It's that time of year again - time to start reflecting on 2021, take some inventory, and noticing where we are in our lives and in our growth process. As the old saying goes, "If you shoot for nothing, you hit it every time." Taking an inventory gives us an opportunity to stop and check in with ourselves. What were our goals for this year? What was our desired path of growth? What did we accomplish? What derailed us? What do we want to be able to say about ourselves at this time next year: "I'v...
Nov 29, 2021•43 min
This week, we explore the pros and cons of doing our work. What will it cost me to pursue mental and emotional health? What are the benefits? Does one outweigh the other? We answer four questions: should I go to therapy, do I have to process trauma/revisit my childhood, do I have to feel my feelings, and do I have to take responsibility for myself. Sometimes, we need information about why we are doing what we're doing. The "why" gives us motivation. This week's episode is a great one to share wi...
Nov 15, 2021•45 min
This week, we take a dive into the very nature of love itself. Love IS a feeling, but it's much more than that. Love is a way of relating to others in which we see them for who they are, not for what they do for us. When we see people this way, we can accept them, and this acceptance is love. The flip side of accepting people for exactly who they are means accepting that sometimes, they won't meet our needs. This means we have to grieve the ways our needs aren't met. This process of owning our n...
Nov 08, 2021•41 min
Couples fight about the same things: kids, money, time, religion, sex, families/in-laws, and jealousy. What makes some couples successful and others break down in smoldering ruin? It can't be what we're fighting about. We're always fighting about the same things. It's something else... In this week's episode, we take a deeper look at the real reason we fight and why our fights separate us as they do. We need to understand how our egos are at the center of our conflicts and what to do about it....
Nov 01, 2021•40 min
This week, we take a break from our usual format to address questions that you, my listeners and clients, have asked. Here are the questions: "How do I know if I'm growing?", "What is your favorite book on mental health?", "Which is your favorite episode of the podcast?", "How can I heal my relationship with my adult child?", "How can I get my spouse to go to therapy?", "How can I develop self-esteem?", "How and when should I get off medication?", "Why is it so hard to change?", and "What do I d...
Oct 25, 2021•48 min
Core beliefs are the deep down, sometimes hidden, beliefs we have about ourselves. They are literally driving every decision we make in our lives because they form the basis for how we feel about ourselves, how we perceive ourselves in relation to others, and how we perceive ourselves in the world. Underneath every action and every reality we claim to live in are our core beliefs. Positive core beliefs result in people who live with endless possibilities for their lives. Negative core beliefs ar...
Oct 18, 2021•45 min
It took time for us to develop our coping mechanisms and turn them into habits. It took time for us to figure out how to hide ourselves from the world and still function in plain sight. It took time to create false belief systems that would protect us from the pain of others' abandonment, neglect, or cruelty. All of this took time. And it takes time to undo it. This week, we explore the time it takes - realistically - to heal and grow. Too often, we're way too hard on ourselves, putting unrealis...
Oct 11, 2021•42 min
Mirroring - the act of reflecting back another person - begins in infancy and lasts throughout the life span. We need accurate, loving mirroring as long as we're alive. This week we look at the various mirrors in our lives, starting in childhood. How did our parents mirror us? Was their reflection of who we are accurate? Like a house of mirrors in a carnival or funhouse, some reflections of us are wildly distorted and confuse us. Every relationship in your life is a mirror. You will be seen and ...
Oct 04, 2021•42 min
Are you exhausted? Do you feel disrespected? Disempowered? Do you consistently give more than you get in your relationships? Do they feel out of balance? If the answer to any of these questions is "yes," it's time to look at our boundaries. Boundaries are the relational tool we use to identify, preserve, and maintain our individuality and unique self. Boundaries are how we say yes and no in relationships, and if we feel we can only say yes and never no, we are in a fear state. We know we want an...
Sep 27, 2021•44 min
This week, we take a deeper look at the False Self, the Authentic Self, and the True Self. Authenticity is the path from False Self to True. Authenticity is what gives value to our relationships, but we are conditioned to act in ways that value appearance over substance. We are often content to appear as something rather than do the work to be the thing. The effect on our mental and emotional health is splintering. We have to ignore or deny parts of us to serve our need for approval. We have to ...
Sep 20, 2021•51 min
THIS. IS. YOUR. LIFE. Today we explore what it means to live a vitalized life and why we numb out. It all comes down to how we process our own pain. If we cannot or will not feel our pain, we are easily controlled and manipulated by those who promise to take our pain away. Living vitalized means we are feeling all emotion, thinking critically, and actively engaged in the direction of our own lives. It's time we stop numbing out and come back to life! This week, we discuss how.
Sep 13, 2021•51 min
When we aren't in denial, our eyes are open and we can see the signs all around us. Our attention to these signs - physical and relational - helps us to direct our lives with intention and care. Ignoring the signs usually means we learn lessons the hard way. In today's podcast, we examine everything from the signs we are in a codependent relationship to the signs that we are truly loved. You'll finish this episode feeling more empowered, more aware, and more savvy. Our ability to read the signs ...
Sep 06, 2021•47 min
In this episode, we explore the most foundational and fundamental piece of your mental health: the health, protection, and resilience of your heart. We'll discuss what happens when you lose your heart, why you lost it, when you lost it, how we function without our hearts, how to get them back, and how to live with your heart again. Share this episode with someone who's had a broken heart, someone who needs to remember that their heart was, is, and always will be precious.
Aug 30, 2021•48 min
This is our second week of facing 10 Unavoidable Truths. This week we look at the following: #6: You are the the only one who can create the space necessary to hold all that you are. #7: Therapy is not a magic bullet. Some people don't grow. They just talk. #8 You cannot have control over another person unless you plan on abusing them. #9: Certain behaviors will drive people away. These are generally behaviors that destroy trust. #10: Trauma, abuse, brokenness, hardship, mistakes, and all the ot...
Aug 23, 2021•52 min
We avoid pain. We mostly avoid the uncomfortable, disorienting truths about life because they cause cognitive dissonance, and we don't like that feeling. We don't want to experience the discomfort and pain of realizing that what we thought was true isn't. We'd rather just avoid the whole affair, but the acceptance of these truths is where we actually grow, mature, and acquire wisdom. It is through the acceptance of reality that we become free. This week, we explore the facts of life that we don'...
Aug 16, 2021•41 min
Welcome to the final week in our series called "Waking Up," the process by which we become aware of our conditioning and begin to make conscious choices about who we are and how we live. Acceptance is the final stage of this work. This is when and where we stop resisting what is and learn the all-important skill of surrender. We admit we are powerless, and instead of that fact frightening us, we see it as empowerment. Our options become visible when we step into reality and accept life for what ...
Aug 09, 2021•47 min
Welcome to week four in our series called "Waking Up," the process by which we become aware of our conditioning and begin to make conscious choices about who we are and how we live. Sadness is one of the the hardest stages of this work. This is when and where we come into direct contact with our pain. Our work is to learn one of the most essential processes of life: how to grieve. We must learn it, allow it, and eventually come to embrace it. Grief is how we integrate our losses. We don't let th...
Aug 02, 2021•42 min
Welcome to week three in our series called "Waking Up," the process by which we become aware of our conditioning and begin to make conscious choices about who we are and how we live. Bargaining is what we do when we aren't quite yet ready to face who we see in the mirror, the choices we've made, and the consequences we've incurred. Bargaining is how we lessen the blow. Through bargaining, we are able to take small steps forward with what we perceive to be our "dignity" intact. Our work through t...
Jul 26, 2021•35 min
Welcome to week two in our series called "Waking Up," the process by which we become aware of our conditioning and begin to make conscious choices about who we are and how we live. Anger is the essential, terrifying step of the journey in which we finally allow ourselves to feel our self-worth and the assaults we've experienced against it. Some of those assaults came from others and some from us. This week, we're going to take a good look at anger: what it is, what it's not, how to use it, what ...
Jul 19, 2021•40 min
"Waking up" refers to coming out of the coma-like sleep we live in when we aren't conscious of who we truly are, what we do, and why we do it. All of us have been conditioned to think and act a certain way by teachings we've received or experiences we've had. Waking up is about noticing our conditioning, questioning it, looking within, and becoming our True Selves. The five stages of waking up are: denial, anger, bargaining, sadness, and acceptance. If we know anything about death and dying, we ...
Jul 12, 2021•35 min
Sometimes we look back on our lives and see how far we've come, and we're mystified by it. "How did I get here?" Sometimes we set our minds to change something, determined to stop the pain and suffering we've been living in with conscious effort. Sometimes the consequences of our actions become so dire, so painful, that we simply must do something different. Whatever the path, we change. We grow. Some more than others. This episode breaks down the process, whether it's happening consciously or n...
Jul 05, 2021•43 min
Summer brings with it increased desire and ability to travel. We visit family, beaches, parks, and places of interest. We look at weather forecasts and itineraries and think to ourselves: what should I pack? What will I need? The greatest trip any of us will ever take is the trip of our own life. So we ask the same questions: what should I bring with me on this journey called Life, and what can I leave behind? What will I use and what is dead weight? In this week's episode, we talk about the min...
Jun 28, 2021•53 min
Of all of our relationships, this one looms the most important and telling. This singular relationship will affect every other relationship throughout our life span. Today, we dive into the dynamics and facets of this all-important relationship: the relationship we have with ourselves. This isn't selfish; it's self-love. We discuss the difference between the two and how to cultivate an authentic, growing, self-honoring relationship with ourselves. This brings us into an intimacy and depth with o...
Jun 21, 2021•49 min
The path of mental health, growth, and wellness is a tough one, for sure. It requires that we face ourselves and our lives with radical honesty and consistent courage. What stops us? What slows us down? This week, we look at the five most common roadblocks on the path of mental and emotional wellness and how to get around them. Everyone can trip and fall into these common potholes, but if we know they're there and understand them from the inside out, we have a much better chance at not getting i...
Jun 14, 2021•45 min
Mental health is a process, not a static place or a destination. It's about connecting what we learned earlier in life with what we currently do. It's about increasing our knowledge of what humans need, what we needed, and then addressing how those needs are being met or stifled today. Much of "the work" of the journey of mental healthy is about connecting the dots, and the dots are (1) what we needed vs. what we got and (2) what we are doing today to meet our needs. Is it healthy? Unhealthy? Th...
Jun 07, 2021•58 min
Some qualities stand the test of time. They're the human characteristics we point to when we see that some people stand out and seem to stand stronger and taller than others. But what does character have to do with mental health? Are virtues simply for the philosophers, poets, and sages? Or do we, every day people in pursuit of lives we can live with dignity and peace, need qualities that comprise character? Today we look at personal accountability. We need to ask ourselves what this means for u...
May 31, 2021•49 min
We have to admit it. It's universal. It's human. It's humbling. We all suffer the same sickness, and it's a pandemic. Our real problem is: FEAR. Instead of denying it, avoiding it, masking it, or suppressing it, let's try understanding it. Fear serves a normal, essential human function when it's warranted. When it's not, it literally changes our reality. Most importantly: we need to know the difference. This week, we'll gain understanding of its function and how we can differentiate between usef...
May 24, 2021•47 min
The most universal human desire is the desire for happiness, yet so many of us spend our days in such misery. We believe we'll find happiness in relationships, success, achievements, property, or wealth. We look ahead from milestone to milestone, goal to goal, and believe we'll be happy when we get _____. But it's elusive. We spend our lives chasing a carrot. One industry points us here, the churches point us there, and our hearts stay in the pursuit, not the pleasure of happiness. Today we're g...
May 17, 2021•41 min
It's a question I hear often in therapy. "Am I crazy?" "I sound crazy, right?" Or just a statement of fact, "I know. I'm crazy." Labels don't serve those who seek mental and emotional health and wholeness. They're arbitrary names that doctors thought up to describe a cluster of symptoms, but they certainly don't heal, and I'm not quite sure they help. We'd do much better understanding ourselves than we do labeling ourselves. This week, I focus on an important part of mental health: the relations...
May 10, 2021•40 min
The beloved Buddhist monk Ticht Naht Hanh said, “When you plant lettuce, if it does not grow well, you don't blame the lettuce. You look for reasons it is not doing well.” For too long, professionals in medicine and the field of psychology have blamed depression on a chemical imbalance in the brain despite an absence of proof. This is essentially blaming the lettuce: blaming the brain of the person who suffers. The time has come, and we are already late: we need to start talking about depression...
May 03, 2021•36 min
