Babies and Gentlemen of the jury – over the course of this episode, we are going to present you with nothing but the facts of the case. You’re going to hear about Logan’s deceitful charm, about Alan Gray’s clever ruse, about the witches who walk among us in plain sight, and about William Blake’s critical analysis of Paradise Lost. And when all is said and done, when you have heard all that there is to hear, when the truth has been brought into the light, you are going to have no choice but to me...
Oct 02, 2017•1 hr 5 min
This week, the boys navigate some choppy waters together because Claudia’s crazy aunt Peaches comes to town for an extended visit, and things get a little “very special episode” for a hot second. Tanner manages to give birth to something of his own, just beating out the Shepherd family’s little bundle of joy, and learns a lot of really terrifying jump rope rhymes that he’s excited to teach Lil’ Jack someday. Music credits: “We Make A Good Team” by Podington Bear “Chrysalis” by Podington Bear “Cr...
Sep 25, 2017•1 hr
It’s another episode of your favorite show, The We Heart Kids Club Club, a podcast in which your hosts, Half Pipe and Weed Lord (oof, sorry, I think we’re stuck with this now) talk about the classic series of novels about Maggie Blume, Jill Something or other, and new babysitter, Dawn Read Schafer. This week, the boys make some sweet, sweet brain babies together, and before they go any further, they’d like to formally apologize both for the metaphor and for the horrifying results of that particu...
Sep 18, 2017•1 hr 5 min
This week the boys become intimately familiar with the work of Suzanne Weyn, or should I say, Suz-ANN! Have any of you ever seen Ann and Suzanne in the same room at the same time? Didn’t think so. Nice try, Ann, but we’re on to you. Stacey is back in the dog house, Claudia is back to being eternal sad, and the Pikes continue to deliver the best burns in the business. Music Credits: “Nocturne Op 15 No 3” by Podington Bear “That Kid in Fourth Grade Who Really Liked the Denver Broncos” by Chris Zab...
Sep 11, 2017•1 hr 5 min
Finally, the episode everyone has been waiting for – a 1-hour extravaganza devoted exclusively to BSC fan favorite character Michael P. Trout (the computer science teacher that Jessi has in this one book and who never appears in the series again). We get into all things Trout this week, answer all your burning Trout questions, and speculate, briefly, about whether Trout died for our sins so that we may all be saved. For folks who aren’t Trout superfans, never fear, because Tanner manages to shoe...
Sep 04, 2017•1 hr 10 min
Happy belated birthday, Ann! Jack and Tanner got you a present! It’s this podcast. Sorry. This week, the boys find common ground with Warhammer 40k/classical antiquity, and a new love for potential sentient canine and BSC ghostwriter, Nola Thacker. And Ann's isn’t the only birth worth celebrating this week, because Nola also brings about the existence of FIRE this week by introducing a purging flame to the Sitterverse. Also, Jack’s cigarette smoking is becoming a problem. Jack, if you’re reading...
Aug 28, 2017•1 hr
Welcome to the "Jahnna N. Malcolm Hate Podcast," a podcast in which two small-minded men viciously, slanderously, and unfairly malign the beloved children’s literature of the entity known as Jahnna N. Malcolm, whose only crime is their deep love for one another and for making the world a better place by entertaining children and enriching their lives. In slightly better news, Mallory’s back in action, but the Baby-Sitters are still down one, and The Dolls are gaining power as they tighten the no...
Aug 21, 2017•1 hr 3 min
Welcome to another installment of the We ♥ Kids Club Club, a podcast in which your two hosts, Weed Lord and Half-pipe, discuss the works of Peter Lerangis and Ann M. Martin: The We ♥ Kids Club books. This week, there's a new character in Palo City, a naughty dingleberry named Dawn Schafer who creates trouble everywhere she goes with her militant environmentalism, hatred for love, and willingness to steal and lie her way back home. Palo City, California hasn't had a character this explosive since...
Aug 14, 2017•1 hr 1 min
Y’all, the boys were pretty sauced for this episode. But that’s OK because it’s a Little Sister, Little Episode, where things are fast, loose, fun, and frisky. And despite all of that speed and friskiness, Jack and Tanner pull off some hard-hitting investigative journalism about the cold case of the missing Delaney family, a thoughtful and informed discussion about the state of modern bone medicine, and a poignant analysis of Karen Brewer's complex and morally fraught relationship with "Icky" Ri...
Aug 10, 2017•47 min
If there is such a thing in the world as a Perfect Boy, what would he be like? Would he be like Rand al Thor, from Robert Jordan’s tedious and bloated Wheel of Time saga? Would he be like Robyn or Rand Miller, the brothers behind the 1993 graphic adventure puzzle video game Myst? Or would he be more like Gary Gygax himself, the troubled but brilliant creator of the Dungeons & Dragons role-playing experience? Claudia’s too busy assembling what may be her most ambitious outfit ever to do real ...
Aug 07, 2017•1 hr 5 min
This week, two inept hosts who WERE NOT born during a storm NOR during a Super Bowl game try their very best to describe and discuss a Baby-Sitters Club book written by two beautiful storm-touched souls. And there’s no sign more clear that Jack and Tanner are starting to lose their credibility than the fact that they’re “coming around” on Stacey. Can you believe that?! Stacey meets a new boy called Robert, and together, they drain the swamp and dismantle the corrupt establishment that is SMS’s s...
Jul 31, 2017•1 hr 1 min
Welcome to “Pike Check,” our hit new BSCC-spinoff podcast about how ridiculously handsome Mallory’s dad John Pike is. We think this one has a lot of legs, just like John. This episode also contains the definitive diss track that the BSC ghostwriter known as “The Entity Known as Jahnna N. Malcolm” has had coming for about 30 years now, as well as a shocking new revelation about the mysterious events of June 10 and their meaning in Ann’s life. Also, Mallory is not well and the BSC is down to a DAN...
Jul 24, 2017•1 hr 1 min
This week, Tanner is joined in his B____n, N__ Y__k apartment by a very special guest to discuss book #68 in the Baby-Sitter’s Club cycle: Jessi and the Bad Baby-sitter. Has Dawn finally been replaced? Can Wendy Loesser stand up to the immense scrutiny of the BSC? No and no! But we do get some G.C.B.S.F. this week, which is all we can hope for, really. Also in this episode: Bee theory, Green Lanterns (go figure), OWOWing, a special text message appearance from Jack’s friend, Jan, and an even mor...
Jul 17, 2017•57 min
This episode is a time for somber reflection, as the boys gently, diplomatically, and eloquently allow Ann to hear (in the most thoughtful and sober way possible) exactly why what she did to Dawn WILL NEVER BE OK, ANN. NEVER. Also this week, Hodges has gone completely off the deep end, and Jack and Tanner follow him merrily over the edge with a whole slew of powerful and dynamic new segments. There’s also a new player in town, who has Goliath Hardbody shaking in his manly boots. Audio credits: “...
Jul 10, 2017•1 hr 8 min
The boys are joined by author Erin Chack this week for a discussion about the hit 1990 film Ghost Dad, the hit 1996 Bone Thugs-n-Harmony song “Tha Crossroads,” A Baby-Sitter’s Club Mystery book, and–surprise, surprise–Jack talks about G.I. Joe way more than anyone wants him to. Music Credits: “My Sharona” MIDI “Cover of 'Tha Crossroads’ by Bone Thugs-N-Harmony” by Daniel Bryan Profitt "You Are My Sunshine” performed by Tim Hosgood "Sweet Rascal” by Jamie Berry (from RafcoNator Music) "Can't Help...
Jul 03, 2017•1 hr 16 min
It’s a real sewing circle jerk this week, Baby Nation (to use a technical term), and if you happen to be into that sort of thing AND you’re a fan of the 1990 fantasy graphic adventure game “Loom,” this one's really going to be right in your sweet spot. But there’s still plenty to love even for folks who are on the fence about weaving, sewing and weaving/sewing-based videogames because the boys have a whole lot to say about Nicky Pike’s dalliance with the dark side, Dawn’s “looming" departure fro...
Jun 26, 2017•1 hr 5 min
Oh wow! This week, Tanner had to wait over an hour while Jack finished reading the book and setting up his audio, and in that time, he got a little bit silly with some rosé and seltzer. In Stoneybrook, Stacey develops a crush on some dude who may or may not be a half-python-half-man, but also THERE’S A GOAT IN THIS BOOK NAMED ELVIRA AND SHE’S JUST A BABY AND SHE’S VERY GOOD! Music Credits: “Pompeii” by Josh Woodward https://soundcloud.com/guniball/josh-woodward-pompeii "Animals vs. Jump Under Co...
Jun 19, 2017•58 min
Happy Trails, Baby Nation! Jack and Tanner are taking a tour of Boston’s “The Freedom Trail” this week, thanks to the entity known as Jahna N. Malcolm, who co-wrote this novel with Ann. M. Martin and (presumably) The Boston Tourism Board. Unfortunately, Dawn and Mary Anne are at each other’s throats again this week, so the boys distract themselves from that unpleasantness by spending a laudable amount of time Googling to see if the Bible ever mentions weed. Audio credits: “The Last Bastion,” by ...
Jun 12, 2017•1 hr 3 min
It’s time for another BSC: Mystery, which means it’s time for another interview, except it’s not an interview, because interviewers don’t make their guests read children’s books. Reading “Beware Dawn” with the boys this week are Katie Heaney and Arianna Rebolini, authors of the incredible new book, “Public Relations,” and apparently a very steaming piece of erotic fiction featuring an eel man. Topics of discussion include G.I. Joe used in sex play, celestial beings, bonza sheilas, King Hiss, and...
Jun 05, 2017•1 hr 12 min
Strap on your best learnin’ hat and get ready for a good, old-fashioned education! This week, Claudia is learning from Stacey about where apostrophes go; Tanner’s learning from Jack about something very dry and almost certainly made up out of whole cloth called “The Lexical Order,” and Jack’s learning from Tanner all about the hit 2001 supernatural horror film “13 Ghosts,” starring the great Matthew Lillard. We also learn what happened to Jackie Rodowsky in his latest dance through the infinite,...
May 29, 2017•59 min
In dibbly day, in distant night, no babies shall escape their sight. Let those who listen twice a fortnight, beware our digressions, because we talk about Green Lantern A LOT in this episode. Music Credits: "She Comes Through The Fog” by Haunted Me http://freemusicarchive.org/music/Haunted_Me/ “Seeing Red” by Regular Gonzales http://freemusicarchive.org/music/Regular_Gonzales/War_Were_Declared/Regular_Gonzales_-_02_-_Seeing_Red “Canoe” by Podington Bear http://freemusicarchive.org/music/Podingto...
May 22, 2017•1 hr 2 min
A "very special” episode this week, Baby Nation, since Ann – in her infinite wisdom and unaccountable cruelty – decided to throw Jack and Tanner another curveball with a powerful novel about the triple threat of poverty, systemic racism, and teenage eating disorders. But with an exquisite grace worthy of Jessi herself, the boys manage to tiptoe shockingly quickly in the opposite direction of these delicate issues and towards the vastly safer ground of Marvel’s The X-Men, which Ann also foolishly...
May 15, 2017•1 hr 3 min
Mary Anne is finally getting that makeover we’ve been hearing about for so long! We also have reason to believe that Mr. Spier and Logan have a lot more in common than we thought, and that Mr. Spier and the X-Men’s Wolverine have a lot more in common than we thought. He’s the best there is at what he does, and what he does is weird sex play with food. Also, Jack is moving to Texas so nothing else really matters. Music Credits: “Sepia” by Podington Bear “Red in Black” by Kosta T “Vessel” by Ship ...
May 08, 2017•1 hr 1 min
It's the first ever Baby-Sitters Club Mystery! And things get very mysterious, very quickly. Stacey McGill has stolen a powerful ring that turns the babysitters against each other. Meanwhile, the boys are attacked by a terrible spectral presence in the room, Tanner spills an entire beer onto his crotch, and it seems almost certain that a fissure has been opened up between our world and the strange parallel universe in which the Baby-Sitters Club Mysteries take place. Jack and Tanner also chat wi...
May 01, 2017•1 hr 9 min
It's "pandemonium" in Stoneybrook this week! Which means, troublingly, that ALL the demons are back. And, perhaps worse, all the boys are being strange and difficult, which is stressing Mallory out to no end. A guest appearance from some of the business boys over at Goliath Industries does very little to ease the tension, and neither does the extended discussion of alleged boy Logan Bruno's complicated relationship with American sports. Not a good showing for ANY of the boys this week, so it loo...
Apr 24, 2017•1 hr 4 min
Sorry Baby Nation, no room for notes this week. Too many works cited. But thanks for listening! Works Cited: Martin, Ann M. Claudia and the Middle School Mystery. New York City: Scholastic, 1991. Print. Positive K. “I Got A Man.” The Skills Dat Pay Da Bills, Island. 1992 Star Trek: First Contact. Directed by Jonathan Frakes, performances by Patrick Stewart, Jonathan Frakes, Brent Spiner, LeVar Burton and James Cromwell, Paramount Pictures, 1996. WarGames. Directed by John Badham, performances by...
Apr 17, 2017•1 hr 1 min
Your two heavily jet-lagged boys are back in the USA and they're ready to talk about our precious Dawn, Claudia's latest outfit, and saving the planet! Somehow that goes off the rails pretty fast and what we've ended up with here is a surprisingly deep dive into the life and work of the music producer Steve Albini? Sorry about that! Stick around for an appearance by Stoneybrook News's Pulitzer-prize winning correspondent Chuck Whittaker, some profound analysis of the complicated "earring-hierarc...
Apr 10, 2017•1 hr 2 min
There’s some new babies in Stoneybrook this week, and they only thing they love more than Kid Kits is racial purity! That’s right, they’re racist! Like, so awful and racist that it’s almost absurd. Not exactly easy to riff on, but they may be Doll People as well, so at least Ann gave us something to work with. Also, Jackie Rodowsky is starting a band! (When he’s not busy hurtling away from Earth at 99.9% the speed of light on a doomed mission into the cosmos.) Music Credits: "Prelude No. 23 in F...
Apr 03, 2017•59 min
Ever wanted to be a fly on the wall when a couple of flesh-jobs hooked on Synchro and lurking around the meatspace in the dark alleyways of Roppongi, Tokyo, burble their nonsense-talk to one another? Well, you're in luck today, and wouldn't you know it, they're talking about Baby-Sitters Club #55, "Jessi's Gold Medal"! Mostly. They also have a worrying amount to say about Boat Girls, "The Watcher," and a strange little timewalker called Jackie Rodowsky. But that's just the Synchro talking. Anywa...
Mar 27, 2017•1 hr 5 min
This week, Mallory, Jack, and Tanner all dream of horses, and make the mistake of dreaming too small... "There’s something that we K-PAXians have been around long enough to have discovered. The universe will expand, then it will collapse back on itself, then will expand again. It will repeat this process forever. What you don't you know is that when the universe expands again, everything will be as it is now. Whatever mistakes you make this time around, you will live through on your next pass. E...
Mar 20, 2017•1 hr 5 min
