9. Defining Core Values Can Change Your Life

Hello friends , and welcome to episode 9 of Sturdy Girl . Today , we are going to deviate a little bit from our usual discussion of body image , self-confidence , resilience , and we're going to talk about something equally as important and that is values-based living and learning to identify core values and live by them .

Now , core values can be super powerful and super important , but I want to tell you this little story before we kind of jump into what core values are , how to apply them , all the fun stuff , and that is at the end of 2022 , I sat down and I said okay , what kind of core values do I want to embody in 2023 ?

And I decided that my core values were going to be growth , fun and boldness , with a really big focus on that growth piece .

Now , for me , I decided like , oh yeah , there's personal growth , but I really wanted to grow ever while my coaching company and the universe said hold my beer and in just Q1 of this year I had tremendous , painful growth in just about every arena of my life .

And so my caution to you jokingly , of course be careful what core values that you decide are most important to you , because you will start living those and then the universe will start responding to exactly what you put out there . I don't mean for that to sound woo , but it definitely was a big hold my beer moment and I had a lot of growth .

And then the rest of the year , yeah , I've had fun and I've worked on boldness . Man , I've really worked on boldness . So there you are , fun personal anecdote to get us started . But let's dive in to core values . Let's start with what are core values ?

Simply put , core values are the principles , criteria and standards that can drive and guide our decisions , beliefs and actions . It's a strongly held belief about what is valuable to us , what is important or acceptable to us . Core values help us to know what we do and what we don't stand for .

They help you to know what you want your life to look like , to feel like . They help us make better decisions for ourselves , for our lives , for others .

Now think of this as kind of like your inner compass in your guide , and a lot of times when we're talking about values , it reminds people of corporate America , talking about a corporation or a company's core values . Well , there are similarities in guiding principles there . These are your own personal values and we are not talking at all about corporations .

Please and thank you , these are the ones that you get to use as your own guide . So , again , core values they're like your inner compass . What good is this compass if it's just sitting in your pocket or if you don't know how to use it ?

How many times before have you thought about identifying your core values and you sit down and you look at a core values worksheet or Google core values and you're like , oh yeah , like being authentic is important to me Resilience , family connection , integrity right , when we start listing off all of these values that we resonate with and that's important , we want to

do that . But then we leave it at that and we're like , okay , cool , I know what my core values are , and then we just move on . What good is that compass if it's sitting in your pocket or you don't know ? Like , okay , resilience is a very important core value of mine , but how do I use this .

That compass helps you navigate those decisions as you go along . They help you to live your life's purpose right . So that's what this episode is all about is not only identifying your core values , but it's also how to live them and make them worth your while . And , to that point , core values are more than just thoughts and feelings .

These are the actions that you take , that you live out in everyday life . This is what we're focusing on here in this episode . So , thinking of core values right , I want you to start thinking about them . You're listening to this episode and you're like Jess , I feel so put on the spot . I can't think of any off the top of my head . So I got you .

This is what you're going to do Go to sturdygirlco , forward , slash values or use the link in the show notes and download our non-exhausted list of core values and its accompanying worksheet . I got you . It is about 100 core values .

Now you're going to use this list and you're going to peruse through and you're going to pick 10 to 15 values that really resonate with you . Now , if you're doing this as a follow along , hit pause on here , right , let's actually think about these . What actually resonates with you ? Okay , did you hit pause Now from that list of 10 to 15 things ?

Think about the values that you've chosen . Then you're going to go through this list again and see if you can get it down to three to five that really just stand out . If you can't get this list below 10 , perhaps look for values that are similar to others , like wholeheartedness and authenticity or strength and resilience .

And if you're having trouble choosing things that resonate with you most , here are some questions to ask yourself . What is most important to you ? What's most important to you and your relationship with yourself , with others , with friends and family ? What matters to you most ? What makes a good person according to you ? What are their identifying traits and features ?

What do they value ? When was the last time that you got really fired up about something ? What kind of things piss you off ? Because , if it helps , if you don't know what your core values are , start by crossing out the ones that they are not . Think about things that you don't want .

Think about those things that do piss you off and think about how those are related to core values . These kinds of things can help you mull over . And the other thing I want to mention is your kind of brainstorming . If you want to pick strength or resilience , authenticity those very common ones , but still those that resonate with us right ?

A lot of us choose the value of family for a reason , but don't get too hung up on these just because you pick them doesn't mean they are forever , but we want to narrow things down to that three to five mark .

Bernay Brown actually mentions in one of her podcasts that , after collecting over 500,000 pieces of data , she consistently saw people use this tool of values based living most effectively with only two core values . For the purposes of this episode , though , let's not stress about picking only two . Get it down to that three to five mark , and then let's continue on .

And one more piece of this as we are giving space for mulling over these values , it might be helpful to think about this . If you were a character in a book , how would you want to be described ? If you were able to hear your best friend give your eulogy , what would you want to hear them say ?

No , seriously , pause and think about this for a minute , because I don't know about you .

I am a voracious reader , and it really resonated with me the first time I ever heard this example of how would I want someone to describe me in a book , Because maybe this is helpful , maybe not , but if I were to give my own answer , I'd want to be described as someone who was resilient and curious , someone that lived wholeheartedly .

Those are my core values that I aim to truly focus on and embody , and I'd also , honestly , just envision the book version of myself , as you know , a tiny bit sassy , with an obsession with reading , but that really doesn't fit into this discussion of core values .

Moving on , since I'm sharing so openly my own core values , that wholeheartedness , that curiosity , right , I'd be remiss if we didn't talk about this evolution of my own personal values , Because this framework of values-based decision making , which we'll get to the active decision making part in just a minute , has really shaped my life for the

better . It's changed the way I talk to myself and interact with the world . You know I've shared about being a long distance runner for a decade .

While I still love running and there are a lot of good , great , amazing things that has brought me , my mindset around running was this Run to be smaller , eat only to fuel my body and push myself to stay disciplined .

I did this all in the name of quote , unquote health Because , in my mind , I was being healthy by running five to six days a week , lifting five days a week , eating around 100 grams of carbs a day , because that's what was healthy at the time and promoted .

Having consumed my life , getting smaller , consumed my life , and when I was finally able to pull back to look at my life , my actions , the things I did on a regular basis through the lens of what I truly valued , which at the time , for me , was community , connection , growth , health , I was not living in accordance with these values at all , and so it was a

really big shift to understand that all these things that I thought were supposed to improve my life were actually making me really miserable . So I don't know if we use that as a cautionary tale or just from the point of even if we're aware of values , we might not be aware that we're living those values . So at this point , you've selected your core values .

For the time being , you have your three to five . Can you think about any behaviors that demonstrate the value you're trying to embody this ? This is how we can start putting it into action . Right , If we have that compass , we are learning how to use it . Can you think of a particular person that lives this value ?

Can you think of a time when you demonstrated this value ? These parts , these questions right now are so important for us to be able to apply said value . If you value resilience , what does it look like to put it into action , Is it ?

I am demonstrating resilience by continuing to show up for my runs as I train for this race , getting out on the trails and conquering that vert , even if it's power hiking . I am building resilience . Is there a person that we know that just is the embodiment of resilience ? Now , I don't know if you follow Sally McCray . I think her Instagram is yellow runner .

She would be an embodiment of a resilient human , mad ass ultra runner tackling crazy 200 mile races . That takes a certain level of physical and mental resilience . Can you think of a time when you demonstrated this value ? Right , If your value is resilience , what did that look like when you did it ?

Because if you can reflect on times that you demonstrated it , it's going to be easier to call to mind later when we're talking about this values based decision making . In episode six , we interviewed Jillian from the bite size nutrition podcast .

If you haven't listened to this episode , I highly recommend going back and listening to this rad life chat that Jillian and I have about body image , our body image story , beliefs , values . But she likened values and figuring out our core values to trying on shoes .

In fact , in this 45 minute interview I think she used three different shoe analogies and I freaking loved it . So values are like shoes . Some shoes are really cute but don't fit right . Some are fun to walk around in it first , but ultimately give you blisters by the end of the day . Maybe you choose the wrong shoes for the occasion .

Putting converse on with your cocktail dress , you might try on a pair of shoes that you want to love . You've seen so many other people in these shoes , but they just don't fit right and you get so frustrated . That's what I can feel like trying on different values .

Allow yourself to walk around in your values , embrace the ones that fit and perhaps donate the ones that don't , Because these core values , they're practiced every day . We put shoes on every day when we leave the house , or at least most of us do .

These core values , it's not a set it and forget it situation . You use these core values as a filter with which to take action . Think of a decision that you've had to make recently or one that you need to make soon . You get to ask yourself is this a decision or action that aligns with my values ?

Is this a line with the version of myself that I want to live and be the best version , or my favorite version ? Now , I say favorite version for a reason , because a lot of times , the rhetoric you'll see online is to be your best self and your higher self , and that can feel unattainable .

So I like to think of these values as leading to creating the favorite version of you . What does that favorite version do ? Because our favorites can change , but we're always working towards being a better version of ourselves and continuing to improve . So favorite best living out our core values . So I want to ask you this what story do you tell yourself ?

Are you living a life that is fulfilling to you or are you living in accordance with other people's standards and values ? Because if you ever really asked yourself , what do I want ? What do I really want out of my life ? What do I value ? What do I want to do ? How do I want to feel ?

These things you say are important to you , but are you acting in accordance with that ? What are you actually doing on a regular basis ? If you value family and you can't remember the last time you called your mom do you value family ? Is it demonstrated in your actions ? That's the whole point of this .

You can say you value something , but what do those actions look like ? Run yourself through what is going on in your life . What are you doing on a regular basis that aligns with your values ? What are you doing that doesn't align with your values ? Bring awareness , Take away the judgment . It's just this acknowledgement piece of .

We often get stuck on autopilot or just going through the motions . This happens . We're human . The point of this exercise isn't to shame ourselves or judge ourselves for the actions or inactions . It's to say I want to embody these values . What do actionable items look like to make that a reality ?

If you realize that these things are out of alignment , take a look at what things you can change , what things you can't and what work is required to get there . Let's talk about that awareness piece for a second .

It's a word that's come up a lot more in my life recently , From taking KC Orvitas' Health Mindset Coaching Cert to reading extensively about acceptance and commitment therapy . The simple act of bringing awareness to something is so powerful .

And now , in dentistry I talk a lot about bringing awareness to the position of your jaw throughout the day to decrease frequency of clenching and grinding . When we bring awareness to our thoughts and the subsequent actions we take , this awareness is simply an acknowledgement of those thoughts and then the space that comes after that . So let's use an example .

Let's say your friends ask you to go out on a Saturday night . Sounds fun , right , it's the weekend , you don't work Sunday . But guess what ? We're training for a marathon and we're getting close to peaking and Sunday is our long run day . In that moment you have a choice . The first thing here is to recognize that choice Awareness .

Remember there is space between your thoughts about the matter and your decision , Because your brain in that moment might be going a million miles an hour the guilt of saying no , the worry of being rested and prepared for your long run . Right , you have both sides .

We want to spend time with our friends , we want to be fun , we want to be that person that goes out on Saturday nights , but we also want to race a marathon . We want to go into the race while rested , while fueled , recovered , as close to injury-free as possible . So , when you think about making the decision to go out , what do we do ?

When we have a set of core values , we can use these to review any time we need to make these kinds of decisions . So you're that marathon runner . What do you do ? You review those core values and maybe you reflect on your core value of authenticity .

You take a deep breath and decide to stay in , explaining to your friends your big goal to run a marathon and cross the finish line without injury . Now , these values-based decisions are context-dependent . Just because you decided to refrain from going out on a Saturday night one time doesn't mean you're always going to say no to staying out late on a Saturday .

What season are you in and how do these values align ? That is the key here . If we're going to like star star star , the whole episode , values are context-dependent and also I'm going to say seasonal . Right , but those values can change . You are not tied to your values forever . Your best version of you is what we're working towards here .

If that idea of the best version of you changes over time , so too can your values . Try on a different pair of shoes . And the last piece to core values and values-based decision making is self-reflection . Now , if you've listened to any other episode of Sturdy Girl , you will know how important self-compassion is and the importance of reflection .

This is much like my current clients do each week when they check in . So I coach runners , I coach lifters and I also do performance nutrition and I have my athletes every single week send me a form checking in on their week .

Now this form is for me as much as it is for them and they reflect on their runs , their lifts , their nutrition , how well it went together , their biofeedback , and then they look at were their opportunities for improvement where things went really well ? You can do this for your values .

Set aside regular time to reflect on how it went trying to apply these values that you've chosen , how it went putting them into action . Think about how you want to check in with yourself and see if the shoes I mean values are fitting , Do they fit well in your life and what you want out of it . Use curiosity to guide this . This is really so important .

It allows us to set aside time to reflect to say is this a value that I want to guide my life by ? Maybe your value of faith worked for you in the past , but maybe the value of connection is coming to the forefront for you , so that that's what you want to focus on embodying , going forward . There's nothing wrong with this , right ?

So , before this episode ends , I want you to decide the when , the where and the how of that self-reflection piece . Is it weekly , Is it monthly , Is it a journal session ? Is it just a quick bit in your notes app ? Have an actionable way to check in with yourself to say is this core value worth embodying ? Does this fit into my life ?

This part is going to be even more . It's like the course correction , right ? You're following along on a map , You've got your compass guiding you and all of a sudden you realize you've had your map upside down because that value isn't aligning as well . There's nothing wrong with that .

But that self-reflection piece powerful , so awesome , Because this , this , friends , living our best lives , living by our core values this is how we live that big , rad life , the one here at Sturdy Girl that we care so damn deeply about you finding and living . That's why this episode is part of the first season .

No , it's not about body image , but damn if it doesn't help you live a better life . So let's recap . Download your core values worksheet from sturdygirlco . Choose 10 to 15 values that resonate with you . Narrow that down to 3 to 5 . And then start trying them on like shoes See which one fits into your life and the life you want to live .

Ask yourself those questions what is most important to you ? What do you want ? These are your own values and standards for living your best life , and no one else's . All right friends , that is all I have for you today . Another solo episode I hope you enjoyed . It has been so much fun recording these for you .

I love the messages I'm getting and I would love to hear from you . If you pick your 3 to 5 core values , send me a message on Instagram at Sturdy Girl underscore . Send me an email . Hello at Sturdy Girlco . I want to hear them . I'd love for you to share actions that you're going to take to embody these values . Bonus points for that .

So stoked you're here . I'll talk to you next Wednesday . Stay Sturdy friends . If you enjoyed this podcast episode , please feel free to follow , subscribe , like whatever the heck you do with podcasts . As always , stay sturdy friends and I'll talk to you next week .