Mindfulness in Marriage| Dr. Jacob Hess | #33
Episode description
Today’s conversation is one you don’t want to miss! Listen in to the Stronger
Marriage Connection as Dave and Liz sit down with Dr. Jacob Hess, a master of mindfulness, to discuss the realities of love and romance & what is hijacking relationships today.
TimeStamps:
0:00 – Introduction: Who is Dr. Jacob Hess?
2:36 – What is hijacking relationships & causing couples to drift apart?
4:52 – The narratives of romance - how things are “supposed” to be
6:56 – What is the reality of romance?
9:30 – People look to their romantic partner to somehow meet all of their needs
11:26 – Allow your relationships to be human and allow your partner to be a human being
14:27 – See your partner as they are, rather than how they’re supposed to be
16:46 – The relationship hijack of self-absorption
18:46 – Whole soul romance: when someone loves your mind & heart, not just how they feel
around you
20:46 – Micro moments of love
22:31 – Small things over time create a new kind of momentum for the relationship to grow
24:25 – Honing the ability to show love generally, but especially to our partner
26:56 – Infatuation & fireworks draw people together, committed & enduring love keeps them
together
29:31 – The difference between loving a person and loving a particular idea about love
31:07 – Follow the peace, not the passion
33:17 – Every marriage has waves, learn to surf them instead of fight them
34:25 – Jacob’s takeaway of the day: Instead of constantly forcing a story on everybody around,
let each moment with somebody be new. Let people breathe.
35:16 – Liz’s takeaway: Tranquil affection - loving with great warmth & affection
35:50 – Dave’s takeaway: Take something ordinary in your relationship and make it extra
ordinary
About Jacob Hess:
Jacob Hess is the author of 14 peer-reviewed studies on competing narratives of difficult health and social issues, as well as a book on what’s hijacking romance, “Once Upon a Time...He Wasn’t Feeling It Anymore, and two others: “The Power of Stillness: Mindful Living for Latter-Day Saints” with Carrie Skarda, Kyle Anderson and Ty Mansfield. And with his Marxist-Atheist friend Phil Neisser, Dean of the State University of New York, “You’re Not as Crazy as I Thought, But You’re Still Wrong.” Jacob is a former board member of the National Coalition of Dialogue & Deliberation, and writes for Deseret News and Public Square Magazine about making space for thoughtful, good-hearted people to find understanding (and affection) while exploring together the deepest of disagreements. Jacob has taught Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction and helped create online mindfulness-based recovery programs for depression/anxiety (Lift) and sexual compulsivity (Fortify) that have reached 200K in 155 countries. He is currently working with Impact Suite on a mental health fitbit and with The Council for Sustainable Healing on ways to encourage families to build a healing sanctuary at home to counteract depression and anxiety. Jacob is a happy father of five, partner of one amazing gal – and mediocre go
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