Stories That Will Break Your Ankles (With Anney Reese!)

I don't even remember where to begin. I mean, Jeff Bezos went to space in a dick rocket. You remember that. That was like four months ago. People are spending millions of dollars on JPEGs of apes. Facebook became meta um Pete Davidson became the sexiest man alive somehow, and now he's being hunted by his girlfriend's ex husband. We're on the brink of World War three again. What else? The name of this podcast has changed. It's now hashtag Storytime.

Thanks a lot, Seth Rogan. Actually, I decided to add the hashtag to make it feel a little more internettie and less like a kids show. We were getting a lot of babies listening to the show, which is a problem because, uh, it is explicit and even though I refer to many of my adoring fans as fable babies, the show is not made for actual babies. So hopefully this clears that up. We also won some awards. We won two Silver Awards for Best Podcast Series and Best

Host at the W three Awards. No big deal. Kind of a big deal, but not really a big deal. You kind of just pay them and they give you the awards. Also, I got COVID seven times, all right. That brings us up to snow. So this season we're shaking things up and instead of hearing stories from YouTubers and tiktoker's, we're actually chatting with podcasters. Crazy notion that on a podcast, maybe you talk with other podcasters. We're figuring it out. But I'm super Jazz kickoff season three

with none other than Annie Reese. And you know Annie. She's the host of Stuff Mom Never Told You, which it's a podcast continuing the conversation on what it means to identify as a female through research based discussion around feminism and how it impacts everyday life. She's also the host of Savor, which is a tasty podcast exploring the science and history and culture of food and drink. There's lots of puns. It's very fun. And Annie and I sat down and she told me a story that involves

a family trip to Florida. Gary Oldman and Broken Bones Enjoy. So this is the tale of two broken ankles. It's very closely intertwined. Um and the first to play us When I was eight years old and I was visiting my cousins in Florida, just outside of Orlando for the

very first time. And I'd never been to Florida, and at the time, like, I was so excited about it because you know, you would see those commercials or like the kid would open the suitcase at night and Tinkerville would fly out, and then you go to Disney World. The parents of like, we have to go because it's so cute. My parents repeatedly told me, never ever, ever, we take you to Disney World. But I still thought, you know, maybe there's a chance or maybe all of

Florida's like that. I don't know, this kind of magical place. Why why were your parents so anti Disney World. I think they just knew it was going to be miserable. Yeah, Yeah, they had no interest in it themselves and they just didn't want to put up with it, which I kind of respect them for now. Um, I actually ended up joining Marching Band just to go to Disney World, so I found my own way eventually. Who knew that Marching Band would would be the key to unlock Disney World

the true happiest place on Earth? No, actually miserable. I don't know if anybody's been in Marching Band, but whoa a lot of drum all right. Anyway, I was still excited even if there was Disney World was off the table because I was also going to go hang out with my older cousins and they were I thought they were the coolest. They're so much cooler than me, and and so it's all this excitement I'm feeling that I

don't think was mirrored by the rest of my family. Um. I have two brothers, and then my mom and dad. We all packed in our blue raw of Star and I'm just you know, it's this long, awkward trip, and I'm I'm the kid that's like, oh my god, we're all there. It's gonna be so good. And then the the cooler cousins, what were their names Caroline and John. Caroline and John the coolest cousins in town. Oh, they

were the coolest cousins in town. And they really I want to put in here in that weird way where you kind of understand relationship but kind of don't. They didn't like me, but I thought that was cool because I was obviously the annoying younger cousin need a little challenge exactly. I'm like, you might not like me because you're cool, but you'll see one day that I am also cool, which is kind of the crux of this

whole story where it goes wrong. Um So, we arrived in Florida and it's like some weird mix between a condo and a hotel situation, and it's all you know, flat and one story and mosquitoes everywhere. Everything's beige. But again, I was so excited and this was the height of luxury and it was the best thing ever. Um So it's with this mindset that the next day I I wake up and my parents are like, you're gonna hang out with your cousins and your older brother all day.

We're gonna be with your aunt and uncle, and you know, be good. Don't call is a new trouble and I was like, Yes, this is finally all day with my cool cousins and my older brother, who I also kind of wanted to impress. By the way, that's my favorite type of parenting of the like be good, don't do anything stupid. Yeah, mistake in hindsight, but yes, um alright. So to this day, I'm not really sure their motivations

behind this. I can't I can't say if they were trying to get rid of me or if they were trying to test me or mess with me. But they wanted to take me to see a rated R movie. Um, so they wanted to go see this movie and they were gonna, you know, sneak me in. Which one was it? Oh? It was Air Force one. Hell yeah. So I should also add some context here because I was one like a child who I got into trouble, But I wasn't a troublemaker if that makes sense. I just sort of

accidentally stumbled into trouble. Yes, I had terrible ideas, That's what I always say. I had terrible ideas that I thought were great, but it was never I was never out to like get in trouble or anything. So I was like already inside feeling like, oh no, I can't do this, And then I had and I had recently gotten in trouble for watching Jurassic Park against my parents wishes and having nightmares, and it was very obvious that I've seen Jurassic Parks, so I'd already gotten like one

strike in this arena totally worth it. But then I'm also terrified of Gary Oldman, and at this time because my older brother had played this epic, epic prank on me months earlier, where it involved making me believe the autopsy the Roswell autopsy tape was real. There was a power out and just there was special effects, there was sound effects. He went all out and terrified me of aliens to the point I only watched a t like three years ago. Terrified me. So he wore of the

World's do you he did. I can't watch more of the World's don't even test me on that one. I cannot do it. And I love horror movies that I can't do it. Um And Gary Oldman was an alien spider in the film Lost in Space, which terrified me, terrified me, and I could not remove Gary Oldman from that role. I mean let's be honest, normal Gary Oldman

is night nightmare fuel. It's true. He's very intense. He's very intense, and I knew he was in this movie, so I've I'm already like scared of breaking the rules, scared of Gary Oldman. But these were my cool cousins and they wanted me to go see the movie. So we snuck into a matinee show. I see this movie and inside I am just breaking down, and I'm trying

so hard not to show how terrified I am. And I'm like watching it like you would a documentary, like oh no. Also, the sneaking into the movie, did you guys do the trench coat on the shoulders move? Because where you were six years old? Right? I was like I was. I think I was older. I think I was like eight, um, but yeah, I was still quite small, and I remember like my my cousins causing a distraction. But in all honesty, it was like a totally abandoned

mall theater. Like I don't think anybody care at all, but to me, this was a big deal. Okay, so I'm trying to play it cool from a cool cousins. I don't want my parents to find out. I've seen this movie, but I am terrified, terrified, terrified, and like looking over my shoulder all day, like something's going to

happen here. And so my cousins and my brother, I think they were just tired of me, and it was clear that I was distracted, I think, so they left me alone in this condo hotel situation, and they turned on angels in the outfield, which I'll never forget, and I'm, you know, trying to calm down. I'm like pacing and looking around, looking out the window. And then I saw it, a white van and it was spraying some kind of gas and it was slowly moving up the street. I

freaked out. I was like turning things over, and I'm thinking I'm dead. I'm gonna die right now. This is it. We're all dead. What can I do? Nothing? I know, Harrison Ford, There's nothing I can do to stop this terrorist attack, this poisonous gas. My whole Florida vacation ruined and cut cut two inside the van, Gary Oldman as a spider's driving, is that that's actually how would end you? What a twist? Um? Okay? So at this point, like I remember on screen, it's that angel and the outfield

sea they're all flapping their wings. That's gonna be me. I'm gonna be the angel in the outfield. What can I do? And for some reason, what occurred to me is if I'm going to die, I want to get drunk first. So I like ran to the refrigerator, opened it up, and I got a six pack of Fresca because I thought Fresca was beer. Um, thank god it wasn't real beer. Because I drank all six of them in quick succession. Impressive, and I you know, I was like,

this feels so good. I was convinced I was drunk, like, wow, this is great. If I'm gonna die, I'm I'm feeling really good. This grapefruit flavored beer is del I don't know why to this day, I'm like, I always thought it was Beard. I'm not sure why that was. I mean, it's it's sort of paved the way for you know, White Clause. I would say, that's true. You're you know, you're right. It was an early they were ahead of the game. You're just you were on the Seltzer track

before everyone else. As an eight year old, I was already like, you know what this is gonna be big one day, but I'm still despite being convinced I'm drunk, I am still filled with terror. So I convinced myself, you know what, I gotta warn everybody about this. We've got to let everyone know. Like I'm feeling the liquid courage of the Fresca. So I fling open the door and I start running down the row of these condos

like some kind of weird Paul Revere. I was wearing like a really big pink shirt and overalls, and I was shouting, like running. They're coming, rocking a dot like just booking it, book in it. And then all of a sudden, just gravity falls out from me. I fall and they're like arms go up, a very epic big fall.

And I would later learn that I fell right outside of where my parents were like sitting and talking with my aunt and uncle at these big bay windows, and they just see me like screaming and fly by, and the disappeared into this Danish dish. Oh my goodness, yep.

And I it hurt, hurt real bad, and I twisted my ankle and I had to my parents had to take me to the hospital um, and they were furious, furious with me, furious with my cousins because I'm like still babbling on about this terrorist truck and Gary oldman and all of this stuff just pouring out of me. They of course told me it was a mosquito truck and it was fine. Were you acting drunk at this point too, or had you sobered up because of the fall? Oh? I was still drunk. I was still and I was

telling them all about it. I'm like, I guess I'm talking because I'm drunk. And they were like, what I found the fresco and They're like, no, you're not drunk, and I kept trying to convince them, yes I am. And then so they took me to the hospital and they made me, because they thought this would punish me, explain the whole story to the doctor. But that was also a mistake because I kept telling the doctor I was drunk um and then all I had done was

trying to save everyone. Like I might have been wrong, it might not have been terrorist man, but I was just trying to help. Oh. But I'm sure this Florida doctor has seen plenty of drunk eight year old so that was nothing to happened the norm. You're right, You're right, Uh, he probably was like, just it's another one. At least it was Fresca this time. Okay. So months later, cast is off, braces off. I'm still in trouble. I'm still

a bit in the doghouse. But you know, my parents are kind of slowly forgetting about this embarrassment they suffered and the trouble I got in, and they decided to take me to this fall Fair and I was really excited about it, but I had this dance recital later that night, so they were like, you know, you gotta be good. More from you And you had a dance recital with this brained yes to the I'm like, what was that? But I mean I it was a very

I had already been practicing practicing for it. It was a like year long thing, and I was just going to kind of stand in the back and like do my hands and stuff, not do the feet part so much. But my parents they were kind of the parents that were like, we paid for this and you're just trying to get out of it, and we're going, okay, okay, So we go to this all fair and it just

as a kind of immediate disaster. Like I loudly tell everybody, I never get sick on rides and that you have to let me ride this rocket ride and then vomit all over myself. I know exactly. I was so annoying about it too. I was like, I never get sick on rod everywhere immediately, yes, And then my parents had got me a caramel apple because I've never had one, and I made this big deal about it, and I like chipped, I hurt my tooth thought it, and I felt really sick, but I didn't want to say anything

because they were clearly annoyed with me. And so we get home and they tell it. They instruct me go to your room and do not come down. We're having friends and family over. Before that, we go to this recital, and you know, we've just had it with you, like, go clean up, stay in there, we'll leave when it's time.

Should have been easy, I should have that. Okay. Well, I get it in my head that I'm really really thirsty, and I was still kind of nervous about the whole terrorist thing, so I didn't want to drink from the sink in the bathroom near me, So I wanted to go downstairs and get the filtered water, but I did not want to interrupt my parents at this they very strict. I was like, okay, I just gotta get around them,

come in the other side. They'll never know. I left my room, but I was on the second story, so I was looking around and like, how can I do this? And my eye caught on this bright red umbrella, my favorite bright red umbrella, and I was like, you know what I'm I'm Mary Poppins, this thing. I'm just gonna get the umbrella, climb out on the roof, float on down, easy peasy. No one has to know. Clearly, this was a terrible plan for multiple reasons. I don't know how

I thought it was gonna get back up. Mary Poppins also used it to fly, so you know she could float back up no problem. I selectively like remember the key parts of things I like. So I was like, Okay, this is gonna be great and it's gonna be fun. I was like, oh my god, it's gonna look so cool. So I climb out onto the roof and I pought the umbrella with great a plum, like, oh, this is gonna be good. And I took the most confident leap

off of the roof maybe anyone's ever taken. Maybe any eight year old has ever taken with umbrella immediately spokes gone and it breaks and I go blumting down to the earth and I landed moss and I go right past the windows where my parents we're having to with their friends and their family, just this eight year old body going Okay. So I'm like, frantically if my ankle is killing you, but I'm frantically thinking, I gotta plan B. I gotta save this because I already cost enough damage

and I was so much trouble. So my parents came running out and I like pulling myself up and I said, oh, you know, I'm fine, no no issue here, Let's just forget this happened. My parents are very skeptical. They're like, okay, well what you know. It's just so so confused as to what my plan was. But they have all this company and they're kind of like, we'll deal with this later. We're gonna go this recital, all right, Oh this is pre recitaled. Yes, yes, So I have to go and

clean up again because I'm covered in moss. And we get ready. We all pack in that blue arrow starve in and all of my friends and family member they're all going to see this recital, and I remember like I'm back. I'm in the back row because there's two rows of us dancing, and I'm trying to keep it together and like look like I'm you know, not in terrible pain. And then like I moved up to the

front because we're kind of doing a circle thing. The song I've Got the Power was playing, and I just like completely collapsed and fell off the stage and caused this whole uproar, and my parents are filming it, so there's a VHS of me just like totally eating it and falling off the stage with two broken ankles. Yeah, essentially essentially so that after that, you know, the recitals ruined. My parents had to explain to all these people that they had invited. I was in pretty big trouble um.

And that was, yeah, the time I broke my ankle twice in kind of a short period of time. Um. But also a very good example what I'm talking about. I just make terrible decisions. I was actively looking for trouble just and and heavily influenced by the movie is that you're watching. Yes, yes, I also have a home alone story. But I'll say that another day. Any kid who watches on alone and thinks, you know what, I bet that works. Yeah, I should swing paint cans that

I definitely should electrocute this guy. Yeah, let me let me make my door knob into molten lava. Yes, I don't see any flaw on those plans at all. Clearly, I imagine your parents, uh, just having a montage of view in childhood, just going past windows, doing insane thing, just falling past windows. There she comes again. I have started to feel sympathy for my parents, Like this was a fun exercise for me where I was like, oh

what am I? Really funny stories and so many of them involved like traumatizing my parents and it being like, please don't do that. Why do we have to tell you not to do that? Also, very beverage in like inspired to both the Fresca and the filtered one. We're really key elements to your town. It's true, I am, I I do. I'm usually drinking something and that's also been used to foil me many times. Many franks have

been played on me. Great legs um and then if you could say what the moral of the story is or what you learned from from these events? Looking back. What would you say? It is? So to sum it all up, the moral of the story what I learned is, uh, don't trust your cousins, don't trust umbrellas Fresca is out here. Thank you so much. Important these lessons will do you better than they did me. Important things to learn at such a young tinder age. Well that was perfect, any,

Thank you so much. Thank you so much, And I'm glad you survived both of those harrowing speriences. Me too, Me too. I definitely think the umbrella thing could have got Wow. You know, I totally relate to Annie in that story because I've actually been having a lot of gary old midnightmares to except minor um sex here. Also, Annie, I think you took the saying break a leg just a little too literally. You can follow Annie all over the place, so head to the description for those hot

links hot links. Welcome back. I have an exciting announcement slash update for you. Due to budget cuts, I have hired some unpaid AI interns also known as robots, who are going to help me unpack some of the weirdest threads I found on Reddit with a little segment of call robot Reddit reads and today's ask Reddit comes from user crowned Bird, who asked, what moment made you say Yep, I'm definitely dead but survived with no major injuries. My answer to that question is every time I eat at

Applebee's all right, robots take it away. Not me, but my mom before I was born. She was riding in a convertible with a friend of hers. They came to an intersection and the friend wasn't paying attention and lost control of the vehicle. There was a big rig going through the intersection and they went right under the trailer. My mom ducked, the driver did not driver was decapitated. My mom was lucky and only ended up with a

scalp full of glass and some serious psychological trauma. She had to get over two hundred stitches in her scalp, but nothing else significant. I think about it all the time and think how close I came to never being born at all. That story kind of gives me back to the future meets fast and furious vibes, you know, maybe be called back to the Furious Biffs drift. Also, two hundred stitches in the scalps sounds like a pretty major injury to me, but maybe I'm just a big baby.

I was a senior in high school and the student club I was in organized an unofficial beach trip towards the end of the year, no teachers or official permission, leaving me in a few other seniors in charge of supervising everything. After a couple hours worth of fun, one of the other students came running up to me and said that three of the younger members of the club had been swept out by a riptide and couldn't get

back towards the shore. Me and two other of the older students, all experienced swimmers, immediately went to go help them. My friends got two of the three kids in trouble and started guiding them parallel to the shore to get them out of the current. But the guy that I went for was panicking, barely staying above the water, and

started dragging me down with him almost immediately. I yelled for people to get a lifeguard and tried to keep both of us afloat, but after a few minutes, I was getting exhausted, having trouble keeping both of us above the water, and I couldn't see anyone coming to the rescue.

I started getting big mouthfuls of water, and my leg muscles were starting to cramp, and I remember thinking, holy shit, I might actually die right here, right now, as the current started pulling us further and further away from where everyone was. Thankfully, for everyone involved, one of the students on the beach had flagged down a couple of surfers who made their way out to where we were as quickly as they could and hold first the younger student and then be onto the front of their boards and

took us back to shore. I'll always be thankful and appreciative for those strangers who put themselves in the dangerous position of rescuing two drowning swimmers. I don't know what it is about that panic drowning mentality that's like, hey, thanks for trying to save me, but I'm gonna murder you now. Like if I'm going I'm taking you with me. You know. Sometimes lifeguards have to literally punch people in the face to get them to calm down so they

can rescue them. These are all reasons why I generally stay out of the ocean. One of my most surreal experiences of my life was riding my bike on the sidewalk next to an extremely busy road at night. I hit something on the sidewalk I don't know what, and tumbled sideways into the street. As I fell, I saw the road light up from headlights from a car behind me, and when I hit the asphalt, I just laid there because I knew I couldn't get out of the way in time. After a second or so, I wasn't dead.

So I looked around and the street was empty. It wasn't empty when I fell. There were cars going in both directions. That was over twenty years ago, and I'm still not entirely convinced that I didn't die. It's possible that I imagine the headlights, but that road is never empty like it was. It's a major street in a major city. It always has cars on it, even at three am. It was the first of many experiences that lead me down a path of questioning the nature of reality.

This sounds like a multiverse situation to me. Maybe you'd actually died in that universe, but your consciousness shifted to another universe where there were no cars. Maybe every time we die, our consciousness just slides into another universe where instead we had a near death experience. Maybe I ate too many weed gummies last night. Have any of you Fable babies out there had a near death experience? If you have, I want to hear it. Call the Storytime

hotline three two, three, seven, one eight seventy three. Tell me your story and maybe I'll feature it on an upcoming listener Tales episode. Also for more robo reddit reads, follow us on Instagram at story Time do Pod. Take a second right now and hit that subscribe button so you don't miss next week's episode. I've got a spicy little tale coming from Katie Osbourne also known as Katie Osaurus.

Here's a taste to with that beak. And so I started like on the download planning like kink and b D s M and like orgy parties for people all over the Midwest. Um and then yeah right, and that was my secret summer job while I was working as an intern at the Shakespeare Festival. Thank you so much for listening to hashtag Storytime. It's really great to be back. I'd love to give another big thanks to Annie Rest

for being on the pot as always. You can find links to all the awesome ship she has going on in the description. If you're enjoying the podcast, please leave us a review. It helps set a lot and I literally read every single one of them. Hashtag Storytime is produced by I Heart Radio and Curativity Productions, Hosted by Will McFadden. Sound designed by Tony Maddox, written by Jason Shapiro and Will McFadden, Produced by Jason Shapiro, Danielle Le

Mora and Jordan Elijah Michael. Theme sung by Scott Simon's artwork by John PUZZA guide