#15 Float Like a Butterfly, Bumble Like a Bee

for tuning in. UM joined in studio again by you know him, you love him Marking Easton Special guests say Hi more Hello, Hi, Hey, Hi, UM. Special guests in studio today to a good friend of mine from high school who lives here in Los Angeles and we are rekindling our friendship. So he's joining us in studio. Taylor, you want to say hi Hello? All right, cool, happy to be a hair dam things. Hey, Happy to have you. UM.

So we have a good episode today. We're gonna be responding to a few more emails as we typically do. Love those emails because you know, it really just I guess it shows to me that people are even listening to this thing, because yeah, that's that just makes me feel good and great stories and situations and you need help and they turn to you, they say help Dean. You know, for some reason, the fact that people confide

in me for dating advice still blows my mind. I'll like even get like d ms or tweets at me that are saying like, hey, Deane, I need dating advice, And I'm just sitting to myself, why are you asking me for dating advice? But you know, it's true that some people that have that give great advice have trouble

following themselves. I think it's great do as I say, Yeah, exactly, And and I will say that I can see the benefit of getting a twenty six year olds perspective on the dating pool in today's America, Cause a lot of these girls, I don't think, have that outlet to have an unbiased opinion from a twenty six year old male to kind of tell them maybe what's going on and what's going on well and what's not going on well. Do we have a theme this week? Last week we

had breakups. This week's theme is dating apps, very common situation. Before we get to that, let's see what's in the news. Oh, Dean's in the news. Wow, look at that Dean Ungler. It is all over the news. Now, this is funny because Dean gets really uncomfortable in this situation because there are certain things he can say and certain things he

can't say. Most of the things I can't say, So well, I can just say this, then I could just I found an article on us weekly dot com that says the bachelorettes Dean Ungler is dating bachelor lum Leslie Murphy and that they were hanging out at the Sundance Film Festival in Parks City of Utah on Friday night. They were holding hands, walking through a party of looking very much like a couple talking only to each other. This was on e This was on US Weekly. This was

all over the place. I found another article, seven facts you need to know about Dean Unglard's new girlfriend Leslie Murphy. So can you confirm you are dating someone? What I can say is, I was at Sundance this past Weekend's great, great time. Park city is beautiful. Um, they got some snow, so I got a snowboard a little bit. Um. I think that Leslie Murphy was there too. Uh, there's pictures over there, so I think we can confirm that she was there. Yeah, we can confirm that she was physically

present at sundance. Um, we can confirm that you were there. Can we confirm that you're in a relationship with someone? Okay, we can't really confirm anything. And are you being coy or are you just obeying the rules that were laid down by ABC in which you can't talk about anything that may or may not happen in Winter Games. What I can confirm is that Winter Games is going to

be awesome. And I think that you as a listener, and Mark and Easton and Taylor, she all tune into watch and then maybe, you know, in a month or so from now, I can start to confirm some things. Okay, So you're not just being coy, you you're I know that when you do these shows you have to sign

certain agreements. My life is currently owned by ABC right now, right okay, So once that's all in the past, we'll be able to hear more about this or we won't hear more about it, depending I don't know what the current situation. I mean, I know what the current situation is, but you guys not knowing on the outside, doesn't you know? Plus, even if you were there, are you not allowed to like walk next to someone or hold hands with someone, Like hanging out with holding hands seems a little bit

of a bigger stuffs friends, do you Yeah? We held hands in the car? Sure enough? Yeah, Mark, you kind of nailed on the head. This makes me uncomfortable, just because just because I don't want to overstep my boundaries. I don't want But I'll tell you what. I'm happy. That's great. I think that's the most importance all that matters. Should we If we're going to change the title of this show would have happened soon. Help I suck it? Dating? Yeah,

transition to help I suck it? Relationships? Well, we'll see. Well the season two rebranding something else. I thought we should talk about. Tanya, who's going to come in here in a minute, is meeting with a matchmaker next week, okay, professional matchments. Before she could do that, she was asked to bring a list of things she needs to see in a man that she wants to date. For her, it was faith, it was family. Uh, it was five four or above because she's five four, so she didn't

want anybody shorter than her. I would say population. Anyway, she had this list, so I was gonna ask you the sort of things that are on your list that you would like to see in a woman, as apparently still single dean who's still trying to find a partner, what are the kinds of things you're looking for in a woman? Uh? Okay, thinking from single Dean's perspective, I

don't know how to handle this. All right, Well, I guess what I can say before jumping into that is that I'm not single, because I think it is ousted via E News. I just read it. I'm not single. Okay, Well we'll just say that. Okay, but as single dean putting myself in those shoes, you know, rewound two months, three months however long ago that I wasn't single since the last time I've spent so long I can't even remember. Um are we talking about like nonality traits? Physical traits

would be anything. Here's an example of of somebody who sent one in This is the perfect man list. She keeps it on her in her notes app on her phone. Tall, funny, intelligent but not arrogant, athletic, dog lover, good friends, cute, but so there's physical as well. Family guy I'm assuming not the show, but he's actually the family guy, not an only child, like that's pretty specific. Enjoys drinking but doesn't get angry when he drinks. I think she may

be coming off a bad relationship. This is a This is a woman who sent in her lift for Tanya to so like she can compare and contrast. Uh So, I don't know I say who it is, but it's just a listener, very giving, enjoys helping others, has future goals, is very secure with who he is, is available, and it's respectful of others. So it's a wide range of personality traits, physical traits, everything that was So you're thinking

your listen to be shorter than that. I mean, off the top of my head, I can come up with a couple. I love someone that has a personality. I think that that's actually I just realized this not too long ago, that um, a personality is it's kind of rare to even come by someone that just is, uh, I don't know, unique in their own way. You know a lot of people just kind of conform to what society tells them to do, and it's fine. It gets them what they needed to get to in life, and um,

they're happy, etcetera. Etcetera. But like a personality where someone is um, you know, like vibrant and personable and can create conversation out of thin air. Like that's pretty rare to come by these days, and I think that that really is important to me. Um, someone that is decisive. I like someone that can make decisions. And I think

that comes from me not liking to make decisions. So if someone can make decisions for me, um, because I'm a pretty easy going guy and so it doesn't really take a lot to kind of like swade my interest to be into something. So someone's like, let's go do this, I'll be like, yeah, a percent, let's go do that. Um, So that's important to me. I think physically speaking, I don't really have much of a type or like there's

no real barrier to entry physically speaking. Right, you might prefer a hair color over another, but that's not a deal wreaker. But I think I even prefer a hair color. I've really noticed this might be over sharing. I've really

noticed that. Actually I'm not gonna say that, Okay, I think okay, I'm a big snuggler, right, and so, like physical touch is my number one love language, and that really blows down to like like when I'm dating someone and when we're like sharing a bed together at night, I like to kind of like wrap myself up with them as like a pretzel. And what I've weirdly noticed is that blondes, when their skin on skin contact of just like snuggling, there's more sweat. I don't know if

it's like a genetic thing, blonde sweat more. Just yeah, I've noticed this, and it's like it's not it's not like a profuse, like like it's We're not like sitting in a swamp or anything like that, but it's just like, you know, it's it kind of gets sweaty. I don't know if we have any natural blonds around here, Erica, are you a natural blonde? Am I a natural blonde? Um? Yeah, but not this bond. Do you sweat a lot more

than like a brunette would? Maybe? Do you do? I don't like judge my sweat levels with burnettes, like that's all something we do. I sorry to compare to others how much you? But do you sweat a lot? Sure? I could state because I'm married to a natural blonde and she does not sweat anymore than she actually doesn't sweat at all, I've noticed. Okay, that could just be what I induce in her. I just don't you know, I could just need to be put in more work.

But that's an interesting I don't know, it's an interesting conclusion to draw or just be like me and don't snuggle at all and just see I have. And so my thing is, I'm not a sweat at all. I don't sweat at all. Very very rarely will I sweat. And so maybe that makes me hyper aware of the sweat that's around me at certain times. Does it gross you out or it's just an observation, it's just it.

It makes it. It leads to uncomfortable nous or uncomfortability, which makes like snuggling harder and sleeping a little bit more difficult too. And again I'm just talking out of my ass. Yeah, necessarily exactly, and data backed by any means. I'm gonna be looking this up and see if there's any to this from my own personal experience. That's that's kind of what I've noticed. Um here comes Tanya, Tanya, I don't want to dwell on this list. We have one more person that we found, so we could are

you blond naturally, yes, but not this blond. That's exactly what Erica said. Do you sweat a lot? Okay, maybe there is something to this. Dean has decided that blonds that he's been with sweat more than non blonds that he's been with. Interesting, Yeah, I sweat a lot. Um Again, back to the original points. I don't say you don't want to be exactly exactly. That's not the case whatsoever.

I've just noticed in my experience with and and me like knowing what I like in terms of the physical affection that I require, it's harder to not go with a blonde for that reason. It's weird. I know it's weird. Let me be the first to say it's weird. I don't just like perst fire when I'm standing around, so I think was I was just talking to Mark and Easton about this. It's like when they're skin to skin contact, like when you're spooning or something like that, it creates

like a like a sweat pocket. And it's like it's like when you like sit with like no shirt on and a leather chair or something like that, and like you get up and the leather chair do you ever have to be a little spoon. Oh my god, all the time. Would that help with the sweat equation or no? Well then it's just my back hast sweat on it instead of my stomach having I'm just trying the problem solved, you know. I think sweat compatibility is very important in

a successful relationship. Eastern clearly has it. He just said that him and his wife don't sweat when they're snuggling. No, now, we process energy differently. She always says it, and says sweating. She shoots sugarcubes out her belly button. Wait, what where does that come from? Wise? Sugarcubes? How do the belly button? That's ah, that's just what she explains. It is very cute. I don't sweat that much either. I do a lot from under the arms. But am also not a blond,

so I don't know what you're looking for. I'm not the one on trial here. People call me a blond more frequently they should. I don't think. Yeah, I don't know why people are like, are you blond or burnette? I'm like, well, I'm definitely burnette. Well, because your your hair is like, um, I think it's kind of shiny. Well, it's like it's a light brown, which is considered like dirty blonde. Well here's the thing. I sweat like a like a brown haired person, which means not very much

at all. But some people still mistake me as a blonde. And I'm like, no, you can stumble with me, and I promise I won't spit that much. This conversation got real fast. Um what else? What other? Uh? We were talking about your lift? Tan? Yeah? Yeah for the matchmaker until we're asking Dean what's on his list? Yeah? So far are you hasn't had much personality decisiveness? Yes, he likes a unique personality, a person like who knows who they are and is not afraid to be that right. Yeah,

I think. I think again, I'm very easy going to where I don't need someone to be of a certain faith or of a certain aged career, whatever it is. I just, you know, as long as you can mesh well with someone, I think that's the most important thing. So don't care. Would you date a twenty year old if it felt right? Would you date a forty year old if it felt right? I don't think that. I don't like, I don't I wouldn't judge someone for their age.

I like it. I don't know what's on your list an you faith family, job, Um, those are like my main So would you date someone that doesn't confine into the ideal faith that you need them to have had a long chat about this, because because you hear that often, I guess it's a question you hear a lot of people are like, I require I really want someone that's very uh devout in the whatever they followed. Ideally, it would be nice if he was the same faith as me. Um,

it's not a deal breaker. I just want someone that has faith. A lot of people now say like, I'm very spiritual, A lot of that and that religious, but I'm spiritual. I never go to church, but I'm spiritually. Like, if he's down to pray with me, you know, maybe kind of church with me. So are all good things. So what if it's someone that's that doesn't have this incredible faith but is open minded enough to at least give it a shot with you, I'd be down with that.

Would you be almost more down for that someone that's willing to compromise too. I want to be more of the person that you want them to be through that avenue. I guess that makes sense. Yeah, like like, yeah, yeah, we don't need to dive into it too much. But that makes sense. Okay, what else is? What else is on my list? Let's think about that for a second. I don't know. There's no height requirement. I would be hard to date someone's taller than me, but I don't

think I've ever met a girl it's taller. And there's no body requirements full chested, flat chested. You don't care, no, I know. I had the same discussion with Mark, and he was trying to get me to pinpoint dump and I'm like, physical really doesn't matter so much to me. Attraction correct, and you're attracted to certain kinds more than others, not necessarily, Okay, yeah, And I think it's a when you see it sort of thing. And I think I think we talked about this in like episode three, very

early on. I'm not very like, I'm not very sexually in person, so it's not like physical. I guess presence really doesn't mean much to me because sex is the driving factor of any relationship. Figures in the physical touches high is your number one love language. And yet you don't feel like you're a sexual, Well I don't. I think physical touching sex are different, very different in my eyes.

And that's kind of why before I even know what love languages, where I was so hesitant to tell people that love or that physical touch was my favorite thing because people I automatically associate that with like sex and all that kind of stuff too. Um, But that's not the case at all in my opinion. Like for me, um, fit was fit is on my list too. I don't need someone that's like, has a six pack and like

crazy muscles. It's not fit. It's like enjoys having a fitness lifestyle because I like to work out and I like to you know, do active things, and I live lifestyle, especially lately, you live a very Yeah, So I want a partner that you know has that same kind of lifestyle. I think another one for mine is adventurousness. That's the

word someone that's venturous. I think that's important, someone that likes to explore, to would like to travel somewhere on a description of somebody if someone's like, I don't know traveling all the time going on in a cool places, yeah, and wanted to share those experiences with me because I like to travel. I like I'm curious. I think curiosity is very important, and you know what it's important to know what you want, so you're a step ahead Dean. No,

that's the thing. I don't know what I want. Well, I know what i want, but I'm still learning a lot about But what else I want, I don't know. You know, Taylor, you've known Dean for a long time. Yes, were you close in high school? Really best friends? You spent like, oh god, like six days a week in my house probably, you guys know. I mean my high school experience fame familiar. Why speaking was a little bit rough.

So I spent a lot of time at Taylor. So my house was on the same road as the high school. So a lot of people have just come by and all my food and leave, and Dean was one the ones that would stay. There's so many milestones in Indian life, and many of them tragic. And I asked about Hunter. You weren't in the room. But I asked Hill if he knew Hunter. He said he didn't. He came after, came right after, I think like a year after, maybe maybe even like in seventh grade, eighth grade, eighth grade,

when he was losing his mom. You were you were there for that and yeah he was and kind of somebody to lean on during a lot of that. Yeah, I mean I remember her, and you know I met her multiple time. It was it was lots of friends time. Like I said, when I lean on in those moments where my friends and he was, I mean, he was constant in my life at that time, which was great. Um, what's funny is we both had a crush on the same girl for a large part of high school. God. Yeah.

And the reason why I can't pronounce a certain word. What's even funnier is she was my very first guest on this podcast. Yeah, I remember someone told me about that. I was like, oh, yeah, I remember that. Yeah, yeah, that was interesting. Wait what word can you not pronounce? I missed that? Everyone everyone knows name is okay to say that name? Caramel? People say Caramel? And I was like, remember we had Carmel, And I remember she's been in

a relationship now for like seven years or something like that. Yeah, didn't she live on like a lake or something? Did she date both of you? Oh no, no, I never love triangle, never never was, but she was never got there. Well it's tough to compete with I mean, for that she was a big point of contention for a lot of guys in our high school. I feel like, yeah, well, she's exactly what you're talking about. She had that she was very distinct, and she had a very particular personality

and was kind of like this mystique about her. She just did random stuff, you know, like that. It felt like everything that she did was very um thoughtless, not in a bad way, but like she that's just who she was, carefree, not thought like. Yeah yeah, so yeah, you're in a relationship now, yeah for how long? Oh god? Yes, was like four years months? Wow? Yeahs did she just moved out here in November of sixteen to Los Angeles. Then she came with you. Yeah, and we met at

school in New York. Went to school together in New York. So you're very handsome. Oh thank you? I mean, oh yeah, he's talking about this girl. For people that are listening and just giving him, we'll describe him, then describe Taylor. You remind me of Tarzan. Oh I get that all the time. Yeah, I've gotten my girl. This is like,

this is like a mushy anecdote. But my girlfriend actually reached out to me in college and she sent me a Facebook message saying like, hey, hi, am you know so and so and um for a long for the longest time, they her and her friends had known me around campus as Tarzan and that's what they'd call me because I had my long hair then and just walk around, you know, shirtless and a loin cloths and um, I just walk around and you know, that's how they knew me.

And she had seen her, but like I didn't know her. We didn't have any classes together. She's a year younger than me. And then she just messed me on Facebook once and I was like, I we should go hang out. And she took me to the film festival that first date, and so that that was a good good good yeah, yeah, because I'm like obsessed with movies. Is that a good first day? Strong opinions on first dates. I don't love it for first maybe a second, but ale, yeah, it

was really good. It was like an Indian movie that they made for like you know, no money in New York or whatever, so it probably was horrible. But like if I was like in Trouble in the Jungle, I would like want Taylor there. He looks like tars in the sense that he's tall and he's muscular and he has long hair. So it's really if your picture tars and a a green T shirt, that's pretty much what

you got Taylor. Taylor in high school got like twenty d one football scholarship offers, and he said every single one of them so he could pursue a career in what's writing. I guess I would like to do like writing film acting basically, I said in the car, I was like, I'd like to be Donald Glover, but maybe

not with the rap album. It's just it was it was just still working on the rap skills because he was because he's like, what are you six five six six six six six, and so he was like and he was a still in high school too, so he's very physically imposing and means he was very good at football, basketball, these things, and he had all these opportunities to go to these schools and be an athlete, but instead he decided to pursue this that is writing and acting all

kind of stuff, which is great. I mean, like I was like, I guess that I wanted to commend you for that because people wouldn't. Yeah, it's not like I'm no, no, tell that to my dad and my student, my student loans. But but that's interesting. I mean, your parents had to be okay with that, right, because there's so much harm

that can come to you playing football in college. I don't think, well, it's it's so it's I'm half simone and so that's a whole you know, It's a very interesting thing because I feel like for a lot of people, especially like of simone decent or in someone they see it, um they're classically of a less you know, wealthy demographic

or whatever. And so often like my dad went to full went to school for a full scholarship in basketball, my my uncle's, my aunts, my cousins, like tons of people, it's tough to turn down something you're off for exactly. And so for I, oh totally understand from that perspective why my dad really wanted me to do that. And I just couldn't see myself personally from the way I am and like my characteristics, what I like doing, going to something every day that I don't love completely, you

seem you seem gentle. I literally was just gonna say you're like the gentle giant. That was literally, I mean that's a I think that's a compliment be kind. What position did you play? Oh? God, d n yeah, you can. You know. They always I was really annoyed during basketball because they I was always like one of the tallest. They always put me down in post and I was like, I'd totally be like a three power forwards. We didn't. They never passed them anyway, though, I totally forgot about.

You went to college in New York. Yeah, and studied film. No. Oh god, so this is it just comes to the whole thing because I love learning. I love so many things. I end up studying Spanish language and classical literature. Wow. So it has absolutely no bearing on what I do right now, which is not very much now. I think I can see your parents frustration exactly exactly. But yeah, and then you finally moved to l A at age twenty four or so. Yeah, I think it's I think.

And then, um, I saved a bunch of money. I lived in Colorado obviously, but it's been our birthday or one day apart. Yeah, April six, Yeah, yeah, fifteen. Sorry, that was that was Emma. That's I forget about. Oh you did it for a while, I did. Emma was the fifteenth Taylor's the sixteenth year, the seventeenth. Sorry about that, Okay, just really just like one of your oldest brows. That's the person I see each other in a while though, So we're taking off, yeah exactly. It's like riding a bike.

Se saved a bunch of money and what are you doing here? Um? I want to do writing. I've been doing some freelance writing, not very much, but um, just going to like you know that whole thing, Like meetings are like, well will this happen? Won't this happened? Maybe? But not acting you don't want to do I do

want to do that. Um. It's just like I've taken some classes, but I would like to do more, you know, and I take I feel I could take everything pretty seriously and I don't want to just approach anything being like I'm just gonna show up and whatever. You know, I feel like it is it is a craft and stuff like you don't want to sick show up and be a guest on a podcast per day? Well, I mean, I love pocket. This is like my dream. I listened to podcasts like all day, so I'm really really excited

to help my second dating. I was actually listening to a podcast it's about constipation. What did I say? It is like this is the whole thing, like the weekly every week is about No, he's like a natural path, natural path like doctor. So it was like, um, remedies to help constipation, natural ways to help conservation. Did you feel like it was educational? Yeah? Did he mention whether blondes or brunettes are more likely to become constipated? Not

that blonde? All right? Well? Um, one way to avoid constipation, you guys, is to eat healthy. Just the better you eat, the more you know, the better your digesticism works. Diet is very very important, and you want to know. One way to have the best diet possible is to order through Hello Fresh and just have these pre packaged meals delivered rate as your house fresh. You've done. You've used the hell of fresh before, haven't you, And you love it,

you rave about it. So for those listeners that are unaware of what Hello Fresh is, it's basically a meal kit delivery service that shops, plans and delivers your favorite step by step recipes, ingredients, all that kind of stuff, so you can cook your meals on your own terms whenever you want. You know you're getting the right amount of portions, the perfect amount of veggies meets all that kind of stuff proteins. They're creative, they're delicious, they're nutritional,

they're the perfect portion. Um My favorites the juicy lucy burger with tomato, onion jam and a rugula, and there's a lobster ravioli and shrimp with tomatoes and tarragon cream sauce, which is a premium selection. Love that premium selection. They typically take less than thirty minutes to make, and there's really no cleanup because you have exactly the ingredients you need to cook the meal that they delivered to you.

And ah, if you use my code unglirt thirty at hell of fresh dot com, you'll get thirty dollars off your very first week. That's unglirt thirty U n g l e r T three zero and that's Hello Fresh dot com. You get three dollars off your very first week. You'll feel more confident in the kitchen and your be saving money. I think I mentioned last week. I've been cooking a lot more and the whole reason behind that is because the hell of Fresh it's been great. We just move in a new house. I got a big

kitchen to use. That's so cute, a little island to prepare things on. Yeah, so I'm you know, I'm cooking again. I don't know if I'm in a relationship or not, but we have roommates, don't have roommates, do have roommates. But I'm just saying, you know, I'm trying to learn. I'm trying to be a better person in two thousand eighteen, and that involves being better at cooking. So you just got a new place. Hey, we moved like a month ago.

We being you and the roommates roommates. Yes, Oh that's nice because roommates don't typically go from place to place together. Maybe I'm crazy, but that's right, No, that's true. Yeah, yeah, my roommate. So I've lived with these guys together for one year. One of the guys that lived with for the past two and a half years, and he just purchased the place in Venice, and we both decided to be basically his tenants in his house with me. I don't know if it's fun is the right word to

discribe it, but I decided it. But or I justify it by I'd rarely pay his mortgage than some random waylord's mortgage, you know, yeah, and schoolhouse good for you, good for him? Hello Fresh, Hello co. I'm glad thirty U N G L E R T three zero dollars off your first week. So we were half an hour into the show and we haven't gotten to our theme yet this week, which is dating apps. But we're now being joined by someone from Bumble who's going to answer

any questions we have about Bumble and how it all works. Um, I hope you guys have some questions prepared. I love you, but you want to know what's funny is you guys can still be using Bumble to network professionally, to be meeting BFFs. I'm sure Alex would love to tell us about all of that stuff. Here she is Dean. Hey, Alex, are you there? Hi? I'm here. Hi. This is Dean. How are you Dean? I'm doing well? How are you? I'm good? Thanks for calling in your joint or I'm

joined in the studio. I guess with East and Mark Tanya Taylor. So you've got a full crew. Thank you for calling in. Wow, it sounds like a party. It's a party and you're missing out. But at least we have you on the phone. Uh, you know it could be worse, So can you tell us a little bit more so we were just kind of discussing roundtable a little bit about bumble Um. What's your roll over at bumble right now? I'm head of brands, so basically I

oversee anything that the brand UM is involved in. That's uh. I oversee marketing activations and campaign on a larger scale and also the customer experience. I've been with bumble um since the very beginning when we launched um so I alongside with our CEO and founder Whitney Wolf, really came up with the voice and personality of Bumble. Got you So you are the one that greenlit uh us being able to do an ad for bumble on this podcast.

That's an interesting decision. Yes, Um, you're welcome. Now. We love our sponsors, Alex, thank you so much for green lighting that. That's that's just great. Um. Okay, so tell us a little bit about bumble I mean we're we're well aware of the app itself, but maybe for the listener that's a little less informed. Um, because it's not just another run of the mill dating app, right, we aren't just another dating app. We really are a mission based company. M our our goal is to change the

dynamics of relationships by having and had normative relationships. Women make the first move, and while that may seem like a gimmick, it actually does change the approach of introduction and when when the ball is in the woman's court and she makes the first move, there's less aggression online and we actually, which is unheard of her dating app, we have a less than one percent U reports of

any sort of abuse or harassment and bumble. I mean, I think that really is a tw cement to what we're trying to do, which is give women more control over their dating life. You know, Historically women have been told to spend their hands and wait for a man or you know, or anybody to make the first move. And um, a lot of times women give their power over immediately in relationships, and we're trying to bring that power back for women. Um. But actually, in the past year,

we've we've moved beyond just being a dating app. We have bumbled BFS. What's launched back in March two thousand Oh my gosh, I might get the time wrong, sixteen. I think it was March two thousand and sixteen. That's all been kind of a whirlwind, honestly. Um. And then we have bumbled Biz actually what's launched in October, and um, this is for networking and friendship finding. So Bumble really is more of an introduction app now than it is.

It's a social network over just being a dating app. Um. And that's great. And I don't use dating apps anymore, as we discussed a learn in this podcast, because I'm I'm not allowed to. But Tanya's in the studio she uses them. Um. And I will say that as a former user of dating apps, I always found Bumble to be the most successful. For whatever reason. I guess with the woman having to uh, the opportunity to reach out first kind of leads to more success rates, right, but

what's your experience with it? You know what's funny is on other dating apps also, like you know that the women don't have to make the first move, I still find myself making the first move. I don't know why, you go yeah, thank you. I don't know why because I think it takes the pressure off the guys and then they don't have to think of some like you know, whatever, clever you know, I just say whatever I want to say, and then it's like an easy open conversation. It really does.

And for whatever reason, dating apps, you know, they do become almost a numbers game and if you if a man is constantly making the first move, women almost become inundated with messages on dating apps. And that's what we wanted to prevent, was that feeling of ye, you know, of being overwhelmed and actually, you know, honestly, we wanted to change the whole mentality where women are sent photos and messages that are very aggressive and uncomfortable to receive

and feel like harassment online. Yeah, I mean everyone wants to avoid that. Well, people want to avoid that. You like that, you like that the women made the first move. Well, I think it's been a common theme is that. Uh. I think Tanya and Becca both seemed to think that I love it when a girl makes the first move,

and I mean, to be honest, it's it's nice. It like kind of validates in this in this realm, at least, it validates the match that you guys have when the girl is matching with you and then still wanting to reach out on top of that. Um. But Alex, you mentioned a couple of times like the importance of the introduction. So from your side of things on the backside, what do you kind of see as the most appropriate introduction for a girl to say to a guy in terms

of the dating realm. And I think Erica, who's one of the producers in here, was saying that she likes to send a gift or is it a Jeff. I actually think it's it's the correct mestiation, is Jeff From what I've heard, I've heard that for graphics graphics interface, it's got to be g totally agree with you. Somebody, you know, I'm one of the older members on our team at thirty and somebody on the team was trying to explain to me that it was a Jeff and I was like, I've gotta say, gift for me, Um,

I gift. It's a great option, I think, you know, I think a gift really does as we move forward, not j I gift really does help sin through personality. UM. I think also playing off somebody's profile. I think, you know, especially for men and women, it's really important to fill out your bio and give information. And I think that you can almost put a hook in your bio of

a conversation starter as well. And listen, when we first launched bumble Um, we were having to not only change the fact that people thought that meeting online and dating apps were the whole concept behind it was a little bit seedy and a little bit um, you know, people were embarrassing, but also women weren't making the first move um and so we were having to almost retrain the way that women teach a new concepts that you can

make the first move. So I'm always proud of a man who does, if it's even just like an emoji, like a waving hand or a high But I think there's so much more that you can you can There's so many places you can go from there. And I think the most important part of a first move is you get to direct the way that you want the

conversation to go. And I always say that you can almost move into a first date and ask the questions that you would be asking on a first date in chats on bumble and then that way, but you almost you show up for the first date in person for your second date, UM, So I think that you can you can begin uh asking a question playing off of somebody's bio, using a gift um, anything like that that really does, uh just help you separate from a high or a hello. Yeah, it definitely helps build a level

of comfortability. I think I was telling I was telling Erica earlier that, uh, whenever a girl would message me just hey to start, I think that I would probably respond to those maybe one percent of the time. No way. Yeah,

it's just there's no personalization. It just all it takes is really thirt what half of the second to type out hey, and then saturday second, I don't know we're talking to you, but I'm just saying that it's not personal and it takes She's probably literally doing that to like every other guy that she matched with, and that's just kind of why I never really had any interest in starting conversation with profile like my bumble profile. Actually

I remember what the bio said. It was. I mean, it's just you know, regular pictures of me off of my Instagram or something. I think my my bio caption said if you don't want to message me first, that's fine. I get that, but you're wrong and I hate you. It was a playoff of It was a playoff of the workaholics line. Um very aggressive it Yeah, it's it's it was a playoff of the workaholics line, where's like, if you don't want to date me, that's fine, I get that, but you're wrong and I hate you. So

I just twisted it into being dating app relevant. And then I mean, obviously there were a couple of girls that maybe didn't get the reference, but the ones that did kind of allowed us to have a content. Can I say one thing about that. I think it's hilarious that you had that is your bio and then weren't responding when people, Yeah, that's actually I didn't even think of that. That's funny. And again this come this is was you know, a year and a half, two years ago.

I was twenty four, I was young. I wasn't really sure what I was doing. I was just testing the dating app waters um. But I mean, it's new territory we're all doing. I mean, just this is uncharted waters for everyone. Right. People are getting the hang of it now, but it is. It's just a new way of meeting and it's and I think too, if you were saying women, you know, saying hey, that's that's new territory for women

to say hi and make the first move. A lot of for a lot of women that's extremely outside of their comfort zones. And I think that any time that a woman makes the first move is is really exciting. Um, but it is. We're we're just we're all kind of

trying to navigate the new world of dating. And I think that another point that was another point to a woman just saying hey or hi, Like, I think the majority of people nowadays are you know, going after their careers and are just busy in general, so sometimes it does get hard to be creative. And I think that's where gifts come in. Yeah, that makes sense. And I think that you were talking about earlier how you guys have done a great job of kind of eliminating the

stigma attached to dating apps. Um, And it seems to be more widely socially acceptable now, whereas like two or three years ago, no one really it was kind of like almost taboo to talk about, Like you didn't really tell your friends that you were on Bumble or Tinder

or any of these apps. But now it seems like everyone that's on it is a lot more comfortable to be like, yeah, I'm on it, I'm trying to you know, Yeah, you were using you were using dating apps like at eleven PM when none of your friends were around in the privacy of your room to nobody. Now, I would just use it when I was at my office and I was, I don't know, trying to procrastinate and put off working. It was it was. It was a great outlet. You can people can still use it that way too.

Just don't tell your boss that we say that, right And if my if my former boss is listening, I'm sorry, But it wasn't super into the work I guess I was doing at the time. Um, where did the name bumble come from? Bumble came from the concept of a clean bee, right, so a woman being in control. That's that's where bumble came from. And and um, something else that I think is was really clever when we were

starting to talk about bumble and playing around with it. Um, it's the idea that when you date, like to to bumble is to stumble about awkwardly, and that's kind of what dating is. Um, You're stumbling around trying to get to catch your footing. And I think that that's also a really clever play on the word bumble. So it's it's bumble as a verb. I guess not and actually I think you know there was a time, Whitney, you

actually spoke about this. But we were in my mom's kitchen one time in Dallas and talking about the name Bumble and my mom was like, um, be the clean bee, find your honey, and Whitney was like, yes, so that's it. So that's I mean, we realized how many, how many ways there were like words to play on with it and wasting courage women, um, really to take ownership with their life. That's great. I actually have a couple of friends that I've worked over at Bumble just from like

the inside perspective. They've all said very very positive things of like work, atmosphere, environment, and a lot kind of stuff. It's kind of off topic, but that's awesome. Maybe we can talk offline about who your friends are because we've we try to maintain that kind of a workplace environment. So that's really great to years and especially with all the growth you guys have seen. I'm sure it must be difficult to do, but it's good that you guys are still doing it. We are having so much fun.

I mean our team, I know that we're talking more about you know, just stating and how to use bumblo with our team is I mean, we have a spectacular team with people and everybody who joins. I've been amazed. I've had a lot of growth, especially in the past six months, and so many incredible minds haven't joined have joined our teams. And uh, it's just all of the new creativity and collaboration that's really exciting. And um, we really do try to treat each other, um with respect.

Nobody's ideas are more important or valuable than anybody else is on our team. Okay, I have another question for you. So, um, back in the day when I did have bumble, I would notice that if I wasn't on for a couple of days, like the first ten profiles I came across

were profiles that were almost automatic, like swipe rights. Do you guys have like a specific algorithm And maybe I don't know, maybe this is I p that you're not willing to share, maybe you're not allowed to share, but are like the first ten profiles of every time you log onto the app, like the more attractive profiles, or maybe like the profiles that you see more swipe rights on. So that's kind of why you put them at the top of the queue. No, not necessarily. I think that

it's more about like who, It's more of a compatibility thing. Okay, all right, that's just a question that I was. It was something I always kind of thought about. What advice do you have for a profile picture? I know that's a very stressful thing for some people because that's really all you have to go on if you're just doing a swipe run. I well, and it's and it's going back to this also goes back to make like making

the first move. I am so about being yourself. I think that you should lay your cards on the table and just be who you are and you're going to attract the right person. Um, but I think that your first not being said, I'm about to give advice on what your first profile pictures should be, but I think that used it should be approachable. You know, there are sometimes people who will have their first pictures be them like on a motorcycle, um, you know, very like intimid eating.

And if that is who you are, then let that, let that hine. But if you are more you know, you like what do you banter and you're more laid back and you're really more about like fronting, I don't think that you should really front somebody who you're not. UM. So, I think it's important to show the most approachable version of yourself. UM and I always recommend having a photo of you, like your favorite current photo of you, not

a photo of you from like six months ago. When you try blue hair, you know, just make it who you are now, and that person should be smiling and approachable. UM And I think that that that we tend to

see the most stripe rights with that. It's funny that you mentioned that I have a friend, uh who was talking to me, talking to us recently about how she's not having the most success on these dates, and then we looked at her profile and we're like, well, yeah, of course you have all of the pictures from when you were in college and you're twenty nine now, so it's like you're they're expecting something different and not that that's obviously the driving factor to a success relationship, but

it's like, I mean, you want to go into a date with at least an idea of the current person that you're Yeah. I also think it's really important too, Like I it's amazing if you have a bunch of photos of modeling, or if that's hobby or your profession. But keep in mind when you're you're wanting to go out with somebody and sit down and have a coffee or have a drink, and sometimes you're like, if it's

a photo of you that's to stylize, it can be intimidating. Um. So I think you know where whereas like an Instagram is a place where you really can uh show off like incredibly gorgeous stylized photos of yourself, you want this to be a place where people feel like they can actually approach to you. It also goes downd to like

I mean in real life. You know, when you're out at a bar or you're out with your friends, you know, if you're if you are sitting there and you're you aren't being very open and you aren't smiling, and you aren't being approachable, sometimes it's difficult to start conversations that way, which is nothing to say if you're more introverted. I mean, um, that's the beauty of bumble is that you can find somebody, um in a much easier way if you are introverted.

I was thinking about this today while I was flying back from Sundance, and I consider myself an introvert, and I would sometimes walk around with earbuds in my ear without music playing, because I think that when you have earbuds and you're less approachable and so like, I'd be like at work with earbuds and no music playing just because I didn't want anyone to come up and talk to me. That kind of that's kind of you know,

I've done that, but I usually have music on. Oh well, I mean teach their own, I guess, which also is scary because I have really bumbles based in Austin, Texas, and that's always like terrifying to me when I'm in like London or New York and I'm walking around with music, and I'm always so afraid walking around on the streets that way. It's not the most intelligent. Well, as long as you get away with it, I guess. But um, Alex, thank you so much for calling in and um, I

guess helping us and helping our listeners improve their bumble profiles. Absolutely, any any parting words before we up off the phone. Yeah, I think just the most important thing is to be yourself and to bumble with an open mind. I think you know a lot of times we go into like you log on and you expect to be looking for a certain type of person, right. You think that you have an idea of what you're looking for ahead of time.

But maybe you masked with somebody who ends up truthfully being one of your best friends, or maybe they connect you to the person who it is the love of your life. And I just think that you never know what you know. You can't really tell what you're looking for. And sometimes in friendship and dating and in business, and I think that if you keep an open mind and don't limit yourself, that the options are limit less of who you can meet. And it's really just about expanding

your world. I love it. It's great to have another avenue to meet people. I mean, the guy who wears heads well, okay, and how can you graduate? It's hard people. This is coming from the guy that would prefer to stay on our Friday night and a Saturday night. And so it's nice if you're a single person to be able to kind of have the experience of meeting new people without having to go out too social settings. That

makes sense. Actually able to meet new people while you're eating pizza watching that sucks the greatest, exactly all right, Alex, Well, thank you so much for calling in again. Uh, we definitely appreciate the time and we will hopefully continue to have listeners who use bumble and reap the benefits of it. Absolutely, thank you all for having me. This is a great conversation. All right, take care? Alright? Can we go back to the fact that you are, like, what's wrong with the

world right now? What do you mean, Oh how I'd just like to be closed off? And yeah, like nobody I can walk down. I like actually did an experiment where I would walk just walk to like my local farmer's market or whatever, and I'd say good morning to every single person that walked by, and so many people did not respond, And I'm like, what is okay? And this is different because I'm an incredibly affectionate person when

I run into anyone on the street. But it's like there are times where you want to be like in your own head and closed off and all that kind

stuff actually got at Sundance. I mean, obviously there's like movie stars everywhere, but for some reasons, people still wanted to like approach me and say hi to me and like have a conversation with me, and almost kind of gotten trouble for and I've gotten in trouble for this before, where when I meet someone new that's excited to meet me, I like to create as much of an impression as I possibly can, So I'll I'll have like a five de seminant conversation with with whoever that is, and with

whoever it is that I'm with kind of sometimes gets annoyed by me investing my time and strangers on the street instead of investing time in the relationship that I think that's because that's the only time they're gonna have with you, And that's that's the way that I justified to I'm like five five minutes, uh with meeting someone that's excited, and we'll put a smile on their face and all that kind of stuff is is nothing, and then you know, obviously like we'll still have time to

spend together after this conversation. I had a friend visit from Wisconsin that I hadn't seen in many, many years, and she brought her daughter out here and I said, oh, do you guys know that? Bashley Nodina like, oh, yeah, we know. Do you know what comes to say? How did Dean? And they did and he couldn't have been nicer and kinder, and he spent maybe not ten minutes, but he spent like two minutes with him. But they felt like he made them feel so special. Who's asking

about them and all these questions. You really just made them feel important and like the only people in the room. And I think that was really kind. Thanks. Martin's a good guy. So at the point that is is, yes, I am a lot of what's wrong with the world's because I'd like to avoid uh social settings, but at the same time, when I'm in them, I I do do my best to make sure I'm very present and no show the same as you, I said, I feel

the same as Yeah. So it's just interesting when when you said that, because to me, you are very extroverted, like you're so happy, go lucky, you're so engaging, and you're so like such a people person that got I got into this conversation actually just recently as well as um, I can say I define myself as an introvert, but other people call me an extrovert because I guess I'm able to survive or key my head above in social

settings or a head above water. But I think I would define it as what you're doing when you're by yourself, or say it's like Friday eight pm and what you're what you're motivated by is what defines you whether introverted experts of it's Friday eight pm and you want to stay in, and that's consistent and makes you an introvert. But if your Friday a pm and you want to go out, that would say that you're more extroverted. That's just kind of a way like when you're acting for

yourself and not for other people. Kind of that She sheds late on whether you like to be in the interesting and like I said, I'd rather spend a Friday night in watching movies eating pizza than going out to a bar. And what celebrities did you see at Sundance? We saw Paul Rudd the first night and then Peter Dinklich on Sunday night. I went up to Peter Dinklich and I asked him for a picture and he said no, but one time I've ever asked anyone for a picture.

He just said no, but you can shake my hand, and I was like, all right. He told me that in the car and I thought I heard an interview with Laurence Fishburne once and he said, you'd much rather spend like I have a human a moment of human connection, and you know, just this picture a picture. I know what you're saying. I was saying, maybe if we think about it from Peter's perspective, you know, and he's very sure, he's very easily identifiable, So I'm sure he gets asked

for pictures. Yeah, but I wonder if that's part of his sensitivity towards it, is that it's very Maybe he's been goofed down in the past and that sort of a thing, and maybe that's why he's sensitive about that. But it's just it was funny going from my experience where it's I would never say no to someone asking for a picture, and then I just get like, the only time I've ever asked someone for a picture, I

just get shut down. So I but it's overwhelming for him, though, since Game of Thrones, you should ask more people everyone easy. Here's some emails. I don't either, but emails, and these are continuing with the theme of dating apps. This is Jared. I'm twenty two and officially an adult. I have a nine to five job that I love. I feel like I just want to find that one person in my life. But now I hate dating. I've really never had a long relationship or even dated much. It went on bumble,

and now suddenly I have too much going on. I'm talking to four girls right now, which is very weird for me. I just want to figure out who could be my potential partner, but I feel so guilty dating multiple girls. Help, I'm suddenly too good at dating. Thank you. Look how this episode has been just one ongoing bumble app that sounds like an nightmare to me. Of talking to four girls at the same time. Just the entire like structure of how this would happen makes me anxious.

You know what, I think there are two very different types of people in the world. There's people that can date multiple people at once, and there's people that like to date one person at time. I personally like to do one at a time. I can't. I can barely remember something, you know what I mean, Like on the first date. I think it's hard to remember. It could

imagine doing that with four other people. But I do think that it is a numbers game, you know, like you go through people faster and you're bound to click with somebody. Quicker, Well, he's texting all four of them, Is that what he's saying that he's texting for them at the same time he's actually dating multiple girls. As I'm talking to four girls talking to I feel so

guilty dating and multiple girls. So I feel like he's saying that when you're on a dating app, you're gonna meet for coffee or whatever and here and here, and suddenly you're at date two or three with multiple girls, which is kind of an uncomfortable thing, and then gets to the point where you're at date eight with one and date two with another, and then how do you

probably ties and the other one they find out? Like, yeah, I get I get the discomfort, but I also think that this is kind of how it is right now. I have no idea, so I'm just like, yeah, and dating is so ill defined now too. I feel like, is a coffee like you go to coffee twice and you're dating that person. It feels like high school again because it'll be like, oh, these people are dating. It's like, does that mean they're like going out going out with

the whole thing? And so maybe that's what we should maybe that should be twenty initiative is two more, uh, granularly define what dating is. Set some more barriers and some more structure in the dating word, the word of dating to make it more clear for all of us. You should do that on the next episode, like actually spell it out, like this is dating, this is seeing each other, this is talking create like parameters forward like

a ven diagram. But but I think in this he's not dating these women, right, He's seeing multiple pie seeing them, he's dating, He's going on dates with them, he's dating them. Um, what advice do we have for him? First of all, I also have to say I love one guy's email and all that kind of stuff. It's nice to know that there's some males out there that are are they listening to the podcast or And also a sensitive guy like this who is bothered by the fact that he's

dating multiple people. Guys are high five and about that sort. I mean he's still dating four or five people at the same time. I mean, you know this sounds like Mr Wilsher I dated I Well, I was going on dates with this guy, um that I met on Wilshire Boulevard like literally car to car and he asked me for my number, and like it's a move. So I was like I wanted to encourage, Like I was like, that's what I'm really bad with cars. I don't know. But it was a nice it was a nice car. Okay. Um,

and so got my number and we went out. We had a really good time, and I was like, Wow, I can't believe, like actually into this guy that like I met on Wilsher and Boulevard. What the heck? Um? So we had like two dates. Everything's going great, Like kissed him. Everything was like going good. And then I'm at I'm like he lives on in West Hall, it would and I'm like on the west side of town, and I'm having lunched with Becca and I'm supposed to see this guy that night. We're supposed to get drinks

some dinner that night. Okay. So it's like Saturday night and Beck and I are having lunch and we're sitting at this bench and who walks right in front of our bench the guy Mr Wells were holding hands with some other chick. Mind you, this is the second time

I've seen him. I saw him actually driving down Sunds at Boulevard, and I saw him on a date literally on a restaurant that's weird with this, different girls, different girls than when I have experienced dating a Jared, and I think he needs to quit doing it while he's ahead and just pick one. And that's and that's in l A too, and like one of the biggest to the world where you're not supposed to run into people

randomly like that. And so if you're doing it in like a small town, I can obviously we don't know where Jared lives, but growing up in a small town in Colorado, like there's no way you could possibly do that. And even if in l A, I feel like you

can't get away with it just at once. Like I feel like the way this works doesn't necessarily mean you're good at it, you know what I mean, because you're not developing the conversation between and I just feel like it'd be hard to compartmentalize your time and your brain in such a way that you develop a meaningful relationship with I mean, obviously it was probably winnow down to one person, but I mean I have friends that use these apps that will have like a roster of like

three or four girls that's talking too one time, and maybe one drops off, they get back on the app and get like a fourth or fifth one put back on. There's definitely a bad side to these. There's a constant churn of new people that they're being introduced to. And I mean maybe, like like Alex said on the phone just now, it is a numbers game in a lot of ways, and maybe they're just dating until one of them sticks and then that stickiness turns into it. I

don't feel like he's doing anything wrong here. I'm not. I really don't know. They don't think you're doing anything wrong wrong, But I think you should maybe pick two and just stick to two. I feel like four is a lot if if if four is wrong, isn't too also wrong? Well, but two we can be honest and say, like, I'm not just dating you, I am dating somebody else. Honesty. It's better when it's on TV. And I think you're right,

he's not lying to anybody. I don't think he's doing anything wrong here, And I think at some point one of these girls will capture his heart and that will make it an easy decision to go in that direction. Hopefully, Unless you get down to like seven or eight days and you have three people, they're all like, these are all pretty cool. I mean at twenty two, I was

doing the same thing as him. I can't. It obviously didn't work out for me positively, but I still I mean, I was having fun, so if he just wants that fun, but it really depends what he's looking for. Like I I wouldn't advise doing that now, but that sounds like he's having fun. Yeah, you're right, it really doesn't. But be over it, Jared, I feel for you. YEA, all right? What else we have? Megan? First, I listened every week. I love shifting away from Bachelor in Paradise and being

personal struggle to the more all around dating advice and input. God. Yeah, my question is on how to navigate the awkward waters of dating apps. I live in New Orleans. I'm thirty. I've been single for a long time. I'm a PhD student and very dedicated to my studies. Happily independent. I have hobbies, but it would be nice to have someone

to share my time with. I try to meet people in person, social groups, fitness groups, try to go out with my single girl friends the places guys would be, but still nothing has stuck, and I feel like in person people don't try this is interesting. I feel like in person. People don't try as much because they can just go home and swipe from their bed. I feel like people are shifting away from meeting in person to meeting on apps, and it's awkward. My issue is that

I'm in bumble a match with guys. I try to message most people I match with, but guys do not respond. Do you have any advice on dating app etiquette and how to really grab a guy's attention? Everyone has the typical advice, Say something cute, quirky, don't just say hey, ask something about their profile, comment on a pick. But it all feels awkward and disingenuous. Help dating in the modern world sucks. That's another possible title for this show.

But I find this interesting because, uh, you match with them, meaning they swiped right on you, and then the guy doesn't respond. I hear this complaint a lot. I mean, I think we were talking earlier about how I didn't respond to a lot of people that I meshed with. A lot of guys go with the shotgun approach where they're not even looking at the phone and they're just swiping. Horrifying.

It's not great. Why would you do that? It's it's like fishing right you're just casting a wide net, and you can still cast a wide net of girls that you like, but it does the process for you rather than you're going okay, no, yes, no, you say yes to everything and whoever pops up. It's an even lazier way. It's a lazy way of doing a lazy chore kind of thing. Yeah, but that's incredible. I've never heard that.

But I think I think even though she said that she gets this advice a lot, I think the very first um, I guess introduction is super important. It doesn't have to be like something interesting about their profile, but like maybe like a funny pun or like a like a cheesy joke. It just blows my mind. Yeah, it's like,

it's it's it's crazy. It seems to comfort full circle from going like you don't want to say a cheesy pickup line to like, now you should text a cheesy pickup line or a pund like if they say they're a Grace Anatomy fan and you say, oh my gosh, you've seen this good episode yet. Isn't that a better way to get a conversation going? No, I think so. I mean, it seems you find a common point of interest and be like, hey, I saw that you like, yeah,

a mutual interesting? You ask about it, Tanya, you're giving me that look you give me sometimes. Yeah, I don't know. I think I wouldn't mind that, like in the conversation, not the opening line. You don't want them to seem kind of like sockers. What would be your ideal opening line? I mean I enjoy happy Saturday. They on a Saturday. No, we're like happy Tuesday or whatever. It is just like, you know, positive vibes, like you know, hey, like a

quick witted, like funny joke or response. That's what, at least for me, keeps my intention and would keep me interested in. So I remember some of my roommate, Uh, well have you ever seen of none where he's he's always like, I'm going to Whole Food is gonna get you something? That one got overused a lot after that season airs, But that's like funny because it's like, oh yeah, you're funny because it's, um, how would you respond to that time if you've got an opening wine I'm going

to Whole Food is gonna get you something? I wouldn't get the joke and I'd be like delete. But it's it's better than I think that. One that I used in the past was like if if again. I use it primarily as um very lighthearted, right, so like I just wanted to, like, I don't know, see what potentially could come from anything. So one that my roommate and I've used was like, did you hear about the explosion

of the cheese factory? And they'd be like, oh my god, no, the explosion of cheese factory and go, yeah, apparently there was debris everywhere, and then it just like sparks like a stupid conversation that's like like one pond after another, like it really hurt. Well, that's the point. It's supposed to be very cheesy. But then some people aren't gonna get the bris reference and they're just gonna be like, well, then that's how you weed up the ones that you

don't want to be dating in. Don't know, Oh that's a gooda Joe back, it's fun. I want to be a monster all it's fun. It's it's I think it's good to establish inside joke early on because then it allows like a fallback if something gets like weird, uncomfortable, you go always fall back on my back to cheese. Who else did you use that cheese? Joe, tell me it's not bad. It's not bad. Let's maybe make a list of those. I kind of like that of cheese jokes,

just like funny, funny things you can start out with. Erica, you've been using gifts. I believe Alex mentioned gifts, but Erica has some success with a gift on Bumble. I think it's going fine. I like gifts. I'm a big fan. You get response, which one did you use? The sub seal it's like shimmying in the snow and then it says up, Yeah, that's good. I think the one is there's an animated penguin that waves and says hello, Oh that's cute, very cute. How would you feel about that?

Tanais like, Okay, maybe I'm just not unders standing these jokes now that I like think back on some of my opening lines and like maybe just google them or something. And that's the thing too, I feel I feel like sometimes people take it too seriously. Yeah, and so if you're able to make light of everything, then it kind of is like, okay, like this is gonna be a fun conversation instead of like, oh, we're going to go on a date and potentially fall in love and get married.

For this, obviously everyone wants that, but by like putting so much pressure on you on the so early on too. You know, what were some of the worst ones you've gotten? Like something about Starburst. It was something like if you were if if you were, if I was eating Starburst, you'd be my red one or something, and I was like, maybe that was a joke. I didn't understand. I deleted. I mean, that's not bad because everyone loves the red Starburst.

And then there was one that was very persumptuous breakfast for dinner, something about how do you like your eggs in morning? Or breakfast for dinner? Question mark and I was like, maybe I'm maybe I'm missing something. Well, I think you should put yourself in their position and think maybe they're just trying something different to get your attention. Well,

that's what I was saying with this question. I imagine a lot of people that sign up that are like guys, are also like kind of introvert or having trouble connecting, and so they get messaged from these women and they're also being like, oh God, someone actually messaged me. You know, because you have people that are out there trying to

get everyone. But then I'll see how people are probably like I don't know how to respond either, And when when it's such a numbers game and the net is cast so wide, I think the best thing that you can do is do something NIC's unique to make you stand out. Hopefully that was helpful for Megan. You're I'm sure you're like, you're obviously a beautiful person, and I'm sure that that is the first thing that they noticed.

But I mean you should be more than just saying, hey, okay, you know what, I am going to step up my game. But I also think some advice to give Megan is, aside from dating apps, I think asking your friends to set you up is a really good call. You're leaving dating apps and just getting well not leaving them. But like, in addition to um asking your you don't think that she's a PhD student. Imagine she has a lot of people in I won't name her, but so well, you guys,

don't ask she's she used to be. She's like actually best friends. Oh yeah, so she's single and she's like looking to be introduced to someone. She like asked me, She's like, do you have any friends that you can introduce me to, and I think that. I was like, I don't want to introduce it any of my friends because all my friends are morons. Well that's fine, and that's totally fine. Then you don't accept okay, but that's fine.

Then you don't set her up. But if they have somebody, like a lot of you know, a lot of people don't, they're like, no, like I wanna want to say it with any of these freaks, but a lot of people do. They're like, oh my gosh, yeah, I do have somebody that I could set you up with, And I think people really like to do that, especially for the friends. But then he gets awkward though, and it doesn't work.

It doesn't work out. Everyone keeps hanging out and they're like, Okay, that's the thing too, especially because nas is such an incredible person, so I would want to set her up with my most incredible friend, and I'm like, too good for all of my friends by far. So it's like, well, I can't do that, but I'm glad that you care about her that much. That's cool. This is from a woman who calls herself first Date blunder Woman. Hi Deane

Hi mark anyone else is in the studio. I was having trouble finding guys that are mentally and physically attractive, especially when it comes to meeting guts some dating apps, it's tough to meet guys outside of the ugly bar scene or work. Recently, I went on date with a guy I met on a dating app. I'm twenty one, he's twenty six. I had low expectations going into it,

and surprisingly it turned out so well. He would even say things of how he's so glad it wasn't a catfish, and how he could tell we were going to get along when he looked into my eyes. Blah blah blah. We talked about where we came from, the places we've traveled, and the goals for the future. He even asked to get drinks at a bar after dinner. I thought things were going great. We had so much chemistry, but I also haven't heard from him since the date we kissed.

It was electric. Why would I not hear from him? Did I read the signs incorrectly? Or is he at a place with work and everything that he wouldn't want to pursue something. Thank you for your help. I suck at dating. Maybe this is Jared and he just has four other I mean, that's the only thing that I could really think of. I don't have a good feeling about this. I'm sorry. I think you felt that spark. I'm not sure he did. Yeah, well, I think it's been a long time for me. But I just feel

like in situations like this, it sucks. But I don't know from the tone of it, the way it's being described. I think the best thing you could do is just try to forget about move on. I don't even think forget about it. He went on a wonderful date, You had a great time, You had an electrifying kiss. Think of that. I think of that as like a positive, Like you can't have these feelings whatever. For some reason, you can never know what's going on with the guy.

He might be dealing with family. I mean I always go to like, it's never you with them, But you might have family issues. He might be going through a lot of stress at work. He might have met somebody else and likes them better. You know, you don't ever know what's happening. But the fact that you were able to have enjoy yourself and have a really great date, that's a good sign it is and you'll learn from it. Dating. Dating is a good thing to practice even if it's

not the one. And clearly he's not the one. And I don't think he's just too busy at work. I just don't think he's into it. I think she feel bad, that says blunder woman, Like I don't think she didn't nothing wrong. Of course, I think she should continue to have low expectations though, right, that was good. It's my word of advice because that's that way. I mean, it's it's weird because she went from having low expectations to calling the kiss electric and now she's upset about it.

But if you kind of like maintain the expectations until something actually like formulated from it. I feel bad because she sounds like she's met a lot of frogs looking for a prince, finally gets a guy okay great, finally gets to go out with okay, great, it goes so well, like she finally gets one's one though exactly, that's a good point. She's when she's twenty two, she can go on the Bachelor, just like back. There's a quote that this makes me think of, and it's, um, I'm really

trying to try out to mess this one up. It's um, you never do this right, Um okay, Uh, don't be be open to the possibility but not attached to the outcome. Very nice. I think you got it, Thank you. I think it because you're open to the possibility of a great relationship when you're going on a date, but you're not attached to the outcome. So if you don't hear

from again. I think that also has to do with being present, because so many people are like dates going well, good job, the date's going well, and they're immediately like, oh, what do we getting next day? It's like slowdowns, be here, enjoy the moment. And by the way, she may have heard from him since she sent this email. Who knows. That's the hard thing for someone like a Jared too, is if he's dating four or five girls on the

same app at the same time. I'm sure he's probably the one that's responsible for, uh, deciding where to go for the dates. I'm sure he's probably like recycling a lot of the date ideas, like that Master of None episode. He's like in the at the same bar every Tuesday, Thursday, Friday night, meeting a girl doing the exact same thing over and over again, like it's boring and redundant and old. Um, do you even watch the show? Is the second time you brought it up. It's a good show. It's on Netflix.

I mean it covers like a lot of like the modern dable dating struggles. It depends on how you feel about us. He's on Sorry this week? Are you okay with this week? Oh? Yeah, I guess some stuff came out about him. Some stuff came out, but it was an interesting thing because it came out. And then you know, you see the headline like up, his career is over, just like every other career is over. And then you

read the article. I think, oh, well, hmm, this one's not quite as cut and dried as a Kevin Spacey or a Harvey weinsteiner all these other ones. C K. This one's a little bit more her opinion, his opinion. What she says is of course valid and respected and how she feels as legitimate. But is it is it should have cost him his career? To me, as he's on Sorry, it sounds like he was a bit of

a dick on this date, which we've all experienced. I think so yeah, I think so many people are focused on the legal bit of stuff with like the more extreme people, but now I have to move into like a social bit of like are you being a considerate person? Are you considering the other person? Or you president not thinking about only what you want and not defending in

seasons all right at all? Because I don't really know, and I think I should probably be more aware of pop culture and the things that are going on around in this I would read up about this one. This one was really an interesting whatever everbody had a different

and the James Frankly stuff too, that's an interesting one too. Um. But I was just thinking when I was when The Bachelor was airing, there was this girl that I diated for like three weeks in college, was like commenting on all these posts or something like saying like, oh, Dean's a bad guy. Um, he like doesn't deserve any of this all that kind of stuff. And I texted her, I was like, why are you Like, what's I thought, like, what's wrong? Why are you so angry at me for

for not doing anything? She's like, when we dated in college, you were a jerk and you said this and did this. And I was like, we dated for three weeks. We went on two or three dates. Um, it clearly didn't work out very well between the two of us. I was twenty years old. Like, there's the fact that you're like remembering everything so horribly. It's just like it doesn't make sense. And so for maybe these people like in the Seasons are you James frankl Again, I don't know

what they did. I don't like I'm not defending them by any means, but when people remember things, they tend to like exaggerate them a little bit and make them seem worse than they actually are. Well, there's three sides every story. Yeah, your side of his side, and the truth kind of thing. That's exactly right. And maybe I'm remembering things through rose colored glasses where I don't really

think I ever had that negative relationship with anyone. But when I don't know, a sour girl that you took on two dates sees you on TV, she gets upset about something. Okay, one more, this is a good one, sayer, lovely name, beautiful. Uh. This week's topic was really interesting about breakups. In the first one with Ashley had talked about long distance I have been living in Madrid for the past four years, which has been really interesting for

dating anyway, Here's my question. I met my boyfriend last year. He was studying abroad in Madrid, where I was. He was from Germany and he was my roommate. A week after we met, we were spending every night together and the rest of the roommates were fine with it. When he had to go back home at the end of June, we had to talk about long distance and decided to try it. It's been surprisingly great. We see each other

once a month. We talk a lot. We just spent Christmas together and had good, serious talks about next year. Here's my question. Should I move to Germany to be with him? He has two more years of school Definistiones masters. I'll be done with my master's in international education at the end of July and help to find a job at an international school. If I can find a job in Germany, that's great. If not, what do I do?

That's sair Well, don't take our advice to Germany. I think I think most of these situations, I would say, don't do it. Do what's best for you, and if they're along for the ride and that they can fit into what's best for you, great, But Honestly, this one seems perfect. She has as she's gonna have a master's in international education. You feel like it, like it's like that he's giving her the pie and the spoon. What what? Oh the classic pine you had it? You had that

one expression. You couldn't just leave well enough alone. I was gonna be someone's bumble openings like can stand it? Always leave the room on a high note. I'm done. Um yeah, moved to Germany. Germany's Germany's economy is doing well. As a teacher out there if that's what you're looking for, and you can always move home. I don't know why not. It sounds like once you graduate, you're a bit of a free agent anyway. You can go wherever you want

in the world with that degree. It's not like she's in a job in a great job of her promotion, like this is kind of her time to make a move. I like to tell this story when I moved to Los Angeles my current wife girlfriend at the time. We've only been together six months, and I knew I was moving when we met. So from day one we knew that we got six months here. Let's make the most

of it. Because end of February, I'm gone. And we had an amazing six months and we feel very much in love and it was very, very difficult to leave. But we never said we're breaking up, and we never said we're gonna try a long distance. We just didn't really say. So I came out to California. She was still in Wisconsin, and we would talk a couple of times a week see how things were going. And then she said to me, Hey, my aunt and uncle live

in Huntington's Beach, so I'm in California. They've given me the offer that I can stay with them, so I can go out there and we can be together. Now, what she wanted from me was yeah, And sadly, I have to admit that wasn't my reaction. And I'll tell you why, because I've been trying to get over her for a good month and a half two months at this point, trying to put my mind in other things, trying to move on with my life. And the other feeling was if she moves out here, there are two

ways for this to end. We get married we've a lily been together six months, or it ends really badly and her family hates me, pulled her across the country and actually goes back to Wisconsin. It's it was really scary for me that those were the only two outcomes. Anyway, long story show, she came out to visit for a week and it was the greatest week ever, and I was then I was all on board, and I'm so happy she did because we've been together now for twenty years.

But anyway, I feel like it may scare him a bit that you're lifting up your life and moving to another part of the world for him, because that puts a lot of pressure on him and on the relationship. That's what scared me so much. But I also just think that if you can go anywhere in the world, why wouldn't you go to where this guy is and you and spin it with him however you want. Like, no, I got this great job. It's just kind of right

near you, and that's gonna be okay. And even if it doesn't work out, I've got my thing, You've got your thing, and it's gonna be fine. Yeah, Yeah, it doesn't work out. She's in Germany with tons of other people, you know, Yeah, very well educated. That's funny. You just exactly described a situation that I had um too. It's like there's two things that could happen in the relationship.

You either get married or ends horribly and you don't want I mean, obviously you want to get married for twenty years and have it and that like that, but it's just like a daunting idea to even like come to terms with and be like, well, because she was nineteen, so that's and so so mentally we're about the same level of maturity and so neither one of us is ready to get married. So that added to some of

the fear too. And just like the idea of someone moving somewhere for you, it's kind of scary as well, because you kind of almost feel like you might let them down a little bit. My girlfriend, my girlfriend moved from New York to be with me in California or here,

I guess. So did you feel pressure with that? I mean yeah, I mean I just want everything to work out, you know, like career wise, and so I mean it's such a you know, you never know what if it's going to happen or not, and you work really hard at it. But I am positive, I remain positive, so hopefully it works out. And I think she's still happy, so that's good. Well, four years together, four years and three the twentieth so it's kind of even getting towards

that time. I'm thinking, we are you gonna pop the question? Well, we don't talk about that. Come on, Mark and I are Tanya and are all pouring their souls out on I mean, you know, I've been here and we've been talking. It's been fun. Okay that four years? Oh, no way, four years in Okay, I was waiting for I was waiting for four years. Have you too discussed it? Yes? Have you looked at rings together? That's good. I don't like that. The shopping papering together. I think that's on you.

I don't think I would ask. Yeah, yeah, it should be. It should be you know, maybe surprise is the wrong word, but something of a surprise when you actually decide to do it. She should be surprised. I would, I would hope. So yeah, um, okay. Well, what I think that we didn't get enough of was name suggestions for the podcast. I still stand by help Dating Sucks with Dean and Alert. I like the modern dating one. Oh, Cassie says, what if you just call it dating? Etcetera? With Dean, Wait,

it's supposed to. You're changing the name. Yes, he wants to change the name. The powers that be may not let him change. Help him. Okay, and I help dating sucks. Yeah, that's what I suggested. Yeah, yeah, I mean but again, maybe after Winter Games Airs, we could get a special someone to come in and talk about how much I really do suck it dating. I think that would be great if we get to that point. That's your job to keep it going until Winter Games Airs, because that

will be a real let down expectations than that. Let's just say, in this hypothetical situation, I would think that things are going very well good. But this is all hypothetically, hypothetically great. We're hypothetically happy for you. I'm hypothetically happy for myself. Impothetically I'm legitimately happy no matter what. Thanks Taylor. UM. All right, well that'll do it for episode fifteen of

Help I Suck at Dating. Um. If you have any listener emails, you want, any stories you want to share with us, submit them to I Suck at Dating at i heeart media dot com. That's I suck a t dating at I heeart media dot com. Because there's two acts in there. I don't want to confuse you. Thanks again to Taylor for coming in studio. Um, it's nice to hang out again. I'm excited. Yes, um our friends. Wait,

you jumped off the screen, all right, so yeah. Thanks to to Alex for talking about Bumble a little bit, telling us about some profile tips, maybe some um pictures and all that kind of stuff. And a big thank you to a woman who doesn't get nearly enough credit around here, the amazing Erica Solivan. She's behind the scenes every day, smile on her face. She's just a real

gem and a real peach to have around um. And if you get a subceal from her on Bumble, you should respond because you want do you like when they respond with gifts or do you want them to respond with words? If you respond with the gift, then you get kind of stuck in this weird like gift off. Someone has to put an end to it eventually. All right. Well that's that'll do it for episode fifteen. Help I Suck at Dating? Thank you for listening. Tune in next

week maybe I'll suck a little bit less. Follow Help I Suck At Dating with Dean Anglert on I Heart Radio or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts,