25. How to Find Peace through Focus this Holiday Season

We got a few leaves on for that year. but it was only done just that week before. The Christmas decorations got up a little bit better a couple of weeks before Christmas, but my plans for family advent devotionals each night failed miserably. My Christmas cards got sent on like the 21st of December. At work, I got all the performance reviews done. The holiday gifts, distributed holiday parties, complete. But it just didn't feel like there was much meaning in any of it.

The travel home to see family got done. We had some fun with family. But it was also accompanied by unnecessary stress created by trying to please everyone with details they didn't even ask for. I did the holiday season. I got through it. I checked all the boxes. But as far as creating inner peace and joy... nah. I'd say I failed there. Does that sound familiar to you?

Have you ended up in January wondering how the holiday season even got past you and how many of your good intentions never came to fruition? You're not alone. So that's why, here at the beginning of November, we're starting our peace series. This is really going to be a lot about self-leadership. But it's also important for the teams that you lead. Inner peace shows itself as calm leadership. It inspires trust.

And even can inspire a better performance because your focus as a leader can lead to their focus. And you being calm, gives them a sense that they know where they stand with you. So although there's a lot of focus on what's going inside of you as we go through these next three episodes. It really is going to impact the way that you lead others also.

So for the next three weeks, as we head into Thanksgiving in the United States, we're going to focus on how we can journey through the end of this tumultuous year with a sense of peace no matter what chaos is circling around us. Because I don't know about you, but I don't want to just survive another holiday season. So I will be going on this journey with you. The tips and practices that I'm going to be giving.

And these next episodes are ones that I am going to be implementing in my own life too. I'm excited that we can do this together. But first, just in case you don't know me or know the Moms that Lead podcast yet. Here's a brief intro. Hey there. Are you ready to jump off the hamster wheel and finally listened to that voice inside that says you were meant for more. Are you ready to replace overwhelm with calm and clarity? Self-doubt with confidence and mom guilt with connection.

Then you're in the right place. I made this podcast just for you. Welcome to the Moms that Lead podcast, where we know that moms have a unique ability to be world changers. And that leadership is not about position. But instead "If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more than you are a leader." I'm Teri Schmidt, your host and leadership mentor, determined to bring you the inspiration, motivation, and practical tips to help you live your best life.

I'm a corporate leader and coach turn nonprofit founder. My family's journey to complete an IRONMAN triathlon changed my life forever. And I want to be your friend on the journey to gain the clarity, confidence, and connection that I gained from that experience. So if you're ready to ditch mom guilt and activate your strengths, let's jump in. Okay. So today's episode is going to be pretty simple. Just three simple steps.

And this time I didn't come up with alliteration for them, but I think there are simple enough that you can remember and act on them. And not only that, but I do have a downloadable worksheet. That you can find at https://momsthatlead.com/podcast/25 in case you want to take notes or you want to use it later to implement these steps. So the first step: I want you to pick a word. Many people do this exercise for the new year. They pick a word that they want to focus on for the rest of the year.

Let's face. It it's been a crazy year. How about we just take the next two months, this holiday season. And see if we can stick to a word for that. Why is that a good idea? Why do people even do that at the new year? Well, because it helps with focus and prioritization. So, how can you go about picking that word? Well, what I want you to think about is what is most important to you during this holiday season? And if you're not sure, here's some questions that you can reflect on.

What are some of your favorite memories from this season in the past? Why do they stand out to you as your favorite memories? Usually you can find a common theme in how they made you feel. Another question to reflect on: what is the meaning of the religious holidays you celebrate during this time? And how can you pick a word that reminds you to focus on that meaning? What is the meaning behind the moments that you want to have?

So for me, if I look at some of my favorite memories, I think back to Christmas time with my family way before I was married or had kids. We always went up from our home in suburban Chicago, we always drove six hours North to what we called up North. And that was our lake house in Northern Wisconsin. There was no TV to distract anyone. There was almost always with snow on the ground. And my brother and sisters were older and had families and jobs. So they would come up a little bit later.

So while I was hanging out there with my parents, waiting for my brother and sisters to come up. Some of my favorite moments were sitting up late at night in the dark, looking at the Christmas tree lights. Yes. I was a pretty introspective kid. But for me, the Christmas lights were like God shining through in different ways. Kind of like what we talk about now, the sparks of each person. You pair that memory with the meaning of Christmas that God came to be one of us.

Not just so that he could be a sacrifice for us when he died on the cross decades later, but he came to be one of us so he could go through all of the experiences that we do. So that we know when we are struggling. He is truly right there next to us. Because he's been there. He's lived it. Now, when I reflect on these two things. My word for this holiday season is gratitude. I want to make sure that I just stay grateful. For both the gifts that exist and people around me.

And for the reality that I believe in that we have an all powerful God who became one of us so that we would know that we were never alone in any experience. So as you think through those questions, whether you're a person of faith or not, you have some memories from holidays in the past. Hopefully some good memories that you can bring to mind. And you can think about the meaning behind those memories. And the common themes and those memories.

And come up with one word that you want to be your focus word for the rest of this year during the season, which can sometimes get a little bit crazy and stressful.

Now, if you want to apply this same idea to your team at work you may not pick one word, but it may be worth having a meeting in which you acknowledge the craziness of the season with year-end goals, and in this year, the stresses of unknown futures, family responsibilities and anything else that may be surrounding your team right now? Get those out on the table and set a common focus for the next couple months that your team can use to keep everyone grounded and encouraging each other.

We'll talk more about what else might happen in that meeting and I also have an activity guide for that, that you can download from our show notes that can take you through the different steps that might make that meeting really meaningful for your team. But onto the second step. The second step is to use that word that you selected in step one, to prioritize the rituals that are part of the season. Rituals and traditions are very important.

Research shows that they help us remember what's important and reinforce key truths. So if you think of different religious holidays that come year after year, some of them may focus on atonement. And that helps us to remember that we are not perfect and that we have a need to improve. Look at a secular holiday, like Earth Day. Each year that helps us to remember the importance of caring for our planet. Or the upcoming holiday of Thanksgiving.

Yes. I know we should be grateful every day, but it sure is helpful having a holiday each year. So that at least once a year, We're focusing on what we should be thankful for. So that's one reason rituals and traditions are important. But another is that they give us a sense of belonging. They connect us to others who are celebrating in the same way that we are. For example, you may always make your great grandma's special cookies even though she's no longer with you.

But that gives you a sense of belonging to your family, those relatives who are alive, and those who have gone on. Rituals and tradition also give us something that we desperately need this year. They celebrate the passing of time and accomplishments. Especially when things are uncertain, these rituals and traditions can give us a sense of control and normalcy. And I'd say that we're probably all craving that in 2020.

If you look at graduations, birthdays they help us to remember to celebrate each unique person. Or if you look at a holiday like new years, It gives us a sense of an end and a beginning, a fresh start. Yes, we could make New Year's resolutions any day of the year, but there's something special about marking that end of a year and then beginning of a new year, that is motivating for us. So all rituals and traditions are important in our lives.

In all the ways that I just mentioned, they contribute to inner peace. But to make sure they truly deliver on that peace we really need to prioritize them. Because we can get overwhelmed with the different things that we're supposed to do at this time of year. If there are too many, they simply become a stressor and just something else to do on our to-do list.

So what I suggest for your second step and what I'm going to be doing with my family this week is after we think about a word that we want to focus on for the rest of the year we're going to have each family member pick one or two traditions that they definitely want to do this year. Okay, so that may be making cookies. That may be decorating the Christmas tree together with music playing. That may be making sure we have a certain dish at Thanksgiving.

Or we play a certain game while the food is cooking. The key is that we prioritize and we understand what's important to each person. And not only that we set a date and even the time. For when we were going to do that holiday tradition. So then it is on our calendar. We know that, deserves a space because that is the most important tradition to one of our family members. So for me if I had to pick, of course it would be the Thanksgiving tree.

But also, in the past, we have done a homemade advent calendar out of little stackings and we pair that with our kindness elf who hides all over the house to make, to add a little bit of fun. But this time instead of just putting acts of kindness in that advent calendar, because I want to focus on gratitude, I'm going to add the qualities of Jesus that we can be thankful for and an act of kindness that goes along with each of those qualities.

So in that way I'm getting back to that focus on what makes me grateful during the season. So, what are those traditions going to be for you? You might want to start prioritizing the ones that you want to pick and then have conversations with your family members about what one or two ones they want to pick. Now you might do this in a family meeting, or if your family is a little less structured and your kids never really sit down.

It may just be one-on-one conversations with them when you are driving them somewhere or playing with them in the backyard. But get it down on a list, get it on the calendar so that the time doesn't pass by leaving you feeling like you just survived the holiday season. That also will give you a sense of peace. Now, what does this look like for work? Well, once you've set a common focus, the next conversation might be picking one or two fun activities.

That your team can do to celebrate or support each other in that focus. Maybe your focus is on appreciation and you do the simple tape a paper to each person's back activity. Have you ever done that? It's a simple activity. It can be done with any age. But basically everyone gets a blank sheet of paper on their back. And you go around writing on each other's backs, what you appreciate most about them. Then each person ends up with a list of qualities that other people appreciate in them.

Maybe your team's focus is on health and each person rotates bringing in a healthy treat every Friday to combat all of the cakes and cookies that are likely going to be coming in to your workplace also. Or if your team is working from home, like many of us are in 2020 maybe that focuses on health is just one person each week sending out a healthy snack recipe idea, and then everyone enjoying it together from their own home on a Friday afternoon zoom call.

It's not ideal, but it serves the purpose. And the great news is that in the meeting activity guide that you can download, I've included ideas for adaptations for those of you who are working remotely this year. So make sure you grab that activity guide in the show notes at https://momsthatlead.com/podcast/25. Okay, so onto the final step. After you have prioritize what you want to happen. I want you to think about what might get in the way.

And you can do this just by doing a brain dump onto a piece of paper. What is going to perhaps get in your way of staying focused on the word that you picked for the next two months? What might get in the way of you sticking with those prioritize traditions that you committed to?

For me, I know that a big one in terms of keeping my focus on gratitude: one thing that might get in the way for that is my tendency to worry too much about what other people think and maybe overreacting to their emotions, which I see on their face or hear in the tone of their voice. That might lead me to not be so focused on being grateful, but instead may lead me to focus on doing everything I can to make people around me happy and focusing on details that maybe weren't even important to them.

What else might get in the way? Well, there might be different requests for different parties or to participate in different projects or other people's traditions. And some of those can be great. And it's always great to add new traditions. But think about what you've prioritized and make sure you evaluate what you're going to have to give up to say yes to something new. And if saying no to things is a struggle for you.

Make sure you go back to Episode 8, where we share some tips about how to say no effectively. And finally something that I can think about might get in my way is forgetting to focus on that word. So I am going to think of a place that I can put the word gratitude and look at it every day. So, where might that be for you? Where is something that you will see it every day. Maybe it's on your laptop, you have it as a screensaver, or on your phone.

Or maybe you put something a little bit more discreet, a picture that reminds you of that word as the background on your phone. Whatever you do, do something that will make you remember that word each and every day. So, as I said, I didn't use alliteration for these tips, so they might not be as easy to remember. But we've made a downloadable worksheet that you can use both for your personal journey to find peace through focus.

And also an activity guide that you can use to get together with your team at work, and really focus in on what you want to this holiday season, so that all of you can experience the peace that we so desperately need, especially this year. As we go through this Peace series, my wish for you is the same. I wish that you can find the way to lead through these last couple months of 2020 in a way that really brings out the meaning of the season for you as a person and for those that you lead.

Until next time, lead with love.