#53 Girl Talk

it's Courtney from him. He's a nice guy and I like instagram stocking him, Like, oh he's cute, and that was it. I just instagram stocked him. You didn't actually like any pictures or anything? Single? No, because actually, what do I want to talk about today? Um? We have a quite we have a few guests coming in. Um. And I teased it in the last episode talking about how I had a date on at Justin and Cody's wedding. Um, I thought it was actually the only single person. I

was a bridesmaid. I thought was the only single person UM in her wedding party. She was like, no, I think everyone else's single, because I was like, okay, if not, this would be pathetic. I had to walk her dog down the aisle, which is so funny because as soon as I started walking the dog down the aisle, the collar he like was so petrified he managed to get away from like his collar just popped out and he started running, so I had to chase him down. At No,

definitely not. My thoughts seem like I can never keep them guys. They just run away from me. So that was my day to the wedding spectacular. So you haven't kissed the recently. I actually did kiss the boy recently. So I was casually dating someone over the summer um and this recently ended not long ago, I would say maybe a week ago. This is uh. I was dating someone that I met in Montreal. He wasn't from Montreal, okay, but we decided to end things. I kind of knew

and I want to get into it today. We actually have l from Men coming in, which is she's I think this is the third time she's gonna be doing the podcast with with us um and I want to talk about getting over someone, and I think I tend to instead of focusing on what did I learn about this breakup. I focus on like, how could I have done things better? Or um, what did I do to? Um? You know, what did I do so that the relationship fizzled? Well, you're you trying to find a way to blame yourself.

I try to find it. Yeah, and so this was hard for you because it sounded casually. You made it sound real. It was it was. I think it's just like another one. You know, was it an ugly ending or did it was? It just fizzled? It wasn't an ugly end and you didn't want to fizzle. You're fighting the fizzle. I was fighting the fizzle. I don't even know why. I think was my ego and I have to like, yeah, I have to learn how to um

train my brain. So what happens is I think I tend to I'm very black and white, so the areas of gray for me are very uncomfortable, and when I'm when it there's a high, it's like, yeah, the high is so good, but then the low is so low, and I'm like, why why am I upset? I knew this person wasn't someone I was gonna end up with, or I couldn't picture him being like the father of

my kids. Um, and I think it's just like the ego comes into play, right, and it kind of was at first and then like the ball was in his court and I and I want to be open and I want to talk about this. Of course, this is a dating podcast, but I you know, I like listening to other people's experiences and learning through their experiences. So that's why I want to be open about. You know, even if it was something casual, I still want to be able to talk about. You know, it hurts, it sucks,

it's a it's a bit. In a perfect world, would you have broken it off and he would be begging you to come back? Absolute lutely absolutely, But that's not the case. Yeah, did you try to get it going again or no? I just yeah. And it's like I'm trying to understand, Like I think it's the power of manifestation, right, Um, do you know Abraham Hicks. So Abraham Hicks is I think is the person behind The Secret, the book The Secret.

And I've been listening to actually Aimy some send me some of her videos and I've been listening to some of her videos and basically I think I've been manifesting these men that are afraid of commitment, and deep down, I don't think I'm at a point where I'm actually ready to find someone who wants to settle down and have kids and all of that. You know what I mean? Does that make sense? You're not ready, so you're not

manifesting who are ready? Right? And I think the universe responds to what you want, and if you don't know what you want, the universe is going to send you all these different signs for you to pick from, but they're they're like just like whatever, they're not they're not specific to what you want. And I think that's what's been happening because I have I have friends who are like, oh my god, I know this guy. He's perfect, he wants to settle down, he wants to have kids, he

wants to get married. And I'm like, find me the guy who doesn't, and I want to turn him into that guy. But that's interesting, So how do you get to that point in your life? Though? If you're not there now, how do you get there? Um? I guess that's why we're going to have these people coming and calling in today to professional help issue or is it a patience issue? Now? I think it's a patience issue. I think it's also you have this idea when you're younger, right, um.

And I come from a very traditional Italian family, and I think at some point I thought I wanted exactly what my Italian traditional family had, like you you go to school, you get your degree, you find someone, you get married, you have kids. I ended up on the Bachelor, Like, that's so far off from what my family would have

expected from me. Um. So I think I'm at a stage right now where I'm it just turned thirty one, So of course, is that pressure of I want kids, Like I've been wanting kids ever since I was a kid, ever since I was a kid myself. So I think it's it's it's a mix of getting older and realizing, Okay, well, I'm also in an era where there's so many options out there for other men and for women as well, um, and finding exactly what it is that I want. What kind of lifestyle do I want? What kind of family

do I want? What kind of um, you know, career do I envision myself having. I was also the type of girlfriend that would drop everything for the guy I was dating and just be their cheerleader all the time, and I want to find someone who's going to root for me and and want me to succeed just as much as they're succeeding. So it's finding that balance. There's a chicken or egg component here, like you haven't found

the right guy because you're think you're not ready. But also if you found the right guy, would you become read get that point? Maybe that's part of it. Yeah, yeah, if you've met Ah, this is the guy. I could raise kids with this guy. This guy's everything I'm looking for. Suddenly I'm ready to settle down. Yeah. Yeah, And actually, you know what, I take that word back. I don't like the words settling down because I feel like there's

a negative connotation to it. I want to be able to you know, I think deep down, were you guys afraid of commitment before? Yes? And that's that's kind of what I'm saying, is with the wrong people. I was a commitment with a number of different women that was going in that direction. I was like, this isn't for me. I gotta get out of this. Even though it's going great, I gotta get out because this isn't the one for me. But with Amy, my wife, that all went out the window. Yeah. Interesting,

that was the same way. In fact, I didn't even believe in the idea of marriage. My my parents are divorced. Yeah, and I was like, uh, this isn't for humans, Like people aren't supposed to get married and be of one person forever. You know, this is this isn't gonna work for me. I'll just do whatever. And then um, I met Alison and I saw how well life could work with some when you were compatible with and that supports you and helps you grow in such a way. And now I have a ring on my finger and I'm

very staunchly believe in marriage. There it is there, there you go is finding the one changes everything? Vanessa, would you ever have kids on your own? I'm gonna start crying. Actually that just triggered me. That sounds like not your first choice. And we had this conversation. Um it wasn't. Yeah, sorry, I actually woke up crying this morning. I'm such a baby. Um, I think, oh damn it. And my makeup was so good this morning. I think. You know, people ask me

what do you aspire to be? Um, and they think I'm going to say something. The thing I'm gonna say something career wise. But for me, I've always wanted to be a mom, And I think, um, when you're you want something so badly, you're afraid that it's just not going to happen for you, And so I'm trying to suppress that feeling and trying to focus on other things so that I don't UM, I guess I don't put expectations right on the idea of finding that person to

have that family with. What if instead of trying to suppress it, you surrender it, you turn it over two the universe or God or fate or whatever, because I think sometimes when you bury it, bury it. No, I'm not going to think about that. I'm gonna think about something else. It makes it more powerful. And if you let it go and all that emotion, he's a little

bit Yeah. I mean it's weird because when I'm I'm I'm either single, perpetually single, like I'm not talking to anyone, or if I have a little bit of interest in someone, all my attention goes to them. And I think that's

what I've been doing wrong. Instead of being able to date multiple people at the same time to kind of put the pressure off of one specific person, that you're really into I I focus on that relationship and then when that doesn't work out, it's just it's heartbreaking because it's like, oh, like here we go again, you know, back to square one, but back to your question mark. Um, Yeah, and I apologize, Yeah, and I'm gonna start crying about it again, but absolutely like that's what I want, UM,

And I haven't. I've had that discussion with myself and with my friends and my family about freezing my eggs. And you know, I actually have a friend who's in her forties and she she's like, the one piece of advice that I can give you, um, is freeze your eggs because you just don't know when you will find that person, or you might not find that person at the specific time that you want to find him to have kids. You know, that's a conversation that women have

to have with ourselves. And um, she froze her eggs later on in life, so I think that I don't know how the process works exactly, But anyways, it's harder for her now to to um to have a baby, but she she encouraged it. So definitely a conversation I'm having with myself. Well, I think You're gonna be a great mom. Thank you. I'm I'm you know, it's gonna happen.

It's gonna happen. I was actually with UM. I went on Dancing with the Stars last night to see Joe and Jordan perform, and UM Kendall and Kylie were there. So Kendall's twin sister, and we were talking they're twins, and my publicists she has twin boys as well, sisters. No no, no, not the gender sisters, right, and actually it's just so funny. So it's Kylie, Kendall and their brothers Robert, like like the Cardassians. So she took out this thing and it's a pend I don't know what

it's called pendulum pendulum. Yeah, so she's like, let me see how many babies you're gonna have, and I literally just froze and almost started crying. So I'm like, if that thing doesn't move, I'm gonna have a panic attack. So it did and it was boy girl boy. So apparently I gonna have three babies. Okay, So before we go any further, UM, I need you guys to check out Spit. It's actually a new podcast, UM, and it talks about how we're actually all connected, and we have

this idea that we feel like we're more divided. Um And if you're tired of hearing all about the things that separate us, and you have to check out Spit. It's a new podcast from my Heart Radio with twenty three and me where they explore all things DNA and how we're all point five percent genetically Like that is insane.

So the host sits Down, Sits Down with the biggest artists including John Legend, Pete Wentz, Mike Posner, and influencers of our time to talk about how the world of genetic testing is changing who we are and the world around us. To explore a variety of important topics such as how signs stacks up against the stories we've been told, how much nature versus nurture impacts who we become, the modern definition of family genetics, and race outsmarting our jeans,

and a whole lot more. Make sure to check out full episodes now on the I Heart Radio app or wherever you listen to podcasts. Okay, so we actually have l from mend in studio right now. This is thank you for coming and this is your third time and this is the first time I'm meeting you, I know, it's so good to meet, so good to me, And this is the perfect timing right now because I'm kind of I mean, I don't want to make it bigger than what it is. It wasn't like, oh my god,

I'm heartbroken over this guy. I was just like, I want to understand. I think I want to understand the process of breaking up because I'm so used to, um having relationships kind of end, even if it's like a one week thing, a two week thing. Um, you have those expectations and when they're not met, you think I would be a pro ad breakups, but I'm not. I still like, you know, and I still suck at this. So what are some tips that you can give? Well, it depends on what phase you're in. So are you

when was the breakup? And and what phase are you in right now? Are you in the really physical part where you're going through withdrawal? Are you? And I think that's what it is. Yeah, when was it? This is a week ago? Oh my god? So fresh? Okay, but I want to be like, come on, Vanessa, like get it together. He was not like not a guy that I was like, oh my god, I'm gonna end up with him. It was a guy that was like, this is fun, and I think it was the first time

that I was enjoying a casual relationship. Um. But I guess like, deep down I didn't want it to be you know what I mean, because I'm not used to that. Yeah. So that's interesting what you just said, because it sounds like maybe you didn't even really want a relationship with him, but you're still heartbroken. Yeah, okay, and so you're trying to understand that. Yeah, I wonder if, um, do we have Dr Jennifer Freed on the line right now, and

if she's listening into what we're talking about. Hi, Dr Jennifer, how are you? I'm excellent. How are you all doing? That? Could be better? Yeah, we're doing well. We're half heartbroken over here. So, um, which half half of the heart is broken? I mean actually not in tire. It's just as a little crack, you know. It's like it's like a many heartbreak. Um. So Dr Jennifer Freed, can you give us a little intro to what you do? Okay?

I am a worldwide specialist in social emotional learning, which is about how to have healthy relationships Additionally, I'm a psychological astrologer and a fault with people around the world about all matters of the heart and soul. Okay, psychological astrologer,

can you get into details about what that entails. It means that I'm both a PhD in psychology and an internationally certified astrologer, and I combine those two actices so people really get through an astrological reading to understand their patterns and their neuroses, but also their potentials and divine timing. Yeah. I'm like, okay, so can we do like a little um analysis on me? Absolutely? If you're September thirtieth, that is me. People just turn First of all, congratulations, you

finished your Saturn return. You're now an astrological adult. Everyone's like nodding in the room. I'm like, I'm from Montreal. We don't know any of this stuff. What does that mean? Quickly? It means that the Saturn planet was in Sagittarius at the moments of your birth, and after thirty years it goes back to that original position. And what we've learned through hundreds of years of reading is that when Saturn turns to its original position, which takes about thirty years.

It means that you've completed a cycle of learning and maturation, and whatever it is you've learned will carry on for the rest of your life. WHOA, that's deep. So I've completed that cycle. Yes, you have, and now you're in a new cycle. And the one cycle that you're in that we can talk about is called Saturn square the moon. And when we have Saturn square the moon, it's when we experience emotional pain for the purpose of becoming more

authoritative and clear about our deepest core needs. Oh well, so I'm in a process of experiencing emotional pain. Can you repeat that. I'm writing this down. Okay, Vanessa, you are in the process of experiencing emotional pain in order to get more clear and defined about your core names. You would you ever again, Yeah, you would. You would never again pick an unsuitable partner who does not really get you at a core level. You You're here to

be deeply, traditionally loved. Yes you want, Dr Jennifer. Yes, I'm gonna start crying again. Yes, that's what I want. Well, you will have that, I have no doubt about it. It's just that this is not that moment because there's some material that you've uncovered around self worth and feeling deserving of the kind of really supreme love you want. And I feel like you're going through the next six months clear that crap out of you so that you

can find the person that is really suitable for your future. Okay. So does that mean does that mean I'm going to find someone in the next six months or I'm just gonna detox from all of this garbage for the next six months. Well, I would put it to you this way. You want to be thank you clean inside and out emotionally, so that you attract and magnetize towards you a man that can handle you, that can appreciate you, and it's

going to be a rock for you. Okay. Yeah. And I think that sometimes we keep coming up against the same people so that we until we learn the lesson. Right. So you were saying this person that you were just dating, you weren't even that emotionally invested in it. It seemed like when you were dating them, but then you were still heartbroken about it. Um, And that's interesting. Do you think that he had any similarities to guys that you

dated in the past. Yeah? Absolutely, So it's like a pattern. Yeah, The other piece of your chart I'm looking at it is that you have something called in your natal chart meaning from Firth Venus square neptune, which I happen to have also, so I'm an expert on it, which is

hopelessly romantic. Your romantic ideas live in the heavens, not in clay feet, And so part of what you're learning, Vanessa, is that you're extraordinary, magical fantasy life about romance belongs in TV shows and art and music, and you have to make room for real people to love you. So that doesn't exist. It doesn't exist in the way you think. It says, I live a highly romantic life, but a lot of what I experience is generated through my romantic lens,

not through reality. It's a very subtle shift. It's like you are a manufacturer of romance. Everywhere you go. You can romance the grocery person, you can romance your slippers because you see life through this beautiful rose colored glasses. It's beautiful, it is. Don't ever don't ever lose it.

But when people are not that romantic antasy that you've created, lets them have clay feet and see how beautiful they're clay feet are the guy that you're going to really end up with is not going to be the sweep you off your feet kind of guy. He's going to be the guy that grounds your romantic fantasy so that you get to live them all out. Mm hmmm, I like that. And are you able to see into the future like what this guy looks like? I'm not that type. I don't see the future. I can tell you, you you

know you're you're very sexy. I don't know you. I don't know anything about you to be truthful, but I would say to you, you're very sexy, You're very alluring, you're very charming, you're very giving. So the guy's got to have the goods. I don't know what he looks like, but he can't be some schlump. Well see that. I mean. The funny thing is if you line up every re

guy that I've dated, no one looks alike. I've dated half Jamaican, half Chinese, I've dated like tall, shut um, like no one like physically, no one looks the same. But they're all very highly motivated people and extremely funny. So now that good. It does seem good, But then it's also room for are they family men? Because I know that you really want a family, so most of

them aren't. That's the issue. And I think, Um, when I start talking about how close I am to my family, and I understand, like I've my expectations now are a lot lower when it comes to that, because it's hard to find someone who is as close to their family as I am unless I date like strictly Italian. Um. Not really opposed to that, but not like, you know, super excited about that idea either. Um, So I think I need to I think I know my issue. My issue is, and I said this before, I tend to

go all in way too quick. And if I like someone and I'll see potential in them, I'll want to make sure I can try it out with them and see how far we can take it and try every avenue we can we can take to make it work. And if it doesn't work, then I'm like all right, and then I'm good onto the next. Do you fall in love with the potential of someone? Absolutely, I romanticize relationships. I I'm this is this is like the beautiful part

of heartbreak. Right. You're you're learning more about yourself and what you want and what you need, and that's what I want to I want to start learning how to train my brain to um, I guess I get outside of that bachelor world, right, because like that bachelor world is so like romantic and lovely and you know, every date is perfect and you're loved and all of that. But in the real world, like you're saying, Dr Jennifer, it's not like that, And I think I have a

hard time. You know, if I'm able to do that, why can a guy do that? Why can I to tell you that? Because the way it is in the universe is other news attracts. You don't actually fall in love with somebody like you because there would be no purpose and no learning. So in your case, you carry enough romanticism for the whole world. So who you will end up with, it will be quite satisfied with, is somebody that actually loved and adored how over the top you are. But they are not going to be matching

you on that. They're going to be receiving it and feeling grateful and feeling reciprocal in terms of energy and time and devotion. But they're not going to be hitting the high notes with you, because that would crash, that would not laugh interesting. So someone I guess who has the same love languages as I do. Yes, but also just gets off on how freaking imaginative you are, like, oh, bring that. Banes said, yes, let's do that. But they're not going to be the initiators of that, except for

maybe in a subtle, quiet way. You're looking for somebody that actually is very secure inside themselves and doesn't need to be fixed up. That's who you're looking for. It's that meaning there's no fixing to do on them. I want to ask you a question about when you're dating and when you're meeting these guys. So you said that there's a pattern not in how they look, but in

in sort of how they are. Um when you are on the first couple of dates, do you feel like you have a gut feeling about them and whether or not they're a good match for you and you decide to pursue it anyway, or do you really feel like you don't have all of the information that you need

and that's why you keep pursuing the relationship. I think the issue that I have I'm very intuitive, and I I'm like, I'm so intuitive, but sometimes I'm like, oh, you know what, maybe it's just like I'm being crazy right now and I'm just gonna go with the flow and and not think too much into it. But then my intuition after either ends or they actually show their

true colors. Like I knew it all along. I knew from the beginning, So then why is it that I decide to keep going with it instead of just ending it when I know I should end it? Right? That's my issue. Yeah, I don't know if it's an issue, but it's like it's the lesson, right, It's like what you are aware of now, what you've learned, and I think the next step is actually acting on it. So the next time you're on a date and you have that feeling, it's not saying yes to the second date.

You know, it's like knowing trusting your gut that you know yourself the best and you know what you want, you know what you're looking for, and you know, look like gathering all of the information isn't going to outweigh what you knew from the very beginning. That's a really huge lesson. It's it's I mean, I've learned that lesson just recently too, um so I think it actually sounds

like you've learned a lot. Yeah. I think with every person that I let into my personal space, um, I learned a lot about my strengths and my weaknesses when it comes to romantic relationships, interpersonal relationships with friends and family and all that. Like it's solid. But then, of course, like when Dr Jennifer was saying, like I romantics, like, I love love, I love love. There's nothing more for me, there's nothing more powerful. I love connecting with people. And

that's even with you know, family members or friends. UM, Like, I truly value that. So I guess when that connection just ends, it's heartbreaking because it's a connection that you had and it's not necessarily about that specific person. Yes, and I would want to say to you that it's the beautiful, noble quality in you, but that the that you allow yourself to dream big, and it's equally it's tender and poignant that you cry a lot when the dreams don't materialize, because it's just a part of life

that the idealize things and they disappoint us. But in the end, wouldn't you rather be somebody that's been all the possibility and living in the possibility than being jaded or cynical. Yeah, And you think at this point I would be. I had an engagement that didn't work out. I've dated a few people throughout the year and it hasn't worked out for me, but I still believe in it.

I still I still want to find that love. And I remember I was talking to someone and I had gone through a breakup and they're like, your light is just dimmer. It's getting dimmer and dimmer. And they've known me to be this vibrant person who loves to love, and she's like, get back to that sixteen year old self that just was so youthful when it came to love and really believed in it. And yeah, so I get.

I have a coaching direction for you, which is in these next few months that you're working on this, and you are doing great work with it. By the way, I commend you high, thank you. I would distribute your love more enthusiastically to strangers, to work, colleagues, to friends, because it is your power spot. You will never ever regret showering love ordinary people because that's what also makes your light much brighter. Autely, and your man is coming. I assure you that. So if you move deep down

in your bones of bones your husband's coming. It's not like it's an if, it's just a when, and just act as if this is your last time in your life to be the street and single, to distribute non romantic love to everyone, you know. Yeah, and you're absolutely right. I am a special education teacher and I love giving my students that attention and that. Yeah. So for me, that's you're right on the ball with that. It's it's something that it fills my my heart to be able to,

you know, give that to other people. So I will take that. I'm actually high. Wrote down up a list of things that you said today. Um. Dr Jennifer Free, thank you so much for calling in. Thank you for all of your advice. Um. So, I can't wait for the six months to clear and for me to detox and to find my future husband. Thank you so much for calling. Congratulations, Thank you bye. Wow, guys, I can't wait. And I was talking to my friend, Um, we're at

the wedding. My friend got married on Sunday, and we look at each other. She's like, I cannot wait to give a speech at your wedding. Yeah. And because she's she's seen like everything that I've gone through, and I guess for some people, it's like, oh, who gives a It's a guy that you've known for like a split second in your life, not a big deal. But I guess it's the idea, Like you know, I guess it's the idea. I think I like the idea of him. And you know, he wasn't in like our world, in

like the Batchel the world. He wasn't part of the franchise or part of you know that industry. So for me, it was like, oh, it's such a breath of fresh air. But he he understood where I was coming from and and he understood my needs. So I take away from that, um, that I could appreciate a person for what they're bringing into the relationship and into for you know, to better me. Um.

But yeah, I mean, heartbreak hurt. It does hurt, and I and I think, um, you know, even if you've been through in a million times, it's still really painful. Like people ask me all the time, like, oh, you must be the breakup experts, so you must just get over breakups really quickly, and it's like, no, it's not how it works, Like it's totally democratic. Everyone gets heartbroken

and it's still painful. But this guy came along because he needed to show you this very important lesson or information. And that's why it impacts you so much or you're so because subconsciously you know that like something's happening, something happening, this means something. And then we just displaced everything and we get it all jumbled. Yeah. Absolutely, And that's what I was trying to figure out too, Like I you know,

I've spoken about this on my Instagram and stuff. Um, Like, sometimes I get anxiety, and this morning I woke up with a ton of anxiety in my heart, like you could have if you're sleeping next to me. My bed was like and I woke up and I'm like, okay, I just gotta cry it out. So I cried it out, and I'm like, where is this anxiety coming from? You know? And I think it it comes from a bunch of

different places. Obviously, it comes from, um, the idea, the the the ending of the idea of something just sucks, right, And I think mourning it's the the death of someone or the ending of mourning anything. It's just it's hard to do and hard to process. Yeah, it's grieving. I mean, even if you weren't in a long term relationship with this person. You weren't necessarily mourning them, You were mourning

the idea of what could have been. Right. Um, but I think that I do think that the really big lesson here is that you do know early on whether or not that person is someone that you should invest more time in. And that was my mistake because I said this from the beginning. I and I told him to I'm like, I didn't picture us being anything serious. Yeah, I told him, I'm like, I don't picture this going anywhere further. But I think it's just like the way

it happened. Um, I'm very big on respect, So be onest and honesty. Just like, tell me what you're feeling, like, tell me what you're doing, tell me what you're feeling. Let's just like be too mature adults here and and be honest with it. So I think that's where I was, like, I feel disrespected because you weren't honest with me. I want Mark to comment on this, because I think guys aren't feeling what we feel. Oh yeah, acous, they don't

feel what we feel. As I get older, I realized like we are really really different the way they handle things the way they look at things. They can do things like the lights, and that's not a bad thing. We just have to accept that. It's like I always say, it's like you're speaking of foreign language, like they're like, I don't know what you're talking about. Or it's like trying to make a left handed person a right handed person. Listen,

do you think he's going to be sick? Like, do you think right now I'm talking about him, I highly doubt he's sitting around with his friends out for cough and be like, oh so Vanessa, like you know, I decided to end him with horror cales long ago. No, he's not doing that. He's probably watching football or whatever sport is playing on it. So I don't know if that's true or not, because I'm an overthinker and I tend to overthink, and I tend to be a talker,

so I tend to talk it out. I bore my friends. I mean, this is all a long time ago now, but I used to really talk about my friend, my poor friend Kurt. Oh my gosh, he used to listen to me wine and about different girls, over and over and over again. Slingers. Yeah, it was a lot like that, so I think that I think it depends on the guy. Yeah, and I think Easton's probably a lot like me. I think he's an emotional guy as well. Yeah, I'm very in touched my feelings. That's why none of us are

attracted to either of you. No, but that's a good point. But it does depend on the person, right, And there are women that are not in touch with their emotions, right, I know. But it's like, and the thing is that I was say, I was telling Mark this before. I think I'm and I'm making a vision board this weekend when I go back home, and I'm gonna be more specific about the things that i want, not only romantically,

but career wise. And I've been traveling so much, and I lived in l A. I was living back home and I kept flip flopping. And I want to feel more grounded with my decisions and where I am. What do you focused on? You? There's a lot of like I need to figure out what I want. I'd be specific about what I want. What I mean, I mean what if you just is that how I look? Do it a little bit chilled? And I knew what you're worth. I think googling these articles because obviously I share like

the same diseases that you have. But it's like we are so unkind to ourselves. So what if you just said it's all okay, yeah, Like that's what I'm just encouraging you because I think, yeah, go make your vision board and write it down eighties seven times. And then it's like it's so much pressure on you, Like you're putting pressure on you to make the vision board and like get it right this time, Vanessa, don't. I wouldn't know, but I wouldn't say that kind of pressure. I think

it's like I have a lot of self love. I know my self worth. I like, UM, I feel like I do UM. I just think even just career wise, like there's a lot of things right now, there's a lot of opportunities coming my way, but it's like I'm not a hunch of percent happy with that one or that one or that one. So I want to be more specific with my intentions. That's all I'm saying, Like my vision board in terms of like you know, planning things out, I guess with what I want. I think

you also have to be um. Just like the flip side of it, you also have to reject and say no and walk away from the things that aren't right for you. Um. I think maybe that's, you know, the biggest lesson that you've learned out of the people that you've dated, and so the next time you're faced with that there was there were so many signs, there were so many signs we just we had uh. He was

very funny. We had kind of the same sense of humor, but he kind of went off sometimes with his It was a little bit crude and disrespectful, and I'm like that, I'm not like, I'm sorry, I'm my Italian blood started boiling and I was like, I'm not going to take that, and but then I did. I was like, I'm so stupid, right.

But I think that when you I think when you do walk away from that next time, I think that's when you start being rewarded for for that decision making, you know, And until you do that, I don't think the lesson is fully even learned. I have a question

for everyone in this room and everyone listening. So, um, he actually, well, I'm not gonna say he, but someone told me that eight cheated on their significant other and then broke up with them but never told them that they cheated on them, because they're like, well, if I'm breaking up with them, what's the point of me telling them that I cheated on them? Oh? You guys agree with that? That? Oh? I was like, what there might

be around now? I'm saying, like, I find it if you know, and this is the thing like that, And I had this discussion with Dean and Jared and like, I want to be the person that's breaking up with the other person, not the other way around. Because if you're breaking up with me, you've had time to think about it, you've had time to process it, and you have you've had time to like kind of get over it,

and then you're going to break up with me. So why so you want if someone breaks up with you, you want them to say and by the way, while we were together, right, No, okay, this is okay. I think you guys are getting I'm not explaining myself to what would I feel like that would be helpful? I just I wouldn't cheat, first of all. Second of all, I'm saying, isn't that a warning sign that the person is able if it is able to cheat on the person they know they're breaking up with, just break up

with them first and then go to someone. It's like you're trying to make that person that's breaking up with you like a worse person, like or something. No, I think it vindicated and like, well he broke up with me, but I didn't want him anyway. No, I just think it's a warning sign. If someone that you're you're dating tells you this and you're like, oh, so wait, you're is it hard for you to be faithful? That's a

major red flag. If someone tells you that, yeah, of course, like, oh I cheated on her, then I then I left her white you know what I mean. I'd be like, well,

why are you telling me this? Like okay, cool. Second of all, just leave her and then there's plenty of women with open legs that you can run to, Like, I don't understand, why do you have to do before and then break up with her rights talking about it, I'm saying, why cheat if you know you're going to break up with the person anyway, Just leave this monkey branching like they want they want to have something stable, and then they want to leap to something else stable

and they're cheating while this is falling apart, but they want to keep it going because they don't want to be alone. It's a fear of being alone. I guess I don't even think it's the cheating thing. Like I think you're focusing on the wrong thing. Like you said, like, why would you tell someone that? Like is that his game to tell the girl he's dating that he did that? That's like I think you should have kind of ran. No, no, I know, but what he told you that, right, he

told it's like a friend. It happened to a friend of mine. Yeah, And I was like, you should run, but see, and that's the thing. And I was like, I don't know if I should give her advice because I'm very black and white, so I would have been like nope, yeah, like run, yeah. I mean, I think everybody, everybody has a different place on the spectrum in terms of cheating. But I feel like if that rubs you the wrong way, you just have to follow your intuition on it. I was like that that's a major it's

a red flag for you to subscribe to. Once a cheat, are always a cheater, um on a cheater. So you've never cheated on anyone ever before? Even high school? Anytime? Nothing? No high school and my first kiss was like when I was sixte seventeen, eighteen. Um, No, I've never cheated on anyone. I think I have way too much guilt. Um my, my, my conscious would not I would not be able to see that at night. Um So, I've never personally cheated on anyone, and I don't think I've

been cheated on. But now I've heard a story like this that happened to my friend, and I was like, oh, what if a guy was breaking up with me and was sleeping with someone else the week before, or even to be cheated on you? I just never told relationship ended. You would not want to know if your wife, if your boyfriend it's cheating. I think it's water under the bridge if the relationship is over anyway, Okay, I would like to know if my wife is cheating at Amy.

I hope you're listening. I think there's a lot of black and white with you, which I respect. Relationships for me are a whole bunch of grey. I know, and that's the issue. But that's the issue. That's why. Like, I've had the same friends since I was like five, you know, like my I'm super close to my family.

I like I loyalty to me, is so big. Um. And then you know, you start dating and of course as those areas of gray and listen, when I was on The Bachelor, that was the first time I did therapy and the therapist was like, Vanessa, you have to start learning to like swim in those gray areas. And I'm like, I don't want to do it. It's so uncomfortable. I can't lean into that. But I'm I'm starting to

definitely starting to do. You when you start dating someone, is that something that you talk about, like what your boundaries are what you consider cheating? No, like micro cheating, because there's a whole gray area of micro cheating too. What's micro cheating? Micro cheating is like when it's not really overt cheating, like maybe you're not sleeping with someone, but you yeah, like having an emotional affair kind tender

rya and stuff. Uh, it could be like it's different for everyone, but um, I think everyone has a different measure of what what is considered cheating, Which is why if you know this about yourself, that loyalty is so important to you and that's something that you really value. Um, that should be a point of conversation when you're starting to date someone like wh did limb here? Okay? I think there's all sort of things that people need, and

I think you have an immense need for certainty. It's like, okay, let me let me give an example. When you break up with someone, do you look at their Instagram or their Facebook? So you don't know my willpower? Girl is so strong? Okay, someone breaks up with you, do you have that? Why? Why? Oh are they doing now? No? I don't ask what they're doing now? Ever, I actually don't care. And that's the thing like once, once it's over for me, it's over, and I think that's where

it becomes black and white. I'll never ever go back to someone I dated because I'm like, listen to the timing. No, I'm like, it's over. I'm like, no, it doesn't. It doesn't. There's time and place maybe years down the line, but not. Oh my gosh, is anybody else going to help me that she's very when it's like if she loosened up, I don't know. I'm just no girl, I am tight. Let me tell you. I don't know. Mark. I agree that maybe there is the time and place could be

wrong for certain people. Are there people from your past? You pine over like the one that got away. No, none, zero, no, No, I'm all about moving forward. There's anything wrong with that. I don't think that's a bad thing. Yeah, I really don't. And listen, there's no I'm not like un lonely. I want to get I want to be with someone. If I really did, yeah, i'd have a i'd have a guy right now, or i'd be dating someone that that

you know I dated. Like no, I'm proud to say that I don't like going back to people that I've dated. And there's nothing wrong with that. What about so you've never had like your friends with benefits like nobody just kind of if you Saturday night, not even for the benefits that are typical Saturday night, you need a date for something, there's a guy you can call. Oh, I

mean yeah, but nothing sexually is going to happen. Yeah, that's too great experimenting, Yes, that's experiment because like what we're doing is not working. So what if you tried some of these things? What if you maybe just were a little bit more like, well, maybe I'll just try and make it out with that guy. You don't have to be like oh making out sure, whatever, But I'm

saying he's not getting in my pants, that's fine. Yeah, Or what if maybe maybe there's someone from your past that you called to what I don't know, go out to dinner, see what happens. I tried that once and I was like, we're just at two different places. Still. Do you guys know that meme about going back to McDonald's stage, yes, reheating yourself fries like yeah, yeah, yeah, I saw that. That was like recently on Instagram. Yeah.

I have that feeling. I feel like, if you if it didn't work the first time around, there was a clear reason it didn't work. Sometimes there are exceptions and someone has changed enough for the situation is enough, But it's an exception. Yeah, if it's if it's really all about timing and it's like we're a different places in our lives, that's one thing. But if it's like, um, you know, he didn't want kids. I had an ex of mine, the love of my life, didn't want kids.

Like yeah, a little story, one little story. See look behind you see that girl Tanya. Yeah, her parents were married, great marriage, three kids, they got divorced. They were divorced for ten years. They got remarried to each other and are the happiest couple you've ever seen. So I tell you that story, Antonia, can you come in for a second. So I tell you that story because again, the world is not black and white, right, But I mean, ten

years hasn't passed since I first dated someone. So you said, the love of my life, but he didn't want kids. So if you're reconnected with that guy, and he's a whole different place in his life. And I did just tell the story a little bit because I want, I just want Vanessa to open her mind a little bit

and I think things could come to her easier. Uh, my parents were married for I don't even know how many years before, but they got divorced, like fully divorced, like two separate homes from when I was five, and then they got back to the when I was fifteen. So they were apart for a really really long time. They needed that time because I don't even know the details of like what all went down, but I know that it wasn't like a lack of love or respect, and um they got back to other. I would never

imagine them a partner. Like they're so in loved, so happy. They've been re married now for ten years, twelve years more, and I can even imagine them apart. I mean, I have a friend of mine who has a similar story. She her mom got pregnant, they were dating. Her mom and her boyfriend were dating. She got pregnant, she had my friend, and then they didn't talk for fifteen years, and then they reconnected, had another baby, and are now

back together. So I know it doesn't listen, but I'm saying, like, I wouldn't go back to someone I dated a month ago or someone I dated, you know, I would need time to to to process it and for me to be in a place where I'm happy with I like when I like being after going through a breakup or an ending of something, I like going back to that place from like so good on my own and that's when and that's where guys end up like coming into my life. I never knew I was going to meet

this guy. It was I was at an event and we just like connected. But I was just at a really good place, you know. Yeah, you're like on your path, in your lane, just enjoying life, and that's when things come to you. I believe that when how are you normally meeting these guys so the ones that have worked out. I'm not on any dating apps. UM, not that I'm against it, I just I'm I don't know. I think I spent way too much time on my phone to start off with. And I love meeting people not organically.

And maybe this is what Jennifer dr. Jennifer was saying, like, oh, I'm going to romanticize the guy I meet at the grocery store. But you know, I think, Um, I do think things happen for a reason, and you will meet people for a reason. Um, so maybe dating app is my next my next way to go. I don't know, I think you should. I mean, we actually have a friend of mine that's just sitting down right now. The lovely Brandy Cyrus is in the house. Hi, um, thank

you for coming in. Actually, she just I'm in l A. You just recently you got into l A what yesterday or something Sunday night, on Sunday night, and I'm like, oh my god, I want you to come on and just I'm like, let's bash boys. I'm like, I'm in Um, so you're single, I'm single, and so around my birthday I messaged Brandy. I'm like, I ate guys, it's like

what happened. I'm like, this guy that I was talking to just send me like the most like generic happy birthday, not even a happy born day text message, yeah exactly. And I was like I just felt like a piece of meat for him. After I was like, guys just suck. Yeah they do. And I woke up to your text and it was like insane timing because when my other really good girlfriends just went through like a horrible experience with a guy, um, and so I was just like, oh,

what is this. Like every time I start to think like I'm missing out by being single, all my girlfriends start having like the worst issues with their guys, and I'm like, see, yeah, this is it. I'm better off,

better off, I know. And I'm like, I people have been opening up to me about like their marry their marital issues or you know, I've had a couple of friends now who ended their engagement a month before their wedding, and I'm like, I'd rather be in my position, and you know, wake up with the anxiety that I have over a guy that I'm like, I know it was going to not end up with anyway than being in in in those positions, but it's I think everyone has a story and we all are going through our own

romantic issues. You know, can you look back now, and I don't want to like bring up a bad topic, but look back on your engagement to Nick. Looking back now, do you see are you able to have clarity on why it didn't want? I mean yes, So can we not try just trusting that everything's happening exactly how I listen? I I always say that, um, and I said this

while I was on the show. I said, every heartbreak that I went through led me to being on the show, meet to meeting you guys, lead me to be you know, like I do believe in that stuff. I really really do. But in the moment, like it's stings, and I'm like, I'm not someone that's like, oh, I'm just gonna like not think about how I'm feeling and just go on with my day. I'm like, no, I'm feeling like this, and I'm gonna feel sorry for myself for five minutes

and then I'll go on with my day. Yeah that's good. But yeah, I think it's good to like definitely process all your feelings before you move on. But I do think that playing off what Amy said, there is something to say about like looking back on all my relationships, every single one, Like the minute you meet somebody knew, you realize why I didn't work out with the last one.

And so it's like, even though you don't have someone new right now, like you have to keep that belief that when you do meet the next person or the right person or whoever it is, that all the other ones that failed, it's going to make complete sense. You know. So are you dating anyone? No bleak out here. Although I did just move to Denver, Menver, and I'm very when you told me this, I was like, huh, You're like, come come visit on like on the next there is

a good things to be single. I moved there on Thursday and then had to fly here Sunday. But those three days, even just those three days are hot men everywhere really Already my mom came to help me move in, and we were leaving my apartment building to go see my sister's show, and this like gorgeous dude was like coming in from a run. He was like helping this old lady with her pup. Like I was like, oh

my god, I was like, that's my husband. He listed my building and my mom was like, you gotta find out who that is already, and then went to your mom. By the way, it's just like I love her, you know, you gotta get her on this podcast. Yeah, um, but yeah she And then we went to a block party and they're just like hot guys everywhere. I was like, this is where I'm meant to be. There are nineteen

thousand more available men than women in Denver. What And let me tell you, Nashville, where I'm from, is the complete opposite. There are no men in nash really, can you what are the stats in Montreal? Okay, because I'm in Montreal now. First of all, I was in l A. We're beautiful people, but just the worst if yeah, Eli is rough right, Yeah yeah, I'm the only one yea

And it was rough. Now I'm back in Montreil and I'm like, Brandy's got a real good attitude though she's got complete, total certainty that it's all going to happen. I understand that asked me. If you would have asked me this a couple of months ago, have been like yeah. But right now I'm like yeah, break, which is why I'm a little bitter guys, and you know what, I'm

being honest about it. And I said, I want to be able to talk about this because a lot of people could relate to this, and they're They're like, I don't. I don't want to be ashamed to say like I was a little but hurt. My ego was bruised. Um, are you, Brandy? Are you on on any dating apps? I'm not so. I was on ya ya oh you were stupid app? Yeah, I was that. Why is it stupid?

I might I was about to go on, Well, it's like it's like the running joke, like people literally writing their bios now like this is the app where no one talks to each other because it's true, like everyone will actually each other and no one will actually start a conversation or like actually go on a date. But I did go on went on a date. I did go on to ride it. So they both suck. They hold on. I want to know about this date, about the good stuff. Yeah, yeah, it's go with the good.

So I just joined drya like a couple of weeks ago. Okay, Um, after like a lot of convincing and thinking about it. What theme song did you choose? Do you have to have a song so much work. Yes, yeah, I don't know that someone's musical taste has a lot about that. Oh yeah, especially in your world too. I actually think it's brilliant because you really get a good sense of the person. So my song is Leboa. It's very obscure, like no one's going to know that it's a Spanish song. Yeah,

do you want to play it? Right? But still play it? And I've like I've mixed together pictures of like myself and then like chutty safarita like salsa, so there's like a vibe gun. But that tells us a lot about Brandy thought my song it was no scrubs. Yeah, yeah, that's a good one. I deleted the app. I don't have any work, but that was it. Oh so then I shouldn't go on I don't know. I had a bad experience, okay, so, but L had a good one.

I think that you can have a bad experience on any dating app, right, but I think that, um, I think that you should try one since you've never you've never been on it, I've never, guys. I was on the biggest dating app, The Bachelor, Like, yeah, okay, but that's that's true. That is true. But I think you have to try. You just have to try it. You have to experiment. Yeah, it's something, right, I'm open to

it now because, um I guess, I guess. Yeah, I know that you want to meet someone organically, like to bump into them and you like drop something and like the whole meat cute from the movie. Like, I get that totally because I'm a huge romantic too. But I do think you just have to have like a lot of different irons from fire. You know, you have to like versify. Listen. I said, I was never going to do anything like The Bachelor. I went on it worked out for me for a short amount of time, so

could be like nothing. Next is the dating App. I'll have so many good stories for you guys if I go. I'm going to do it just for the podcast. I have Montreal's fats, more women than men in Montreal and a sizeable gay male community, which also makes it tough to Yeah, girl, I'm I am coming to Denver. You got to come. Also, think about the guys that are attracted to Denver, like that they're there. They're like men, right,

like cowboys and dogs and like sports. Yeah, I think. Wait, I don't think any of the things we just said. But yeah, BENI so you have a lot of friends in Denver too. Yeah, so you're saying that your childhood friends live in Denver. It wasn't just like I'm moving to Denver. There's men. The long story short, I went a year ago because I had never been to Red Rocks. A friend of mine, his country artist, was playing Red Rocks,

and I was like, all, great, excuse. So we went and ung out for like six days and I loved the city and then I've been back like five times since then, and every time I was there, it's the only place I've ever been that I was sad to leave. Usually when I travel, I'm ready to go home, and every time I'm in Denver, I'm like so bummed and want to stay. So I was like, you know what, I'm still do it six I give six month lease

commitment and like, I'm gonna try it. Why not? And your work allows you to do that, So I think I'll actually work more. There's more nightclubs and stuff there to dj and um, I just think it's a better scene for me right now. No, I've never been to Denver. Where is Denver on the map like in the middle. Sorry, guys, I'm Canadian middle, So it's in midwest? Is that what it's? Okay? Alright, let's talk about let's talk about relationships. I'm better at that.

Would you ever move? Yeah, I'm so open to that, and so I'm open to moving. I'm open to long distance relationships. I'm open to a lot of things. I'm gonna be open to threesome soon, not someone from her very loyal yeah, so romantic funny. Um, So, Brandy, do

you have any fun like dating stories you want to share? Oh? Man, it's been so long since I've been on an actual date that I can't even really Like my last real date honestly was this Riot date and it was awful, Like what was Yeah, how much did you talk before you went on the date? Like not at all? Like it was like we matched and like I was just so impressed that he actually was like, hey, let's get coffee because most of the time you match the people on there and then it's just like sien and no

one ever speaks. So I'm like, all right, well, at least this guy in the balls to ask me on on an actual date. So and it was in l A. So it was a red flag number one does he lives in l A? And red flag number two was that he looked like either like an Instagram model, Yeah like that. No listen, I like, I like dad bods, like if you have no if you have a six pack or even a two pack, I don't want to see any packs on you. Yeah. Nothing. Anyway, he was like,

way to looking. I was because it's a bad idea. But so I went to coffee with him. Literally I don't think I got a word in for an entire hour. Like all he did was talking about himself. He was from Germany apparently, I don't know, and like he just talked and talked and talked, didn't ask me anything, Like I never asked me one question. And so then after an hour of that, I was like I really gotta go,

like I gotta be somewhere. I hated it. And then the next day I was with my manager actually and was telling her about it, and she was like, wait a second, what's the guy's name. It's like I looked back and looked at up. She was like a girl in her office just went on a date with this guy. And it blew my mind because one of the things he told me, like and he volunteered this information. He was like, you, I've never been the kind of guy that can like date multile people at once. Like I

just don't understand that concept. He said that. Yeah, he was like, this is like an l a thing or people date most people at once. Yeah, And then I find out that he was dating a girl in the office of my my manager's office, like at the same time were we so we on our last episode we were talking to um Susan Shaw Betty who like does

investigation and stuff on guys that you dated. What she actually emailed me, She's like, I'm like, I don't know if I want to know anything, UM, but you don't have I feel like you don't have to go looking for information. It just ends up showing. You know, the more you look for something, the more you're going to find something that you don't like. And I feel like the universe will always work in your favor if you're

in it for the right reasons. It sounds like I'm on the Bachelor episode, but it's true, like you'll you'll end up finding out what you need to find out. UM, have you guys found celebs on RYA because no way, that's fun. Anybody that we can name I. When I was on it, I matched with a lot of athletes, which I know but like. And then I found out later a buddy of mine that plays for the Grizzlies. I was like talking to him about it and I was like, why are all these athletes on this app?

And he was like, oh, because a good friend of ours, like everyone knows, started the app. Yeah, yeah, I know the person that started. Yeah, there you go. And I messaged him like, hey, I think I'm ready for Ryeah. He's like, all right, send a new application. Um. Actually, speaking of a Dancing with the Stars, there was this UM football player that it was Trio night Trio Yeah, yeah,

what's his name? Rashad Jennings was there. Dude, he's oh my god, he's beautiful and he was there with he wasn't it was the other guy that was the Dancing with the Star guy this of this season with him. Rashad was the guy that did the trio. Let me tell you that dance. We were all like, I have no idea. Shaw did really well and his he was on NICK season. Oh yeah. I was like every time when I was like, yeah, he's super high. I think he is single. He would a beautiful human being and

so sweet professional athlete. I was gonna say, I'm just saying he's just like physically like, he's gorgeous. With the professional athlete, I highly recommend the rock star. No, I never No, I'm not going to date it for I'm just saying he was very it was good looking. I feel like a retired professional athlete though, was doable. No, everyone's like, I feel like, I don't know if they're not actually playing anymore and they're kind of a has been maybe they're like a little more down to earth.

So everybody just chill, Wait, are you single? I'm single? Yeah, she does run on a riot date each other because I think that's the way to do it. Well, obviously, I have a really good person to set you up with. I've actually been thinking about it. So wait with me at least one if does he have a brother for Brandy? Yeah right, I actually don't know if he has a brother. Okay, I'll take him, but find out so you can make

it a double date. How old is this guy? This as long as my first question, he is, okay, because I think I agree with what maybe you're saying in between the lines, which is that guys aren't really ready until later. Well, also, i'm old, so and everybody like it always has to set me up with these guys. And you're not old, you're my age. You're not old, very old. I feel I say that too. I say I'm old too. But when someone else says in their my age, I'm like than both of you, I'm sure, No,

you're not. I don't look how old are you? And thirty two? Oh? Okay, yeah, no, I'm thirty one. What was I going to say about this guy? Oh about age? He's forty two, which my mind is like a really good age, who's forty two? They got your dating that you want to send me? What do we think about this? Okay?

My open, yes, totally, totally. My thing is, yeah, My thing is I've dated guys usually that are old, yeah, between like thirty five and thirty nine or even forty, And I'm like, if you're still single past that age, there's something up. I don't know. That's not no, I'm saying there's something up in terms of like commitment maybe.

But here's here's my reason for for when you get older is when you're that age, you're so set in your ways and you're so comfortable with being single that I think it's it's got to be very hard to change your lifestyle to accommodate somebody else, isn't. That's just how Because the older I get, the more I feel myself slipping into that direct where it's like, I don't know, I'm so set in my ways the way it is,

and I like the way it is. I like my time alone exactly all these things, and I'm like, the longer I'm single and older I get, the harder I can see that it is to like let somebody else in. Right, Here's a question we've discussed on the radio show before. If you meet a guy and he's forty, which is

more desirable divorced or never married? Yeah, I mean, I think it totally depends on the person, because there are some forty year old who have just been so focused on something else, like they prioritized something else in their life. And I think, Um, I was just talking to a guy friend who got married later in life, and he's such a romantic, but he was just focused on other things when he was in his thirties and He described

it as like men are like avocados. They're like not ripe, not righte, not ripe, not right then they're like really ripe, and they're ready and they're just like right there with you. And I think some men are like that. Um So I don't think it's a bad thing if they're single in their forty at all. I'm open to it. Divorce isn't bad though. Divorces they learn a lot, They learned a lot of lessons and committed. Yeah. For me, like, I'm not saying I don't want kids, but I I

go either way. So to me, the idea of somebody that maybe has kids, like I'm the cool step mom is really appealing. That's a good that's a good thing. So if I didn't want kids, I don't think I would want I don't think i'd be like, oh my god, I want a relationship. I want love. You know, I'd be like, I'm good, I'm like going to focus on other things. Well that's interesting. I don't really yeah, really, yeah, I don't think. I don't think I would put as

I don't think i'd put as much pressure just do that. Yeah, because that's I really could go either way. With kids, Like I just been a point where I'm just not sure, Like I'm not confident enough to say, like I don't want them, but I definitely it's not. And you come from a big family, I know, maybe that ruined me. That's four younger siblings ruined me. Um. But that's why I don't feel like a time like a time pressure on it. But like, actually, my last real actual boyfriend,

like long term relationship, he had a kid. He had an eight year old and I loved that, loved it. We didn't have him all the time, he had him half the time, and like I was the step you know, the cool like step parents listened to sense and like the bottom gifts loved me, you know, and like I really enjoyed that role. Is that sad though, that you're not part of that kid's life anymore? A little bit?

The breakup was the hardest because of that. Right, do you feel like you have a time crunch because you're only there? No, I don't feel like there's a time crunch because guys, I thought by this age I would have been already married with kids. Thing that. Yeah, I feel like we were brainwashed as children. That's what I'm saying, I mean at least in the South for me, girl, I'm Italian. Yeah, like, yeah, you're just like everyone's my friends, Like are are one of my friends who was married?

She's like, you know, Vanessa, like it's time, it's time. I'm like stop, like you just had your baby. You're not even your thirties yet. Like, I'm so happy being in the position I am right now. Like, I don't envy anyone's life. I'm not going to start comparing my life to someone else's life. I'm really happy where I am career wise, where I am, you know, like everything I think it's just you meet someone and it's like no, no, no, no no, it's like, oh, come on, just one and

prove me wrong, you know. But no, I don't. I don't feel it's the time crunch. I definitely want to have kids. I want to have kids before and yeah yeah, and also what you just said about only wanting a guy for the purpose of having babies. You've also said that you're so romantic. You believe in love and all these things, right, I believe in I believe in the fai the unity of family, the family units that make sense. Yeah yeah, um, And because I come from. I come

from like my family's everything. You know, we spend every Sunday together. Um. Having moved out to l A for that year, I was back home in Montreal once a month. Like, I'm super close to my family and you're a super branded you're super close to your family too. Um, so I'm I. Yeah, I think I want to have a relationship because I want to be able to have those babies and I want my babies to have the father that I had. Yeah. You know, do you find that

it's hard to find somebody that fits into your family? Yeah? Because I definitely have that problem. And and it's like this is gonna sound terrible, but one of my siblings, significan another my mom just the other day was like, I just don't feel like they fit in. I just don't know. I don't want this. I don't want this to work out. I just don't feel like get fits.

And it's but it's but it's hard because we're so tight and so close that when we do we all get together, like if you can't keep up, then you can't hang. Just absolutely happening, absolutely, and my family is allowed to keep up with Sam to sum it all up, I think the three of you all need to chill and what we're going to how to keep our next looking actually brought it for you, Amy. So we actually have um a makeup artist on the phone right now. Who's a friend of mine who did my makeup for

Justin Cody's wedding, Spencer Barnes. Yeah, thank you. He's he's a magician when it comes to make up. Spencer, are you on the line, Yes, thank you. Hi. How are you? I'm great? How are you? I'm good? So I posted that picture of us and everyone was like, I'm so happy you found love. But that's how we swing the opposite ways, by the way, So I was like, that

was hilarious. That's the best you've ever looked. Yeah. No. But so I met him when I was hosting the news and he did my makeup and I was like, damn, I look so good. I'm going out tonight. And I went out that night and I was like, yeah, I need Spencer for all my events whenever I'm in l A. Yeah. So we So was actually talking to Amy about this the you have this new line that just came out.

He actually filmed It's crazy you're out here in l A. You're based in l A. But he came out to Montreal to film, Um, this new product that you just launched, um, and it's a it's can you actually go into details so I don't want to screw it up? You're absolutely yes. I was in Montreal filming some collateral materials about my new product. It's called the Facial Instant Culpting wand is to follow up to my also pretty new product, the

next Culpting One. And they're best designed to instantly lift firm and tightened as a super hydrate and deliver incredible nutrients that helped rebuild and regenerate collagen, which is the look of youth that we all are so now much after keeping and maintaining. That's amazing. I mean, it's it's such an interesting product because usually we think of our face and we kind of neglect our neck and our

neck as an extension of our face. And I always talk about like washing our face at night, um, you know, and people ask me about my beauty routine and stuff, and you actually use this on my face for the wedding, and I did feel like a little bit of you use it around my eyes. We didn't do the neck one. I haven't tried that one yet, um, but I've seen the before and afters on your Instagram page and it's incredible just the results that you get from this he has.

People are loving the way that it works and um many noticed instant results, but also as they used the product, over time they develop and build more and more results. So it's designed to give both immediate and long term results. So on a scale from one to ten, how's my neck looking? That the issue? Is? That? Why I'm single? S hardly? You know, the neck is an area that

I wanted to bring attention to your right. We have so many cool products and you know, little micro procedures for the faith, but the neck area has been too long neglected. It's part of the body we moved the most and it houses our voice and our throat chakra. So I thought if there was a way we could really target this area. It's got spin and battle skin that more you know, prone to showing the signs of aging, and also fun on it. So this product was something

that was a labor of love. I worked on a couple of years to help women and even men everywhere work on this incredible area that we move all day. Every day. I see all those cet as I saw Amy was as you were. I don't know if you notice you were rubbing your neck like five seconds. I've seen Angie Harmon with that thing on her neck and Julianne huh yeah, thing on her neck, and I'm like, the deal, Why is this all on my Facebook? And why you message me like a midnight last night? Why

is everybody rubbing this thing on their neck? And is it? Is there any like side effects or anything? No, it's like parabin free. It's like there's all like these. It's all organic. Is it organic? Yes, it's it's mostly organic. It's parabin free, it's gluten free, it is uh free of any harsh chemicals or preservatives, and it also is cruelty free. We don't have any animal testing. And it's also fragrance free for people who have allergies with fragrances

and things like that. So he's made it as as consciously and friendly as possible. And you're right, there's people are using it, you know, even in their thirties, because we know that Presenter is so much easier than you know, doing serious corrections. So there's really no time that's too soon to start taking excellent care of your skin. Absolutely well. Spencer, where can when people find us? It's really easy to get and we shipped anywhere in the world, but also

free shipping in the US. It's right on my website Spencer Barnes l a dot com or senter Barnes dot com. Amazing, Spencer, thank you so much for calling in. Thank you for making me look bomb on Sunday at the wedding. Um, there's so much fun. I'm glad you had a great time at the wedding. It looked like everyone had a marvelous time celebrating that special union. It was. It was a beautiful wedding. Thanks again for calling in. You're welcome. I love you. He's on and he's so like in person,

he's so striking. I remember when I first met him. I was like, is this guy? And then they're like, Vanessa, he's gay, and I was like, oh, and he's such a sweetheart. Like his energy, yeah, I know, his his energy is just infectious. So this has been I feel like it's been a let's shut on Vanessa today. But I hope, I hope everyone tuning in. And I posted this on my Instagram. If you're single. I hope you're listening to this, UM. I hope you learned something from

my mistakes and from what I'm going through. Heartbreak is a real thing, even if you're dating someone for a split second. I mean, there's three of us here, three beautiful. I can call myself beautiful. Is that weird? But three three, you know, like amazing women, and we're all single and we're all going through the same stuff. So I wanted to say a big thank you to l Where from the men DApp. This is the third time you're on the show. I love having you and I'm so happy

that I met you in person today pronouncing my name correctly. Where? Yeah, how did you say I worked out? Yeah, something like that. Yeah. Uh. And for my friend Brandy Size for coming in. Dr Jennifer Freed for seeing then the next six months, you know, some magical stuff is going to start happening for me and for my dear friend Spencer Barnes Um. You can check out his neck wand on his Instagram account. Brandy has a podcast UM recording later today with wells okay

and what's your podcast? Call Work Thing Podcast. You can find it on iTunes and all the things. Um, yeah, Wells is awesome. I was actually gonna say earlier. Wells is a great example of like, if he had never gone on The Bachelor, you would have never met Sarah. And they're so cute together, so they just together. I think they celebrate their first when you're so cute. Yeah, and where can we find you on Instagram? At Brandy Cyrus.

It's Brandy with an eye. Follow me if you like horses and bachelor people and if you're in Denver, And if you're in Denver and you're a single, dude, you're the hottie in my apartment building. And you can see download the Men DApp if you're going through a breakup.

Um l, you're an expert at this. Thank you so much for joining in, Thank you for having me, and please join in next week and hopefully I will suck a little bit less at dating hell by Suck at Dating with Dean, Vanessa and Jared on I Heart Radio or wherever you listen to podcast