#7 Long Distance

were some questions that were be left unanswered. So circling back to episode number one, we had Rachel de Alto from Married at First Sight and she's going to jump on the phone and kind of help diagnose what ghosting really stems from and kind of why it's around. So, Rachel, are you there. I'm here. Hey, Rachel, good to hear from you again. How are you. I'm doing well. How have things been since the last time we spoke? All as well as well? How are you doing? I'm doing well.

I'm doing well. Thanks so much for taking the time to call in, um as you're as you know, we're talking a little bit more about ghosting today and I think that you have some um good information about it. So why do you think someone ghosts? It's just easier. I think people don't like to have confrontation, and you know, especially in a situation where you're not in a relationship and you kind of don't owe anyone that kind of super sit down, serious conversation. Um, it's just easier to

kind of let it fade away. And so it's just it's a non confrontational way to let things go, whether it's the nicest thing, you know, that remains to be seen. So it's kind of a way to avoid conflicts. Yes, I think most people that goes are kind of like, well, I don't really like this person enough to continue, but I don't have enough relationship with them to say, let's sit down and I'm going to tell you why I don't want to date you anymore. Why do you think it?

Typically men are more often to ghost than women. Uh. You know, it's funny because I feel a lot more women ghosting of recent Uh so it's you know, we're evening that out. But I think typically guys kind of are are just very cut right, like, Okay, this is over, I don't need closure. I'm just going to move on. And I don't even know that a lot of guys understand kind of depending on the woman kind of what they're left with, um, you know, that emotional empty, you know,

empty answer of like why did he leave? Um? So I just think guys were just you know, they're like, oh wait, that's over that. You know, it's the cut and dry approach. They're not really as interested in getting into the motions of things, whereas women are like I want to answer, like I want to understand. I think too.

I think with ghosting, if you were to go someone, it's a lot less binary than ending things just outright right, Like if you're to say, if you're kind of to go silent um, it kind of leaves the door open for a future relationship if both parties so wish to kin get into that. Right. So, so, if if someone ghosts you and then tries to come back, do you think you should ever give them another chance or do you think that's not something you should even consider. I mean,

it's fully depends on the situation. I think, if you know, a lot of times people goes because they meet someone different or better or someone more interesting than they want to kind of pursue, and then if that falls apart, you know, there's always kind of the circle back. So listen. If it's not a big deal to you, then why

not give them another chance? If you were in this kind of more intensively developing relationships and someone ghosted, I'd be like, wait a second, let's talk about you know, do they respect you enough to actually consider your feelings this time around? So why are you giving them another shot? So I think it really depends on a case by case, but I've definitely seen people get ghosted. The person comes back three months later, and then all of a sudden

they're dating again. So it's a lot of times timing and it's just situational. We would you say, once a ghost, always a ghost. I'm pretty sure you can recover from that. Okay, so it is something that you can work on and improve that. Yeah, But you know what the problem is is that a lot of times, and this is kind of like a p s A is people and ghosting because the conversations ending situation ships, which is not like a relationship that sich you're dating, you end up kind

of falling into something. They get uncomfortable because then they're like, well, I'm understand, you know what's wrong with me? And it becomes like a conversation that this person didn't want to have, so it becomes easier to go. So we all have to make it easier for people to end a relationship peacefully, um, to get rid of ghost thing. And how do we do that? Well, I think if someone tells you like I don't think we're a match or I don't think that this is going to work out, you don't get

defensive and kind of ask for more information. I get that from the women alive, you know, if they tell a guy, hey, listen, I just don't think you're right for me. The guy comes back and is like, well, why and what's wrong with me? You're you know, what's what's the problem, what's your problem? Um? And vice versa.

So I think we just have to be okay with like, not every lid is going to fit every pot, and it's okay to get you know, kind of passed on so that you're opened up to someone who is your fit. I will say, as a bit of a retort for that is, if I were to be broken up with, I would definitely want to know why I was broken

up with. I think that's well, I think it's okay for why, but it's I've not personally think God but in in a lot of clients experiences, friends experiences, it's been almost angry, like they get there's a little angry else that comes out. Um So I think that kind of this fear is like, Okay, this is just pafer to not have that conversation. I think if you're gonna get, if you're gonna break up, like you're going to have

to break up without the ghosting, um you know. So I think it's it's more so the people like you go on one day and the persons like I know that this isn't my person and I'd rather not have a conversation around that because they could end up getting defensive and kind of like pussy. I think. I think

that's one of the biggest appeals of ghosting. And again I'm not condoning by any means, but when when you break up with someone, if you are to break up with them and be you know, obviously mature enough about it to to tell them that you want to break up, there's so many uncertain avenues that that could kind of progress, whether it's a conversation talking about why they're not the person for you while you're not the person for them, what they did wrong, what you did wrong, etcetera, etcetera.

If you were to go someone, the only real outcome of it is you're just not to be talking to them anymore. So it's a lot more it's a lot more predictable, I guess than if you were to break up to that with them. Um normally, I guess exactly. Although it's sometimes when ghosting you end up getting the people coming back saying, you know, where did you go? Why did you go? And then it becomes really awkward because you've left and now you're you're explaining yourself like

a month later. Um, So listen, if you've been dating someone for like a couple of months, don't go with them. But it's like a date or two. It's really not that big of a deal. I don't think everybody owes, you know, we don't owe everyone a huge explanation of why this isn't working. Not again, I like, I like maturity and things like that too, But you know, I

think we put so much pressure on it. So like if you went out for coffee with someone or grab a drink with someone, it's not feeling you know, and you're not feeling them. I don't think you have to say hey, this isn't working. Great point, and I think it's definitely very circumstantial depending on the number of dates you've gone on or you know, the the amount of

time you've been dating quote unquote that person. Um. So, do you have any advice for maybe listeners that have been ghosted it on not necessarily how to prevent being ghosted, but how to deal with the other side of being ghosted. Yeah. I think the biggest thing if you've been ghosted trying not to take it personally, which I know is probably the hardest thing because it's like, wait a second, this

person disappeared on me. Clearly you know there's a problem, but um, a lot of times it has nothing to

do with you. It has everything to do with the person, their timing, um, their own situation, whether or not they haven't released the next you know, there's so many reasons, and I think a lot of times I get people that come to me and wonder why guy disappeared, and it's kind of like, it doesn't matter because it's just it is what it is, you know, And and spending time thinking about somebody that you dated for a couple of dates or a couple of weeks or whatever is

not doing you any service, So go back on Bumble and Tender and replace them. Yeah, Bumble, we can use them because that there are podcast monsters, so will definitely don't get on Tender. Definitely use Bumble. It's a much, much, far superior app. I was trying to think, um, as you were ap ping up that point that I was trying to think of the last time that I might

have been ghosted. But it's hard for me because I haven't really been in a relationship outside of a TV show for so long, aside from my girlfriend before going on the show, so it's been I'm sure I've been ghosted, but I was just trying to think of how I reacted to it and how I felt. I'm sure it didn't feel good. Um yeah, I mean it doesn't feel good,

but it's it's again, you know. That's where it's so important to realize that there's you know, it's not about you, and it's about them, and your person that's meant to be your person is not going to ghost you. So there's you know, it's a get back out there and find someone else that's actually going to treat you right and show up and and you know I could progress into a relationship, but yeah, it doesn't feel good. I

think it's I think that's a great point too. I think that's the main takeaway um the listeners should take from this is if you are to get ghosted, it's not because of you. It's because of the person that's ghosting you. They're personal um issues that they're having, so I think, and you can't get in their head. So don't go to a psychic. It's it's not gonna help. It doesn't matter, it doesn't matter what they left there. So let's figure out what we do next. What is

your stance on psychics? Just how to curiosity? Rachel, I think people have a lot of um capabilities. I think there's a lot of people out there that are real, and I think there's a lot of people out there that are faked. But I also think they were done where you're at. So you know, I know that that psychics make a lot of money off of love and dating because there's a lot of questions. Don't don't waste your money over there, go back on bumble, there is

go out back on bumble. All right, Rachel, Well, thank you, thank you so much for taking the time to call back in. Um. I think honestly that was incredibly helpful to to whoever has either ghosted or been ghosted in the past. Um. And and yeah, thanks for having me. No, I mean it's it's it's great that you weren't so turned off the first time that you decided to come back. I really appreciate it. I wish to the best of a lot. Keep keep recording. Thanks, Rachel, I'll talk to

you soon. Maybe we'll be able to suffer back in a couple more weeks. Okay, so I'm good, all right, take care? Right? Can I throw this in that I was once the victim of a triple ghost triple ghosts meeting three consecutive women ghosted me the trick, and they said it couldn't be done exactly right, I hadnt done. First goal was Darby went out to a Christmas party together, went out a few times, made out a little bit, nothing too serious. But she went home for Christmas to Illinois.

I'm from Wisconsin. This was in Wisconsin. When she came back, Radio Silence would not answer her phone under any circumstances. Months later, I found out that she had gotten back together with her boyfriend in Illinois, which I wish you could have just told me that, because I'd have been okay with it instead of all the wondering why isn't she calling me back? And at the end of the day, that wasn't your that wasn't because of you, It was you were completely removed. Number two was named Anne and

was delightful. Worked at a coffee cart, met at a baseball game. We dated for two months, like spending nights together and spending weekends together. In two months, all of a sudden boom, out of the stops returning my calls and that was it. And to this day I've never spoken to Anne, at least derby and I had some

closure to it and simply was gone. I did leave her a message saying that I wanted to get some of my stuff back, and she left me a message saying I could bring it by the house or I could come by the house she'd leave it on the front porch and did. Yeah, and that was that. You know, it's funny about that. So you're you're twenty years later

and you're still in the ghosting process. I mean, obviously not that you're interested in getting back together with and by any means because you're happily married man, but you still the closure never came around exactly. Yeah. And some of the stuff she left me was gifts I'd given to her, which hurt my feeling, and I left those fair because those were gifts. Number three was Christina. Christina was a swimsuit model. Yeah, I met through a radio station.

She was delightful, data like for a month, very nice. One night we got into a little bit of an argument, she left, and I to this day have never heard from her again. Okay, So to that note, then kudos to Derby for allowing the closure that you also, you know, generally want. At some point she had to start answering her phone again. Two months later she did, and that's when she told me, So, were these the three relationships

you had before? Yes? Number four? After that it is twenty years going has a ring on the finger now, Yes, exactly. So maybe that's what it takes. Maybe it takes the vaunted a hat trick of ghosting until you find your forever person. That's right. I think that may be true. And Darby the first one. One more closure on Darby. When I talked to her, she explained everything, and she's and I said, you know what, you want to get coffee? Because she wasn't even with this guy anymore. She said, sure,

I'd love to get coffee. Let's go to this place two their six o'clock. Okay, great, So I show up there. She never showed up. I've never smoke. Yeah, but it made me wonder what is it about me that it's so hard to say this isn't working. Mark, there's nothing wrong with you. I think there's got to be something that they can't just say to me it's not working. That's fine, which is fine. I think I could have handled it. You're not going to bout a thousand and

you're not going to be great with everyone, right. Um. I think it's important to Rachel's point too, to be a man or a woman about at it and confront the person and tell them exactly why and what's going on. Um. And again for the listeners who who are wondering who that man on the mic is, that that's Marked the producer. He uh, happily married. But I guess we're all victims of ghosting at some point. If it happens now, it's really going to be a problem. That would be Yeah,

you're six years old. I was married for twenty years all right. So, as Rachel was mentioning, if you get ghosted, maybe one of the best ways to rebound through that is to jump on a dating app. And what better dating app to jump on then Bumble. I'm sure you've heard of it. It is probably the best app out there. Bumble, like many apps, is used to meet other people, but unlike every other app, it allows you to match with people if you're looking to be in a romantic relationship.

It allows you to match with with friendships, business colleagues, networking, all that kind of stuff all en compass into one app. The great thing about it, too, is if you're a female and you're on this app, no conversations are able to get started until after you reach out and send the initial message to someone that you're interested in, So none of that persistent nagging that um you know you

might receive from guys from other apps. And on the flip side, if you're a guy, it's nice to know that if a girl reaches out to you first, then she's genuinely interested in having a conversation and maybe seeing if there's a mutual interest. In order for you, guys to get together. So I'm not sure how that works on the friends app, but um, there's three different apps within this app of Bumble, the app for dating, app for best friends, and app for professional networking, which is

are all great. Um. You can meet cool, educated, empowered people, uh and and like minded individuals depending on on kind of what you're looking for. So if you go to Bumble dot com slash Dean, download the app, you can find love, find new friends, find business connections. So go to Bumble dot com slash dean and start bumbling. You never know. I can't promise you won't get ghosted, but I can definitely promise you'll meet some fun and interesting

new people. So joining us now is one of actually only two couples to make it out of Bachelor in Paradise, two of my good friends. We have Adam and Raven on the line. How are you guys, what's going on? We're here, I know. Thank you guys so much for taking the time to jump on my podcast today. Of course. Um, Raven, I think I saw you taking your dog to the vet. I hope he's okay. Yeah, I don't know if you can hear him, but he has the loudest pant in

the world, and so he's like panting. I thought that was Adam, But okay, that makes more sense. Um, alright, guys. So, so today's topic is long distance relationships, and since Adam you live in Dallas, Raven you live in Arkansas, I figured no better than you know to kind of test you, guys. I'm sorry to ask you, guys. You know what really makes you guys work? Um, what advice you might have for anyone that's listening that's in a long distance relationship

or considering getting into one. Um, you know, obviously if anyone falls follows you two on social media, it seems like you to hang out a lot. But what kind of what do you guys do to make your relationship work so well? Where you want to take it? Only mean, well, I think Instagram highlights when we're together, but throughout the week we're so busy. Um. Everyone knows that I own a store and Adam is in real estate. So when

we're all together, we're really focused on our businesses. So when we're apart, it just makes it When we see each other, it's like almost a honeymoon phase, you know. So I guess, like the best advice I would give is just communication and probably just to be super honest about your expectations with each other. Like I told Adam we can't go more than two weeks without seeing each other because they just think like that's too long of a time. And so I guess just having boundaries and

I don't know, communication is key, Raven. What's your threat though? If we don't see each other for more than two weeks? Oh? I tell him all the time, like, if we don't see each other for two weeks, were breaking up? Yeah? Hey, she has to hold the bar that she has to hold it up just as much as I do. What do you think about it? Um? I really see it

as more. I mean some people, I personally like to see it as an opportunity because if you want to live together, you first probably need to learn how to live apart. And I feel like, um, you know, it's funny because I don't really consider this long distance, even

though I'm only probably an hour flight from her. Um. And I mean if we were to drive, I think it takes like four and a half or five hours, So I really consider anything over three hours, no matter what type of travel, arrow or ground, like that's considered

long distance. So, UM, I think that Raven kind of hit the nail on the head with UM just communicating with one another and set expectations because at some point, Um, we've had talks about you know, moving in together and where the relationship is gonna kind of turn from there, and you know, eventually you do want to settle down and do things. And I think that our weekends that we do spend with each other are are are exciting, we do things together, and Um that we're just we're

continuing every time we see each other. It's just the balls moving forward a little bit out of time as far as like progressing a relationship. So every time you guys see each other, it's a step in the right direction, is what it sounds like. Yeah, I think like our end goal is not to always be long distance, and I think that's key when you're in a long distance relationship, it's not going to be forever. And if it is, then maybe you shouldn't be in a long distance relationship.

You know that makes sense. And I think and and Raven to your point that you made earlier, I think that you said, um with your business shop Grace Wade shameless plug you're you're so busy, and Adam with his real estate business, he's incredibly busy as well. So even if you two were living in the same city as each other or or living with each other in the same home, most of the time that you're spending together

will be on the weekends. And it sounds like you're you're devoting a lot of time to each other on those weekends, right. Oh. Absolutely, And it's really key right now in the process of doing a lot of things it's not business and starting another business, and so like this coming week will be our first week that we won't see each other, and it's just Adam, I don't know, Adam is better at this than me. Like I'm like, oh,

I can handle it. We can see each other this weekend, and Adams like, no, we have other priorities that you know need our attention and you need to, you know, handle this thought of your business and then we can see each other. So it's all about priorities to and just staying you know, you have to, like Adam was saying, we have to learn to live apart before we live together, and so that's what we're just kind of figuring out. I feel like trust is a big part of it too.

It sounds like you two have a pretty much blind trust within each other and that's incredibly important. It sounds like, oh, yeah, Adam knows if he ever cheats something all, not just get yeah exactly, not just not just cheating all that kind of stuff, but trusting that you'll see each other as often as you promise, all that kind of stuff. But so you mentioned it earlier, do you guys ever

see yourself moving in together. I know it's still you know, early on and you guys both still have your respective businesses, but do you see that as a possible future? Yeah, it's a I mean, it's an end goal. I think that's that's something that we want to explore. I mean also I mean to my benefit. Um, you know, Raven wants to get out of Arkansas and eventually expand her

business into a bigger city. That's that's maybe a little more I'm not going to call it business friendly, but Texas it really is for small businesses that are looking to start. So, um, I think that's something that we that we want to eventually. You know, you want to build up too, and you get to and you know, you want to settle down with somebody. That's kind of what you do. Um. But I know Raven always told me, she goes, no, you're not gonna come here to Arkansas.

It's just it's not for you. Um. So I think it's a bet. And then wherever life Texas from here, you know, we'll just kind of ride the wave and we may be a next door neighbors one day, Dean, you never know. I was gonna say maybe Los Angeles. Yeah, maybe it's one point that would be the day. All right. So so let's say you said you have about a fourteen days threshold about that. That's how often you want see each other at the bare minimum, right, So say

you're eleven, twelve, thirteen days into that. How do you, guys keep it exciting for each other? How do you kind of keep it interesting? And I'm just talking about sexting you guys, Just to be clear, he never does I do the same thing. I don't think he's ever set me when I've asked him so many times. Yeah, well,

I mean that's what snapchats for. But then we also I mean, look, I mean being obviously there's there's tension that starts to evolve over these let's call it fourteen day grace period you like to call And Um, I don't know. It's something that we've always played around with. Raven at first was very very timid and shy, like it's the very conservative Southern woman in her and I have to kind of like break her out of it. But I don't think we have as much of a

problem as we used to in the beginning. And um, I mean it's see, I know she's smiling here to hear on the other hand of the right now. So seeing I was listening to a podcast of yours earlier and you said that you're not in the sex thing, like that's just something you wouldn't do. No, it's just the very reserve side of me. It's just not I don't know, maybe you're just shy like me and you need Adam to walk you through it. Get yourself an atom. I need to find myself an atom. Should we do

a podcast on sexting one on one? Um, I think that would have to be more of like a video blog or something like that. Right, I'm very good verbally. How much people can close their eyes let me allow me to use my words, and I promise you I'll take you to places you've never been. Raven step aside. I'm sorry, but I gotta step in with this one. I guess that's that's a good point. There's probably a

distinct difference between sexting and like phone sex. And I can tell already that Adam is just a veteran not maybe not a veteran, but a ten out of ten when it comes to being on the phone. And I don't know what to say. Um, all right, Well, so again, I don't know how Raven at the top of this uh phone call kind of mentioned how Instagram kind of romanticizes relationships a little bit, like, you know, it seems like you guys are always hanging out, but unfortunately that's

not quite the case. So what type of advice would you have for someone? Um, I know you said communication is huge, but say you know, someone lives in New York, another person lives in Washington State, what kind of advice would you have for them? For um, you know, kind of nurturing that relationship and making sure that if it is something that they want, how how to make sure it works? Um, well, I think you have to take

care of yourself first. So it's really important to be to you know, be home and really work on my business. I mean, have money in the bank account. I got beastland everywhere without any money or you know something. Um of working towards in goal. Um, but I think you

have to work on yourself. But then when you you are with that other person, then you kind of have no work reason, no stress, because it would be awful for me and Adam to go all week and then I see Adam, I don't know, like this week, we're taking a week off, so it'd be like almost two weeks when I see him again and me just bombard him with financial troubles or things going on at work.

So I just, you know, I think it's really important to take care of yourself and make sure you're okay, and that way, when you do things home with them, you know that time is precious and it's not blogged down by negativity or worries that you have, and that you're really just taking care of yourself and taking care of your relationship. So do you guys have do you guys have like arguments ever? Because it is a little bit different to have an argument with someone when you

don't see them quite as often. Um, I'm gonna aggravated at Adam twice so far? Was the second time? Um, the second time is when well is the first time referring to be losing my depth of cards? Oh my god, think what's that? Yeah? So the first time was he lost my debit card. It was in his shoe, by the way, the whole time, like after searching for it for an hour. It was an his shoe. That was annoying.

And then Adam thinks, um, that everything is solved by drinking water, and I just gets on my nerves so bad. Like every time I'm like have a headache or whatever, He'll tell me to drink water. And so those things annoy me. Wait, so these are your two biggest arguments that you've had so far? Yeah, and um, I've seen one other time. We had an argument that I thought

someone was taking advantage of Adam. I won't say the situation, but I felt like someone was taking advantage of Adam and he was not really doing anything about it, and that aggravated me. But other than that, I mean, I feel like me and Adam had pretty good core values. I'm sure like when we lived together, we're gonna like want to twist each other's heads off. But yeah, thank god. Yet I love I love you, say when we're going to live together, like it's already kind of in the stars,

which is great. Oh yeah, for sure. I'm trying to trap him. He was calling us at the end of Paradise. I remember, so I mean more power to you. But yeah, exactly, Um, Adam, I know you met her parents at the finale, Raven, have you met Adam's parents yet? Yes? I have. I actually kind of did a little shopping with his mom this past weekend our besties. Yeah, we're there. That's amazing.

I love that. Um, all right, guys. Well, Raven, what's your new business venture that you were talking about earlier? Just out of curiosity. Oh, my new business venture is, um, I am creating a mother store and just for children, so it'll be behind too, and I'm working really hard on that and hopefully it'll be up and rounding in the next week. That's amazing. Congratulations, good luck. Well, I don't want to take up too munch of you you guys time, so thank you so much for calling in and taking

the time. Um. You know, obviously everyone to be obsessed with you too as a couple. I don't see why they wouldn't because you guys are obviously perfect. Um. But I look forward to see what the future holds between the two of you, and I will be sure to talk to both of you soon. Okay, good luck, sing. I hope you don't check at dating now you know I can. I can confidently say that I suck a little bit less after hearing you too talk about what it takes out a successful long term relationship or long

distance I have all the sights in you. Thanks, all right, Dean, Let's hang out next moment in town. All right, see you later. Age by bye guys. An incredibly sweet and romantic gesture that anyone in a relationship can do for their significant other is to cook meals for them. You know, whether it's uh, say, your girlfriends out a long day at work, um, you know, long business trip, whatever it is, comes back if she has dinner waiting for her when she gets home, or vice versa, if he has dinner

waiting for him when he gets home. Credible gesture and an incredibly what easy way to do that is to go through Hello Fresh. So what Hello Fresh is is a subscription based meal delivery kit that makes cooking fun easy so you can focus on the whole experience and not just the final plate. And what's great about them too is they send you just the perfect amount of ingredients so there's little to no waste. And I personally

am a big advocate of of minimalism. So the fact that there's not much excess, you know, packing material, food, all that kind of stuff, I think it's great. It's a it's a great uh mission, especially in today's world. Um. What they do is they create amazing recipes, send you all the freshest ingredients with step by step ingredients and directions, and it's only gonna take you about thirty or so minutes, even if you never cook. I personally am not much of a cook. Um. I think I mentioned this in

the past. I I basically eat out for every single meal. I'm not very happy about it. I've been working on it, and what Hello Fresh has been able allowed me to be able to do is be able to cook for myself a lot more, cook for my roommates a lot more. Most of the meals are incredibly creative, they're delicious, they're nutritionally balanced, the perfect portion and sent directly to your door. So if you go to a hell of Fresh dot com and use promo code unglerd thirty. You get thirty

dollars off your very first week of Hello Fresh deliveries. Again, that's Unglert thirty. My last name is weird, so I'm gonna spell it for you. It's U n g l e r T three zero at Hello Fresh dot com and you get thirt dollars off your very first week. I'm Dean Unglert and I have two very special guests in studio today. Heather, how are you? We have, Um, Heather and Timmy, who are Crystal Energy music energy music readers. Well, we have a Crystal company and so, um we have

a book out on the market called Crystal Muse. But um, we've been best friends since the single digits and we are are from Manhattan Beach. But we have a crystal company. We've been here for about seventeen years and um here in Los Angeles. Here in Los Angeles, and we sell crystals all over the world. And um, what we try to do is help people utilize the energy of the earth to help them have a breakthrough and shift through

stuff they have have going on in there. Yeah, So does this coincide with like chakras or that kind of stuff. You know what it does kind of it does kind of So a lot of people, a lot of celebrities. We deal with a lot of athletes, professional athletes, we have dealt with. UM. One of our first clients, our first person that war our jelry, I will say, was Ryan Seacrest. Yeah, wow, okay, the energy Strong way way

back then when we very first started. But the thing that's cool about Crystal Stone readings is is that people and athletes and whatnot who want to always be on the leading edge, they might not have twenty years to go through therapy, so they will come in for Stone reading. And what it does is it helps you get to the core of maybe some issues in a really quick amount of time. So you work with athletes, is it physical issues, psychological issue? Is what types of issues do

they help? Usually with athletes, UM, it's always a mental issue because um, the mind controls the body and so UM, I'll be honest with you, a lot of the professional athlet it's not all of them, but UM, quite a few of them. We were their last stop. It wasn't like they stopped off at Energy Mused and had a Crystal reading. You know that was kind of like, hey, I'm about to lose my career. Things are going really sideline, and someone said you might want to go and get

a stone reading and it was the last result. But at the end of the day, Um, we have had some majoring, major results with people and that's why we're still here seventeen years later. So again, in the case of an athlete, it's therapeutic in the sense that their careers are winding down and they're trying to I guess realign what they want to do with themselves. How does that? Oh? No, So for example, um, hypothetical, but not hypothetical, I won't

say names. So say somebody is uh professional ball player and they were at the height of their career and then something happened in their personal life and their career took a major turn because they couldn't turn off their personal life from their career. And then you have someone who is at the height of their career and they're about to lose it because they're not performing, and so they have to get their mental state back on track.

And so what did that mean? They had to deal with some of the emotional blockages that we're inhibiting their mental state to be on track. So I keep thinking of like a field goal kicker or something that's missed, like seven field goals in a row, and they need to like refocus and yes, yes, so some there's a lot of different ways to do it. More people are working with this modality because it's a kind of a fast track. Um, Tony Robbins, I don't know if you've

heard of him. He's okay, So he's worn our jewelry for the last sixteen years and so um we are you know, his official jewelry company. If you go to Tony Robbins um seminar, you're going to see energy me steory there. So we learned through him is that everything comes down to a formula. And if we know how to change our state or have a breakthrough and work on our stuff because we all have it right, then we can make grab a change in our life. So

how does this all work? Because I'm new to this, I don't have a plethora of stones in front of me. How do you go about I guess helping? Okay, So the thing that's cool about a stone reading is is that I am not a psychic, although in my intuitive

absolutely you're probably your intuitive. We're all intuitive. The thing about this is that I know how to work with this energy of the earth and using it as a tool to help you have a breakthrough or help you learn a little bit more about yourself on a deeper level. So the all you have to do is pick the stones that you're most attracted to you. There's no right or wrong answer, and it could be based on color

or shape or size. So just taking a look at these crystals and the stones in front of you, what are the ones, um that kind of are calling you? And for the listeners, I have about twenty stones in front of me right now. How many do I pick? There's no right or wrong. It really just depends, okay, And those are great and the court is pretty good too, okay. So um, so basically you picked, um, you pick three stones and one of them is a okay, Now you

pick four? I like it, Okay, So you pick four now, okay. So four is a about wanting to have more stability in your life. So there's certain times in our life where you know, hey, we want to just be free and fancy and you know, have a good time. And then there's other times where we kind of want to settle down or just at least have some more foundation

where everything isn't in such a chaotic state. Um. And so right now for you, because you picked it at the end, you're looking to have more foundation, having a bit more structure in your life that feels comfortable right now versus maybe last year you could have cared less about it, you know what I mean. You want to

have fun or whatever. So the thing I love about the stones that you picked is that you picked this black rainbow obsidian and rainbow absitting is when you want to heal maybe some deeper grief in your heart, you want to go where you want to be a bit more honest with yourself, where you're like, you know what, there's some there's some stuff that I got to look at at myself. Although it's easy obviously to blame others

and always look at everybody else in our life. But when we really take ownership and say, hey, what can I heal about myself or what can I do? What can I take a lookout with me? Then that's how we really shift, and that's how relationships in our lives ship. Right.

So the thing I love about Rainbow City and it's kind of like where you want to take a look of any grief and sorrow, but then you're also willing to kind of infuse yourself back with the energy of the rainbow, like it's not all dark and dreary, you know, it's like you're not like going down that rabbit hole. The thing I like about this, um, you pick this stone and it's a really you're very probably very intuitive.

I mean, do you think Okay? I mean and I don't mean, like you know, you're outside and you're like, hey, man, I totally know what you're thinking, and you know, getting readings on the side of the road beating that intuitive that you probably know what's right for you or what's good for you. But what maybe you're picking this is that you need to trust yourself more. You know, when you have that gut instinct about something and you're like, uh, and you don't trust it and then and then everything

goes wrong. Okay, so kind of like trust my gut more, Yeah, because usually when you have I don't I mean, I don't know you from Adam, but I'm sure in the past when you have, you probably it worked out better for you than when you didn't trust yourself. Okay, so I'm just and for the listeners, I forgot to preface that Heather does not watch the Bachelor, Bachelotte, Bachelor in Paradise.

I have, I have in the past. We just have it like there was no there was no and I'm really sad because he's adorable and that is a really bad day for me. But I'm having a really good day right now. But it's because it allows for a much more unbiased I guess reading. Okay, okay, so once again, um you picked um this angel or a court and so basically you want to have a lot more clarity in your life. But it also is kind of like, I don't know, I feel like you need to have

more fun. And I don't mean like fun partying on like the Richter, you know, like you woo, you know, being a lot of I mean more fun, like maybe the things that you did as a kid that maybe brought you joy. You know, I don't know whether it was going out and playing basketball with a couple of really good guy friends, you know, some of those simple pleasures that really we're like you were laughing hard and you were having fun, you were playing Does that make

sense at all? Where for you right now. If things get way too serious and intense, it's kind of like you lose your magic. I don't know, No, I like, I think that's that's an interesting point. I like to kind of keep that childish sparkle that everyone tends to lose eventually, Okay, And and I'm getting I feel for you that's kind of your inner magic when you are playful, but not playful where you're playful, where you're working at it,

playful when it's authentic. So what would that be for you in terms of like, so if I were to go back as a child and like what made me just like just like, what makes you happy when you're having fun, like really fun, not you know what I mean, when you're just having fun? What is it? That's that's interesting that you asked that. I think that as a child I was outside and like, like, I don't know what, as children experience a lot more things for the first time,

like more new things, all that kind of stuff. Kind of straight away from that and gotten comfortable. I grew up the mountains, I like now live in the city, so I'm less, I guess at one with nature and all that kind of stuff. Um, and I have been thinking about that lately, about how I wish I was able to kind of get out and be as like explorative as I was at because I've kind of lost that a little bit. Okay, So what happens with us humans is is that when we lose our magic, are

when we lose the thing that helps us refuel. Like and I seriously believe this. I have met landlocked mermaids, like I've met people that are these fis like Larry Hamilton's to me is a human fish, you know what I mean. If he's not in the water, if he's out of the water folly for three or four days, he feels probably not like himself. So he gets in the ocean. So for you, when you're starting to feel off kilter or getting sad or depressed, you got to go take a hike, or you gotta go out and

refuel yourself. That's your medicine. Okay. So our medicine could be simple things. So find your medicine because that's what's gonna make you happy, and that's what's gonna make you sparkle, and that's what's gonna make you more people see the real you, because you're going to be the real you? Does that make sense? And you did pick the love Stone? Did you know this? Come on, now, come on, now, come on now. So all right, so you pick Rose

Courts and this was the last one. So this was like you're like, hey, three, they're a little bit dark. You got the dark, you got the purpose, you got that. So you really do want to have love, but right now for you, because you want instability, I kind of feel like you gotta love yourself. But that's like, it sounds like a really simple thing, but I don't know in our culture, especially here in Los Angeles where we are,

really who's teaching us how to love ourselves? And what I guess going back to you, for you is loving yourself. For you right now is getting out in nature, having fun, being around people that make you feel good, laughing, you know what I mean. Those things that I think doing more things that make you feel like you've you're rooted and more foundational at least right now, and you're gonna feel your heart open and then your relationships will change.

There you go. There, It is absolutely and again the book Crystal mews um every day rituals to tune into the real you. I'll give it a shot. I think to listen to the podcast back remember exactly what I have to think about and work. Oh my god, Well you're awesome. Thank you for being so vulnerable and you're the best. Thank you. Thank you. So we got some great listener emails sent to I suck at Dating at i heeart media dot com. We have Mark the Hatrick

ghost ghost. I guess ghost. He's gonna lobs him over. We're gonna discuss and and see. You know what some of the listeners are dealing with. Stephanie's got some tough love for you. Okay, here we go, Dean. I have listened to your six podcasts so far. I keep waiting for you to get it, and you're not getting it. I'm taking this into my own hands. I think you need some advice from a girl who does date a

guy like you. Number one. I think you were attracted as strong independent women like Christina and Rachel, but you don't want to fall ahead over heels for them in fear of them walking away, which makes you hold back from showing them how much you truly do care about them. Take them one at a time. What do you think of that, dude? Well, first of all, step first, of all, Stephanie, thank you for listening to my first six podcasts. Um. I think that I am definitely attracted as stronger women

uh Rachel Christina both definitely fit that narrative. Um And I think that what you kind of tackled that an episode four five that I do definitely have a fear of of loving and not being loved back, or having someone uh leave my life kind of unexpectedly. And I think, to the credit of a lot of people that have been on this podcast so far, I have a lot of personal growth to do before I can kind of

maybe work through that uncomfortability. I think I need to be more comfortable with myself, be more confident within myself. Um And you know, I obviously hope that's not like a recurring issue in my life, but well, it's basically personal growth at this point. I think number two, Yes, I think you're a people pleaser. You need to make everyone else happy and make sure they are having a good time or feeling happy before your own feelings. We want to see you be a little selfish and take

care of your own emotions first. To that point, I definitely am when people pleaser. I have been my entire life. I hate seeing the people around me not necessarily happy or as happy as they can be, and I like to kind of be the catalyst to allow them to do that. And I have been kind of stranging away from that a little bit lately. I do know that there are certain things that I need to need to do to make myself happy, and sometimes you need to put other people on by the wayside in order to

do that. As much as I don't like that idea, I think that you're right. So Stephanie, your two for two here. It's a great job. Um. But on the flip side of that, I think it should be everyone's mission to make the people around them happier, better, um, smarter, whatever it is. And I guess they're just it's it all kinds of kind of comes down to a certain

time and place for that fair enough. Number three, I think you were stubborn when you have decided that you don't agree with someone on a certain topic, no matter what the other person says, you're going to do disagree Stephanie, Are you like really my best friend? Have we known each other for years? Um? Yeah, I'm incredibly stubborn. But that's not for lack of being open to new ideas or anything like that. I just I think that there's a lot of uh, there's a lot of guidance with

lack of information. These days, people are so quick to tell you what you're doing right, what you're doing wrong, with no real analytics or information to back it up. And so I wouldn't say I am strong headed in that sense. I think that I'm just very inherently skeptical and I want to be proven wrong um through ways of of logic and reasoning, rather than just ideas. I guess yeah, it would be persuaded. You want behind. I like evidence, I like objectivity, I like evidence, I like analytics,

all that kind of stuff. Number four, I think it's hard for you to take advice if you listen back on your podcasts. I don't know if you even realize you do it. You flip almost every single question someone asks you back onto the person that asked you. All of a sudden, the person that asked the question is talking about themselves, and you did this like magical dean thing you do, and boom, you've avoided answering the question, along with avoided any possible growth that could have come

with that question. Stephanie, I'm not bad at taking advice. Okay, that's horrible advice. No, I'm just kidding. Um No, I think that's something I've done a lot in my life. Uh, I grew up, Well, I didn't grow up. I guess after graduating high school, I worked in the hospitality industry for four and a half years, and a lot of those conversations are better to be had if you're letting

the other person talk the entire time. Um, Because when someone is talking about themselves, they feel like they kind of grow closer connection to you. So I guess I've kind of conditioned myself to maybe speak and have conversations that are a little bit more reflective of that. And

it's hard. Mm hmm. It's hard, especially when you when you're on a podcast like this, if someone says something that you maybe disagree with, but you still want to be respectful of what that person is promoting, what their what their ideas are. Um. I don't want to to kind of outwardly say no, that's wrong or no I don't believe that, etcetera, etcetera. So I like to have them kind of explain a little bit more, maybe help

me see a side of it that I didn't see initially. Um, but I I am very good, I guess like kicking it back to other people and kind of avoiding the question. So Stephanie, I'll work on that one for you. I promise. That's all she has. That's the end of the email from Stephanie. How was a long one. She had a lot of thoughts for you. Let me take a break first, stefinitiely Okay, Stephanie, will you email me again after you're listening to the next six episodes? Maybe give me uh?

I think that was like four or five points right. If we can go back through those four or five points, uh and kind of let me know maybe if I'm doing anything better or worse. I would love to continuously try to gain your approval. Well, this is a sad one from Laura. Okay, my mom passed away five years ago, also because of cancer, and my dad is a very eccentric personality who doesn't seem to understand what I need from him now that my mother is gone. His behavior

often makes me feel unloved and miss inger stood. But I think I have to learn to accept him for who he is and accept that he doesn't show love in the same way other people do. I'm wondering if you have any advice for accepting my father for who he is and letting everything else go. We recently had a confrontation where I told him basically everything that I felt hurt by. I feel like it's on me now to cut ties with him forever or just let it all go. I would really prefer to just let it

all go. I would love to hear how you dealt with the loss of your mother, what got you through it, and how your grief has changed years later. This is Laura in Toronto. Well, Laura, I think that I'm probably not the best person to be taking advice from for this, just because you know, as you saw on the show, I don't necessarily have the best relationship with my father. UM.

While like you, I do wish I had one. I just think that they are very fundamental differences that him and I are kind of going to be unable to work through. UM. But at the end of the day, you know, fast forward twenty years, maybe your father is not around. You obviously wish that you had the time and spend it with him, and you know, loved fully

with with within each other. But UM. In regards to how I dealt with my mother passing away, I think that I had a very strong foundation and a friendship around me, and although my my siblings weren't there, my father wasn't necessarily there for me. I had a solid group of probably ten or fifteen friends. I had a girlfriend at the time who was able to confide in,

and they were all very supportive of me. UM, you know, as much as at least the high school or can be at the time, because you're just basically still learning a lot about yourself and and we learned a lot about each other through that process. So I grew very close friendships throughout that time. Okay, well, I guess while we're on the topic of of my father and your father and UM grief and and kind of how we

handle all that stuff. So I did text my father a couple of weeks ago after I had Eric Bigger and studio UM. I had mentioned how this is the first year, I guess to start from the very beginning before my mother passed away, because we all knew it was kind of coming um, or at least she did.

She had mentioned how she wanted her ashes scattered in Hawaii, but UM, my family kind of being the from the humble beginnings that we wouldn't necessarily have the the necessary funds to get all of us out there, and we're not gonna do it by ourself. It would kind of have to be a joint family effort. Um. So this year, I'm flying myself, my two brothers, my sister out to Hawaii. UM, I think we're going to the Big Island. At least I'm not certain yet, but we're we're figuring that out.

We're going on Christmas because Christmas Day is her birthday. UM. My siblings have encouraged me not to invite my father, but we all understand the significance of this trip and why he should be there. And so I texted him, and again, my father and I don't really have much of an open line of communication. I said, Hey, hey Dad, I'm going to Hawaii for Christmas to scatter mom's ashes. Do you want to go? And I'm reading this verbad him through my phone. He said, what island? Dates? Who

else is going? I said, Brad Ross and Sky, We're going to Big Island. We're going over Christmas. And then he said, not going to Big Island. And then I said question mark, and that was the end of the conversation. So at this point, I feel like I've done my due diligence of extending an offer. He knows where I'm going to be with my siblings on Mom's Birthday this year and the purpose of the trip, and I don't think I'm gonna push anymore with him. Again, I don't.

I think he has every right to be there. I think that he would enjoy being there, maybe for the closure, for his sake, I think that as his son and as his children, we appreciate him want we we appreciate him being there as well, even though we might not want to spend the time with him. So, Laura, it's

your point. It's hard to have relationship with your father, especially when you disagree with him and a lot of the things that he does, and especially when he's not necessarily showing you the compassion love that a father should show you. Um, But if you have it within you, I think a lot of it can kind of come back down to if you want badly enough to have a relationship with him, then you should extend that olive branch and try, and I guess mend the the issues

that you two have together. Um, at this point in my life, you know, I've spent ten eleven years basically removed from I guess spending time with my father, both emotionally, physically, all that kind of stuff. So it's it's it's an old chapter that I don't necessarily plan on revisiting again if things change draft stically. Uh, like if I could get an apology from him, I still haven't yet to hear that. Um, it just seems like there's a mutual

disinterest in in having a relationship with him. So I don't know, it's not ideal, it's not great, but it really just depends on what you value and if you're comfortable enough with you know who you are and where you are and what he's doing and all that kind of stuff. It really I can't really think there's like an overarching umbrella opinion about that. It just has to come down to who you are and what you want. Right. Yeah, that's a good answer, dude, that's kind of a good

non answer. Yeah, that's to Stephanie Chagrin. I'm giving money aud answers, all right, So I'd like to give one more big thank you to all of my guests for this episode Adam a g from my season Raven Gates of course, the the fantastic uh multiple business owner now um of course Rachel. They also form Married at First Sight Heather Asconosi, author of Crystal Muse everyday rituals to tune into the real you. Um. She left me a book, so I'm definitely gonna be able to read that a

little bit. Okay. So again, if you have any type of feedback, any questions, any interesting stories that you think you would want to share with us about kind of just the suckiness of today's dating landscape, please be sure to email us at I Suck at Dating at i heeart media dot com. We'll do our best to answer them. Um. If you have any questions for me, specifically, tweet at me. I don't know. I can try and get back to you, but let's uh circle background next week. This has been

help I Suck at Dating. My name is Dean Anglert, and maybe next week I'll suck a little bit less. Follow Help I Suck At Dating with Dean Anglert on I Heart Radio or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts.