#34 Exes & Friends

missed you, guys, We miss you too. Where are you right now? All right now? I'm in beautiful Montreal, so beautiful today. It's actually a little bit gloomy and it was raining all day yesterday. But when I landed back in Montreal last the one was that I think was over the weekend. It was warmer in Montreal than it was in l A when I left. And I'm which is surprising because Montreal is always, you know, you never it's the temperature is always on and off. But we're

having such a great summer here. I'm really happy to be back. But I do miss you guys. Will you do miss you here as well? Um? It's a little bit lonelier here in the studio, but we're very happy to have you call in. We are happy to call in, Venissa. I just imagine you calling us from sitting on the toilet right now. That's all I'm imagining after your last comment where you're like, while the door opened, when I go to the bathroom with significant others. Now, I'm just

imagining you, uh, you know, on the phone on the toilet. Well, unfortunately I cannot do that because I'm on the landline and I can't. Okay, fair enough, fair enough in the process. Yeah, the muting is important and very poor pinches. Yes, well anyways, Vanessa, Yes, we definitely miss you here in studio. Do miss you, but we do appreciate you being able to call in.

I know you said that. Hopefully the calling in will be able to take a back seat and we can have you on a mic or something like that and we can kind of figure that a whole situation out, figure it out. And no, we can every other word, um,

but can we hear you? Well? But but yeah, so so Van says, I think you were made aware from marker Jared the We're gonna jump into a little bit about um x X sex is friends with X's And I know you said that you had heard some news about Kate Spade, if you want to share that later on as well. But oh my god, I was so

devastated after I heard the news. But it happened, well, it came out like six minutes after and I was following my eyes out a because well, first of all, Kate state, Um, she was found dead in her apartment in New York. And I was just at a story yesterday and I was looking at all of her products and her said so many cool things, and she set a legend when it comes to creativity and just everything that she's done. Um, and she was fifty five, and I think she has like a little girl of thirteen

years old or something. And it just broke my heart. Yeah, it's really tragic. The entire circumstances revolving around the situation are very sad, and our hearts definitely go out to the family. Always gone too soon. I did read up a little bit on it. Definitely is tragic. Um, Yeah, sending our sending our best to their friends and family

and all that kind of stuff. But absolutely, but Vanessa, this this first segment, I think is actually an appropriate question for you just because it's kind of been a topic that we are inappropriate. Appropriate because it's something anything ever appropriate with you guys. Okay, go ahead, something we've talked about in the past a little bit. Can you

be friends of the next? Um? Okay? So I actually so, I sign this really fun that I'm doing this from home, because you know how old school I am with my um notebook that I come in and I cut and paste all my paperwork and now I have all my notes on my laptop and I'm like, oh, I feel so like new school while you're so millennial right now, I know exactly. So I okay, my thoughts I'm being friends with an ex is absolutely I think, Um, well, I'm friends with most of all of my exes friends.

I mean, I'm it defines friends like I'm on good terms with Nick. Ever, he wouldn't need anything we pick up the phone. Sorry, I said, it's very nice. Yeah, well I would. I mean, Listen, things don't work out for a reason, and for me, at least, it takes me a little it to get over the situation and to process it and not to have any form of emotion or um romantic ties to that person in order to be able to be there for them as a friend and not have any ulterior motive attached to it.

And I um, I think for for we all process breakup differently, And for me, I like to cry for a week if I need to, and be really sad for a shorter amount of time and be able to get it out of my system in order to move on and be able to be there for the person later on. But also depends on how like being um ended off with your significant other. You know, It's like, yeah, I think it's all depending on circumstances. I'm going to kind of take a Devil's advocate approach and say that

you really shouldn't be friends with your ex. I know that sounds very hypocritical obviously with my situation with this. Yeah, this is Jared saying this. Jared is saying that I think you can be between you guys. Okay, so you I think you can be friends with the next, But

should you be friends with the next? I think it's a different question, and I'm not sure if you should be and if you are friends of the next, there has to be borders, there has to be just can we can we take a step back for a second. You can't distinguish between the two of us, Vanessa, No I could? I could. That's upsetting, all right, pick up where we left off. I didn't mean to interject. Well, I meant to interject, but I didn't mean to get this off topic. Um wait, okay, so no, I I

agree with you. I think that it's hard sometimes to just cut a person out of your life completely. And when who was it that called in and we were talking to them about like the different stages that you go through after breakup, and I think it's important to distinguish, like, Okay, if do I want to be friends with this person because my motive is to get a reaction out of them and for them to want me back, and it becomes a chase, And you know, if that's your motives,

then absolutely not. Don't be friends with your ex. But if your motive is to just end off on be able to find a way to be on good terms, that's always my goal. My goal is you know, let me if I need to hate you for a little bit and hate myself for a little bit and be sad and be mad, I love you and go through

all those stages. I need to go through all those stages, but my ultimate goal at the end is to be able to be neutral with that person and forgive them, forgive myself or whatever has happened, and still be able to be there for them. I'm not saying like I'm going to call all my exes after I'm done the podcast today. I'm not on I'm not on those terms. You're not going to call all your exes after this podcast?

I am. I mean, but that's actually funny that you mentioned that, because on hold right now, we have the foremost recent of your excess and we're going we're gonna bring him on the podcast and talk all about you, and you're pooping habits um then, as I do love how you pronounce important God, I love that the enunciation. Have you ever hooked up with an X? No? Never, not once in your entire life? Be honest with us. This is the format for honest tea. No, I swear

I've never hooked up For the next you have you? Yes? Have you? Yes? Okay? So, Vanessa, do you feel like you want to change your answer? I'm being honest. I haven't, Um, I haven't hooked up with an X I just I don't want to go. I'm also which brings me like to the next I think topic that we're going to talk about. But it's going to be like all this up right now having sex with someone for me, Where are you going with this? Well, no, you're staying like

cooking up with someone. I'm not gonna I don't know how to casually hook up with someone. And it's funny because there's a sign by Marshmallow and what's her name that came out and I'm like, oh my god, I cannot release this song. Who was it? Marshmallow and Anne?

Marie's called friends by Marshmallow and Marie and she's talking about basically the gist of it is, you know, being hook up friends for lack of a better term, because I don't want use a gift boards, but I think you know, I've never asked, well, fun buddies, fun buddies. We'll call them fun buddies for the sake of this context.

So yeah, Anyway, I think there's a difference between being friends with an X and being on good terms with an X, and I think that's a good thing to know and distinguish because being friends with the next I think it's difficult to really not x's are your comfortable zone right there, You're comfortable, and so like they're they're you're they're comfortable to you, I can't speak. They're your comfort.

I love comfort, um. And so it's very easy just to jump back into a relationship that you're comfortable with. And I think that's when an X presents right. You know them, you're comfortable with them. It's easy, um. And so a lot of times when you're friends with your X, I think you kind of just kind of slide right

back into being in a relationship with them. I do think there's a difference between being friends with an X and being on good terms with an X, because also, say you start dating someone new, isna kind of awkward to say that you're still really good friends with the person that you just dated and having to introduce them, and then like, of course that's going to put pressure on the new relationship and put pressure on her or him to like kind of measure up to the X

a little bit. I just there just has to be some borders put up. I think if you want to be friends with an X, I don't know where you're talking about. I agree with you. I think. I think that's what I had a hard times between the definition of a friend and definition of being on good terms with someone. I've been in a situation. I've been a situation before where because I'm the same way, I like

to kind of maintain formal formalities with pleasantries with former girlfriends. Granted, you know, I've had what three serious girlfriends in my life. I'm not in constant contact with any of them, so I guess to that point, I'm not necessarily friends with them as I would call the typical definition of a friend,

but I do like to remain on good terms. And I even, um, it's funny enough because obviously we've talked about this, and I think even a couple of weeks ago was I was at a wedding and two of my exes where it happened, who have been at that wedding, and I was talking to one of them, the one that I did before going on the show, and she had mentioned how she's like, yeah, like I had to block you on Instagram, your phone number, all that kind of stuff, not because I hate you or dislike you,

but just because it's hard to be friends with someone that you've dated because sometimes the feelings are still there, especially you're in the public eye. It's a little different, you know, oh yeah, And then there's definitely something to be said about that too. Is like obviously like her and I broke up, and then she was forced to see my picture kind of more often than she would have had I not done the Bachelorette Winter Game, and everybody wants to know who you're dating. It's kind of

a hard you can't really escape it. It's not easy for your next like that. I think that's what's hard about like dating nowadays, with like people being addicted to

like Facebook or like Instagram, it's hard. I think it's a lot easier to quote unquote, um stay in touch with an act without them actually knowing, But it's also a lot messier for your most rele mental well being, Like I, um, it takes like I think for me, there's no there's no real formulas to getting over someone or there's no real formula and ending up on good terms with someone you dated. I think it's important to

be on good terms with someone that you dated. They were in your in your in your life for a reason. And um, at least for me, I don't like holding onto any form of grudges towards people that I've dated. Um. But you're right there, and I don't think it's the smartest thing to be friends to that level with someone that you've dated. UM, especially when you're bringing someone new

into your romantic life. It could they could get a little bit sticky, of course, And like the thing about it next is you share so many intimate moments with that person, very important moments within your life. So of course you want to be very nice. And if you guys break up, you're like, well, we still can be friends. But I think the nicer thing to do better than being friends is to be honest, right, especially with something like love, the most important thing you want is honesty.

And after you guys break up, usually when there's a break up, one person still wants to be in the

relationship and the other person doesn't. And so it's usually the person that does want to be in the relationship that says, like, I still want to be friends, because they might be clinging onto something that you think sometimes I think it, yes, But it's the person that doesn't want to be in the relationship that says, let's be friends, and the other one that says sorry, we can't because if we do stay friends, all want to stay in

a relationship with you. But it's also the post. But if you're if we were dating and you broke up with me, I'd probably be like, oh, well, let's stay friends. Well, what I'm saying is is like if I'm like, say I'm the one, say Dean and I are breaking up, Dean's breaking up with me, and so no way would you, No way, what Jared ever want to break up with me?

I'm freaking perfect good and so Dean, if you broke up with me, you'd say, hey, but I still want to be friends, right, And as someone who still wants to be with you because I thought things were going well, I would say, yes, I still want to be friends because I'm still want you in my life and I'm playing on something. First of all, you would be heartbroken from me breaking up with it. Obviously you would devastated, and I cry for a week. Like Vanessa said, you

would say, friends, I can't be your friend. I love you, I need to separate and cut myself off completely from you, Bedine, I agree, but I don't think a lot of people would say that. I think a lot of people would say, okay, as long as I keep them in my life, I think I'll be okay because there's still a chance. No, trust me, if I broke up with you, Jared, you would be so heartbroken and devastated you had have no choice but to cut me out of your life. He's

very humble. Ladies and gentlemen, don't let this one segment change your mind on that. Well, so that brings us, I guess to the point, is uh, what Prince Harry's wedding. He had two of his exes there, which is a little odd. I don't know if I could if I guess, maybe it all depends on what the relationship was, how

long it was, how invested the feelings were. If if I wasn't in love with somebody, I think I could still be friends with them, if it was just like we dated for a while and it didn't really work out. I read somewhere. I remember what article it was, or I mean, you know, you gotta you gotta always take what you read online for being assault. We were talking

about everything online is true, everything online is true. Yeah, but apparently I read something that he had a converse a phone conversation with his ex that he dated for like seven years on and off. She's a blonde woman, I believe, and they basically had a conversation that I remember what it was about, but it was like kind of weird to have that serious conversation that's a couple

of days before he gets married. I think he was him saying how his like you love someone else or I don't remember what it was, but it was odd. It was an awkward conversation, and I remember thinking, like, why would you have this kind of conversation with an X right before you're getting buried, Like shouldn't you before what? Well, I was gonna say, it's a tough situation because I'm sure you don't really think about It's also difficult reaching out to an X and saying, hey, I'm in a

new relationship. I just wanted to give you a heads up, like I don't really know what the right thing to do is. So I think Harry probably was just trying to do the best he could by saying, well, let me reach out personally and say hey, listen, I've done that, I've done that before. Yeah. It's always awkward, it's challenging, it's always awkward and we're not getting married. He you go,

he was, he had this conversation before he was getting married. True, but it's still it's still how you want to handle it. I think you can handle it both ways. I don't think you have to reach out. Um. It all depends on what your relationship was during the relationship, during you know, time he dated, and also afterwards right where you guys still friends, where you guys still you know, hooking up?

You guys this question because I think guys have a different way of dealing with break up when it comes to social media and like phone and all that. So when you and if you were to break up with someone or someone broke up with you, would you go and on follow or block the person on social media or on your phone? And it depends on how devastated I was. If I was, you know, still in love with that person and I didn't want to see them move on with their life without me, yeah, I definitely

block them. I blocked my ex on all social media platforms. I'm not going to say the name. I mean, it's pretty obvious. I'm sure who it is actually funny enough, but maybe I'm just petty and weird. I've actually blocked every single one of my every single one of them. Care less what they're doing. I could care less. I just don't want to see their pictures that are being posted comments. Not because I'm still in love with them, and I understand that argument can be made, but just

because I just don't want to see it. So, with the exception of Rachel, the four of the three of the four relationships that I've been in publicly since going on the show are since blocked on my Instagram. On my side, yeah, I just don't want and I don't I don't know, can I ask? Yes, still still blocked every single one of them. And it's not like I have any ill feelings towards a single one of them, Like if I saw any of them in person, I would walk up to them, hug them say asked them, Hi,

how are they doing all that kind of stuff. I just like, personally have no interest in seeing the pictures that they post, the comments that they make on other contests or cast members pictures, my friends pictures, all that kind of stuff, And so I've just gone into the taking it to the next level and blocked them. I mean, I think that it's not necessarily like it's especially like, like Jared said, you share a lot of intimate moments with these people. You don't want to be constantly reminded

of a failed relationship. But there are certain circumstances where you can be friends with an X in my personal opinion, um when like, especially if you both enter into new relationships. It's hard if like ones in a relationship and the other one is not in a relationship. But if both x as are in a relationship, I think it makes it much more reasonable and like agreeable and amicable to

be in a relationship. Yes and no, because I agree with you to that point, But I also would say that it might be unfair to the other person in the relationship because like, imagine you dating someone and they're like, oh, I'm still really good friends with this person who had just dated, but they wouldn't that you make you be like, I trust you, but it kind of just makes me

feel uncomfortable. Yeah, So I don't know. I think it's a gray er and I think it's definitely on an individual basis, definitely case by case, and that's a hard thing. It's oh no, no, go ahead. I was just saying I think that I've I've definitely unfollowed people UM and followed people I mean and x is or on x UM on Instagram, but I've never blocked to them, just because I feel like that would cause more of a

negative energy between us after the breakup. And my ultimate goal, like I said, is to always be on neutral terms with the person that I dated. But for me, blocking is just an extent like I don't know, I don't want to, I don't know. No, I agree with you on that, but I also agree with Dean, like I remember going through, uh, you know, years ago situation where

you know, the next time didn't work out. I remember seeing a picture with her and another guy, and I had no idea, you know who the guy was with her boyfriend could have just been a friend, could have been a cousin. But I could care less because I saw that picture and I was like, nope, all right, never never again, never again, because I don't know, Yeah, I know, it just triggers you to be like no, I don't I don't want to. You know what, I have a tendency of doing. I don't know if you

guys do this too. So I constantly get people UM sending me messages like how do you get over break up? Like, you know, my X and I just broke up, Like, how do I get over it? How did you get through your breakup so publicly? And there is no formula to get over someone. I think for me it's to really process it and get it out of your system. I always compare a breakup to the flu, when when you first get to fool you feel really really sick.

For like three days you feel like, oh my god, this feels like death, and then slowly, slowly you start like feeling better, but without knowing why you start to being better, it just gets out of your system. So for me, it's the same thing when it comes to breakup. But one of the ways that I do find UM helps me to process it or kind of like get them out of my system. You know, I don't. I

don't know if this is weird. I do eat their number in my phone and the entire conversation that I've had with them, Um, even if it's I don't know, if it's someone that I dated, no matter how long, it's a blocked phone numbers too. I'm a serial blocker. I think I've realized I blocked their phone numbers. I have a problem, Oh you, I don't block their phone numbers just I don't know. I don't block their phone number. I'm a serial blocker. I just it just came to

that realization. Instagram, Twitter, phone number block on every platform I can so you, that's so interesting because you're you just said that you should be friends with the next and you've blocked them on every platform that could possibly reach out to it. I contradict myself constantly. Nothing new and none of us are they? Are you not in

contact with any of your exits? I wouldn't go as far to say that, but there are certain ones that I require to block distance from distance from maybe because I didn't want them to have the ability to reach out back to me, less for the fact like I just didn't want to see them. I just didn't want to give them the opportunity to be able to have an open line of communication. I don't know, No, that's fair.

There are certain people in this life that, yeah, you have to I think there are certain people in this life, including excess, that you have to live with in your heart, but maybe not in your life. And so I think it all depends on a case by case basis and whether you think you can legitimately be friends with someone

with those kind of borders up. Um, But I think in a lot of cases is specifically if you're in a long term relationship with somebody, it's very difficult, not only for yourself but for them and hopefully the future partner. It puts just a lot of strain where there might not need to be. Vanessa, did you follow Nick on Instagram? Yeah,

we unfollowed each other. Was it like a joint let's understand the joint thing as you guys went in separate ways or was it just like over a couple of times things And it's like I remember the day we broke up, Um, he drove like the next morning, he drove me to the airport when it was like officials, He drove me to the airport. And it wasn't like it wasn't like a how can't I explain it? It wasn't like I hate you, It wasn't anything like that.

It was we were both so sad over the fact that we couldn't figure out how to stay together, Like we tried everything to make it work. We just were we just we were very different, you know, And I think that's why Um, that's why I don't. There's no like negative feelings towards the relationship it or towards the breakup and stuff. Um. And I remember when he dropped

me off at the airport. I just remember feeling a feeling of complete sadness because it was like, I know this is going to be the last time we have each other goodbye, and like we didn't want to go with each other, and that realization it was like Okay, now now it's like you're on overdrive, Like Okay, now I have to figure out, like how am I going to be able to get over this? Because no one

wants to stay in the state of sadness. No one wants to stay in the state of being angry or holding onto something or holding onto grudg's like that's all negative feelings. So for me, I had to process, Okay, what's my next But what's my first step now to

not how can I play this? Like you know, sometimes when you get broken up with, it becomes also or broken up with, or if you break up with someone, it's the ego kind of kicks in and you kind of want to still have that person in your life and you kind of want to call them back to see if they're if you can get a reaction out

of that. Um, and I didn't want to go down that path, so I just thought it'd be a healthier option if I don't know who unfollowed each other first, But I think it was kind of like a mutual understanding, no hard feelings towards one another because we did that. Um, you know, he got a role on a TV show or something and I had messaged him on on the phone and I congratulated him for that. He messaged me for Christmas, which my family had married Christmas, So there

were no negative feelings. Of course, there's stuff that you know, um, that you kind of like hang on to it. You like, after your breakup, you kind of you said process things like oh, I wonder like what if what would have happened, if this would have been different, or if I would have done that, or that person would have done that before we before it was just no, no, no. It

was very interesting for interpretation. Before we jump into our next segment, a quick gearshift kind of on the same topic, do you think Jared that when you're in a relationship with someone you're obviously in a relationship with actually now, how does that affect your friendships with females moving forward? It doesn't really hasn't really affected any relationship with my female is one of my best friends in the world is female. She's the one who signed me up to

be on the Bachelor in the first place. Um, I think you can be friends with somebody of the opposite sex. I just think that you really can't be physically attracted to them, like you can't want to hook up with them. I know that's a very obvious statement, but it's not obvious to a lot of people. Well, you can't just you can't fight who you So you can't be friends with someone that you're physically attracted to. Well, I wouldn't

go as long as it's just tough, right. Say you're in a relation, Okay, say say you were in a relationship with a girl and she was like, oh, one of my really good guy friends. Uh. And then you meet him and he's very good looking, and you're like, oh, okay, that's okay, you guys are just really good friends. And then she's like, no, he's very good looking. Would you be like say that one more time? Well, that's a tricky thing. It's a tricky thing, right, because you trust them,

but also like there's just a little jealousy. But I feel like if there wasn't jealousy, you wouldn't really care about your significant other, would you. There has to be a little jealousy. Imagine if you're like, yeah, I know, I don't care if you think he's attractive, would you be like, well, I'll trust you. I don't think anything's gonna happen. I don't want to think it all depends

on how long you guys have been dating. At the beginning, you're like, I guess a little bit more territorial, and you know you want all the attention, like you want attention to stay between the both of you. But I think after like a couple of years, I think it's naturally normal to be physically attracted to someone else. Oh my god, of course I'm not saying that. I'm saying those your eyes around anyone anyway. Well, so I just talked to let me also, I just want to say

really quickly, no, and that's not what I'm saying. You're going to be physically attracted to a lot of people in this world when you're in a relationship. What I'm saying is you know, the question is what about having close friends of the opposite sex when you're in a relationship, And I think you absolutely can be. It just all

depends on the friendship, you know. Well, so I just was hanging out with Ashley before coming to this recording, and she made mention, how when you guys watched the episode two of the Batchel right last night, she was like, oh,

that guys so hot, Like guys so hot. But then if it were flipped and yours were watching Bachelor and if you said something like damn, that girl is really hot, she would be like, wait, you can't say that exactly, and and so like I kind of joked around with her a little bit, because of course, when you're signific others like oh he's really hot, he's really hot, and you're like, okay, that's enough. There we go moving on. We're watching House Hunters, um you think, because and I

think I can relate to that. I know, if I say, if I'm with someone and I say like, oh, that person is good looking, I'm saying it to say it, but I'm not saying it because I would ever act upon it. I trust. I don't know if I can

trust that they won't act upon that feeling. So, but I guess the point that I'm trying to make is, so if Ashley and Jared are dating, and I'm sorry to keep bringing it back to the whole Joshley thing, but Ashley is good friends with someone but says like, so, she's good friends with the guy, and it tells you not often, but has told you in the past. This guy's really attractive, but he's also a really good friend. You wouldn't be put off by that because you trust her.

I'd be fine with it. But so that's the thing that you trust her, but you still have some jealousy, but it wouldn't affect your relationship, because it would never affect a relationship. No, I don't think it should. That's kind of contradictory to what you were saying earlier, though not at all. I don't think you're insecure. I don't think you should project your insecurities onto your significant other.

What I'm saying is the fact that there shouldn't. I think, of course, it's natural to have a certain level of jealousy about it. Okay, well, I'm gonna ask you guys this question not off topic, but kind of on topic. Um, we enter relationships with our own insecurities based on our previous relationships or whatever, relationships with family or stuff that that's happened in our past. At what point do you think it is a healthy option to start a couple

of therapy? As soon as you bring the question up, Yeah, as soon as you deem it necessary. I guess I've I've suggested in the past for relationships. I've never done it, but I've suggested it. Do you think it's like I feel like you should be more of a prevention than as opposed to a fixer upper. I think that if it's necessary, though, I don't think there's anything wrong. I think especially in I don't it's this is gonna sound what you say, but especially in our world where everything

is very public. Um, there's a lot of disconnects, miscommunications, all that kind of stuff. I think that it could be very, very beneficial to have an unbiased, neutral party involved in the not like the questioning process, but like the reasoning and logical side of things. Umah. Like I said, I actively agree with you. I think it's a healthy often to start it, or at least go kind of like working out, you know, when you work out, you're working out to prevent like like being unhealthy and all

that stuff. You don't go because it's your last resort. I feel like I've done The only time I've started doing therapy was on the show when We're on the Batchelor, and I thought it was such deliberating experience having a person that doesn't know you at all give you an unbiased opinion on things. And um, I think I spoke

about this before, but it's not news. But Nick and I did do a couple of therapy, and um, I remember the therapist saying that it's an important thing to do before it gets to the point where it becomes the last resort. Because oh, that's that is so friends to hear that, because because it ends up being Um, it's like when a therapy ends up showcasing why you shouldn't be together, when it's that's the when you're hanging on by like a sin threat. Yeah, I mean, listen you.

I don't know. I think it's also again, if you feel like it's best for you guys to go to therapist and really air out your grievances, I'm down for that. I don't even know if it's an area out of grievances. I think that. I just think it's beneficial. So anyways, it just opens up communication that might not have been there before because you just feel very comfortable in the therapist room. Yeah yeah, yeah, you do. Um being what were you gonna say? I was gonna say, so one

other suggestion instead of going a couple of therapy. I have a pretty good, full proof plan on how to handle those types of arguments and relationships, whatever it might be. And I think at the end of the day, what we can all agree upon is that food is king right. You know, whenever you're hungry, you're a little bit more agitated, irritated, whatever it is. And the best way to curb that hunger is it curve or curb that hunger. Curb, curb that hunger. The best way to curb that hunger is

by ordering some delicious, juicy Omaha sticks. I know we've talked about in the past Jared and I's favorite favorite sticks of all time stakes. It's the best refrigerator is just full. Well, your freezer is your refrigerator. Refrigerator. I like to ask you guys like, how like how much do you guys love to steak well, and you were talking about the last time we dove me back. You're like raving about these stakes. I was gravy about the sticks.

That's absolutely right. In addition to be in addition to being able to settle feuds amongst significant others, et cetera, we also have Father's Day, which is right around the corner, and one thing your father is definitely going to love is Omaha Sticks Father's Day package, which includes many incredible things ready Dean too tender to beef for chicken fried snakes, to bonus pork shots for all people, Maha Burgers for jump, twelve bounces of all beef meatballs, one pound of apples,

one Omaha Steaks seasoning packet, plus kept four more grill ready Ohmaha Steaks Burgers pre purchase. Oh, that was the most ridiculous, guys spot we've ever done. That's a good um But in all seriousness, Omaha Stacks incredible, super conveniently get chipped to your house in this big um like ice chest. Basically start from ice chest, you get a whole bunch of stuff. The qualities of the highest of qualities,

the highest cuts of of all of these meats. Um super customizable that even give you the option to customize your cuts for your dad's grilling needs to the recipes, wine pairings, and their del it to your door delivered straight to the door. Um. This the experience I had with Omaha Steaks was better than I've had in the past because I was out of town and mine got delivered.

But in the past my roommate got perishable or I got perishable foods delivered to my house and my roommate didn't put them in the fridge, and I was gone for like a week, so I got back and it was all rotted. Um. This time, Fortunately, Omaha does a good enough job of packaging and using dry ice to kind of maintain and preserve everything until you're able to get home and throw it in the fridge. Um. So

check it out. Go to Omaha Steaks dot com and type in Dean that's d E A N into the search bar and add Father's Day packaged to your car. It's only gonna cost you forty nine cents, And I honestly think that for a Father's Day gift, that's pretty good. I got my dad Omaha Steaks for Father's Day. There you go. Did you use code Dean. I did use codean nine and nine. But make sure you, guys, don't wait on this to offer and soon, so make sure

you go to Omaha Steaks dot com. Type Dan D E A N in the search bar, grab your dad some Omaha Steaks and fire up that grill and it's only gonna cost you a get one more time cents. That's seventy eight percent. Often it's incredible deal. Um. If you don't feel like getting your father some Momaha sticks for Father's Day, feel free to get me some. Feel free to get Jared something. I'll take them, send him straight to I Heart Studios here in Burbank, California. We

appreciate that you will take them MoMA dot com. Type Dean into the search bar and you will be good to go for Father's Day. Check them out. Let's move on to segment to um of a little known show that we might have heard of once twice We've We've been on that show, dabbled on this show a little bit. The Bachelorette Vanessa. Did you watch BATTERT last night? I didn't. I'm guys, I'm still in the process of unpacking my entire life from l A to Montreal and go ahead,

good talking about and hang up the phone. We'll call you back in twenty minutes after the segments. Over all, right, well, Jared, what do you think of a Bachelor atte last night? Give me a recap? So pretty much what happens. There is a group day in the beginning, there's some sort of obstacle of chorus that Lincoln ends up winning. And then is the guy that I find you right with the yeah with the voice, very good looking guy. They were later on the cocktail party. He took Becca first,

which apparently nobody really enjoyed. Which I can't stand when other guys complain about a guy taking the bachelor away first. How about he takes some self responsibility. You be the aggressor and you go up to Becca and you say, hey, I want us to do do you ever? Did you ever? Takes absolutely not. But I also didn't complain when other guys took the first. I was like, okay, I held back, Like that's my own fault. I could have done more. So Lincoln takes her away first. Becca gives Lincoln a

picture from the obstacle. From the obstacle course date, Lincoln is being a little obnoxious he goes back in front of the other guys. He starts like kissing the picture, telling the other guys how much it means to him. He's kind of like really playing the part at this point. So one of the other guys, I forget his name, No, Connor, Connor Connor takes you know, a little um he gets a little piste off about this, takes the picture, ends up throwing it and breaking it. It was just the

most absurd over the thing I've ever seen. I really thought both guys were in the table, very childish. So child is about it, Like, Connor, don't throw the picture, just let Lincoln do his thing whatever. And then Lincoln, don't be so obnoxious to go in front of the guys and like start kissing the picture. And then like I hated when Lincoln went to Becca and was like I felt physically threatened, And it's like, okay, that did

did kind of threatened to beat you off. Let me ask you this, if you were in Becca's shoes and Becca's heels right now, who would you be looking at more with Who would you look at with more judgment? At Lincoln or at Connor? Lincoln for idolizing this picture so much or Connor for chucking it into the swimming pool. I agree. I think so too. I think the amount of anger that he showed over something so trivial and meaningless is a very big red flag in my opinion.

I agree. I thought it was very childish, and I also thought it was interesting that Connor decided not to wear a jacket at the Rose ceremony. I know that's a small little thing, but he was the only guy not wearing any type of jacket at the Rose ceremony, and it just seems like a very interesting choice. Really. I mean, it's only a dress fashion thing. It's really nothing, but just seemed like a very interesting choice. There was someone else that wasn't wearing a jacket, Oh Jordan's Yeah,

I forgot about his season. I wore socks on my season. Who doesn't. I don't wear socks currently, but when I wear dress ues, I wear socks. Yeah. First there was a guy on this season, I think, doing war socks. And then there was there was a one on one where they smashed a bunch of TVs and stuff that reminded back of Ari Blake. What do we think of Blake? He's a good looking guy. Yeah, they seemed to get along. I it was it was fine, it was good. I think he'll go far. How how soon did you get

your one on one in your season? I got it week three or four. It was the first week we traveled. We went to New York and I got my first one. Okay, same we went to South Carolina. I think it's got to be challenging to get the one on the very first week. But that's how long into your season were you when you got your first one on the neck? I got this. I was still at the Man in the Mansion, so I got it. Danille melt he got the first one and I got the second one. Okay,

so not the worst. Okay, Bleak's giving me some decent vibes. I like Blake too. Decent guy. What do you think about the whole Culton situations like that he dated. It's funny that this kind of ties back a little bit to what we're talking about earlier on is Vanessa. I don't know if you know this, but there's Colton who's on the show, and we've talked about him a little bit before you left. He dated Tia who was on our season. Um and Tia and and Becca are obviously friends.

So Colton and Tia dated each other back in January, and then Becca got announced his bachelorette in February. Colton decided to leave Tia, go on bachelorette and date Becca. And we don't necessarily know exactly the timelines of events of how it unfolded, but it just looks a little suspect on Colton's part, which I think he handled appropriately. He didn't bring it up the first time you met her, but the second time that he met with Becca, he decided to tell her that he had a relationship with

one of her friends. And I think that it was the appropriate, mature way to handle it. I think it was smart to get ahead of it absolutely, like do you go to Becca, you tell her what happened instead of her hearing it from someone else and then her having to go to you, because that creates a little dishonesty right there. At least he was truthful. I just thought it was interesting the way he articulated it, where he said, like, the timing wasn't right with Tia, but

the timing is right with you. It was like, that's an interesting way to put it, seeing how she's the Bachelorette and Tia was almost a bachelorette like it just that was a little suspect. But he seems like a good guy, Like he gives off good vibes, like similar to Blake, where like I see Colton and I'm like,

he seems nice guy, like a nice guy. And so I just think that moment in on itself was a little cringe worthy for the fact that like, well, you know, t and I back in January, literally a month and a half before we before I went to Bachelorette, Like in this episode he said they spent a weekend together

if I remember correctly, which isn't bad. And and Colton is the only one from this show that I've actually met in person, so maybe I can under I like him a little bit more just because I know more about him, you know, And so I think he was a super sweet guy. I think he's a very genuine and very kind and honest guy. So um, let's I also just this might sound bad, but I also don't

think it's really the worst thing in the world. The fact that he like maybe he wanted take the opportunity to go on the Bachelorette and he wasn't really feeling of a Tia and so it's like, I'm curious to see who reached out to who. It's like, you stand it. This is the story that I've been told from unnamed sources, is that Tia slid into Colton's d m Okay, that's that changes everything. It does, that really changes everything. But then who initiated the day, because it does change everything,

it absolutely does. How it happened, I don't know, because Colton had not been announced, he hadn't been cast for the show at that point. How Tia found his Instagram profile. Who knows. That's just what I've been told, And that's very interesting. Colton being you know, he's the version of the season, so obviously they didn't have any like physical

well look virgin or not. It comes down so I think when you're the lead of the show, you want to make sure that you end up taking someone who's into you and not into the fact that you're you because you're the lead of the show. Well, what's exciting is in the very next episode we'll get Tia that will be there on the group date, and so we

can see the conversation happened between the yes. But also so why didn't you agree that Sometimes maybe you go on the show without really that meant much expectations and then you meet the person and then you think, oh wow, wow, this could work. I didn't expect you ever thought I was going to ever go on on the Bachelor. I was like, oh, I'm never going to do anything like that.

I got submitted onto it, I got the call, thought it was a hoax, and then I kind of went along with your thinking, Oh, let me just be haf far. It can take it, not ever thinking they were going to pick me, and I never thought I was going to make it past night one. Yeah, I think, Um, I think it's it's such a tricky thing because people see a one dimensional version of people on the show and they don't really get to see everything else that goes on. And I don't know how it was for

you guys, but I really fell for Nick. My first one on one with him, it was just like out of this world and I was like, oh I'm in trouble, Like actually like this guy that's adorable, that's so cute. Oh yeah, but do okay. So that's that leads into the next question. Then, for Becca's sake, do you think that she needs to ask Tas permission if she can take Sulton on the show. Um, I wouldn't. I would permission is like it's a I don't know if I

would ask for a permission. I think I would. If I Rebecca, I would have the conversation with her to see if Tia is comfortable with the idea of them possibly dating. I think that she should ask for advice, not permission. Yeah, I wouldn't say permission. I think it would be an honest thing, and honest it was. It would be a conversation. That would be she's trying to see us, so she needs to have that conversation. I

wouldn't necessarily permission. Yeah. If I was, I'd go to tea and say, hey, listen, Colton came up, told me you guys hung out? What's the situation? And I think, do you feel comfortable? Do you feel comfortable? Are you okay with it? She also has like, how many guys at this point that you can be dating? So it's not like he's the only person that she can be dating. I think there's four guys this season that can get away with what Coulton just did, and Coulton is one

of them. I think Colton Blake, Jason, Colton Blake, and Garrett are the three I think that could get away with having dated Tia. I agree with anyone else you have sent home on the spot, like she's that guy from Minnesota the very first night, Jake, because I want to get to know you. And so thank goodness for Colton being the sexy man that he is, because if he wasn't, he would have been next. We would have forgotten his name by now. But sure enough, he's handsome,

he's got some boys charmed to him. Face saved the day. Face saved the day, as I'm sure it has in the past as well. Anyways, it'll be interesting to see what kind of happens there. Um, I think that we have some more to kind of talk about later on regarding that. Obviously, we haven't really seen a lot of it play out yet, so it'll be interesting to kind of see what happens. Vanessa need to figure out your ABC subscription, get your TV unpacked, whatever it, and started

watching the show. Obviously, you know, we're not necessarily specifically a Bachelor Bachelor at recapping podcast, so would be me not make an entire point of it. But it's good. It's good information to apply to real world dating. We're involved in it totally. It's you know, And so that's the thing. I mean, if you if you want to date someone that your friend has dated in the past, I think it's times it can be important to ask for permission. Oh well, it all depends on the circumstance.

Like apparently Tim Colton just spent a weekend together and then it didn't work out, and then he went on the show. So for Becca, I don't know if it would be like, hey, can is is it? Is it okay if I date Colton? I think Rebecca it might be better if Vanessa, like you said, go up to her and say, um, so what happened? I think that's the first thing. Becca just needs to get all the information before she can really make her decision, because she's only heard from Colon and now she's gonna hear from

Tim next week. So it could be two completely different stories. It could be the exact same story to you could be like, listen, we spent a couple of days together, it was good, didn't really go anywhere. You should absolutely pursue this guy because he's a really good guy. Didn't work out with us, you know, or to you could be like we actually spent a month together and he told me he loved me, and then he found out I was in the Bachelor and he went on the show.

I don't think it's the later, but you know, who the hell knows. We'll find out next week the Ladder, the Ladder. What I say later later, Well, I agree, I think that there's like I said, there's a lot more to be said about this story. Um, one thing we you know for sure is that Tea is going to be in Paradise. And one thing, uh, I guess you're right, it's not for sure, but I guess we can safely assume that to will be in Paradise. I'd

be shocked if she wasn't there. And I just I pray to the Bachelor gods that Tia did one thing before going to Paradise. Do you know what it is? I just I just hope I closed my eyes, and I wish that Tia was listening to this podcast not too long ago and used the Beach Body on demand subscription that we were giving all of our listeners for free. Because if she's going to the beach, she needs to

be in top peak physical condition. I mean she looks good alright, of course, of course, but obviously we all like to, you know, get a little bit tone and fit for summer. And if you're going down to Mexico, you're gonna be on national television. Beach Body on Demand is the thing you should be using to get yourself into physical condition where you're feeling comfortable with yourself and you're ready. So I know you guys have heard us talk about Beach Body on Demand before. I'm amped up

about this. I jazzer sized every morning and I talked about it on the podcast and I just love it. So watch it and you guys have heard me talk about it. It's the company behind P nine, ty x in Sanity, twenty one Day Fixed, etcetera, etcetera. Hip Hop abs my personal favorite. I have two abs. Now, you like the I like the three week yoga retreat. That's my personal favorite. But you know I like the abs already infected. They have celebrity trainers on there, like Shanty.

They have the Brazilian Butt Lift Van. That's that shirt. Go for it, um SHAWNTI the hip hop abs guy. There's like Shale and Johnson, Tony Horton all of the favorite celebrity guests that can kind of teach you how to get fit for the summer. There's hundreds of effective workouts at all fitness levels, ranging for all body types,

weight training, cardio, yoga, all that kind of stuff. Jared has been very flexible lately from what I've seen, Um, you know, obviously mostly and we said we weren't going to talk about that on the podcast. I'm just gonna stop talking right now. Actually, I'm gonna keep talking about Beach Body on Demand. Uh. Sometimes the workasts can be as short as ten minutes. Uh. They don't require any extra equipment. It's a lot of body weight, which is great.

There's access anywhere and any time from your computer, your web, Enable TV, tablet, smartphone, Roku, Apple TV, Chrome casts, and so much more. You can join over one only people currently on Beach Body on Demand. Listeners. Listen. This is how you get Beach Body on Demand. You just text Dean D A N to thirty thirty. You get your special free trial membership. When you do this, you can get full access to the entire platform for free, all

the workouts, nutrition information and support. It's totally free again. All you do is just text Dean. That's d e A. And he's been doing the hip hop ads people. He's looking good. He texted that to thirty thirty thirty Dan d A. And for your free trial membership beach Body on Demand. You gotta get it. Get that butt lift. You know you want to be like Tia going down to Paradise. Use the beach Body on Demand. I'm telling you, you you gotta check it out. You're gonna love it.

I just love the convenience of it. You don't have

to go to the gym. I don't know. I preach about this every single time we do one of these ads, but it's been to work out we can do it from home because especially me, like even this morning, I had to leave my house by eight o'clock and I'm like, all right, I'm gonna wake up at six thirty to get to the gym by seven, workout for an hour, be home, And I was like, wait, why would I do that when I can wake up at seven fifteen, do a ten minute workout in my house, shower, get ready,

and be out the door. So it's just so much more convenient, so much easier. There are times where I've gone to the gym and left immediately afterwards because it's so crowded and so overly packed, and I'm like, what am I doing. I'm just gonna go home, get beach Body and work out from home because it's far easier. And then he needs a tub of ice cream. But with beach Body that actually actually help as well. So yeah, one more time, text D E A N To get

your free trop membership started. Check it out. I'm sure you're gonna love it. Um. Let's move on to the third segment of today's episode, Emails and my favorite segment. We would like to welcome Mark back from her You're back. Your voice just gives me butterflies. Every time I was hoping we could start, I was hoping we could start with Matt from Minnesota. If that's possible, we can from Minnesota.

So Matt made a comment in the Facebook group. He emailed both emails because there's a Instagram email and the ice suckit dating and I heeart media email just for the other ones to the so that's all go the same place. Sorry for talking too much, um, And I think we could give Matt some help, but I'd love to help Matt out all that's reassuring that if you send an email it will get to us somehow. Yes, we will read it. Thank you, Matt. There's a girl who works with the gym I too. She's a lifeguard.

I think she's really cute. Could I get some advice on how to maybe introduce myself or break the ice? I know her name, that's a start. Also, not gonna lie. I did a social media creep and it appears we have some stuff in common. Is sliding into the d M still a thing. I'm a guy that has kind of some confidence issues as well. It's really bad anxiety and twenty four and have only had one serious girlfriend. I literally almost have no idea what I'm doing here. Help.

I suck at dating and flirting and talking to girls in general. Matt, You're thank you so much for emailing Matt. And I'm gonna I'm gonna come right out and say it and be honest with you, guys. I did a social media creep as well on Matt. Matt, how the hell do you find Matt? It's only his first name. He's in the Facebook group And you know what, Matt, if you're listening to this podcast, which I hope you are. You are a good looking dude. All right, you need

to have some confidence. Yeah, I'm gonna do that to get on the Facebook group check them out. Um, I think that he should have have some confidence. I know it's easy to say that and it's hard to put into practice. I I myself have struggled with confidence issues for a large out of my life. I still do, honestly on a daily basis, not just you, but everybody injured. It means to be like, of course Stine suffers from

confidence issues. But so this is what I was going to respond to on the Facebook group, but I decided to save it for the podcast. I think since she's a lifeguard, and this is coming from a former lifeguard. I was a lifeguard for two years in high school, everyone idea, Well, now you do, Um, I think that you should jump in the pool and pull a scot dude. I was just thinking the same thing. Help help Fike drought,

have her jumping after you. And even if she doesn't jump in after you, with which all honestly she probably won't, you can at least have the ice broken at that point. Laugh about it over drinks, over dinner, over lunch, coffee, whatever it is. I think that's the best way to go. I don't know if it's the best way to go, but I love it. I think it would be the most entertaining way to go. I think it's a way to go. I'm not sure it's the best way to go.

I'm looking at maths profile. Now. Look, I mean Mats. MAT's got a lot to offer a woman. MAT's got a dog, he loves dog, donate life. He's clearly, you know, motivated by charity, give a truism. Is very attractive. And yes, Matt seems like a good guy with a lot going on. I mean, seriously, short of faking a drowning. Should he just go up to her and say, hello, introduce himself. My name is Matt. Of course, to ask, it is a lot to ask. I don't know, you guys are

steering him in the wrong direction. Here, should you have like a line? Ready, here's the thing, but the thick blood things in your mouth? All right, here we go. Dean's off the reservation. Let's make this a cinematic. I'm not on any dating app, but if someone that I'm kind of interested in, we'll slide into my d M S I will definitely write them back, So I don't think it's like an old school thing to do or like, no, I think you should definitely try sliding into her d

MS if you're too scared to break the ice in person. Well, Vanessa, as a woman, would you rather have somebody slide into your dem dm s or come up to you either or really it doesn't matter. Nope? But okay, so here's the risk you run by sliding into the d M. Say he d MS her gets no response, then he can no longer approach her unless he becomes But he knows all he needs to know at that point, doesn't he? He?

I No, no, no, maybe she because then you could be like, oh, well, maybe she just didn't see it. Maybe she hasn't had time to respond. You can make up excuses as to why she never got back. But if you just go up to approacher or you fake drown, then I'm liking your face to face and you're you're forced to see if there will be a spark between the two of you, and if you do feel that spark, you have the opportunity to ask here to a coffee, to lunch, dinner, drinks, whatever it is. That's my that's

my two cents. And I also agree that it's easier that she works at the gym instead of just meeting her at the gym, because that's kind of awkward to be like going up someone with her headphones in. Like she works at the gym, you can easily start a conversation with her and just kind of try to keep the conversation going and see how it goes. And Matt, So, when I was in college, I worked out at the gym often. That's probably the best shape of my life. And like I said, I was at the gym all

the time. There were so many cute girls that either work there or went there often that I had zero confidence in approaching, and I never approached them. And like, listening back in hindsight, I'm like, why the heck did I just go up and say hi to them? Oh? I always think that, and it's happen. You get rejected. Okay, you try. You know you there's going to be someone else that you're going to be interested anyway, So exactly,

don't regret it. Regret going try it out. If it doesn't work out, then hey, I least you can walk away saying that you and to continue the theme of this episode, I think that even if you do, unfortunately get rejected, maybe you don't like her, you reject her. I think that you guys could then have a friendship to where every time you go to the gym, then you'd be like, hey, you're like, good to see you friend. How totally did you see the quote on Matt's page.

It's the classic Wayne Gretzky quote quote that's exactly following take your shot, all right? This is from T I'm twenty one. I've been in a committed relationship for two years. He's twenty three. We often talk about getting married after I finished school in a few years. Over the past few months, I've noticed myself becoming more and more unhappy in the relationship. There are key characteristics I want in

a husband that he doesn't have. There are also some significant love language differences that are causing me to feel not loved. I truly love him. He's my best friend. I can't imagine life without him, but I'm starting to not be able to picture forever with him either. Recently, a guy I used to have feelings for moved back into town. I see him once a week at a church event that we both attend, but my boyfriend doesn't. Problem is I can't stop thinking about him. I feel

horrible and guilty about it. This has never happened before, and I've always thought it was crazy that someone could develop feelings for someone outside of their partner. What's happening to me? What do I do? Is it normal to question things in a relationship like this? Are we just going through a dry spell? And it make matters worse? My boyfriend's sister is getting married this summer and I am the maid of honor. This is a stick of choice. Then I will say this. I've heard of the tweet.

I don't know what the phrase is, like a tweear curse or something like after you date someone, for like once you hit the two year mark, exact, when you start re evaluating a relationship. Have you guys heard of that? I've heard that specifically. But I know obviously after you're dating someone, things are gonna change love, you know, changes, they might get a little stale. You need to like actively work on, you know, regniting the fire in that relationship.

Um yeah, I really I think relationships go through their ups and downs, and right now there she's fealing a little bit of a down and um, well, this also relates to like what we're talking about earlier, like being attracted to someone, um, you know, but not acting upon those feelings and exactly, I think the problem with this one is like listen, of course you're gonna be attracted other people, and like you might even be curious about

what what what a relationship would look like with that person, even if you are currently in one with somebody else. This is the issue that I have is that you go to once a week at a church event that you guys both attend, but your boyfriend doesn't as your boyfriend know that you are seeing this guy on a weekly basis that you might have an attraction to. But also, she says earlier, there are key characteristics that want in

a husband that he doesn't have. I can't help but assume, and this is an assumption in bringing between the lines that church and religion is one of those things. Potentially those two together. I think he needs to have a sit down conversation with her boyfriend to figure out what his values are and his morals and he wants out of life. And if it doesn't match up, you are still funny one You have so much time to meet someone, You have so much time to explore and dat other people,

and I think it'll all end up working outbreak. Do you guys ever watch New Girl? I was watching an episode last night. I recently have gotten into it and have been binging it. I got to the episode where Jess, who obviously is the main character, was dating Sam. Do you guys remember Sam? Yeah, the tall, attractive guy. Um, And I was just watched this episode last night where Sam breaks up with Jess before Schmidt and Cecy's wedding because Sam didn't want Jess to have to cut him

out of all of their wedding pictures. Because at this point, if this girl goes to her boyfriend's sister's wedding as the maid of honor, she will be forever tied to that wedding, that relationship, especially that that day, And so that's you really have to have your mind made up at least by then, because if you're going to break up with him, obviously we don't want you to breakup with him or anything. We're not we're not encouraging that

at all. Just realized that you will go to the wedding as a maid of honor, and you will be part of that relationship. I would also ask if he if you are the maid of honor because you're that close to his sister, or you the maid of honor because you are dating her brother, Like that's a big descrepant to be close friends. I would imagine, right, you wouldn't make a maid of honor because oh, he's just my brother's girlfriend. So I would imagine that they're going

to be close friends. So maybe that's okay, Like, hopefully don't put more pressure on it right now. It's a good pointing, though, I feel like she's also overthinking everything because the wedding is approaching and because she's a maid of because there's all these things happening, she probably feels like she needs to make a decision sooner than later. And I don't know, I just I don't think it's it's a it would be a smart move to make

a rash decision like that. I think it's important for for Key, like I said, sit down, have a conversation with them, figure out what it is that you want, and if it doesn't line up, then you know she's gonna have to make her decisions. I think religious differences is not a reason to end a relationship. In my personal opinion, I agree with that. I agree, and I also think the community cation is the noble one reason

why relationships don't work. And it just seems like right now there is a lack of communication in this relationship because you want different things and he's not supplying them. So you, like Vanessa said, really need to start opening up to this guy, because then, listen, you give them the opportunity to get better in the relationship. You apparently love him. You really can't see your life without him, So work on the relationship and see how it goes.

The bottom line is, you've got to focus on this relationship before you even worry about that other guy. And I understand if the church thing, the religion thing, is bothering you and all of a sudden it's this other guy who's actually really lines up with you religiously. I understand the temptation and think about you in those wedding photos and if that makes you want to throw up, that's probably a sign. But beyond that, just worry about

you and this current guy. Don't have that other guy play any role in As mIRC has mentioned in the past, we don't like bench players, right, and you said something on the lines of you never want to have someone on your bench, because that just means you already have have half a foot out their door. In the exactly, you already have one foot out, half a foot out, half a foot half of your feet, which is one ft out of the relationship. From Anonymous, there's another manager

on our team at work. When I became close to I developed feelings for him. I think he's developed feelings for me. The huge problem here is that he has a girlfriend. This is kind of the opposite of the last one, and I'm technically in a position above him at work, though he has a year older than me, So if we were to date, I'd really have to leave my job because I'm kind of his boss. I would never be the other woman, But I truly think I love him, and I really don't want to one.

Do you think he has feelings for me? Or am I making this up too? I can't be the other woman, and I deserve someone who is crazy about me enough to pursue me. So how the heck do I get over him while having to see him every day? So I'm assuming from anonymous that these guys cheated on his girlfriend. I don't want to assume, but like, if you're in love and you haven't had any physical interaction, that's a

big statement. I truly think I love him, and I think, judging by the depth of information we were given on this email, it sounds like he's in love with you. And that was sarcasm, because then the question is do you think he has feelings for me? Or am I making this up? We don't know. We don't know his

feelings for you. Unfortunately we don't, and but you keep referring yourself to as the other woman, which makes me think, mistress, maybe the reason that you like him so much is because it's that forbidden love and you're like, you've got to sneak around behind closed doors. I agree, And he's obviously still with his other girlfriend, even though he might be conveying feelings for you. I think he was madly in love with you and he wanted to pursue relationship

with you. He would be manly enough to break up with his like with his girlfriend and start something new with you. And no woman should ever feel like the other woman, or should feel like they're waiting around on sidelines for a guy. It goes both ways. I don't think a guy should ever feel like he's the other guy as well, situations like I don't want to be the other one, Like I would never want to be

the other woman. Some just think in this situation, if she is his superior at work and they got together, she says she would have to leave her job first of all, just fire his ass and then you can start dating Scott free. It's easy, It's amazing. That's my advice. My advice is, I think you gotta I think you gotta play it cool and wait it out. I don't want to mess with that relationship, especially if it involves work.

It's you know, you don't want to lose your position over a guy that you don't even know if you can have a relationship with him, or you don't know him well enough to see it could pursue into something greater. I agree, don't overthink this. I always throw in stories of my life. When I met Amy many many years ago, she was dating someone else. I did ask her out. She didn't respond to me. She just kind of got embarrassed and looked away and whatever. Anyway, long story short,

A couple of weeks later they broke up. He broke up with her. She thinks it's because maybe she was giving off vibe that she wasn't really into this anymore. But he didn't end it. But and I, you know, we didn't do anything beforehand, So that would be My advice is if if you two were meant to be, it'll be, and if those two are meant to be, it'll be. You love faith. I do love faith. It's adorable, but I do. I believe in that too. I believe in timing everything. I totally agree with you, Mark, Mark.

Do you believe in predestiny? Like everything in the universe has already planned out and is going to happen. I don't think I do, but but I talk like I do. Sometimes maybe I do. I don't know. I'm conflicted on that, but I think Babe Rexham mixed some strong points in that song with Florida Georgia line. That's the one, all right? Another anonymous. I love the anonymous ones because they're usually a little bit more j Yeah. I've been best friends

with a girl for fourteen years. This is a woman anonymous. We met when I was eleven. I hooked up with her brother once very PG the hook up before he had to move away May. He paid for my trip to visit him for his birthday in August, at the time of my life. My last night there, we slept together for the first time ever, but it wasn't all that great. I was disappointed that it wasn't the best. He is now deployed and planning on visiting in early October when he comes back from leave. He told me

he wouldn't stop fighting for me. All of my past relationships has been a long distance with a lot of false promises. My question is should I try to date back home. Do I give him a chance and stuck up the long distance in this fact that the sleeping together wasn't great, or should I stay not dating and see what happens naturally. I don't think that she should use the not great physical chemistry uh to discount the relationship.

I think that sometimes your physical I guess chemistry doesn't just take off right away, and sometimes I can just be like a slow churn and you guys figure it out later on. Your first time can be a bit clumsy anywhere, right. You don't know anything about each other, what they like. You don't know anything, So the first time is going to be a little not great. It might be amazing passionate and that's awesome, but I don't I wouldn't put too much in that. So did she

wait for him? Yes? October him my opinion June. So I'm just for reading the email again. Is he she thinks that he's deployed somewhere's visiting in four months? Well, wait a second, wait a second, we actually have a very I think, Uh, I don't know. It's a really tough situation, are they are you guys? I think, is this an honous boyfriend girlfriends? But it's I thought, it's okay, hold on, wait, I just want to get the facts face. So he's deployed visiting back in October? Is do you

leave me once again? That would be a factory visiting in early October. Yeah, he's visiting. I think you I don't know. I feel like she's using the excuse or the anonymous who's using the use of their The first Sunday hooked up not being the greatest as a reason to kind of shy away from the relationship because there are bigger factors involved, the fact that he's deployed and you can't really start a relationship with someone only going to be coming down to visit you every couple of weeks.

I don't think it's the healthiest of ideas. I'm one to totally support long distance relationships. I kind of enjoy them, um, but not when a person doesn't know when and if they're coming back and for how long they'll be in town for. I guess my question is, have they been together since August? Is this exclusive? That's the only question. Didn't they just hang out in August? She went to visit him, they had sex. I'm sorry, excuse me, like they did that one time, slept together. Now he's deployed.

I don't think there's much of a foundation here except he says, I will fight for you. But I don't think there's a foundation here. Yeah. So do you think it's really all that awful if she goes on other dates? Because I don't. I feel bad for the guy. I don't think you should wait around. I feel like if that dean said that, did you just say you want to want her to wait? I want her to be open to the idea of seeing get him again in October? I agree, and I do think that he may be

like while being deployed. Obviously, I can't really put myself in that mindset, but he's probably cleaning onto the relationship and romanticizing a little bit more than it is. And as someone that's deployed in serving his country, like, obviously it's great to have that thing to look forward to

when you get back. Um, but if they would never were, if they never properly defined those rules or guidelines or anything before he left for that first deployment, it's kind of hard to say, Like, she can't just put her life on hold for a possibility, in my opinion, especially if she doesn't necessarily feel the spark well physically at least, So maybe wait until it gets back in October, see what that's like. But like in the meantime, I would say, like,

don't shy away from going on dates. I agree, Maybe don't like close yourself off. Somebody asks you out and you're interested in them, I'd go on a date with him. I feel bad for the guy because if he says I'm still fighting for you, that means he's probably got like her picture on his bunk or whatever. Probably I would I would tell the guy if I was her, I would be open to be like, Yeah, I want to see you in October, but I can't put my whole my life on hold. All right, let's see one

more here. This is from Katie. First of all, she says, I'm so happy for Jared and ashually Jared my fellow patriots, and yeah, hang up, we don't want to talk Greaty, reported to Mentory Minicamp today one. A few weeks ago, when you were co hosted with Vanessa, you mentioned that you never will fart in front of a girlfriend. Are you still this shoy in front of Ashley? So you finally feel comfortable doing that in front of her? I

didn't say I would never far. I just said I hadn't really fart in front of you in front of Ashley? Is the question not on purpose? I don't think she said I farted in my sleep one time because we were talking about this the other day, because she she might not hold it back. Oh, actually is a fartner. Everybody is. Everybody is, and so yeah, I'm definitely farted in front of Ashley. Wow, that's a big step, right,

big step? What about let me know how it goes? Well? No, Vanissa, I'm not leaving the door open while I'm using the bathroom. Oh yeah, of course I let a rip. But Vanissa, you leave the door open, right, I do A tolet would be more respectful. From the phone one time and she's already feel uncomfortable enough. One more question for from Katie. She says, I finally convinced my daughter's nanny to go online dating. She's twenty three and lives at home. What

are your thoughts about traveling for the first date. Should the guy offered to come out to the suburbs or meet halfway? So I think basically, if she imagined with the guy who lives in the city and she's twenty five minutes out in the suburbs, should she have to drive into the city or should she expect him to meet halfway or come to her. Is that a lot to expect on a first date. I mean, it depends

on the type of person. I like having my car and getting there on my terms, so in case it doesn't go as planned, I can always be like, oh, I gotta go back home, and you know, I don't have to stay stick around for a longer car. I live twenty five minutes away from the city too. I do think for a first day it's good to meet at a neutral location where you get yourselves there. You're great,

So maybe someplace halfway always great. If he says you've got to come to me, then that's a bad yes, or maybe encourage him to go to you, but you still meet at in netral location close to your house twenty five minutes at all, Like, that's what we live in Los Angeles. Twenty five minutes is basically around the

corner fives. Don't feel like that guy, all right? I was so, I was driving last night around like six or seven pm, which is just the worst time to drive in Los Angeles, and I put it into my maps because I didn't know where I was going. I was at eighteen miles, one hour and forty minutes, and I was like, why the heck do I live in this city? It's terrible eighteen miles and it takes me

an hour and forty minutes from Venice to Glendale. I think Venice to Glendale, yeah, roughly like Doctor Stadium area, and back home in Montreal is not any better because we have terrible weather for the entire year. So the summers when all the construction is happening and they're building new bridges, and they're building new highways and the street circles, and then we have like all these bike races, So

the city has been a disaster. Those cones everywhere in the city and it takes forever to get around, but not as long as it would usually take in l A. So, if you take anything from this podcast, don't live in Montreal and don't live in Los Angeles. Pretty much, well, let's just keep living where we were living. But they're one thing we should keep doing listening to this podcast, I don't know if we've got any five star reviews that have roasted us yet, because I've been looking I

haven't seen any. So if you're listening to this this moment right now, jump on the podcast app on either iTunes or I Heart Radio, but probably iTunes, give us five star rating, roast us in the comments. And if the five stars, but the roast us to make fun of me, make fun of Jared, especially make fun of Vanessa if you feel so inclined, du and we'll read

it on air next week. It just has to be funny enough, it has to be creative, all that kind of stuff, but it has to be a five star review with a comment roasting us, and that's the asked for us. Simple, it's fine, it's not that bad. Takes literally four hours, No, it takes like fifteen seconds seconds, fifteen seconds of friends together, far less than it is to drive from Venice to Glendale. Keep those emails coming, exactly, Keep those emails coming. I suck at dating at iHeart

media dot com. Please. I mean, obviously it's great to have the the the interaction in the Facebook group, but a lot of what we respond to on the podcast here is through those emails. I suck at dating at iHeart media dot com. Follow us on Instagram. Help I suck at dating all underscores between the words. Big thank you to Vanessa for taking the time to call in. Vanessa will have to figure out your whole Mike situation. Um um, big thank you to Omaha Steaks for being

just delicious Omaha Steaks dot com. Keyword Dean, Yes, Sir, marky Mark, and big big thank you to Beach Body on Demand for making you solve, fit and look good and ready for summer. Facts Dean the thirty thirty, Thank you so much. Um, Thank you so much to listeners as well, and thank you to Jared for just being just a swell guy all around, and thank you for being amazing. Wow, thank you so much. And Easton Yeah,

wait you guys. If anybody has a chance to listen to the Scrubbing In podcast this week, Eastern sings Hillary Duff songs because he's a massive Hillary Duff fan, and that is worth your time. Hillary Duff one of the few Disney Channel stars that has not had a public mouthdown, so I respect her gratefully. She's a great role model for people young and old. I like it. Well, you a Lizzie McGuire fan, big Liz McGary fan. What about

the Hillary Duff movie? I remember McGary movies excellent memorized her entire two thousand three album Metamorphosis, her debut album. Was the hit on that album, I Know yesterday it was a big hit Why Not Come Clean, which was the soundtrack to I Know Why Not? I think I remember? Oh, good god, what else do we have that we well, maybe we'll wait till coming next week. Honestly, thank you for sharing that. That's it was amazing. Uh, and thank

you again the listeners for tuning in. Like I said, uh, five star review. Give us a roast. We'll read it. On air next week. They thank you to Mark East and Jared Vanessa Me beach Body, Omaha, thank you for tuning in to this week's episode of Help I Suck At Dating. Maybe next week we'll all suck a little bit. Last Follow Help I Suck At Dating with Dean Anglert on I Heart Radio, or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts