A Decent Proposal

guys doing? We are doing well. So tell us a little bit about Marry Me Now, the new unscripted series. So Marry Me Now. I'm the brand new host, brand new show. We premier this week, um, and I am coaching and guiding eight beautiful Houston women who are going to propose to their boyfriend and if they say yes, they're going to get married right then? WHOA? So okay, I'm guiding them through proposal, but also planning an entire wedding, helping them do wedding preparation and planning in three days

on entire wedding. So where did that our total of three days getting all of that done? How did you find these couples? Because it takes a special kind of person, especially in today's day and age, for the girl to propose to the guy. Right. Yeah. I I am very open and vocal about saying I don't believe that. I believe of women, if surveyed, would say absolutely not. I

would never ever in a million years propose to anyone. Um. So definitely a much smaller, you know, percentage I think of the female population would even be willing to do this, much less do it right on National tell A Vision. So yeah, casting was uh, you know, very uh. They had to be very thorough and they had to really reach out and put up a lot of marketing in order to the women who were willing to do this for well, for what it's worth. I've talked about it

on this podcast before. I'm totally fine with just being in a partnership with my girlfriend for the rest of our lives. But she wants to get married. And I told her, I was like, well, if you want to get married and then you can propose to me. And I said it half jokingly, but she's taking it seriously. So maybe maybe uh we'll be on season two of

this show. Well. And and that's the thing though, it's like Dean so far when when we in the show younger men, when presented with this whole idea, we're kind of like, hey, that might be kind of cool that a woman would be so into me and love me so much that she would actually, you know, do this huge gesture of of love and commitment and and be

willing to ask me to marry her. Some of them, in their their response was like they would be very flattered that that has a lot of the younger men responded and you're you know, a lot of our older traditional men that I met that were actually you know, friends of the bride's family, extended friends and family of the brides. You know, the older gyleman were like, oh, hell, this is not right. You shouldn't be doing this. This is you know, this is backwards, this is out of

order he supposed to be. Why isn't he proposed to my sister? You know, there was one brother who was really upset, like, you know, why why should you even have to be doing this? M Yeah, no, I agree. Um, Sarah, I'm curious to hear your thoughts on this whole concept. I so me personally, I'm I'm really excited to, you know, to watch this. That's it's gonna be amazing. It's gonna be great. I personally me, I I don't have a

problem asking a man to marry me. If I want to marry him and I'm ready to marry him, why can't I ask? You know? So that is that's my idea yet, you know for that, Um, sometimes you know, sometimes men need to be guided, you know, you know, and sometimes they need a little push or a little nudge. Um. They don't realize what they got, you know. So um, sometimes you do have to say, look, you know, like I want to marry you. I I want this with you and I want to life with you. Are you

in the are you out? Because if you're out, stop wasting my time, honey. Um. So I don't know. I think that I think it's it's amazing and it does, Um it does give women like you know, power and say and I think that, you know, I think that's something you know that dates like way back, Like I feel like, you know, women were moral seen as like property and they were they didn't have a voice, and they didn't have a right to vote, and they didn't have a right to do this or that right. So

obviously the norm was the man asked. It's all about the man when he wants it, um, how he wants it, and he pulls those strings. UM. But I think that as time changes, and you know, we are we are no longer their property, right we are um, you know, equals to them that we should be able to ask to you know, But that's just me. A lot of people don't agree. I see, I see. I agree with where you're coming from. How Come how come it's been

so romanticized throughout the years. I'm curious then, because I agree it's kind of like a it was like a transactional thing a long time ago, and we've kind of gotten away from it, and now it's become this big romantic gesture. I'm just curious maybe where that transition took place. You know, No, me too, I'm I'm curious too, And I mean I definitely want to know, like what your thoughts are about it, Rebecca, you know, on gender roles and how they are outdated, and like kind of how

you feel about it, Like I agree. Interested see, are you hit the nail on the head. We're talking about thousands of years guys of you know, patriarchal the man's the leader. You know, I think sometimes in two thousand twenty two, it's easy for us to forget that it wasn't that long ago that women really didn't have hardly any rights. It was if you go back us to the seventies, guys in a divorce was very new, even the concept of getting divorced. And in divorces, women would

lose all rights to their children. They would give the children to the men because they were considered to be because they were breadwinners, and women didn't have a lot of money, right they the kids would automatically go to the husband's We're talking about the right to vote, the right to work, the right to make money, the right I mean, all of this stuff is I mean, considering history, this is all very new. It doesn't feel new to us in this you know, current last two generations right here,

but it is very new and and so too. Really turn it around, and for women to be proposing is really turning the whole concept of traditional gender roles on its head, right. And I love what Sierra is saying because what I saw in the show, we predominantly our brides were twenty five to thirty five or young women

from Houston right, and and the are empowered women. I said it throughout every episode in the show that this takes a bold woman, This takes a confident woman, This takes a very empowered, almost more like boss chick type of young woman, right, because the traditional stuff and all of that, you're just gonna throw that out the window. Anybody who is really still stuck on that is you know, never going to do this. So that is really who

the show is really showcasing. It's just a really a lot of bold, confident young women who are saying and guys, it's not even people who have been together for like, you know, tons and tons of years. We had couples that have been together like a year, all with up to seven plus years, and you know those seven plus years, they're kind of like like, wait a minute, what are

we doing. It's time to you know, it should get off the pot, right like, But in those couples that were like a year, it's more like she's in love, she's met what she considers to be the one that he's just you know, a maze using to her, and she's ready to do this. Yeah. I'm exciting to watch too, because as much of a of a statement it is that they're making to propose to their men. Uh two, then put that on television as well as a whole new dynamic of it, you know, because it's not something

that we're used to seeing on TV. So you're opening yourself up to a lot of scrutiny and criticism for it. So uh definitely takes a lot of courage to do what they're doing. I really respect that, a lot of courage, and especially because the only per you know, the only

visuals we've had of women proposing. I don't know about you guys, you can correct me if I'm wrong, but the only time I've seen this is like these viral cringe e video clips on Instagram, you know, where a woman's getting down on one knee or something and poet and he's like walking away and you're like, don't do it, you know, like it's like so embarrassed for her. And so this, this is, you know, quite different, because these are very real relationships. These some of these couples have

children together. I mean, these are very real women, real relationships where I think the women's timeline is saying, let's do this and let's see what the man's gonna do. What's the format of the show going to be, Like, is each episode going to be focusing on a different couple? One couple of her episode to eight couples? Okay? And then do we get to follow them around like post and pre marriage and all that stuff or what like

what do we got to see? The entire episode is literally when I say, we are hitting the ground running because we've got three days to plan proposal and complete wedding. So they're meeting me as their life and love coach. That's the introduction, and then I'm getting in. I start digging because I want to know, you know, the truth behind the relationship, what's really going on, what issues maybe there?

Why is she doing this right? We you gotta be able to understand what is the reason for why you're doing this? And so each episode is literally walking us through that coaching process and then up to proposal, which by the way, is in her wedding dress. She's proposing in her wedding dress. And then if he says yes, we went, we go right into a beautiful wedding with vowels and everything. And how quickly, how quickly into meeting these couples, can you tell whether or not it's gonna

work out. Guys. I'm gonna be honest. Um, some of these couples really through me. Um the some of them that I would I was lying my girlfriend, are you sure you want to do this? Like I'm nervous forward you right, Like I don't based on just the facts. I don't see how we came to this decision to

do this. And then you know, the man is absolutely in love with her and and he's just head over heels excited when she proposed this, and they're off to get married, and I'm sitting there like, Okay, I guess this it worked, you know, so I gave up trying to judge one way or the other. I would get these very strong feelings of you know, this is definitely a yes. Oh my god, they're so in love and I love her family and his family and it's just an amazing dynamic and the families love each other, and

and then it was a no, m devastation. Do you think there's any coming back from a rejected proposal, like let's say you asked it to marry you and then they say no. Is there any coming back from that? Or is that like the end of the relationship? Attently. I think it depends on the woman. I think it. You know, personality types play into this a lot. Being you know, some people are fiery and angry, and you know, it's you can piss someone off and she's feisty, and

you know, and it's like you don't get another chance. Um. In my observations from the couples, I'll say, I think it depends a lot on the explanations for why it maybe you know, right, like what is it real? Is it you know that we really need to take more time we have been together long enough? Or or is it he's making up some lame excuses and is you know really never has any intention of really marrying her?

And you know, and I think that in this situation, when you do something this big, it you don't have a choice but to face the reality of whatever that

answer is. Right. You know how in relationships we can kind of put our head in the sand, and women can kind of oh, you know, she's in our inner head with the fairy tale and you know, and and it's, oh, you know, one day he's going to propose and we're in love, and she might be ignoring a bazillion red flags that it's it's not what you know, she wants it to do your thing. It is. But I think in with this show, in that moment, there's just no denying.

This is a definitive yes or no. And you know it's some and some of the guys, like with the nose, I was just sitting there like that was the lamest, Like I can't even you couldn't do better than that.

Like I also don't know how someone will be able to come back from a no on the show, because you know, you have as a woman going out on such a limb and proposing specifically on national TV, but just even proposing in general and kind of like we talked about, flipping those social norms upside down, and then to have the guy say no, I think as the woman who's taking his chance or proposing to a man, that's a tough one to come back from. The crazy.

The crazy thing to me too, is is the proposal is one thing, but then you guys go straight into the wedding. That's crazy. A lot of pressures here, even just at the top of this podcast was saying, oh, engagements can be broken, and they certainly can be, but not if you go right into the marriage you know, you have off So this is my it's my question for you, Rebucca. What are the men you know getting getting asked off guard? You know, what are they what

do they think is going on? Like? How are they? You know, how are they unaware of what's happening? You know, um, you know, this is their partner and typically you know what your partner is doing or what your partners up to or their schedules. Right, and all of a sudden, your partners like, you know, weird, you know, and do they do they suspect something's happening? I mean kind of

what you know, how are they getting this surprise? So one of the things that Owned did a really great job of this is really kind of plotting out exactly how this would be orchestrated in a way for him to not be aware of what was coming. And the first step is that I never meet the men. I never meet the boyfriends because they're they're very much aware, you know, ongoing we have a hit show. They would know my face immediately like, oh my god, that that's

that lady from that show. So I never meet the men. And then each episode there is a show ruse, there's if if the bride. If if our lady is a realtor, she's pretending she's on a reality real estate, Hot real Estate in Houston, right if he thinks he's supporting her

and her Houston Hot real estate show. And so they do these interviews together and it's more about like, oh, we're gonna buy a house or the real estate market and things like that, and he just thinks he's on camera to support her, you know, or whatever the show is about that makes sense for the couple. So each show is different. One one couple had they were going on a fix her Upper show to remond give him

a man cave in the house or something. So he was like so excited because I'm gonna get a man cave and she she ends up proposing, And the first thing he said after bose I was like, well, am I still getting my man cave? Like She's like, I wasn't even anything, you know real. So yeah, they do a really great job with the ear of like really keeping him in the dark about what's going on up to that very moment where she is walking up to him in her wedding dress and going to propose, and

he turns around and sees her. Okay, Okay, I've got a question for you. So for our listeners, um out there for for your reference, I guess, Rebecca, a lot of our listeners I would say majority of them are women. Um. Let's say someone is in a relationship now, their partners dragging their feet when it comes to a proposal. Uh. And and maybe one of the girls is thinking about proposing to their boyfriend. What kind of advice would you

have for someone in that situation. I think there's really great signs if a man is really thinking long term and is looking at you like he wants to marry you, he wants you to be his wife one day, There's gonna be lots of conversations about your combined future together. There's going to be conversations about children, you know, finances, whatever, the future goals, business goals, where you want to live.

There's going to be lots of conversation around this because, you know, getting married just such a huge decision, especially

for men. Right, So, if if this is on a man's mind, he's going to be talking about things that, even if he doesn't mention the word marriage, he's talking about the two of you in your combined future in big plans, not like what we're doing next Tuesday for date night, but like, oh yeah, by the way, honey, my four old one kid is doing this, or like, you know, just the different things that go along with

very serious the issues of life, right, the real stuff. Um, and so if he is not having any of those types of conversations, I mean, Dean, I don't encourage any woman to think about proposing without having some conversations to even know if you're on the same page, right, Like it only to me it only makes sense if you're going to think about marrying when you have to have

really great communication. That's number one. With great communication comes sharing, right and and just talking about your heart's desires, your your plans. I mean, so I think that mature couples for sure should be having these conversations about, you know, what they're expecting, what they want. I don't think that any woman should just be proposing out of the blue, and you know, you haven't even had those type of real conversations with him to even know that that that's

where he's at and that's what he wants. Jared, what do you think do you think it would ever would have been a possibility for asking you to propose to you or do you think it was always destined for you to ask the question to her? She's so the problem is and Rebecca, I'm sure this is an issue that you face as well as I feel like a lot of women don't want to propose. They want to wait until their man proposes to them, and that was

something that Ashley would be in agreeing with. She would she would have waited till I proposed, because that's just what she wanted. She always wanted to be proposed to. Um, It's part of the dream exactly. So there's yeah, there's no way Ashley would have proposed to me. She would have waitted. She would have killed me if I didn't propose to her. Alright, that's reasonable. I mean I I

could see it going both ways, you know. I I agree with the idea of like it's kind of ingrained in our heads since at a very young age to you know, like the guy proposes to the girl and you get married and you have kids and you move in the house, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. But I always think it's so cool when you hear stories about like just like on I mean, granted, you guys have a very unique story. Obviously you proposed to actually on a beach

in Mexico in front of you know, millions of people. Um, I just I love the unique stories, you know, So like, I'm sure that we're gonna see a lot of great marriages out of this show that we're about to see Rebecca. That's I feel like them being able to tell their children like, yeah, your mom proposed to me. I think is that it's a really cool thing to be able

to say, well, you know, we're back. I wanted to ask you before you go to do you think that this will ever become a staple in our society that will change where when we're more women do propose or do you think it's gonna be still what it is now, which is very rare? And then furthermore, do you ever

see the constructive marriage changing as society evolves? Guys, I've said it for several years and people women especially get really upset when I say this, But if things continue to trend the way it's going, I don't believe that we will see marriage as a predominant principal moral you know, outlook expectation goal in fifty years. I mean, if things keep going the way the way they're going, And there's just no denying that millennials are leaning away from mayor

Ridge more towards life partnerships. Um, there's this new thing. Have you heard of this about partner Uh not partner proposals, but it's like a ceremony, partner ceremonies that are not No, I have you heard of this? Yes, I know exactly what you're talking about. When people are basically agreeing to basically be partners for life a wedding, but without the legalities of a wedding and being married. This is and you know, it's so, this is I mean, I'm about

to be a grandma. You know, I'm older, you know, of course, I'm coming from being more traditional, got married really young, had my kids young, you know, um, three grown sons, you know, And I talked to my sons. My oldest is twenty eight. He definitely still believes in marriage, but he is he's not moving fast in that direction. It's I think we're going to continue to see young people either not getting married or waiting a lot longer

before they do get married. It's called the commitment ceremony. There we go commitment ceremony. I just heard about that the other day, and I was like, more of this trend, right, Like why do we have to involve the court systems? Why do we are important legal? You know, in your right? Because the more I think about it, the more everybody dreams of having a wedding and this big day and

his celebration of love. But what comes with it is a lot of heaviness with signing your life and really becoming half of a whole, both emotionally, physically, financially, so on and so forth. So it would make sense that everybody's like, well, I want the wedding, but I'm not sure if I want to like sign my life away to you, so to speak. That's interesting, and I think more people do need to take marriage more serious because

it is very soon. Like you know, see are you wouldn't go and just become business partners with some ray random person you met three months ago and and signed on the dotted line to start a business with someone you don't even barely know, but well, oh he's got to be the one. She's the one, and thread to six months you're like, oh, we might be getting married, and it's like that's your whole like when you sign

on the dotted line, it's your whole life. And the one thing I've I've recently been really thinking about is how men traditionally have been more worried about marriage just because they have typically been they hire breadwinners, earners right income, and then marriage is like this really big risk without a pre nump, because you can lose half of everything,

your children. If she just wakes up tomorrow and says, oh, I don't love you anymore and and I just wanna I'm gonna leave you, divorce you, and take your kids, There's like really nothing he can do, which is what I hear from younger men. They they're they've witnessed all of this for years and are saying, you know, I don't I don't really know that. I'm I'm down to

put my life on the line like that. But now with women making a lot more money, your women are as just as much at risk without a prenup marrying somebody and and he leaving you and taking half of your money and whatever enterprise you've created. I'm all for a prenup, I will say, And I don't care when

I get married. I'm signing a prenup, and I'm like, I'm all for a prenup because it's like people, I think people have this idea too that prenups are if you get divorced, you get nothing, And I think, like, it's like, no, it's a contract that you decide together on what's gonna happen if we don't work out under what circumstance if you cheat? Yeah, I'm about to take half of all your all of it, yes, but maybe sevent shoot, yeah, and we can put it in there.

But if we fall out of love naturally, then we take what's hours. We take, you know, we we you know we I take what I worked on or or whatever. Your stay at home mom, It's like, okay, for every year that I was a stay at home mom, there's much money so that I can get back on my feet and get a career because I would stay at home mother because that's what you wanted and you were the breadwinner. So like, prenups are so great. I think so because it is. It's like it's like going into business.

You wouldn't go into business without a contract because why are you gonna get married with that one? Like you have these things and it's not about like, well, if you love me, we're gonna last forever because blah blah blah. It's like no one knows what's gonna happen. No one ever knows. I mean, that's like my alition Roulette, you know. So I mean, I just think that prenumps are a

very logical I think. But that's part of the problem why so many people don't like prenumps Because it cuts into the fantasy and romance being in love, you know, and so people don't want to think about if we break up or if you cheat, or they don't want to deal with the reality. And relationships are difficult. Relationships are hard. Marriage is hard. People get mad when I say that too. Marriage is hard, you know, dealing with another human being is not easy when you're merging your

life with someone. Most definitely, we re Becca, thank you so much for joining us. For the listeners out there, be sure to check out it's Marry Me Now and it's on the Oprah Win Free Network. Right, well, thank you so much for joining us. We're excited to watch it. Sounds like it's going to be quite the who so um, we're looking forward to it. Thanks for joining us, all right, thank you guys. All right, that's gonna do it for this week's episode of Help I Suck at Dating. Thank

you guys so much for joining us again. Rebecca, thank you for joining us. Be sure to check your show out Marry Me Now on the Oprah Win Free Network on Saturday, March nineteen. Uh, Sierra, we are excited to see your journey continue on. We want you to. We want you to go to Paradise only if you only if you're up for it, Only if you think you could find a non f boy down there to fall in love with. Yeah, if I can get a whole

as man, then yes, I mean I hope. I'm in pain of cuts because I have a party mouth, so sorry, but yeah, I him to be like man, you know I need. I need a man like Bard. He's pushing it too. I want him to have like, you know, the features like he was, like he smells of mahogany in a roof and stepping on an old smolky old

fashioned with a cigar in his mouth. There you go, there you go for for anyone that's pining after this, yarra, you know exactly what it's gonna take, Um, Michael, Only if you're listening to this, you better show up to Paradise with a smoky Old Fashioned and a cigar in your mouth. Otherwise I have many leather bound books. Anyways, thank you guys for for being here with us for this podcast. Jared Um, thanks for taking time out of your busy schedule. I know, I know you're a busy

guy these days. I'm fine. Cool. Well, that's gonna do it for this week's episode of Help I Suck At Dating. Be sure to tune in next week, where maybe we suck just a little bit less. Follow help by Suck at Dating on I Heart Radio or wherever you listen to podcast h