A Hard Launch with Kendall Long and Deandra Kanu

in the store. We have two of your very very very favorite former Bachelor contestants, even though there's so much more than that, obviously, Kendall, who has been here many many times with uh some great life news to update us on, which hopefully we can dive into a little bit. Kendall and uh D Andrew, which, by the way, I don't think that we've met, have we. Well go, It's an honor to finally meet you here of all places. Um, welcome to the podcast. But first I want to focus son, Kendall.

So you guys already know each other, I believe, right, Yes, you have together, perfect, perfect, You guys have paradise together, That's right. So I'm the odd man out here then, which is funny enough? Okay, So, Kendall, Um, you are a recurring guest host on this podcast. We love you dearly. It's always great to see you. But since the last time we've seen you, there has been a major life

update that we saw you post on your Instagram. Yes, I am in a relationshipship, in a relationship, You're in love. That's amazing. I know, it's so crazy. Um, yeah, it's it's fun. It's good. God. What was your caption? You were like, screw a soft launch, I'm going right for it or something like that, wasn't it. No, I just have to love by the way, I'm in love and just like our relationship, these pictures get progressively or something like that. Maybe in my maybe in my head, that's

what I said. I said, Kendall said, screw a sofaunch, She's gone right for it. Okay, So everyone who follows you, which is basically everyone and everyone who loves you. Uh that maybe wasn't on the on the inside line on that was shocked, myself included, because um, I hadn't really seen you post about this guy. And a lot of times in social media nowadays, people like slowly introduced their partner to the world until eventually they posted about him, but you just went full head of steam right out

of the gates for it. Um, So can I ask you like all the questions like how long have you guys been dating for? Where'd you guys meet? All that kind of stuff? Yeah, definitely, Yeah, go for it. I'll answer all the things guy's been together. Where did you guys meet? From me in? What do you love about him? Where does he live? How old is he? What's his signed? Um? What was birthdays in? December December seventeen, nineteenth December nineteen.

I don't know what sign that means? But um, I met him through a mutual friend, uh and um, someone named and Bennett who was supposed to go on Claire's season to The Bachelor, but we ended up being friends and he was a volleyball friend of his, and so we met at like a shindig and um, he was automatically like a science nerd, and I was really into that. He's narrow space engineer, so we just immediately talked about all the space things and that's kind of what got

us connected. Um. And it was his birthday the day before, like we met the day before and his birthday. Then it was the next day. So um, yeah, he's twenty eight. Um, I'm trying to think. Uh, but yeah, I don't know. We've been dating since I guess we met on his yea, we met the day before his birthday in December. Our first date was the day after Christmas and so we drove and went to see tide pools together and um,

which was really fun. And uh, yeah we've been kind of I'm really normally private about my relationship dating experiences until I'm pretty solid him pretty sure about the relationship and with him, Um, we just built to a place where I was like, yeah, why not? And it was it was funny because everyone was saying like, oh, he did a hard launch hard launch and I didn't even know that hard launching and soft launching was a thing. Just like this is a picture of someone that I

I don't know. I wasn't gonna be like here's his hand like people do, that's what people do nowadays. Yeah, I mean I thought it would be cute to do it that way. I don't know, I've never really thought about like that. Um, but yeah, he's very stimulating as a person and he we debate about all kinds of things and he's just really cool and it's never boring, so love it. For the record, I'm not a big zodiac guy either, but but for the record, he's a Sagittarius. Sagittorious,

I don't know how to pronounce it properly. Um, there's three really good Sagittorious is my life. My mom and both my brothers are both storious. So I get good vibes from the guy. I like him. I like him, Yeah,

good vibes, good vibes. So but so were you nervous to jump into things with him or did you feel like you're ready for a relationship again, because I feel like we haven't seen you in a relationship publicly, at least in a while, so it's just always kind of like nerve racking to reintroduce the world to you, know, you being in a relationship, don't you think? Yeah, it's weird because I feel like a lot of my relationships, well one in particular, has been really public, and I'm

not really a relationship public kind of person. I prefer to really get to know somebody without the entire world because everyone always throws in their opinion whether you should be with them, whether you shouldn't, and and I knew as soon as I did say something about anyone that I was dating, it was going to be a direct comparison where it's like, oh, he's better or he's worse, or that the you know the same, And I just

didn't I don't want to date anybody with anyone else's opinion. UM. So I just wanted to really get to know him and him to get to know me without that. Um. And it's kind of intimidating to open your relationship up to you know, the world and the scrutiny of it or I don't know. Yeah, so I guess I was just a little bit shy about that initially. Yeah, well, I gotta say, an incredibly handsome aerospace engineer. Sounds like you really knocked it out of the park with this one. Yeah,

he's a good guy, he's a keeper. Yeah, we'll see. I have good feelings about him, and I wouldn't have a posted him or hard launched him if I didn't think that he was someone that I was really excited about. So yeah, yeah, it's it's definitely it's one thing to be in a public relationship when both people are I guess, for lack of a better word, public figures. But when in this case, like when one of them you know, isn't or for whatever reason. Uh, it's like how does

he handle it? Like, you know, I can only imagine he's probably got an influx of people interested in who he is now just because you guys are dating. Like I'm sure he's probably like super level headed about it all though, right Yeah, I mean, um, he we talked about it a bit beforehand, and UM, he's private on his social media, so he doesn't really want to dive into that world, which I like. It's I'm glad that

he's not in the influencing world. And um, it makes it so we can do our own thing as opposed to I don't know. Yeah, I've done the public relationship before and it's nice that we can have things to ourselves. Um, but he's had people like try to follow him or get to know him a little bit more, and um, yeah, he at first was like I can tell he was a little bit, uh, a little bit out of it

when it first happened. He was like he came in and he was like and he doesn't went into the kitchen that started doing dishes like really like I was like, thank you, like I need to public post more pictures of you just clean my dishes. So yeah, yeah, he's he's humor about it. You know, that's good. That's good. Um, what was I gonna say? I can't remember I was going to say, but no, oh, that's what it was. I know he's private because I went to go creep on him and I couldn't. No one will know, no

one will know. I respect that move a lot. I wish I could be private again. I used to be private, but I feel like nowadays it's like, you know, you don't really have much of a choice. You know, difficult, It's difficult. Yeah, but hey, I want you to know we're really happy for you. And it looked like you're really happy in those photos. You seem really happy right now. Um, and I think that's just really great. Thank you. Yeah yeah, so yeah nice And we can't wait to see more

updates from you guys. It sounds like you're pretty new in the relationship four months in so um, you know, I hate to even speculate, but I gotta ask, since we're dating, podcast, like, what what do you think the future holds for you? Guys? Because you said he's twenty eight that's Uh, it's young for l A. But it is, like you know, it's around the timeline where you start to think about your future a lot more seriously. So what do you think the future holds for you? Guys?

Just kind of keep dating and see what happens in l A or um, we're in the same place in terms of what we want, UM, which is I'm in a place where I'm ready to date someone that I see the long term with, whatever that may be. Um, I don't really I'm not looking at that. So yeah, I can see this being something that you know, goes pretty pretty far. And him too, And he's a little bit younger, um, but he just doesn't act that way.

You know. He's a very he's images in a lot of ways, but very mature in the places that count, so which I think that's good. I want to say I'm probably a watered down version of that too. You know, I definitely don't hold the cands with this guy. Sounds like he's the whole package. But I like to say that I'm also really mature in a lot of ways that keep things fun and interesting, and then you can turn on the maturity when you need to, which for

me is very rare, but at least I do my best. Um. Well, yeah, like I said, that's amazing. Congratulations, were so excited for you. Thanks. Thanks? He is he in Spain with you right now? He's not. No, I'm here for my friends birthday and we're planning a trip to Europe in July, so we will be going abroad soon, which is exciting. But with work, it's difficult for him to get off of, you know, to travel

a rod randomly. So yeah, definitely when you have that real nine to five, and especially in aerospace, I feel like they work probably like sixty seventy hour weeks. Yeah. Yeah, he's working on a lot of things. Um. So it's exciting though because I feel like I'm learning a lot about space through him, which is really cool because I've been like on a sudden like space upswing. Uh, So it's cool to be able to Actually he comes home and we can kind of talk about stuff he's been doing.

So yeah, it's so nice for what I feel like, you love is someone that can constantly, like intellectually stimulate you, And it sounds like that's exactly what he's able to do. Yeah, And he tells me I'm wrong all the time, which is so great, um, And I like it for just like getting in debates with somebody is like something that I really enjoy, and he'll he'll even tell me I'm wrong or try to debate something even if he agrees with me. So it's definitely been like one of those

relationships where we test each other constantly. Um, But can I ask you about that a little bit more, Beau, because Kaylin and I do the same well, I guess I do the same thing with Kaylin all the time, and she gets really upset with me a lot of the times when she's like, why are you arguing with me when you agree with me? And um, how do I how do I help frame that as like a

good thing, because I think it's fun to like. The more you argue about something like not like argue, but debated, I guess is a better word than the more you kind of better understand it and you'll either agree with it more or disagree with it by the end of it. Um, So how could I How can I frame that better? Because I love doing that too. It's like, yeah, I might agree with you, but let's see if we can

argue a counterpoint here. You know, I see it as growing and learning, you know, I mean, debating is one of the best ways to use your brain and to you know constantly. I think something that really I found attractive that he did was that, Um, I was saying something that I believed in and I was like, oh, yeah, I guess I could believe in that. And he's like, well, why do you actually believe in that? Like why is that something that you really And there's some things you

just never really think about. You just agree with it because it's the easier path to go down and to be challenged and to reflect, aket Onto, like why you actually have the values you do? Um, I think it's healthy. And I believe in being more like a malleable person with some things. I don't want to be concrete and solid um And I think him constantly testing me with that just allows me to be open to going and I want to grow with someone. I don't want to

be stagnant. So I mean, I think, you know, with you guys, it's just a way for you to constantly be learning about each other and being excited about different things you never thought about. Yeah, it's just like a it's like a it's like a game. It's like, you know, it's like a Settlers of Katan where you're like, you know, doing things. It's always different and you're always like trying to find a different viewpoint to I don't know, understand the world better. So I do love set as a Katan.

I love that reference. Um. I always find it funny too when he tried when you try to argue as someone about something. Uh. And this isn't exclusive to relationships or anything like that, but just like like debates in general, when you like start talking and like making a counterpoint and they immediately get super defensive and they go on their heels, and that's kind of when you know, like there's no point in arguing with this person because they

kind of theologic got the window. A lot of the time. Um, I've seen that. I've seen that a lot more recently. Well No, I mean, I just think I think it's it's good to have discussions about things I wouldn't say. It's like an argument. You're not saying things to put down the other person or to like the intention is always to have fun and to banter. Um. And so yeah, I think there's nothing wrong with challenge person making them

grow a little bit and keeping them on their toes. Yeah, it's like when you wrote an essay in high school. You uh, you always have to make your point and then make a counterpoint, and that's that's how you do an right I guess, um, all right, well, yeah, thank you so much. But let's move over to de Andre. So uh d'andre. We met you on Bachelor? Was it Matt season, Peter season, Peter season? Yeah, and then we

met you again on Bachelor in Paradise. Yes, okay, so I don't I don't watch a lot of those shows, funny enough, So could you feel feel the listener is in that definitely already know you, but mostly filled me? And I'm kind of like your experiences on the show, what you were doing beforehand, what you're doing now? Um. So, beforehand I went on the show, I was originally a long time ago. Um, I was just working a regular

job that I didn't like. So when I left it on the show, I was really excited because it gave me the opportunity to date. I felt like ever since I graduated college and I got into the working world, I was like, I want to meet someone, I want to get married, Like that was my timeline. I had that like in the back of my head always. So when I went on the show Peter season, UM, it

wasn't my favorite experience. Honestly. I think that just being in the environment with one man and so many women, it just kind of showed me that that's not the kind of dating but I want to do. And I don't think it makes you value yourself because you're trying to mold yourself into what they want you to be, essentially,

especially when you have so many different women around. So when I left um the Bachelor, I was like, Okay, well that was a weird experience for me, but it kind of like shifted my thinking into like what I actually wanted in life, and I felt like I needed to date more and like be like find myself outside of what I thought I was originally. UM. So then I went to Bachelor in Paradise and it was definitely

it was way a way better experience. It allowed me to date multiple people and not have to conform into what I thought someone wanted me to be, and I think that was ultimately the best thing. I didn't find anyone that I had a connection with on the beach, so obviously went home. Um, but it was a really great experience. I met a lot of people. I met Kendall for the first time and she's great and I made a lot of friendships. But life post show, I'm

in pharmaceutical sales and um, I do like influencing. I like to say, like content creation, television, you know, speaking, and I'm not like an influencer. But I've definitely been more focused on just me. I'm not really dating right now, just discovering myself. I'm actually in Los Angeles right now. I didn't know you lived in Los Angeles, Kendall. Oh yeah, let's hang out. Yeah. I was a star for this and I saw that you were in l A. And I was like, dang it, I'm like out of the

country now, but I'm coming back. Uh so let's hang out. Amazing, Yeah, because I'm here short term, but I actually kind of want to move here, so like that's something that I'm considering right now. I just the rent here is ridiculous compared to Texas. Texas is amazing. Just talk about it right now. Definitely, Yeah, But that's kind of the decision I'm like weighing on right now, is if I'm going to stay in l A or go back to Dallas. So you're in l A for work for the pharmaceutical thing. Um,

so I'm remote so I can work from here. And then also I wanted to come to l A because I want to transition out of it eventually. I don't think that pharmaceutical sales is gonna be my forever job. So I kind of came here to just test the waters. But I love more so like the environment here, Like everybody's super creative and you feel very comfortable here, and like, I feel like there's a lot of growth that can be had in l A. So that's where my mind is right now. Which part of l A? Are you?

I'm spoiled right now? I'm in West Hollywood, Yeah, yeah, yeah, right across from Grove. No, you're right next to You're really close to me. Then, well, I can't stay here because this is like this has had me spoiled and I can need to move. This is like an Airbnb kind of and it's way too effecting and I'm like, I gotta go. But I just don't know where else to go in California because I feel like everyone's like there are some good places and I'll I'll help in

a place I have some friends. Please, I will text you. I'll make you stay here. Okay, I mean I agree. I think definitely definitely stay in l A. I'm a big fan of the West Side. I know Kendall has been a West Hollywood girl for a long time, but I'm a big fan of um like Venis and Santa Monica and stuff and imply it. But hey, that's just me. Um No, my my boyfriend's and Hermosa so I get to steal some peaches. Does he does your boyfriend work for? Um? SpaceX?

Not SpaceX. I don't know the name of his company. Um it's in Hermosa though. Um, but yeah, he does volleyball and stuff there. It's a really cool community, all right. The enter back to you real quick. So, okay, so you're in l A. You were on Bachelor in Paradise, but you didn't make a connection with anyone, but I do remember you on that season. Um, so tell me about Bachelor in Paradise in your experience, because I agree

with you. I think it's a much better format. It's a lot easier to get there and relax and actually have a good time instead of being stressed out the whole time. I think I'm sure Kendall would agree to. UM. So, well, what was your experience like, like, you know, not coming out of it with a romantic connection, but you came out with a lot of friendships and stuff. Do you wish you could go back and do things differently or are you kind of happy with how it all played out?

I think no matter what, even if I did went back and did thing things differently, I think that same outcome would have come. So I guess I would just leave it right where it is. UM, I liked it. I felt like as far as my connection with the men, like I wish that there were more people that I was like super aligned with. I think that would have made my experience that much better. Like the men, they were amazing and great and like they found their respective people.

But I think it's frustrating that like being on the Bachelor and then going and like to Paradise, not having even a strong connection like leaving or someone that I talked to afterwards. I think that's open my thing or my theme with being on the franchise or like in the like Bachelor and then Bachelor in Paradise. That's what I would kind of frustrated. It's like I'm wondering why I haven't found a strong connection at least once. Um,

But I loved my experience in Paradise. If I had the opportunity to go again, I would just want to like have an idea of like what kind of men were going. But I'm not sure if it would be for me, like basically my past experiences. Well, I do kind of remember watching a couple of episodes of that Bachelor in Paradise. I was like, why is no one else? Why is like Deandra not getting more attention? It's like almost infuriating for me, Like I I was kind of

getting really annoyed by it. Um. And I hate when people say I'm intimidating because I'm like, I'm really the nicest person ever. Like, what's like why it can't be an intimidation thing. It can't be the insentivity in me in my life. I'm like I hate that answer, So,

like what's the reason that's? I mean, I don't get it. So, So, did you not find any of the guys there like attractive enough to you to like really pursue aggressively or was it more of a matter of just like you kind of wanted to relax and let them come to you, and that just I guess didn't happen. It was a little bit of both. So like when I first got down to the beach, I was like just based on like, Okay,

who am I like instantly attracted to? It was like Aaron, Um Brendan, and like, I know, I had a really good conversation with Brennan the first day. But I'm the kind of person like I've always wanted a man to pursue me, and I think that was my downfall, as I wasn't pushing enough to try to get to know these men. So like I have one little conversation and then I'd be like, Okay, well come on, and that's not going to happen in that setting, Like it just

straight up isn't. So I think that it was kind of my fault not pursuing those relationships. But at the end of the day, like seeing how it played out, I'm glad that I didn't push too hard to pursue relationships. I mean, um, when Thomas came down to the beach, obviously he was attractive, but other than that, I was kind of like, well, I don't know. Yeah, not not

anyone there that's going to really catch you. I will say, Aaron, if I was a single girl down on Bachelor in Paradise, I would be all up in Aaron's business at all times because that it's very attractive. So okay, so let's say I know you kind of alluded to a little bit as well. Let's say, um, you know there's another season of Bachelor in Paradise and they ask you to come back. What is your kind of like ideal um

characteristics to find a partner down there? Like you know, obviously some of the guys are gonna be listening to this, to this episode because they want to get to know you a little bit better. What what what do they have to do to really catch your eye? I think it's someone who isn't shy, Like I love a man who will just approach you and just be like hey, like strike up conversation, like make it known that he's interested in you. Like of course it's my decision to

be like, yeah, I'm interested too. But I think like applying pressure is what I'm really attracted to. I think like being charismatic and confident and funny and just like okay with putting yourself out there as a man, because I'm such I've tried to like where because I'm a very alpha personality, so like I feel like I always like kind of take charge and I need someone who's like more alpha than I am to balance me. So I think that that's something on the beach that just

didn't happen. And I was like everyone was just so nonchalant, and I've never been attracted to nonchalant people at all. Yeah, I was like, when a guy makes the move too, you know, just kind of goes for it and see what happens. It did kind of feel on Paradise that it was a little more hesitant. It was like afraid to move. It really felt like that. Okay, I'm glad I came in and like whoa, Like I don't want to cause any drama. I don't know, but yeah, it

was an interesting vibe. And you know what's funny is the guys were talking about, well, you know, the each guy picked a girl and we didn't want to step on toes And I was like, the whole point of

Paradise is to step on toes. Yeah, if you have a real connection with somebody or else that doesn't work right because I have friends that I was like, Okay, we both like the same person, or like we both think the same person is attractive, and like, I can respectfully, you can be my friend, but if I want to pursue that person, I'm gonna pursue that person. And like, what are you gonna do? You can't? Like that's what has four So I felt like, look had that. Yeah,

I think they don't want to be a villain. That's what it is. Like, I don't want to be the one that breaks someone's heart or else everyone's gonna hate me. But even if you try not to do that, they might end up painting you anyway, Like that's what happened to me. So it's just it's just kind of one of those things where it's like either you go for who you truly want to be with or you end up leaving disappointed. So absolutely, yeah, I was gonna say

the same thing. It seemed like the past like two seasons of The Bachelor, at the guys that have come off of it have been very bromancy, like very very like buddy buddy um, and I kind of carried over into paradise like the Andrew is saying, you know, people didn't really want to like ruffle any feathers or stepping on any toes, but that's kind of the name of the game. And because they've grown this, you know, incredibly tight bond, which is not a bad thing by any means.

It kind of didn't, but it just didn't allow for the pot to be stirred, I guess as much as possible, not even stirring the pot, but like exploration of other possible relationships, I guess. But um, yeah, maybe, I mean the nice thing is, uh, I've done two Bachelor in Paradises, the second one always is better. Uh in paradises, I would say her second one is better too. Um. So that all said, you know, the perspective you gain from from going and coming back a second time is definitely

super helpful. Um, but let's say, you know, I don't think Paradise even shoots for another like what probably actually pretty soon like three months or so. How is dating? How is dating in l A? Are you going on dates? Are you meeting guys out there at all? No? And that I was actually just talking to my friend here. So I've gone out a couple of times. I don't really go off that much. I've just been working and like the extra time I have to spend my friends.

But even when I'm out, men don't approach me and like you alice, like men will buy you drinks and men will talk to you regardless of whether you're attractive to them or not, like it's just like the nice thing to do. But I feel like in l A, I was asking my friend, I was like, why don't guys talk to girls here? And someone was saying, is because everyone kind of goes out with a chip on their shoulder and like they don't want to be denied,

they don't want to be embarrassed everyone. You know, some of the guys here think that there are certain status so they don't approach women. I don't know what it is, but no, I've had no luckt dating here, so I've

just given up. Like I'm like, I'm just gonna sit back let it be depended on So I think it runs to depending on dating, you know, because there's so many people going through on those things when in person, it seems so intimidating to like go up to someone and be like I'm interested in you when you can do it behind a screen and maybe come across someone

you've seen. Um, but yeah, l A is full of shiny There's lots of shiny attractive people, and it's just finding somebody that, uh I don't know that you genuinely find a connection with. That can be really difficult in l A. Right, I just yeah, Kendell. I feel like Kendell's always got like a new group of friends. So I feel like she's probably a good person to know for that reason, because she's a she's a connector you know,

you you connect people. I feel like Kendall, you know, the best way to date that was a friend of a friend, which is what happened to Kendall, Like, oh he was a friend of a friend always. Yeah, Like that's like the best way to date. Right, It's the same sound really stupid. It's the same with getting a job. I feel like it's so hard to get a job

by just applying and interviewing and getting the job. And I feel like like nine out of ten times it's because your friend is setting up for an interview or something like that, or you know someone, or like it's always through like a connection somehow. Granted, I've been un employeed for six years, So what the heck do I on? But yeah, exactly where in l A do you go out? Do you stay on the West Hollywood side or yeah.

So I haven't really ventured anywhere other than West Hollywood because I just really like the areas out here, Like I've been to the Nice Guy. Um, I went to Poppies. Delilah's kind of like all of like the spots. Everyone know, that's the problem. You're going to the places that are too trendy. U actually actually have to go out on the west, on the West side, like by the beach. Those are the most chill people. Everyone's really nice. I feel like going out in West Hollywood like I don't

even do that and sometimes kind of stay it. Yeah, I'll help you, we'll find forces. Yeah I'm doing something wrong. Kenda, Like where should you go like waterfront or stay away from Bungalow to go to Bungalow, and I was like, I don't know, don't bunglo You should have a whaler Whiler Venice Alehouse is fun places where people are chill

and actually want to have real conversations. Um. One of my friends does, like there's like these beach dj things you can get involved in where there's like DJ's on the beach and everyone just hangs out and plays volleyball and like, you know, it's just fun, like you want to. Yeah, there's more of a lighthearted side to to l A. And I think some people can get so wrapped up in the cool, trendy places to go to, and those are the places where people are very stoic and don't

like they're not real really welcoming of new people. It's kind of like a scene kind of thing, too cool for that dander. You're younger, aren't you your Yeah, but I feel like I'm old you really Okay, that's not high field, but I guess like as I get older, I publy like, oh my god, wait was really That's what I'd say. In l A. It's very young everyone. It's peter pan Land. In l A, people don't get relationships until later in the mid thirties. I will say

as as a twenty five year old single person. I know we kind of ragged on it a little bit, but Bungalow has got to be the spot. When I always twenty five and single, I was at Bungalow three times a week. Maybe not that much, but I was there a lot, and uh, it's definitely kind of like seeny and a little douche at times, but it's it's

definitely a lot of fun. And it is like if you still get like that laid back experience, like you know, you would at like some of the places on the West Side, but it's worry about it's like wordy about going to places that people are douchey because it's so because I'm such like a it's hard for me to hide my emotions and expressions. Like when someone's giving douche I'm like the guys, yeah, I'm like, Okay, well let's

happen up some more chill and more real. I mean not saying that that doesn't exist in these certain places. I'm sure it does, um, but I don't know. I feel like more of a laid back and from where you can really beat yourself and actually hear someone and talk to them. And that's yeah, I don't know. It's difficult to date in l A. Again, there's a lot of places to go out to a lot of different

kinds of people, different groups of people. Um. Yeah, I've been fortunate enough to like know people that I've known for such a long time because I grew up in l A. So um so yeah, but there are good people that do exist. It does get frustrating dating in l A, but it's not alone. I just can't believe you're so young. Here's such a baby. But yeah, it's crazy, it's crazy. Um. I mean I'm thirty, Kendall, you're twenty

nine thirty. Oh my god, I'm thirty one too, so we're both in our thirties and years just baby, five years apart from me. Come on now. Yeah, but that's like actually a lot of residences and Kendall, you're your sister's age. I might yeah, we're twins, so exactly. Definitely the Second Soldiers, it was like like a like a gun. I thought you got you like came out like holding your hand or something like that. You're coming with me? Well? Uh d' andrew, I think selfishly speaking, and I feel

weird even saying this. I don't want you to get in a relationship because I would love to see you back on Bachelor in Paradise. So I don't often wish against people to get in relationships, but this is one of those, uh um, you know, unique examples where where I definitely reading against it for the for the short term, until you know, everyone gets down to that beach. Um,

But we're gonna take one quick break. We got some emails I want to get to with you guys, and then uh, and then we'll call it call it quits from there, I guess. So stay tuned through the break. We'll be right back. All right, welcome back to help buy second dating. Um, we have to e mails and de Andrew, since this is your first time guest co hosting with us. What we do is every week we have a couple of listeners email us some of their dating stories, and so they'll either share a story or

ask for advice or whatever it might be. Uh, and then we just kind of do our best to give it to them, which you know, it's just a bunch of idiots, kind of blind leading the blind essentially, is really what it is. So, UM, is east in there? Do you want to read an email for us? Easton? It would be my honor, Dan, Thank you very much for the invitation. Uh. This first email is from Anonymous. I've been with my girlfriend for five years now. We met when we were both freshman in college, and we're

now living together in Eugene, Oregon. She's the first girlfriend I've ever had, and sometimes I catch myself wondering if I'm just with her because I don't know any different. I don't have another relationship to compare to. This doesn't mean that I don't love her, But are these the thoughts that I'm having a red flag in our relationship? Oh man, he's been with his girlfriend for five years, first and foremost, that's a long long time, do you think? So?

Who said that, Kendall or de Andrew? Okay, I think the fact that this person has been a relationship for so long and it was their first relationship. I don't know if you guys. I feel like your first love is always like a love that you never forget, but it's never really your last love in my opinion, because I feel like if you don't know what you don't like,

you'll never know what you truly like. So it's like, if he goes off to marry this girl, it's like, you'll never know, and I feel like that's gonna be a problem later on in the relationship. So I think it's a red flag that he's even feeling this way, because if it's the one, it's the one period, there's no well hesitation, like I don't know anything else in my opinion at least. Okay, I see where you're coming from, Kendall.

What do you think? I mean? I agree? I think that, um, you especially when I when I was in college, I've changed so much as a person. You know, I'm not the same person. If I dated the same person that I did when I was in college, it would never work out because we grew so far apart. And I think what's happening is that this person doesn't really truly know themselves. I don't want to assume this, but like I didn't at that time know myself as an individual,

I'm outside a relationship. UM, and college you expedite so much about who you are, and it changes so rapidly because you're in a new environment meeting new people. UM, if you're having doubts, then it's a sign that maybe you need to you know, not then you have to go out and date a bunch of different people, but kind date yourself for a bit so you're more sure about the feeling you have with someone in with for

so long. Yeah, I I kind of agree. I agree with what you guys are saying I do think that whenever you have doubt, it's it's not a good thing. But five years is a long time, and I think that, especially when it comes to guys, I feel like you can kind of let that doubt creep in a little bit at times, and you're like, well, what am I doing? Do I want to be with someone else? Uh? Do

I really love this person? And I mean I've been there before and some of my older relationships, and then we end up breaking up and then like at first you're super happy, You're like, wow, freedom, I'm so excited to be like a freeman and do whatever I want and not have to worry about making anyone else happy. And then like that dies probably in like three weeks, and then you're like, wow, I really missed that person. You're like I'm really sad or really little, and then

I want that person back in my life. So I think a lot of times guys love to you know, it's like it's kind of like the grass is always greener thing where things are good, but they always wonder if they could be better somewhere else, and it's like, who's to say that they could or couldn't be um, And I think that's just kind of like human nature to think that. But I hate it. I think it's

a I think it's a normal thought. I don't think it's a red flag in my opinion, because I think it's just like a natural, natural thing that people go through, especially five years, Like, um, that's a long long time to be in a relationship. Five years. You know, I've never been in a five year relationship, but I've been in a couple. Well, I guess I'm in a three year relationship now, which is by far my longest relationship,

and I've it's a long time. It's a long time I've I've like had I mean, I think every person has doubts at a certain point, but um, I don't think I've gotten to the same point as this guy ever. But I just like, I don't think it's a red flag necessarily, you know what they mean. I just think

it's like natural. I think that My advice then, if he's feeling this way is take like a couple of weeks to yourselves and don't necessarily date anyone else but literally just cut off all communication and kind of see what you feel like and like work through these feelings.

So then you'll know like do I just miss the company of her, or do I genuinely still have these feelings even when I'm not speaking to her or you know, living with her or being with her every day, because that by yourself, truly by yourself, that's the only time you really like explore, know what you want. Mm hmm agree. And I agree with what Kendall was saying earlier too. It's like these guys started dating when they were freshman's

in college. That's so so young, Like I such such a different person I was when I was in college for better for worse. I mean, who the heck really knows, but uh yeah, it's definitely like a pretty pretty big changing experience you go through then. So it's like you don't really know who you are because you have been

relying on this relationship for so long. So it would be good to take a break, but like not see other people, but like kind of like, you know, take a take a break in that sense, um, which I'm an advocate for. By the way, we we got a lot of people who are anti break, and I think when people talk about taking a break, what they're always

referring to is like go date other people. But I think breaks where you just kind of like exclude yourself and like withdrawing yourself for like a week maybe, uh, just to kind of like refocus your priorities and like understand what's important to you. I think that can be pretty beneficial in a lot of ways. So hopefully these guys can figure that out. Um alright, youson? We got another one from Samantha. What does that one say? All right? Samantha G says, my boyfriend and I have been dating

for about seven years. I love him more than anything, and I know that he's the one. However, I cannot stand his parents. I have my reasons. The dad has not been loyal to his mom, but they're still together, and that's something that I do not respect. I don't understand how you can stay with someone who had an affair for five years. I just think it is weak. His dad is also a total jerk and has never been welcoming or friendly to me. Is it important to you,

guys that you like your in laws? Do you believe that in saying you're also marrying the family, Well, my life be hell if I married this guy. I can't picture my life without him. But I can't picture my life having to deal with his parents. What do you guys think? I think that, for one, she can't put her standards for a relationship onto the standards of his

parents relationships. So it's like, if the wife knows the dad is cheating and she chooses to stay, she probably feels safer staying than being by herself at whatever age, So like that she should try to just like let go. But it's as far as can you love someone and not like they're in laws? I think that's totally possible because at the end of the day, like she still has her family that they can be a part of.

And if you really love someone, you find a way to make it work, and you don't live with them unless you guys live together, like you only see them at select times. You make it work for the person that you love. But I definitely think that you shouldn't put like the way that you would act in a relationship off to someone else because that will just make you despise them. But not everyone's gonna do what you

want in life. So it's like she has to think that there's just way more going on, probably that she'd been aware of. In my opinion, I agree well, I think it's difficult because I love families like I love diving in and like having the relationship with them. But um, I don't think. I think the most important thing is that he or you defend each other in a relationship.

So if his dad is disrespecting her, that he steps in and they're a team, you know, together and that and I think that would be the deciding factor for me. If he just sits back and just watches it happen and allows her to get disrespected, that's when I would have an issue. But no, if he's supportive and tell us his dad, Hey, this is the person that I've chosen to be with. You have to respect her, then

I don't see an issue. You don't have to like everybody. Um, And relationships can grow over time, but the immediate relationship is the most important. I agree, as long as they're prioritizing each other rather than the in laws or parents or whatever it might be. I'm probably in the minority when I uh, because I think this. I I hate like nuclear faith like I don't get wrong, I love,

I love good family structures, all kind of stuff. I hate dating people that are really close with their family because I'm not, and and so it's like it's challenging for me to be in that environment because it's so

foreign to me, you know what I mean. Like I've I've definitely dated with girls in the past who are super close to their parents and um, you know, like and their grandparents and and their their sisters kids and like all these things, and it like it just terrifies me to the point where, uh, I can't I can't date I haven't been able to date them. And so I I kind of like see where she's coming from.

But I I personally like, don't necessarily think you need to have a relationship with the in laws at all. Like it's just to me, it's not a super essential thing because like Kendall was saying, I'm not to say that she's agreeing with anything that I'm saying here, but as long as your priority is your partner at all times, I think that's the most important thing. Um. So that's

that's how I feel about that. And and the only reason I say all that too is because I've noticed when uh, like Klin for instance, you know, she's she's had some struggles with her families and her with her parents, um, and me with my and we're able to kind of like empathize with each other over some of the hard

times that we've had because of that. And I guess the people that I've dated in the past that haven't had to deal with those types of things, maybe I don't fully understand the struggles of that sometimes, probably because I can communicate it clearly enough, but it is It is nice to be able to like have someone that you can lean on that's gone through a shared experience with you. So I mean, I hope that she this person doesn't let her score and relationship with her potential

father in law ruin the relationship. But do you guys think that since her boyfriend's dad has had in a fair or five years, does that have any bearing on the boyfriend at all. I think it's probably either something he's gonna learn from or imitate. So it's like when you see your parents, you have two choices like do I want to imitate this and I do I think this is acceptable? Or do I want to be different

from my parents? So I think that it's completely personal in his thing, because you know, there's things I've seen my parents do that I could be just like them. Or I could take the other road and learn from their mistakes and be like is what I don't want And I'm not going to be like this, But I definitely don't think it's going to impact him one or the other. Yeah, And he probably sees how it affects his mother and how it affects his and he's close

to his family. He sees how that has affected not only his mom but probably his girlfriend. I'm sure she's talked to him about it as well, and so maybe it even opens up their communication with that, so they talk about these things earlier, UM, and just ways to avoid that in their relationship. That's mean that they don't want UM. So I think any sort of opportunity to

talk about stuff is good. Yeah, I agree. I In fact, when I talked to my dad acton we used to talk, I I noticed I would pick up some of his mannerisms like subconsciously without even realizing it. And I had always think, like, crap, if I'm picking up some of the things without even realizing it, Like what am I not realized? Like what bad traits am I picking up without realizing? So hopefully that's not the case, Like d Andrew is saying, it's either you learn from it or

you you pick it up and do it yourself. Hopefully this person is learning from that seat of doing it themselves. But all right, that's gonna do it. For this week's episode of Help, I Suck at Dating, uh Samantha and the anonymous email, I thank you guys so much for emailing us. Keep the emails coming. I Suck a Dating at I heeart media dot com. Uh, de Andrew. We're so excited to see what the future holds for you.

Keep trying to date in l A. But like I said, do not find a boyfriend, because we want to see you back on Bachelor and Paradise this this next summer. And Kendall very very happy for you. We cannot wait to be updated as it moves along. What's serious? What's your like? What's your strategy with this? Because you you probably don't want to overshare the relationship, but you also don't want to undershare it, so like, what do you how are you going to navigate this? Um, it's just

day by day. I think that I'm trusting. I'm just trusting Mitch and our relationship, and um, he's somebody that I feel like despite the distraction that it could be to be in more like a kind of public relationship with eyes on it. Um. I trust who he is to not let it really affect us. But I've never been in a relationship, haven't been in a relationship in a while. Um, but since you know the whole being one in paradise and so it's it's a little bit

different for me. But he's patient with that. So nice. I love it. Well everyone, hope you overshare it because I want to keep staying updates from you guys. So um, big thank you to you guys for joining us. Kendall have fun in Spain uh and we will talk to you guys soon. Be sure to tune in next week where maybe we suck just a little bit less. Follow help by Suck at Dating on I Heart Radio or wherever you listen to podcast.