A Nice Ring to It

Dr Nicole La Beach. Oh, I hope I didn't butcher that last name. Um, I'm just glad I didn't have to say it. I mean it looks like la Beach. Yeah, yeah, you want to know what actually is? Every time before we start recording this podcast, Jared and I, you know, look at each other in the eyes through zoom and we're like, hey, do you want to bring us in? Do you want to bring us in? Jared asked me to bring it in, And now I realize it's because

you didn't want to pronounce Dr Lupach's last name. Honestly, it's just because I didn't feel like working any harder than I already do. But yeah, let's do. Let's give that the reason dr Nicola Beach. What else could it be? I mean it's spelled l A b A excuse me, l A b E A c h. I mean it's gotta be fonetic. But uh, last thing we want to do around here, Jared is make you work harder than you have to. Okay, Oh my god. So I'm drinking this Chai t latte right now and it's choking me.

And I don't know what the hell is going on with my life. But you know, I don't have a great episode. I don't mind a good latte. If you want to talk about chi tea for a second, dude, they're the best. Man. I'm a big vanilla schi latte guy with almond milk. That's my jam. So here's my I could. I could drink a Chai te latte every day, and I did for a long time, and then I realized how much sugar is in them, and so I like have to. I only have like one a month,

maybe lots of sugar. But you know what, dude, one day we're all gonna die and you're not gonna look back at your life and be like, damn it, I'm glad I didn't get the chi latte. You know, No, I don't disagree. I So when I was in college, I went on the Keto, not not the Keto diet, the what's the caveman one? The keto that's like an all meat diet. No, the oh crap, the caveman diet. I can't remember what it's called anyway, just like you

eat you you catch and eat your own meat. That feels like a caveman diet to me, where you have to like go out and shoot a moose and then eat it, and or what would you shoot and eat it? Not a moose? A bear? So essentially the cave the paleo diet, that's what it was. Essentially, what the paleo diet is is, Yeah, you eat what a caveman would eat back in the day. So no processed food, just like meat berries. Uh. And you can drink coffee, but you can't drink coffee with milk or cream or sugar.

And on the paleo diet, I got used to drinking black coffee for like four or five months, and so now that's all I drink, and I think I can get away with drinking as much coffee as I do, because every time I drink coffee, it's just black. And then so every once in a while, I'll treat myself to nice chai latte and it's just it's just pure bliss. But enough about me to coffee. How many cups of coffee do you drink a day? Well, I'll tell you what. I got the large from Starbucks right now, ice coffee.

It's almost empty. I also had that's like three cups in itself. Yeah. I also had a Celsius energy drink on my way to the golf course this morning at like six am. Oh yeah, I was trying. I was trying to get that Zoa energy drink. That's the Rocks energy drink. Yeah, there's just so much caffeine. And I already have two cups of coffee a day. I'm sometimes do you have your heart beat quicker than normal whenever

you drink coffee? Yeah? Oh my gosh, absolutely, especially like if I'll have an energy drink, like let's say, have a Red Bull. I don't really drink Red Bull very much, but like I'm on a long drive, I'll drink a Red Bull and like for three hours afterwards, I have like pure anxiety. I wonder if anybody takes Red Bulls before they go on dates? Do you ever do that? If anybody takes a Red Bull before a date, please let us know. Email us at what is our email

at dot com? I gotta really memorize this. What the hell is wrong? Yeah? Do you when you work out, because you're you're a fit man, you probab work out every once in a while, do you take pre workout? No? I never have. I never tried it. I mean I already once I'm at the gym, I started gaining the energy needed in order to work out. But that's why I wanted to try energy drinks. One, because they're the rocks, and the rock truly influences me. That guy is just

the man. But two, I wanted to try an energy drink because I used to drink Red Bull and Monster, but they're so bad for you that I gave him up. But now I'm like, man, I do miss that like little you know high that you get from him. And so he's got a I'm literally just you know, giving him free promotion here, but from whatever. Uh, he's got an energy drink called Zoa that's like all natural, So they're actually really good. Kalin has wild orange, Kalin has

forbid me from drinking monster. Dude. It's bad. It's so bad. Do you ever hear the story about the kids like heart that bursted because he drank like three monsters a day years. That's exactly it. It's like anything in moderation is fine. But yeah, I just don't have don't have freaking five energy drinks in the course of eight hours and you're not gonna have your heart explode on you. A lot of gamers do that. They just like drink two energy drinks and then play video games for twelve

straight hours and don't sleep throughout the night. Don't get me wrong, I've had my fair share of those days, but there are a few and far between, Like I maybe have three of those under my belt altogether. Those kids are doing it every day, all day, and that's when it really becomes unhealthy. Like same with same with fast food and junk food. It's like, you can have a McDonald's cheeseburger as long as you're doing it like once a month, don't do it every single day. What's

your favorite fast food? Probably McDonald's. Yeah, dude, mine too. Everybody makes fun of me. Though, I'm so glad I'm not alone in this statement. I love McDonald's. It is pretty basic, Like I understand where the criticism comes from. You know, that's like Americana. You know. That's why I love it so much. I see those golden arches and

I'm just reminded of my childhood. God, that brings me right back, and and there's such a nostalgia taste anytime I bite into not only chicken nuggets, but a regular cheeseburger. At the fries, I think McDonald's has the best fries far. People want to say Chick fil A because like the waffle fries, but I don't know. McDonald's just always gonna be number one in my heart. What's what's your order when you go to McDonald's. Usually I get the two cheeseburgers,

which is like number eight I think. I don't really know. I can't remember, but you go a full meal and you get fries and like a coke with it, thousand percent. Have you ever had a McDonald's coca cola? Coca cola, dude, it's the best. I think they just like Jack true cocaine in that thing, because I've never tasted a coca cola better than a fountain coca cola at McDonald's. I dare any sucky data out there to tell me something that tastes better than a fountain coca cola at McDonald's.

I think, I dare you. They keep it nice and cold, and they make it extra fizzy somehow, I will say. Though, remember that, Remember that documentary supersized me from back in the day. Yeah, so I remember. One of my biggest takeaways from that documentary was, remember there was that guy that ate a big Mac like every day for the past ten years, and he was like slim, like super slim. You had like all these internal problems. Well as we

didn't know that. I don't think they talked about that in the movie, but he said he never ate the fries. He said he would just eat the burgers. And then I was thinking about it, was like, yeah, fries probably are the worst thing for you because they're deep fried

sticks of potatoes. And so my go to McDonald's order is I get to mcdouble's because the mcdoubell is the best thing on the menu by far, and one and one spicy chicken sandwich and no fries, no drink, just that, and then every like four trips I go to McDonald's, I get a strawberry milkshake and oh my god, let me tell you how good the strawberry milk chicks that McDonald's are. They're the best. They literally are unmatched anywhere else in the world. Yeah, dude, I would love to

go on a first date to McDonald's. Like if I was a single person right now, getting back into the dating world coming out of COVID there, I think it would be kind of fun if I asked a girl out and I said, hey, listen, this is weird, but would you want to go on a first date to McDonald's If I was a chick, Well, let's ask let's ask the women in this group, Riley, Hannah, could you come on here please and help us out a little bit.

If a guy asked you girls out on a first day and said, hey, let's have a sit down to dinner at McDonald's, what would your reaction? But let's be more specific. First, Let's say it's McDonald's is like a sick play place. No, it's a it's a nice McDonald's. He's not bringing you into a schedgy area like it's it's McDonald's that you are aware of, you are familiar with, you know, it's you know, nice enough with the play place. Yeah, are you Dean? Are you alluding that he's going to

bring them into the playpen. I'm not saying there's anything like romantic that's gonna happen there. But it's just like a nice little aftermeal treat. You know, you eat your burgers and then you jump into the ball pit. Anyways, let's hear from Let's hear from you, guys, what do you think? I mean, Well, but weren't you eight year old? Eight years old at one point? And like, yeah, but that's like things happen in that ballpit. That's yeah. Anyways,

Anna Riley, what do you think personally? I don't know if I would love it because I feel like I would feel sick after eating McDonald's. Have really sensitive stomach, so I don't know if McDonald to be the best bet for me. What's your favorite fast food? Chi? I don't all right, So if if a guy said, hey, listen, what if a guy asked you? Because here's the thing, Like, on first dates, they're always awkward, they're always weird, they're

very stale. Sometimes because it's always the same thing, right, I mean, guys, you and Riley, how many times have you guys got on a first date to a coffee shop or a restaurant or a bar, Like I don't know. For me, I guess it would be kind of something stupid and silly that might be fun. I think it depends on how they ask, Like if it's like, well,

you want to go to McDonald's, like, that's different. But if it's like, let's do something weird and go to McDonald's and maybe dress up, like just make it fun, then that's different. I think I'd done that dress for McDonald yeah, suit and tie, yeah, Hannah. I think Klin

is a lot like you. She can't really eat fast food because she has a very sensitive stomach, so when I'm with her, I have to like I have to like hide my McDonald's in take um from Kalin because she gets not upset with me, but she's like disappointed, which is maybe even worse. But that's sad. After I eat fast food, I have like lay in bed for an hour after. So I don't know how fun that

would be if I went on a first date. Okay, fair point, because the first date probably wouldn't last that long because you guys would eat and then immediately fifteen minutes afterward would have to each go separate your separate ways to use the bathroom. But if you guys went to like a chip, I don't know. I just think it's kind of cute and something different. And like for me, I think about some of my first conversations with Ashley, and some of our first conversations was about like, oh,

what's your favorite fast food? What is your go to sauce? And it was like such a bonding moment because it was something that we were, you know, we could relate to so hard that I think back and had it not, had we not met in Paradise, I wonder if I would have had the balls to be like, you know what, let's do something different instead of gout in a drink, let's go to McDonald's and get you know, a meal and sit down and just talk and have a date.

But if we're talking Ashley, you're going to shake shack obviously, yeah, shake shacks out there. But I think for the nostalgia of it, like for a first day, I think McDonald's is the way to go, or even Burger King if I really wanted to like throw a little bit of a wrench in there, you know, let's do. Burger King is under rated. Burger King is so freaking good. That chicken sandwich. Holy, I had a Popeye spice chicken sandwich either day. That thing was very good. Hey, we stopped

talking about food. I don't know. I don't know. I could talk about this all day long. I'll be honest with you, but maybe just for the list sake of our listeners. Sanity. Um, Hey, we mentioned energy drinks earlier today. How come you and Ashley aren't in Miami with everyone else from Bachelor celebrating celsius Is party. I don't know

exactly what it is. Well, we got invited, but of course they were very sweet and they asked us if we wanted to come, but we we kindly declined because Ashley was I mean think we got invited like two months ago and we found out, you know, Ashley is brgnant. It was like, well, we're definitely not going down to Miami. Plus we probably wouldn't have gone anyway, just because we're old and you know, I'd rather watch Restaurant Impossible on a Saturday night and go down to Miami right now.

But it sounds like fun. Are a lot of bachelor people down there. You guys have a kid on the way, though. You need to make as much money as you can stack it for the college fund. I don't think it was a paid thing. I think it was just like a free trip. No, it would have been paid. Callen is getting paid to be there, so I would imagine you guys would be getting paid to be there. Damn, Who's who's down there with Klin? And why are you

not down there? I also got invited, but I said it's zero percent my seeing, zero pus a interest in being there. Uh, but it's like Kylin, Hannah, Dylan, Mike Connor, Kelly Victoria, a bunch of people. I'm they're all very nice. But again I agree with you, not my scene. Yeah, I agree. She's kept telling me, She's like, yeah, this person is here, this person is Here's like, thank god, I decided not to go to that. And also, Pappy has been really sick lately, so I've been, I've been,

I've been Puppy sitting at him. He went to the vet. He's having some early seizures lately. He uh, yeah, he just he's been acting weird, so I decided to take it out of take one for the team and just you know, puppy sit for for Kalin Wall choose away partying And what I meant say, it's it's kind of up in the air. It was a VET that we've never been to before. We didn't really have a good experience with them. But the consensus seems to be that he might have a brain tumor and it might be

causing the seizures. And I will say, though I thought so today is Friday. On Wednesday, I thought Pappy was gonna die, like literally gonna die. And I was thinking about I was thinking about how the conversation with Calin was going to go when you know, like if a dog is suffering, you have to kind of have that conversation to be like should we put this dog down?

Like should we put it out its misery? And I was surprised to hear Kaylin said something like I don't want to go to Miami and you have to make the decision of putting Pappy down while I'm away, Like I feel selfish for going to Miami. Uh. And I'm happy to report he's gotten a lot better over the past couple of days. But but yeah, it's been a it's been a messy couple of days since he's been back from the vest. So well, we are all setting our love towards Pappy's way. He's the best. And how

how old is Pappy? Now? Do we know? Yeah? He's uh we we think he's around twelve years old, I would say, so he's still a young man. Yeah, he's still a young man. He's as he's as old he was born the same year I graduated high school, which is just a weird thing to think about, isn't that weird? And then you guys went ten years without knowing each other, or he went ten years without knowing who his dad was, and now he has his dad, and he had his

has his mom. You guys found each other, right, and now he has to be And now we've been talking about killing him, which is just really sweet. No, I'm just getting I know, I know because I've never so. I had a childhood dog, um so Brett. She was a miniature long hair docks sinned and she was the best. We got her as a puppy. She was like fourteen years old. My brother took her after our family kind of like scattered around, and one day he went hiking with her and she got sucked down into the river

and was never seen again. So I've never I've never. And as traumatic as that sounds, it is still kind of like a nice, you know, peaceful ending to a dog's life, is it? I don't know. It's it's better than just like withering away, I think. Um, so, I guess my my point of story is I've never had to experience like the death process of a dog, And man, have you experienced that? Yeah, we had to put my childhood dog down back in two thousand and six, dozen five.

His name was Casper, and he was the sweetest thing. He had in a large heart, the poor thing, and it was like pressing on all of his organs and he started he had this horrible cough and so we had to put him down. It was so oh my god, even like talking about it now. My mom and dad were in the room together with him as they injected the needle, and like my mom was holding him as he died, and it was just saying, oh my god. Like to think about Lois passing away, I'm like, I

don't want to live. I don't want to live, you know, I mean, obviously I'm being dramatic because I have a beautiful wife, I have a great family, we have a child on the way, But like life without Lois, I can't imagine it. I don't want to as a twenty year old with did you have a say in that decision making process of putting the dog down? Or was

it kind of like a consensus thing like this? It was more I was actually younger than I was, like, so two thousand and six, I was seventeen eighteen, So I I certainly didn't have a you know, like a true say. We talked about it, but it was ultimately up to my parents and and we tried to hold out for as long as possible. And it just got to a point where the poor thing, I mean coughing up along every second of every day, and he was always in constant discomfort and it was just it was terrible,

and it was it was only getting progressively worse. And so it got to a point where, you know, my parents felt like this was the best thing for him, and it was. It was tragic. But anyway, let's not talk about dogs eyeing with We have a very special guest coming up. It's a nice, nice, little weird segue. But Dr Nicole is coming up next. But before she comes on, I do want to get to one topic because I think this is pretty cool. So Paulina poor

is Cova, Poor is Cova anyway? She a model. She's newly single because she was dating screenwriter, screenwriter Aaron Sorkin. Do you know who that is? Dean? Yeah? I only know him from Entragh. Okay, He's the freaking man and he's my favorite screenwriter of all time. He wrote A Few Good Men, which I would argue is the most re rodgable film of all time. He wrote The Social Network, which is one of, if not my favorite film of all time. He wrote Molly's Game. Uh, he did The

West Wing, he did The Newsroom on HBO. Uh. He's written some of my favorite films of all time. He is the freaking man. Anyway, I found out that Paulina, who is a supermodel, they dated. They she broke up with him or he broke up with her, I don't really know. But she's fifty six. She downloaded Hinge all right, and apparently she was booted off the Hinge app because Hinge is very wary of celebrity impersonators. So on Thursday, Uh, Paris Cova, I hope I'm saying her last name properly.

She posted a selfie on Instagram and she called out Hinge. In this caption, she says, Okay, what's up at Hinge? I signed up a while back and was booted off instantly because I had violated guidelines. I didn't even get to post my photo. My name it seems is against guidelines. I called, I emailed, no one bothered to reply. Then a friend suggested I use a different phone number and my nickname. I got a few nice dates that way, and boom. Now when I need it, I discover Hinge

has booted me off again. What is a lady supposed to do? So apparently Hinge talked to People magazine, and Hinge assumed that Paulina was an imposter, and apparently people reported her profile as fake because they thought that this celebrity. Uh, even though I gotta be honest, I didn't know her before, but you know, hey, a lot of people do. Apparently um was a fake profile. She's not the first person to do this. This was crazy to me. Sharon Stone

was on Hinge. People reported her as a fake profile, and it wasn't fake. It was Sharon Stone. Dude, if I ever saw Sharon Stone on a dating app and we matched, I don't even know what the hell I would say, were you a big Sharon Stone guy? Grown up? I have absolutely no idea who Sharon Stone is. Oh what you don't know Sharon Stone? In hold on? So you know Sharon Stone basic instinct. She's the famous girl who the woman who like crosses her legs and she's

not wearing any underwear to seduce the cops. I don't think i've ever seen that movie. Man, Oh my, it's a it's a super famous scene. I'm sure if you saw the scene, you'd recognize in the moment that I'm talking about because it's been played like over and over again in in pop culture. Dude, Sharon Stone, grown up? Do you know the name Sharon Stone? I thought you were talking about, Uh, Sharon Silverstead. I don't know. Sarah Silverman.

That was Jimmy Kimmel's X Sarah Silverman. I don't know, man, I'm not the best with names, especially actresses. An actress says Sharon Stone and Casino, Oh my, good lord, in heaven, I don't understand why these people are um on these apps. I feel like there's specific apps kind of more tailored towards people of a certain age, like let's say, like e Harmony, Silver Singles, Ashley Madison. Maybe they should go

check out one of those apps, Ashley Madison. Isn't that for like cheating husbands know that you're thinking of You're thinking of something else. I don't know. I just googled senior dating app and those are the top two that came up. Well, she's fifty six, she's not bad old.

You're an agist, bro, that's what you are. I mean, I just think that the average demographic of an app like Hinge excuse probably like eighteen to thirties seven, you know, possibly, but hey, maybe she likes I'm sure there's people in their fifties on Hinge anyway, point being, um, do you think that uh like there should? Do you think Hinge was in the right? Do you think they were in the wrong like I was? Let me let me answer my own question. I don't think anybody is in the wrong.

I think Paulina should be on Hinge if she wants to be on Hinge. I certainly think Sharon Stone should be on Hinge because that's the coolest thing I've heard pretty much ever. These big names, they need to get on Riya. Yeah, but Ran, like we talked about, Ryan, is full of a bunch of wackos. Maybe they maybe they're more like us. Maybe Sharon Stone is like us, and she's like, Hey, I just want to meet a normal human being, and I think I have the best

opportunity to do that on Hinge. Remember that Ben Affleck video where as my favorite video, I forget what the girl's name was me, He's like, it's me Ben Dude. I'm so happy that him and Jennifer Lopez are together. It like brings me so much joy. Yeah, I'm yeah, I'm very happy for them. I feel like they've been a They're like the Brad and Angelina. You know, they're like hot and cold on and off and now in there waning year. They're not waning years, I guess, but

no matter how hard they try, they can't stay apart. Oh, and I love it because I love that they're so different. Like Jennifer Lopez is probably the most badass woman to ever walk this earth, and she's one of, the if not the sexiest women in Hollywood in entertainment. She's gorgeous. She's Jenny from the block. You know, she's New York. She's tough, she's she's powerful, she's beautiful, she's sexy, like she's got like she's so um and what's the world like,

she has everything going for you know. And then Ben, who I freaking I love Ben Affleck, but he's like Boston Grizzly has been known to drink a few beers in his past, Like he's just kind of rough around the edges. And you know, now they're dating again in their older years after they've both been married, and I just I freaking love it. I love that diconomy like Boston in New York, and I just feels very home to me. It feels familiar before before we get to

dr La Beach right after this break. One quick question Rapid Fire best Ben Affleck movie? Oh boy, I mean my initial reaction Rapid Fire. You don't need we just need the initial reaction in one word, whatever the title is, give it to me what you got the town? Yeah, that's what I was gonna say. It was either that a good will hunting you like apples. We're going to break how do you like them apples? All right, welcome

back to help. I stuck at dating Dean myself, and we have a very special guest from the own television unscripted romantic series Put a Ring On It, which airs Friday nights on Own at nine em Eastern Standard time. It is Dr Nicola Beach. Doctor. Thank you so much for joining us today. How are you? I'm excited? And actually it's ten pm Eastern Standard time because we don't want anybody to miss it. Oh I'm so sorry about that. Why you're good, You're good, fantastic. Oh well, this this

article on pen Live says nine pm. So they're wrong too. We need to get this straight. It is not a problem. We are here to fix it perfect. So ten pm on Own. So tell us a little bit about Put a Ring on It? So if I'm corrected, is season two where you follow three separate couples, all engaged, all about to get married or maybe not get married, because doctor you kind of guide them along this journey figuring out Hey, listen, are we is this are happily ever after?

Or should we go our separate ways? Right? So, actually they are all in long term relationships. None of them are engaged yet. But what they're trying to figure out is should like you said, should we go our separate ways or should we move towards the path of of getting engaged in trying to build a life together, marriage,

all the good stuff. So, in your opinion, what are some of the telltale signs so people can know whether they're in a happy, long term, healthy relationship or if they're in a relationship that they might need to start moving away from. You know, is the communication good? Are you? Are you growing? Are you learning? Are you having fun? You know? Is this the opportunity for you to really have a great companion? I mean, all of those things

still count. So if if you're asking these questions and you're getting to a dead end every time, that in and of itself should kind of be a yellow flag or maybe a yellow flag yellow light that says stop, take an assessment of what's happening in see if this is really the person you should be growing with. Dr Nicole, I got a question for you. So there's two hosts this podcast. One of us is married and expecting a child. The other one of us is uh, just been dating

his girlfriend for the past two years. Would you say this show put a ring on, It is tailored more towards the married person or the long term relationship type person, Like am I gonna watch it to my girlfriend and she's gonna keep looking over at me, like, you know, side on me being like, hey, where's my ring? Like why have you not? Why have you not put the

ring on me? Yet? Hopefully not um, But I do think what happens if you look at each other because you either see yourself in the person in the people that you're watching in the present, or you see who you were. And that's that's the funny part of it, because there's so much connection between just relationships that people

are having and what you're seeing on the screen. Yeah, that makes sense, I think from from makes parents from watching you know, we love our reality TV in this household watching other couples interact on television in whatever form.

We watch a lot of competition based show so it's a little bit different, but it's so interesting to get a glimpse into other couples, like perspective, perspectives and chemistry is because you can kind of like pick them apart and be like, Okay, well they're doing that, but we would never do that. But they're doing that, and then maybe we want to do that kind of thing. So are there lessons that you like as an audience member, will be able to pick up throughout the entire show. Absolutely.

One of the things that's been a surprise to me is how many people talk about what they say are the gems that I dropped in the show, Because really, I'm holding the space for people to really figure out what's next for them, if it's long term future or if it's going their separate ways. So along the way, couples really do get an opportunity to do to work. You get the opportunity to see them doing the work and then take away from it what can help your

relationship as well. Have you seen any couples make the wrong to decisions, Because like, I have friends in my life that you know, have been on and off for many years, and I'm like, no, you guys need to be together. Your happiest when you're with each other. You just need to commit. Or conversely, there are friends where I'm like, you guys are so toxic for each other, you need to move on. And then sometimes the toxic

people will stay together and being an unhappy relationship. And then sometimes people who I think are so good for each other never get together. So have you seen any uh, you know, relationships on this show where people have either put a ring on it or they've broken up and you're like, I think you made a mistake. No, And the and the reason being is because the show holds

the space for you to tell the truth. And if you're willing to see people's actions and really see what they're doing in reference to what they say they want to do, it speaks for itself. Often what we do is we look at what people say and we don't want to look at what they do. Your actions speak

to what you're trying to achieve every single time. So the show is interesting because what you see is the heart of people played out in their actions, and you know it's it's interesting because if you have two people and their goal is something that their friends think it is nonsense. You're looking at them and you're saying, I don't even know why you guys think you can accomplish that.

If that's what they've decided in their relationship, it's not wrong until one person checks out, right, right, that's the diminishing point, right, So we may all look at them and think they're a little bizarre. But if they're being bizarre together, go ahead, Dr Nicole, I got a question for you, and I kind of want to pivot a little bit. We can come back this later if you

guys want to. But what what fascinates me a lot is some of the books that you wrote, and so for the listeners that are unfamiliar and correct me if I'm wrong. You've written A Woman's True Purpose, Live Like Matter, and Choose Yourself, a journey toward personal fulfillment for women, And in those books you center a lot of the

conversations around prioritizing yourself, especially in relationships. Can you just talk on that for a little bit, because I feel like I feel I feel like for the listener out there, a lot of times and myself included, we forget to prioritize yourself. And I've always been kind of an advocate for a certain level of selfishness where you do need to prioritize yourself, learn a lot about what you'd like and don't like before you're ready to to kind of take that plunge. So do you mind kind of like

speaking on that kind of stuff a little bit? Yeah, And I want to celebrate your question, because I don't think it's selfish, it's self care. Right. We've learned how to give people crumbs and act like they're getting the big slice of cake because we are diminished and we are running at the speed of light, and a lot of times we want to put our persona into the driver's seat instead of being authentically ourselves because we don't really want people to see the parts of ourselves that

we're really not caring for. So the big thing is to show up as who you are fully. If the person that you're dating can't get down with that and they don't think you're spectacular, that's okay. Somebody else will. But at least you're gonna have somebody that gets a chance to fall in love with you, the real you,

whoever you are in that space of time. In order to do that, you've got to take care of yourself so that there's really another person for them to connect with, because it's not a two half, you know, two halves make a whole kind of thing. It's too whole. People make a really good relationship if they work at it. So let's say someone maybe struggling to take that first step, is there any kind of advice that you would have for them to at least start inching towards that direction.

You know, it's very interesting that we are really good as people at overriding what hurts. And if you just think about what I just asked, it's like, huh, hadn't thought about it that way? There are a lot of things that are going on in our individually experiences, and avoidance is not the way to get you where you're trying to go. Own what makes you angry, own what hurts.

See how to get to the place where you are really moving forward in a place of stability and in a place where you really like who you are and you like how you're presenting in the world and what you're doing, and that will make you a lot easier to date, and it will make it a lot easier for you to attract the right people to date. Yeah, and your experience. What are some of the common themes

that cause issues in relationships? Communication is like at the top right, because it's it's it's the key to understanding everything. Communication about money, communication about family, communication about what you want to see your future look like, communication about what bothers you, what your values are. It is this key to having a connection with another person, and if it's really hard, it becomes challenging. Why is communication always so

difficult to obtain? You know? I find that it's you know, it's a common theme within the relationships. A lot of people say, well, there's just communication. Wasn't that good? Or we lack communication? And you know, and I think about this a lot, and sometimes in past relationships I had difficult community, you know, telling people my true feelings or or things that I really wanted. Um So, I guess

why is that so difficult? And what are some things that people can do to make sure that in their relationship or any you know, future relationship, that their communication is where it needs to be. Vulnerability is the big thing. And I know that's a word that men are like, oh, Doc, don't use the vulnerability word. Just find the word, right,

that's the word. Because when you are afraid of taking any risks, when you're afraid of really being seen, when you're afraid of not being in control all the time, you've got to go through all of those filters to communicate with that other person. Imagine how different it is if none of those filters exist and you're just like this is what I'm feeling, this is what's happening, this is what I wanted that I didn't get that I didn't know how to ask for. Everything starts to open

up if you're willing to connect. If you're not, then you've got to bounce through a whole lot of hoops, and most people don't make it through the first one, much less the second or third. What do you say to people? So I'm trying to draw from personal experience here where Uh, let's say it was vulnerable with a person I was dating well in the past, and I, you know, was preaching the communication topic, trying to be over communicative. Uh, tell my, tell the truth as much

as I possibly can. But then for whatever reason, that person responded to it a negative way. And so I feel like a lot of people would absorb that and then kind of like withhold certain information moving forward because they know what works and what doesn't work. So what advice would you have for someone that's like maybe scarred

or scorned a little bit from us an experience like that? Yeah, I mean it sucks, right when you decide to engage at a certain level of intimacy and vulnerability with someone who can't handle it. It just sucks all the way around. But I think the difference is learning how to trust people the right way so that the people that you

take these steps with can handle it. So if they've shown you they can't be vulnerable, if they've shown you that they're not worthy of your secrets or they're not, you know, trustworthy in the areas you want to trust them with, don't test. Don't test it. If they've shown you they can't keep your their own vehicles safe, don't lend them your car, right, and then get mad because they wrecked it. You've been friends with him for six years,

they've wrecked every car they've had. Now they're like, oh, I can't get to the run a car place. Can I borrow yours? No, because you've not shown you're worthy of trust in that area relationships exactly. And then you're gonna be mad, Right, But what are you mad about? That's that's who they've shown you they are, So you can get you're mad at yourself because you you knew it in your head. You're like, I know I shouldn't have let this person borrow my car because they're gonna

total it. And I still could not bring myself to say no. Right, So, if they can't be trusted in certain things, and you see that, then don't trust with your heart right when when they can't be trusted with small stuff, that's what you're trying to gauge so that you can take it step by step. I want to I want to share this story a little more specifically because it's the first thing that I keep thinking about

whenever we're talking about this. So along time, time ago, I just started dating this wonderful girl long like many years ago, and early on in the relationship, I had a phone call with the girl that I was dating before her, so my ex girlfriend and uh, you know, we talked for a couple hours, kind of ironed a few things out, and after the phone call, I was like a little you know, emotional and a little like

distraught by everything. And so I went to my my then girlfriend that I was dating at the time, and I was like, hey, I just want to let you know, like I had a conversation with my ex, I'll be honest with you, like it kind of messed me up a little bit. And she came down with the smite of a thousand I don't know, Goliath right on top of me. She's like, she's yelling at me for talking

to my ex girlfriend. She was upset that I was, you know, like sorting through these emotions and so whenever I think about this stuff like that kind of then taught me to withhold certain aspects of my life because I was like, well, if I was scoring so greatly for being honest about this thing that I was like literally just looking for a venting resource, now I like, I just don't. I'm just gonna go ahead and withhold

that from everyone. Don't do that, Dean. Well, in hindsight, I know, but at the time I was, I was messed up from both from talking to my ex and then from getting reprimanded so heavily from my current girlfriends. Well, you know the thing about it again, trust right, you came and you gave her all this stuff, and hopefully Jared, he didn't say, so, I just had this twelve hour conversation with my ex girlfriend. I want to share it

with you. That's not a good lead in right. So so it's kind of like you have to prepare the other person for what you're going to bring so that when you're vulnerable, they are safe in your vulnerability versus thinking they now have to be defensive and protect themselves. Okay, right, you know I wish I wish I knew that back then, But you know, we're living, we're learning, we're growing. Yeah. Absolutely, there's a lot of things I wish I knew ten

years ago. You know. Uh, Dr Nicole, Before you get out of here, I need to talk a little bit about your International Slumber Party next weekend, which is very exciting. It's a virtual conference for young women between the ages of eighteen and um. Yeah, I want you to talk a little bit about why you did it and and what it's all about and how people can sign up. It's going to be amazing. The International Slumber Party is the world's largest slumber party. It happens on July thirty one.

As you said, we now have fifty countries registered to be at the party. We're expecting over ten thousand young women of color around the world. And the reason we did it was because, you know, I'm an adject professor at Spammer College here in Atlanta, and when COVID happened, they had to go instantly to virtual class and you

could see the diminishing spirit of the young ladies. They didn't have a chance to say goodbye to their friends, they didn't know which way was up, they didn't know if they'd be able to get their things back from campus. Everything was us in this crazy space and we were like, you know, if we could do something for them that would keep them motivated, because of course we didn't know

it was gonna last over a year. This was summer of last year, and we were like, if we could do something and keep them motivated, what would that be. So we got fifty girls together to do a focus group and they said, well, we'd love to do something virtual that was really cool that could connect us with girls everywhere that we would never get the chance to meet. And that's what created. You know, my partner, business partner and I created the International Slumber Party and it's free.

We have young women from every part of the world that are coming and we've removed removed the obstacles of cost, because everybody's got a different opportunity when it comes to socioeconomic status, so we've taken that away and they are coming from everywhere to be in our virtual mansion. Guys, did I tell you it was in a virtual mansion? Didn't I didn't hear about this mansion part sounds fancy. It's not a zoom, it's a too D virtual mansion,

thirteen rooms. They're decked out, live DJ speakers, panelists, fireside chats. It's gonna be amazing. That sounds awesome. Wow, well that's super exciting. So anybody listening, well, any woman listening to this right now, go to www dot International slumber Party dot com. It sounds like it's going to be an

incredible event. Dr n Coole, thank you so much once again for joining us, and of course everybody listening to this Friday nights ten pm on OWN, make sure you tune into season two of Put a Ring on It. Dr Nicole please come back anytime. Absolutely, thanks guys. I enjoyed it. Everyone, welcome back to help I Suck at Dating and it's time for Everyone's a k A. My favorite segment. It's time for emails. And before we get to them, I just want to say, please send us

some emails with your dating stories. I second dating at i heeart Media dot com. Are producers are writing them anonymously solely, so we have content for this segment, and we just got we got to do better than that, so I suck a dating at iHeart media dot com. Send him over. We would love to discuss them here, but first one, it looks like Riley wants to give it a read, which is funny because she probably wrote it. I don't know what you're talking about, but this is

from anonymous. Anonymous says, my boyfriend and I have been dating for almost three years now. I've been recently noticing that he is becoming more distant and secretive. He never used to be like this. At first, I thought maybe the pandemic was putting him in a funk, but now I'm not so sure. He is constantly on his phone and I can't help but think he is talking to someone else. Help. What do you guys think? Do you think he is cheating on me? Or he has just

lost interest. I've tried to ask him what is wrong, but he always says nothing. He doesn't even seem he doesn't even seem like he wants to talk about anything anymore. Oh, it's sad. Well, maybe you just need to put the phones down and have a nice uh, a nice disconnected from your phone's meal. Maybe you reignite some romance. I I think about this sometimes too, because I'm on my phone pretty often, but I'm not like texting people. I'm

either like texting my friends or scrolling Instagram. And it's funny, actually, so Calin pointed this out to me yesterday or a couple of days ago, that on Instagram now, if you go to the search a search page, there's like a little bar under the search bar that has all of these like suggestions for things that you want to search for, and it's like, it would be an interesting I want to see. I want to I want you guys to read what years are if you don't mind. Dude, my

first one so embarrassing. I really, I don't know if it's it's so embarrassing. Let's hear it first. No, my first one is Superman cosplays so embarrassing. I have horror art, Marvel memes, inspirational quotes, thor Ragnarock movie review. College football, that's a weird one. I don't watch college football, fitness motivation, and Chief's Kingdom dow All I do is look up Tom Brady. How is Tom Brady not here? I'm almost

offended that Tom Brady is not on here? Isn't that funny that that's like a kind of a little snapshot into what you consume when you're on Instagram. I would imagine at least like I don't know where all those words would come from here in mine. Mine are travel, photography, golf lessons, rock climbing, base jumping, outdoor adventures, beach bum hazy, I p A, and coastal living. So more or less a little more accurate than yours. I would say, I'm

surprised you don't have Superman cosplay. Surprised as well, Raley and Hannah, what are yours? I'm just curious if you guys don't mind sharing that is, look nothing, Are you sure you can update your Instagram? You go to search and it's just right under the little search bar. Seem oh interesting, Raley, what about you? Mind's either that little Yeah, those little words okay are very generic shop, travel, decre style, food art. You obviously don't search for much on Instagram.

I was gonna say, maybe that just means we're on Instagram way too much, because ours are way too appointed. I mean, I found out on this uh podcast that I'm definitely searching Superman cosplay way too much. I did search that though, because I was like, you know, what for for Halloween this year. I almost want to like get a Superman cosplay outfit and like go full in for the coolest Halloween costume ever, like shave cut my hair like Superman, get the full suit like that's like,

you know, really tight to my body. So that's what I'm thinking about, Like spend a full like whatever. It's like a real Superman costume cost probably like a close to a thousand dollars. I bet no. I saw a couple on there. I mean, granted they could be really crappy, but I saw a couple that were like two hundred bucks. It's not bad to rent, oh, but let's be honest, renting probably is the way to go because it's like, oh yeah, I mean, how many times are not gonna

wear this thing? Well, you would probably wear it every single year, especially if you like spend that much money on a real costume, you would wear that costume every chance. You could get a thousand percent with Cape online god Bro so freaking awesome anyway, Anonymous, I agree with Dean. Just have a scheduled day or a date where you're not on your phones, because it is very important actually, and I find ourselves in the same predicament where we're on our phones a lot of times we don't spend

quality time together. Make sure you schedule a time, dinner, whatever it is, watching TV. You put your phone's away, You make sure they're not near you so you can't grab anything. So anytime there is a moment of being bored, you don't immediately you go to your phone, You start talking with your partner, or you know, start doing anything else besides scrolling on Instagram. Right, I agree, Um, but I think that a lot of couples are probably face

of that nowadays too. It's like, whenever we get the first taste of boredom coming on, we can grab our phones and open up our phone into Instagram, TikTok one of the thousands of apps that are out there to basically buy our time with so you're not alone. Like obviously there's a lot of other people that are dealing with something similar. I agree. I think it's just a matter of taking making the concerted effort to put your

phones down and connect on a more spiritual level. YEA, all right, should get to the next one, Hannah, if you don't mind, This was definitely written by Hannah, and she just changed her name too Haling a very false However, this is from Haley and it says the other night, when I was drunk, I texted my ex that I miss him, but I actually don't. We have been broken up for about two years now and never speak. Why did I do this? Do you think deep down I

actually do miss him? Or am I just lonely? I am spiraling and need how this is the easiest email of all time. You were lonely, you were drunk, you were lonely, and you wanted something easy, so you texted your X. They never responded. You move on and you're fine. There's nothing wrong with what you did. We've all been there.

We've all texted X when we're a little drunk because we missed the good old days, or will we perceived to be the good old days, even though most likely they were the bad days, which is why it ended. You don't miss him, You don't, You're not still in love with them, you were lonely, totally cool, Just move on with your life. It's I don't think Nick was the one that coined this phrase, but I've seen him share a couple of times. He always says, you don't

miss him, You're just lonely. Then I agree. I think that kind of dials it in. UM. I will say, though it's not abnormal at least in my experience to have thoughts about ex girlfriends. There are times where I'll like,

wake up, I think I've talked about this before. I'll wake up and I'll be like, wow, I try to dream about my ex girlfriend that I did it eight years ago, and it felt so real when I look over and Killen's laying right next to you, and I feel like so guilty and gross because I was like, why did I have a dream about a girl I

did it eight years ago. I think it's just like, granted, your yeah, it's natural, And there's obviously difference between being drunk and texting someone and dreaming about a girl that used to date. But I guess the point kind of remains the same, where it's like, sometimes these thoughts just sneak into your brain and they take control and all you can do. So again it's a little different is

just don't take action on those thoughts. You clearly took action. UM. I hope that there's not too much trouble to come from a text like that. I've been I've been on both ends of a text like that. I've definitely texted X to say and I missed them, And I have definitely received texts from ex is saying they missed me. And I'll tell you one thing, neither of them are ket so hopefully, hopefully it's a one time thing. So it's most likely. Yeah, Haley just trying not to do

it again. But it's not a big deal. And uh, but like Dean said, we're I mean, we're human beings.

We're curious creatures, you know, so like, of course we think about our exes from time to time, like I'm sure Dean and I can tell from personal experience from like even I love my wife more than anything, But of course my brain has been like I wonder what my life would be like if I was still with this person, Like what would have happened to my life if I didn't go on Bachelor and I ended up marrying this person instead my ex You know, it's just

like you think about those things and there's nothing wrong. You're not doing anything wrong by having that thought past your brain. It's just what happens you wonder, know, what's weird that I just thought about that? This is gonna be way too much information that I regret sharing. Is all of the all of the ex girlfriends that end up in my dreams are girls like it's it was, it's like my college girlfriend, or my high school girlfriend,

or like my post college adult life girlfriend. It's never girls. It's never like a girl that I dated from Bachelor. I don't think I've ever had a dream with any of those girls. It's just I don't know why that is. And again, probably too much information. There's not really any

point to what I'm saying. I just thought it was an interesting thing, and I'm just now realizing for the first time, and I'm just basically now, maybe those relationships were just more meaningful and impactful than the relationships you had on Batchel. There's nothing wrong with that. Yeah, I guess. I don't know. But sometimes I'll have a dream of a girl that I learned like three dates with when I was like twenty four, and I'm like, why, why, why are why are you in here that you don't

belong here? And then and then yeah and then yeah, whatever. I don't know. Maybe I maybe it's it's not important anymore. Riley Hannah, do you guys is this just a guy thing, or you guys thought about excess too and been like, wow, I wonder what would my life be like right now if I'll still with this. I think it's super natural to think about people that were significant in your life at a certain point, and there's nothing wrong with that.

So so let's say your boyfriend woke up and said he had a dream about a girl that he used to day. You wouldn't You wouldn't be bothered by it in any way? Oh, you immediately killing Well, I think deep down it would bother me. But I mean that's happened to me too, so I feel like I couldn't be mad at him, right, I agree? Okay, Riley, what about you? I agree? I don't. I don't think it

would bother me. I think I would want to ask what the dream was specifically, um because things, But like Hanna said, deep down it might be a little curious to me why, but it wouldn't bother me that much. Let's say worst case scenario, there was like a physical spark in the dream between the guy and his ex girlfriend. That's then you don't share that. You're like, hey, they were my dream and we were in the library just talking to each other and then that was it. That

was the whole dream. It was crazy. Hey listen, Dr Nicole says, communication, communication, communication, Good luck with that. Why don't you tell Kalen that? And and let us report back next podcast, tell us how it went. You guys know the movie Interstellar, Yeah, of course great. Uh there's that quote when McConaughey asks what his honesty setting is at and Tauris says, because honesty is never the proper way to talk to humans or something like that, and

I think there's some truth honesty. It's probably a good Taras says, I just looked at the Tara says, absolute honesty isn't always the most diplomatic nor the safest form of communication with emotional beings, so I couldn't agree with Tars more. Yeah, you know, tars Tars is a really smart robot. Anyways, that's gonna do a great movie. That soundtrack by Hans Zimmer is incredible. The docking scene, dude, that that docking scene is one of the coolest scenes

in cinematic history. Where McConaughey she's like she uh, she's like, what are you doing and he's like docking and then They're like, it's impossible. He goes, no, it's necessary, and then the music swells up. Oh my god. Anyway, hell of way to end the podcast. But it's awesome. Hans Zimmer has to have. Like, as far as composers go, Hans Zimmer is just the top of the top. He's all over the place and every Hans and John Williams, those are the Those are the two best film composers

of all time, hands down, not even competition. Well, you want to know why Hans Zimmer is better than John Williams is because I've never heard the name John Williams before. What you don't know John Williams I did. Okay, let me just give a quick rundown of what he's done in cinematic history. Star Wars, Superman, Jaws, Indiana, Jones, Et,

Jurassic Park, Schindler's List. Has he done anything in the Okay? Okay, so he's done the Jaws theme, the Et theme, the Superman theme, the Star Wars theme, the Jurassic Park theme, the Harry Potter Thereme, pretty much any huge theme in cinematic history. John Williams has done. But Hans Zimmer is freaking awesome. I'd say, Hans Zimmer is pretty awesome. He's the man. He's top two. John. I mean, I don't want a nitpick, but the movies you just named were

made in the eighties and nineties. It's like, what have you done for me lately? Hans still comes out with bangers. Everything he touches turns to gold. To this day, Hans Zimmer had a set up Coachella like three years ago. Like that is crazy. Oh, it was awesome. I saw him live one time. He was in Connecticut and it was awesome. I went by myself because no one else

will go see Hans with me. Yeah, you probably couln't get anyone go see John Williams with it either because he's dead, probably because he's been composing for fifty years. He's still living. He's like ninety three, though he's up there, he's older than Pappy. I agree with Riley, this is really great open communication. But it's time to end the communication. Let's go ahead and say goodbye, big thank you to

Dr Nicole. Be sure to check her show out put hering on it at ten pm on what network Jared own The OPRA Network, the Oprah Winfrey Network, the network that's absolutely right. Thanks to Jared, Riley and Hannah for the open communication that we had all episode long. And that's fantastic. Anything else before we part ways, that will do it, my friend. Great. Well, next time we talked to you work, we're I think we're gonna be recording

live from Napa Valley Wine Country. I won't be there though. Unfortunately, You're not coming to Napa. No, Ashley can't fly across country. What yeah, dude, I know it sucks. I'm sorry. I thought I broke the news to you already. I was a coupla forgot. We still are doing the verse full meet and greet Suck Army Summer Baby Friday July from UH seven to eight pm Eastern Standard time four to five pm Pacific time. That is next Friday July. I will not be in Nappa unfortunately, but I'm I can't

believe we're not coming to Nappa. Dude, I know, but Ashley sick. Her doctor was like, I don't advise you getting on a cross country flight to be there for two nights to listen, Like, you know, I don't care about any of that stuff. Actually can stay home, but you could definitely get on a cross country flight actually

got all that family out there to help. I was gonna go, but then it was like, well, I'm not gonna go by myself without her, and we talked to Amy and I was like, well, we'll just stay home, but we're gonna still do the virtual event. I will be a part of this virtual event, unfortunately not be in Napa, which actually makes me quite sad. I was talking to Riley and Hannah about it because it's a

good group going. Ben jest you, Caitlin Wells would be there, Becca Tanya like it's it's actually people that really want to see. So it does suck. We won't be there, but please everybody suck Army. Go to looped live dot com to get your tickets right now. That is looped Live have l O p E D l i v E dot com next Friday, July eight p m. Eastern Standard time, four to five Pacific Standard time. Suck every summer, come say hello, We're gonna be Dean's gonna be taking

his shirt off. It's gonna be a grand old time. Buy your tickets now. I can't believe we have to end this on such a low note. I'm gonna go into the corner anyways, and cry a little bit. It's fine anyways. Be sure to tune next week. I guess where we maybe you will suck just a little bit less. Follow help by suck at Dating on I Heart Radio or wherever you listen to podcast