7 Minutes in Heaven

that same couch and it is fantastic. I'm currently in my mother in law's bedroom, so things are going pretty well for me. Why did you move out of the office today? Uh? Because the mic was set up here. It's it's pretty this is this is the this in the office of the best WiFi spots, and I think actually just likes recording her podcast in here, and I wasn't gonna move the equipment, so here I am. It's not that uncomfortable. It's a spacious room. This is the

room even actually sleeping. No, no, this is my mother in law's room. She sleeps here with alone because my father in law's quarantine still in the basement because he works at the hospital. Uh, you find it. You don't find it awkward at all to be in your mother in law's bedroom. I did it first, but now being quarantined to the house forever two months, I don't feel all that uncomfortable. Fine, do you feel more or less comfortable that the bed is not made right now? I

think I'm pretty indifferent about it. I don't know if I feel any worse or better. There's something about an unmade bed when you walk into the room that you're like, someone slept right there. And then when the bed is made, you're like, okay, like this is a new it's it's a fresh new palette, a new canvas. Just feels a little less invasive. I think if you walk into a room that's got a made bed, you know, yeah, that's that's my that's one man's opinion. Interesting. I don't know.

I don't think I've really put too much thought into it. But you said you were pretty tired, but you're also tired today because you posted on your Instagram that you woke up at four thirty in the morning to go golfing. Yeah, I take it off at five forty six am today for early seat time. I ever, why why not schedule a tea time for eleven fifteen in the morning. I don't know. One of my buddies too I've been playing golf with lately, said hey, this is the only tea

time they have available. Do you want to do it? And I was like, well, I mean I got nothing else to do, so sure, golf is like the first sports I can part take in with my leg, so it's like I want to kind of be doing it often. And I mean I figured I could just get around and before I could cut came home and podcasting with you guys. So it's actually kind of a nice I mean, we were the first team out or a first group out, so we didn't have to wait for anyone. We finished

around in under three hours. You know, I think I might start teaming off more often. So you're saying it was worth it. It was worth team being the first people of tea off. It was worth waking up at four thirty in the morning, I will say with my alarment off at four three in the morning, I was like, there's no way I'm going to get out of bed and go golfing. And then I like, I snoozed it right.

I thought that I had snoozed my alarm, but in reality, I turned it off, and so I rolled over at like four eight, and I was like, wait, it's been so long since my alarm went off, I'm probably gonna miss the tea time now. I realized that I still at times, so I woke up. You're probably just delusional

because it's four thirty in the morning. You're hallutening. Gosh, it was worth Yesterday when I got home from running into some errands, I ordered a full Domino's pizza with pepperoni, sausage and extra halapanos, and I just smothed the whole thing in ranch uh and I ate the whole thing in one sitting, literally in twenty minutes. I ate this entire pizza that was just covered and all these things. And so my my stomach hasn't been feeling well. So I woke up that like one am. It's been a

good thirty minutes in the bathroom. I was like, I want to make sure I had up time this morning to probably at the bathroom again before I left. So it's been you know, it's been an eventful of twenty four hours for me. How has Cavin felt about the past twenty four hours. Did you wake her up this morning she was awake. Yeah. I think I accidentally nudged here when I woke up. If I woke up at four thirty in the morning to go golfing and woke up Ashley, she'd stab me in my sleep. Yeah, I'm

sure she wasn't pleased. She's just how was it going golfing? Did you feel uncomfortable at all? Because now things are starting to open up a little bit. Yeah, so the way that the golf courses are set up, at least the ones that I've been to, it's all you're in your own car, you wear a mask the whole time,

you don't touch the flagstick. You know, you the ball doesn't go all the way in, so you know, it's still pretty contactless in terms of being around people, which is like, you know, it's not any It's probably slightly less safe obviously than like staying at home because you're not seeing anyone on your home, but it's still it's one of the safer activities in my opinion, that you could be doing. I don't really feel weird doing it, but I could see the argument being made against it.

But I mean, that's just what seems to be happening. Things are slowly opening up. You know, golf, I've been golfing for two weeks now. It seems like, uh, there was just a NASCAR races past weekend. It was like golf, yes,

a couple of days ago. Tom Brady practiced with a few members of his Tampa Bay Buccaneers today, which was a huge step because Florida is starting to reopen, and even like I heard yesterday in New York, California, they're saying that starting in June, they're going to allow sports teams just playing stadiums empty stadiums. But that's obviously a huge step. Dude. I just need to step my toe

back into society. That's what's killing me right now, because like the past two and a half months, I've just had this mindset of stay home, don't don't be near anybody because they all have coronavirus. And I really need to get myself out of this mindset. Like yesterday, Ashley and I went to go get a mcflury because you know, you gotta have you gotta win some battles during COVID nineteen, and I like, honestly, in my head, I was like Okay, this is a good thing because I'm gonna go I'm

gonna wear a mask. They'll be wearing a mask. Hit my mic uh like go through the drive through, don't have a panic attack. And yet still, like when the guy was handing it to me, it was like this moment of like, Okay, you're just gonna grab it. You're gonna be fine. It's gonna be fine. Everything's gonna work out. So like I need to start doing more steps like that. Which you get Eminem duh, dude, don't tell me you're an oreo guy. Don't worry about flavor. Mcclur do you

like to get I've never had one. You've never had a mcflurry? Are you? I guess not? You got that's like you know, McDonald's gotta get. I was actually gonna ask you, like, what really is a mcflurry? Is it just like a milkshake? No? Yeah, it's probably three thousand calories in a tiny cup, but it's the most delicious thing ever. You've never had a mcflurry. It's vanilla ice cream and then it's pretty much vanilla ice cream. You can get either Eminem's in it or you can get

oreos in it. If you're weird, eminem is a way to go. It's not just vanilla ice cream. There's some sort of special secret sauce that McDonald's does to it. It's McDonald's so that it's like vanilla ice cream on steroids, you know, Yeah, exactly. I think ice cream is the worst dessert you can ever partake in terms of flavor

or what just health wise. No, it's just like ice cream melts, so you really only have like two minutes to enjoy that dessert, so you're inhaling it, so you don't really get to enjoy it, and then by the time you finish it, you're like, I still need more, So then you eat like a whole carton and then you never feel good about yourself because you ate it in like five minutes because it was melting all over

you and I was getting messy. And then you if you're in your car, then you leave your thing in the car and then it's just like a puddle of milk. It's just like, grab a cookie and be happy with your life your ice cream in a car person foremost, Yeah, what the hell are you doing with your life? Tori? I don't know. I'm a big. I'm with you, Dan, I'm a big ice cream guy. Dan. Are you more of an Oreo or M and M mcflury guy? I'm

an Oreo mcflurry guy, like every sain American. Why why do you choose Oreo over M and m's Because oreos just in general are of a much better flavor than M and m's. I also don't like how the M and m's like they lose their color when they sit in the ice cream for too long? Do you you bite into them? So I'm I was saying a little little too hard. And then they also are like your eye on the inside. It just doesn't It's just not

a good experience. All right, Well we agree to disagree anyway, should we get into like, oh, I don't know dating topics or what a problem we have? Any dating topics we want to talk about? Say we have a couple of things, Well, Tori has one that she really wants to talk about. Well, I only send a run down the night before, and I read the rundown. I was leading Jared into answering the question for the listeners out

there that haven't read the rundown. Obviously, I've read the rundown We're gonna talk about Kate and Mary Kate Olsen and her husband who are getting a divorce and she's got an iron clad prenuptial agreement with him. And would you ever ask someone to sign a preduptual agreement? Jared? Did you ask Ashley de sign a prenuptial agreement? Alright? Don't never ask you if I didn't read the rundown or not. Tori, Okay, I think you just read it for the first time. Well, he read the headline, so

it's not totally. Dean's a headline reader. He's that guy who like reads a headline on Twitter and then Regord his hates that, like being like, oh, you know what else, and then he says the headline click bait where you're like, is that true? I did see the head ofline. Mary Kay Olson has an ironclad preen up, and I was like, I think reading that headline is enough for me to not have to read that article. Yeah, so I'll give a rundown and then you guys can go off into

the questions about this. But Mary Kay Olsen and her husband Pierre Olive Olivierer, I don't know if that's how you say it. Star Cozy are splitting up, and apparently Mary Kate's prenup is iron clad and basically he like kicked her out of apartment and all this stuff. But Ashley Olson has an estimate net worth of five d million between them, so she's like, obviously, yes, I have a pre nup um and I would just like to know.

So let's start from the beginning, Ashley Olson. Gosh, Mary Kay Olson and her ex have a seventeen year age gap, so he's fifty years old and then that makes her what thirty? Yeah? Three? Um, have you or would you ever date older? Yes? I think you'll be challenging you to date someone seventeen years older, But I mean I have dated Yeah, well Dean, you're year old. I really

dating myself on that one. So you so, right now, if you were single and you weren't with Kalen, if you were to date someone seventeen years older than you, you'd be dating someone who's forty six. Do you think you could do that? Ah? Man, dude, I don't know. Actually that's a tough one. My brother used to date a woman who was probably twenty plus years older than

him and they had a great relationship. I think It all depends on what your goals are, like kids, family planning, because that really comes into factor when you when you think about age. But I could definitely, I I could definitely date someone older. When I was in my like early to mid twenties, I found it incredibly sexy someone who's in like their mid to late thirties. I know what's funny about that, too, is you found that sexy.

And I bet you when you were dating them, they found you like, uh, you're like like your spirit uplifting and not creepy, but like they're probably, Oh he's young, and he's like fun and you know this this energetic guy, and like they you guys liked each other for the same reasons in a way, you know what I mean. Guys love older girls. I mean, why do you like not to go down this path? But like, Mills are a very search a man in his twenties? Is that true?

I guess I haven't in Google search. Please you? Well, I'm sure you were a fan of Mills. I mean I'm familiar with the category. Well, let's put it this way. Jennifer Gardner is forty eight years old. Dean, could you ever date or marry Jennifer Gardner money aside. Yeah, I don't think it's really fair to characterize celebrities into that because, yeah, Jennifer Gardner, like Rachel Anne, Jennifer Aniston. What did I say,

Rachel Aniston? Her name I'm friends was Rachel. Yeah. Those are like forever young in a sense, and they're they're like they're gonna beautiful until the day they die when they're ninet, you know what I mean, Just like men like Brad Pitt, like Tory, you're twenty four, You could date Brad Pitt even though he's like sixty eight, you

know what I mean. I couldn't, though, really, So hold on, you're telling me that if Brad Pitt slid into your d M s and said, hey, let's go grab dinner on Friday night, you'd say no, I would go to dinner, but I couldn't marry him. So what if he wanted a second day? And what if he was like, hey, I had a really good time. I could see this going somewhere. I would date him, but I could not

marry him. Like you could easily say you date you could date somebody older, for sure, but I couldn't never marry someone older because could you imagine like being, Hey, we're gonna go watch the Super Bowl? What my friend's house, and then like bringing him he would be so unentertained by our conversation or my life where I was at that point compared to him. If you wanted to bring Brad Pitt to my super Bowl party, I would take

that with open arms. I guess the other reservation with an ah gap that large is like he's gonna die and you're gonna be thirty five and a widow. That would be kind of a bummer. But with most age gaps, like we see, I'm just trying to think practically here. With Mary Kay, it's like, you know, she's seventeen years Younger women typically outlive men, so she would be you know, let's say the guy lives to be eighty, that's a good life. She would be sixty three, And then it's like,

what does she wanted? She doesn't want to be single and sixty three. That's that's kind of like the worst situation. You know. Do you view it differently if a man dates a younger girl versus a woman dating a younger guy. Yeah, I think it's a few differently, least by society, the guy is dating a younger girl. Sometimes I think that's like more expected and it depends how young you go, but it could be kind of Stevie. You know, I agree for some reason in my head when a got

older guy, DA's a younger girl, I'm like, uh. And then yet if an older girl dates a younger guy, I'm like, good for her. Yeah, Exactly why is that? I wonder? I have no idea. I think probably because as a guy, I just know a guy's mentality, and I'm like, you're just going for the young hot girl. You're not leave for the emotional connection. Yeah, where a girl, a woman, an older woman, it's like going after someone who's keeping her young. And I'm like, you know, good

for you girl. You know you go. I'm probably wrong, but for some reason that's immediately where my head goes. I mean, though I agree with you, whether it's wrong or right, I'm in the same camp, so hopefully it's right. Do you think a guy who dates younger, especially like ten years or younger, can never have ever starts out with pure intentions in dating that person? Of course, how long are these two married for? That's the radiation. Let

me look that up, wasn't it a while? I felt like that's true, I guess, And the fact that he was willing to sign a prenup means he probably had pretty good intentions even going into the marriage. Yeah, but I see Tory's point. I feel like, you know, if let's say your thirty five and you meet a girl who's twenty one, I don't think that you're like, oh, this girl is going to be my wife. I think you're thinking like, wow, that girl is young and hot

and I haven't eat seen one of those in a while. Yeah, but what if you're like forty eight and she's thirty one? That's fine? I think I agree. I view that differently. Dating in your twenties is always just like one of those things where it's like, Okay, what's gonna happen? Like it's kind of especially in your early twenties, right, it's always just a crapshoot, like are people seriously dating? Are you just dating to get onto the next part of

your life? It? But then once you get into your thirties, it's more serious. I don't know, but that's with that's with like, I feel like everybody in their early twenties, you know, or early to mid twenties. Whether you're dating someone who's also in their early in mid twenties or you're dating someone older, it's always that question of like, well,

how serious can they take it? Uh? And I'm not saying it's wrong or right, because I also think there are people in their early to mid twenties that can settle down early and can be in a relationship. You here all the time about high school sweethearts, and it's very sweet. But from my own personal opinion, I do think it's probably better to get married later in life and to experience individuality early on. Let me ask you this, I'm twenty nine, klyn is twenty five. Does that make

me skivie? What a creep? Four years feels twenty six in a month? Okay? I think so for for one more month, it's a little skibi. But I don't think it's at skibi. I don't think there's that much of an age difference. Plus your your your personality. Dude, you're like twenty five. I don't know if I could take this compliment or not. It's funny. There was this kid when I was probably when I was getting my skyde I've licensed. There was this. Uh, this kid was with us.

It's like YouTube kid, and he was I think nineteen at the time. Uh. And after a couple of days of like hanging out and getting our licenses, he goes, how old are you? I think it was like twenty seven at the time. He goes, oh, that's so much older than I thought you were. I thought you're gonna be like twenty one. I go, why because I'm like so mature, and he goes, no, just because the way that you act like you're kind of an idiot. It's like I get where we're coming from, though, you know.

So to jump into the next part of this, So they were married for five years and prior to getting married, they signed a prenup. What are your thoughts on prenups? I could be honest, I don't know exactly what a pre nump is, which makes which answers the question if I've signed a prenup or not. I'm assuming that that means if we ever get divorced, my stuff is my stuff, your stuff is your stuff. So it's a prenuptial agreement. So it's anything you guys figure out with your assets

or um. It can even go down to your dog and like who your dog goes to if you ever got a divorce, So everything is just it's an agreement that you make prior to your marriage, and then you make it legal with a lawyer. You guys both sign it, and then that way, if you ever did divorce, you guys kind of disperse it the way you agreed to

it in the beginning. Whenever I think of a prenuptial agreement, I just think of that episode of Seinfeld where George is trying to have Susan break up with him, and Jerry was like, you know, asked her to sign a prenump and then she'll leave you. And then he asked her and she laughed in his face and she's like, I have way more stuff than you. Yeah, sure I'll sign it. Uh yeah, of course, I'm totally down for signing a prenump. Why not? Why? I guess why are

people against it? You think because it sets a bad uh, like sets a bad vibe already in the beginning of the marriage. I think it kind of it's a bad tone. I think the only time at the answer. There are plenty of times when they get signed or form many different reasons, but I think the main reason is when there's a large discrepancy in the earning the earners. So like, let's say that girl makes a lot more than the guy.

It seems like in this case, and it's like such a big difference that she's like, I'm just gonna make I'm gonna protect my assets here by doing this if anything were to go south. I think what the bad thing about it is, It's like, by signing a prenuptial agreement, you're basically admitting to the idea that divorce is a possibility. You know. Yeah, But I feel like, does anybody really think divorces a how do I phrase this? Nobody thinks they're getting divorce when they get married, but I it's

it happens all the time. I do think the idea that things will never change it might be a little naive. And so I'm I'm not against signing a prenup right, Well, I think that's like the logical way to look at it. But a lot of people, I mean, you do say till death do us part, So you're kind of going against that by saying, in the event that instead of death doing this part, we just want to part on our own terms. I want to make sure that I have my money. I think that's kind of like the

underlying issue with it all. It's like, hey, I want I love you and I want to get married to you, but also if it doesn't work out between us, I want to make sure I keep on my money. You know what I mean. I personally wouldn't mind. I guess I wouldn't mind signing a prenup. I Uh, it's hard to put myself in that situation, obviously, because I don't even see it. You know, I don't necessarily where my life is going. But I don't see why I would have any issue signing a prenup. Here here's a question

for you. Do you think that the person who wants to sign a prenup should get married in the first place, Because, like you said, if you're taking if you're willing to take a vow saying to to death till a part, how do you say that I've said it, I don't remember it. To death till death do us part, thank you till death do us part. Wow. It's been a

little while actually, in like seven months. Um, but if somebody is willing to say that and then right around this time saying wow in case it doesn't work out, we should sign a prenup. Do you think that person should get married? It's a great point, and I think that it's it's something even it's something worth talking about. I agree with what you're thinking where it's like, why are they getting married if they even have an inkling or a possibility that it doesn't work out like they

wanted to. But like I said, it's like, why do anything I don't know? I well, let's let's think about it like this for a minute. Okay, there's two scenarios that kind of popped up in my head. Obviously, you don't go in expecting to divorce when you sign a prenup.

But there is a chance that someone could cheat. So let's say you're in a marriage and you're so happy and then a guy cheats, decides to leave you, and then your left or you know, girl cheats and decides just about to say, well, like whoever has Let's say like you're married to someone and she cheats on you, but she's like the breadwinner of the house, So now you're having to adjust your whole lifestyle beca has your spouse selfishly decided to leave and now you didn't sign

a prenup or anything. So they're like, sorry, I'm actually in love with this younger stallion and leaves and hop ships and now you're like, okay, well I have two kids beneath me that now I have to provide for, and yeah, there's child support. But what would you do in that scenario? You know that that kind of can happen. I don't know what I would do in that scenario.

I guess when you were saying that, my mind started drifting off and thinking about what would happen if you made if you were the person that was being supported in the marriage, the other person cheated, the bread earner quote unquote cheated, and then you wanted to get a divorce, but you had a prenup sign. So by divorcing that person, then you're basically just making yourself broke again. Then what do you to do? That's like, I don't know. Situation

into marriage is just stupid. No one should ever get married. Jared Nashley aside, They're going to be the last marriage of all time because people you start paying married all together. I don't know. I sometimes do, Yeah, so you're sometimes married. I'm just getting no. I agree, like listen at the end of the day. How I honestly feel about it is I think that it's okay to sign a prenup.

I think it's okay too possibly be aware that things might change down the road, that you guys might get divorced, as horrible as it is to even think about early in the stages of marriage, you know, I'm always the type of person that says, just, you know, prepare for the worst. That's it. Like, hopefully it never comes to that. But if it ever does, like Tori said, God forbid something awful happened within your relationship, at least you're somewhat

prepared for it. So that's my advice. I know we're wrapping it, but I would love to know, Jared, why you did not sign a prenup or did you and actually ever have a conversation about it. We we I remember we were talking about it jokingly at one point, but I don't think we ever seriously um talked about it, which we probably should because once we started, even once we really started dating, once we got engaged, we started kind of combining our money. Um, and uh, I'm I'm

saying that's right or wrong. I know a lot of couples who uh Lauren married couples to still have separate bank accounts. Um, but we just decided to kind of like lumps up our money and then move forward together. So I guess in that aspect, we probably should sign it pre up. I'm pretty sure though, if I asked Hashley to sign it right up, I don't know how should react. If I seriously asked her, you know what

we should do? Maybe I should secretly record her while I asked the question, and I'm a hundred percent serious about it, and see what her true reaction would be and then just post it the help I second dating Instagram. It's gonna be the exact same castanza moment. She makes more money than you, she does, so she probably laughed in my face. Yea, give me the papers off sign them. Yeah, exactly.

My company's name is actually Mr Ashley I Incorporated. So that just tells you my life it's more wanted than me too, So it would be the exact same situation. That's awesome. Wait, so let me ask you just just a question that's kind of a tangential. So you don't have your own bank account anymore, you guys, just every money, every dollar you make, it's put into a collective pool. Let me sorry, we do have separate bank accounts, but we have like she knows what's in mind and I

know what's hers. So technically we don't have a joint bank account. We're not that advanced. I don't think you and Kalin do, right, You guys have just joint phone bills, phone plans. Now we have a joint bank account. Yeah, really, Oh you told me this before. Yes, because then you guys put in money for like future vacations and travels and stuff like that. Yeah, and uh, like for instance, catal in it and I will do like an ad

for like dog food or something like that. What we agreed on was all of that money goes into the joint bank account. And like, so Pappy got his teeth removed a couple of weeks ago. That surgery was like two thousand dollars. Neither of us really paid for that. We just used the money that we made for his you know, branded post on Instagram for that teeth removal surgery. How is Pappy doing after the teeth and removal? Oh my god, he's a puppy again, dude. He's readingtting some spunk,

all those quirkiness is back. He's just running around. He's the happy slottle dude over it's the best. And his tongue, his tongue limps out of his mouth sometimes too, and he's length laying down. It's the funniest thing in the world. Could you imagine that, you guys almost didn't keep that dog? Yeah, I mean I could. Calen couldn't imagine that. Calen is so attached to that dog. And I mean rightfully, so, he's the cutest dog I've ever seen in my life.

But they definitely have a bit more special of a bond than him and I do. I'm just like, I'm just like he's like, I'm just like, that's a cute little dog, and he's like, hey, that's like a fun Harry dude to like pet me every once in a while. But in reality they're like the mom and son. Yeah, he's a MoMA's boy. He's a MoMA's boyf that's adorable. How are the dogs over there doing. They're doing fine, They're doing great. Lowis is going to be depressed when

we get out of here. She's got a huge backyard here, she's got a friend in neth. She's loving life. She goes on walks multiple times a day. I mean, we take her own walks, but the backyard is all the difference in the world. She gets to run around, she has another dog. There's everybody's home constantly. There's always somebody home. So when she when we go back to the apartment and we have to leave her alone, she's gonna freak and it's quite sad. I feel bad for her. Um,

But we do have to take a little break. We do have some very special guests coming up. So Dean and I are gonna play a little game of seven minutes in heaven. No, we're not gonna be in the closet together, even though that could be fun too, um, but we're we're gonna be able to talk about things that we want to talk about for seven minutes. And I have a guest coming on the podcast. I don't

know what. Tory and Dean are doing something back and forth while I'm trying to be professional here, trying to be a pro jer You're so good. These seven minutes are so heavenly, Dean. I gotta be honest, if I was on a closet with you, I'd probably only last about two and a half. Come on, there, he is there, he is uh, but we have a special guest coming up. He is one of my probably my favorite author of

all time, Ben Meseric. He's the author of Bitcoin Billionaires The Accidental Billionaires, which was the book that Aaron Sorkin adapted his screenplay for The Social Network off of. He also wrote Bringing Down the House, which was made into the movie twenty one, which was obviously a huge cess. Ben Mesicks coming on the podcast. I'm super super excited

to talk to him. Ask him many questions. He has a new novella serialized story on the Boston Globe called The Mechanic that is out right now that you guys can all read. But he's gonna be coming up shortly after the break. Dean, what are you gonna be talking about for your seven minutes in Heaven? I don't freaking know, Jared, but I'll tell you what. You don't want to miss it, So sticking around after this break and we'll dive right into our four teen minutes in Heaven. All right, we

are back with more help. I suck at dating. And just before we went to break, Jared had mentioned that this week we're trying something new. We are both going to partake in our seven minutes in Heaven and what that means, because it's a weird idea. I think that Tory act tore you thought of this idea, right, Oh, I wish it was Amy Sugarman. It was Amy Sugarman, your Amy. We love her. She's fantastic and talented and is very gifted and the things that she does so

it employs us. So yes, thank you for the paychecks. Um, So what the idea is behind this? Essentially, we're going to talk about something we're interested in for seven minutes, and the essence of the seven minutes in Heaven is these are things that we like and so we're gonna enjoy talking about them for seven minutes. The challenging thing from my perspective is I don't I like a lot of things. I don't love a lot of things. I

don't have very many passions. I've got a lot of interests, and so it's like when I talked about this in our group chat, it's it's when you're in high school or college and the teacher says, I want you to write a ten page essay and they don't give you something to write about, and then you're racking your brain and trying to figure out what you're supposed to write about,

and you just can't figure that part out. And so I've been racking my brain NonStop since we decided we were gonna do the seven minutes in Heaven bit, which I think partly is Jared's fault, because he has this great guest who is going to be coming up in a little bit, and Jared and we found a way to work that into this podcast, and then that put the pressure on me to then think of something to

talk about for seven minutes. And by the way, I started the timer at the top of this whole monologue and we're already a minute and a half in, so I step in. I was gonna stay all right ready, I'm about to set my seven minutes. Dean. You're the opposite of me where I don't have that. I mean, I have interest, but I don't have that many. But the things that I am interested in I'm very passionate about.

So I could speak a lot. As you guys have known from my Rob Thomas tom Brady, you you are interested in less things, but you put more into those fewer things that you're interested in. I'm a simple mind, really, and that's that's great. With the simple mind who needs some thing. I think the thing that I wanted to talk about during the seven minutes and by the way, we only have just under five minutes left. Six minutes.

Thank you very much for a long time, especially coming after the show, coming coming off of the show the first time and really realizing that my life was going to change pretty greatly. Uh, and in essence kind of hit like a lottery ticket, right. I thought about how I was going to take a year off of work and I was going to pursue the thing that I found over that year as my passion and my purpose.

And a year came and a year went, and I wasn't any closer to having that passion or purpose understood. And I was always, you know, anxious and stressed out about the idea that I wasn't sure what I was doing, and I was kind of aimlessly moving through this thing that we call life in a in a directionless state, and I wasn't going anywhere. While I still am that

person and I still am doing that thing. Ah, what I've came to realize is that there are a lot of people that are like that, and that I think that we should start as a society kind of preaching that that is an okay thing for us to be doing and that uh sometimes it takes lack of direction and lack of uh not like lack of passions. But sometimes you learn a lot about yourself in those moments

where you don't necessarily know what you're doing. So for me, for instance, like I said, you know, I used to be a recruiter with a great company here in Los Angeles. But once I realized, I guess I didn't have to do that quote unquote for the paycheck. I stopped doing that because it wasn't my passion and so then I started doing other things. But for a while I was just doing stupid things like parting with my friends on the weekends and I don't know, going on golfing trips

with my friends. While I still do enjoy golf, I don't think that was ever. Remember, it's like kind of like a means doing it. I'm like golf, I'm not gonna be on the tour. I'm not gonna be a tour player at any point in my life. So I wasn't necessarily like pursuing my purpose in life in that sense. So what I started doing was just doing the things

that I always thought of about myself. So I started rock climbing more, which is, uh, you know, I'm not saying I'm passionate about rock climbing, but something I really enjoy I like to do a few big trips a year. I started, obviously, skydiving, got my license with that, and that's something that I've wanted to do ever since I was a kid, but I am not passionate about it, even though I do thoroughly enjoy it. I started photography a lot more, which you know, I really enjoyed that,

but I wouldn't say I'm passionate about it either. I started traveling a lot more, while I'm I guess that's probably my passion is travel. But even like in this amidst this whole coronavirus shut down, as much as I missed travel and I yearned to be traveling, I'm like perfectly okay, just like sitting on the couch all day. So do I consider travel a passion? I don't know.

Maybe I'm being too harsh on myself, but my point is I want to I guess normalize the idea that just because you're not like fulfilling your life's purpose in

this moment doesn't mean that you won't eventually find it. Like, I'm twenty one years old and I have every ounce of possibility at my fingertips, but I still haven't found out exactly what I need to be doing or should be doing, and what I'm working towards, you know, And like, while that's terrifying because I feel like I might be wasting my time and my breath, it's still kind of nice knowing that I'm not in it alone and there are millions and millions and millions of other people out

there as well. So that's kind of like my long winded way of saying, just because you don't know what you're doing, or where you're going, or what you're working for or towards, it doesn't mean that you're doing something wrong. It just means that that's gonna come later in life, in my opinion. And so now as I'm five minutes and fifty seconds into my seven minutes in heaven, but let's be honest, before I get to the seven minute market,

no one lasts seven minutes. Seven minutes is in heaven in reality is more like two minutes in heaven, especially for high schoolers. So I just wanted to make that clear. I wanted last seconds. Uh. And so that's my launch feel of I don't have these things that I'm super passionate about. While I have my interests in my hobbies and of course my relationship with all these things, I don't have like this one. I don't have my Rob Tomns.

I don't have my Tom Brady. I don't have those things where I would like, you know, eat, sleep, breathe, bleed, and die for because I just think that that's kind of my personality is I just don't care deeply about a lot of you would. And that's fantastic, and I'm envious envious that you care to because that you care so much about things like that, because I sometimes struggled too, and I think that sometimes it's actually kind of a bad thing for me to just be like so nonchalant

and blase about almost everything in my life. I would say like nine point nine, if not a dred percent of the things in my life I kind of just don't really care about, which is not really the best way to be moving through life. So I'm envious of your ability to um focus on those passions and interests so greatly, but I also want we should be so

hard on you. But I guess my I certainly don't think you should be my purpose, my purpose of this whole thing, as I've said earlier in it, as well as to tell the people out there that might be listening to this that if they are on a kind of more on my side of things rather than yours, that it's an okay thing to be doing, because it's not your responsibility to have it figured out by any

set of time. It's just, you know, keep focusing on the things that you're interested in, and maybe one day you'll develop a passion for it, which I'm hoping for myself. I and I want to ask you a question about that. And also I don't want you to think, or anybody to think just because I have passions about things that I have things figured out, because I have zero figured

out my friend uh as Ashley will attest to. But my question for you is, and this is something that I kind of believe in, do you think life is more about uh this grand overall scheme of finding your purpose? Or do you think it's just kind of a series of moments that you collect and adds up to become I mean, I purpose, I personally think that's a collection of moments and the randomness of us even being here is enough of a reason for us to be content

with our existence itself. But I do, I do think that there is a lot of pressure put on ourselves that we put on ourselves and the others put on ourselves. You know, Like it's got to be hard for uh, like a business major or a communications major to go to school graduate and then ste their friends who are like nursing majors or doctors or lawyers or scientists, to like have this unflinching passion for the thing that they chose to focus on when they were eighteen. Because these

like broad degrees like business and communications. While they're fantastic and they take a lot of work, they don't necessarily read the same I guess work ethic or like interest in like things like sciences and mathematics and like those types of things, you know what I mean. So it's like, while comparing comparisons are always a bad thing, it's just difficult to be like super okay with not necessarily knowing exactly what you're doing, you know, but I and I

completely agree with you. But I would also say that those people that make it look like they had everything figured out and went to school for something they've always wanted to do, and you know, worked very hard and now they're there, I firmly believe that at some point, or probably still do, they've had doubts about what they've been working hard towards. Is it worth it? Is this something I want to do. I'm more passionate about that

I should have done this. Everybody has doubts, you know, everybody a second guess as themselves, and so if you're second guessing yourself or you're unsure where you're headed or what you've been doing, you're not alone. And that's okay. And I completely agree with what you're saying. Thanks man, I appreciate that. So I hope you guys enjoyed my seguments in Heaven. I loved it all, right, welcome back to help I suck at dating. We have a very special guest who's on the line right now. He's one

of my favorite authors of all time. He's the author bringing Down The House Inside Story, The Six m I t students who took down Vegas for millions, which was course turned into the hit movie twenty one. He was also the writer of The Accidental Billionaires, which was adapted

into My favorite movie all time to Social Network. He wrote The Bitcoin Billionaires, one of my favorite books, and now he has a novella serialized story in the Boston Globe called The Mechanic Ben Meserric Ben, how are you doing, buddy? Thank you so much, awesome, thanks for having me. I'm a big fan of you guys as well, So this is well to me. This is the closest I'll ever get to being on any bachelor franchise, So this is good. Well, you've been married for thirteen years. It would be weird

if it would. It would, but I don't think I was likely even before that, So it's it's nice, too nice to be here. How long you've been a fan of show we have been watching? Um, I would think I was good friends with Andrew Firestone. So how far back does that go? I mean somewhere in the Yeah, I met him. I was already a fan of the show for probably three years, and then met him at Sundance and became friends with him. Um, so Yeah, it's been a long time. I've been watching a Bachelor, Bachelorette,

all of the different variations. So yeah, it's awesome. Man, it's cool. It's great. It's great storytelling. You know, how, I don't know how much is produced and how much is real. I'm assuming a lot of it is produced. But it's the way they capture a story from beginning to end. Is is very novel like. So it's cool. Oh, totally, it's very It's very real. As you can tell. Both Dean and myself are in relationships from it. But uh, you know, the producers are there for a reason. They

make a good television show. But then I wanted to talk about the Mechanic first, because that all twenty one chapters I believe are already out on the Boston website. Uh, and so I've read it. It's an incredible story. It's like very uh da Vinci Code like National Treasure. Um. But tell us a little bit about the Mechanic and why you decided to write a serialized story. And what I mean by that is, as about two weeks ago when this first came out, you released about two chapters

a day until the story was completed. Why did you. So the Boston Globe came to me, you know, they're the big newspaper in Massachusetts, and they asked if, if you know, I would be willing to do this. It's basically writing a book. In two weeks, you put out a chapter, two a night, um, and the whole city and basically the whole Anybody who wants to go online and read it is a good giant book club. And

it was also being published in the paper. So it started on the cover of the Sunday Globe two weeks ago, has run every day for two weeks and just ended its run yesterday basically, but um, it's all there online. So if you go to Boston Globe dot com you can binge read just like a book. Um. And it really it's like a National Treasure thriller takes place um on the Freedom Trail and the streets of Boston, goes

back in history to the beginnings of America and American history. Um. But it's I wanted to do it because we're all sick of all this crazy dark news, Like you pick up the newspaper and it's just ugly story after ugly story, and it's nice to have a diversion. So anybody who was interested in seeing something different in the newspaper was able to read it. And it became this huge thing. I mean, you know, it ended up being the most read thing on the Boston Globe and it's become this

huge um book club basically. And it was a diversion for me. Um. You know, I'm stuck at homes like everybody else's and this took my mind off of all the all the madness and uh. And it's been just a great experience. And I always wanted to write the Da Vinci Code. Um, So for me, it's a great way of trying to write a thriller like that. Um. And it will be a series. I'm doing a sequel now. Yeah,

would become really into it. We sent it out and we're getting all these offers today actually, so it will be a movie or a TV show of some sort, um and hopefully become a big series. So we'll see how it goes. Yeah, that's very exciting. Congratulations do you I gotta ask you about Bitcoin Billionaires because that's probably my favorite book that you've written, is that Bitcoin Billionaires is set up as a movie. Um, we haven't put out you know, are any official sort of news about

who is making it or what. But we were about to announce something when all of this craziness went down. So when Hollywood faws out a little bit, we're gonna make an announcement about that movie. But Bitcoin Billionaires, for people who don't know, is the story of the Winklevoss twins and their rise um from being the bad guys in the social network to who they are today, which

is there worth billions of dollars. They owned two hundred thousand bitcoin and a single bitcoin is now worth almost ten thousand dollars, so they've got a couple of billion in bitcoin um and it makes you rethink who they are because in the social network they were the big dumb jocks who were rowing their way and you know, Mark Zuckerberg was the evil nerd and that was the battle. But the reality is is very different and now Mark Zuckerberg is kind of evil and the twins have become

these revolutionaries in this new form of money. So it's a cool story, and we are going to make the movie um as soon as everything you know gets back to filming. Yeah that's saying obviously. So you know, the army would be awesome. You know, there's only a few

people out there who could play the Winklebox twins. Um. You know, you've got to be big and in shape, but also really be able to come across as smart and and there's also the sort of I mean they're you know, they're the like Greek God's kind of I mean they walk on yeah, and you're playing an army. Army Hammer did it very very well, so we would love to see Army doing it again, but it's gonna depend on who the director is, what the script looks like,

and Army. Since the Social Network has done so many great films, Um, he's really grown into a great actors, So I would love to see this. Um. But the winkle Fire or not who you think they are. And that's kind of what's cool about this story is they're not the dumb jocks. You know, they're not just the men of Harvard. These are guys who studied economics. There's guys who speak five languages. Um, you know, their Olympic rowers, so they have the ability to train and stuff like that.

But they're they're really smart guys. So it's it's a it's an interesting sort of way of looking at them again. Now, what got me into your books was actually the social network because for some reason I am fascinated with the entire story of Facebook. And so then after I saw the movie, I read your book and then that led me to bring you know, read Bringing Down the House and Bitcoin Billionaires, and now reading Straight Flus, which is I I love it. I'm about halfway through right now.

You write so many books about what I deem such cool things, whether it be Bitcoin, technology, uh, Facebook, card counting? What is it about those things that makes you want to write about? So I'm really into people who are kind of going against authority in one way of another, and not like criminals, you know, but people who are using their brains or abilities to beat the system. That's always the kind of story I look for. So people

who kind of think outside the box. They're not, you know, just getting a job and going forward, but they come up with an idea like Facebook, or they find this secret world like card counting and they hit Vegas and made millions. Straight Flush is about a group of college kids who figured out online game and they've created an online poker site. Before you know today that's normal, but back when they did it, this was a brand new thing. It wasn't necessarily legal, and they moved to Costa Rica

with their fraternity to try and create this thing. And I love these people are making millions of dollars a day doing something crazy and a little shady sometimes, but the fun of it is the sort of adventure of of of changing the world, you know, just using your brain or or some sort of skill set or something like that. It's just, you know, I live vicariously through these characters, um, which you know, I want my readers

so do I, which is why I look. You can dive inside and you know you were let's hit Vegas. But in real life, if I go hit Vegas, I'm gonna get clawber. But but when you read the book, you know, you see people who actually did it, and these are all true stories, which is kind of what's what's cool about them. So yeah, I get pitches, you know, people just send me stories and I look through them and try and find characters who've really done something unreal,

you know, and follow them around. Well, if you ever want to write a book about two reality TV has beens, you got your people right there, you know. I I there's definitely a story in that. But hopefully you guys don't end up in jail like doing when you take down some big thing like Vegas. I'm gonna be there and follow that story for sure. But yeah, I mean, you know, you never know where the story is gonna come from. Um, the Zuckerberg story. You know, when I

wrote that, it's two thousand and seven. Facebook was not in all of our lives yet. It was really just getting started. But there was this crazy drama between Mark and Eduardo and the Winkleby twins. You couldn't invent those guys if you wanted to. That whole scenario of them battling for something that became a multi billion dollar company. It's it's really intense. Um. So you know that came out of nowhere to me, and you never know where

these stories are gonna come from. Oh no, it's it's fascinating. Like you said, I love your book so much because I also live vicariously through your through your characters, because I would never have the balls to do those things, but I want to so badly, Like I want to be the person like even like Zuckerberg early in the days where like he just god, he was so focused on getting Facebook to be this huge successful company, um and nothing was going to stop in his way. And

I just envy that so much. And also a fun story about you is that you put yourself through these weird scenarios, even I'm not saying on lawful scenarios, but like I heard a story about you because you wanted to immerse yourself into what your characters went through. You smuggled and you write it in the book and bringing down the house, you smuggled like two hulls to the airport or something like that. Technically it's it's not illegal

to move your own money through an airport. However, if you get caught by the T s A with a couple hundred thousand dollars in an adult bag, it it looks really bad and you will probably end up in handcuffs at some point. So you know, to be a to feel like I was in the story, I would carry money with the M T. Black Jack team and you go through Usually you carry a lot of it in chips because the T s A doesn't know that chips or money, you know, they just think you're going

to a poker game or something. But you would wear velcro and this was you have to remember. Today's security is a lot different than it was when I wrote Bringing Down the House. But you used to be able to wear money belts and you could put money in your pant legs and you could you would carry money all over yourself, like the Michelin man and you go to Vegas and you go to the bathroom and you would trade money out from you know, under under the stalls in the bathroom and things like that. So it's

like it's like method writing. You know, actors are method acting. I'm a method writer. So I dive inside whatever the story is and uh and try and figure it out, you know, from the inside. Um, that's what's fun about writing. Writing itself is not fun, you know, sitting in a room for eight hours a day for three months is

the least fun you could possibly have. But researching the stories and following these characters around, and you know, I wrote Bringing Down the House in Vegas over fourteen days, literally staying in a different casino every night with the M I. T. Black Check team, and you know, those are experiences that really are just awesome as a writer to be able to have. So do you get writer's I never have writer's block, So a writer's block to me is, um, you're not writing the right thing often,

or or you started in the wrong place. Usually you have to go backwards. I have all these tricks and systems and things like that to get around stalling. Um So, I don't have writer's block once I start a project. It's between projects. Often I'm searching for the right story. So months can go by when you're watching Stay by

the Bell over and over again. But uh, but you know, once you like figure out a story that really is compelling and crazy, I dive in and I write it like the you know, the Mechanic for instance, literally wrote in two weeks because it was we're putting chapters up every night in the globe. So that kind of thing you can't install. You know, if you stall, all things gonna fall apart. And and so I write very quickly

and there's no chance of that happening. It's about choosing the right story and finding the right characters and seeing yourself. I'm very cinematic, so I'm basically writing movies as books. Um So I actually sell the movie before I write the book. I write a fourteen page treatment. Um So it's basically I tell the story in fourteen pages. I take it out to Hollywood. I landed some studios somewhere. Then I write, then I sell the book, and then

I write the book. So I already know when I'm writing the book there's at least the potential of a movie. So I'm thinking of it with actors in mind. I'm really writing the book thinking it through like that. Um, and that makes it a lot more fun. I love that because that's probably why I love your book so much, because they are so dramatic and cinematic, and I as a movie buff, I I love it. So last question

before you go, Um, this is a dating podcast. You've been married for thirteen years, so so tell us wait, of course please, we'd love to hear from time. Yeah, tiens here this is hi entity and uh, she's way out of my lead. So it's as if I went on the Bachelor and I won somehow by you hypnotism or one of these little skill set um tiny and I we dated for a couple of years, a number of years before we got married, and I was never great. I'm sure you guys had a much easier high school

and college experience night and dating. I don't know. I would be amazed. But I was never that good at it. Um and uh, but I was persistent. I think persistence is the key, right yeah, uh, just yes, I mean, as Ashley's husband, I could persistance is key. Um. But my question for you guys before you go is just you have one piece of advice for the listeners out there about how to keep a marriage going after third while, how to keep the marriage going after years, separate bathrooms,

I mean the whole thing. When I got married, and people say this to everyone gets married, you know, happy wife, happy life. And the reality is the happier she is, the happier you will be. And so if you attempt to make yourself happy, it's never gonna work if she's not happy. So you really do have to make allowances for that daily and uh, you know, it's like keeping a plant happy, right, you gotta water every days. Great handbags, it helps, it helps. But no, honestly, I think you

need to pick the right person. I think that that is the key to this whole thing, like, um, you know, even if it takes too longer to get there. Um, you know, I'm telling you to people on the Bachelor who have to do this in how many episodes. But the reality is rushing in isn't isn't necessarily the best answer. It's it's finding that person who really works with you,

and you have to be partners. So when you're dating someone, I think you should be thinking about if you're thinking long term, is this person going to be a partner? Like all the off is that I know are incredibly jealous of of what she does for my career. I would be in sweatpants, sitting in a room twenty four hours a day and have never had the career that I had. Um Tanya is the one who makes sure that I'm out there and my book is out there. And so having a partner who is your secret weapon

is really key, both for women and for men. Think of that person as that's a partner. It's not someone you know. There you have to be a pair and everything I think so it works for us, you know, I think that's awesome advice and and and Ben and Tanya. I I can't thank you enough for coming on the podcast. Re appreciate it U to all the listeners out there, go check out The Mechanic. It is currently on the Boston Globe right now. You can subscribe. I subscribed. Uh,

it's four dollars for the whole month. So check out the Mechanic. All twenty one chapters are on there right now. It's an incredible story, very national treasure esque. Um. And then also check out Bitcoin Billionaires, which was you can kind of like a sequel to The Accidental Billionaires about the Winklevoss twins getting into bitcoin very early. It's fascinating, especially in today's world, learning more and more about bitcoins. So check those out. You can get that Amazon anywhere

you buy books. Really. Um and Ben again, thanks, thank you. You're fans, so I'm excited to be here. Thank you very much. All Right, we're back from a break. Jared, how was that for you? Because you are obviously a huge fan. I'm a big fan, so I admittedly have never read any of his books, but I'm a big fan of the movie Renditions obviously twenty one and Social Network are two huge movies. A fan of those. So what was it like for you to be able to talk to a guy that you, you know, I've admire

so much, Dude, it was awesome. He's super nice and I've seen a lot of interviews with him and it's funny because the picture, like his author picture that's always on his book is like him with a leather jacket and glasses, and he's got like an interesting look to him, and you're like, is this guy like? What is this guy like? And so it's so awesome meeting him and just realizing that he's so down to earth and super just like a normal du and uh, it's it's so

funny that he's a Bachelor fan. You never know who watches the freaking show, Like what a fan of somebody that I've been a fan of for so long watches the show knows who I am, and like things like this are able to happen because of that, and it's freaking the coolest thing. Man. But like I remember watching The Social Network. I watched it in Boston the weekend

it came out, and like, I wasn't into Facebook. I wasn't a big social media guy, and I was like, I we'll see I walked to that theater and I love that movie so much. Uh, And obviously read the accents of the Billionaires, which he wrote in The Bitcoin Billionaires, which is like somewhat of a sequel. I even I just recently read over this quarantine book called The Facebook Effect, which is literally marketed as the true story to the social network. Uh, with interviews from it's mostly like an

interview from Mark Zuckerberg that this guy wrote about. But dude, it's it's fast. He's a great writer, and like he said, he writes everything cinematically, so it does feel very um uh dramatic while reading the book, which I love because the stakes are high, and he writes about things that are are in my mind the coolest things, like I said, card counting and poker and and bitcoin and technology and social media things that I am captivated by. So it

was it was cool, man, it was so cool. Like that dude, that dude right there wrote a book that Aaron Sorkin and David Fincher created a screenplay off of and got nominated for Best Picture. Like that's to say, it's funny with it must be incredible to write a book basically knowing that it's going to be made into a movie like he did Thick Bitcoin Billionaires. He's like, well, there is nothing to announce yet, but there I wrote it. Uh what does he say? Cinematically? And so it's basically

guaranteed to be made into a movie. Like, that's just pretty crazy thing I think about. That's awesome. But yeah, so it wasn't about dating. So I apologized saw the audience members all the listeners that it wasn't really that much about dating. But at the same time, it was really cool and I hope everybody listened found it very interesting and engaging and and something different. And sorry I went over seven that. Heavenly you had it last as

long as you could. I can get it. Man, Hey, should we do it an email before we before we say goodbye for this week? Yes, obviously, definitely, most certainly the best part. Please keep your emails coming. Okay, I love that enthusiasm. Atti you Well, this one kind of sounds similar to what we talked about last week. Essentially, what's happened is this girl is dating a guy for they've been dating for one and a half years. It's

from Samantha. They're temporarily doing long distance, but her boyfriend is a big surfer and once not too long ago, while he was surfing, he met a girl who was surfing by herself. She asked for his Instagram handle. She then d m him uh later on and asked if he would like to go surfing with her. This guy the whole time has made clear that his a girlfriend.

He even told his girlfriend who is our emailer, that you know, he met this girl who was just wanting to surf, and now she's sitting him up to surf again, just them too. Um, her question is where And Samantha said in the moment that it was fine for him to do this, to meet up with this girl to surf with her. However, she's not sure how to feel about it now, so she's asking us, Jared, do we think it's appropriate for someone in a relationship to hang

with someone of the opposite sex alone? And on the flip side of it, would it be appropriate for someone to tell their significant miller to hang out with someone of the opposite sex. So I guess to to kind of put it all and together quickly, because we talked about this last week a little bit. But this is a different situation because it's not like a friend who was kind of grandfather been before. It's it's someone that they've met recently that's asking to hang out one on one.

What do you think about it? It's a great area. Uh. I think what it comes down to is making sure that You're significant other is friends with this person. That's like the main the main purpose here what I'm getting behind. Like, for example, everybody says like, oh, Jared, you have a best friend that's a girl. I'm like, yeah, but her and Ashley now are like best friends and she sees our dynamic and how it's brother and sister. Like, So this significant other, Samantha needs to hang out with this

girl and the boyfriend at the same time. The boyfriend needs like overcompensate during the moment and be like, Okay, I'm always gonna have my arm around you. I'm always gonna be holding your hand. I'm gonna show that like I love you. You're the girl for me. This other person is just a friend, and then maybe you can start feeling comfortable about it. But until that happens, then I don't know. I gotta say I disagree with you

on this one. So I think in the sense of them hanging out, it's totally okay for them to do. If every time they hang out there surfing, If it's like, hey, come lord to my house and watch a movie, probably not gonna fly. But if they met surfing, they have a shared interest that is surfing it's better to surf with a brand and then just to surf alone. So I don't see the harm and like, hey, I'm gonna

go surfing with this person, Like okay. So, and maybe the reason I'm justifying it this way is because sometimes I'll get d m s from girls with But it's obviously we get ms from girls, right, it's a very well known fact that we're both in relationships. But sometimes people who are like interested in rock climbing or like I remember after Paradise was done filming, this girl was like, Hey, I live up in Seattle. If you ever up in the area, let's go rock climbing or something like that.

If I'm by myself and I want to go rock climbing, like you need a partner to rock climb with. So I'm like, yeah, I'm gonna hang out with this person in the rock climb, you know what I mean. So I think if you have like a shared interest in this case it's surfing, in my case would be rock climbing or scott diving or whatever it might be, I think it's totally okay. But I don't think that if you ever Stamantha, if you ever hear your boyfriend and say something like, Hey, this girl is gonna come over

and watch a movie with me. That's the red flag and that's cause for concern. But in the ace of surfing, I don't think it's a big deal at all. I agree, if it escalates, you have a big problem. My only concern with what you're saying is like Samantha, being a significant other has to trust that that other girl doesn't have all. I don't think it's about the other girl at all. I think it's just about her boyfriend. If her boyfriend, can she trust her boyfriend or not? You

know what I mean? Like for instance, again, I can only do. All I can do is relate it back to my scenarios, Like I know that I would never do anything with any girl other than Kaylin, so I don't have any interest. And you're like, yeah, let's go rock. If this guy is and on his girlfriend, who for for the record, they've been dating long with than Kaylin and I have, then he has not even a single desire to do anything that's you know, considered uh, promiscuous

or whatever. So if she has a reason to believe that she should be uncomfortable, then maybe there's something underlying there, But I personally, I don't think that it's an issue. Let me ask you that what is what is calin like doing? What's like one of her hos ukulele? Okay, So what if some dude, random dude DMR and said, hey, listen, I know your relationship. I just want I also play the ukulele, and I'd love to learn side by side so we can kind of get better at this together.

Would you mind if like we go to a public place, like it could be a coffee shop, whatever, and we just kind of like go back and forth and learn how to play the ukulele. I see what you're doing. I gotta say that's a little bit of different in a situation, but I would be totally okay with it. I don't see why not. Like again, I have full and utter, to the utmost trust, more than I could trust anyone else in the world. With Kalin, I know that she would never do anything to hurt me physically

or emotionally. So I would have no issue with their going to a coffee shop with a guy to play the ukulele because I know that her intention is to improve with the ukulele and to have someone to work on that way and not to hook up with anyone else, you know what I mean. I think for me, it's not so much of trusting as it is a jealousy thing. And maybe I'm just a jealous guy and that's not

a healthy habit to have. But if, like if if Ashley was going like weekly with this other dude that I didn't really know or didn't know at all, to like do something that she's very passionate about, It's not like, no, I trust you, I just don't trust them, and and it just makes me jealous, that's all. Like, Nah, Navy, I'm not saying I would tell her not to do it, But if it became like a weekly thing and I did not know the person, I'd be like, I don't

know how comfortable I feel about this. Not that I don't trust you, but that dude could go no. I guess that makes sense too. I don't know. I don't know in the world of like surfing and doing like these activities outside that are like less intimate and more about the experience than they are about the company. Is surfing like going to a coffee shop, like playing you It's like it's a hobby. I don't know. I don't know. I don't think it's an issue, but like, yeah, I

think we're on the same page. But with saying hang out with them, see if you what's long distance? I guess you can't hang out with them at the time, but I don't think that you should, okay. And here's another example. If Caitlin was like, look, I don't want you to meet up with that person or rock climb, I would kind of be like, well, what's the deal. You don't trust me, or like you don't want me to like go do this, Like I don't understand, you know what I mean? Yeah, And you know what sucks

about the social distancing right now? You're right because she even says in the email that I forgot about that they're doing long distance right now because of the pandemic, and that would that would cause that would cause some moneyase on my end, because then the person that you're you're dating, you're not only not hanging out with them,

but they're actively hanging out with another girl. And while you trust them, it's just like this this little small voice in the back of your head being like, don't let them do it like that. This is not good. This is not good. Uh so it's hard, it's it's it's not easy. Relationships aren't easy between jealousy and and uh,

it's it's very complicated. So I wish we had a better answer for I see, if you asked me the same question shin like two or three years ago, or for you know, however long ago, probably even any time before my current relationship, I would say, it's okay for you to be like a little worried about it, but now, like I've never I guess I hate making this all about me, but like I'm in a relationship now, more than more comfortable in this relationship than I've ever happen before.

So my mindset is always like, yeah, do the thing that makes you happy. I don't you know. If I can do it with you all, I will, But if I can't, I want you to be able to do it with other people that should that same interest as you used to go do that. And it's just like a level of trust for me now is I've never

what I've never had before. So hopefully Samantha can have that with her boyfriend without having to feel guilty for telling him not to hang out with someone, because I know she obviously she wants him to be surfing having fun.

You know, do you think be bad if Samantha said, I don't want you to stop doing this, but I also wouldn't mind if you just made me feel comfortable while going, you know, while you do this, whether it be just like you know, like face timing or from the beach or you know, talking to her while he's there.

It's a good way to compromise, I guess would be like face time and when you get there, because I can so I can meet her, not like it in a weird way, but just be like, oh, like hey, like you're my boyfriend's new surfing buddy, Like it's nice to meet you, you know what I mean. And that way, like obviously if she everyone knows who's in the relationship. But it's always good once you put a face to

the other person's significant other. I think that like really ingrains the idea, and you know what I mean, So by I think it's a really good idea. By doing that, it's like, Okay, there's not gonna be any funny business either way, Like she can kind of rest easy, and then the girl that he's surfing with can be like Okay, Like, now that I have a face to the guy's girlfriend, I am certain that this isn't going to be anything romantic,

you know, yeah, and it certainly can't hurt. Thank you so much for listening to a new episode of Help by Second Dating. Thank you, of course to Ben Mezrick for coming on the podcast check out once again. His The Mechanic Would is on the Boston Globe, all twenty one chapters. Also by his book Bitcoin Billionaires, which is one of my favorites. Uh. Thank you so much Dean for opening up during your seven minutes of Heaven. I hope this is something that can continue to happen because

I found yours very interesting. I hope people found mine somewhat interesting. But I've already started like brainstorming things that I kind of want to uh talk about and get off my chest. And during our seven minutes of Heaven heavenly, Uh, Tori, thank you so much for showing up. You're amazing as always. Uh. Thank you to Amy for employing us. Uh, thank you for all the dedicated listeners. We appreciate and and are

so grateful for you. Uh. Thank you for the emails because those are our favorite parts of the podcast listening from you, make sure you follow us on all social channels. We are on Facebook and more importantly Instagram. We're at help I Suck at Dating, so you can definitely follow us there and everybody I'm missing there for emailing us. So if forget to email us at I suck a Dating at iHeart media dot com to hear your stories. You want to know what's going on in your lives.

It helps us connect with you. Even if we give these non answer answers like we did just then, it's still hopefully helps you guys in a way. Yeah, I mean it's so. I think it's always best to give a non answer answer because we don't want to tell you exactly what to do, because honestly, we don't know what the hell we're doing either. We're just trying to help. We're all just trying to get through this life together. You know, that's it. We're all in this together, guys.

So make sure you listen next week to an all new episode where hopefully we all suck a little less. Follow Help by Suck at Dating on I Heart Radio or wherever you listen to podcast