#43 Man with a (Wedding) Plan

And on the phone, we have Jared who is out of town currently, but in the spirit of this podcast, which we typically do, we love having one host call in. So Jared are there. Oh, I'm out here currently much. How you guys doing. We're doing well? How are you? Where are you? We are currently in Westerly, Rhode Islands, and we are currently at the We're we're What we're doing is we're wedding venue shopping. I'm wedding venue shopping

with Aster now. Right now we're at Ocean House, which is in watch Hill, Rhode Islands, and so we're looking at some places deciding where we want to get married. It's quite beautiful. Wait, Jared, aren't you from Rhode Island? Yes, Somebergs are from Warford Island. So we decided, actually I decided that we're probably getting get ried to Rhode Island because most of our family, My family's from Rhode Island and then her family mostly from Jersey and Northern Virginia.

So it just makes sense that we get married on the East coast. And there's so many beautiful venues in Westerly and Newport and Arroganta that it just makes sense for us to get married over here. And the cool thing about ocean houses that we're currently here looking at shops, so they're letting me use a room, which is pretty awesome. So from their conference room right now, calling in on

a landline and help us like a dating. But the really cool thing is that people are gonna love is that we're about oh three yards from Taylor House, Swift Taylor Swift Taylor House, Swift House. I can I can very clearly tell how excited you are because of how fast you're talking. I know, well what it is. I have actually actually sitting next to me right now, and she just keeps like yelling at me, telling me what to say, and it's really just turn acting and like flaring.

She's like, no, I have a good idea. No say this, and like, actually just watch shows on your computer. Jared's professional. I think that you don't need to take her advice. Anyways, It's okay, um, okay, So you're in Rhode Island. You're you're shopping for wedding venues. I saw actually Ashley tweet out, maybe this morning or last night, that she like tweeted at Taylor swift To asking to borrow her house for

the wedding. Yes, we're kind of shooting for the moon on um so yeah, she tweeted, and we're hoping to get vile and then maybe, you know, Taylor will let us borrow her house for a few hours on a beautiful Saturday next summer, where Ashley and I can get married. You know, Taylor is more than welcome to stay at the house that she wants to while all our friends and family fill it up. Just a mild inconvenience for you. I'm sure, my old little inconvenience. I'm sure she'll be

fine with it. But the cool thing is is that her house would legitimately be a beautiful wedding venue. But it's been pretty cool. So we went through our first one yesterday in Newport, Rhode Island, and it's just really exciting to see, you know, where we're gonna get married or start the wedding planning process and figure, oh, we like this, but we don't like this and um, you know, we don't want to do a first look or where the reception would be and so on and so forth.

Has the whole because I mean, obviously guys have been sort of planning the wedding since the engagement for some at least to some respect, has the dynamic of the relationship changed all or have you seen actually in like a different light since you've seen the whole wedding planning kind of unfold. Not really. I mean, Ashley already thrives

in such like planning mode. That's where she is at her best, and so wedding planning is just no different like any charity event that we've ever had in terms of, you know, having a bachelor related one actually usually plans it and she loved doing it. So now that she's planning our wedding or helping, we also have so one of our friends, Troy Williams, he's going to be our wedding planner. He's awesome, so Astley and him have been constantly texting back and forth on this group thread that

some for some reason, I'm a partup, you know. I never answer, It's just I'm pretty much just you know, nodding my being like, yeah, that sounds great, that sounds great. Sure we'll go there. Just tell me what to do, where to go, and I'll be there. Well. And I know too. One of the stories that you you like telling is the first time or I guess the moment that you knew you were in love with Ashley was

when she was planning a function. I can't remember what it was, but it was on the East coast, right, Yeah, So it was our first function after Bastian Paradise Season two is in October of two, and I remember actually invited myself and a lot of other people from that season to do this charity event at her house in Virginia.

So it was myself and about eight other Bachelor's contestants and we flew down to Virginia and stayed at Ashley's home with her parents, And it was the first time that I saw actually outside of the Bachelor bubble in her element planning this event. Um surrounded by friends and family, just astley at her most comfortable. And then that's the

one immediately knew that I was an idiot. And then I just continued being an idiot for question times because I'm a guy, and you know, guys are stupid and so but that was the first moment where I looked at her and said, uh, I'm going to marry her. And now it all comes full circle because then she's acting. She's doing the same thing, but now instead of planning that function or that event, she's planning the wedding. To you, just a funny thing. Life is such a funny thing.

I'm very lucky, guys. So our love began with planning, and it will certainly not end with planning. How I do have a question will be how much how heavily involved in this planning are you? Are you basically just kind of nodding your head and saying yes to everything actually suggests? Are you weighing in with anything of your own? No, I certainly have a lot of opinions of my own want to incorporate into the wedding. But I think the most important thing is that actually dream wedding come true.

So if he is really wanting something or dead sense on something. I'll compromise. I have no issues doing that. I just want, you know, certain little details it to be mine as well, like Superman cuff links, So like, is there is there a Superman be ripping open my shirt at the altar and revealing my Superman shirt that I'm wearing underneath, and then I'm going to to rip

off my pants and have a full Superman with red tape. Uh, and then I will put the ring on Ashley, and then we will be attached to strings that hopefully Dean will be handling in the back and fly over everybody. And uh, that's our one story right there. And I know that you might be joking a little bit, but I hope you're not. I'm praying that you're not. Yeah,

I will say. Our wedding planners sent us a picture of a wedding that he did years ago where the guy was a big superhero nerd like myself, and so him and the Brunsman all wore um superhero shirts underneath their taxes, so like one was Superman, that was pat Man in Green Lantern, and so before the wedding, like in the photos of him and his Brunsman, they all like opened up their shirt. It's actually pretty fantastic. It's

something I'm really thinking about doing. Erica is shaking her head and discussed, I can't get on board with this, so I'm not marrying you. So it's okay. Actually is actually on board that, so I'm pretty lucky. But we'll see, we'll see if it happens. I kind of wanted to get a little bit more seriously, but who the hell knows. I mean, you only get one, so you might as well go all out, I know. But it is fun,

I will say it is. I feel lucky to like be planning a wedding with the love of my life because it's cool because all I've heard is how stressful wedding planning is, and there is a layer of stress of making sure like talking to the people, talking money obviously, who were inviting, who were not inviting, What do you want for your wedding? What do I want? So on and so forth. But Ashley and I have we're kind of on the same page with a lot of things, and um, it's it's not that stressful as if yet.

Granted we've only looked at two venues, so we're just beginning. But it's really exciting and a little surreal to think about. Oh no, this is I'm planning my wedding. It's one of those things you always wait for the day to come, and now it's here, Like I've seen two venues and this could potentially be the place that I marry my wife. Remember last week too, you said that you are considering or debating whether or not to give me a plus one to your wedding. Well, I was debating it is Dean.

I think you might have more fun on your own. Your it depends. That's listen. If you are, you know, in a relationship next summer, of course they're gonna be one. But if you're singing, a lot of our friends are gonna be their mutual friends. Ben's gonna be there, Nick's gonna be there, And if everybody's sinkle, I think it might be more fun for you guys, just like go

as a group. You know, it's kind of like prom where if you didn't have a date that you really liked, it's almost better just to go with a bunch of your friends and to bring somebody that you're really not sure about. And especially if Taylor Swift is gonna be there, I mean I gotta go single, dude, you have to go single. I'm telling you, she's gonna love you. We'll see um. And so you're in Rhode Island for a bachelor party, then, right, that's what that was one of

the other reasons you were there. Yeah, So we flew back for a bachelor party this past weekend. My sister is getting married September, so it's her fiance's my future brother in law's bachelor party of this past weekend. We drove through a cabin in Maine. It was like twelve of his bodies and just just chilled up there Friday and Saturday, um, and then you're back Sunday. It was a very relaxed bachelor party. We just stayed in, play beer pong, played uh you know, yard games, drying, hung out,

went to a brewery and the now was there. Really it. So it was a bachelor party that I liked because I'm not a big I'm not a guy who goes out a lot. But it made me think about my own bachelor party and what I want. And so this might sound really lame. If people are probably gonna hate me,

guarantee's gonna sound lame. That's not surprising to any of us. Dude, I kind of wanted Jack and Jail bachelor and bachelor party like because the whole weekend we were hanging out and even some of the other guys were saying how they missed their fiance, their wife and they have kids and it just becomes so chaotic, and I was thinking to myself, Yeah, I think this would be more fun, and if all our significant others were here, we're all

just kind of hanging out. Granted, we couldn't like you know, quote unquote grow out if our girls are there. But having said that, I don't know, there's something cool about being a Jack and Jail bachelor and bachelor party and nationally agree. So I don't know if we're gonna do it or not, but that's kind of the director we're headed.

You could do too, theoretically, right, maybe what Jack and Jill well to, like, you'd have like a Jack and Jail and then like your regular bachelor party where you just invite a bunch of guys and drink beer and far around each other and all that kind of stuff. You know, Like what that's true? I will say it was like to just get away with a couple of guys hang out and then like you know, like that just like and not feel not feel judged, because like I feel like every time they laugh at a poop

joke and I'm like, listen, I could be funny. Um, but yeah, what we're thinking for a a bachelor bachelor at party, or at least my bachelor parties, I'm thinking one night. I think that's that's like a good amount. Like everybody gets together hangs out. We'd go out and we need to go out one night, or we like rent a place out and all staying and drink and have fun. And then the next day, like maybe how hang out for like a day portion and then that's really it.

I don't know if I'd make a big weekend of it, but that's also just me like people are different in their own way and people want their own things. Like what would you do, Dean Dean if you were getting married and you had a bachelor party that you had to plan, would you do like the whole weekend thing? Would you just do? Guys? Would you want to Jack and Jill? I mean, I have no idea. It's it's so far removed from my I guess memory or not

even memory. It's so far removed from any remo possibilities, so I haven't really thought about too much. But I will say, you were almost married to Rachel. What do you talk about you haven't thought about. It's a great point.

I'm not a big fan of like strip clubs or anything like that, so I don't really foresee that being part of it, although it's like kind of I don't know, I feel like that's like the norm these days is like you go with your boys to a strip club and get super wasted and then you I don't know, it's always sounds kind of cheap and cheesy. I hate them so much. I've been to you in my life,

but I've always feel super uncomfortable whenever I'm there. Yeah, and no matter how much alcohol is involved, I could be super drunk and still just be like, I just feel gross and disgusting in here. I need to get out. But I don't know. What do you think as a female? What are your thoughts disgusting girls that like them? I know I'm not into it. Also, I'm just glad that, like my boyfriend says, he's like, I've never been to one. I have no intention of going to one, and I'm

like that rocks. I mean I've been to one, don't get me wrong, but you just didn't enjoy it. No. I've probably been two or three times in my entire life. Did you participate? No, I've never got a dance, and I just always like sit there uncomfortably awkward, like in a little shell, and don't really do anything. I went when I was sixteen. Oh, sorry, Jared. I went to the Crazy Horse in San Francisco, and I thought they were gonna check my I d and they did not.

I was with some friends that were older, and uh. I remember staying in the audience and this um young lady came up and asked me if I wanted to dance, and I thought she meant dance, like, you know, like just then a dance. I'm waving my arms back and forth. Um, and she would be to a private room. Oh, and I'm like, how much is this gonna cost me? And she she broke it down. I pulled out the last twenty dollars in my bank account. That was sixteen, anybody,

and I gotta. She gave me a lap dance that I was super uncomfortable about it, and that song um Faint by Lincoln Park was playing. Yeah, that album had just come out. It was a really big deal, and I was like, I really liked this song and she's like, I do too, And her name was Illusion Illusion and she made me do a man that night. It sounds like you guys really hit it off. We sure did. She was the one welf. I mean, you're married, obviously.

So I went to a strip club. So I've a trip three or four times, but I went three years ago, and this is like the most jarred story I can possibly tell. So we're at the strip club on being where I feel a little uncomfortable to be surrounded by a bunch of dudes watching a girl perform, all being turned on at the same time in one room. Like it's just like a weird environment for me to be in. But a buddy of mine bought me a lap dance because he knew that I was uncomfortable. So I went

into the private room as this girl. And so the first obviously it was like it was like she he paid for a song, I think it was. So I go back there with this woman, I forget her name, and she's she you know, stands in front of me and then she starts doing your dance. But we start talking right and so I'm asking about her life and like what she does and what she you know, where she's from, so on and so far. I swear to God, I saw talking to this girl and we've talked for

like ten minutes. She didn't even give me a lap dance. I just talked to the strip for the entire time. So of course I get up and I'm like, oh, that wasn't so bad, Like that's fine, and I'm walking out and the bounce was like, okay, ninety bucks, it was already paid for. He's like that he paid for one song, you went for two more. No, no, no, no no,

Like she didn't even give me a lap dance. And she's gone by this point, like I don't see here, and he's like, listen, you could give me the money or you're out, Like he was just and he didn't say it like that. It was a far more intimidating voice human being it was coming from, and so I immediately felt threatened and like he was going to break

both my life. So he escorted me to the a t M where I withdrew ninety more dollars and handed it to him and then went back to my little corner and had the rest of my Vaca Cranberry and called it him and those service charges on the A t M S a joke dollars. It's a um, well, all right, safe to say that Jared will not be attending a strip club for his bachelor party, especially if actually is there. I don't really, I don't see that final too went off the rails on that one. Didn't

we j Did you watch Bachelor in Paradise? I did? Did you? I did catch us up? What do you think about everything? Obviously the call and a situation is dominating the storyline. I feel like a lot of yeah, who are yeah? I have no idea. I feel like a lot of people are on social media are hating that, which I'm not sure why because it's definitely for me, the most interesting part to the show. I think Jordan's is feeling Jordan's. It's it's colon Tia number one and

then Jordan is number two. But Jordan is really likable. I mean he's I liked him on Beckas season as well. I thought he you know, while for all his quirk, he came off pretty genuine and funny, and I liked him a lot, so he's only reaffirming the facts of why I like him. And then I mean, with Calling and Tia, it's kind of I think they're both in the wrong. I think Tia, A lot of people are on TIA's side, and I'm not saying I'm not, but I'm also on Colton's side as well. I'm wondering where

you're at with that. You're sitting on the fence. You could go either way, dude, I know I'm still on the fense like Colon right now. The thing is, I mean, Colin is being very open and honest about the fact that he's not sure about his feelings for Tia, and so I feel bad for Tia because I know how much she likes Calling and how she's focusing on him, so I can I can feel for her. But at

the same time, Colin is not doing anything wrong. He's being completely on its telling her I still don't want to close the book on you, but I'm not sure. So I think at this point it's kind of up to Tia to really, you know, pull up her pant so to speak, and stand up for herself and say, Okay, I need to shut that door because it's not going

to work. So I don't really know, because here's this thing, like as much as I love Kendall and Kendall's the sweetish girls, she's kind of doing the same thing Colinton's doing where she told grocery store Joe she really likes them, but she wants to, you know, date other people. And she kissed John right after she talked to Joe. So I don't understand why Colin's getting so much flak for it, um when I don't think he's really doing anything wrong. I mean, you can be on TIA's sign, but I

think I just I don't. I don't see why Colin's being villainized. I was just talking to Nick about it today. It seems like this season of Paradise is just filled with hypocrisy, Like everyone is giving Colton crap for what he's doing while doing the exact same thing that he's doing. And the only reason that we seem to be giving Culton Moore crap for it is because they're much more

of a central focus of the storyline. They're getting more airtime, they're getting more interaction between both him and Tia, and then other people talking about their interaction as well. So like we we just tend to focus on it a little bit more. But then you look at it like Jordan's doing the same thing, Chris is doing the same thing, Kendall is doing the same thing, but no one else really seems to be as villainized as much as Colton's being right now. And again, I'm not sticking up for Colton.

I think that. So he got done filming Becca season, and then a month and a half later he goes to Paradise, and in that month and a half he doesn't reach out to Tia, seemingly that he doesn't have a conversation with her. Then he strolls into Paradise, takes her on a date, kisses her, and then isn't certain

about what he wants to do. And it just it kind of perplexes me, because if one of them felt anything for each other, they knew that there was a six week gap to spark a conversation, uh, reignite anything that might have been there before going back down into Paradise.

And sure, maybe it's like going down into Paradise with a clean slate and having no conversations before made it more like authentic and all that kind of stuff, But to me, it just doesn't seem like either of them like they want to be in a relationship shure, but it doesn't seem like either of them. I want it badly enough, and again Tia is fighting very hard for it. But why didn't she call him in six weeks between Paradise.

I think they both want to be in a relationship, but it just kind of appears to me that they don't want to be in a relationship with each other. And so that's what's perplexing to me. I grew with you after that they in Paradise, where both of them, or at least Colton was still saying he wanted to explore the options. I think the only thing Colin is doing wrong right now is not closing the book on Tia. I think what he should do is say, Tia, listen,

we went on the date. You know, I'm a little confused about my feelings towards you, but I think the best thing for both of us right now is to really try to date other people and not date each other, separate ourselves from this situation. I think that's the only thing Colan's doing wrong. And with Tina, I definitely feel for her. I feel bad for Tia because I can empathize with someone who likes someone so much they just

they wanted to be there so badly. But after the Rose ceremony, I think, right now, heading for the rest of Paradise, I think the best thing for Tia is to just not think about Colon. And I know that's almost impossible to do when he's dating other people, you know, and right in front of her, But I mean, that's kind of like what we signed up for while going to Paradise, and the whole crisp thing. I don't know,

Christ kind of pisses me off. I can't stand, like, I'm sure he's a nice guy, but I can't stand what people say, well, I'm a good guy, Like he said that again during the show, and I was like, I hate when people quantify them stuff like that, Well, I'm good. If you have to say it probably isn't entirely true. And he kind of did Tia wrong with the whole trust me, you can trust me, I'm a good guy thing, and then he goes and pulls what he pulls. It just it just seems a little shady

to me. Um from my perspective watching the show, it's funny because a lot of people took to Twitter to compare Colton tas relationship to mine and Christina's relationship, and I just think that's that's erroneous on all accounts, because first of all, Christina and I are just so much better looking than Colton and Tias as a couple, and I am very deeply offended by these comparisons. You guys are beautiful color you're just friends now. But I don't know,

It's it's definitely a difficult situation to be in. It's going to be interesting to see how it all kind of unfolds. And I mean, Colton got super emotional about Becca being back in Paradise, But I guess we'll see. I'm I'm honestly excited for Jordan and Jenna's story to continue to unfold. They seem pretty interesting, Like it seemed like the weirdest couple to ever kind of get together,

but it seems to work and that's pretty cool. Um, And then we'll see, like if the hippocrisy kind of lives on with you know, Kendall and Joe and Chris and whoever he decides he wants to kiss that night, all that kind of stuff. But yeah, like I mean, I loved I Love Grocers shar Joe. She's like, it's so funny how there are guys that can be awkward

or shy, but they're so charming while they do it. Like, for example, when he went up in except for the Rose and Kendall, she's like Rose, He's like, yeah, it was so awkward but yet awesome, And You're like, Okay, this guy, this guy's got something about him that's really cool and authentic and different than everybody else. And I think that's why Joe, uh, you know, came everybody wanted to. He was at home in beck of season. So I'm interested to see what happens. I just really hope that

Colin and Tia just date other people. It's going to be I'm assuming Colin. It's interesting to see if Colin's leaves, if he feels like he's not ready to date other people, and then he shouldn't. He should have been been there in the first place. He keeps talking about how he's not over back and he hasn't been able to move on, and yet here he is on a show where you're

supposed to be dating people. It's like, well, you shouldn't have put yourself in the situation if you weren't ready to move past your most recent relationship and you still haven't gotten over that. And I mean, it's kind of easy to say, obviously from a from a viewer's perspective, but of course I think it's really difficult to not to say no to Paradise because you feel like you're still not over your bachelorette, because like, what better way

to get over someone than date other people? And then you know, in six months from now, he's you know, he's finally over backed. I feel like he's going to really regret not going on and giving this a shot, and so like, what's the word that could happen? Just like all I said last week, you gotta go out hundred dates to get over your X, that's it. And like, sure, is it's stupid to go on TV and go on

dates to try to get over your rex? Maybe, But at the same time, at least he's being himself, he's not faking anything, he's not being like, you know, I'm ready. And then he just pushed this entire thing and then takes it with somebody and leaves, and then it's like, Okay, actually that lied. It didn't have things for you. I'm just trying not to. Well, we'll see what happens, all right, well, Jared. In the meantime, good luck picking out your wedding venue.

Let's keep tweeting at Taylor Swift and maybe we'll get her to give you guys a house next year. That'd be pretty cool. Um, yeah, that's the goal. I can photoshop one of those screenshots where it says how many retweets let's have your wedding at your house? You shall say eighteen and a half. And then you're like, you'll get that really easily, pretty pretty quick. I think, yeah, I'll make it believable. Something you like, you can get like wet, like that's a contract. Desent's the photoshop was.

I think we can figure that out. All right, Well, good luck, buddy, have fun. We look forward to having you back in studio next week and hearing all about kind of you guys, what kind of headway I guess you guys have made on the wedding planning. So all right, sounds good, guys, We'll see you later. Um. One thing that I think that they're wedding will definitely need, and that all weddings need is a very romantic and beautiful ambiance. And what better way to get that romance and that

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free shipping. Um. Next up, we're going to have Vanessa I think, joining and give us an update on what she's doing with her life. Vaness, how are you there? Yes? I am hi. How are you hi? I'm good? What are you? What are you doing right now? Act? I was just checking out my eyebrows in the mirror. Um, well, I understand you were hosting some radio show all week too, right, Oh yes, part of the Virgin family. Um. So I'm doing ACT the all week Virgin Radio in Montreal and

hosting the morning segment. So I've been up in four o'clock Eastern time, so it's four o'clock in the afternoon. That's not that early four o'clock in the morning. Oh okay, that makes sense. Wait, I wonder what did they did? They listen to you on this podcast and realize how exceptional of a host you are and ask you to come in. Who the Virgin radio people in Montreal? Yeah, um, yeah, no, And I don't think they had to do with that.

I think, Um. I mean I've listened with them before in the past and they know that I'm part of the Virgin, part of the I Heeart family. So they're like, oh, why don't you come in nice. Well that's fantastic. We'll have to tune in and listen to it. Um. Well, so fill us in on your life a little bit. We want to hear what's going on in the life of Vanessa. Well, you know, there's is one relationship that I'm putting a lot of effort into. I don't know

if you saw my reach the Instagram story. Uh, you can look at it right now when you feel me in it sounds like before before you say anything, I'm sure it's going to be with like a kid or a dog or a plant or something like that. Um. I was in Miami all weekend. I was actually away. So this is funny. So do you watch Big Brother? I do not, Okay, So anyway, so Jessica Grass and Cody, Um, I think there were from like two Seeing the Door

or whatever from Big Brother. They met on Big Brother they were on the Amazing Race together, they wanted the Amazing Race, proposed to her soon after they want and now they're getting married in October, and uh, I'm part of their wedding party. And get this, guess what I'm doing. You are bringing your basil plant as a date. Well technically I should, but no, I'm walking their dog down the aisle. So yeah, wait wait, wait, so you're not

getting walked down the aisle by one of the Grim's men. No, no, no, no, I'm not. I'm walking a dog. I mean I'm used the dating dogs. So it's going to be like, oh, how harsh, harsh but appropriate. It sounds like, okay, so you're gonna be part of the wedding. I have a question, would you ever consider doing Big Brother or Amazing Race or anything like that. I mean, I've I haven't watched the full season of Big Brother. It looks super escertaining. I'm not so be mentally able to because they like

mess with you. They leased the lights on in the middle of the night. They put music on like I remember it by If I ever there's just one song, If I ever think suggest so like start going crazy. It's like, no, I think it's like the clown song or something like this. Do do so? Like they really just even more so than The Bachelor. You think they mess with you? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah yeah yeah. Well, so let's an answer the question. Say they asked to say they reach out to you to go on Big Brother?

Would you would you say yes or no? What are you saying? Oh? Uh? I mean listen, I said I would never do anything like the best that I went on. I had a great experience and I got to meet you and you know, the Baster family, So I don't know. Maybe I think I would consider it. I think Big Brother. So what's funny actually is they reached out to me and they wanted me to do I think it was this season or next season Big Brother, Celebrity one they did or not. I don't know if it was celebrity. Yeah,

I think it's probably the celebrity one. Um, and I said no, And I kind of regret saying no. I kind of feel I kind of wish I did it. Almost Well, there's always next season. I think it's actually coming up again, this celebrity Oh no, I think it's in springtime. In springtime, and so what I'm trying really really hard to do. And I've talked to Ben about this before because I want Ben Higgins and I had to be teammates on Amazing Race. I thought you were

gonna ask me, you know I didn't factor. Oh yeah, you won fear Factor. Yeah exactly? What what like ten thousand dollars for your charity? No? Wow? I know how did you win? Because I had had a chance to watch the episode. Yes, I tell us a little bit about the challenges. So the first challenge we had to it's kind of hard to explain that. Basically, we had like this box around us and we were the last team to go. So they used the same snake, the

same raps, the same scorpions, and and a cockroaches. So when Danielle had to pack up the snake and put into her box and then put into my box, the snake was like I'm not having it. He literally went up. There's like segments of you see it, like the snake goes up between my legs and uh, I just couldn't pull it out from between my legs. And I'm like,

oh my god. The most factor that I got on the water so I had to I could throw the snake into spin and then do you think the snake is going to be jealous that you're walking a dog down the aisle at your friend's wedding. I mean, if the snake is listening to this, I apologize. Well wait a second. You get upset with me for not asking to be on my amazing race team, and then you don't invite me to be on your Fear Factor team. We weren't friends. I don't think we even met. No,

we didn't eat once, but we weren't. We weren't homies back there. Yeah we went to that celebrity or that charity ping pong tournament together. Yeah, well I think you high five me and that was the fur. You weren't really interested in having a conversation with me. I remember that. Actually that's true. So it's fine. I get it. I get it. You had important baseball players to talk to and whatever. No, I was actually found girling. Um it was that one actor from Ozark, Do you know what

I'm talking about? No, Jason Baby, I don't remember him being there. I do remember a couple of cool people being there. But it's okay, it's whatever. Maybe next time you go on Fear Factor. I mean, I guess Danielle and you one, so maybe you have her be your teammate again. But yeah, well, I mean, if ever you're looking for teammates for an amazing race, I'll let you know. Um. Well, so what else is going on in your life? Have you been going on any dates? Are you on Bumble

or Ryan? Did? No? Ryan? No? Actually so I'm currently not on any dating app well for now? Good or not? I don't know. Yeah, I know, I don't know. I don't. I feel like I feel like it'd be slipping and slipping and then I don't know. Um, too many options, So not on dating apps. But I did go on a date recently, had lots of fun. So we'll see. We'll tell us about this date. You're not gonna let you get off that easy. What was it like? How do you meet and where did you go? What you do?

I don't want to give too any details away, but I'm not again. Last time I did something like this, an article came out saying that I was on I was dating someone. No, I'm not dating anyone and went on a date dates. Yeah, did you meet them? How did you meet? I through? How do you remember? Was like? Through a bunch of friends? In the city and we're all like hanging out together and we just like connected and we're like, oh cool. And he asked him on a date. I don't remember how it went. That means

you asked him. Let's be really right. Listen, listen. I am the goal getter. I have to be the one and we've had some conversation before. There's nothing ashamed of. It's absolutely respectable. You should be going on dates. I am a proponent of you going on dates. I want you to find someone. Vanessa, I think we all do. What did you do on the date? Where did you guys go? What? We just walked around the city. It's a good day. What do you mean? He was? Walked

around the city? Like want nothing planned? That bothers me. No. We went no, no, no, no, no no, I said, I don't want to do anything too crazy. So we literally just walked around the city. It was a really nice day. We went out for dinner and called nights. Yeah. Romantic and very casual. Keeps the pressure off. It sounds like, yeah, yeah it was, Yeah I was. And that's the thing I don't like. I don't like having when you first dating someone and I we spoke about this before. It's

like an audition process. You feel like you have to be a certain type of way to be the person that you think that the person is looking for. And I'm like, I'm I don't want to do that. So I was myself and it was so fun to just shed all these like layers and just you know, like purpo if I wanted to bourb and poop at the door open on your first date, Vanessa, you're in the bathroom right now, even come on? Um okay, So how did the rest of it go? It sounds like you

guys had a good time. Are you gonna have another date with him? Possibly? I don't know. I mean, I'm so busy. I was in Miami for the Best Threat Party. I just got back yesterday. I did the radio, so this morning it wasn't as while as people probably expected that the Red party to go. It was um like Coody was there too with his friends. So we hung altogether during the day like the guys and the girls,

and that night went out for dinner Jack and Jilian. Yeah, I was a Jack and Joel party, exactly what Jared wanted. That's cute. Yeah, Wait, so do you have you have fun? For the Jack and Joe bachelorotte party. Well, is it technically a bachelor atte party or what do you call that? Yeah? I guess to say pre wedding party, right, because it's not. No, we didn't do anything crazy, no strippers, none of that wild stuff. Do you like strip clubs? Um? I've actually

been to quite a few. WHOA, that's a surprising answer. Do you guys? Do know? I love as much as all Right, it's like the city of Um, so you've gone to a few strip clubs? Because Jared and I were just talking about this as well. Um, would you if you were getting married and your your husband to be was throwing a bachelor party, would you be upset if he and his friends went to a strip club? If I got the chance to go to no, no, no, you wouldn't go with him. It would be it would

be them. If I go with my girls too, Oh, you'd go to a male strip club or a female strip club. Honestly, have you ever gone to a mail strip club? You don't know? Okay, Erica, have you been? No, I haven't at all. It doesn't even exist. Yeah, yeah, yeah, they exist. Okay, they're so they're entertaining I've been to both. I've been to female and male strip clubs. The male strip clubs they're just fun. I've been to a Magic Mike. I've been to a Magic Mike show. Okay, I haven't

been to what. I'm guessing it's I don't know if it's like that. I left through. So Alex's best friend is like a Magic Mike dancer, and he asked me to go with him. That's amazing. Okay, So you'd be okay with it because because Bill Jay and I get a little we were talking about it, we get a little uncomfortable at strip clubs. I personally like, I don't really know what to do. I've never feel comfortable getting a lap dance. I just kind of sit there awkwardly. Well, see,

that's the thing. I know. I wouldn't do anything that will cross the line, so I would hold the person I'm with. I wouldn't do anything now across the line either, you know. I don't people go into bathroom bachelorette party thinking like this is the last rob before you like settle down like that. Could you see a time with your friends celebrating the fact that you're going to get married. Don't mess it up right, I mean, yeah, no, I agree,

that makes sense. That's I mean, I'm surprised that you've been to a lot of script clubs. But I didn't say a lot. That's a that's a Montreal thing. You said, yeah, yeah, there's there's you know, there's quite a few strip clubs in Montreal. Okay, Well, that's cool that you had a bachelotte party, did you, because Jared had one this weekend as well, a bachelor party of course. So it's just like, yeah, I guess I for I forgot to get an invite to one of them. It would have been funny if

we all went three for three this weekend. That's what their stories were about, because I thought, what an early bachelor party, aren't they not his? Not his? It's not his, it was his friends. But then we were talking about him planning his bachelor party and he wants to have a jack and jail party as well, and I'm I'm anti Jack and jail party. I think that a bachelor party should be a bachelor party. Bachelorte party should be a bachelotte party. They be separate things. I don't know,

I just I think they should be separate things. But again. I mean, I'm single and I'm not going on any dates, so maybe I don't know what my question is. Like, Vanessa, you are single and you went to a Jack and Joel one, did you feel weird because like Jared's reasoning for wanting one was so that everyone could have their significant other there? Oh god, no, listen, I've gone to a number of weddings and I'm usually always a similar

one there. Um and yeah it sounds like so used to it and who cares, you know, Like I don't know, Yeah, who cares? I mean we both had fun at We both had fun at the greatest wedding ever donated, and you're both signal I guess, yeah, yep, yep, that was lots of fun. You had lots of fun. Okay, well, not know. Every time I would turn around, he's like I was dancing. I was. I was a man possessed on the dance floor. A lot of fun. I remember

there's a there's a video of me. I like jumped up on stage while someone was singing and I was like sitting there and I was like gyrating in this weird way and I fell off the stage. It was pretty embarrassing, but also hilarious at the same time, this videos out there somewhere I'd like to find um. Okay, So, so moving forward back to your date because obviously that's the hot topic for today's episode. Are you gonna go on a second date you think? Or how is that

going to unfold? I'm so good. I have so much work to catch up on, so right now I'm just focusing on getting all that stuff done, and I'm trying to take the dating scene a little differently and not you know, have all these expects, not all just that it's tough to not have expectations when it comes to someone you're like kind of interested in, you know. And I feel like dating nowadays is this hard? I was actually reading this article. I don'd you and Derek spoke

about it. But there's this term called bread crumbing it We've we've discussed bread coming in the past on this podcast. Oh okay, I just found out about this term. I'm like, it's so true. Are you being bread crumbed or are you bread crumbing him? No? I don't bread crumb people. I love bread crump That wouldn't throw that around bread. Why do you think you're maybe bread crumbed? No? I'm saying, what if I am being bread crumbed? I don't know.

You define define bread crumbing for our listeners. Bread crumbing means when someone continues to leave you CRUs that they're into you, but they're not really into you, Like he send your random text messages and pretty stuff and you think, like, oh, they're thinking about me, but they're just actually bored and want validation and attention. So I don't know. Well, I guess, I guess you really have to have your bread crumb rater on. I mean, hopefully he's not doing that. It

sounds like that would be a bad thing. Did you guys kiss each other at the end of the day, No, Vanessa, be honest with us. Did you share an intimate kiss with each other? It? No, we didn't. Okay, I'm going to believe you, but I'm skeptical of my belief. Okay, classic deflection, classic classic. Uh mine's been pretty much the same, consistently non existent. I was up in San Francisco at outside Lances past weekend and I was basically just did what I did at the wedding, danced around like a

maniac for three days with my best friends. Uh, I mean it was. You know, it's great. I enjoy the um, the fact that there is no pressure on anything when you don't have a relationship with someone like you, when you're at dating or anything like that, there's obviously no pressure to be any certain type of way or to like I guess, continue to develop feelings in any sort of way. So you kind of just get to do

your own thing. And UM, I have a lot of like excited things that I'm interested in in kind of pursuing and all that kind of stuff. And so I think, similar to you, you said, you're too busy to really take a relationship to the where I guess, to the level that it needs to be. But if it happens, that happens, I'm kind of in the same boat where I'm not really trying at all for the first time in my life to be in a relationship with anyone. UM, And that's that it makes me very very happy, to

be honest. Yeah, And I think it's like you've you've had quite a year um getting off of the franchise, And people may not realize this, but it's it's draining. There's a lot that comes with with being on the show, a lot of pressure and um, you know, I think it's important to just focus on what you need to do for yourself and then when the timing is right, the universe will invite the right person into your world. But just we have this conversation last week, just make

sure that you don't get too comfortable. Um, because that's where I'm afraid too that I'm really happy being single and I'm so comfortable just doing my thing, focusing on the things that need the attention, being with my friends and my family. Um, but you know, like you need to put yourself out there. But I mean your hollows again, I'm one guys. When on's your birthday again, I can't wait to celebrate what sh we do? I might actually

in l a so perfect. So one of my cast members from my season of Bachelorette just sent me this article from the New York Post titled men have better sex with emotionally unstable women. Oh God, how do we feel about that? Sounds it? Doesn't it? It's New York Post. They wrote the article, Uh do we want to talk about that? Maybe not? Maybe just chalk that up as that's a weird time. I do want to talk about it.

Let's let's please talk about this, Okay, I was just saying, how like I'm emotionally stable and now I want to be emotionally unstable. You want to be emotionally stable? Is that because you want to have better sex? No, my sex life is great things well, I mean that's good to hear it doesn't exist. When it does, it's great. That's good. That's good for all the male listeners out there.

You're driving them crazy right now. This is just that article is interesting because I feel like you, this might be weird, but you have the best sex when you're both emotionally invested in it, right, Guys Erica, I agree with you because they feel like there's one thing to get naked in bed with someone and aspects with them, but there's another. It's a whole other experience to get naked in bed with someone and actually just feel and just yeah, I guess Bona like a on a deeper

level and couldn't be vulnerable with that. I mean, yeah, like a one night stand is at least for me, one night stands have never been as great as like, I can't believe I'm talking about my sex. I'm so sorry, but it's just feel like that it gets me, okay, but yeah, continue your story. You feel like one night stands or what are like never as great like they're they're like fun in the moment, but then like in retrospect, you're kind of like I have been so much more. Yeah,

this is um. We have someone that spoke about UM. Oh was it? I think was an author. She came on air. She's talking to us about release ships and how some relationships like one Night's dance are like junk food. They feel great in the moment, but after you stent eating it, they're like, that was a terrible idea. Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. It's a good comparison, good analogy, I think. Yeah, yeah, I love any analogy

that includes food. Um the way so game. I mean, this is an article based off of men perspective on emotionally unstable women and sex. Well, men have better sex with emotional unstable women? Is that it? Yes, it says men have better sex with emotionally unstable women New York Posts. I can probably I probably understanding why because there's no

I guess that I've been. I don't know. Maybe it just means they're a little a little crazier, a little more wild a little bit more willing to be adventurous and explorative in the in the sack. Who knows, I'm just speculating here. I don't know how comment um, yeah, no comment al right. Well, so for the listeners out there to that participated our Batch Bracket challenge, we had

a winner and her name was Sarah so Vanessa. Whenever you get back to town to record this podcast, we're going to partake in a uh not an event, but we're gonna hang out with her. We're not in mentally unstable sex, but we're gonna hang out with her, and we're gonna we're going to treat her to a day and that's gonna be your prize. And so you need to get here to Los Angeles, ay, so we can records to uh an episode with you in studio and b of course, so we can fulfill our duty to

to reward the winner of the Batch Bracket. Um. And so we need to figure that out. We'll get you here, hopefully before the end of the month. I know that you said you're gonna be maybe here in September, so I'll be in l a uh the end of September beginning of October. Are you gonna be moving back here? Are you just gonna be here temporarily again? No, I'm going to be there temporarily. I know. Well, we've been going through a heatwave, so you're not missing much to

be perfectly honest. Um, okay, well, Vanessa, thank you as always for calling in, and we look forward to hearing more about this guy that you've been going on dates. You know, we're going to keep asking about it. I know, but we're happy. We're optimistic. We want you to be happy. We want you to be in love and get married and have kids and just be the happy. Yeah. Well, so we're gonna keep asking it. We're gonna keep beating the dead horse. I have a good rest of your week,

have a good weekend. Good luck with Virgin and the and the radio hosting. We'll be sure to listen to that as well. Um, and talk to you soon, love you bye. All right, let's get to some emails. I have one email here in front of me. We have three emails there in front of you. Who wants to read them? I will. This one is from Maddie and this will be fun for you, Dean, because it's not

actually only dating. Focus says Hello, everyone. I'm writing in not to prove how much I suck at dating, even though that stands to be true, but rather to ask questions about traveling and how finances are involved. Dean, you recently went on what seemed to be an amazing several weeks of traveling across the world, and I want to know how you did it. I'm eighteen and on my way to college in the fall, which is going to break my bank account and make the idea of traveling unobtainable.

I was curious if you guys have any input on how to achieve my goal of seeing the world, whether it be through financial tips, a certain mental state, or really anything. You all seem to have your life put together and are presented with opportunities that include fun excursions, So I would like to know your secrets on how you're so successful. Perhaps I should go to college, start a career, and if I still suck suck at dating,

then all attempt to get on the Bachelor. I would appreciate any advice you have to offer, and also want to congratulate Jared nationally on the the engagement. Will pass that on to them perfectly. Yeah, we'll pass it on. We'll be sure to tell them you said that Maddie well first and foremost killed a college. Absolutely. Yeah. Um, it's funny because I was actually gonna write something about this because a lot of people reached out to me via Instagram or email or whatever h asking for advice

on traveling. And I'm not. I mean, I've done a lot of traveling in my life, but I'm by no means am a traveler, you know, like I kind of. I can only imagine how many people like must reach out to Leslie who like travels for a living and like that's essentially her career. Um. But so traveling is something that I've always wanted to do ever since I was a little kid. To be able to see the

world is incredible. Um for me, my life is definitely not put together, So thank you for thinking that it is, Maddie. I really do appreciate that it's actually a big, big fat mess. Um. But I've always been extremely, very very poor my entire life. So my family has always always poor. Uh growing up, I you know, we didn't really have much.

We like lived in a mobile home for for a large part of it, and then all through college, like I had to pay my way through college, but I never really had the funds necessary to travel, even though it's something I always wanted to do. I don't even think I went on an airplane for the first time

until I was like seventeen or eighteen, um. And then obviously, like even post college, you know, I had good jobs and I was making good money, but it was basically money to stay in the lifestyle that I already had where it was very like domestic and local to wherever I was, whether it was in Denver, Los Angeles, um. But now post I guess bachelor bachelorette, I was able to save up a little bit more and and make

that trip. Uh. And it was a little bit more expensive than I had originally planned it be because my phone got stolen. I like bought a go Pro. I decided to rent a car every once in a while and like drive somewhere interesting. I missed my flight back home from New York to l A and that was expensive. Um, it's just a matter of I don't know planning accordingly,

like I would maybe book affordable flight. So I flew to Japan for like five dollars, and then I flew to Indonesia for like a hundred dollars, and it was like every flight was like right around two or three hundred dollars, and so that didn't add up to be that much money. I think my flights from a too be too eventually back to Los Angeles ended up being like two thousands or something like that, which is a lot of money, but not not when you consider going

all the way around the world, you know. Um, And like I said, it definitely wasn't inexpensive. But whenever I like talk to people about it, like I have no issue really sharing how much money I spent, it was like maybe like eight or nine thousand dollars for the entire five weeks that I was gone, which is a lot of money. Absolutely, it certainly is. But whenever you talk to or whenever I've talked to someone that's like,

how much did it cost? Uh, And They're always like, I would I would assume it costs you like dollars to do all that, and like, I'm like, no, it really wasn't that bad. Um. I'm not much of a hostile guy. I kind of wish I was, because you could stay in a hostel for like ten dollars a night versus a hotel which is like a hundred dollars

a night. Um. But I figured, you know what, I was, like, I'm traveling, I might as well just do the things that I want to do, Like I might as well just rent this car and drive up here, rent this motor second, go over here. Um. And it was a great experience, like I wouldn't even I didn't even book a lot of my flights until maybe like a week

or two in advance. I didn't book my hotel rooms until like the day before I flied to that city, mostly because like I wasn't sure where I wanted to stay, and I wanted to get some opinions of some of my friends and all that kind of stuff. Um. So my advice to Maddie is, obviously, go to school, get a job. If you still suck at dating, go on the Bachelor. Bachelor. Uh well, I guess it had to be Bachelor for you. Yeah, um, and just put it

off if you don't if you can't afford it right now. Like, of course I wish I could go traveling when I was eighteen or nineteen or twenty, but like the fact that I did it when I was twenty seven, it didn't take anything away from the experience. If anything, it made it better because you know, I understand maybe a little bit more about the world and more open to two different things. So, um, just because you're not doing it now doesn't mean you're not going to be doing

it in eight, nine, ten years. That's my advice. I also think if you have the finances available, studying abroad is a really good option when you're in college. Um, that's something I wish I had done. I never did it, and now I'm like, wait, why I could have. I really wish I had studied abroad. One of my friends did a study abroad program in Argentina, and I was

really very jealous of that. And like, even like a lot of my friends now who went to Boulder, they all did like study abroad programs in like London or Italy, and they always talk about it like so fondly, and I'm always like, I really missed out on that experience. But and then you meet people in other parts of the country or in other parts of the world, and you can go stay with them when you travel, So

there you go. Yeah, so just stick it out, get an education, get a job, and don't stress out about not doing it. Now because you can always do it later within reason. Yes, let's me want the next one, all right? Next one from Christine? She says, Hey, everyone, I've been stuck in the friend zone, but I took some advice from your podcast from easton story about his wife making an ultimatum, and I shot my shot and it works nice. I'm sharing this story so hopefully I

can inspire some listeners or even one of you. After two long years of hiding feelings, a couple of fights, and a lot of hurt feelings, me, she's twenty three, and him, he's twenty seven, are very happily together. Turns out we've been feeling the same way about each other the whole time. He had some emotional issues he had to work through, and after a year and a half, I decided to finally let all my feelings. It was hard, but I decided having him in my life, even as

just a friend, was more important than my feelings. Shortly after I started doing my own thing and thriving in my career, he confessed his feelings for me. My feelings came back in full force. I don't think they ever left, and I asked him to be my boyfriend. We're great for each other. He shows me and tells me how much he loves me every day, and we give each other space to be individuals while supporting each other's careers. It's the healthy, healthiest relationship I've ever been in. I'm

in love with my best friend. I mean, shout out to Easton for inspiring Christine. I think, yeah, it should be a shout out to my beautiful, lovely wife Allison, because thank you. Yeah, she Alison um inspires a lot of great things and a lot of great people. So that's that's so great, Christine. That makes me so happy for you because it sounds like you're you guys are just perfect for each other. And uh, like she said,

he had some emotional issues to work through. Sometimes I go back and I always wonder, like, what would how would my life be different if I had, like right off the bat, if I had just tried to date Allison like, but I was not a person that could be in the relationship that I'm like, like, had a lot of growing up to do. I had a lot of personal stuff to figure out. It sounds like this guy did too. So some of these things are just

meant to be that way. You know, like, like like the love story of Jared and Ashley, you've seen a little bit of time to mature exactly. A nice cheese, yes, exactly, or a fine wine or a fine wine, or like a breakfast breeder or something like that. You know, breakfast a pizza because sometimes cold pizza is better than the hot pizza. It's nice to see a success story on here. You know, we got a lot of questions and a lot of people asking what they should be doing in

the relationship. But not often enough do we get people like Christine who email us in and share their success story with us. That's awesome. I also think something that anyone listening to this should take from this is that she says, shortly after I started doing my own thing and thriving in my career, he confessed his feelings like all women should go out there and say effort to

the men who don't know their worth. And like, I lived my life on my own and just kind of like became as a successful as I could until I was twenty four whatever. Um, single because it was like so important to me to have my own together. Sorry, we don't even believe together. Um. And then and then someone wonderful came into my life, and I think that guys really recognize like when girls have their stuff, it's incredibly attractive, absolutely, and it makes the guy want to

get their stuff together as well. Like it's it's like concentive for them to be like, oh, wow, she's doing so well and is this inspiration for me? And now I need to do that just so that way she can even be interested in me in the first place. I think, um, and I will say to to Easton's point about taking a little bit of time to mature and like wondering if you guys had maybe gave it a shot earlier on, if it would be as successful

as is now. That's at That's something that I've started telling people, like before there's any like escalation of a relationship at all, I'm like, look, I am in no place to be anyone's boyfriend or be going on dates with like anyone really, and honestly, it feels really good to say that to someone, especially someone that like I'm

interested in, like romantically or physically. Like I'll just come right out and say and be like, listen, you should not be dating me or like if you any interested have any interest in dating me because I have a lot of issues I'm working through right now. I've said that I'm a couple of times lately you go on a date with someone and then tell them that or no,

I wouldn't necessarily call it a date. But there have been times where, especially over the past couple of weeks, where you know, I'll be hanging out with groups of friends or something like that and someone will be like, like, start showing interest in me, and I can just openly and honestly be like, listen, like this is just I mean, nipp this, nipp this in the butt and kind of get ahead of it, um because if there I mean, obviously I don't really expect any of these relationships to

turn into anything, but it's like like Eastern said, if you enter into a relationship too early, it might might not be salvageable later on because of the damage that's done. So it's just it's like, I don't know, that's kind of off topic a little bit, but it's something that I started doing, which is kind of relieving it off.

It's just why because I think I'd be really sad if I was a girl talking to this guy and I was interested in this guy, and he said to me like, no, no, now is just not the time, Like that seems like such a cop out, but it's so early, being honest about it. But it's so it's like before there's any physical component to the relationship, before any feelings get invested. I'm like, look, like, just so you know, like there's no interest on my end to

be in a relationship with anyone. That's really sweet, but it also makes me sad for you know. I mean, it's great, Honestly, it feels really good because before before I don't know if I was trying to convince myself that I was ready to be in a relationship or if I just thought that I was, But I would always be like I would always try and like purvey this readiness to be in a relationship, even though maybe deep down I knew that I was and or something

like that. And so now it's nice to be able to be like, look, this is me, um, I still would not mind being your friend, but just so you know, we're not going to bring this any further than normally we would. Looking back at when you went on the Bachelorette, do you feel like you really shouldn't have been in a position where you could have been getting engaged in a matter of weeks. I think that Rachel made a

very good decision letting me go when she did. But I think that, you know, obviously there I don't know. I think that her and Brian are very very key together, and I think that she definitely made the decision in that And like hindsight for you personally, maybe you're like

at that time, you're ready. It's hard to come to terms of the fact that you might not be ready for something that you really really want, you know, um, and that this whole experience is kind of shed some light on that, I suppose, But but no, I think that wasn't That was Rachel's logic behind sending me home was you know, we liked each other, but she obviously didn't necessarily see my readiness and she has very good foresight and was able to make the right decision. So

good for them. Yeah, Okay, there's one last email. Um, this is from how would you say that name? Denitria Dea? Okay, just really that's a beautiful name, she said. I just finished listening to the podcast this week, which was last week. Vanessa said something to Dean that I totally agree with She told him not to get too comfortable being alone. I'm living this myself. I divorced after being married for thirteen years. My kids were young, and after a couple

of failed relationships. After my divorce, I decided to focus one percent on my kids. I have not dated for ten years. My kids are twenty two and twenty one now. But I've gotten so used to being alone. I'm positive it's because I do not want to put myself out there again. Heartbreak is hard. Dean enjoy being alone, but do not use it as a way to avoid trying or finding a relationship. It's way too late for me now.

That's sad, but I hate seeing people not be vulnerable and do not want people to make the same mistakes as I have with with being okay with being alone. That's first of all, it's not too late, not at all. I don't think it's even Holly last week, who we had in here, who was in her late Flordia, said she was going on dates and meeting people all that kind of stuff. I think, I mean, that's my opinion on that. I think we'll call I'll call it be

an agreement. Um So, she says Dean enjoy being alone, but do not use it as a way to avoid trying or finding a relationship. I think that the consensus that we've all kind of come to is you should maybe enjoy the solitude, but kind of live your life and if things happen as you said that they do as you can dedicate yourself to work and to yourself and all that kind of stuff. If someone enters your life that allows you to share it with them, I

think that you don't want to fight it. But I think there's a distinct difference between fighting a relationship like like kind of not allowing it to progress, and then also just uh living honestly right and then allowing it to come into your life if it does. Because if you have to fight it, it probably isn't gonna be great. That's why a lot of relationships kind of especially That's

why I'm not a big fan of ultimatums. I understand they have their success stories, but it's like, if you have to give someone an ultimatum, usually is not a good sign. I would say most ultimatums lead into unsuccessful relationships. Um, But that's why, you know, if you just kind of keep doing what you're doing. And I mean that's what I'm doing right now too. Like I said earlier, it's I'm just gonna lay all out there and whoever I'm talking to or ever, if I ever become interested in

someone again probably a long shot. Again, I won't fight it, but I will be active to it if and when it comes. It sounds like Denetria is like afraid of getting heartbroken, which is why she hasn't put herself out there. It's got to be so much harder with kids. I can only imagine. Granted her kids are older and twenty two and so they fully understand, uh, you know, the whole process of meeting someone and dating someone and all

that kind of stuff. I remember actually after my mom passed away, my dad was like reinserting himself into the dating pool. Uh. And he would like sometimes come to me, like ask my opinion and my advice for things. When I was like seventeen, Uh, then it was weird. But even as a seventeen year old, you know, you still have enough awareness to really, like I guess lendon opinion

um versus dating with like with a kid, um. You know, like I can only imagine what Amanda must go through which she has two younger kids, and she has to be very like cognizant and aware of the guys that she's introducing to her kids because they're at such a vulnerable state in their their life. Um so yeah, I mean I don't understand, like she definitely is not a lost cause by any means, Nutria, but it's it's kind of sad. I hope she doesn't think that. I hope

that she doesn't really mean that. I hope you listen to this and realize that there is hope still at any stage in life too. Will you always hear stories about like seniors even like people in their sixties or seventies, uh, like falling in love again and all this kind of stuff, Like I think that's that's a very beautiful thing. Yeah, my parents got divorced when I was about thirteen. Oh my gosh, it's already been more than ten years. But

they're both have really happily married again. And they didn't get married until I was like twenty one, so there's a lot of time in between there, like their husband for Denitria, But um yeah, they're both like probably the happiest I've ever seen them, so well, there it is a takeaway from that, don't give up, hope, keep fighting, let yourself fall in love if you so want to, but don't force anything. Um okay, well that'll do it for this week's episode of Help I Suck at Dating.

Big thank you to our sponsor, Homesick Candles. Remember to go to homesick dot com use my code Dean that's d e a N for ten dollars off and free shipping when you buy two or more candles. Big thank you to Jared and Vaness Stuff for calling in from their respective locations. Big big thank you to Easton Erica and Tory for chiming in so so much this episode. Um next week we will have Jared back in studio. It'd be great to hear kind of what the kind

of headway they made on their um wedding planning. And maybe I'll have some more dating stories for to share with you. I I doubt it, we'll see dream big anyways, Thank you again for tuning in. This has been help I Suck at Dating. Be shure to tune in next week, where maybe we'll suck a little bit less. Follow help by Suck at Dating with Dean, Vanessa and Jared on I Heart radio or wherever you listen to podcast