#35 Break Up Like a Pro

and Jared no longer. Okay, really cut into that, but I'm glad you did. Anyways, as Jared said, welcome to another episode of Help I Suck at Dating with all three of us. There we are Landmark. Mark should have to maybe include his name. Is I'm like the furniture. I'm just if it's an I heard podcast, I'm just in the background. So you are not the furniture. But if you were, you'd be the nicest house defensive. I don't even know what that is. Yeah, yeah, but you're that.

All right. Let's just get right into it. So we have some current events that are we've all been dying to talk about at least I know I have. Obviously we heard about Arianna and Pete. Right of course they're engaged. Um, how do you feel about it? Well, Ariana Grande and Pete Davidson beat even SNL and then everybody knows who are and Grande is. Apparently this morning it got announced that they are now engaged after three weeks of dating.

About three weeks, yeah, not only three weeks of dating, but they were dating other people in early May, broke up with them, then got together, and now a little less than a month later, she's got a ring on it? How do we feel? How does this happen? It just happened so fast. It's weird because maybe it makes me think that obviously maybe they had met before they started dating,

and there was like some feelings there. Before you start dating, it's like a different type of relationships, so until you're in it romantically, like it evolved, right, it could either like be really into it or it could be really good at the beginning and then it starts staying out. I just feel like it is a little early, But who am I to say I got engaged after two months? That's the thing. So do you think it's really because Vanessa you got engaged Nick after two months? This is

about three weeks. I got engaged after two months of knowing. I was on a show that kind of led to that decision in the end. In the real world, I don't I wouldn't picture myself. I wouldn't you know, never say never, but I would have picture myself getting engaged that early on. And you don't really know someone. It takes you a while to get to know someone in and out, and especially for me, I want to see how that person is in an argument, and how they

deal with conflict and how they resolve a situation. And I mean, can you really argue after three weeks of dating? What can you you know? How deep can you have? There's really nothing much about that point exactly. It's really a lot much argue about because it's all puppy love.

I would venture to say that Arion NP are a little bit different than Vanessa Neck for lack of a better comparison, and obviously every bachelor engagement, just because I'm sure these two had spent in reality more time together than any bachelor couple has up until the point of their engagement. For better for worse, well mostly for worse in that sense, that's true. But I mean, okay, wait bean, everyone hears over. Oh yeah, she is very young, and

so it's p Davidson. He's twenty four as well. They're both twenty four. So good. I said, good for them. They're young, they're in love, they want to get married, go for it. But that's not the question. Do you think it's too soon? It's not too soon. I will. I will say this. I will forever be team Ariana and mac Miller, just because I've been a fan of Macmillis music for a long time. And I'm granted, I don't know, you know what happened with all that, but

they were just cute together. But happy for Ariana. N P. I don't think it's too soon at all. I mean, it's very soon, but it is very when you know, you know, would you propose to someone after three weeks? Dean? If if everything in my body told me to propose to someone after three weeks and I was like, I can't stand another moment of not being engaged to this

wonderful person, then why not just do it? Like if I right now feel like I want to spend the rest of my life with you, and I'm very confident in that decision, then sure get done. And we also, like I said, we don't know how long they knew each other before where they started dating. Maybe this was like a couple of months leading into it, and they were things are fizzling out with the other person, and they were like, Wow, this person is incredible. We've gotten

to know each other. I kind of want to break up with this person to date Pete or whatever and get married to and then but maybe three weeks in they were like, this is everything I could possibly imagine it being. Let's just get engaged and let's do this thing and let's move forward with our lives. Then let's do the damn thing. Vanesse, I got a question for you, So you sit for you guys, but go ahead, all right, Well first, go ahead the ladies first, exactly, So I

will ask the question. Um, My question is you said that obviously you were on a show before you got engaged for two months. That's kind of the bachelor bubble the Bachelor world. Do you feel that you didn't really start dating Nick until after you got engaged, Like you guys left the show and you're like Okay, now this is actually us dating. Oh, I mean absolutely, we felt like we were dating after the show started. I would

feel like after March. So from November until March when he had to keep it a secret, yes we were seeing each other and and all that stuff, but the real relationship came after March and and once we were able to just do normal things. But my question for you guys is is there a different for men between being engaged and getting married? So, yes, Arianna and Pete got engaged, but does that mean is that as significant as getting married for men? Like an engagement is like

if I'm getting engaged fast leading to marriage. Unfortunately, my last engagement did not work out super bumped about it, But for me, it was kind of like my end all be all, and I think that's why it was hard for me to get over the breakup, because I envisioned that engagement leading up to a marriage. So is it the same for you guys. I'd like to also point out thank you for calling us men because I've always considered those selves boys. But hey, we'll take it. Yeah,

fist pump um. So yes, there's a huge difference between being married and engaged, obviously, because being engaged is obviously just a promise saying I want to spend the rest of your month life with you. Let's work on this, let's get together and move forward with our relationship, where marriage is completely different. That is a mind bond that like, for example, if you break up while you're engaged, you can simply just say it didn't work out, let's move

on with our lives. If you're married and you break up, there is a whole dement exactly, there's a huge Okay, so it's not a huge deal that engaged, they're married. It's a big deal, But it would have been a far bigger deal if they got eloped, if they got a looped, if they eloped, if they excuse me proper, and you know, I just wanted to make that was clear. Um,

I think it's just as big of a deal. I think an engagement is the more or less the same thing as a marriage, where it's like you're promising to spend the rest of your life to this person, committing and dedicating yourself to this person, and the engagement period is essentially it's like it's like escrow. It's like, well, maybe a little bit more serious in escrow, it's like, it's like the steps that are necessary in order to get to that point where you have the government involved

telling you that you're right. It's like it's like a short amount of time. Um, And so I think it's very much the same thing. Granted, obviously, like Jared said, it's not necessarily as legal. You don't have to go through many steps to break it off of it god forbid, doesn't work out. But the way that I view it personally is an engagement is a marriage. Well, the way I view it is, an engagement is promising that you want to spend the rest of your life with someone,

which is similar to marriage. But unfortunately, as we all well know, when you get married, it doesn't always work out. And so I do feel that there is for example, like Vanessa, not to use you as an example, but I'm going to for example for example, I mean, think about what happens if you got married to Nick. I mean, would the breakup be ten times harder if you were actually married to him rather than just engaged. Then there's

like finances, finances involved in all that stuff. I guess, like maybe this might sound like a weird comparison because I'm kind of going through it, through it right now, and engagement could kind of be like the difference between renting a place and buying a place. You know, Like renting a place you kind of could get out of it. Buying a place you're like really invested in it, and you're like, oh, it's going to be you know, and let me think about my decision whether or not I

want to. So you rented Nick, Well, yeah, so I'm looking for real estate right now. That's why I think that comparison. I don't want to I agree to a certain extent, but at the same time, I don't want to say that engagement is just a rental because it's not, because I'm also with Dean at this point there that that commitment is still there. Yes, I think that it's not as big of a commitment as dating is renting. I also think engagement is buying, but marriage is what's

the next thing next to buying. Well, it's what Deed said, it's scrow. It's a year, ask grow or a year and a half, whatever it takes you to get married. I would agree, because of course, engagement is the symbolism of I want to spend the rest of my life with you. And so that's a huge, huge deal and should not be taken lightly. But of course I think that marriage is a bigger deal. If that makes sense. Of course I will, I will. I don't think those two things are equal. How long is the ideal time

to be in a relationship before a person proposes? And Jared, this is a particularly a pertinent question for you relationship that seems very um loving and straw, very strong, very loving. I'm the luckiest guy, Yes you are so. But for everybody, what is the ideal time? And your in your imagination? Uh oh, yes, who usually jumped in here, whatever Jared says, in that amount of time, we're gonna be like, okay, Jared, and you said eight months, and it's eight months into

the relationship. I think it's also a different thing between Ashley and myself for the simple fact we've known each other for three years. So well, what I'm saying is that you know, yes, we've dated for about three or four months, but we've also known each other for a far longer time and have has had have had a very close relationship since the time we've met for over

three years. So I know almost everything there is to know about Ashley she knows almost everything there is to know about me, So it's more so we're very comfortable with you. It's almost like you guys have a Benjamin Button relationship where the first three years of your relationship was purely platonic. It's like your old and old married couple that has like no physical interest in each other. And now you guys are all like hot and heavy and are able to like be super into each other.

It's fantastic. Um. So, I think the ideal time kind of depends. You should probably know the person for at least a year. You should know them whether dating, you know, that's kind of semetics. I think you should know them in some capacity for at least a year. Well, so, you never gave us a time frame though, Jared, you never said this is how long I think you should be in a relationship before you're able. But you know, I said, no, the person for at least a year.

I mean, here's the thing. Probably maybe you can give a few months, but a time now I'm just saying, I'm just saying, wow, So according to my watch, three to four months, it's I don't know, how Mark, how long do you think you're shaking your head no, I say two years. And I said this with the other the morning show staff this morning, and I got some I got some disapproving headshakes. Dating for two two years.

I think date for two years, no matter what, because in two years, you figure out everything there was to know about the other person. You go through everything together, all the holidays, all the ups and the downs of a relationship. With two years, you know if it's right or not, the holidays, holidays. I like that. That's like to go through all the holidays twice, and not only that, because you have to go through a second time to

see if they learned the mistakes from the first. Because as an indicator for a future success in a relationship. By figure, I was going to say one year, but I like the two year mark. I think that's good. I think I'll stick by one year. I think one year in a relationship with someone is enough to know about them. I think it depends the older you get, like I think, the more you know what you want and what you don't want in a relationship. So I

don't know. I would say two years for me at this point would probably be a little bit too long. I would probably know after the first year of dating that person if I want to be with them for the rest of my life or not, because I'm not gonna want to waste my time or their time. Let

me ask you this mark so question. Say somebody knows each other for like six months, gets engaged, but their engagement is two years long, and after that they're like, we're still So they've known each other for two and a half years before they get married. I mean, to each their own. You know, I'm not gonna be judging anybody, but I do believe that there's no reason to rush.

I don't understand the rush because people say, well, when you no, you know, we just had to get married, But why not stick it out for a couple of years. You're still together, it's still a relationship. Who cares when you clock on the wedding taxes? When yeah, that's true, part of that clock is ticking. Then I understand the biological for it. I'm isn't the number like thirty five or like I think that's moving I think it's moving older.

But the technical definition of a geriatric pregnancy is thirty five. I think I think that. Um, I will say that when I was thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, years old. I always thought that I was gonna be married and have kids by the time I was four years old, So my timelines are always messed up. Like I'm twenty seven now, right, So I'm saying I want to be in a relationship.

I think one years an appropriate amount of time. But watch when I'm twenty nine, I'll be in a relationship for three weeks like Ariana and Pete and be like, all right, we're getting married, you know. Like I'm just saying I can do that. I can honestly see myself doing that too. Yeah, I know, I totally agree. Viness. I'm sorry you're gonna say your timelines all messed up? All my timeline, Yeah, well it is. It's done. My timeline done. I thought by the age of thirty I

would have been married with at least one kid. I'm turning thirty one in a couple of months and nowhere near that. That's a question for you. So on the I don't know if you watch Batchelor that last night, but on the show, uh, Tia and Colton kind of talked about their former relationship before Colton came on the show. To date Becca, if you were to date someone and found out that they had dated one of your close friends before dating you. How would you feel about it? Oh, okay,

I don't. It depends on how uh connected I am to that person. Um, I don't know. If I would, I would obviously off the bat. I wouldn't feel comfortable and I would like to know the reasons why. You kind of have like an insight, you know, you can ask the person why didn't work out, how, how are they blah blah blah blah, and get like information from

that person. I wouldn't write that person off, but for me, it would to kind of be like a little bit, a little bit of a red flag at the beginning, something that I wouldn't want to have to deal with, Like I didn't want to have to know this information. It's an added obstacle, I guess in the relationship, of course, And the question for me would be, what the hell was the relationship between you and my friend before you

started dating me? Because it was if it? Is it like a one night thing that happened that emotions ran high? Was it a weekend? Was it two months? Was it three years? Where you guys in love exclusive? Like? It all depends on the situation. Because if you if like a girl like yeah, it's a bad example because I was gonna say if actually dated somebody one of my friends, and I'm like, well, we're in the bachelor world, so

I kind of did. Um. And so but if like a girl who I was interested in dated one of my friends beforehand, she was like, hey, listen, we spent a couple of days together, didn't really work out. Um, and that was like two months ago, but like, sure, that's fine. Who cares what? I don't care at all.

With the Colton Tia situation, that makes it a little bit different is that Colton probably clearly knew that Tia was almost the Bachelorette, and for some reason, whoever talked to who first like Colton was about to be on the Bachelorette. He thought Tia was gonna be the Bachelorette, and then a month later she wasn't. Colton's on the show, and now he's there. For it was a very obvious

attempt at collusion that failed. It did seem didn't seem like something was weird about, like because nothing was solved about the whole Colon Colton t situation last night. Nothing was solved at all it was just Tia was like, yeah, we dated for a little while, and then Calton was like, yeah, it was a weekend, but the timing wasn't right, and so now I'm here and I'm here fully Rebecca, and Becca was like adamant about how she was going to get to the bottom of this and she needed to

know everything. And then it just seemed like there was no resolution, and Becca was like, oh, that's perfect, here's the group date Rose. I was like, whoa, what happened? He got a group date Rose? After like apparently everything was solved when it really nothing changed. Like all we know is that Colon kind of spent a weekend with Tia during casting for the Bachelorette when he apparently Tea was in the running for the Bachelorette. Obviously the timing

didn't work out because she didn't become the Bachelorette. I don't really, it was just there was no talk about yes, Gordon's sources. Okay, Well, if he actively went out to find her on social media and mess with her and slide into her d M s then I'd be like, that's a little scufty, But it was the reverse. I wouldn't what are the odds that Tia, who was in the running to become the Bachelorette, just so happened to slide into the d M s of a guy who was almost on her season. I mean, how did she

know that? This story was explained to me and I wish I could remember more clearly, but that's how it works. Sometimes maybe she because Colton did know, or maybe this was after the show I guess I had even filmed in the first place. But I don't I'm not that flown away by it. Like maybe it was a very like inconspicuous DM, like a ha ha like at like as to a story response or something like that, and then that kind of snowballed into a convers So how did Tia know who Colton was? That wasn't the in

the spotlight beforehand? He dated Ali Raisman, he played football professionally. Yes, um, so it's not out of the room possible, It's not. It would be like different than if someone that was potentially going to be the Bachelorette d M one of us beforehand, because we were nobodies. Yes, no, I agree,

still aren't nobodies, but nobodies. Um. But I think the only thing with Becca is that she was so adamant about finding out and it was it just seemed like there was no resolution, like we still don't know who talked to who first. Because you're right, I think it's it's far better if Tia reached out to Colin, and it adds a little bit, a little ease to the whole situation. So you we want to see the receipts before we can. Yeah, don't you know? I mean that

wouldn't you you? Yes? But I mean I'm a I'm response, I've what am I trying to say? I'm guilty of dating someone that has also dated one of my friends before dating me. There's nothing wrong with that, But the fact is, you're on a TV show. So I think for Becca, Becca wants to know. Listen, Carlton, did you not date Tia because she wasn't the Bachelorette? Or did you not date Tia because he didn't have feelings for I guess? I mean, listen. The people who are on

the show regardless, are there for you know? Okay, did you guys go on the show to find love? No, you won't a part of it, but of course you go on for the experience, and you go on for the exposure you're going for a multitude of reason. He just happened to have known someone else prior to that. I agree, I'm just playing Devil's advocate. I respect it

and appreciate it. It's like I'm trying to put myself in that same situation, like had Karin DMed me before going on Rachel's season, and then I did a Karin for a weekend and then went on rachel season, Like, I don't know, that would be kind of weird now that I think of it that way. It is obviously a weird situation, but you'd still go in Rachel's season? How could you not? What was he already going on with?

He already a member of the cat From my understanding was that he was going through the casting process, but a pretty good idea, especially in January, that he was gonna be on the show. And I mean, he's a good looking dude who used to play football and has a charity, Like there's pretty good at odds like he was gonna get casts for this season exactly. He's very like you said, right, well, we didn't really get anywhere

with that one. I think that Becca, like Jared said, and I think he said, he thinks as well, is that he she kind of let him off the hook a little too easily. Maybe there was some conversation that was air that wasn't air that they had that was like maybe more resolute in terms of what happened. But

we'll see what happens. I mean, And I think within our own personal lives, in terms of dating an X who dated one of your friends, I think it's fine as long as you get an understanding from both sides what happened from not only your friend but the person that you're going to go on a date with, Because if you'd with, if you're actually good friends of that person, I think it's important to ask them, and I said this last week, if they are comfortable with the idea

of you getting to another person necessarily saying hey, do I have your permission? But like we're saying, hey, we're not sure where this is going to go. Are you comfortable with the idea of us I dated I did

a girl in college who before dating me dated someone else. Um, and while that girl and I dated that other guy, and I like, well, he he really didn't like me because I was dating her, And then that girl and I broke up, and then that guy and I became absolutely best friends, well not absolutely best friends, but some like very very very close friends. I thought that was

kind of interesting. One of my buddies was dating this girl, but he liked to her sister better and like, so they did yeah for a month, and then yeah, it just didn't end. It didn't end well. Was it one of the Ferguson twins. No, this has nothing to do with that. This is a while ago. That would have been funny. It would be so funny. I kind of

wish it was try and make the switch towards the end. So, like they broke up and he was like trying to reach out to his sister, like a couple of months later, after things cooled down, it was just nonresponsive, super photonic, and he didn't like really put himself out there because he was too scared that he was going to be seen as the biggest jerk in the world. But he was kind of trying. That's when you suggested, Manaja Taper Seinfeld, that's the best way to go ab obvious, like the

whole switch. Oh yeah, I guess because their sisters. I didn't think of it, not never much so for the next segment, we're gonna talk to Chelsea Truscott, who is a break up a specialist. But before that, I think Jared wants to tell you guys about brook Lynn's and how great they are. I do want to talk about brook Lennon's and the new betting that you're going to discover on book brook Lennon dot com. You know you spend a third of your life in the sheets, Dean

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host of Thank You Heartbreak. Um, Chelsea, are you there? How are you? Thank you so much for joining us. Of course, I know that people can usually not distinguish your voices. I'm gonna try really hard to get it right. Do your best. If you can distinguish my voice, Chelsea, I got that, I got that right away. Who's speaking right now? Who's speaking right now? Okay? And that's Mark on the bells. Um all right, So Chelsea, thank you

so much for calling in. Do you mind just filling the listeners in a little bit more about you, Like we said, your Breakup Coach and your podcasts Thank You Heartbreak, but can you tell us a little more about your background and what you do? Absolutely so, I got certified and pollution focused life coaching, and I knew that, you know, there was a real opening in the market. But I saw there were sony life coaches, dating coaches, matchmakers, and

that everyone was really resistant to talking about breakups. And for my own past in history, you know, I knew it was something that I could sit with people into pain and confusion and really connect the dots with them.

So breakups really just are my thing. And from there I started a podcast that really shined a light on the upside of heartbreak and showing people that the most crushing experiences of our life, she's really an opportunity to become meaningful relatable to them being I, hey, you know what, I agree. I was just having this conversation. I went to see a friend this morning and she's like, Oh,

how are you doing after the breakup? And it's going to be a year in August that Nick and I broke up, And I'm like, you know, it was really hard at the beginning, But every and I listen, I've been broken up with or I've gone through heartbreak so many times, and every time I go through a heartbreak, I'm I'm gonna get better at this, I'm gonna get

better at that. But I think we all have our own way of grieving with the loss of the relationship, and now I try to look at it in a more positive light, like, Okay, it didn't work out, but that person may lead me, the breakup may lead me to someone that I am meant to be with for the rest of my life and try to have and try to manifest that destiny. But I think while you're going through that breakup, it's hard to believe that, you know, yeah,

whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger type thing. And so you can look at a heartbreak in two ways. I think you can either look at it at a pity yourself way, or you can look at it as a learning experience. I think for me, there's a time and a place for grieving, right, So you have to give yourself a certain amount of time to grieve the relationship, the loss of the relationship, and then try to pick

yourself up and move on with your life. Well, let's ask the expert, So Chelsea, obviously it's it's varies on a case by case basis from person to person. But what kind of advice would you have for maybe, just like say a random listener right now that might be struggling with a breakup, heartbroken, whatever it might be. What kind of advice would you have for them? Well, one thing I was there that people come to me and they're like, I feel that these strange because I'm not

grieving it right now. And I say, you know, there's so many people that drag out relationships and they've been grieving the relationship for six months. They've been crying every night with them. So one thing is if you feel strange that they're not grieving it enough, just remember there's a lot of the time that you've been grieving it within the relationship already. And that's one thing I would say, yeah.

And then the other thing is that you know a lot of people want to put like a time period on it, right and say that I have to be a certain like at a certain place at a certa amount of time. And I think that's not it. I think it's a way of just like learn how to integrate the relationship that you've had. So it's not something you really have to get over, but something that you just implement into your everyday life that when you meet other people, you realize that this don't you into who

you are. So Vaness that you're saying that, like, it's about learning how each relationship they end to bring you to the next person. Your heart breaks to bring you closer to the person you're meant to be with. And if you think of it that way, you think, Okay, things are actually happening for me. It's not that I'm being further away from what I need. I'm actually getting

myself closer. I absolutely love that mindset, and I think for me, my struggle at the beginning when I when I'm going through a heartbreak is believing that it is going to be okay. And I and I remember when I was going through my breakups, people like, it's gonna be fine, It's gonna be fine, And that's not the thing I and you know yourself, it's like being said, it's case by case scenario. That's not what I wanted to hear. And because we all grieve differently, in that moment,

I wanted there's older to cry on. I wanted my friends to be around me and to be like, you know what, cried out, cried out, But at the end of the day, I had to tell myself okay. Not that I wanted to give myself a time limit to get over it. But I didn't want to be grieving for the entire year. I don't want to, you know, because then you lose opportunities on meeting other people and like being yourself and getting back to that routine again.

So I think for me, it was important to identify my emotions and why I'm feeling the way I'm feeling. Why are grieving? Is it because of the void? Is it because it's my ego? And and that's when I know I'm starting my breakup process when I'm able to identify where my emotions are coming from. You know, everybody really needs a good cry every once in a while, Chelsea, is there a certain timeline do you think, like Vanessa was saying, is there a timeline of there's you know,

you have to kind of move on. You've been grieving for too long so to speak. I mean, I think that you can get stuck in grieving, and that's like self sabotaging, just out of fear of actually exposing yourself, about putting yourself back out there. But I think it ultimately, Listen, people come to me because they feel like like one thing I knew I had to be good at is being with someone in their sadness is watching people cry.

So last night I was at the Solo House. I brought clients there, and you know, they cry at at the Solo House, and it's about allowing them to feel comfortable crying in the space like that. It's not shameful. So you know, it's just like it's being comfortable like in the sadness and also realizing that one it is addressing why this happened for you and not focusing, focusing or fixating on the wise of the other. And that's

happening in order to grieve. And then at the same time you had to say, how so depending upon why you broke up with someone, For example, like I just got out of a breakup, and a big part of it was is that I knew I could leave my own life right and I wanted to see what that looks like. In a way, I chose New York over this long distance relationship, and in order to get past the Greece. It was me saying like, Okay, I'm gonna do the very thing I said I was ending the

relationship for it's putting myself out in New York. It's upping my game, it's getting around other people. It's reading my own life, it's inviting myself out to places, and it's holding myself accountable to doing the very things that I ended the relationship for. Makes sense, Chelsea, have a question for you. What's your take on rekindling a romance with an X, having sex with them, or well like getting back together. Maybe less of the physical and more

of like the emotional side. People ask me this, and I never want to say no to anything. I think it's about just really if you can go into it with a new perspective, in a fresh way of thinking, if you have kind of upgraded yourself in a way. So it's kind of like they're meeting a new person on a new level, and then I think it's good.

But some people think like two weeks is enough. I'm like, nothing's changed in two weeks, you know, I mean, Jared, for you, it's like I feel like, if I understand it a bit, it's like you you saw Ashley in a new light. She had this job, she had a voice, she was around her family, saw her I has been like as a new person. Yeah, the first time I saw her outside of Bachelor in Paradise. Yes, I don't want to think that, like I saw her in a new light, you know, six months ago. No, I saw

her in a new light when we first left Paradise. Yeah, and I first saw her outside of the bachelor world in her house, in her element, what two and a half years ago. Yeah, I definitely saw her in a new light. Yeah. So what for you? Why do you think that you were able to stoften around the realization that like that this is your person back then? No, I mean, like you're saying, that was two and a

half years ago. I think I just had to overcome a lot of my own issues and try to move past those, and and um, once I was able to do that, and once I, uh, you know, saw the moment, it was like kind of the moments here, either I do something about it or I don't, and I kind of just explode it. And once I did, and once I kind of opened up that door, Um, it's been one of the best decisions, if not the best decision of my life, because I've come out of it happier

than I've ever been. But I think that, you know, people come to me at guys a lot, for example, and they say, you know, a woman says that they're not ready for me, and they want to ask. Yes. So many men seriously come to me and they're like, what do I do. This woman says that she's not ready for me, and I want to ask. I want to be a man. I don't want to let her get away. And I said, one thing is is like for a woman of real action is listening to her,

believing her for the first time. You know. It's like my Angela's quote when someone tells you who they are, believe them. And I think that, like on the flip side, women will come to me and they will say a man says he's not ready, And sometimes a man is that ready because he's not where he's at in his life to treat a woman in a certain way, to take them out, to do it in the way that he wants to. And it's about giving people the space to grow into the person that they envision themselves being

for the biggest love of their life. Yeah, if I'm being honest, I think a lot of people are scared and they use excuses to not be with Cobody, and I think that's one of them. I did it in my own personal life. I think it's a combination of being scared, but also a combination of timing. I really do believe in meeting someone even if like let's stay there at you and actley like the timing wasn't right whenever, you know, a two years ago, but now it just

made sense. You were in a better place. He was in a better place than it wasn't. Yes, of course timing has a factor. But was it timing or was it my own securities and something that I needed to overcome. But it's a few times to get over the securities, I agree, But it was only worked out because as she was still there, and what if she wasn't. I think that though it's not just time, like time doesn't carry you, you know, like it doesn't create the change.

You have to change yourself in time enduring it sounds like you got over a lot of the insecurities, you faced a lot of things, and she happened to still be around. Maybe that was state, you know, but like it couldn't have just been time. It was you changing yourself and time and that has to be done, like

the work has to be done. Um, what I'm saying, though, is that I had to force myself to change, and so I think what I'm trying to say, Like, for example, one of my buddies, we're talking about it last week, who's about thirty six thirty seven, he always talked about how he wasn't in the right place for relationship and he wanted to make sure he had the right job in the right place, and like all these factors right, and then now he's at an age where he's like,

you know, there's just never I just feel like, maybe there's never a right time. Maybe I was making excuses, and maybe I always push people away because I always thought that, well, I need to get a career first, I need my own life. And I'm like, well, maybe I could like develop other things while also being with the person I don't want to be with. Most I

don't know, that's all life happens. I think that we all want more time in life, right, we want more time in order to break up with someone who's doing we feel like we'll be more securable, have our lives together, will feel stronger than we can break up. And in the flip side, like you know, I'll have a I'll have a better career, I'll be able to offer more. So that's when I'll start dating somewhat. And I do think that you're right. At a certain point, you have

to realize that you'll never be officially ready. But I think that there's resistance for a reason, and and I think that because but yeah, it's that you just put the face up and you have to you got it. You just got a leap Chelsea point. Since becoming this breakup coach slash expert, how was that influence that affected your breakups personally? Just out of curiosity? Yeah, so my boyfriend wrote into my advice column under anymous under his

real name. No, I mean it was and if you you know, they make up a name like it was a phrase, so anonymous and then um, I certainly had no intention of dating someone through it, I swear to God. But you know, two months after we started dating, and how did that affects uh me as a breakup coach and doing it is is? You know, I did feel like I was I was going to have to hold

my TOLF accountable. So if I knew at a certain point that the relationship is going to have to end, and listen, I had never broken up with someone that I was still in love with that I had information that showed me the relationship couldn't progress, and I think that like it just made it so I had to be more decisive. And also on the flip side, is like now he just kind of thinks like I could just handle it all. I think that's I think that's my eyes. Hold on, she's already, that's amazing to use

the phone in the kitchen. Mom on the phone, I've wait, But Eddy, I actually had a question because I get a bunch of people who email me and, um, message me, how do you get overbreak up? How do you get over breakup? And I don't you know, I keep saying there's no real equation on getting over breakup and moving on. We're all very different. But one of my methods is and tell me if this is if I'm on the right path. But I like to keep my distance from

the person that I dated. I'm not saying that I don't want to be friends with them at the end, but I need a couple of months in order to process things and then I could be friends with them and then maybe reorganizing my space that um, you know, things that I have in front of me that may remind me of the relationship or of the person that I dated that can like take off to remove them painful, painful memories, right, reorganizing my space, keeping my distance, and

then just like taking time to myself and not really having a rebound after because some people are like, oh, just day someone after and you'll you'll get over your ex boyfriend. But then it's like, no, I'm just transferring whatever emotions I have onto the next person. And then it's like it's just like a snowball effect. Yeah, no, I could never with the last one less when I think.

But ultimately, when you do that, you're just reacting so much to your ask, So everyone's just a reaction afterwards. I think in terms of like changing your space in the environment, I mean, yeah, it's something that you know, for a certain type of personality really works for them. You get new sheets, you can paint something differently, you can take the pictures away. You know, I'm that nut that still has photographs to my access through all the years.

I'm like the most nostalgic person. I don't really like you know, I'm not someone that likes to block anyone. Um. I like to kind of put myself to have to force myself to see things, so it's not like just putting a band aid over it. But I do think everyone's different. So you know, some people have to step away. They can't be privy to another person's world, right because

it hurts them too much. So I think at the same time that like I don't know for me and something that it's it's called the scenic route, the Phoenic route back to love, but it's like, you know, just slowing down the pace and like allowing yourself to see that this person is still alive and feeling the hard feelings, but knowing that like it's going to create you know, you're going to prevail, You're creating resilience from that um.

But again, everyone is different, and in my business is about really trying to pinpoint a personality and not put

on what I do for myself onto them. I think that part of the equation though, is like you know, people company and they have these huge stories that they're still attached to, and those are the things everyone feels like the exception, so they go into the detail and everyone's story is a bit different and they always want to tell me how complicated is because of the story, which for me and I think it's kind of like the power of that of what I do is unable

to connect the dots really quickly and figure out what they're not saying and just get to the heart of it right. And sometimes I think that you need someone in your corner that just snaps you away and says that, like, you know, the story is a way of romanticizing and keeping up and going down and down further. But sometimes someone needs to come along and be like, Hey, this is the through line, this is what this is about.

Let's talk about what this is about. Let's get the lesson and just need to figure out why this relationship is there for you and how to purpose. I think if people feel like it wasn't meaningless and everything that you're in has a purpose, that's what really helps extradite the grieving process because you know that you could still appreciate and be thankful again for your heartbreak. M Well, that's that's helpful and insightful. Um Jelsea, Well, thank you

so much for calling into the podcast. Before I let you go, actually have one more quick question for you. So this podcast has three co hosts, myself chaired in Vanessa. Um. I noticed on Instagram you're only following two of those co hosts a little left out? Am I not following? Dean? I'm not gonna say who can tell you? Can? I just tell you something I did recently. I had all these hours myself. I started deleting everyone, and then I guess everyone wanted Okay, I'm not looking very good. Excuse.

I'm not saying it's me that you're not following. I'm just saying it's okay, hey, als forgiven? All right? Well, so for the listeners, to those who are looking to save the relationships, save themselves, simply want to connect the dots, gain perspective, thriving their single life, whatever it might be. Chelsea does offer phone coaching, email coaching, in person coaching in New York City, so be sure to check out

her website breakup ward dot com. Like I said earlier, she's a podcast host for called Thank You heart Breakward Break break Upward, break Upward is it as also break Break Award? I think it was like a ward in a hospital, like oh my God podcast thank You for Correcting, Mark. I can't imagine why you're not following them her podcast Thank You Heartbreak. Follow her on Instagram. Maybe just not me at Thank You Heartbreak and Her email is Chelsea at break upward dot com. I like break Upward. I

guess Tomato Tomato, whoever it might be. Um, Chelsea, thank you so much for calling in and letting some insight and perspective for anyone that might be struggling with a heartbreak or just single life in general. Is really, you know, very very appreciative. Appreciate Hey, just following, I don't know, I'll have to think about it, all right, Chelsea, thank you so much again, Thank you, Chelsey, bye bye. Well that was wonderful, great, very sweet. And how about some

emails everybody? My favorite part of the episode every single week that it is. We got a lot this week, and thank you for that. And you can always send your emails to I Suck at dating at i heeart media dot com. Marissa. She's been with a boyfriend since November. They moved in together recently. She knows it's pretty fast, but this is the real deal. Everything's been great so far, but three weeks ago he lost his job. He's been trying to find a new job, but he's extremely embarrassed

that he is currently unemployed. When I started dating my boyfriend, we were wrapped up in the romance and most things just the two of us. And recently I decided I wanted my boyfriend and my best friend to meet. But he is so embarrassed because it was unemployment. He doesn't want me to tell my friend that he lost his job. It's so difficult because my friend thinks I'm avoiding her. She knows I'm not telling her something, so I feel

caught in the middle. I don't want this to come between our friendship, but I want to be loyal to my boyfriend that they really see a future with him. Marissa, I don't think he should be embarrassed about his unemployment at all. I I introduced myself as unemployed all the time.

The first thing I thought it funny, actually funny story kind of relating to this is I flew back from New York yesterday and I sat next to a girl on the airplane and like, obviously, like we start talking and she's like, Oh, I own a couple Neil salons down in Orange County, Blabba lah, what do you do. I'm like, Oh, I'm unemployed. It's like it's nothing to

be embarrassed about by any means. I mean, obviously, like you can't talk to tell the Marissa to just have your boyfriend kind of own it, and then that's obviously different for everyone, um, but it's there was a time even in my life after college, I had a job for about a year, quit that job to pursue different things, and I was unemployed for maybe like two or three months,

and that was pretty stressful. It's hard to meet someone and be new and like confident, and I don't know, like when you don't have an income totally, it's hard to be confident, I think. Also, but here's the thing, MERSA your boyfriend is actively trying to find a new job. It's not like you're sitting on the couch just giving up on life. So I don't think you should be embarrassed.

Having said that, of course I can understand if he has some insecurities about it, um, But hopefully if he is listening to this podcast as well with you, Marissa, that he should not be embarrassed at all, because you know, that's just a part of life. Sometimes you lose your job, but you're still actively working, and you're still actively working on getting a new job, and that's the whole job within itself. That's the full time job, trying to find

a job. So I think, Marissa, you're in the position where you have the job right now to be very supportive of him. But also I don't think it's necessarily to devote any information to your best friend. But maybe just let her understand that right now you really want her to meet your boyfriend. It's just not the right time.

There might be more underlying issues here than maybe she's using the unemployment as a crutch as to why she really doesn't want to introduce her boyfriend to her best friend, you know, because it sounds I'm just trying to gain a different perspective here, because think about it, if your best friend and your boyfriend haven't met yet, you're honest and open with your best friend about everything, just like

you should be with your boyfriend. And I don't necessarily see there being unemployment being an issue of not introducing them a her boyfriend saying that yeah, her boyfriend saying he doesn't want to know. I understand that absolutely, But I also don't like you can twist it, and it's not necessarily even spin it. But it's just like you tell your best friend everything, you tell your boyfriend everything.

I don't see why you should limit the amount of honesty that you're having with your best friend, because I mean, it's appears from the email that she's choosing her boyfriend over her. Stephen said, I want to be loyal to my boyfriend. I just feel like I'm in the middle. I don't want this to come between such a simple spin just be like he's in between jobs right now, and that's the end of the conversation. It's not likely they're gonna have like a two hour sit down about oh,

I'm una employ it. And this is why I think for her boyfriend's sake, he probably doesn't want her talking like for the first time that he's meeting her, or even like talking about his personal issues. I want to want, like someone who's never met me, their first impression to me to be like, oh, you know, like they're struggling with something. So I understand where her boyfriend is coming from. I'm love and Dean in the spin cycle fully understand that.

But it's just such such a simple fix of just saying he's in between jobs right now, his last role didn't work out. It's simple onto the next thing. He'll figure it out. He'll be unemployed for maybe not two months, two weeks. Don't even say that part, like that part is not even necessary. He's just like he's comfortable with her saying that. I understand that it's more of an issue with the boyfriend than it is with her or anything like that. And it's not even really an issue.

It's just a confidence thing. That's just my take on it. It's like it's such a small, minor thing and such a temporary thing that it should be a non issue. That's the big thing. I was down for eight months when I was about twenty three. It's every day it sucks. And I refused to collect unemployment because I felt like that was beneath me and to my dad. Gotta hold me and said, look is your money. They've been taking it out of your patriot every years. You'll get it.

So I did. But it's really a rough deal. And so I kind of see where he's coming from. But I think she's stuck in a tough I think I think for him, there is so much more to gain than just owning up to it, being confident and not even like telling everyone, but just like being willing to the best friend and when no, no, when you're not

in the right mental head, space to be yourself. If you're meeting someone who is still significant to your significant other, do you want to be that person that you want to come off as like the person that you are not, you know, like be introverted and be the person that you're like your your career and your job doesn't define who you are. And I would also say that, like, it's not adopting. It could be anything. It could be like if someone's unhappy with the way I don't know anything.

It certainly could be anything. But in this instance, it's not anything. It's the one thing. It's the job. It would also to say that if significant other came up to me and said, I really want to meet your friend. I know you're feeling insecure right now, I would be like, I need to rise to the occasion to be confident enough to meet your best friend because this is very

important to you. Obviously, my drop's friends with benefits. This is an anonymous I'm currently taking a class in summer school in college, and on the first day, during a presentation, this cute guy sat real close next to me and asked which artwork was mine. Next class, he moved over to the computer next to mine. I didn't give him attention because I got the vibe that he's a player. Well a little late now he wanted to be friends

with benefits. At first I wasn't keen, but I have a little experience with f w BE and figured why not have a summer fling. So far, we've hooked up twice during class breaks, but now he's being weird, even though I'm not really being needy at all. I can't help but think that if I'd have made him work for it, he would have kept chasing me. He went from texting me all day constantly and giving me so much attention to now he's nonchalant and distant. I'm wondering

why eyes are always like this after sex. I don't know what to do. I don't like the vibes that get from him. Would it be wrong of me to enjoy a casual summer flaying? Would love to hear your thoughts, of course. Well, my first thing is if it's a casual summer summer flaying, then don't get too emotionally involved. I think you're getting a little bit ahead of yourself

right here. I think that whether or not if a guy really and guys chime in here, if a guy is really into you, whether you you know, have sexual encounter with them at the very beginning or if you make them wait a couple of months, if he's really into you, he's going to stick around. Yeah, of course, right, So I think in this case, he just wanted if he If you got the I always say this like, your gut is your biggest indicator, and always listen to it.

So if you got the vibe that he was a player, then you knew from the beginning that that's what you were getting. Well, and here's the thing with her is she gave him exactly what he was looking for, and then once he got that, he was no longer interested. It's just one of those things where it's a guy that likes the chase, and once he gets what he wants, then he moves on to the next thing. He's a player. That's kind of the vibe you got from That's what he is. And he even staid of the beginning he

wanted to be friends with benefits. He wasn't lying at all, Like he was very honest from the get go. Respect that respect, and she needs to see it as such and not really worri if he's being weird who cares exactly, And there is nothing wrong with that as long as you guys are botho the same page and you're like, hey,

let's do this. The thing is what's reluctant from the beginning to have friends with benefits type of relationship and and so like when you're going into something back casual, and if you're like reluctant about it, then you are going to somehow not catch feelings. But you're not going to be able to just walk away from it being like I did it, no big deal, you know, right, Friends with benefits typically ends in one friend getting feelings and attached in the other one maybe not so much.

I agree. So if you start developing feelings and you need to be open about that, I think that would be my advice for anybody with friends with benefits that if you guys are hooking up, but one person is starting to catch feelings and you're the person catching feelings, you have to say something. Well, here's the thing, Anonymous, I bet you that if you stopped giving him the attention that you've been giving him, he'll probably come running back.

I would agree, So maybe that's what you should do. Is just kind of treat it like you were in the beginning and just kind of take it for what it is. And I think Dean's right on both accounts, because one who probably come chasing back into it's probably gonna help you stop from gaining any feelings if you cut them off. For anyone in this situation, Vanessa, have you ever been in a friends with benefits situation? See,

that's the thing. I wouldn't even know. Like I'm trying to give anonymous advice, but I'm like, I could never. I know I could. I can't do it. You would fall for the person. Yeah, I'd be like, oh, let's getting married tomorrow. I've been in friends with benefits situation? And did you catch feelings or did she? I did not catch feelings now and she did. I'm not gonna speak on anyone else's, Okay, I'll just say why did it end? I did not catch because I wanted it?

Ok you can speak for them, but we don't know. That's fair. That's fair, alright, Dared were you ever in this situation? Not like I mean, I wouldn't say I had a friend with benefits, but yeah, there's been like somebody that has been around more than once and my long path, my past long ago, and that just fizzled

out or did one of you. And it's a tricky thing to even talk about exactly because you're just you know, it is a mutual ending obviously, but you know, I think one person maybe initiates the conversation before somebody else does.

I have maybe you have an issue, not an issue, but I struggle with friends with benefits situation solely because just generally speaking to whether it's my guy friends, my friends who are girls, I'm a very affectionate and like loving person, and so when a benefits situation gets involved, then my affection and kindness kind of get taken as like action and like relationships type stuff. But the reality, it's just like that's just who I am as a

friend in general. To whoever it is exactly like Dean, You're very touchy, feel like even though be times where Dean's like, yeah, Dean will like just hold like grab my hand or like put his arm around me. I'm like, you're just like a big teddy bear, aren't you. It's a man. I love it, and it can be misconstrued sometimes,

and again like that's entirely to my own fault. Like, I don't think I should be doing that to someone that's in a friends with benefit situation, because then feelings come about, and it's just it's not necessarily an ugly thing, but maybe isn't the prettiest thing, So that's yeah, all right, this is an interesting one. There's another anonymous one. I met this guy to bar. We really hit it off. We went on a first date. It was great until

he walked me into my car. Never put his arm around me, hold hands, anything like that, but out of nowhere, he tried to kiss me. I was awkward, and then I thought I messed it up, even though the date was really great until then. Then the next day he asked me when I thought I was going to sleep with him. I said, I'm not even sure I want to do that yet. He freaked out and said this is weird. He said all of his friends sleep with people after the first or second date, and then he

didn't think we were going to work out exactly. I was just wrong for thinking this way. Then the next day sent me along apology and said he was out of line and he hadn't had sex for a while. I thanked him for the apology, but I thought that's it. I'm done with this guy. Well, it's been two weeks ago, and since then he's texted me every single day, multiple times a day. He insists he wants to be friends.

I've considered ghosting him because I'm getting overwhelmed. The other day he made a weird comment saying I need to wear something sexy the next time he sees me to show him what he's missing. What the hell is going on here? Is he just lonely? He just sucks? Poor guy. He just has no idea how to talk to women. He probably hasn't uh, he probably hasn't been laid in a while. So it's just like building up exactly. It's

you know, sexual frustration is a very real thing. It sounds like he struggles with maintaining a certain level of respect for someone too. I feel like like you don't just try, and you don't come outwardly to someone after a date or too, like what are we having sex? Yeah? Exactly. And then the thing at the end too, when he said I think you should wear something sexy next time we see each other so you can show me what

I'm missing. That's just a disrespectful thing to say. I don't know if I'm like, I look, the whole ghosting thing. I hated when people do it to me, so I wouldn't want to do it to someone else, even if I'm really not into that person, even if they're disrespectful. I want to let them know why I want to end a communication, So I wouldn't necessarily say ghost to person, just maybe let them let him for her understand why, um, you don't want to pursue this anymore, because really, why

do you need this guy in your life? I don't see any upside there. I don't see any upside either, And I think while I don't back up ghosting, maybe sometimes it is useful hate it. I've done it, maybe not so much of my recent life. I just can't fathom what it must take for like to put myself in those shoes, because I often try to do that with especially these emails. Is just asking a girl blatantly

out right, so when are we having sex? I mean, it just sounds like a guy who has no idea what he's doing, right, and he's like, well, this is you know, I just this is what guys say, right, Like I sound cool and he's I bet he's trying to sound suave when he's like, show me when I'm missing, even though it just comes off so creepy and weird. And that's fine. If you've been dating for a while, it's like, oh, send me some like you know, like you haven't even No. I agree, he's just he's coming

off way too strong. Another anonymous I recently went on vacation with friends and met a group of guys during a night out. One of the guys started talking to me. We spent hours together, We had great conversation, and we kissed. We ended up seeing each other the next night as well, and then he sent me the sweetest text before my flight home, and here it is. I hope you have a safe trip back. I just want you to know you were by far my favorite part of this trip.

I wanted to kiss the most beautiful girl in Miami, and thanks to you, I did. I won't forget you, so don't forget me. Thank you for the wonderful time. I told him if he's ever in my state, let me know. He said, Hey, I looked up the distance. It's only three hours away, so definitely doable. I said, three hours is nothing. I have not heard from him since he was such a great guy. If i'll such a connection to him, he can be the nicest man ever. But why not talk to me again? Why bother sending

those sweet texts? Any inside on what's going on in his head or any advice on what I should do. I think the first thing you need to do is just acknowledge the fact that this was a vacation hook up, exactly, I think, So don't overthink it. He was so good, he was so sweet, he was so nice. Just have that memory. And then it was proving it was perfect. Exactly, run it. It's perfect. That's I mean, that's a long and short of it. I think like it was a

vacation hook up. The only question I'd have would be how recently was this vacation? Was it like two days ago or was it like six months recently? I know that's all so I don't know what recently is to her Vanessa. Yeah, I mean that's why I don't have flings, because I wouldn't know what to do with this. But yeah, I guess, like the guy said, it's a vacation hook up,

so yeah, what it is. And plus he doesn't live in your area, so and he was so nice with that text, just like be like, you know what, that was a good one. And when guys send these two text messages after like a fun weekend, after a fun date, it kind of plays around with the girl's head or the guy's head whatever. So what you're saying, don't send those messages. What I'm saying maybe just like I don't know,

there's no there's no right or wrong. He shouldn't have been He should't have said like, oh, I looked up the distance is only three hours away, so I would have been like, oh, yeah, maybe we can do long distance. I guess that would be the only one would be the three hours. You probably shouldn't have said that bit misleading. But again it's just like, you know, maybe he was still fresh off the emotions as well, still like feeling it, and he was like, oh well, let's continue to flirt.

And now he's like, maybe not anymore. It's not real life. You get back to your regular routine and vacation fades from memory. I also like, and that's true even in my world with a wife and kids, we go on vacation, we're like, this is the greatest, We should live here forever, and no, this isn't real life. There's no job here, we have nothing to do, with no responsibilities, all day

looking for fun and finding it. So how many times you've met somebody on a vacation would be a friend or like somebody or mother than a friend being like, oh, I'm gonna come visit you like, oh you live here a baul, I'm gonna be there all the time, blah blah blah. And then you get back home in a week later you're like, I'm never going there. What was I thinking? Why did I even say that? Because you're

never Yeah, you don't have the responsibilities of everyday life, etcetera, etcetera. Um, I will say, I'm like on a permit vacation because I get to spend every Tuesday with you guys. God, this guy, he's so sweet. I'm kidding. Um yeah, not for me. Think we could wrap it up. We could say, how about this one? Up? Up with this one? I love the anonymous, so many anonymous They're so great. I'm glad they're anonymous. You know, don't put names out there.

This is a very common situation. My best friends been dating a guy for a while and none of us like him. He's very possessive doesn't trust her, even though she's done nothing to make him act like that. They fight all the time in front of everyone. It just seems like an unhealthy relationship. She's told me more than once that she isn't sure about him. She wants to be in a healthy relationship with a guy. The treats are better, but I don't think she's willing to end

this thing. It seems she would rather be with this guy than be alone. Our whole friend group is either engaged or married. Do I just let it play out and let her figure it out herself, or do I intervene more and her to talk her into ending things? Help my friend sucks at dating. I don't think you

should talk her into ending things. I think you could be a sounding board for the types of issues that she's dealing with and maybe allow herself to come to the conclusion that it shouldn't be for her, like when I when I think about it, like my roommate or one of my one of my best friends was in a relationship and I never told him what to do, but I was always there to listen and offer my opinion on things. But I don't think she ever talked someone into ending a relationship. I think that was a

perfect advice. Honestly, what you said first, I was like, that was perfect, could not be worded better. What about the last the rest of it, just the first part I stopped paying attention. Vanessa, you agree, Yeah, I agree. I think you should always offer advice and not tell the person what do you think that they used to do? And at the end of the day, people will end up waking up whenever they feel like they need to get out of something, or if they don't, then that's

that's something that they used to be in. You know, like we kind of like, I know the type of relationship that I want to be in. It doesn't necessarily mean that my friends want to be in the same relationship as me. So maybe this is something that you know, she needs to be going through right now, and and if she needs to break up with them later on, so she'll see the light. Yeah. We just need to be there for each other, to support each other all

the time in the bad. Um All right, Well that'll do it for another episode of Help I Suck at Dating with Dean, Vanessa, Jared, and Mark Um. Big big thank you to Chelsea Truscofer calling in and offering some breaking up coaching. To check out her website break upward dot com not break upward dot com. Big thank you to Brooklyn and Swards being an incredible sponsor, having incredible sheets that Jared just raves about. I cannot wait to go home, just to go to bed. Best of luck

to Arianna and Pete. May you guys both have a wonderful and prosperous relationship. Be sure tune in next week for Help I Suck at Dating, because maybe then we'll suck a little bit less. Follow Help I Suck At Dating with Dean, Vanessa and Jared on I Heart Radio or wherever you listen to podcast