¶ The impact of ADHD on children, with a focus on Sivan's personal experience and the creation of children's books to help normalize
We talk about ADHD, so often is this homogeneous idea. But it's not. It is a spectrum. It impacts all of us in such different ways. And so while my one kid with ADHD is going to think about the day one way, my other kid is going to think about it differently, and they're going to have different concerns and different worries. And so it can never be this one size fits all, he hears the answer. But it can be us as parents stepping back and saying, Okay, let's talk about
it. Let's work together so that you feel prepared for the day. And that teaches them to advocate for themselves. And that teaches them to think about what they're feeling so in the future, you know, now that I have a middle schooler, he's not going to come to me with everything, but he has taught himself okay, this is going to happen, here's what I need to do in order to fix it.
Welcome to successful with ADHD. I'm Brooke Shipman. Let's get started. Today I have a very special author with ADHD. Her name is Yvonne hyung. And she's an author and illustrator of the top selling children's series. She's going to be sharing all about her book series and her experience her lived experience
with ADHD. her two children who have ADHD and her very neurotypical husband's all of them live up north in Connecticut and Sivan has written the Superfund eight books Benny j in the horrible Halloween, Georgia and miserable Monday, Emily D in the fearful first day, AVG in the second scary end of school, and Joey T in the winter holiday worries.
Yeah, got it. I've made that really, really hard for you.
And the goal of the books that she wrote and their award winning books they've been, you've probably seen them out there. They depict the victories of neurodiverse children, which is so important because many people with ADHD don't realize they have ADHD until later in life or don't know how to deal with it as children and to have children understand their neurodiverse brains as a child and know that they're not alone is so helpful. So it's without further ado, Sivan that I introduce you to
our audience. Welcome, welcome.
Thank you. Thank you for having me.
Absolutely, absolutely. So, okay, you have a family of ADHD? Or do you have ADHD? When did you start writing these books? And what was your thought process behind? Creating your very first now I know you have a few. But what was the goal around it?
When my oldest one was in kindergarten, I noticed that he was struggling with sensory issues and with focus. And I was looking for children's books that showed kids like him using a fidget toy in class or sitting in a special seat, or in his case, also wearing headphones to kind of normalize that experience for him. So he didn't feel like there was something wrong with him or different or weird. And I was struggling to find books like
that. So I created stories for him to try to explain to him that you know, what he would the things he needed to do in class that were different from the other kids. That didn't make him bad. That didn't make him kind of a different kid in a negative way. But that was just the way he learned. And I created a bunch of these stories based on experiences that he was going
through in school. And then a couple of years later, it dawned on me that if he connected with these books, and they helped him, maybe I should share them with others, and I knew nothing about being an author or an illustrator for that matter. That was not my career path. But I had the hubris or kind of the gumption to go and try and do
¶ Halloween prep for children with anxiety.
it. And the first book I published was about Halloween and to show you how little I understood about anything, I published a Halloween book in February.
So okay, my daughter thinks Halloween is all year long. All she says online is Halloween whenever she looks at the YouTube TV, Halloween.
Right? Well, because it's supposed to be this amazing experience. And my kid wouldn't go into school in kindergarten on the day of the Halloween party in the parade, and I couldn't get him out of the car. And I couldn't understand I felt like such a failure. As a mom. I'm like, what kid doesn't like Halloween? This is one of the best days of the whole school year. So, what have I done wrong, right? Like I
screwed up somehow. And it took a while to then realize all of the different drivers that were going on with him. Because as we all know, kids with ADHD, this is big bucket of different things. And in that bucket is anxiety in that bucket is a sense of uncomfort. coldness with change, right. And so the schedule changes, and all of these different things are happening that day that made it hard for him to want to go and if I have prepped him right now, in hindsight, he would have been
fine. But so this book was about how he was able to overcome all of these challenges. And it gives the exact tips that that we ended up using with him to then the following year in first grade, have an amazing Halloween loves Halloween, and kind of going forward is like your daughter would love Halloween to be every single day. Okay,
so I heard a few different things from what you said, prepped him, right. So yes, I understand that, like getting children in helping assist children to get into the right mindset can help them feel more prepared for a holiday or situation or school. But I find so often as parents and working with parents of children with ADHD that we think that we're just not doing it, right. We constantly blame ourselves for it. Yeah,
we do all the time. That's what we do. We're really good at that. We're really good at it.
No matter how many books you write, and no matter what you've done to help your child. You're still wrong. Yes, yeah. So just from our conversations together, even though you didn't have the quote, unquote, right, prep for Halloween, at that point or school at that point. In the moments, I'm sure you felt like you were doing the best that you could and my wrong here. Yeah,
absolutely. Right. Like, we don't go into the day thinking that we're gonna fail, or that the things that we thought were gonna go, well, we're not gonna go well, I mean, I, I was more shocked than anybody that I couldn't get them out of a car. Right, I thought I had done everything right, I got this cute costume that was really pajamas so that they were
soft and comfortable. And I wouldn't have to worry about you know, itchiness or all the other problems that Halloween costumes have, I also bought the costume like two days before Halloween, so we wouldn't change his mind. Because as we've all learned that, you know, if you buy the costume in advance, they don't want to be that thing anymore. So I thought I had done all of the right things. And I'm putting right in the air quotes. In order to make that day
successful. What I hadn't done was talk to him to understand all of the things that were going on in his mind, he wasn't thinking about if the costume was going to be itchy. He was thinking about, Oh, my gosh, the schedule is going to change. I don't know what's gonna happen in my day. That feels hard. He was thinking about, I'm going to show up to school and all these people are going to be in a costume. And what if I can't recognize my friends? That fell
hard. He was thinking about the fact that at this point, he needed headphones, and the Halloween parade was gonna be really loud. Well, did the headphones go with his costume? Not really, right, that would have been a disaster for him to wear headphones with his costume. So he was thinking about all of these different things that never crossed my mind. And I never even imagined this notion of talking to him
about them in advance. Because in my mind, I had prepped, right Goldstar mom, I did everything that I thought I was supposed to do. And so the books that I write, while they may not cover all of the worries that your child has about what's about to happen, they spark conversations so that you can say, this kid is worried about, you know, the schedule change. What are you
worried about? How do you talk about those, the anxiety that comes along with all of this stuff, so that while you're not going to be perfect, none of us are perfect parents. You and your child can work together to talk about what's happening, and then you can come up with tools and strategies that are going to work for them.
Hmm, I love the distinction. We
talked about ADHD. So often is the is a homogeneous idea. But it's not it is a spectrum. It impacts all of us in such different ways. And so while my one kid with ADHD is going to think about the day one way, my other kid is going to think about it differently, and they're going to have different concerns and different worries. And so it can never be this one size fits all, here's the answer. But it can be us as parents stepping back and saying, Okay, let's talk about
it. Let's work together, so that you feel prepared for the day. And that teaches them to advocate for themselves. And that teaches them to think about what they're feeling. So in the future, you know, now that I have a middle schooler, he's not going to come to me with everything. But he has taught himself, okay, this is going to happen, here's what I need to do in order to fix it.
¶ ADHD management and personalized approaches.
So it's really the metacognition that you're activating in your child and yourself. So you're asking the how the why is the like, the bird's eye view questions, and getting that collaborative problem solving to happen ahead of time, because we're not mind reader's now, and you said that, you know, ADHD is a spectrum, but I would challenge you to even say that everything in life is a spectrum, right? Whether you have ADHD or not, we all need individualized education
plans. We all need to be leveled on the playing fields. It's not
just could not agree with you more. That is exactly right, Frank.
Yeah, it's not just students with ADHD or neuro divergences. I mean, general education, students need an IP as well, we all need to be taught at our readiness level and at our unique learning level. So in learning style, yes. And with ADHD being a spectrum, it is so interesting, because so many people who are learning about ADHD in the beginning want to find a community of support one to
understand their brain. And while there are classic symptoms of ADHD, and like the inattentiveness or the hyperactivity, there's a spectrum as you mentioned. So yeah, you could relate to a lot of the things out there. And that's great that there are these books and communities out there. But you also have to learn about you and ask yourself those hard questions. And someone said that there's like 6000 different ways that ADHD can manifest.
I believe that incredible. I mean, like, it seems, I can't really wrap my head around it. But that feels instinctively Right. Right. And, you know, as I talked to other people, and I know, when you talk to other people, ah, gee, something that impacts me one way is going to impact them in a very different way. Right? So I need audiobooks in order to be able to engage with literature. Otherwise, my mind just zones, you know, I made it through high
school and cliffnotes. Other people with ADHD will say, I can't keep focus on an audio book, right, I need the actual book in front of me in order to be able to engage. And so it's a completely right, it's a different experience for all of us. And so the tools and tricks that work for me, that allow me to keep my life under control, most of the time, are not necessarily the things that are going to work for my kids. Right? Yeah. Because it's going to be different for
them. Yes, that's why I like that. You mentioned in your books that you share, how to ask the right questions, how to engage conversation, everything starts with a question, right? All of our ideas and our plans start with a question that we ask ourselves or we ask other people, so it's not a one size fits all solution. It's a, okay, where are we going with this? Like, what's happening for you?
Let's talk about this. So asking the right questions, then facilitates that relationship lessens anxiety, and gives more of a plan and a structure so you can work collaboratively
well, and to build on that. It's what works at that moment in time for your child. That's going to change over time, too. Right? Like like
tomorrow, right?
It's not just the Halloween costumes that change but like my oldest who needed headphones doesn't need headphones anymore. Instead, he needs to sit in class with a Rubik's cube so he has something to like engage himself and listen to and you know, do all the other things. It changes over time for us to we are never kind of set at this one mark and then we're good to go. Isn't
that fun? You think you have it all figured doubt, and then you don't. And you now to get at least there's exactly you start again. But at least you have a process with questions and like a roadmap of how to keep asking those hard questions and reflecting and then starting over, you know, it almost becomes routine, even though it's not easy. I get it. We have to do that, like you said with ourselves and our children and our friends. Right? We do. Right? We're not mind reader's.
That's right. That's right. And, and the younger we get the kids used to doing that, the easier their path becomes, right, because, but so many of us, particularly women, we didn't get diagnosed until later in life when, you know, I was in school in the early 80s. I'm dating myself, but like girls didn't have ADHD back then. Right? Like, girls didn't have anything back then it was either, you know, it was some boy causing trouble. Nobody
even thought about it. So we had to go back now as adults and say, Okay, well, let's understand what our childhood experiences were like. And how does this now, work for me today, now that I know I have this diagnosis, and what does that mean, in terms of how I live my life going forward?
100%. And to clarify, for everyone listening, of course, girls had ADHD back then. But if you didn't see sevens face, listening to this, it was very under diagnosed back then, you know, ADHD was really looked at as the boy in the classroom disorder.
Yes. And not just the boy in the classroom disorder, but the boy who was running around causing trouble disorder, right? Like, they never imagined this notion that ADHD happens inside your brain, right? It goes on in your head, not your body, or in the body is a manifestation of what's going on in your head. So the boy with ADHD who isn't hyperactive, was not getting diagnosed either. Right? They only looked at what they could see.
Correct? Correct. The hyperactivity, the outward hyperactivity, but you are smart enough now to know that there's a lot of hyperactivity going on in our brains, especially in women, those racing thoughts.
¶ ADHD diagnosis and its impact on family dynamics.
The reason I cannot sleep at night? Yeah,
seriously. So I'm curious. Also, you said that you have a neurotypical husband, you have two kids with ADHD, we know that ADHD is very genetic. But how did you manage two children with ADHD as an ADHD or with a husband who does not have ADHD? I'm just curious what those dynamics were like for you. So
there are definitely moments my husband will stop in the middle of whatever's happening and say things like, I don't know how I fit in this family. Right? Because
because I don't understand. And
like anybody who who says, and there are people out there who say ADHD isn't real, I'm like, just look at my house when I'm trying to get my kids ready for school, right? Like this idea that, you know, we're we're packing up the backpacks, and we're making lunch, and we're emptying the dishwasher. And we're making sure everybody brushes their teeth, do all these things in return to get the kids to like,
sit and eat. Like the number of times I have to be like, please sit down is like unbelievable. And yet, even though it's not linear, right? I actually think that because I have ADHD, it makes me more effective at getting them ready for school, because my mind is going in a very similar way as their mind.
Whereas when he needs to get them ready for school, he doesn't understand why the backpacks only halfway packed and then somebody's eating an apple, and then they're running upstairs to get dressed and then finishing to pack their back. But like, that's not the way he would do it. And so he just looks they're like, you know, we stand in the kitchen with like a deer in the headlights and like what is happening, but because we can put a label on it, he can say, Oh, I got it. This is
what's going on. It happens with conversations too, though, right? Like, he'll start talking about something. And I will bring up something that seemingly has absolutely nothing to do with what he's talking about. And he just stops and looks at me. And he's like, You did it again. And I'm like, Yep, I sure did. Right. Like we can own the fact that our brains work differently. Not better or worse. Just different. Yeah,
yeah. Different. I'm glad that you brought up the label piece. Right. So for you, it sounds like having that identifier for your kids and for yourself is really helpful in the dynamic in your household. What are your thoughts on labels? So
I love them because when I was growing up how having ADHD not having a diagnosis, I felt very alone. I felt very much like there was something wrong with me. And I didn't know what that was, I couldn't understand why something like spelling and focusing on spelling was so hard for me or focusing on reading where I would see my friends, you know, pick up a book and not put it
down. Like, why were these things so hard for me, there must be something wrong, I must be stupid, I must be you know, there's something wrong with me. But for me, adding that label suddenly said, there's nothing wrong with me. I my brain just is different. And different is okay, different is kind of cool, right? With difference comes a lot of really good stuff. But without that label, it was very isolating. Right? It felt like I was the only person in the world
having this experience. So when my kids got diagnosed, and then I got diagnosed after they did we high fived each other, we're like, welcome to The Club, right? Like, we are all part of this together. And I think that makes it so much easier to focus on the strengths that come with having ADHD, instead of just dealing with all of the challenges and dealing with them alone.
Mm hmm. So what would you say then to parents who are learning that their children have ADHD on how to share or not share with their child's because I can't even tell you how many people out there come to me as adults and say, Oh, my parents knew, but I didn't tell me or my parents over shared with me. And I felt like I was a problem. Like, where's that line? So, look,
everything is age appropriate, right? You know, you have to be careful about your message based on the age of your child and what you're saying to them. But I always even when my kids were really little talked about their special brains, how their brains work differently, how they may be experiencing things differently than their peers. And that's okay. And that's
really cool. Because if we don't talk about it, they're going to hear all of the negative stuff, right, as we know, kids with ADHD, get criticized school, you know, so much more than neurotypical kids do. And if we are not there, as parents constantly reminding them about how amazing they are, and how cool they are, and all of the great things that comes with their brain, then all they're going to hear is the negative.
Right. And so I would rather index on this notion of telling them, because it's not something to be embarrassed about. Right? I'm not hiding it. Because there's nothing to hide, I'm just saying your brain works differently. And that's cool. And let's focus on how cool that is. So that they feel good about themselves. Look in, in my books, I never use the word ADHD because I don't, it's not on up to me to say this is the age group, which you should share a
diagnosis. But in my house, it's never been something that we've shied away from. And my kids tell all their friends, they have ADHD, and they are not embarrassed about it. Of course, you know, I have a middle schooler who wants to be exactly like everybody else, right. And so the notion of having ADHD sometimes feels not so good. But he also wants to have blond hair sometimes. And he also wishes he was six feet taller. And that's part of the process a
little bit taller, I was thinking of that song immediately which it was about. Right? You always wanna we can have,
and we want, you know, in middle school, you want to be a clone of everybody else, right. And part of the process of building your own identity is getting comfortable with who you are as a person. And even if he didn't have ADHD, there will be things about him that he would
want to change. And so for me kind of constantly reminding him that that is part of what makes him interesting and cool, and allows him to be so creative and allows him to hyper focus, and allows his brain to do things that maybe some of his peers can't, is a good thing.
¶ Education, and resources for parents and children.
Yeah, I love how you said that. We also have so many more negative messages. Like I know Dr. Johnson says by the age of 12, children with ADHD received 20,000 more negative messages from parents, teachers, adults, friends, siblings. So if they have some sort of understanding that it's not them, it's a it's a manifestation of their ADHD. Like you said, they can lean into that and it's
a mess. manifestation of an education system that is not designed for their kind of brain. Right? So it is not that I'm bad because I can't sit still during math is that math is not being taught in a way that my brain gets it. Correct. And so again, it's it's making sure that they recognize that the world isn't designed for them. And so the challenges that they face are not challenges, because there's
something wrong with them. There are challenges because they're the system that doesn't work for them. So the fault is the system, not with the kid. Sure.
And I want to just clarify, for all of you listening, I was a special education teacher administrator, like I have, we're not shaming the teachers, we're not shaming the administrators, they're doing the best that they can most of them, you know, with what they have. Absolutely.
In fact, in my books, every every single teacher in my, in my books, is the name of the real teacher that was helping my child. So we use their real names and the illustrations look like the teachers as my way of saying thank you, because it is not easy to teach a classroom of kids who all learn differently, right? It's not just a neuro divergent issue. Every kid learns differently. And those teachers are tasked with trying to find a way to teach all of them. And that is
really hard. That's really hard. Think about trying to manage yourself, now you have 30 kids in front of you, by yourself, usually trying to meet them, educationally, where everyone is at a different readiness level and a different learning style.
That's right. That's right now, it is not the fault of the teachers at all, this is kind of our reality. And some people are lucky enough to find a school where that works. Some people are lucky enough to find a school where where the teachers are willing, and and have the resources in order to be able to make some of those changes, right, like so often these teachers, their hands are tied, because they don't have the resources they need, because they don't get the training they
need. It's not on them at all.
Yes, I've worked in school districts that have next to no resources. But the majority of the time that I worked as a special education teacher, I worked in a district with resources. So I was lucky enough to be a co teacher, and work 5050 with my sixth grade teacher and plan together. And I wasn't just working with the students with IPS. I was working with all of them just like she was. So the ratio is a lot smaller. But you're 100% Right. You know, especially in schools
today. There's so much especially at North, there's so much focus on Test Readiness, that oh, yeah, that interesting stuff for people with ADHD like science, sometimes the hands on activities might just completely be left outside the door because math and English in fourth, sixth, seventh, eighth, those are like the focus is that indicates whether or not the school is performing and getting money from the state. Right. So
it's hard. It's really hard. As a teacher, it's really hard as an ADHD or neurodivergent student in a classroom. Because all of those things that you love so much art, recess, some of those things are just being taken away. Yes. Right.
The idea that you take recess away and think that the kids are going to sit in their desk all day blows my
mind blowing, it's mind blowing. So today, my son, and this is no fault to the teacher again, but my stepson he goes to a private school and he got his recess taken away he knew is going to happen because he didn't bring his social studies textbook home, get a worksheet, and he needed his textbook to help him through the worksheet. And I'm like, I'm so sorry, I can't help you with this worksheet. I can't even find resources of this worksheet
online anywhere. I said, Can we bring you in early tomorrow to try to work on it? He goes, I'm not going to be able to do that. I'll have to do it during my recess. So yeah, it sucks. It really does. That that is the way these things play out. Anyway, back to the book. So who would you recommend? Read your book, share it with their kids, what what type of parents what type of student would benefit from it?
So my books are for young kids, you know, ages three to eight. And either, you know, parents read them but they're they're also used in schools and in my attempt to support those classrooms that don't have a lot of room sources, I have less than guides that are free about all of my books on my website that were designed by school psychologists, they were tested in a classroom, and anybody can access them for free, because it shouldn't just be that the wealthy districts have access to
these things. And we know teachers don't have time to kind of add to their day to create a lesson plan around one of these topics. But it really is for any child of that age, even if they don't have a diagnosis. Even if the parent is like my child, show signs that they're struggling with anxiety, show signs, they're struggling with change. These books are a great way to spark those conversations.
Great. So for people who are looking for those free resources are your book, where can they find it?
So I'm the only Sivan Hong in the world, which makes it really easy to find it fantastic.
I'm the only Brooke shinnimin in the world. See you in the club.
Yeah, it's so helpful. I'm always like, Oh, it's so easy to get an email address or webpage or whatever. But um, so it's Sivan, hong.com. And you can download them for free and they're there and they're accessible for anybody who
wants to get them. Yeah, so I'll put that in the show notes as well. And I know that you are on Instagram as well. You have your social media accounts, and it's Yvonne underscore Hong underscore author.
Yep, that would be me. I'm an introvert. So anything with social media freaks me out. But I have learned that in order to kind of build a community and feel like the positive messages I want to share about neuro diverse city in order for me to have that kind of impact social media is a great way to do it. It
really is. Well Sivan, thank you so much for being unsuccessful with ADHD. I know that the parents listening, the children listening here today are gonna get a lot of value out of it. And if you are struggling with ADHD, or you have a child who's struggling with ADHD, go check out savons book. And it's not just for people with ADHD and share this podcast with someone who also might benefit from it. Absolutely. Thank you again.
Thank you for having me, Brooke.
Thanks for listening to this episode of successful with ADHD. I hope it helps you on your journey. And if you need any additional support for you or a loved one with ADHD, feel free to reach out to us at coaching with brooke.com and all social media platforms at coaching with Brooke and remember, it's Brooke with Annie. Thanks again for listening. See you next time.