A Family Affair

reason is, uh, it's just me by myself. There's no more ARC or Eastern to fall back on. Riley is here as she usually is, but I don't know um of her interest in being involved regularly in this episode, So it's true. I guess it's gonna be me talking about whatever comes to my mind. But before we uh get into whatever I want to talk about, I do want to let you guys know we have Vanessa in a rusion us from the new dating show, The Armenian Dating Show, which is actually kind of funny to say that.

But she'll be joining us a little bit later after the first break. Um, so just if you're interested in that, stick around for that but I guess I can update you guys on where I am. So right now I am in uh Nashville, Tennessee, because tomorrow is well as of I guess this recording being aired yesterday was Ben and Justice wedding here in Nashville. So there's a bunch of us out here. Kaylin, Nick, Natalie, and myself are all staying in a nice little house near downtown Nashville.

Nick was actually supposed to guest host this episode with me, but there are some small fears that I might have COVID, but that's not confirmed. It's also not tonight. I uh so, I've been doing a lot of like renovating of our house in Las Vegas, and I inhaled a lot of saw us and I wasn't wearing a mask, and I was like standing and cutting and doing a bunch of stuff with wood, and I think I inhaled a lot of sawdust. And so my sinuses are really really messed

up right now, like they're clogged. I can't really breathe through my nose very well. It's got a little bit better, actually, but that's why it's just me hosting today. Jared is in Mexico at his best friend's wedding. I think he's a groomsman. He actually was going to come on today and I said, no, Jared, you can take the day off because Nick and I are going to co host, and then right before we started go hosting rightfully, so Nick was like, yeah, maybe I don't think I want

to do that anymore. So here I am just rambling and rambling on. I'm gonna go into our hot topics here because I don't really know what else to talk about. Honestly, Riley, do you want to jump in on this podcast with me? Because I feel just weird talking and talking and talking. I'm happy to jump on with you, and I think you're doing a great job. Oh thanks, Well, I need

you here, so I appreciate you joining me. Um rally, Before we jump into the hot topics, can you just give us an update on where your parents are since the last time we talked to them. Um, my parents are still traveling around and living their lives and having fun. Um, they're so excited about what they're doing and um, you know, this new stage in their life. So they're just careless and worry free. And their YouTube video is still going

strong or their YouTube channel they're going strong. Yep. Have you been featured on the YouTube channel yet? I have not. Um, I know my brother for sure does not want anything to do with it, a little more open to it, but I think I want them to, you know, have the spotlight and do what they want to do. So but if they'd like me too, I'm happy to that's nice to you. Are you gonna be asking them for Thanksgiving?

I am. We are actually going out this weekend to visit my grandparents and do an early Thanksgiving with them. So where's that palm springs? Oh? Nice palm springs. That's exactly what I think about when I think about that Thanksgiving. Yes, nice and warm? Nice and warm? Um. All right, Riley, Well, so you and I thank you for again jumping in and coasting this podcast with me because we all know

how much I struggled to do things on my own. Um. So, the hot topics that we have today, there are five big big red flash to look out for wild dating, according to our relationship expert, and I want to go through all five of those with you. Is that okay? And I also want to talk about whether you've experiencing these or not, because I'm sure at some point in another we have either experienced that aren't done them ourselves.

So the first one is, uh, they want you to move too fast as a couple, and I feel like this is typically um, well, actually no, I guess I was gonna say this typically is women experiencing it, but I bet you it probably goes both ways. So have you ever been like dating someone and then they wanted to progress their relationship too quickly and you're like turned

off by it? Definitely? I think you know, it wasn't so much just a relationship they want to progress, but they like talk to me right off the bat like we were in a relationship, you know, like meeting somebody for the first time. They were always they were like quick to just like pet names like baby and stuff like that. And I was like, yeah, yeah, I think that's definitely a reflect too. I Um, I've I've had

to go both ways. I've been like, I guess it's hard not to like, like, let's say you have like a great night with someone, right and you guys like hang out, um, and you're hanging out the next day and like you are just like lovey dovey, holding hands

kissing in public like that kind of stuff. I feel like that can sometimes be um easy, but I feel like there are a lot of occasions where you're right, like you're talking to someone too for not very long, and then they start like turning it on the way too much and calling you baby, and like, oh, that's kind of aggress I guess I'm trying to think, like, I don't know if I've ever experienced that personally though, I feel like, especially from the Bachelor show that happened,

it is pretty frequently like people fall in love and less than a a week, But personally, like, outside of my show experience, I can't think I've ever had that happen. Have you found yourself talking too soon, like saying things that you normally wouldn't Well, my brain is musch again. I want to remind you that, um, have I ever done that? I mean, I want to say no, but the answer is probably yes, Like at some point or another, I'm sure I had done something very ridiculous like that.

I think. I think even if I was really into someone, though, I would always try to slow play it to the best of my ability. Um, So maybe not so much. But I don't know. That's a hard question to ask to answer because as uh, you obviously know, it's like it's hard to recall every every moment of every dating experience you've ever had in your entire life. But we're gonna be move on the next one because that one's tricky. So that's the number one is they want you to

move too fast as a couple. Um. Number two is they only communicate via text or social media. And I have definitely been involved with people that are like this, and I wonder, I wonder why it is too. I think that there are well, there's obviously like the cat fishing purposes, right, like they don't want to talk on the phone because they're worried about like their voice, or they don't want to meet in person because they don't

want you to see what they actually look like. So I think there's a lot of issues that surround that, um. But I think that even even beyond that, like let's say you have met them in person and you don't know exactly who they are and they still only want to text or they still only want to like chat on social media, I think that can be a bit of a red flag too, because it's like, well, like,

why is this your only form of communication? I'm recalling like one person in particular that like I feel like she was like dating like maybe like five other guys at the time, and that's why that was like her way of keeping everything organized was by texting full time instead of talking on the phone. So that's why that's like what I related to. But that definitely is a

red flag. Have you ever experienced that where someone never wants to call or meet in person or anything like that, especially being on dating apps, Like people don't want to get off dating apps most of the time. They just want to stick there and they know we had we had that guest not too long ago. That made that

good point too. There's like a rule where it's like after a week or two weeks, if they haven't asked you to like move from the app to like get your phone number or something like that, then it's just time to give up on it because they're taking too long. And I agree with that. I think a lot of people just like to like sit on their on their hands and twidet of the thumbs and now one of the next thing, um this one actually kind of it

is ironic to me because not ironic, but timely. Number three is they trash talk their X. And the reason I say it's timely is because Caitlin and I were actually just talking about this last night. I feel like I got under a lot of uh scrutiny for doing the opposite of that, for talking highly of my ax, who is now on Clayton's season. So uh, I guess

they're both red flags. You don't want to talk trash about your ex and you don't want talk highlight about your ex, because either way you're going to um be in red flag there. All right, we gotta guests waiting in the waiting. Um, So I'm just gonna go through these last two real quick. They just got out of a relationship. That's not really a red flag to me.

That just means bad timing, I guess. Or number five, they got drunk on the first date, also not a red flag to me, um, because getting drunk on the first date is a great way to take the edge off. UM. Okay, Well, we're gonna take a quick break and we're gonna get to our guests. Stay tuned through the break, we'll be it back. All right, everybody, welcome back to help I suck at dating. And I know I promised to have Vanessa here joining me, but I actually I'm gonna do

you guys one better. I have Vanessa and Natasha joining us from the Armenian Dating Show. UM, how are you guys? Thank you so much? Thanks, I'm great, Thanks for asking, Thanks so much for joining. UM. I appreciate you guys joining the episode of how by Second Dating. So I I just gotta ask because I've never really heard of the Armenian Dating Show, so I just need to know all about it. Can you start from the finish or start from the beginning and go all the way to

the end for me? Like what it's about? What? What can we expected for watching all that kind of stuff? UM? Basically, it is the brainchild of our amazing producer, Anthony Abocci and the production team that he founded Mia Seen UM And it's an unscripted show that basically, over ten episodes, serializes what it's like to date UM as an Armenian in l a UM, the struggles of it all while still trying to like be connected to our roots and

our culture and our heritage and all of that. And you know basically how much we also suck at dating? So are we gonna see something of that? We we gotta see you guys dating on the show then obviously mm hmmmm. And there's there's a little twist to it. So before the main singles go out on their dates, they're eates have to meet their families first. How can I forget that? That was the big like surprise? Why is that? Is? It? Is family super important in Armenian

dating culture? Is that why? Yeah? Definitely? I don't think Natasha and I a lot of people like our friends, we wouldn't date people who are not very family oriented. Like our family is our foundation, it's our bedrock. They are biggest support system and our biggest critics. Um mainly

our critics, but you know we um. Basically the whole point of it is that they meet our friends and family before they meet us, and and just how stressful that is because I personally have never had anyone meet my friends or family anyone that I've dated, so it was very like anxiety inducing for me. Well wait, I gotta I gotta stop here there then, So if if it's so important, why have you never had anyone meets

your family or friends before? Now? Because no one made the cut the important enough that it was just that they weren't important enough exactly. I think it's like, you know, there's a big emotional burden involved with having someone meet the people that matter to you the most, and I just never really thought anyone that I dated met my family and friends standards. So sorry. So then this was

a major twist for you. Then, rather than going from someone never meeting your parents and your family, uh, to then meeting them before you even get so you you haven't even had a chance to meet these people, right, they go through the ringer with the family first. Yeah, it's basically like they meet my friends and family, and then I'm sitting on a blind date with these guys. I have no idea what they look like or anything, and they're talking to me about my parents, like, oh

your mom's though, who your dad's like this? Your friends were asking crazy questions and I'm like, how is this happening? Natasha? What was your experience like with it too? Are you stressed out with them meeting your family before? So my experience is different than van Usas because I'm not a main single so I had to meet the guy's parents that I went on a date. Oh great, So we get both sides of it. Then, so what was that

like then walking in to meet them. I mean, it's interesting because you learn a lot about that person, like through someone else's eyes. But to be fair, I feel like the families are going to only put, you know, the good stuff out there. I tried to get some some gossip or like embarrassing stuff out, but they were very, very protective on revealing any of that information. So yeah, just like hearing all the good things about this person and like I guess, like getting excited without meeting them.

Yet it doesn't kind of go both ways. Like let's say you walk in to meet some guys family and you like, don't mesh well with the family, right, And then what if they're like, we really like you, we want you to meet our son, and then in your back of your head, you're like, well, I don't even know if I want to meet your son. Now did that ever happen at all? Um? I mean I can't say on the show, but I never had to do that, So no, that hasn't that happened in my life before.

But yess you'll just have to watch the show to see. And I don't think, like, as a rule of thumb, I don't think Natasha and I are like willing to meet people's friends and family before we meet them moving forward. It was it was a one, one time experiment, maybe not gonna happen again. Before before having done the Armenian Dating Show, had you guys ever been on like a blind date or anything like that? I have been on a blind date once and I told myself never again.

It was that bad. What was the first blind date? Like? Was it was just that bad that you decided you never wanted to give it a shot. So this is gonna sound very shallow. I'm not a shallow person, Like, I've attracted to a lot more things than looks. That's actually like the bottom of the radar. But this person just looked twice my age um at the time, and I was not down with that. But also some of the values that spoke about. I was like, yeah, this is not gonna work right. But it was an okay date,

like it went smooth but totally. But I was like, yeah, but what about you? Had you ever been on a blind date? Before the show? Um? I joke with my friends that I've been on a blind dat because I swear to god, I feel like I was catfished once, like this guy was not using like current photos of himself. I was at the bar, like where is so you

where it? But you know, I mean, it's a dangerous world out there with online dating, and I felt like I have done such a crappy job picking them myself that maybe I should just put in the hands of someone else. I mean, can't get much worse. Yeah, So can you guys here a little bit more? I know you said you're Armenian. Dating is very family oriented and you're you know, everyone's kind of involved in the process.

But can you guys kind of like compare and contrast or like share maybe, like what's unique about Armenian dating culture more so than just like the family, Like is there anything us beyond that? I mean, like for me, it's just everything in one so like knowing the language and like the culture, the traditions, the holidays and just like having the appreciation for that. Um, I guess that doesn't necessarily mean that they have to be Armenian, like

I think, I mean myself. I don't know if I speak on finesss we have, but like are are open to non Armians, but as as long as the respect for the culture is there Um, I know a handful of people who you know, are not Armian and love our culture and almost seem more Armenian than I am sometimes because they're surrounded by like so many other friends and um that are Yeah. I think just having it's

just easier. I guess if it's easier to have someone who understands like the mannerisms of your family and like just the way things are and like the strictness or like the you know, just the different culture is traditions and like practices that that um with being Armian. Yeah, and you know, someone you can talk crap about in

the same language about other people is always apt. I mean yeah for me personally, like my my parents they're both Armenian but completely opposite experiences, Like my dad is third generation Armyian born in America and my mom is arming and born in Syria, So like my dad doesn't

read write anything like that. And I think assimilation was like a really big fear for them with you know, me and my siblings, so they really instilled from like day one, you've got to be with an army, and you've got to be with an army, and and like a true rebellious teenager you know, twenty year old in college, I was like, screw you guys, I'm gonna date whatever I want. And then as I got older, I was like,

it is just a little bit easier, you know. And I'm not I'm not closed off to being or dating a non Army and but I think it's just my preference and um, you know, so we'll just see if if he's out there. Yeah, well in Vanessa to your point too, I remember, um, many many many years ago, I was dating this this French girl and she uh like introduced me to her family and whenever I was around,

I was I would always like beg them. I was like, please don't speak French when I'm around, because I feel like you're talking crap about me behind my back because I can't understand anything you're saying. So it must be nice to be able to talk crap to people in Armenian that might not be able to understand what's going on. Um. So, so both of your dating histories then it's been mostly Armenian. Right.

Have you guys tried dating other cultures and it just wasn't um what you wanted or have you guys just basically strictly stuck to dating other Armenians. I'd safe. For me, it was it's mainly been Armenians. I've been on dates with non Armenians as well, and I think ultimately like we didn't connect for other reasons as well. I don't think it was just the fact that he wasn't Armenian, but I think now I just kind of like I look and I swee, and I'm like, is that an

Armanian name or not? Like, oh, look at the pictures and try to figure out going on because like I don't have an Armyian name. I don't I've been told I don't really look Armenians, so I you know, I had to like add like an Armenian flag in my profile. I don't know it. For me, it's it's mainly been Armenians, and trust me, that's come with its own baggage of like you know, kissing frogs. They're not all great either,

but I'm sure Natalka can relate it. Well. Yeah, I would say mine is like I'm definitely open to dating non Armenians, but for the long run, ideally I would like to marry on an Armenian. But of course, like if someone else comes along, then I'm like, Okay, you're an amazing person. You treat me well, like you respect me and my family, and like we get along and it just works. Then I wouldn't necessarily say no, but yeah, ideally I would. I want to end up with an Armenian.

But I'm not opposed to dating and honor. What is what is Armanian culture in Los Angeles? Like, like, obviously it's it's Americanized to a degree, but is it still pretty culturally representative of back in Armenia. Um? Yeah, yeah, that's true. Like are you in the valley, are you in Glendell, are you in like Los Angeles? Um? I mean we both went to private Armyian schools, so we were very much in that community and like we grew

up with that. But if you are an Armenian that wasn't necessarily like part of an Armenian school or like an Armenian organization, then I guess you might not be as ingraining culture or like know as many people in the community. But I think that's mostly I would say up to the parents to decide like how involved want their kids to be, right, Yeah, And I'd say even I mean, I think the beauty of this show as well as kind of how much it highlights how many

like eclectic, different types of our means there are. That we're not like this monolithic idea like every other ethnic group. We're not all the Kardashians were not everything that you see in Glendale. We're not you know where. There's so many different facets to us, and that's the beauty of it all. Like we're not a complete picture without having the you know, maybe a little bit more fresh off

the boat arm means. We're not a complete picture without some of the army means who don't speak the language or anything but identify as that. And um, you know, it's just it does depend on different areas of l a. But ultimately, everyone tells a beautiful story about being ar mean and it's unique to them and and we should all respect that. Yeah, absolutely, that's beautifully said. Okay, So the show premiers on YouTube on November I believe, right.

So have you guys been able to see the episodes yet? Are you nervous about what it holds or I haven't seen them yet? Were it on the day before the night before? Okay, And we're your nerves right now? Are you guys? Nervous. Oh my god. Yeah, especially personally because I've been told I don't hide emotion on my face, which I thought I was like a you know, a bluffing expert. But um, now it has come to my attention that I'm like like like and everything is read

in my face. So that's problematic. I mean, it premiers November, and I'm pretty sure it's the end of my dating life November. So well, let's just open that by the end of the show that means you found your future husband, or that I have locked myself into my house because I can't go out anymore. No, I think you'll be fine, do you? So I guess on that note, then do you have any regrets that maybe you would change if you go back and change time with the show or

in life? The loaded question. We'll keep it, We'll keep it more more topical with just the show. Then, Okay, I don't regret doing it at all. I think it was a really great experience and honestly, like the crew was so fun to be with, so like everything else aside, Like, you know, I think we both just met a lot of really fun and cool people that we would ties

with in the future. Um, Yeah, it was. It was a very something, very different and out of the box, and this is the first time that a show like this exists, so it's kind of cool to be the the pavers of the way. Yeah, I mean I I didn't. I was worried initially that like this whole thing was a mail order bride situation. I was like, what am

I getting yourself into? Um? But you know, in talking to the producers and the director and everyone, and just how much time they spent into getting to know me, getting to know um my likes, my dislikes, what I am looking for in someone. I thought to myself, like, if they spend half this much time with interviewing the candidates, like I'll be okay. If nothing else, they'll behalf decent. So yeah, I have no regrets with doing the show.

I made great friends along the way, great experiences. Um complicated love stories now, but people will have to watch and see hopefully a successful one at the end of the day. That did you do? Did you know each other before going on the show? No, we did not. We were united because of this podcast and then we actually met in person last week so that we can, you know, vibe together. What the other person is, and

we're not just like an imaginary figure. And like she said, Popoth went to army in private schools and are a couple of years apart and never met each other. So so on the show, do we gonna watch you guys form friendships or is it mostly just like dating stuff? No, it's separate. So like you know, no one meets on the show except for like the people they're dating or going on dates with. So yeah, we we hadn't seen

each other until literally last week. How come we don't see any, if at all, Armenian representation on The Bachelor. I don't know. I don't know. I have a phone to pick with my boss because he's the president of AB two. So I'm gonna need to get up in there. Heck, yeah you do. We gotta start seeing some more of that. I would you guys be Would you guys go on the show if you were single and interested? No, I

can't do it. I give you guys all so much credit for every contestant that has ever part took in The Bachelor, the Bachelorette like that is Oh, I mean it's you know, a national globe. There's a fan base everywhere for it. I mean, we will only be seen by like I don't know, I don't know. Talking about what I keep hearing, it sounds like it's gonna be a hit. So yeah, I mean I there definitely should be.

But I think all arming and women are just a little bit more like I don't want to be pegged as like the villain or the this person or the that. So maybe, look, if things don't work out for me, maybe I'll be on it next season. I'll just yeah, well hopefully next season. If you do decide to go on it. It's not some vanilla white red bachelor that isn't your family is not gonna like you know, I think that's a big part of it, right, right, that's

a big part of it too. All right, well, guys, before I let you go, is there anything you can tease for us before the series premiere is on November fift Like, what can we expect to see? Oh, there there is a surprise in there. I will say that you probably won't expect. Um. I don't know. I feel

like we can't give away anything. There really isn't anything that we can give away other than the fact that like it's truly you know, if you like saying like there's these painful attempts of like small banter and whatnot, Like it's just so like some of the dates are just absolute cringe worthy and it's like you love to watch a train wrecks. Therefore, you like we're talking like like awkward. Yeah, oh yeah, yeah yeah, I think we both experienced like an awkward date where just like, what

was this happening? You're on camera? Just smile if they put those cuts in there, though, I'm sure they will incorporate some. I will say it's very it's very real and raw, like it's it's unscripted and like just a very natural, like um happening of of dating. So um, yeah, I guess I'll say that it's like more of a documentary than a reality or entertainment. Yeah, you know, do you know how they're going to roll out the episodes.

It's going to be all the episodes at once or is it going to be like weekly or so the first two episodes are going to be released on Monday, November, and then after that it's one episode every Thursday and Monday, and there's ten episodes and sometime in December, so we got four weeks of our media and dating show to look forward to on YouTube. Let's yeah, we're ready, I'm stuck. Well,

thank you guys so much for joining us. We appreciate it. Um, I'm excited to watch you guys love story unfold again. It's premiering on YouTube November. First two episodes, Uh right, first week and then every Thursday and Sunday after that. Um, Monday, Oh my mistake. I appreciate you that. Um. Well, thank you guys so much for joining us. Best of luck with everything, and I can't wait to watch. Thanks thanks for having us. Yeah of course, yeah, al right, everybody,

welcome back to help I suck at dating. And it's time for my favorite segment. And although we don't have Jared here, we don't have Mark here, and we don't have Eastern here, we do have Hannah here. So she is going to very kindly read these emails for us. And funny enough, Hannah, the first email is from a Hannah. Why is that funny enough? That's not even my name? Similar enough, you have every letter, every letter of your name is in her name. She just has a couple extrass,

that's true. I do respond to both. But this email is from Hannah, not Hannah, and Hannah says, I've been dating my boyfriend for a little under two years. Thinking back to the first six months of our relationship, I could cry of how happily in love I was, and I envy it so much. It breaks my heart to think that I am no longer in love with him. I find myself fantasizing about other guys all the time. I get annoyed at every little thing he does, and I don't get excited to talk to him anymore. Is

this normal and long term relationships? I know the honeymoon phase doesn't last forever, but I'm also twenty four years old. Aren't I too young not to get betterflies and to not be obsessed with my man? Oh? I, well, I think this is actually more appropriate, fat answer, because you were right around the same age and you have a boyfriend who you still seem very much in love with. So can you? I mean again, you don't have to, but would you be willing to share your experience with

boyfriend and how in love with him you still are? Yeah? So I met um Trevor when I was seventeen. I'm now twenty two, so we've been dating for a little over four years now, we've had a couple of breaks here and there. Um, But I definitely think that that is a bad sign Hannah. Um, I still get excited to talk to him every time. Um, I'm on the phone with him or I see him. I still obviously

get butterflies. Um. I totally get what she's saying about the honeymoon phase, like that excitement and kind of the jitter that I don't know, you know, that feeling when you first start meeting someone and you're like getting to know them and you kind of are so giddy all the time. That definitely goes away and fades. But the butterflies and the excitement I don't think should ever go away.

At least it hasn't for me, And I think if it did go away, then I would start to get a little bit worried and a doubt if we should even be together. Well, speaking from someone that maybe has a little bit more time under his belt, I will say a little more cynically here that I do think that those things tend to fade after a while, and it's not necessarily a bad thing. I just think, you huh, I'm gonna say this, but I don't want it to

come across this condescending. So I just think that you just become a little bit more like emotionally mature and like in tune with your emotions the older you get. And I'm gonna go ahead on record and say, Hannah, I'm sure you're more emotionally mature than I am as a twenty two year old versus my thirty years old. But I think it's just a matter of like learning

more about yourself personally as you age. So for me, for instance, I used to get the butterflies all the time, uh, you know, all of those lovey dovey feelings that you get. And the older I got the like, the less I got them. And I do love Caitlin dearly, but I mean I don't get like butterflies all that often. Um, but I would still, you know, do whatever I needed to do for her, and I make sure that she knows that I love her as often as I possibly can.

And I think that I'm now I'm more in love with Caitlin and I have ever been in love with anyone, even though I don't get those butterflies or like that random excitement every once in a while, you know what I mean. So I do agree with what you're saying. I don't think it's necessarily a good thing that you

had them and you lost them. But I also just think that twenty four is very young, um, and twenty two is you know, again, this isn't for you obviously, because you're still very happily in love with your boyfriend, UM, but twenty four, hand is very young for you. So it's like it seems like like maybe the relationship could be over, but like you still have so much like learning to do for yourself about yourself and whether that's gonna be with your current boyfriend or with someone else.

Like I I feel like it's just natural for that to happen, because like the butterflies that you were getting when you were twenty two are different because you're not the same person that you were when you were twenty

two because you're twenty four now. So all that to say, I don't think it's the reason to throw away your relationship, but if you're fantasizing about other guys, like, that's definitely a red flag and that's definitely something that you should like look into a little bit, because I'm sure if you told him that he would be really bummed out by it, um, and I'm sure you feel guilty for even having those those thoughts. So that's my that's my

take on it. You're not too young to get butterflies, or your question was, aren't I too young to not get butterflies and be obsessed with my man? You can be obsessed like I'm obsessed with Kalin. I don't get replies whenever every time I see her, but I'm still obsessed with her, And I bet you should probably go as far as to say the same thing about me.

So as long as you love the person and as long as you're happy with the person, I think that's more important than constantly getting butterflies and doing all those things.

But that's just my take. I do think having thoughts and finding other people attractive when you're in a relationship is totally normal, and it kind of is like a good indication, Like if I find someone else attractive or I'm like, oh, like whatever, I'm like having like good thoughts or something about someone else, then that's healthy because at the end of the day, I still choose to be with my boyfriend, but I never find myself ever fantasizing.

I think that's where it crosses the line. Like I'd be really scared if I was just sitting on my couch fantasizing about other people and I was in a relationship, I'd be like, probably shouldn't be in this relationship then, right. Well, you know you make a good point too. I think that because Caitlin and I do that all the time too. We're like, oh, that person is really attractive, like that person is really hard, that person is really handsome or

pretty or whatever. Um. And I think that is healthy because it's just a basically an observation. But yeah, you're at the second he's like start to fantasize about that or like even worse, you like start to act on those impulses. I think that's definitely when it gets really bad. So having those, uh, those thoughts are totally normal, like you said, but yeah, once you start to take a step further, that's when it gets bad. Um. Well, Hana, hopefully that helps you. I think I think it might.

But you're twenty four year so young. I mean, it's it's weird for me to say that to you because I know you're younger than Hannah is, but um, just it's just so young. You know, Yeah, who knows. Maybe this is the guy. Maybe it isn't. Just follow your heart, Hannah, I would say, odds are it's not, um, but let's move on to just send you. Yes, this EMA is from just Senya, She says. My boyfriend and I are going to my best friend's wedding at the end of

the month. Since we've only been dating for four months, I don't know what our boundaries are when it comes to talking about our past hookups and relationships. Long story short, Three guys I've slept within the past will be at this wedding, and I'm going to have to introduce my boyfriend to them, and I don't know how to be honest. Should I just attend the wedding, introduce them like normal, and spare him the details. What if later he finds out and gets mad at me for keeping that information

from him? Would you guys want to know? Help? That's actually a good question too. Um, that's a that's a hard one. I I'm in the camp of always being honest, um, and proactive is always good, but it sometimes proactive can kind of bite you in the butt where you're like, oh, I you know I hooked up with this person at one point or another one like that information is like, yeah, it's good to know, but it's always necessary for the other person to know. So it's like it can just

kind of complicate things. I with Kalen specifically, I UM have been honest about everything all the time, and I'm just like this is like, this is what it was, UM, just to avoid any awkwardness. So I guess. I guess I'm always kind of in the camp of beat them to the punch and tell them beforehand. I don't think being honest can ever backfire at the at the end

of the day, do you know what I mean? Like, not being honest and keeping something from the person you're with can cause issues, But I think everyone appreciates being kept in the loop to a certain extent. But then what's your what's your take on something where it's like, why would you tell someone that? Why would you tell

someone something that has no effect on any situation? You're just telling But then you're kind of like getting there, could be getting their head, like you're just telling them

that because for some reason you want them to know that, right. No, I think I think in this situation, if he if just Sendia's boyfriend is going to be around people she's slept within the past, and I think she owes him respect to give him the heads up, But I don't think she needs to sit him down and be honest about every single thing that's happened in her entire life. But when it has to do with him and could affect him, I think I would want to know if

I were in his shoes. But I don't know, and they haven't been dating for that month or that long. They've haven't been dating for would you say, four months? Four months? But I feel like that kind of complicates it too, because that kind of makes her more on like the maybe I shouldn't share a sort of side. Yeah, I don't know. That's a tough one. I've I'm in

the same boat as you. Like I've told Trevor everything because I met him in college, and so when he came to my hometown and met people from my life before college, like I would just give them the heads up if I knew he was going to be around people from my past, just because I would want to know. But then it kind of I mean, I get what you're saying too, because then he kind of got in his head about things and it just makes you question things.

But at the end of the day, I would want to know, also, are you only telling them that because you're gonna be around them, And like if you weren't around them, they would never would have been told about it in the first place. That's kind of where I feel like the Big Bay area is where it's like, you know, it's so circumstantial. No, that is a that

is a good question. I think, yeah, it is circumstantial, And like, if I know he's going to be around someone that I've hooked up with in the past, I'll tell him. But I don't know if I would have just told him about these people if I knew he wasn't going to be around them, because it just literally meant nothing and didn't order at all. But now he just like knows everything because he's been around everyone. Four years is a long time to it. You learned a

lot about someone over that amount of time. I kind of a similar situation I think I shared on this podcast before too. Back when I was in college, I would get drunk and I would like tell girls to like punch me in the face for some reason, for whatever reason, because I'm a sick twisted human, I guess um and one of them was like my really good friends, and uh she I went to high school with her and then she went to this other college, but she went to college with a bunch of my other friends.

So I would visit my friends and she would be there and I'd be like, punched me in the face whatever. And I've told that story a couple of times, and she like always loses it, like it's like like dies laughing kind of thing. And she was out at the bungalow like a month or two ago and she goes, Hey, I just met your friend from high school. She's so nice blah blah blah. And then uh, she like gets home that night and I was like, oh, yeah, you

met Maggie. Remember when I told you that girl that would always punch me in the face in college, Like that was the girl that would always punch me in the face. And so I feel like by being honest about those things and you can kind of like come back to it later on and like like laugh about it. Caitlin was like dying laughing. She was like, I can't believe that's the girl that used to punch you in

the face. That's so funny, like ha ha, So I think that I think like by being honest about those types of things, you kind of like gain like power over them, um in a good way, you know, like to be able to kind of look at them with the humor perspective. So yeah, exactly at the wedding with the three guys that you might have hooked up with, UM, I think you should tell him. I agree, I don't think.

I think honesty in this situation is probably best. You can even make a game of it and be like, hey, um, just so you know this wedding that we're going to, I hooked up with three of the guys, and if you can guess all three of the guy guys, I'll take you to dinner or something. That's good. I hope she hears this before she goes to the wedding. Funny, that's a good that way. That way you can kind of like make a fun game out of it. I don't know, that'd be that'd be that'd be funny. I

think that's what you should do. Um. All right, well, Hanna, thank you so much for reading those emails for us, of course anytime, and uh, your perspective was actually really helpful there too, so I appreciate that. UM. Big thank you to the listeners for sticking through this. Oh my gosh, just this horrible, horrible episode. I don't know why anyone's uh host episodes by myself, but here we are. Anyways,

that's gonna do it. For this week's episode of Help I Suck at Dating, Big thank you to Hannah of course, Big thank you to Vanessa and Natasha from The Armenian Dating Show. Be sure to check out their YouTube series premaring on November. And big thank you to Hannah and just send you for emailing us. UM, if you have any similar situations or you know, need some unsolicited advice, give us an email I Suck at Dating at iHeart

media dot com. Um, you know, maybe maybe even weigh in on the device that we're giving, because I feel like that could be pretty beneficial too. But thank you guys so much for listening. UM. Hopefully next week we have Jared back and maybe we'll suck just a little bit less. Follow help by Suck at Dating on I Heart Radio or wherever you listen to podcast