¶ Intro / Opening
One thing I did have my entire life was hypersensitivities. I think it's something that a lot of especially women don't recognize if this is part of their profile is a woman with ADHD, and part of the reason for overwhelm. So women come to me and I hear that almost 100% of the time, I am overwhelmed. I can't handle working, taking care of my home, cooking laundry living with a partner. I can't do it. And then they talk about this onslaught
of stimuli. And I understand that so well, because I have a pretty severe case of hypersensitivity. I knew I had a bit there's very few clinicians who understand sensitivities or sensory issues. In adults. I was diagnosed with sensory processing disorder, even though I knew I must have it. I wanted some formal recognition of what I had been going through my entire life. Just being overwhelmed can make you anxious. Welcome to successful with ADHD. I'm Brooke Shipman. Let's get started.
¶ Introducing Terry Matlen, renowned psychotherapist specializing in women with ADHD.
Hi everyone. Today I have Terri Matlin LMS W AC SW. She's an internationally recognized expert on ADHD in woman and as a psychotherapist, author, consultant, and coach. She's an author of the award winning book The Queen of distraction and survival tips for women with ADHD, and runs Edd consults.com, an international online resource serving women with ADHD where she offers one on one ADHD consultants and queens of distraction, an online coaching
program for women with ADHD. And Terry has over 25 years of experience helping women with ADHD she is a sought after presenter at conferences and webinars and has authored hundreds of articles. She has been interviewed by NPR, The New York Times, Wall Street Journal, Washington Post, Time Magazine, HuffPost, and more. So today, we are going to be talking about Terry's ADHD journey. But she also has a unique journey with her daughter who had a traumatic
brain injury. And we want to dive a little bit more into the commonalities of the symptoms of a TBI, which is a traumatic brain injury and ADHD while learning about Terry's ADHD diagnosis. So stay with us. It's going to be an interesting conversation about the nuances of her and her family. Welcome, Terry. Thank you, Brooke. Thanks for having me. I'm looking forward to this same here. So Terry, talk to me. You got a late ADHD diagnosis. Is that
correct? This is correct. I was in my very early 40s as most women get their late ADHD diagnosis. Absolutely. When the women that I work with a kind of hit the wall around that time, if not earlier, yeah. Yeah. And what led you to getting that diagnosis? Well, back in the day, and also in my training way back in the day, we didn't know much about ADHD, especially ADHD in adults. So I had no clue what was going on and why I was so disorganized and had issues with this getting life together for
me and my family. I have two daughters, who are now young adults in my youngest way back when she was a toddler, she had her you know, her baby vaccine, the MMR, which most babies at least in the US have to, for the most part have before they start school. And in our case, my daughter a few days after the injection, went into seizures.
¶ Terry's daughter suffered a traumatic brain injury at 15 months old.
It was a hot a horrible thing to experience as a mom or anybody to see a young child going to seizures. And so we went to the, you know, through EMS went to the hospital very quickly. They couldn't stop the seizures. So after a few days of being medicated, they put her into a drug induced coma to stop the seizure activity in her brain. When they woke her up, I think it was four days later, she was in a vegetative state, meaning she had lost her memory. She didn't know who I
was. She lost anything that she had gained developmentally up to that point at 15 months. So she was talking. She was able to feed herself she was able to walk, communicate, you know, all the things that toddlers can do. She lost all of it. So it was a pretty her horrifying time in our lives. I had an older daughter to a few years older, who we all basically lost her she lost herself. So she was in the hospital for nearly a month and that the different therapies
came in very quickly. OT PT learning how to swap she couldn't even suck from a bottle anymore. She was really embarrassed that she had life support and the whole thing, but slowly and surely she's mainly her gross motor started to come back very slowly. And while she was able to swallow using an eye dropper, it was they they released her, I thought, oh my gosh, how am I going to take care of this child when she can't do much of anything?
Anyhow, so they discharged her, she came home, she couldn't sit up, she couldn't stand up. So we had her in a baby seat on the floor, strapped up, because you know, her head would drop. But like I said, slowly, but surely, some of these things came back. It took a while with a lot of therapies, daily therapy, people coming in meaning taking her to different people, different professionals. So fast forward, because it is a very long story. She did regain a lot of her
abilities. So at one point, she was pulling herself up, she was she lost her whole right side, she looked like she had a stroke. So she was right handed, she lost her whole right side. So she had to learn to use her left hand, and her right hand was cooked up like this. Slowly it came back down. Slowly, she was able to start to get herself up, you know, it was like she was reborn, you know, she started from scratch. So she eventually learned to walk
again. And what happened and they warned me that whatever we had seen as when she was a toddler, you might see that even more intensely, so she was an active toddler, as many are though, you know, I wasn't concerned I just thought, you know, I've had one child who is also active. But this child was also very active once she regained a lot of her abilities.
But this was super active, she was so hyperactive, because the part of the brain that has to do with activity and impulsivity was burned out, basically, those cells were just gone. And they didn't, and they wouldn't come back. So I always had to have another adult with me in the house for a very long time just to keep her safe. Because she was no longer walking, she was running. So fast forward again. So we're getting her back as best we can. And she never did
100% come back. So you know, she continues to have issues as an adult. But she's come back way more than we ever expected. So now she talks she communicate, she can basically take care of herself. But during that time when I was watching her with her hyperactivity, impulsivity, and short term memory, memory problems were very severe. I was wondering, how do I help this kid? So I began to read back then we're talking about 1990 At
this point, round 9090. There were a few Believe it or not, there were very few books out there on ADHD and children. And there are no books out on ADHD in adults, maybe I remember reading one of them. But I'll get back to that. But anyhow, I'm trying to figure out how to help her. I'm reading this book. And then I began to recognize certain things about her that I saw in myself. And then a number of my family members. And then
the lights went on. And I read that one book, it was a clinical book, but there was nothing out there. And then shortly after that, I think Kate Kelly's book came out, you know, I'm not I always get this wrong. You mean I'm not lazy, stupid or crazy. And that again, the lights went on. Oh, so I pursued it. Now if you want me to continue the story, and what happened next, let me know.
¶ As Terry helped her daughter, she noticed similarities with her own ADHD challenges.
I do have some questions for you. So your daughter now is in her 30s? And presumably,
yeah, she's in her 30s, mid 30s.
So when she got the MMR shot, she was two.
She was one and a half. Okay.
So you mentioned that she had some hyperactivity, but it wasn't any different than a normal toddler. Correct. She
was an active toddler. So you know, back in those days, you become friends with other women who have young children. So you know, you have activities together, I would compare her to some of the other kids we hung out with. She was more active than some and about the same as the others but never less active than other kids she was on the higher, you know, and I again, I know nothing about ADHD in my clinical training. Did
you notice anything different about her? I
don't know that she was hyperactive, I would say she was more normal, active toddler, but on the very active toddler scale, enough to keep me running because my older daughter was also extremely hyper. So I had two very active kids.
Gotcha. And so after she had the trauma and the brain injury, she was fearless, and extremely hyperactive.
It was something that of all the clinicians that I took her to all of them said they had never seen a more hyperactive child and she'd been to a lot of specialists because she had a lot of problems. And I remember taking her to a bay Ever all psychiatrists or development developmental psychiatrists, and he couldn't finish the evaluation because she was unable to sit still. I remember taking her to speech therapy, and she couldn't sit.
So the therapist had a little kid table, she would sit on the floor, and she would push the table. And I mean, it sounds horrible. But it wasn't as if she were just, you know, caging her end by the table, so she couldn't run away. And on top of that, you know, she would at times put her hands on her shoulders. So this was a child who was completely out of control and did not have any control at all, over her activity level at all. It was really something to see.
Well, first of all, I know you, like share this with me before we started recording, but I do want to share how amazing you are as a mom to go through all of that with her. And day by day, get her the supports that she needs. So she can make as much of a recovery as possible. And also
¶ Example of Terry's "thought work" to avoid personalizing her child's harsh words.
for you to be able to recognize some of the symptoms in yourself and support other people at the same time. You and I were talking about traumatic brain injuries and ADHD and how the symptoms can be very similar. So when your daughter went through this, what did the doctors say, if you remember, occurred to her brain.
So I'm not great with neurology. I somewhat remember them saying that it was the frontal lobe, I forgot which side and it has to do with which side she lost her ability. So if she lost her entire right side, I'm guessing it was a left front Lobel. But I also kind of remember them saying something about diffused. So I believe that there were also brain cells damaged throughout her brain. But the focus, the focal point of loss was frontal lobe. Again, I'm not one that's very savvy
with with brain in neurology. So this is just off the top of my head from, you know, 30 some odd years ago, nobody could tell me how far she come back. I do remember that. I do remember them saying, however, she was as a child, young before the incident, you might see more of that. And since she was an active child, not one that just sat and read books on my lap. She couldn't do that. As a toddler. She was always on the move, like a lot of kids that you see, who don't have ADHD.
And sure enough, her hyperactivity level was just off the top of the charts. Yeah.
So the frontal lobe we know is highly responsible for your executive functions. And if she now has executive dysfunction, that's what we see in ADHD. And I know there's a lot of talk about what is a true ADHD diagnosis? Does it have to be before the TBI after the TBI before dementia after dementia, these are all things that affect your executive functions. The research shows that you need to exhibit the symptoms before
something like this happens. But at the same time, it appears that the again you did you didn't mention this, but I assume that a lot of the treatment that you did for her were similar to treatment that you would do with someone that you're working with as a student with ADHD, to enhance your executive functions. Some
of it I think, back in the day, again, people didn't talk about executive functioning. Now there is a term I don't even know if it's used now. But back then it was. And I think it's important to differentiate, being born with ADHD versus acquiring it through a brain injury or whatever. But it's called it was called at the time acquired ADHD. I believe that's what it was called. I don't know if they still use that anywhere in the medical
handbooks or whatever. So Mackenzie is her name, did not have the normal development of ADHD. I don't know if she would have, I tend to think maybe not because this was something like I said earlier, Beyond The Beyond, she had no control. kids with ADHD. There are ways as you know, to work with kids to help them with executive functioning. There's a lot of things we can do to help in her case, at least in this young age, and even now to some degree she had and has
no control. So what we had to do back then, and what we even have to do now is to control her environment. So she she is still impulsive, she's still hyperactive. She's on a lot of medication, some that are similar to what a kid or an adult with ADHD would take. But even with a lot of those medications, her executive functioning is so impaired, that we've in some ways we do treat her like a younger child, because she hasn't completely come back using visual charts. She's very technologically
savvy. So she uses her phone and apps a lot, because her short term memory is quite impaired. So if she needs to be somewhere, she won't remember. So she sets up, you know, little reminders. And that's what we use with our clients. Sure,
¶ Discussing the nuances between ADHD and "acquired ADHD" from brain injuries.
the short term memory as part of the working memory for executive dysfunction, right. And the reminders, as you mentioned, from the research that I've seen, and of course, I can't diagnose, they do say that ADHD now cannot be acquired that it has to be something that you're born with. So if you had a TBI, traumatic brain injury, or you know, something occurred, afterwards words, you develop the ADHD symptoms, but it's not ADHD true diagnosis. So it just
it's just a technicality. But it doesn't mean that you would you treat it differently.
Right. Now in her medical records, now they do they do call it ADHD, but they'll also add what you described, you know, it's a brain due to a brain injury early in life.
Yeah, yeah. So what were the symptoms that you saw in yourself when going through Kenzi? Wow.
Well, let's let's push her up a little bit in years because I wasn't like her at all during the early phase of her illness and rehab. Because I'm not hyperactive, I'm not impulsive. There's a few components to me that may be a little bit impulsive, but I'm more of an inattentive subtype. So when she started to get better, I saw things that she just was so disorganized. You had to be on her constantly to help her. Okay, you finished eating? Where does this go? You finish playing with your toys.
By the way, she couldn't play with a toy until she was four. That's how severe her hyperactivity was. And it wasn't until she was four that should be that they started to medicate her. And I will never forget that first day of her. It was dexedrine stimulant. And I'll never forget that I saw her just as a little off a path to shows you I'm a little distracted. But she sat down for four or five, six hours straight. It just had a big box of blocks that my
older daughter played with. And she built towers over and over and over again, she sat and was the first time in over two years that I could sit down when I was with her. Yeah, it was like a miracle. But so she was disorganized. So I had to tell her, you know, put this with and I realized, you know, I'm not that different. I'm not my house is completely disorganized. I can't plan you know, she couldn't plan and say I want this in a couple hours. Mom, can I do whatever or, you know, she
couldn't. She was in the moment. She lived in the moment, which is what you see a lot with adults and kids with ADHD. It's the planning, it's all this executive functioning. So I began to recognize her inability to organize herself to plan to initiate to start and finish. She just couldn't without a lot of help. And that's when I became curious about my own
problems. Now, up until then, I thought it was a character flaw and that's what we see is you know, people in the in the business, a lot of people saying there's something wrong with me, I don't know what it is. I'm lazy. I'm stupid. I'm incapable.
I'm anxious.
I'm anxious. I'm depressed. You know, all these things. That's what we see in our in our adult clients. I don't work with children. I only work with adults. And that's what I was thinking what's wrong with me but see, I was remembering as a child, I couldn't keep up my bedroom. And it was always a mess. I was started a project would never finish it go on to the next thing because I would get bored easily. These are all symptoms that we see. And my closet Forget it. You lost
¶ Terry recognizing longtime ADHD symptoms in herself like disorganization.
that dopamine after the initial excitement wore off. Over overwhelmed, extremely overwhelming. Yeah,
and I had this little bedroom and then they you know, my My poor mom. Luckily she was pretty okay with it because she had her own struggles with disorganization. So I was fortunate in that I was never criticize. And this is where things differ between me or people like me. And I would say the majority of other adults with ADHD is I grew up being criticized. Why can't you do what other kids your age do? Why can't you keep your clothes tidy? Why can't you do your homework? Why can't you remember
to bring your books to school? I didn't have that because my mom struggled. And for her I was normal in that way. I was normal. So y'all your room was a mess. You know, she didn't Come in and clobber me and take away my my bicycle because you know of my behaviors. I had other issues, but not that one. Yeah,
yeah. How amazing is that, that she recognized that the same symptoms were in her so to her, it was okay, regardless of I wonder if she would have treated you the same way had she not experienced that. But for you to not feel bad about yourself because you had a messy room or you forgot something is fantastic. And were you given the tools to help with that when you were younger?
No. Okay, no, no. Okay. It became it became normal. But then as I got older, you know, and then I became, you know, in later school years, and I really, really did struggle. And I didn't get the help I needed to the schools, they didn't they, you know, it's the typical girl girls with ADHD. I wasn't paying attention. But I wasn't a problem. I wasn't a problem child. At least not in that realm. I had problems in other areas. But staring out the window, not doing my homework.
And my mother. It's really interesting. My mother was not very aware of what was going on with my academics, because of her own personal history of not doing well in school, nobody understanding back in her day. So because of her own discomfort and how her experience was she kind of not kind of but in a big way, just backed off because she couldn't deal with anything having to do with academics, due to her own poor academic experience. So I didn't have a mother's who said, Didn't you do
your homework? Don't you have a test coming up? Did you study? Did you finish this project? No, she was somewhere else. So I was
yeah, she didn't manage her own undiagnosed ADHD and academics. Right. So I was on my own. Yeah, that must have been pretty lonely. And also, at the same time made you who you are today, you had to figure out ways to compensate. Exactly.
And part of me didn't care. Because other things happen. I had a lot of trauma in my early childhood. So I couldn't focus. So there was a double whammy there. And I know that you've interviewed Dr. Gabor Matta who's a friend of mine, and I follow his work very closely. Yeah. And he has his own ideas about ADHD, which really fall into place in my history. But with all the traumas, and my mother had a tough time, because I lost my father at a very young age. So she was a single mother to three
children, young children. But here's the thing that I think also helped my me and my family is I come from a very creative family, my mother was a dancer in her youth. And then she taught dancing, and she always found projects, she was always curious, you know, I want to try this, I want to do this, I want to try that. And I have two brothers, both who are very creative. And I was, you know, raised in a very creative household. So doing odd things
was normalized. You know. So if I decided, ah, I think I want to take up drawing I know. And then I start collecting stuff and drawing stuff. And I want to learn how to play the piano and I'm on the piano for hours, truly hours every day.
¶ How Terry's creative, open-minded family normalized her ADHD interests.
That was normally you are encouraged to just try whatever it is that you're passionate about in the moment.
I can't even say I was encouraged too much. It's just was discouraged. It just was either way it was just was it was like I said it was normal, it was normalized. My brothers are playing the drums and I get curious. Ha, I want to try that. So I go upstairs, I watch my brothers playing the drums. I'm what 1413 12 I have one older brother, one younger brother. And so I pick up the drums, the drum sticks, they didn't want me touching their drum sets when they were out of
the house. I started playing. And I taught myself just from watching it and that was normal. So we all play a variety of instruments and have a variety of creative interests. So I'm also an artist. And, and one of my brothers is a photographer, and they're both musical is that was just how it went. So in that regard, we were lucky.
Yeah, you were able to explore whatever it is that you wanted to explore without feeling bad. And I know there's a healthy mix, right? So some parents so for instance, your mom didn't really understand how to manage your ADHD show and she kind of just acts acepted her her undiagnosed ADHD as it was, and she accepted you guys for as it was. And I feel that sometimes we can be too controlling, right? Like, you can't do this, you can't do that you can't do that Parenting
is hard regardless, right? But now you have a neurodivergent kid, three neurodivergent children in your case. And there needs to be some sort of balance, right? Like figuring out why X is a concern, right? Allowing your children to explore isn't that childhood in general, I know you're 14 and you're trying to drones but who cares, right? That's awesome, trying new things. And okay, you had a messy room. So close the door, we got to pick what is important to focus on and what's
not important to focus on. So I love that you were able to explore all that, right. And of course, there could have been more assistance with your executive functions, but you were never told you are bad, or lazy or dumb or unfocused for trying all these creative things. And it brought you to being an artist today. So kudos to you.
It was really worked for me. No, I had other problems that worked against me. So I had severe anxiety as a kid, I had school phobia, and where we tangled my mother and I is when I wouldn't go to school. So that's another whole thing. And what I have had such anxiety if I didn't have ADHD, I have a feeling I would, especially from studying trauma, and how that, you know, plays out. There was a
lot of trauma. So I think I would have had anxiety regardless of whether my ADHD was treated, and of course, it was not treated in childhood. So that's where there was a lot of conflict. Sure,
¶ The traumatic loss of Terry's father at age 10 and its lifelong impact on her anxiety.
if you don't mind, let's go back. You had said that your father passed away.
My father passed away, suddenly, it was nobody saw it coming. I was 10 years old. I have two brothers at the time. One was five, and one was 13. And it happened in the middle of the night. It was just I've when people talk to me or asked me it, I'm glad that you brought it up because very few people asked me about what was it like what happened? In fact, very few people asked, it's almost like, you know, you don't go there. But people who have those kinds of traumas want to
go there? Most of us I would think I know I do. I want to be understood. I want to be understood of who I am now, as because of what my history is. So he died suddenly, in the middle of the night. I heard it, it was a terrible, terrible situation. Because in those days, you know, you don't just call 911 and they come you had to call the operator. And my mother called the operator and they said to her, I'm sorry, there are no ambulances available. Oh, gosh, yeah. So
so. So that unfolded in a really bad way. It turned out that my guess is that he died on the way either on the way to the hospital or that night and I heard I was in the next bedroom I heard noises, which you know, we would have called the death rattle or something like that gaspin. But there was another trauma before that. And that's just probably as almost as difficult for me. And that's when I was seven. I got very, very sick. And the doctor saw me and it's oh, you know, the flu
is gone. And the stomach flu is going around it just you know, it'll take its course and you'll be okay. Then I wasn't okay, I kept getting worse and worse and worse. My mother kept calling the doctor and he blew her off. He said, Oh, you're just an over involved mother. And it got to the point where my lips turned blue. I couldn't eat. I was throwing up. I couldn't get out of bed. They had to walk me to the bathroom. I stopped eating. And she kept calling me and he
was so dismissive. Maybe because she was a woman and a mom in those days, even though you know we have troubles with that. So eventually, she got on the phone and said you must know this doctors will come to the house for house calls. I couldn't get up to go to the doctor. He came over. He took one look at me. He felt my abdomen. And he said I'm calling the surgeon, surgeon what came over. And they said you probably have a burst appendix. You need to get to the
hospital immediately. And sure enough, it was a burst appendix and those of you who don't know what that means it means the the appendix ruptured in the appendix held all kinds of infections inside.
¶ Recounting a severely dismissed life-threatening illness at age 7 that bred insecurity.
Yes. So I had
steps. It was just spreading. And it's spreading when that I
am did you have at that point? I don't know. Do you have any
ideas? They told my parents that this was very severe and I could this was after the fact after I had the surgery. They said I could have died. Well, you know with SubSys you can go quickly. So I was was in the hospital. I don't remember maybe two weeks or so it was very traumatic. There was not child friendly. The nurses were cruel to me. In those days, parents couldn't stay with their children overnight. So, you know, they'd love me, I'm a
second grade seven year old. And that turned into a big problem for me, that became very insecure. Once I was discharged. You know, life wasn't safe for us, you don't know when something's gonna hit out of the blue. People don't believe you. They think you're over to drama, dramatizing. So that kind of set things in place for me starting with that, then my father dies, he wasn't, you know, sick, he was being treated for a blood clot in his leg from years and years ago. But no one said, you
know, you're gonna drop dead. I sure didn't hear that. So you're a 10 year old and you hear all this chaos in your house. Now your father's dead, your mother comes home. And she was at the hospital with my father, who was probably dead on the way out there. She comes home, they had sedated her I believe, because she wasn't her normal self. She was a zombie. And she said to us, my younger brother was still asleep throughout this whole thing. It's like three in the morning. And she says kids, your
daddy went to heaven. And I didn't really know what that meant at 10. And I kind of knew, and there's a lot more that goes on, but your whole life. So when people ask me about it, and that's rare, I will tell them. It's like I had two lives. My life before my father died, and a life after my father died.
And then before Mackenzie, right, had her brain injury, and there's nothing. Yeah. So you have repeated history of trauma, and continue to bring up that message to you that you're not safe, that anything can happen. Right. And
so I have, I have the biggest startle response you have ever seen. I hear a little noise in a jump because it's now ingrained in me I think, at a cellular level is what they're talking about this somatic therapists out there who work with trauma trauma, they say it becomes part of you. Yeah, so I do think it's just integrated into my physio physiology.
Yeah. Yeah. into your RNA into who you are. And it's in your nervous system. Exactly. You're in constant fight or flight, right? Yeah. And so you have anxiety, you have ADHD? Are you seeing anyone currently, if you don't mind sharing to help you with the trauma,
I'm gonna be very transparent, because I don't generally talk openly about that kind of thing. As a psychotherapist myself, we tend to give a distance so that people don't if we work with certain people in psychotherapy, or what I do in a lot of consultation work, I don't really go there because of my, my professional work. But I will say that throughout my life, I have sought out psychotherapy, yes. And oftentimes the wrong kind. Because with trauma and trauma is still sort of new for
me. I've been studying and I'd sand on over the last five years in depth. But I think that there's different ways of addressing trauma. And then if you have ADHD, it's is the ADHD, part of the trauma. Is it separate from the trauma, you really need a good clinician to tease that out? But knowing you know what I know about ADHD? I do believe I have both. And because I know my family and extended family, there's a lot of ADHD. So, yes, I have sought out different types, a lot of
different kinds of therapy. Some were a waste of time. Some are great for just more typical if there is such a thing ADHD without a trauma. Although your question, you know, how many people do not have a trauma bed? It
is so complex.
So what works for other people did not work for me. So
you have family who has ADHD? You had these three big trauma events. Do you remember if before the age of seven, you exhibited any ADHD symptoms? Or is it too hard to go back there?
Um, I exhibited anxiety more than ADHD, but I can't remember playing with toys and being told put your toys away at that young age before seven. Now if we go into 12, which is now the new DSM thing,
the new Terry Yeah,
I would say Oh, yeah. Before 12 Oh yeah, I forgot to feed my tropical fish. I forgot, you know, I tropical fish, I had pet turtles, I would forget to feed them they die, or it became a science experiment, they could live without being fed.
And this is why, as you mentioned, it is so important, especially for children to have a complex ADHD screening. Because you can say you have ADHD get that quick diagnosis. But then what about all the other things that ADHD can often come with? Like you mentioned? How do you treat all of those other things, if all you have is the ADHD diagnosis, and I know that it's not affordable for everyone to get a complex and comprehensive
evaluation. But there is so much more to ADHD than what you see on top of that iceberg, as you mentioned.
¶ Terry's lifelong sensory processing disorder and hypersensitivities.
And I'd like to just add, because this is a topic that I talk a lot about and write a lot about. And that's hypersensitivities. Now, you can see that with trauma, but you really see it a lot too with ADHD. And when you asked how and or at five, did you notice any ADHD? Or do you remember any ADHD? Well, one thing I did have, my entire life was hypersensitivities. And I think it's something that a lot of especially women don't
recognize it. This is part of their profile is a woman with ADHD, and part of the reason for overwhelm. So women come to me and I hear that, you know, almost 100% of the time, I am overwhelmed, I can't handle working, taking care of my home, cooking laundry. We're living with a partner, I can't do it. And then they talk about this onslaught of stimuli. And I understand that so well, because I have a pretty severe case of hypersensitivity. I was raised. And this is really exciting for
me. I knew I had it, but there's nobody and it's across the country. There's very few clinicians, usually there OTS occupational therapists, who understand sensitivities or sensory issues. In adults, we see it with kids, a lot of children with autism, for instance, many kids with autism have sensory issues. Many kids with ADHD have sensory things are too loud. So they smell funny, they taste funny, the lights are too bright. I can't handle all the commotion, the kids are crying, they can't even
express themselves. They don't understand why they are overwhelmed, but they're acting it our parents don't know why I was diagnosed just six months ago or so with sensory processing disorder. And even though I knew I must have it, I wanted some formal recognition of what I had been going through my entire life, which I think it contributed to my anxiety issues, just being overwhelmed and make you you know, anxious, too much going coming at you. Even if you forget the trauma,
forget the trauma. This is too much for me.
I am a stepmom of two neurodivergent sons and 100% with sensory issues, we'll leave it at that he doesn't have a formal diagnosis of SPD. And my husband also has sensory issues. And my daughter who's two has sensory issues, and I have sensory issues. So Wow. Right? So exactly. So one of our sons are in therapy to deal with that and
express it at 10 years old. I mean, imagine if everyone had that floor to understand what it is that they're experiencing, because that anxiety then trickles into school life, friendships, and then can create trauma for you unexpected and compounded if you don't take care of it when you're noticing
it. And one thing I do notice too, is that for the sensory stimuli, if you can recognize that, and of course, accommodate it, but also take breaks, take breaks with the sensory and allow yourself and not feel bad about it and take those breaks in school as well. to recoup your nervous system and get back to baseline, it can be so helpful. Even if it's a bathroom break for 20 minutes, go there and take your break. Exactly.
And to be able to express it to be able to find the words so for a child so your kids are so lucky. So lucky that you get it that you understand their needs, and not just yelled at well, why can't you know what's to be understood and to teach kids how to use their words. It's too loud mom or dad. I'm overwhelmed. I need my down teaching them how to, like you said remove yourself. It's okay to go into another room like
with my daughter. She would get overwhelmed in a restaurant if she had a baby To cry, that was her biggest trigger. She couldn't deal with that. So I had to teach her when you start, don't wait, don't wait. If you have no, that's going to be a difficult thing. You know, this is where you can go and I would, you know, point out places wherever we went, this is where you can sit. I will check on you go into the bathroom, you know, bring something to keep yourself
busy. And there's a lot of things that she uses to calm herself down her gadgets, gadgets or other kids my wife. Yeah, paper coloring books. That helps your sensory. I don't know the neurology of that either. But it helps you to calm down. Yes, your your guy, your kiddos are very lucky. Nobody told that to me growing up, it's you too sensitive. That's what I heard. Why are you so sensitive?
¶ The importance of recognizing sensory needs in kids.
Exactly.
You're overly sensitive, or I would be MIA for a long period of time because I would go to the bathroom or avoid conflict or situations where it was overstimulated, same thing. So Terry, we're, we only have a few more minutes left. You're an adult with ADHD with children with ADHD. Tell us a little bit more about how you support people now who have ADHD.
So as you know, Brooke, I've been around for a long time. I'm one of the the grandmas of ADHD for and and I specialize in working with women. I work with men too. So on my website at add counsel's dot com, I offer one on one consultations, I love doing them. Because I get to work with one person one on one is on Zoom usually or by email. And it's just one or two sessions. Usually it's not therapy. It's not really coaching per se, but
we come up with a plan. Okay, this is someone who's new to add, where do I go from here? Or? I have no, I have ADHD, but I'm stuck. Where should I go from here. So we set up a little plan. That's mainly what I've been doing, I do a lot of writing. So I have a newsletter that goes out. And I talk a lot about sort of what you know, we're doing here talk a lot about my experience, because I want to normalize things for people, that you're not the oddball, you're not the
character flaw. It's, this is what I'm doing. And I've been in this for over 25 years, I've written two books on it, I'm on webinars, I'm all over the place. I get it, I understand you. That's what I want people to understand is I understand you, I accept you, let me help you. And there are some just basic things to help person get
started. And that is, you know, educate yourself, educate people who are close to you, who don't get you learn these accommodations, work with a coach, get the right treatment. So those kinds of basic things are what we do. That's the main thing. I have a group now the queens of distraction, where it's a very affordable way for women to get coaching online. Right now the group is full. Hopefully that'll open up again. So I do that as well. But I have ADHD, so I can't just do one or
two things. Now I have a new program where I've got to keep busy and you learn
¶ How Terry supports other women.
that from a very young age. That's
okay. It's okay. And that's where I've lucked out as it didn't slam my self esteem as bad as it has many women. So when I got my diagnosis, I was thrilled. I didn't go into a grief thing that we talked about, like my last years, like 40 years, and I didn't know I could have done this. I could have done that. And for me, it was woohoo. I'm gonna help other people know, because now that I know what this is, I can fly. It's hard. It's hard many times. So Terry,
how can people reach out to you if they want to consults or they want to learn more about queen of distractions? Two
ways one is they can go to my website at add Council SOCOM or they can email directly Terry T ry, everyone spells it wrong at add consults with an s that calm.
Thank you so much. And what's the one thing that you want to leave people with here today? The one piece of advice.
You're not flawed. You just have it you have a different way of doing things. It's not worse, but it does create rocks and boulders in your path at times. there's help out there. Reach out for that help. And you can soar. I promise you you can soar if you get those pieces in place.
Yeah, and you could do it with a consult from Terry she'll guide you in the right direction. Thanks so much, Terry for being on successful with ADHD. It was a pleasure learning about your background with trauma, your daughter having a traumatic brain injury, your anxiety, SPD, the ADHD how that all plays a part of your hypersensitivity and your somatic system and essentially who you are today and how Are you help other people so I appreciate you sharing your journey with us. And
thank you for having me. I had a good time.
Same here. Thanks for listening to this episode of successful with ADHD. I hope it helps you on your journey. And if you need any additional support for you or a loved one with ADHD, feel free to reach out to us at coaching with brooke.com and all social media platforms at coaching with Brooke and remember, it's Brooke with Annie. Thanks again for listening. See you next time.