#51 The Bugaboos

episode for everyone today. I know I said that every week, but this week I really really mean it because first and foremost we have our very own, very uh wonderful person in the world, the Vanessa Grimaldi back from Bali, Indonesia. What's up, Vanessa? Yeah, Vanessa. In addition to having Vanessa back on the podcast, we miss you so much. By the way, we're gonna have uh two matchmaking professionals Cal Roberson for married at First Sight in Eileen Fisher from Matchmaker,

who's just a professional matchmaker over New York. Um. But first and foremost, van that's a phillis in on everything that we've missed from you for over the past couple of weeks. I literally disglanded from New York Kitty um, and I wasn't folly for about six things of Taylor. So about like ten days of Taylor from my season. Um, I was vegan the two weeks that I was there. Are you a vegan? How the hell was that? Um? I honestly felt like I had so much more energy

and I was more alerted. I was. I was like less tired during the day. So are you vegan? Now? No? I just had a chicken cutlets stand? No, you don't have any Gassie rang while you were out there? I did? Yeah, yeah, I did. Is baked in chicken grease, isn't it? Oh? No, Well, I mean I went kick semi vegan, I guess. But anyway, my trip to Bolli was amazing. It's something that I

feel like a lot of people should experience. UM. It was just like nice to be around like nature and really good food and just kind of disconnect from social media, um, to learn how to be present. So I had a great time. But I'm glad to be back on the podcast. I feel like so much to update you guys. I feel like you have a lot of to update on us too. I was watching your Instagram story and you did one of those questions and answers, and somebody asked you about if you had your eye on somebody and

you gave like a little maybe and a wink. What does that mean? I mean that means maybe. That means maybe I like someone. Maybe she's so the last thing that I want to do is mentioned how I might be dating someone and then have to talk about how I'm not dating them. Here first, the exclusive, Vanessa Grimaldi is in a relationship. Well, let's all right, Well maybe you are dating someone maybe or not. Well we'll find out. Maybe Cal can give us a little more insight about

your dating relationships. So we have Calvin Robertson on the line right now. He's a relationship expert on the hit series you guys all know it, Married at First Sight, which airs on Lifetime TV. Hey Cal, you're on the line here with Dean Jared Vanessa from Help I Suck at Dating? How are you? I am fantastic. How are you guys? We're doing very well. Thank you so much for joining us today. So Cal tell us a little

bit about yourself. We know you from Married at First Sight, but your relationship expert, how did you even get into this field? Uh? Wow, Well I've been um, I've been counseling couples. Actually, I started, um about twenty years ago, and I've been counseling couples of pre marital and marital So I started a marriage counselor as a pastoral marriage counselor for a number of years. Um. My graduate degree was in uh uh religious counseling, uh matchless divinity with

an emphasis and that. And so I've been counseling couples pre marital, then marital, then pre divorce actually and even post divorce. So I've been counseling couples for quite a while. And then um, I got into uh doing it for the show. They actually contacted me and help them find a couple for one of their shows, and and the rest is history. Actually, so you're on Married at First Sight. So how do you think that getting married for the first time you see somebody really works? Now, you guys

have a very successful rate. I think you guys sell have eighteen couples that are still together today. Well you know, well, not not a wish that that we had eighteen, No, not quite. Now we've matched probably about twenty couples. I think about sixty of the couples that we match. At the end of the experiment, they decided to stay together about six too. And of that six, we have probably maybe about half of those, maybe a little less than

that actually who are still together today. So, um, you know, I think that's pretty good. That's not that's not bad at all. But getting married at first sight it's a little different than what you would think because it's not just a matter of finding two strangers and throwing them into uh into a wedding and say, hey, this is your new husband and your new wife. We actually do a lot of betting. I mean, we do background checks, we do um psychologically evaluations. We we even do a

soft credit evaluation. I mean we ask questions and in the absent in front of psychologists. It's about a two month process before they even get to the point of being married. And so, what kind of process it is it to match up to people? Like, so you met the person, you know everything about them. Do you match two people up by their interests, by their future plans? Uh? Kind of what goes into the process of that? Yes, all that. So we messed people up based on their compatibilities,

but also based on their compatible differences. So we look at their their their values, I mean, what are their values and what are their core values actually, and that those irreplaceable things that you live your life out with, whether it's family or or love or spirituality or what have you, what's most important to you. So we find compatibilities in those areas and then we find people. For instance, someone who is an introvert might be looking for someone

who's a little more extroverted. So those are like compatible differences. So it's it's a lot to go through. I mean, we basically have them to answer roughly about five questions a questionnaire, roughly about five uh short of that, and we find out all this information that we do comparative analysis, and it's just so much. And so we look at all of the qualities. Are their families compatible? Uh, this person, this is a family person. We don't want someone who

doesn't want children. This person doesn't want smoke. It doesn't like a smoker. We find someone else who doesn't want to smoke. Two people smoke weed together. We find people who want to smoke and whatever. But it's compatibility. Uh,

there's there's a lot to go in to finding compatible partners. Well, Kell and you kind of grabbed headlines with the whole mea in Tristan situation not too long ago, right, And I understand a lot of a lot of the work goes into questioning their backgrounds, but sometimes it's obviously not going to be quite as effective, which in Meda's case, it sounds like she wasn't truthful throughout the entire process. Uh. Yeah, you know, And this is one of those anomalies that

we we don't. Oh god, we hate this kind of stuff because it was an unpleasant surprise. And as much as people will think, well, you know what we did that for the show was this is all about drama, it really is not. It's so weird that when we did me as background check, it was spotless, it was absolutely clean, and then a warrant was served roughly days I mean literally days after we did the background check.

Then it showed up. Uh, we had no idea because there's no way in the world we could be in Cahos with the t s A, you know, to get further rough you know, kicked off a plane. So it was it's it was pretty it was a pretty ugly situation.

But we we we uh we uh you know, have been there for them and and it just um, you've been trying to support them through this, and I think from what I read to you were able to fly to meet them face to face to kind of have whole session with them and kind of talk them through that. So absolutely, how is this? How is the relationship now?

Me're interested and they're doing well? They are they well, they were still in the middle of the who was still coming to the end of the of the season, so I can't say too much, but they are working at it, you know, at this point in the season, they're working at it and they're trying to overcome their difficulties, which is very very Uh it's it's a lot for him because we weren't we weren't expecting that for him. I mean, you just marry a bride and you find

out that she was arrested. Um, I mean, yeah, that's that's pretty that's pretty tough stuff to deal with. But he's you know, he's going through some un undue criticism, but you know, for it also, But from from what I've gathered, he seems to be standing by here, which is obviously what you want to see in a husband or partner, whoever it may be. And from my perspective, for someone that's had a few run ins with the

law himself. I can understand the kind of the the difficulty in communicating that to your partner um, but obviously it's super important. So I have a question for you as well, because you had mentioned before you had gotten involved with the whole marriad at first sight show. You are a pastoral religious marriage counselor. How do you think that influences and affects your ability to to counsel and work with people directly? Now? Uh, quite actually it's it's

it's been very beneficial. I am one thing that I do unlike a lot of mean, I can't speak for all pastors who who have done any of this, but one thing that I've always done is I look at people based on, you know, what their personal belief systems are. I'll mess people who are if you come to me and say, okay, I'm an atheist, I'm looking for someone else who's an atheist, which seems like wow, but you're

a pastor. How can you imagine atheists? Because it's I mean, that's their business, that's between them and and and you know, and their own conscience. So I believe the one thing that has happened he is it's helped me to sort of look at people for who they are, and everybody's on a different journey. Everyone. You know, I had different belief systems. So what I do is I just find out all your belief systems compatible. I've studied different beliefs,

and my studied atheist and my studied Buddhism. I've studied yeah, I mean, you name it. It's as a part of my educational pursuits. You know, I've studied a lot of different religions and I find value in all of them. So it's it's it's really helped me to see people for who they are, to understand that at our very root, everybody wants love. Everybody wants to be loved, and everybody

wants to be accepted. No. Absolutely, you know, I was thinking I was going to ask you too, have you ever matched somebody who is an atheist or somebody who's religious. Uh no, No, that's kind of like a breaker. Oh god, that's the most atheists want someone who can understand their um, their their belief or their lack thereof. Do you think

they want someone? Go ahead, please, I was gonna say, I was gonna ask you think it's the atheist that's not willing to be married or pursue a relationship with the religious person or vice versa, are both ways, it's normally vice versa. It's normally religious person that doesn't want an Yeah, yeah, I mean and then and and then I don't know, because I know some atheists who feel as though if they get with someone who's who's very religious and now and then there's a difference between being

religious and being spiritual. A religious person person who goes to church every week, and they're going to church on Sunday, they go to Bible study on Tuesday, they go to

choir practice, you know. But but if you're just a religious person, meaning you believe in a higher power you, however you choose to identify him or her, if you believe in that higher power, and then uh, you want someone else who has a belief system of someone outside of themselves, outside of this realm, then then I've seen that that's even that that maybe a little a little bit easier because I've had some ageentts that you know, I don't mind being with someone who is spiritual as

long as they're not trying to convert me. Yeah. Well, so then what advice would you have because oftentimes, what's like listening emails people seeking advice on their relationships, and every once in a while we'll see someone say something along the lines of I'm religious but he's not, or he's religious and I'm not necessarily as religious as he is. We we love each other, we've been together for three years, but we don't know necessarily where to move from here.

So for a listener out there that might be dealing with something similar to that, what kind of advice would you have for them in that situation. Yeah, that's great, that's great. And for let me say, first of all, I'm so happy to do this because I always talk about marriage, so I'm I'm loving the fact that I

can talk a little about dating. But if if if there are two people, one's religious and one is not religious, the first thing I would say to a person is, first of all, examine what is your religion or lack there of doing for you? Because religious is supposed to make you better your your spiritually is supposed to make you a better person. Now, if you have one person A who is religious, in person B who is not, and they're having conflict, but then the question is uh um,

from where is the conflict coming. Is a religious person trying to convert the other person. Is that person thinking this person is too uh pharasaical as I say, or to um um you know, overly um religious or what have you. If it's not making you better, then you might want to reconsider what you believe. Because I've met a lot of religious people who say, this person does not believe in God, and this person is not religious,

I can't be with him. And I'm like, well, is he a good person or is she a good person? Or yeah, they're great, but then what's the big deal? Let that means, you know, just just remove that out of the way and understand that your religion is supposed to make you an accepting, a loving and a good person,

and vice versa. I think a lot of times to what we'll see is couples that are maybe getting more serious in the relationship, whether they're serious boyfriend, girlfriend about to propose, had just gotten married, and then kids kind of become part of the equation as well, and they start to say, well, what do how do we want to raise our kids on? What poliicsystem do we want to raise our kids on? Do we want to take them to church? Every day or whatever it might be.

That's where it gets messy, because you can believe whatever you want to believe. But then when it comes to kids and how you raise them and what you want them to believe, that changes the entire side. Well and and and that's such a great point because when it comes to that, I normally will tell a couple here's the deal. Let's stop looking at what religion I want to raise my children in, and let's look at how do I want my children to be. Do I want them to be moral? Don't want them to be decent,

don't want them to make good life decisions? How do I want them to be? So let's take the good of both of our our beliefs and both of who

we are. I mean, if if these are two good people who just happen to have different religions, and you're pouring who you are into your children, your children are going to be raised as good people when they get up an age to an age where they're there accountable to themselves, accountable to their own morality, they can make their own decisions as to which way they want to go. So I try to get people to understand, first of all, is not as important what church you're going to? I mean,

are you raising decent people? And that's you know, so that's where that's where I believe the difference is there. That's the basically I understand totally. So Cal you're a relationship expert. If there is one common thread that you've found in all the advice you've given two couples, because you've you know, done a lot of given a lot

of vice to a lot of different people with different backgrounds. Uh, is there one common theme that you find in a lot of different relationships that either make the relationship work or maybe, um it like helps for the relationship to break. Is there anything that can really that you can give to couples that are listening to this right now advice on how to make their relationship better? Yeah? Whatever you think you know about relationships, um, forget it. Yeah, I'm serious,

because here's the thing. Everyone is different, and you have to if you're going to go into relationships you wanted to be successful, you have to be completely malleable, completely open to change, completely open to allowing your relationship to develop for itself, because very often what people will do is that they will have all these preconceived notions of how they feel a relationship should be, and so they'll go into a relationship saying, hey, this is what I want,

this is what I want, and we all have our own checklist. But you have to be flexible, and you have to say, hey, look, I'm willing to let my relationships determine what I want, as opposed to me coming and saying hey I want someone who's who's six three, etcetera, etcetera, where you might meet somebody who's five seven and they are the best thing that have I happened to you

be lexible. The height thing is always fun to me because like I have a lot of I have a lot of friends who are dating guys, and so often they'll always say things like, oh, he was too short or something like that, and I guess it's it's something I've never personally experienced, but that you're also six four

to six to no, you're at least sixth three. It's just a funny thing to hear when someone's like he was perfect in every single way, great job, great person, great, but he's five ft eight feet tall or five inches fall. I'm like, well, how are you gonna disqualifying because of that? Like, that's just unbelievable, It's ridiculous. And that's why when people say, well, we're all the good women, we're all the good men. What you're saying, right, you're saying we're What you're asking

is where are the people who meet my criteria? Totally, you gotta throw that criteria out the window, throw that crap out the window the window, look at that person for who they are, and and and allow your relationship to determine. And I tell this to marry people all the time and said, well I want this kind of husband, that kind of wife. No, because every person is going to You're going to be the kind of husband that

why they want you to be. And you would be a different kind of husband if you're with wife b because every relationship is going to change you. And if you come with just a a static idea of how you should be in a relationship or what you want in that relationship, you'll never enjoy the beauty of change and the beauty of discovery. Totally. Tom Brady would not be the same quarterback without coach Bill Belichick. I've always

firmly believed that and vice versa. It's all about the relationships, really, so cal tell me a little bit. Oh, diehard Patriots fans, So cal tell me a little bit before you go about what's this merit at First Sight Honeymoon Island. Ah, Oh, you're excited. I like it. I like that response. Yeah, man, I'm I am so excited about this show. One reason that I'm excited is because it gives me a chance to do something else that I love, which is talked

to single people about preparing themselves for marriage. We have sixteen couple, sixteen individual who are put on an island, and a lot of these are people who um who were some of them married at first Sight hopefuls but did not get selected. And and let me just say, if they did not get selected, it's not because they were not marriable, but because we simply could not find

somebody for them. Because one thing we do are married at first sight, is that if we find a great person but we cannot find a great match, we won't match you. We're not going to just throw you with someone just for the sake of TV sixteen single people. As Alwa said, sixteen single people just throw them on an island. And we're putting them on an island. And

the again. These are people who are some are formal, former married at first sight, summer fresh faces, and then after we get on the island, uh dr Jess again myself, we're on there to guide them and the rest is just awesome. Thanks for a great TV. Yeah we can't wait. Well. Premieres Tuesday, October at ten o'clock Eastern time on Lifetime, and you can also check out Cal on meretith first site That is on Tuesday nights at nine o'clock also on Lifetime. Cal thank you so much for joining us.

You were awesome. Good luck in your endeavors. Thanks oh man, I appreciate it. Prom Thank you, Cal. Thanks take care. I have a question. Okay, what the hell was the story you were talking about? Before we get into that, I want to say one thing. I could be wrong and I might eat my words later on this. I think I know someone that's on Honeymoon Island. Well, are we allowed to say who it is? I don't know

she's so. I moved out of my house back in December, and I think the girl that moved into my house after me, she like pulled me, she like called me maybe three months ago. She says, Hey, I'm thinking about going on reality TV show. I know you've been on a few reality TV shows. Can I take your advice? Like pick your brain? Blah blah blah. And she just got back like two days ago. Well I will two days ago. Wow, So they must have It could have been a different I know that they were on a

beach somewhere. I know that it was sixteen people, So that's kind of why. Yeah, that sounds very familiar. It also sounds exactly like Paradise. Yes, and they also like former married at First Site contestants, they're coming back and fresh faces. Hey listen if I'm Lifetime though, that's smart by them. Bachelor Paradise is a huge success. Why not trying to do their own. But yes, that story that we're talking about earlier, So what is this bullone married

at First Site Mia and Tristan who got married. Apparently they were going to travel down to Mexico. I think they were going to Cancoon or something, and I might get the story a little bit wrong, but they were going through security. TSA pulls mea aside and they say, sorry, you can't travel. You have a warrant out for your arrest.

It turns out this warrant that they issued for me as arrest was because of a domestic uh not domestic violence, but domestic dispute case from a while ago where she like maybe stole her boyfriend's credit cards and was like accusing him of some things. Um. And she didn't tell Tristan any of this, nor did she tell any of producers at the show any of it. And so obviously there's a big moral conflict from Tristan who married this

girl who kind of kept a lot of information from him. Well, she's denying, and she said that's she denied it at first. She denied first, and then she came back off camera and admitted to everything. Yes, I'm trying to find exactly

what the warrant was for. This is back in February apparently, and so her ex boyfriend claimed that she had stalked him on multiple occasions in the thirteen months that followed their December two, thou sixteen breakups, So this was very prior to the show, and also made an unauthorized purchase of an Apple iPhone on his credit card a year after the split, right, and which there could be a legitimate reason for all that stuff. It sounds I'm weirded out.

I got the get the bugga boost just from hearing that story A little bit bug h the bugga boo. I think of Buggaboo Creek When you say that the restaurants gives me a little bugga boo, I think of like the he b gebs. That's what I would say. Here's what would you do if you were Tristan. Okay, so put yourself in his shoes, Say Ashley, yeah, you guys are traveling to Cancoon together ts A polls and obviously this has never happened. Just try and put yourself

in that situation. They pull actually aside. They say, ma'am, you have to come with us. We're gonna detain you for two days. I'd be terrified for her. It turns out she has stocking claims against an x Oh. I would talk through that, like I mean, it all depends. It's also very different because they this was right after the show, and so how long could they have possibly known each other and actually know each other? Well, okay, so you and actually know each the ins and outs

of everything about each other's brain. It's obviously way different. I would obviously take Ashley side of the time. Um, of I mean unless it was like, oh, yeah, you know. But here's the thing, what if she What if it turns out she was lying to you about something for the three or four years even of course, that would change the relationship. How could it not? But this sounds a little bit different because this is right after the show where they only knew each other and we're married

for a very short period of time. So if I was Tristan, I would have doubts as well, because you know, was she just doing it for the cameras? Is she lying to me? How long have I known her? What

else is she not telling me? Actually interesting, I did not know that about married at first sight because I've heard that they had a very high success rate and which is what he said, leave with each other, and about a little more than half of that actually are still together today, which is a pretty high success rate

when you really think about things. My thing with that too is I think that they do a good job of vetting people that actually really want to get married, and if you really want to marry someone, you're willing to work through a lot of the challenges that come in regular relationship. Yeah, I also think that people if

they're going on married at first site. They're willing to take a chance because they're trying to find love, like compared to like even the bachelt a little bit, because there's not that high probability that you're gonna get married here. It's like, no, there's not only a high probability you're getting married. You are getting married to someone, so you better want to try to make it work. Hey, you know what is a sure thing though, ritual vitamins. That

is the surest thing you're gonna get. These might vitamins are traditional vitamins. Um, but this is the difference. Okay. Usually traditional vitamins contain folic acid, which, if you don't know, is a synthetic nutrition that at least one third of all women cannot process thanks to a common genetic variation those of us with this gene, not me, but someone

like Vanessa. I don't even know that you have it, really, So the cool thing about ritual vitamins is that instead of fullic acid, they use something called full late, which guess what all women can process because ritual actually cares about the ingredients that are in their vitamins. Vanessa, you

want to talk about rituel a little bit Yeah. Well, I'm actually I'm happy that we're talking about this because I've been more to my health and fitness lately, and I just found out that there is a distinctishment between the two because they don't have the actual same effects. I'm happy that we're talking about ritual um So. One reason why most companies aren't you fully, it's because it's

more expensive. Most vitamin companies UH skirt costs and tacks or pills mores ingredients that you don't actually um even need. Ritual doesn't cut costs because their vitamins UM have that women both best cleanest forms, which I love. I understand what you actually being in a supplement, so they're not a waste of your time or money. UM I'm excited to start sciences. I just found out about the difference. Um So Ritual an allergy free made in the US

without pesthetic fillers or coloring. And guess what, Vanessa, They're only thirty dollars a month, and the best part is Ritual will deliver right to your door. So pretty much thirty dollars a month you'd be spending those Omega three vitamins, you're spending the exact amount on one bottle of that as you would for an entire month of the Ritual bottles, so you can fill in the gaps of your diet all those good things Like you said, vegan sugar free.

Rituel has it. Women actually don't get the vitamins and minerals that they need on a daily basis. Is that you, Vanessa, Come on now, don't you lie to us? Uh? So, Actually, Richel created a smart vitamin with the nine essential ingredients that women lack the most. And the cool thing is you can go to ritual dot com slash dean Dean why is it always your name? I was literally just thinking how much I really like that. You know, he's he's the prettiest of us all. He's the pretty of us,

of us all. That's why. So you guys, you go to ritual dot com slash Dean. You can choose clean ingredients that are backed up by science, and you can sign up now. Yet again, here's the website. Don't miss it, ritual dot com slash dean get your ritual items today. Yeah, and you wanna know what's funny is one of my very very close friends just started working at Ritual about three months ago as a head of recruitment for them.

So not only are they incredible supplements and vitamins that you can take on a daily basis, but they also are employing some of my very close friends. That's important. It's very important for the code. Yes, probably worked into his contract when he signed with that he as an insider. There you go. Well, anyways, let's move on to our next guest, which is Eileen Fisher, matchmaker out in New York City, who has some very interesting takes on things.

Nothing I guess who out of the ordinary that we've seen, But well let's find out. Eileen, Are you there? Hi? Dean and jaredny in New York? How could I not be happy? Is it nice? Then? We're in l A right now. It's very nice. I'll tell you what. It's seventy five degrees here in Los Angeles. What's the temperature like out in New York, Eileen, It's probably like seventy but we have some misty rain. I'm wearing overalls and a white tank top that I'm happy. You love fall weather.

I can already tell totally do. How do you know that? I can just hear it in your voice. It's the best season. God, I love fall, when it's like mid time fifties at night and it's that crisp air and the foliage and you get a fiery were sweatshirt, you have some beers with friends around it like it's just the best. Anyway, we don't have to talk about my own You want to hear why, no, no, no, it's okay because you want to hear why. It's a tip I always give because I'm a very big on Instagram.

I give tips to the day and tips of dating. And the point of the matter is good weather, get your butt outside, and you never know where you can meet someone. Ever, so if you're inside and the air is crisp and you're feeling good, walk down the street smile. You don't know who you meet. Well, you don't want to walk down with like a crazy smile from cheeky cheek. People are going to look at you and be like, what is this person? Well, I didn't say crazy. Now

you have Yeah, you both have very nice teeth. I will say I did watch you both. My daughter and I am a very big fan. She's fifteen, So, um, what's your daughter's name? My daughter is Sydney and she's fifteen, and we're very big fans of the Bachelor and The Bachelor in Paradise. However, that name, oh, oh my god, let me go right now, she's yelling at me. So can I go tell her you said you love that?

Oh my god, of course, Well I love I love Sydney because my favorite oh please do, My my favorite movie franchise of all time is Scream, and so Sydney Prescott is one of my favorite movie characters of all time. And so Sydney, I swear to god I just met in the hour. But wait a second, Sydney. Oh no, for Sydney. Yeah, listen, listen, hold on, can you guy Plouder out ahead, This is Sydney. Say hello, Hi Sydney,

It's Jared. And hey Sydney, it's Dean. Said guys. Well, I was just saying from my own personal my my favorite movie franchise of all time is the Screen Franchise, and so my favorite movie character of all time, one of them is Sydney Prescott. So one of my favorite names is Sydney. So when your mom said that your name is Sydney, I was like, great name, love that name. I told her how much we love watching the show together.

It's something we do together. Appreciate it. We apologize that you won't be seeing our faces on TV on Monday nights very long. I'm actually happy about that. But you want to hear how much I don't believe in the shows though. In reality unfortunately, we actually do a pool in my house and as a matchmaker I try to see who the last three people will be. And do you usually get it right each season? Yeah? Sometimes yes, sometimes no, because you know, it's it's a little hard

to throw in the reality kick about it at the beginning. Hard, But I'm very happy for you, Jared. Congratulations, Thank you so much. I really appreciate it. Well, our love really blossomed off show. We were just lucky enough to be on the show. Of course, of course, true love happens when at least expected. Are you guys friends who actually and I? Yes, oh yeah, we're best of friends. We've been we've been We've been best friends for you know,

a little over two years before we started dating. I mean, obviously with some ups and downs to say the least, um, but we always remain close throughout that time. And so once we started dating, I was a little concerned it might be a weird transition from friends into relationship. But it was it was so easy and seamless. Um, I'm I'm very truly lucky for that. Oh yeah, we're It's cool because we've been dating now for you know, god, since March. So how many months is that I can't

do the math, just about seven months? And um, we see each other all the time. I think there hasn't been maybe a day that I haven't seen her. There's maybe like been three or four days over that seven months I haven't seen her, and I just haven't gotten tired of her. But that's the cool thing about being friends before you start dating, because there's this rapport um that her and I have that I've never really experienced in a relationship before. So it's pretty cool. I'm not

gonna lie. I'm I'm extremely lucky right now. Well, I'll tell you one thing. I was just in the the New York Post last week, and I was just in the Huffing Dip Post and magazine, and they asked me not name dropping. No, I'm totally named dropic that's amazing, though I name drop all the time. To worry about it. Wait a minute, it was paid sticks in the Atoms and it was on Tuesday. I read that I just read the article, Oh you did, I love thank you? But I was just in a magazine and I'll send

you guys, and I'm sending things to on purpose. They asked me one of the key things I feel that's important about a relationship. So I always say, you have to be friends with the person because everyone everyone's body is going to drop. We're on air, so we're gonna eventually, so I have to watch my language. But everyone's body is going to change. Someone's always go to be prettier center.

But the core that will keep you moving forward is when you're seventy and sixty and no one's around and you want to sit with that person and go to a movie. Yeah, you're gonna hate them a lot, you have to hate them, but also you have to evolve and change that. The friendship has to be the core. No, I completely agree, So I obviously advocate people being friends

before they start dating. Um, But I mean I also want to hear a little bit about you and where your background from and how you became a New York based matchmaker and relationship expert. Really, um, how did you get in this field? And and and kind of give us a little background about you. So the truth of the matter is that it I mean, I'm always asked this question, and I always say it came. It just comes natural to me, like how people like being a mother,

It comes natural to me. Um. I was in the I was just born in New Jersey and I was in the garment center. When I was in the garment center, I got so many people married. When I was in college, I got my roommate married. UM, I got my own brother married. I was that girl that went up to everyone on the street instead, are you married, You want to pull around my friend, you want to meet my friend, you want to meet my friend. I was always the winged person saying you want to meet someone, you want

to meet someone. And then I got married and I actually met my husband trying to set him up with somebody else. And yeah, my husband wasn't for me being a matchmaker because I'd be around so many men. Um. Time went on, I introduced loads of people who got married, and finally I said, I want to open a business. Um. I couldn't ask people for money. Though it was called match from the heart, I just loved doing it, So

it didn't work. Out and then I started being with this elite connections where I'm not scared to ask for the money anymore. Well, I was about to say, it's very ironic that at the beginning you were afraid to ask for money because you just want to set people up.

Because now Elde Connection is very notoriously known for the exclusivity of its matchmaking um It has over twenty four years of success, but it's specifically it's a very high end matchmaking company to say the least, because what some of the you know what some of the money that you charge your your clientele. So studdy, I've got in trouble for saying how much money it was from. So it's anywhere. No, No, I don't care because it's it's not like I'm lying. It's anywhere from six thousands of

fifteen thousand. It depends your there's other things. How long the contracts are really depends or if you want to become a v I P meaning a man that travels wants to meet someone because he wants to move to Florida or whatever. But I'm very different than my partner and she hates this. I only charge men. Why is that I only charge men? Because I really enjoy working for men and I love meeting all these women. It just opens up a bit of a bigger category for me.

I feel a lot of matchmakers. When you have men and women, they'll look in their files only and they'll say, Okay, Dean Bean just signed up, you know, let me click Bean in my file and Amber matches up with Dean. So it works because it's kind of like the game of constant remember stapples and concentration. For me, I sit with a man and he tells me about himself, and it's my job to go out there and find him somebody.

And that's why I love what I do, because I get to meet I probably meet about twenty something women a week, and there's not many I like because half of them come. One of the things that people have learned my doormen are in on it. If the girls don't say hello to my doorman, my dormant gives me a like a like a little wink and tell me, if you're not gonna say hello to my doorman, how are you going to be nice. It's very similar to like somebody not bringing a pen to apply for a job.

I don't know if you guys ever heard that old? Have you guys ever se? Have you ever seen a bronx tail on Broadway? Not on Broadway, but I've seen it, I'm sure. Okay, So first ever Broadway show I went to a couple of months ago, Bronx Tail. There was a scene in it where the protagonist is going on a date and he gets this bit of advice from his father figure where he says, you get out of the car, you pull up to the house, get out of the car, lock both of the doors. Um, go

greet your your date. Walker to the car, unlock the door, open the door for her, let her get it in, close the door, and you walk behind the car and you look through the back window. And if you don't see her reach over the seat and unlock your driver's side door, then she's not the one for you, right. And it's a very similar thing to the doorman situation. If they don't if they don't say hello to the doorman, then maybe not the person for you. It's it's that's

exactly right. And it's so simple, and it goes back to that smile and not the weird smile you guys walking down the street. But we always have a weird smile on Yes, you're right, You're right. You guys are l a. Could you guys always have to have those beautiful white teeth smiling right, exactly, exactly right. I try use a lot of a lot of teeth whiting exactly. Can you guys give me who that is? It doesn't

work in New York as much. Um So, like yesterday, and when I meet clients mail clients only at a coffee house or I meet them for a glass of wine at the same places. So like someone bashed me on on social media, and I know it's not me because they said, I meet it Starbucks, and I meet at one coffee house only, and I meet it two bars on purpose because I've had some weird stuff happen.

And yesterday my clients, the guy who was coming to meet me didn't see me yet, and I watched him in the in the coffee house and how he how he was with a woman and he sat down and I've said nice job, and he goes, what are you talking about. I go, you were a gentleman. You made sure you let her take it. He goes, wow, I go, it's so important, those little things. And he's like Eileen, thank you so much. I go. People forget the little things.

They're going to go longer. You know a man. One of the things I tell them at first, do not take a woman out to Blue Ribbon sushi. This sounds crazy. No one deserves the top of the line. Yet, no one needs to know why you got divorced. No one needs to know why you're still single. It takes time to get to know people. So what would you suggest for first date? Like, what do you think of the ideal first date? A Sunday brunch? Sunday brunch? Talk about

a millennial first day. Let me tell you, guys why Friday night everyone's like, shoot, I got a drink, I had a bad week. Saturday everyone's sometimes it's like what do I do? What do I do? Saturday Night normally is romantic. So my choices are Sunday Day, where everyone's like, ah, I have the whole day still. And I don't mean you have to go anywhere, like go for a freaking walk and go for brunch somewhere or Saturday night. But right middle line, don't I mean you guys don't live

in the city. Store don't want to start name dropping restaurants or anything, but you know, just middle of the line places you don't have to go crazy. You may not see the person again. Yeah, like four point two stars. Those types of classes. You know, they're not like four point excellent, but they're also not like three point three gar not garbage, but below average, like a nice four four point one, four point two Right in there, there's a great Chinese food place right next to my house.

Oh there we go, we the stars on it. I also hate texting. I was about to ask you, so, what are your thoughts about dating apps? I hate them. And it's not because don't think it's because I'm jealous, And don't think I was going to say say, I was gonna say, let's remove elite dating out of the picture here and say you're you're. You have some friends that are, you know, hopelessly single and they want to find someone. You would never suggest a dating app for them, ever, ever. Ever.

First of all, a dating app is like a magazine I and what it is is all you're doing is looking at person's face and you're saying, oh, they're hot, they're not hot, oh there whatever, and you just keep on looking like a magazine and the next page your next page, I don't like it. To me, it's like, okay, I like that pocketbook, but let me look a little bit more for another pocketbook. The thickest thing about the apps is and I did it to try it, Tinder,

Oh tinder. Um. I once I went away with my girlfriends, we got ten guys to come within forty five minutes to come to the restaurant. Um, so that's the bachelorrette basically, yeah, if that's exactly right, exactly. But the point is with a real live person, meaning me. So the worst thing I have in the true story a woman will send me. I ask everyone for their photos before we meet. They come to me and I say, do you really think you look like this photo? Because the guy's going to

see you. So on apps, Um, Dean, you could have picked you. I mean, well, it's bad because you guys are really good looking. But um, a bad example here. But you know, you guys can put a picture up from like five years ago, and that's what people do on apps, and they're stupid because everyone's going to see you in person. So with me, I make sure I get the photo sitting next to me that when my clients see them, they look exactly like they look like. And I think apps are just the way of keeping

people busy. So why do you hate texting? Because texting is the most misread thing ever, And and those stupid emojis you put it, you know whatever. First of all, you can't tell anybody's tone. You can't tell anything from a text. You know, you can't tell sarcasm, you can't tell if it's really whatever, because you're taking that text and taking it into your mood. So let's say Dean texting you right now, Jared, you're reading it because the mood you're in and you're a stumming what how he's

feeling it or whatever? Because you can't hear the tone of somebody, And and you're forgetting everybody when when you're on when you when you were at Ashley, she's talking to you right, Wait, Dean, are you dating anyone? I'm like getting back into the dating pool slowly, But Shirley, we're waiting back into the water. Okay, good, I'm happy. Yeah, very simple. But that's a good thing. But when you're

with Ashley and you're she's texting you whatever. But when you hear her voice tone, doesn't it make you feel better when she's talking. Yes, you're absolutely right. Whenever I here, she shut up. My point is is that on a text they're misread. How many you know, they're mostly misread for not understanding what the other person saying. And that happens to me so so often. Is because I'm I am a sarcastic, especially when I text people. People don't,

I guess, recognize the humor in it. Yeah, because I just think I'm flinnier than I really am. I think also to not only do people misread it, but they overthink it right. They take every word at its core meeting and it's like, please don't do that. She probably didn't mean what you think that she's meaning right now because you're just overthinking it and over analyzing it. And how many times do you reread it? Right, Especially when

you first start meeting someone, you read it. How many times do you reread a message before you actually send it. That's one of the things that I used to do, right, Oh oh, so guys, just so you know more, more thing going back, so being a matchmaker and then going on an app, I get the third side of the story. You don't understand how many times the guy will say to me, you know, Eileen, I don't know if they like me. And then I talked to the girl, She's like,

I really had a nice time. The best thing is that I get the feedback and I can help it or hurt it, because there's always that third story. So how many times have you guys been on a date and you're like, once again, you guys are good looking, so you have a step up and you guys are nice. But the point is how many times were you unsure that so you didn't call someone after because the aucture if they didn't like you. So having a matchmaker, I'm

actually giving the feedback to you to make you feel better. Essentially, you're essentially that mutual friend, the unbiased mutual friends. Yeah, you're like the middleman. Right, that's exactly right. And and none of this is about me, like when people eventually people say, well, as I lean messed up, I am

messed up. The world is but whatever, I actually just know what I'm doing because I listen, I self reflect on every single thing, and you know, this is my gift that I was and I just listen and I say it and I and I'm honest, I'm kurt. When a woman comes to me and her boobs are out. I'm like, why are your boobs at when you're meeting me? You know? Fair question? Yeah, I mean, what do you think I'm going to look at the whole time? You know? And what do you think a guy is going to

look at? Or when a woman says our first question what does he do for a living? What does that matter right now? You know? Um? And I also have a really good rule, Dean. This is for you. You're ready, ready the first three months, everyone spake. The next three months you're getting to know the person for real. Then one after that you're going to fight. If you get through that, then you can start really getting into a relationship. So you're saying a real relationship doesn't start until about

nine months in yep, yep. I would agree to that because from people I've heard from that have been married, they talked about how like the first few months first year really is like this puppy love phase, and then you're going to go through some bad times and you're gonna have arguments and there's going to be disagreements, and if you can overcome that period and those trials and tribulations, if you can overcome that together, that's when the real

relationship starts and when real starts setting in. So I totally, I totally got you there. I think that's absolutely true that you need to like, people need to understand that that things will change, but that doesn't mean that they're changing for the worst. And I think some people correlate that right, Like, if it's like this poppy love infatuation starts to go away, they immediately think, oh, maybe this

isn't the person for me. When actuality, that's going to happen pretty much with anybody you start spending a lot of time with, which circles back to how we started this, that you have to be friends with the person because it's going to go up down. It can't always be great sex, it can't always be a funny night because everyone's moods of the day is coming in everything. You know, life is part of everything. Um. But it circles back to how we started this, that you have to be

friends with the person. The person has to evolve and change with you. You have to be a Socialization is part of life, So when you're out with friends, you can look across the room and be happy that's your partner. Even if you're not across you know, like it's fun. And so it goes back to as you're going through the time, you have to be the friends. Yeah, I totally agree. You have to have some sort of a

port before you start jumping into a relationship. I think I always advocate that being the best course, totally total. That's kind of newly found beef with the whole Bachelor franchise sometimes is because you're expected to start a relationship so early on before establishing a friendship, like with in Jared's case, you know, you had a relationship quote unquote with Ashley, then you then you established your friendship, and then that's when you're like, okay, you actually, no, we

really love each other. Let's be boyfriend girlfriend. So a lot of times it's like, oh, you're on the beach three days into it, you're like, all right, are you guys boyfriend or girlfriend or boyfriend women? And you're like, well, I don't know, I just meant well. You hear couples a lot too when they leave the Bachelor, after they get out of this world, even if they leave engaged, they vocalize about how okay this is when we start dating, you know, we've fallen in love. We have all these

emotions and feelings. We want to make this work. But now we're actually gonna start dating exactly and deem for

you and hour it's taken. I mean, it's wonderful that you're super good looking, but it kind of You've got to be careful with that also, because your looks are going to attract, you know, really nice looking women who want you, and the problem is that there could be an average looking, really amazing woman who could be really good for you, and the strong, gorgeous women are going to come at you because holy he's a good looking guy. You know, you know, I only know you from TV.

I hate to say, I mean i've never met you. Um, same thing with you, Jared and your your love story, Jared. What I see and with Ashley is beautiful because it goes back to what I say, friends, and it's so wonderful. Honestly, it's wonderful. And I know a lot of it's bullshit on TV, but Dean, don't let the strong women come at you because you're so good looking. Well, he's got a good head on his shoulders too. That works out well, is the extremely good look looking but he's a smart

man as well. And I'm also only fit you guys that go to the gym. It's really fit and funny, charismatic. God, his head is not fitting through that door. Later. Well, Eileen, just want to say thank you so much for joining us. Eileen Fisher, you are a v I P matchmaker at Elite Connections International. So where can where can people find you? You can find me at Elite Connections at or Eileen at Elite Connections at dot com perfect and that's based

out of New York. So if you're in New York and looking for a kind of a new way to meet somebody, definitely check out a Leade Connections. Aileen, thank you so much. Thank you, Eileen, tell goodbye. That's of lucky you guys. I'll tell Sydney alright, bye you guys, thanks so much, by bye. She was great. I liked her. I liked her a lot. She was I was very

scared that she was going to be more hardcore. When I was reading up on her, I was like, this girl is going to come in and tell us get off your phone, get out there and meet people, stop complaining. And she was so soft spoken and so sweet and so genuine. She's definitely a Jersey girl. You can tell. Oh, yeah, I was born in Jersey. That's probably why were you were born in Jersey, New Brunswick seventeen. When'd you moved to the West coast? The what do you call this

place over here? It's starts with the See I've lived in l A for four years, but I grew up in Colorado. Oh, that's right, you're from Colorado. Yeah, God, I forgot about that. I've told you this story before, right, My family moved from New Jersey when I was like one year old. We lived in an RV for like three years, and then eventually we settled and I don't think I knew that. Actually we lived in like trailer

parks for a better part of three years. So, Dean, do you have any old VHS tapes and that RV of yours? Yeah? Yeah, I think I have tons of HS tapes. I don't know about you RV, right, but just VHS tapes. Like it was a lot of like polaroids or even like floppy disks. Floppy disks. What a fun phrase to say. What's a fun word? Really? Floppy?

What's funny is my mom was writing a book or a journal through the entire process of living in an RV, and she kept all of it on a floppy disk and it wasn't until recently that I was able to get access to that, and it was all through like a se box, all through. Legacy of Box will tell us a little bit about it. So basically what Legacy Boxes is. It's it digitally converts consumer videotapes, camp orders, vhs, film reels, prints, thirty slides, cloud storage, blah blah blah

blah blox, ctera, etcetera. All of the things that you use and have used in the past to document your journeys, your experiences, whatever it is, and it digitizes it for you. So what you do is you fill a box with old home movies, old pictures and they'll do the rest, professionally digitizing your moments onto a thumb drive, which you can then review and look back at any time. You can download it digitally, get it on DVD, whichever is best for you, easy to follow instruction, safety bar codes

included for every item. Receive all your original recorded moments back along with perfectly preserved digital copies. You get personalized updates at every step. Receive up to twelve of those personal updates because it does take a little bit of time. They have to go through a lot of stuff and there are a lot of processes in order to digitize that. So they are the world's largest most trusted digitalizer. Oh

I'm sorry, digitizer of homebe Home vias and photos. Over four fifty families have trusted Legacy Box over a decade of experience, and all the work is done by hand right here in the USA. I kind of want to get this from my family for Christmas because my parents have so many old vhs is, like they still have you know, the Titanic where it came in two tapes

because the movie was too long. I like vividly remember this, and my parents still, I swear to God, still have a the dual VHS and DVD player because we also have a home video that was shot in that is very near and dear to our hearts that I think would be a great gift to get digitized. That's a

great idea use Legacy Box. There was there was one VHS recording I remember that we took and I accidentally recorded over the half of the VHS tape and my family was upset well, the question becomes, what did you record over it? I think it was like something on TV that I accidentally mistakenly did, but I specifically remember this memory. It was like PG story. I was hoping

something better. Oh okay, well it was that, but I remember that my brother was doing something funny and ridiculous in the pool, and like we called the entire family and like come watch it together and we start playing it and like it was like prices right or something. I remember everyone looked at me and they're like, what did you do? And I was like, I'm sorry. Anyways, There's never been a better time to digitally preserve all of your memories. Be sure to visit legacy box dot

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D E A N and say forty save today. So get started, start preserving your past and preserve people, relive those memories for as long as you possibly can, because those are the things that makes us who we are today. Anyways, let's move on to Lola. Well, the question becomes what is Lola? Do you know what Lola is? Because I do. Lola is a female as you know Lola is, yea Vanessa. You know what Lola is? I know Lola, Lolo? Do you know what Lola is? Someone tell me what that

Lola is. We're all asking each other. Somebody explain this for the love of God. Well, it's something that I would use, something that actually would you just a matter when I was like, because you want to have like organic campponds and paths. So basically what I love hopes about it is the female founded company because you know how like campons and pads and stuff were like the female products are usually um created by men, but this

is actually a female sounded company. The offer a line of organic coffee, tampons, pad liners, and all natural cleansing whites with I absolutely adore. Like other major brands, BULA products are hustles on naturals and easy to feel good about nobs. No mystery fibers or doubts about what's going on in your body or what you're putting in your body.

Already toxin plus Dola products coming at a simple customizable subscription, so basically they deliver exactly what you need, exactly when you need it um And I don't know if you guys know this. I just found out. Basically the FDA doesn't require which is kind of not This is like terrible. It doesn't require brands to disclose the comprehensive list of ingredients in their female feminine care products, and most of

them don't. You actually don't even know what you're using because it's not all the ingredients are are listed in the back, so little also complete transparency about the ingredients found their tampons, padliners, and a wife. Major branding and make the pathetic ingredients, which is growth in their products, including rayon and polyester um. There are the funds. Products may also be treated with harsh chemicals, cleansing agents, fragrances and dies. You guys are have in your menstrual cycle.

But as a female who has to go through this every month, you want to know exactly like what you're using or what you're putting into your body. Lola products are a hundred percent organic cotton with no added chemicals, fragrances, athetics, or dies. So it makes having your period a little bit neusier. Every month. You can fully customize your subscription and you can choose your mix of products, mix of absorbancy, number of boxes and frequency of delivery. Um Lola subscription

is super flexible. You can change, skip or cancel your subscription at any time. Because there's a box which is really cool of eighteen or eighteen campons or twelve pass um. You know, if you want to use a pad at night, if you want to to pass uring the day, and and you can decide how many boxes you'd like to deliver to your door, select your certain frequency. You can cancel, skip and order or modify your subscription anytime, which I love.

So there's no like you know, you don't have to You can cancel it whenever you want, where your boxes are, subcure door and provides yourself on no surprise or gimmicks. So guys, for everybody listening right now, off all the subscriptions. Excuse me. All you have to do is visit my Lola dot com and then you enter help when you subscribe. That's h e l P you probably, guys, you know how to spell it obviously better than I think it's not. It's is good alright, So just visit my lola dot com.

You enter help when you subscribe, you get off all these subscriptions at Lola. All the ladies listening out there. If you want to try something new, um, you know, to get their leadings a little something. All right, Well, I actually have a quick game that I want to

play with Dean and Vanessa. I'm calling this because I'm self proclaiming it ted questions with Dean and Vanessa that pertained dating because weren't help I suck a dating and I was hoping I was hoping east won have a little thing there for me, like a little wazoo you know nothing? All right? Moving on? Thanks Easton? Why am I still talking? Yeah? Where am I? Alright? So, guys, this is we did. It's like a little we did it with Jason and Blake. We just asked him a

couple of questions. It was a nice little segment. I want to do it again with you and Vanessa. Learn a little bit more about you, guys in your dating life and what you do when you date. Are you guys ready, alright, just exactly think of it as rapid fire, like think of it. Don't have to think too much. I want to know what your instinct would say. All right, boom. So ten questions with Diana Vanessa. Number one on the first date, would you guys rather do a dinner day

or some sort of activity? Activity? Activity? What kind of activity? Paintball? You want to do? Paintball? That's would you guys be on the same team? Would you bounce? I would light her up? Oh god, that's a great first day. Somehow, I don't think it's leading to a second day. And what you said activity, Vanessa? I said activity. I would do something like laser tag. Okay, it's very similar to what I just said. That's just copying. It's like version of it. Okay, well I'll leave the tag. Go next.

Oh boom, I like Easan's playing little music of the background. Number two, who's your number one power couple in the world today? Obama's good choice. I didn't think of that, of course, what do you I'm the most basic person you're gonna meet. It's totally Tomas, I would say. I always refer back to him. Will Smith and Jada oh Do said about them, jadas some pretty very pretty fond things about like he's always my person, he can always kind on me. They're they're definitely up there for sure,

totally or Action and Mila. That's like a very underrated power couple that have been friends for a very long time. I love that. Actually, I and Jared our mind actually get at it all right. Number three, If you could pick one person in history, whether it be a public figure or celebrity, who would you want to go on a date with? Bruce Lee? You would want to go on a date with Bruce Lee? Percent what would you talk about? Everything? Please teach me your way. The most

fascinating an interesting person to ever grace this planet? Would you pay? You're such a gentleman, Vanessa. Who are you taking on a date? Anybody in history? Anyone in history? Who is that? He's actually one on my birthday, the reason why he became a she's an Olympic gymnast from the stage and you would, okay, But part of the going on a date is you have to be open to kissing them at the end of it, are you open to kissing? Yeah? Okay? Mine was marily Len Monroe.

Just for the simple coolness of it. All Right, So celebrity today, who would you take on a date? Number four has be somebody that's pretty in in the know of popular culture. Great question, Constance who as starring actress hilarious. Oh, Dean, I can see the twinkle in your eye. You got a little crush? Yeah, Vanessa, you picking celebrity today pop culture? Who you got? I mean I was really close to going on a day with him, Rick Fox, Rick Fox from the l A Lakers. Wait wait, you were almost

going on a day with Rick Fox. How have we never talked about this story before. It's a long story. I didn't almost go on a day with him as a joke. I mean we he was. He was my celebrity crush. When Nick and I were dating, We're on Jimmy Kimmel and they, you know, you do like that that questionnaire, like the newly wet questionnaire, and they asked who would you have like a cat blanche for? And

I said Rick Fox? And then Ryan Seacrest called me with Rick Fox on the phone, and then I bumped into Rick Fox at Craig and we had she spoke and I was like, holy you were you were my crush and this was all why you were dating very scandalous. No, this happened after Yeah, oh so it was like a real thing. This could have happened. You could be dating with Fox right now. No, he's he's I think it's a little for I thought you said too little, and I was like, I'm sorry, he's like six eight. What

are you talking about? Okay, all right? Number five? What is one thing you look for in a partner that maybe you didn't look for five years ago? Oh? Um, five years ago. I'm just trying to put myself back in college, Dean. I love college Dean. Think the Lord that you did not meet college Dean, any of you people I wish because Boyle Boy was he just a miserable human being that experience me would be like, Dean, you have this unbelievable ability to put a smile on

anybody's face. I swear to God, I'm not taking for a compliment there. I'm so sorry for even changing and putting the topic. What do you look for maybe that you weren't looking for five years ago? A sense of humor? You weren't looking for that five years ago? That was like, that's on my top list all the time. I can't really think of it five years ago. Probably uh someone who I don't I know how to word this, Like I'm more open now to dating long distance than I

was five years ago. Oh interesting, Yeah, are you currently in a long distance relationship? Just kidding, I'm fishing Francis now you didn't you just post them on Instagram saying that you couldn't do a long distance relationship or maybe I'm no, no, no, no, I said I would. I would move if I had a career and I had like my own little community of people living in a different city, because if not, then it becomes too much about the relationship, all right. Number six. One spot in

the world to go on a date. Where are you going? Where are you taking your man or woman? Country, country, it doesn't matter, international, boom, anywhere in the world. You'd be like, this is the one spot I want to take my person on a date. Dan, I don't know if you could relate to this, but did you go to us Seminiac? Okay, anyway, there's this craziest I don't know if he's on my Instagram. My story is the craziest.

Sunset in Bali on on the beach in Semiiac and I was like, I wish I had so a significant other. You have all of the places in the world you go on a date, you would go back to the place that you were just out a week ago, of all the places you haven't been to, you wouldn't consider any of those possibilities in that moment. In that moment, I wish I was in a relationship, and I wish I had so much experience it with. Yeah, well all right, so Dean, where's yours? SERI? Why? I don't know, I've

just heard it's incredible, O there. I've always wanted to visit a new experience for both of you. The thing that you can see the difference between you and Vanessa because Vanessa wants to go to a spot that she already knows it will be great where You're like, no, let's go on on a venture together. Interesting might be Providence, Rhode Island. Number seven. You have to pick the movie for your first movie date together? What are you picking

for the movie for? No, not for a first date, like the first time that you guys are going to collectively sit down on the couch and go and watch a movie together. But she's like, or he, I want you to pick. What are you picking? Interstellar interest? First date, the first day, like the first time you guys watch a movie together. It's three hours long. That's a very long movie. So so so good. It's great, and it's kind of indicative of how the rest of the relationship

might go watching movies. Is she gonna be asking me questions the entire time? Is she gonna build follow the storyline as much as I would need her to? To be fair Christopher Nolan, film is very difficult to fall unless you are very much paying attention, So it would be a test. It's a test and also enjoying, enjoyable for me because I love that movie so much. Fair enough, Vanessa, what's yours? I think something um that's funny? Is so

either wedding crap. You're probably wedding crass. To see if they get that, if they have the same sense of humor as I do. Perfect Its most basic answer, But I love every second of it. Actually, when I was so my first girlfriend, when we first started dating, this is like a third or fourth date, and we were going to watch No, no, no no, no, We're gonna watch a movie together, and I really wanted to watch like

a romantic comedy. This is back in like two thousand and no. So what I watched was A Girl next Door. I picked it out and it was really awkward because we were at Hollywood Video at the time. God I missed those stores and Blockbuster, and so she's like, what movie do you want to watch? And I was like, you know what we could watch would be A Girl next Store. I think you'd really like it. And I was.

She was like, well, what's it about? And I was like, Oh, it's this girl she used to be a porn actress, but she's trying to get out of it. She falls in love with this guy and she's like, um, are you sure I'm gonna like this? Mind you? This is like the third time we've hung out, so she might already have question marks and I was like, please, just trust me, and she ended up loving the movie. Underrated You don't really hear about it all highly underrated Meal Hers.

She's one of my favorite actors of all time. Um all right, Number eight Tinder a Bumble. If you had to join one Tinder or Bumble, which one are you joining? It depends at what point in life I am and if I'm traveling right now. But if I'm moving local and trying to find a girlfriend. Bumble. Interesting, Yeah, tender is known is more than the hookup. Well, no, it's not more of a hookup. It's just it's more international. Like if you I talked to my friends that are

simple of that travel, they're always on Tinder. So tender is like pitpulla yep, Mr Worldwide, gotcha, Vanessa? What are you picking? Uh? Neither, you gotta pick one. I I guess Wait, is it probably um Tinder? Because bumble is the woman has to message the guy first, So you want a guy to message you. I want to be pursued because in real life I always have to pursue the guy, so I want to be pursued. That's still insane to me. Number nine is the three The three

day rule completely dead. Now the three day rule what it is? So pretty much the three day rule is that you're supposed to wait. It's not technically three days, but you're supposed to wait to contact someone after a day to like, yeah, I agree to be playing these games now. I don't even think it's an age thing. I think it's just a respect. I think it's an age thing because I think it's changed with Mordern technology, It's no longer like you need to like wait a

little while before content contacting them after a date. So I mean you should. You shouldn't seem like super thirsty and eager either, But three days. I would think if someone's messaging after three days or not interested, it's probably not going to respond after three days. So after a good date, Dean, if you were on a date with somebody, would you text them that night and be like, hey, I had a good time. I just got home. I had such a love leavening with you. But yeah, totally

I agree. By the way, I know you have another question to ask. But Vanessa was just in Bali, as we all know that, and she was with a girl, Vanessa Ala, who eventually I'm going to take down a date. Are you guys talking? I mean, no, we're we're friends. I don't I wouldn't want some friends. I was never a person. Yeah, we have each other's phone numbers. There's really really pretty girl that Vanessa's with. And I was like,

I talked to Robert Graham. I was like, Roberts set me up with her, so pretty, Oh my gosh, and he goes he puts us in a group chat together, and I tell Vanessa was like, Vanessa, this girl is so pretty and you're with her, like speak highly of me? How could you not? And so one of these days we want I want to have her as a guest in studio with us. One of these days, I think that can we meet her on the podcast? Can you guys meet for the first time on air? Live day?

I need this a live day. Yes, yeah, she live in l A. Think, Oh my god, this needs to happen next week, next week. What's funny is I saw I've talked to a couple of other people, um and who I guess are familiar with her and know her. And even Vanessa said this same thing too. They're always like you guys are so horribly mashed for each other, Like just I just don't see it whatsoever. And do you know what? You don't know me well enough to make that decision right now over the health care? Is

bringer in studio? This would be fun question? All right? Last one? Do you stalk someone on a date before you go on them? You stalk someone? Do you stalk someone on social media before you go on a date with them? All right? Love it bom Ten questions with de Vanessa. That was fun, guys. I appreciate your honesty. Of course. I think we have one email email times. So we're gonna talk about Islands because it's delicious. We had a bunch of food for us today. Islands. Island

is pretty great Eastern What do you have from them? Oh, we got food. We got food from Islands today. I know, Vanessa, you're missing out. They have these these incredible burgers that just take me back to the South Pacific. And uh, my favorite one is called the Maui something. It said Maie on you can't remember the name of it. It's just messing with his mind. I'm a big fan of the Caso burger because I love caso and it's covered in spicy white caso and I'm I'm down for anything

case sliders. You can't go wrong with anything. So again, now, the November twenty five Islands is offering a limited time in the case So burger, Jared's favorite, covered in spicy white case so crisp tortilla strips and pickled jalapenos. And you can download the Island Rewards app and you start earning your free burgers and exclusive offers right now. You just got download the app. That's super easy. I got like seventy two aps on my phone. In addition to that,

you can also follow them on Instagram. It's at Islands Burgers. Check them out, order their food. You will be very happy. You did, very happy. So big thank you Also to Legacy you can use our limited time offer and go to Legacy box dot com slash Dean d e A and get off your first order or save up to two on the largest Legacy Box kid. Big thank you to Lola. Also, you can get off all subscriptions by visiting my Lola dot com and enter the word help

when subscribing. Also a big thank you to Ritual. Ritual you can choose clean ingredients when you sign up with Richel dot com slash Dean Vanessa. You're amazing it always Tory Eastern. You guys are the best. To give a big thank you to Cale Robertson and Eileen Fisher for being guests on the podcast as well. The best. You can check out cal on meretith first site and can go to Elite Connections to check out Eileen Dean. You're the best. Vanessa, You're the best. Love you Guysla Bla

blah blah blah blah blah. So much love and tune in next week, where hopefully we all suck a little less. Follow help by Suck at Dating with Dean, Vanessa and Jared on I Heart Radio or wherever you listen to podcast