Help We Suck At Being Newlyweds?
Went Dean Angler, Helen Key, and Jared haven An iHeartRadio podcast.
Hey, welcome to another episode of Help We Suck At Being Newlyweds. I'm Jared joined via zoom Helen and Dean of course, who are together. It's like the first time you guys were together in the podcast in a while. I feel like, but that's because Dean, you're literally climbing melons.
We were supposed to be here last week, but I was gone for the day. We were together the week before that, we know we weren't. That was Rob Thomas. That was like July fourth.
Oh god, what a man? What a man?
What a man? What a man?
What a man? Bro Yeah, it's always good to listen to that episode.
Just quickly podcasting in the same room as this one here. I know they should go back and listen to the Rob Thomas episode. Though.
How great was that episode?
When are we in a podcast in the same room together again?
You think, dude, I don't know. I actually was talking to Kalen about that last week on the podcast because I just I feel like it's such a different banter, you know, when we're on the same room together. It sucks, But what are you going to do? You guys live in Vegas. I love in Rhode Island. You know, you guys are in LA more than me. But we should you know what iHeart and put it out there. You should just fly us all out on your dime. Put
us up in a nice hotel. We'll record, you know, a few episodes together, really, just you know, laugh, joke, get some good content and then you know, fly us first class back.
Yeah that's perfect.
Yeah, at least us for shorter flight first class for us, aren't you guys moving back to LA. Didn't you say something about that? Right?
No? What the hell's matter with you?
Oh? Man? Maybe just wishfle thinking?
But yeah, I mean Ashley she's doing all right. I mean Rhode Island is Here's the thing. Rhode Island is so seasonal that right now is a good time to be in Rhode Island because summer it's like very beach town. Ashley loves being over there. So we really just got out of the storm that was January through really April. But she's doing all right, like we're in Virginia. God, I see you.
I'm so sorry, Helen.
Did you get mad? At his sneezes.
You know what, I've learned to accept it.
And his brother's wife, so our sister in law texted me and she's like, just so you know, this is genetic, and prepare for your kids to have a loud sneeze too, because their baby that's like a month old, she said, has the loudest knee she's.
Ever heard in her entire life. So I just have to make doo.
Ashley will not say God bless you if I sneeze too loudly.
What.
Yeah, She's like, that's annoying. She's like, you're doing it on purpose. And I said, no, I just when I sneeze, I'm getting it out, baby, And I'm not this. I mean, Caitlin, do you hold your sneezes in? I feel like a lot of girls do that, which is ridiculous.
No.
Actually, I think my sneezes have become louder since dating him, and sometimes they like irk me or scare me and hurt my ears, but especially my ears. Your sneezes and especially if we're in a car together, they hurt my ears. But no, I feel like they've gotten louder. I used to have quiet sneeze is another a little loud.
Good for you, you're coming out of your shell.
Yeah.
I can't imagine Klyn having a loud sneeze. It's like a little petite one. But Rhene Island's good. She's doing better in Virginia right now, visiting her family. It's also Dawson has just gotten so much better over the past few months. I will never understand anybody who says that they're the baby, like the infant phase is their favorite phase. You crazy, because, don't get me wrong, babies are so cute.
Duson's so cute as a baby, and he's Keith and he's just he's literally just a blob laying there, which is adorable. But he is so much more fun now. I was just wrestling with him on the couch and he is laughing and he's engaging, and he's talking like he's not saying words, but he's like but that boa he's pointing, and I'm like, dude, I have no idea what you're saying right now. And he's wobbling while walking and trying to like put his hand on the table.
He looks like, you know, a drunk man at two in the morning trying to get home, and it's phenomenal sleeping through the night. Now he still requires so much attention. He's exhausting because you can't sit down with him, as every parent will tell you, you know, it's just like you don't sit down. But it's so much better now
than when he was. Oh my god. The idea of having a second kid, I don't know if I talked about on the podcast last week, but like, I think we're gonna start trying next month and I'm just dreading every second of it. I want more kids, don't get me wrong, but like, holy crap. The idea of getting back into that phase of just like Ashley being pregnant and sick, and then you know, the baby comes and then we're just up every three hours from what Dawson
was a year over a year not sleeping. So hopefully that doesn't happen again, but just like doing that all over again while also having an infant and then trying to run Audrey's is just gonna and then keeping Ashley happy in Rhode Island. I'm like, holy, this is tell.
Us how you really feel? Keep going, keep going? What else you got?
Well, that's the main objective right now, is that trying to figure out we're obviously gonna have more kids. Because here's the thing. I was talking to other parents about this, and that we're all in the same page. I don't know why people don't talk about this. It's like, listen, the first year is just it's gonna be horrible. It's
gonna be bad. It's gonna be great because you love your kids, and you know, you see them start to grow, and they're here and everybody loves being around them, and they're just little babies and like the first time they smile or the first time they make eye contact or
say like a word, it's adorable and it's wonderful. But like, those are moments, you know, that make up probably like fifteen minutes of what ends up being three hundred and sixty five days of the year, you know, and the rest of the time, it's gonna be You're just you're gonna you just gotta breathe, gotta breathe, Remember to breathe.
You're alive. And then after the first year and then they start like becoming a little bit more independent, and Dawson like is sleeping through the night, and then it gets better and now they're kids and they get to play together and it's so much fun. But like, there's gonna be a year it's just gonna it's just gonna be bad.
Do you ever talk to Tanner about this stuff?
Yeah, it's just like he's you know, it's just terrible.
How many kids do they have now? They have like four?
Right, they have seventeen? They have three three. But it all happened like because it was three. I think they had three under three because they had Emmy, and then they were trying for Brooks for a little while and I think it took them like seven months, so not long in the grand scheme of things, but a little while and then read I mean, dude, I think she was pregnant like three months after she gave birth three to Brooks. Something wacky that it was just like fast,
and so they had three kids fast. And yeah, I just I just rough times, but wonderful times, but rough times.
I don't know how how you could do that.
I'm nervous for one, let alone, like be pregnant for three years almost.
Oh my gosh, are.
We just more selfish as a society now because now Ashley and I feel guilty?
Yeah, I just I don't know the thought of kids really freak me out.
And then multiple, multiple multiple.
Well, I mean you already take care of one kid.
It's just yeah, rude. It's funny because you were so pro children when we first met, and you.
Slow, Okay, that's because that's because I was what twenty three when I met you, Yeah, and I was like, I have so much life to live before I think about kids. Now I'm twenty eight and I still have a few years. But it's like it's a lot closer. Yeah, and I'm like, oh, actually, this could happen, and I'm a little freaked out by it.
Oh, I have to feel like you were more excited about kids when we first met, as what I'm saying.
And I said, that's because that was like so far in it, you know, years away, and now it's a lot closer.
I don't follow that logic, but because it's okay, I don't have to follow it because I.
Was a young kid who's like, eventually I'll have kids, and now I'm older and it could happen, and it freaks me out.
I see, do you not really still know?
I think parents they because like now I can tell someone else be like it's great having kids. You know, it really is like I come home and Dawson he goes thatad that and I'm like, all right, well that's you know, worth every night's rest. I never got over the past year that one moment of him just looking at me with the biggest s min that that that that So it's great, it's amazing, Like you will love it.
It's just like now Ashley and are getting into the phase of being like, all right, this is this is all great things now because we've always loved Dawson so much. That's the best part of having a baby, is that, like you experienced this love over time. Like we've talked
about the podcasts. When I first saw Dawson, you know, when he came out in the delivery room, you know, everybody's like, oh, you're gonna get this overwhelming sense of love that you for experience before, and it's gonna be euphloric and it's just gonna be unlike anything you felt. And I was like, guys, I'm not feeling that, Like obviously he's my son. It's a crazy moment, but like,
am I psychotic? And then now it's grown to a point where I would, oh yeah, I mean if I had other kids who would be a different story, but I'd probably kill myself with something happened to Dawson.
If someone came to your house right now and said, it's either you or the.
Baby, oh my god, shoot me seven times before you even look at Dawson. Nice, It's not even the thought would never even cross my mind.
It's a good dad right there.
Well, you guys will experience that, you know.
It's just like if someone said it's either Dean or the baby, I guess I'd probably dead.
I guess, are you insane? If you didn't tell me, I would I would judge you if you told me to kill Dawson.
I would want you to kill the baby.
I would be like, I would judge you so hard.
I don't want to die. No, thankfully, that's not a choice.
Obviously, this is this is the most horrible conversation we could possibly ever have on this podcast. But if someone came in and was, God, I feel so bad saying this, But someone was like, it's either Dawson or Lois. I love Lois so much she's I won't even care. I'd like that. I can't believe you even think that there's a comparison there, you know. And it's but I think about before I had Dawson, about the love I have for Lowes and still have for Lois. But it's just
so much different now than it was prior. And I know every parent tells you that, but to actually experience it and be like, I love my dog so much, but if that dog even looks at like there's been times when Lois, like you know, has a little moment Dawson, and it's like Lois, I will not hesitate to like put you outside. Now if you even think about hurting Dawson.
I thought you're gonna say Ashley or Dawson, not the dog.
That's you know, that's a that's a tough But of course the same thing like if Ashley and I were ever in peril, I think both of us would say, you make sure Dawson is protected before anything with us.
Yeah, but you guys, if you guys still have each other, you could just make a new one.
That's true. That's true. I mean I could look a Dawson be like, bro, we could just create another.
One your version one point. Oh dude, we got plenty more chances. No, I'm just kidding. It is It's probably weird to put yourself on that hypotheticals because it's like human nature to kind of think about. But obviously you never want to be in those city situations.
Oh my god.
Yeah.
I mean, do you guys ever think about, like when you're laying in bed home invasion?
Oh?
All the time? No, all the time.
I don't really think about that.
Yeah.
Oh yeah, you know where the gun is?
You don't know how to use it? I need to go to a shooting range.
You sure do.
Yeah.
I don't really love having a gun in the house, but it's Steen's gun to protect himself in the van, right, That's what I got it for.
Yeah, and you know where it is, you don't, you know, just don't shoot yourself.
My grandpa was the firearms instructor for the FBI, So I feel like I've got some good good shots in me.
Yeah, damn. So where are you guys in the world right now? You both in Colorado?
We're both in Colorado.
We're in Denver until tomorrow, head to la and then back to Vegas.
Yeah. Caitlin's got a bachelorette party to go to this weekend.
Dean's got a golf tournament. To go to this weekend.
Why do you say it like that as if I'm.
Mike Kellis, Well we both got things in La.
Yeah, but you said it as like a retort to what I was saying, as if.
It felt like it. Well, I'm not the only one going.
To La for Oh what I'm just saying? You got a fun bachelorrett party to go to this weekend?
Yeah, Catalina. Never been to Catalina, have you, guys?
No, just the wine mixer, Yeah, just the wine just in Catalina line mixer. Yeah. No, that'll be fun. You should have a good time.
Yeah, it'll be It'll be a good time. And Catalina looks beautiful. So and it's going to be hot this weekend.
It's going to be in like the upper nineties in La, which is crazy.
Uh, Dean, how is your mountain climbing going before the wedding? Are you on pace?
Uh? It's good man. Yeah, I'm actually had a schedule which is really nice. But I am taking the next five days off, so that'll probably put me like right at or behind schedule. But then I'm taking the next days on eight days on, so that'll put me ahead of schedule. But then I'm going to take a couple of days off so i'll be behind all right. Yeah, it's going well. I just did the hardest one I've
done yet, which is like this traverse. There's four great traverses they call it, and I did the first one three days ago and it was good. It was a little scary at times. I finally turned my satellite phone on so I can text Kylen basically all the time, and we were actually just talking about that because she's very stressed out about me going on these journeys by myself.
So I was like, well, we have this phone now and it's twenty cents a message, and she'll send me one word messages and I'm like, Kaylen, you need to put everything into one message because every message costs me twenty cents.
Okay, because that's how I text, I text like you know little. I feel like some people text in full paragraphs. They get all their thoughts on a full paragraph, and then people just like send consecutive messages. And I'm trying to teach myself. I've been texting since I was what fifteen, how to text differently.
Now she'd be like, shoot, that's okay, how's your day? Going all in different messages. I'm like, Kyl, these are twenty cents of peace right now, but I'm all on the same message.
Yeah, Caitlin, you're the sweetest, but my god, text texters like you or just the absolute worst. Because, for example, when I'm on the podcast, my mom will text me and it's like ding ding ding ding, and I'm like, someone better have just died if I'm getting five text messages in a row. But of course it's not. She goes, Oh, okay, love you do you need dinner? We have leftovers? Oh my god, please, for the love of God, I'm doing something.
I have friends who are those texters, and I'm definitely not that one. But you know, if I spell a word wrong, I'll like, I'll type it and I'm like, oh, I guess I don't really need to waste you know, correcting my bad grammar or my mistake on you know, if it's costing you twenty cents of the message.
Yeah, yeah, so that anyways, But that's good for us because Caylin's been stressed out about me being up there, so it's nice to be able to stay in contact at all times.
Yeah, well you said it was you said the last one was a little scary. What is your definition of scary when climbing a mountain?
Well, yeah, it's a really good question.
Which are the photo.
Well, like I said, it's considered one of the great traverses in Colorado. There's four of them, so it's it really only gets up to class four. But like you know, you're scaling the wall basically Tom cruise the intro of Mission Impossible three or whatever it is, and you're doing that two.
But I digress.
Oh my apologies. It's basically like that kind of stuff where like you're a lot of exposure, which means like if you fall, you're not just falling a couple of feet, You're like falling down a mountain.
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So when you say you, because I guess I always envisioned when you said you're climbing these things, especially from your Instagram it's like a hike almost.
Yeah, well there's fifty eight of them and like forty five are hikes, but then there's like ten of them that are like actual climbs. And Caitlyn was just talking to me yesterday because now she's motivated to maybe doing with me, and she was like, well, let's do one of these ones. I was like, no, I've already done all the easy ones. The hard ones are now. Like I was doing the easy ones to get ready for
the hard ones essentially. But yeah, so there's just like some climbing and like exposure and you know, being up there by myself isn't necessarily the most fun thing in the world. The satellite onone helps me feel.
More the safest because of something happens, at least if you're someone with someone.
Yeah, I was. I was going across this traverse and I went to go put my foot down on this rock and rock like slipped out. I fell straight onto my back and I got stabbed in the back by a rock. And I got so lucky because it's like it's like maybe two inches to the right of my spine. But I was wondering, like if it landed on my spine I probably could have really hurt myself. But now I just got like this big g narley mark.
How far did you fall?
Just like I was just like like doing a big step and the rock like slipped out from under me, and then I fell onto another rock like that kind of thing. So it wasn't like I fell off a cliff or something like that. But I'm just saying, like, you know, two more inches to the left that could have rendered me a little bit more helpless.
I guess, yeah, you would have been rolling down the aisle.
Yeah, But I'd like to deal with people. It's just it's hard to find hiking partners. People a volunteer and I have some friends that are planning to meet me on certain ones, but like fifty eight mountains is so many, so many things to plan a climbing partner for. And people get angry at me on Instagram for hiking with girls because they think it's unfair of me to do. But it's it's foot.
I'd rather him be safe that like, I don't know, I'd feel more comfortable when he's with another person. And it's so stupid he does have people like coming after him on Instagram like this is so disrespectful, and it's like, it's not disrespectful.
They bring you up, Jared. They're like, Jared would never do this to Ashley Wells would never do it, to say, Bed would never do I swear to God, they're all with my dms, Jared Wells and Ben would never do this to their wives.
Should I go on a hike with a girl and post about it, like, oh, Jared did it?
That would be pretty funny. Uh, yeah, No, I don't know. It's it's going good though. The mountain climbing thing. I'm losing some weight, the big the red well, not the big reason, but one of the big reasons I wanted to do this was because I wanted to look a little slimmer and a little sexier for the wedding. And I got to say, it's working pretty well.
It's going Tean Well Dean posted his first shirtless selfie in five years.
Yeah, I posted a shirtless selfie on my Instagram story. That's how you know what's going on?
Well, how did I miss that?
Yeah, you missed out. It's going good. I like still feel like I've got a long way to go to be in shape. And I just put down a whole medium Domino's pizza last night. So feeling a little bloated right now, but oh you fun, it does. It does feel good. And I'm not drinking as much booze. I maybe drink like twice a month now. I used to drink a little bit more than that. So uh yeah, So it's going good from a fitness perspective, although I still get really tired really fast. I'm still old, fat
and slow. But I've been sleeping up on some of the summits lately and that's been pretty fun.
So I like, Hi, can that help you acclimate too?
It helps? So the nice thing about that is it does help you. I'm already acclimated, I guess. But your body works a lot harder at higher elevations, like when I was in Pakistan and we were about fifteen thousand feet the entire time, your body is like working harder to maintain itself, so you're burning more calories from just literally doing nothing, And so sleeping on the summits of these mountains is like good for my fitness, you know, like it makes me burn more fat, I think.
Yeah, I mean these videos are pretty spectacular. Holy shit, I was looking at the one where you high five. Uh, what looks like a girl on girl?
It's a girl and feel free to slide into the comment.
I don't see anything, which is very sad. Its almost in your DMS.
You can restrict comments so like they still see the comment and you still see it. But I don't care. It's my social media. I'm allowed to monitor it as I see fit.
Yeah, you can do what the hell you want.
It was really when this person has said something along the line. Then they were going hamp and it was a fake account. They just made it and had one follower, like that kind of thing. They said something like Diana has a checkered history with infidelity, and that's when I drop. That's when I drew the line. I was like, okay, sure, yeah, I've cheated on an X before, but that's like a
completely different person. I am now so f off. You're restricted, yeah, restricted, restricted, And then I and then I requested to follow that on Instagram and I don't think that they were accepted any posts.
They have any posts up.
There, They had no posts or anything. I just want to get to know this person better. You know, it was a burner account. They probably don't know me in real life, but maybe they do. Yeah, I was just interested to maybe get to know this person better, not from like a hostile standpoint, just out of curiosity.
I used to go back and forth with a hater online, but it wasn't it was like I never knew who it was, but she would say some funny things. I can't remember exactly what it was, pretty much just like she first commented on my appearance and just like saying that, like I don't know, something that was ugly or something like that. But then we'd go back and forth and I would be like, thank you for the fall. You're
one of my faves. And then she would always just like respond to my stories and just hate on me, but in kind of like a playful way, and honestly we formed some kind of friendship throughout the years. I haven't talked to her in a while, though, Ah.
Sad well in the hater Train, Jeane sits something really nice two podcasts ago about being in love with me and stuff, and the people that always comment on the videos of the podcast videos were silent. They didn't say one freaking word, and I'm like, come on, you have.
To just it's okay. But I like it I'm a punching bag. I can take the punches, andy feet into it. I'm happy to do it. Punch me on you, troll them back, punch me right now.
Oh my gosh.
Uh yeah, it's just it's it's okay, It's okay.
You you know what I mean. It's so much more dominated by positive things. Who cares if people aren't hating on you, you're obviously doing not doing something right, Like you don't want to be universally loved, because that means you're just either a boring or to not being authentic to yourself. Because there are so many things that I post about that people are like, this is this is the stupidest shit I've ever seen. Like it is, I love it.
But I love it. Your mustache, I piece it together. It's kind of looks like Tom Sandoval. Ah. But I mean, I don't mean that negatively at all, but DC, I do. You're like a sexier version of Tom sand the Wall.
But Tom just has the mustached doesn't sure that's true?
Got it? And he is the one who's in all the hot water.
Yeah he is. But this works for you. This look works, doesn't Your hair is coming in a little thicker on the cheeks too than it normally does.
Dude, you know what it is? So the barber, the barber that I go to. I swear to God, if you're single and you're a dude, you need to go to a barber. You don't go with all due respect, all like the hair salons and everything good out there. Maybe you have a great hairdresser. My point being is that, well, like, dude, I start going to a barber I don't know, a year and a half ago. His name is Caleb. I just feel I'm like, dude. I mean not that anything
would change. I would end up with Actuley and be happily in love and everything worked out, but I was like, I wish I had this one on a single because like the way he lines up. All he does is line up my beard and it's fuller.
I see you swear to guy barbershops secret secret weapon for the single guys out there.
Dude, I'm not joking. I think every person out there, if you're single right there, if you're a guy and you're looking to like clean up your face, clean up your hair a little bit, like look a little bit more put together, go to a barber because they're just gonna literally he just lines me up. I look, I leave there with a fuller beard. I swear to God, he ads fair. He adds hair to my face.
Good to know. On that note, you guys, I think it's time for us to say goodbye, right Jared, do you want to bring us out of here?
Of course? Kaylin, Dean, you're wonderful. Good luck with your travels to La Kaylen, have fun.
Dean.
I hope you shoot under an eighty and make sure everybody listening. Thank you so much for listening. Make sure you guys tune in later this week. We have a special episode dropping Thursday, I believe, and then make sure you tune in next week to help we suck at being newlyweds because hopefully, you know, let's change up. There's nothing wrong with sucking, guys, Hopefully we suck a little bit more. Thanks for listening.
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