah, but it's

a date. Then now it's like it's also hard to be excited over something because then you're just like I kind of want to like put my guard up, being like I don't know what's happening exactly. You want to put your guard up because you have guys out there to be like, hey, we were just friends. It's fine, but that's a guy thing. I really like this girl. I'm gonna ask her out. She just wants to be friends. That wasn't a date. I don't want to ask you out.

It's a defense. That's why I have this mustache. If I'm interested, didn't girl and she says, no, it's because of the mustache. It's not because of me. You can always store that excuse out. I love that. It's the stash, it's not me. Well, that was awesome, TORTI thank you for sharing on don yet is here so we should be done soon. I just have one quick question. I have a date on Friday. Do I offer to pay? How do you know it's a date? Yes, he did.

Let's let's that's true. Don't offer to pay. I mean, yeah, we could. We're gonna do anything. It's a date from here on out. You're it's supposed to that's part of the fun. If you're not supposed to me, I will say, first of all, I will say, first impression of you hang out the guy on Friday, I would assume dinner. That's more daty than going to Abbot during the day walking around with a guy and Jim on a Saturday. That choice was the Abbot candy. That was your choice.

He picked it. You could have picked dinner though, totally totally, but I didn't had a good father's saying, maybe if you picked dinner, he would have shown up in a more nice attire. I would hope, Oh maybe, I don't think so. With flowers, I don't know to or you're a complicated human that's at the day's not you are the day. We're all complicated humans. You are the more boxes we try to put our experiences in, and the people we meet in, the less successful We're gonna be.

Just be fluid, like figure it out as you're going. If he starts flirting with you, maybe flirt back. If you don't like it anymore, don't flirt back. And if you don't like it anymore and he's still making advances, then be clear and direct and say, hey, we're just friends. Hey you want to know what that's called a date? So anyway, moving forward, we have a great guest coming up, Latreel guests here. I think we can all agree on

one thing, and that says that it wasn't a date. No. Well, before Latrelle comes in, we're gonna take a low break. My two top favorite things in life both start with the letter U S. Spaghetti and sleep. So maybe you've considered buying yourself a sleep number bed but you probably thought I can't really afford one. But could you really afford to be tossing and turning in your old mattress compromising on your sleep? I knew I couldn't, and that's

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dollars only for a limited time. You'll only find sleep number at any of the five seven five Sleep Number stores nationwide. That's five D seventy five sleep Number stores nationwide. Find the one nearest you at sleep number dot com slash dean. So again to find the nearest sleep Number store next to you. That's sleep number dot com slash d e a n. You guys are easy on the radio, man, I'm like, hey, Cadio TV Star. I know. I'm like, why are you on radio? It's not like you have

a face for radio. It's nice because Easton always tells us we have a face for radio. So having someone come in and be positive, I think they's a hater.

In the build they discuss me. Um here we go. Then, well, in studio, we have one of the new trainers from Revenge Party with Chloe Kardashian, which premieres on July seven on Latreel Mitchell joining me Hello Hello, Hello, Hello, Latriel you asked if we you told me when I met you were like, hey, my name's law Yeah, La la la la la la la la la la la whatever and all that good stuff. Yeah, makes it easier. Yeah, I called Dean d What up date do you want?

It's funny off topic of the podcast entirely. Well, I actually don't call him deep. But now I'm gonna start. When I played football in high school, I was like a freshman and our coach would always be like, get out there, D like talking about the defense, and every time I was like, I'm not prepared to go out right now, and I always has to go And I was like, wait, wait, isn't me now? You so so like I just said. You are one of the trainers on Chloe Kardashian show Revenge Body. Yes in season three,

Season three. All three seasons have been a lot of fun, and I think people kind of get wrapped up in the word revenge. It's not really about revenge because the journey of each individual is definitely um. They grow a lot inside and out, and then at the end of it they realize it's not really about me getting back at this person or showing this person I can do that it's more about self love and loving yourself and what you can do for you. Yeah. Well, the best

revenge is living your best life. Or you know, the best revenges are cold, you know, any one of those. I have a question for you. Can I go on the show Revenge Body without having like someone that I want to get revenge? I just want to get in shape basically is what it is so pretty much. But there has to be someone like one of your boys when you're in a barm like dude, you suck? Yeah, you suck? Is that? Yeah? Now you've been on the show. What if Jared said I suck and then that's it.

You don't work out what I'm shirtless? Like dude you suck? Yeah? I mean whatever. Yeah, I mean you can say I beat up on myself. I want to get revenge on myself. I mean I'm sure if I haven't been done yet, then you should bring it. Okay, bring it. Tell us about the show that three seasons must be doing well. Three seasons it's doing extremely well. Um, usually I have a lot of drama every season. This is going to be my my episodes this year will be what kind

of drama do you bring jerking. Um, you know, I don't. I don't bring drama, So let's get back. The drama is brought to you, and then I just and I handle it. I will said the way that you said it made me think that you were the one bringing Now I am a girl from the Bronx though, I you know, I'll shut it down in a heartbeat and don't let the New Yorker come out of me. Yeah, I know, you definitely have a presence that you're You're just a badass. People don't really mess with me that much.

This it's hard to me. It's hard for me to be friends with you from New York. I've started to do why because I just don't. I'm much more laid back. Once again, I apologize to our New York listeners. Dean does not represent the podcast as a whole. Really good friends is from the Bronx or from Brooklyn or something like that. So you don't confuse it just because they're two bees, like you need to make that clear. Brooklyn and the Bronx, they're not just two bees, law, they're

two b r os. So there's a lot more than just one letter. And they have in comments. Yes, but she's got her Stern New York Neis tour, and I just have my like blase, don't care about anything, l a attitude, and there's a lot of contention with that, and I get stressed out sometimes she talks and I feel myself getting anxious because we're like, you know, fast talkers.

Everything like yesterday, and it's great. I walk fast, I do everything, and I when I when I sit at a light and I look at people say do you keep on California have any sense of urgency? Because they're like rolling across the street flip flops on and I'm like, I really want to mentality. Yeah, I think it is because I was like, can I just this right turn?

Because you are cruising across the street. It's definitely a Los Angeles mindset because even like setting up meetings, anytime you're like, hey, yeah, let's meet it's like yeah, what are you doing? Uh? In September, it's like no, no, no, no, no, what about this Tuday? This Tuesday? I want to meet up, Let's do this, let's get it going. You just do what I don't agree and then not show up or the opposite. That's a that's a flaky, that's flaky that

flamp shade. Yeah, see, is that a California thing? Because I don't want to put it out there to California, and I was like, yeah, people out here can get like, oh, we're going to get together. I'm like, great, Dean has this unbelievable ability to completely flake on someone and then the next time you see him, all he does is smile and you're like, all right, you're forgiven. Get over here. Yeah, hopefully don't flack on the wedding. Huh, well, that would

be unforgiving. Then she'll be on Revenge Body and be like, I'm getting revenge on this idiot that left me at the altar Ashley and I will be on Revenge Body. What do you guys get Yeah, let's get revenge Body on him. Tell us more about Revenge Body with Chloe, because you said that you're going to be involved in tear drinking drama this season. Yeah, for the first time

for you know. I mean, I think every episode brings a little bit of tears because you learn to love these people as they you watch them go through their journey and at the end of it, when they achieve their goal that there's something really cool about that you know, well, what is it about a breakup that makes someone want to look better or like want to Well, here's my I'm gonna give you. I'm going to give you my theory on it, and then I'm going to come back

to you know, the other people. I think, here's the problem in relationships, what people do. So people get very comfortable in relationships, unfortunately, and then all of a sudden, it's doughnuts and cookies and ice cream and Netflix and to pounds, and then all of a sudden that's a person that you met who was like hottie pitsidi and had ads. You're like, okay, what happened to your ads? Now it's a little you know, a little bill is very dopeboly thing going right, So then then what happened?

You start looking at the hotter chick who's out there, and then you're like, so, I think for people, they need to number one, keep yourself first. Always keep your health first, and keep that on track so you don't lose that so you don't have to ever have revenge. Because I personally love to stay in shape for the person that I'm with, Like, you know, you want to look good naked and if what and feel good whatever

that is to you. It just has you know, whatever that looks like in your head, whatever when you look in the mirror. If you feel good about it, great. What's fitness something always part of your life? Because I worked out for a solid five years, maybe like five days a week, and then after I got off of

the show. I don't know about you guys, but after the Bachelor, it's been two years now that I'm like, I'll work out, thank God from muscle memory, but I'll work out maybe once a week every month, and it's so hard to get back. Yeah, and it's so hard to get back into it because I'm like, once you stop, where do you find that motivation again? And now I'm in a relationship and it's like, yeah, light everywhere, and I'm like, I don't care. I think people find their motivation.

I think. I mean in a relationship, you would hope if fitness is important to you, the person that you're with is into it. That's motivating. Another piece of it is find something that you like to do, whether it's boxing or yoga or a lot, whatever that is, and commit to that two to three times a week. I think what happens when people stop working out. They get into this space of oh, i was doing it five

times a week, so I'm coming back five times a week. Like, ease yourself into it, So schedule it in your calendar. I am committing to this three times a week on these days. And as you get your mojo back, then you start to go in. But I think you're going too hard. You know, we're in this society of everyone wants everything now in instantification, and that's not true and it doesn't work that way. Everything takes time. Well, that's

what I was gonna ask. I was gonna say, what's your advice for someone who's been going to the gym for like two to three weeks and isn't seeing results and is really feel Yeah, be patient. I mean, whatever you're trying to change, it didn't happen. It didn't happen in two to three weeks. So if you're trying to get a six pack and you had one two years ago and haven't seen in it two years, you're not going to get in three weeks because all of a sudden you woke up and said, oh my god, I

want my abs back. I noticed when I started going to the gym again. I'll like you say, I took like a cup like three or four months off, and I go back to the gym, and then I'll like the first workout, all right, okay, I'm just season back into it. I'll do half of workout today, and then like three months from then, I'll be like, oh, I'm still just easing back game. I always you've been easing for too long. I'll just take it easy today. I'm

just season back in. He's he's in the first week and then then repeat that program and then up whatever your weight or whatever you're doing. I do love your suggestion for people to do things that they find interesting, because, like the older I get them more that I realized that I'm just not really a gym guy. Like I don't. I don't hate it per se, but especially as it pertains to cardio. I don't run. I don't like ride

stationary anything like that. But I love to like hike, and I love to like if I go golfing, I'll walk eighteen. I think that's good exercise. Um, well, you're a callie boy, right, so outdoor? Yeah? So how do I you look like you serve? Yeah? I tried to. I'm not very good at it. Sorry, like you look like you know, back in New York, I'd watch Baywatch and these things, and he looks like one of those guys would help running down with the surfboard under his arm.

Very kind, Thank you so much. Also, what I've been doing a lot of is just because a lot of the stuff, like as it pertains to your six pack. I think a lot of people equate mostly their stomach to their health, right, Like, if you have a skinny stomach, you're doing well. If you have a little bit of chub on your stomach as well, no, no, if I'm getting a flatter butt, it's like I gotta start squatting. Okay, I was about to say. I was like, yeah, yeah, I get it, you're doing I was, I was with you.

The guys were on another level. Well, I mean I'm really into food as well. That's a huge part of it. And gut health is super important. And when you're stressed out and your cortisol levels are high, then you tend to hold fat in that area and nothing is healthy about that. So a big gut can represent a whole lot of other things other than you just being overweight. What about my so this is my mindset to offset cardio because I don't do like I said, I don't

do cardio. I used to play a lot of basketball. I don't play basketball quite as much anymore. So what I do is I just try to limit my CLOrk and take and make sure my calorie is being burned. Or always say trying is a lyne Okay, So either try you're gonna do, are you're not going to do? So what do you committed? What's the there's a Star Wars quote to Yoda, do you or do not? There is no there is no try? Right. Actually I was going on the opposite side of that. I I was

going dark side. I can't remember exact I think it was like Lord Dougus or something who said only Lord, do get name up? I made that name up? Who is Lord? I know the quote? I don't know a guy that said it is the point I'm trying to And it said that only sith deal in absolutes. Okay,

So when that would be obi wan kenobi? When law says, when law says trying is lying, turning Jared's mike off over here, when law says trying is lying, what that makes me think of is it when law Duangle says that only sith dealing absolute and I'm just saying, I'm no sythe over here. Okay, I'm so lost. That whole thing just went over my head. I don't know. I

have no idea what you're talking about. But I'm curious about what you said with stress in your stomach, you hold stress in your stomach, Yeah, most time people cortisol. So cortisol is a um when you get stressed out. It's something that your body produces um and it sits around, usually in the gut areas. You like, Yeah, its that's crazy. I'm just it blew my mind. I have no words. You're saying you're really into the nutrition as well, right,

so is it? What's the percentage is nutrition fitness? Is it? Because I mean not. I mean I'm eating healthier, but I'm not working out, and then my body is still not changing. So I'm like, I guess I need to do both. So here's the thing. You said, You're eating healthier, so yeah, I'm probably not eating healthy. So I don't know what it was before. Oh I'm a Sally and I was eating past the three days, three times a day,

and now it's like I'm gluten free, I'm vegetarian. Um, let's see the thing with vegan and vegetarians, they tend they don't understand that the first three letters start with V, E G. So you should be eating a whole lot

of vegetables. So most vegan and vegetarians, you have seen someone like I'm vegan and their overweight or their vegetarian and their overweight because yeah, their car being up eating a lot of potatoes leading all the things to take them away from meat, but not really focused on the phyto nutrients that you get from vegetables. So if that is your course, and also you're probably taking in a lot of soy, and soy has a tendency to help with weight gain and your body doesn't process it a

certain way. So um, when you eliminate meat and things like that, you have to be really aware of where you're getting your protein sources from and how and how they um kind of once they're in your body. Like I don't do beans a lot. So if I decided to not eat meat and I'm eating beans a lot, and my body's like, oh no, I clear this whole place out, my body is like hell to the nonna,

I mean it's a visual. I mean I didn't have any beans before coming here because we're a little studio and I wanted to keep it, you know, I want to make sure you invite me back. One day, goes up, season goes back. No beans, no beans a lot in the studio. Um. And so at what age do you does it like start getting harder to just wake up, start working out, eat healthy, and get ripped in in a month. Well, I mean a lot of the people

on the show are in their twenties. So I think now with uh, with the lifestyle, with you know, I didn't have all the things that these kids had coming up, like owns. Let's start with that. Like I would wait until I got home to hear a voicemail. So I know these kids look at me like I have two heads. They're like, you would go eight hours without a phone, Like, yes, I would walk every place I would be out. I had to entertain myself someplace other than on a phone.

So kids are now unhealthier at a much younger age. So it's really hard to put a number on that because I know tons of kids in their twenties who are you know, basically obese at this point right, And is that what you typically see on the show, more dramatic body transformations or like hopeful ones where it's not it's gonna be less people who are like maybe slightly overweight, but more that are uh Um, we get a combination of everything on the show. You know, it just depends there.

There are eight of us on the show, so everyone has had different experiences in different people. Like one of the young ladies I had last season, you know, she was overweight since high school and then I got her. So that's someone who's pretty much only known being overweight and her and her journey has been a really really long one. But at what point does that become genetic or hereditariat are you always able to fight it or

is it something well, yeah, of course. I mean I come from a black family, and you know, you see some of my aunts they get it in and they live in the South and they're like, you're not gonna have them with that frod cat fish and it's gotta granted, No, I don't want any of that. And you know, so, I mean I think anyone is predisposed to be overweight, you know, depending on your family, genetics and where you come from. You just have to make better choices. Dean

asked the question, can you reverse your jeans? Like, if I'm someone that I don't know, can I reverse my jeans and want to have a kid, They're going to have like healthier genes by the time I'm ready to conceive. No, I don't think there's a thing of reversing genes. I think if there are certain things that you are printing um genetically predisposed to that you can prevent it by

living a healthier lifestyle. So that's why they have, you know, twenty three and me and all these different testing that they have so you know which you are genetically predisposed to you. But if you do this and that, you can, you know, kind of beat genetics in a way. I feel like it's hard to know what's good for you and what's bad for you in today's world because I've seen, like, for example, I've heard that salads are good for you,

but now I'm hearing there's a lot of calories. And then I remember somebody was like, no fruit, Like I was eating an apple and they're like, yeah, that's not good for you. I was like an apple. They're like, yeah, there's a lot of sugar in an apple. Well okay, it's like, well what is good for me? Every snow whoever sodi salads aren't good for you. That's a lie.

So iceberg lettuce have zero old nutritional value. So if you're gonna eat lettuce, you want to make sure you're eating you know, arugula spin It's like different things like that, things that are green and leafy. Um. Salads lose their nutritional value when people drench them with ranch and dressings that are full of dairy and milk. So that healthy salad that you once have once you throw a bunch

of crap on it. Yeah, I had lettuce, but I really had, you know, five hundred calories and dressing and whatever else you threw on the salad. So it's the best dressing for oil and vinegar oil and vinegar olive oil, or just squeeze fresh limon into olive oil with some cracked pepper. Delicious, interesting? Good? Yeah, what's that you look like? Like? Fixing? That was like damn, like what's going on? And I thought you were going to ask something very bad like

it was coming silence. Um, Sorry, I got a text from a pretty girl and I was just like I got excited get that revenge. But I know I was like, we should be all the pretty girl you need right now? Focus focus. You know when you see someone's name pop up on your phone, you just kind of like smile on the inside a little bit. You want to know this guy's the name guy. He tries to get names at every guest. Here we go, who's texting you? We don't want to, We don't want to get a breakup. Lost?

You the one who you know sucks at dating? I don't know, well, we all everybody sucks at dating at some point. You know, everybody sucks a little bit of dating. But my question is for Vanessa and Dean. You guys, so what part of your body do you not like the most? And what part do you like the most? Like? What part would you want to go in the gym right now and change? And then part do you feel more confident? I mean, I like my bubble, but it has a lot of the cell you like, but I

love its crepy. I've never I've always been someone that's been very toned. I've toned arms. I was a gymnast so but for some reason I never had abs. I have a flat stomach when I donate, but the minute I put something in my stomach, it just like if I put gluten, if I put I eat a lot of vegetables, I just bloat so badly. And remember once I got a pair of jeans and I'm like, oh

my god, these fuls so well. But I bought them when I was really bloated, and then the next morning I tried them on and there were two sizes too big. So it's yeah, my stomach. Have you ever had food allergy testing? Yeah? I haven't. When Yeah that's huge, Like, yeah, you're allergic to something that you're eating, because there's no way that you should be able to buy a pair of jeans one day and the next day. Yeahs UM. For me, I'm pretty fortunate, I think because I can.

It's funny how we were talking about how not seeing um results quickly. I'm pretty fortunate. For some weird reason, I do see results quickly, and so I'll go that's a of actually my shortcoming as well. Go to the gym hard for like two or three weeks, like start feeling and looking good. I'm like, okay, cool, I can take two more months off, you know what I mean? Um my arms, Yeah, fortunately on the good side of my arms rather like the way my arms look when

I work out consistently, my arms and shoulders. But same with Vanessa, as you see people with like those cut washboard abs um and I've always been like, dhim, I can never get those, And I attribute that to like my uh my going out like once or twice a week with my friends and drinking alcohol. Obviously it's pretty bad for it. My diet is never really the best

like I've done. I've done some specific diets for months at a time and things got better, but I've never actually fully eliminated all of the things in my life that caused things like belly fat to build up. And I've always kind of been curious about, like what would happen if I did that. But on the on the other side of I'm like, I'm pretty happy with the way that my body looks while eating the things that I want for the most part, I mean, and that's

the biggest thing. You have to be happy with yourself. And if there's something you're unhappy with, then you do what you need to do change it, and if not, then you know, I will say there's a direct tie between my anxiety and how often I'm I'm being active. So like, let's say I haven't gotten to the gym for two or three months, and I can almost feel my body like loosening up and like getting you know,

less appealing to myself. And I can literally feel my like my heart palpitating and like being like, what are you doing to yourself right now? Get it together? But and I go to the shame yourself into going into the gym, and I go to the gym, and the anxiety completely goes away, and then I three months later it comes back, and I just it's a very vicious cycle that I put myself in. Um, well, you should continue to focus on the outdoor things you love and

you know, find a daily hike to do, meditate, Yoga. Yeah, yoga is what I really want to get into. Yoga is amazing. I love yoga. What's yours? I think I feel more most confident in my my shoulder arm area, similar to you, And then I feel least confident around my stomach because I I used to have six pack abs and then even when I did have them, though, they would always be like this little layer around my waist of fat that I could just never seem to get rid of, which it obviously came down to me

not being a strict on a strict diet um. And so that's what I've been trying to work on for the past couple of months, is really slim that down. One thing I forgot to say too, sorry to take the subject off whatever I've always had man boobs, I'm always don't let me see you pull up your shirt that didn't conscious about it's gotten I mean, and you shake it like that. That's a little extra. That was a kid, I would like walk by a glass pane and see my reflection. I would see my boob sticking

out a lot. It actually got bad to the point where I was falling asleep as a kid, like a ten year old, I would put ice packs down on my bed and take my shirt off and lay down on my on my boobs that it would make them smaller. You're very smart kid growing up. I learned a lot in school. If you get that theory would work. I may have body dysmorphia. I don't know, Um, I don't know where the theory came from. I also had weird nipples.

I got a really bad five star and it made it swell, and I was like, you know, I'm just gonna kill two birds with one stone, and I'm gonna ice my nipples and my man boo. I hate my nipples too, they're they're like quarters. That sucks. Fine. Now, the fact that I'm talking to men about their nipples really do not have man boot on like these dudes I'm talking about nipples and okay, see that's like he just we really need to change the topic right now.

Off your man boobs and your nipples please. But see that's what I'm saying. This is me not having been to a gym for six months, and it's not horrible, right, Like It's like it's manageable to the point where I'm like, I mean the thing, I mean you have to ask the woman that called you with yeah, take a picture of your boobs and say, hey, baby, what do you think about? What do you think about? What do you think about these nips? And then says, so I want

to ask you before you go. You also trained celebrities including Michael Strahand, Alex Rodriguez, and Terry Crew. So my question isn't amazing you met Jennifer Lopez. I have not met j Lo. Sorry, that's pretty awesome. But I mean the thing is, I would like to say, you know, Jennifer Lopez and I both Leo's were both from the Bronx, were about the same age. So I mean, at some point we're going to be besties. I think obviously you're to dinner with ros, gonna hit it off. It's going

to be a beautiful thing. Yeah, Jenny, from the block from the block. Yeah, from the block from the block. But do you train them now or did you train Straighthand and Rodriguez while they were playing? No, I trained. I've still worked with Michael now. Alex I was playing kind of in between when he was kind of on the fence with the Yankees and some stuff was going on, So we worked together for a while. And uh, Michael and Alex were kind of neighbors in the same neighborhoods crew. Huh.

Terry is Terry is an amazing human being. He's one of my favorite people on the planet um and he works hard. But the beauty of working with Terry, like, I think what attracted him to me as his coach was the fact that I didn't look at him and because people look at someone like Terry crews and go, oh my god, I'm just gonna kill him, and you know, and give him all these weights because he's so ripped. And for me, I look at someone like that and I go, what are his imbalances? You know, I know

he's tight here. I know something's going on here. I know. So in the time that we worked together, you know, we eliminated knee pains and shoulder pains and all these different things and got him flexible and feeling good. So when he is in the gym lifting all those heavy weights, he does it properly interesting that I just want to ask you a qu question. When you said flexibility, there's this new thing called pliability, which I've only heard of

because of Tom Brady. Um, what are your thoughts about that? I didn't know. But yeah, I'm a Giant's girl. Is a Giants girl. I'm Rhode Island born raised. And how are you a Patriots fan? Rhode Island, New England, Roland one of the sixtets. We're like forty five minutes out of Boston. Yeah, you're outside like you made a choice. No No, not like you made a choice, like you could have gone either way. No, No, Connecticut like the lower half of Connecticut over the way just to just

shut off my mike. Anyway, The point is, what are your thoughts about pliability, because I've heard about that and I'm very interested in it. It's about like not even just building muscle, but stretching, stretching the muscle. Is it? It seems like it's like I don't know anything about it because anything Tom Brady does, I don't care. We talked about getting Terry in there and not so much building is muscle. But no, no, no, yeah, I know that,

but I don't know about exactly what he's doing. I can't give you educate an educated answer on what Tim Brady is doing. I can tell you what Michael Strahan is doing New York Giants in the building. He's retired. Um wow, is gonna hate? Oh I know it's it's sad, but but Revenge Body on the Eastern Time. It is season three and you can season three. Yes, please tune in. It's going to be It's an amazing ride. I think anyone who hasn't watched it you will enjoy it totally.

It's hosted by Chloe. It's so now Chloe has gone to a point where, like you don't even have to say her last name. Yeah, she's I mean, I mean, Chloe is Chloe. She's pretty amazing, she's pretty bad as, she's pretty badass, and she's just as beautiful in person as she is on TV. So Latreal Law, Where can everybody find you on? So media? Um? Latrial Mitchell dot com is my website. Everything else is the same. Twitter, Latreal Mitchell, um, Instagram and Facebook. Um. Well, we're very

excited for Revenge Body. We can't wait to watch and everybody should tune in once again. That is July seven on the Revenge Body. So happy to be here with you guys. Thanks to having your last take care ladies, you probably understand the struggles of wearing a very very uncomfortable bra. No one likes that, especially when you're traveling or if you gotta work out, or you know, if even if you're just sitting down doing some work. So

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This is the guy. I've been with my girlfriend now for two and a half years. I love her and I can see myself marrying her one day. However, recently I wanted a week long camping trip with some old college friends, and I found myself being very attracted to one of them. On the last day, while drinking, I ended up telling her that I found her incredibly hot and that she made me nervous. I noticed that night she was much more flirty than usual with me as well.

Been a week or so since, but I still find myself wondering about her and what if we had hooked up on that trip. I don't want to break up with my girlfriend, but is this something I should tell her? I don't want a relationship with this other girl. I feel like I'm on a vegetarian diet and I just

want a cheat day. Oh well, my reaction was E ouch for I feel like two years is when you start really trying, you start seeing what your relationship and the strength of your relationship is um and so, yeah, they've been dating for two and a half years. Do I So I'm the kind of person and I've had this discussion with my boyfriend who was actually sitting in

the living room in the other room. I'm someone that I have like a really big guilty conscience, and if I feel like I could have overstepped or done something that was a little bit off, I have to tell the person right away. So this is something that if I were in his shoes, I want a hundred percent how the person I'm dating now, I don't know if that's going to cause like, I don't know if that's important information to telling your significant other if you're not

going to take it further than you did. But to me, with my morals and my guilty conscience is definitely something I would be telling my significant other. Yeah, I agree with that, Uh, for different reasons. I think it would be good for him to tell her so that way

she can they can laugh at it together. I can't remember if it was on this podcast, or if I had a conversation with someone about this but or if I heard on another podcast, but someone was saying how they developed a crush for someone that they work with. They came home once they realized that they had a crush on this person, sat down with their significant other and said, Hey, I've got to I've got a crush on Patty over at work. And the girlfriend goes, that's hilarious.

I think I goes, You're right, that is actually really hilarious. And then the fact that now that they can talk about it so openly then removes like the intrigue and the mystery of what a potential, what a crush would be, you know, like the fun feeling of something new. But it removes that and it allows you to joke about it with your significant other. So I I agree with

the openness and the honesty. I think that's important. But I think that if you bring some levity to it, and if you like, if you harbor the secret and all you're gonna do is like every time you see you're gonna be like, oh wow, she's so pretty and she's so cute and so nice, and it's just gonna escalate and make things worse. But do you think it's going to cause friction and cause short security in the relationship.

It might a little bit for a second, but it's gonna be a lot worse if he doesn't say anything and three months later something happens or it comes out, then um, But it's like, it's honest. So it's like, how how how upset could his girlfriend really get if he's just being honest about a feeling for a girl after just a conversation. Honestly, it's worth it, even if it does cause him make sues. It's worth it to be totally honest with your partners. You're saying yes, and

this isn't even bad. He just he he's a person, that's not bad. He cried. I feel like he crossed the line when he told her how hot he finds her. Yeah, it's the feeling. Those feelings are are gonna they're gonna pop up from time to time. But when he told her that I feel like that was crossing the line. Why because you think he's saying that with intent. I think, yeah, he was. I agree that that's definitely the worst of it,

but it's still not that bad. And I think that I think that again, I think, Okay, so I think that he should talk to her about it, because maybe there's some like maybe they need to spice things up in the relationship in order, you know, like the like the intrigue of like dating person that you've been dating for the last two and a half years, Like, you know, like change things up a little bit. Maybe this is a little bump in the road for him that can

allow him to strengthen his relationship with her. I agree, But I also think that by telling her it will help remove the excitement of feeling like someone else is hot, and the second that that's gone, it's going to make his life much much easier. I don't know how often did he say how often he sees this girl? Anyways, the point is college friends. I don't know what he needs to see her ever, right, I don't know. I just I think that, as Mark said, honesty is always

the best. Paul, see, this is not a bad thing. Like, it's not like he did something wrong and he's feeling guilty for it, and by telling her it's going to help him, like swade his guilt and get rid of it. It's not he didn't do it again, he didn't do anything wrong save for maybe expressing it that he thought she was hot, but he just he's a human. But he's still wondering about her. She was wondering what if they had hooked up on the trip, Like those aren't

I don't know, Listen, you're all human. Of course you're going to be attracted to people other than your partner, But I don't think you should be having you should be having thoughts of cooking up. And I want to know why we feel so guilty about this is because of that, because we we criminalize in relationships, the fact that we're like, you're going to feel a certain way about someone else at some point in your life. That's

just a natural human reaction. But the ability to have a conversation with someone that you actually love and care about about that and talk openly about that, in my opinion, is what would save a relationship. Rather than focusing on that and acting on it physically. Hopefully that ever happens, but at some point, because if you let this stuff fester, then that's going to happen. Right, agree with that. I tell my daughter's feelings aren't wrong, it's how you respond

to them. So I don't think he needs to feel the guilt about the feelings. I think, like I said, you cross the line. But the fact that he wants a cheat day, maybe that's normal commitment phobia. Getting back to that here because he's heading in that direction. He's two and a half years with this woman, so it's about time that it's going to be time to maybe propose we're getting in that area. It could be that

kind of panic setting in. I see what you're saying, and I think it can be perceived two different ways. That last sentence where he says, I feel like I'm a vegetarian on a vegetarian diet and I don't want a cheat day. That makes it I guess it could be perceived. I think I think you're taking a little too literally of him saying I'm dating my girlfriend, but I just want to cheat on her once and then move on and like get over it. You know what I mean. I read it. I didn't take it that way.

I took it as like it was just like an analogy to uh uh, what's the word, a dramatic theoryical example to prove his point. Like, I don't think that he would actually cheat on his girlfriend, um, because he says he doesn't want a relationship with this other girl and he doesn't want to break up with this current partner, right.

That's why I think that if he makes a joke about the way that he felt about someone, then he would lose any physical interest and any we're always gonna have physical interest, but it would just allow him to not feel that way anymore. That's my take on it. I've never put that into practice. I can't speak for

certain if it works. Um. I heard someone say something along those lines, and I was like, that makes a lot of consense, and I would plan on using that in my next relationship, because look, I'm I know eventually I'm going to be in a relationship. I know when I'm in that relationship, I'm probably gonna find someone else attractive.

And I would I would hate if I kept that a secret to my to the person that I was dating, you know what I mean, And similar you'd be fine if she told you Oh my gosh, I have such a thing for so and so. Yes, absolutely, um, And I think I don't know. I yeah, I don't know, but but like I said, I've never practiced it. So I guess my opinion doesn't have as much stock as Vanessa's because she's obviously been in a relationship a little

bit more than I have. But yeah, I think it depends on what, like how vulnerable you both are in the relationship, and if this is something that would come out of nowhere, and if you're not having these honest conversations with each other, then it would, um, I assume make the part that person or his girlfriend be suspicious of, like what he's been doing or you know, like what his thoughts are creeping up, like what kind of thoughts he's been having. So I think it has to do

with the kind of vulnerability they both have. That's a great point you make too. That is worth taking into consideration too, is all of the friendships and like the potential dates that I've been going on. I've been very

open and honest about especially my shortcomings. As you guys have grown more aware over the podcast, I just like put it all out there, and so that's why for me when I see something like that, if I were to feel something about someone, I would be quick to share that because they already know all of the bad things about me, and they would be able to know that when I'm telling them that, it's out of based out of honesty in an effort to move past it,

you know what I mean? Yeah, I mean, listen, I'm I know I'm someone that I wanna I want honesty. But sometimes when there's a piece of honesty that's like a lot to deal with, like what do you do with it? You know? And I don't know if this person is able to handle, Like how old are they do we know whole they are? Okay? I mean yeah, maybe they'll be muchure enough to have that kind of

conversation and just move forward from it. But like I said, it could be such a blessing in disguise and be like, Okay, well, let's like spice up our relationship now and like do something different and like get more you know, heated for each other or whatever. Right, But I think that goes back to your point that you made earlier, where it's just it depends on how vulnerably they are. Hopefully they're

as vulnerable as they possibly can be. I mean, two and enough years is a long time if that person doesn't know just about everything about you. What's been your longest relationship? Being maybe like a year and three months roughly years ago I was in college, It's been a while. My longest relationship in my adult life has probably been like ten to eleven months. Okay, what's yours? Two years, which isn't that long either if you think about it. I'm thirty one. Yeah, I suppose where are you with

silver Fox? At this point I had stopped counting, but like December okay, so seven months, Yeah, good amount of time. I've gotten to this point to where I feel like dating is getting more challenging for me because for some reason, I've led myself to believe that the next relationship that I get in is going to be the last one. And I keep it. No, it's not a cute thing, Vanessa. It's like, literally, I just don't see the point of being in a relationship with someone unless you see it

going all the way. And I just like it adds too much finality to a potential relationship, and then that's a lot of pressure on the first day. That's why I like, I bail because I'm like, oh, I don't know if this is gonna last. And that's why you don't call them first dates. I don't know about that mark exactly. Um, but yeah, it's something that I've actually addressed in myself just recently, and I don't know, it's interesting. Um,

that's something interesting that you just brought up. I mean, do you feel like because you're putting pressure on yourself because I feel like you love talking about how like your shortcomings and how you're you know, like why do people believe in monogamy and blah blah blah, Like you're always against like this relationship. Um, do you feel like you're making yourself believe that you don't want to be in a relationship just the point where you're making yourself believable,

the next one has to be it. I just think that the last relationship I had and the way that it ended was so so bad that I don't last relationship after Winter Games that I don't want to reenact any thing that happened with that relationship at all. Wait, I'm confused. Don't worry about Vanessa. Point. The point is my last girlfriend and I when we broke up has scared me away from going through that process of events again, and that's kind of why, Huh, you're not over it.

I'm I'm over it. But the thing is it's preventing me from being open to having like casual a casual girlfriend for like six to nine to twelve months. M hmm, because I just don't go through that process again. At least you know what you want, and that's like what most guys don't know what they want. So at least you know what direction you want to be heading towards, which is a good thing, I guess. But again, it's like it's it's scared me away from a lot of things.

I don't know. It's a lot of stuff that I haven't really fully processed and internalized yet. I'm still kind of figuring it out. But it was just the thought that I had where it's I think that's kind of why I'm like hypercritical of a lot of the dates that I'm going on. I like, I don't know, there's a lot of there's a lot to unpack there that I haven't fully impact, but I think eventually I'll get there. Um Anyways, let's uh, that was a good email, hopefully

that I figures it out. Hopefully he doesn't do anything that he'll regret later on. That's honesty is the best idea for him there. Um. Big thank you to Latrielle for coming in being a guest. Be sure to watch Revenge Body on E with Chloe Kardashian and Latreell. Big thank you to Vanessa for just being such a lovely beam of sunshine and Jared of course, uh oh thanks, You're welcome, Bud. Anyways, that I'll do it for this

week's episode of Help I Suck at Dating. We actually won't be in studio next week because it's America's Birthday and we will be out in Canada, Dave next week as well, candidate great uh, and we'll hopefully be out with our friends and families just having some fun. But I actually probably won't be the back of the week after that either. I'll be in Europe and after that we'll be in Tahoe. So wait, I'll be in Europe too.

Let's hang out. Where you going? Not a date in Greece in Spain, but I have four days to fill so maybe I'll come hang out, come visit US and Italy. Yeah, yeah, that'd be perfect. Anyways, thank you so much for listening to this week's episode. We love you as our listeners and we love getting to know you. Be sure to keep emailing us Help I Suck at Dating at i heeart media dot com. Just share anonymously. We love the anonymous even Just start making stuff up, put us in

weird spots and we'll answer them. Um. Thank you again to everyone involved. Be sure to tune in next in two weeks from now, because maybe we'll suck a lot less back. Follow help by Suck at Dating with Dean, Vanessa and Jared on I Heart Radio or wherever you listen to podcast m HM