Stories That Will Never Let Em Know Your Next Move (With The Pointer Brothers!)

find hilarious. You know, I wonder where my arch nemesis Seth Rogan story Time podcas asked ranks on the comedy charts. Oh wait, that's right. It's not a comedy podcast. It's technically a documentary and it ranks, which is pretty damn good for a coward. So let me tell you a little thing about comedy. This is gonna be where everybody turns off the podcast or skips ahead, so it doesn't really matter when I say. Also, just a reminder, this

podcast is not for children. Comedy is all about surprise, Okay, It's about set up the expectation and then fake them out. You know what I mean. Watch here's an example duck duck, dildo boom, there it is. That's comedy. See, you thought I was gonna say goose, but instead I said gildo. Did it again that time? You thought I was gonna say dildo, but instead I said gildo. And I bet you didn't see that jizzing? Oh what what did I do there? That was a double entage. Also, the word

jizzing is just a funny word. It's kind of like caddihampas or hullabaloo or murder. Got you again, didn't I? This is too easy. You see in comedy, you can't ever let the audience know what your next move is. You got to keep the audience on their nippies. Nippies rhymes with tippies tippy toes. That's a little Cockney rhyme slang off the dome. Okay, guys, this leads me to today's guests who are experts in the old art of the misdirect. And I'm talking about the Pointer Brothers, not sisters. See,

even their name is a fake out. And if you've ever seen the never let them know your next move trend on TikTok that's the Pointer Brothers. They also do some of the most amazing elaborate handshakes i've ever seen. UM. You also may know them from their comedy podcast called Pointless. Great title, and I sat down with Henry and Mike and they told me a story that had to do

with a pretty odd job. So I want to tell you, guys the story of how I found myself in a hoarder house cleaning out a hoarder house over the summer the year after graduated. Call so I can I can give you a little background on that. UM. I graduated uh umsk Amherston with a degree in finance, and I didn't really like finance. You know, you have all the investment bankers, everyone that wants to go in wall stre

you do all that stuff. That wasn't me. But I got my degree in finance because I thought, you know, it's a solid place to go. So I didn't have a job when I graduated, and I wasn't that worried. I was like, hey, you know, I can pick up some od jobs, do some stuff while I'm doing a

job search. UM. Through a friend, I got connected with this guy who flipped houses and he was in need of just some handyman, some some labor work, just you know, heay, clean up this house, maybe do a little bit of painting, you know, tear up some carpets, do some stuff for me, you know, whatever whatever's needed. Um, and that was going to find it death for a couple of you know,

I was working a couple of months. We maybe you know, did four or five houses, and one day, uh, we we got a new a new job, a new location. He said, all right, you're gonna go to this town how house and it's it's a hoarder house. So you know, just be be ready to uh to get in there and your only job is to clean it. Just get everything out. And we're like, so it's me and this one other guy. I think he was probably about fifty, so he's been working there for a while. Um, like

we said be ready, yeah, border house. And I don't know. I'm like, okay, so so I've heard of the show Hoarders, like you're seeing like that's it. I'm like, that's the only thing that I know of when it comes to a horderhouse hoarding and all that stuff. Did you watch any episodes before? Just I I didn't do it. When I think of horders, yeah, I was remember this one vivid scene from an episode don't know, it sits in

my mind. It's like they walk into another room and there's just like this old lady with just like her head popping out of like just trash, and she's just like totally like seen but like just like she's like, hey, like what do you how's it going or something. It's like this, all of these papers are very important to me. Yeah, you got like an empty cup on the other side, say hey, no, no no, no, I'm gonna need I'm gonna

need that. So I was I was real quick. I was watching Horders one time and it was one of the most disturbing episodes I've ever seen, and my dad walked in eating a sandwich and was like, oh, I know that girl Like I was like the Horder. He was like, oh, yeah, yeah, she she did some work for me a couple of months ago. What's she what's she doing on TV? I was like, she's on Order. You don't want to know what she's doing, that's wild. Yeah. I was like I don't wanna. I don't wanna get

this idea on my mom. I'm like, it's not gonna be that bad Horder house whatever, like just kind of open mind as bad as a show or something. So we I'm trying to think we show. Yeah, so all we had to do was just clean the place out. I'm like, oh, that seems like the easiest thing we've done yet. So we show up to this house and

we there's hum like a garage door, right. We opened the garage door, and you can't see more than like a foot and a half in front of you, and you're immediately smacked in the face with this smell that I can't even describe. I don't know. I don't know if it's old food, if it's moldy something, if it's like a dead animal like you. I have no idea what this smell was, and neither one of us. We had no idea we're getting into it, and this was just the garage door, right. So first thing we did

was we we hauled it to home depot. We got a ton of trash bags, and we got like these face mask respirators, which I wasn't I mean, kind of needed, but I wasn't stoked about it because it was the middle of the summer and it was hot as balls, Like it was like you you you put one of those things on and you're like immediately dripping sweat and like it was. It was a tough It was a tough time to be cleaned out a horrorhouse. You know. The the heat wasn't helping with the smell as well.

It was like it was terribly like cooking it up, like it was making it amplified. It's brilliant, it's it's it's still in it for you. So it was so so we are job was to throw everything out, and we were like, okay, we'll get a dumb stir here, will pack all the stuff in bags or just toss most of the stuff in the dumpster whatever, no problem.

Turns out that afternoon we we you know, once we started getting going trying to figure out what was what the dumpster was placed, and then someone at the apartment complex or condo complex was like, hey, that can't be here. It's against the homeowners association all this stuff. So someone

they already got a problem with it. I um. So our only solution was to then rent a U haul and throw all the carbage, all the trash bags in that U haul and drive it two and a half or two hours to a different site that we were working on. So we were literally just packing this thing full driving it, driving backpacking it full drive, like it was like the most inefficient, Like it was a terrible like set you're You're like, I have a degree in find That's what I like, dude. I remember like I

was literally like picking up just old food. At one point we went to this I turned into like the kitchen, I think at the time, and there was more Dunkin donuts, ice coffee cups in a pile that and then I've ever seen in my entire life, like I'm not kidding, probably like up to my shoulders or something in the entire like this entire room. I want to say, like there's probably a two thousand of these cops I have, like I have photos, like we gotta try to find

him and send him in something later. It was you have you truly have to see it to believe, like the amount of trash I was in here. Maybe they were a big fan of the Charlie and that's what I'm big. I think that was that was the first picture I got from Hank, like when I was just chilling. I was in Cape Cod with some buddy's and um, I think that was the first first picture well, I'm like having fun, you know, drinking beers, going to the beach,

figuring out where we're gonna go for the night. Hag sending me a picture of his Duncan donut just infested. I'm just like all I could say, I'm like to having like that sucks. Bro, like that sucks. Dude like it. I don't want to tell You're like, what are you up to today? Dude? Like the chilling, It's like I'm literally nipples deep and duncanvillingh that was it was, It was. It was insane. I'm trying to think of like some

of the weirdest ship we found there. But also one question is, so the owner of the house obviously didn't live there anymore. Very good point. I meant to get back to that. So the houses that we worked on, the guy, the guy that we worked for bought them all at foreclosure. So a lot of these houses hadn't been lived in for a long time, so you know, some needed different, you know, different types of work than others.

This one had was foreclosed on. So the woman that lived there, I don't think had lived there for maybe a year or something. I don't know the exact time. Could have been it could have been like six months

to a year, but she hadn't lived there. And I think that not having to like deal with her, work with her and like with all like what it made the experience, like you know, that much easier and quicker because it was literally just like you see something, put it in a bag and throw it out, like there was no if and or butts, Like there was no negotiating, no negoti a feeling if the lady was there or something like you would actually do it, nothing like it

would That's when we would have brought in the camera crew and it would have been like I were getting this all on film, because like I thought you were going to say that you like turned a corner and then there she was like sitting in the bathroom here for years. But nope, she's just due. She's just hiding and you know, the documentary and bring it to Vice and just sell it. It was insane. I'm trying to think of some of the stuff that we found. I remember one of the one of the funniest things was

like going into the kitchen. When we finally made it there, we kind of like you we so first attack was like get the stairs like clean off the stairs so we could get up to that first floor, and then from there was like kind of like kind of like picture yourself, like it just fresh snowfall and you're just like trying to like shovel a little spot out to like get to the mailbox and then like you can get back or like. So that was kind of what

it felt like. I was like, let's just get like a little path to the kitchen, a path to like the bathroom, so we could just kind of move around in there. Um, we get to the kitchen and like and I'm like, the hell is going to be in this fridge? Like the fridge was still there plug So we opened up the fridge and I was kind of upset because there was nothing like crazy in there. I was hoping it would be like you know, like I don't even know what I was expecting to be there.

But all of the food was like dated back in like two thousand eight so so so so it was an entire fridge full of like we are like cheese and like crackers and yogurts and like these had all the old logos on it too. So I was like, oh, like I didn't know that, like yo play had that logo or something and like all this crazy stuff like vintage legit. I was like, yeah, a picture though, like a Mozzarella ball and it was like two seven eight, and I like I probably would have ate it. We

found it. We found pretty good. A bottle of Jose queravel on top of the fridge that wasn't and and and the guy was working. I was like, yeah, I'll take that. That ship doesn't go bad. I was like, you, like, all means, grab it. As long as that seal is unbroken, right, it gets better with age, right, you never know if it was broken. Like so we found Yeah, that was like the most interesting thing because that was all like

twelve thirteen years old. And then you know, we we were sifting through the trash and the dunks, cops and all that stuff, and we'd see like like take out receipts from a couple of months ago, you know what I mean. Like I'm like, okay, so like you you you had the you know, twelve year old balla Mazzarella, but you chose to order b K, you know what I mean. It was just like where do you think like they sleep like like they on this It was it was it was just crazy. I was like, no

room to sleep, you know what I mean. Um, we found. One of the craziest things we found was was some old teeth. So we stumbled upon some teeth and I was like, we don't know if that that could have been not their teeth, don't know whose teeth that. We didn't ask any questions. It was like, oh, these are funny. Let me send a snapchat to my buddy. And in the simple like that was it. That was the process.

And like we finally made it up to the second flooring your way through there with your machete, dude, we we it was. It was insane. We make it up to the second floor and we have the two bedrooms and um. One of the things was the guys working he's like cleaned out plenty of horder houses before, like he you know, he's been there, done that, and he's like, you know, like check all the pockets, you might find

some money and some stuff. So I had this, like I had this idea in the back of my mind that like I was gonna strike rich, Like I was gonna like reach into like a you know, like a pocket or like find something. It was gonna be like you know, five bucks, are like, you know, I'm gonna find like, you know, some money or something. Didn't end

up doing that. So for for four four days straight, didn't find anything like the crown jewels, right, it was like the diamond from Titanic exactly, some vintage like baseball cards or something they just forgot. So you know, found all the all sorts of ship and like what was the did you find quarters? Like worth? Like we well we ended up like collecting all the change and stuff, and like they ended up with like a couple hundred two hundred bucks. Maybe we brought it to that that

would out see. That was the that was the degree kicking in. Like I mean, you know, I see a couple of too three quarters. You're like, we gotta stack those together, you know what I mean? I should probably sell these teeth. Someone's looking for teeth somewhere, right, So we we we we get upstairs to the second floor and there's the two bedrooms and you can tell like one of them was was was like this older woman and the other one seemed to have been like a

teenage boy. So I was like, the hell's going on in here? Sifted through all that stuff throughout all sorts of ship. But one thing we did find was a stack probably of like forty Playboy magazines and like all this other like like computer images like like this dude went on like went on Google Google like boobs and then like would copy paste that in a word document, printed it all out. And then so I just found all these like him printed just like naked pictures that.

But it was just the funniest thing because I'm like the whole time, I'm trying to paint a picture like like oh, like these I wonder like who these people were, like what they do and all this stuff, and like it's weird because like going through all this stuff, like you do kind of paint a picture of who lived there, and like we're what they're up to and what they're doing, because that's where they lived and that was their home

and like you know, they got four clothes on. It's not you know that you know, kind of not that excepting of a part of the story. But anyways, it was interesting, So I find all that fun stuff. Um well, the thing the thing with the you know, the the teenager collecting, you know, it's it's a fine line between collecting and hoarding. Like if you have vintage playboys. That's

kind of cool, that's kind of interesting. But yeah, once you start printing out like pictures of Carmen Electra's boobs, yeah, those exist on the internet. Those are never going away, Like the Internet is not going to just delete all of those those boobs. They're gonna be there forever, like you don't need they're gonna need the hard copies. Maybe it was like there's gonna be an apocalypse and I'm gonna be holding all the porn and maybe yeah he's literally CEO of boobs and now he can he makes

money through that way. He's right, and n f T like he's somehow able to like take that and transflor it's a non fungible titty exactly nowadays. That's so, yeah, that's what he could have done. Yeah, I mean, so the whole thing like that, like just the whole experience. I mean, I think it was like Monday through Friday, and it was like I drive to drive two hours to get there. We spent a lot of time in the car, a lot of time packing ship up, throwing it out the second floor, and just trying to get

as close to that truck as possible. Before, you know, backbreaking labor. Yeah, it was, it was. Yeah, it was just something. Um one of the funniest parts, like you mentioned, where it's like you're in the middle of doing this and you're like, dude, I have a finance degree. It's like once you also drive two hours away to dump that trash. You're hopping in the truck and it's just like a nice quiet ride back to do the same exact ship again and again. It's like, no, dude, four

years of college. Dude, Yeah, this is great. Yeah, I'm definitely like putting that degree to work. Right, It's not like a twenty minute ride to the dump. That's a road trip. Like you're sitting back and you're just like prepping yourself mentally, like how am I going to get through today? When is it gonna hit five pm? So I can just absolutely do that. That was in Yeah, that wasn't even the thing because we had to finish

the projective hit. I mean, dude, I was trying to just just get the job done, you know what I mean. It was like at this point, I think one of the grossest pictures I received from Henry. I was on vacation, you know what, I'm saying it was, yeah, this and you have it in your notes, but I saw is he sent a picture of the toilet. Oh dude, I forgot about the math. I don't even know. I think I'm probably have it on my phone. But it was disgusting.

It looked like the toilet hadn't been flushed in years. It was we don't know what it was. I think it was what we thought it was, but I think she was brown, and like it wasn't just rus. Did can we show that? I mean I could, Yeah, I could always share it. Um that Yeah, right, I think

about this, but there it is. It was. Yeah, it was a lot of a lot of fun cleaning that one out, and like we so well, we had to like once all the crap was cleared, we pretty much we had to like uninstall it, right and then like carry it downstairs and I'm like, they're still liquid in here, dude, I'm gonna like spill. If I spill this on myself, I've gone take my whole leg take out, just shop like both my legs off. I'm done. I don't want anything. I gotta do it. Leave the leg dude. Yeah, that

was out. That was That was a lot of fun. And I guess kind of like the moral to this whole story, Like at the end of the day, after you know, long sleeves, jeans, boots, respirator mask, you know,

cleaning out just pure garbage in this house two hours away. Um, I kind of just like had a moment where I sat down, we finished up, and I was just like, holy sh it, like I gotta I really gotta like kick this job search into gear, like you know what I mean, like paint like doing the painting on the other projects and you know, ripping up carpets, Like yeah, well it's not that bad whatever. You do this for

a little while longer until I find a job. Then you get hit with the Horderhouse and you're like that's it. I'm throwing the towel. I don't need any more of that. I'm gonna put this degree to work. Yeah it was,

I mean it was fun. Like I'll tell you, like, nothing will bring you closer to another person than like cleaning out of Horderhouse because like we went through that was me, me and Alex, Like we went through that one together and and and at the end of it was like, dude, can we just like share a beer? Or something like let's just go get a bite to eat and like just forget about that. You guys went to war together, went to the battle. Yeah, but that's

what it is. It's like one of those like once it's over though, it's a story, right, I know it was. It was like a fun experience to like look back on it because because you have to see it, like to believe it some of this stuff. I mean, you watch the show and that gives honestly a pretty good, pretty good view of it. But well, I'm so intrigued to know what it all looked like once you guys were done, and then once the remodel happened, you didn't even be able to tell incredible, you have no idea,

didn't smell at all. It literally looked incredible. And the thing is, there's such good like flip flips, fix and flips, because at the end of the day, it's not like a lot of wear and tear on the property. It's

like on the on the foundation or on anything. Really, Like you get rid of the rugs and there's literally a path that one little path that was walked on and the rest of it just has like a couch sitting on it for twenty years, and a couple of boxes of shampoo that have been sitting there for twenty years. It's so funny. It's like a path like you see just like in the woods, a defined path, but it's

like in someone's house. Literally, what if? What if the next family that moved in was also a hoarding family and just immediately put it right. I'll get a call and like I'll get a call in five years and be like, all right, like you've done that, We've done it once. We need you to do too. Let's go come in. This place is way too clean. If you start start they start picking up people's trash getting ready to pick up by the dump and they're just hello, hello,

duncan donnuts needs. Uh yeah, I think that that was ridiculous. Yeah, well, I'm glad you made it through fond memories, you know, needless to say. And and I will throw out there too that if you do have hoarding tendencies, if you are an obsessive compulsive hoarder, we'll we'll put a resource in the description to to seek help because it is a it is a legit really difficult situation for people

out there. And uh, it's tough when you when you find yourself in that, and uh yeah, hopefully we can maybe help you find some help to to not to not end up in that kind of a situation. But yeah,

I'm glad you. I'm glad you made it through. And also, I think my favorite part of this story is that like you're just on vacation duds, like popping lines into coronas and like like jumping off a boat, and I'm just like, I'm like busy whether I'm trying to figure out whether I'm gonna put like cape cod chips or deritos in between my ham and cheese sand which I'm trying to figure out whatever to do, and then Hank, I'm like getting sweat my eyes and like I want

to like wipe it, and then I'm like I can't. I gotta take my glove off, and like like Mikey's, yeah, just enjoying the beach and I'll just living it up. And I would assume you'll probably never end up being a hoarder yourself. I hope not. I really hope not. I'll find a couple of little things piling up, and then you know how my flashbacks to that time that I was cleaning all out. We started like, does this spark joy? Now you see someone like hoarding like my rooms.

A little messy hand comes in, you know, starts getting sweats, starts getting you know, falling down. The respirator goes on. Yeah, yeah, let me get it. Yeah, I'm just happy I wasn't there to experience. Yeah, I know, I know, I know you are welcome back, Fable babies. Do you know what time it is? It's time to let the robot in turn out of its cage. That's right, it's robot Reddit reads. You know, I just realized I've never really introduced the robot turn. That's what I call up. The robot is

a robot in turn, robot turn um. But you know the reason why I did that is I didn't want you all to get attached to it only to then cancel this segment and then have to dump it in the river. But you seem to really love the segment on the Graham, so I think we'll keep it around for now. So, uh, robot Turn, why don't you go ahead and introduce yourself to all the Fable babies out there? Name, but you can call me Kyle. Okay, Kyle. Why don't you tell us a fun fact about yourself? Let me

think I like guns. Wow, that was a really bad place to pause. But cool, I guess. So. Do you have a Reddit threat you want to share with us? Nothing would bring don't like that this time I started by us five. They asked your best I could just dodge a bullet. But a tactical new story. Oh that's a good prompt, Kyle, nice, fine, all right, hit me with the best responses. I was once the last person to cross the bridge before it fell. Looked in my

rear view to see what the noise was. To see open air where there should have been road, and some white faced people who were just about to cross as well. Oh my god, terrifying. First question, was anyone on the bridge? Second follow up question, did you see the mothman? No further questions. I was about eleven and my dad wanted me to come along with him to pick up some

furniture about thirty minutes away. I made a huge stink about it, basically being an annoying little male adolescent, turn saying how I wanted to stay at home and play. I'd be really good. It was boring, etcetera. He finally got fed up and stormed out and told me to stay put and he'd be back. About an hour later, he comes home in a police car, pretty shaken up,

and just reached over and hugged me hard. Turns out that he was driving down the highway and traffic got busy ahead, and this semi truck in the lane over tried to stop too late, and jack night, it fell over on the passenger side of the car, right where I would have been if I had gone along with him. The car was totaled, obviously, with the entire passenger side crushed down flat. Actually, my dad was lucky he made

it out alive. He never made another big deal about me coming along if I really said I didn't want to go. I can't believe being a stubborn, angsty preteen actually saved your life. All got me was mercilessly bullied. When I was fourteen, I went to my best friend's house for her birthday party. A thirty year old guy that worked for their parents asked her to tell me that he wanted to take me out on a date.

I said I had a boyfriend. He seemed nice, but he started following us everywhere and just standing back staring at us. They had a huge farm. I got nervous and called mom to come get me. Months later, we saw his wanted poster at our grocery store. He was serial killer Rangel over Sundays, the railway Killer. Mom didn't believe me until it was on America's Most Wanted that night and they interviewed my friends foster parents. Then she freaked.

Okay that one Wins literally dodged a bullet slash, large blunt object because that was the railway Killers. M oh, I wonder how close I've been to getting murdered. You think, okay, that's enough out of you. Kyle back in the cage. You're lucky. Hey, you keep that attitude up, You're gonna find yourself at the bottom of a river. Okay, bucko. Hey, everybody, thanks so much for listening to hashtag Storytime. I'd love

to give another big thanks to the Pointer Brothers. As always, you can find links to all the awesome stuff they have going on in the description. If you're joining the podcast, please leave us a review. It helps us out a lot,

and I literally read every single one of them. Make sure to hit that subscribe button so you don't miss next week's episode, featuring Lauren Vogelbaum, Here's the sneaky little peeky And so we're kind of doing the thing, and I am experiencing a number of sensations that I've never experienced before, and I am exuberant about them. Um sure, yeah, yeah yeah, and um and I was being vocally exuberant about them. Hashtag story Time is produced by I Heart

Radio and Curativity Productions. Hosted by Will McFadden. Sound designed by Tony Maddox, written by Will McFadden and Jason Shapiro, Produced by Jason Shapiro, Daniel La Mora, and Jordan Elijah Michael. Theme song by Scott Simon's. Artwork by John Kuza Gaida