#10 Married People

able to get some thinking done. I sat back, reflected, had an incredible, incredible epiphany that hit me and I'm very excited to share it with you guys today. Um okay, my Instagram live is over now. Anyways, that was a cliffhanger. Nope, Episode ten, Help I Suck at Dating? I have actually

had some interesting, unique thoughts everythink. Every week before the episodes, I tried to have at least one unique thought of dating in general, because I mean, you guys, obviously the producers Mark Easton, m Amy Sugarman, and Tanya are obviously great in terms of guiding the podcast, but I like to at least have like new ideas that I come up with right throughout the day. Um, I don't know if you want to get into that now or if

you want to start talking to married couples. And I think I think this one that I had last night too as I was falling asleep, UM, kind of applies to some of the listeners that might be dealing with some of these guys that they've been calling in about, you know, like the relationship troubles, all that kind of stuff. So me specifically, I'm going to say that I have for the sake of this exercise, I'm going to say that I have ten friends, um males women. So of

those ten friends, seven of those are guys. Of those seven guys, I would say two of the two of the seven are in relationships, so we're looking at what that's like. Of them are in relationships, the other five are all single. Quick math, the other five are single. So five of my seven guy friends are single, which means I'm probably spending more time with them and going out to the bars more often with them than I

am with the two that are in a relationship. And and you correct me time in if you want to. While I'm discussing, because it's a very premature thought, I would say too that as guys were more own to share the things that we dislike about our significant other than we do the things that we do like about them.

So the two guys that I'm friends with that are in relationships are constantly complaining about things of the relationship, which as a single guy to here is very much a turn off and it kind of a catalyzes the the need and want to stay single. So it's just I'm saying, as as a listener of this podcast, if you're a woman and you're looking to date a guy, maybe look at the guys that he surrounds himself by

his friendships and see if any of them aren't successful relationships. Obviously, I think the people at the company that you keep is very important to who you are as a person on a daily basis um And I don't know necessarily how to I guess overcome that, But that's just kind of a thought that I had last night. Can you learn from them at all? Like when they complain about something she's doing, can you think to yourself, how would

I handle that? Because no relationship is perfect. You're going to find the great woman, like great love of your life someday and they will still be conflict. So can you learn from them and think how will I handle it? If that ever happens to me, or is it more of a oh oh, thank god, I don't have to deal with that. Well, I think as a guy, as a twenty six year old man, my friendships are very much not rooted in confiding in each other's relationship. WOA.

So it's like, say, my friend who's dating his girlfriend of three years it's going through I don't know a hard point in the relationship. He wouldn't like reach out and be like, I mean, of course you'll have conversations, but I don't think he would be like we would like sit down in a way a pros and cons list of what's good and what's bad. It's mostly you just hear about the bad things and not so much

about the good things. And you hear about like the the things that he doesn't like, but not the nice things that he's doing on a daily basis. Do you ever ask them like, why are you still in this relationship? There's got to be some positives. And I'm not saying that all of them are negative at all. Of course there I think they're more majority positive than they are negative. But I just think that you're saying they only say negative things about their partner and like male like locker

room talk is. I don't want to label it that, but essentially that's what it is. You know. You you talk about things that are kind of bothering you more so than you talk about things that are benefiting you. And it's just it's a weird thing to think about.

It almost kind of stigmatized as being in a relationship when you're surrounded by so many single friends and then the few friends that you have their own relationships aren't seemingly as happy as they actually genuinely are, but they just don't talk about that happiness as often as they talk about that. And you know what, I ask about the happiness because you could gain some insight there, okay, because all you're hearing is the negatives. It makes it

sound awful, but they're there for a reason. I remember once it was an old guy used to work with who used to you know, a lot of guys make jokes about their ex wives when they have ex wives, and what a horrible monster there. And I was thinking to myself, you loved her so much that you committed the rest of your life to that person. Okay, so it didn't work out, but could she be that horrible. Just guys can be so negative sometimes when they talk

to their other guy friends about it. But in the back of my mind, I'm always thinking there's got to be something there, something that they clung onto at one point. Yeah, and with your friends, something that they're enjoying right then they're sticking around for. And of course if you're in a relationship, I think it means that you enjoy it more than you don't write so or I mean, there's fear of being alone. There's all kinds of those issues,

I guess. I guess the point of that thought was just like, b I don't know aware of the friendships that these guys that you're pursuing are are surrounding himself by. Because I love my friends to death and I would kill for every single one of them. Um, but they're all uh dating and apt as well in a lot of ways. And I don't want to say that it like affects me positively negatively, but it definitely like is

something worth considering. I think, you know, Yeah, can you jumping I come from Hello, I'm just sticking around for this one today. Um, I agree with you because I think that I in my life right now I'm surrounded by really healthy, strong relationships in my life, and I look to these people and I like, I love how I love the foundation of their relationships. I love how the both of them bring up the best in each other.

I love how they work there like a team, you know, Like all the couples I'm surrounded with are a team and they have a partner, and I admire that so much. So I think that's why for me, I mean, I'm not necessarily sad being single, but I definitely strive for a relationship because I have such strong relationships in my life and then my friendships and my circles that I really admire and look up to. So I can see how that negatively can affect you not wanting to be

in a relationship. Yeah, and I don't. I don't want to say that it's not wanting to be in a relationship for me personally, Okay, celebrating your singleness, I just think it it provides, like obviously, everything that we do, you kind of stacked the pros and cons the positive to negative of everything you do. And when you're surrounded by people that are happily enjoying their single life more so than being in a relationship. Then it kind of like makes your um, I guess scales teeter in one

certain direction, and like to your point as well. My brother has been dating his girlfriend for four or five years.

They both live in Colorado together. I don't make it out there often to see them, but whenever I do, I'll stay with them for you know, four or five days at a time, and I always come out of that experience and being like, Wow, they have like such a strong relationship and they really really love each other, and it's like, it's just it's it's interesting to see how quickly our mindsets can change when we're surrounded by things that we want to see for ourselves, you know.

And I think what's interesting is like for me, I went through this a long, Like for so long, I feel like, um, I didn't appreciate that I was single, and I was so badly wanting to be back in a relationship, and I didn't like appreciate all the good things that come with being single, you know. And I think now I'm trying to be way more present in like being thankful for the season that I'm in and like I don't have to answer to somebody. I can

literally do whatever I want. Like in five years from now, I'm probably gonna be married and probably gonna have a family. So I'm like trying to just be more present and like in the moment and grateful for the season that I'm in. But it is it's really interesting because I do think like depending on your situation, you can really like sway either way. And depending on the time of year.

I feel like with winter coming up, seasonal effective disorder cuffing season, season, it's more two as I guess, But yeah, I mean I think personally I get a little bit more down in the dumps this time of year for whatever reason, maybe holidays, maybe whatever it is. I just think people in general get a little Maybe not in l A so much because the sun is always out, but back in Colorado the sunsets at like four pm. You're a little bit more. And do you feel lonely?

Is that a feeling you feel, you know, if it's Christmas time or that time of year, do you wish you had somebody to share it with? Absolutely? Yeah, I mean everyone feels lonely, so you kind of go back and forth. But that's the thing that I'm surrounded by so many great friends, all the time. Like there, I always have an outlet of friendship to refer to. But um, yeah, I think not being in a relationship, especially around this time of year, it's it's challenging. Well, give them the

theme of this show and what kind of segue into that? Yeah, which is a great segue too, because the people that we're gonna speak with today haven't had to deal with that for a while, because they've been in successful relationships, successful marriages for varying amounts of time, but most of them very very long. So what we're gonna do is we're gonna ask mary couples the best advice that they

have for their successful relationships. Awesome. Yeah, because when you suck at dating, you turn to those who aren't dating anymore. The ones that are married, they clearly were successful at dating at one point or another, or they just failed into a marriage somehow happened sometimes. Well I'll start, if you don't mind, please, I've been with my wife for twenty years, married for fifteen, um, and any questions you have,

but I'm often asked, how did you know? And for me, I remember very clearly we've been together for a couple of years and I was thinking, you know, how do you know when it's time to propose in that? And I thought, well, what if I don't, and what if we were to break up? And the thought of she and I living just separate lives. She's off doing her thing and dating somebody and I'm off doing my thing. It was laughable to me. It was inconceivable that the would ever be a time in my life when Amy

wasn't part of my life. That was ludicrous. And that's when I knew, Okay, so this is the this is it. Now. Here's my question. Have you guys seen the movie? Definitely maybe Ryan Reynolds Erica. Have you I have not? In it? I have. It's with the little girl, right, Yes, he has the little baby and they're trying to He's like talking about the um love I guess loves that he's had throughout his life and why her mother is her mother?

That kind of thing, because you've definitely seen this movie before. Anyways. In the movie, definitely maybe the female lead I can't remember her name, she's an incredibly famous actress says something along the lines of it's not who but when so it's not who you're with that you know you're gonna get married, But it's when you're with that person that you know that you're ready to spend the rest of your life with them. So it's not like, does that

make sense? Is that kind of what you're saying? As well, it's like, I guess it is if you met Amy ten years before I ran, and she would have been an eight year old. Just to clarify, I was twenty six and Amy was eighteen we started dating, So when I had this revelation is probably twenty one. But it almost goes against your point, because yes, for me, I was at a place in my life when I was ready to settle down, but she was twenty one years old. It's very easy for her to say that she wasn't

at that point in her life. And honestly, one of the reasons I was hesitant to propose too soon is I wanted to make sure that she was a hundred percent on board, because when you're you've been dating the same guy since you were eighteen. I didn't want that feeling in her head of who else might be out there. I haven't sampled anything I've been with this guy, and maybe I'd like to play the field a little bit and see what else is out there. Luckily she didn't

feel that way, but I was. I was very nervous about that. As far as marriage goes, I've always my advice has always been to consider it a commitment, and obviously it's a commitment, but what I mean by that is you think of it long term, because I feel like a lot of people feel like if it's not going well for a certain amount of time, that it's falling apart and it's over. But it's not. There's ups and there's downs, and there's peaks, and there's valleys and whatever.

If you're committed to it being a lifetime together, that fight last night, it's not that big a deal in the grand scheme of things, where some people are like, I'm going to my mom's. I can't deal with you, I'm out of here, or they go to someone else because it's getting a little rocky at home, so they seek solace and somebody else, and then it's it's going

to be over. You're blowing whole thing up. So I think as long as you see it as a lifetime together, which could scare some people, I understand, But as long as you think of it that way, I think you can get through anything. Yeah, I think. Um. Amy, we had on last week right the the Holistic Sex Expert. What's your name Amy? I think it was Amy anyway, So I was listening to the podcast that we recorded last week and she said something that really struck a

chord with me. She said something along the lines of relationships are one of the things that we work for until we get and then once we have we don't really work anymore. Like like you like work for an apprenticeship or you work at your job, you constantly improve yourself, but in relationships, you kind of stop that once you acquire what you're looking for and you don't constantly like achieve to do better in the relationship. Her name was

Kim Kim, I not me. I'm so sorry for saying Amy, but um, yeah, that really struck a chord with me. I feel like because to your point, I feel like when you have an argument, you kind of people like tend to internalize that and maybe taken round with it. But what she was saying was it's it's not just a once you have it, you have it. It's something that you have to continue to work with and improve upon and improve upon yourself too. I'm such a better

person than than I was when I met Amy. A lot of that is thanks to her, but a lot of that is just from the relationship and maturing and growing up and figuring out what works and doesn't work. Right. That's just interesting to think about, Yeah, because I think that I've always maybe I think all of us kind of inherently know that, but we never really outwardly expressed

or talk about it. And so it's just like a weird to have like that kind of like realization of thought that that I don't know, that's just kind of my take. But like your whole life is, it turns into a compromise, like you never you know what I mean, when you're when you're married, you don't ever get to do exactly what you want to do. Oh yeah, for sure, Mark Easton, Easton, you can jump in. Yeah, i'd say so. Yeah, it's a beautiful compromise. Yes, yes, it's it's very satisfying,

and it's very it is very beautiful. And it also makes me better because if I just did whatever I wanted all the time, i'd sure be on the couch a lot house, probably be a man, but the house would be a mess. I wouldn't be out hike, that wouldn't be out exercising. Like I'm trying to be a better person for me, for her, for the kids, for everybody. If it was up to me, it would be a lot of TV. And it's good. It's a good thing. The compromise is positive, although I get when you're in

your twenties that compromises not something you're interested to. The conversation we had last week as well, that's a challenge that your wife kind of gives you, is to to get up more and clean the house and do whatever it is. She's constantly pushing you to do things that you wouldn't do on your own had she not been there. So that's that's amazing, amazing, and the benefits are great.

I live in a clean house instead of the squalor I lived in before her, And at eight pm on a Sunday, after watching TV all day long, you feel a lot worse than had you gone hiking day and gotten some chores accomplished all that kind of exactly right, I'd probably be fifty pounds heavier. I think maybe guys just don't have as much foresight as women, you know, and motivation and ambition and all that stuff. Every Hey, I think we're on. We have a married woman on

the line. Okay, nice, So we have him calling in. She's been married for three years with her husband who has been they've been together for ten years. While I kind of stumbled over that one him, are you there? Yeah, I'm here. How are you thank you for? How are you doing? I'm good, I'm good. All right. So the theme of today's episode is we're talking about what a successful relationship is married. I'm sorry, he's made of UM.

So we're joined by Eastern Mark and Tanya here. So do you mind kind of telling us a little bit more about your story? Yeah, of course. UM. I've been with my husband for ten years and we've been married for three UM, and our first four years together were actually long distance because he was playing professional baseball. So I think, UM, a lot of the reason why we've made it this far is because we've always had open communication. UM, and I think that was like a big part in

our relationship. So he was traveling for work essentially. Yes, And what did you do during that time? Um? I was in San Francisco. I was a chef, so I was finishing up culinary school and then working in restaurants up there. Would we have heard of your husband through his professional colum? Um, he played the minor league for the San Francisco Giants. Um, he was a catcher. So I don't know, he never made it, no, but he no,

he played with that. Okay. So we've talked about this in the past and in past episodes with like Adam and Raven and other people that have been through the long distance experience. How did you go about making it work with your boyfriend at the time, it sounds like, and then maybe since since he retired from baseball he

became your husband. Yeah, I always we've always said that. Um. We think, like I think the foundation of like a really strong relationship is trust and communication, and from day one we've always been honest, no lies. I think that's like a really big part in the successful relationship. Um, to start off on the right. But yeah, I think it must be challenging for you too, because not only was he was it long distance, but he was like

traveling to new places all the time. UM. I guess I don't know the extent of like how often you were able to visit him it. Yeah, So yeah, I mean we got lucky the first year I lived in San Francisco and he was playing in San Jose, so we were actually forty five minutes apart from each other, so after certain games he would come over and sleep in the city and spend the weekend. So we got

really lucky. But then he moved to Virginia, and that was probably the hardest time because it was probably three the longest we've been apart was three months, UM, and I think for us being able to talk on the phone and UM, having that communication was really helpful because it got really hard at times. UM. But after that, when we lived together in l a, UM, I think we were so glued to each other because we had been separated for so long that now it's been a

lot easier. Nice and so so he basically gave up, well maybe not gave up his professional career, but he essentially finished out what he was trying to do with that and then decided to obviously mutually decided to settle down and essentially, yeah, yeah, definitely. He actually had a couple of flute concussions, so UM it was the doctor said that he couldn't really play anymore, and he had already been doing it for five years, and like you said, it was kind of mutual, Like, what am I going

to do now? I have a girl back at home and so we both moved back to l A where we're both from, and started, um, the rest from there. So would you consider that that long portion of the long distance relationship beneficial for you now? Because like you said, you're kind of a little bit more glued to each other. I can kind of attribute it to like when you adopt a shelter dog or something like that, and they're essentially bill crow to you at that point, right, the

extend of the kind of draws you closer physically. Now, Yeah, I think so for sure. I think the long distance has made us both stronger. I think our communication skills are so much better because we were a long distance so, um, I think that helps out in the long run. So what's the key to making I guess this relationship work now? Um? Like I said, from the beginning, I think being honest with each other, um from day one is really huge help.

I think that having like never lying and being open and just knowing that you can't read each other's mind. So if something's bugging you, you need to let your partner know, you know, he can't read your mind if something's bugging you or vice versa. So I think being open and honest. And we always say like, don't bring work home with you. You can't work if you work too hard and then you come home and you're stressed about it. You know that you bring it home on

your wife or your husband. So I think not taking things too seriously. Um, I think that's a really big piece of advice as well. What does what is his career now? Now? Now he's in sales. That makes sense. I think that's a natural transition for most athletes, not most. The mentality I think kind of cares over pretty well. Yeah, because he's always worked with them a bunch of people, and he's really good with that. So I think now he's Um, we're both I don't know. I think we're

both very honest with each other. And I think that's huge. And we always say like, even like he's thirty two, I'm thirty and we go to Coachella every year, and I always say, like, if you like the party or have fun, like instead of just doing like a boy's trip or a girls trip, like try and include your wife or your husband like, we have the best time when we go out together, and we always go to concerts and shows, and that's how you build memories and

get closer to absolutely. So I watched the movie Um, The Invention of Lying last night, and it's it's funny too because they're just brutally honest the entire time. So do you see that with you and your husband? Even like if you if you're honest about something that maybe the other one isn't going to like, it's still worth saying. Yes, I think that we're best friends. So I think in the long run, it's going to help us. It's never gonna hurt you. What about um little baby Kim's running

around anytime soon? No, no, no, I think we're gonna rescue you already have a rescue dog. And we're both I'm a baby of three girls and he's the baby of three boys. So we want to be the really cool aunt and uncle spoil them and then give them back. That's I'm that's understandable. Um yeah, I mean I think a puppy is good enough. Anyways, I have a quick question. I'm so fascinated by the life of the professional athletes, So I mean his whole life, high school, college baseball,

baseball baseball, and then he has his concussions. Was it difficult for him to to make that decision to stop going every spring to spring training? Yes, I think it's probably the hardest decision of his life. I think he said, um that if we weren't together that maybe he would still try. But he said because he wasn't gonna be able to be a catcher anymore, no matter what. But he could have tried being because he had a good arm,

you know, he could have been a pitcher. But he said that transition was the hardest because you just live and breathe baseball your whole life. You never think about what you're doing next because you just think it's only that. But that puts a lot of pressure on you. For him to say that if I wasn't with you, I might give it another shot. Yeah, but I don't really believe that. I think he was done with it mentally.

I mean, he was so injured, Like I think he just says that to be like, oh, yeah, I think I think I keep playing, But there's no way he would keep playing. Like it's the minor league. Baseball is so hard. It's like every day you're it's just it's it's a grueling process to make it. Yeah, and it's no money and it's no money, make nothing, and it's it's just it's you know, it's all mental that you know, sports in general, like of it is a mental game. So I think it's a lot for any minor league

player and then to be able to make it. Like I said, he played with Buster Posey, was in his class and they were catchers together. So I think behind being behind someone like that, Um, it's really it's really hard. Tanya doesn't know sports. But but what happened was he was catching with this guy, Buster Posey, and then watched Buster Posey go to the major leagues sign multimillion dollar contracts, win World Series m v P. Like you had to

watch that happened. That's tough, but it sounds like you being there for him through that transitional part in his life also helped cement you two together. I think so. I really do think so, because I think it would be hard doing that on your own and then having someone that you can talk to and relate to, and I think, um it was I think I hopefully I helped them through that. That's amazing. Yeah, I think that.

Like to Mark's point, that the fact that you were there for um emotionally and um, you know, psychologically throughout that that seven years of his was it seven years yeah, of his uh minor league career. That's that's great. Um all right, Kim, Well, thank you so much for calling in. That's incredibly helpful, I think for all of the listeners, for myself included, UM, we wish you the best. If you ever need a puppy sitter here in Los Angeles, please let me know. I'm always more unhappy to jump

in when necessary. Thank you. Yeah, I have a good rest of your day. All right. Bye. I didn't want to say this when she was on the phone, but Buster Posey signed a eight year deal worth one million dollars. That's a lot of cheese. Did you win like a couple of MVPs he did? Yeah, that's crazy. Um. Well, one thing that I think most married couples can agree is the importance of sharing meals together. And one great way to share meals with each other if you're I

guess kitchen. Uh. I don't want to say the word of nept again because I used it earlier in this podcast. But kitchen incapable, perhaps is to go through this amazing company called Hello Fresh. I'm sure you've heard of them. I'm sure you've seen their meal delivery services. Essentially, what it is is a meal kit delivery service that makes cooking fun so you can focus on the whole experience

and not just the final place. So you know, your husband, wife, your boyfriend, girlfriend, you're just trying to impress that that boy or girl you've just met, um invite him over. Have this this experience of cooking together and obviously enjoying the meal all the way. At the end, their creative, delicious, nutritionally balanced so that way you guys can stay fit and obviously physically attracted to each other, perfect portion and

sent directly to your door with minimal waste. Which is great too because my roommate is very very anti excess and so when things get sent to our house that have insane amounts of of packaging and all that kind of stuff, he kind of gets upset. So whenever Hello Fresh gets delivered to my house, you can always see the benefit and that so check out some of the meals. The juicy Lucy Burger, tomato onion jam and rugos salad

is one of my favorite. I think I made the lobster ravioli last week, and I love lobster, so it was delicious. And if you go on to Hello Fresh dot com and use the promo code Dean, you get thirty dollars off your very first week of Hello Fresh, and you can maybe start feeling confident in the kitchen. I I think when I first started this podcast, I had cooked two meals since living in Los Angeles of the two years I've lived here, and I can safely

say I've cooked quite a few more. So if you go to Hello Fresh dot com and enter promo code Dean, that's d e A N you will get thirty dollars off your very first week of Hello Fresh. All right, So next we have Christa, who has been married for seven years. UM and hopefully we can get some advice from her. Chris, are you there, I'm here, lovely. How are you? I'm fine? How are you doing? I'm doing well, Christa.

So I'm joined in the studio by Easton and Tanya. UM, and we kind of just want to pick your brain. I know you talked to a little bit with Erica about it, but UM, can you give us a little bit more insight on your relationship and kind of what's going on in your life. Well, let me start with the fact that this is my second marriage, so I probably have some advice you might not want to use. I mean, good, it's good to get both perspectives. That's right,

that's right. But I'm doing a better job this time, so I think I actually have some good advice. All right, let's hear it. Okay, So well, off the top of my head, you know that's saying that you should never go to bed angry. I don't believe that one. Why is that? I think sometimes you have to let it go, go to bed and start fresh the next day. And sometimes that means going to bed angry. So for me, and that has worked for our relationship. That's when I

learned the second round. So give us a little bit more insight into I guess if you don't mind both marriages. How long was the first one? How long is the second one? Fairly going for the first one was thirteen so I'd say we had a pretty good run. Thirteen days. Nope, you're kidding, Okay, So years for the first one, thirteen years for the first one. Um, with a bunch of kids, and I think that probably put a little stress on it. So um, but the seven years has been super easy, easy, breezy.

What's been different about it? You know? I think I took some life lessons away from that first one. Uh, you know, not to slept the small stuff. Like I said, it's okay. Those old wives tales of what you should and shouldn't do that everyone quotes aren't necessarily true. Everyone has a different relationship. So you know, we go to bed mad sometimes when we wake up and we say sorry, and I think, you know, saying sorry, that's another big one.

I Um, I don't like to apologize. So when you guys go to bed angry, how does the how do the logistics of the of the night work? Do you guys snuggle with each other? Do you build like a pillow barrier? How does that work? Oh that's a good call. I might try that next time. Now we have yet to build our separate ports. Um, we just sort of go to bed each on our own side room. There's no like going to the guest room, or we don't. We actually don't have a guest room, so maybe we

would do that. But um, you never sent him to the couch or anything like that. Know, our couch is pretty comfortable. I wouldn't do that now, you know. We just sort of go to bed and sleep it off and generally it's better in the morning. Great. So do you have any children with this new husband? I do not know, And I think having kids also adds like stress to it. So maybe that's the where we have

had a little bit easier. The difference being you can kind of focus more on the relationship than the children, right, But I mean we still have step kids, We have kids. Each of us have kids, so that that can, you know, cause a lot of stress sometimes, but our kids get along. Well. Was he married before he was? Okay? Gotchas you guys both had a chance to kind of are not all the kinks and then come together and finally be successful. Right. I like to say I got the better version of

my husband. Yeah, I'm sure an Yeah, he considers me an upgrade for sure. Um. How did you two meet? You and your husband? We met on a beach, actually a beach that we both go too often, um, and that we grew up going to. So kind of Actually, he wasn't super friendly when I first met him, so That's another tip is to give someone the second chance. He wasn't friendly in terms of like he wasn't giving

your time a day or giving anyone. He's just he was sort of an unfriendly, unfriendly first meeting for all. But once he warms up to you, it kind of changes things a little bit. Once he warms up, he's a much much better guy. So yes that I'm probably gave him a third, fourth, and fifth chance. Um, because this is probably the best thing I ever did. And I know you said in your first marriage that you said like you wouldn't you know, you learned not to

sweat the small things. What's like the biggest mistake you feel like you made in your first relationship that you're never going to do again in the first marriage, I think marrying someone because I wanted to get married. That's a huge, huge, huge issue. So what about marriage made you want it so badly? Just the forever commitment. I mean, the weddings are so fun. I really really wanted a wedding, and I also kind of competitive, so I wanted to

be first all my friends. Krista, I'm so happy that you said that because I think that's a huge thing, especially a lot of my friends. I know a couple of my friends that have actually gotten married, and I think just because they were like, well, I'm about to be thirty and all my friends are married and this guy is good for now, and they don't think of like this is for the rest of their lives. No, I definitely did not focus on that. That was a

huge difference between one and two. First one was let's get the wedding. All the dress is so pretty and all my friends are coming and it's could be great. Then the second one, I we actually had a kid who had two broken arms minutes before the ceremony. Well, okay, that's an exaggeration. Two days two days before, one of the kids broke both arms and it was, you know, kind of a disaster. And my hair was a mess. It was my dress. I've never tried it on. It

didn't it? Which wedding? Did you have more fun at the second one? I like all about the marriage and not the wedding. Do you mind if I asked you when you got your entered your first marriage, first marriage, I was twenty four. That's pretty young. How long were you guys together for? That's the one that was thirteen, so I'm sorry. Before before the marriage, I'm sorry, oh before that. Um, we got engaged after eight months. We got married a year later, so less than two years. Interesting.

And then I'm sorry for all the personal questions. But then how long how long did you know your current husband before you too tied the knut? Two years? Also, yeah, so about two years? Okay, all right, I'm a two year girl. But I just hadn't thinking this one out. This is a winner. And hey, I think, I mean, obviously, I'm sure you love your children. So you've got children out of the first one, and now you got your forever husband out of the second one, and three bonus children.

So that's pretty three bonus step children. That's great. So do you still have a relationship like a friendship or anything with your first husband or how is that? Oh? Yeah, for sure, when you have kids with somebody, you don't get to divorce them. Really. So yes, we're we're actually friends and we're much of our friends then we were married.

We were talking about that at the top of the podcast, about how it's it's interesting and curious to see people who have been married and then end up like resenting each other or hatting each other's guts after the marriage. So that's good to hear that you and him still have at least a friendly, cordial relationship. I think we're pretty lucky. We always have people say that how lucky

we are that we get along so well. But I think in truth, we never should have been married, and yes, lasted a long time, but because we are better friends now, we probably would have been just better off being friends before. I think that's so nice though. I think I think when people are so resentful and hateful towards their like ex husband or even ex boyfriends, I think that harbors so much like anger and anxiety in your life. I think it's so much better when you just have a

happy relationship. You don't have you best friends with your exes. But I think just having like a nice cordial relationship is just beneficial for everybody involved. Sure, but it also takes time to up there. I mean, was Rosie in the beginning, I didn't think we would be friends someday, Um we got We got lucky on that, because you know, no divorce is easy. Never it's like a bad, you know, really really bad breakup, your worst breakup. I can't even

I gosh, I really cannot imagine going through divorce. I think dealing with heartbreak is like one of the worst things I've ever experienced my life. I couldn't even imagine even even ending things with someone that I'm casually dating. I die a little bit inside, right, And I mean divorce, I say it brings the worst out in people, and then you have to find things. It's not like you can get away and wash your hands of it. There's a lot on the table, So Christophe for for our listeners.

Then maybe the ones that have yet to enter a marriage and are struggling dating, do you have any advice for them, maybe that you've learned. How did you like weed out, you know, depending on like as you're dating, How did you know that your second husband was going to be the one? Gosh, that's a really good question. I really can't say for sure how I knew, But I would say that because he had already also been divorced, he was a little more in touch with what needed

to be done better. He knew he had not done something, you know, he'd done things that he wished he hadn't done the first marriage, and he was a different person. And I guess knowing that and seeing that he was open to talking about that made it so that I thought we stood a better chance. I don't think, you know, I could go back. Now let's say this. You know, something happened and I need to shop around for number three. I don't think I would want to be with anybody

who wasn't open to making things better. Yeah, that's a huge point. I think, especially when you're when you're dating somebody, they always want to project that they're they're then their best selves and that they're you know what I mean. Like, I think it's it's a huge thing to look for that somebody that wants to grow and wants to be a better person, because I feel like that's not super common. What it means being so want in touch with your feelings.

I mean, that's not super easy for anybody to necessarily be in touch with their feelings, But it's if you're slightly open to it, that's a good start. Absolutely, that's a really good point to look for. That's that's a good takeaway, all right. Christin, Well, thank you so much for for calling in and sharing your story. UM very very happy for you that you found love the second time around, and best to look moving forward. Thank you, and I love your podcast, so thank you so much.

You're amazing. Thank you. Take care. Okay, but so that might be one of my biggest fears with marriage is divorced. I'm sure everyone has shares that that sentiment, of course, but like, I feel like, what's the stat now, It's like sixty of marriages and in divorce or something is quite that high, but it is definitely over fifty the

majority of marriages and in divorce. And that's definitely Tanya stating it on the books on record saying that, no, I mean, I'm totally with you because I feel like just going through a really bad breakup was one of the hardest things I've ever had to go through. I could not imagine going through a divorce. I couldn't and I don't know. It sounds like Krista obviously really enjoyed the whole wedding aspect of everything. That's kind of what

rushed her into it. I can understand. I can't empathize, but I can maybe understand where she's coming more from I think from a girls standpoint, because we feel and I'm generalizing generalizing women, but I think most of my friends feel like not that they But yeah, I do think a lot of them feel pressured to get married to the one that they're dating at the time, because oh, well, I'm getting up there in age and I want to have kids and time sticking, and you know, you just

kind of do that mental math in pressure from family and friends and everybody else, biological clock. You know, I want the perfect wedding, and my family has always wanted this for me. It's the wrong reason totally. Like I can't tell you, I feel like that's all I get asked about, when are you gonna get married? We're gonna get married, So when I kind of don't like to circle back to Bachelotte and all that kind of stuff. But when the Bachelotte Profiles released, one of my Q

and a s was what do you feel? How do you feel about marriage? And it was like near the end of the questionnaire, it's like three questions long, so I didn't really like elaborate what I wrote, but I said something along the lines of I believe that marriage is a sham derived from like religious and practical beliefs. But but at the end of the day, I do plan on getting married. I do want to spend the

rest of my life with someone. But I guess what I meant by that point is that young people for so long are taught to like idolize marriage, and it's kind of like a goal, which is, of course everyone wants to get married, right, and it should be a goal. But we have like these these false pretenses as to what, um a marriage is, like, what what we need to

get from it? Right? People kind of like and then begin to um, what's the word compromise and kind of like sell themselves short because they believe that they need to get married, when in reality, like if you look back, like a lot of marriages happened because maybe like two people owned farms and they wanted to like combine those farms so they would marry the daughter in a son I'm serious, for practical purposes and and a lot of

religious reasons as well. And as those things tend to kind of fade out into the background, we still are left with this idea that marriage is a requirement of life, and if you don't do what, you essentially failed at life, when in reality, like you should be pursuing that person that you're ready to spend the rest of your life with and not the person that you feel like you need to be with to be more fulfilled in the relationship aspect of your life. I guess, do you want

to be a father? Yeah? Absolutely, I can ye be fun yeah yeah. And then there's another stigma to that too, you have to be married to have I mean, of course you don't, it happens, but there is that stigma too that you have to do this first and then you do this. I mean, I do definitely want to be married when I have kids. I wouldn't really plan on having kids unless I was married, I guess. So maybe that's something that I having grained in my head

as well. Um, But I don't know. I have a unique opinion about that kind of stuff, Like I definitely want to have two children in an ideal world, I want to have have two children on my own and then adopt two children. Really, and I think that you can really only do that with someone that you're married to. Um, because that's not that the forever commitment is necessary. But UM, I also don't necessarily believe in like diamond engagement rings or some other aspects of weddings in marriage. Okay, so

let's telve into that. So, so when you propose you'll use a different gem or of course Titania's point earlier. I think every relationship comes down to compromise. And if the girl that I know that I want to spend the rest of my life with is basically saying that she needs to have a diamond engagement ring, then yes, I will do that. But I don't necessarily believe in the idea of a signing like a false value to a precious stone that really doesn't have any practical use

whatsoever at all. It just it's a it's a rock that sits on a finger. It signs. It signs like a value or a worth to the relationship that that person is then able to go and brag about to other people. Um. And that's perfectly fine. I understand like the status symbol or the social symbol of it all. Um, But in reality, I don't like the idea of people in other countries mining for rocks that I'm going to put on some Yeah, there is a moral element to that,

but at the same time they're beautiful. Would wedding rings or add right, it's a wedding band for a man. But that's that's a debate too, because some guy I don't like to wear it at the gym. I like to, don't like to wear it on weekends, don't have to wear to work. You know, i'd never take mine off, right, I think I would do the same thing. I would never take mine off. This honesty world that you have. We have the two kids, two adopted to not adopted.

Uh was there more to this story like the boys girls? Um, I guess I haven't really thought that thoroughly. I know I already have my first I didn't know what I want to name my firstborn daughter, what I want to name my firstborn son. Um, But we're allowed to know that or no? I mean sure, my my, Well, I think we've got to kind of covered it in the past. But my firstborn daughter, I would have really like to

name her Debbie Bell for my mother. And then my firstborn son would be Hunter Scott for my friend who we discussed in the past. I understand that, Um, there would have to be some some some conversation with my future wife regarding that. But and I don't think you can really assign a new name to a child that you adopted. You're kind of stuck with. But that's interesting because I have a story with that I when I was growing up. My I have a younger sister named Amy,

which I was confusing. My wife is also am But my sister Amy had a best friend growing up named Ali, and Ali died of cancer when she was sixteen, and Ali was the greatest. My sister had so many friends and I couldn't stand any of them because I was the older brother. They're all just annoying and screw named all the time. But Ali was different. Ali would come over and the three of us who played together because we both enjoyed her company so much, and she was

funny and she was We played board games. We had a blast with Ali. And Alie got cancer and her shoulder blade and she handled that so well. You know, she would wear a wig, a different wig to school every day, like she's not pretending that's not a wig. She just get all these cool wigs and sometimes she'd go bald and she just owned it. And there was ups and downs, and then finally we lost her. And that day I said, I'm going to name my first

daughter Alyssa. I hope that's okay with my wife. And when I met my wife, I told her that story, and fortunately she was okay with it, and then she was in college and she had a friend passed away that she was going to school with and her name was Megan. And so that's why my daughter is a Lissa Megan. Oh, people, yeah, did you have it? Was it? Did you have a middle name for a Lissa or you just wanted I didn't care so much about that, So kind of kind of worked out. And I liked

the sound. We liked the sound of a Lissa Megan. That's beat pretty yeah, And that's Ali and she's eleven. That's a beautiful story too. So you're saying there is a healthy compromise. There is, and I think your wife will understand the beauty of naming it after your mother, after Hunter. I think she'll get that, and maybe there's compromise to be had, But I think that I think that that's a sensitive side to you that she'll really appreciate.

I normally share that story. Well, I guess I haven't showed in a while, but I normally would share the story of wanting to name my firstborn daughter Debbie Bell. And everyone's always like, oh, why would you name your daughter Debbie? And I'm like, Okay, Well, I'm not gonna get into it, but you could always call it like Bell or something like that. You know, you can find

nick names. Um. There's another part to this compromise on the baby names is when my wife, my recently married wife U we've talked about having kids, and we're like, oh, what name you know? Have you thought about names? And I said, I always wanted to name my firstborn son Anakin, after Anakin Skywalker. And she said, there's no way on this Earth or any other name, that we're doing that because although it's a very cool name, you don't forget that he turns into the most fearsome sub that the

galaxy has ever seen. And I said, She's like, you know, Anakin means like warbringer or something like that, and I was, I was impressed, and I said, you know what, You're absolutely right. I need to let go of that dream. That's amazing. And so now there is no dream name the second most powerful behind Luke. Though that's true, that's true, good for good for While we're on the subject, I'm very excited. Does see the new Star Wars coming out? Last Jedi? Um, you didn't like Last Jedi? No? No,

I mean it has yet to come out. I'm excited. No, okay, what was number seven? Then that was a Force awakened Force Awakens, So I think for nostalgia purposes, Force Awakens was great. I was like sitting I saw it three times in theaters. I sat there warning, cheeked and cheek every single time I saw it, like when the x X wings come in and like that sound. People didn't

but I love it. And then Rogue One upped Force Awaken for so many different reasons, like it was an incredible storyline star Wars, not even any of them, I think, no, but anyway, so yes, as this as a standalone movie, Force Awakens incredible. I'm sure the listeners are not very interested in this conversation, so we're gonna jump over to Lauren, who's been married for eleven years. Um, Lauren, thank you so much for calling and how are you. How are you?

I'm doing well. So I'm joined in studio today by Mark Easton Antonia. Um, can you fill us in a little bit more about your marriage status. So I've been married for eleven years. My husband and I met actually at the office where we still work, and we have two children. Okay, Um, moving on a tangent from there, what's your favorite Star Wars movie? Star Wars movie? Oh god, Um, I have to think about it. I don't know. We'll circle back maybe before the call is over. But alright,

so fill us in a little bit more. You said you've been married for eleven years, you have two children. Yeah, so we both worked together. We met at the office. We are both residential real estate agent. Okay, um? And how long did you guys know each other before you got married? Three years? Okay, God, youa I'm just trying to fill in the blanks here. So, so how has your relationship been, um? Post marriage? Obviously you're you're kind of more. More of your relationship has been married than

I was dating. So how is everything kind of changed for you? Um? I think it's changed in terms of, you know, obviously moving in together and sharing responsibilities and finances and stuff like that. We you know, had one property and moved to another property. We had children, and we've got family you know, all over the country. So it's changed. Has gotten more stressful, that's for sure. Did you not live with him before you two married each other?

I did. I lived with him for about a year, about a year, but half of that time I lived with his roommates, also because he was buying a place and the place wasn't ready yet. But I had already begun, you know, my stuff in moving out of where I was, and I didn't want to stop. Did you know that you were going to marry him when you moved in with him or was the Was it the moving in with him that kind of allowed for now? I definitely stopped him at the office, and I knew I was

going to marry him no matter what. Okay, so before you guys even started ditting, Yeah, I really felt like he was the guy for me. And I didn't even really know much about him. I just I practiced signing my name. I was twenty eight. I practiced signing my name with his last name. Yes, I did, before you to even started dating. Yeah, they talked about it at a rehearsal dinner. That's beautiful. I love this. I was

in it to win it. I want. I mean, I did a lot of things to get him to like me, and it wasn't until a year and a half later that he actually asked me out, like, what would you do? I heard he was into baseball. I later learned that he played at ust L a. So I organized like a big baseball game at Pan Pacific Park and I invited all these friends and girls and guys, and I made it totally casual, like it was something I did

all the time, but actually it wasn't. And I invited him to come play baseball on like a Saturday, so as you know baseball games. Um, I would just invite him out, you know, to do things here and there. And I definitely was the chaser. Wow, wait, this is so cool. This is like a classic Gym and Pam story. I feel like, which are just the best. It's good advice for single girls how to land, absolutely, yeah, because I feel like a lot of a lot of the misconception is that we have to sit back and let

guys pursue us. But like you pursued your husband and you've been married enough for eleven years, yeah, and like I have, and I have a younger single sister, and you know, things are different now with texting and all these apps, and uh, you know, I do think it's okay to make the first move, and I did, and if I didn't, I don't really think we'd be married because he is a slow moving turtle and and too in addition to being pursuing. I think a big thing

about that too, was that you were patient. You said you waited eighteen months before he asked you out, but you were kind of planting the seed continuously throughout those eighteen months. Right. Definitely, I look cute every day for work. I definitely made Did you try your hard at work to impress him? Yes. I always went by his desk and asked for post it notes, and I asked him question him, to build him up to think, you know,

he knew more than me. Oh I was speaking, I was, I was speaking more in terms of like your work performance. But so okay, So fast forward to when he asked

you out. How did he go about doing that? He asked me to go out to lunch, to a place um local, like he had heard that I was breaking up with a boyfriend, which hadn't officially happened yet, and he asked if we could go out, and I said, you know, I've waited for a long time for you to do this, but I'm kind of dating someone, so if you could wait a couple more weeks, let me I mean figured and it was true. And how long

were you dating this person before you met him. I was dating him for about a year, okay, six months after meeting him for the first time. You get a boyfriend, but you're still you still know that this is your person, so you still continuously flirt and plant the seed. Yeah, he hadn't asked me out. Another girlfriend of mine set me up with an older guy. He seemed really nice.

I went out with him. I didn't think that David was going to make any moves, and I started going out with the other guy and I and he was like the first older guy I had really dated. Let me ask you this, eleven months into that relationship and to that boyfriend girlfriend relationship, had he proposed to you, what you would you have said no, because you knew that you loved this other guy that you met at work, or what would you what would your response have been?

Oh my god, no one's ever asked me that. I don't only know looking back now, Yeah, I know looking back now. I mean I just looking back now. I did want that other relationship to work, and I could. I could foresee a future with him, but he never told me he loved me after eleven months, and that was the problem for me. Yeah, I guess, I guess The point of asking that question too, is, Um, if for the listener, isn't for for I guess everyone is.

If you know that you are meant to be or or at least you need to explore another relationship exactly, then you get a proposition beforehands. What do you say? Because if you if you feel like I would have said no. I needed to know if David and I were right for each other. I needed to try to go out with him in some a romantic way to see if there was chemistry. And I waited and it happens, and it obviously was worth it. Fast forward eleven years

and still going strong, which is great. But had it not worked out, then you at least have a peace of minds. Absolutely. What was it is David the name of your husband? Yes? What was it about David that made you know like I want to marry this man? Great question? Thank you? Um he seems well, I mean he had the looks of something I was looking for. Um, he seems like a very hard working person that was important to me, with a good work ethic. I had

heard that. You know, he had good family values and parents were married and the sister and he also had a lot of friends, which I really was attracted to because there are a lot of people out there that don't have a lot of friends, and I'm a very social person, so that was something important to me too. Uh. And I just heard that he wasn't all around good, solid guy interesting and that that's actually interesting point too that I can empathize with. I definitely am more attracted

to a girl that has a lot of friends. Yeah. I think if there's a guy that doesn't have a lot of friends, I think it's a little weird. I don't know why I feel that way. But he has friends going back from elementary school and he has seven. I mean we you know, that does a lot to think about somebody in your thirty nine I'm using. Yeah, I'm thirty nine. Yeah. We had ten groups groomsman and bridesmaids each and I would say almost all of his were from a long time ago. That's amazing, Lauren. I

love you, Oh, thank you. I mean this makes me. I love this, you know. I Um. I think about the other guy a lot, and I think about if I had ended up with him. I we actually went to his wedding and I still his house and he's got two kids now, but I do think about, like what if I ended up with him, what would my life be? Like? Well, what's the key of your marriage now? Like,

what's the hell do you and David together for eleven years? Um? Well, besides having separate bank accounts, which I think is really important for us, um is, I think it was really important and I'm still finding it now to know who you are. I've always known who I am, and you know what I stand for and what I believe in, and I've always known not to be what David is too. And all of these obviously are our values and morals. But there are things about him I thought I could change,

small things, um that bothered me, and I can't. And so I've adjusted my expectations over these years to know what I can get from him and what I can't. And I think that that's been really important to our success. For me, it's really good advice. And these are small things that you wouldn't have noticed without time itself kind of unfolding time. Yeah, I would say there was a lot of romantics up from the beginning, and there's not

as much anymore. You know, there was a lot of compliments from the beginning, and not as much any more, but I don't need that as much. But you know, those are like little things that I thought I could change if I told him. It bothered me. But at the end of the day, people are who they are, and life is busy and work and kids and stress and travel, and you know, we're all we just we respect each other. And he supports me like so much with with my dreams and more my work and what

I want to do. And I think because also I contribute to the family, I have more to say and what I want to do. Yeah, that's interesting in terms of like work life balance. Um, well, that's fantastic. I mean, I'm glad you guys were able to make it work, and I'm glad obviously that's things kind of unfolded the way they did. It's it's weird how kind of the

universe seems to have a plan for you sometimes. I know it's true, and I think that's actually really great advice because I think a misconception that a lot of us, a lot of single people have is like, you know, your partner has to check all these boxes and nobody's going to what you want your partner to be. It's just not just not I agree with and like my my younger sisters is single and she always says to me, I mean, she's really picky about all the guys who

goes out with. And she tells me about every guy and no follow up and this and that and pick them apart, which I understand because she doesn't want to settle. But at the same time, she always says she wants someone like David, which makes me feel really good. And I don't know those guys exist any like, I don't know. I hear all these stories about single guys and I'm like, God, I don't know that I would I want to go through that right now to navigate you know, they exist,

It's just hard to imagine. You know, dating now seems harder, but you have to be more choosy. And I agree that you don't want to settle, and that's important. I think what you did best that everyone should take with a whole heart now is just the patience thing. Again. I think I can't really stress that enough. In the fact that you guys waited eighteen months of getting to know each other and understanding each other, I think that's so good. It's so good, Like I can't even get

over this. So good. Yeah again, the Jim and Pam think Jim was engaged to Roy broke it off, fell for Jim. I'm sorry. I was like, okay, I'm sick. I'm sick. Um. Yeah, I love hearing those stories. Um, there's so many good stories like that where people something goes wrong, you know, but it ends up being right and stand up finding the person that they're supposed to be. Us. It's so it's so awesome. All right, Lauren, Well, thank

you so much for calling in and sharing your story. UM, incredibly happy for you and David and the best of Lucia moving forward. Okay, thanks again, all right, bye, have a good day. By That's interesting that David doesn't give her what she needs in terms of like compliments and stuff like that. I know, but I guess that happens

over time. And if that makes sense to me. The whole what can you deal with and what you not deal with, whether you're not necessarily deal breakers, but the stuff that you're really going to draw a line in the Santa say this cannot continue, right, and then there's other stuff you're like, Okay, I can handle that, because you're right, there's going to be compromised, and there's going to be adjusted expectations. There has to be for a

lifetime together. But in this case, I feel like Lawrence and and we can always kind of bring it back to love language. I feel Lauren's love language in that sense was words of affirmation, and if she vocally expresses to David, hey, I need you to be more affirming

vocally whatever it is. Maybe he did it over a short amount of time, but I think that as someone's huband or as someone's life partner, you need to be more embracing of that idea and give them what they need, because otherwise it's just not really communicating clearly with them. But I mean, I think that's the first thing that every couple does, is like take the love language tests and like just do it together and just I think

it will help solve a lot of divorces. Do you have someone in mind now you're the David in your life, the person that you know, maybe it's through work or through whatever that you are going to target. Um. Well, one thing that I think you're gonna trimut all of this too, it's just the importance of time. And what better way to tell time than with a beautiful Movement watch on your wrist. I've talked about him before, I'll talk about them again. I wear them all the time.

Movement Watches. They're they're a local company here in Los Angeles. They just sprout it up recently. What's great about them is they are a very fashion forward but very affordable watch company. Here. You'll see a lot of great looking watches, but a lot of them will really break the bank. And especially with the holidays coming up, it's nice to be able to buy a lot of cool looking things for maybe a little bit less money than you would

you would be spending otherwise. So if you go to Movement dot Com slash help, you'll get off with free shipping and free returns. So say you order a watch for your brother, your boyfriend, your girlfriend, whoever it is, and they end up wanting a different style, you could return that watch for free, get another one shipped back out to you for free, all while getting off um great watches. Like I said, I wear them all the time. Every time I wear them out to the bars at night,

I get a million compliments on them. Um. So go to Movement dot Com slash help, and that's m v MT dot com slash h e l P. So, if you are struggling to find gifts for whoever it is you're looking to give gifts to this this year, I know it's always been difficult for me. Um, and I'm a big gift giver. I like to give my friends gifts. I like to always surprise my siblings with gifts whenever I'm able to look, no further than go into Movement dot Com slash Help m v emty dot com slash help.

Not only do they have watches, but they also have sunglasses, men's and women's. I think they have like so many styles. But no, no, no, no, Tanya, with off, you're gonna cut that down probably by about fourteen dollars and fifty cents right down. Feels are really blowing my mind today. I'm not gonna lie. But not only that, Tanya, you're also gonna get free shipping and you're gonna get free return again. Go to Movement dot Com m v mt dot com slash help oka fift off, free shipping, free returns.

No better place to look for your holiday season gift giving than m v mt dot com slash help help much Oh my god, it's so good. Um, I don't want to feel I don't want you to feel like I'm taking you from anything. I'm having a blast though. You make you learn rich this experience so much. It's always nice to have a wound's perspective. I find this really, I mean, I do. I think that, Like, um, I love learning about other people's like and I feel like I go when I like interest in my normal life.

When I'm talking to people, I feel like I always ask like such inappropriate questions, but I feel like it's so informative to learn from like the way other people have made their lives work. There's definitely more of like an openness or honesty to I think me and maybe just people in general nowadays, where well certain types of people where you feel more comfortable asking those awkward questions

and receiving them and answering back. Yeah, Like, I don't know, I feel like maybe that's just me because I've shared so much of my life so publicly lately, so it's like kind of allowing me to be more open and honest. But not only you guys and people that call in, but also like my friends whenever they're kind of looking for lip updates on my life and It's funny because none of my friends listen to this podcast, like, not

a single one of them. And if they do, they're not telling me, so like the they're like ask me, They're like, so, what's doing in your life? Man, I'm like, Oh, just listen to my podcast. I know you can't, you have to live your life. But multiple times, multiple times, it's weird And yeah, I don't know, it's just it's a weird thing. And I would ever expect them to listen to it. I mean, you know, they're year old guys that are really need to want to listen to

the you know, it's true, like my friends. I've been in radio for twenty years. My friends have never listened to anything I've ever done right radio. I don't think a lot of my friends, Look that's interesting. It's almost better though. I think maybe, Oh, if a guy that I was dating listen to the morning show, I mean, like Mr. Whole Foods, if you listen to your podcast with Becca scrub begging with Becca Telly, probably mortified. Yeah, for the rest I don't listen to podcast. Come on, bean,

there's also a weird thing. Maybe I feel like they're like harboring it. So We went out to a party like two weeks ago, um in Venice, and this guy like posted some Instagram stories tagging me, and I've never met the guy before, he just like knew who I was, and he blocked the stories from me. So like when my friends were like, hey, you're in this guy's Instagram story, I like went to his Instagram page and I was like, I couldn't see them because it's not And I thought

it was very creepy at first. Two but what I ended up finding out was that they that he didn't want me to know that he knew who I was before I introduced myself to him, you know, like it's like a weird thing, like he didn't want to backtrack. That's still super weird weird. I mean, if you like plan on having a friendship with someone, you don't want to be like, oh, I have these preconceived notions of

who you are. It's kind of maybe he wanted it to be more like, oh, I just met you for the first time and I never and you know, you were on television. Yeah, but I never assumed that people know who I am whenever I meet them, And I think that maybe but if he does and he found out that he knew who you were. That wouldn't make you think less of him. I mean maybe I think I wouldn't pursue a friendship of this guy. He's not

your David. No new friends, He's not my David. But I do think there's something really special about being vulnerable in a public forum because I've had a lot of like you know what I mean, just I've had a lot of people, a lot of listeners tell me that they're like so appreciative and like they really live life and learn things through mistakes I've made, and you know what I mean, because they can relate to your stories

because everyone, everyone somewhere is going through what you're going through. Right. There's there's a line, though, because I feel like I've been so open and honest about everything, but I still have so much I've never even talked about or even like great tea for next week? What? Like what or I really ever plan on touching on? Really to protect the people involved in the stories more so than me, you know, that's interesting, Like where is the line drawn?

Couldn't you just change the names to protect the innocent? No? I mean I think that there are certain times where I've wanted to share a story that would be very like definding of certain events, but I can't because I need to protect the other person. And so like that's kind of the weird, Like sometimes you'll see me get closed off or like maybe like shut down a little bit, and it's mostly to protect the other person. I think

that everybody has a line obviously, you know what I mean. Like, I don't think anybody shares of things that have happened in their life or in their past or in their current you know. I think you have to draw that line for yourself and figure out what you want to

share and what you don't want to share. But I do think sometimes the most uncomfortable and awkward conversations that you can have out loud are some of the most endearing and some of the most um, what's the word I'm looking for, Ah, bonding like that people can really like bond with. And yeah, but where is is there like a line of ethics involved where it's like if a story involving someone that doesn't necessarily paint them in the best light or whatever, well, I mean maybe there's illegal,

but morally, yeah, I see what you're staying. But isn't there a way to tell some of these stories without naming who these other people are? The stories that I've thought of, there's absolutely no way of getting because there are people we would know. You've said so much on this show. I mean, you've opened up about your father and your relationship with him. I think is basically what I was thinking of initially. Okay, yes, I see, all right, well, oh,

I see, could you get him into trouble? I okay, And you've even just talking about it now. I'm kind of getting a little uncomfortable. That is interesting, It's weird, right, I don't know. Yeah, but you have to think that what you've gone through, there's probably millions of people that have gone through that would be helped by hearing your story exactly. And it's probably so scary and it's probably

very uncomfortable. But I think what he's asking is, and just to be generic, is let's say he told a story about his dad stealing a car, his dad getting the legal trouble for auto theft this many years later. It's kind of what he's saying, right, And I don't know the answer to that. Actually, I'm not sure what statutes of limitations are or civil lawsuits. I don't know. We all owe a certain level of respect to our family members especials. Even though him and I don't get along,

I still a certain level of respect. So I can't necessarily be open and honest about everything that's kind of gone on between the two of us and the rest of our family. And maybe eventually I'll be able to find the line a little bit more clearly. But as I'm stumbling my way through this public spectrum, I'm I'm forced to with hold certain things interesting. And you can also when you become a father yourself, you can kind of share things that you're going to do differently because

of you know what I mean. Like, So here's the thing. When I become a father myself past forward twenty six years, it's if my son is on a body hosting a podcast, I would want him to be able to happily share every single thing that I've ever done with him, with our family, whatever it is. But I know that people obviously make Mista look back and have regret on them. Um, So I don't know. It's just a weird, weird dynamic going on. Yeah, Um, all right, Well that does it

for episode ten of Help I Suck at Dating. We had some great conversations with Mary Couples. Um. Always great having Tanya in studio. Markets always freaking wonderful, Just have way in. It's funny because I feel like we all have very different perspectives of things, and so it's nice to be able to kind of have conversations about it. A woman's perspective of a happily married man of fifteen years,

a newlywed, and a guy that just sucks at dating. Um, you know what, you may suck at dating, but you're a real gem of a person. I really, I really, I really like you. You're so sweet. Thank you so much. All Right, So again, that does it for episode ten of Help I Suck at Dating? Thank you for tuning in. Be sure to tune in next week because maybe I'll suck a little bit less. Follow Help I Suck At Dating with Dean ang Alert on I Heart Radio or subscribe wherever you listen to podcast.