#33 Dirty Dancing

stay at the Rich Carlton, the Ritz Carlton. We're not We're not getting paid by the Ris Carlton. That's where we stayed. Dude. It was awesome. So we left Thursday, got the Thursday night, stayed four nights. It was amazing.

We legitimately did not leave the resort. My like the cool thing is actually and I are in the same page about what we enjoy on vacation, which is laying by the pool, going to the beach, going to the beach and love you can't speak staying on the resort, uh and just like going out to dinner there, ordering room service and it's the best weekend ever, Oh, that sounds like my worst singing. It was the best to each other singing songs to each other. We actually watched

Jerry McGuire in the hotel room one night. We ended up ordering room services sustaining and we're like, let's watch rom Com and we always quote Jeremy McGuire. That was like one of the first things we bonded about. I think that's one of the first reasons actually like to show me the money, show me the money. Well I quoted. I forget what line I quoted, but it was a random line from Jerem McGuire, And she's like, you know Jerry McGuire And I was like, yeah, I love that movie.

And so we always kind of joke around about that. So we're like, we have to watch it together. So we ended up watching it together in Hawaii. Wait, what was that song you guys were singing to each other? I was dying. I think if we pleaded it like five times, which song when you're like singing? I sang too. So the first day it was she was like what. I was like, what kind of music do you want to listen to? Because playing Pandora next to the beach, she's like, let's listen a Ron Thomas so lonely no

no more came on? So of course I'm going to serenader because Rob Thomas wasn't that one? Uh no? And then I sang and so I sang girlfriends Why. It was about that time that I had to unfollowed both. Jared, I do not blame you one bit, but the response from when we came out has been nothing short of let's talk about let's talk about that for a minute.

So it's been pretty much exactly a week since we've announced the relationship of you and actually right, and it seems like everyone is just enamored with everything, which is great, and that's the response that you would have hoped for. How has it changed your relationship dynamic? I mean, obviously, like it's hard because you're still in this very much honeyman phase. You guys basically literally were just in why But does it feel like a weight has been lifted

off your shoulders? Do you feel more comfortable with anything? Has anything changed in that like just between the two of you know, I don't think anything has changed between the two of us, um for the past couple of months since we've been dating. It's been incredible, and we keep falling in love more and more every day, and it just continue to do that over the weekend even with being out. The only differences is now, um, obviously we can post on social media together, which is cool.

I can show off my girlfriend. And then other than that, like that girlfriend and girlfriend. I know, it's it's nice being like, yeah, my girlfriend, That's what we always called each other. We're just like, she's like my boyfriend, like my girlfriend. So yeah, I know everybody's gonna throw up in their mouth. But but but other than that, no, nothing's really changed. Like we'll read comments because everybody has been so overly nice and supportive of everything. Comments no

comments on Ashley's picks. Actually got about comments. Yeah, on the first picture and I got about comments. It was insane. I've never experienced anything like that, even being on the show. Um, I don't think I've ever experienced anything like I did last week. Why do you think that is? I mean, I honestly have no idea. Well, obviously, so everyone's been kind of following years an actually story to some extent since Paradise season two fifteen. Holy is that crazy? Yeah,

I met Ashley almost three years ago. Because it was early June. Yeah, Paradise season too. When she walked down the stairs with aren't first time ever met? I would I would have ventured to say, and like, obviously we can't use instagram metrics to valid like anything like that, but I would say that the picture that actually posted a you two is the most liked picture that any Bachelor contestant it has ever posted. I'm not basing that on foundation whatsoever, but I think it's got to be true.

I don't think it's the most like it's it's up there. But I think the difference is is that we just it's crazy to think we just posted it online that's how this is. We weren't. I mean, obviously we've been on shows, but this wasn't coming from a show. We started dating off the show and it was very real and very genuine, and and then we just posted on

our social media pages that were together. We came out with the story of us, so we could just pretty much explain in one sitting everything that kind of happened. And then it just exploded and then yeah, that was That was a crazy day because I was really nervous when we announced because I didn't know how people were

going to react. I don't even know if people were going to react, and I remember the entire day I was thinking, I don't even know if anybody's gonna really care, and I don't blame them, but then it just exploded. I think people like you and Ashley and then you

guys together as a couple. It's just like And I also think nobody just ever saw this coming and that I think that's the other thing, if I'm being honest, I think that was the other factor as well, that when we posted we were together, people are like, what, like, we need to know everything, how the hell did this happen? And people and and so um, it's it's been nothing short of um of incredible. I know I keep using that word, but um, It's something that I've never experienced before.

And I'm very grateful for everything that's come from it, because everybody's just been so supportive, and I've done so many tweets and comments about how people are like, I believe in love again. And while that creates a lot of pressure, I it doesn't really phase me because I'm completely in love with Ashley and I see myself spending the rest of my life with her. And so like, it's nice that people comment on us and say, you guys, are you guys? Are you guys have had your ups?

You guys have had your downs. Um, Jared, you've been an idiot for a long time, which I have been and um, and it's nice for people to be like, but it's real. You guys are real, And so that's the biggest call. I think the hope that it gives me is because I'm very black and white in relationships, Like, once it's over, it's over. I'm not turning back. But what this gives me is a hope that there are second chances. That's what the big thing for me. I'm

just kidding. I do think that because it did kind of come out of nowhere to the lesser informed. Obviously Vanessa and I and everyone that's kind of close to you guys knew what was going on all that kind of stuff. But I do think logistically the way that it was handled where you guys you have to announce it, but you posted each other on your Instagram basically announcing it.

But before you did that, the story of us kind of caught everyone up with what you guys have been up to over the past year because you don't have the I don't want to call it a luxury, but you don't have the opportunity to go on a TV show again too. Then like kind of let the story unfold, so you kind of were able to sit down with the forty five minute video and be like, this is the story of us. Funny enough because that's the title

of the show. But then not only that, because you described the is two years of paradise, but then you also caught everyone up over the past six months or so, which every which is where most of the stuff kind of started to take shape exactly, and which is what everybody wanted to know of, Like Ashley was just on Winter Games and she left with somebody, and then obviously they broke up, but like what how did this happen?

And obviously, you know, Ashley and I wanted to just date also for a couple of months and and and keep it quiet for the simple fact that we really just wanted to work on us and we didn't want to start dating and immediately post that we were together because we knew no matter how big or little that announcement would have, um you know, created um we it was important to us just to really focus on each other and have no outstanding, you know, exterior pressure, and

really just work to develop this relationship. And that's what we did, and and I'm so glad we did because we were able to really, um, we've already had a strong foundation, but we were able to create a stronger foundation and open side, open a different side of our relationship that we never explored and we're able to explore

on our own without any exterior pressure. Do you think that your relationship, again, it's only a week since the anouncement where it will refer to us, do you think that the relationship has strengthened day after day or is it consist the announcement just like and just maybe the past week to the week before announcing it, like, do you think there's a difference at all or do you think it's just it's great to have the um blessings

of everyone. And it's crazy too because you guys announced it and the people like myself included, I think Vanessa as well, and people that don't even live in California aren't even like physically close to us. We're posting like

showing the Chris Harrison posted. We woke up the next morning and actually was like, Chris Harrison just posted a picture of us, and we're geeking out, like we don't know him, but um he posted the picture that actually posted and he said, I'm Chris Harrison and this message's adorable thing. And and it just really meant a lot to us. It's people that you don't and I just on a daily basis, still showing their support that you know personally, like that you're friends with, like of course

you like a Tanner or Jade, I think they supported it. Yeah, well, Tanner is our far fairy godfather. If you watch the story of us, you will understand that reference. And um, excuse me, Yeah, Tanner posted, and you posted, and Becca posting the amount of uh and Nick posted Vanessa and UM. A lot of the producers that obviously are are close friends, UM, and just people that have meant so much to us,

UM over the years, our and our friendships. It's just it's so nice to have the blessing of our friends. That is a huge factor as well. And obviously we're very grateful that we had that even before the announcement, before we even came out and said we're together. You know, the past couple of months I've we've been dating. Every everybody's just been like, you guys are great together, and it means the world tost you news. I feel like

once a day posted something, he didn't. They post something a couple of days ago, they posted yesterday they said it was the cute. It's thank you, you know as they said. Um so they reposted the video of me sing and girlfriend to Ashley serenading her, and they said, even though the Bachelorette starts tonight, these two get our final roads and uh apparently she They tweeted also over the weekend they were like a PDA filled weekend of

you know, Ashley and Jared and Hawaii. And I don't think it was that pa I mean, I guess I was kissing a lot, but I just I guess maybe came from nothing to everything. I guess maybe that there was no slow transition to it. It was like boom, exactly fast. Were you guys like completely hiding it in public? Like you wouldn't hold hands in public. We went to stage a couple of weeks ago, was so funny, I forget what you see. We were totally we don't get

did not come out then? Honestly, we don't well. I think the big factor was that Ashley and I have been so close for so long that the idea of us hanging out together has never been weird at all. We've always hung out together, We've always gone places together, We've been seen in public together for the past three years, and so when people see us out in public, they

probably just yet it's Ashley and Jared hanging out. And it was only two of the you know, people would come up and I'm you know, holding her hand or kissing her, and people are like, WHOA, what's going on? Are you guys? Are you guys together? But over the stage coach weekend we were not hiding it, and Dean, you said something so funny. I wish I could remember. We were like, you were talking about us and you guys, Yeah, you guys are adorable. But it also makes me throw

up in my mouth, and it still does. But I love it. Well, I don't love to throw up. That gives me. Um. What do you guys think about the couple names Joshley because that's kind of stuck with you for a couple of years. Joshuley was created back in Bachelor in Paradise season two, um, because obviously, whenever you're on a show, everybody gets your nickname if you're a couple. Yeah, I know, ve nick Na, Nickessa. Okay, I don't don't

there was one. I don't think we had a name, big fan here, you know, I don't remember there being I don't think you're had a name. There's no way. I don't think we had a name. It is hard to combine Vanessa and nick though, but Nissa's kind of like it's very exotic. I like that anyway. Joshually you like it? Yeah, I like Josh Ley. Sure, whatever, it's great, it's phenomenal. What about yours? What was yours? I've had a talking about this, So what was yours name? And yours?

And Christina is on? I'm paradised. Chris dena Christine that's a really good one. Was Dan Yelle, and then it was Lesdian Lesdian, Lestian lesbian Lean. Oh. I'm sorry, but I pronounced it Lestian because it's just funny that way. I'm my favorite. Christina. That's great. Christina works, It certainly works. What about Mr Ia Cokenetti? How do we feel about that? That's hilarious? Okay, that was the best tweet I've ever had, simply by the fact that Sean and Tan are all

posted this. Over the weekend, we went to the resort and they're like Mr and Mrs Haven and Ashley and I just looked at each other and we're like, yeah, that works. And so after that though, for the entire weekend, it was Mr. Eichnetti Mr. Eichnetti, and I just stopped correcting them because I kind of found it adorable that they were coined me Mr. Eikenetti because I always joke with Ashley about how she kind of wears the pants a little bit in the relationship, and so I'm like,

I might as well just take your last name. Obviously, she's going to take my last name, you know, when we get married, because I said over the entire weekend, I'm always kind of a pessimist, and I kept saying, you know, if we have kids one day, if we get married, and she's like, what are you talking about with this? If when? And I was like, Okay, yeah, I know, you're absolutely right, but wa wait, so you're not open at all taking Ashley's last name when you

get married. She wants to take my last name, it's Ashley high bond. Yeah, which is let's not talk about that right now, we're talking about what talking What do you mean if Jared that's the thing. But she's absolutely right though, because you know, I plan on spend you know, marrying Ashlyn. So the idea of me saying if I was thinking more about it was ridiculous. I've just always done that. I've always never kind of really projected into

the future. I've been always scared to do that. But at this point I really should so get the Mr i Connetians in while we can, because soon enough it'll go back to Mr and Mrs High Band. Obviously not soon, but like, yeah, but it's so funny when I tweeted and I said, people, you know, the entire weekend people are calling me Mr i Keneddian. I'm weirdly okay with it because then Sean shan Booth, who is obviously with Caitlyn Bristow they're engaged, He's like it used to have Bud.

I've been called Mr Bristow over the last three years at every hotel we've gone to. And then Jordan Rodgers tweeted and he was like, yeah, Mr Fletcher has the same problem over here. And then Tanner tweeted and he's like Mr Roper has been trying to call in for late check out for the past three years, and he's starting to get piste off. I didn't see Tanner's but that's funny. It's great. So, now that you're in a relationship, yes, do you still feel like you're mentally equipped to be

a co host of this podcast? Of course there are things, right that used to be three people that sucked at dating. I would venture to say that one of those people does not suck at dating anymore suck. There are still many things within our relationship that I could do a lot better at I could become a up here, such as uh, I, well, that's a great question. I think

I haven't really thought about it in all honesty. And I guarantee you if we got actually in here, which one of these days, of course, we'd love to have a four. But she would say there's absolutely nothing that Jared does wrong. I'm sure right like she has because we've talked about this before, about like things that I can do better, you know, to make her feel more comfortable or or loved or so on and so forth, And she's said the same things to me, and she

hasn't really critiqued me all that much. Also for the simple fact that I am. I. I I try to give her as much confident as possible. Um. And so I do love p d A. And I'm always kissing her and I'm always telling how wonderful she is. But it also comes from a part of me that is so grateful that I have Ashley in my life. Um. Were you always big on p d A. Yeah, I remember. I told actually a couple of years ago how physical touch is a very important part of the relationship for me.

And she was like, you're out of your mind because you don't touch anybody. And then over the past couple of months she was like, you were a spot on. You are very touchy, didn't kissy and uh. And so that is that makes me feel really good that I know myself at least a little bit. Um. But of course there's things that I can work on. There are a lot of things that I need to work on with in our relationship, um, to become a you know, a better partner, a better boyfriend, and hopefully one day

a better husband. Since you brought it up to you think that your love languages are compatible your physical touch and what else would you say? Yes, because she is very much on physical touch as well, and so I am always holding her hand or kissing her, kissing her arm, or just making her feel confident. And that's it's a big factor for both of us. UM. Words of affirmation

or is something that we're both very big on. UM. I tell her UH a lot how much I love her and care about her, UM because it makes me very happy. UM, and our love languages are very compatible. She does a lot of access service UM, which is very endearing and UM something that means a lot to me as well. Quality time is very big for us. We make sure that we spend a lot of time together UM, and not just you know, being in the same room together, but making sure that we are UM

quality time exactly. There's a difference between spending time with someone and spending quality time with somebody and UM, you know, sometimes our schedules can get very busy, especially in Los Angeles, so we make sure, UM that we always try to spend as much quality time as we can and not just like, hey, how's your day, good, Okay, let's go

to bed. It's like no, Like I make sure that the first thing as you In the morning, I try to make sure that I say good morning and kissed her before I even check my phone, because I know that's just like a little something, but it changes the day because I remember, um, yeah, I just I know how much meaning that has, And so I try to actively do that every day without checking my phone. Like I'll roll over because her say good morning, and then check my phone. Who's the big spoon? All on the

big spoon every night? I yeah, every night. I can't be a little spoon. I don't like the feeling of a lot of guys like little yeah. Yeah, I've just never been one of those guys. Like sometimes, of course it's it's fun if I like cut all up next to her and she has her arm around me, But I've never been in the position of actual little spoon. I like, I like to be the dominant presence. Yeah,

so I like being the big spoon. What's great about your guys relationship too, is obviously you're weirdly in this honeymoon phase even though you guys have known each other for so long. But I feel like a lot of couples will fizzle because they get introduced to the honeymoon phase two early. But I think what you guys have working in your favors for sure is the fact that you guys have such a good foundation. I know you

always say this whenever you talk about the relationships. You guys have been best friends for the past three years, and so this honeymoon phase is basically just kind of icing on the cake for you because you know you're getting this positive support and attention from you know, friends and whoever else has been kind of following along with your story. But you also know once that dies down, you still have the friendship and the great relationship that

you guys have together to fall back on. Yeah, of course we have created such a strong foundation based off of this, you know, based off our friendship, that the relationship aspect of our lives now has just blossom to become this honeymoon phase that of course, one day you

know it will fizzle out. But the important thing is there's nobody I'd rather hang out with than actually, Like, not only are we boyfriend girlfriend and I'm in love with her, but there's a common team baby um, but also I just love spending time with her, and even it was so interesting this past weekend, I went to her place last Wednesday, stay the night. We left on Thursday,

so I've been with her and then I left this morning. Um, I stayed over last night, left this morning and that was the first time this morning I hadn't seen her since Wednesday night. And we both looked at each other and we were like, we don't get sick of seeing each other. We've known each other for three years, and even yeah, I was leaving this morning, I was like, I don't want to leave, Like I just don't. But

we both were having that feeling. It was like that's when you know you have something really special when you can spend six days straight with somebody, go on vacation and not even be like I kind of just need a little breather. It's like, no, I don't want to leave you. And so that was something that we've always known, but this morning kind of just reaffirmed it a little bit.

I saw that you did a little bachelor Yeah, so, um, when we were in Hawaii, let me get the name because I want to give a shout out to them because they were so wonderful. There was this Instagram handle that reached out to me that does picnics um and her name is her Instagram handle is Lucy soul Shine Creations and what they do she just created this company in Hawaii and they do picnics. So it's called pop up Picnics. And it was fantastic and they bring like

exoga fruits and champagne. It's literally like a bachelor date and they kind of set it up for you, so there's like towels and rugs and pillows and so you can just and there's a little umbrella. So I put together this little picnic for Ashley and we went there was the only time we left the resort, and we walked five minutes because it was just on the beach over and so we walked up and it felt like we were walking to a bachelor day because she didn't

really know what was going on. I was holding her hand and was like, Okay, we're just gonna go down this way and down the stairs. No I do, come on, And that's a little bit too. At the end of the date, no roses even Yeah, the second it's the cutest thing I've ever witnessed. But on the picnic day, we walked down and she was great, and this this woman, Lucy put together this little picnic area for us, so

we sat down and took pictures. We just had some champagne and had some fruit and crackers and cheese right on the beach, and it was this beautiful little moment that we had and it was great and I'm glad I was able to put it together. So thank you

Lucy so much for putting that together. If you ever want to pop up picnic if you're in Maui, hopefully maybe she'll expand, um, but right now, if you're ever in Maui and looking for like a little date, a special date thing to do, um, totally look up Lucy's. Uh the god, I've already forgotten the Instagram, but it's picnics, pop up picnics. I'm sure if you google it was fantasis. So I put that together for and then on the

ride home, we got on United. So we're flying United Airlines and so we're waiting and then the flight attendant at the gate came up and she said, you guys want a board early, and we were like, um, sure, if you don't mind, that would be great. So we were like, she must be a bachelor friend and she's very sweet. So we were the first ones to board the plane and we get on and first of all, we're in rows. We're in rows thirty five and I have a middle seat. So we're walking. We're the only

ones on the plane. I'm walking all the way back to the plane, and then we see these two roses attached to our seats with little notes, and these two flight attendants who are laughing hysterically and like, what the hell is this? So we walk up and they put little roses on our seats with little notes that says Jared and naturally will you accept these roses? And the sweetest thing. And it made my middle seat back to

Los Angeles so much more enjoyable. Six hour meddal seed because I was like, how could I possibly ever be mad? And almost made it better the fact that they had to put our roses. We were thirty five, I was doing the middle seat. It wasn't even like we had first class. It just made it so much more real. It was great. I mean, as a couple that got

engaged the Bachelor, I never got that specialty. That's why this entire experience has it just been so overwhelmed because, like like I said, I've never experienced anything like this, and so it's been just you can talk about this for days. Oh I could, I could tell, of course I could. I'm just giddy about it. And so it's very easy to talk about because I just left Hawaii with Ashley and we had the greatest time. We just hung by the pool, hung by the beach, drank eight uh,

maybe kissed a couple of times. And uh, did you guys see Ashley's tweet about on Sunday night? We were were such idiots. We were my Mike keeps going in, I'm sorry, Um, we were recreating the dirty dancing scene. Um. And so it's so stupid. Um. And so we're dancing in the room, not too hungry eyes that's what it was, um like hungry ey. Okay, well, well anyway, not time of your life, but the other one. And so and then all of a sudden, we like heard the poor

little maid. She was like, excuse me, excuse me, knock knock, as we're like dancing. And then so it's very embarrassing because she walked in on us dancing in our bedroom, fully clothed, like we were just having fun. But and then actually tweeters like, you know, some couples get walked in by the you know, the housemaids having sex and we get walked in recreating a dans from Dirty Dancing, And so that's kind of the story of our lives. We love you guys, and very different world, Dean. How's

your dating life in a very different world? Everything for the past twenty minutes, whatever the opposite of that is is right now. And that's literally all I can say about it, because there's just it's just taking time for yourself. I've gone on a few dates. Oh really, get myself back out. They fine, you know, casual, nothing too crazy. Did you meet these people mutual friends? Which is the

only way that I'll ever do at this point. You won't go to dating a No, I will never go on a dating app Interest, So you're not on like Rya or I would never go on a dating app. I used to be on dat. Listen, I said I've never going with the Bachelor, and I did never say never. Yeah, never say never. But I do feel bad that well, I don't feel bad. I don't want to take away from Jared's spotlight right now. I like listening to Jared talk about this romance that he has had over the

past week. Sorry, I could talk for days. You keep going and the more you talk, the less we have to talk. Um. No, my dating life has been pretty pretty lack luster, and that's kind of the way that I wanted to be, you know, I just playing it slow and cook for yourself. I had I cooked some stakes this past weekend. I was actually this past weekend, I was weirdly like I had a body cold, but like I wasn't congested or anything but my head like

migraines and aches and pains. So I didn't really do anything for the memorial the weekend, but I stayed home and cooked a bunch of steaks and hamburgers for myself and for my roommates. And honestly, I don't know so Jared, I know, has had these Omaha steaks. They sent me and Jared a box each. There my dad's favorite steaks in the world. They were really good. So what I wasn't expecting was how much food came in the box.

So I thought everything out because I send it basically in this big, cool styrofoam box with dry ice um frozen meat like it's like burgers, rib eyes, um lamb veal bis and all that kind of stuff. And I thought it all at the same time, thinking like, oh, I just have a bunch of friends over and we we can cook it all and eat it all together. But my friends are all out celebrating, celebrating Memorial Day. So I was like, I'm just gonna cook it all for myself,

not um. And it was delicious. Like like I said, there's so much it was. It was pork, there was veal, there was lamb, there was bison. Um. I ate myself into a food coma which was which was incredible, exactly what I needed because again I wasn't feeling very good. But if you guys want to check out Omaha Sticks, they're giving a limited time offer to our listeners for Father's Day. I think Jared said his father is a big fan of Ohas. Oh my god, he loves him.

I'm I'm getting him like four boxes for five day. He's I'm gonna be the best son in the world. Well, and you can get seventy eight percent off on those boxes Omaha Steaks dot com and type in Dean D E A N in the search bar. Not in there's not a promo code. It's like the one of those little search bar thing you So check it out. Omaha Steaks dot Com. You get what is it? All of this stuff included in one box? Am I reading this right?

It says two tender flame MiG nawns, too beefy tops, thir Larns, four fried chicken sticks which I thought were fantastic, to bonus pork chops. I could keep going. The list is I don't want to waste too much of your tasty um. You get some free Omaha Steak burgers with your purchase as well, and I think it only comes It only costs you about when you get all of this together. Maha Steaks dot com if you use code Dean,

so don't wait. This offer end soon. Go to Omaha Steaks dot Com use the code Dean in the search bar, Grab your dad and fire up the grill. Jared, I know you're probably gonna be back in Rhde Island for Father's Day. For that right, I'm not gonna be back for Father's Day. Unfortunately I haven't sent to uh to my house, so which is great, which is even better that way? He gets the package. Surprised, YEA, what was the one for Mother's Day? It was the Sherry Harry

Berry's Baby Day Steaks for fathers. This is the version of Sherry Burry's Father's Day. Omaha, steaks, gotta get them. That's fantastic. Vanessa, we didn't talk about your dating life. Yeah, Vanessa, how's your dating life going? About my dating life? Let's tell us about it. So actually so far for the listeners, just a little preface. We'll probably touch on this at the end of the podcast as well. But Vanessa is

traveling back to Montreal for the summer to tomorrow. We're gonna which we haven't necessarily discussed the full on logistics of how we're going to handle that. I think it might be all in or going to like a studio in Montreal. I don't know. We haven't figured that part out, but figured it out. We have to figure it out. So great because last we heard, you were still dating this guy. So yeah, it's just it's right now. It's a little bit of a long distance thing. And I'm

not a post a long distance at all. I love long distance and I love long distance relationships. But it's fun because you get to see each other and it's and it's nice and you know, you get to have like some time apart um. But I don't know we'll see. I mean, I'm not putting any pressure on it, because I'm someone who like dives deep into a relationship as soon as I like someone. So I'm falling in love with the things that you don't know about a person. What do you mean? I feel like I'm kind of

guilty of that. What do you mean falling in love with things you don't know When you don't know so much about someone you can kind of fill in the blanks for yourself of what you think they might be. And then you said, like falling in love with the idea of it, like breast people who's asking? I was just kind of like, you know, I think listen. I have a tendency of romanticizing a relationship and being like,

oh my god, he's gonna be a great father. He has this, and instead of like actually looking at um why things could possibly work out versus why things could possibly not work out. You know, I have a tendency to be like this, this is the this is the one, instead of actually taking my time to date them slow. It's weird because I don't know how to date someone. I don't know how to date multiple people at the same time. Like if I like you. I'm going to date you, and I will not have I don't want

to have any other options of dating other people. Yeah, we were talking about the podcast you focus on one person and then if it doesn't work. But I don't know, like maybe I should change my ways because apparently it's not been working out for me. Not to not to shift gears too quickly or anything like that. But let's talk Bachelortte for one second. I'm sure we all watched the episode. I know of Jared and I obviously watched

it and has to watch it last night as well. Yes, what do what are just initial thoughts maybe like a couple of minutes on that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, wait I wrote some notes. No, these are my like top like, oh, these guys are cute, Okay, Colton off see like adorable from him, he has his charity Mr Perray. You look at him, he's like buff and you know Clay Clay Clay, He's buff. But then he has like the sweet voice

and he comes from such a nice family. Garrett, Um, I feel like Garrett is going to go really far with his minivan entrance and she seemed very attracted to Yeah, Blake Lincoln's void, his his accent, you like you like he was. I thought they kind of teased him being a villain a little bit in the promo. It seems like he's going to be a villain really well. Okay, from night one, he seemed like a cut, nice guy. Um, Christians,

these are my notes a Christian's face. Exclamation, exclamation, exclamation, those eyes and cheek bones. Don't remember, okay, Camille, I mean, oh yeah, he was cute too, but he's like sixty forty. When he was like telling social media participant, gots at home, Okay, I'm pretty sure. And then he went sixty's bachelor, you gotta go to her hundred Trent. I don't remember what Trent, but I wrote lamo for Trent. Oh. Trent was the guy I think who popped out of the hearse and

he's like, yeah, I literally died. Okay, that was funny. It was pretty cute. I like that cheesy stuff. Okay, and then I wrote Connor is cute. I hated every single one of them. Colton personally, so of course I like him. Yeah, we met him. He was sweet. Yes, Um Joe the grocery store owner I like, I mean, I liked he got sent home right, he'll be in Paradise. I think Chris Harrison teased it a little bit about that. Um, I think that there's a lot of room for me

to be one over. The only person that I like is Colton, But I don't know, what don't you like about the other guys, like, for example, Garret and Blake or two front runners. What don't you like about him? Garrett said. He kept saying some stupid, cheesy little thing to Becca, and I was like, that's getting old really fast. I'm already annoyed. But you know what night one is? Do you guys remember Night one? Of course I don't

remember half. I agree fully with that statement, but I'm just saying there's a lot of a lot of room to be left over, to be one over. But I guess my question with you, Vanessa is, let's put you in the shoes of Becca right now and say you're dating thirty guys at the same time. My worst night, Mary just pieces together. You're moving back to Canada for this summer. How long when does Bachelorette Canada film? Is it possibly the months of June two September in Canada?

Are you going to Canada film the Canadian bachelorette. This is amazing. I'm not Canadian bachelorette. Oh my god. No, who would you have given your first impression roads to? Oh god, I mean I did like Garrett. I would have either given it to him, Colton or Clay. Garrett does kind of have this all American like, I don't know feel to him? Yeah, um yeah, yeah, stor Derek or no. I'm trying to I'm trying to remember. I don't remember that much. I just wrote these notes sound

but I don't remember. Like, so Garret would have gotten you first impression rules. Yeah, I just like the whole because let's and I had like not a traumatic break up with my the love of my life. U. When I see when I see less types of things, I like, I say l l lull whenever I read um so so with my ex he um at that point in our relationship, He's like he wasn't sure if he wanted kids or not. So that was like the biggest thing.

Every time I entered a new relationship, walks in and say they want But this is what I mean, this is the problem. I romanticize relationships and I think a lot of I think everybody does Yeah, a lot of people have a tendency to do that. Does this gentleman you're currently dating. Have you guys had the conversation about children? He does want kids and he comes from a great family, but there are obstacles, and of course there's obstacles in

every relationship. Totally right, right, Okay, well there you have it. Vanessa would give her first impression Rose to Blake, same as Becca. I said, Garred Clay or Colton. Okay, so you need down three. There we go. I will say I just got done hanging out with Lauren. See my

first second. Apparently Garrett was liking some controversial things on the internet that he Yeah, I was gonna really touch on it, but there was, like apparently his Instagram, which have since been deleted, apparently liked some a couple of years ago I think at this point, but lights some possible very right wing controversial Instagram posts. Yeah, but I

don't really know about it too much. I just read the headline, which which maybe is even a topic for this podcast, not so much outside of Bachelor, it's could you date someone? Not that's necessarily enables bigotry or anything like that, But does social media presence for the significant other that you're dating influence your decision or like your feelings towards that person. Yes, I'd rather than not have social media. I would almost think that's my situation as well.

I agree, like that you start dating someone and that, like Vanessa for instance, that you start dating someone and then, like a couple of staid, you check their Instagram and they're posting a bunch of like mirror selfies, like shirtless selfies. Are you out? Yeah, Well, because like I, um, I don't. I don't think I would judge them that quickly. You know, there's like one persona on Instagram and then there's a meet the person in person, and they can be a

totally different person. So I don't know. I I wouldn't judge them just based off of Instagram, but it's hard not to. Yeah, it's like you can't get that image out of your head. Yeah, and that's kind of the way that they present themselves to the world. I don't know. I've definitely noticed that my Instagram USAID has gotten skewed a little bit more douchey since post Bachelorette. I think all of ours has be a little bit more self centric, which is kind of a bummer. I don't know, it's

just you don't have to be I like you. Before I went on the show, I would post pictures of like landscapes or my dog, And now I post not selfies, but I post pictures of you and me, and a picture of you with my friend in a picture my friend. I don't know, but you said that you prefer they not have it at all, and it's not a red flag to meet somebody who has no social media, wrote Um, I don't know. Isn't that sad to think that they

might there might be something off with them. If they don't know, there's something at their hiding, they don't have to. It's a little weird. I think that. Well, okay, find someone who has social media but doesn't use it as much as maybe I would, or people in my past would. Your roommate has zero. He deleted it all like maybe a month or two ago. Why what's his number? He? Why did he delete it? He just said that he noticed himself like mindlessly scrolling and wasting time time and

just like kind of filler, like time filler. Well, it's proven that so like the chemical that gets released in your brain every time you go on social media. Yeah, like anytime you get likes or anytime you get comments, it's the same chemical that's released that like when you take a drug or it's addicting social media is he was flipping chairs and no, I had tall ice coffee and an ENGERG drink before coming here, So that's why

I'm talking fast and everything. But no, he It's it's funny because people will text me and be like, hey, why did your roommate block me on Instagram? And like, he didn't block you, he just deleted it. And then like girls with he like invited a couple of girls over to the beach the other day, and one of the girls made a comment specifically that was like I find you so much more attractive knowing that you deleted your Instagram. It's just it ads a different dynamic to

it that I guess. I don't know it's really taken, but I wonder if it's like in the media attraction because you don't have social media, because it's different and cool. And then once you say she starts dating him, she finds it weird that he doesn't have social media, Like, wait a minute, now that I'm dating you, you're trying to hide something. No. He did also just recently go through a breakup, and he says not having Instagram for that breakup has helped him. I mentally, Oh yeah, you

can go down a rabbit hole totally. I remember this just like seven years ago. But when my X and I broke up, you know me blocked each other on Facebook just because like you don't need to see them picture posting pictures with somebody else, you block them. I mean, I mean, we've talked about this before. You still have separate Instagram accounts. I mean, ifuly have separate Wait what Deanie underscore babies, I've got my Why are you even saying about Why are you saying? Yeah, what are you doing?

These are secrets and suposed to accounts. I have the help I suck at dating podcast that I post for the episode every single week. Who because if account that's me, all right, I will definitely start interacting more on that. That's why I ask you guys to send me pictures, and you never do. You're the one that takes all the pictures on your phone and sends me all the ugly ones. My fault that you decided to look like

that in the pictures. Okay, and then I have a third one that's a private account that only my friends follow that I followed, And how come I'm not part of that account? Jared? Are you part of that? I'm not a part of that. No one from vacclinations. He would keep it a little private. That's so understandable, because yeah, there you go with the second account, no Better, so you can block someone on your Vanessa Grimaldi account, but then go to the no Better you and creep. Yeah,

we're all guilty for that. Don't make me out to be some crazy same here. Cool. So for this very next segment, we have the author of Confidence Creator, Heather Monahan. Heather, are you there? I'm here, Heather. Hey, Heather, So it's it's me, Dean, Jared and Vanessa and I did that last time. It's only three amazing. I understand maybe someone might think Jared and I sounded like Anyways, Heather, it's Dean, Jared and Vanessa. Thank you so much for calling in

and taking the time to speak with us today. How are you? I'm great. How are you guys doing? Jacked up on Mountain dew Um? So, Heather, tell us a little bit more about your book and maybe the role that confidence plays in dating nowadays. Sure, So the book is all about the lowest moments in my life and how I use those moments to discover and find ways to create confidence, and how the reader can too. And I think that you know, confidence applies to everything. It

doesn't just apply at work or at home. You know, it really can completely change your situation in regard to dating.

You know, im mentally, not only from the standpoint that you know, when you don't have confidence, you're not going to be willing to approach someone because you're going to be far too fearful of what they might think of you, to actually being on a date with someone and being yourself because when you're not confident, you know, you might try to mirror someone, you might try to act like somebody else, but you're definitely not going to bring your

best version of yourself to the table when you're not feeling your most confident. So does this apply to I don't know. As I think we have this discussion, like a couple of times when I I've usually been in relationships and the reason why I ended up in those relationships was because I had to build up the courage to go up to the guys. Yeah, um, do you feel like, you know, I swear to God true, it's true. Do you think that comes Do you think that's like?

Why did you guys laugh at everyone one time? Like no one believes me. I swear, I don't I do not get I don't get approached as much as I don't believe that you don't get approached, But I also believe that you go up to guys. Yeah. Um, now I lost my train of thought. Thanks guys, Sorry, Heather, Well you're gonna ask Heather a question about approaching guys, I feel, oh wait, so yeah, so does this book apply to women as well? Oh? My gosh, absolutely so.

You know, the story is told by me, so if anything, you know, the whole concept of the book and the tactics and strategies are applicable to men or women any age. But because I'm telling it from the standpoint of my personal stories, I think it resonates even more, you know, real when a woman reads it, because it really is. You know, it's very specific stories around sexual harassment, bullying in the workplace, you know, personal challenge, challenges, break up, divorce,

all of those different elements are in the book. And I think it really connects strongly with women. Well, so, I'm sure there's a lot of different elements, like you said, that are covered in the book, But what is your personal experience with confidence in relationships? You know, I write

about that in the book. I actually write about when I was dating my now fiance and at the time, I felt really insecure because I had been divorced and you know, I was disappointed in relationships and down on myself. So when we first started dating, I was not my

authentic self and I would hold back. That was always my strategy when I was younger, and I didn't realize I was holding back because I was insecure, and now having a chance to look back on that time and realize that, you know, I didn't want to be the one to text first, or I didn't want to invite him to do something serious because what if he said

no and I scared him away. I was always playing games in my mind instead of just being my real self because I just didn't feel confident in those moments. And when I look back on those times, it's painful

to see. I keep journals, you know, all throughout my life, and I looked back at those journals and it's really eye opening to see what a change it was for me over the years and sent together on and off for eight years, and you know, over that eight years span, at times, as my confidence grew, our relationship evolved and

changed for the better. Yeah. I think it's really interesting when you talk about confidence and how you have to use confidence on a daily basis, and it works just like a muscle and it needs to be developed day in and day out. And I am a firm believer in that as well as that you have to work on your confidence is just naturally not gonna come to a lot of people. Um. And one way to build confidence I heard as well is to imagine yourself like a cloud or like water. Have you ever heard about this?

Because if you ever look into the sky, clouds never wrong. Like you've ever seen a cloud that's wrong. No, it's just all there's all different types of shapes. I know this is really maybe, but like it's just interesting to think that, like in terms of trusting your own instincts and having confidence when you're within yourself, because a lot of times you lack confidence, which makes you not trust

your gut and doubt yourself. And the way you get over that is sometimes for me one, I don't envision a cloud, but a tool to use to build confidence is like to always try to imagine yourself as a cloud or as water, because water is never wrong or a clouds never wrong. They're always different shapes. Right, You've never seen a cloud and you're like, well, that's wrong. No, It's just what I'm saying is though, I've always found this very interesting and it's a way to build confidence

for you personally. I wonder if other people use it as well. That's all what's your standpoint? I think that's very very interesting. I don't understand what you're saying. It's really about self acceptance and knowing that you're enough no matter how you are, which is a great fundamental practice to build confidence. And I think that you know, that's definitely a piece of the whole picture is just getting

the place. And part of that is you know through growing your confidence that you are enough and you are willing to listen to your inner voice and act upon that, because all of those steps and actions really help you to build that confidence daily. Do you think that typically you see men and women in relationships grow confidence throughout a relationship or is there ever, the inverse of that, where confidence starts high and it begins to waiver as

time moves on. I mean, don't you think it's both ways? Depending on the people in the situation. Think that that's the case. But how do you go about helping people with the ladder of that where they start out super confident and then as time moves on, confidence kind of begins to waiver a little bit? Do you do address that all in the book? Well, I don't address that topic in particular in regards to relationships, but one of the elements that I talked about, and every time I

speak at anything, I address this point. It is critical to fire negative people from your life. And you know, one of one of the things that I when I initially heard you say, maybe they started off both confident people, but as the relationship goes on, they've both lost their confidence. To me, that sounds like the negative situation. Something's off there.

So you know, if someone bringing you down, holding you back, beating down to you, you know, putting you second, and you begin allowing that that's the kind of person you need to fire from your life. Because when you remove those types of people from your life, you literally take off as well as your confidence those simultaneously. Well, there you go. That makes a lot of sense. That doesn't make a lot of sense, I think. I think by accepting someone like that is showing that you're allowing that

person to see you in that way. You know, like, I don't know if you know it makes sense? Yeah, exactly. Confidence, When you allow someone to treat you that way and push you down and speak down to you, you're really hurting yourself internally. I mean, I think when you get in that situation, all you have to do is just think about clouds that clouds telling people know but have

I understand your point. I think sometimes it can be challenging though, because obviously oftentimes with those relationships, um and

I've experienced in the past. That's why I asked the question, is um you know, you you develop obviously real feelings for a person, but then you notice the confidence begin to waiver on either side, and then it begins one of the becomes one of those things where you may be recognized it as a defect in the relationship, but you're so invested in the relationship as it is, where it's difficult to kind of fire that relationship as you said, um, do you think like those insecurities or lack of or

confidence going downhill throughout a relationship is the fact that you are realizing that you're so dependent on somebody else that's going to say. That's what I've always been wondering about relationships, is that because you have so much love and that you're so dependent now on that love for happiness, that like, if you ever lose it, I think sometimes you lose confidence in that because you're like, no, no, no, no no, I I can't screw this up. I can't

screw it up. Well, I mean, you need to have boundaries in any situation. And that's the one thing that comes to my mind when I hear you say that. So you know, there is no relationship should be everything. At the end of the day. You should be everything. And your happiness is you know, defined and comes from you.

And while it might be sad that you love someone in that relationship could go away, you will still always be fine if you really are a confident person and you know, the unfortunate part of life is that people are going to die, they're going to move, they're gonna get fired, they're gonna cheat on you. There's going to be ups and downs in life. But when you truly have worked on your confidence and developed it and have a sustainable plan to move forward with it, those blows

will not knock you down. You will be able to recover and bounce back very quickly. And I speak with a lot of experience that you know for years old life seeing a lot of these really major life changing elements. Even the recession back in two thousand nine was a huge life changing moment for me and a real difficult time.

So all of those different things, the economy, the relationships help you know, all these things are going to happen to everyone at some point in your life, and it's all about how you're going to respond in the face of it. And if you are a confident person and you practice that daily, you are going to respond very quickly and bounce back. So howther can you give us an example on something that maybe we can work on

every day to build that confidence. Yeah? Sure. So you know, practice is a critical um element in developing confidence in any situation. So I know that a lot of people are fearful of public speaking, for example, and so they don't really find their voice and they don't speak up and maybe they'll make excuses, well I don't need to be a public speaker. But then you notice seeing them

in a meeting and they never raise their hands. So you know, for whatever your challenges, or maybe it's was asking somebody out on a date, it doesn't really matter what the ask is. It's all about practicing. So one of the things that I suggest for people to do is if you are that person that has a hard time speaking up, maybe it's just tapping the person in line in front of you at Starbucks and introducing yourself.

At the end of the day, you're not going to die if the guy doesn't turn around and say hello and ignores you. But for you, that's a confidence building moment because you're using that as a practice moment in your day. It really is irrelevant what the outcome is, but it's helping you to see, wow, I tried something new. I tried speaking up and introducing myself and life went on.

I was okay. So the next time that element or opportunity arises and you see that person you want to go on a date with, it'll be a little bit easier to tap that person on the shoulder because you've been challenging yourself daily to put yourself in that you know previously uncomfortable situation. Well, if you practice like that for thirty days every single day, you do it on days a the one, it's going to be pretty easy to tap the guy on the shoulder. And that just

comes with the discipline of practice. I think that's really good because, yeah, practice makes perfect And if you practice towards things that maybe you're not that invested in, when the day comes when you're actually invested in talking to someone, you'll have the confidence to actually go out to them because you've been practicing with yourself and then you talk about you know, like communication And I've always wondered about

within a relationship to build confidence. I believe that communication is a huge factor in building confidence within a relationship because I've always lacked confidence when I don't know something, when I'm kind of in the unknown of like is this Am I doing something wrong? Am I doing something right? But when I actually talked about it with my partner, um, I end up growing more confidence within the relationship because then I either know I'm doing something right or I'm

doing something wrong. But now that I know that I'm doing something wrong, I can work on getting better at it. Yeah, and that's also you know, communication critical, and it's also about you speaking up. So what when you communicated, you were speaking up with whatever your truth was, and those are a huge confidence building moments. So it's think taking that step, taking that action of having that conversation and

realizing it doesn't have to be an argument. For me personally, when I was younger, I thought that if I was going to speak up and say, well, you know, maybe I'm wrong here, immediately I would get into an argument because I was getting defensive and I didn't feel confident

and I was scared. And learning over time that you know, removing emotion from the conversation and approaching it in a very factual manner allows you to remain calm and allows the other person not to get triggered, which delivers a better outcome. I like it. I like it too, um And I think you you mentioned this a little bit earlier on, but a lot of our listeners will email in and one of the main issues that we come across with them is just their unwillingness or inability to

introduce themselves. And I know you said just obviously like it takes practice. It takes like a thirty days to kind of train your mind and become better at introducing yourself to people. But um, what type of advice would you have for you know, like the casual data whether they're twenty one or thirty one or forty one, however old to kind of help them with that introduction other than just you know, going for it, Is there anything

specific that you could recommend for them? The first thing that comes to mind for me is asking for help. So we all have networks of people in our life, and you're always so close to that next person that you could potentially be a fit with, So reaching out and tapping your network, your friends, the people that live in your building, your next door neighbor, the person you

run into at the grocery store every Sunday. You know, we all have these circles of people that we know that are in our world and reaching out and tapping those people individually and asking them for help. Who do you know that you think would be a great match for me? That's how I was set up with my

fiance eight years ago, was through that exact situation. So when you find good people in your life and they like you and you like them, asking their help and asking who they might know in their circles that you don't know, really will deliver you some nice, warm introductions so you don't have to be taking that cold introduct. Introduction every time definitely helps make it take the pressure off a little bit. If it's not quite as cold, it definitely does. It makes it much easier, much more

comfortable for people. I think, Uh, I wonder if you should maybe coach some people before going on the Bachelor Bachelorette because they could use a common I think those people have totally different challenges than what we're talking about. Anything helps, I'm sure. Um, well, how there is there anything else that you're working on besides the book that you just came out with. Yeah, so my new book just came out on Tuesday and it hit number one.

We released and best seller within a couple of days. We sold out today. Yeah, it's been a crazy run. So it's it's pretty exciting. We sold out of our hardcovers today and a new shipments coming in. I think

it's coming in tomorrow. So it's been a really exciting week and and just really lends itself to you know, realizing that building confidences, you know, not only is it important to me, but really it's applicable and important to every and so what you know, during this process, I've had so many people reach out to me on social media. I'm on you know, all the platforms, and I get v ms all the time asking how did you know? How did you have the confidence to go out on

your own and the confidence to do this? And that took me down the path of writing the book. But during the time I was writing the book, it was brought to my attention that, you know, the younger generation really loved videos. So I as soon as I finished working on Confidence Creator and went into publishing mode, I began working on a video product version of Confidence Creator.

And we're actually an edit mode right now with that project, and it's really bringing the books tips and strategies to life in an e learning course through a video series. I love it. It's incredible. Well, okay, so for the listeners out there, if you want to get your hands on Heather's book, be sure to check it out on Amazon. Like I think you said, it's sold out right now, but you're getting a shipment soon. Um it's called Confidence Creator.

It's I think I'm treeping your Instagram right now it's doing better than Trump's are of the deal, so that's obviously. Yeah, that was an exciting thing. That's awesome. That's awesome. Well, thank you so much for taking the time to call in and giving us a few pointers. I think we could all benefit from a little more confidence on a

daily basis. Absolutely, Thank you, Heather, and best of luck with the books and videos and everything, and um, maybe we'll circle back with you sometime in the near future. All right, sounds good. Thank you so much, Thanks, thank you, good bye. Well, I think I could use a little bit more confidently of, like, you know, focusing on something that you know you want to work on and then actually going out there and working on. Let's do that exercise right now, Vanessa, what do you think you need

to work on? I'll go last, Jared, what do you think you need? It's ridiculous, we asked vansa first, be more confident in your decision. You're absolutely right. I'm not really good at making decisions. I'm always like in my head second guessing things, So like, yeah, making decisions quicker. I agree? No, no, sorry, this is a weird noise that I made. Yeah, no, absolutely, my indecisiveness, and it's absolutely something I need to work when's your birthday? Nomber scorpio.

I'm supposed to be balanced, but yeah, when's your birthday? What do I need to work on? I think that I would like to be more Yes, it's a hard one. You're perfect name, I'm pretty damn perfect. I need to work on being more humble, I think. No, I'm just kidding. Um, I have a lot to work on. I think that I want to work with Well, why are you thinking

about that? What I did really like about what she said is that you have to practice being confident, because I think a lot of people are just like, oh, I'm I'm not confident. I don't have confidence in myself. Well, it's something that you actually need to work on it.

You need to practice it to make perfect. And so one thing that I really liked is if you have trouble approaching people, approach people that you don't care about, like you're in the Starbucks and just say hi to someone, and then do that for like ten days straight, and then somebody that you actually want to approach, I think it will really help you approaching them because you've already talked to so many pull that you're kind of like

a social butterfly. At this point, it will be easier to go up and be like, Hi, my name is so, and so I think I'm I just realized what it is. I'm the opposite of that. I want to work on my confidence in saying no to people because that I really struggle with that even yesterday for instances more I'm just say, like you were just talking about how like, oh, I'm profert, I need to work with my humbleness obvious.

So you're joking now you're like, no, but you know what I need to tell people no, Well, that's true. Like yesterday, for instance, my friends and I were at the beach for a Memorial Day. Obviously everyone had the day off of work, so we went to to kind of gather around and um, obviously Memorial Day, so let's go ahead and take a moment to thank you the

people every women. Um. Anyway, So so we had some friends having barbecues, are like, yeah, come to this barbecue, and I always say, you know, like maybe I'll come, Like sure, I'll come with full well knowing I'm not going. But rather than say no to them in that moment, I said, yeah, it text me or like maybe I'll come like blah blah blah, and what I need to

work on. Even my roommate pointing this out yesterday, was I just need to start saying no. Yeah, I'm not under the ever not even over promise, but I just I don't like telling people what they don't want, you know, like hurting people's feelings, and you'll go so far to like them by not shying, not showing up exactly what

I'm saying you will. And I think to to relate it back to Heather is I think that there should be some sort of art of confidence in saying no to people like that, because I think all of us want to be people pleasers. But yeah, of course I think I got a lot better with that too, because I was always like yes, yes, yes, because people pleaser too. But now I'm like, okay, I know. Either A asked me to go out at three o'clock during the day,

I'll be like, yeah, let's do it. By the time nine o'clock comes around, I'm like nope, I'm in my pajamas, and not A Like I'm like, oh, I'll circle back and let you know how I feel after dinner. Instead of I think a lot of times too, it's giving

the person the opportunity to actually handle the truth. And that's something I work on as well, because I'm people pleaser as well, and so I'll sometimes say yes when I know I'm not going, and so now I try to understand that they're going to be just fine if

I don't go. And so that's when one thing I've been working on saying like no, I can't make it, and it's I'm not really hurting their feelings all that much because they're going to be just fine, giving them the opportunity to handle the truth rather than beating around the bush to try to make them feel better. There it is, um Mark, what else do we want to

do today? Well, we have an email right here from Julia i'd like to share with you, and I'm going to activate a phone line before I read this email, all right. The email reads like this. It says, Hi, Dean, Jared, Vanessa, and anyone else reading this. I was wondering when the man, the myth, the Legend, Alex Bordiakoff will join you on the podcast. He has been mentioned a lot lately and I wanted to know if he'll ever be a guest.

He is my favorite guy from Rachel's season. No offense deed, I ask if he will ever guessed because I have a slight ulterior motive. I am from the same city as him, Gross Point Park, and I wanted to know if he has any hack to dating in our area, that is, if he is currently dating. I moved back home to Michigan from college three years ago for a job and haven't really pursued dating since moving back. I want to focus on the job, but I'm ready to

get back out there. Any tips are appreciated. This is from Julia Rose and PS, Jared, your love story with actually makes me so happy. It helped me realize that should seize the moment and get back out there. Julia asking about or your I have no idea who that human being is. It's interesting because it's online six right now. Oh he's on the phone is Alex Oh from my season of the Bachelor. It wasn't ring any bells for

me at first. Is a podcast. I'm going to come right out and say it sounds like Julia wants to date you out exactly what I was thinking. Um, But she does raises an interesting point that I think you can help us tackle because when we talk on this podcast from the perspective of me, Jared, and Vanessa is it's always the dating in Los Angeles and it only applies to thirteen million people. However, big Los Angeles County is Alice. What is dating like in small town gross Point, Michigan. Well,

you know, christ a draft. The fact that this is Dean is supposedly my good friend at least on Instagram, right, And uh, I only heard from Amy and and here's the thing, and I haven't I haven't talk to you, and like the week, I mean, I know you're not that busy because under text us that or something. You know, I knew, I knew you were going to bring that up. And I was going to text you and be like, hey, man, like I'm excited to have you call in on Tuesday

for the podcast. But I wanted our conversation to be authentic for the first time in the work. I wanted this to I wanted the listeners to feel the electricity between the two of us so we can feel sure, Um, yeah, I mean dating here. You know, Growth Point, which really is right next to Detroit, is still big metro metro area. It's a little different. I mean most people actually end

up engage with pretty young. It's crazy. Uh, you know a lot of the kids so I coached uh swimming in college after I graduated, and a lot of the kids that coach. I'm married a Riddy and I'm still single. Howl are you I'm watching turn thirty and a couple of months. Still young? Still young, buck, Yeah, so young enough. So I don't know about heck here. I mean obviously, you know, with with social media and all the dating apps, solute different, we don't really have any We can't really

get advice from parents anymore. Like we are the first generation through this, so like all the advice, I mean, we are the ones that should be giving advice, like you guys to do with this podcast to the younger generations. And you can complain about what you want, but I mean the reality is, this is the evolution and this is what's happening. This is where we are. So I mean i'd say online dating still probably, I mean that's the most uh you know, basic way you can go

about it. I just I think creep creep hard because I mean the thing is, like you have all these people putting out all this information about themselves. So like I'm not saying like make these grass judgments, but you know, look into it, look for the rest flags. Don't waste your time. You don't have to waste your time to go on a date now with someone that's you to find out these flags. That's uh, I mean that's my number one thing. Even with when I used to do

online dating, I would look into these pictures. I mean you would you pay attention like, Okay, what are they doing these pictures? Are there too many sealthie? So I mean what that friends looks like that? So Alex hold on because I so my friend was like, Oh, I have this really good cute guy for you, but what I want to introduce you to him? And I and I creeped him on Instagram like, oh he's cute from anyways? Um and uh from what? And anyways? He creeped my instagram?

You know what his reaction was, Oh, no, she looks like she's ready to get married. She looks like she wants to be a mom too soon. So I'm not interested in to be there. You already married, so you're putting out the vibe you want right right, But he's just not the guy for you, that's all, and that's a good thing. Like why he would be a waste of your time to he did that? Right, think he creeped you and he said that's not for me, and

that's what that's a time. So yeah, I agree with Alex. Yeah, but there's more to me than just wanted to be no of course, and but I but I don't think

Alex is saying that. Alex, you're not saying you should judge everything look after these like red flags as far as like what are you looking for as far as a compatible partner, Like would you yeah, like if you saw a guy who was on the Instagram who just had like thirteen shirtless self self please in like the past you know months, of course you would judge a little bit. But you know I don't think you would. Yeah, yeah, you know. I mean I'll say it right now, Alex.

If I had ads like you every other picture on my Instagram, yeah, I hate putting up those honestly. Yeah, but you know exactly what you're doing when you do things. If I never put him on, then I'm like self conscious about taking my shirt off because every time I take it off, people like, oh, he's just trying to show off. No, I'm Alex. Let me for the listener. So Alex and I went to Coachella together and before we went, he was like, I'm terrified of being reverse

body shamed. And I was like, what does that mean? And he says, every time he takes his shirt off, everyone like what what do you say? Everyone asks you how you get your sick abs or like how you're so in shape or something like that, and you say it's taxing on you, or what do you say? Like people? I mean people, do I assume that if I take my shirt off, like I said, if I'm gonna pool, if it's a hot day, saying oh, he's just been like looking forward to this moment to take is the

opportunity to think is shirt off? And so now I just west through my shirts maintain this like humble. Uh you know, I'll like, hey man, if you got it, flaunt it exactly. But that does to your point earlier, what do you think the reasoning behind Like because you've been to l A a a few times to visit me your Frentino, but culture, like dating culture in a small

town like gross Point. Granted it's not that small of the town, but it's so much different than it is here in Los Angeles or like New York or a big city whatever it is. So do you, like for Vanessa, because like it's hard for you to meet someone that wants to start a family right away in Los Angeles? Do you think that moving to Montreal or I don't know, I heading back. So that's the point I'm trying to make.

It's like, do you think that I think so you're kind of like a product of like the the environment

that you're in. Yeah, product absolutely. I mean l A. Obviously everyone complains you are you have this perceptive of these unlimited options of you know you you you know people you can date really, but whereas in reality, I think most people really focus on the on the terrible choices so that you're presented with because I mean, really you're presented with more options than ever before books good and bad, but I think i'd say ultimately more bad options.

So it feels like it's uh, you know, postocalyptic time updating now, But it really isn't bad. I think it's good. Uh, I think for I mean, it's Kea was three years off from dating. Who is this? I mean the email that we're talking about three years off. Yeah, I think it Isn't that the reason I'm here just getting back out there? Mean for me, like when when I go on dates, I just make sure that date that I set up is something I want to do, something I

would do this by myself with a friend. I'm not a big so I'm not as big as like fam of dinners and stuff like that. Like for me, a lot of times I'm like, I want to go ice skating or there's uh I want to go for me, Like I see I say very active to skiing or something, and I'll invite people and even though like it might not be a great date, I know I'll have a good time. So like whatever she's into, like maybe she's

a runner, Like just invite someone for her jog. Like you really want to commit to these big dates that I feel like to waste the time honestly, Like if you should keep going in the same dinner movie dates over and over, you're gonna really exhaust yourself. Well, so let's let's help Julie out real quick. You said that you have a lot of friends, uh in gross point that are either engaged, married in long term serious relationships.

How did they end up meeting their significant others. And do you have any suggestions for her to meet someone in Michigan? Oh? No, you gotta get out wrong girl. Yeah, there's nothing I see. I don't know. I think just say it sounded like because you took some time off and you just start going on dates, like, don't be afraid to gone dates. A lot of people you know nowadays, they're either lazy or take you like this negative sigma's attached to dating a lot or going a lot of dates.

And I think you can make that a lot of fun. I mean, don't make it about like hooking up and all that, but if you combine them with the activity you are ready to do, if you work into your schedule, I think you can have a lot of time and

keep me aggressive. I mean, if she likes the guy asked him out, like make that first move fight into d M. Uh, whatever your taste nowadays, I guarantee she's already slit into your d M. Probably I'll double all right, Alex, I have one more burning question for you that everyone in the studio and everyone in Bachelor Nation is just dying to know. Are we going to see in Mexico this summer? Uh? Yeah, probably not. Why not? We want

to see little hip hop abs down in Mexico. Yeah, I've been flaking a little, but I mean, I'll be honest. I actually told the producers I would do it, but I don't think they're gonna ask I preach for the Captain's already done to the season, So sorry, guys. I'm still holding out for Alex for bat here next season. Yeah, that's that's all finny. But I probably l a for a couple of months of summer just to hang out. Well. Nice, Well,

I'm sure that you've seen it. Well I'm not sure of it, but Jared Nick and I have been making these ridiculous Bachelor recaps. We would love to have you come in and totally help us out. I know, you're actually really funny. I actually I just watched. Uh, I didn't see the whole episode, but I saw you guys this recap. But it was really funny. I mean, who's doing the writing? Is that? Is that all? Nick? It's all improv? Man, there's no Yeah, I know you you're

not that funny. I've been taking some improv classes. I'm getting better, all right, are you really? Of course not? I don't say I think you keep busy taking out of nine X or whatever hip hop AB. I'm just trying to catch up to you. But you know it's funny. I used to do hip hop AB. Just you're back and like college, so that's embarrassing and now no, I'm serious. San was a man um. Hey, I'm not gonna I'm

not gonna lie. Beach Body on Demand. I love it still to this day, but killing it all right, Alex, Well, thanks so much for calling in, buddy. We miss you. Were excited to hang out with you when you get to Thank you so much, alex Uh and Julia thanks you as well for all of the incredible dating advice for girls. Point all right, see, but I'll talk to you. Yeah that was great. Yeah, Alex is super nice. Fun. He liked my walking Google. Every time I have a question,

He'll have the answer for it. I was like, oh, because he was listening to her. He actually listened. He tuned in when I was talking about like freezing my eggs, so he sent me this lengthy message about how it's not good to freeze your eggs. I'm like, how do you know this stuff? Yeah? He was even like all Google stuff, all Google stuff, and talk about it, and he's like, you should never trust Google. That's wrong, and

I'll tell you exactly why that's wrong. It's just like, Okay, alex Um, I think that I think that Jared can attest to dating in a small town. But what I was just gonna say totally like, it's interesting we see your product, of your product, of your environment when you're in Los Angeles. One of the first things you asked people where you're from, Because everybody comes to Los Angeles,

everyone asked what do you do? Well, I feel like it's where you're from and what do you do compared to a place like gross Point, where it's like, where where are you from? Well, I'm I was born in gross Point and raised in this particular city. And the same thing around, Like everybody that is dating in around

is from around where in Los Angeles. It's like everybody that's dating in Los Angeles is from some other part of the country that's coming here for work or aspirations to be in Hollywood and film and so on and so forth. So I don't think people ought to come. A lot of people come to Los Angeles for dating compared to other parts of the country where you kind of like you're born in one part of the country, you're raised in one part of the country, you get married.

That's just kind of the way life works. So that's why I think in small counties like this, it's just a lot easier to meet somebody get married. But it wouldn't been easier. But you know, when people ask you, guys, what you do, what do you tell them? Well, I say, well, truthfully, in my time is devoted to my charity. Okay, so I have a foundation. What do you say, I say, I'm unemployed all the time. Yeah, what's the definition of being unemployed? If you'd be technically right on that? Yeah,

I just I think it's funny not working. It's the conversation starter. Technically my job, I technically am unemployed. But what if you have to fill out a form? Yeah? There was, Yeah, there was. I mean, I hate to bring a previous relationship into this, but whenever Leslie and I, whenever I would meet Leslie's friends, they'd be like, what do you do? I like, I'm unemployed, and then she'd always she a get so pissed. You'd be like, don't tell anyone you're unemployed. I guess it makes sense a

couple more emails. And by the way, the emails have slowed. And I know why this happens every time we started the Facebook group. So now people go to the Facebook group and they stopped sending us email. Happened with scrubbing and and it happened with almost famous. I don't forget to email us. Yes, need those emails. Love the emails. I suck at dating at iHeartMedia dot com. This is from Brittany. She's currently dating a lovely thirty year old teacher.

I'm twenty five. We've been in a number of dates and he's very very sweet. He always messages me good morning, asked me how my day is going, and plans for us to do things, etcetera. I'm starting to wonder if he is too nice? Is that even a thing? All I want is for someone to treat me right and spoil me a little, So why am I second guessing someone that actually does those things. I'm really not sure what to think. Any advice is very much appreciated. Sending

love from Australia. I've never been to Australia. I've been my honeymoon was in Australia. Family in Australia and I have to go visit. Wait. I always say, Brittany, be careful what you wish for because you just you might get it. So if you want a nice guy, you end up with the nice guy, but now you have what you want and you want something more. So I feel like that's the yeah. And if you have like an ale, then you're gonna want the nice guy. So it's always like we want what we can have, and

then once we have it, you want something different. So if he's giving you what I want, I want a guy who's gonna call me in the morning, he's gonna wish me good night, and you know it's gonna be sweet to me, and and want the same things out of life. I mean, man, not going forward. I say, you know, every once in a while, like your relationships will go through your ups and downs, and maybe right now you're going through one of your downs, but there's

always going to be an up. So sometimes it's it's too good to be true, but it's just that good, Like it just works. He seems like a really nice guy. Don't overthink it. Yeah, sometimes you overthink it. I think some of it too boils down to maybe you just don't really know what you want. Like I kind of the same way. I thought that I knew what I wanted in a relationship and then you end up kind of getting it. You're like, I don't know this is what I want anymore, And I think it's human beings

were always waiting for the ball to drop. You're like, no, something bad's gonna happen, Something bad's gonna happen. This can't be this can't be this good. It's kind of bracing for impact, of course, I think. I mean Jared's right. I mean sometimes it's too good to be true, but it's true. So just like kind of let it be what it is to be until something bad happens. Exactly.

It sounds like this guy is pretty cool three years old, he's a teacher, he's treating you really well, exactly, and it's early on too, so maybe he's really trying to prove himself to be like, hey, I really like you. I want to show that this is real and this is something I want to work towards and move forward with. So maybe he's just kind of like amping it up a little bit because it's still early in all, and he's like, no, you're I want this to move forward

with you. And there is such a thing as too nice. I'm too nice, There is too nice. I'm so nice you guys, I'm like the nicest person. I'm just kidding, No, But there definitely is the thing that's too nice. I think we talked about it earlier about how you're two nice to really hurt somebody's feelings. But I don't think there is too nice. I think there's someone for everyone. So for the person that you, you might not want someone who's too nice. You might want someone who has

a little bit of spice in them, you know, spice. Yeah, But I I I think there's someone for everyone. So I don't think there's a I don't think there's someone

that could be too nice. But Vanessa, what about the thing where women are attracted to the bad boy, the guy that maybe doesn't treat them quite as well and they find that more Also for guys too, Like we all want a challenge, right, we want someone who like constantly makes us feel like we're on our toes and we don't really know like where we stand, and it's kind of like the chase, And once the chase is gone, it's like I'm bored because she's feeling she's bored because

he's too easy, He's just there. Well, I also think, like I think girls just like confidence, and I think bad boys have a lot of confidence, and I think that's where it comes from. But I also think that fizzles out. I don't know where your thoughts about that finesse are. Yeah, I think that gets old fast. It's like an a media attraction, exactly a media attraction, and it just fades out because you're like, I hate this

and this really sucks. On the flip side, for a do you think a girl could be too nice if you were a guy? Oh, totally, of course it can be too nice. A girl too nice? Yes, I'm just trying to think of it. So, my former girlfriend from years ago was one of the nicest people I've ever

met my entire life to this day. One of the things that I admire so much about her is whenever she met someone, that person would walk away with like a smile on their face, like, Oh my gosh, what an incredible human being, And I always kind of look at her. Is not too nice by any means. She was like the epitome, like the height of excellence when it comes to niceness, and I was one of the things that attracted me her most. So I don't necessarily think that a girl could be too nice. I'm sure

she could. I think if she's texting you all the time with hearts and everything, bringing you cookies at a regular basis, like you're trying to maybe I don't know, I think that it could be smothering at a certain point when they're that nice and attentive to you. Well, I also think in terms of being too nice, like Vanessa said, I want somebody who can challenge me, and so I think sometimes when you're being too nice, you

therefore don't challenge your partner in certain ways. And that bothers me because I'm like, no, no, no, no, I want you to state your opinion. I don't want you to be nice to me. I don't want you to worry about hurting my feelings. I want you to tell me what you're actually feeling in this moment. And to that point in the relationship that I was just describing, there was an emotional disconnect because there was just it

was just positivity all the time. And I remember there was one time, uh, there was like an emotional thing that was happening with her parents, like they were discussing a divorce, and I was like sitting down, like please, let's talk about it, Like this is difficult, I know, but we need to talk about this, like for your sake, for our sake, for our relationship sake. And it was just one of those things where we're like no, no, no, no, like we're not gonna like we didn't talk about it

because our relationship was too nice. Yes, is the way to put it. Um, So yeah, I think it's It kind of works both ways, of course. So for Brittany, we're saying you sound is great. He doesn't sound too nice, but we don't know if he's the one for you or not. Only you can answer that question. I keep going with it, certainly. Don't like be scared that, oh it's too nice, it's too good, it's all gonna fall apart. Don't be scared of that. Just keep going see where

it goes. Fatima has a question for the guys. I'm glad we got this one because I wanted to ask. This is good. This may be a stupid, embarrassing question. When guys send emojis, do they question what emoji to send a girl and whether it's friendly or if it's flirty. Do guys struggle with sending the right or proper emoji? Or is it just me? She says, there's a guy occasionally message and I can't figure out if he's being

friendly or being flirty when we message each other. He sometimes sends me a message that I see as flirty, but then he uses emojis that I consider friendly. I showed my cousin the messages and she said, he's just confused and doesn't know what he feels. So emojis, do guys put the kind of thought into them that women put into them? I love emojis. I'm pro emoji. I use emojis in every single text, even like to my

guy friends. I'm sending to my brother, I'll send emojis and he's even called me out for that before too. He's like, bro, stop sending me emojis. I love them. I think they're great. I'll even like send like a long message and then just followed it up with a

couple of smiley faces after it. Yeah, you just want to be like because you know how when you just send an emoji, it's like three times the size is if you started texts, I like the big ones until I'll send them separately sometimes and especially like I don't know, it's fun to It's like a good way to convey the way that you're feeling. It makes it spices up

the conversation of your text. I don't personally think I put a lot of thought into it, but I am a very big emoji user, and Vanessa as a girl, if a guy sends you emojis about that one, I don't know. I think now that I'm getting older, I'm like, I'd rather not send me emoji. But let me let me say. I'm not saying like winky faces or anything like that. I like my favorite favorite, my favorite emojis,

then I know it's I like the huggy emoji. Yeah, I like the awkward like smiling emoji, the crying and the laughing emoji. The wait, what's a flirtatious emoji? The one where the tongue is sticking out like that's a little aggressive. Think no, no, no, no, like it's like yeah, like no, that's like crazy, that's like that. Interpret That's the issue too, especially over a text message. Everything can

be interpreted differently with because it's it lacks tone. Uh. At one point, the laughing one, I thought it was a crying one, so I would send that and people thought I was laughing, but I was crying. Okay, that can be easily confused. That's not working. But you're right. Everybody interprets it differently, so it's like, who the hell the friendly one, the smirky ones, flirty, smirking, yeah, like damn bro, Yeah, I want to go through mine now.

I think the one with the tongue out is kind of like this one has a couple of different ones. That one's more like fun one with one eye opened, one eye closed, tongue out. But there's also one with the eyes are are are yes eyes are sideways and the tongue is out, and that it's also this one. There's also the purple one with the horns. Yeah, that's

very devilish. Yeah that's all. No, No, I find just the simple ones, like the cute, like smiley one, like this, the one, um so definitely that one, the poop one, uh, the wink one, and the one that they're doing this what's that described to our listeners? What the hell you just did? Like? Oh yeah, what is that for? You. I know someone that the emojis blushing. I don't gonna say his name. Um anyways, long story short of that segment, I'm pro emoji. Do you text? Actually no, no, you

know what I'm really into now. I guess sometimes but very very very yeah, I send this to like no, oh god, no, no, you don't like no. I had this entire conversation roommate and it was a really cute guy that sent her a bit mojy. She's like, all right, so she stopped texting him. I was aggressive. You can't come out of the gates with a bit moody. But I think once you guys like establish a rapport. Yeah,

and you're kind of funny. We also need to establish that there's never been a person who looks like their bit moogy, no matter how much you think you look like your boy except four, didn't you say, except for Erica or someone looks like they're bitmoji. Now maybe Erica came in she was like, I look just like, uh yeah, I get that often that. I think the advice for her if they not overthink this as much, not necessarily because he's not overthinking it. He might be overthinking it,

but everybody interprets them differently, and that's the problem. It's like sprinkling a piece of pizza with some like pepper flakes. It just adds to the flavor a little bit. It's not it doesn't really mean anything. It's not like centrally like crucial to pizza and clouds. Today we learned a lot about Would you like to know the top five emojis? Yes, this is a data from seventeen. Number five I was the heart, Number four was winking face. Number three the

smiling face with smiling eyes. The number two is the loudly crying face, no but sad facing. Oh yeah, mouth dawn. And the number one emoji. Let's guess that. Can we guess it? Go ahead, guess one. The laugh emoji. It's the smiling face with open mouth and smiling eyes. Yeah. I think it's just the smiling Sorry, it's just like this. It's the normal smiling but his eyes are like this. Eyes are a fun fact for you. The number one

emoji in America because this is not poop, but it's vomit. Nope, what the hell it means something that is not intended to mean, right, listen to this. Definitely flirtation. This is going to make your day. Canada uses the Poopa moji the most who funk? Well? Does that do it? For this episode? The last episode of Vanessa's summer in Los Angeles. So we're gonna miss you. But the good thing is we'll talk. We'll talk on the phone every no, but it won't be the same. Oh no, it's never going

to be the same. Who's driving me home today? Are we just? What? But I done it for our show? Well, Vanessa, thanks so much for your stint co hosting the podcast. It was fun while it lasted. Well, she'll still be here, not in person, but just over the phone. I'm sorry, Vanessa, but this is sorry. Right now, it still looks like it's your podcast. It's yours. Dean kicked me out earlier in the podcast, and now he's kicked out Vanessa. It

feels good to have power. Humb uh um. Yeah, Well it was fun, I mean have fun hosting your own podcast from Montreal. That'll do it for this episode of help I Suck at dating. I'm Vanessa and I'm going to miss you. Guys, We're gonna miss you. And I'm Jared, and I'm Dean and a big thank you to Omaha Stakes for their delicious delicious steaks. Be sure to send something to your father for Father's Day. I'm sure he's gonna love it. Um what Mark said earlier. We have

a Facebook group. Be sure to subscribe, but we still need listening to emails to be sent to I Suck at Dating at I heeart Media dot com. Um, I forgot to fill out my first week of the Bachelor brackett. I think you we gotta do that. We're gonna be on there next week. We've fill out the Brackett. We're gonna be interactive. We're gonna be there for the Facebook group. Thank you everybody for joining that Facebook. And we still

have not figured out a prize. Perhaps we can just put our heads together and get one for you to settle for next week. Um, but there will be a prize. There will be a prize. Anyways, I'll do it for this week's episode of Help I Suck at Dating. This has been Vanessa, Jared and Dean. Be sure to tune in next week where we'll be Vanessa list but we'll suck a little bit less. Follow Help I Sucket Dating with Dean Anglert on I Heart radio, or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts. H