¶ Intro / Opening
I think just not being afraid to treat yourself a little bit like a child, just being totally aware that you're swimming against the tide sometimes, and your brain is not designed to function in the world that has systems that are designed for a different type of brain. I do treat myself like how society would think I treat myself like a child. Like I have a big whiteboard here with huge colorful stickers, and big
bright magnets. And if anyone came in here and saw that they would probably think how ridiculous that looks so silly. You're a 35 year old man running this big business that looks like a five year old coloring board. But you know, if that wasn't there, my whole life would fall apart. So just to zoom out and the broader point is, don't be afraid to treat yourself in a way that society might think is silly or childish. It's not if it works for you. It's not childish.
¶ Getting diagnosed with ADHD at 34 after an editor noticed Alex's boom/bust cycle.
Welcome to successful with ADHD. I'm Brooke Shipman. Let's get started. Hi, everyone, and welcome back to successful with ADHD. Today, I have Alex Partridge from ADHD chatter podcast. He also has a very big Instagram account with short little clips from his podcast. He is also the founder of Unilad lad Bible as well, and diagnosed with ADHD in December 2022. So pretty recent, His purpose and mission right now is to bring everyone on a journey to raise awareness around ADHD.
Welcome, Alex. Thank you so much. Thanks for having me. Absolutely. It's a pleasure. So you got diagnosed a year ago? What led you to getting that ADHD diagnosis? So there were a couple of suspicions, I guess I've always been very impulsive.
In hindsight, I've always been very sensitive to rejection, the catalyst, the main event that led me to seek assessment was a really expensive, what we would now call a boom and bust cycle when you get really into a project and you commit time, money and then you lose interest in it. You know, the LJ by the domain. Mine was a podcast, I wanted to start a podcast called Walk away wiser, which was going to be a business podcast. So
excited about it. And I ripped my bedroom apart, turned it into a state of the art soundproof studio, spent a fortune on equipment hired an editor hired a producer. And when the mailman delivered all the stuff about a week later, I had no interest in doing this podcast anymore. And I was just sat there in my joggers staring at all these cardboard boxes, thinking what the hell has just happened 1000s of ADHD tax down the drain? Yeah, I mean, I didn't. I was in
denial. So I didn't sell them. I didn't request the refund straightaway. And actually, it went past the refund period, I ended up having to sell them all on eBay. And I lost about 20% of the value. So yeah, there's that ADHD tax right there. But the guy who I hired to be the editor, he witnessed this whole thing. And he said, So when did you get your ADHD diagnosis? And I looked at him and I said, What do you mean? He said, Well, to me, like this is clear, ADHD
behavior. And that was really the first the first thing that sent me on the rabbit hole down researching ADHD. Was that the first time in your life that someone thought you and told you that they thought you had ADHD?
¶ Masked childhood signs of ADHD without outward hyperactivity.
You Yeah, that was the first time. I've always been very impulsive. I've always, fearlessly started businesses, but I've always I never showed any of the stereotypical traits of ADHD. I suppose. Going back to my childhood, I was always very still, I was never physically hyperactive. I was never a naughty child. Sit in the classroom, very quiet. So I never really showed any of the stereotypical traits. I guess there was never any now. Yeah, definitely. It was never mentioned by anyone. I was
always very anxious. I always remember having an anxiety attack. When I was very young. I got diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder when I was about 14 and put on Auntie, you know, it's an echo of so many stories of people that don't get
diagnosed later in life. And my hyperactivity was definitely internalized it it led me to be very creative by starting businesses from as young as I can remember, but when I wasn't channeling that racing mind into positive things like creating board games or selling apples outside my parents house or trying to rewrite Romeo and Juliet into a different stage show loads of different crazy things, you know, when I wasn't channeling it through them when I was forced to sit in a
classroom and be still then then he a huge anxiety and that boiled over into anxiety attacks several times now as a kid So there were signs if I had the knowledge that I have now around ADHD is like, yes, that's ADHD, that internalized hyperactivity, but no one knew that at the time. So I got diagnosed when I was 35.
So you're 36 now? Sorry, I'm still 37 Yeah,
no, sorry. I'm 3435. Now diagnosis that for your Benjamin
buttons
ADHD problem, recalling facts. My own age. Yeah,
exactly, exactly. We had to think about that working memory for a second way. Or add a year, what year is it? I love how you said that you were channelizing, your undiagnosed ADHD into essentially writing screenplays selling apples, you always had this creative mind and this entrepreneurial mindset. And you still do today. So getting that ADHD diagnosis, what's changed for you since then,
I think I'm very aware of the boom and bust cycle, I call it that overly excitement over excitement that you can get towards a new project and actually to hang back when that happens. And you know, I can go back into my really early childhood. Again, going back to that stage show writing, that isn't a clear example, I wanted to write a new version of Romeo and Juliet ridiculous. But I was so excited about it. And I printed off the entire script of the Romeo and Juliet play, which probably cost
about 10 pounds in printing. And a lot of time. Yeah. And when I picked up this bundle of paper, and actually sat down at the desk, I didn't want to do it anymore. And I didn't do it. And that's all the paper in the recycling. And that was when I was really, really young. So looking back at that, and there's been countless examples of projects, businesses that I've started in that moment of excitement. Yeah, spent time when I was younger money when I was older, and then my interest
is falling off a cliff. And that's that sort of ADHD tax and, and loads of examples of that boom and bust. So now I know that that's the thing. I'm like, okay, when I get an idea, I shelf it, I put it on the idea shelf. And if it's still bugging me, if I'm still looking over my shoulder at it, a couple of weeks later, then I start taking action, and I take action slowly. Now all of us, it's easier said than done. Because when you when you're in that excitement, you feel compelled
to take action. Now, you want to buy that domain, you want to do the brand.
Oh, my gosh, I have 20 domains?
Yeah, I think we all do that we all have that list of ideas, the list of ideas that we've abandoned. But a few of them have stuck, you know, we all have the ability, the capability of, of landing on something that ignites this, this longevity and sustainability. And that happened with me a couple of times. And those are my successes. But those are the tip of the iceberg. You know, the under the water the rest of the iceberg is, is all of those domains that I I abandoned?
¶ Abandoning projects when hyperfocus fades (the "ADHD tax").
Yeah, no, I hear you. It's so interesting, because I talk about how when we are seeking dopamine with ADHD, because you know, as ADHD ears were either really below the baseline of dopamine are above the baseline of dopamine. So when we are underwhelmed or bored, we usually have low dopamine, which then gives you that new and exciting idea. And what typically happens when you have unmanaged ADHD or even manage ADHD sometimes is we get
hyper focused on that idea. Not even realizing why we started it, how is it conflicting with the things that we've already promised to and then we drop it. And that's why so many of us with ADHD, feel that shame spiral because we feel like we can never get things done. We spend so much money on podcasts, equipment, we spend so much money on paper or apples and never use them. So I so
appreciate those stories. And I would love to know, now that you have ADHD chatter podcasts, and you've had it for about a year at this point when I say or maybe a little less, about six months, six months, okay? It's grown tremendously and you have not given it up. In fact, you're pushing forward, you just opened up a studio. How is this different? How is it not a hyperfocus compared to the things that you started and let go is
really the first business and I look at it now as a business that I've started since my diagnosis. There's various things that I do now to try and ensure that my motivation is sticky and remains and that is constantly reconnect with my why? Like, why am I doing the podcast? And the reason I'm doing the podcast is because I I want to educate myself around ADHD because I got, I was so angry that I got missed. And I didn't get picked up until I was 3534. So
¶ Using ADHD Chatter podcast to channel hyperfocus in a sustainable way.
36 Yeah.
So the passion is so there because I was so passionate about learning everything I could about ADHD wanting to know why I slipped through the net and, and let's make those conversations public. Because the more I researched, it was clear that there were many, many people who were in the same boat that were getting diagnosed later. And secondly, I am so much more aware now of the type of businesses and the type of projects that suit my brain. So the podcast is very much when
you actually break it down. It's lots of little hyper fixation. So there's lots of little projects like each episode to me as a separate mountain to climb and a separate thing to obsess over as a separate guest to deep dive into their lives and find out everything about them. So I'm constantly trying to add to it. Moving into the studio is a is like a whole new business that excitement was was reignited I did the podcast for
25 weeks in my flat. But even if I stuck it in my flat, like going back to the first point, each guest is unique. And each episode each week is like a separate mini project. And that's really I think, what I attribute the longevity to, I think in any business, for those who's listening, whatever business you are in is finding ways to keep it keeping it
fresh. Because especially for the ADHD mind, as soon as something gets stale, as soon as something gets repetitive, then that's dangerous territory, for burnout for losing interest in something and abandoning it. And since I've just shy become obsessed with ADHD, of figuring out how my mind works, keeping it exciting, keeping it new. And I honestly think that's why the podcast has, I've stuck at it, why my attention is sustained. Because each week, and you probably have the same with
this, each guest is new. And actually the podcast is a business that has grown to X amount of followers and whatever. But it's really the combination of lots of little projects, and each project is a new guest. And so that's a new, hyper fixation for my brain to go in on and to maintain that excitement.
Yeah, the newness of each episode and each project. And if I had to guess, your one of your strengths is probably connection with humans, and learning. And we do so much of that on the podcast, right? connecting with others learning from others growing. And I also want to know, with ADHD chatter you mentioned to put something on a shelf, right? Think about it. And if you come back to it, then you know, it's something that you probably want to invest
more time in. Was ADHD chatter like that, or was it an overnight, I need to jump into this right now. So
I was terrified. Because of what happened on my last podcast idea. I spent 1000s and 1000s of pounds over overspent when I was in that excitement phase, and I lost a lot of money. And I was very depressed. So again, going back in time, I remember I mean, it's not that long ago, I remember sitting in my bedroom, looking at all these cardboard boxes. And when something when you when you lose interest on your ability, which is what happens, you lose confidence in your ability, and you lose trust in
your ambition. So when I had this idea to do the podcast that grant ADHD I was I took it really, really slowly. I did all the excite exciting stuff, I bought the domain, I went on Fiverr. And I instantly bought hired someone to do the branding, I did all that typical ad but when it came to, should I spend money then? No, I'll just do it virtually. So it cost about 50 pounds a week to do. So there was still an investment
but there had to be. And yes, six months later, it's because of those reasons because of that, keeping it fresh. And also, it's not just because of that it's you know, I'm able to delegate the bits that I'm not good at. I think that's really important. But that comes from huge self awareness around actually understanding what you're good at and what you're bad at. I'm very creative, I love doing things that are creative, I'm terrible at admin
stuff. Me too. And I know that now through experience through lots of meditation through sitting on the end of my bed at the end of the day and thinking okay, what happened today that I was rubbish at what was I good at and I've done that often enough to know that. Okay, don't try and do those bits because those bits aren't suited to your brain and if you try and do everything, then the whole project is gonna fall down like a house of cards. You know, I
try and body double. As often as sometimes occasionally my partner if I'm having a really hard time doing something, you know, she'll come in and help me the The YouTube thumbnails is a tangible example of those things like we do those together. Still, it is a thing that, you know, it's going on an editing software and making an image. To some people might be simple, but for my brain, it's it's really, really tricky. And to have her next perfect, right. Yeah, for
sure. You know, just to have her next to me is that body definitely thing you know, there's loads of things that, that those have scenarios where that's really, really helpful. Another thing I've done since the diagnosis is I've started to put many deadlines in place for myself. And that's been a huge game changer. I mean, I have to do it, because I've set every week the episode goes out on a Tuesday. So there's the deadline. But I'm also I post on social media every day, or six
days a week. And I tell myself to do that before midday, little like micro deadlines that I put in place for myself that actually add up. And it's actually the social media content creation, that's really growing the podcast. And also to be super aware, when I'm, but when I'm approaching burnout, I didn't have that awareness or even know that burnout was a thing before my diagnosis. So if I felt these subtle little signs, this is gonna sound like
a really silly example. But I'll say it anyway, every day, when I do my podcast, I film on my phone, I have to transfer the footage from my phone to my computer, and you have to use a USB slack to do it. Yeah. So
¶ Monitoring small actions like USB stick removal to gauge impending burnout.
Africa,
you have to get the USB stick, you have to walk over, you have to put it into your computer, you have to download it from your phone, right, there's multiple steps there. Yeah,
and when I now this is the, this is the bit that I really pay attention to. Now, when I remove the USB stick, and this is gonna sound silly, you have to you know, we've all been told you have to remove the USB stick safely, otherwise, the world will end, I do that I always right click, I click Remove USB,
what's gonna happen if you don't remove it safely? It's ever happened to me.
Exactly. Nothing ever happens. But I always do it properly. And I know that if I ever get the urge to grab that USB stick and just rip it out. I know that there is a small little shortcut that I've taken. And for me, that's probably going to be the early signs of burnout. So I'm really I pay attention to the little things. As soon as I start cutting corners on the little things that don't really matter. I know
they don't matter. Like you say you can rip out the USB stick, the world's not going to end. But for me, it's the little things. And I think everyone, people who are listening, we all have little things that we do that might seem like they're not important. When you start cutting corners on the little things that might just might be the early signs of your body saying that it's time to slow down, and it's time to have a break. Those are your triggers. Hmm. Yeah, it's just being aware
of your little things. And when you start cutting corners on the little things, then the big things are probably suffering as well. And if you don't, if you ignore that, then there might be a big crash coming.
Yeah, so it sounds Alex like you have a lot of self awareness. At this point, you're implementing a lot of reflection. At the end of the day, you're meditating on your ideas, you are putting a parking lot to some of your ideas, you're coming back to it, if it's still exciting, you're not acting as much on impulses. What was the change for you, though, when you got diagnosed, how all of a sudden, do you feel you've learned these things and are starting to believe in these things,
¶ Researching ADHD traits provided pivotal self-awareness.
I think is just becoming aware that all of these gonna be when I got diagnosed, I really went headfirst into researching everything about ADHD. And when you realize when you see the list of traits, and you realize that there are things that you're living with, I never knew that I had poor impulse control. I just wasn't aware. I just thought that was me. living my life. I didn't know that I had was bad at
timekeeping. I mean, I knew that I was constantly late for stuff, but I just did what everyone was. Gotcha is having an awareness of actually, of the areas that you struggle with. And you because you can't do you can't put things in place to make things better if you don't even know that they're a problem. Like, I've always been aware that I can. And you know, I never knew it was called
hyperfocus. When I was at university, I would sit in my room and build Facebook pages for hours on end to hundreds of 1000s of followers, completely ignoring my friends going out drinking, I just wasn't interested. And I was just, they were concerned about my well being. So my parents, they were like Alex, are you okay? You haven't left your room in two weeks. I didn't know that was hyperfocus. So becoming aware that all of these things, the good and the bad, becoming aware
of them. If without that awareness, then you can lean into them or you can put things in place to mitigate the the negative ones. Yeah,
yeah. So it all starts with awareness and I love how you use your gift of hyper focusing to learn about ADHD and take it all in. You also said that you were
¶ The overlap of anxiety disorders and ADHD symptoms.
diagnosed with generalized anxiety when you're 14 Are you still diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder after the ADHD diagnosis? Or was it on managed ADHD the whole time?
That's a good question. I don't know. I mean, I'm not diagnosed with it. I haven't been to the doctors about it, I still get anxious. My last anxiety attack was about six months ago. I haven't had one for about a year prior to that. It's always when I'm in social situations. And I'm not able to, when I'm forced to conform to society's expectations of how I should behave, I've noticed that that's really apparent. My last anxiety attack was I sat at a dinner
table at an event. And I felt that I couldn't rock back and forth. I couldn't fidget I couldn't move my hands. I couldn't be how I wanted to be and that anxiety of building up all that energy, just went to my head, and I had to leave the state I'd abruptly leave the table and walk off his anxiety attack outside I remember that so clearly. And that's always been the ingredients that have baked an anxiety attack this Yeah, yeah, I suppose masking is what we would call it right.
Like, not allowing myself to be my self. And where's that energy going to go? You know, right now I'm, I'm quite active. I move my hands around. I always do. Like, if you're in a formal, you know, posh dinner and you feel like you have to sit very still. You have to talk very proper, then. Yeah. So masking Yeah, has always been a prompt the cause for anxiety. So to answer your question, I've never been to the doctors about anxiety. It's
generally okay. But when it does come, it's when I'm not allowing myself to be my true self and putting Yeah, yeah, putting on this mask to appear. how other people want me to be in various situations.
It's so interesting. The last podcast I recorded on successful with ADHD I had the ADHD accountant on and she's starting to realize that she has autism as well. And she said that she had a general generalized anxiety disorder and a social anxiety disorder. But she believes that she doesn't really have a social anxiety disorder because to your point, when she was around her people, she did not have anxiety.
Yes, super interesting. I had a I interviewed a psychiatrist on ADHD chatter and he said that a lot of people think that they have ADHD sometimes and he has to tell them your traits of ADHD can appear. You can appear restless, you can appear fidgety. If you're only appearing fidgety and restless in social situations. When you're on your own and you're flat watching TV, happy dinner, you're fine. And you might not actually have ADHD, you might just have social anxiety
disorder. Mm hmm. Yeah, no, just on a tangent now for that was super interesting.
Yeah, no anxiety and ADHD, there's so many of the same symptoms. And I think that's why so many. Usually it's women get diagnosed later in life with ADHD because they're originally diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder or social anxiety disorder. And in your case, that's essentially what happens because we as women are typically the inattentive type, or the combined ADHD type, rather than that outwardly
hyperactive as you mentioned. So that's one of the most important things to distinguish when you're getting the diagnosis. Is it ADHD? Is it anxiety? Is it both and rule out all of the other factors to make sure that you're treating the right diagnosis and you're taking if you take medication that you're taking the right medication? Because if you're taking stimulants, but really, all you have is generalized anxiety disorder, then perhaps the stimulants aren't going to work
for you. And it's going to make you more anxious.
Yeah. Yeah, for sure. I can't really comment too much. I've never had I don't take ADHD medication. I don't I tell you what I do. Do I drink a lot of coffee? And I've gotta be very careful, because if I drink too much coffee in a short amount of time, then I can get really, really anxious.
Absolutely. Yeah, stimulants can definitely give more anxiety to people with anxiety. But here I have my second cup of coffee as well. I have my seltzer. I have my water, all of my different drinks. So Alex, I looking at you from a bird's eye view. If someone was looking at your Instagram account and saw that you had over 250,000 followers from six months, right? You know, your podcast has been doing really, really well. They would probably say like, Oh, he's got it all together. Right?
He doesn't struggle with ADHD. What can you tell people at this point that really like that one thing either you're struggling with or that you you implement daily to help you just increase your success. Yeah.
¶ Feeling compelled by stress rather than motivation.
I mean, I, it's interesting because I've always been pulled by stress rather than pushed by motivation, it'll be, you know, I can't sit down on the sofa and watch a film A, I've tried it. And I'll just get overwhelmed with anxiety. I don't know where that comes from. But I feel compelled to, to jump up and come back into my computer to carry on working it,
you know, it's not healthy. But that's, that part of me has always been a contributing factor to why I'm to why I grew to pick media companies relatively quickly, and why I've grown this podcast relatively quickly. The cost of that, of course, is to friendships and relationships, and I'm trying, trying to increase the balance and get better there. You know, there is always a cost to
everything. And when you do see tremendous growth or something going well, in one area, there's generally something else that's struggling, everything balances balances out, I think just being super aware, to answer your question and for advice to anyone really working on strategies to grow your self awareness, and to really understand what intrinsically
motivates you. Because if you're not doing something, especially with the ADHD brain that intrinsically motivates you, that really pulls you out of bed and you sets your soul on fire, then you will definitely quit. When it gets hard. I'm in love with my work, I get huge dopamine from the podcast enough that when it gets hard, and there are many hard parts, then it's not quite enough to topple me over the edge, to quit and to
drop the whole thing. Everyone has to be super aware about what actually they're interested in too many, so many people are doing things for the wrong reason, perhaps because they've been taught the that's what someone their age, or their sex or their, wherever they should be doing, or what their parents
think they should be do. What self awareness exercises, you know, I mentioned that thing earlier around, just sitting down and really meditating and really big and reflective and really thinking what has happened in my life that has given me intrinsic joy, and intrinsic resentment or discomfort. You know, what, what things like am I actually tangibly passionate about, it's so important, especially for the ADHD brain to really do
something that you love. And it sounds quite cliche, because if you don't love what you're doing, then it will, you will quit. When, when when things get tough, because things will get tough. And you have to love what you're doing to get through those parts.
¶ Embracing strengths and motivations through self-reflection.
Yeah, I think that what you're saying, If I can summarize it is you really need to embrace the power of the pause. So you can take a moment and think about your strengths and your values and your motivation, which is what you did, in reflecting about your greatest joy is your greatest passions, you realize what those were, and you're using them and you're showing up daily, even on those hard days. Because you know why? It aligns with
everything in your being. And you also have your girlfriends who is body doubling with you. So you not only researched all of this stuff about ADHD, but you have someone to go through with you, you have someone to hold you accountable. And I think that's extremely important. Because on those tough days, when we do some mundane stuff where things start adding up. We need someone to just be with us and like take us through that journey together.
¶ Accountability from friends/family helps follow through.
Yeah,
definitely. And you've actually touched on the next point. Really well. Accountability is, I think the keys though, the most important ingredient for being an entrepreneur with ADHD, accountability. I have my girlfriend, I have my family. I post a lot on LinkedIn. Funnily enough for me, and I don't know why posting on LinkedIn gives me my accountability. Everyone has the version of accountability. If you're not the type of person who feels comfortable posting online, that's that's absolutely
fine. We all have a way to make accountability. You know, Friends, family, I think we're all inherent people pleasers. So I certainly am, you know, the thought of letting someone down is is terrifying to me. And actually that sometimes is enough to get me over the line when I'm when I'm just feeling a bit sluggish. Right and I'm not having a great day. That accountability of watching To impress that person. Hmm, I think just not being afraid to treat yourself a little bit
like a child. I said all the time, yes, it's just really accept
that like not being just being totally aware that you're swimming against the tide sometimes, and your brain is not designed to function in the world that has systems that are designed for a different type of brain, you know, so I, I do treat myself like, how society would think I treat myself like a child. Like I have a big whiteboard on the side of my desk here with huge colorful stickers, and big bright magnets. And if anyone came in here and saw that they would probably think how ridiculous
that looks so silly. You're a 35 year old man running this big business that looks like a five year old coloring board. But you know that if that wasn't there, my whole life would fall apart. And I don't I'm not I'm not being dramatic when I say that, that visual reminder, that object permanence that out of
sight out. If those names, those dates, those things, I have to attend those important meetings, those reminders of those who are constantly in front of me, in those bright colors in the way that in the way that my brain understands them. So just to zoom out. And the broader point is, don't be afraid to treat yourself in a way that society might think, is silly or childish. It's not if it works for you. It's not childish. I
¶ Treating yourself compassionately like a child.
love that the object permanence and also writing it down gives you that working memory to remember it as well. And when you said treat yourself like a child, I love the whole concept of like treating yourself like a baby, I have a 20 month old right now. And she naps she eats. So let me know when she's thirsty. She goes to the bathroom, and that's her worlds, right. But like, as an ADHD ear, we are so hard on ourselves more so than we are on
others. And we feel the need to be productive and create and do and do and do and drive ourselves to burnout. And if we could take a step back in that reflection that you mentioned, and think about the things that we're not attending to, like the sleep, the eating, the drinking water, the breaks, the mapping out are weak on a huge whiteboard with pink posts. That's all of those things are so important to ground us and to help us focus and be successful. So I love that. Thank you for
sharing that. And if someone wants to reach out to you, Alex, where can they find you? Alex
Partridge, LinkedIn or ADHD chatter? No spaces on Instagram. Awesome.
Awesome. And you have your podcast, ADHD chatter as well. Yes,
yeah, you can message me on the Instagram, ADHD chatter, or tick tock ADHD chatter or comment on any of the YouTube videos, and I will, I'll reply there.
Awesome. Well, thank you so much for being on the successful with ADHD podcast. I know that a lot of people are gonna resonate with your journey and your advice. So thank you for taking the time.
Thanks so much, Brooke. Really, really fun.
Thanks for listening to this episode of successful with ADHD. I hope it helps you on your journey. And if you need any additional support for you or a loved one with ADHD, feel free to reach out to us at coaching with brooke.com and all social media platforms at coaching with Brooke and remember, it's Brooke with any Thanks again for listening. See you next time.