#41 Make Do and Mend

But now that's so funny because I think the same thing. I think Ashley loves my voice when it's a little bit raspier, kind of Batman totally, it's the best. Um. So, anyway, we have our first guest. Dean is still on vacation, traveling the world, doing a vacation. I think it's more like a soul searching. Yeah, he's been gone for I don't know four years. I will look into how long it's been gone because we may have to take his name out of the title pretty soon. Now he's gonna

be back either next week or the week after. I believe one of those two to hear stories from Oh, I agree, But we have a very special guest in studio from the creators of the Men's App, which is an app that actually the men broken Hearts with. We have its creator L, so nice to be here. What's your last name? I love the way you describe that, by the way, because it sounded like we're actually putting together those broken hearts. Well, that's the way that appens.

That's the way you guys described the app. Um. So I joined the app because I wanted to find out more about this L. First of all, what's your last name? I'm just sorry, my last name is? What the how do you say? What the what? What you got to roll your art let that? Yeah said, I'm half Mexican, okay, my dad is half and then I'm half I'm half white. And I was like, should I go into I just did my twenty three and me tell you I'm like

part British or German. Um. Well, I wanted because I wanted to know your last name, so I didn't just introduce to you as L. Yeah. Usually people say where to, like like where too, but with an a a little bit easier, So L where To? You created this app and it is called mend. Can you tell us a little bit about it. Yeah, I really built what I needed and wanted when I was going through a breakup myself. So it's very much like a best friend that's guiding

you through a breakup. If if your best friend had good advice and UM didn't get sick of hearing you talk about your breakup. UM. It's it's like a personal trainer. So every day you check in UM and we deliver an audio training that's personalized to you based on what we know about you and what we know about your breakup. UM. And it's kind of like this ongoing podcast that helps you mend throughout your breakup and then also beyond. So

you created this after you went through a breakup yourself. Yeah, it's been a bit of a journey because I first launched a newsletter with breakup content, and then I launched a breakup website like a blog, and then it was really through that whole experience that I had the idea for the app UM. So it's been a while since that first that first breakup that that sparked. So what was different between the app and like the app that

you have now and the website you had before? Yeah, I mean that was just like a learning curve and then you finally kind of perfected what you wanted. And that's what MEN is all about. Well, the website was really a blog, so it was a place where we curated stories UM and I was curating advice from experts. The app is much more like UH an interactive experience. It really you know, if it feels conversational, you're actually messaging UM and you know it was messaging you back.

So the app is a conversational UI. So it's not a person UM, but it feels like you're messaging with a person. So we ask you every day how you're doing. We send you a training to listen to, We ask you to rate the training, We ask you, you know, questions about your breakup to help us personalize your training

program UM. So it feels sort of like a best friend guiding you through the experience, which for us was important because one of the things that we kept hearing from people who are using our our website was that they really missed UM, you know, just hearing from their X throughout the day. That's one of the things you missed the most, right, Like you're texting with someone all day long and then yeah, and then all of a sudden,

it's just you know, radio silent. So um, so yeah, that's why we we wanted to build a conversational app. Is very black, is a little bit well, it's not like, it's not like a series, it's not AI, but two people. I feel like they cant to develop an attachment to the UI. It reminds me a little bit of that movie, Oh Her Phoenix. That's exactly what I was thinking, you know. I think because um, because the user experience is very voice based, so it's actually my voice in the app.

I think people, well, thank you, um. But I think people get attached to that. But it's not any different from people who are attached to listening to your podcast, you know. I think it's especially when you're going through a breakup. There's something really nice about hearing a human voice on the other end giving you advice versus just reading something on a website. I think this is a genius. When did this start? By the way, because I wish I knew this because I'm like the worst when it

comes to breakup. So when did this? Um, when did you launched this app? So we launched the app last year in April. Um, so we just celebrated our first anniversary. Thank you. Yeah, it's been an amazing year. I think this is great because, like you said, it's like a digital best friend, and sometimes it could get a little bit emotionally draining. I can talk for myself, UM, I do like to maybe replay, you know, scenarios in my head and maybe you know, you have all those stages

that you go through. And I talk, you know, talk to my family my friends a lot about UM, the relationship during the breakup, and I know I could get emotionally draining on their end, and sometimes they're like, Okay, I don't want to hear it anymore. I think this is a great idea because it's another outlet for people to use and the party to write. So it's not like your best friend telling you things that you may want to hear to think that you should be you know,

you should be hearing from um, from your friends and family. Yeah. I think for better or worse, A lot of times when you're getting advice from from people, they're projecting their own relationship history or their own ideas or opinions. UM. So you know, even though I'm the person reading the trainings. All of our trainings are created by experts, whether it's wellness experts or mental health experts. And so would you

consider yourself an expert? I would yeah. I mean I've been curating this type of content for years now, and it started as a real passion project. Um. I felt like there wasn't a great place for high quality advice online when it came to breakups, Like I remember the moment at two am when I was googling breakup advice on my phone and just getting all of these terrible like message like online forums and just awful advice and a lot of cliche advice. So I felt like there

was a white space for that type of content. Um, And I've just become so passionate about it and I'm steeped in it every day. Well, I joined MEN. I created an account because I wanted to figure this thing out for myself. So when Susi walked into studio, I was like, I know that voice, that voice, and then I realized you were the voice on MEN. So I

created it. Uh So, I'm happily engaged, but I wanted to thank you so much now you also, so I created it my profile as a single person to figure out what the app is all about to help somebody who's going through a breakup. But you say that there are people on this app that are actually in relationships. So why are people within relationships joining an app that is created to men to broken heart? Yeah? It was UM. It was a surprise to us too when we first launched.

So one of the questions we ask is what is your relationship status? UM? And we've we've seen that there are a lot of people who are joining men who are married or in relationships. UM. I think it gets it something that is very universal, which is that relationships are challenging, you know, even the really wonderful ones. And so I think, you know, we have a lot of people who use mend um to get through a rocky period,

like a rocky patch in a relationship. We have people who are thinking that maybe the relationship isn't right for them and they need support as they go through that process and figure out what the next step is. UM. And do you guys give relationship advice? For example, if somebody goes on there and they're texting and saying, I'm going through a rough patch with my you know, significant other, but I want to be with them. How do I

fix this? Do you guys give feedback on that? So we aren't actually having a conversation with you, but um, we do get your input. So we ask questions throughout the process about you, about your breakup, and then every week you choose three to four themes that you really want to focus on. So if you're there, like for you, if you want to focus on just healthy relationship habits, um, you can do that. You don't have to focus on you know, X trainings or heartbreak trainings or breakup trainings um.

And that's something that's a little bit newer for us, and we we wanted to expand into that because it was one of our top requests. Yeah, totally no. When I say feedback, though, I don't mean because I know that when I'm actually text messaging, I'm text messaging with a robot. How would you describe it? Appre texting, I'm

texting with the app And I understand that. But it is pretty cool because I saw on the website about how this is better than sending a drunk text to your ass and that that's exactly what I was thinking too.

This is like the perfect way to like keep your to keep your dignity in chech you know, because like you said, like most people missed hearing from their from their significant other, you know, so this is like a great way to like message the app kind of like I guess they send out reminders do you send out Yeah, we send out a lot of reminders and um, you

guys send out daily text. Yeah, they're not all app specifics, so a lot of them are just you know, little notes throughout the day, encouragement, motivation, you can do it like yeah, And it's funny because we have a really high often right for they're called push notifications, um, which means that people really like them. And I think it just goes back to the idea that you really you

miss that from you know, your ax. Oh totally. I think the only thing from the app for me when I was creating an account was the lack of, um, how do I put this human interaction? But I will say so I got to the end of it after all the questions and kind of texting with the app back and forth, and at the end of it, whatever you guys, deem is the best uh fit for a little monologue that you give at the end. Yeah, I like that monologue. I haven't heard that yet. Yeah, it is.

It's about a three So you get through all the questions that they ask you about what your breakup is, how you're doing, so on and so forth, and then at the end L comes on with about a four minute little monologue that she just goes into trying to help you get through whatever broken heart you're trying to

get past. It is. Yeah, So we have a huge lie barry of trainings and we we personalize your training program so, um, you know, if you went through a breakup because of infidelity, you're going to get a set of trainings that someone who went through a commitment breakup

wouldn't necessarily death. And that's what I enjoyed about the app is that because there is, like you said, a lot of cliches out there and a lot of very vague sayings that people try to exactly like just get over it exactly, you know, or like just be the best you you can be, and which are all fun and great. Well, I got I've created a profile for somebody who's single who got broken up with two months

ago because of distance. I think I put um so because I wanted to create something that a profile for somebody that was maybe going through a breakup currently and trying to mend a broken heart, because that's what the app is all about. But having said that, the app

is more than that, which I do really like. And for me, while there wasn't that much human interaction throughout the text, as soon as your voice came on, it was very comforting and I didn't realize that I had get that much comfort, just a formative monologue of saying, Hey, it's gonna be okay, We're here for you, and that was the really nice part of the app. Yeah, that I thought was a really nice touch because when I

google how to get Over a breakup? There isn't there's no human interaction, but with this app, there is, and that's the big difference, and it is personalized for each person going through different circumstances. Unlike when you just google how do I Get over a breakup? There's so many different answers out there for this, it is for somebody

going through a very specific type of breakup. Okay, well, since since we're on the topic of let's say a long distance or instelity, since those are two topics you guys brought up, what are some important things to successfully get through a breakup like that. What kind of advice would someone like that fine on the app? Mmm, well those are two really different types of breakups. But I would say so infidelity is one of the most common breakup reasons for vendors. So I think the last time

I looked at still ranked number two. What's number one? Number one is commitment? UM. Not surprising for our generation. Everyone from everyone app pretty much. So we actually have users in over a hundred and sixty countries, So I think it's a global trend. UM. I do think for me, I think it just speaks to UM kind of the age group of our of our audience, which is, you know, mostly millennial, and I think that there's so much access to new relationships UM that it does take more I think,

to commit than it than it maybe did in the past. UM. But when it comes to infidelity, we have a lot of trainings on infidelity. UM. I would say trust. We have a lot of trainings on rebuilding trust. But I think one of the most fundamental things that we really try to impress upon people is that even though it

feels so personal, you can't take UM infidelity personally. UM. So you can't see it as a reflection on your own worth or your hard It's so hard and so it's not something that you listen to one three minute training and you feel better. But that's the whole point of men, is that you know it's a it's a long term companion. You're you're checking in every day, You're getting a training every day, and you're slowly building towards

towards something. So you guys are like personal trainers, because that's what the New York Times called you, which is quite impressive, I must say, do you find that accurate? Would you consider yourself like a personal trainer? With love or broken hearts? Absolutely? You know. I just saw have you guys seen the Fred Rogers documentary? Okay, well, so there's a documentary on him, and um he says. One of the things that he says that I loved, Isn't it is Fred Rogers? Mr Rogers? Okay, Okay, I was

going to say, I was like Fred Rogers? Who the hell is that? Okay? Mr Rogers? Aging myself? I think I am the oldest one. Two Rogers I used to watch is Rogers? Oh yeah, of course. Won't you be my neighbor? True fans also know his first name. But anyways, in this documentary, one of the things that you said is that love is at the root of everything, either love or the lack of it. And I really believe that, and so yes, I consider us, you know, personal trainers

for heartbreak. Um. I think that there's so many other areas, like when it comes to finances, you get like a financial planner, and when it comes to fitness sometimes you get a personal trainer. Um And why not have that for one of the most core parts of who you are as a person? Your heart? Yeah? I totally agree. Um So, I have a quick question to you talk about training that you go through on the app. Yeah, do you have any type of couples training or is

this specific for one person going through one circumstance. That is a great question. Um. So, we we are very focused on the individual who's using men um So, we're really focused on helping you through your your breakup experience and then also helping you develop the relation and ship that you have with yourself, which really does set the foundation for the relationship you have with other people. But

we are really focused on just that one person. But we do have people who are in couples who use men at the same time. So because al right, so at the end of when I signed up for the profile, at the end there's a journal. Yeah. Now when you when I write into the journal, is the app responding or do you guys go through that at all and kind of read some you know, the journals are encrypted, they're private, so nobody can read the journals except for

yourself whoever is writing it exactly. Yeah, so no one on our team can not even our engineers can read it. And that that was really important to me because I felt like, um, you know, writing is very therapeutic, um, but it's also something it's very private, and so we wanted to keep that private for people. It's funny because we have some people who write in and they ask us, you know, can we pay extra for you to read the journal and give us more advice? Um, But I

think it's just kind of a slippery slope. I think the majority of people really see that as a safe space where they can express whatever they're feeling and not be worried about reading. Yeah. Yeah, so every day you journal, um, which you know, a lot of the a lot of research has been done. Then it's really helpful to journal and check in daily UM when you're going through a breakup. But the progress tracking is really around UM a couple of metrics in the app. So we have we tracked

two things. When you're going through a breakup, we track days since X contact UM and then we track yeah, last X contact and then we track days since breakup. And you have the ability to actually hide those if you don't want to track it UM. But I think

the X contact one is really important. It's one of our most used features, and we in our community actually people will share UM their count and share that milestone like every week, like, hey, guys, you know it's been sixty days, the hardest sixty days of my life, but UM, you know I'm doing it one day at a time. Do you think you should cut off communication with an x UM? I So one of the things that I love about what we do is that we personalize our advice.

But I will yeah, in general, that is one of the things that I do really stand by with men, but also personally, I don't think that you have to cut someone out forever. I think it is really important and research backs this up that if you're trying to move forward you need to have some buffer room to recalibrate.

And it goes to the fact that UM, so much of a relationship is hormonal and neurochemical and if you UM, if you stay connected to your ex, you're still exchanging all of this hormonal feedback with them and UM it's very much like an addiction. So the only way that you will UM, you know, eventually be able to be friends with them, UM or have any type of relationship down the line with them is if you kind of take a break and break that chemical bond UM and UH.

It's something that Helen Fisher has studied a lot. Who's Who's one of the experts on love UM, but she recommended about sixty days what you need to get through that hump that like withdrawal period. And it really feels like withdrawal. I'm sure you guys have experienced that before, but it is like, yeah, well that's what I was saying. This app is kind of like whenever you have that orde where you wake up I finally like the after breakup. UM. I don't know if you guys th relate to this.

The morning are the worst because you're waking up, like you check your phone and you kind of have some sort of expectation that they would have emailed you or texted you, or you would have had like a miscall from them the next day, you know, and yeah, like, no, they did not think of me during the night or last night or this morning, and they haven't messaged me. Kind of like start off your day with that expectation. I'm like, Okay, well, you know, maybe I'll hear from

them throughout the day. So I think that app is great. Um, Like I said, to keep this dignity to UM, I have a question, how does one I guess, for lack of a better term, graduate from this aspect? How does how do you, um, how do you succeed uh like the break up? You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah, definitely. I mean I think it's different for everyone. Every heartbreak

is so unique. But one of the things that we see happen when people are kind of beyond that really acute, painful heartbreak phase is that they change which milestones they're tracking. So instead of tracking day since X contact day since breakup, they start tracking how many trainings they've done, um. And that's that's basically switching from what we call break up

milestones to mending milestones um. And we also notice that, you know, every week we ask you to choose themes that are top of mind for you that you need help with, and we start to see that people are choosing themes around self care, self love, dating, We have you know, dating content, relationship content, and they start choosing other types of things so they're not so focused on their X and their breakup. And that's really I think

the turning point for a lot of people. And I think that's the point of this app, which is so good. It acts as kind of a filler, like it makes you focus on the app rather than your X because I've been there before. I'm sure a lot of people

have been there before. Listen to this where like, you have that X that you still just kind of hang out with, that you still might like get together with, spend nights with, and just get back into that comfort zone, and it's just so unhealthy because what you really need is to distract yourself and get away from that situation. And I think this is a great app to do that, to try to really focus your energy on something else, whether it be through text, messaging, training, journal writing, rather

than focusing on your EX. Because checking their Instagram stories exactly, stocking them on social media. It's like totally, it's like the modern day way of driving past somebody's house, you know how like people used to drive past their house if the car stone driveway going through somebody's Instagram is the exact same way. But now it's way easier to do that because you're not going to get caught unless you accidentally like one of their pictures from like twelve

weeks prior, and then that's really embarrassing. Yeah, we actually have we have a meme about that on our Instagram account. Um, that is one of the worst things ever when you get caught doing that, but it's it's the most common breakup vice. Instagram is so hard and that's the hardest part of bart breaking up today is that like they're

still just right in your face. And so yeah, totally, I advocate when you say, like block them, just cut off communication for a while, because that's the healthiest thing. I think blocking is a little bit much. Um, I think like maybe just deleting them off of your you know, do you have good will power? Though, especially if they

are a public profile. Even if they're public I just feel like it's unless it ended that be like I've never really had a horrible breakup with anyone, but of course, like I'm an emultiple person, so for me, it was like a big deal to break up every even I dated someone for like two weeks. It's like, you know, like why do we break up? But I for me, it's just a level of respect, Like I'm not going

to block them. I don't think it's delete them. I'll delete them so that like for me, it's like I don't know, I guess it's all psychological for me, like I'll delete their number off of my phone, and it's that's like for me, a way to um kind of start like dissolving, do you you know, like that the relations and ships so that I can start from scratch, but still maintaining that respect for the person that I dated. Having to go the extra mile of like blocking them

and being traumatic totally. Yeah. But for me, I just don't have the willpower. If I just simply do need somebody, I'm going to still somehow get their number and still either contact of them or like even with Instagram or Facebook or Twitter whatever, Like sure I can un follow them, but you're I mean, I'm still going to search you and try to find you. What I need to do is like take drastic measures. And it's not a respect

thing for me. It's not like I don't cherish the time we have, But for me, the healthiest thing is really cut off communication. And it's really difficult to do that. I'm not saying it's easy. What I'm saying is I advocate it, and like it's not a disrespect thing. It has nothing to do with that I hate you. It's more so I need to just cut you out of my life for a little while, because if I don't, then you're going to consume a lot of my time,

and that time I need to move on. Yeah, yeah, I think if you have to keep yourself in check, right, like if it becomes an unhealthy obsession, which for a lot of people it does. I mean, Instagram is so addictive and then you're going through withdrawals, so all you want to see is a photo of your ex um And they've actually they've done research that seeing a photo of your ex triggers the same things in your brain

as you know seeing them in real life. So it is it's so important to just be mindful of what you're doing. On Instagram and how much time you're spending, how much is talking you're doing. I just want to go on an excess profile and see a picture of them crying and how sad they are without me and lonely. I don't want to see them like with somebody else, how happy they are. That's why I go on their

vocation on vacation. They're doing so much better without. We all know that whatever you see on social media half the time is not real. It's true. How can everyone

have like a perfect life on you know what I mean? Like, I don't know if they're posting all these amazing pictures of them on vacation and like out having fun and looking good, it's probably they're probably hoping that you're checking their Instagram paid to see it's you know, it's how they're doing so that they can make you feel worse about the breakup. And I fall into the trap every

single time by used their not anymore. I'm very happy, but it's good for whoever's listening for them to understand that, you know, totally everything you see on social media is like real life guys. So people are sad, some people are happy, but again, at the at the end of the day comes down to what like you said there, it comes down to will power, and I uh, I guess I have a little bit of little power to not go out of my way to contact someone. But

you know what, that's not true. I've lost my dignity in so many situations after breakup and my friends like stop texting, stop calling them, Like it's hard, it's just, it's just And I didn't know if this mendap existed, so now I do totally. It's like an addiction. It's

unbelievable talking about like social media. It is funny, like if I'm out somewhere and I'll see, you know, a group of girls, are a group of guys and they're just kind of hanging out, but then like somebody about to post a selfie and they all start yelling and like yeah, like calling crab the best time ever. And then they'll take the picture and I'll look at it and immediately going back to like just kind of standing around and and it's like unbelievable, how you're absolutely right

in us. So where my mind when I'm out, If I'm out at a concert and having fun and like I see people do that, I realize oh my god, they're just doing it for the Graham. But then I go back home and I'm watching TV by myself, you know, not anymore. I have my beautiful fanc with me. But years ago, when I was watching TV by myself, and I'd go on Instagram and see these people doing the exact same thing I just saw. For some reason, that still triggers FOMO. And even though I know that they're

just doing it for the phone, I don't know. It's a hard thing to to really get, but I'm sorry.

One thing that I think can be really helpful, and I think a lot of people have started doing this now, especially menders, but doing kind of an audit of who you're following on Instagram and just make sure that you're following really positive accounts that uplift you, that are more like advice oriented um, because sometimes you don't realize the impact of all the content you're scrolling through and you might actually need to change the content that you're seeing

during that peer it. And I think we oftentimes forget social interaction like actually, you know, hanging out with your friend and having face to face conversations with them, like it's it's crazy and I'm you know, I'm I'm guil give this where I'm like, oh, well, I have so much to today, but I'll you know, FaceTime my mom instead of drive up to her house and go see her in person when we live in the same city.

So I think it's important to also have like that balance of yes, having a lifting positive accounts on your Instagram, but really like go back to the basics. Remember when we were kids, we didn't have cell phones or like any way of communicating with their family until like you knew the sun was setting. But that's when you have to go home. My friend is at my house now, and she's like I was messaging Her'm like, hey, where

are you five minutes? Wait, Hey, I'm here. You know, like instead of me just going downstairs and waiting for her, I was like texting her every five minutes to see where she was. As Yeah, as a kid, I'd be playing tagger on the neighborhood, running around not even caring and not having care in the world. And now like I take two steps away from my condo without my phone and wall and I start crying because I'm afraid

I'm gonna get lost. Um, I do want to ask this al really quickly, UM, because you had a very famous female actor that had an interview exactly great mind stick of Life Vanessa. So you had Jessica Alba to an interview. How did that happen? Yeah? How did it happen? And Yeah, so that was an amazing, UM, really surreal moment.

We went on the show called Planet of the Apps, which was an Apple series that is an amazing name, UM, and we had to it was sort of like the Voice, So we had to do a pitch and I was on a moving escalator UM and was pitching to h Jessica Alba, Gwyneth Paltrow, Will I Am, and Gary v Um and had to pitch them on the idea of why they should be my mentor and helped me through this incubator period. And then together UM, Jessica and I pitched to Light Speed Ventures, which is a big VC

in Silicon Valley. They were one of the first investors that snapchat UM and try to get them to give me money. So I went through Yeah, I went through that experience with her, and that was right before we launched the app. UM. It was incredible. She's, you know, an expert brand builder and storyteller. And she helped me through the rebrand of men um and through the launch of our app. It was it was amazing. And she she still involved with the app, so, I mean she

is very supportive from the sideline. She's not intimately involved with what we're doing on a on a day to day basis. She has quite a bit going on. She's a little Yeah she just had third kid. Um No, but she looks amazing. Yeah, she's she's amazing and was so helpful through that process. Um And we're really lucky that, you know, she is one of our mentors. Yeah, that's pretty incredible when you have Jessica Alba helping you launch your app. So, Jessica, if you're looking to them, you know,

I don't know, launch another app. Any idea is just come. You can find me at help I suck a dating at ihart media dot com. Um. But l I want to thank you so much for coming in. This was such a wonderful interview. Thanks for having me. It was fun to be here. I'm a big supporter of the app. I have one question actually for you guys about your cover art that I'm dying to know. Is it is it like a menage version of the Titanic stands with

I never thought of it in that way. Are so our cover picture Vanessa, the one that is for help. I've been trying to figure and myself for lifting you up. That's not my idea, Mike, Let's do something silly, and that was that was silly Metanic reference. Okay, I've been trying to figure that out for the longest time we were doing We just kind of it was like, hey, let's lift Vanessa up, and then we took a picture and then that became the cover art of the podcast.

And I love how I'm smiling. I'm like smiling like a twelve year old little boy. Vanessa's giggling because she has two men just lifting up in the air and DiCaprio, No Dean is leading on DiCaprio, and then Dean just has this look on his face like if I had a nick for every time I lifted a girl in the air. UM, l thank you so much for coming in.

Um guys, definitely go check out the men'd app anybody going through a broken heart, and even if you're not, you're just going through some maybe difficult times from relationship and really just want somebody to talk to definitely go check out this app. Um l is there anything else you'd like to say? Add in where people can find you? You can find us on the app store, um so where iOS only right now? And you can follow us on social media. Let's mend And if you want to

follow me, I'm Ellen Werta on Instagram. Perfect and that's m E N D. Mend. All right, thanks, hell, thank you bye? Well that was great. L Wow, she was really impressive. Huh good god? Alright, all I'm a lonesome on that one. UM. What she did have though, when she first walked in I noticed right away was a beautiful head of hair. That's very important to me. I know, Vanessa, but you have beautiful hair, so you get to see yourself in the mirror every day so much. You're always complimentary.

You know. I tried beautiful hair Jessica Alba, who is also part of that app, um that we were talking about. Men uh love dusk gals of hair. I was actually just listening to Ariana Grande. That's another celebrity that I think has great hair. It's always like in a high pony talents like super thick and lustius. Wait, how can you know that she has great hair. If it's always in a point of tale, you can tell the pot it's thick. Yeah. So when I tie my hair like

I'm like, I hope it looks like Ariana Grande. It looks like it's thick, it's long, it's shiny. You want to have You don't want to only have great hair when your hair down as a girl, great hair when it's curly and trade and the pony celler and a bun. If you if you can picture any celebrity with amazing hair like dusk Alvo Oriana Grande, you can bet that they have a stylist who cools them in to the yummy,

delicious little gummies sugar Bear Hair. Sugar Bear Hair is the a best seller on Amazon with thousands of great reviews. You guys have to see me post about it. Actually just got my fit meant I think last week of like six new bottles, I'm really excited. Um. They taste like sweet delicious candy made with real juice from real berries, but contain everything you need for stronger and healthier hair. There gluten free, soy free, cruelty free. They support strength

and shine of your hair and nails. Um I've been using it for you know, maybe a little bit over a year. My hair grows a lot longer, and I do feel like it's it's like a little bit thicker now. Um. It has as much vitamin A as four cups of broccoli, as much vitamin C as one cup of cranberries, and as much vitamin B twelve as four organic eggs. Nutrients and sugar Bear hair fans also found their nails and

skin quality improved over time. So everyone that's been asking me and damming me about what my skin carotin is, nothing has changed. Um, But I guess there is a Cigar Bay hair. I didn't think of it that my skin quality. You know, it's like shine no signier, but it looks like jewier my skin. I'm sure it looks wonderful. I wish I could see you in person so I can compliment you. But you've always had great skin, and sugar Bear hair is just improving it, which I didn't

even know it was possible. Sugar Bear hair, good God, it is amazing. Actually loves it, Vanessa, I know that you love it, So listen. I know you guys are gonna love it as well. Everybody listening to this podcast. So what you have to do in order to get this is you go to sugar Bear Hair dot com. Slash help You go there for beautiful hair and a healthier you that sugar Bear Hair dot com slash help h e l P sugar Bear Hair dot com slash help go there today to get your shipment of sugar

Bear hair. Vanessa loves it. I'm gonna try it out and get some. I mean, my fing hair is already pretty thick, so I don't know if I want to get it that much thicker. But they do taste delicious, so it's really hard to turn turn down. All right, Well, we also have another wonderful guest that's waiting on the line for us. This guest his name is Bill Freeman. He is from a online matchmaking website called love Story Matchmaking dot com. Bill, are you there? Hey? Bill? How

are you doing? This is Jared, So it's Jared and Vanessa okay, and I'm joined by Sonia. Okay, yes, Sonia, how are you hi? Thank you for having us, No, thank you for coming into our podcast. We appreciate it. So tell us a little bit about your website, love Story Matchmaking dot com. Um love Story match Making dot Com is an exclusive offline match making agency. UM. We pride ourselves on taking the process offline, making it more personal,

making it more offline. Of um, none of the profiles that we that people fill out, all the information they give us is not available to anyone online. It's for our internal use only for match making purposes. Okay, if that makes sense. It makes perfect sense. Yes, so it because it's um, it attracts. Uh. You know a person that is a busy professional that doesn't have time for all of the online dating apps, who wants a little privacy, a little more you know, exclusivity, a more tailored need

um approach to matchmaking. That's fair. So my question is you guys, are you go online to find love story matchmaking dot Com But then you say that your matchmaking is offline, so they put in a little they do a survey. Correct, everybody goes on does a survey to kind of personalize their little profile. And then what do

you guys do after that? Exactly? So they'll they'll log into our system, give us some basic information about them, and then someone's and our team will reach out and get them started with a profile and give them a password to access all of the detailed information that we need to get them started, and then they're able to upload their photos from there, and then we'll schedule UM and in depth conversation consultation with with everyone who's come

to the system in the ditches that we do identity verification, background checks, personality testing and so UM. You know a lot of people's experience with the online apps, UM, and there's a lot of them is that you know you don't you don't know what you're actually getting. And we do a lot of the leg work and verification and and find out a lot about you and and your what your personality is really all about, and helps our clients, UM find somebody uh that they're really looking for. So

I have a question. I'm single. Let's say I were to sign up to love Story match making dot com I were to build my profile. Would I be the one to hand pick the person I think that suits me? Or would you come back to me with a list of men that you think would be a great match for me? So how would work? Is if you were a client of love Story and I'm searching on your behalf, UM, you fill out your profile, I get to know you really well go through all your criteria points, what you're

looking for, who you're looking to meet. UM, you know in detail, and it equates to an executive search almost if you can visualize that. So UM, I would find him for you and the course of one year, it's a year contract. You would meet you know, anywhere from two to three introductions a month that are vetted and based on the criteria points that are important to you, so that you will be the WIT. I meet everyone

in person, yes exactly. I would send you the men and bring the introductions to you UM, one at a time, so you wouldn't see you would see a bio before you UM, before the introduction, and of course I would bring them to life and tell you all about them and everything I know about them and their personality, you know, everything that's important about meeting someone. I kind of do the coffee date first for you, and then you would know the first date you take. You do that for us,

Yes exactly. I meet everyone in person and make sure that it's a match before you can hang out with them. That's really interesting. I like that because it's always that awkward first moment where you're like, oh, what do you do? What do you do. And then sometimes it's just you find out that you have nothing in common. And what you're matchmaking does is that you guys, make sure that you do have common interests and that you do live in similar areas to make sure that this is something

that could potentially work for the long term. I really like that exactly exactly, and even like relationship goals and it gets really, you know, deeper than that. It's like, what are your relationship goals? Are you looking for? You know, to date? Is? Are you marriage minded? Are you you know, um you ever see yourself getting married or having children, or you know, really getting down to the details of what the basis of a relationship can build on before

you even meet that person. So, Bill Sonia, thank you so much for coming in. We really appreciate you coming in and talking about your love story match making. It's a very interesting idea, very uh different. I like how it's offline dating, not online dating, and that's something that

intrigues me a lot. Um do you guys, do you guys have anything else you want you want to talk about before we let you go where we can find you the online, the website, yes, just you know, log into love Story, Max making dot Com and fill out you know, go go to the about you and we will contact you with us an even password to get going and start your own love story. Awesome. Thank you so much. Thank you guys, really appreciate it. Bill and Zana from love love Story Matchmaking dot Com thank you

guys so much for joining us. Thank you, Jared. I have a question for you. I went on love Story match Making dot com to see will was all about and how they have a they have a personality test um to better Matthew with like uh with a partner, And then I was thinking, so, you know, like dating is really not easy, and like I'm in right now trying to date, and I start thinking of, you know, I want someone who has similar personality treats as me.

But then it's also like, let's say I think, and hopefully I'm formulating this question properly and it makes sense. Let's say I think I'm someone who's intelligent, but I don't.

You are intelligent, Vanessa, Okay, thank you? So like and then you and I meet a guy and the guys more intelligent than I am, and then he becomes intimidating, and then it becomes like an awkward you know, like I can't fully be myself because then the one thing that I knew I was really good at, or the one um quality that I had that was really like intriguing to men, has now become something that I don't think I can have. And you know what I mean

because like he takes over that quality. So you want to be So you're trying to say you want to be smarter than your significant not you know, I'm trying to give like an example of like a quality that you think you have. Like let's say, dare you're do you want to be with something like well, now you're in days, but like when you're dating and you did you want to date someone that was funny as well? Or did you want to date someone that just enjoyed

your humor? Yeah, I got you. You're like George Costanza right now from Seinfeld, where like he can't do anybody funnier than him. Like it's just I I got you um for me quality that like I think, Uh, I don't think I've ever really thought about equality that I

want to have some you know, like over Ashley. I mean when like when you were like dating, you know, like now I'm I'm open to dating um, and I'm starting to think of, Okay, of course I want to be and I am being more selective with the men that i'm in fighting into my personal space of course, as you will should. Yeah, and then and I start thinking, like, am I just becoming way too picky because there's you know and you know like and then like, oh, it's

because like, oh it's fun you're face. I don't want to date him because he's funny than me. And that's the one thing I know i'm good at for I'm not saying I'm funny, but I'm just being a quality that, uh, you know, that you think you can have. And I think that's the problem that some of us encounter. And I agree with maybe Eagle, because you're like, I'm really good at this, and I want to be good at that. No,

you're absolutely right, Vanessa, You're hysterical. But listen, I do have an answer for your question now, because when I went on the Bachelorrette, I don't know if you remember this, I had to choose between two bachelorrettes. I had Britt and I had Caitlin, and so I remember going in there obviously meeting them both for the first time, thinking Caitlin is too funny, Caitlin is too witty, she's too outgoing.

She like any I always I was always intimidated by Caitlin because I thought that while I find myself a conversationalist and I'm able to banter, she would always have something and she would just out with me, and I couldn't keep up, and she would just blow, you know, blow the doors off me type thing, right. And so that's why I was more intrigued by Britt, because I was always intimidated by Caitlin. And then I met them, and then I found out, oh wait a minute, no,

I can keep up with Kaitlin. This is something that I'm interested in, and so I think and for me personally, it was more so a confidence thing. I'll never forget. My first night in the bachelorette, I was I was not confident at all. God, I felt like I was gonna throw out the entire night. Somehow, miraculously, exactly right, miraculously I got a rose and then I was able to go in the next week. And I remember thinking that if I let my insecurities get the best of me,

I'm gonna be voted off next week. And I'm probably gonna look like a jackass because I'm just always going to be scared and and shine. Oh no, I don't want to like disturb the peace. I don't want to cause any drama. I'm just gonna hide in the background.

And so that week, my first week, it was a boxing date that I had, and I remember thinking to myself, Jared, you either suck it up and pull yourself up by the pants and have this confidence about you, or you're gonna let your insecurities get the best of you and you're gonna look like an idiot and be sent home and you're gonna regret everything. And so that week I decided to put all my doubts to the to the

side and be confident. And then that's when I found out that, like, oh my god, I think I might have like a connection with this girl, and I think I might like her. And and and then I started finding that I like, yes, she had a lot of banter, and she was witty and clever and funny. But I was keeping up because I was just being myself and

being confident. So I think when you're dating somebody Vanessa, and you're out there and you might think that they're super funny and smart and intelligent, and they have so many things going and you might feel a little intimidated. Just try to focus on yourself in that moment and realize, wait a minute, I've got my own going on right now that I'm really confident about, and focus on that rather than focusing on how quote unquote perfect they seem.

Does that make sense right? Yeah? Now I get that. I think it's hard wife when you're especially as you're getting I don't. I don't think i'm old, but I think as they're getting older. You know, I'm in turning thirty one and two months, and I'm like, I want to make sure that the next person I invited to my little world here and I introduced my friends family as someone that I'm really really, really really connecting with

and I know I can see a future with. So I think right now at this I just like I and in my head sometimes when I think of why why do I like this person or why do I not like them? Or why am I intimidated? But you gotta get out of your head. But it was like, yeah, but then, you know, at one point I met someone I was a little intimidated. I'm like, why am I intimidated?

And I think it was because they were so funny, and I'm like, I can't think it was something funnier to like text back to them or to stay back. So maybe I'm gonna be and then maybe they might perceive me as someone boring, so maybe I just stop talking, you know what I mean? No, of course, and listen.

I've I was in my head for a very long time, for years until this past January, and I realized that because I've been into my in my own head and doubting everything and been scared to actually make a decision and trust my gut and go with it, I almost lost the most important person in my life, which was actually and thank god, I realized that I was in my own head and realized that I needed to get out of my own head in order to achieve the

goals that I wanted to achieve. And it was the best decision that I've ever made in my entire life. And so that's my advice, is that the more in your head you are, the worst your life is going to be. Going your gut, What are you doing here? I'm just giving advice, That's what I'm on the podcast for I'm giving advice because what I'm telling you is follow your heart and trust your gut and go after the things you want to go for, because there's nothing

worse than living with regret. How many times what I remember thinking this when I was first talking to Ashley and expressing my feelings, because all I could think about was all of of of like not old my older friends, but just like older guys that I've met throughout my life who have always been like, you know, if I could go back, I should have said something to her, I should have gone after this person, or why the

hell didn't I say something? And like I was, you know, I was too prideful and I never did anything and told people how I fell, and I should have told them every day how much I love them. And that's what all all this was going through my head, and I was like, I need to do something. I needed to step up to the play. I need to just get out of my head and go after what I want. And so that would be my advice for you, is that, like, don't be don't overthink I do I do, I do,

go after what I want. I think that just like like why did you well, I have one more thing I want to say, just very quickly. You know what I always um equated to is remember when you've given presentations back in school, and you'd be sitting there and like, for me, I'd be sweating, I'd be so nervous. I never wanted to go in front of the class because I knew I was just gonna startter and be shy,

and I was scared. And then I always remember seeing the people up there that were like me, that were scared and sweaty, and would become self aware of it and be like, I'm really sorry, guys, I'm just nervous, and their presentation would suck. And then even though they did the work beforehand, they were prepared, but in the moment, they just couldn't get out of their own head and

they were so terrified and their presentation was awful. And then you'd get to the next guy who didn't do any work beforehand, who just went up there and winged it. But because he was so confident in the moment, or at least pretending to be confident, his presentation killed because he was just able to have charisma and really be himself and it didn't matter if he really knew what he was talking about or not, but just the fact that he was confident in himself and it was entertaining

to watch. And so I kind of equate that with dating a little bit where even though I'm nervous going and huh, I don't think it comes down to Like what I'm trying to say is, I don't think it comes down to confidence for me. It's like I, Um, if I see something I I wanna you know, pursue, or someone I want to pursue, like, I have no shame in being that person to either you know, approach them or to you know, ask their friends for their number, Like,

I have no shame of doing that. Um, that's a good quald to have, what I'm saying, And that's really good to have for me. When I was dating, it was more so if I was nervous, I would try to overcompensate, and then that's when I was, you know, saying dumb things because I was trying to be funnier than I actually am. I just trying to come off smarter than I actually am when actuality no, I'm I'm I'm funny when I can be, and I'm smart in certain areas of life. And then other areas I'm dumb

and there's nothing wrong with that. And so I think I was like asking during for this love story matchmaking nott com website, if you have to, you have to the personality test, and you like, let's say I would want someone funny or whatever? Was someone right? Like? I want someone funny? But I'll hear the thing, you know, like, how would you like even if someone has all the qualities that you think would match your personality type, your personality traits? Is it like do you want them more

educated than you? Lesson? You know what I mean? There's always like that. Is that what the personality tests asked? Do they want somebody smartest? No? No, no, no. I'm just saying, like, obviously for personality want someone who I don't know? I didn't. I didn't. I want on the website to see what they did, but I didn't click on the personality the personality. All I'm asking is do you think sometimes well, now that you're engaged, we need to get Dean on the phone here, I know right

where is Dean. We'll just talk to me. Listen. I I I've lived a very single life for a very long time. Yeah, it's just like, do you start thinking, Okay, do I like why do I like this guy? I like this guy because he has this, this, this, this this as personality chase or why am I intimid dated

by this person? Isn't because they have, you know, more success than you And is that's something that you feel that that you need to work on individually in order to have a successful relation to put that person who ultimately has everything that you want in a significant other.

But it's something that you need to work on. So that's what I was trying to say, is does it come down to like things that you're ego were things that you need to work on because it's just that you um, you know that you feel like you need to do to be a little bit better at um or does it come down to not knowing what it is that you want in person in personality face in the person that you want to be dating. I think feel like I'm talking in circles right now. I don't

think I'm making sense. Well, what I'm gonna say is that I think a lot of people make excuses because in actual outly they're just afraid of commitment because it is a very scary endeavor. To take on to be like, Okay, I'm going to commit myself to this person and just

you and I pray to God it works out. And I think a lot of people are scared of that, and I was for a very long time, and I kept making excuses to be like, oh, it's it's it's not working out because of this, or it's not working out because of that, when an actuality wasn't working out because I wasn't willing to really, uh you stick to

my convictions, um and so. And I think that's a part of being in your own head because you just you know, you always think of the worst rather than think of the best, and human beings would just do that in nature. And then I also think in terms of um, you know, you go out and you're like, oh, well, I like him for this, or I like him for

this or for that. I don't think you can really quantify love like there's like even when I think about it, actually I'm like, yeah, I love her because she's endearing and sweet and honest, and I can list off all these qualities, but the reason I love her most is something that I can't even put into words. Um. Yeah, And so I think even when for you, when you're when you're on dates with people and you're like, you know, I really like them, um, because of this and that.

And I think it comes down to when you know you know, and when you get you know, those feelings of like I want to pursue something in with this with this person. You know. That's um, that's like the point where you know, like you just kind of you can't describe it. If I'm making that would be my best case. I mean, think, definitely, think, you know, always think, but just try not to overthink. You know, what we need to talk about for a second here, something that's

very important, very near and dear to my heart. Do you guys know nine Day Fiance? Oh, I think a lot of us do. Well. There's a show called ninety Day Fiance before the ninety Days and guess what it premiers. It's back, guys. It's back on Sunday, August five at eight o'clock, seven o'clock Central on t l C. It's the ninety day condown known around the world. So t l S you guys know what that channel is. It

hits show. Ninety Day Fiance is taking on a journey from the very beginning and going before the ninety days. These couples fell in love online and now we get to see their first date halfway around the world. So pretty much they're dating where Dean is right now. Um, they're taking a huge risk and putting their life on the line for love. Nine to day fiance. It's a culture shock, language barriers. There's unexpected twists and turns. Can these relationships survive? And who will get down on one

knee for that long proposal? Some of these couples don't even speak the same language and have to use a translator app to communicate. That is insane. If Ashley spoke a different language, I'm not sure how it would work, but I'm excited to see if these couples can make it through. Can you imagine buy an engagement ring for someone you've never met in person. That's insanity to me, but you know, sometimes you gotta take a risk for love. It's a leap of faith, really, so sometimes it works.

Some of them have only talked online. This is just crazy. Anything as possible when you meet when they need person in a fourth country there to meet them, or will they turn out to be who they say they are? Will they return home? With caves are heartbroken, so actually sweet. Some of the cast Rachel and John So she's a single moms from New Mexico. He's from England and has a criminal record. They met get this on a karaoke app, which actually is my favorite. What is a karaoke app?

Do you get to meet other people that want to sing the same song? I think so. I think it's like a dual thing, and you like your screen pops up and you can help sing the same song together. I'm thinking that you can meet your soul mate on karaoke app. I'm feeling good about that one. I mean, I'll have to try that out. There's also set two year old Angela is from Georgia and head over heels for her thirty year old Nigerian sweetheart Michael, whose friend's

question why he's dating a grandma? That's not nice? A grandma years old? She might be a grandma and age this is the number. And then there's Marta and DIA's my favorite. Martha is a Catholic exotic answer and Dia is a Muslim and doesn't speak English. She's flying to Algeria to meet him. So this is um sounds like three interesting Days. I would love to see again. It's ninety days before the ninety Days premiere Sunday, August fifth, at eight seven Central, Honor Chia on TLC Channel Wheel.

All up to us, Um, this is really interesting. It's crazy to think that, like, you're gonna go and meet you're the person that you might be engaged to. Don't speak the same language. I've only spoken online, never met each other, and you're gonna go and you're gonna take the risk of hopefully finding love with that person. I mean, yeah, look at us. I mean we ended up on the Bachelor, So hey, anything is possible. Anything is possible. I truly believe that. I'm excited to check it out. Nine fiance

before the ninety Days check it out, guys. August five. All right, so do we have time for emails? I think there's a few that we got it. There are something here, yes, Jack Pot, Jack Pott, Hi, everybody, Hi, here's Heather. Heather says a guy in tender was talking to her this morning, and by this afternoon they were exchanging number. Hasn't They've been texting basic questions and I he's asking the FaceTime. I've been packing a move all day I'm writing a paper for school that's so not pretty.

I don't want to FaceTime with somebody I don't know and I've never met. I told him no, thanks, I have to work on my paper, and he said, ouch, what's your opinion on this? Is it okay to initiate a FaceTime at this point? And what's he doing help by secudating? Well, since I'm the single one here, I'm

not a fender. But you know, obviously I do meet people when I go out or friends or whatever, and we'll obviously start in stating a conversation through text ressuge, which is fine, but then you can't really see like how they are like a person else before you end the meeting that person, uh, face to face. I think it's a great idea to FaceTime. I personally love face timing.

And uh so, what if you're like wedding and writing a paper for for for school and you know, like if he I don't know, Derek, do you feel like don't you want to meet the person that If you want to have like a sperituationship with someone, don't you want to meet them in their elements, not like all dolled up or you know, having to be on their A game. I just think I want to see their

face before I actually meet him in person. And like, I kind of like this guy being like, hey, you want to FaceTime only after a few text messages get to the point, let's do this like we met on a dating app. I think you're cute. Let's just face time. But the fact that listen, the fact that he said out like buddy, really like that was involve around you. It's fine if he has like going on and Heather, actually I actually like down to you for saying like,

no think, well actually even nothing no think. But the fact that you show that you have your own stuff going on is like, I find that if I were a guy, I find that attractive. And I think the out comment he could have responded a little bit better, like his eagle is probably a little bit bruised. But let me just from the other side of this, let's point out the guy's motivation here. He wants to see

what you look like. He doesn't trust what you've put on the dating gaps, and he wants to see the reality of it because you know our dating apps, it's your best. Oh. I think a thousand percent of the guy's point of view. He wants to see what the real deal is here. Can you blame him? Maybe not not even cafish, but maybe it's like a picture from four years ago or just like right, you just don't know online. But that's why he's doing it, So do it or don't do it. But no, that's why he's

doing it. And if you don't hear from him again, he didn't like what he saw. Guys are so superficial, and that's what this is. I I agree to a certain extent. Yeah, he just wants to he wants to see it. I don't think there's anything wrong with FaceTime before you actually meet somebody in person. I don't know a facetimer, But for me, my motive is not like I want to see you look like I want to right, But that's the female point of view. The male point of view is how hot is? Erica was the victim

of an ambush FaceTime. Yeah, that was horrible. I was like texting with this guy for literally, this is bad. We should have done a FaceTime way sooner. We're texting for like three weeks or something, and he facetimes me out of nowhere. I'm made no makeup in a sweatcher, like doing work, and I had to answer because we're already on the bottom. You did not do you mean you're already on We were on the phone and then

he just flicks video. It was horrible, So you still you could have just been cute and be like, oh, I don't have any makeup on. I'm so sorry, Like let me with him someone. If she says no, he's like, oh, first of all, I'd like, yeah, I'm gonna ask her without makeup, So exactly I did and it was fine. But then I think within a week we were not speaking anymore. But he also didn't live here. There was so much that I'm really glad that there's probably a

lot of that story, but I don't know. Also, I would face time someone, but if they said no because I want to put makeup on, two things will go through my head. One either they don't look like the person they are supposed to look like online, or two maybe this girl is kind of just funny and cutein is like, no, I want to put makeup on before I first meet you, because like, I don't know. Those would be the two I would not close off the idea of dating someone if I tried to face time

then before I met them in person. They said not until I put makeup on, because then would just try. I would say, Okay, let's do a FaceTime session, like let's plan something. That's what I would do. It would be like it would be like a FaceTime date that I would plan. That's what I would do. That's cute, all right? What else we got over here? Lauren is nineteen. She's eight days away from leaving for college. She met

a guy at the end of senior year. They had a summer fling and she caught feelings and he has to the same thing happened last summer. I was getting a guy, started to keep dating, but he went to college. He broke up with me for another girl, and I was a wreck. My current guy and I were not sure what to do. Do we go our separate ways and try to keep the relationship going, or live our college life and see if it works out down the road, or if we meet other people. I always seem to

get these summer flings. I want a relationship, so help, I suck at dating, well hold on, so I seem to somehow end up in long distance relationships. And I was having this conversation with my friend who also seems to end up in long distance relationships, and we're like, oh, welcome, and then it's like, how is it that we always end up with it? Like, no, always, we often end up dating or interested in guys that don't live in

the same city. Um, so maybe maybe maybe you want to relationship, but you kind of don't, you know what I mean, Like, if you keep having these summer flings, maybe maybe that's all it could be. I was. It was so funny when she said in the email this happened to be last summer as well, because all I could think about when first set of summer flame was like,

doesn't seem always happened this way? Where like people were right as and say, I'm about to leave for college, but I met somebody like a week before I left. It seems like it happens all the time. By advice, Lauren would just go your separate ways. You know, you're about to go to four years of college. Lauren's nineteen, She's about to go leave for college. Fun, you have fun, you know, listen when you guys go and do your own college experience and go up for four years on

your own. And if you come back to the same town and you're both single. We'll see what happens. But until then, go to college. Have fun enjoying so many many people. I mean, the universities in the States are huge, so there's probably so many people you can you will end at meeting through groups of friends or new classes or whatever. So I would say, um, remain friends with this guy and don't close off your off to other people. I agree. I think, yeah, the second you get there,

you'll wish you had totally And that's what causes real problems. Actually, go to college with a boyfriend and girlfriend, and then a month then you're going to partise of these people and you realize you want to be single. By the way, that's what Thanksgiving weekend it's all about. You come home and you break up with your summer flight exactly. Brea, which is a lovely name. By the way, when on a day with a guy, had a really great time

with him, totally like him. I found out that not only is he bi polar, but he was married for three weeks last year. They had dated for eight years and then we're married for three weeks. During those three weeks, he was diagnosed and he destroyed their house. Also, that was before he got help and when on medication. So just to make a point for him, should I run, Brea says ah I, okay, um, being by being diagnosed bipolar is an actual like it's like it's a condition

that he can't help. It's not like, you know, he's like it's a condition that he can't help. I wouldn't say to run from someone who has a mental um you know, illness um, because that's not right. But I agree, I agree with that. No, Um, we all have issues, you know, some of us will diagnosed, some of us aren't. UM. But I just let know what what the is to like, Okay, take out bi polar, he's bipolar, that's not you know, that's fine? Cool? Marys for three weeks? So what he

was married for three weeks? Maybe they realized. Yeah, I don't know if i'd react that with a so what, let's marry for three weeks, have two kids? So why you're fine? No, the only thing I would be worried about is that he destroyed the house. Well, there's a lot, there's some red flags going through here. I think the bipolar one is not one of them. I will let me specify that we shouldn't even be talking about that.

But it is a well, it is a factor that you have to talk, you know, at least discussed with that other person before jumping into a relationship with them. I don't, you know, but I just feel like I wouldn't I wouldn't describe it as a red flag. What I would describe it is as something that you guys need to talk about. For example, to relate it to

something else completely different would be uh. On this most recent episode excuse the season of The Bachelorette, there's a guy named Colin everybody knows who said that he was a virgin, and I remember other guys talking about that was a skeleton in his closet or a red flag, and it's like, no, no, it's not. That's just something that him and Becca need to talk about. It's certainly not on a red flag. And that's how I would

kind of discuss this. Where a bipology is something that you definitely need to talk about, I would not describe it as a red flag, um, but I would describe obviously the destruction of the house and the fact that he's married for three weeks potential to red flags that's where they should come in. Yeah, I would ask him

why three weeks um, But I wouldn't. I don't know, like I wouldn't judge him based on that, Like, yeah, maybe it's the conversation to obviously talk about UM and obviously if you know disinformation, then that's something that he wants you to know and he's being honest about it. I would just ask, like, why the house thing, you know what happened there? Yeah, and Bria, I would just talk about, like, you know how much you like this

guy we went on one day. It depends on like listen to Sparks Flu and you think, holy crap, I think this is the love at first sight, then definitely sit down and talk to him about it. But I mean, if it was just a date that kind of went okay, I'm not saying you should run, but you know, certainly date around. I mean, look, it's one date, yeah exactly. I don't want to get any feedback from people saying, oh, you're saying that people with mental illnesses can't be loved. Look,

we all have our issues. We only need to be done. They need to be dealt with. Even a one date with this guy, there's a lot of guys out there if I'm here, listen. But I understand Brita because like growth romanticized relationships and uh, like we have a tendency. I am a talking about myself. I have a tendency to like go on a day with someone. It's like okay, yeah,

they're like it's interested in me. You know, like maybe I can see if you like you have an idea of what they could be or how they could be in a relationship, and you kind of want to give everyone. I'm the type person that I give everyone that I go on to day with an equal chance until I find a reason not to. So I actually appreciate real writing into us with this question, even if it was for one day, Like maybe there is you know, there's there's they have really great chemistry or whatever it is.

But obviously don't close yourself off, like we told Laren, don't close yourself off to other often. Um just like get yeah, like you know, we're all adults. It's just like ask what happened? Yeah, I know, I agree. I mean listen, if you, like I said, it depends on the connection you fell on this first date, yes or no question? Should I run? Jared No, don't run, Vanessa, No, just have a have a conversation, like honest than just like I say, find yourself some track shoes and run.

Madeline is nineteen dated a guy in high school and his mom, who raised them as a single parent, passed away unexpectedly right before we started dating. We supported each other, in love with each other, really believed he was the love of my life. But it got to the point we were destroying ourselves trying to save each other, and after two years I broke it off. It's been over three years since and I think about him every day. Three options here, tell him how I feel. No com

men dot com would be great for her. The men to app that's fourth option. Tell him how I feel right now, even though I have no idea how he feels. To wait it out, see where life takes me. Maybe I meet someone else, maybe we end up together in the end, just let fate take its course. Or three move on. And here's where the men DApp comes And she says, if you think this is and then they do. I need some tips for getting over somebody. Well, the men DApp is for you. Thanks so much for taking

the time to help me out. The podcast the great. You guys are amazing. I don't know. I think it's made um. You know, I if I so, I'm dirty Madaline, Madeline. And if I can go back to my nineteen year old self, I'm still like the queen of getting my

heartbroken and like trying to figure you know out. But if I were to go back to my nineteen year old self and to think of how like what I would have, like what I would tell myself when I was nineteen I would have, I would go back and say, Vanessa, let it be, you know, like if if the relationship will come circling back around it will I don't believe in um like I'm I'm a I don't know if I've found like Creichde. But like things do happen for

a reason. And all the heartbreaks that I went through until I was twenty eight led me to being on the back, led me to you know, being engaged to Nick for a small amount of time, but it led me to this life that I have now where I know so much more about myself and I'm so much happy you're in the position that I am and now being like single and knowing what I want as opposed to you know, constantly thinking of ways to um either like get back with an X or because that's like

that's where like when you're younger, you're like, I found the love of my life. But it could also be like someone that you're like enamored by and then as you get old, you're like, oh, this is what love is. Yeah, listen, Madeline, I think you should move on. I think that's what it really comes down to. I mean, I remember my first love and it was wonderful and she's amazing. But there's some people in this life that you just have to live within your heart but not in your life.

And I think that this guy might be one of those people. And like you said, you never know what's going to happen in the future. You can come back to each other. But right now, if you haven't stop thinking about this guy for three years, I think you might not have stopped thinking about him because you keep doing all the wrong things that you shouldn't be doing, checking his instagram, going on social media, staying in contact

with them. I mean, maybe I'm wrong, maybe you cut off communication and still been three years, but I doubt it. So distract yourself good, try to do something different. That you haven't done. To stop thinking about him and move on with your life. We're meant to be together. It will find them all. It's gonna happen. And you're still young. So let's say you were nineteen. You guys dated for two years one, so it's been three years. So you're twenty four years old right now. You got so much

love to give. He's currently ninete. Yeah, I'm oh, yeah, what the hell are you doing. Don't think about this guy, don't worry. Yeah, you're nineteen, You're you're fine. Oh my god, you're gonna find love again. Holy crap. Yes, move on. I'm sure he's wonderful. And like Mark said, if it's gonna happen, it will happen, I promise you. So from there we're gonna wrap the show. Thank you everybody for tuning into a new episode of Help I Suck a Dating.

Thank you l from Men creator she's a Men creator for the app L. Thank you so much for coming in. Definitely guys check that app out, Men Broken Hearts, Sugar Bear Hair, Vanessa, I you love it so much. Thank you so much, Sugar Bear Hair. Also thank you for Bill Freeman and Sonja coming in. From Love Story Matchmaking dot com. Definitely go check it out if you're looking to find the love of your life. Also ninety day Fiance before the ninety Days, go check it out on

Sunday eight seven Central Vanessa. You are wonderful as always, no no worries. You can call me Dean. Dean, We'll be back here next week or the following week. He's still traveling all around the world hopefully has some great stories for us. Please keep those emails coming. Those are my favorite part of the show. East Love you guys so much for listening. Yes it is I Suck at Dating at i heeart media dot com. That's the email address. Keep him coming. We love hearing from you guys. Thank

you for tuning in. Make sure you tune in next week, where hopefully we all suck a little less. Follow hell I Suck At Dating with Dean, Vanessa and Jared on I Heart Radio or wherever you listen to podcast.