¶ Intro / Opening
I think when we see other people here other people that are working with others who have similarities to us, it's easy for us to look at someone else and say, look at all the amazing things they're doing, and oh, why are they being so hard on themselves? And you see that enough. And you start to realize, oh, wait a minute. I think other people are maybe thinking the same thing about what I'm saying. And I think by do is why I'm such a huge fan of community and group based work
with ADHD. Because I think when we see ourselves and others, it's way easier to first give compassion to others. And I think that when you're doing that long enough, it's almost like a default, where you just begin to give yourself that self compassion, right. It's sort of that idea of like, I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired of beating myself up. It's not helping.
Welcome to successful with ADHD. I'm Brooke Shipman. Let's get started. Today I have my friend and fellow ADHD coach and licensed clinical social worker Eric timbers. Lot of you've probably heard him on the ADHD rewired podcast. He's the founder and CEO of ADHD rewired, and since 2014, he's produced over 500 episodes on his podcast. That's a lot of commitments people. He's a leader in providing online group coaching and community based growth programs
for adults with ADHD. And Eric's coaching and accountability groups were recognized at the 2019 International Conference on ADHD as an innovative program of the year and I remember meeting you there and being very intimidated by you. Rick also runs a virtual co working program for adults with ADHD called Adult study hall. And you can learn more about him at ADHD
rewired at ADHD rewired.com. He has a lot of background bachelor's Social Work at Bradley University, his Master's in Social Work at the University of Illinois at Chicago. He's a dad to an neurodivergent 12 year old, he's a self taught musician. Wow. And in his free time, he loves seeing live music, especially fish, which he's seen 54 times my friends. No obsession there at all.
For more coming up in February, I'm seeing them in Mexico again.
Oh my gosh. Well, we know that if you love something with ADHD, there is no lack of motivation and dopamine there. So Wow. And then when you're not riding your motorcycle, you might find him on the pickleball courts or playing 18 holes of frisbee golf. How cool. Welcome, Eric.
Thank you so much, Brooke.
¶ Eric shares being diagnosed with ADHD at age 19.
So I've already seen in your bio, some ADHD symptoms here, but also some ADHD superpowers. In my opinion, the fact that you can literally just stay focused on something that you love, regardless of what happens whether COVID happens like it's happening to you, you showed up to this podcast, and you're still doing what you love doing. So tell us a little bit about first of all, when you learned you had ADHD, I
was diagnosed when I was 19. After I almost failed out of college. That was yes, my story of that is my freshman year of college. I was a sort of undeclared communications and advertising major. And my first semester I got a 2.2 GPA and I, you know, going to private school, my parents were like, You need to get those grades up, or you are coming home because we're not paying tuition. Those are the kinds of grades you're gonna get. And I'm like, fair,
okay. So the next semester, I really worked, like really, really hard. I found the library. Like I say that I opened up more more books than beers that semester. I really like, like, turned everything around or so I thought, because I ended up doing worse. I got a 1.8 that semester. And tell me
more about that. Yeah, so it was, I think part of it was I didn't have the skills to like really know how to manage my time when I would read out the reading stuff I needed to do and I was just not processing what I was reading. Writing was a real struggle for me. So I had this grant money I got a letter about that was basically said that you have one more semester to get it
up or you lose it. And so with sort of that, and sort of my power of persuasion, I was able to convince my parents to give me one more chance at at a college, had a dinner with them. Someone I wish I could actually remember who it was because like, I've been wanting to think this person for the last 20 years. And they told me about, they had a diagnosis of ADHD. And they were describing some of
¶ The revelation of realizing his struggles were not unique.
the struggles that they had. And it was, for the first time in my life, I was like, this person's describing what it's like inside my brain, like in a way that that I had never heard anybody else talk about before. And particularly around like the reading. And like, were they the way they described, it is exactly how I would describe the challenges of I would have with reading, it's that I would start reading something and it would trigger a thought about
something. And now I'm thinking about that thought, and then that thought triggers two other thoughts. And then those two thoughts trigger for the thoughts. Now, I'm still reading all the words on the page. But I am not processing a single word of what I'm reading. So I would get to the end of whatever I had to read and go, I can't read what I was supposed to read. I have no idea what I just read. I
didn't know. Yeah, if I did, it was that and then the other piece was like, unless I was interested in something like I could not get myself to really focus on it, like it was seemed impossible. Or if it was not like the last minute crunch time of like, where your enjoyment is kicking in, like I couldn't get myself to work on it. It's like, Wait, so that's not normal. This is not what people do. So I went
and got an evaluation. And the first week back at the university, and my number the psychiatrist who evaluated me, so I was like, no one's ever identified your ADHD before. You're kind of off the charts here. I was like, thanks. I think part of it was because I had inattentive ADHD, right. So I wasn't like hyperactive and bouncing off the walls. I had some impulsivity, but it was primarily the inattentive, daydreaming and disorganized and have a hard time with planning
and all that. So I got the diagnosis, I got prescribed Adderall, and I still like that
¶ Using medication and brute force strategies to succeed in college.
first day taking Adderall was I looked at it as like, pre that day and post that day, because it was a day that like, changed everything for me. I was in my my college room. And at the time, I had switched majors my sophomore year to social work with my major, and then sociology, minor. And I was reading this book called Turn of the book was crusted kimono. And the other reason why that's relevant was because I still remember it. Okay. And it was about like the Japanese, like,
comparative business family. And it was the first time I ever read something that I got to the end of a chapter and like, I knew what I just read. And it's like, this was 24 years ago, and I still get, like, choked up telling this story, because it's like, Ah, wait,
I did something. While
he was, and I always had this feeling of like, why is it like, I don't, I don't think that I'm dumb. But I often felt dumb. Right? Like, why is the why are certain things so hard? Why can I just kind of get it? When I got to the you know, to this reading, I was like, Oh my God, this I've just felt like, I imagine I have a chance here at college. And like, it was a really kind of emotional moment for me. I remember I close that the bat book, I knew this chapter. And I just sort of
bawling. Like it was like, I think it was ugly crying of like, why didn't I know before? Like, why you to take all of this like pain and struggle and like school was so hard beforehand. And it's like, you were certain things I would just I would get quickly intuitively you put like when it came to sort of academic stuff, it was just like it was just so hard.
Wow. So I got my Adderall went from cumulative two Oh, GPA my freshman year to everything after that was about a 375, which I had, I had never gotten A's in my life, like, and so I was getting really good grades. Ben, that's a nice, say that my sophomore year, right. Like that first semester after diagnosis was also where my perfectionism was born. Because it was like,
¶ Battling perfectionism after finally experiencing academic success.
Oh, I can be successful and do well.
And never struggle again. Well, I wouldn't say that. I'm perfect now. But
my my strategy was it was kind of like a brute force strategy of like, I'm just gonna work the hours and hours and hours and hours in library and you know, I think because I had never really done well academically up to that point. There was this sort of identity piece for me, that was like, Ah, I can do well, and I have to
keep doing well. And so that following semester then I added an anxiety medication because I was it all and which I didn't care for because I kind of felt like I was on cloud nine, a little bit different about stuff. But I'm like, I have inattentive ADHD, I don't need anything to help with indifference curves,
like the difference there. Right.
¶ Learning practical strategies outside of just medication.
And so, you know, throughout college that I did, well, undergrad took me five years to finish, but I did well, you know, on paper. But when I kind of look back at like, Well, what did it actually take me to do? Well, I wish I can go back in time and do it over again. I wish I had the skills. I wish I learned I didn't have to do
everything perfectly. And over the next, you know, 1015 years, I was kind of working on the undoing this whole idea of looking at my self worth based on what I'm accomplishing. Right? And I'm honestly I'm still working on that. You know, and I've come a long way. But it's like, it still pops up for me sometimes. Yeah. Yeah. And like in grad school, I finished with a 4.0. And I was like, the title is like, some of the smartest ADHD or I'm so proud. You know, it's like now I'm
like, wait a minute. I slept like two hours a night for all grad school like it. And I look back at that. I'm like, I actually wish I did worse.
Huh? What would you be doing if you did worse? Sleeping?
I was living I was sleeping two hours a night. Like I used to joke saying that I think that grad students should be in the DSM. I think it was just more of a how I was doing grad school should be in the DSM. Right? Like, because it is. And I was talking to someone in one of my classes, who was a parent with also had a job and was doing an internship. And I was just like, Wait, how do you sleep? Like, yeah, like, how do
you manage all this? Like, am? I don't read everything we're supposed to read for grad school. I'm like, wait, what?
You're allowed to do that? Again, it
was at the very end of grad school. And I was like, Wait, people don't read everything. There are a sack because it was like 500 pages of like, thick clinical text on a week. Right? It's lots and lots of reads. So
would you consider yourself a rule follower. Now still?
It's funny, I don't really think of myself as a rule follower. Like I follow the rules that make sense to me. And once I felt like I was stupid, I think part of it was I enjoy the process of learning. And I was really interested in what I was doing. And like, I think I really valued that idea of like mastery. And so I really, like I wanted to go and deep and not have acid. I don't know, I think that there was also this just like, oh, like, trying to prove to myself what I could do.
For the first time, yeah,
as someone who struggled through, you know, the first 12 plus years of schooling like it was, that feeling of oh, I could be successful was felt really, really good. It was kind of during grad school, but I was starting to actually learn more from ADHD management strategies outside of just Adderall, which that was like, my primary strategy. My undergrad was was Adderall. It was like, you know, it's like, oh, use a calendar.
It's like, okay, cool. As you're not really sure how to use this calendar, right?
No one taught you how to use a calendar. So having a calendar, it's not going to do anything for you, but cause more paper on your desk,
¶ The importance of building and tweaking systems that work.
I still remember that feeling of like, being told to use a calendar and then being like, Wait, so to put this stuff in the day, it's due on the day, it's a sign like I like I just it didn't make sense to me or how to actually use this calendar. And then it was during grad school where I realized if I don't figure out strategies, I am not going to do the kind of work professionally that I really want to be doing.
So you relied on Adderall at first, and then you realize there were things along the way that you couldn't just do with Adderall. Like actually plan things in a calendar and know how to even start using the calendar. So where did you learn these behavioral strategies?
I wish I could remember where I live. I think some of them are kind of figured out or developed this process of extracting everything that I needed from my syllabus, so I could throw away the syllabus. So the idea of like, the first like week of classes, I would sit down first, kind of like these extended power sessions. I like okay, got the syllabus, got my my regular calendar, got my four month Dry Erase calendar. I'm plotting everything out and putting my professors office
hours in there. Like everything out like and I said, I, here's a reading, I broke it up in like, say, I'm assigning myself these readings. And so everything I created this kind of like command and control center, like where I would work. So I can see visually everything that I had coming. Because I one of the things I realized if I'm just looking at using a regular like a Google Calendar or a weekly planner, I'm only looking one
week at a time. And like in college, and especially in grad school, like your professors will hand you that syllabus and not make one mention of the paper that's due.
I love that the reverse engineering and how you called it a control center? Yes. So not only did you have control by seeing all of the schedules, but that helped you control your executive functions and helped you control your planning and your life. Can you talk a little bit more about that? It's not just having the paper all around you?
Well, I think part of it was spent a lot of time and I think it's honestly I think it's a worthwhile way to spend time is to, like, build the systems, tweak the systems, break the systems improve the systems. And I think that, you know, yes, a lot of the things I spent time doing didn't work, but I needed to, like go through that process in order to
discover what does work. You know, I know, in my mountain coaching program, one of the things I really share with people is like, you know, really learning to live well with ADHD involves living a strategy based life, and there are 10,001 different strategies out there, and 9900 of them are not going to work for you. But when you find those, like 100 strategies that like you found this works for me, I like bats stick with it. Stick with it until it so I
started work, right? Because he was interested by doing this long enough. And you're like, oh, wait, I used to do this thing. I haven't done that in a long time. The old tool or strategy that again, new or novel again. Right, exactly. So it's like this, this sort of like Roulette Wheel of like strategies like what am I going to use this month? Yes,
¶ Rotating through ADHD management strategies is normal.
I love that. I love that you also I remember hearing your podcast five years ago, when I first started coaching, and you had mentioned using an index card and putting all of your two dues on one side, and then three to five on the other side, and then crossing it out, or throwing out the index card, and then rewriting the list the next day and then choosing three to five on the other side do do that. Do you remember talking about that? Nobody's on
that for a minute. No, I mean, I I've gone through so many iterations of how I manage my tasks, one of the things that I realized is that I could stop looking for that what's going to be that really robust system for task management. I actually allow myself to like, depending on how I'm feeling during the week, like sometimes it's literally a
notebook. Sometimes it's on a sticky note, sometimes I'm using Asana, sometimes I'm using the Reminders app on my iPhone, like, as long as I'm cognizant of where it's going and where to check. Like, that's fine. Like, it's, you know, the challenging thing is what I'm doing more project management and involves other people that I'm kind of stuck with, like an Asana tech team, you know, but I also have gotten through these periods where I'm like, I checked in on Asana in a while, I should
probably look at that. And it's a patterns kind of thing that it's like, on one hand, I've created such a sort of robust systems based life that I'm not constantly doing, like new and novel things, that it actually allows me to not have to be so on top of the task list, because I know what I need to be doing from day to day, week to week.
Yeah, right. It's, it's more of like when I'm creating a new program, or doing new projects, or maybe trying a different, like maybe a marketing approach or like something that is just like not something that I do on a repeated basis. That's where I need to really be more closely looking that stuff. So it's like on one hand, it's recognizing the more say no to stuff, the easier life becomes because I'm not, like, spread so thin. And then I kind of forget to look at
my task list sometimes. Because it's like, I'm so in the routine, and I got the systems and I got like what I used to be doing, and it's like, oh, yeah, I was working on this other project, too. I totally forgot about that. So that comes up, I
¶ Giving himself grace when executive functions are low.
hear
you. I hear you, but it sounds like you give yourself grace and you're able to accept that things aren't always gonna go the way that you plan and I feel like that is something that comes with time and doing that thing and trusting yourself were so many people with ADHD, like you go back to your 19 year old self when you first got on Adderall, you didn't know what it was like to be successful and achieve
success. So you had to experience all of that to now get back to a place or finally learn that it's okay to not be okay. And it's okay to change things up and, you know, things are going to change. So, I, I like that I knew and I have a very similar program where we have a team and we need project management tools. Like you said Asana, the one thing that the only thing that helps me with Asana because I hate checking Asana too, it is not my thing. It never has been, it probably
never will be. But the one thing that helps me check Asana is a scheduled meeting with my assistant or whoever the board is, with that weekly meeting, we finally just go through and use it as a checklist. Otherwise, I don't check it. Like I can't put my two dues in there, because they just don't get done. My two dues have to go onto a paper. But the people I give the two dues to and read the two dues with they can use Asana. So
¶ Focusing on resilience versus consistency.
you know, the other thing that I think about sometimes too, is like when I find that I feel some resistance to like going into the into Asana or I'm just like realizing, I'm not staying on top of these things, as well as I would like to be that he really has time to kind of like take a step back and like check in on just like my overall well being and like, where's my executive function sort of tank, like sitting at right now? Like, am I like waking up regularly at
like, a half empty tank? You know, that's something that, you know, I've been doing this work for 10 years, and I'm, you know, it's, I think that I need to be building in more vacation time into my life. I'm trying to do that. I'm trying to figure that out. You know, one of the things that I've been a big believer in around resilience is this idea of like, I know everyone with ADHD, they just want to be consistent. And I'm like, let go of consistency. It focus on
resilience. Because resilience, you can you can control the getting back up. You can't always control the falling down.
Exactly. I know we spoke about that in on your podcast, when we were talking about the three C activation, like one of the C's in my program is consistency. And we said it's not doing the same thing. Every week. It's just continuing to be persistent and resilience, like you mentioned. Yes.
You know, you had mentioned to about the my podcast, you know that now I'm over 500 episodes, I didn't set out to do you know, podcasting for 10 years and have 500 plus episodes. It was I set out to do one week at a time and to keep at it. And that's continues to be my focus.
¶ Producing 500+ podcast episodes by taking it week by week.
I love that. You mean you're not going to write a book, write a screenplay, create a podcast with 10,000 episodes and run a marathon all in the same week?
Yeah, no. I mean, I would love to have a book written by me. I just don't want to write the book.
Well, there's ways around that we can talk about that after.
I'm like, I will be the first one is like some pretty vulnerable, transparent person. I'll be the first one to say yep. And I hired a ghostwriter. Write all my ideas, just someone helped me organize it and put them on the page. Fair,
fair. I love it. I love it. So you, I want to just rewind for a second. So you mentioned when your executive functions are low, being giving yourself grace. And I know me personally, as an ADHD or working with ADHD years, that is the one thing when you don't have the intrinsic self esteem, that it's so hard to give yourself that grace, like, again, going back to that 19 year old Eric. No, I'm gonna stay up until like 6am and then wake up at 8am and rinse and
repeat. And I'm going to measure my self esteem on how productive and how I got that 4.0 Or I got that a or that gold star. It's all on the contingency. So when would you say that? I'm curious for your personal opinion. People can get to a state where they check in with themselves and feel comfortable saying you know what? I realize today is not my day. And I'm going to do that thing that I said another day and I'm going to give myself grace.
¶ Self-compassion starts with giving it to others first.
I don't about like, timeframe wise, I think more of context. And it's through and with community like that. I think when we see other people here, other people are working with others who have similarities to us. And it's easy for us to look at someone else and say, look at all the amazing things they're doing, and oh, why are they being so hard on themselves? And you see that enough, and you start to realize, oh, wait a minute. I think other people are maybe thinking the same thing about
what I'm saying. And I think by do so I'm such a huge fan of community and group based work with ADHD. Because we see ourselves and others, it's, you know, it's way easier to first give compassion to others. And I think that when you're doing that long enough, it's almost like a default, where you just begin to give yourself that self compassion, right? It's sort of that idea of like, I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired of beating myself up. Right? Like,
¶ The power of community support for ADHDers.
it's not helping,
and it's a mirror. Right? When you're listening to that other person. Oh, wait. They're like me, what am I doing? I'm giving them so much compassion. I know, Dr. Halliwell talks about vitamin C. And that's the connection. But that comes with a community, right. And all of us ADHD ears need that we need that compassion, that connection, that community, I completely
agree with you. I remember, and I push people sometimes into the group, even if they feel afraid of it isn't like, you're gonna get so much out of one on one coaching. But at the same time, you want to be able to see what's going on and feel connected, and know that you're not alone in this. There's so much grace that you can give yourself and be accountable, with the help of other people seeing that they're doing the thing, and you want to do the thing to to build that momentum.
Yeah, I agree. So going back to the community piece is when people can start saying, Okay, today is not a good executive function day, I am going to pick myself up tomorrow, if I'm feeling better. And I'm going to try to start again.
And the other thing is to when you start to really do this work with with others, you start to realize to what is a you thing, and what is a wrong environment thing? Right, because it's like, when you feel like you're doing all the right things, and yet you still feel like you're kind of hitting your head against the wall, or like, you're just not making the
progress. I encourage people to really like, you know, that expression, if you can't change the people that are around, it might be time to change the people you're around.
I love that.
It's you know, and it's hard. And it's, and, you know, it's what's so interesting is I don't even like necessarily suggest that, like, people come to this own, like realization of like, this work environment or this relationship or that like, this is not working for me. Right. And in my coaching program, I don't know how far into the future you help your members kind of think about life for we look at deadlines in a very literal way thinking about like, what's the legacy we want
to live? Right? Because I think one of the things we don't think about the idea of like, what regrets might I have, like, on my deathbed, this, this isn't a secret, like, people research this stuff. Right? Nobody has ever said I wish I worked more. Right? Right. And so when I when people are having this realization of this is the I'm on the wrong path. And which is can feel like a punch in the gut and can be a punch in the gut when he realized like, oh, I spent a lot of time and money
getting to this point. And this is not the path I want to be on. Like that is a hard truths reckoned with, right? But I tell people, so you know, yes, that's hard and shifting directions, you know, in your adult life, when you spent all this time and money to get to this point. And you've realized that but think about this, imagine so let's say you're 40 years old, and you have this realization of like this is not the path I want to be on. And you still have 2530 years at least of your working
life. Do you want to get to the end of your life and realize that I spent 30 years with the realization This is not what I want to be doing and you continue to do it. Or if you want to maybe have a couple of tough years shifting, you know, changing course and pursuing the thing that's gonna let you know
¶ Making big changes to correct life's path.
I
love that. I love that and like with every breakdown comes a breakthrough. And well like that. Thank you. And also with what you're saying. I 100% honor that and I would just whoever's listening out there, I'd recommend you just stay in that, right? It's going to feel weird and uncomfortable and foreign and new. And sometimes you might get it right away. And sometimes it might take a few years, like you
said, but don't go back. Don't go back, please, just because it seems easier, we need to put something out in front of us whether it be journaling or note saying, Don't go back. Don't like remember why I left whether it be a divorce, whether it be a job that didn't serve us, whether it be friends who didn't serve us because that out of sight out of mind, we forget.
Yeah, it's so true. And it's so interesting to I have, I've shared the stories with my coaching group members. That's one of the the questions that we'll ask our members in, in group is to imagine that they got in a time machine. And even though all the rules of time travel, say we're not supposed to go see your feet, your own self, because it will break at space time continue on. So we're going to forget about that for a
moment. So we give people this sort of imaginary ticket into the future, where they're actually the purpose is to go see their future self. Right? And so we ask them, What do you hope you see yourself doing and see if you'd like what you see your future self doing? And what would make you mad enough that if you saw yourself doing 25 years from now, would you get back in that time machine and go back to the present day and immediately start making
changes. And it was a couple of years ago, I was doing this exercise with one of my groups, I had this realization myself of that, like I was not happy in the marriage that I was in. And so I spent, you know, subsequent part of it the following year, really trying to address those issues. And like as fast forward now, I'm divorced. And it's been
¶ Eric's reflections on his divorce.
a couple
of years relations.
Thank you. You know, it's it's, obviously divorce is hard, I think, like for anyone, and I'm really happy that's behind me, because it was not a fun period in my life. When something real honest, you know, I saw my parents who are still married, and I would say have been unhappily married for 50 some years, and I have like, I am not doing that, like life is too short to to do that trajectory. It was a hard. Yeah, it was one of the hardest things
I've ever dealt with. But I'm happier now than I think I've ever been. And I don't regret that at all. You know, there's the saying that often the hard thing, and the right thing is the same thing. You know, and so that was a good example of that. So I think that like when we're thinking about the context of our lives, and when we have a realization that like, this is not what we want to be doing like that. Maybe you thought it was. But all of those things, were just hypotheses, and now
you're living it. And if what you're seeing right now is like, this is not working for you. I wouldn't say jump ship immediately. I would say like sit with this thought, you know, for, I would say at least six months. Yeah, I mean, we're that. Yeah. I mean, any part of it depends on like, how much time and money have you put in to get to where to where you are at this moment before making
that that decision? I think if it's something that keeps nagging at you for months, on the start, maybe like a coach or a therapist, yeah, like and start processing this versus just jumping ship kind of impulsively, you know, because then that could potentially create even even bigger mess, but now you have to clean up. So it's obvious, we want to make smart choices for ourselves. And those choices aren't always
easy. And I know it can be really tempting when we have this when we feel something really strongly like oh, yes, it's so clear. This is the thing I want to be doing. Great. Like you have the life ahead of you start making the like inquiries and the you know, kind of feeling out what might that look like before you throw everything that you've already done away? Because it's maybe you love the work you're doing the the environment you'd like your
pass? Yes, yes. Yeah. And so it's, and I've seen especially with younger people, too, or like, I thought I wanted to do computer programming, like I hate. It's like, well, how many jobs have you had in that like, just this one, but it's me like, Okay, well, let's tell me about your actual the actual work environment you're in like, why don't you like about it? Oh, your boss expects you to work 90 hours a week. Yeah, I understand
why you wouldn't like that. It I think really looking And at what are those those decisions that we can make in our life when we realize that? Yeah, this isn't what I thought it would be. Hmm.
¶ Comparing coaching mindsets to social work backgrounds.
Wow. So you were a social worker moved into ADHD coaching. And in the coaching realm, you're focusing on helping people move forward, and seeing what they're moving towards looking at that life purpose, looking at that vision, looking at their goals, and working back from that, in the social work piece, it was a lot of looking at your inner child, right, like thinking about what happened in the past and why it's influencing what's happening today. Now, for interestingly,
like, even when I had my clinical practice, I really was coaching I it was, it was skill based, it was like it, there's a lot of, I think, more emotional processing around like the challenges around ADHD or autism, like that was the other part of my practice. So doing a lot of work around acceptance, which is also a big part of what we do in coaching as well, going back and reprocessing, you know, traumas like that, for me wasn't the kind of therapists I was like, that's not what I did.
Yeah. And it's funny too, because I've talked to various coaches and the the issue space. And you know, they'll say, Well, where'd you get your ADHD coaching training from? Like, yeah, so I haven't seen social work, like, and we, we actually are, like, 30 credits.
Exactly.
Yeah. And so it's this idea of, and I think part of is just like, maybe not a full understanding of what each, like mental health helping profession does in that context. But anyone who has any mental health profession that is most aligned, but with coaching, I think it's social work, because it's all about leveraging strengths, using your understanding your environment, and how we can really pull in the resources from our environments to live the life we want to live.
¶ Leveraging strengths and resources.
Yeah, and with that being said, I'm meeting with a social worker now to do EMDR. So we're actually doing a lot of trauma. I know, we're doing a lot of trauma informed pieces, and working with my inner child and ifs and all those things together. So for people who are listening out there, and they're like, I don't know if I should do coach therapy, or, you know, both are what coach, it is complex. Like you said, there are some social workers or therapists who do
some coaching. There are coaches who do not therapy, let me be very clear, but will make you it will help you become aware and partner with you and maybe not go as far deep into the emotional component as a therapist would, but can still work on your emotional regulation as an ADHD or so it is complex. But that's why it's important to speak to people and get into that community, like
you mentioned. So you know, what has worked for other people follow social media accounts, follow Eric, at ADHD rewired? And speak to people who are informed who can help guide you into the right place.
¶ The importance of working with ADHD-informed professionals.
Yes, and I think whether it's therapy or coaching, I think that it is so important to work with people who understand ADHD, when you work with them, who doesn't, I think you can often do more harm than good.
I completely agree with you.
I think especially in like couples counseling, like I've heard, just like horror stories of, you know, a mixed marriage, you know, and they're that typical with a neurodivergent. Partnership. And the therapist didn't understand ADHD, and it just became this big blame session. And yeah, and I've heard that too many times.
Yeah, yeah. Be informed, make sure that you do your homework, because this is a lot of emotional investment for you too. And it's very common, like you said, as far as damaging, where you can come out of this and say, I made no progress. I'm a failure, and feeling worse than you did when you started financially put the time and the energy and brings up these old feelings for you. So I appreciate that. Definitely make sure you know, you know, you've you've surveyed and there, he informed a
¶ The harm an ADHD-illiterate therapist can inflict.
number of years ago, I was actually working with an online therapist that I found through through BetterHelp. Which then there's, there's a lot of issues with that company. But so I was working with a therapist, who in part, one of the issues I was working with them with was on my like, chronic sleep procrastination, right? Like, I'm tired. I need to go to bed. But just one more thing. Just one more thing. Let me just do one more thing. And then and this is like this has been a real struggle. Go
throughout my life. And after several sessions of me not doing the thing that we said we were going to do or not making that much progress on it. She says, Well, maybe you're just not actually motivated to work on this. Like, yeah, let me stop you right there. Yeah. So for our listeners who can't see Brooks face, she had a beautiful cringe face from that, as I
write read. No, because it was just like, and it's so frustrating when you should find a therapist who's, you know, otherwise a decent therapist, but doesn't get it. And that's that hurts. Really does, huh?
Wow, I've been through a lot of therapists. And I have liked all my therapist as a person. Yeah. But it was me, who realized I had ADHD after all of the therapy, which is so common as a woman in their 30s, who's almost 40. So I can't say that for too much longer. But yeah, you got to make sure that you know, you're with someone who understands. Okay, so I know that people can go follow you on ADHD rewired and listen to 500 plus episodes, that good, strong
ADHD content. And I want you to share and this is the hardest thing for ADHD ears. But one piece of advice that you would leave your listeners with here today. I
¶ Eric's advice - growth is possible with patience.
think one thing, okay.
Give me more than one thing, it's okay. Okay, cool.
When the very first thing that came to my mind was that like, growth is possible. There have been so many things, even in my own life. And so many of the members that I've worked with, who I met at one point, they thought the thing that they are now doing, like wouldn't not even be a possibility. And like they're doing it, you know, and I think with that be really patient, because growth is going to be slower than you want it to be. Because as ADHD ears, we want growth yesterday. Right?
Like, we did just want the results. And when you're going day to day, it's really hard to see the progress, which is also I think, why it's really valuable to do this work in community because they can reflect back to you the growth that maybe you're not seeing yourself. So I think believe that change and growth is possible. And be patient with yourself. And unless is more like focus on less stuff in order to make more growth.
Yes, beautifully.
¶ Focus on less stuff to allow more growth.
The piles aren't going anywhere. So take your time, but try not to get stuck.
And the piles can stay there. You don't need to focus on the piles right now you can focus on something else and shut the door and put the piles in a box and don't come back to it for a little while. There's too many things going on in an adult's life to focus on everything and do everything right away. So I love how you said less is more doesn't mean that you have to have less stuff right away. It's just focusing on one thing at a time and, you know, really executing that.
Okay, so Eric, I know we can talk forever. But where can people find you if they want to learn more about you join your coaching community, listen to your podcasts, all the wonderful things. Yeah,
¶ Where to find Eric and ADHD Rewired.
the best place to find everything I'm doing is that ADHD rewired.com You can whatever podcast app you're listening to this on right now. Search up at rewired and hit subscribe when you can find my podcast episode with you. And after you leave a Brook a A rating and review if you haven't already done so. Then you can also leave one for ABC rewired. But definitely leaving for Brooke are really helpful. Learn about my coaching groups. Their intensive they're 10 weeks long,
three days a week. We have a whole support alumni community for after what are the guarantees we always make is that after our 10 weeks, you're still gonna have ADHD. And we also have a virtual co working community called Adult study hall. All that is that ADHD rewired.com.
Eric, it's a pleasure and I look forward to seeing you at the ADHD conference.
I look forward to seeing you there as well. Thank you so much.
Thanks for listening to this episode of successful with ADHD. I hope it helps you on your journey. And if you need any additional support for you or a loved one with ADHD, feel free to reach out to us at coaching with brooke.com and all social media platforms at coach Same with Brooke and remember it's Brooke with any Thanks again for listening See you next time