#25 More or Les with Dean

Hello everybody. I convinced her to come back two round two of X because we're not sure how often she's gonna be here, but whenever she's in town, she's probably gonna be here, and we're probably gonna be talking about a bunch of funs. Technically round show. Before we were talking about you when you left the room doing you went to the bathroom would you were talking about how you're really good at this podcasting, but you don't believe that you're good at this podcast thing. Believe believe. I

don't really think I'm good at anything. Oh my god. Then this is what I have to deal with on a daily basis. So what are you good at? I don't think I'm going at so many things. We were at breakfast with your dad yesterday and he was like, what are you going on and You're like, oh, I guess not much. And I was like, no, you have a clothing line, you have a podcast. Let me answer for you. That's a lot of stuff. Well, those are two things. I feel like I could be doing a

clothing line. Like Seacraft has a clothing line. That's a big deal. Ryan Seacrest distinction, that's it. Shout out, shout out. He gave me a suit jack mental law that for reasons I should not know that. Well, I mean you work with Amy, who works with Yeah, sure we'll go with that. So what are we talking about this week? Erica has a dilemma. But I think you might be able, the two of you might be able to both of you. And this is serious. She really feels there's something here

that you'd like to pursue. She's not sure how to go about it. Erica, UM, so I have a very attractive I keep calling him my dentist, but he's actually like a uh, what's the word oral surgeon Chris Stranburg. No, oh is that the cupcake? Yeah? No, um, not my type. Um. And I went to him probably like a year and a half ago. I had to get a root and all of all things to have to go worst. Yeah, and I got a bad one and then this guy

had to fix it. And like there's nothing worse than laying there in the dentist chair and he was like his hands in your mouth and you're like, oh my god, this man is so beautiful. Um. And I've had to go back twice, and every time I go back, like there's definite flirtation between us. But I used to think he was like forty years old. Turns out Facebook stim he's only thirty two and I'm almost so that's a

fillable gap. Yeah, I definitely thought that was um. But I don't know what to do because technically my last appointment last week was like the last time. If we need to get you another root canal facts, I need to break it to start eating a bunch of sugar. That's what someone else told me to do. But you said there was legit sexual tension between the two of you. I mean it was thick and you could cut it with an life. I don't know what else to say.

It's like he always like walks me out of the room and I feel like and then like waits at the desk while I make my next appointment. And I'm like, why are you standing here with me? He's lingering yet lingering for sure he's single? You we are sure he's not married. Okay, so you're Gray's Anatomy fan? Right? Was the Gray's Anatomy. I've only seen two GRADESA episodes in my entire life. One of them there was his fire at a coffee shop. And I don't mean to deflate

your bubble. There was a fire at a coffee shop and like every there was like three people that got rushed to the hospital. One of them was the barristo. One of them was a general, like a guy that goes every single day. And the guy goes, I just want to make sure, like Michelle's okay, Like she always puts foam heart foam hearts to my latte, and like she clearly has like a crush on me, and very

there's very visible chemistry. And then that cuts over to her and they're like, yeah, there, your boyfriend wants to know if you're okay, and she's like, who's my boyfriend? And she's like, I've never met this guy in my entire life. So maybe this doctor is just doing his diligence. Maybe he's just doing his due diligence to like walk you out and like be charismatic. I don't know. I mean, I don't obviously don't know firsthand. I just wanted to

like bring right down the earth first. But then, but now let's talk about it, because I think that you should definitely go for it, and I think that you should call him now in that photo, oh no, he is very charming, like you know, like in Scrubs with his hands. Yeah. Did you have to have Nitris when you got your root? Now? Is that like laughing gas?

Like happy gas? But I was all numbed up and then I had to take advil and I like turned around because I wasn't gonna dribble down myself in front of him, and he's like uh uh, and he made me like do it in front. We're like cracking up. I'm just saying, okay, Well, when I got my wisdom teeth out years ago, I was like high on Nitris and my doctor was so so cute and so out came you know, my emotions, and I was like can we go on a date? And he was much older

than me. It just didn't work out. But I feel in response to the question, did he say yes, he was kind of just laughed it off. I think I was was young at the time. They also know you're like, hi, exactly, You're just gonna say anything that comes to your mind. But I feel like this could be well I do need my wisdom teeth though, perfect So like, do I go to this guy and like, does he follow you on Instagram? Do you follow him on Instagram? I couldn't

find him. Yeah, post The first trap was that you're going to post anything. But if you guys follow each other, then that would be a definite What why would my dental surgeon or my oral surgeon follow me on Instagram? Because you're talking about the sexual chemistry that you can cut with a knife. Yes, if you have that type of chemistry with someone, you followed him on Instagram. Okay, well I couldn't find him. I don't think he has an Instagram. Maybe he doesn't. The answer is not getting

you wisdom teeth because that continues the professional relationship. We do something to destroy the professional relationship and bring it to a personal relationship because if you continue to be as patient, he will not go out with you. Right, that's the problem. Do you have to end that and figure it out. So how does she? Could she reach out to him? Could she leave him a note? Could shed down on social media? Because he does have a Facebook. Okay,

do you have a Facebook? Yeah? Like, who doesn't have a Facebook? Okay, Eastern is raising doesn't have a Facebook. I have a faceback. Here's what you do. You're going to get a big bag of lollipops. You're gonna walk it over to his practice, and you're gonna be like, listen, buddy, I'm sure you've got a bunch of lollipops to give out because you're dentists, and that's what dentists do to

the patients after they're done servicing. Yeah, the points. And then I'm here, I got a question for you, Buster. I'm going to ask you out on a date. Let's go get a coffee right now. I don't know, these are all like what you just said, everything was an off life. And make sure you call him Buster, calling him Buster bringing a dentist lollipops answering, Let's get coffee right now. I'm sure you're not busy. Don't you have

better advice? I don't know. I think um, in an effort to break down gender norms, you should make the first move. And I don't know if that's reaching out on Facebook. I guess it's probably on Facebook, because how else are you? I mean, I don't know. Can you could call the office, you could send him something to the office. I can speak from experience sort of. Okay, your first of all an oral surgeon, so comes in. I was a bellman at a hotel in college for

five years. I went to college for five years before and a half years. Actually, mind you, um, don't hold that against me. There was one time I've only one on one date with ever was she's like a guest of the hotel or something, but her family was there for a wedding party, and she ended up asking me to the wedding party as her date. Breaking down the dentist uh patient barriers in this case the bellman guest barriers.

But it's a very doable thing. You just need to be very outright and honest about the way that you feel and your intentions. Yeah. The only problem is, like when you're a patient of someone, there's like legal issue. I think they're legally there's a million dentists. He's an oral surgeon, you don't he did ask me the last time I was leaving, He's like, well, like, are you

getting any more worked on? And then I told him about the time that I bit on a rock and I broke my tooth and he's told me not to eat rocks. It's been like, it's been a lot. I've been thinking about this a lot. I'm gonna go ahead and just put it out there. That sounds like a very standard question the world surgeon should ask a patient after he's done working on that. True, it was. I just don't want you to read too much into this.

What about you? And I want to make sure that you're not setting yourself up to be disappointed days Something subtle like um as requesting to be his friend on Facebook, like so formal. No, I think that's the start. It's a good first step. I think so too. I think it's non confrontational. It's you're dropping the handkerchief as we've as we've referred to before. We'll see if he picks it up right. The digital I don't think that's cringe

worthy at all. M he doesn't have an I feel like Instagram might be better, but he doesn't seem to have is like ideal, but I can't find him or Twitter. I haven't searched him on Twitter. Following on Twitter he would even notice, yeah, like on Twitter, and I'm like, yeah, I don't think I don't think you should follow the Twitter.

I think the Facebook friend request him. Um, okay, start liking some pictures casually, maybe like start doing like a reactions to pictures instead of the life first to request, which would be a great sign if he did that, right. Yeah, I can't remember the last time I proved a friend request on Facebook. It's been I've got I think slightly different life. I approved tonight. Whatever happened to Shorty short face? Okay, great, I'm glad you brought this first of all, that's not

what we call him. Who is this? Sure McGhee, Thank you. This was a guy from Bumble who I was talking to for like six weeks and then I was like, Hey, my sister is going to be in San Diego, so I'll come down. Because he lived in San Diego and Erica lives in Los Angeles, which is going to be a hurdle, but she was open to going down. That wasn't a big deal to me. And the reason we called him short McGhee, if I may, it's because she was very concerned from his pictures that he was short.

We analyzed them, we decided I don't think he is because he seems to be the same size of the other people he's hanging out with. But but Dean wanted to point out that he was not tall, and I'm like, okay, but he's not short, right, I guess it's five nine? Oh five nine is a deal breaker. We've gone We've gone through this. I'm like five eight, you're like five four. Maybe my hype perception is just close as we are, Dean, um.

But what happened with him? Oh yeah, I texted him that, and we had already talked about me coming down that weekend, and then he was like, oh, I think I'm going to be a big bear. And then I sent him a mess I didn't even answer. And then I sent him a message the following Monday and was like, hope you had a great weekend even though it didn't involve me, and let me matchever in l A. And I have not heard a word from him. Senfing Okay, he got

he's got a new uh. But he also did a move which is not great, which was the FaceTime ambush. Oh my God, it was so bad. Did we talk about this yet? I don't think I've heard this story. It was one Sunday Sunday's you are not done up. I am in bed in my tailor swift sweatcher like a mess, and he does. We're on the phone and then he's like, oh, I'm gonna I'm gonna face time you boom hits it and I'm like, did you answer? Did you? I had to answer. I had no option.

I tell you move I've never heard of before. But I respect it to face Why I am bush because I was even just telling Leslie this this morning. I wish that she like I appreciate when I can have a conversation, like be with a girl that doesn't feel the need to be done up all the time. Well, I prefer I think Leslie looks more beautiful without makeup on. I don't know if that's like it's it's a compliment

at the same time, like it's a compliment. I'll take it as a compliment, but I also enjoy I think it's also it says a loud about you when you go out. It's a good way to look um, well dressed and put together. At the same time, if I'm out and about meeting with people, I think it's it's one thing. But we went to the gym this morning. I didn't wear makeup. Um, I'm just saying to his credit, I like the FaceTime and bush guys have no idea

make up though, if I could throw that in. Guys are the ones who say I like a girl without makeup. I like the natural elect And they're also the first people to say, you look tired. Are you feeling okay? You never want to hear that. But I Deean did the same thing. And we never talked about this, but we I think he facetimes me, like maybe when you're in Hawaii over Christmas, And it was one of the first times we FaceTime, and I was like in bed, lights were off. You go from a phone call to

a FaceTime. Um, no, you just call me out of the blue. But it happened to be a FaceTime because if you FaceTime someone out of the blue, you can simply ignore it. If you FaceTime via phone call that you know that they're available in the Yeah, I mean that's you just gotta you don't have a choice. I have to answer, is that a move? Is that a move? To say, if I do this, she can't hide anything. I really get to see the real hurt if I just ambush. I don't know what the motive was for him.

What do you say was the motive? I talked about my tiny bedroom, which is another story, and then he's like, oh, I want to see it. I think he was looking for any opportunity because we hadn't met. We never still have met, so maybe because everyone wants to know if they look like what's in their profile. Right, So how was the remainder of the conversation on FaceTime? Totally fine? And then we hung up because he was like walking somewhere, and then he called me back and we talked on

the phone for another like twenty minutes. But after that he seemed like yeah, I mean, of course he did like the confidence, but I mean, yeah, I look different in my photos than I do on like a very very hungover, a chill Sunday, like I had been out fourteen hours the day before. And we've done the process of going through your Brumble profile, which you deleted bumble,

No I still haven't. I was going to delete it, and then I, I don't know, I hear that you're trying out your harmony these days too, about too that's exciting. I don't know, is it? Yes, it is exciting. I think it is. You're gonna find money, more meaningful relationships. Not that you won't find meaningful relationships on bumble, but I think that the percent the success rate is higher on an app, on an harmony versus a dating app.

I think, you know for sure it's not guys looking for hookups the harmony sure, maybe not for sure, the higher chance of a guy looking for relationships the serious dating app. Yeah, platforms just kind of like I'm not even yet, like am I ready for actually serious? I think that's where this is, like going on the Bachelor instead of going on the Bachelor in Paradise. You know, good comparison. That Okay, very nice analogy, And you know what, I'd go on the Bachelor, So maybe would you go

on Paradise? I don't want to be bathing? Come on, go on Facebook right now and and and friendship that way, will know maybe by the end of the show he'll risk accept that's a great request it now, and if he accepts it before the end of the show, that's a very good song, very good thing because he's you're certainly working. Yes, we're listening listening to this podcast. Could you imagine if like, my doctor is like a Dean Ungler fan and like not alright, so can you do

it now? For real? I know you're hesitant, but I think this is it's this or nothing. In my two guys, he's going to be like, what the heck my patient who has met me four times? No way, he's going to be stoked. He's going to be excited because it's such a good time with you in his office. He could literally cut the sexual attention with a night. It's not to like about that. He has knives he could do to shut my gums. Let just take the scalpel out real quick and cut the sexual attention with two us.

Because Erika, you're making me all hot and bothered. I hope he doesn't talk like that. Like listen here, buster, can we do some emails? Yeah, let's do some emails? All right, here we go. This is from Olivia. Hi, Dean, Mark Eastern and Erica. I don't think she knew that Leslie was going to be here, but I'm sure she would say, here, Dean, listen to this because this is what you need to hear you. Guys are by far one of my favorite podcast. It makes me laugh, It

teaches me so much. It gives me great perspective to any in every situation, which is why I'm writing to you. Maybe long When did hear me out? I'm twenty five years old Native Angelina. That's what we call people who grew up in Los Angeles. But the past year I've been in the DC area. As of recently, I have moved back to l A. And on a recent trip out to l a month ago, I went out with a friend. We met a couple of really interesting, intriguing guys. I was really hitting it off with one of them.

A mid conversation, I mentioned I was living on the East Coast, but quickly stated I was moving back soon. And after saying that, I noticed his body language is demeanor changed. And then after another tennis minutes, he asked before my friends number. It threw me off. He did reach out to my friend a couple of days later, but she never replied. Now, like I said before, I'm back in l A. I found his Instagram accounts. So here's my question. I want to DM him remind him

of who I am. Poke fun at him, call him out for asking for my friends number one, I was the one interested, and then playfully say I can let it slide if you want to meet up for drinks or coffee. My friends say do it, But I need a guy's perspective on the whole thing. Should I be gutting ask the guy out or is it not worth it? Thanks for helping a gal out. You guys are the best, just your average sucky dat or Olivia, Well, Olivia, it's okay. We all suck at dating a little bit at certain times.

That's true. My perspective on this is yeah, go ahead and d m him. Um. I would say that the reason that his body language shifted was because when you don't live in the city that the guy lives in, and then you say that you're moving to that city and you have a perspective relationship on the line, there becomes an uneasy amount of pressure on the guy, like because then it's almost kind of like he's he has the pressure of her moving to l A almost because

of him, And obviously that wasn't the case. So I think by d m ing him now that you live in l A, it's clear that you didn't move to l A for him, not that you were going to in the first place, but just it's it's a lot less pressure now. So I'd say, d mm. So you're saying he didn't ask for her numbers simply because she didn't live in town. Yes, if there was clear chemistry before and he had intentions of asking her and then she said that and then his body language changed, that's

what it's. Because it's because no one wants to be in a long distance relationship, and so the the idea of that is very troublesome. And especially when it's just meeting someone and your friend who you maybe are hitting it off just as equally with you're getting that and then she lives local, I think he should he should da her? Why not Leslie UM for Leslie or Leslie Leslie with great earth dog, whatever you want, um My friends call me Lester. I don't really like that one

believe that would be. I feel like you're speaking from experience a little bit with that. I think that's all we can really do. I speak from experience about these types of things like long distance relationship, maybe a girlfriend

moving to l A, et cetera. There adds a different dynamic especially when you just met someone obviously, like they haven't been dating, they just met this night, and when she mentions that she lives on the East Coast, and then he like, it's just challenging to be excited about getting into a relationship with someone when they lived three

thousand miles away from you. You know you had Obviously we had a different experience because we lived in the same house for two weeks and then we've kind of like discussed the logistics of a potential relationship and that's why it's been so good for us. But I'm just saying, like, that's what he's seeing when he meets a girl at a bar who doesn't live there, and maybe that's a good time. Maybe he wasn't even looking just to hook up with you and then like send you on your way.

He's like he's looking for a relationship. Maybe I think I'm just going to take us out of this equation and not make it personal. I'm gonna completely focus on Olivia and say that I'd forget him. If somebody asked for my friends and number, I would not have that like at all. I'd say bye, goodbye forever. Kind of forgot that part of that Yeah, that is not cool. I hate this. Sorry, Olivia, forget him. It's it's rude. I mean, it really is. Whether he was into you

or an clearly that's rude to do. Maybe maybe that's one of his tactics to ask for the friends number, in which case still goodbye exactly. That's your game, you agree with Murph Sully. I didn't that first, but after hearing your reasoning on it, yes, I'm going to go with you two as well. I don't think this is I think if he was interested in you, he would have asked your friend for your number the other way around. And it's rude to ask for your friend's number because

you two were vibing and you know he felt that. Yeah, I don't love it on the first three, then I still stand by it. There's a lot of people out of principle, a lot of people in southern California find somebody else. That's my thought. Yeah, it was this the first conversation too. Yeah, they met there, I believe. Yeah, Okay, sure, it's the first conversation. But that argument can benefit both sides because if it was just their first conversation and

he asked for their friend's phone number, big whoop. If they were like dating and he asked for her friend's phone number, I think that's a I don't. I don't think that's a great way to start off a potential relationship with somebody. You though. You want to feel important, You want to feel loved, even if it's the first conversation. You want to feel like this person likes you. And if somebody's asking for my friend's number, I'm gone. All right, Well, Olivia,

take it for what you will. The host of the podcast and the co host is telling you to forget him, all right. This is Sarah. She says, I'm twenty six and a guy who's twenty four and hinge in September. We've hit it off since our first date. On our third he introduced me to his family, which I thought was kind of soon, but flattering to me because they told me he doesn't really ever do that. A month into our relationship, we went on a guy's trip ended up hooking up with a random girl in the bar.

On his way home, he texted me, told me what happened, and this really hurt me because I told him the one thing I could not handle in a relationship is cheating and he told me he felt the same. We had a long talk. He seemed very unapologetic but very emotional at the same time. His explanation was get this. His explanation was that it wasn't in the moment kind of thing. He thought about it. He knew what was

going to happen and decided to go with it. He said he wants to experience the things in life and that was new and exciting for him. We took a week apart and decided to start fresh. He was very remorseful and reassured me that I meant everything to him. Four months into our relationship, we had a small disagreement which stem from what he had done in the past.

We finally talked about it fully and buried it. A week later, we had an argument about spending the day together when he didn't feel like spending the day together, and out of nowhere, he told me he wanted to break up because we're hurting each other. This crushed me so much more than I could ever explain, because I had realized that I loved this man, and the week before he expressed that he never wanted to be without me and that we could work through whatever came Our way.

We ended amicably. We're still friends on social media, but I'm constantly wondering why he broke up with me. His explanation doesn't seem enough, and I'm wondering if maybe he just wanted to be free to do what he did before. What a weird situation. It is a weird situation. We get so many emails from guys that are just like, I love you, I love you, I love you forever, it's you and me, and the next week they cheat or just dump you out of the blue. It's still

frush writing yea, why do they blindside us like that? Oh? What? What was? Her question? Just doesn't seem enough, And now I'm wondering if maybe he just wanted to be free to do what he did before. That's her question. I guess that's her question is why did this? Why did he do this? Which which was the real him? Did he really love me? Or is he the guy that just wants to be with everybody? M M. I think she needs to get move on. It sounds like he sucks.

It just sounds like he's just not that end to the relationship. This part really made me upset when he when she said his explanation wasn't in the moment kind of thing. He thought about it, he knew it was going to happen and decided to go with it. He said, he wants to experience new things in life, and that was a new and exciting for him. Even if that's true, how do you tell that to the girl you cheat or not? Right? How do you say, by the way, I thought about it and it was gonna have him

did it anyway? So this is someone this guy is someone that's not supposed to be in a relationship right now, and that means that he's not supposed to be in a relationship with her. So she just needs to move on. I don't know. I think that her question is what did he does? He want to be free to do what he did before, And the answer that simply is yes, yes, he wants to be able to do over the hell

he wants. In fact, you probably saw somebody else and that was that, and so that's that's the long and short of it is that he wants to continue to do that thing where you can make out with a girl at a bar and not have to feel remorseful about it, and he can still love you. I guess, but he's not ready to be in a relationship with you, and you shouldn't want him in a relationship with you. When you're twenty four and you're a guy, making out with random women at bars is a priority for you.

He's a child. If I may be so bold and six, but I just want to put it out there, twenty six is light years. You're almost you're almost twenty seven. I'm just saying this guy is a child. I'm not saying all twenty four your guys are children. This guy, though, is a child and just wants what he wants in that moment and doesn't think five minutes ahead. My advice to you, Sarah is to get off of him on social media, block him on social media, get him out

of your life, and move on. You have learned from this experience, take that experience and move on. I think that's good advice. I think a red flag in the beginning is when you said, about a month into our relationship, up he went on a guy's trip and ended up hooking with a random girl in the bar. I feel like in the beginning of the relationship is like the amazing honeymoon phase, and you're not supposed to be thinking about other people who are hooking up with other people

during that time. That's the most precious time. Um yeah, you know, while you still can't, I mean to turn out. So stay out, don't get back in, don't even stick a toe back in the water. To Mark's point, block him on all social media and learn. Block his parents on social media, block his friends on social media, your life, Get the heck out of there. Olivia Sara Sarah Sharon is a question for deedon. Olivia was the first one. Yeah, she was, She says, Hey, Dean, my name is Sharon.

I'm a huge fan of The Bachelor Bachelor Rette, and I'm completely hard. I was completely heartbroken on the episode on which you went home in Rachel's season. My question for you, did you feel like Rachel made you show the world this side of your family and then essentially through it out the window. Have you ever been able to talk to her about that. I'm sure she knew what was coming when she went to your hometown with you. You're amazing and I'm so happy for you and Leslie. Leslie, sorry,

clearly you don't suck at dating anymore. Much love from Bachelor Nations that's a sweet email, But have you ever thought of it like that? The question is do I feel like? What was the question? Did she eventually throw out the experience that you have with my family out the window? I guess it. Did you feel used a little bit? Or did you feel abused that she made you bring all this family drama on a national television and then say goodbye? No, I didn't necessarily care so

much about that. I have heard people say like, oh, Dean got taken advantage of his family, got taken advantage of for ABC from ABC for ratings, all that kind of stuff, and it's like, No, I agreed to do this show. I knew the potential repercussions of going to a hometown date before even one on the show. UM my family, every single one of them signed up to be on the show as well, so like they fully well knew what they were getting themselves into. Um I was.

I mean, I don't think it was a c that I was shocked that I got sent home, especially after that experience. Didn't she tell you she loved you? She said she was falling in love with me on the floor of my father's wives house. Let's be very clear, An interesting place to be in that moment. Um. I have not had a conversation with with Rachel about that. I mean, in hindsight, I fully understand where she was

coming from. Like she was like, you would just weren't in a place in life where I need you to be. I was like, I mean at the time, I was like, I don't believe you, But then watching it back, I was like, Okay, I kind of understand and see where you're coming from. I think anybody that goes home after hometown dates, um, that's hard. That's it's it's kind of like a slap in the face. What did you did you?

Not like my family did you. It's kind of easy to be like, oh, my family was the reason I got sent home, but in reality that's not the case at all. I don't think, Um, I made a joke to Lesson because Leslie met my father this past week or what a week ago in Colorado, and uh, I was like, the last time I introduced a girl to my father, I got dumped two days later, So let's not make a habit of that. And I feel like you were really actually nervous about that. It's just not

there there. I mean, we don't even to talk about. But it wasn't it wasn't a nerve thing. It was just a matter of backed because that's what happened. Yeah, yeah, I mean we're good. So what's the question here. I'm sorry, I feel I think you've answered it. Okay, you don't. You didn't feel used and abused by that situation? I told I told the producers while I was going through

the screen process. Um, I was like, Hey, just so you guys know, like I have a weird family dynamic and if I make it to hometowns, it's gonna be like something you've probably never seen before. And they were well aware of it, and I'm sure they were kind of like licking their chops and they're like, yeah, we get this guy to hometowns, things are gonna get interesting. That's what makes me kind of like uncomfortable. I remember

watching it. I didn't even know you yet, and I was like something about those feels like maybe they are loving this and like, meanwhile, you're having kind of a terrible day. You know, But but like you said, you signed up for it. We all signed up for it. The same thing back to like Becca, like when people were talking about like how like unethical it was for already to break up with her on camera for that and at the end of the day there that's their

job is to create right and attaining TV show. Unfortunately. Well, and it's like that book that just came out, um something about Bachelor Nation. I forget Amy Kaufman's book and talks about they mentioned in there that some of the producers supposedly would even track the women's menstrual cycles, so they would be guaranteed to have the most dramatic reactions bad news or new information. I mean that's extreme. So yeah, they probably don't. I don't put it past them, though,

not at all, not for a second. So you can relate to some of our's women who were told I'm falling in love with you and then two days later it's bye bye. You kind of know how they feel and what they're what they went through. I guess I don't who was he saying that to? You said that to Kendall. I think the three different women Lauren. Challenging thing in that situation is that's the first taste of you not being in the same house as everyone else

that you're kind of competing with. So it's like when I got through the hometowns, I hadn't seen Brian, Peter or Eric for a week, and so I wasn't able to gauge kind of their relationship with Rachel as I was before that, and I just kept being reassured by everyone around me, the producers, whoever. It was like, she told her she was falling in love with you. I don't think I've ever heard anyone say that before going

into the fantasy suits or anything like that. So you're like, I like this kind of like this cloud nine, feeling good about the relationship, and then obviously, sure enough things

kind of tumble down from there. But watching it back, like I think I mentioned this before, and like one of the first or second podcasts that we've done was watching it back and watching Rachel's relationship with Brian, Peter and Eric, I'm like, oh, well, no, shout I went home when she has so much stronger a connection with the other three guys, um, But at the time I

didn't realize that, you know. So that's kind of that's where a lot of the shock factor comes from, because you don't really know what to have anything to compared to You never think of it it that way, Like as a fan, I'm like, no, I just watch all your relationships, but really you're in your own head. You are in your own head, like it's it's really different. Personal question. Yeah, because it's something you brought up before on the podcast when you were with your family. Recently,

we were with your siblings as well. I was with my brother and his girlfriend for a night and then I was my father for breakfast. Did you bring up the Hawaii trip at all? Did that get addressed at all? Um? So what's funny is I think that my brother's girlfriend and listens to this podcast, she hasn't. We haven't discussed it, and Ashley, if you're listening, Hi, I love you. UM, and I think that she maybe like said something to my brother about UM how I felt like they were

a little unappreciative. And so he's like he's been like showering with showering me with a lot more love lately, which I love and it's great, and that's like all you can really ask for. UM, my father brought up Hawaii, but he like brushed over it. He's like, oh, yeah, I thought you guys were going to a main land or like big island. So that's why I didn't want to go. No, no, he he said what you did

was a really great thing. Well, that's nice. Yeah, he absolutely acknowledged it, right, he said that it was a good thing. He was proud and happy for us. But the reason he was like, yeah, you said you were going to Big Island, and I was like, I don't want to go to Big Islands. So that's why decided not to go. And here that part. So he brought it up. It was like a very brief thing. He definitely acknowledged it, and I was glad and happy that y'all are under the same roof again. And it was

a good thing. That's nice, and then nice, Yeah, should keep blessling around a lot more. I'll tell y'all the secrets of what Dean doesn't want out there. This is from Kelly and it's mainly the rest to Erica Love your podcast. I hear you talk a lot about online dating and the different approaches we take the message people. A few weeks look, a few weeks ago, Erica talked about her go to opening line was the sub seal. So the question we're talking about, what's your opening line

on a dating app? You match with somebody, how do you reach out for the first time, and she used this up seal, which is a gift of a seal rolling over and lifting up his hand and it says sup, which we all thought was cute. Dean didn't think it was very Dean was not a fan of the up seal anyway. The woman's been struggling. This is Kelly. She'd been struggling hardcore with good first lines while using bumbles, so she tried, what the heck, let me try this upseal.

I thought it was a perfect storm because the day I went with it we had a huge snowstorm, so I was hoping he would make the connection. I'm not sure I get that. So like she was in a snowstorm and the seal is boy was iron. That was probably the fastest unmapped I've ever received. It might have been instant. Erica, you failed me big time and all serious is what tips can you give us for sending a good message? There is into corny catch at their

attention isn't the same thing everybody else? So we've talked about this quite a bit on the shows. What's your opening line of the dating apps? We've given our opinions. I do like a gift. Maybe that's not the one. I do think a gift is cute, You don't. You disagree? It just so effortless, and that's not good for an opening line. I'm just saying it doesn't convey much like

you don't feel special by receiving a gift. You don't feel special when someone just says hey, you know, there's no You don't like feel motivated to continue a conversation when someone just can easily, like autonomously quickly do something like that. You know, that's literally how you would say good morning to me after Winter Games wrapped? Every morning, what yes, yes, you did. You would send these the puppies with and you would say good morning and the

puppy voice and emojis whatever it was. Still it was still effortless. No, I would take an animal g of myself saying good morning, Leslie, and if I was a cat, if I was, and it was it was a different animal every day. But it was still like, well how do I respond to this that? I mean, I give um anyways, those aren't sent anymore, but you just it seemed like, you know, no, it's a good thing. It's

a good thing. I didn't like him the cool thing about animal gs, especially to somebody you don't know, as well as it's also bragging a little bit, like I got the iPhone yeah exactly, because I googled it and I was like, I guess I should respond with one of these. I have an iPhone seven And I remember you even saying You're like, I can't wait to see what animal get tomorrow. I guess you were being sarcastic when you said that. Yeah, my communication was off. You

guys are part of the learning process exactly. But okay, so not a gift perhaps, but what we've discussed this before, but do you have a anything murph? If you were on a dating app, or maybe you have been in the past, what's a good opening line for Kelly. I'm the worst at this because I have never in my lifetime been on a dating app. Um I am. I am lucky. I am dating this guy over here, and I don't have to come up with opening lines. You can just yeah, um, I like if I'm If you

look at their likes, you see what they're into. And let's say they like Grey's Anatomy. Have you seen last week Spears Anatomy yet? Or I don't know and that, but it's something you like together walking dead and then you say have you seen last week's yet? And that starts the whole thing. If you see that, it's that's easy, and you can still like kind of rapid fire that to a lot of guys that you might be interested in, but it's still is unique to the person that you're

talking to. It's more effort and it's more specific to them. So to Kelly, no more sub seals, because this applies to you as well. No more sub seals unless unless all you're going for is quality quantity and not quality. If there's like are going for quantity, well, because just like you know, you you kind of throw a bunch of crap at the wall and you see what sticks. Sort of thing. That's kind of the mentality that a

lot of people have with those dating apps. But every once in a while you'll match with someone that you're like really interested in, and those maybe maybe you're the ones that you can put a little bit more thought into Yeah okay, And if they don't respond to that, then throw on a sup seal follow them when the sub seal. You can't double text on a dating app when they have an answer that is kind of. I think all bets are off with dating apps these days,

you can do whatever the heck you want. Yeah, the double tax is a little desperate. I mean, yeah, Hey, maybe you didn't get my first message. Hey, um, do you remember me from eighteen hours ago? I have friends that will match with someone that they're really into, and if they don't get a message back, they'll follow them on Instagram and d m M or something like that. Hey, I gotta go for it. Hey, you just you just

added on Facebook your oral surgeon. That's a great as you accepted the friend requests you guys, I think I'm going to like throw. But if he were, if he accepts, what's your first line going to be, I'd say, doing great? Give me accept you let it linger for a few days and see if he reaches out. If not, then were we readdress? I don't think how can I tell? I just have to go back to his profile? Okay, no,

except yet it's also the middle of the day. You also requested not too terribly long ago, so it's a good thing. I have one more email here. Do you know what? Matt and Denver because he seems to know you. Yeah, okay, Matt says, Deanie Boy recently threw me up on his Instagram store while we were in Denver this weekend and said, somebody please take Matt Boy on a date. Matt Boy magic, I guess is within twenty four hours, over two date offers from around the world. Shout out to the bold

ladies who slid into the d M respect. By the way, we really get an email from guys on this show, so it's a little interesting to read now. Granted, I did say Dean, you're gonna introduce me to your fallows and let him and I'm single right that night, but fifty percent joking and not expecting this outcome. Now, I've got an interesting situation in front of me. Where do I start? Do I take any of these seriously? Do I actually go on a date with any of these girls?

Do I capitalize on the opportunity or play it off as a joke. So oh, by the way, ps, I thought this podcast would be a joke, but y'all kill it. Great content, keep it up, yeah, Matt and Denver. So the question is when you're faced in a situation. Indean, you were single not that long ago, and I know you don't like to talk about when you were single, because you're in a loving relationship right now and that's awesome, But you're in a situation coming off the batchelor where

you had where we talked about this before. Every woman in the world, not every woman in the world, but you have so many different people coming at you that it seems like it would be paralyzing, like you don't know where to begin. It seems like a good situation on paper, but in reality it's got to be overwhelming and and nothing and hard to handle. So um to the first point of this, well, I guess I'm trying to figure out how I want to go about answering

these questions. So to Matt's point quickly to cover that, he said he was joking, not expecting this outcome. He was a serious about me throwing him up on his Instagram story, he like asked me multiple times, and I was like, will you please do this? Wait, and so I was like, all right, like sure, fine, you're my friend,

I'll post it and we'll see what happens. He says he gets propositions from around the world and that's not unique to the people that go on the show, and a lot of times I would say more times than not, the guys get too excited about that and they tried to overcapitalize and so like you just love the attention you're getting, like they're responding to every single DM, like getting all these dates, and that's where a lot of the guys on the show get a bad reputation from

um My, I think when we talked about this, I don't really respond to any d ms, nor would I have any interest in going on dates with the people that DM me, because that just that it's just weird. So to Matt's points, or I guess to his question, do they take do you take any of them seriously? I think he really wants to be in a relationship with someone as well I do. He's a great guy and very ready for a relationship. Um twenty four years

old and living in Denver, So I don't know. I think that's I don't mean to take over your podcast, but here I feel like that's that's a tough one, especially for the women who are messaging him from Brazil, Columbia, whatnot. He should look local at who's local? Because I met back it was like, excuse me. We talked about how single I am every week, like no, no, no, not like that. You want to be induced to Mat. No,

That's what I'm saying. But then it's like he doesn't live here, and like, I'm not so sure our value is alive. I think he has better values than me. I guess he's cute. Yea, he has a big crush on Tania. Yeah, mentioned, that's funny. So I guess my advice. My advice to Matt is start starting Denver, starting Denver and just started conversation right with some Denver women and then see what happens. Yeah, maybe something. He doesn't need social media to find a date. He should find a

date through his church. He's like a big and very active in the community in that way, like he needs to find a good old Catholic girl that wants to settle down with him, and you're not one of those, Sully. Oh gosh, no, I'm so sorry, world, but I like using Deans into Story as a dating app, Like you could be the next person I should charge for that. Yeah,

we'll call it Dean. I just think that I would rather have a friend specifically setting like if Dean had a friend who he was like, oh my god, he'd be great for Erica. That's what I would want. I wouldn't want like random yucky dudes sliding into my dams. Get the heck out of here. And that same logic applies for the opposite sex as well, Like I don't want to say random sloppy dudes, random sloppy girl sidding into his dams, but but the average woman who might

be fallow, I don't know, it's different though. Women don't want random yucky dudes. Guys occasionally like a random yucky girl that's you know, faint some days, that's what they're into. So, Dean, what's the rest of your day look like? The rest of my day to day the two of you? Oh, well, I was supposed to be getting lunch with my former boss but he canceled on me, and we're scheduling for tomorrow, that jerk. And then we're just gonna go home and

go back to the gym. We're doing two days morning, right, he Dean is Dean's a little weird though he likes to go to the Yeah, he likes to go to the gym around ten pm, which for me, I'm like winding down right because if I'm not using beach body, I like to go to the gym when it's less crowded, all the machines are free. I don't have to work, but I still feel like even eight pm would would do that. It's not it's not a gold it's very crowd at all the time. You mentioned another show before

a diet that you're on. Are you still doing that? It's not like a diet that I'm on. I'm not. I don't eat healthy by any starch of the imagination. But one thing that I'm very good at is controlling my appetite. I don't have to. I can only eat one meal a day if I wanted to. I could only eat one meal every two or three days if I really wanted to. It poses an interesting um. I don't know, not a wrench in our relationship, but I like to eat. I don't need. I don't need a

lot by any any means. But I like to have three meals a day breakfast, lunch, and every time we eat somewhere or every time you're hunger, we go eat somewhere and I eat with you. Yeah, but like I knew you didn't want to eat breakfast this morning, even after going to the gym, so it was like, okay, when are we gonna Is there at least the Starbucks around that I can go get something that and of course you didn't, you didn't order anything. I just I think that the it's it's important to be able to

control your appetite. I think a lot of times like we're we've gotten conditioned to want to eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner every single day, but we weren't designed to do that as humans. I don't know, this is where we differ because we worked out and that's your body needs the nutrients to um. I was telling Lessie this earlier on the way because she we were actually having this conversation as we were walking up the stairs in the studio here. UM, and I was like, think about

your body as like an engine to a car. The more miles you put on that engine, the more likely it is to break down. The more you can think of your digestive system as that engine, So the more food you're ingesting and then digesting pushing out, that's going to be putting more miles on your digestive system, which then tires it out quicker. I don't know your heart beats every how many beats a minute? I don't that

never tires out. I'm not talking about your heart. I'm talking about like your I don't, but I don't think that's a bad thing for it to be working every day. That's a design force. You use something, the longer it's gonna last. You're talking system. That's just one part of your body. I'm just saying in general, and anything outside of your body, inside your body, the less you use something, the longer it's gonna last. Unless you drive a car, the more years you're going to be able to drive

that car. Do you hold your breath for a certain amount of day to keep your lungs and good shape. I should start, maybe, but then you're probably brain of oxygen, and there's a more dilemma there. I'm just saying, we need to get a doctor going with you. So there's certain days of the week you don't eat now. I

mean there were days before. It was much easier when I had a structured life of going to my office from Monday to Friday, from nine to five, and I could control my eating habits more clearly when my days were more defined. But now it's like I do more random things, and so I eat more random hours more I have like a lot more ability to eat whenever I want to for a new and a girlfriend likes to eat um, So if it were up to me,

I wouldn't eat very often. But because less he's around a lot, I eat maybe like more often than I would normally. And I eat a lot of her food because she only eats like half of her plate, which I actually really enjoy. That's the thing, Like I can sit down and eat one and a half meals. But I just wouldn't do that if it were up to like, if I if I were acting for myself. When you do eat, do you eat healthy? To eat poorly because you feel like you have all these free calories you

can have because you haven't. It's like a mixture. I would say one out of every like four meals is healthy, just just for sake of knowing that I need to get greens in me every once in a while, like two meals a week. Then by doing the math. Okay, yeah,

you love your Cheetos and you love your cheeto. We were in the airport yesterday and you got shremboli, and I walked over and got a veggie wrap because I know the travel Life bagel well, but it had hummus and veggies inside it, and you ate like you ate pizza. And there is something to be said. The less you eat, the more unhealthy you can eat. You can you can eat a hundred calorie strong bold. I have heard this theory if it's the only thing you eat the entire day.

I used to work forgotten Rick D's his birthday is tomorrow, uh and he he how did the five bite diet? For every meal you eat five bytes of whatever you want. It could be broccoli, it could be a Snicker's bar, but it doesn't matter because it all turns to sugar anyway once it's on the inside. He was a strong proponent of this. I was not. I think it's weird,

but I think that's the same as you're. What you're saying is you have so many calories a day can be whatever you wanted to right, And the only the way that you lose weight isn't by eating healthy. You could eat five thousand calories a day of all vegetables and all healthy food, and you'll still gain weight. The way to lose weight is to be calorie deficient. So if you burn fifteen hundred calories and you only consume a thousand calories. That's a calorie deficient day, which means

you lost weight that day. So if you can eat one meal that's a thousand calories, but you burn fift ndred, you're you're losing even no matter what the meal is, you're still five hundred calorie deficient. Right. That's kind of the diet I did before going on The Bachelor. Actually I did the It wasn't the five bite diet. It was maybe like the Tin Bye fifty diet where I just had everything um and worked out and it worked

for me. It is this calories in, calories out. But if you're treating your body like a car or machine, you're giving it Cheetos, Like, isn't that just putting junk in your gas tanks? Okay, we all do things that were afflicted by I'm sure you don't have the most picture perfect diet, right, not always no, but I'm also not don't subscribe to some of your interesting theories. It's

it is funny. I was I was having a conversation with someone about this the other day, Um, about how we do so many things to like be healthier and be better and do all these things, and then at the same time, we still do so many things that are bad for us. I think I was talking to someone that drinks diet pepsi or something like that, and I was like, well, do you pepsi? She's like, well, because it's better for me. I's like, we had still bad for you. Um, And so, like, no one is

going to live like perfectly in that sense. It's all about finding the means that you have. And it's funny. It's too because a lot of people, when I talked to tell them, like, I don't use soap, or I don't use any like these these external products. I forgot about that. They're like, oh, tell me about that tattoo you just got where they stuck ink into your skin and you have to pick and choose your battery. We all have these cellphone stuctriers all the time. We're all

going to get cancer from that. So, yeah, I see what you're saying. That is a it's a balance, and you've got to find a balance you can live with. And here's the thing. I know, it's weird. I know what. Everything about me is incredibly weird. I'm the first person to admit that, like, nothing about me is normal. In a lot of those ways, But that's fine. Like I'm

not I'm not pretending to be normal. I'm not pretending to be like a person who eats three meals there, and you're very outpouring with your weirdness and your extreme viewpoints. And they're unique and some people take them, some people leave them. But that's a fun topic that we could do some days. What makes you weird? Because everybody has a thing that makes them weird. Like I, when I'm in bed, I can't have my knees touch you. Put a pillow between the pillow between my legs because I

can't do what. It drives me crazy. No body part can touch any other body part ever, and it bothers me. Like your feet, you're just like staggerum No, but blanket between my feet? Uh. And and later years later, I found out my sister is the exact same way, which surprised me. Like she will literally put something between her breast when she sleeps because she can't have her boob touch you, just like I am with my knees. So that's an interesting thing in our family. I'm so intrigued

as to what she puts between there. They make question there are people like this, so they make things. They make like a little thing you can put in there. Okay, so Leslie, Erica, what makes you weird? What is and doesn't have to be in bad doesn't have to be dietary. Just there's got to be something some routine you do on a regular basis that you know is silly, but

you do it anyway. I have to uncross my legs before touchdown in an airplane, which seems like almost every day or weekly, and then that might not be so weird, but that's interesting. It weirds me out that if we crash, I want to be in like the perfect position to live. You know that's smart. I don't want I don't want my head to hit my knees or whatever. So I'm I'm all in crossed and uh and ready to ready for back. But that's a good superstitions fallow to this category, Erica.

I will have to come back on this. I know superstitions. No, I'm a pretty like wake up and like I don't know, get to work somehow and like your bedrooms a mess a freaking design. Refused to hang anything up in the closet. This is rude. You've never betted. I'm just trying to think of the things that might make you weird. You lay in bed and drink beer while you watch this is us. No, No, this is a one time situation.

I had a beer in my fridge and I drank it because I didn't have wine, and I was watching this like this literally happened one time, and he brings this up almost every day. I don't usually drink beer in bed, sir, Okay, I will think, on my are you saying this weird O c D thing? Where? Um, Like if I was like walking through a gate or something, and I didn't fully like close the gate, and I walked like even like fifty yards away, and I was like,

I can't close that gate all the way. I really would have to turn around, go back, like open the gate, and then close the gate all the way and then I would be comfortable like with that enough to move on. It was like a weird like like legitimate O c

D for a long time. Or like if I like was walking and I saw like a piece of trash on the sidewalk and I walked past it like fifty yards and I had just like I would stop in my tracks and be like, darna, I have to turn around and go pick up that piece of trash and throw it away now. And a lot of it was like because I was like thinking that the things that I were doing like leading to better karma or something. When it's funny because if you act intentionally to have

better karma, that's not what karma is. You know, you can't intentionally improve your karma. And my brother made mention of that at one point, and I was like, yeah, you're right, this is really weird. But I like, I wasn't able to get past it for a long time. Um, and that that doesn't happen anymore. CD is an interesting thing is I think everybody has it to some degree. What is that? Beef's this thing? It's fine, it's off.

O c D is interesting because I think everyone has it to some degree, and I think you catch yourself like, oh, yeah, we don't want to do I don't want to go back and do that again, because then I am doing an O c D thing and you can stop yourself.

And when you can't stop yourself, that's when you need help to fix the O c D. Yeah, but unfascinated by I wonder if that's genetic at all, because I remember when we were driving with Brad last weekend in Colorado, and he was like, Oh, this their gas tank because it is open, and it's just it's annoying me so badly.

I feel like maybe it runs in the family. Maybe I used to do this thing too when I was probably twelve or thirteen, where if I was like sitting there like quietly, like watching TV or something, I would have to like make weird noises with my throat because I couldn't like sit quietly long enough. I would literally I would do that, like and like whenever I got quiet in the room, my brother would hear me do that and be like, what the hell are you doing.

I'm like, I don't know, Like I literally just I need to do it for my own comfortability. And like I moved away from a lot of those things, which is great, but I'm sure that I still have things maybe now that I don't realize that I'm doing. There's a lot of bizarre like that's that's what it's like, wow, And to fill the silence to feel good, like otherwise I was incredibly anxious and I would go and then wouldn't bet that it's kind of cute, Yeah, Eastern, go ahead,

what makes you weird. I just wanted this out there. Um. From the years of two thousand and six to two thousand sixteen, I wore all blue every single Tuesday. It was called blue Tuesday, doing it to annoy a girlfriend when I was a senior in high school, and I said I will do this for ten years and then I will stop. In April one, sixteen, I retired it and it was kind of sad. It was wow, that is wild. It was a prison like I would have

to plan everything around it. Like I got a job at an amusement park and I had to make sure I worked as a right operator because that uniform was blue like that. I seriously needed help for that one. I remember the day he retired at you told me today it's Tuesday. I'm not wearing blue, and I love it. And you know that you did that for a decade. I would run into it like years later and she'd see me and feel like, you're wearing all It's Tuesday. I don't think she knows I did it for a

full decade. Janine Bray for listening. That is so interesting. You know what you know when you're in a group of people, like at a retreat or whatever it may be, and they're like, all right, let's go around the room and name something that nobody else knows about you. That is the best answer ever. It's a good one. Those are always the hardest questions, remember using I have to use to do that at like new offices or new jobs and every sort. Like, what's one thing though us

know about you? It's hard. I don't know. And if they if you don't know what I mean, it's probably because I don't want you to know it about me. That's that's true. I feel like everybody, I can't ask you that there right now because everybody knows. You've had your podcast for X amount of months now, everybody knows a lot about you. There are some things that people don't know about me, But do you not want them to know? Okay, bye? Today I learn you make weird sounds.

That is a good one. The very first night that listen I spent together off camera, I told her my deepest, darkest secret. That's true, but I'm gonna leave that between me and you. So that's something that will never be on the podcast. That one absolutely well, probably not. I don't know. I mean, it's up to you, but we do a hundred. It will be the hundred episode. We'll do that, I think. Okay, So thank you for listening to the twenty three episode of Help I Suck at Dating.

Be sure to keep those emails coming again. The email address is I Suck at Dating at iHeart media dot com. I wish I could express fully how much I enjoy you, guys emailing in UM A lot of these questions and situations that you have that you deal with, because it's nice to know that, you know, even if you don't take the advice that we give you, it's nice to know that people are at least um inquiring and hoping

to do better with all that kind of stuff. Big thank you to Leslie and Murphy, who I'm sure you'll hear again on this podcast. All thanks guys. Round three was just as fun as round one. Round three. I will close round two and a half because I think the first one was a half round and then you were finally kind of you know, Erica, anything on Facebook? Yet? One last check before we go with a good doctor quote a TV show. Um, it's not looking like it,

I think, Nope, guys, it's fine. It's the middle of the day. He should be at work. He should be at work, but that'll do it for this week's episode to Help I Suck at Dating. Be sure to tune in next week, because maybe next week Eric is dating life will suck a little bit. Follow Help I Suck At Dating with Dean Anglert on I Heart Radio or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts.