Aloha Annaliese!

a while. We'll fill us in. Why has it been so long? What have you been doing? Analys What have you been up to? I feel like we have. Like you said, it's been forever, So what's been going on in your life? Give us an update? Like we haven't talked him favorite, Well, if you haven't heard, there's a quarantine going on each other. That's that's a good way. That's a good way to put it. Let's say like aliens came to Earth and they have no idea what's going on, and you have to describe you're to them

to kind of fill them out what's going on? So what's analysis been like? It started out really great and I think probably like many of us, were super excited about twenty right, We're all like vision, It's going to be so amazing, and then proof, Um, you know, I felt really guilty a lot of times during this year because I was like, my year has been pretty great, and then I think I just had like streams like a lot of us too, it was like I don't know how the world's doing, but I'm doing pretty good.

I felt really I felt really bad because people would be like, how are you. I'm like, I'm living in how I went on a road trip like life was pretty good, and then all of a sudden, like my hit that that like bang that everyone else had been going through and just had been feeling it to front times during this whole year, right, like we've all gone through our extreme highs and lows. So when did I When did I see you? Was it earlier this year?

Was it last year? I think I saw you guys for it was right around Was it Valentine's Day last year? Or was it or this year? I think it might have been Valentine's Day this year. That's insane to think that we were in a crowded auditorium just in February. Yeah, we're yeah, we did, but right, yeah it was it was almost famous live podcast. Uh. And it was in front of like three people and you were there. Uh. Jed was there to do a musical performance. Interesting choice,

but I actually quite enjoyed Jed. He was quite nice. Uh. And yeah, to think that that was in February. So that was the last time I saw you. And the fact that we were in a room with four other people is insane. Actually, I saw you guys a lot at the beginning of the year. And then this is making me sad too, because I was like, oh, I usually see Dean pewbl Beach at the program. That won't be happening. But he's not golfing though, because if you got the pebble Beach, he'd shoot at least a one

oh five. I don't know. I've been playing pretty good lately. I joined the country club. I gotta play golf whenever I want. For country club, Yeah, you should join. Actually, I got a good referral bonus if you joined. Where's the country club. It's called Bramar Country Club. It's just like it's like Tarzana Ah that's the most anti Dean thing I've ever heard. You joined on. Let me get this straight. In the past month, you've put a lease in a place in Los Angeles, and you've bought a

place in Nevada. You've joined a country club. Who the hell are you? I know, Calin's really domesticated me. It's kind of embarrassing to be to be totally honest, but that's not the topic of conversation. Here. Join the country club. I'll show you how much, how how capable I am of handling you at Pebble Beach if it comes to that, But analyze. So You're right, we do normally see a lot of each other in that Pebble Beach. I've got a question for you. I think did I see something

that you moved to Hawaii? Is that where you are right now? I am. I had to close on my windows because the sun is coming up right now and the birds go crazy, so kind of like your dog's Jared, the birds would be echoing in the Dude, I don't know what the hell is going on outside this door. But like I just texted Ashley, I was like, what the hell is going on? Is the mailman? Like antagonizing

the dogs right outside the window. They're losing it. For the record, Jared, every single week, it seems like you have no idea what's going on with them, because they definitely are just a rambunctious couple of pups. Well, Lois is quite adorable, but she's also quite unpredictable. Well, it's it's funny because you're on East Coast time, which is twelve noon when we started this, I'm on West Coast time nine am, and analyze, it's got to be six

am over there it's seven. Luckily they don't. They don't savings, oh my gosh. But still, I mean, that's even getting up for a nine am. I was like, oh my gosh, what time you usually wake up? Antaly's I keep all of my windows and so I rise with the sun. It's pretty great, I would say, I get up. I get six thirty probably every day, just naturally six. So all right, well let's let's ask the question. At least you we have to know about your relationship status, because

obviously bachelor help my second dating. So are you dating someone right now? I'm not. That was kind of when I moved to Hawaii. To be honest, I was with my X and we signed a six month lease to move to Hawaii together, and he broke up with me two days before moving, and so I in our house for two weeks by myself. It was like the most beautiful difficult I don't even know it was the It was intense two weeks. I had like no TV, no distractions. I took a break from social media, and I just

was like in it. I like read five books, I started therapy again. I did all the things. And then I got out of quarantining in that house. I got my own place, I bought a car, um and then he moved here less than a month later with his new girlfriend. Me. What yeah, so that is my quarantine love story. All right? Hold on, how long were you guys dating before you decided, hey, let's move to Hawaii. So we met actually the weekend that I was with

you guys. I met him in February, um, and then it was just like a very We just hit it off instantly. We like skied in Tahoe. We met in Tahoe, but he was living in San Francisco too, and so we like we're able to see each other a ton. And then obviously because of like San Francisco kind of shutting down. All the big cities are sort of doing that. He moved in with me, so we lived in Tahoe together.

We like we went on at a big road trip and um, we spent a lot of time with his family and my family, and then we were like, what are we gonna do because being are not going to be opening back up in San Francisco for a while. So we were like, where can we do all of the things still and just be outside And he chose why, Um, but yeah, I'm in the same same little town as him. Because our initial plan was to get here and like

work on things. It was just to like take a step back because we were like we really were that relationship where I think a lot of people can relate where it's like you met and then it was like, Okay, well do you want to be alone? No, so like let's just move in together and just be together all the time. So we were like, maybe we just need to slow things down and like take a step back.

So that was the plan. The plan was like he would still have the place, I would get my own place, maybe like do some couples therapy, like date like you know, not just be like living together immediately, but date, and so that was that kind of went out the window when he brought his new girlfriend. That's so crazy to me that he brought his new girl for it. Yeah. Yeah, Like two days after we broke up, he was like

posting pictures with her already. I was like, cool, have you have you confronted him about it at all or like like almost daily and he has yet to say one word to me, But what the hell is going on? Hold on, so you're telling me that you guys dated med in February. It was a pretty intense relationship obviously because during quarantine, you moved in together. Then you guys decided, hey, let's move to Hawaii together. But you were getting two

separate places but moving to the same town in Hawaii. No, you're only were getting one place. But then when he broke up with me, it was like it was like a week long breakup of like, Okay, do we really want this? Maybe we don't, and so it was like maybe we just need to take a step back. So so it was like, but during that two weeks we were broken up, and then during that I guess twenty four hours after we broke up, though, he was like

onto the next so overlap. I have no idea what was going on there, but I feel like, because I need to figure you this out. So so then after you guys broke up, You're like, okay, you you still decided I'm going to still move to Hawaii. And he was like, I'm still going to move to Hawaii as well. He was a little bit more iffy. He wasn't sure, and I wasn't sure how long I was going to

do it for. I had had a bunch of stuff already sent here, and so I was like, you know what, I'm just gonna go and like do me like this is still my just as much my experience, and I'm like it's a great place to heal and I do know some people here, and so I was like, I'm just gonna go, and maybe I'll only stay for two weeks. Maybe I quarantined in the house for two weeks, pack up my stuff, and I fly back to San Francisco.

Um So that was like a total possibility. But then I got out of it and I was like, you know what, no, Like he doesn't win this this experience, Like I can move to Hawaii to I've moved to different countries and other skates and like I've done alone time, I'm I can do it, and I was like thriving. I Um yeah, I just felt like a total badass. To be honest, those two weeks, I was like I started writing a book. I just was. I was like, maybe this is what maybe this whole experience was meant

to bring me here. This sounds like the story from Forgetting Sarah Marshall, where like they break up a hundred and I rewatched that movie and I was like, this is my life. You are Jason Siegel, which means that whoever this girl is, that that's dude is dating as Russell Brand. And I don't like this. So I'm confused, Like how he thought it was okay for him to

move into the same town again. Wouldn't he be like, all right, if I'm gonna go to Hawaii, First of all, why would I go to Hawaii when my ex girlfriend is already going to go there. And I'm gonna go to Hawaii with my new girlfriend and not only to Hawaii, but the same town that I know my ex girlfriend is now in. Yeah, that's wrong with this guy. We may never know. Well, I'm sorry, they have to go through that. And you see him daily, you say, I mean, yeah,

pretty frequently. It's a small town. So I see him at the grocery store, walking on the beach, surfing, like, and he even acknowledge existence. Nope, well you can do much better than this guy. I'll tell you that. Oh. I mean that's the thing. Like, it's definitely been difficult because he was like my my person during all this, like he was my safety neck. He was the person I felt the most comfortable with. We got, you know, like six and a half months together during quarantine. Living

with just one person, that's like two years. That's like we spent a month with my family, a month with his family. I mean you're like you're in it twenty four hours a day. So we got to know each other really well. So I think the hardest thing for me right now is just like the I do miss like my my like buddy, like my best friend that I had for six months that we did all the fun things. But now I'm I'm like I can still It's the same thing with coming to my It's like

I can still do all those things. Like I don't need him. I don't need a man so that's where I'm like, I'm surfing, I'm golfing, I'm joining your country club to d and say so in ways that all things considered then have you like obviously with with COVID and stuff, it makes a little bit more difficult. But what is the dating scene as a as a newly single woman out and how I've been like, um, it's not easy, but I'm definitely dating. Like it's a weird.

It's very strange to be dating during COVID. Um, I don't know. I feel like people here it's like such a community, such a small community. That's one of the things I'm super grateful for. But people really like rally around to especially in my situation, a lot of people know and they're just like as soon as there's some single guy that they know that is an eligible bachelor,

they're like, hey, let me let me introduce you. So, I mean, the dates here are a lot of just like let's go hike a waterfall and um, or let's go surfing together or something like that. So their chill I've had Like it's a small island though too, so there's numerous conversations that I've already had to have where I'm just like, I don't I don't want to have

like a reputation. I don't want to be like dating everyone, so like I just want to be friends with you and like if it develops into something down the road whatever, but like just friends. Now this sounds like Bachelor in Paradise. No, I mean, I do feel like my boundaries. I don't know if it's like coming off of a breakup or

if it's like again being on a small island. Maybe it's a good thing, but there's definitely I have much stronger boundaries that I'm putting up and just like being a lot more open um about like where I'm at and like what my expectations are in relationships. So I've been super super upfront with everyone that I've met because

I don't want to lead anyone on. That's the other thing I think in this, Like during all of this, it's super easy to just be like, oh I am lonely, and that's like the wrong reason to ever be with anyone. So um, I need to just be good on my own and like have If there's somebody that really sparks my interest, great, but there just hasn't been anyone that I'm like, oh, I kind of want to make out

with you. I feel like dating in Hawaii has to be similar to dating from like a mountain town where I grew up, and it's just like it's so small that everyone kind of like knows each other. Uh. Single people don't stay single along and like if they do, you like they're probably single for a reason sort of thing. I don't know. It's just it's tricky because it's like

everyone kind of knows each other. Uh, and then the second someone gets single, it's like, okay, uh, We're like then they're like off the market just as quick because they were on it, and you just don't have quite as much like options, I guess, you know, so you have to be you have just play things a little bit differently. It's just everyone says here, they're like you gotta get them fresh off the plane, and I'm like, maybe from an uber driver, just like from the airport.

So that right, how are you in town for? All? Right? Well, analyze, we have to take a quick break. But I do kind of want to play a game with you. Have you have you been watching Bachelorette? Haven't you haven't? No, never mind, we're not playing the game. Then I was

gonna say who. I was gonna see who you wanted to see down in Paradise, because if you're single and you go back to Bachelor in Paradise, which I've already announced is going to happen again in one, I'm interested to see who you analyse would like to see down in that island. And I was gonna play a game with you with this season, but darn it, never mind. Then I said, we played anyways and just based off the names. All right, cool, are you down to play analyze?

I know that there's I think there's two three guys maybe that I people have been like you should date this person, but all right, well, don't say their names right now. We'll tell we'll tell you. We're gonna tell suck Army what the three names are the analyes of the three names that guys that anally should date down in Bachelor in Paradise right after we take a quick break. All right, welcome back to help I suck at dating myself.

I'm jared by the way, Dean we have analyze of course you know her from our season of The Bachelor and Bachelor in Paradise. Uh, and analyze before we took a break with tease that there were three guys. A lot of people have been commenting to you that you should be uh keeping an eye out in case you walk down those faithful stairs and bachelor and Paradise again. Can you tell us who the three guys are? Okay, so I don't know their names. I was literally just

gonna google it. But Dean I started this just made me think of you a little bit, um because I feel like you were on a similar trajectory. You were like never going on Paradise again. You were living in a van. I was like living in a trailer for a good portion of this summer. I'm like never going on Paradise again. And now you guys are asking me about her days. Well, I mean he followed the path

to success. I walked so you could run analyis. Yeah, Well, I mean it feels like the farthest thing from anything I would want to do right now? Um, okay, wait, should I just google? I don't even know the names of any of the of the guys on this season? Well how about this? How about how about jaredald say the name that he thinks and then explain the guy and why he thinks. You guys would be good for each other. That's what I think we should do. So this is just this is gonna be really Jared, We're

relying pretty heavily on you here, all right. Well, the first guy, obviously, he was a big name on this season. Uh. He fell in love with Asia. She let him go, but then he came back. But then, of course, ultimately it shows somebody else. I'm talking about Ben Smith. Now do you know who Ben Smith is? Annaly's Um, yes, they do, alright, perfect, very good looking, great body. He also at one point during the season stripped Nate Kid

in front of Tasta, just so his vulnerability. Interesting choice, but I think uh a lot of women out there enjoyed it. Uh. So he is from Indianapolis, so kind of far, but you know, long distance relationships can work. I'm sure he'd be very open to moving to Hawaii. He's a coach at Deuce Jim Deuce. Interesting choice, uh for the name of Jim, but I like it. Uh. And he's one of the Bachelor's who Uh he went

on Claire season. Uh. And he was a part of the recasting apparently after so he was not a part of the original cast. I didn't know that that's insane. Uh. And then COVID hit and then there was like this six month delay and then they cast it into beyond Clais. He's a pretty interesting so judging by his picture, how old is he? Ben is? He's twenty nine years old. He lives in Venice right now, but he's from Indianapolis. He's an army vet. Uh. He works at a gym

fitness guy. What do you think, Um, I would go on a date with him. I don't know if I'd go on a date with him in Paradise, but I'm gonna do. I mean, I would go on a date with him. He's very good looking and charming. I'm not gonna lie. Um. Yeah, he I actually have seen you know, when you go to the homepage on Instagram or the search or whatever and you can see people, it always pops up with everything. So that's the only way that I'm aware of things going on on on Bachelor at

this season. But I've seen him pop up, all right. The next guy that I want to talk about. His name is Bennett. Bennett. Jordan's Annalys. Have you heard about Bennett. Yeah, he's gonna be a hard pass through me, but let me give you the bio is so Bennett, of course is a gentleman of Harvard. Uh, something that I strive to be. He's thirty seven, so a little you know, mature. He's from Atlanta. I don't know if he lives there right now. I think he lives in New York. Uh.

And again he was one of the recasting guys. Uh. He wasn't originally on the show, got recascid after COVID. He's an interesting human being, very Uh. How how the hell do you even explained Bennett? Just like such a caricature of what a gentleman of Harvard would be. But that's just like who he actually is. So we're gonna go hard pass with Bennett. Somebody wrote on my like

a comment, so they said you should date Bennett. Uh. I could see you guys in the Hampton's eating lobster together, and I was like, m I don't really think that that's my vibe at the moment. It's more like walking a mile with no shoes on and not brushing my hair for a week vibe. I don't know if Bennett would be into it. Is that your perfect date? Like if you had to explain your perfect first date? What

would it be. I mean right now, it would be probably like surfing and then getting fish tacos afterwards, or yeah, that sounds like an incredible first day and then getting fish taco is afterwards. Anything involved in fish tacle is maybe a cocktail, some water activity I'm in Yeah, maybe like a like by the beach. I'd like to point out to that Becky, one of the producers on our podcast,

found her boyfriend through this podcast. So maybe someone on this unnamed, unnamed island in Hawaii is listening to this and being do you want to hear speaking of astrology my horoscope this morning? I was like, maybe I am meeting him on on help. I stuck at dating today. What did it say? It says a new person could come into your life who's powerful, magnetic magnetic charisma you find captivating, but be careful it doesn't distract you from what you need to get done. There's a lot more,

but but that was what it started with. So who is powerful and has magnetic charisma? Baby Bennett would definitely not deaner myself, No, absolutely not, and always have a question for you. Actually that I think is very pertinent to this conversation. So you've dated both people from you know, after your experience both people from Vachelination and people that are not from Vachelination, do you have a preference of one or the other. I mean, people are people at

the end of the day. I gotta I have to feel like for me, I would hope that people would give me a chance. My experience though, is that it is not easy dating people who have not been on The Bachelor after having been on it. That makes sense, Like you're saying, you're saying it's easier, but I'm sorry, not as easy. It's not easy. Like I do think that that was a huge um. I think it's exciting

and then scary. Maybe if somebody was like an influencer or something too, they kind of understand the the like hype around it sometimes. But I think I think it's fun in the beginning. Like I think the guys that I've dated are like, oh my god, you got recognized, Like that was kind of cool. They maybe don't say that, but you can like sense that from their vibe. And then after you're like a couple of months in and you're you want to post a picture or something like that,

and there's like, like, for instance, my ex um. I remember when I posted pictures of him, like all of a sudden, it was like, I think it just became a little too overwhelming. It was like, well, this is a lot you know, Oh totally, I can completely understand. We talked about this with a lot of previous cast members and how it just adds another layer of pressure to the relationship that isn't there unless you've been on Bachelor, because everybody knows you from dating on television, so they're

gonna talk about your relationships. They're gonna talk about your ex is, They're going to talk about who they think you should be with, or it's just like this weird dynamic. And even like you said, if you want to post a picture of a new relationship, it's not just you

posting a picture of your boyfriend. It's posting a picture of someone that people are going to comment and judge and and think that you are in like this really deep, loving relationship when maybe it's just a good relationship and you don't know where it's going. But so you have to keep it private on Instagram and then overthink things and it just complicates everything. It's weird. Yeah, Well, and then it's also just like family and friends and things

like that, like with my ax. I remember when I when I first posted like the night that I met him, we um went it was a drunk night, but we went into his hot tub and I posted not of him just walking down the steps to his hot tub. And his friends, I guess followed me on the East Coast, who like I didn't know, but they followed me and they messaged him and we're like, oh my god, are you hanging out with me? An at least right now? And so then like they had opinions about me because

they had watched me on the show. So like his girls, his friends that were girls were like, oh man, she's this bad and the other thing. And it's just stuper unfair because it's like, I mean, luckily to know me and liked me, but it's um it also puts that target on your back, like, oh is she gonna just want this? Like is you know? Like what are like? I get a lot of times like what are your motives? Or things like that. I'm like, what are you? Like? Why do I have motives? You know? Like I'm just

a person who wants to date somebody. And if I have a connection with you, I have a connection with you, but um, people bring your character from TV into who you are in real life. Also, I like to always point out we're all about to grow and change constantly, and that's actually a great thing. We should all be growing and changing. So I am not the person I was a year ago, let alone three years ago. So

I am changing and evolving daily. And yeah, I like, you're not even the same person that you were when you started this podcast. No, oh my god, growing and evolving second by second. No, but that does frustrate me a lot when people are like, yeah, but you were this person and I'm like, yeah, and you know, like you said, we're all we're all changing and growing. If we're not changing and we're not rown, then something is wrong.

But I totally agree. I remember going on dates like after the show and people would come up and I'd be with, you know, a girl on a date, and then like girls would come up and asked me about Ashley and Caitlin and I was like, this is freaking awkward. Uh So totally get where you're coming. All right, one last guy and then we're gonna move on. I'm gonna ask you about a guy who is easy on the eyes. He's thirty. He's a Massachusetts guy. He's a local for me,

you know, I love my New England boys. His name is Brendan Morris. Brandon. Uh is known for wearing his turtlenecks on the show Very Nice Man Again. He was recasted after the pandemic Great Choice thirty years old. Massachusetts guy loves turtlenecks, so analyzes. Could you see yourself dating a guy who loves turtlenecks even though you're looking white? Um? He could just get what are they called? Like are they dick what are those things? But you know, just

like the half turtleneck. It's just the turtleneck with like the neck and you put it under like another sweater or it's like a collar, but it doesn't it's not a full shirt. Is that for like cold weather? No, it's just like I think back in the eighties people would do it a lot, like they have like a yeah, a dickie, I think is what it's called. I'm gonna google a dickie and if something bad comes up, I'm blaming you. Uh yeah, he could just like rock board

shorts and and a little turtleneck dickie. Um, sounds so bad. Uh. Yeah, he was one of the top guys, right what you're talking He was third. I think he's cute. He seems nice. Alright, cool, alright, perfect, So we got it. We got two out of three dates for you, you know, paradise, real life, wherever happens. At least we got two out of three. We're hitting sixty. By the way. I also just googled turtleneck dickie, and that's exactly what came up. I've never seen this in

my life. It's like a cowl. It's like the Batman cowl that goes over your neck and then you tuck it under your shirt. Why wouldn't you just buy a turtleneck? What's the point of this um layering? I don't know, if you have like a blade. Well, yeah, I feel like it was like back in the day when you wear like a turtleneck within like a sweatshirt on top. Like in the eighties, people would do stuff like like that. You know, the eighties. God, what a great decade. At

least I've got a question. Oh that is so interesting. I just googled it too. It's it's funny, uh of all of the because even on Paradise twice, right, correct me if I'm wrong. Yes, Is there anyone that you maybe wish that you got to know better? While we're on the topic of dating Bachelor contestants, is there anyone that you maybe didn't give enough of a chance to that you later regretted. No, Remember when you and Kenny, when you're in Kenny we're an item. I thought that

was so great. I love Kenny. He's fantastic. And obviously he left because he had to get back to his daughter, I think is what it was. But that was just that was a pairing that I didn't expect. But the second I saw it, I was like, that's great. Any more of this. I'm sad that didn't happen, that that did become a bigger thing, you know. I mean, he's in a serious relationship now, so I feel like it

was not meant to be for us. Um. But the thing that I do love about Paradise and hate about I'm like being reminded now of like getting back into the dating world. Paradise is one of those things where you like, we really get to know everyone on such a different level, and so you give people a chance that maybe you normally wouldn't, like, for instance, our swipe culture. That's what's so hard about dating, especially like in COVID times, because you can't go out to like a bar and

and just meet somebody in person. Is it. Like people will message me and they'll be like, oh, I want to set you up with somebody, and they'll send me a picture and then you just instantly get a vibe sometimes from a picture and you're like no, But if you actually meet the person and get to know them, if you're like, oh, they're into the same things as I am, Like we just have really great banter. Um, you don't know those things unless you're like face to

face with somebody. And in Paradise, that's one of the things that I like is that you you maybe go in with your top picks, but until you actually like sit and have a conversation. Like Kenny was so so smart, and I remember him like reciting poetry that like he had memorized and um what moves. I remember there was one night, Well, you're like reciting poetry together. I was like,

this is pretty freaking cool. Uh So yeah, I mean, you don't know those things about people until you actually, Like he and I were friends, you know, and then and then it developed, and then I was like, I think it's just a friend's thing, but um, but it was nice to explore it and see if there was something there. You know. Do you have you ever recited poetry to Caitlin? Um? Yeah, probably such a dramatic pause. Yes, they answer that question, Jared is a resounding yes. What

was it? Well, I mean, let's be real, every time I speak it basically poetry obviously, how could I have possibly forgotten that poetry is Yeah, I mean sexy, it's I mean I've saying happy birthday for her before. That's kind of a poem in a sense. Uh uh yeah. What about you, Jake? Uh? Well, I think that there really is no you know, there really is no barrier to what a poem could be. Especially it just kind of bloils down to your willingness to recite it in

a way that is poetic. So yeah, I would say I would say that I've I've read poetry to her. What about you? Have you ever read poetry to? Actually? Well, I've written cards, like I've said before, whether it be Valentine's Day, birthdays, Chris Smiths, where I write, I guess rhyming poems to Ash. Uh. They're very you know, like third grade level, but it's really just the thought behind it. Sometimes I use a crayon just to really hammer home the inner child of the whole thing. Kind of creepy,

but you know, it works. Sometimes it's it's quite nice. But I gotta really get on Kenny's level, because Kenny just sounds way more uh seductive and uh and romantic than me writing a rhyming poem to Ash. I don't know why I didn't remember this, but when we were in Paradise, Kaitlin and I, when we were filming, I wrote her two poems for her birthday, And obviously we all know what happened at the end of the birthday.

But there were two poems. One of them was silly talking about I can't remember what it was, well, I can't remember, but it was inappropriate, so I'm not going to share it. And the other one was like a cute little poem and she read them and then it aired any of it, and I was very sad because I worked very hard on those poems. Well, I'm sure it's but it isn't the counts man. I'm sure she enjoyed it. Yeah, yeah, she it. I think at least

she claims to have. She had to enjoy it at least a little bit right right right, right right right well in at least the years in the rear view mirror. Uh, tell us what you have in store for yourself, what you're excited about, what you're leaving behind, And to stay on topic of dating, what someone might be able to do in to catch your attention moving forward. Oh man, I feel like I need to do some journaling today and these are some questions I need to be asking myself. Um,

let's see. Well, um, I'm I'm writing a book that's coming out in the beginning of the year. So um so that's definitely like very exciting. Congratulations. Yeah. And speaking Approachry, it's a book approetry. That's something that I got back into this year. Uh. I think lois for me, like for a romantic a partner. I'm really looking for somebody who uh like doesn't walks the walk and talks the talk, like especially in healing. I feel like that's been a

big thing for me recently. Is just uh, it's somebody who's willing to do the work on themselves. Is like a really big thing for me right now, because I feel like there's a lot of people who just are too afraid of like the demons that they're going to face if they go to therapy or or just sit in their thoughts, and so I think that that's going

to be somebody. I want somebody who's evolved in that way. Um. Interesting, that's a good explanation to find someone, because I find that a lot of people suffer from those demons not

willing to try to fix themselves. Yeah, it's um. I think it's been the downfall of a lot of and I'm not blaming I think this year or I've gotten back into therapy and I've done a lot of work on myself, and so I want somebody who matches me at that level and is not afraid to like to know that they've gone through difficult times and then face it and try to actually grow and become a better person.

So I want somebody who can meet me at that level and who, um is willing to work on things together too, because I find a lot of the relationships that I'm in like it comes to a close very abruptly, and I'm always like, this is it, This is not like how a relationship you don't just like end it. It's kind of like a you work on things or you know, and um, and I'm like, I want somebody who is willing to work on things. If there's a can we circle that for a second, because I've got

a question for you, and I agree. I think you definitely need to be not you specifically, but just everyone in general. Like you know, blanket, you need to be able to like self reflect, focus on the negatives and and kind of trying to turn them into positive and grow from them. In at least you seem to put your all unto relationships and you can never be faulted for that. Why do you feel because I feel like every time we have a conversation it's like the guy, uh,

you know, like this for like ended abruptly. This guy, So what do you think? Because I mean, and you're great. We obviously all know you're great, What do you think it is that you might be doing that might have these guys ending things so abruptly? Because I can't it's hard for me to imagine what it would be because obviously all I know you is as a friend, and you you are fantastic and I can't really ever imagine why guy would do these things. So I'm I'm just

curious what you think that might be. Um, I mean this has been like that's something that I've been really reflecting on myself because I almost, I almost can say every relationship that's ended, every serious relationship has been a you are perfect, you were the girl I'm gonna marry. I just can't now. So I've never had to take accountability for what my part of it is because it's always just been the guy saying like I don't know what's going on with me. There's just like I'm just

not ready. And so this last relationship was the first time where it was like, Okay, you know what, I cannot keep going around this cycle and this like track of this same the same ending. Um. I mean my relationship that ended before my this most current X, he broke up with me two days before we were supposed to go spend two weeks in France together. I'm like the two days two days before kind of thing, and it's just like gone overdone. I don't get a say

in it. Um. I think. I mean there's a lot that I've I've a lot of healing and learning that I've I've done on myself, um in the last couple of months in trying to figure those things out. And I think a lot of it has to do with my boundaries, my attachment style. Um, the I put I do put so much into relationships. I am somebody Like talking to my therapist, I was like, I've discovered I want an all encompassing relationship. I like that, I like being with my partner all the time, and um, not

a codependent. I mean, I think there's some codependency in every relationship, but um, not like an unhealthy codependent relationship. But I want somebody who is my best friend to like we do surf, we do golf, we do hike, we ski, like we do all of the things together. Yes, we have our own alone times and friends and things like that too. But um, in this last relationship when it ended, there was a lot of like it was a lot of questions at the end from him of

like I was almost thirty six. That I was like a couple of weeks before my birthday and so he was like, you're almost thirty six, Like what are you doing with your life? And like you know, um, yeah, I mean they were pretty crappy questions, but at the time it really did get me thinking of like who

I am, because I think that's a huge thing. I don't know if you guys feel this way, but since doing The Bachelor, and I think it was probably before then too, but I think the Bachelor only, like uh, intensified it for me because I don't think I've known who I was the last couple of years. I am who I am through the eyes of others, and so this was like the first time for me to step back and be like, wait, I'm like I am a

total badass. Like I don't know where along the wine I forgot that, Like when I was thirty, I went and did a solo trip through Europe for six months on my own. Like I've lived in other countries, Like I said before, I've done all sorts of cool things. Um, I've been through a lot and like where along the lines did I lose my confidence and like not in my worth. And so I've been working a lot on like reminding myself of who I am and my value

and what I bring to the table. And like I remember him saying to me, like what do you bring to the table? And now I'm like, oh, I bring a lot to the same Damn what what a dick? What an asshole thing to ask? That's crazy, But yeah, I mean it was a lot of my a lot of myself to him was about like what I'm doing professionally and um, which is like, listen, you're living in Hawaii right now, you know by you're doing just fine. Yeah,

I know you're kicking asks. You know. It's funny. I did a lot of self reflecting after the show too, and it's it's that's awesome because you are a badass and I'm glad you recognize it. So funny because when I did stuff for reflecting, I was like, man, I'm a complete mess and I really need to come to terms with this. It's so interesting to hear you say that you are who you are through the lens of others because I agree with you, especially when you like because I feel the same way and I did for

a long time. Uh. I think one of the one of the biggest things that I kind of like similar but slightly tangential at the same time, one of my biggest anxiety drivers after going on the TV show was I felt like there was so much possibility for me to do things, and I wasn't like realizing the full constraints of the possibilities, you know, Like I was like underachieving, uh in whatever ways it was. And I still feel

like I am pretty greatly. But I think that maybe that's kind of one of the self I like, I had very little self worth for a long time because of that thought process where I was like, oh my gosh, I can do all these things, but I'm not doing any of them. Um. And I would say therapy helped me with that quite a bit, But I think it's kind of just like an ongoing process, you know, in my opinion at least, But I agree it sounds like this guy is a jerk anyways. What kind of questions

this is he asking? Like what does he help to get out of asking you those questions? You know what I mean? Like what an asshole? I mean. The one beautiful thing in it, though, is it got me to ask those questions to myself, because, like I said, I've never was taking any ownership in the previous breakups, and in this one it was the first time that I was like, what am I doing with my life? What do it? One thing that I realized just that I've been living, and I think this is like exactly why

The Bachelor was like, yes, let's cast her. Um, I was living the life that I designed for myself at like eighteen, I thought like by the time I'm twenty six, I'm gonna be married. By the time I'm thirty, I'm gonna have babies. And so I've basically just been like waiting for those things to happen for so my life could be like back on track in some way. But then I'm like, Okay, I'm thirty six, and now, like what do I want with my life now? Do I want kids? Like I don't even know if I want that?

Like do I want to get married. I don't know if I want to get married. I would like to have a life partner. But there's like all of these things that because um of who I was on TV. Also then somehow it's really difficult because and I feel like I have to prove myself. So now I'm kind of like back back into this place of like and this is where I'm really happy to be in Hawaii because I don't feel like there's anyone around that I

have to prove myself to or be anyone. But me, Um, but it is hard, like I do fall back into the lens of others. Is like the but you you are that girl that wants to get married and have babies, you are desperate, and I'm like, no, I'm not any of those things. Like it's it's a label that was put on me for the enjoyment of others. But like I am me and I know my truth more than anyone, and so like I'm trying to read, like really hone in on that, and I think that's only going to

make me a better partner. And it's gonna like draw my partner, my ideal match, like to me too, you know absolutely, no, that's great. Um. I think that's awesome. And we're super happy for you and we're rooting for you, analyst. Um. And uh, I you're gonna be fine, Like you're beautiful, you're living in Hawaii. Uh, You're I I have only good I can only think that good things are gonna happen for you. Uh. And so we're gonna take a quick break, uh, and then we're gonna come back on

the other side. We have a dating term. We have some rapid fire questions for Dean and antially and then of course we're going to answer an email of yours and we're gonna be right back. All right, welcome back to what help I suck at dating? I almost said welcome back to suck Army. Well, welcome back suck Army to help I suck at dating. Like we said before the break, we have some rapid fire questions for both analyzes and deany babies. We have an email from you guys,

and we also have a dating term. So let's do the dating term first. So, Analyst, I don't know if you know this, but we define a dating term. I present a new dating term for the week, and then everybody here on the panel helps to define it. So the first dating term of twenty one is cloaking. What could cloaking mean in the new year one of dating? I'll start with this one, and obviously Mark Easton, Becky whoever else wants to chime and feel free, I think cloaking.

If the dating term drives from cloaking, of course, you know that's the word, which, in my interpretation of it means to like conceal or to hide yourself. And so cloaking is when you are dating someone. And then it's basically like ghosting. All of a sudden, you disappear, you hide, and you hope that they go away forever. That's what cloaking is in my in my professional judgment, I have no idea, but I like had a whole story going

off in my head. But then I'm like, okay, wait, let me bring it back to like what it actually might mean. Um maybe because I'm going off of what Dean said a little bit. Uh something to do with your mask or like you only ever have your mask on, Like if your video chatting with somebody or sending pictures to each other, you always have your mask on, so you're like concealing yourself and very interesting good thinking process there, Becky.

I think it's kind of like catfishing, like you like a mix between analysis and Deans where it's like you have your mask on and then you take it like you're hiding some features, but you take it off and you're you're a totally different progerson. I think it's more

like stealth, like a stealth bomber. I think you are going using a fake Instagram or fake social media account to uh stock x is to see what your current is up to, going into their friends lift stuff like that, using fake social media to investigate and be cloaked while you're doing it. Yeah, so you're cloaking, so you can just be a stalker. I like that. Uh so this

one cloaking is obviously very straightforward. But I love the guesses everybody because if we've ever seen, if anybody here has seen a Harry Potter movie or read one of the books, as analyst is raising her hand, now, of course you have, uh what I was gonna say properly, I feel like the actual answer is what you were what you're gonna say, of course it is. And uh, if you know Harry Potter obviously has his invisibility cloak. Uh,

you're not far off. If that obviously came to mind where being ghosted involved your potential love interests, simply going radio silent on all channels of communications, getting quote cloaked means that you've not only disappeared, but these people have straight up unmatched and blocked you on all the apps. How rude that is cloaking in the dating world there

there it is like it's savage. Indeed, we do have an email from you, wonderful listeners, suck army Mark, would you be so kind to read this, It would be my pleasure. All right, This is from Sally. Yesterday I contacted a local grocery delivery service in my area. It's like Insta cart, but with local people. The delivery person began having a conversation with me about school. I told him I was a biology major, and then I wanted to teach. The next day, I get a text from

the delivery service saying missing you, sad face. Then I get a friend request on Snapchat and that says this person added me through my phone number. Along with the friend request, he said aloha, and I asked if I knew him. He lied and said he knew me from school. I said, oh, I'm bad with memory. Did we have a class together? And he said yes. Science. Now that's when I knew he was lying, because nobody that's in

the actual major ever says science class. These are definite red flags, right or should I give him the benefit of the doubt and see where this goes? Red flags? Those flags are redder than I've ever seen in my entire life. Stay stay away, Sally. That is just that is like, I don't want to say, like stalker level, but it's it's bordering it's borderline stalker, super creepy. Also, way too many coincidence in that one my mom's namess dally and then the aloha. I was like, um, oh interesting,

Um yeah, No, that's creepy. I don't like it. No, I don't like it at all. First of all, he lied. Why is he lying? Why couldn't he had just said, Oh, I met you the other day. I was the person that dropped off the groceries. I'd love to get to know you more, like if you ever want to grab a drink or whatever. Why is he lying right off the bat about meeting her in science classes? He insecure about his job? Does he want to come off? I don't know what his end game is, but this is

a major red flag. Here's what I got from this email. This guy must have been so hot. I mean for her to look past all of these things and think maybe he must have been stunning. Yeah, what is Tyler Cameron? Your grocery store drop off guy? So to realize how weird this is, picture him as whatever your definition is of hideously unattractive. If you picture him that way, you realize how very, very disturbing all of this behavior is. Right, the missing you sad faces, Really what did it for me?

And then? And I don't know, but let's have an alternate reality here. Maybe this guy actually is in one of her science classes, and yet he also drives for the food delivery on the side, and he you know, that's how a way that he got a number. Maybe he's shy Jared and everyone's out going and as as boisterous as you are. I mean, oh my god, he'd red flag. There's a whole sea of flags out there,

and every single one of them is red. I'm just trying to provide an alternate reality where this is more seemingly adorable that because obviously she, like Mark said, she thinks there's some potential there for some weird reason. So I'm trying to think of what type of scenario it would take for us to be like, oh, okay, we understand that. But I agree, I think, Sally, don't respond,

don't give this man the time of day. There's like a million ways to approach someone and start a conversation, and I don't really think this is one of them. The friend requesting the aloha, the missing you, missing you. All you ever had with this person was an interaction when you dropped food off for them? How are you missing them? I don't like it. I don't like this one bit. Stay away, Sally, I say, stay away. Sorry. If the grocery guy, you know, he listens to the podcast,

we appreciate you listening, but I don't know. Definitely, don't lie right off the bat like that. All right, we have a couple of rapid fire questions for both Analyze and Dean. So Deen and Analyze, I'm just gonna raffle off some quick questions and you're gonna give me the answer that first comes to your head. Okay, okay, great, here we go. All right, here we go. Analyze, Dean, what is your favorite part of your body? Oh my gosh, sorry my smile, mustache? What is your favorite part of

a your partner's body? Or like if your movies? What do you Okay, mobies are good? We'll find out hopefully, Son, Well, what like when you first see a man? What's like the first thing you see when you see a guy? I don't know. I'm like a whole picture kind of person, but I'll do like eyes and our eyes are a good one. Eyes are big for me? And then smile at least as you say, smile is when you see someone smile and it like really just gives you butterflies.

It's like that's good stuff right there. All right, what's the perfectification to go on trip to Hawaii? Uh? Convince it? Um, I'm gonna say, trying to think of where it's like on the top of my list right now. I want to do like bally Bally sounds very nice, but I'd like to go clean shaven or facial hair. I like, scrap. What am I supposed to do with that one? I don't know? You answer anyway? You want facial texting or

talking texting? Uh, that's like a both. Um. I feel like it's so that for me is like a red flag if a guy won't like pick up the phone and actually talk to you on the phone. So if it's only texting, then that's the problem. So I would I'll say talking, what's your favorite day of the week? Sunday, Friday, Sunday? Just because of football? I'm so basic? Uh what? Uh? Drinks on a beach or hot drink in front of a fireplace in cold weather? Drinks on the beach? No, actually,

I verstand. I say by a fireplace. I'm gonna say by a fireplace, just because it's different than what I am right now. Little hot cocoa in front of a fireplace when it's like thirty degrees and you're wearing a coat, that is good stuff right there. Well, you can't have you know, main or beach, mountain, mountain. On a scale of one to ten. How good of a driver are you? What kind of you say, I'm the best driver in the world. You ever got a ticket? Yeah? Not since

I was like young. I mean, yeah, I got no motorcycle action last week, but that wasn't my fault. That was that guy's. Also. Also, I hit my driver really well on the golf course, so I'm really good at that driving too. That's what I was saying. I'm like, what kind of fair point? First celebrity crush, Oh my god, mine is probably J T T. Jonathan Taylor Thomas back in the day. That's a good one. Uh, Lizzie McGuire, Hillary Duff, Yeah, no, Lizzie McGuire, Yeah, god mine, it

was the role of Hillary played obviously. Yeah, that's a fair point. Mine was obviously the pink Ranger. And last, but not least, because we just got a holiday season what's your favorite holiday? Good one? Halloween? Nice? Oh that is good? Mine is Christmas? How is Christmas in Hawaii? I mean, did it happen? I have no idea, Marca. Yeah, yeah, that's fair. Yeah, it doesn't feel like the holidays at all. I just had this whole big argument with my brother.

He was like, oh, I love Christmas. Christmas is my favorite holiday. I was like, did Christmas freaking sucks? And we had a whole big blow up argument about it. And so that's when I was like, July fourth is definitely the only really good holiday because it's like everyone comes together. You get delicious barbecue, you get a drink with your friends, there's no expectations for presents, just the best Christmas. Halloween is like Halloween's good, borderline good. I

would say more good than bad. But you get your dress up in candy, I mean, and candy to the candy is definitely a big selling point. You guys are really starting to change my mind. Halloween is sounding better and better with each day. Uh well, Annelius, thank you so much for joining us on help my second dating. You are always welcome and we really appreciate any time you stop by. Um, we know you have your book coming out, which is super exciting. Is there anything you

could tease with that? And it's a it's a book of poetry and my art, So I'm yeah, I feel like it's just a it's a little I keep saying this and it sounds so cheesy, but I feel like it's like a love letter to myself. It's just like my heart on paper. Well that's great. I feel like that always makes the best kind of books, when you just pour out your heart and you're authentic and real, super exciting. Well, everybody look forward to that. Uh, And

of course you can follow Analy's Puccini on Instagram. Thank you to Sally for sending in that email. We really appreciate all of the emailers who continue to tell us their dating stories. Please continue that into one follow us on Instagram. Of course we are a help. I suck at dating. Thank you Dean for just being as wonderful as you are, especially with that mustache. It's really coming in full now. Huh. Look at that. Yeah, that is

a full caterpillar right there. Thank you everybody who's listening, and make sure you guys tune in next week, where hopefully we all suck just a little less follow help by suck at Dating on I Heart Radio or wherever you listen to podcast Who