#18 Dating Sucks at Any Age

No Mark, no Amy, no Erica today. But I have two other special guests. We have Carmelia and Carmelio Ray and Courtney from my season of Bachelor Winster Gamello. Um so we are joined, like I said by Carmelia, she is the host. Uh. I think I saw in the previou of twenty three year, twenty five year Matchmaking, veteran dating coach and star of Mombers Matchmaker. It's number one series on cable networks Mixed TV. And I think the numbers you've helped over sixty signals um and facilitated more

than one thousand marriages? Is that true? Uh? I've had over sixty five thousand conversations with singles in twenty five years. And yes, I've seen thousands of marriages, so that's that's like I'm trying to do the math. Three thousand conversations roughly per year. That's a lot of that's a lot of work. I started in before match dot com, So yes, okay, And we just watched a bit of mom Verus Matchmaker here,

at least the teaser first season one. Um, tell us a little bit more about that, a little bit more about you, and UM just kind of like to the lesser informed listener. Sure, well, mom Versus Matchmaker Season three is launching April tenth fro on Mixed TV, and you saw trailer one for mom Versus Matchmaker and episode two. So I've planned now or we have planned about sixty blind dates with singles all across. You know that moms choose, and so basically it's a battle between myself and mom

to see who's a better matchmaker. So we're trying to win the role of Cupid based on the fact that challenging mom knows best versus my skills as a matchmaker. And you're setting up the daughter of the mother or is it could it be anyone besides a daughter like a son or daughter and both LGBT and straight. So

I'm really meet It's it's reality. So in real life, I don't meet my contenders until I meet them on air, and I get a very short window of time to find a dater, train a dater, and hopefully have that person pick my choice. It's amazing. It's such a unique I guess outlook on it on a dating show. Yeah, so, um, I see two very eligible bachelors for season four. Um, sorry, mom, you lost. Going up against a parent of someone you're trying to find a dateful because obviously generally your parents

know you best. And then I've seen you diting, they've seen this at a pot as you brought home or introduced them to. You'd think they'd have a pretty good idea. Well, let me ask you if I was to go up against your mother, what would you think the competition would be like? So I had a conversation with my mom the other day actually, and she met someone or not

the other day a little while ago. But she pointed out straight away, she's like, you have a time, She's like thinking about this, this, this, this, and she pointed out all the similarities of every girl I brought home and introduced my parents, and she was spot on, and it actually made me realize that I have a time and took my mom to realize that before I did.

So she's got a good idea. So you have a close So this is a This is one example of a relationship between parent and child, because not all relationships are like this. In many cases, the mom's perception of who the child needs or wants is totally different than what's the reality. Right, So, and you happened to be someone that your mom's met your partners By the sound of it, I still live at home, so she's got

no child. Has your mom met all your partners? In the fact, families pretty far removed from the equation, so they don't necessarily weigh on those types of this. Okay, okay, well in in your particular case, yes, moms are great competition. I that's what makes the show it is because the

moms have a strong opinion. Now, whether or not those moms are correct are another story, because there's the there's the parent who wants their child to be with a certain person, and sometimes that person is who they see them with, not necessarily who the child wants to be with someone like the husband. Oh exactly there. In fact, I did a couple of every part of the segment and the interviews. When I meet the single, I go

through a series of matchmaking questions. So I do the intake to get my kind of forty five minutes to an hour with this person, asking them all the questions so that I can go and find them their match. And and a lot of the times when I talk to the moms, I get to meet the moms for a short time. They're like, my son wants somebody exactly like me. I'm thinking, I know who's winning this competition.

Check can we get like an abbreviated version of those forty five minutes that you spend with the son, the daughter whoever? It is, like, what kind of kinds of questions are you asking? What are really like? What helps you get to know them best? Do you think, well, I asked the questions that the mom's probably don't ask. So a lot of those, uh, well, because of first date or not really, that's kind of like relationship date. You're talking about home run. But I do questions on

so you like leather and bundane. I'm not gonna lost. You gotta set the basis for moving forward so we know where his priorities are. But no, in all seriousness, yes I don't. I ask about sexual orientation, So that's the one. Um. The other conversation that we ask about are what are the physical attributes? Like who do you find attractive? Right? Um, so we're gonna be I look at an overall picture lifestyle, attitude, values, goals, physical traits,

personality traits. I hit all the important criteria to maintain and sustain a relationship. And more importantly, I asked some key questions like now I'm giving this away, guys, like because if we have more episodes, the bombs are going to take notes here. But that's fine. I'm totally confident all asking. I'll be all asking, Like describe a perfect date.

Talk to me about the best experiences that you've had, Like I really try to get to know them so that when I work with the person i'm picking, I try to see an envision. Is this somebody that's going to deliver the dream day? Do they have the confidence, do they have the key compatibilities? Do they have the physical look? I can't get it right on all marks, but I always struggle that. I always struggle that question to describe your perfect date. So, Courtne, can you describe

your perfect day? Perfect date? Look, I'm a pretty simple guy. Love being by the water, so it's either at a beach or lake or what not. And I'm a simple person when it comes to food and drinks, a red wine always, I'm a wine guy. I love red wine. And then I like fish and chips. I think by the ocean, fish and chips, ticks, the boxes, maybe a little block of chocolate afterwards. Do you see what he

just did? He gave away all the secrets. So guess what, I guess what your perfect date it's going to look like? Tell me everything you just describe perfect because it's cheap. Your perfect date is what you just said, this perfect everything you've done in the game. Do you know what he's going to be sitting there with the best fish and chips, with a beautiful few of the water, with an amazing girl or boy and a box of chocolates? Yeah, the dream? Sorry, mom, I can't believe you just got

that from what I just said. It's unbelievable. I will get a lot more from the Bachelor. Should hire you to cast women? Okay, gotch you. So we're in season three of this Momber's Matchmaker now right, and you were a host of seasons one and two. Yes, I am the matchmaker. So the competition gets fiercer and fiercer. These moms are watching episodes. They're watching all the previous episodes. They are taking notes. I am giving away some secrets. But at the end of the day, you know, I

have my rolodex, I have my assistant. I am an assistant Patrick who helps me, you know, plan the dates, curate the dates. I have access to amazing dating professionals, so I go through date training. Let me ask you, because you suck at dating apparently apparently apparently, if you could have a magic wish for one area where you have a weakness in when it comes to women, what would that be? Weakness how like weak in the knees or weakness like item not no, not weak in the knees,

like like a dating skill? Where where are you lacking? I think I often lack in the empathy department. Okay, that's great, So you lack an empathy. Where does that show up? Um my inability to I guess relate to people, like when people are like super emotion about certain things.

I can show emotion, but I have I have trouble relating to those emotions and it doesn't come across as like necessarily negative, but it definitely to go to a different place, or do you just not have I just I just have a very logical and rationally about thinking about things. And so when people are like talking about that kind of stuff, which I obviously appreciate, I want

them to be able to open up to me. I just have trouble I guess relating to it in a way maybe that it seems it's fine, but I think that I could do better at it, you know. So this is the chance where a dating coach or myself, Let's say you were the single and I had I had to train you, I would take an expert and work on the empathy piece, whether that is role playing a situation, putting you in a in a place where you can practice more empathy is also what we would do.

Or find a girl who's equally like you who doesn't emote as much. That's on your level. I'm also I'm also really bad at making plans. So like, I love hanging out and I love being around whoever I'm dating, but I'm bad at being like, all right, we're going to be doing this at this time, so you don't have to worry about that. I take that all away. My day concierge will plan all the days for you. You You will be like a Romeo and problem solved. There we go. How much does all this cost? Yeah? Can

I hire this person? And that's the benefit of the Bachelor is they're like, all right, you want to date? You wanna? Then that's why we're on the show and a favorite, right, because that's part of the that's part of the dating plan. When people when you actually look at it, like help, I suck at dating. I don't like planning dates. Work with a date planner. I suck at a mooting Okay, talk to a relationship coach, right, like,

figure out where your weaknesses are and work. Lets see help. Yes, Since since tomorrow is Valentine's Day, let's talk about that for a second. So what are some I guess dating advice or dating tips that you can give to the listeners who are either in a new relationship or a long term relationship however long what worked some advice you

can give for Valentine's I guess you know. I think that if you can show up on Valentine's Day without bringing the traditional you know, flowers and chocolate, a great thing to It's it's the what's that phrase got stuck on that thoughts count like the simple things, right, whether it's instead of going out for dinner, suggesting a home cook that is made to take because I've had enough money to take. I'm always like, well, I drew you a picture picture from recycled wood. Oh my goodness that

I just found it on the ground cold race. Well that's great. I mean, so you're saying, you're saying it's good to kind of break the mold and go against the grand and do something different. Always, always do something different. That's what has people remember, how they feel like memories, the extra time that you took to make a card instead of buy a card, make a meal instead of

buy the meal. You're a horrible date planner. So if anyone was with you and knew that you whether you hired someone or you did it yourself, they would know if they knew you that this took a lot of effort for you to plan this date and make a residue, right, that would make a big That would be a big deal and listening show that you listened to Dane, Like, if you make spagetall eyes and she's allergic, I mean I might do that intentionally, you know, like Vegan and

I think, oh my god, that actually happened with a mom and um an Italian mom in Season one, I found a girl, didn't ask her very many questions, was the prettiest girl on the street that she could find? And her son, he's Italian first of all, and the sun loves pasta and they're at a restaurant and he's ordering meal a meal and she's completely again. And so it was like, because we all know the best, the best way to match someone is just based purely off

of looks. If they're if they're both attractive, it's going to work out. Where is your stance and what are your thoughts on dating apps these days? Because there's a billion app there and it seems that's the way everyone's meeting someone just swapping left Alorado. However it works. Do their dating app for a TV show these days? Yeah? Well, I mean, and we actually do matchmaking on television, don't we.

You meet people were real relationships. So everyone signed up to a TV show that you get a TV show if you see dot com slash casting. Um um okay. So so back to your question dating apps. Dating apps are a tool I when I work with a single person to help them find love. It is not you know, focused on one thing. First of all we should know about dating apps is that everybody has one or use them. Have either of you guys used to dating in the past years ago? I was haven't. No, never, Okay, we'll

see and do you have olenges meeting people? Sometimes I prefer to meet someone in a more organic, confronting way where the nerves just get, you know, where you really do start to butterfly up in the chest and you're going, there's a good looking girl just there. How am I going to approach this? And then I quite like that, that feel that adrenaline. I suppose of going up and saying, hey,

you're a rare bird. But we'll see that. Well, that's the thing is I mean, I don't have a job, so I spent a lot of time out about and whatever. So I do have that time in the middle of the day at a shopping center or at a cafe, or at a night out or something like that to meet people, um, you know, at about So it's probably not the same for everyone. I suppose confidence is key and it is very confronting, it's very nerve racking. But I think when you break through that and you just

approach someone, it's it's the best feeling. Well, don't have that ability or a skill set, which is a large number of singles in this population a dating app as a tool to help them connect with other single like minded people. So any time I've ever spoken to a dating app, for example, the League just launched in Toronto. I met their founder, Amanda Bradford. She's a Stanford grad. So when she was on Tinder and when she was single looking for a match, she found it really hard

to find someone on her level. So what does she do. She creates the League because it matches people according to occupational and educational compatibility, which was important to her. So dating apps are not going away. There's something new launching all the time, and I think that if you're single and actively looking, you should at least try one. Yeah,

I agree. I wonder if you could go about because a lot of people like to kind of punch out of their weight class, you know, so like say, I'm like G E. D. Having guy that loves to date girls that only have like their doctorate or something like that. Just something to consider as in people date out of their out of the class. I mean, you never make it onto the league then, will you? I guess not. True process is pretty pretty Uh well that's that's a

that's a different betting process. But there are other apps that we're all known, like Tinder that is popularized by physical looks. So if that's important to you, you would go to that. I think it's one component for sure. I mean didn't have a lot of matchmaking algorithm from my understanding. So when you're matchmaking on the TV show Mombverus Matchmaker on Mixed TV. By the way, um, when you're matchmaking on that TV show, do you you have to take I guess looks into consideration or is it

solely based off of the questions that the answer. I guess it depending on whether they answer whether it looks are important to them or not. But absolutely, and I think for every person that I interviewed, every single person placed physical attraction and some sort of attraction as important. There wasn't anyone I met that said it didn't matter. If you're gonna spend the rest CeAl off with someone, you want to find them physically attractive. Yeah, I think

we have a beautiful past. I mean the people that we organically organically picked, even the moms. The moms went for looks over anything else when they had nothing else, and most of the times they didn't have a lot of the deeper intel than I had. So they were looking. They were looking at them going would you look good with my son or my daughter? Right, it's more like a look, how would you look on the Christmas card next year? What are my grandchildren gonna look like? Oh?

My goodness. That was a huge motivating factor for at least four moms and said my daughter needs babies, And so they were looking at guys going, you're a good specimen. It's initially take into the equation though, because even myself, like I'm thirty one and I'm at the stage where my next relationship I'm looking for. I don't want to

waste my time. I don't know, to spend six months or something little twelve months with someone and be like, well, I'm thirty two and three, like I wanted to have kids young pross so I'm at the stage now and I've never done it before, but I'm at the stage where I look at a girl and it does across my mind. I'm like, what the genetics? Yeah, what are the kids going? There's a DNA test with that. It's something. It's funny. It's it's only developed in me. The older

I've got and the more ready I am. I supposed to settle down with one person and start a family. What's your vetting process like for when I meet someone? Um, that's an interesting question. I don't know. I just want someone that's UH spontaneous, outgoing, and fun to be around. I think those are probably the most important quality. Someone that uh is strongly opinionated in the right areas. I guess I do appreciate that type of I guess, ability to to make decisions and then kind of not necessary

waiver in the way that they think about things. Um, So it sounds strong willed. I guess it is a good way to put it. So it sounds to me it's largely based on experience initially and attraction. Yes, yes, physical attraction, of course. I mean I think yes, as much as we all want to say, it's not necessarily important to us. I think that we all require a certain level of physical attraction to the person that we're dating. First.

The first consideration is whether this person is attractive enough for you or that you're just attracted to Sure, I don't think you look I mean you always have a second glance at someone you're attracted to. Do you guys have your deal breakers? Do you know what those are? Oh? Do you smoking? Yeah? Yeah, smoking breaker? Fan of women they smoke? Um, girls, you all have a really big chance. As long as you don't smoke, we're good and he's got to like you. Right, I'm trying to think they're

definitely have to be deal breakers. Um, okay, maybe let's let's do you guys are don't have a long list of deal breakers, which actually tells me that you haven't had This is my assessment, you haven't had that many horrible experiences. Most times, when I asked somebody what's your deal breaker, they'll come up with a laundry list of like, don't based on the fact that they've dated every person they didn't want to meet. So let's do the reverse.

Don't want to meet like You'll hear things, especially when you see it online dating I don't want to smoker. I don't want a drinker. I don't want to liar. I don't want to cheater, Like they'll just run off a list of things that they've experienced. I don't want someone who you know, works at eyehop. I don't know, they'll just save those types of things plug for I hub. So how do we work backwards from that? Then? Yes? Um,

then you just focus on what you do want. You mentioned the characteristic traits, but what about the deeper stuff like foundational compatibility? Do you ever when do you start to talk about, you know, things that matter to you, like goals and values and having children. Yes, someone a

woman with ambition I think is incredibly sexy. Someone that like has career goals, someone that can kind of create a plan for themselves five ten years down the line, which is ironic because I am an ambitious person, but I definitely don't have that outline set for myself five or ten years. So maybe it's kind of like the the union yang of that. But um, I mean, I

think any guy is going to find ambition sexy. It's actually the I think it's said thirty eight percent according to match dot COM's survey they do an annual report called Singles in America, and it was reported that the number one turn on that men reported was an entrepreneurial woman. Yeah, um what else? What else are we talking about? Turn ons? I personally, I like a girl who is flexible in where they live and also flexible right right, someone who can move around. So I'm a bit of a gypsy.

I've I've lived in a lot of places, um, and I don't mind small spaces, so like camp bands and whatnot. I'm what do you think of Montreal? Okay? Why? What's a very specific place to ask? Yeah, I know somebody who's like gypsy like that? Yeah? Um, so on mom versus matchmaker, we we curated a lot of dates, so I'd love to hear either some dating um dating faux pas like bad experiences or dates that you guys really like,

like fun dates. Well I'll tell you. So we have Valentine's Day tomorrow and this is a secret, so this days between the three of us and everyone else listening. Well, I don't think this podcast is going to be published until later tonight, which means I just have to avoid her from listening to it between today and tomorrow. Um. Yeah, so I'm driving us up to Santa Barbara. She's not here, she's not she's not here. Now driving us up to Santa Barbara. Got a hotel for us for a couple

of nights. Tomorrow morning on Valentine's Day, I'm taking her skydiving, and then we're going to a couple of spot and then we're just gonna get dinner that night. So that's kind of like the idea that I had for us for Valentine's Day. She wasn't. She will be to the man who doesn't plan anything right anything. What's funny about this is so she's sky of a few times, she's bungee jumps a few times. She's very adventurous. Have you done that. I've skydos, but I never never bungee jumps.

But it's funny because I was asking her. I was like, I'm not gonna tell you what we're doing for Valentine's Day, but what are like the three things that you really don't want to do, like no matter what, like you'd be upset. And she's like, she's like, just don't make me jump out of an airplane. So why did you go against Well? This was I asked her that after I had booked it, I book don't. Um, so there it is if you plan stuff, and that's my biggest

fear of planning. They're not going to like what I planned. But then she said, no matter what you plan, like, don't cancel it. I don't want to mess with fate that kind of thing. So, um, I know once we get there, she's gonna be excited for it, but I just think like the leading up to it, the anticipation might get to her a little bit. I'd have to say, Dean, that's a pretty epic date. And that's the thing, especially with with Valentine's Day. I hate the faux pause. I

hate the chocolate flowers dinner date. Yeah, just because you're not gonna remember that in five years, five years, ten years. I even think back to like two Valentine's Days ago. Um, I was dating a girl and I can't remember exactly what we did because I'm sure we just want to didn't didn't necessarily make it very very special or memorable. Um So that's kind of that's kind of my So, So, what's the most memorable Valentine's Day that you've been given?

And what's the most memorable Valentine's date that you've been given. Uh, I'll get first first, as everyone's looking at me, I suppose. I mean again like, I've never been very materialistic. I don't dig deep into my bank account and I never really had that option anyway, So I always just made something. And I remember we went down to this. I had this little wharf down by my house where I to sit down and have red wine and fish and chips

on the water. Yeah. I set up this tripe on my camera and we were just sitting on the end of the wharf and I got this really long exposure shot and so I captured all the stars and whatever. I got printed on canvas, like massive bit of canvas and stapled it onto a piece of ply wood and made a frame out of an old door and it was huge, really big, And so I gave that to her, but little handwritten message on the map, that's great and what's what's the most thoughtful thing a woman has done

for you? Um? Does that answer the question? I don't know what a long relationship steen Valentine's and not one memorable one. Well before the whole bachelorette and bachelor experience, I was in a relationship for seven years. Okay, was there anything memorable or was she not thoughtful? Uh? No, she was but and and she always had full time jobs and whatnot. No, I was the gypsy running around the world. And um, so she always did buy me stuff.

And she worked in the fashion industry, so I used to get a new jacket or she kept you stylish important, that's great, look good? Um for me. My most memorable Valentine's Day, it wasn't what which I was given, but it was I was like a sophomore in college. Um, similar to Courton. You didn't really ever have much money. So I think we ordered Chinese food into art to the house that I lived in and turned my room

into like a romantic date thing. And there was I had this lamp that sat on the floor and I wanted to set the ambiance, so I threw like a pink shirt over it to like obviously create like a ah, that's so great, how old are you? That was nineteen. But the thing is, the reason it was memorable is because the shirt caught on fire, and so half with through dinner we realized that something smelled not like Chinese

foods gone wrong. But I don't think I don't think I can think of any other Valentine's Day where it was someone had went out of their way to do something nice for me. I had a really um great it was Christmas, actually, but I could see how it could be Valentine's Day for someone who's on a budget, right someone on no, no, no, I'm someone you know dates on a budget. In fact, with our show, most of our our our our funnest date is funnest toward um. The best dates that we had were always dates that

were created by the single. Season two is already out, So in one episode of season two, the single who we are trying to match loved board games. So the person I chose took it upon himself to make a board game for her, incorporating all of her favorite board games into one. So like spin the bottle sold have a spin, it would land on an action piece. They get to do shots, they get to learn about themselves, they get to ask questions. It was epic. I won't tell you who one, but it was great. Any game

that encourages drinking is a game exactly. Yeah. Alcohol is a great thing to involve. It can take it can take the first night to a home run in the same night, which I think is Um. Alright, well, Carmelio, so we're wrapping up here. Do you want to plug anything? Like she mentioned earlier, we are on season three of Momberus Matchmaker on Mixed TV. Yes, Um, is there anything

else you're working on? Yeah? Well, actually I'm in l a promoting season three, So tonight we'll be doing a Facebook live on the Mixed TV page Facebook Live at mixed TV. Tomorrow I'm doing a full takeover for Mixed TV Socials. A reminder, you can catch seasons one and season two on mixed tv dot com at mom versus Matchmaker. And yeah, any singles who have dating advice or who need or want advice send us your questions, visit me live and stay tuned perfect And that is I hate.

I don't want to watch the name Carmelia Ray, Carmelia Carmela. That's funny. My high school girlriend's name was Carmelo I A And there you go. Um, all right, well, thank you so much for joining us. Um again, check out Mixed TV Mombrous Matchmaker. We're in season three right now, and um, yeah, we'll be sure to look out for you. We'll watch the Facebook live tonight and I'll look up for you guys. Yes, please do your again for us if you if you have any advice for us after

watching that's your games. Please I am going to be raving fan and I will be there in the end to help you guys. Perfect you're looking forward to well. Thank you so much, so thank you so much again to Carmelio for joining us in studio. UM. One thing we didn't really touch on that I think is vitally important to any relationship, just any individual for that matter.

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So give it a shot. I just got a physical and how to speaking of physical condition, where do they see me next year after you're a beach Body on demand. They're not ready. They're not going to recognize into that place. I'm here, by the way, I wasn't here before. Welcome back, Thank you very much. Dad's back. So okay, So now we're gonna have a caller. UM, this is going to be Julie Caine. We'll obviously let her introduce herself. I don't want to lead into too much about this, but

let's get Julie on the phone if we can. Hi, Julie, this is Dean. Are you there, Yeah, David, I have to call you puppy. You're so young, call me puppy. Oh no, yeah, So, now what do you want to know. You know, first of all, some of my friends are mad at you because you hurt Christina s failing and the other thing. My neighbor next door, her name is Christina. And guess what what did she say? I wrote it down.

She told me she said she would like wait, she would take Dean home and show him what older women are all about. How old she Julia. I just want to let you know you're on air. No, I'm not on the podcast. You're on the podcast the same thing. We'll call it the air. It's in the air, it's in the cloud. I don't know how it really works, but I want you to also know that you're joined

with me, Mark Easton, my friend Courtney Um. And to your point, yes, I do deserve a lot of flack what happened between Christine and me, Um, But that was a long time ago. I've learned from my mistakes. This podcast has really helped kind of, you know, get my butt into shape and really kind of hunkered down and figure out what's important to me. So I hope that your friends don't hate me anymore. I hope you guys are tuning into about your Winter Games maybe tonight and

see you know firsthand that I am. I am, and have learned a lot since that kind of bad experience in Paradise. Okay, but Julie phillis in on you a little bit. So Um, as far as I understand that you, I guess I don't want to be a presumptious you fill us in on kind of where you're at right now. Okay, um Um, I was married forty five years. My husband died in January, and I started, Um, I had been dating this guy for eighteen months, and you know he's

steven nine, I'm seventy five. But I will tell you, Um, I really a friend of mine, her daughter was staying with me, and she got me on our website called Zook, and I went, well, I only did coffee. I don't do I never did lunch at dinner because you know, I was just kind of learning and for the rope, learning the rope. So anyways, what I did, a lot

of guys, I mean, they're sure they gotta tummy. Um, I'm kind of I'm really in the cars, and you know I don't do subarus or chargers, and you know I don't do that kind of stuff with a six pack in a rolls Royce. Yes, something. Well, they don't need a six pack at my age, but you know, I mean there are there are a lot of jugs out there. But I do think the dating web dating

websites are good for people my age. I guess my question for you is how has dating changed from those times in the sixties too, now that you're able to be reintroduced to the dating pool. The dating um. You know, I'll tell you something. It is kind of fun, Yeah, it really is. What's what's the most fun part about it? What's the most fun party that you can There's a lot of bonuses you can you can't get pregnant, you

don't care about marriage. You don't care if they spend the night and think, and I don't care if they used by egg. That they all do well, said Julie could have said a bit of myself. So does this dating? Does this apply for more of people of a certain age or That's kind of what you're getting at is you can kind of act a little bit less inhibited. Yeah,

you can be more freely. Yeah. I don't know anyone, but you said earlier you like to get these coffee dates and not really much lunch, but now that I'm in a relationship. Oh you are in a relationship, yeah for eighteen months, but you know that comes and goes well, so as as far as I understand it, Um, you're interested in another man, Yes, I am. We need to hear about that. You know, it's kind of fun. I

just kind of stressing around a little bit. Yeah, you've got a sniff around the go sniffing you know, you know, yeah, exactly, And obviously you haven't lost your sense smell yet, so that's it's still useful. Julie can ask you a question, Um, what are you so your your husband and I'm sorry again passed away in eleven? Did you say so? Since then? Since then? Um, you know, what sort of what were

you looking for in a relationship? Were you like, all right, I've been married, I've done the whole Mary, I'm not sure you've got kids. Maybe you have, but you've done that part of your life. Were you looking just to kind of play around a little bit to live maybe back in your twenties? Yeah, but yes I was. That's what I'm looking for. And this guy that I'm dating, he's on a type budjet and it's not working for me, right, so you want someone who's got a little bit of

cash in the pocket, just spoil you rotten. We'll go No, No, if we travel, I'll paid my own way and he paid his way. You know, we can split dinners. I don't. I don't want to depend on a man at my agent because I have money. I'm very independent now. Perfect. As long as the pockets always full of Viagram, you'll be fine, right. You know. I went to the doctor and I got all fixed up again too. You know, amazing a couple of stitches. I don't know what that means.

I don't know if I want to know what that means. I know what you mean, Julia on the same page as you, don't You are these young uns over here, So Julia tell us about this new guy. He's definite nine really, but he's good in the bedroom, Julie, because it sounds like that's what you're looking for. Yeah, he loves to go to the carnival. Perfect, don't we all rod the merry go around? Yeah, yeah, you know what carnival is. I'm just assuming you're speaking in code on

the end, but that's when I stay. Yeah, yeah, I love it. I think we could learn a few things from yourself, Julia, I mean think alder women have. Yeah, yeah, so it's a myth that the desire drops and you get into your seventies. If a myth, if anything sounds like any does it actually dropped? Kind that women are going to just agree in their late fifty but you can, you know, get out if you go to your doctor, Julie.

If there's one thing that I can relate to you that I've learned through hosting this podcast for the past three months is that communication is incredibly important. I know you're probably you're you're thinking, this guy's twenty six. I'm you know, seventy four. I've been through this before. I don't want to listen to him at all. I just want to say communication is incredibly important. Um So, if you're thinking about having feelings for another guy, just take

that into consideration. You know, definitely you're you definitely don't want to break anyone's heart. You definitely don't want to lead anyone on. Um we don't want to have another Christina situation on our hands here. That's the last thing

any of us want. But it sounds like you're having a lot of fun and we definitely can't talk you too much for that, um, and I'm happy to hear that you know, after your your forty five year long marriage, that you're able to kind of get back on the horse, no pun intended, and it kind of enjoy yourself a little bit. Well, that's what I'm doing. That's exactly what I'm doing. And you know, I kept my shape and I had a pace left, so I feel really good

being out there. That's amazing. That's amazing, and it's great that you're comfortable in your own skin and all that kind of stuff. One of these days when you're down in Los Angeles, if you make it down here, I love to meet you in person because you seem like a firecracker and I just I love to have fun. In fact, everybody always said, oh, we can't have a party without Julie because you know, I just part Let's get that hashtag trending on Instagram. You can't have a

party without Julie. Yeah, Well, I know, Amy, Sugarman, so we can go through. I can go through her. Perfect sounds like a plan. And I'm up up in the Bay Area every once in a while, so maybe we'll cross paths one of these But yeah, I know I have a Las Vegas number, but because we live there, but then I moved to Latea, So yeah, please, I'd love to go out and talk and get to know you're better, but not in that way. On that way, Julie, as a grandmother, everyone could everyone could use that type

of relationship in us. All right, we'll Julie, thank you so much for calling, and we do appreciate you sharing your story. And again, if I can stress one thing, it's communication and honesty. Um, but it sounds like you're having a blast week. We can't. We can't knock you there, So thank you so much for calling in. Maybe we'll circle back with you in a couple of months and see how things have progressed and just kind of catch up with you. Okay, thank you, take care, good luck

with everything. I have a good Valentine's Day. Well, she was interesting. That's exciting. I'm glad that that's not going to go away, because I feel like those go I assume my parents aren't interested in that anymore, certainly not grandparents, but maybe they are. They're just keeping it from us. I would say that they're keeping it from you, probably for good reason. It's gross that that may seem yeah, would you like to be no interest in that? But

good for them. I hope that's still going on. That's good. Glad to hear that you can be that promiscuous. I suppose as well. At yeah, at the rock Pold, I just have any fool. He's dotting around the world and I'm visitting carnivals all over the over the planet, carnivals rotting older the rods at the park they were. I don't easily get uncomfortable, um, but there's just something about that that just makes me uncomfortable. I get it. I understand that, and I mean, we're happy for her, and

I'm glad she's happy, but yeah, yeah, I understand. It's one of those things where it's like you're you're happy for them, but you're like kind of gross out a little. Anyways, what I hope that Julie gets for Valentine's Day tomorrow. I hope that one of these guys that she's dating, that she's going to these carnivals with, is at least taking into consideration that she has needs as a human being, and one of those needs is to look fresh and

fly and fashion forward, fashion forward. If I could talk and the best way to do that, if if if they're on a budget, which it sounds like one of the guys that she's dating is UM, is to go through thread up dot com. And so what thread up dot com is basically this online thrift store where you can set some filters, you can set your size, your styles,

your colors, all that kind of stuff. UM. And instead of having to go to one of these thrift stores to sort through rac after rac after rac and probably not find anything at all, is you're able to do all of that online. You're able to get anything that you want, uh, that you find online for up to off, which is fantastic. A lot of these items still have

tags on them, never even been worn. Every single item has been through a twelve point in quality inspection process ensuring that every item is like new or a new condition. So if you go to thread up dot com slash Dean, that's thread up th h r E d up dot com slash Dean, you'll get an extra thirty percent off your very first order. UM. Whenever I get a do like that, I just throw things in the shopping cars. If you get one first order and you get thirty percent off the already up to make it make it

a big one plus the retail price. So yeah, so you could spend a hundred dollars and potentially save nine on that plus the thirty percent. That's good. I think that math works. UM give it a shot. Go to thread up dot com slash Dan, t h R E, d U P dot com slash Dean for an extra thirty percent off. Again, it's just your first order, so load up that shopping cart with everything you want. They

make returns easy as well. Uh. Sometimes with those closes, sizing can be difficult, so if you get something doesn't fit you quite right, you can send it right back and they'll um either send you the right size or give you US store credit all that kind of stuff. Um. Thread up dot com slash Dean extraty percent off the already up to off retail prices on a lot of

these cool things. We have so many emails and we haven't gotten to any of them, but a lot, a lot with suggestions for the name of this show, and well, I really I think you'd actually be boring to go through all of these because there are so many. So I've picked out a couple that I really like. This person, Maren really likes dating deanong alert, which is my idea for the name of the show dating. So we talked about this a little bit before you you did, okay um.

I think last week I mentioned dating with Dean or dating Dean had merit, but I think that people keep iterating it to dating with Dean, and I like, like dating with Dean as much as dating Dean. Anglert like forgetting Sarah Marshall, like being Jean Malkovich, Like I read the examples, maybe, but I like the form of it. Give me, how does how does we're getting Sara Marshall applied to that? It doesn't at all. It's just it's just the the phrase forgetting Dan Unglet Yeah, forgetting bachelor.

I don't mind anyway this person like that, And they did say add with okay, fine, that's Maren. I did like, who is the one that I really like? Let's see. Isabella had help when dating is rough dudes, and don't dating day to day dating dear Dean? She liked, how about day to day dudes, and don't with Dean. It's a little day to day dating dudes, and don't with Dean. Christy Krista has debatable dating advice with the Angler dating this okay, this is the one I like the most.

This is amy since I feel you guys still need help. A thought of A thought of this one that's not a mouthful, it's not negative and some of you all can agree on. I'm okay with this one. If you are navigating dating with Dean Angler navidating who never dated, I feel like the two words you do nat to can just combined them navigating dating dating. It's no. I think it's too tough for them, she says, love you, Dean,

you are truly a resilient human. That is nice to her to say, just blindly dating with the Unglert Michelle had at ten of them. Can I ask you guys this as producers, because have been in this industry for a while. You how annoyed of me? Are you that I want? I'm lobbying so hard for this name change. Not me, not at all, not at all, um, because was this name your idea? Nope? Exactly, and we're aware of that. Are you offended by the name day? So,

do you feel like you really suck at dating? Like I slapp in the face every time you walk in the studio? Exactly? And I think that only one person can sulf deprecate so much. And we've covered this to the point of Naja. And again that's kind of why I bring the topic up, that you guys might be annoyed by it. But it's like at first it was like a fun little gimmick and there's like fun little satire, but now it's just like, all right, the tricks, the

tricks olds. You know, I think there are people annoyed with you, but I'm not one of them because I also I think it's a fun running bit, but also to get a new four years from now, we're still taking maybe, but I think I think we will come up with one that we like because it is I think it may be time to retire this one. I do agree with you, and it was thrust upon you, yes, but I mean I still agree to do it. So there's only so much wiggle room you can have there.

But I do appreciate you guys aren't completely annoyed to the what's to your what's end right now. I enjoy the days you come in to record your poet. That's part of my week. And when you get a girlfriend, it's kind of doesn't really make that much sense, does it. Yes, well that's part of the problem. Yeah, exactly, Diting Dane, Diting with Dane. Relationship emails before we wrap it up, Karina,

I've madating my boyfriend almost seven years. I love with all my heart and feel like he's my person and my soul mate. Before I go any further, she's twenty four, he's twenty two. They've been together seven years. Okay, so keep that in mind. We had our daughter very young when we started the relationships. So that's another factor here, is that they were teenagers when they started at a baby. As teenagers, we've been through a lot of ups and

downs in our relationship. We were really young, we got together, had to face parenthood, still growing up. A year and a half now, we've been going steady and our relationship has been going great. At this point in my life, I don't see myself with anyone else. I'm ready to settle down, extend our family. I used to push marriage a lot, but I've stopped bringing it up. My co workers and friends remind me he's only twenty two, and even though I might be ready, he might still be

trying to figure everything out. He has brought up the conversation here and there, but how he wants to make me his wife but we're still not engaged. I'm not sure if I should just let it happen or actually have the conversation again. I'm sure that I have made it clear that I want to get married, but I also don't want to scare him off. Seven years together should be enough time for him to know. I guess my question is when is the right time to bring

it up. Otherwise I'm gonna be waiting forever and what if he decides later he doesn't want to get married and I'm wasting my time? Thanks Dan, ps I hope you get your podcast name changed. Yeah, cheers to you, Karina. This is a tough one. This is a This is a unique one, very because you don't really often see uh teenage parents that have been in this this long of a relationship. Right, you know you're going to be connected to this guy for the rest of your life.

Here's a child. Here's my thing with this. And I could be wrong because I'm neither married nor do I have kids, but I think having a kid with someone is more pivotal to a relationship than marrying someone. You could certainly make that argument. Yes, that that is a closer bond, yeah than in a marriage even could be, although there are people who have a one night standing there's very little bond. But I see what you're saying.

But the fact that they're still in a relationship up seven years after already having kids together, I feel like that kid is more bonding than the marriage, like you said, And so I think that she's worried that by bringing up the idea of marriage to him, she's going to scare him off. But if they still have that daughter together, then he's seemingly not going to go anywhere. I don't understand his hesitancy. That'd be interesting to get to him on it. But also he's twenty two. Keep that in mind.

Here's my thing. If you have a child with someone, you are now dedicated to that child to raise that child to the best of your ability and what is best for that child exactly, and what's best for that child more times than not, and I don't know exactly, but it's for them to have a mother and father that are living in the same house. I would agree with that at least two loving parents. So that's my advice. I don't think that she should be scared to bring it up with him and be like, hey, this is

what I need from you right now. And I can understand why she wants to get married, like it's probably the kids, probably like five or six years older. Less. She didn't say here, but but it seems like, yeah. I wonder like did she put a deadline on it? Does she think like, I really don't put a deadline right because there's the kids always going to be there, So I stick it out as both a husband and

a father. What do you what do you advise? I would love to talk to this guy and see where his heads that because I know when I was twenty two, I was nowhere near ready to get married, nowhere near ready to have kids. No, that's very true. I remember being with a woman when I was around twenty two. Wi ish uh, and I ended it for that reason, like I'm not going to marry this woman and this is getting really serious. So I need to just stop this now before it gets any further and people get

hurt worse because this isn't happening. I'm twenty two, I'm not ready the kid. Was it on purpose? I doubt it? So I wonder if that's a factor like this guy's like it feels a little trapped, maybe by the you don't want to say mistakes, but the decisions they've made, the choices they've made. It might feel trapped by that, I think. I think, I think you got to wait it out and bring it up gently from time to time, but hopefully he'll come around. Corny, I feel like there's

just a whole lot of pressure in this situation. I think she's putting too much pressure and emphasis on marriage when they've got a kid and that's a binding enough factor. I think in a relationship they'll stay together because of that. He's twenty two. I think he's probably having pressure third party from his mates. I mean, how many friends of

yours were married at twenty two. I mean, I'm sure the boys when he goes out for a boy's night there and go, you know when you're gonna pop the question? And we used to do it to my friend who's been in a relationship for ten years, and we always used to say. We used to mock him and be like, oh when when when you getting the ring? When are you dropping a knee? And I think that kind of pressure from your friends is enough to kind of want to not do it at the age of twenty two.

I think he'll probably feel it when it's rot and I feel like maybe she's putting too much pressure on him as well. But here's the thing too, because he she was saying that he will sometimes bring up an engagement in marriage all that kind of stuff, so it's definitely in his head. Maybe he's just waiting for the right moment. Yeah, yeah, wedding the pressure is issue is

interesting because the other element of that is getting married. Also, as the guy in the traditional gender roles, he's going to feel the pressure of him now having to support this child, which I'm sorry, he's already working his tail off and support her. Potentially, there's a lot of pressure in that. I remember not wanting to propose until I was more comfortable financially because you just feel the pressure of that in your life. You don't want to be

scrambling and be married with a kid. Weddings are not cheap, and you want to do it right. I guess here's my question for for her, for everyone in the studio too, is I advise not to give him like the ultimatum, Like I don't think that should be Like you need to at least have your mind made up in six

months or something like that. But let's say that they keep going down this path, that the child is brought up under both of them for the next five ten years, and then he decides he doesn't want to be with her anymore. Wouldn't that almost be better because then that allows the child to have been brought up I guess, and all look at least a more familial setting, and

then they can start dating again. I don't know. I'm just trying to I've got friends who are in their late thirties and who have kids and are not married and don't put emphasis on marriage and weddings and rings. And it's like, at the end of the day, what is it. It's a big party, you dressed up nice, you get some cool photos, you wear a ring on your finger. I mean, some people do put too much emphasis, I think, on marriage when realistically it's about the relationship.

Well that's something Karinis should think about it. And I forget who I think it was a celebrity couple maybe, but they were they've been together forever, but they never got married. And the reasoning is we're together because we want to be here and if we didn't want to be here, we would leave. And we don't need a piece of paper to force us to be together. We're here because we want to be So maybe you think

of it that way. Your your your man Karina is there because he wants to be there, and you'll both be there as long as you want to be that's true. So I think the consensus here is do not do not push him to make a decision of things, just kind of unfold or allow him to mature, and at a certain age he's going to realize what's important, what he wants, what his priorities are, and hopefully it's the child and hopefully it's great. I know we talked about

age a lot on this podcast. He's twenty two, she's twenty four. And I know it's hard to like generalize and and all that kind of stuff, but he's younger than she is. She's had a child. I would venture to say that she's more mature, so she's more ready for the marriage aspect. He um to Courtney's point of seeing all his friends go out and you know, go to the bars, all that kind of stuff. Um, but the fact that he is still around is very telling.

That he wants to be there. He's just like struggling maybe with his identity, what whether he wants to be a father, whether he wants to go out with his friends and party that kind of stuff. But he's there. He's there because he wants to be right. And you're right. Women are always more mature than men. I think, like, if you're at the same age, the woman is more mature. So the fact that she's two years older than she is than he is, she's way more mature. All Right.

This woman just calls herself, Am I crazy? Yes? All right? She's twenty six, he's twenty eight. And I'm just gonna summarize this one because I think I've got it down pretty well. Um. They were having some issues, some tense situations, and she was about to leave for a trip to Europe, and she said, I can't do this anymore. Let's break up, and he kind of flipped about that. The next morning they talked and she said, Okay, let look, I'm going

to Europe. Let's take a week. We're gonna think things through and see if he can invest in our relationship. She leaves for Europe, she comes back and he's weird he's weird because he then admits that he slept with someone while she She was furious, but more saddened by everything in the thought of losing her person. That's a

very sweet and sad way of putting it. She still wants to be with him, and they've they've spoken sense, but he will not admit that he cheated because he says this situation was not cheating because back to the Old Friends episode, we were on a break. She says, we weren't on a break. We're gonna take a week and think about things, but that doesn't constitute a break necessarily, and he was in the wrong. She really wants him as part of her life, even if it's just friendship.

She says that my nuts, I've always gone with my gut and something is telling me to keep fighting for us. Should I just move on and leave it behind or follow my intuition? Oh this is the ps that that bothered me. She said, I didn't much watch much of Rachel Lindsay's season, but I truly enjoyed this podcast. Your genuinity, which I don't believe is a word, but I like it,

justin misused the word. Your Your genuinity is refreshing, and I love the relationship between you and Mark sort of father's son, oh man, But then followed up a big broll little bit. Yeah, I'll take big roll, little ro But then I did the math in my head. I was like, yeah, okay, father, so my son is actually older than Okay, so what do we think here? Follow

your intuition, keep fighting. I think that if he actually cheated, and if she actually believed that he cheated on her, her gut wouldn't still be telling her to fight for him. So you don't think she believes he cheated, or at least doesn't believe he's a cheater. I'm gonna say, no, he didn't change. That's one. It's a tough one. But if they didn't have that conversation, which she initiated saying like, I feel like we need a break here, then if they were solid when she went to Europe, then it's

a different story. If he saves someone, then that's a changing. But if they're on this bright thing from a woman's point of view, I think they look at this and say, he couldn't go a week without sleeping with somebody else? Did she means that little to him? That all she did was opened the door the slightest crack, and he runs out and gets into bed with somebody else. And

that's the flip side for sure. I mean it's always funny too, especially when I don't think this relationship ended when she went for Europe once Europe, but um I had this. I'm sure there has been like like have wrote about it, like a meme about it or something like that, where when two people break up for however long they've been dating, the guy in the short term is very excited and very ready to move on to the next girl, and the girl is very heartbroken and

not ready to move on. And then like I would say, like three weeks is kind of three weeks of the cut off line to where then the guy becomes depressed about not having that relationship and then the girl is excited. So it's like, oh wow, short term guys excited. Long term he's upset, short term girls upset, long term she's excited.

Flips of three weeks, Yes, whatever the time is. But that's kind of like the way the maturation of the post mortem of the relationship, and it's also different ways of coper like that is a guy I have freedom, let me, let me, I'm gonna deal with my stress by proving I've still got it and go out and and then he realizes that he needs that other significant other than his life. Then it gets upset. I'm saying in this situation, the breakup, it sounds like they broke

up in a sense because he fought for it. She was like, well, I don't know, I don't know what. Here's the quote. We would take a week to think things through, to see if he could invest in our relationship. So the week was established he was only going to be awake. It's not like that now, good point, it's only I actually love you and it's only been awake. It's not an open ended break in, which would be

he'd be more free to do what you want. One makes it different, then, yeah, if you if you specified that it's only gonna be seven days and you actually are okay, we're gonna take a five year break. You cannot allow took up with anyone else. Five years. We're going to reassess our relationship, come back to it and see where we're from there. I don't know if I necessarily agree with that. Well, so here's the hurdle. Like it seems like they still want to be together right there.

They're still talking, they're still around each other, and he won't admit to cheating. So I guess the question is, why is that so important to you? Am I crazy that he admits the cheating? Yeah? Why is that important? Here's the thing he's not admitting. He's admitting to a year idea of cheating. He's admitted to the thing that he performed, the physical, actually perform He admitted of that. He confessed it. Yes, so what you have to put a light blow it? Why is that so important? I'm

wondering if maybe we can you two can get past this. However, you can get past it. He sees it one way, you see it another way. It is what it was. Did she sleep with anyone in Europe? That's the thing. Maybe she's upset that she didn't take that portunity. Maybe she tried to couldn't get anyone else. I'm just gonna go back to him. My advice is acknowledge what happened and move on with you and him as you are right now? Can that work? Don't worry about whether it

was or wasn't infidelity. I don't think that he cheated on you. I don't think what he did was good, but I don't think it was cheating. I think that if you still have if your guy still tells you to pursue him, to pursue it. This is Rachel Um. It's interesting because I can relate to this one. She's twenty nine, pretty active data living in San Francisco. A few months ago, she matched with the guy in Bumble and they were trying to play. On their first date,

she said, how about this cool pop up bar? He said, you know what, I don't drink, but I'd love to go, and I hope that's okay. She's okay, let's just get coffee and stead He said, okay. Uh. He followed up for a second date and she said no because the whole sober thing was in the back of her head. She's not a party girl, but drinking is part of her leisure and social life. She'd like it, and he significant other drink too. So last week she matched with

another guy. Before they went out, he said, by the way, I don't drink. So she's attracting these guys for some reason. But she was hesitant, but she did go out with them. It was great, but she did feel like there was an elephant in the room when she ordered a drink and he didn't. She says, why does it bother me? Do other people feel the same way? I think drinking is so ingrained into today's dating culture, since most first dates are meeting for drinks. I tried to dry January,

and sober dating itself was an experience. Side note, She's applied for the Bashel three times. Dean, do you have any tips for her to get on the bach. We'll get to that side note later. I will say that it really depends on what Rachel plans to get on a get out of a relationship. If she wants to just kind of date, casually hook up with people, then she should be looking I guess maybe using that as a vetting process. If they don't drink, then maybe you

can't be interested in them. But if she wants like a long term, meaningful relationship, I think the guys that don't drink are better suited for that. And I know both of you don't drink, Eastern and Mark, and I think that a guy that doesn't drink is much more open and committed to the idea of a long term relationship than a guy that does go out in party every weekend. That's interesting. So I've never I've never been a drinker. I've never been drunk. I don't know anything

about that whole world. When my wife and I started dating, uh, she you know, didn't drink much because she was underage. Uh And to this day, she drinks wine and that's about it. But she will get drunk. She'll go out and party with her friends. She always has a designated driver. That's a plus, that's me. But she doesn't get to drink with her partner. But she's known that, never noted any other way. But she's fine with that. She just drinks with her friends. Her parents loved that. I was Mr.

Responsibility that that that was pretty cool. So anyway, I would say, my only advice is, don't count someone out for that. And again, I think it really depends on what she wants to get out of the relationship. I think the guy that's sober is very much more dedicated to having a meaningful long term relationship than a guy that parties every weekend. That's my advice. And have a good sense of who they are and what they want in life. To take things more seriously in the romantic world.

I would say there's there's two sides of this because I I have never drank. I've never tried drags. I've I've been totally sober my entire life. I grew up in a lot of the straight edge community. I was in strange bands and stuff. I knew a lot of kids that didn't drink, that were total losers, that like,

you know, they didn't try in school. They were just like like they kind of held this sobriety as a you know, as a um, you know, a respectable part of their personality and felt like that was the one thing they could kind of hang on to. It's like, hey, I don't drink. I'm a great guy. I have two point five grade point everything exactly like I got horrible grades. I don't have a job. I'm kind of a loser,

but hey, I don't drink, you know. So um, I think it's in terms of like looking at it to reflect on somebody's personality, it's, uh, you know, you can use it as a as a kind of guideline, but also it's definitely something to get to know someone more about. But that being said, don't kind of out for not drinking, right And the other question, which you can get to eventually on a date is why have they just simply

like me. I've just made that choice. My dad had some issues with it, so I know I'd probably enjoyed a lot, so I don't want to go anywhere near it. So and that's just a choice I've made in life. But sometimes there's guys that are sober for a reason and they've got quite a path, or they have real issues with alcohol, are very addictive personality, and none of that should be a deal breaker either. But it's just

more information about situation before you make that decision. Um So Alex Bordakov from my season the Russian didn't get much screen time. Not many people know about him just because he I don't know for whatever reason, but he doesn't drink at all, and whenever we go out together, it's funny because he's always the one act even more outrageous than any of them to drink. He's like dancing on tables, taking a shirt off, that kind of stuff,

and he's more fun than any of us. So just because someone's not drinking too it, I mean, I guess it feels weird for the person's ordering a drink and the other person is not, but doesn't mean it's gonna be any less fun. That's a really good point, because I do. I was at Eastern's wedding. I was riding a guy's shoulders at one point, like, I had a blast something about being around drunk people, kind of all the inhibitions going. Would you date somebody who doesn't drink, Yes,

no problem, no problem at all. I think I dare to say it. Almost prefer it really because I think I mean, I drink socially, um, once or twice a weekend. Um, you see it as a plus. I see it as a social thing. I could see how cutting back would be beneficial. Not that they like need to cut back by any means, but it you just feel more responsible. I guess when you're not drinking quite as often. I

don't know. I'm on the flip side to you. Um. For me, I mean, yeah, I date someone who doesn't drink, but at the same time, I want my partner to be my best friend. And I have some of the

best nights out randomly. I mean, I don't I don't drink, you know, every week or every weekend or whatever, but some of the best nights I've had with my best friends have been nights out on the turn where you have pre drinks at home, you play games and everyone gets a little silly, and then your party on and you know, nightclub crawl and whatever, and then you wake up next to each other and just go away pretty

hung over. Let's get a bacon and eggs and coffee and um, so drop up together and just lays around on the beach. Um. I think, yeah, that it's it's an experience you can have with your best friend and so yeah, yeah, yeah, that makes a lot of sense. Um. I think it definitely can go either way on that one for me personally, So I would say, don't rule it, don't rule them up because of that, but get a little more information, get to know them as a person. You wanted to know how to get on the bach

three times? Can you give me some tips to get through things? He's a tape You've applied three times? Done try. Maybe they just haven't cast the bachelor that's right for you. Keep trying. Do they do that? Do they try to match people up with the right bachelor? I don't think. I remember in Australia they had two bachelorettes that would

considering right down to the last time. And I had two separate costs forecast forecast for each girl, and so when they decided on the actual girl, they're like, these are all the boys that it goes? Was that the season you were on? Yeah, so the other guy with cast you never wouldn't have gone on. That's mind blowing. And I guess, Okay, there you go. So yeah, maybe it is the guy. Maybe they're just waiting to find the right guy that suits whatever you're I guess questionnaire answers,

what other what other criteria do they look for? What could you do to stand out more? Is there anything in the audition process? Well, so I'm a weird I'm like the black sheet because I didn't nessarily go through the audition process or anything like that. UM, I do a good looking, scraped off straight and when you're on

not No, not because of that. UM. I do have heard like success stories of like friends that have been on the show, Like they send like an outrageous audition tape essentially, so I would say, like, the more outrageous about dations you can be on your audition tape, probably the better. Um, just just because the show loves personalities. No one really wants to have someone still on there,

and they want to They want somebody who they remember. Remember, if they watch a hundred tapes in a row, the ones they remember, the ones are gonna want, right, I will say, um, as I was going because I still although I didn't go through the audition process, I still met with plenty of the producers before I went on the show, like two at a time, over the course of a couple of weeks. Um. So if you didn't know audition, how did you? Um? You knew somebody to

bet at the producer? Wow? How funny? Um? And so I sat down with a couple of the executive producers and they're like, telling me your story, And I mean, I just have an interesting story, I guess. So they were like, Okay, this kid, you know, grew up in a weird way and that's what we find interesting about him, even though he's like a normal person. Um. So they

love like the outrageous unique types. I guess. All right, one more And this is a very astute point from Leah h being made a comment about being insecure, even more so after being in on TV. I was reading the speak about something called imposter syndrome, which I felt kind of made sense for Dean. It sounds terrible. I

got the same kind of feeling. I grew up very poor and have excelled in my life to the point where I feel like I'm an impostor among a bunch of successful people, always afraid they'll realize I don't fit in or something. We have to recognize that we are where we are because of our accomplishments, our dedication, and our effort. It's not just dumb luck that Dean has made it to where he is. He should feel deserving

by the way he's a ps. She met her husband on Plenty of Fish and they just celebrated to the three year wedding anniversary. After meeting several people who didn't want anything serious, I just began to be completely upfront with everyone that talked about about wanting a relationship, and then finally I found him. I or my heart and my sleeve and it worked. So happy. Good advice for Erica and whoever else. Well. Congratulations on three years, Leah.

That's great. Um. The impostor syndrome is interesting because I feel like Cortney can kind of attest to this as well. I don't think that. I don't know, what do you think? Um, I think you are. You're a product of your own success, and I think you've pat yourself in the back and you deserve everything you've got. If you've made it to that point in your life, then you've worked hard for

it and you've got there because you deserve it. And yeah, again, you should just give yourself all there in the world. And I think anyone you surround yourself with should recognize that as a compliment. Accomplishments, recognize you where you came from and just deployed you for it. Yeah, I suppose I don't necessarily look at myself as a successful person

by any search of the imagination. And what's funny, too, is I look at Ben as incredibly successful Ben Higgins, and I remember, I think he posts an Instagram video not too long ago about how he was like, I did nothing to deserve this platform here. I am granted this ability to reach you know, million people, whatever it is,

and I was like, I mean, that's exactly. I think he kind of feels the same way, where he's not necessarily living up to his full potential, although he's doing an incredible job and doing so many things, um but as as me, I look up to him as successful even though he livesn't look up to himself as successful in a lot of ways, which is just weird. I feel like a lot of people may be too harsh

on themselves. I think the insecurities honestly, And this might be why I'm trying to change the name so hard. Is because of this name of this podcast. If you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, that's when you start kind of being addict, you know.

And I like, I put myself down so often coming in the studio, and you know, I talked about my podcasts, all my friends and people that I meet on the street, all that kind of stuff, and it's just like, well, I mean, I'm gonna get a little insecure about you. Look around the room and it just says Dane sucks at dip. And if if you looked at if you walked into your office every morning, it had it quite a bad how terrible you are something, it would probably

get you giving you a complex. It's not just a bad name, it's making you insecure even more. Stared at it for hours a day. I promoted on my social channels. You guys listen to my podcast, Like what if you went home and Namy was like, Hey, Mark, you suck at producing? How you have a job you go at here today? Well, you know, it's funny with the imposter syndrome because I actually have had I've put together quite

a little career in radio here. I've been in radio for twenty six years now and I'm the executive producer of V with Ryan Secret. But every day as I wanted the halls here, I don't feel like I've never felt like I belong. I've never felt like I'm supposed to be here. I always felt like I've somehow gotten to this point and it's not gonna last much longer. Absolutely, it's just a testament to how much you love your job though, Like you walk in and go, wow, this

is where I How did I get here? And that's probably why you've been here for slone because you actually walk in and you surprise yourself every day like this is pretty cool. I think the people who did my job before me, like those guys knew what they were doing. Like I'm just trying to figure out on a day to day basis, get through it and go home. I will say that whenever people ask me about this podcast and you get brought up because I mean, essentially you're

like a host of this podcast. Thank you. Nothing but the highest things to say about you because you do got you do have such a presence about you, and you are so gifted at doing this and you do guide things. You're essentially the glue that holds this entire podcast together. In my eyes, that's very nice. So the fact that you're saying that again, it's the thing to you. Look at Ben Higgins, he says the same thing. He's like, well, I don't think I'm successful. I you said the same

thing right now too. It's it's crazy because, um, I look at you and I see someone that's incredibly talented. Even when Jackson was in here, uh he was like yeah that guy Mark like he taught me all these things and in a short amount of time, like all that kind of stuff. So um, it's just weird to see the way that we view ourselves versus the way. It is interesting. It is very I wonder does does

Bill Gates feel that way? Ask Ryan Secret? Secret? I think, honestly, there are times, who does I think maybe it's humility there's a big part of it, and that's important if you're someone like the Kardashians. Okay, sure a lot of those girls were born into it from their parents, you know, Kendall and Kylie and and whatnot, So they were born in the spotlight, and people like, uh, well, you know Michael Jackson's kids, even Michael Jackson was a star from

a young age and whatnot. But I think that it's different for families and kids who are who are born in the spotlight, but for people like ourselves who have kind of got to the position through hard work and sure twist and turns of fate and whatever, but we've always been the right time, at the right place, in the right situation and being dedicated and motivated enough to push ourselves further and climb the ladder, pay yourself on

the back. Yeah. And also, you don't want to forget the amount of luck involved and then huld help involved, absolutely, and when you forget that stuff, that's when you start to lose touch with the reality. I think I've worked with Ryan Secrets for eight years now and he definitely is continuing to do radio for a reason because he doesn't take for granted the fact that he gets to talk to all these people on the radio every morning, he can take calls from people that people take the

time to tune into him in the morning. Like he's still very honored by that, and that's why he's still doing it, because he still sees it as a privilege, not as a chore, not as a house or not something that's beneath him or I hear so many people say to me, secrets is still doing radio? Seriously yea, he isn't even doing so many different things for this time. Its a down to worth, humble bloke that recognizes his beginnings and appreciate It's great. He's one of my biggest idols,

has been since I was a little kid. I love him today. Well, we'll have to get you in here to meet him. And here we are. Yeahast it's just I'm climbing the ladder to meet Ron. Gotta go through Dean for through of everybody. Yeah, um, alrightll I want to get extend one more. Thank you too. Well. First of all you three, Mark Easton and Courtney for joining

me in studio. Um Carmelia Ray Season three of Momberous Matchmaker, which premieres later this spring on Mixed TV Seasons one and two are available online as well Mixed tv dot Com. Big thank you to Julie Kane who just continues with the uncomfortable nous and you know, we appreciate hearing about the carnival rides these boyfriends that she has. It's an inspiration though. At the end of the day, you know,

it gives us hope to cling onto that. You know, even if God forbids you lose someone as important as your husband of forty five years, you're still able to kind of get back on the horse and um maintain a certain level of happiness, which she she seems to have. So um, keep the emails coming. I suck a dating at iHeart media dot com. Uh and email I just said, will hopefully be changing pretty soon. That'd be yeah, what would have changed to you? Let's be dating with Dina

I heard media dot com. I said, I personally think would just be Dean and I Heart media dot Com. But I don't know if that's why don't we change it right now to Dean at iHeart media dot com. Can we do that Eastern or is that hard? I have to make sure there's not another Dean Heart Media dot com because I try to get easton that I hurt Media dot Com and there's already one you can do me. That's what East one two is what I

ended up. Yeah, that makes sense. Um. Anyways, I figure if we do it now that way, it will make the change later on easier because we'll already have the email address kind of ingrained in the culture of the show. Have we decided on a name though we haven't. No, no, But if it's just Dina, I hurt Media dot Com into it. And then if no, matter what we change the name to, it can just remain Dean and I Hurt Media dot Com And that will be fun for

for listeners. They can just email Dean, did I hurt Media? And as long as it keeps bouncing back you know, this hasn't worked yet, and then if it doesn't success, I might just buy that dummy. Um. Next week we'll be talking Bachelor Winter Games. I'm joined in studio by some of my lovely co stars, Leslie Kevin and the wonderful Courtney again two weeks in a row. I don't know if you guys are are excited about that. I'm sure you are, because um looking forward to seeing Leslie.

Oh really, Oh great that I together. I don't know, I just I just like you two together. You haven't really seen us together, no, but I just on paper. I like it, and us weekly I like it. Okay, what the children are gonna look like? It looks good. Yeah. So next week we're gonna be two episodes into bachel Winter Games. I'm excited for I have snuck. Um. I somehow was able to sneak my way into watching episode one, which airs tonight, and it's hilarious and I've only heard

that it gets better and I've heard so. I was at Chris Harrison's pro am golfer room up in Pebble Beach this weekend, um, and we were like watching and play a couple of holes of me Ben. We're walking along with him and hang out with one of his friends that golfl with him up in like west Lake. I can't remember where it was, um, but his friend was saying that Chris never talks about the Bachelor, like whenever they're hanging out his friends playing golf whatever it is.

But now Chris is like weirdly excited about Bachelor Winter Games. Like he's like talking about how it was like the most fun he's ever had on the show, and how um the show is, in his eyes, the most entertaining that he's produced so far. And so it's weird to hear from a friend that he's actually talking about a show that he's worked on. And I know he's done what twenty two seasons Batchel, thirteen seasons Batcherette, So he

probably gets tired of talking about it. Um and Winter Games kind of has like the the allure of the new show and all that kind of stuff. But it's fun to here how excited the executive producers of the show. It seems like a great idea for a show. I'm looking forward to it. It's sure we all wish it was longer, even like four episodes is not enough anyways, Thatchler Winter Games. Tune in tonight at eight pm on ABC.

You'll watch the premiere. It'll arrogant on Thursday this week eight p m. Same time, and then next week we have Tuesday Thursday, and then I believe we'll have a one hour live finale on Thursday. Be sure to tune in. We're filming it on Friday this week. Oh, I'm traveling to Honduras with Ben Higgins, UM, a cast member from Better Winter Games who cannot be named right now. UM, and some of some of my little female female he

didn't have to give that. Several others. We're going with the Humanity of Hope organization that Ben's worked with in the past. And one of my great friends actually who's getting married in May of this year, who helps put it all on too. She's she's coming out with us, so we're gonna be out in Hunduras for about thirteen days. UM. All right, well, thanks again for two ding uh tuning in. This has been help. I suck at dating. I'm Dean Angler, and maybe next week I'll suck a little bit less.

Follow Help I Suck at Dating with Dean Anglert on I Heart Radio or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts. Follow Hell the Angler on I Heart Radio or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts. How about this