#50 Sex Ed

Did I. I were just gonna say that right now. You missed a lot. We missed you out there. Thank you. Eastern and I recorded a podcast together on the festival grounds Saturday day stage, which was fantastic. I'm sure that everyone's probably listening to that podcast by now right. Uh, yeah, everyone's listening to It's not gonna see the light of day. Well, it's really loud out there. Well, just a Dean show. We'll put that one into the vault. No, it was

the Dean Beccas show. It was I'm trying to get the powers that be to let us release a because actually was really good. I think the thing with that one was there was a live band playing a hundred yards away from us. Max was playing Lights down Low, not far from where we were recording. Max was phenomenal, But uh, yeah, great weekend in Vegas. I think hopefully you guys have listened to the last episode where we recorded exactly from the Vegas pool party with Jason and Blake.

With Jason and Blake exactly, it was a good one. Was a lot of bro talk, a lot of bro talk, which is not necessarily something have or not something that we have often on this show. So it's nice to be able to kind of like speak candidly about our lives. But I think a lot of girls thought there are going to be very interested to hear Blake and Jason's perspective and how they're dating right now and what's going on with their lives. It's crazy because it changes so quickly,

so so drastically and so quickly. You know, it's like they went from being already like attractive, good looking, desirable guys to then having the recognizability that you get coming off of the TV show, and it's like it's something you can really prepare yourself for and so it's always interesting to hear their input about what's changed for them personally.

Do you remember the moment when your name got released. Yeah, I was on my way to do blood work for Paradise and I was in the parking lot, and I remember my mom called me. It was like, ABC just released your guy's names for the Bachelor rete And it was one of the scariest moments of my life because a couple of hours later, the local Providence journal put um my picture up and said he's twenty six, his name is Jared uh He is a restaurant manager in Providence.

Anything you know about him, please send this email. And I remember thinking like, oh, like, I wonder do I have enemies out there there? People are gonna like talk crap about me. What's about to happen in my life? And it was a super intimidating moment. I remember I was playing golf I think when our profiles got released, and one of the first text messages I got was from my college girlfriend, who I've discussed in brief on this podcast about how she was always kind of the

one that got away whatever whatever. Within maybe twenty minutes of the profile was being released, I think it was on the eighth hole or something like that. She texts me a snapshot of my profile and saying, so it looks like you got over me. Huh kind of low. How long? How long? We did a year? A little over a year in college when I was nineteen, So we've been apart for seven years, okay, but like it's been like going like, yeah, there's it was. But it

was just one of the first reactions that I had gotten. Like, obviously my friends and all that reacted and um, some of to your story. There was someone that worked for one of those news outlets like People E whatever, it was us Weekly that reached out to like fifty of

my friends. And every single time that she reached out to one of my friends, they would obviously send me a screenshot and say like, Hey, this person is reaching out to me asking me questions about you, like hey, how do you know Dean, how is he as a person? Blah blah blah blah blah. And I was like, that's just really weird that people are asking my friends about

me that don't know them. I remember being on Facebook and remembering the scene the first like thread about me, and it was like Jarard's on the Bachelor, and it was always people I knew from high school. It was so weird for people just to be talking about me

without me involved in the conversation. That was as experience that I ever had about any type of my mind was mine was unique because I went on live TV right and so everyone and then I had I had no way of seeing the reaction afterwards because they still had they had my phone. I couldn't get on my email anything like that, and so I remember the first time that I was able to get on my Facebook

page was just before my hometown. We were hungover. We're staying over in a hotel in Los Angeles before the hometowns, you know how that works. And I remember like at this point it was me in the final four, but like I was just accompanied by my one producer that I was working closely with, and so I was like, hey, like I'm gonna go down to the pool and just like relax for a little bit. She's like, all right, fine,

I'm gonna stay up here. So obviously, like the first thing I did my first second of being alone in two months is I go to the computer, get on my Facebook page, and I see just like a hundred and fifty wall posts of Oh my god, I can't believe Dean did this and is on TV and said this to Rachel and now he's in a track to find love, and like people were like reaching out to my brother, and my brother was like saying funny stuff,

like like complimentary and like encouraging stuff. But it was always just like you said, it's funny to see people talking about you without you being part of the conversation. I remember your opening line, yes, and what was your opening line again, which I think that we can all look back and laugh at now. But I think it's funny. I said, Rachel, I want to go black and never go back. Yeah. And then I think there's a lot

of people that were like, is Dean racist? And then my brother came out and said, my brother is the nicest person in the world. I think him and Rachel would make an incredible couple together, because I think a lot of people were reaching out to my brother being like, hey, is your brother racist? And my brother is obviously like, oh, he's not hot, he's just he was joking the whole

premise of the season. It was the first black lead on one of those shows that was a big deal, and I think, oh, you're doing is referencing that right that exactly. It's not like ABC wasn't referencing that. They sure were. One of the lines that I is a pet peeve of mine that I don't like is I don't see color. It's like, no, I see color. It's just how you treat everybody. You treat everybody equally as a human being, like I see color. So like just uh remark like that. I've always taken it's a joke

and it's fine. But that was I remember now. I remember that was now, and it's all coming back to me seeing you on my TV and being like, that's right, like that before you even knew me, dude, I was loved man when I got to the limo. I don't know if you even want you your Superman shirt the other day and you said something about love man, and I was gonna text you and be like, what the hell is love man? Dean? I am love ben um.

So when I got out of the limo, I had a shirt made for me, a blue shirt with like the Superman symbol, but instead of an S, it was

an L for love man. And what I was you know, obviously it was a collaboration, you know, to come up with that idea to figure out what I was gonna do a limo, and somebody suggested maybe you should like jump out of the limo and rip your shirt open and run up to Brittain Caitlin and and say that your love man, and you're here to like rescue them from the other evil bachelors that are trying to steal their heart. And I was like, there is no I

cannot do that. I can't come out of the gate so strong with your affection and infatuation with and just cheesiness. Well but that is kind of who you are, but you can't be like that. So what I ultimately did was walked out of the limo, introduced myself to both women and then said that I have this alter ego, I have this other side of me, and he represents um humility and care and love and support. And there

it is. Eastern's bringing up a picture right now that was that that was in Providence, Rhode Island, that I filmed in front of the State House ums. That shirt was made at the side of the Providence placed mall on the stairs next to Prenaire bread on one of the producers on his hands and knees, coloring in this red heart over this white T shirt. Mind you, this was February, so it's like twenty degrees outside and I'm just in this T shirt and these gym shorts that

they bought for me, which was apparently my superhero outfit. Um, and then that continued into the limo entrance as well, so cringing pretty harder. Dude, it was, Dude, is so bad. It was so bad. And I remember like I had unbuttoned my shirt and show them the l and I was like, I had the shirt made for me, thank god. Though in the opening they really just kind of like through that, and then it just everybody forgot about it.

I think the whole, the whole, we started this conversation talking about Blake and Jason kind it's all about us, really, it's all about us. Well, guys, definitely check out Blake and Jason's podcast that we record in Vegas. But I guess the point that we were making was because you said when you when you were announced, you were getting your blood work done for Paradise. Yeah, and they obviously

did not go to Paradise. So I think which almost helps, uh, kind of like what's the word I'm looking for, Like when you into the world a little bit better because when you go to Paradise, as you know, your first season, you're in Paradise all your season is airing, and so you don't necessarily fully grasp the idea of how it all works, at least I didn't personally, um, And so it's nice for them they can kind of, you know,

enjoy it for the next year. You know, maybe you want to be the Bachelor, maybe you want to go to Paradise, but at that point they'll have at least lived it and enjoyed it and kind of know what to expect more forward. It's also interesting for the audience because it's probably a lot of people don't know this, but you don't get to watch your season of The Bachelorette before you go on Paradise. Like for the girls going to Paradise, they've seen their entire season to the

Bachelor's unfair. I've talked about this before. I think, do you think it helps or hurts the guys to not see themselves what the audience reaction is towards them hurts for But I also do think that some guys manifest this not edit, but like, if you come across as the nicest guy alive on TV, then all of a sudden, you're gonna try to cater to that and not be yourself. I absolutely with that. And then reversal, if you come off like a douche, you're gonna do everything you can

to try to shake that. You think, probably why not unless you really just want to own it like some guys have in the past. I guess there are people that have gone in, been edited certainly way come out and then just embody that lifestyle moving forward. But I

definitely think that. I think I was talking to Christine about this because it's like you go on the Bachelor and then you have like five months off until paradise, and as going on the Bachelorette, you film it boom quickly two or three week break paradise, and it's like a lot to like even just process emotionally. And then on top of that, you also don't understand exactly how the public is going to like perceive you unless your grocery store Joe and then you go home night one,

but you're still just an absolute rock star. Sure, because most of the people that are memorable from the Bachelorette are usually you know, top six, so he's definitely an anomaly. For sure, you don't get to see your entire bachelorette experience before you go to Paradise, but grocery store, that's a great point. I got to see that. I will say I thought that I was going to be I didn't think that I was gonna be very well received

by everyone. Why did you think that? I just had no idea, Like I was like, okay, like their goal is to make us all look bad. Um, I had honestly no idea. And then even like my hometown, I was like, it was the weirdest hometown ever. Like they're gonna do whatever they can to make it look as

bad off for me as possible. I felt like, but obviously they didn't necessarily In like my first one on one when I opened up about my whole experience and stuff, I was like, Oh, everyone's gonna give me crap for that, But I mean, obviously not so much the case. So so it's like, even if you go into Paradise with

an idea, you never fully know. So, like I said, Jason and Blake, if they decided to Paradise or if one's the Bachelor, at some point, like they'll have lived out their airtime on TV and fully really know what they're going into a second time instead of just kind of going and blind and like an understanding of how it works, but not how it's going to be received.

That's my take on it. And so, yeah, so like to hear about how their dating life is going now outside of the show is a unique experience because, like you said, you went to Paradise immediately following I don't remember how your first Paradise went. Did you didn't leave in a relationship, did you? No? No? No, No No? I left alone, So I was there for it was pretty much probably the same dude I left the day before the road ceremony going into was that the controversial one

of U Kayla? And actually was so who did you? I don't alone? No, I didn't have. I only was with Ashley, really, and then I want to date with Claire. There's other girl there, Um right, that's right, Yeah, of course you know Claire. Claire's great, she's a sweetheart. Um. On Paradise season two, it was really just Ashley and I. And then that's why we became really good friends during filming, but not into a relationship. And then I left by myself, and then Ashley left the next day. But you weren't

dating actually after the show or anything like that. No, no, no no, we started becoming close in October of that year are are We had a charity event together and then I saw her and we started hanging out. And then that's when we become you know, it started. I started realizing that we were going to become close in one way or another. I guess my experience with it was I went off Paradise and and I continued to date from Paradise, you know what I mean. So it's

like I didn't necessarily come off the show. I came off the show The Bachelorette more single than ever. This actually brings up a question of mine that I wanted to ask you. Within relationships. You said that you continue dating right afterwards, not even your personal experience, but just dating.

Anybody listening and can relate to this. If you're in a relationship that's not going well, do you advocate taking a break and cutting off communication or do you advocate trying to fight through it and continue dating that person? I think, because like I heard a story yesterday where this girl's dating this guy. They they've been on and off for three years. It's not really going that well

right now, but they're best friends. They lived together, and I was saying, you know, sometimes the best thing is really caught off communication and figure out if you can live without this person, because a lot of times, you know, you take a break from somebody and then you realize, oh my god, I can't live without this. Everything that I was complaining about I overrated in my head because it's so small compared to my life without you. I

think relationships are like farts. If you have to force it, it's probably and an on and off again, an on and off again relationship after three years, it sounds like you're about to your pants. So you would advocate cutting off all communication. In my opinion, it's there are definitely certain circumstances where you become rare reliant on each other, and that's important. But in my opinion, it's like relationships do take work, and then is necessary to put work

into them, but it's not constant. If like, if you're constantly like having to remind yourself how important relationship is, and maybe it just isn't meant to be. Yeah, I would also say I I jump off that. Sure it may not meant to be, but I think you really it's I don't think you can know that until you

let it go, if that makes any sense. For example, I think I heard something about like Justin bal They were dating for like three years and then they broke up, and then two months later, Justin was like, I cannot live my life without you, which apparently is what mirrors is all about. Like Jessica Biel is his mirror, Like he can't just not look at himself without seeing her. I don't know what, but actually we should bring the guest here, all right, hold on one second before we

get to Lacy. I want to talk about something that's very close to my heart right now, because I actually just watched the creed To trailer and it made me really want to get back into the gym because I saw um Michael be joining with the shirt off and realized that I really need to start working out again. So what I've been doing, and Dean, you've been talking

about this a lot as well, is beach Body on Demand. Now, you guys, you've heard us talking about beach Body on Demand for a while have you gotten your free trial yet? Because listen, it has the history of success. This is the company behind pet Insanity, one Day Fix. You have the Hip Hop Abs, which is Dean's favorite obviously, the

three week Yoga Retreat, which is my favorite. You guys have celebrity trainers on there, like Shanty We've talked about all the time, but also I love Autumn Calabres and now she's the one behind the twenty one day Fixed, which I kind of currently need. You guys might not know this or not, and we mentioned it a little bit, but I'm actually doing chipping Dale's in early December. Tory, how do you feel that as a female actually is not here you would you want your significant other being

shipping deals even if you're in the audience. I think it's all about like personality for me, Like if you're going and being like the sexiest man ever, it's like you can you need that confidence, but like I wanted to also be like fun, you know what I mean, Like if you're going in and being oh, totally I'm not going in trying to be sexy. I'm totally going Yeah, That's where I would like if he was like dead serious, being like I'm going to be the best of my career.

This is my life, is my identity. I'd be like, okay, maybe like you're have a great body. No, I don't plan on waxing my chest or anything like that, but I do want to get a dance routine going and like gray tan to uh you know, I've actually gone back and forth about a spray tan because I don't want to be, you know, rip off my shirt and have everybody be blinded by bad paleness. But they can add ads. Well, apparently it's like more like baby a right,

ads like an extra line. I got that from neighbors too. That's what zach Efron said, So it's gotta be true obviously. Well, beach Bondy on Demand, I'm definitely doing for that. But also, Beach Bondy on Demand doesn't do just workouts. They do well. They do a lot of different fitness level stuff. They go bodybuilding, they do weight training, they do cardio, and guess what they do dance workouts, which is exactly what I need right now. I need some like Backstreet Poison

in sync in my life. The good thing about Beach Body and Demand is you can pretty much schedule your workout whenever you want. You could be as short as ten minutes, it could be the long as two hours. You don't need any extra equipment. Um and it takes way less time than driving to the gym, especially in this l a traffic parking than walking in That takes me like forty five minutes alone to drive to a gym and get in there. You lose a validation ticket.

That's exactly you got a parking ticket because you're tired of looking for parkeet spots, so you just take a risk. That's the worst. I hate parking tickets. A little bit of my soul dies each time I do. UM. So listen, guys, if you're listening to this right now, you can try beach Body on demand for absolutely free. You're joining the over one million people that are currently using this, so you guys can get a special free child membership. When you text Dean D e a and to thirty thirty

thirty Dean, I know you love that you look. He loves hearing his own name. Remember that's Dean D e a and to thirty thirty thirty, you get full access to the entire platform for free, all the workouts and nutrition information support. It's all totally free. Guys, once again, d E D E A and text Dean to thirty thirty thirty get beach Body on demand now. So we have a Lacey Green who is a YouTube sex sperked

is what I'm gonna label her as. She's also um, very heavy and women's rights, uh strong, feminist, all that kind of stuff. I've seen a couple of YouTube videos. I don't know if you guys have as well. They're they're definitely very interesting. I have, like I think the one that I was watching before I came here was

what was it? It was like eight tips for having great sex, and I was like listening to it in my house and I was like tips to just use the tips and I was like, I was like listening to my house, and I was like, I kind of put my roommates aren't here, because if they hear me listening to this, they're gonna be like, Dean is probably sucks at sex via YouTube video. Just you know, you're just gaining knowledge in that world. So everyone please give a Lacey Green a warm welcome. How are you hey, Lacy?

How are you very good? Thank you so much for joining us. Yeah, happy to be here. Yeah, So, like I was just saying, I was just watching some of your YouTube videos before coming in, and they're interesting, Like, there's definitely a lot to be learned from them. I think that they range from being like opinionated subjective things to obviously very objective, like these are not just opinions, these are facts of matter, which is great. Yeah, there's a little grab bag in there. Right, When did you

watch the fact ones? I watched your like most three highly viewed ones. It was help me pull them up. It was one of them was like the herpie talk, which again is more objective than singular herpie just the one um. One of them was eight tips to having better sex or something like that. Right, that sounds about right. And then what's your most popular one? Has like six

million views on YouTube? Well, last I checked, it was there was one about nudism that was really popular, but I haven't actually checked for a while, so I don't know. So lets tell us a little bit about yourself, Like where did you get started? How did you start this YouTube channel? Uh? Well, the long story short is that I was raised really religious and did not talk about

sex or anything like that. And this was around the time that YouTube became a thing, and um started making videos trying to talk to other teenagers about sexuality and eventually decided to become a sex educator. And then came the Herpie video. Then came the Herpie video. Social media was a mistake was one that I watched as well, But that was more. That was one of your more recent ones. I'm sorry, I was gonna say, so, how

did you become a sex professional? A professional? Well? Yeah, you said, and what did you describe yourself as a sex educator? Is professional? Though those are both pretty good, I'm not I thought you're a sexpert, which I'm sure you've gotten before. To have gotten that, Yeah, I honestly don't like the expert thing because I feel like, what does that even mean to be an expert at sex stuff? But can there be an expert at sex stuff? In your opinion how to help it? Got to go with yes, okay,

but but it depends on who the person is. You can be an expert with a particular person, right, like you know your partner so well of course that you're just an expert on it. But I don't think like the world of sex has experts because there's so much sexuality. Don't think there's one person that single sex expert in the world. Okay, I agree with you, there's definitely not yea what Okay? So I just figured out it was consent.

It was the herpie talk, and then it was the eight ways to make a woman orgasm or the three and I am so much more educated because those are the only ones you need. Right. I don't know what I'm gonna be able to put them for the work to the test, but I'm looking forward to it. Well, I'm going to need an update with that it goes, So, I see, what do you think the most important part of sex is? Um? I think communication. You know a lot of people talk about how important it is to communicate.

I think there's a lot of communicating about communicating, but people don't actually do it. They don't actually talk about it.

It's hard. People don't really have the language. So you're saying that people talk about communicating, but then they actually just don't fall through with it, right, Like everyone says, oh, you know, I think it's really important to have open communication in our relationship, but then you know everyone's like ghosting and being weird, and it's like, this is what everyone's Everyone understands it's important, but I think actually doing is rarer. Well, I'm I'm pertaining just with sex, not

just relationship. I think she's I'm talking about second Yeah, totally, yeah, because how else do you know how to turn your partner on? Or of course, so would that be like a good example of a nice question to start off with, not start off with, but once you get into it with your partner, to be like, what do you like?

And then to express what you like as well. Yeah. Yeah, I think asking someone what feels good and just kind of like taking some time to explore and get to know their body and get to know, you know, pay attention to their reactions to things, take it slow, just kind of you know, do some exploring and figure it out what works for them and take it from there.

Sometimes people don't know what they like until you try it, you know, so you can ask someone and that can be valuable, especially if you're a little older and more experienced. But I think it helps to just kind of figure it out together too. I mean, that was one of the things that I was watching your videos and I was like, well, that just seems awkward to me that

I was going to ask that. I feel like a lot of guys are probably a little awkward and in saying what they do like and and conversely asking what a girl likes, because I if I had to bet, I bet a lot of guys would feel like, no, I know what I'm doing. I know how to please you, so like, I don't need you to tell me what you like because you're gonna like this, what's that toxic

masculine that you've talked about before? Total? But I think in that consent video you say something along the lines of, um oh, I just had the strain of thought and I can't remember what it is, but I remember I was watching it and I agree with so much of it. But then I was like, well, how do you continue to keep the mood passionate? I guess in a sense while you're also kind of like breaking it up with questions that with the consent stuff, well as so much

with the consent and stuff, but just in general like communication. Yeah, but that's it's just dirty talk, yeah, which I'm admittedly horror like, not a big advocate. I'm at it. I'm not interested in it be and I don't know. Yeah, but that's fair enough for me I think of it. I think it's less awkward or weird when you think

of it as dirty talk. And also it's okay, it's a little awkward at first that you're just getting to know so one, you know, and getting to know what they like and trying to figure out what the boundaries are here, and maybe it's like a little bit uncomfortable at first, but it'll be fine. I've just started to open up with like moans and grunts, but I've never once had like an English word. Okay, really starting at the beginning, I'm working up to it. Okay, do you

start laughing if dirty talk starts occurring? Snicker under your breath, because like it's just it's kind of like an eye roll thing for me, where like someone tries talking dirty to me. I'm like, okay, let's let's bring ourselves back down to earth for a second here. Sure, Well, there's different kinds, right There's like the porty dirty talk, and then there's the let's talk about sex right now without it being weird and clinical dirty talk. So I feel

like there's maybe different type. You give us an example of weird and clinical. Um, do you need more lubrication? Yeah? You know no, but I mean yes kind of do you need more lubrications you can make it dirty like the lube. Interesting what I was gonna say, Oh, because you brought up porn, do you think porns are in sex ruined sex? It's like a strong statement. It is a strong statement, but I think a lot of people would argue it really Russell Russell brand is very against porn.

I think that we are seeing like a moment right now are people are rethinking porn, Like it became super popular because of the Internet, and now it's so pervasive that nine year olds it's like the average age the kids are seeing it. Not really Yeah, it's like a little much right in porn, Like just it's escalated. I feel like I don't think that's it's ruined sex necessarily, but it's definitely changed how people think about sex and has maybe made people worse at having sex because they

just follow porn and porn sex is bad. It's like, well, it's just very down to the point, you know, it's like very formulate. I think one thing that porn has definitely ruined in terms in the in the sex world is when a guy watches porn, he watches it until he gets what he needs to get from it. And when a guy, when you carry that same thought process over to sex with your partner, I don't think that's necessarily a successful way to go about you know, that's

a very unsuccessful way. I mean, I hear about it from their girlfriends then email me like, my boyfriend won't get me off. He thinks sex ends when he's done. Yeah, and that's a really common thing. I think that started before porn though you think, Yeah, I think we just sort of think of sex like like having sex through

a really male perspective. Yeah, no, I agree. And I also think that porn has like, like you said, nine year olds are seeing naked women now, yeah, and so by the time they become twenty, they're like, yeah, I've seen this plenty of times. Like there's actually I was reading an article about this non epidemic. That's the dramatic. I don't think that's a necessarily bad thing at all. What I'm saying is, though, no guys are choosing to watch porn over having sex with women. Yeah, that's happening.

I don't know how widespread it is, but I definitely hear from guys who preferred to just stay home and masturbate. That is cold be a safer way of going about things. It is, but it's also no sexual deviance thrown and around might be ruining the human spirit. Yeah, you know there there was a study that was reading the other day about how our age group is having less sex than any generation in sixty years. Wow, why do you

think that is? Well, you know, I was asking about that on Twitter and people are like, well, it's got to be the porn, right, and they it isn't actually the porn. They think it's related to some mixture of stress, like the economic situation right now and antidepressants, a lot of people using antidepressants. Well, there's actually a really interesting video that I watched on YouTube not too long ago about this, and I'm going to butcher the information that

was given in it. But as the world progresses and evolves, because our society is now like first world and there's more progressive first world societies, that inherently means that they're gonna be less children being born when before if if you have six kids, for them are probably gonna die, which means you need to have more kids to continue to live your let your family. Yeah, totally like we

have more success with our off spirits. But and like, obviously that doesn't carry over to everyone, but generally, like as that's blanketed over the entire nation or group of people, then it kind of is like, Okay, we have to have less kids to let them all live. Then we don't need a birth six to seven children, you know what I mean? Yeah, it's okay to have Maybe it's

okay to have less sex and fewer babies. Maybe that's what I'm making Maybe it's I'm thinking of less babies and not less sex, which I'm sure it's different less babies I would agree with that. Is it also the case that because all of the communication with young people today is being done texting and through social media and and looking at porn, they don't really know how to interact with each other, and therefore they're not able to

close the deal one way or the other. Not only do they not know how to, there's no need to. You're communicating online and having virtual sex online. What is the point of going out and trying to meet a girl because then you can just it's beels better. Of course it does. But to a lot of these kids that have grown up with this internet age, it's just the way life is, and it feels really good it. Yeah.

I think that as they get older, though, people realize that there is so much that you get from a relationship and from sex with real people that you care about. I'm curious though, because I wonder because usually, especially now in this age, you know, men and women are going through their formative years discovering this. I wonder if it's going to be impactful when they do get older in their mid to late twenties, and like Mark said, he's they're like, I don't know what to do. What are

you talking about? I think that's already happening with Look at online dating. It's an absolute mess. People cannot navigate that stuff. It's really do you help give advice on online dating? Yeah, all the time, because people the problem is the culture, like all everyone together is so bad that it's not really something that you can just tell one person, like here's what you need to change. It's

acceptable to ghost people. It's acceptable to be like weird and creepy and pervy and harass e because they're not real any consequences. Yeah, Or to just treat someone as like a hook up, like you know, I'm here to just have sex and you know, call it quits without actually communicating that to the other persons. You have different expectations. It's just all kinds of stuff that's coming up because

of the Internet. Yeah, there was somebody actually on the help I Suck a dating Facebook group which if you're not on you should join immediately, um that talks about that, And he was asking advice about online dating and he said that he just can't get dates right now, and you know, he feels like it's a good looking guy and the profile picture is good, and he spent time on his bio and he was asking, like, what can

I do? And so I think, like you said, it's not so much him, it's more so of the culture of online dating. While I advocate it, there is certain negatives to it, which are what you just listed. That is acceptable to ghost people. It is acceptable to just treat it as well. This is just more of a hook up thing rather than an actually sex, dehumanizing sex exactly, which is what I was trying to refer to earlier when we were talking about porn, because I think porn

has dehumanized sex. Yeah, I would agree. I wanted to talk about antidepressants for a second, because you brought that up in terms of I forget boring people's sex drives, so contributing to people to our generation having less sex. And it's a proven scientific that, well, it's one of the bigger, more supportive theories, is that so many people are on antidepressants, and antidepressants usually kill your sex drive. It's same with birth control. You know, hormonal birth control

pills can do that as well. So there's all these hormonal things that we're putting in our bodies that are changing the way we experienced sex totally in our society has never been more medicated, so especially with antidepressants exactly. So, and do you think that there's anything that can be

done with that, because I'm not sure. Well, you know, as someone who's used antidepressants before, my suggestion is make sure that there's no you've exhausted all of your options of things that you can do to maintain your mental health before taking something that's going to bring this whole host of other side effects in that may cause more problems, but sometimes it's unavoidable, and you know, indidepressants can be

a lifesaver. So do you feel like we we ignore our visceral kind of needs often and once you kind of tap back into those, it can kind of help boost your sex drive again. And I think to your point earlier, like not too long ago, I was super stressed out and had incorredit like extreme amounts of anxiety that I knows myself, Like I just was unmotivated to go out and even meet anyone. My sex drive was

completely diminished. But like if you, I don't know personally, if you go back and like just reacquaint yourself with being outside and like the things that we evolved doing, you know, like being outside taking in sunlight. So often people wake up, go to go to work all day, get home and sit on the couch and like they have no exposure to sunlight. And it's just like like small things like that I think, in my opinion, can make a big difference that they're moving forward, like the

big picture of health. You know, I'm taking care of every other aspect of my health as well, and that makes it easier to want to have sex. The gym, I think that's real, yeah, and working out and taking care of yourself, and I think people forget that, and I think that's kind of the routine of life that becomes so difficult when people say time passes, you buy

so quickly. I think because like you said, Dean, it is go to my job, I come home, I cook from my kids, I go to bed, and I do the same thing, you know, Monday through Friday and then Saturday Sunday. So busy. I just forget to even take five minutes for myself. So I think it is very important for people out there to really, like you said, Dean, live in the moment. Make sure you're even if it's for five minutes, be present, go outside, do something that

you normally wouldn't do. Um, because it really can increase a lot of health in your life, not just physical health, but emotional health and mental health. Can you tell us more about this book you have coming out. Yeah, it's a sex book. It is out and yeah, oh it came out last week September two, actually came out today.

Well congratulations. Yeah. So what's the book called. It's called Sex Plus and it's kind of like an a to z of all things sex for younger people and older people, um and kind of figuring out how to have a great sex life. I would say, you know, there's lots of different, um things to think about when it comes to that, your body image obviously, your health and safety, your mental health, things like that. But do you know, like what's going on with your body and what feels

good and how to maximize your nerve endings? Uh, I'm trying to think of a nice clean way to say that. Um, do you know how to in a way that feels good? There we go, There we go. It's what I like it out that feels good for me? What about your partner? Though, everyone's got to be feeling good, all two, three, four people are. However, I do agree with that a lot. So give us maybe like a snippet of the book. Exactly is it like kind of those three segments? Is

a mental, physical and self love? Or like? Um? Well, it was partially written to be just sex said like the things you should have learned in school, and partially written to be like things you're not going to learn in school about sex and pleasure and what feels good? Orgasm ng, how to have an orgasm? How to give a partner an orgasm? How to talk about sex? You know? Language words? Those English words you're grasping for cuts, ideas, struggle, Yeah,

what are some of the words I'm curious. Um, you know, I feel like you should just read the chapter. It does always baffle me when I'll meet a woman late twenties or however old race, some a woman that's been sexually active in her life that says that she's never

had an orgasm. Because I feel like it's more and more prevalent now, it's more common in thin it blows my mind, Like and even like if I'm not a sexual partner with them and they're just like having a kind of conversation with me, I'm just like sitting there and thinking, like, how have you gone this long without having that experience? And maybe they are experiencing it and not realizing it because I don't everyone EXPERI is them differently,

that is true. But I feel like when you come, you know, so if she's saying she hasn't an orgasm, she probably hasn't. UM. But yeah, a lot of women don't. Really, we don't talk about women's pleasure, Like even in a sex said class, you know, they're talking about your vagina and like giving birth. It's not like pleasure based. We don't talk about pleasure, and especially for women, it's very taboo. So the way we think about sex is through that

male lens, like sex ends when he's done. Then I think women think about themselves in terms of how can I make my my man feel good instead of like what feels good for me? I want to change? Well, come on, I was a joke. What about what about? What about self love? And yeah, well that's also scary for a lot of women. Like where I grew up, you weren't. It was very taboo. You don't do that, Like girls don't do that. It's gross, Like that's something that ikey boys do. And I know so many young

women who do not master your bait. I feel like they're not supposed to. Yeah, because it's gross, it's weird. But I think that every woman should masturbate every day, multiple times a day, maybe like get to know what's going on, because that is the best way for you to connect with your body and what feels good. And if you feel uncomfortable just by yourself and can't orgasm by yourself, how are you gonna expect your partner to do that for you? You You know? So masturbation, I think

is actually a really great tool. It is so interesting how masturbation it's just completely different for the sexes, Like a male masturbating compared to a female, it's just like similar. Well, I just mean because it is like for female masturbating it is because I feel like you think you should have a vibrator to masturbate with. Well, I also think that for a female for an orgasm, for a female, it's a lot different than for a guy. Like what

do you mean exactly? It takes a long seconds really, yeah, but exactly, but a lot of females need to find out exactly how their body works. Were a guy. It just it's like, well, that felt good and that took eight seconds the first time, so like I'll just do that again. And so also think our image of the female is there's the candles lit, the nice music, and we're doing it just the same as guys. A lot of the time, I will say that the scales can tip at a certain point where, um, we look at

sex to the point of through male colored lenses. Whatever you however you want to play it, put it where once the mail is done, then the sex is over. But once that scale tips, a woman can have like eight orgasms during sex, well the males only having one.

And that's like only having one, Like, obviously, once the guy has one, he doesn't really want to need to have anymore because guys her factory period and women don't, right, And so that's kind of the interesting thing is a girl can go from having zero to having eight in one session, while like I will pretty much almost always go from zero to one zero. That's men can actually have multiple orgasms as well though, and I have like a tutorial in that book as well. Our guys can

come as many times as a woman. That is a real thing that happens that you can do. I would I would probably say that I've experienced that before I say the same thing. There's been times where, like, you know, you come to fruition and for some reason, it's just not going away, and you're like, this is I'm tired, but obviously you're not, so we're going to keep doing this. So it is interesting because I've I've experienced that. As

Do you recommend keegels for yeah, making men and women? Yeah? Yeah, for sures being the like clinching of your pelvic Yeah, that's how you stop the stream of p And when you do that, it makes it orgasm stronger for everyone, and it makes your staying a increase, right, Yeah, well you can hold back a little bit better as guy. I want to keep talking about personal experiences here, but I almost Um, so, what have you found that It's

probably been the most common question you've ever gotten? Um, well, beside the hat orgasm question that I get that from a lot from young women, um and my pregnant it is probably I get pregnancy scare emails probably twenty to

thirty times a week. Wow. Yeah, and uh it's usually people who understand, oh, you need to take birth control and you need to use a condom, but X y Z happened like oh the condom slipped off, or we think it might have popped, or I missed a pill or you know, things like that, and they're freaking out that they might be pregnant. Yeah. And I think the reason why I get so many of those is because they don't know who else to ask. Ye, what would

you say is your average demographic? Like? Age wise? It depends on the type of video, because you know, like you saw my channel. Sometimes I talk about more social issues stuff, um, that tends to be a older crowd, closer to my age, and then the sex stuff tends to be a slightly younger crowd, like the more explicit, like the feminist stuff is excuse older, and the sex stuff excuse a little bit younger. Yeah, yeah, I think so. Okay, your highest viewed video is that nudism one ten million views?

Is why do you think that that one took off? Let's let's think about that. Why do you think that one took off? I think I in that video, I have like my shoulders showing or something. You certainly do. They want to see the shoulder that's like the formula just got to like take my clothes off more, which kind of attis of what you preach? Well, the nudism, I would say, is perfectly in line with what I preached, because I think people should be comfortable with their body

and I don't think there's anything wrong being naked. I agree. So what do you what's your thoughts on nudism? I mean, they can watch the video, but just a very short Yeah, well, I don't even remember what I said that video so long ago, but I think the nudism is cool and interesting. I am not a nudist myself. I've been in some nudist space is and found it really awkward. Lacy is wearing clothes right now and just for our listeners to

know update. Um, but I think it's cool, like this idea that you can just if it's warm outside and you're at the beach and you just be naked. Who cares? I will do. The female body is much more beautiful than the male body nude. It's like that Seinfeld episode. Have you seen Jerry's like walking around Harry and the other obviously is beautiful and like well manicured, and she's trying to open the pickles. We don't have to go down that road, but it's fantastic. Um, So you think

people should just walking around dude? Huh? I mean that's not what I said. I just think that, you know, the taboo on nudity is kind of funny to me. It's literally just your body without clothes on. It's funny. It's crazy to think about how far away we've moved from the people that we evolved to be. Like, you know, you look back ten thousand years, which in the grand scheme of humans isn't that long. And we do think so so differently than we used to. Like we're fully

clothed at all times. We no longer see each other in the nude as often as we used to. Um, and it's just weird to think, like in such a short amount of time. But the way the other way, for a while people were wearing had their toil coverings at the beach and puritan times in oh yeah, sure, yeah. Yeah. It's sort of an interesting reflection of where a society is at right in terms of how they think about

your body and sexuality. Is it sexualized or not like countries which sexualized bodies more cover more like Middle Eastern countries, that kind of stuff. Yeah, you said you grew up pretty heavily religious. Are you still religious? No, not at all. Zero. Do you think that that part of that is because you were so it was so oversaturated as a younger person, that was probably why I started questioning it. But now it's not just like teenage rebellion. It's because I've arrived

at my conclusions. Okay, so you've arrived at your conclusions. But are you open for I don't like reinterpretation or anything like that. Yeah, yeah, I'm always open for new ideas and okay, yeah, but all of the ideas that I have chewed on, I've decided how feel about them. Right now, how do your parents feel about the occupation you've happened upon, Well, we don't really talk about it

that much, and that's that's what they know. Yeah. I mean for years when I was teaching and going all over the place talking about sex with young adults, we just did not acknowledge what I do. Now my mom acknowledges it. Like I think my mom is reading my book, which is yeah, yeah, that's great. Yeah, that's great, And I hope that she sees the value and then the importance of what you're doing for these young kids who, like you said earlier, sometimes I have nobody else to

talk to. Yeah, I hope so. But I think that they, you know, they have also come from really insulated environments, so they're dealing with all their own internal as well. Yeah it's weird. Um in uh sort of rural area outside of Sacramento. Yeah, just very red, very religious, very This is how we do things out here. And I love I love it out there. But the sex stuff not great. It wasn't good. Why do you think sex is such a taboo topic? Um, well, that is a

big question. I'm pretty sure there are libraries of books on that. I'm sure, but you know, just my ideas. Um, I think that controlling people's sexuality and controlling how they feel about their body is a very effective way to control masses of people, you know. And at one time maybe there was like some reason to do that to ensure that people didn't rape or there wasn't too much pregnancy or whatever disease. But we live in a different world now, you know, we have condoms and birth control

and things like that. I said, there's probably some religious derivatives of it as well as to why we think of it such a taboo totally. Well, yes, and that's ultimately what I'm getting at. The religion uses sex as a tool of control. Yeah, and fear um, which is sad. If you're scared of your own body, will dang, you have a lot of fears in this life. Then yeah, you know, it's pretty cool about you. Lazy? Is that Time magazine held you as one of the thirty most

influential people on the Internet. I feel like that was a lie. You think that's a lot so many people on the internet. Time Magazine does not lie, Okay, that's true. Appreciate we do appreciate the humility, at least I know I appreciate it. Love it, I want more of it. But at the same time, you were listed as one of the thirty people most influential people on the Internet. How does that make you feel? Uh, it felt pretty good. I also felt like it was a lie when that happened.

But you know, it's cool that there are mainstream outlets that can appreciate the need for open conversations about sex. That's kind of what I was going for. Yeah, I think that's ultimately what it was about. Like having had having been able to have such an influence on a conversation about sex online is really awesome, also terrifying. I love having this open dialogue about sex and learning more about yourself and being healthy. Um And one of the ways to actually do that, as you guys well know,

is doing the twenty three and me. Now, everybody has talked about this. I'm sure you guys have heard about it all the time. Twenty three and Me is a DNA testing service that can offer insights into your ancestry, health, wellness and traits. UM. So this includes on how your DNA can be influenced by your weight, sleep quality, caffeine intake, sense of taste, whether you're likely to be lactoast intolerant. There's a lot more than twenty three and Me can

tell you about yourself. It's really easy to do. You can simply spit into the two provided that's really actually um funny coming in this podcast. Um. But you can spit into the two provided into your twenty three and me kit and mail your saliva back into the lab to be analyzed. So there's a couple of different reports that you can do. You can do the bitter taste report uh and the sweet versus saliva reports. This this way so your DNA can play a role in determining

your food preferences. Really from me, either sweet to salty. I'm more of a sweet guy. I love chocolates and ice cream and dessert. So you guys more salty or sweet? Oh? Salty? Actually salty? Too sweet toletally right, it's just wait better. I can't. I don't even know why people choose salty. You guys all love these fruity things. It's all about like chips and salsach cover pretzels. Whoa chocolate cover pretzels be sweet or salty? I guess that's it's a little

bit of both. Oh man, there's nothing better than like her Hershey's chocolate from name telling you name dropping well. And not only can it do about sweet versus salty, but you can do also sleep reports, which is very important because everybody sleeps. UH. The Sleep Report tells you except for you too are unfortunately the sleep. The Deep Sleep Report tells you if you are more likely to

be an especially deep sleeper. UM. The Sleep Movement Report tells you how much you're likely to move during your sleep, which is a big thing, especially in a a couple of these days. And this is all based on your d n A. There's also a Saturated Fat and Weight Report that tells you, based on your genetics, how your weight might be affected and saturated fats in your diet. It offers tips on which food to watch out for. UH tells you you know if you should be trying to

eat less saturated fat fat. UM. The Lactose and Tolerance Report sheds insights into your genetics may affect your ability to design dairy products. Like there's so many reports in twenty three and me, it really tells you a lot about Not only does it tell you about your ancestry, but it also tells about your health, wellness and all that good stuff. So you can order twenty three and ME Health and Ancestry Service Kit at twenty three and

me dot com slash dean. That's d E A N that's the number twenty three and ME So to three A N D M E dot com slash dean. That's where you can get your kit to tell you all about this DNA testing service that offers insights into a lot of different factors of your life, not only just your background, but your health wellness, health, your health wellness

and uh, what you should eat in the future. I had a friend that did that, got her twenty three kit and she's adopted, so she wanted to know what her you know, I don't know what my gen neck background is. And not only did it tell her, it told her who her birth family is, like it gave her the names, so she was reunited with she's never met her birth parents and like she has like this whole extra family and it's been this beautiful thing. It's very cool, And that was from Wow. I seriously just

gave it to hers like a party favorite. Hey want do you wanna know how you go? Like and it's totally changed your life and that party favor may have become the biggest moment in her life. Yeah, it's it's wild wow, well definitely, Oh yeah, I was gonna say go check it out. Guys twenty three million dot com slash Dean, can you help me talk to Jared about and have him open up about a sex life? Me? Yeah, Well I think it's a yes. I think it's sex invention.

I think it's also very different because we know between two people, and the idea for me to talk about my sex life without my partner here, I think is wildly unfair. Well, but you don't have to like give specifics about your partner. You can just talk about your experiences in general. And I do do that. I speak

about my experiences in general. I just talked about how I've had the experience of having multiple um but and and then to further that, I think it's so hard, right because as a guy I've grown up, the gentleman thing is to not talk about kissing ladies. The gentleman thing is to not talk about your sex life. However, you don't want to be crossed. We don't want to

be crass. I don't want to be crass. However, this world forces you to do that, not even just from Dean and I being on this crazy show, but the transparency of the society that we live in today. It's very open. You kind of adapt or die, and so I struggle that without a lot where I want to be as open as possible, but there's still this little voice inside of me from my morals growing up, saying you should not be talking about this. Well, that's fair enough.

I think obviously everyone should only talk about the things that make them comfortable. But I think sometimes people just feel uncomfortable for reasons that they should question more. Yes, I agree that if anybody listening out here has any issues with a physical, intimate relationship with somebody, they should absolutely feel comfortable talking to somebody about that. I will say it might be a little more awkward for you because when you talk about having sex, we know who

you're talking about. You know who I'm talking about. And obviously her history has been wildly talked about from her seasons on the show, and so it's just come to a point now where it's something that I don't feel like I need to talk about. We're in a very happy, loving relationship that everything is going really well. The one thing I take away from this whole monologue is you don't feel comfortable talking about it because she's not here. So one of these days, I feel we're going to

bring actually in studio. I would feel a lot more comfortable with actually here because then we'd able we'd be able to talk about it together and express what we're comfortable talking about. You be willing to mediate a conversation like that, like is there a problem that's happening that you're concerned about? You just want the g Okay, I'm quitting. I've actually on that week. I don't know what week

it is, whatever I was sick. I promise you now, I'm more than happy to talk about certain things, of course, but it is for some reason. It's it's and Dean, I'm sure you will experience this as well once you are with somebody and in a committed relationship. No, no,

I don't mean it's a negative way. I mean no, no, I mean that I feel like you're going to feel the same way I do, where you're like you want to protect it, you want to protect some special once you guys share together, you want to kind of keep to yourself. Yeah, of course, not everything is meant to be shared, you know, so I'm very private too. I was gonna ask are people do people ask about your personal Yeah? They do a lot because you know, you

talk about sexuality online. They just kind of feel like, well, what about you know your experience is so and so, or they'll know my exes from like videos they've been in or whatever. And yeah, that's always been uncomfortable for me as well because I don't like to talk about it. I am fine talking about it openly, not on my channel, because I don't want it to become like this weird spectacle of like, oh, what's a sex educator sex life? Like I'm going to broadcast this weirdo. Do you find

it difficult to meet Why are you in a relationship now? Um, I'm going to refrain from me, and do you find it difficult to meet people romantically because of your platform? In your voice that you kind of have yes, yes, yeah, there's like a lot of weirdness with the sex sad stuff. Um,

I have found good relationships though still some online. So I'm just like around, it's weird because it makes it easier, but it makes it harder at the same time, right, Like if it allows the door to be open to more people, but it kind of closes the door on others as well. Yeah, because people think it's cool, so

that opens the door. But I think that there's like a humanist like, especially when I was younger and I was kind of like getting used to doing this stuff publicly, people would be really invasive and I didn't know how to assert my boundaries. And also people would just be weird and creepy about it. Like dudes would be weird and creepy. You know. You go out and they're like,

so what do you do? And it's like, well, I don't want to tell you because you're already given me a weird vibe, you know, and then you tell of it. It's an even Well, because I talked about this last

week a little bit. Um, I've got on a few dates lately, and one of the girls, I guess, the girl that I went on a few dates with, said something along the lines of, because your life is so public, I find myself closing off because I'm concerned about like how public my life would potentially be if we were to enter into a relationship together and keep it private though if you want to, That's what I said. I was like, of course, I would never do anything to

disrespect your boundaries. But it was the first time I had heard, um someone say that's you know, obviously lived life more privately than I have over the past year say that your life your your life's publicness is a turn off to me emotionally. It's kind of a weird thing to hear. So I was curious if you've experienced it as well. It sounds like you may have, Yeah, a little bit, but I mean, no one said that to me, But I have felt that way when I've

dated other YouTubers and stuff. I've just been like, this is not I don't like. I don't like the publicity because I am a pretty private person. Like all told, it's weird you've dated other people from the YouTube space as well, but as well as private like more priv it people. Yeah, yeah, and I don't like the public It's exactly last last week, like, it's it's hard for me to imagine dating someone else from Bachelor because of the publicity, and like the pressure that gets put on

it because of that. Yeah, you know what I mean. It totally has a huge effect on every bit of context in the relationship, you know, and if you already inherently suck at dating, and then there's all this pressure to then be good. Dean, you don't suck at dating, but I'm gonna keep saying it so you can keep telling me I don't. Okay, I appreciated. What makes you think you suck at dating? Uh, well, I'm single, but doesn't mean you suck at dating. And truthfully, I think

that everybody kind of sucks at dating. I don't know, that's what I think. Really, yeah, everyone well, like for example, relating to each other. For example, you said earlier that you don't find that there is a sex expert. There might be a sex expert with your partner where you know their body in and out, but there's not one person that can make everybody happy. Similar to dating. We're like, if you don't say you suck at dating, you're pretty much saying, well, I can go on any date with

any person and it's going to be great effect. But maybe that's just the the idea I have in my head. I see what you're saying where it's like, sure, we don't maybe we don't suck as nobody would say they're great at dating either, because I think that would be very similar to your argument earlier. Yeah, no, I hear what you're saying. When I think someone's good at dating, to me, that means someone is comfortable being in a new context and situations with someone they don't know very well.

It's comfortable with themselves and doesn't feel overly self conscious, and it's maybe good at having conversation right, conversation going, but that metric, I think I'd be pretty good at it.

But that's what it is, right. But I think my issue when it comes to dating and kind of the I guess the notorious or infamous reputation that helped spin this podcast off is I do a bad job of communicating the negative feelings that I have right and to upset something I don't like, Yes, exactly, I don't like

to upset people. And when it comes to that point when it's necessary to upset someone because in the long term it's better for everyone involved, I have in the past, and I've been working on it and getting better at it, but in the past I have avoided that conversation. And I also think that dating for us is more of a big encompassing definition, not just like going on a date with somebody, but relationships, marriage, knowing the opposite sex or the same sex, just like relating to the idea

of the dating spectrum. Yeah, I see what you're saying. I see what you're saying. Well, okay, I guess if that's how you're defining it right, No one's good at dating explain it relative. Anyways. Are there any final thoughts or words for the listeners? Uh? No, you guys are so cool. Thanks for having me. This is a fun chat. You hear that everyone Lacy thinks Jared and I are cool. Yes, and I've never been happy. That's too. I think we're cool,

and Tori, who's passively sitting over in the corner, does not. Anyways, Lacy, be sure to check out I guess everyone that's listening. Be sure check out Lacey's book, which hit shelves today September twenty. It's called Sex Plus Learning, Loving and Enjoying your Body. Be sure to check out her YouTube channel, which is just Lacey Green Um. Be sure to follow

on Instagram Lacy Green. We we don't hate so we do hate social media, but still it allows you to have a voice that shared with millions of people, which is always fantastic. That's true. Social media has its upsides, I will admit, um, thank you so much for joining us. This was fun. I always love conversations that start one place and and somewhere completely different, like we would loll

X to religion to whatever. Um. So yeah, hopefully we can have you back with actually and Jared in studio at the same time for the sex prevention sing coming on. Thanks guys. Yeah, Lacy offers a lot of help on YouTube, and there's a lot of channel on YouTube that can offer a lot of advice or help. But there's other places online that you can get help from. One of them that we're gonna talk about right now. Dean, you've been very vocal about seeing a therapist. UH is a

company called talk Space now. Talk Space is an online therapy company that lets you message a license therapist from anywhere at any time. All you need is your computer with the Internet connection or the talk Space mobile app. UM. And this is a way that you can prove your mental health even if you had trouble making it making the time for it, really, because there's a lot of times there's a lot of people out there with very

busy schedules that are unable to go see a therapist. UM. And so this makes it a little bit easier for somebody who is very busy to get the attention that they need UM and help they need. So talk Space is an easy way sending a therapist a message, you can get something or if your chest. Whenever you need to. You can talk about everyday challenges at work or at home. I think we can all relate to that. UM, you can really just chat about life if you just want

to talk to somebody. There are no extra commutes, there's no leaving in the office, and the best part is there's no judgment. UM. You know, you have to remember to that therapy isn't just about venting your innermost thoughts are digging into childhood memories. It's talks about about practical everyday strategies for stress management, living a happier life. You know, there's a lot of stress in this world that could be caused from work, UM, problems at home. You know,

it doesn't have to stem from you know, childhood. UM. So having a therapist SIMPLI provides you a designated person for you to talk to, and that's what talk Space provides to you. UM and all their therapists are licensed therapists. You can message them at any time and they help you make positive changes to your life. Uh. The talk space platform has over two thousand licensed therapists who are experienced and addressing life changes that every one of us

face on a daily basis. Uh, they match you with the perfect therapist for a fraction of the price for that traditional therapy will cost you. So not only is it easy and nvenient, but it is also cheaper. So what you can do is you can go to talk space dot com slash Dean and you can use the same code Dean to get forty five dollars off your first month. So if you really want to talk to somebody but you just don't have the time or even the funds to do it, go to talk space. Check

it out. They have licensed therapists, over two thousand of them that will respond very quickly to whatever you need. Just go to talk space dot com slash team. And then yet again, if you want forty five dollars off your first month, use code Dean d e A. And anyways, Lacey Green is just a wonderful human being. She's a lot more normal, Like she's not abnormal inner YouTube videos, but you know, I feel like on YouTube videos have to bring a high energy and like you're happy and

all that kind of stuff. That's one reason why I can never ever be a YouTuber because I can't do that quite as well. But she was great. She's great, down earth, personable, very knowledgeable within the sex world. Yeah, it's great to her. Yeah, No, I'm glad. It's it's always taboo to talk about sex. It's really nice to have somebody come in and be so open about it, and then that makes conversely all of us in studio a little bit more open about it as well. The

facilitation of the conversation is helpful. All Right, we're gonna get into some emails next. Um, I think we're only gonna take one or two this week, but we're gonna have Eastern freedom and jump right into it East in that wonderful voice of yours. Yeah, the velvety, docile tones of thank you for the opportunity. Uh. This first one is from page My question is if any of you would consider dating someone who is a fan of the

show you're on. My argument for saying yes is that you go on the show to meet someone you would never have met until the show. Most of these people live in different States, so you probably wouldn't even know they existed. Take it from a viewer's perspective, they would never know someone existed if they never saw them on the show. It's like the show is a mutual friend

and you met them through that. It's interesting. Obviously, some people suck and they would want to hit date or hang out for the social media likes, but there actually might be people out there that would trying to make a move if you weren't on the show and happened to be at the same bar. I am a viewer slash listener, so I would love for your answer to be yes, but I understand why it could be no. I will say we talked about this a little bit on the last week's episode after Pool, and most of

us it sounded like we're pretty much against that. But now that I think now, like she puts it into perspective, right, you're meeting people that you wouldn't have been able to meet otherwise. I would say that, like there if someone came up to me at a bar and they're like, hey, I saw you on the show, I want to buy you a drink or go on a date with you, whatever it is, and I was like feeling good about it.

I don't think I would immediately discount it, I said, so, I said last week that maybe I would like it's it's it's not ideal, but it still is a possibility. Yeah, I think it all depends on how they people approach you, whether they're a fan of the show or not, or whether they know who you are or they don't. It's if they come up to you and say, hey, you know, I know you from the show. You seem really cool. I'd love to buy you a drink sometime. I think

you'd be fine with that. And now, granted they came up and we're like, oh my god, Dave, Dad, I love you so much, please please please take me on a day, please marry me, then you might be a little bit more apprehensive. And to her point as well, it's it's you meet a lot more people after going on and so for you to immediately discount all of those people that you would potentially have met or meet after the fact is maybe doing yourself a disservice dis justice.

So yeah, so I guess to her point, it's always possible. But to Jared's point, don't do the whole Oh my god, oh my god, Oh my god, Oh my god. If they come up and they fan girl, which I'm sure you've had many experiences with, it's probably not a turn on.

It's not like they only want to talk about the show, like you know, like exactly and then they start now it granted, I will say, for a date, it is a topic of conversation for the simple fact it's such a foreign experience everybody, how do you not talk about it?

But there is a limit that needs to be drawn, Like I maybe have experienced it to a small amount, but I know, um so my friends who have also been on the show have kind of invented to me about how they went on a date with a beautiful girl who they are really interested in, and then how the entire conversation for an hour and a half revolved around being on the television show. Which some guys like that a lot more than others, you know, like some guys love talking about being on TV for the two

months that they were on it. But for me personally, I would I tried to avoid it as much as I can not because I'm like disgraced by the things that I did on Paradise or anythink that, But just because it was an experience and it's happened a year ago. It's not your whole identity exactly. And I don't define myself by being on Bachelor. And it's such a personal experience that is broadcasting to so many people. It's really difficult to revisit and then have to express all those

feelings and emotions again. Um, but let me ask you something that I'm curious about. Would you I think here's the thing. I think it's probably less attractive for somebody who does know who you are, who just tries to lie about it and avoid it. I've had people that say, oh, I don't watch the show. I don't watch the show, and then they'll make points that they only would have known by watching the show, and it's like, well, which

is it? Um, so that point. Yeah that it definitely is unattractive, but it's sometimes it can be nice because I feel like a lot of the things that I experienced maybe didn't necessarily get broadcasted, and so it's like a nice way to kind of put things into perspective. Um, but yeah, I can answer the question. It's not a not a deal breaker. I had a buddy who went on the Prices right, and one a crock pot shaped like a basketball, and then he got you know, booted off.

But that was his whole identity for a long time. So anyone wanted to talk about if I felt so bad for him? Did you ever eat out of the crock pot? Uh? Yeah, I mean everyone knew he was cooking in it. You know what he did. We made some stuff in it. Brings on campionships with him. Yeah. Are people randomly selected in the presses? Right? Yeah? It was the audience selected beforehand, but then they make it look random. I think so. So he knew he was going to be up there before he sat down in

that seat. I probably. I think they have like ten people that they had kind of up there, and then like they choose like four of them or five of them. However, then it is yeah, Tory seems to know. Yeah, Tory, you're waving your hands back there. Uh well, I just know that. So you like interview before and a lot of people like always try to like kind of you

don't like sell your story. But like one of my friends on it, she was like, I work at Disneyland and Minimouth and they like ate that up and they were like, so if you like stand out and like have a cool thing. Then they're like yeah, then like that's cool, Like let's highlight you. You know, dude, we should told that. I was like I was in the

audience on Ellen and they were so jealous. It was actually add did it twice and then I was Ellen, but no big deal and dropping like a lot of like a five question questionnaire and the last question always is do you or someone you know deserves something like

fantastic or something? And I want with my girlfriend the first time and she was like, I think I had just sold my car or something, and she wrote like my boyfriend really deserves a car because he's such a hard worker and he would really benefit from it something like that. And I was like, that's really sweet, but I probably not gonna want a car. But yeah, I think they like to choose like this sor yeah. So you just gotta you know, have a good story. So

just lie. That's how right, That's how we're here in studio right now. Well me and Jared at least you guys are actually professionals. That's that's let's do Let's do one more and then we'll call it. This is from Jessica I'm a thirty one year old who pursued my doctorate degree in pharmacy, and I've only been in two long term relationships six years each. Both relationships ended from lack of commitment on their ends. But I'm certain a question and there's something wrong with me. My latest sex

and I broke up in May. I finally got the courage to start online dating about a month ago and have had absolutely no luck. It's frustrating, discouraging, and I just don't know what to do. Here's the qualities I'm looking for in a significant other. Honesty, sense of humor, humble, loves family, wants kids, dog lover I have too, sapre nerds, and at least a bachelor's degree, you're established in their career. That's quite the list. I don't like that last one.

So I guess my questions for you are, am I on the right track or do I just need to be patient? Do you recommend I try I do any other app or delete the apps entirely and try to meet someone organically? Uh? Or should I or should I apply for the Bachelor? Well? Sure, apply for the Bacheler first and foremost, Jessica, you have way too many filters. You want someone honest, hilarious, humble. Those are fine, but someone that also has to have a bachelor's degree. Nix

that one out of your filter for sure. Some of that loves dogs, I agree, you ill probably want to date some of that loves dogs too, but I wouldn't discount someone that doesn't love dogs. I think that you're setting too many constraints on the finding someone that's going to cut off so many people to do. Like East and I just talked about if we didn't date someone watched television, we basically not be able to date anyone.

It sounds like you're cutting out so many people that could potentially be a partner for you, And I think it's also different difficult for you. Jessica, You've been in two relationships over the past twelve years, two very committed relationships, so that's tough to like get back. If you're thirty one, that means you started dating with last time you're really single was nineteen. That's a long time, so it's tough getting back in the world. So like, don't easily give up.

I know you just started dating again back in May, probably like a long summer, but definitely don't give up on the dating apps. I would advocate not deleting them, and I agree with Dean. It does seem like you have a lot of checklist that a guy needs to check off, Like if your soul mate is a cat person, I'd still go with it. Yeah, what are when do you wash? Say? She said go on a hundred dates in a year? Totally. So my advice to Jessica is

just put on those dance and shoes. And we're not saying it's easy, Jessica, Like, please do mistake that we're not saying, oh, just keep going on dates. What's the matter with you? We know that it sucks and it's tiresome, but you know you've been in long relationships. It might not be the worst thing for you right now to be single for a while, to really maybe have a little self discovery, because when we're in school for a while, you had long term relationships. It's signed for some Jessica.

One suggestion that I might give Jessica as well, and I'm meant to give this in the past, but I've never really had an opportunity to and it's not the ideal situation now, but it kind of would benefit I think that what Jessica should do is maybe write a list of why her most recent six year relationship didn't work the main the mainstays of why it did not

work that way. In three months, if you're still single and you're considering getting back with this guy of six years that you guys broke up, then you can look back on this list and be like, oh, that's why we broke up. Because of what we tend to do is looking back, we romanticize the relationships that we had

and remember the positives, but never remember the negatives. And there I've done this before to where I broke up with someone and like three or four months later, we broke up, and I wrote down a list of the things that were like not going right in our relationship, and then like six months later, I was like, wow, I really missed this girl. And then I went back to my notepad and I read every there's like a ten list, ten thing list, and I was like, no, I don't. I mean I missed her, sure, but I

cannot get back together with her. So that's something I recommend not only to Jessica but to everyone out there, is if you break up with someone, just be sure to remind yourself later on about why that relationship didn't work out, because odds are that's probably going to be something that sticks around if you guys try and give it another shot. Um, I totally a great Yeah. Yeah, we tend to romanticize things. Deepen up in mind, Jessica,

you'll meet the right person. And before we sign out of today's episode, I do want to talk about Vegas for a second in my et interview because I've got I've got to ask about this. But there's been a lot of talk online. I've gotten some funny tweets. I just want to set the record straight. I like Colton. I think Colton is a great guy. So to give a little in case our listeners haven't seen the interview deemed an interview with Entertainment Tonight over the weekend of Vegas.

He may have had one too many when he started speaking. So here's the other thing. We started drinking at noon that day. We were out in the sun all day long. I did the flow Rider for like four hours and

sausted took a thirty minute nap. Continue to drink. Heart Festival did an interview and a lot of it was out of just like good hearted like humor joking, and everybody who watches the video knows you're joking, which is why you're getting tweets about it, because all the tweets that I've seen have been like pretty positive and funny. I mean, I just want to set the record straight. I do still think it'll be a dumpster five ever season, But I do like I do. I do like Colton,

and I do wish him nothing but the best. But we're not tuning in to watch a cookie cutter, clean, fun season. We're tuning in because we all kind of think it's gonna be erratic, and I'm excited to watch it anyways. I just want to set the record straight on that. Alright, A big thank you too our sponsors Beach Body on Demand again. You just text Dan d A into thirty thirty thirty you get your free trial membership. A big shout out to talk Space again over two

thousand licensed therapists. You can use code d e A and all these codes are Dean's name. That's all right, he's got a very nice name. Again. You can go talk space dot com slash Dean and use code Dean d e A end to get off. And then another big big shout out to twenty three and me the Health and Ancestry Service Kit, and you can go to twenty three and me dot com slash Dean d E A N. So this has been another episode of Help

I Suck At Dating. Thank you for listening, Thank you to Jared, Mark Easton and Tory, and of course thank you Lacey Green. Be sure checker out on YouTube at Lacy Green. Check out you Dean Well, yeah, thank you for Thank you for that, Jared. Be sure to check out her book, which just hit shelves today. It's called Sex Plus Learning, Loving and Enjoying your Body. Um. I think we can all stand to learn a little bit from her. She seems to be not just intelligent but

also very opinionated, which I think is a good combination. UM. So check her out Lacey Green, and be sure to tune in next week for another episode of Help I Suck At Dating, where maybe we'll suck a little less. Follow help by Suck At Dating with Dean, Vanessa and Jared on I Heart Radio or wherever you listen to podcast