#31 Camp Crushes

I'm pretty references. I'm like culture reference. Well, we are in studio and we enjoined today by the wonderful Jess Draper. Hello Jess, where you're getting set up right now? So we'll just right you jes excuse me, Jesse Draper sitting on my chair. It's really high and I have well, I know, how tall are you? I am ten. Okay, you're my sister's height, which is so weird. So my sister is the oldest in my family, she's five ten.

I'm the middle child. I'm five three, and then my brother is the youngest and he's the smallest out of everyone. So my goals like in decreasing order. Um, but I was reading your bio first of all, I was founder laying over your bio. Thank you So. Jesse Draper is an American talk show host, investor, and former actress Nickelodeon star which is I'm so jealous of? Which show are we talking about? It was called The Naked Brothers Band,

and I played the nanny. I was like, it was like when I was like nineteen twenty three or something like that, and it was early days. It was like Miley cyrus days. And it was a life that I can't believe, you know, It's like I lived such a different life now, But it was it was so fun. I mean, I had a blast kid. I was surrounded by kids all the time. I played the nanny, and I actually was the nanny as well, because you're surrounded by kids, like So, tell us a little about what

you're doing right now, Jesse. So, I run a venture capital fund called haw Jin Ventures, and we invested in female founded consumer technology companies. So some of those companies include a company called sugar Fina. It's a great candy cup. I love sugar me too. Means that means you like sugar girl in the tally. I love anything? But is that only an l a base come No, it's actually

an international candy company there in hotels. Nordstroom's involved, and so they're all over the place, and uh, we invest in everything from clothing all the way to healthcare. So I have like a breast pump company. Really exciting. Umm. I am a mom. I just had a baby three months ago and it was my second thank you, thank you well, happy belated Mother's Day. It's just mother day. What do you guys do? I got my mom flowers. Good job, it works. What it's the thought that counts.

I actually had an entire family photo shoot before I came out to l A. So we had my grandparents, my aunt's, uncle's cousins. So we did an entire family photoshoot, and that was my gift to did you match? We did? So we we wore jeans and a white top, which is like basic but whatever, but at least everyone has this classic Yeah, exactly. So I'm super excited that you're here because I'm excited you guys. Nice to meet you. By the way, wonderful media. Thank you for coming in studio.

So we were I don't know if it was last week of the week. It was last week. I missed last week we talk about finances. You were talking about finances and being in a relationship and when's the right time to bring up money talk, which is my favorite not my favorite subject, but just because I'm so like frugal and I want to make sure the partner that I'm with understands and appreciates how frugal I am and that they would adopt that mentality if they don't have

that mentality. Has that ever called issues in your relationship before being so frugal? Uh? No, I've been made fun of, but it's never like cause tension is really coming out today, is it really? I wasn't Ryland last week, so maybe just the accent is rubbing off more so. So I got to get back in l A and really start pronouncing my rsum. But you know, I mean, the thing is like it's it's sad to say, but it's true.

Finances does cause a lot of tension within couples. Um. When one person makes more money than the other, one person's frugal, the other one spends so much money. Um. So, how like early on, Jesse, you know you're a pretty professional, uh person to ask about this, How early on do you think that a couple should start really talking about their finances and how they spend money. I think, you know, it depends how deep you are into your relationship, but um,

I go deep way at the beginning. Good. Good, That's the first thing Vanessa says. My name is Vanessa. I'm frugal. How are you? First? What I would say is it's something that people shouldn't be afraid to talk about. I think we're all so terrified to talk about money, and it is a really, really huge part of our relationship. So I would say, you know, start discussing it when you are well. First of all, let me just one piece of advice. Do not merge finances until you're married

unless there is a reason too. So you might create like a joint account if you're paying rent and sharing, um, you know, something like that where you each pay an equal amount. And so that's why you would, you know, start a joint account. But that doesn't mean you can't start talking about it. Um. You know Ali Wong, the

comedian do you guys so funny? She is so funny, but she does this whole um sort of piece about how she thought she had made her family so proud and found this guy he graduated from Harvard, and then they got married and he was in so much debt, and she was like, wait, I thought I thought all you had to do was like marry someone from Harvard and you were set for life. And then uh, he was in so much debt that they're still clawing their way out of or whatever. And that's sort of the piece. Anyway,

I highly recommendary show. It's very funny, but I think that you should always be talking about those things. And you know, um, I think a good way to start that conversation would maybe be, you know, say you're saving for something. Um, you it's hard to save money when you're a significant other is spending quite a bit. So maybe you say, hey, I want to save for a new couch for our apartment. What do you want to

save for? Or let's save towards a vacation together, and then that's a way where you can start sort of talking about money habits. But also I think definitely before you take the plunge, you should know what type of debt you guys are both in and what you know you're talking about and come up with a plan. There's also a lot of services that can help with that. There's a company. My friend runs this company called learn

Vest and it um learned Vest. Yeah, and she wrote a book called Financially Fearless and it kind of teaches you a very quick light overview of everything you need to know about finance. But what I love about it is financial advisors are so expensive. And um, this is like you pay my husband and I did it in the beginning when we first got married. You pay like

twelve dollars a month. And basically they come up they do this magic math problem and they come up with a formula where it's like, based on both your incomes, here's how much you should save every month, here's how

much you can blow and uh, you know. Then you you also discuss kind of like what you're saving four and they do things like this may or may not have come up in our particular conversation, that like, wow, you spend a lot on coffee in your given area of the country, because there are you know, um, every area of the country is different. So they actually take that up into account, and so I had to cut back a little bit on coffee. Um, so I just made more home. You just called yourself out. Yeah, I

did just call myself out. Um, But I think they take things like that into account and I thought it was an amazing kind of program to go through in the beginning when you start your marriage. Yeah, I think it was interesting when you were talking about how you approach the conversation because there's a lot of people are afraid to ask their partner about like how much money

they have. But I think it's interesting if you just go up to them and say, well, instead of asking how much they spend, ask about like, hey, let's start saving for something and see how they spend. Or even like there's ways to tell how a person is with their money, like whether it's like, hey, where do you want to go to dinner? The places that they pick, or like, um, how much they saved towards like a vacation where they want to go for a vacation. So

there's different ways to approach the conversation. So definitely, and I'm I'm competitive, I don't know about you guys, but super competitive. And so my husband and I were actually giving each other, uh, you know, flak about what stocks we were buying that ton nerdy, I am um, and we were each you know, he was saying, I want to invest in this, and I was saying, I want to invest in this, and um, so we decided to

make it a competition. So what I would say is like, you know, say you each take a hundred dollars and then you can invest in the stock market, which sounds very crazy, but there are apps that make it super easy. You go on like robin Hood. There's one called Acorns and it literally plugs your bank account in And if you don't know what types of stocks to invest in, I say, if you're kind of a more conservative investor and don't want to take a ton of risk, follow

the Fortune five hundred. Those are typically the companies that you've heard of. And uh, for example, if you love Starbucks, I'm seeing a Starbucks cup and I love Starbucks. That's where I was apparently spending too much money. Um, you know, then you can buy some Starbucks stock and so um, you could choose a couple of stocks. They can choose a couple stocks, and you can make it a little

competition and it gets the conversation rolling. I was gonna ask you something is actually having kind of experience of being engaged and then moving in with somebody. Did you ever feel like did you guys talk about your finances early on. Ah yeah, I mean luckily we were both very frugal, so that made it easy when we were looking for an apartment and how much you want to spend per month and and all of that. Um, So when you're talking about joint bank accounts prior to getting married,

you don't suggest it, do you suggest? I don't know if this has any form of relation with that. But pre nups, what's dread? I mean, that's a big question. I think everyone feels very you know, different about those, and it probably depends a lot upon where you come from and uh, what is important to you. And also I think your family has I know, I had a really good friend who was going through this whole prenup situation and her family was really pushing her to do

a prenup with her husband. So I think that is a conversation to protect her assets. But it's kind of like there it sounded like it was their assets. Um, So I think I believe. I mean, I think if you are about to marry this person, I hope you trust them, but you know, I mean, they are about

to take the dive into your finances as well. Why do you think financial Um, you know, finances within a relationship causes so much tension because it is it's it does create personal information that you don't want to send out. You talk about so many personal things on such an emotional level with your counterpart, like why can't you talk about finances or why is it more difficult? Do you think? I think because you know someone is probably making more

money than the other person and being competitive, true ego driven. Absolutely, and especially as a guy, I think there's a lot of guys that want to be providers. So if they're with a woman that makes more money than them, I think that is a little kill to the ego and create some insecurities, especially in because in traditional families, you know, typically all of the checkbooking happens in the man's hands, and so they write the checks and the women take

care of the family. That's a traditional family. I personally am really trying to change that. I don't believe that. I feel like I'm an empowered woman. Yeah, they're changing, and so what I would say to any women in that situation or who want to be caretakers of the family, you get fifty of that money. And if you're terrified of the word finance and the word money and anything financial and any type of numbers don't be because you

will learn. What I would say is make sure you're in on any financial decision that your significant other is making or husband is making, because you will learn that way, and before you know, you'll realize, oh, it's it's just numbers. It's just like addition and subtraction. And like you may have opinions that they don't have that they weren't taking into account, and so don't let them make any decisions.

That's what my husband and I do. I'm always like, did you just buy Netflix stock without talking to me? Like we didn't even discuss this. Well, Jared, I have a question for you. So let's say you have a great relationship with someone that you're dating, and it's a perfect relationship, it's going well, you guys are just so compatible, and then you end up having the money talk later on in your relationship, maybe to a point where you're like, oh,

is it too late to turn back? And and you know, like start new with someone else, but because you realize there they're um spending habits is something that you're just not comfortable with, and you realize that maybe something that you cannot change within them, do you what do you do at that point? Do you stick it out and like hope that you can work work it through because I feel like money is one big issue in relationships

and in marriages. Um that causes people to to argue and and um, well, I think you have to have boundaries within your you know whatever, how much money you're making, how much money you can spend. And I would hope that the other person can also respect that as well, because if one person is buying thousands of dollars worth of you know, material objects that you guys can't afford, then that's obviously an issue that but would you break up, Like would it be enough for you to say to

end that? Really? I mean if she drove me poor and I had to live on the side of the street, yeah I'd break up with her. But no course, And I think, like, especially within financial decisions, it is such a sensitive subject that like, there are probably a lot of times where you have to actively sit down with your your significant other and really kind of have this very difficult conversation and be willing to sit at the table and not move until you guys actually make progress.

Because I think a lot of times, you know, whether it be by finances or about anything really and within your relationship, you'll sit down with that person and you'll talk through things, but you won't like really get anywhere, and then you're like, well, we we talked about it,

but you know, nothing's really changing. And so I think specifically finances, if there is an issue or like you know, if one person is spending more than the other, or if like in that case, if I was dating somebody who is spending so much money and it was really bothering me, I would really need to sit them down

and talk through them. And if like they were so stubborn, whether they're like I need to just buy things every week that I just can't afford, then that would obviously have to make me really rethink the relationship for the simple fact of like, well, I need to you know, support myself, save money for hopefully my future children and things that I want to do. How many kids do

you want? Jar I've I know, I've I've always gone back and forth about this whether I want kids or not, what I know, but now I want kids, want kids. I want kids, and so you know, I I I at least two, at least two kids, you know, I know, if I'm lucky to have one, I'll be very happy. That's the thing. Like, you know, obviously having a kids as a privilege on the right, so hopefully I just have very you know, at least one kid that's very healthy. Yeah.

I think these conversations are not conversations that I was thinking when I was in my younger twenties. You know, you're like, oh, I like this guy. He's good looking, or he's this, he's that, and it's like, oh, we like we work out together, so it makes sense. And now as I'm getting together, so it's obviously love. Listen, I speak three languages, so sometimes I'm thinking in French and it doesn't translate properly when it comes out of

my mouth. Isn't it so funny when you're thinking so quick but your mouth can't keep so it just comes out as very like, well, I sound like that's by texting sometimes it's great. But um so now I'm starting to think of all these important topics to have with a significant other. And another one that I was thinking of is domestic partnership. So let's say, because I'm very not that I'm very technical, but when you're when you're

dating someone. I don't know what the laws are out here, but the laws in Quebec are like I think, after I don't know how many years, think it's five years. Okay. Here in Californias, like a married couple you have, it falls under the same laws as a married couple, right, Because I remember my college roommate and I used to joke about that because we live together. That's where I brought it up. My roommate and I were like, oh my god, we have a domestic partnership going on. But

so what would you do? So let's say you have a domestic partnership or whatever it is, you're dating someone, you're living together, and you buy furniture for the house, and then you break up. Who takes what? So what I thought was a great idea is if I'm purchasing the couch, keep the receipt for the couch to prove that the couch is mine. And then if if the relationship doesn't, I mean I didn't buy the couch. I

kind of killing you. I feel like you're setting yourself up for failure if you're already thinking about how you would defend this. I'm this receipt, the microwave, the fridge. We're breaking topic as a prenup, right, people, I always thought like, oh my god, I would never marry a guy if you would get down one knee and says, well, we need to get a prenup. The younger me would have been like, oh my god, that's such an insult. But the older me now realizes, Okay, I understand why.

It's also protecting myself in the end, in case totally, you know, something happens with his assets or if he is in debt and you know I don't, and you've worked hard to get where you are, and so you can protect that. I don't think there's any problem protecting yourself that way. You just have to have a partner who's understanding of that and who loves you for that totally.

And we put such like a a premium on finances within this country, and you know capitalism, So it's just it's such a statement on like power and your social status in terms of like how much income it is. And so I can totally understand what people want to bring because it's it's your money, You've earned it, and so it's it's it's such like a great area. Though it's such a sensitive subject because then once you get married,

what's yours mind? Baby? So it's it's such like an interesting dynamic to have, and but I truly believe it's also on an individual level, and it like each couple needs to have their own conversation about their finances and what's best for them individually and both as a couple. And I would definitely, you know, if you do find out your significant other is in significant debt, that might be something you should really come up with a plan

for before you tie them on. Be like, yeah, we can be engaged for a little while, let's figure out how we're getting out of debt. Since this would affect me significantly totally, I think that it's better to have the finance conversation earlier rather than later, just because, like you said, if you are, you know, so many people

are in debt today, specifically just from college. Um, it's you know, it does create kind of like a hold on your life for a little while in terms of like buying a house, getting married, so on and so forth. And if you don't believe in marriage, you know, I mean it's it's hip these days, like have a kid and like, you don't have to be married, but if you've decided this is your long term uh, this is your long term partner, I think. Yeah, definitely, all these

conversations applied to that too. I'm gonna sound crazy, but I'm sure a lot of people, all right, I'm sure a lot. I'm sure a lot of people are probably thinking this background checks? Yeah great, because so I, um, have you done a background check on somebody? I don't even know where to go have a background check. That's why now there's one called instant checkmate dot com. Well listen, I know I only bring this up because I background

to do it on us. Yeah, before I came here, I was like, I can't enter the room with these guys until I know exactly what's going on. Well now, because I know someone who um was divorced and was dating someone, but she had a kid and she didn't want to bring in someone into her personal life and introduced her kids to a well stranger if she did and have a background check done, and I thought that

was genius. I get that Darren is just staring and a background check before she went on a first date with him, no back, no, I think background check once she like she went on a couple of days with him and was like, Okay, I actually like this guy. Let me take it to the next level. Why are you looking at me like that? Is that it's just intense. It's a lot. It's pretty heavy. I mean I think, yeah, I do think, especially after the prenup conversation, like me

would just give some breath before. No, I'm not, I'm not. I'm not saying in that order. Yeah, it's interesting, Like I don't mind. Yeah, I guess you could see background check. I mean, so many people google the person that they're about to go on a date with that I might have looked up, you know, a couple of instagrams in my day before I went on the date with him, and background check into he's ruling out serial killer. I think that's probably okay, and you get really deeper into

the I'm kind of crazy guys. I was asking for listeners. Yeah, for a friend. So for a friend. Yeah, so my friend really wanted to go on this date. Check and now she's hosting a podcast. But actually you brought up you brought up something and trusting though, which is kids, and that makes things a lot more complicated, especially if your kids previously, et cetera. There's this great app called

support pay. It's actually a website, but it's like mobile friendly or whatever, but it's support pay And it's kind of similar to learn invest in that you enter all of the information, like if you broke up with your significant other. It's like a little calculator for what you each. Oh and you don't even have to converse. There you go, that's what That's what I was saying. Keeping the receipts. Yeah,

keeping the receipts. But I feel like I think I think, thank you, high five, carry on something all right, that's going great. Um, so, Jessie, Yeah, thank you for coming in. You also have a podcast of yourself. Can you tell us a little bit about it? Yeah, yes, I um, yes, I am co hosting a podcast with Ben Higgins from The Bachelor, who you guys know, I'm sure. And it's called Saying Okay. It's called Lady Bosses and Ben and

so um. We're talking all about entrepreneurship and we're interviewing some great entrepreneurs and business leaders and it's a lot of fun and a lot of ladies. It's on iHeart on heart rate here Ben Higgins also, you know from the almost famous podcast and now has a brand new podcast with you. I'm very much looking forward to hearing that. Um.

And so where can people find you? Um? I think the easiest way is if you just follow me on Instagram at Jesse C. Draper and you can see, you know, um, what all our companies are up to and what companies we support at alligen alright, perfect well, Jesse, thank you for joining. Thank you very informative. A couple of other questions that I have, UM, so I don't get judged. It's just the three of us, that's all. Nobody else's listen. Yes, I'm happy to answer those. Awesome, Thank you so much

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is perfect. And I just talked about how frugal I was, so twenty dollars off that's uh help help help love it perfect? No, Well, now moving on from sheets into uh what Actually, you guys might need that your camp too, exactly, So we're moving on to Adam. Excuse me, So we have Adam and studio. Adam, how do you say your last name? Adam Shower, who is the founder and CEO of Camp No Counselors. It's the world's largest and fastest growing sleepaway camp. Not for kids, Nope, but for growing up.

He tell us a little bit about this camp. Please sure. It's all of those great summer camp memories that you had when you were a kid, except with booze saw. The video sounds like people tworking and stuff. I'm like around loving that. So sleepaway camp with alcohol it sounds you know. So we rent out really high end, beautiful kids summer camps in their off season and bring out about two hundred and fifty adults each camp weekend, so

it's three nights, three and a half days. We have camps all across the U. S and Canada, and you get to play like a kid during the day wakeboarding, water skiing, dodgeball, arts and crafts, zip lining, and then in the evenings we bring in bands and DJs and we throw huge theme parties and everyone gets dressed up, so you get to play like a kid and party like a grown up. How did you come up with

this idea? I was working a ton in New York City and just needed a break from it all and needed to get away from my phone, forget about work for a weekend, and reconnect with my friends. And I went to camp growing up and always had the most fun ever at summer camp. Look forward to it all year long, and uh, I love to throw parties. And they decided to rent out a summer camp and invite my closest friends and twenty people said yes, this is

a great idea and they were on board. Um, and the camp told me a few weeks before we went out to camp that we needed a minimum of thirty five people in order to have exclusive use of the property. So I asked my twenty friends the entire property. The entire property, so there wouldn't be any school groups or church groups coming to the weekend at my party weekends, your six deep walking past like a class of third graders.

So I has had my twenty friends invite their friends, and ninety people signed up Holy people in the first camp yep. So kind of a light bulb went off. I was like, maybe this is more than just a party. Maybe people really need to disconnect from technology, to forget about work and to just be silly and have fun um, and so I decided to to go full four, full force board and do another camp and another camp, and sure enough we've done seventy camps now and ud campers

we've had. Yes, it's been a crazy roller. Seventy camps, thirteen thousand camps. That's insane. I know, that's how long? How long has this been going on for four years now? So four years we've done seventy camps over four years. And we were on Shark Tank, which was a crazy experience that was a nutty experience that was amazing, got the word out there. They end up investing in it. Mark Cuban made an offer which I ended up turning down.

Turned down, Mark Cuban. I'm sitting next to a guy who turned He his offer was something like three thousand dollars for five percent of the business, and I didn't want to give up. Yeah that's your baby or no shared custody. Um. So, in the last four years, can you say people have met and gotten engaged and I'm always thinking about the love story? Definitely? Definitely. So at camp itself, it is you kind of regrets to being

kids again. So like hooking up a camp is like sneaking behind the bunk and you know, making out or like holding hands down your way to the campfire. So it's really cute and simple. And because you are sleeping in cabins and shared grouping coed Sara had an important question to ask. I got a quick question as well before that, is that are you going to these camps? So like, obviously the point of these camps is to go have fun as an adult, but is it also a way to like people, do you go as a

single person? And would you like bring your significant other to this camp so you can do both? Right, you can do both. So right now, it's about fifty so it's about fifty percent of the people are singles come with a significant significant other. Our average is just thirty. So, um, so that's kind of where kind of things net out. But we have this year alone, we've had four weddings actually come out of the camp people have already there's

been four married couples. They already married, correct, they got married, but they met at camp in the past three or four at camp. Yeah, that's just people who have reached out to me directly, so I'm sure they're maybe there's

lots of relationships come from the weekends. Um, and it's just you know, again, everyone's online dating now or meeting people at bars, and it's just another unique way to meet people through shared interests, um, where you're not kind of putting people in boxes like oh you work in TV, or oh you're an investment banker. It's we don't talk about work at camp. You don't have your phones out. It's just shared interests. Oh we both like dodgeball or

arts and crafts, or you're really sweet and nice. You know, we have the same kind of shared interest in calm. So can you walk me through what a day would be like? What is there like a set schedule? Do you wake up at a specific hour? You do like group events together? Are you part of a I'm guessing you're party. I saw you're part of a color Color War team exactly, So you compete in different activities. But um, he's so exciting. I love that you had so much

enthusiasm about this. It's a ton of fun. So it is it is, um. So in general, we have a set schedule with tons of different things to choose from, but it's to choose your own adventure, like you can literally just light by the light over. You could wake up at whatever time, laid by the lake and drink rose all day. Or you can do dodgeball followed by a hike followed by arts and crafts, then go head first down the slip and slide into a game of flip cup and party all night along on the dance floor.

So it's really you can pick and choose with no no, no, there's no rules, there's no it's it's called camp. No counselors for a reason. You can do whatever you want. Um. We have two encouragements though too hard asks. And the first one is we encourage you to put away your phone. That's the first one, so technically it's like you're back on the Bachelor. This honestly sound sound Bachelor, kind of like a camp version of Paradise. Yeah, really does um,

And there's no WiFi yourself service anyways. But and then we have professional photographers, so they're going to take your new profile picture more so than you capturing it on your phone. And the second hard ask is to not start conversations with with what do you do for a living? Oh? I like that, you can get there if you want, but we don't start with what do you who are you,

what do you do and why? Why? Why is that people again have preconceived notions about what an investment baker is or what someone who is a TV personality is um, rather than you know, finding out where do you most recently travel? Do you like to cook? So you get to connect on a deeper level level before you get to the superficial talk exactly. And typically when you start

different place, you don't even come back. You're talking about your passions and you know, and if your work as your passion, then great, you will come back to that. But typically it's you know, hey, well we're going over to dodgeball, you want to come with us? And um, and then kind of friendships romances. I'm talking about a walking pop culture reference. Have you ever seen, um, the

Vince Bond movie Couples Retreat? Oh yeah, this kind of reminds me of that where there's like two islands and have you ever thought about I don't know if this is something that you guys even think about, but like there's one island some couples retreat. There's like a retreat island. There's one island for single people and there's one island for couples is there anything like that within the camp where it's like there are a couple of things to

do and then there's also single things to do. Or is it just kind of like all blended together and everybody's you know, at the same club, all hanging out. It's it's all blended together. But we do find that couples choose certain things more so than single people, and single people choose certain things. The couples just like hanging

out by the light all day. No, I've actually find that most couples have separate interests as far as sports versus arts, and you know, water sports versus land sports, and so it's really cool to see them comedy, they eat their meals together. But then besides that, they just go out and have fun and make new friends. And that's that's what it's really all about, buns or like with the couples. So with people are really coming to camp to have fun, disconnect from all but really make

new genuine friendships. Um, And so I think that that's kind of cool to see couples. You know, Yes, we start off the day with mimosas and Bloody Mary's and they'll do that together and then the activity periods will kind of spread out, do their own thing and then come back for our lunch barbecues with you know, beer and wine available, and then kind of in the afternoon and evening they'll party together. So I see a wedding ring on your finger. Did you meet your lovely lady

at camp? No counseling? I did not. I met her before before camp, but we were just boyfriend camp. That's amazing, we were. We were boyfriend and girlfriend before and then we got engaged during camp. And actually at our wedding we had thirty nine people who we met at camp. Counselors, friends, um, friends now. But yeah, she she never got to go to camp as a kid, and I went to campus because it was never big on camp there as I went. Well, I went once, so I'm like a huge like little

Mommy's girl. I went when I was nine, and I went to a sleep away gymnastics camp really unrelated to like the story, and it was I just cried for the entire like four nights that I stayed there because I was like, my mom made my bed and I smelled perfume on my on my pillow, and I just remember I cried the first day of kindergarten, let alone

going away from camp overnight. Um, now, like, what is so obviously like One of the things that comes to mind is like, is this just like hooking It sounds like and that doesn't sounds it sounds like an awesome idea, But I think there are people out there to be like, oh, this is just a camp for hooking up. And what do you say to people that would references camp like that that hook ups do happen, a kid's camp hook ups happen, and an adult camp hook up up and

as well. Um, but that's not kind of the intention behind it. We actually have an application process for people who want to come, and you have to plot and we we we do social media checks. We don't necessarily do background checks, but we do social media checks and to see if people are coming for the right intentions to meet friends, to have a camp reunion with their own old pals, for a bachelor party, um, to play and disconnect. Those are the right reasons why we would

accept people to come to the camp. And people who just want to on their application right oh to hook up with checks, those people don't get admitted to our camp. And so when you have a lot of people coming to the same place with shared interests as well as similar intentions, you usually find that they really connect on a deeper level than just let's hook up. So I was curious to see if there's any type of vetting process,

because that's the first thing I thought of. Two if like a single dude was like, I'm just gonna go and try to hook up with every girl like a possibly can at camp because we're secluded and that's a perfect area just to like, you know, do that. Um, it's good that you guys do have any process to kind of like how to weed out anybody that's just

doing it to to hook on. We do. And the other interesting thing is you sleep in bunks with like ten to twenty people, and so people all the bunks are in one room, so we have you have cabins and then there's bunk beds like kids camp in in one room. It's exactly exactly. And so people you know are respectful of each other and don't hook up in the cabins

or whatnot. And people you know have to be creative and if you're gonna, you know, make out with someone, you go behind the to the behind the bunk or to the basketball court or what so again, it's very like, you know, it's very um, it's very cute. See, I would say, do you find that there's a lot of hook ups? There are? There are? Um, hey, we gotta talk about it. Yeah, we gotta talk. It's great, it's a great. Well, it's just so you want to ask him,

all right, go for it. There's no counselors, right, cancelers. Do you guys like have a way to supply to a a product supplied at camp to ensure that people are being sick? You can, you can say it you guys supply condoms. We actually don't. We don't, we don't, but that's amazing. Again, we find that, you know, people's hookups are much simpler. It's a it's a make out. It's a handhold initially at the camp weekend and probably

something greater thereafter. Um. So that's why we feel like kind of, you know, it's on people if they want to do that, but usually it doesn't go that far at the camp weekend. It's usually these these kind of

genuine connections that are happening at the early stages here. No, I agree, and I that's why I was asking, because I would imagine this camp probably doesn't have as many hookups as people would immediately, just like because I kind of go back to The Bachelor, like we were talking about, I think everybody looks at The Bachelor and says, when you mix alcohol and looking people, everybody's just sleeping with

each other. And it's like, no, there's actually not a lot of hookups within the Bachelor franchise, whether it be Bachelor, Bachelor or parrot Us, And I would assume it's the same thing with this camp. People are like, oh, it's an adult sleepaway camp, like everybody's just hooking up with each other. Like I'm they're probably not. Yeah, No, it's

It's totally true. I mean people come to get away, disconnect, and have a ton of fun, and you find that groups of people really connect, so like you and your cabin mates will become best friends, and that's like the

bond that leaves the weekend. And then we find people like go to the l A camp for instance, and meet their cabin mates and have tons of fun, and then after you know, that weekend, they all live in different cities usually because people travel into our camps, so next year they'll make a reunion going to the national camp or to the New York camp, and it's these like larger groups of people that kind of are the

main takeaway. And sure enough, you know, certain times we will have relationships spread from the weekend which are absolutely amazing. So how much what a weekend like does typically costs? On average there six fifty dollars and that includes everything. So when you arrive to the weekend, open bar, all weekend, all the meals, all the activities we're talking, yeah, all everything you can think of. So when you arrive, you literally put your cell phone and your wallet in the car,

lock it up, you do. So is that like a rule or you guys just really pushed out to be like, please put your cell phones away? Is it like if you're camp phone, it's a we in our initial like welcome speech, and then went to put your phone away more than you typically would like. We don't want to those people who like love to take pictures of everything, We don't want them to feel anxiety or anything. So it's it's an you want to exchange numbers and and

we do that. You know, after the weekend. We help facilitate as well with you know, Facebook groups and things like that, so you guys help like generate actually making they can't. Oh totally, totally. I mean again thirty nine people at my wedding, where people are that I met at campde Counselors. It's it's a really unique way where again you're not just superficially judging people. Who are you?

What do you do? Um? It's a really know throughout the course of the weekend, you party together, you wake up over together, you play sports together, you do arts if that's your thing together, and you really see people's

true colors over a seventy two our immersive experience. Yeah, I think we keep because we keep talking about like, oh, should you know if someone is not as interesting on the first date or second day, And I keep coming back to this, they're not the person that they want to be on that date because they feel like they need to be a certain way to get your attention

or whatever. But when you I feel like, when you're going away on a camp like this, you're doing the things that you love doing, so your personality naturally comes out without having like to filter it, and your true colors really shine over that seventy two our experience. You're exhausted late in the evenings you you partied together, how do you how do you deal with someone who's you know,

drunk or or just you know, super exhausted. Then the morning you're hungover together, you see someone without makeup on um and you can't hand me in my worst you don't deserve me. And then again, you know, are they cool around meal time or like there's a lot of unique things that happened, and it's it's a microcosm of like a longer term relationship in this very quick, intense weekend and you get to see that person interacting with other people's first I think is a pretty good making

friends absolute instead of like just a one on one day. Um, your average ages thirty. What's your average like percentage of UM male to female ratio? Yeah, fifty six percent female.

Oh so it's pretty much. Yeah. We actually used to uh just have general registration and anyone could buy tickets, and we were finding that it skewed wealth female like female UM, and so I think that girls buying groups, they want to go with their group of girlfriends and they might be one or two dudes in a smaller group.

Girls planned. Yeah, um, we we sell out a lot of our camp weekends and girls plan so they get to get in early and guys are like, well it's already sold out, um, but now so we now sell female tickets and mail tickets um. And so that's kind of we try and judge as best we can with their but it's usually exkews a little heavy female, but pretty even. So is this a three night or four nights day? Three night, three and a half day? So you usually leave work at six pm on Thursday and

arrive at you know, ten pm on Thursday night. We do a kind of a kickoff night with s'mores and roasting marshmallows in a whiskey tasting around the campfire, and then the activities begin on Friday morning, go all Friday, all Saturday, and then we have a final brunch on Sunday and you're out by one or so on Sunday. So it's it's that three night, three and a half

day experience. And how many people per camp usual about two d so numbers wise, if that's fifty fifty singles and couples, it's about a hundred and twenty five or so singles each weekend in the cities that as we've seen the cities here often Boston, Chicago, Denver, Florida, I don't know, more specific than Florida, Central Florida, of Florida naming all cities, and then Florida, Los Angeles, Nashville, New York, Seattle, Calgary, Toronto.

And then I also noticed on your website you have an lgbt Q in l A one or nine and one for exactly. Yeah, so I'm originally from Toronto. Actually, so you're your Canadian about I'm sorry I was so concentrated on Jare's like water and in his accent um, you should have started with your Canadian Canadian originally from Toronto, and then right in the city written um. And then I went to college in the States. I'm kind of

had been here ever since. And so when I started doing Cando councilors at the first time I could get it back to Canada, I wanted to. So we done. Which location in Toronto. It's near mus Coca, just north the city. So it's beautiful lakeside camp. It's amazing. Did I hear that you used to be a professional hockey player? I did? Did I played in the minor leagues for the Maple Leaves in the Islanders. I'm a big Bruins fan while from Rhode Island, so I went to Brown

Providence High from here. Yeah. Yeah, you got connections to both of us. Pretty cool, Pretty cool, and I watched the show so even better. Sorry guys, guys, So how do people sign up? How where do they go? Camp? No counselors dot com? Simple enough? And when's your next where's it? Where's the next location? And when is it? So we've got one coming up May seventeenth, this weekend, two days from now, New York. Um, and then we have one in New York and l A on the

May thirty one weekend. Amazing. Well that sounds really interesting. I'm going to do this. I'm totally gonna go to your more than welcome to come, guys. It's a it's a. I saw that there was like a first look about it, and I saw that chat from the show. Yes he did. He did, Dad from from Bathlor. He came for like an afternoon to shoot a first look piece on it. Yeah. So I'm thinking that we should just bring like a bunch of bachelor people do this camp like we haven't

done Paradise. So this will be my version of paradise. That's it, and trust me, you'll enjoy it a lot. Okay, I got excited. Well, Adam, thank you so much for coming in. This is great. And how can everybody find you as well? Uh yeah, I'm Adam tish Ouer, so

you can google me. And obviously camp counselors can check out hashtag camp no Counselors, so you can so you can really see what the campers are seeing rather than like our beautiful pictures on our webs go right to the source Instagram handle at camp No Counselors, so everything the Instagram handle and the hashtag. And then I also saw on YouTube there was a couple of like promotional video. Oh yeah, we've got some great videos that really showcase. That's when I saw and I was like, I need

to find out more about this. Once I saw that promo video, I was like, this is gonna be very interesting. Well, Adam, thank you for so much. My pleasure. Guys, hopefully we'll see a camp Yeah. Thanks man. Alright, so on the line with us, we have Allison Kaz who is casting a new TV show. I have so many questions about this show. Alison. How are you hi? Guys? How are you. Um, we're doing great, How are you? I'm wonderful. So Alison, tell us a little bit about this new show you're

casting for. So it's it's actually an incredible show and it's for Fox. And we are looking for women and men who are in their like mid thirties, early forties, out of place in life, where they are really ready to start a family. Like they've checked off all their other boxes. You know, they've got the career, they've got the friends, they've got the family, they've got the success,

you know. And I'm when I say family, I mean like they have family support, you know, they kind of they have the whole package and now they're like they're looking to complete it. So wait, are you looking for one specific person? Are you looking for a number of single women and single men. We're ultimately looking for one single woman to lead the series who, like I said that, like he has done things maybe what society considers or

used to consider backward or unconventional. You know, it's like you don't necessarily like have a kid when you're twenty, and you figure out who you are and you get all your ducks in a row and you work on your career and you work on yourself and you're this entire package now and you're looking around and you're like, where is he? So I'm assuming this is an unscripted show. This is an unscripted dating series. And then how long

if if I can ask, how long is filming? Like how long does this woman get to know get to know some of these men? We are going to be filming for up to two months? Okay, So it's like

very similar to the Bachelor. In the Bachelor, Yeah, yeah, you know, there's it's really a unique format because I think, you know, so many times people you know, it's like the script on dating has changed a little bit, you know where it's like there's so many choices, as you guys know, and the whole like dating swiping thing for you know, once you're in your thirties and even early forties, you're so done with it, you know, and then they

tell me about it. But Vanessa and I are both done with it, Yeah, right, like there and you're what's your alternative? You know? So it's like where where do you meet all these great people who are in the same place in life that you are, that are really ready to start a family, and you know, time is of the essence because the reality is is when you're a woman, the older you get, you know, you have this biological clock. And you know, people hate the term,

but it's like the facts are are the facts. And you know, as women if they're empowered more and making a choice, and a lot of women are having a child on their own, you know, and more power to you if you decide to go down that route. You know, we are we are really looking for those people that are at that place in their life where they're like,

you know what I this is what I want. I know who I am and uh and I'm looking for a quality person that I'm not only attracted to and inspired by, but you know, wants the family and the whole thing. So what's the premise of the show? So, Bachelor, you get engaged at the end of it this show? Do you get married? And how does? I don't understand

what the end results of the show is. I think the end result for everyone is that there's an actual love connect then you know, and that you complete your loft story one way or the other, you know, and then in your perfect world, you know, you get your your you get pregnant by the time, uh, you know,

the show airs are with you in your own limeline. No, you know, I think it's not so much that I think it's it's just that you know, this is something that's really important to you, and you really want to kind of go down that lane. So, you know, having a child at some point in the foreseeable future is something that a lot of women want, you know, but they're not gonna They're not gonna do it with the wrong guy. So it's not a show where you're coming

on necessarily to get pregnant. That's not the show's you're looking for somebody who wants the same things in life that you do. Well, I think that's what the interesting concept is because especially a lot of women who are in their you know, mid to late thirties or early forties, obviously the biological clock is sticking, as my cousin Vinnie would say, and so that is a valid question to say, it's almost now or never. Where guys, it's far different.

We can kind of have kids at almost any age each and so I do think that's an interesting concept for the show of being Like listen, if you are tired of going on these online dating apps, if you've been doing it for years and you are at that age where it's almost now never for having kids, Like you should nominate yourself or have somebody not meet you for this show to see if that you can find

a guy who's al ready for the same thing. Well, I have a question, Alison, in terms of casting if someone like if I were to have I know a perfect person in mind right now, I'm like, oh my gosh, he fits the the you know everything, she's smarts, is attractive, she's successful, she's single. But I wouldn't want to put my front on the show if there is in a form of matchmaker involved that could find the ultimate her,

her perfect match. Yes, so do you have that? Yes, a good question, and there's a lot of the creative part that I can't talk about p obvious reasons, right, But what I will say is that the sort of men are cater to the women in a in a big way. So the story answer to your question is, yeah, yes, you're getting out. So I mean we are. We are really looking for for the diamond and the rest and

the gem for men and women both. So I'm saying that you want to find the woman first and then you're going to cast the men according to her wants and needs. Yes, we are. We are finding the woman and then we are casting to them. Okay, So and you know, I think it's interesting. You guys got like

brought up a good point too. You know. I think it's like once you hit like mid thirties, you know, men are labeled as commitment bothes if they haven't been married or engaged in that point, you know, and women are labeled as like workaholics up to that point. And the reality is just like there's this huge gray area of um, you're neither of those. You just haven't met him or her, Like you're the whole package. You know, You've figured out who you are, and for one reason

or another, it hasn't happened. Yeah, I believe that. I mean I also think, um, you know, for the women who, like you said, didn't go the traditional way and didn't get married in their early twenty and wanted to figure out their career path and you know, have stable income and not have to rely on their significant other financially or or anything. I think that's I admire those qualities in a woman. Um. So, yeah, it is unfortunate that there there's a stigma that there's um some sort of

stereotype that's attached to UM. You know, women or men who are in their mid or late thirties. And I think for me, like, I mean, yeah, okay, I'm dating someone, but I think for me as I'm I'm getting older. I I just turned thirty and a couple of months, i'll be thirty one, and I'm like, God, dared tell me that again, you know, but I do get weirried. I'm like, Okay, well, what if like this doesn't work out?

And then I'll be thirty two. And by the time I actually find someone and figure out if we are a good match, I'll be thirty three. And then you start doing the timeline, and as a woman, it gets scary because they're like, Okay, should I start freezing my eggs? Now? Should I start considering that process? Is? Um? Are you looking for someone as the lead for the female lead to be open to those sorts of topics? Yeah, I

think so. You know, it's interesting. It's it's a conversation that hasn't uh, that hasn't fully happened in in the public, Like you said, like the whole freezing your eggs and and when do you do it and is it appropriate? And does that scare men if they know you've done that?

You know, there's all of these things that like are culturally taboo, and you start talking to women, and the more that you talk to them, so many have or they've considered it, or they started going down their journey or they know somebody who has, and uh, it's all

you know, it's it's all really interesting. And I also think it's all, you know, food for thought and something that people should be talking about because it's like you've you've done all these other things, you know, and you know who you are as as a person, so it's it's you're so much more well rounded. Now, why do you think the topic of freezing eggs would cause a

mail to be a little nervous? Would you be scared? Jared? No, That's why I was asking, because I wouldn't be nervous if I want to date with somebody who's thirty three four and they were like, well, I just froze my eggs and be like, no, that makes sense if you want kids, you know, I understand why if you haven't met that right person. But I I feel like if I'm saying that, it's because I'm saying like, hey, dude, I'm freezing my eggs or I'm in the process of

freezing my eggs. What you know, like do you want to have kids? I'm not saying do you want to have kids with me? But do you want to have kids? Period? That would be And because I I dated someone who didn't want to have kids, I only found that found out two years down the line. So now it's like, unfortunately, it's I've become so scared of it. So maybe that's

why I scared people away. But I want to know at the beginning, do you want to have a family, because that's like, that's something that I'm not going to negotiate on. I'm not going to rob myself of motherhood to be with someone that I love. Unfortunately, you know, I think I could find that love and I could um find that love that's gonna want to have babies with. Yeah, totally. I mean it might scare men away a little bit just for the fact if they are afraid of commitment.

And then obviously if you bring kids early on, it's a very big commitment. So that could cause some fear within a guy. But I don't think it makes me and I also think, you know, men may think you're not necessarily dating them for the right reasons, or that you're right, you know, only into them because you want to have kids. And the reality is just like you know, most great women are not They're not settling just to have a child with with some guy. You know, they

want the right one. But yeah, it is. It is a conversation that hasn't really become mainstream yet. Yeah, even I said as a as a as a guy, I want I want kids, but more importantly I want kids with the first person. Yeah, because obviously that you know, makes him breaks everything. Um So, Allison, if people want to be on this show, male or female, where should

they go and what should they do? Our website is love Story Casting dot com spelled out l V story testing dot com and still out an application And uh and that's that. It's that simple. You know, we are scouring the country looking for like the best men and women who are at that place in their life. You know, they're in their mid thirties or earleast forties and smart, successful, attractive and at the core really wanting to have a family that I could submiss someone right now you should

When does that how long you cast. The thing is everyone knows someone. I was like, I got the perfect girl, or I've got the perfect guy, or you not. You have to talk to this person and and uh, you know they just broke up with their girlfriend, or they're tired of dating, you know, or they've worked on their career. Everybody kind of has that that someone that they're thinking about, which is largely why the show was created. We are

casting for the next month perfect um. Yeah, And I think anybody who's listening who either has somebody in mind or wants to apply for themselves, you should do it because one, what's the worst that can happen into Because I feel like people always bring that up, Like people are like, oh, I've always thought about, you know, nominating

myself for the BATCHMO, but I never have. And it's like, why, just what's the worst thing that happen to take the chance you always you always miss of the shots you never take. So well, Alison, I'm super excited to watch this new show. I'm very excited about hopefully then us to nominate someone and hopefully they get Oh my god, that would be great. It would be great for any of any of your guys. Listeners that are out there that really are at this place of life and you know,

why why not? That's my theory of if you're a great person and you want these things at the core, then then why not you love has been found on TV many many times. Or you know, and you've got a lot of people that are looking out for you totally well, male or female, any of our listeners. If you're out there and you know somebody, please nominate them. Um Alison, thank you so much for coming on. I really appreciate it. This is great. Thanks Alison, thanks for

having me. Thank that. Bye bye. You said you would choose you don't want to be Okay, Well, that's the question what rowand I said? I was actually that was that was pretty good? That what? Um no? I said? Wait what did I say? Now I'm talking with my You don't want to be the guy that doesn't want kids? I definitely not. Would you choose the kid over the guy? Would you have a child? I would have a child

on my own if I could, absolutely. I mean, but I'm also I'm not at that point in my life right now where I'm like, oh I'm gonna have a kid on my own. I'll give myself like a couple of years and you know, until I'm I don't know what age, but um, yeah, obviously that's you know, a conversation that I have had with my friends who are in their forties and are in the process right now

of having a kid on their own. And I have actually a friend of mine who did have a kid on her own, and remember her telling me like, oh, Vanessa, you don't need anyone to have a baby with. And I'm like, well, I don't want to. I don't want to have that mentality where it's like, oh, like f men, you know, because I'm like, no, I think there are great guys out there, you know. I think in every I'm in l a right now, but I feel like in every path that you're that you take in life,

there's someone out there for you. I don't believe that there's I don't know what your take is on this, because you've been with your wife for twenty one years, but I feel like, are I know, I know every time, let's just kind of I just feel like there's more than one soul mate out there for you. And I don't like to believe that there's one specific because that means the first love of my life was my soul mate, and then I'm never going to find my soulmate again.

I go back and forth on this because logically, you know, I'm one of those guys who thinks that there's aliens out there somewhere, because there's an infinite number of planets out there, so you think, with six billion people on the planet, it's stilly to think that you could only make it work with one person. On the other hand, my wife and I have these stories where we kept crossing paths before we actually met, so it seemed like we were being pushed together by the universe, you know.

So that kind of makes me wonder So how about we phrase it the way I would say it is that you can find love with multiple people, but maybe there is only one person that you can have a soul mate. Like, so, maybe you can find love with multiple people and it's good and it's great, but maybe

there's only that one soul made out there. I don't know, because it is interesting because I think about the same thing because it almost um dilutes the idea of finding that one person by saying, well, I think I have more than one soul mate, so then it's Also it comes it comes down to like, oh, well, I think

this is it, so I have to marry. It comes down to I don't want anyone or myself to feel like I'm settling because it's like, oh, well, now I'm thirty two and I found someone and he has to be my soul mate because I'm thirty two, and you know, it's like, no, I I want to I want to make sure that he is the right person. I come from a family and my parents are divorced, and I'm probably gonna get emotional right now because I'm I'm like

having insomnia. They've been divorced for eleven years. But to me, you know, I come from such a traditional family, was a pretty big deal for me. Now they're both in great relationships and you know, I still there. They have a good relationship with each other. I have a great relationship with my parents. But in my head, once you're married, you're married. You know, that was my mentality when I was younger. I don't know where I'm going with this,

but anyway, oh yeah, back to settling again. I just don't want to ever feel like I'm I. I I don't ever want to feel like I'm settling. You were, if I'm doing the math correctly, maybe in college when parents and that was a hard thing, I imagine. I feel like, I don't know, I I don't want to say the wrong things, but I just feel like as you're when

you get older, you're more implicated in the process. So it's a lot harder because you can't shy away from the procedure of the divorce, you know, a lot harder to it's a lot harder. I feel like it's it was harder for me to deal with as opposed to my brother, who was eight years younger at that age. I'm not saying it wasn't hard on my brother, I was, but I think it was it was harder on my sister and I, uh, you know, just because like we were very traditional Italian family and it was kind of

unheard of and uh yeah. And and the thing is, it's like, I'm not a opposed to divorce at all. My parents are so much happier now, and I you know, they're they're in a happier place. I'm in a happier place, and everyone is and everyone is in a much healthier relationship. Um. But all this to say, I think when I when I was eighteen. I was I felt like I was a very like a lottie daddy dad, rainbows and butterflies,

nothing can hurt me. And then boom, and I was like, what the And then reality hit and I'm like, okay, UM, now I know. I I became very independent. I was always very independent, but I became even more so independent. And I always knew I didn't want to financially, emotionally, mentally, ever depend on anyone. Um. But that's not to say that I'm a robot. I just you know, I'm I feel like I'm very lovable. I think it's about balance.

I think you're very I'm like looking at Jarred for some real of course you're lovable, you should never doubt that. But I think also in your case, it's just about balance, Like you want that, you want that level of independency, but you also want that level of being able to surrender yourself to another human being. And that's a very fine line that I like that, but it's a very

fine line to navigate, and it's it's difficult. It's really hard, which is why dating is difficult and relationships are hard, and you have to work at it. And so I think it's a balance because I think a lot of times I think also we're the first generation or at least like in the past thirty to forty years maybe where we're marrying because we're finding our soulmates. You know, it used to be it used to be just formulaic.

You know, a woman would marry a man because he's got a good job, he's a good man, and this is the way it happens. And I start having kids in a family because this is what my mom did and her mom before her, and you know, so on and so forth, and you just end up staying together because nobody gets divorced, you know exactly. And so I think we're like kind of the first generation where it's like, no, that's not how life works. That's not how relationships work,

and that's really not how marriage works. And so I think a lot of people are obviously the divorce rates going up because people are like, no, this is I'm not happy, this is not what I'm looking for. People are getting married later in life because they're not looking for just marriage anymore. They're looking for their soul mate. And we're really the first generation to ever start doing that.

So I think we're also kind of trading warder here ourselves and really kind of figuring out how this all works. And uh, you know, it's it's it's not easy and help. I suck at dating. But are your parents together? My parents are still together, but they certainly had some difficult times. They've been married for over thirty years, thirty three, I believe. Now. Yeah, it's incredible, but it's very interesting because I've always been

an advocate that love changes. You know, you have this love infatuation early on, and then some things will happen that you, you know, try to overcome together as a couple, and sometimes you can and sometimes you can't. But I think, especially on the relationship, like people just if one thing goes wrong, they immediately go to this person is not my soul mate because if this was wrong, then it's

not meant to be. And I really don't like that way of thinking for the simple fact that there's always going to be things that go wrong in the relationship, and there are going to be bad times. There are

going to be times where you question your relationship. That doesn't mean you don't love them, doesn't mean that you can't work through it, but it's just going to happen, and so, um, I always firmly believe that, like, once those obstacles start hitting you as a couple and there's you know, times of turmoil, if you're able to overcome that and move past that, then that's when like the real relationship starts. And that's when like, yes, you might have loved each other before, but like there is a

different type of love. And I look at my parents for that, Like my parents had they were madly in love with your kids, and I had the best home and the best parents. They're just incredible, incredible people. And I want to add that my I had the best childhood too, oh yeah, because I don't want people to think that you know, it wasn't it sounds like it came out of the loo and you yeah, yeah. Well also because I was you know a little bit like yeah,

nothing could ever go wrong. And yeah, but just because people get divorces of me that there's it's a bad home or bad parents. You're obviously very loved. They brought you up very well. Um, they brought up a wonderful human being that I'm grateful sitting next to at this podcast, and so so many compliments that he dared, I missed you last week. And so, you know, with my parents, I saw, of course would be fights and there'd be

bad times and like disagreements. And and then I think now, especially as I've gotten older and we've moved out, and it's been years since I've lived at home, my sich has lived at home, that like, I have seen a certain type of love that my parents displayed towards each other that I never saw as a kid, for the simple fact that, like, they had those hard times and there was a lot of obstacles and they overcame them together, and it wasn't easy, and there were times where you know,

I even as a kid, I questioned, like what was going to happen? Um? But now they have just this certain type of love and dependency on each other that is something that most people will never get to experience. I think there's so much beauty and rediscovering your relationship.

Oh it's so beautiful to even watch. I've been, you know there in my entire life, and I've seen them rediscovered not to rediscover love, because I don't want to say they ever not loved each other, but like a different type of love exactly a different type of love, where now it's just they. I like, my parents could never imagine a life without each other. I love hearing

that it's true though you feel that way. That's why I proposed because it was laughable to think of a life without her, and that was a long time ago. And I also feel like we rediscover each other because we have two kids, and so you get caught up in the world, you know, at Lee's sick. Brooklyn broke her ankle last week, which was yeah, it's yeah, that's true. Um, so much going on there, school stuff, and tonight there's

an award ceremony we gotta go to. And Thursday night there's a track dinner, and there's always stuff going on. And he's moving, moving, moving, moving. But if we ever get away by ourselves. Went to Toronto last summer and it's immediate, We're immediately that's beautiful again and three kids again, and it's like, this is what it was always like, and it's so wonderful to get back to that. So

I have a question. Um Valentine's Day, Will Smith put out this video talking about love and how to make a relationship, marriage work, and a relationship work, and and I thought his his um. His thought was, his thought process on marriage and relationships was so interesting and so true. Do you feel this way? So he was sing how two people when they are together, they're on two individual paths that every now and then they come together and meet up, but they don't like their paths will cross,

but they're parallel to each other. It's not like one overlaps another path. Because I feel like sometimes, you know, when I was younger and I was in relationships, I would I would kind of let go of that my the things that I was really passionate about to kind of like help and focus on the things that my boyfriend at the time was doing. And I kind of lost a piece of my identity because of the relationship that I was in. And now as I'm getting older, I'm like, oh, I love who I am, I love

what I do. I I you know, I love to work, I love being creative, and I want to have someone who is buy me doing their own thing and at the same time, we're encouraging each other to succeed and you know, to be each other's cheerleaders. Yeah, I think that's true. I think a lot of moms have a hard time with that because especially if they stay at home, like Amy stayed at home for until from the time my first thought was born at the time my second

daughter started elementary school, she stayed home with them. And that's when you and that is even harder than a full time job. My mom was. My mom stayed home for six years. And that's and that's when you think. I think a lot of moms, not I mean to speak for moms, but I feel like they start to feel like they're losing that identity because who am I? And then and then it's been great. Ever since the

kids are back in school. Amy is now she's teaching group exercise and she's teaching pe at the kids school, and so she's got her own thing going on. And I think that's healthier for everybody if they have your own thing and be so encouraging let each other's paths and dreams and hopes. And it's a long road, that's the thing. It's a very long road. Yeah, but I look forward to it. Yeah, that's the best to such a hopeless romantic. No, it's not an easy road, but

it's also a wonderful road. Well, some of our listeners need some help. Well we're help. We're here to help, Kelsey is She says, my ex girlfriend and I broke up about two weeks ago, but we have a trip plan for New Orleans at the end of the month. I wanted to cancel the trip, but she says, no, no no, no, we can still go as friends for reference. The breakup

was my doing. We've been off and on for a long time, on most five years, both of us dating other people here and there, and I just wasn't feeling the connection anymore, especially because we lived three hours away and are both pretty settled. I'm still considering canceling the trip because I think it would complicate things, but the fact that she really seems to want to make this work as friends makes my decision hard. We've been in each other's lives for so long. Maybe she does just

want to be friends. Should I go on the trip? Help? I suck at dating and apparently not dating. I love that last night. Okay, Well, I want to say this, Kelsey. I'm a huge advocate of when I and or when a relationships a relationship ends for me, I like to give myself space and time to heal and process and forgive myself and forgive the other person and not hold any resentment and then with whatever time I feel like I need. I'm okay with remaining friends with that person.

I'm for the most part, on really good terms with a lot of my exes and speaking terms, and like, if they ever need me for anything, I will be there for them. This to me sounds a i'll I don't know. I feel like it's a little too soon to break up still fresh, it's two weeks. It's hard to really go on vacation, especially if you're going on vacation with just the two of you. It's only been two weeks and you're the one who broke up with her.

I don't know. I think she. I think your ex girlfriend might be kind of clinging on a little bit. If she really wants to go on this vacation, Mary to come. I can fix this. I can make this work totally. She'll do it as friends, but then she's going to make a move at some point. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like, if you know that this is the end of your relationship, then do yourself and her the

favor of not going and giving her false hope. Because if I were that girl, I'd be like, oh my god, I know I'm gonna get her back, like you know I'll be able to do this. I just I would be like, no, if I know this is this is the end of our road, then I would not go. Yeah, I agree. I agree with Vanessa said, like, I'm a big advocate with being friends with your ex is having said that there has to be some sort of line and border between that, you know, because it's only fair

to you know yourself and hopefully your future partner. Uh. And also like within this vacation, if you go on vacation with her, there could be like a really uncomfortable moment where if you know your ex girlfriend does like really throw up a hail Mary, so to speak, and then you're in New Orleans together and you have to spend the entire weekend there or however longer going. I

don't know. It's just if you know that it's done and you only want to be friends and you only broke up with her two weeks ago, it does feel that she might be clinging onto something. UM, so I would I would probably cancel. It be hard. It's not going to be easy, especially if she's just saying I only want to be friends with you, but don't go unless there's a part of you that kind of wants this to get back together. Rachel says, I love your

podcast because I saw dating Rachel. I'm nineteen years old and if not dated anyone or ever had my first kiss. Girl, I was eighteen when I had my first kiss, which has recently had a major effect on my self confidence. I don't know why I can't find anyone's to date like all my friends can, and I'm tired of living the lonely life. Should I start looking at dating apps? Should I keep the hope that I will meet someone

the old fashioned way? I recently thought a talking to someone I went to high school with, but I doubt anything will come of it. Again, I love the podcast emailing us listen. I was laid bloomer in a lot of ways. But yeah, so I, um, do you want to expand on that? I don't know what that means. So I'm not even going to die down now what I mean? I was? I was. I was a virgin

for a very long time. You don't want to see the age until like my early twenties, okay, okay, And I didn't have a first kiss until We'll hold on. It wasn't eighteen. I was in secondary five after the math, like the last year of high school is your home? Okay, So that was my first kiss. That was my first kiss, my first like big love at the time where I thought I knew what love was. But you know, a great relationship didn't end up working out. But we're still friends.

So I say, like, you're nineteen, I'm thirty. I'm turning thirty one, and I still have been figured it out. Girl. I got engaged, we got un engaged. You have so much time ahead. If I can go back and tell nineteen year old Vanessa not to worry, I would tell her, girl, go out, have fun, figure out what you want to do with your life. Go make mistakes. You know you're gonna get your heartbroken. I keep getting my heart broken, and I'm you know it's I feel like there is

hope for you. If you wanted with someone the old fashioned way, go for it. I mean, yeah, you know, I'm all for meeting people through friends and family. Obviously, if you want to do some dating apps, who am I to say went on the Bachelor to find love? Of course? So richellly, yeah, I also think, like I think you should absolutely go on dating apps because you're so young. You're only nineteen. I lost my virgin in

nineteen as well. I was a late bloomer. I did my first kiss, I am my first kiss sophomore year of high school. What's that? I don't know sophomores. So I'm getting you were young? Um, and so actually she kissed me. I even like I didn't even kiss her. It was I'm such a pathetical lozerd um. But Rachel, you you're so young, so much time. And I also think, like, one, you should totally go on dating apps, because why the hell not everybody wants to meet the old fashioned Instagram

is a dating app. But yeah, there's nothing wrong with also just going on a dating app and just kind of like, you know, going out putting yourself out there. You never know what's gonna happen. You could still meet somebody in the old fashioned way even if you're on a dating app. And then furthermore, I also think, like when you say I recently started talking to someone I went to high school, but I doubt anything will come with it. Don't think of it that way. You don't

know what's going to come from it. You know, could be good, could be bad. At least keep the option open. Don't like already pooh pooh it before you even think poop poo. I love that phrase. I'm gonna bring it back. Um, just you know, before anything even comes from it. If anything comes from it, you know, just keep an open mind. Well, I want to say, whatever you want in life, throw

it out there to to the universe. If you're giving yeah, if you're giving negative energy the university universe, or respond back to that. So keep an open heart. Um. I want to say something else, but I forgot. You're going to find a girl. Oh yes, I want to say, um, don't if you look at your friends who are in relationships and I you know, at one point too, I was like, oh my god, a lot of my friends

are married and have babies and they have that. But doesn't mean that someone Whatever someone has that you don't have, does not mean that they're any happier exactly. Well, that's that's today's society. That's the social media. You know, everybody on Instagram looks like they're so happy and and love and everything is great in their life, and then behind

the screen they're actually just as insecure. And not that you're sad, but you know what I mean, Like it does seem a little sad in this email, Yeah, totally, And there's nothing wrong with that. And there's like we're all we all have our own things. And so Rachel keep going, You're gonna be fine. Thank you so much for listening to the podcast. Don't let don't let that get you down some other friends with dating people. Doesn't

mean they're happy, doesn't mean anything. And I always say this, like, yeah, and if you're feeling a certain way, there's probably like millions of others. I always tell myself, you know, like, oh why me? Like no, you know why me? Plus millions of other people are going through the same thing. So and to bounce off your point about like asking the universe totally, like put what you want out there, asking the universe and let go of how it comes to be. Like a lot of people you say, like, oh,

I want to meet someone the old fashioned way. What happens if you do meet the love of your life on online dating app? Is that bad? Because I don't think so, Like you could potentially meet somebody that you are so in love with online and like, so just put yourself out there and let go of how that comes to be, because if you get it, who cares. We're talking about how the universe was kind of pushing my wife and out together. Give the universe as many

opportunities as possible to push you towards that person. There's always doors opening. Absolutely, yeah. I I think that's great. And I think the best advice that you guys said was thirty year old Rachel, forty year old Rachel, fifty old Rachel, you can look back and I would love to stay the nineteen year old Rachel. It all worked out yet perfectly exactly how it was supposed to. Oh so, Darren, you know like every once in a while, Well, I've

been starting to do this. I go live on Instagram before doing a podcast, either like a day or two before, just to get like to see what people have in terms of questions, And I wrote, wait, I had to well, I wrote one down as I was cooking. I'm nervous. Um where did I put it? Oh? You lost it? Too bad? Well done? No? Wait? Oh yeah? What do you think of open relationships? What's your take on open relationships?

Open relationships? What arem my taking open relationships? I mean one and open relationship has to be open on both parties absolutely. Um, But I also don't think that if you believe in uh you know, if you don't believe in monogamy, then um, then go for it. Like I don't. I don't really pass judgment on anybody who like if they are swingers or no, an mean like that, would you would you be open to you? I am on

the podcast talking about swingers. Well, I was asking camp no counselor as I swingers on his Um, yeah, I mean we're good now I'm giving you high fiveing Um no, are you would you be open to an open open in terms? Uh? Well, I think there's a couple of different things there. One. I think an open relationship people could interpret as early on in the relationship, like we've talked about like do you still go on dates with other people? I will say I've never been in an

open relationship. Yeah, like I remember saying one date in yeah you're zero hundred. Which is good though, because you really I think it's a very good mindset to have to have focused like focus on one relationship and then put my effort into that and if it doesn't work out, then I move on. Because I do think that a lot of people just kind of like they have like you know, their eyes going all over the place, being like, oh, well, I'm kind of going on a date with this person.

But the next Friday, meeting up with this person and said at a medium, this person, It's like, well, how can you really give any of them a chance if you're like going on three dates and four nights, um and so. In terms of like after commitment, and you guys talk about having an open relationship, I don't think there's anything wrong with that as long as you're both open and communication is there, and you guys talk about hey, like we're kind of you know, open to the idea

of being with other people. I guess, you know, I feel like there's someone for I would keep saying this, there's someone for everyone. I remember people saying like, oh that say you're too like you know, you're too stubborn with what you want. I'm like, no, I don't feel like I'm stubborn with what I want. I feel like what I want is out there and when I find that person, it'll just makes sense. Yeah, no, I agree. So anyway, Oh and then I have another what do

you think of poop talk? Poop talk? Yeah, I'm all are you open to. So I gotta be honest. So when I was, I dated this girl a while ago for like four years, and I had a really difficult time farting in front of her. Honestly, I almost I and and so even to this day, I have a difficult time because I want the girl i'm with to always find me sexy. I know, I don't don't listen to this next time because I am a psycho when it comes to this. But like I just smell is very is a care let me. I don't care if

she farts in front of me. She used to farm from me. I don't really care. It's you know, it's whatever you're in a relationship. It happens. It's just the way your body works. But for some reason, I have a hard time. I'm a very ghasty person, So I cannot date someone if I cannot talk about poop or fart or to me, that's the sex thing just being like just being yourself. Okay, fine, it's not sexy, but

I find it so funny. I'm like a kid. I'm like if someone is burping or farting, I'll be like like clapping and like raiding their farts and raiding their burbs. I could care less. If a girl talks about it, I love it. I'll talk about it too, I'll talk about pooping whatever. But like for some reason, like the actual act of it, I'm like, I need I need some space. I need like my time alone to do this. This is like me just smelling up the joint. So like, let me be for a little while and then I'll

put some cologne on and I'll come back to you. See, that's when I know the person is not for me. If I'm too shy to poop. Are you a door open person, I'm a I will face time you while I'm on the bowl interesting wondering why all the way an hour? I mean that's great, honestly like that. That's like that's like a couple of goals right there, Like that's what you want. I just those are my best relationships, by the way, the ones where I'm just like we

can just I don't know. And everyone, my family and friends who know me, they're like, have you guys like talked about poop yet? I'm like yeah, They're like, all right, he's he's he's staying for long. I'm like, yeah, I know, So they need to have they want to have kids. They have to have You know, your guys need to want to have kids. They need to be able to talk about poop. I think that's it, right, Yeah, totally,

well perfect, Well, thank you guys for coming in. First of all, thank you for the venture capitalist Jesse Draper for coming in. You can find her on Instagram at Jesse C Draper. She also hosts a podcast right here on I Heart Radio with our own Ben Higgins. It's called The Lady Bosses and Ben. It's coming soon to I Heart Radio, so definitely tune into that. I also want to thank Adam Tissier too shower excuse me from Camp No Counselors. If you do, I'm telling you, you

should really check out this camp. It sounds incredible. I'm super excited to go check it out this summer. You can go check it out Camp No Counselors dot com to find all the dates the cities that they're hosting it in, or you can go on Instagram at Camp No Counselors. That's their Instagram handle. Thank you again for the casting director Alison Kazuh. If you know anybody that is Uh in their early mid to late thirties early

forties woman seeking family wants kids. You can go to love Story Casting dot com uh and it would be perfect for this new dating show they're putting on Fox, so definitely check that out. Thank you again for Alison Caz coming on. Thank you Brooklyn Lennon. You get twenty dollars off and free shipping. You go to brooklyn and dot com. You use promo code help that's h E. L P. Brooklyn and the best sheets you'll ever have. Vanessa, you really need to invest in that because you need

a good night's sleep. So thank you guys for listening so much. Keep the emails coming. You can email us at I suck a Dating at I heart media dot com. Please, we love the emails. The best part of my the show. I love hearing from you guys. Thank you guys for listening. You guys are the best fans in the world. We'll be back next week and hopefully we'll suck a little less. Thank you Vanessa, Thank you Jared, Thank you Dean for

not being here. By follow help by Suck at Dating on I Heart Radio or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts.