I'm picturing your old apartment just having a puppet sitting in the.
Listen, you're a hundred percent right. If we were to take a picture of the living room in that old apartment, it's just Chad on a stand sitting on a desk. That's all that's in that room, which is great because it's an automatic theft deterrent, because if you break into that and that's what you see, it's like, I don't think this is fir Us that's cursed.
This place that's a cursed place seems cursed.
Yeah.
You know when you meet someone and you just instantly click, You just feel like you've known them your whole life or maybe from a past life, you know, like you were brothers or best friends or lovers. Well, that's how I feel about Josh si Gorn. You know, I could see us being philosophers and grease who drank too much wine at a Bacchus festival and made fun of Aristotle's weird haircut. Where I can see this as like Viking sisters who crossed the ocean in a long boat and
braided each other's hair into really cool patterns. Ooh, or maybe we were in Vietnam together, and I got shot in the butt as I carried a mortally wounded Josh out of the jungle and yelled something bit me and then opened a chain of popular shrimp restaurants after Josh died. See that's the kind of instant connection that Josh and I had. If you don't know Josh, you may know his alter ego, Chad the Bird from his viral TikTok
rants or his podcast Chad the Bird Cast. Josh and I hopped on the mic and we mostly just shot the shit. There's a lot of stories packed into this one, so enjoy. I'm will dear God make me a bird so I can fly far, far, far away McFadden And this is hashtag storytime brought to you by iHeartRadio. I recently had a spectrum sent me a new modem and router. Oh fun, And my girlfriend was like, oh, we have some friends coming over tonight to watch the rehearsal. Nathan Fielder shown.
Things for friends to sit around and watch.
To really get like go into the you know, the the mc escher painting that is that TV show.
Yeah, guys, everybody want to come over and watch a Mayor of Easttown with me? Be a groovy good time. Uh yeah, no, it was. It was the worst. Like I was on hold and then it was the automated guy and I was immediately like rady to punch a wall as soon as the automated guy came on, because it was just like he was like, hello, Hi, thank
you for calling Google Home Operator Opera. You're just mashing zero with your hands and then you get really angry and you hold zero until someone goes, well, we'll find you someone. You're like, yes, yes you will, and also bring me a cook.
Thank you, robot.
I hate when it does the little clackety sound like it's like, hey, lets me look that up for it, and it's like and you're like, stop it, stop it.
Don't don't condescend to me. Pretend like you're working.
You can't feel. You don't know feelings. You don't know what I'm going through right now.
You don't have digits and fingers that you're typing away on some keyboard.
And I love how it's just like trying to find the most pleasure, Like it thinks this is what a pleasant human voice sounds like, and you're like, this sounds like you're talking to a serial killer. Or an abusive boyfriend. He's just like, Hi, I can see you're frustrated.
You're like, sure, let me, let me do something about it.
You loosen the restraints and we can talk about whether or not you really want to set up your nest.
You sound hungry.
Wow, Google's getting real creepy getting It's horrible. But yeah, that was That was this afternoon, and I'm glad that all worked out because there was gonna be a horrible email for me being like, Hi, ho, how like enraged? Do you want me for this?
And I'd be like, how are you emailing me right now about your internet? Sir?
I don't even know. I don't even know this is working. This isn't working. Oh man. The next thing, holy crap, because it like you pop it, you pop it off, and then you put all the wires in and then you immediately have to know something about wiring a thermostat, where I was like, whoa yeah, whoa, whoa whoa hang on by an electrician? Did I pay for that? Yeah?
My pay grade.
I paid for an Apple product or a Google product. You're supposed to do that stuff for me because I'm stupid.
So so take this thing out of the box, throw it at the wall.
Yeah, and that's it.
Yeah.
But they're like, nah, now you got to check the wires that you want to check. Sure your why your why wires are going And I'm like, slow down, Harvard, Okay, I went to art school. Can you sing it to me?
Yeah, these wires have genders. What are you talking about?
What is the wire identify as? I don't want to, like, I'm not gonna put a label on this.
This is ridiculous, like put the male end and the female Oh.
Whoa, whoa, hold on, hold what's up nineteen eighty seven? Jesus, chill out, dad. But yeah, I did all that, plugged the thing in, and then it was like because then it does that thing where it's like, oh, yeah, we're gonna test to see, we're gonna we're gonna talk to each other. So it's like, all right, so put your phone up to it and it'll it'll have a little robot conversation, which I'm sure is just the NSA. And I'm like, okay, find great. I don't care. I don't
do enough for me to care. So I did that, and then it was like, you need to change your batteries, and I was like all right, I said. Then I unplugged the thing and I changed the batteries and it was like, ah, we can't find it anymore. Sorry. So I was like, oh, so we're done.
That was it and gave up. Robots just quit good.
No, you're wrong. Oh I guess that was on me. So then I had to call the thing and then they were just like they send you to one person after the robot, and that one person that's out of the robot is like, can I confirm that this is you? And I'm like can you No, I don't even know if this is me anymore. And after that journey through the through the chaos and the void, come back out the other end, you're like, oh I am me. Good to know, uh.
And then and and I'm still in the middle of moving yeah, which is stressful enough.
Time is of the essence here, guys. So after we go through all the verification to make sure a you're a human and you are who you say you are, and then you have like six identity crisises because you're just like, why would I pick that for a password? Why is this? Why Why am I doing this? Like I could be out working on something with my hands fixing potholes. And then that's over. And then this woman comes on and she's like, oh, okay, can you give
me the serial number? And you're like, yeah, here's the serial number. She's like cool, and it's just like bet there you go. I'm like, so, so you could have.
Done along the whole time.
Anyway.
I once put a curse on a woman who worked for Direct TV.
Oh that was you, Thank you for that.
Yeah. I put a curse on her and her family. I was in the middle of moving. It was very stressful. There was a shooting. There was a shooting outside of my apartment and there was a person who died, and I was like, I have to move, Like somebody just got shot in front of my apartment. I don't feel safe here. I gotta go. And I was like, all right, Direct TV want I'm moving, want to move my service?
And they were like, JC, thing is, you've only lived there for seven months and you can only move once a year, so it's going to cost three hundred fifty dollars to move the service. And I was like, a person was murdered in front of my door.
I admitted.
I was like, my I am in danger and you're and you're exploiting this situation.
Sorry dangerous.
I was like there. I was like, ma'am, there there's a there's a sequence of buttons that you can press right now that will make that three hundred and fifty dollars fee disappear. I need you to hit those buttons. Yeah, And she was like no, I just can't. I can't do it. So I was like, so you've been living supervisor, yeah.
Yeah. And then Supervisor comes on and they're in India and you're just like, so this doesn't matter to you because you're on a different time zone. But someone just died in front of my apartment where we are. Sir, it's Tuesday, it's no longer Monday.
I apologize, but yeah. I basically I got to the point where they just wouldn't do it, and I said how much to cancel all together? And they're like, that's gonna be six hundred dollars and I went, I'll do that. And now I will never ever work with Direct TV A yeah, ever, And I curse your family and everyone who you who works in your direct apartment, anybody who shares a cubicle wall, that this curse will also be they will get spillover.
Curves, just full on Willem dafoeing like bug eyed, saying some really dark stuff, and there on the other end going okay, well, thank you. Would you be willing to take a survey?
Yes?
Yes, please? How would you rate your experience? I would rate it not satisfactory with the force of Poseidon's rage.
If you can hear my teeth greeting somehow through the survey, sir, I'm getting a rack of a tooth.
I'm getting a lot of feedback. Yeah, that's me trying really hard not to bite my finger off because it's my finger.
So this this episode is brought to you by Direct TV and Nest.
Test always there. Google Home should take thirty minutes to set up. Anyone can do it, It's yeah, and it's true. Anyone can do it. All you have to do is call the people that know how to do it and they'll do it for you.
Anyone with a background in being an electrician.
Yeah, easily. Anyone can do it. If you have money to pay someone else to do it.
Or yeah, or the time to go to school to learn how to.
Do I took some night classes. Why setting up an alexa? I'm just not nailing it.
Yeah, I got my degree of like it's a technic trade school. I went to Phoenix University of Phoenix Online. Now I'm good at setting up around my liver.
Yeah, specifically Apple products. If you need someone to help you, I know people, I won't do it. I only did it for me because I don't care.
This is I think this is what task grabbit essentially driving off of it.
Say, want to be funny if there was like an app you could go to to be like I have a dumb job, It's like, oh yeah, it's task Grabbit. I used to use task grab it. It was really fun. I mean I was on task grabb it because you know, I'm in the arts, so I have no money, and so I'm just like, yeah, I'll come over and move boxes. I don't care. Sure, sure I can lift things.
I got that one friend who's just like task grabb it at that's everything that comes up. He's like, just task grab it at.
Yeah.
I'm like, you mean like he's like, yeah, I got I got a new air conditioner. Task rabbing it like.
An air conditioner.
You're like, come on, man, just put that in the window.
Lift from lift from your legs lift from you don't live from your task grabbing it. Well that my sister, she lives out in Tribecca, so she's in New York. She works in finance, and she has a lot of of of those kinds of situations where she's like, oh, yeah, you just have to call somebody, And I'm like, I don't know if you heard me earlier, but I work in the arts, so that's not gonna happen. I'm the guy you call you, see right. So I learned how
to do a bunch of really weird, odd jobs. So task grab it was fun for a while, but there comes a point where you're just kind of like, no.
Well, maybe maybe we'll save that for the end. Because we do we do a game sometimes of first, worst, best, last yet and job and job is one of my favorite categories to do that. You know, your first job, your your last job, your worst.
Let's do that.
That sounds like fun, that's great, great stuff. But first off, I wasn't sure if you were going to be joining as you are as it was it Chad.
The Bird, Yeah, the Bird. They I got an email from your producer, uh, and he was like, was it going to be you? Or is it going to be Chad? And I was like, ah, well, if you want a visual, it'll have to be me, because I Chad is in the old apartment and as previous stated, we're moving, which means I'd have to drive down to the old apartment to get a puppet and drive it back. So I'm like, I mean, that's if that's what you want, that's what I'm willing to do.
I'm picturing your old apartment just having a puppet sitting in the list.
You're one hundred percent right. If we were to take a picture of the living room in that old apartment, it's just Chad on a stand sitting on a desk. That's all that's in that room, which is great because it's an automatic theft deterrent because if you break into that and that's what you see, it's like, I don't think this is for us. That's cursed.
This place that's a cursed seems cursed. Yeah, that's that's an Annabelle situations.
In fact, we should stop robbing in general. I think we've hit our peage.
We should just task rabb it.
Task rabbit for robberies. I love that. That's a great idea. Uh yeah, Chad the Bird. I'm assuming there's there needs to be some backstory there. So yeah, I do a character in Chicago, but also we're touring pretty soon and it kind of picked up a lot of traction online like TikTok, Instagram, Facebook, he has his own discord page now he has more followers than I do.
Oh hell yeah.
And he's a talking bird who is from Laguna Beach, so he has a really thick like well, he used to have a really fit California. He's been doing him for a while and it kind of like drifts in and out of Chicago because he's been here long enough.
Right, he's relocated.
I mean he's miging. He's migrated, if you will, that would be so yeah. I do him once a week in Chicago at a show called The Paper Machete, which is a it's like a live magazine. It is a live magazine. It's a Prairie Home Companion meets this American Life meets daily show. You know, we have a head editor. It gives everybody a news story that week, and we have a bunch of op eds and he loves puppets and that's Chris Piett is the name of the guy who runs it, and because of that, he wanted me
to be there every week. So I've been doing that for about twelve years. So once a week, I get a like on a Friday, I get a news story that I need to google, and then I have twenty four hours to write a ten minute op ed and then I go to the Green Mill, which is this legendary, haunted gangster bar in Chicago. It was al Capone's Bouncers Club and it's been there since the thirties. It's one
of my favorite places. It's awesome, but it is absolutely haunted by dead gangsters and uh yeah, and it's the perfect room for that show because it's low lit, it's a historical ambit. It's a jazz bar. It's like a legendary jazz bar, and it feels like a jazz bar. So going in there, you've already kind of in this like, yeah, I want to drink and think. But it's all afternoon and it's a comedy show, so it gets pretty rowdy.
And then but yeah, and then I pop up as a puppet, and he gained a lot of traction the Chad character, and so I started doing it every week, and so yeah, that's the That's how I keep up on the news is this show because I have to. So it's kind of like being a journalist. It's like a journalist puppet. It's like doing Sesame Street for Hipster's Day, drinking in a haunted gangster bar. In fact that it's of.
A living, living newspaper, it is.
And that that was his Chris's goal, because he loves, you know, that kind of stuff. He's a big Ira Glass fan too, so like has that to it, which I love because it's like a happening, like an old sixties happening, like back when all the great beat poets used to get together and with musicians and just do a show. That's what it feels like, except comedy and news. And so I don't ever want to stop doing it.
It's great. And because of that, we've been like filming Chad's performances at this thing, and I've been popping them up and that I put it on. I put it on, TikTok will. Here's what happened. I started doing more stand up before the pandemic happened as Chad because I was like, well, I got a thing going here. I might as well
try it out and see where it goes. And I did one routine right in twenty twenty one, right when we started coming back, put up maybe a minute and a half of it on TikTok, and it was one of those things where it went viral really fast, and so like all of a sudden instant, it was like notification. I had to turn my notifications off because it was like your mother texting you, like somebody and you're like, that's all I kept thinking was, oh my god, somebody died.
So I turned off my notifications for like a week and yeah, now he's he's it's it's become a job. And there's a lot of streaming that we do do YouTube streaming because and it was great because like I learned kind of how to do all of that during the pandemic, because like I can't do the live show. So that was a significant blow. And so then like emailing everybody and saying, hey, guys, I'm not doing this anymore.
I'm gonna do what I would do my ten minute op ed thing on like Facebook, and they're like, you should try Instagram, you should try YouTube, and I was like, stop telling me what to do. But I did it anyway, and then kind of got a little savvy at doing that, and then TikTok thing exploded, and then that drizzled out into all the other things.
And yeah, did you say you're doing You're on Twitch now.
I did Twitch for a little while. It wasn't my favorite, but I'm going to probably jump back on doing YouTube right now. So there's a lot of stream on TikTok. The way it'll work is if I'm doing a stream, which are usually Wednesdays and Thursdays, I'll do like an hour on TikTok beforehand to like hype up the show, and then I'll move everybody over to YouTube to watch the stream. And it's been interesting because at first the guys that I got contacted by from Twitch, they were like, hey,
you have a really popular public character. You should do Twitch stuff. And I was like, I don't know what that is, and so we started doing it. They wanted me to play Fortnite because I don't know why, and I was like, Okay, I mean, I guess that makes sense because Fortnite is a very popular game. I played Fortnite. That was a big pandemic activity that I got into, and it was a lot of fun. It's like playing
tag with your friends and I love it. Yeah, And they were like, you need to you should do this on twitch as Chad and I was like, that is impossible. Then they're like, what was like, because I don't know if you know this, Chad is my hand and you need the hand to play the game. You need two of them, right, Actually it's a two thumber and so double thumbs. And so they were like, oh, well, how
do we do this? And so we came up with a My buddy Brian, who's been on a bunch of streams with me, comes over and he's going to play Fortnite. And then I take the little cam and set it up so that it's positioned so that you just see Chad, and I built him a little controller so he's like furiously doing this while Brian's playing Fortnite. And that was fun for about three weeks and then I was like
all right, and so what I he was like. But but I gained a little following from that and I was like, well, what can I game with one hand? And it was like instant. My nineties savvy teenage self came back and was like, you played a lot of CD ROM games back in the day. You had asthma there. You weren't out, you were in, so you know how
to do this. So I went on Steam and found every nineties CD ROM game that I could think of, all the King's Quest games, all the Space Quest games, all the LucasArts games, and so it's great because it's point and click, and so once a week I'm usually like my elbows propped up here with a little camera and then my other hand is just like working its way through, like full throttle or something like that. We played Missed once that was fun, and oh my god,
that's become the thing. So it's like I'm either showing off what I did that week on TikTok, which I do once a week, I'll or once a day I'll pop a little a minute and a half of what we did that week at the Green Mill. And then on sometimes it's like Wednesdays and Thursdays, I'll be live on YouTube streaming a game. Sometimes we do like old PSAs or safety videos or like cartoons that never aired, that kind of stuff, just like MST three, King the thing,
and yeah, when it works, it's great. When I realized just how low tech and new with this, I am it's awful, cause like this setup right now, this is the most high tech I've been so far. Once we moved into this new apartment, I was like, oh wow, we have fiber, I can go, I can do all kinds of stuff with it. And built a little desk
to have the mic here in the camera there. And but like back when it was ham radio chords hanging duct taped to the ceiling, I'm in a tank top because it's a thousand degrees in my apartment and I've got this little puppet on my hand. I'm just like, hey guys, we're fucking oh cool, we're playing this as ah man, if people walked in, anyone could see me through that window, was like, this man is on a list and absolutely participated in January sixth, So big.
Fun man, he has hit and he's hit rock.
It did not work out, Uh yeah, no, as it should know.
And there's there's a steep learning for you know, for a lot of those platforms. To Twitch in particular is one that you know once you get into the obs and there's just so many bells and whistles that you can add to that to those streams that you know, and it's it's amazing to watch somebody who's a pro at it, you know, operate. It's just like, how are you.
Teach me game? And you're twenty twenty years younger than you and you're just kind of like, well, we're we're good. So we could just go to the seat. We'll just walk into the sea and let you guys run the planet because we're I'm in the way at this point.
Yeah, please, I'm just gonna lay down and just never get back.
I'm good. You You've nailed it, way well done. You're playing some classic Zeppelin.
You're playing I can't set up a freaking nest. My nest and took me two hours, you're it's yeah, You're like.
It's the size of a coffee mug and it took me two hours just to tell it what to do. And this yeah twenty five year old is like, hey man, I'm gonta set up a discord for you. Hang on a second, what are you a robot? And he's like, nah, man, I'm in Portland.
He's like, you sound hungry.
You don't know me. Where are you at in the world?
Will I'm in Los Angeles? Le yeah, and I'm also an actor and you know, performer director.
Oh I googled, you don't worry. Yeah, oh yeah, I'm a Googler.
But but so this show is the first in house production of the company Collab, which is is a company that I started with my two brothers back in twenty twelve.
But we started as digital content creator creators ourselves, making online sketch, comedy videos, animation, all sorts of stuff like that, super fun, and we were barely, you know, barely keeping the lights on, you know, barely scraping by, even though we were like a preferred Google part ner where Google would send uh their premium channels to come shoot at
our studio. We were kind of like the the YouTube space before they built the YouTube space, And we would have like Deepak Chopra coming in once a week and do YouTube videos and I'd be like running teleprompter for him and like just putting it on the slowest setting possible as it.
I know, this is Deepok Chopra's setting.
It's a it's a personal.
Ten a time.
We are all God in dress.
Slow it down, Slow it down. He's overheating fast uh the uh yeah, And again I've only really like because I've been doing the Chad the Bird character live for things, and I I mean we worked with some because like the show is pretty well known just in like the Comedy Circle, because like a lot of the stand ups want to do it because they all want to play the Green Mill and that kind of put us into a bigger talent bracket, like Groflo has done at a bunch,
Mark Marin has done a couple. I mean like name Drop, name Dub, named Aub, name Drop, but like a bunch of names have come through. I mean you name Drop, Deep October. I want to jump in for just a second.
Who expected that? One?
Zero people we had from Night Court come by ones.
That was cool, But.
Yeah, we have it's a lot of and there. It's always fun. The room is always great and it's always like Chris red was was it was one of his first shows. Was our show. Rommy Joseph has done it a bunch anyway. Anyway anyway, but because of that, like we I was like, well, why would I want to do any other room? What's the point. This is the room? You know, we have about two hundred people a week here and then everything shut down and it was like well,
now you got to come up with something different. And then because of that, TikTok happens, TikTok Go's viral, and now all of those cats are all like, oh I, I yeah, are you still doing this? I'm like, oh yeah, I haven't stopped. Do you want to give me a bump?
Because that'd be nice? And so like, it's been an interesting like because now we're doing it live again, and then it's all kind of slowly coming together in a lovely, lovely cyclical kind of way, which is nice because you it's one of those things where like you've been priming the pump, priming the pump, priming the pump, and you're like, when is this going to strike? Should I stop reading?
And you always think about that when you've got a felt sock on your hand once a week, Should I quiz this shit?
Should I keep doing that?
Luckily, I drink for free at the Green Mill, so there's there's not a lot of times I really have to pump like think about it, and I feel like that's the reason why they're like, well, you don't have to pay for drinks. We don't want you to think about what you've been doing for a decade and change.
Just keeping boozed up.
And he'll just I'll do the puppet share cool fresh are you do you think about your future? You don't want to do that. That's a terrible idea. Don't look back and then like now it's now it's content creation. Now it's like building. And now the next step is tour. So we're going to tour in twenty twenty three, have a bunch of venues that we're going to hit up, see what we doing to fundraise a little bit, and then I'm gonna take a road trip for a few
months and do it around the area. We'll be in California for sure, but probably at the end of the tour. Because the whole thing about Chad is that Chad's from Laguna Beach. Because I used to live in Los Angeles and I lived in Culver Well, I live in Culver City. I didn't live Nobody lives in LA You don't live I.
Know what, I know it quite well. I was. I was a part of the Actors Gang Theater, which is oh yeah yeah.
I lived right right like right where that in and out is and the Museum of Jurassic Technology Technology.
I lived only open on like Tuesdays and time. I thought four pm to nine.
I thought it was a set because that's the thing. I'm from Iowa originally, so like coming so like Iowa Boston, La, because everybody's like, don't go to LA, don't go to LA. And I was like, no one can actually tell you why you don't want to go to LA. It's just like, oh no, no, don't do it. Don't do it. So I was like, I'm I mean, I'm in the art, so I gotta go figure this out. So I go there. I liked LA a lot, but like we so everywhere you went in LA was a it's a movie set,
like you recognize it. So like you're trying to have a conversation with someone, you're like, I'm sorry.
Is this is in a curb your enthusiastic Yeah, is.
That from T two? Is that the tunnel from T two? Where they're like, yes, that's what that is? This?
I think where we're standing was in a Kesha music.
Video and actually she's right over there.
You're there, Oh, hey, hey Kesha.
Our building. Hey. We were on Robertson and National, so you're like right off the ten and our backyard is the old Fox. Well, I guess it's still the Fox Studio building, but Fox Studios isn't there anymore. It's Nakatomi Plaza from Diehard.
Yeah, I used to live I used to live in Century City and right on the other side of Nkotomy Plaza, and then I also used to live in Palms right by like Boardwalk Aladin and the yeah, the karaoke barb there.
Uh so like that, and you know, being a having never been to Los Angeles, that was like every night we would just sit on the balcony and just watch the helicopters circle MAKOTOI Plaza and I'm like, oh, I now understand every eighties action movie. It's just that's what was there.
We'll just shoots also where all of our taxpayer dollars are going to those circling police choppers.
Police choppers, which look I live in Chicago. I've seen some things, but I have never experienced anything as exciting as watching a helicopter pull someone over on the highway. And it is it is an event, like if that's if you see that going down, if you see that searchlight skitting by, you like, pull over and watch that go down, because it is wild.
You're paying for Yeah, yeah, I mean you might as well an expensive way to police a city.
Being on the beach because we would walk down because you know, again Midwesterners, so we walk everywhere, which I think is hilarious because it's sixty eight, seventy eight degrees every single day in La and no one walks anywhere. Meanwhile, Chicago, it's negative, screw you out, and people are just like, I gotta go to the Story. You guys want to go, Hey, we'll just keep going. We'll walk to work y seven
layers layer. But like, yeah, we would walk down to Venice Beach and people are like, why are you guys walking? We're like, cause it's seventy eight.
Go because why aren't you what?
And then we realized, oh, because there are no sidewalks that go the direction you want to go.
So we were like, have you ever seen La Story City?
Perfect?
It's a perfect I think the most quintessential spot on scene is that he walks out the front door, gets in his car, drives to his neighbor's house one door down.
Anybody that asks like what was La Like, I'm like, there's only one movie and it's La Story by Steve Martin, That's exactly what it's like. It's not a joke, that's just how it is.
Still Sands. I watched it maybe a year ago and I was like, Yep, a lot of this still hits.
Still pretty true. The whole when everybody's ordering decaf cappuccinos. I'm like, yeah, yeah, that was that it would take an hour to order.
And that I forgot about the like the road rage scene where he's like, oh, it's open season on the four or five and he just pull everybody pulls out a gun and just starts shooting at each other in See.
What's funny about that is that I'm like, that's more Chicago now, right, but.
Not as bad as I guess there was a time. There was a time in la where everyone was just like shooting at each other.
I've seen I've seen people throwing like when you cause, in Chicago, if you get off of the wrong neighborhood, you can easily find yourself, you know, know where you
need to go. And it really isn't that bad. Chicago's what the ninth safest city in the world in the country right now, and so I think there's a lot of and I'm really only saying this for the podcast so that people can stop saying it, because like we're getting a little tired of it, because Fox News and the Trump Universe has decided that in the multiverse of the world where this Trump first exist, that Chicago is this hellscape where it's just like everybody's shooting everybody, parents
are setting their kids on fire. You can't drive.
Anywhere black on black, and it's like, don't say that.
Also what and so no, that's not what it's like. But we are going to continue saying it because anyone who believes it, we don't want you here anyway. So as far as I'm concerned, oh, it's a hellscape. Man, I can't even go outside. It's awful. But like I never you know, whenever you get lost in Chicago, you can. It's you can find your your way back LA before GPS. I don't even I can't even imagine what that would have been like for me.
It's my I grew up here, and yeah, I had a freaking Thomas Guide in my car, and you know, yeah, you'd have to be like, okay, you got to get on the on the We're going to take the one to the ten to the one five.
We're on the six O five. There's the six o five. It's been here the whole time. It's over the four of five.
I've never looked at who knows where the ten, the two ten, and the five meeting San Dimas man it's true.
Having been to San Dimas many times, I uh so, yeah. Because I'm from Iowa and I'm an idiot, I was like, oh, I funk in gotta go to Laguna Beach. I gotta check out you know, San Dimas. I gotta go see where Bill and Ted was, you know, and none of it was filmed there, so whatever. So I was like, oh, this is it? Okay? Cool? I mean there's a counter there. I think I don't remember it. Maybe there was a
counter there, maybe there was an an astro, I don't remember. Uh. And So I went to Laguna Beach and I had friends that were from Laguna Beach and like just talking to them. That's where the Chad character came from. Was me making fun of like Alex Winter doing San Dimas teenager mixed with Laguna Beach teenagers. That I know that because you know, they all sort of sound like this, like it's not like a real accent because nobody really
sounds like that. They just do this. I don't know why, because.
Like, have you seen those two guys who go to like they go to like, uh, you know, city council meetings. Oh yeah, like we're super bummed that.
Yeah, that's where the Chad character came from. Because I so when Chris was like, hey, I want you to do this Chad thing once a week, I started remember, I started thinking about like Bill and Ted Zacks on Adventure, which I still think is one of the finest movies ever made. And I'll stand back. I love the trilogy, like all of it is great. Yeah, Bi, yeah, but the first one is one of those movies where if you go back and rewatch and just take it in,
it's brilliant and it's it's the funniest part in that movie. Sidebar. I think the funniest part in that movie is when they land this is how good this movie as well? They land their time machine in the back of Bill's New Moms Play Missy's doings. She's doing yard work and all the historical figures come out and they have to pretend that they aren't who they are, like as if she would know or believe them, And the way they
do it is just casually like make up names. They're like, ah, this is Herman the Kid, Bob Genghis Khan, so creates Johnson. It's so good because I'm like, like that Matt Herman the Kid, Like, oh, it's Herman the Kid.
Okay, yeah, right right. And then and you've also got George Carlin, who's just like the great you know, greatest comedians of all time, just playing a straight man time traveler Rufus.
Oh yeah, what does Rufus do? He doesn't do much, but you just make sure that they remember what they He basically just reminds them what they're doing, like he's their r a that just shows up. It's like, hey, guys, you don't want to do that anyway, back to class.
Here's your time machine. Yeah, have fun.
And then uh oh man. So Alex Winter and and Keanu Reeves doing their presentation at the end of Bill and Ted Zaxon Adventure is every green Mill Chad the Bird Peace because I'm like, oh, just do Bill and Ted trying to do a history report about whatever the news story is. So it's a lot of Chad being like, yeah, okay, so a lot of people are going to tell you that, you know that the fact that it's one hundred and ten in Texas is normal. It turns out that's Vegas.
It's not normal, and here's why. And so that's like every every week.
I gotta send you. I just recently wrote a sketch that is Bill and Ted and Thomas Jeffers excellent. And they're basically like a lot of people have been talking about, you know, the Constitution recently and like what is constitutional? So we thought, why not bring one of the founding fathers who wrote the thing to find out what his take is on the matters at hand. And he's just Thomas Jefferson, Yeah, exactly, and he's just like you, ma'am,
like why are your shoulders exposed? And like where's your chaperone?
Why is your slave telling you what to do?
He's my At one part, they're like, just so you know slavery was abolished in eighteen sixty five before you say anything like horribly racist, And Thomas Jefferson's like, great, great, cool.
Good to know they Hey cool, I love it.
I want very happy. I want very happy for them.
That's great. Yeah, that's like the whole Chad thing is that it's like a little mix of like a nineties nineties surfer stoner because that was like the ultimate uh intelligence level when we were in high school. Was like these guys understood time travel because they were so not interested in everything else that they could wrap their minds around this impossible concept like these they they not only did they get it, they rocked it. And and in the end, as.
We started getting into like, oh, we gotta put this thing here later, that shit was.
Like excellent, excellent. All three of those movies are fantastic. I when when the third one came out face the music, Oh, I cried. I still cry. At the end of that movie when they asked their dads to come on stage and they rock out, I was like one last ride of the wild Stallions. This is such a specific thing going on that a very specific generation of Americans will understand because Bill and Ted was a phenomenon. When that came out, it was supposed to it's just like It's
Ventura and all that stuff. They were supposed to just be stupid one off stoner comedies. Bill and Ted changed the lexicon, like every like how we spoke shifted when that movie came out. I just don't. I don't. I just don't think kids today will understand. They won't. Why would they? But like also, why does it matter? It's totally different now, but.
Like station station station, Station, station.
Station, and like yeah, and then Willie Sadler is Death is like, this is the the greatest cameo of all time, is him as Death and then him showing up and Face the music is legendary, I think, fantastic.
Yeah, and then also no, ho hank Robots?
Is that? God?
Oh God?
But like the scene like when they because like spoiler alert for those of you who have not seen Faced the music, Like, come on, guys, seriously that when they accidentally kill a bunch of people in one scene, and I was sitting there. I was like, oh damn, they just killed a bunch of guys. And I was like, ah, wait, that's right.
They know that travel Death was in the band and Death. Remember fix that.
They can fix that, wrap it up, like that's right. He and I just remember sitting there in the in my apartment because we were on a zoom call, a bunch of us watching that movie together, and I just we were all just like they on the little screens were all just like and I was like, guys, no, it's cool. Death used to be in their band.
And then you realize they're bass player.
He used to don't you remember he played bass and a bab and like and like had his own solo career if you remember from the credits from Bogus Journey. And then I was like, how much of this series is ingrained in my mind? And it Yeah. I did a whole retrospective with Chad on the history of Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure for a YouTube video during the pandemic, and it was the most fun I've had doing any
of this. Was like, that's when I learned that Jane Wheedland from the Go Gos is Joan of Arc in Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure. The woman who wrote vacation. I think that's right, it's vacation. She it was either vacation, Yeah, I think it's vacation that the I could google it, but you can as well. But yeah, Wheedland wrote, she you know from the Go Gos lead singer, Yeah, and
a guitarist I think too. But like she's also she's not just Joan of ARC, she's also the singing telegram girl from Clue, Oh.
My god, and that was like, literally just watched Clue five days ago. Excellent, And because I'm directing it at Culver City High School, it's all coming together.
We never leave it.
I was just watching that movie. Yeah, that that very quick cameo of the singing telegrammer who gets instantly shot.
Instantly shot.
I feel bad. I feel bad for whatever high school kid gets cast.
The easiest refecond. You just have to tap dates briefly, but know that one of the members of the Go
Gos was that character and was Joan of Arc. And then I went on this deep dive into like who played the little Finger Wizard moments whenever they would do their little d's because three separate guys did it, and they're all from different like metal bands, but in face the music, it's Toast and a BOSSI from Animals as Leaders is the guitarist that every time they do their little wheedly it's him, And I was like that he's a legend, Like he's he is top tier. These the
best guitar player in the world right now. And you call this guy up, He's like, hey, do you want to do like a little remember Bernie. He's like, oh yeah, hell yeah man.
For Bill and Ted, Yes, well that's anything.
And that comes down to like the weird Al thing where it's like you get all these legendary performers that anyone would do anything for, and then there's people like weird Al, and then there's novelty acts like Bill and Ted that anyone, anyone would do this for free.
That would just bend over.
Yeah, And I think that's that's the true history of of like American pop culture. It's like, yeah, but like Doctor Demento and like how many people would how many big like platinum recording artists would do anything to be on a Weird Al album? You know?
Yeah. So I just watched Bullet Training, oh yeah, and it's and it kind of suffers from that mentality of like people just anyone will be in this Brad pit Laed movie, but it's not that good, Like this script swing. There's a bunch of swing and miss jokes just like big old whiffs in it, and it's like, guys should have spend a little more time on this.
Well. I also think that that's what happens when you do high profile people like that, is that it stops being funny because you're like, well, but your Brad Pitt though, Like it's funny when you're a cameo and you show up and you're like, oh, Brad Pitt's.
Here, he's great pit and he's like, my dad's a weather man, Like that's why you're so handsome.
Fine, great, get in there like him showing up in like all of the the because like we those of us who grew up with Brad Pitt obviously, like we remember him from like twelve same block from Yeah, yeah, man, he's just Brad from the block.
Man, Yeah, just hanging out, just play stickball together.
He used to get Taketos gets seven to eleven with him and just hang out. Man. He was crazy talking about the dream. Yeah, but yeah, I know he because he was like it was like twelve monkeys, like he he started out as a character actor and then became like a heart throb. And it's weird to go the first now because you're like, no, you're too pretty, don't stop it. Come on. I tried.
I just like how I just always notice now when he's eating, because every scene he's eating. That's like his go to acting move in any role is like, can I just eating an apple in the scene, Like the amount of scenes where Brad is eating an apple is you.
Know, because I'm hungry.
That's smart, that's but that's just like character. That's my character choice. Like I just I'm always snacking.
Brad, Do you just want to get lunch?
We gotta work, we gotta go, we gotta keep going, keep going. I went to so I feel like this guy is like a sunflower scene guy, So like he's just always got a handful of sunflowing.
Sure, okay, what he does. I just think that when you get those kinds of comedies, with the exception of like Clue, because we were talking about Clue, where you have a bunch of big name stars in this movie, which I guess, I mean they were big then too, so it wasn't like they weren't character arctics. I mean maybe Christopher Lloyd and Michael McKean, But like all the women in that movie.
Are Bernadette Peters, flames, Madeleine Cohn fire?
Was that Madeline Cohn was?
She She's a miss White. She's just that one flames class flames on the side.
She's she does these little things in the movie. So my dad went to school with madelon Con, So she's kind of like a legend in our family, like because like blazing saddles all that kind of stuff. Also, she's a legend in the world. I don't know if you've heard of her. Anyway, I don't know why that was a flex.
I confused her with Burnett, but like her an idiot.
She does these little moments in that movie where she'll like she's her breath stops in her chest, like she'll try to say something. She's just kind of and it kills me every time because I'm like, yeah, same on a daily basis. But like those kinds of like movies like Clue Knives Out is another a good example of like bringing a list actors and making it funny and still like you can get past the fact that all of these people are famous. But it's a tricky tightrope.
I think the only other one that I can think of right now that I really liked was Get Shorty, because you know, you had Travolta, you had Hackman, you had Riney Russo, you had del Ray Lindau, you had James Gandolfini in that movie, and Divito as Divito and give it to me on a love that's my second favorite movie of all time. But like Bullet Train didn't let them be characters, they just were them.
Yeah, it was just Channing Tatum sitting on a train.
Right, And I was like, you know, okay, okay. I mean it's pretty, there's a lot of money behind it. But I always get wary when those things happen where it's like big name director, big name actors comedy. I'm like, this isn't gonna be funny.
Uh it was, but yeah, man, it was like a B minus where it was like, there's some really fun parts in here. I don't know Michael Shannon too. I mean, I guess that's kind of a spoiler, but yeah, well Michael has shown up in a wig. Yeah, Michael Shannon and a wig in a Russian accent.
I mean hometown pride there, you know, because he still lives here. He's still around all the time. He shows up all kinds of wild places. It's funny because he's like kind of like a sasquatch in Chicago where everyone's got a Michael Shannon's sighting story where they're.
Like, yeah, he's just always blurry.
Yeah, he's moving too, fast. But yeah, that's that's the thing that like in Chicago, the few of us that actually get like a national platform. Everybody sees around all the time, and I think it's on purpose. I think Michael Shannon is just like walking around being like, I just want to remind you all who's turf you're on. This is Shannon Town.
Yeah, exactly.
Lots of big eyed, staredowns and you're like, well, I'm not going to fight you, man, You're tall.
He's really tall too, and I bet and intense.
He's very intense.
I remember. One of my favorite things he's ever done is he did a dramatic reading of that Oh the Sorority.
Yeah, yeah, it's excellent.
If you if anybody who's listened you hasn't seen that, please.
Just google Michael Shannon Sorority Girl and you're welcome.
Uh well, Josh, we only have a few minutes left. We didn't even really get into a story, but I mean many stories were told.
But hey, it was a sampler. It was like a flight.
Yeah, it was kind of a sizzler.
Yes, said tapas. We had story tapas for this episode, totally out of format.
Uh, if if you, if there is a tight, you know, a tight story that you have that you want to throw throw down. I'd love to get a little story time in.
So, as previously mentioned, I went to school in Boston, Uh you know, and uh, you know I'm from Iowa. I don't really know any better. Uh and uh, I you know, didn't I have my first like real drink in college, you know, never touched anything until then late bloom late bloomer and then went ham and don't remember forman year at all. I don't recommend that path. I say,
start when you're ready. I just was like, well, I should probably do this because I'm really uptight, and then woke up and you know, suddenly I'm like bisexual and just expend. I'm like, oh, I had no idea. Oh this is awesome. What a great weekend I tried.
I tried black tar heroin.
And I'm in a polyamorous relationship now it's such a good time. So yeah, no, but like college was wild. But the one story I do really actually remember from college, and I can tell you because I thought this would be kind of fun to to give you a little, a little adventure story that would actually make a very
good comedy with a bunch of a list actors. So my buddy Sam, who builds cars, that was his thing because he's a he's from like northern Massachusetts area, so he's from Grotten which is famous for car lots and serial killers. So he builds cars, and to me, that's just fascinating because I'm you know, I don't know, I
don't know anything about cars. So he we went out to a car a car yard and found an old nineteen eighty six Chevrolet station Wagon and we fix it up kind of three breaks worked so you could change lanes by hitting the brakes and it would swing its ass into the oncoming traffic.
This is all coming from the guy who can't set up the nests.
Oh yeah, no, it all checks out. I didn't do anything. I just held screwdrivers and smoked. Yeah so, and drank drink and drank a lot. And so now we're going to drive to my parents place in Iowa, where I'm from. We're going to drive from Boston to Iowa. It's going to be the great American road trip. You know, in the middle of school. This is the kind of guy that,
like you'd be in the middle class. And I get a text message which we did have We didn't have smartphones yet, but we did have text messages and I get a text me like look out the Windo and I look at the window class and he'd be in the parking lot in a suit with an Audie just like, Hey, I'm test driving this. You want to go? And I'm like I'm in class and he's like, I know, do you want to go? And I'm like yeah, okay.
So you know he's got some Ferris Bueller VI.
He was a living Ferris Bueller. So we ended up building this car. We decided to chrome the whole thing because we were insane, and we soldered a portion out eleven spoiler on the roof so it looked like in our minds, we were like, we'll call it the Moon Doggie. It's space car. To anyone else, it's the Homer car from the Simpsons episode. And it just looked like a nightmare.
And so we drove this nineteen eighty six Frankenstein monster car with three breaks that worked from Boston to Des Moines twice, and on the way there the first time, we decided, because we were high, that we were going to check out Niagara Falls because I've never been to Niagara Falls. I won't check it out, so I fall asleep in the back, which we turned into like a little lounge couch, like no seatbelts. It was just like throw pillows and cow and you know, and the radio
didn't work. We had to have a CD player with us, so every time we hit a bump, it would skip. Greatest road trip ever. So here we are driving through the thing. Meanwhile, any car coming from the oncoming lane
was like swerving because it was chrome. So if it was in the middle of the day, just blast blinding comet coming at you like like just like a mirrored sunglass, just coming right at your face, just a disco and you could hear it coming too, because as I said, three breaks work, so it was just like cockcha cockacha, cockacha cockag like and you're blind and you just stop. So like we got there in record time because everyone pulled over. So there I'm passed out in backseat. I
wake up. Guns just guns all over us, people in swat gear, aks, all kinds of things, and I'm in a baja and hemp shorts and birkenstock sandals and blue hair and mutton chopsreaking, just reeking and I get out of the car and I'm like, this is where I die, and so Sam and I are like eh. So then they bring us they you know, they search the car. They're like do we We're going to search the and we were like, please, don't. We just built it. It's
held together with duct tape. And they're like, yeah, we're gonna take it apart. And we were like, oh, maybe they'll put it back together better than we did. So they take us into the police station and I remember so so the cops like points at me and he's like, come with me again. We don't know where we are. I wake up two guns. So cop brings me into the bag full on body cavity search. So I have an officer getting to know me really well at nine
o'clock in the morning. And then you leave and Sam sitting in the lobby and I'm like, it's your turn. He's like why. I'm like, ah, you'll see. So then now if all of that excitement's over, we're sitting in the office of what we assume is the police chief and he's just like so, yeah, like we found a
bunch of pot. Not much, but you know, a bunch you guys know it's illegal to bring pot into Canada, right, And we both said we're in Canada and you could just see the police chief just like you fucking idiots. He's just like, I think we're gonna let you go with a warning because you don't know where you are and you're too stupid to be drug smugglers. And we're like absolutely total idiots. Here have you seen the car we drove here in uh and so I was banned from Canada for two years for this thing.
Did I keep thinking about stay out of my beach community.
So as we're leaving, Sam had a bunch of CDs in the car. He was like, none of us spoke because like the weed has worn off, Our weed was now confiscated. We had just been fingered and left for dead in Canada. We're driving back to the States, total silence. Sam's like rummaging through the CD booklet for those of you who are from you know nowadays, that's a book of CDs. Look it up. He finds one, puts it in the logic yeah case logic, oh man, so yeah,
puts it in the CD player closes that. We get to the border, the border guy just goes, you know, do you have a good time in Canada, and I swear this is one hundred percent. Try. Sam looks him in the eye, just hits play and it's born in the USA, and he just flipped off the border guard and drove away. And I was like, impressive, Sam, but maybe we don't piss off the border security. So anyway, now now we're into it. Now we're back in America.
We're driving back to Iowa. It's late, we're high, we're tired. We shwagged over and we're in Illinois and we get pulled over by the state police for driving too fast or whatever.
They said.
They were like, you guys know how fast we were going to Sam and I were like probably, I don't.
Know, and they were at this speedometer.
We just we just basically it's a post it note. It doesn't really do anything, so the cops. So we were just like tired. We were just like yes, fine whatever. They're like, so we have to search the vehicle and Sam was like not really, and he's like, well, I'm not gonna find it, just like I'm not gonna find anything in there, am I. And Sam looks him in the eye and goes, shit, no, man. The Canadians took it all and then the cop ies big goes what and he's like, yeah, man, we got arrested in Canada
for trying to fucking smoke on the border. And a cop was like, hang on one second, goes back to the squad car. Another cop comes over and it's just like, hey, you guys got a minute and it's like two am on the highway and we're like, yeah, we're cool. And he's like, so we just stole these cigars from the mayor's office and this is Illinois, and he's like, you guys, want to you smoke a cigar? And we're like yeah. So now these two state troopers are sitting on the trap.
That's what I'm thinking, smoking cigars literally, just like hey, man, tell us the story about the drugs and the Canadians. And it was then that I realized that that is my best story. And out of all the things in my life I've been through, this story got us free cigars on the highway from state troopers at two o'clock in the morning, and so yeah, that's the end of
the movie. Is us sitting on the roof of this o, on the hood of this state trooper car with these two cops talking about Canada and that that was the last time I ever drove from Boston to Des Moines.
It could also be the start at the Oh.
I love that time travel though it's gonna have to have try. We're gonna meet ourselves from the future in it. So yeah, that's that's my best story because it's proven, because it's good enough to not just get out of a speeding ticket, but to get free cigars from state troopers in Illinois.
Only this this movie would be better than Bullet Trains, I'll say that, But I don't know if it would be as good as Bill and Ted.
No, it's too dark. Better than Bullet right now. Bill and Ted's is adorable, it's candy. This has got some real world implications about privileged youth crossing borders with no consents. But I would see Brad Pitt in it. He'd be the Canadian chief of police though Mountain, Yeah, that's his cameo. But if if I were to pick somebody to play me in the movie'd be what's his name? Eddie Munson from a Stranger Thing.
From Stranger Things, good choice, And then for.
Sam Kyle McLoughlin. But he has to play a college student. He has to play twenty two.
I would if I was in it, I would pick Gaiton Moundurazo from Strangers.
Also great oh Man, him and Finn Wolf heard all in on that.
What a good buddy buddy it is.
We were friends after that, we didn't that. Oh that is. One of the things that I thought was wild about being arrested in Canada is that the Canadian police are very polite to you, as opposed to like Boston, Chicago and any of these cities I lived in, where they're just like, uh, ready to just beat you down because
they're tired and they can. In Canada, they were just like, oh, as long as you guys are still I remember as we were leaving, the chief of police was just like, as long as you guys are still friends, I'd say it's a win win, and Sam and I are like, oh my god, Canada, give it a break, jeez, give me a break.
If you could bend. Sorry about yeah, sorry, I didn't mean to. I'm gonna gently place my two index fingers inside your I.
Didn't mean to probe your prostate there, but you know it's my job. Sorry about that, Just a f y. My dad's a proctologist. You're you're doing pretty good. All good in there, didn't find anything, thanks, guys, guys want some cheese curds on your way out that's Wisconsin. But still would get that, wouldn't say no to it. Pot the guys want some potin and Pepper's on my way out of getting arrested in Canada.
The guy who does the cavity starts with him offering afterwards, Oh.
It's a good joke, right, Yeah, it's so good, savvy, Bud savvy, which is why Letter Kenny is still my favorite show, because I'm like, oh no, that's just things right, and that's how it is. Man movie Jared Kiso is gonna be in it. It's give me next level?
All right? Well hopefully no. If there is a movie producer listening.
Hit me up. You know I'm all in on selling that story. You will not hurt my feet. I will take my cut in.
I would like a story credit story.
By Well, you're gonna we're gonna co write this, okay, because yeah, I don't. I don't want to go with that one alone. I'll get I'll get like, I'll get too into it. I'll shymel on it. I'll be two into my own thing. I won't listen to anybody, and it'll just it'll go off the rails.
No, I need some to the whole time.
I need an editor in the room going, hey man, maybe stop smoking pot while you're writing. Hey man, don't tell me what to do. Trevor, you kick your ass.
Well, Josh, that's all the time we got, but thank you so much, Thank you for this. Was such a delightful hours hanging out with Noah.
It's something always a pleasure, man, I yeah, always here to talk for too long.
Well that about does it for this week's episode of Hashtag story Time. Thanks again to Josh for hopping on the pod. Make sure to head down to the description for those sweet sweet links. Take a second to hit subscribe if you haven't yet, so you'll miss next week's episode. We have a tasty one coming at you from Corbett Pasco.
And this tiny woman just leans into the button and goes and I'm please know I am not exaggerating this voice, because this is what the entire train heard.
At last. Christ is dead and Satan can rule. Give us a call it the Storytime Hotline three two three seven, four one, eighteen seventy three and tell us your story to be featured on an upcoming Listener Tales episode. And if you're enjoying the podcast, please leave us a review. It helps us out a lot and I literally read every single one of them, no lie. Hashtag story Time
is produced by iHeartRadio and Curativity Productions. Hosted by Will McFadden, sound designed by Tony maddox, written by Will McFadden and Jason Shapiro, Produced by Jason Shapiro and Danielle A Moron theme song by Scott Simons