Stories That Will Organize Your Orgy (With Catie Osborn!)

you off the hook. You probably don't know Fred Rogan is unless you live on the West Coast, but he's a beloved NBC sports anchor since whose son I also directed in a middle school production of Wizard of Oz. But that is neither here nor there. Let's get back to the beef. We're talking about Seth Rogan, who also released a podcast called story Time. What the fuck, dude, I wish you would have maybe checked if there was any other podcasts out there with that same name, but

you didn't. So you know what, we added a hashtag to differentiate, and now we've got beef. We've got podcast beef, so hopefully that boost our numbers. Anyway, Today's episode is a spicy one. I mean you could say it's n s f W, which stands for not Safe for wooses. So to all my fable babies out there, if you were an actual baby, please take those adorable little headphones off and use your sub prime motor skills to choose something else to listen to, maybe RAFFI. I don't know

what kids are into these days. Okay, now that they're gone, are you gone babies? Okay? Great, Now that the fucking babies are gone, let's talk about orgies. Yep, orgies. Apparently they're happening all the time, all over town, right under our noses. You know. I wonder how many orgies are happening right now within like a three yard radius. I bet there's at least two. I also wonder why I never get invited? How do these even come together? You know,

like on an administrative level? How do they happen? Is there an app for this? Do they have like groupons for orgies? Oh wait, maybe I should start my own app called group on. I'm gonna be the next Zuckerberg of sex parties. Just wait, gross, I just envisioned Zuckerberg at a sex party. And look, I don't want to yuck anybody's young, but it zucks you're young, then yuck? Also, who am I kidding. I'm too lazy to start an app,

even a sexy app. So why don't we hear from our wonderful guest, Katie Osborne also known as Katio also known as Katiosaurus. Katie is the co host of the Infinite Quest podcast. She's also a certified sex educator, and she speaks about neurodivergency on her TikTok. She's kind of a renaissance woman. Literally, she loves renfairs. Katie and I sat down and she told me a story that involves Shakespeare, rent sons fairs, and you guessed it core Ge. Wait sorry,

that's a typo orgies. I mean I meant orgies. Okay, So yeah, Katie, Uh, tell me a story. Uh well, I would like to tell you the story of the time that I became a professional orgy organizer. I would love I would love to hear that story. All right, So the year is maybe because I'm very bad at dates, and it is summertime, and I'm working at a very small repertory Shakespeare company, uh somewhere in the Midwest. I'm going to anonymize a lot of this story because it's fine.

And so there's a coffee I promise this story is going somewhere, but I like to tell the whole story. So there's a coffee shop that was like right across the street from the theater where I was working. And when we go to this coffee shop like every day, and there was this fabulous older woman who would come in and she was always just dressed to the nines and always looked just like tacular, and she was just like a presence. You know when you just meet somebody

who's like a presence. She was a presence. Um. And so we got to talking and she introduced herself to me, and I want to anonimize her name, and we're gonna call her Susan for the duration of this just because I can um so Susan. So Susan and I like, we start seeing each other around this coffee shop, like you know, just you know, he does you having to your coffee shop friend and whatever. And so one day Susan comes comes in and she's looking a little distraught,

and I was like, oh, Susan, what's going on? And Susan says, well, you know, it's just such a shame. I love to throw these dinner parties and and I have these dinner parties where I fight interesting people you know, from the community and from like other communities, and I bring them together and whatever, and um, I'm just having such a hard time, uh, filling the spots at this party. And I was like, oh, well that sucks. And She's like, well,

do you want to come? And I was like, I'm not cool, Susan, Like I'm I'm just a Shakespeare intern. I don't deserve a spot at the table. And Susan was like, absolutely, yes, you do come to this party. So we show up at Susan's just lavish, luxurious, older lady house and like very important story, like just whatever you're picturing, like make it ten times more. Like we're talking gold tigers, we're talking plush carpeting, We're talking like

just play like like a ludicrous amount of plants. It was just the best house, right, I'm picturing Susan as some combo of like Helen Mirren and like Rebecca from ted Lasso. Yes, that's honestly like dead on perfect um and so so so. Susan has like this just collection of all these like fabulous antiquities from her travels across the world. You know, she's one of these people, and she has this dining room table and it's just, you know,

just this extravagant place settings and all these things. And she brings in artists, she brings in politicians, she brings in like the mayor, and like just all these things. And so over that summer, I got to be a regular at Susan's dinner parties. And so, uh, the next year,

I go back to the same town. I'm working at the same theater, and Susan once again invites me over for the for the traditional you know, weekly dinner party, and uh, and one night we're all kind of like having drinks at her at her house afterwards, and and Susan was talking about her birthday party and how she was so frustrated about her birthday party because she was just she was trying to plan this party and she had no idea that it was going to be so complicated,

and just like what is she going to do because it's like it's her it's her seventy fifth birthday, and she really wants it to be like a really big deal, and she's like really excited. I was like great, So I like I jokingly say, I say, well, Susan, you gotta get yourself a stage manager like me, and I'll you know, playing the party. And Susan kind of looks

at me. She goes, that's actually not a bad idea, and I was like, yeah, you're hired, You're hired, and so Susan and so then Susan kind of like looks at me. She looks at a couple of other people in the room and they all kind of start giggling, and I was like what she as well, the thing is is um, it's not exactly what I would call She pauses for effect a traditional birthday party. And I was like, oh, like, what are we doing, like like, you know, uh piece of party, like bowling, laser texts,

silly hats. What are we doing? And Susan's like, well, here's the thing. It's like all right, And Susan proceeds to explain to me that for the first seventy years of her life she had not been Susan. She had been John, and so at seventy years old, she had made the decision to have a gender affirming surgery and

so that was her thing. And so as her sort of seventy fifth birthday came around, and she had been sort of finally being able to live as herself for the past five years, and she was really sort of starting to embrace like her sexuality and who she wasn't all of these wonderful things. She goes, I just want to have an orgy, and I was like, I didn't.

I didn't. I didn't know what to do because I had been raised very conservative, Like sex was terrifying, it was scary, it was bad, it was dirty, it was like all of these things. And I was like, well, I really like Susan and and I just okay, alright, cool, I'm a stage manager and I'm a consummate professional. Let's go.

And so Susan and I proceeded to have about two weeks of meeting every couple of days to get the details in order for her for her birthday party, which for the rest of this, uh this story, whenever I say birthday party, just replace it with orgy in your brain. Okay. So she so she gives me this list of people who she knows are going to be interested in this

orgy birthday party. And then she also was like, okay, but here's the thing, Like there's not enough people, Like there's nothing more embarrassing than not having enough people like

your orgy. And I was like I know if I had a dollar, right, um, And so I write so like I started like looking on like fat life and like we make a sting and I'm like vetting people and I'm getting like st I like reports in the mail and like I have like a whole secret email accounts set up with like a fake name like this, like just like this whole thing. Also one question, how many people is not enough people? And how many people as too many people? That is an excellent question. What

is the perfect thing? You know, because that's the thing is you want a good ratio. You want to you want a good ratio of folks, right, you don't want too many you know, you just would be weird, right. Want you want options? You want options too, but also not too many options. There's like a finesse to it. There's like a balance to this. If you got too many options, it's like Netflix or that. I'm just like scrolling and scrolling and scrolling. I don't know what to pick.

Great and so and it was this wonderful thing where like uh like going into this party, the like jams were like very important. We're like, Okay, what are the plates, Like, what's the playlists gonna be? Where the jam is going to be? And we kept focusing on the you know, so I have like a Spotify playlist and then you know, nothing but meat Loaf, right, just that the whole time.

So then so then she was was like, Okay, well I think we were like about said on the guest list, but like now we got to get like the OCCU tramlet for the party. Right, So this this fabulous bitch gives me like five hundred dollars in cash and she sends me to like the local CBS, because I want to be very clear, this is a small town in the Midwest, Like this is not like you know, big

town USA. And so she sends me and they got like five and I'm just like a's CBS, like just putting all the lube and condoms just in a bag and I'm getting like gatorade and like orange slices and toastitos and ship like it was like a weird soccer right. Well, And that was the thing. It's like, I literally because I was a stage manager and because of just like how my brain works in terms of event planning, I

was like snacks. We have to have chance, we have to have snacks, and we have to have you know, cool cool folks. For the origins to the end aids, I mean so like so much planning. When I was singing, I was like, all right, cool, so um. So I'm really nervous because first off, I have this very weird connection with my sexuality, like I don't really know who

I am yet. I'm just kind of like sex is scary and weird, and I'm about to go to a party that's just like all sex all the time, and so not only go to stage manage, stage manage and orgy Like I'm about to stage manage my first orgy. Step Susan enter stage left too. Well, it's funny you mentioned that because that was the next part of the story. So Susan makes it very clear she has like two

wishes for this party. Like wish number one is she wants everybody to be safe, if she wants everybody be comfortable, and like, so we plan right, and so at the at the beginning of the party, like everybody gathers into this room and they brought like this big like motorcycle gang looking dude in and he was like no, listen like but it was so funny because like he just like yelled. He was just like respect and consent, and I was like, oh god, I'm so scared. I be like,

oh God. And then I was like and hey, everybody just say no. So there are there's gatorade over on the counter, and I've got like my little clipboard. I had an earpiece. It wasn't connected to anything, but it made me feel important, right, and so so I'm checking people in and all this stuff. But Susan's second wish, are you also wearing a Venetian mask at this point? I was, We were not. There were no There were actually a couple of people who did show up in

Venetian masks, but I was. I was in stage black. It was I just it just felt right. So so so Susan's like secondary wish for this party was she wanted an entrance, like she wanted an entrance. Um and so at the stroke of hpm, like literally grandfather clock sound effects. There was no Grandfather clock, but we made

it happen. Shimes, right, music, whatever, and Susan just descends the staircase of this this house in this glorious like old Timmy Hollywood robe and she like stops like on like the center stare and she like slowly like pulls the belt off, and I was like, oh ship, oh shoot, I'm about to see a naked lady for the first time in my life except for you know, except for me and so. And she just dropped it like just so elegantly. She's like, let it fall, just like let

it fall. Yes. And that was also when I found out that she had a dinosaur tattoo, which will also become important to the story later on. Um. So she's standing there like naked on the stairs and she just like puts her hands up in the air like it's goddamn Sunset Boulevard and she's like, welcome to the greatest party of your lives. And that is how like, I want to be very clear, that's also how she talked.

And it was wonderful. Um and so I was like, okay, cool. So, so then the orgy starts, and I just want to be very clear, Once an orgy starts, there's not a lot to report, like like it's exactly what you think is happening. It's just it's just you know, it's fine. And so I'm sitting there with my like my little basket of like condoms and like Lupe, and I'm like hot towel and gatorant and orange slices. I'm just like

soccer momm ng the ship out of this event. And so this guy comes up to me like midway through the party and he's like, hey, I just wants you to know that you're really pretty. And I was like, oh, thanks so much. I really appreciate it. He's like, yeah, so do you come to parties like this often? I was like, oh my god, no, like this is my first time. Like I was like, I'm actually just like helping Susan run the party, like as a favor. And he's like, oh, cool, cool, cool, cool cool cool cool.

So you so you you plan? You do you party plan? Like you kind of do do this kind of party planning. And I was like and all of a sudden, I don't know what it was. I don't know what divine inspiration happened. I don't know what like moment of genius occurred, but I my brain just went say, yes, you're gonna make money, right business opportunity. Yeah. So I was like I was like, yeah, you know, I dabble like I'm

just trying to sound cool. So so I tell this guy, yeah, and I give him my card and I'm like, yeah, I'm just saying, you know, like I'm only around like for like parts of the year because like I worked with this company. He's like, oh, yeah, no problem, no problem. And so then a couple of months later, like you, we can flesh out the rest of the story if you if you want to know about it. But that's that's the most the party part. Pun intended flesh out

the rest of your welcome. What I do want to just find out is did Susan have the party effort? Was it? Did it live up? Susan had a very good time. She had a very she had a time, a time so good that it literally changed me as a person forever. And I'm not being facetious, like genuinely, and I was like, okay, cool, Um, well, yes, I kissed a lady. That was the first night I ever kissed a lady. I got very bold at the end of the night and I smoothed a lady. It was

very it was very exciting. Um and so, but a couple of months later, I get an email from like this like very anonymous count like, hey, so I heard that you might be a person who plans part and I was like this is so sketchy like this, and I was like, yes, I planned, I'm stage manager. We've been planning. So do you happen to be a friend of Susan? And then they emailed back there like yes. And so then for like five years, are you a

friend of Susan? Became like code. It was like a secret code in my life and people would like email me and be like party for a friend of Susan. And I was like, okay, great, and so I make business cards that just said friend of Susan. I did not, but now I regret it a friend of Susan Entertainment and so it was like and so yeah and so I and so I started like on the downlow planning like kink and B D S M and like orgy

parties for people all over the Midwest. Um. And then yeah, right, and that was my secret summer job while I was working as an intern at the Shakespeare Festival because they didn't pay any money, and so I was like I really wanted to work there and I really loved doing Shakespeare. Um, but I was like, I need money, and so that was how I did that for four or five years. And then after that I went to grad school. And grad school is where I became a professional dominatrix because

of all of that. Um and so that's how I put myself through grad school. Um. And now I'm a certified sex educator. And I talked about diversity and kink and d d H Day and stuff on the Internet. And it's all because of Susan. Your LinkedIn is so fascinating. I don't even have a Lincoln. It would just be like five years as it feels illegal for me to have. I think you should think. I think we should start a LinkedIn for I think I think you would win LinkedIn.

I might, I might, um but so but so. Actually, the reason why this story was on my mind was because a couple of months ago, Susan passed away and uh and so in a or of Susan I got after being Katiosaurus for a very long time, which slightly inspired by Susan, like not all the way, but like I just I always remember that dinosaur tattoo. Now I have one of my own. It's right here. I mean, you can't see it. On the podcast. But and uh, and it's actually the same one that she had. I

had the tattoo artist. I found a picture of it and I had them replicated. And so I have a little memory of Susan is the first person to introduce me to like sex and kink in the beautiful world of sex. And here I am opened the whole world up to it. Did it really? Did it was? It was a very interesting night. I can imagine. Well, I love that. I love that you got that tattooed to

honor Susan. And yeah, that's such a wild wild that you have, right, But my life is very I guess my last question is, um, I have a birthday coming up, and I'm just kidding. Yeah, sure a will I mean, if you want to hire me one percent. I'm very good at it now. I got very efficient at it. Like I had systems, I had spreadsheets, I'd checklist, I'd like setlists, I'd call times like everybody get called times and ship like I ran that ship like it was

a goddamn production to hand. Like. It makes so much sense that that a stage manager would would have the necessary skills to also produce an orgy A shocking amount of crossover between running an orgy and running a renaissance festival, which is what I did before the pandemic. It's the same thing, just with less sex. But there's the same amount of coordination, honestly, and for an actor, you know,

like there's nerves before the show. You gotta warm up, you gotta stretch, you gotta like loosen up, you know, and then the show is essentially the sex. The show is just the sex. Yeah, and it's like and who's bringing the snacks, who's taking out the garbage? Like what's the dress code at the end? Clap it up for everyone?

Interpersonal communication, you know, because there's always like the one x like shows up that you know, and then they're like, oh no, well Bill's here, I gotta go, and you're like, no, just going. You know, there's a lot of there's a lot of consoling excess that happened in that job. Oh I can imagine. Yeah, Like, yeah, the crossover of xs has got to be a lot of a lot of

crossover in the orgy community. It's a tight knit community, it's true, but I mean the most like I've told this story like a couple of times, like parties and stuff, and the real thing that I think people are like fascinated bias. There's always one person who goes so like, how many orgies happen like just around me, like like like without and I'm like, far more than you think, far more, far more orgies are happening around you at any given time than you might ever ever know. You're

just yeah, you're just not getting the right invites. It's it's like spiders. There's the every orgy within eight feet of you at all times. Statistically, sometimes they crawl in your mouth when you sleep. Now, that is a birthday party, you know what I mean. When I'm in my mid seventies, I hope I have half of Susan stamina. Hopefully she's in heaven right now having an amazing orgy with like Abraham Lincoln and Joan of arc and you know, maybe Bob Ross. I feel like he's got a big one. Anyway.

Thanks to Katie for sharing that story. Make sure to check out her podcast, The Infinite Quest Podcast, and follower on Instagram and TikTok at Katie o Saurus. All those links are in the description. So way back in I took a little trip to New York City the City of Angels, as I think some people call it. And I hosted the first ever hashtag Storytime Live story Okey Jam at the world famous three six eight Studios, and a lot of Fable babies came out and shared some

truly delightful tales. It was a lovely evening. And here is one of my faves from Julianne Mora, who shares a tale about young love worms and an overprotective mother. In elementary school, I had a lot of secret admirers, like more than I do now, Like people were in love with me when I was like second grade through fiveth um and of course classic this boy in my class was like obsessed with me. You wanted to hold my hand, play with my hair. I was like, get

away from me. Um. I still remember his name, ab Dion Abdion Um. And he would, you know, do strange things. He would like his sister was also obsessed with me and would follow me to the bathroom. But that's a whole another thing. And he would draw stick figures of us, like making out. I just want to say this was second grade, like highly inappropriate. I was like, okay, I actually found a pair of scissors with his name on it like quite a few years ago. So I wonder

where he is today. Um yeah, So he did very strange things, would just like bring me presents and stuff. And I was in a Catholic school. We're doing our prayers and he's like passing me like a love letter as like the third one this week, along with a ring that looks very expensive, a pearl necklace and this little pin of a worm and a tuxedo with flowers. And I was like, oh cute, and I put that

on my my uniform like immediately and whatever. I'm rocking out in my pearl necklace ring that's like ginormous, doesn't fit my hand. Whatever. Um I get home, Oh, I see my parents in the schoolyard. My mother rips the pin off of me. Immediately, I'm like what the hell, hater? And then later she's like calling his mom. She's like, this ring looks expensively. Did he take this from your jewelry box? Is this okay? All that? You know? I'm

like crying because she's taking my things away. I didn't even really like the kid, but I was upset and um yeah, and that's just like a memory I had, and like I really remember that this pin was like a little worm with a little tuxedo, and I just it was so distinct, And then like fast forward, it's like sophomore ere in high school. Randomly we're talking about it, and my mom's like, oh, you know what. It actually was a penis from a bachelorette party pin that I

wore all day in my Catholic school. No one said anything, but you know what, I I swear it was a worm. It looked exactly like a worm. Thank you. I feel like common common mistake. Look, all I want to say is if my kid ever comes home with a dick pin, I'm not saying a damn thing. You need to learn those lessons on your own kid. Do you have a cringe e story you want to share with all of your best friends on the hashtag Storytime pod, Well call the story Time Hotline at three two, three, one eight

seven to three. Also make sure to hit that subscribe button so you don't miss next week's episode with the fantastic Ben Bolan. You know him from Ridiculous history and stuff. They don't want you to know. Here's a sneaky, little peaky I'm talking um to my wife at the time, and I say, I feel like, I know every country has a stereotype, and I know stereotypes are the source of terrible, terrible things, But do these German folks seem a little bit kind of like cold? Do you well,

a little brusque? Well, that does it? Thanks for lending me your ears for this episode of Hashtag Storytime. I'd love to give another heartfelt thank you to Katie for being on the podcast. Head on down to the description for links to all things Katiosaurus and if you're enjoying the podcast, please leave us a review. It helps us out a lot and I literally read every single one of them. Hashtag story Time is produced by I Heart

Radio and Curative Many productions. Hosted by Will McFadden. Sound designed by Tony Mannix Tody sound designed by Tony maddox, Written by Will McFadden and Jason Shapiro, Produced by Jason Shapiro, daniel Le Mora and Jordan Elijah Michael. Theme song by Scott Simons. Artwork by John Kusaga.