HOLIDAY BONUS EPISODE! Stories That Will Figgy Your Pudding

write the intro for this episode. Now, chat g BT is a It's a text based artificial intelligence tool was released by open Ai, and I asked it to write me a quirky, sassy intro for the holiday episode of a podcast. And here's what the robot chat out. Well, well, well, it's that time of year again, folks. The holiday season is upon us, and we just couldn't resist the opportunity to wish all of our fabulous fans a very sassy

and joyful holiday. We hope you're all feeling the holiday spirit and getting into the sassy holiday mood, whether you're celebrating Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanza, or any other winter holiday. We hope that this time is filled with love, laughter, and just the right amount of sass for you and your loved ones. So go ahead and break out those sparkly holiday outfits and let your sass shine bright. Here's to

us sassy and fabulous holiday season. Not bad Robot, although I think it could have been sass here and now enjoy some quality holiday Reddit stories with me, Jason and Daniela. Happy holidays, Fable babies, and welcome to a special holiday edition of hashtag Storytime. I'm back with the Fable family. We've got Jason and Dan Yella, and we're going to share some some some hot We're gonna dive deep into some holiday trauma. Are you guys ready to unpack that? Yes?

Let's go all right first, before we dive into the reddit stories. Uh, I just I just want to know a little bit about your guys holiday traditions. Jason, you're Jewish? Guilty? What is uh? Okay, let's restart. Jason, You're Jewish? Jewish? Just so everyone knows Jason's Jewish. So I'm gonna have to Yeah, I guess I'm talking about Christmas so much. I love it. Okay, I got good Christmas? Well, Jason,

didn't you? I mean you you might have to do a whole separate Storytime episode but did your dad own Christmas, uh, like decoration stores or Christmas? He did. Yeah, so Christmas as a as a Jewish boy, in a Jewish man, Christmas has had a large presence in my life, and so I've always really wanted to celebrate Christmas, but it was the family business. So all of my Christmas memories are really at stores in the Midwest setting up Christmas decorations.

I set up like not only the Nativity scene, but the whole city of Bethlehem and all these figurines. So it was a unique experience where not only did I not get to celebrate, I had to plan the party for everyone else basically, and then you didn't get to reap the benefits. Yeah, because Honikah Hankah is great, but Hanikah is just like the celebration of like a military operation. It's it's kind of like a lesser Fourth of July, where you know, a group of of militants took a

took a stand. So it's cool, but it's not really like a gift giving type of thing. It's just it's just that it lines up at the same time as Christmas. So it's been kind of commercialized in in a similar way exactly. So Christmas has a big place in my heart. I hope to one day celebrate it non religiously but culturally. Danielle, do you have any weird Christmas traditions, weird family, honest traditions around the holidays. I like, when I used to be in Catholic school, we would go to church. Um,

me go to Mass and my dad is a Buddhist. Yeah, weird, this is my corkiest one. My dad's a Buddhist. So we would go and then he would be in the back and like not take the Eucharist and like we were so ashamed when we were young. I'm like, Dan, you're making me look weird. Dad to eat the body of Christ. Dad with the far Yeah, I was like drink the blood that he turned from wine to water. And he was he was just there for the music, he would say, and he would just be like, everyone's

a great singer. I'm like, that is the radio but yeah it uh, I don't know he used to go to church. I guess now we just like travel to see family. So there were no Mad's of the Nativity set. I guess I should also probably do a spoiler alert if there are any children listening to this, parents, you probably should take them away or to put them to put them to bed, because there might be Santa spoilers in here. Um so like his real identity yes, Tim Allen and his location no, I will now that the

children aren't listening. I was going to ask, when when did you find out that Santa was not real? About thirty seconds ago? That hurt you made it twenty three years believing. I think there's a new Netflix holiday rom com that's about this woman who's dating a full grown man who still believes in Santa genius. They'll make anything, they will, and I will watch anything. Okay, I don't

really remember what age. I just remember that the same wrapping that Santa had under the tree was in my bathroom, Like my mom was getting sloppy about it. Yes, she was getting a little messy. Um and that was rude because you need to keep it in order. But it definitely was elementary school. So maybe like second third, that's all world, that's it's It's that I have nephews that I write around that age, and I'm like, I gotta be careful. Yeah, Jason, when did you what did you

think of Santa? And you know, did you believe? Yea, what was your When I was in first grade, I do remember coming back from school around you know, December, before the holidays, and and just talking to my mom about Santa and what all the kids believed because we had already, you know, had the Christmas stores I've been

going to those. Santa was a huge figure. Um. I don't remember ever wondering if he was real or not, but I do remember in first grade coming back and being like, all my friends believe in Santa, Like what do I do? And I think my mom was like, this is going to be our little secret, and don't spoil it for everyone else, you know, something that they

don't know. And so I think for a kind of the duration of my friends believing in Santa Claus, I was always kind of like, yes, yeah, totally, that guy did give you gifts, just kind of smirking to myself, knowing that I had a little yeah, I had a little secret with mommy about the non existence of Santa. I love the idea of just like third grader Jason being like, sure, oh yeah, I'm sure that fat man peased down your chimney and brought you brought you presents

it may have created a whole personality. Yeah, it may have created a whole personality. Um, I think I think for me, I was I don't know how old I was. I was in elementary school, but I remember parents got sloppy. I remember getting a present and on the tag it said from Santa, but the tag was a Toys r Us tag and I like looked at it and was like, Santa opposite toys r Us. And I think my older brother James was like, Santa isn't real. Will figure it out.

The workshop ran out of toy trot to stop at Yeah, he could have played it off. You could have been like, yeah, he's just you know, sometimes he needs to pick up some things and you know. But yeah, James just came in with the cold heart truth. Was like brutal. You needed Jason as an older brother like him. That's what he does. Wank wank. We all have. We all have very strong youngest sibling personalities. So that's true energy. Yeah, yeah, we bring that that baby energy, that baby in the family.

Literally like at twenty far making my mom carry me still if she could, she probably would. Um. Now, now I want to ask the question of if you could have anything, anything for for Christmas, for Hannukah this year? What's the what's the one thing on the top of the list for you? Danielle, what's what do you want for Christmas? Um? A free nose job? Okay? Any surgeons

listening that want to do a sponsored deal? Danielle was looking for hashtag story time for off about it, TikTok, I will I will post and tag you um to maybe get some hate comments. But no, Yeah, what would I want? I don't know now, It's like not toys and stuff. Maybe like a camera, a newer camera, or a cat. What am I saying? I would like a kid? Okay, kitty cat? There we go, kitty cat knows job kid? Jeff Bezos. Yeah yeah, yeah, that's a good list. That's

a good list. All right. Jason, what about you? What do you what do you want for the holidays? Truthfully? I want to trip to Cabo Huh. That would be nice, just four days all inclusive on the beach, drinking mescal. I want that. And I also want like an oh Led television that would be right, one of one of the curved oh Led and that's a good one. Lastly, I think I would like a belt, like a really

nice belt. Sometimes it's the simple things, you know, like nice. Yeah, people hate on socks, but like if you gave me some Bombas, some Bomba socks, it's amazing, Like love the Bombas quality socks, you know, or like people are like, don't get me underwear, but like a nice little pair of thieves, I'm down. Thank you, m M. And anyone else that will sponsor us para thieves or or or what is the moisture wicking one me undy's the formal

version my underwear. My yes, um yeah, we'll take any sponsorship. Um, okay, what let's see. What do I want? What I want for Christmas? The thing you want is for the women of Iran to have freedom. M that's a joke to you that yeah, just kidding, just kidding. I want I want a Bissell. Uh you know, I want a Bistle carpet and upholstery vacuum cleaner. So Bissell. If you're listening, that one's more doable Bissle and you're listening, suck. Um,

I'm gonna put a fat on us. Is that one thing? Still? Yeah? People still to us? I mean sadly he did get stabbed this year. Oh Yeah, that's right, that's right here he's got the fot twel Um, this is a really fun Christmas I don't know how we ended up on fotus. Okay, great, let's jump into some Reddit stories I've got. I'm going to kick it off with a classic am I the Asshole? So I'm gonna read the story and then we shall vote. We shall share our thoughts of whether or not the

original poster of this is an asshole or not. We are kind of judge jury and asshole kuener. Alright, so this is uh, this was posted. This is from this month, so it's it's it's recent, supposed to by user four and uh. The title of it is, am I the asshole? For calling my wife unreasonable for backing out of spending Christmas with my family after my mother rejected her cookie sample. Um, everybody's probably wondering what's a cookie sample? And why was

it rejected by her mother? Let me tell you why. Okay, So the poster I'm assuming the poster is is a is a male, but we shall see so for context. For every holiday, my mother would ask the women in the family my sister's sister in law, my wife, my female cousins to send samples of the desserts they plan to bring to the celebration for testing and to see if these desserts could make it to the food menu. My wife has been complaining about my mother deliberately rejecting

every dessert sample she sent so many times. My mother has told her that she's being honest and keeping the guests best int at heart. Yet my wife still thought that my mother is deliberately excluding her since two of her dessert samples were rejected before. Okay, for this year's Christmas, my mother is doing the same thing, but this time she told every woman who's participating to make a cookie

sample and send it to her for testing. My wife took it as a challenge, and to be honest, she worked really hard to make a good sample and send it to my mother days ago, and the results just came in yesterday. I came home from work and found my wife upset. I asked what's wrong, and she told me that my mother rejected the sample she sent and decided to exclude her baking from the Foodless menu for Christmas this year. I didn't know what to say, but she told me that she was backing out of the

invitation to attend Christmas with the family. I was stunned when I heard her make this statement. I tried to talk her out, but she said it was done. I called her unreasonable to decide to bail on the whole family over some cookie sample. That's just freaking crazy and quite unreasonable. We had a full on argument about it. Later. I heard her cry despite telling her that her baking is amazing and people have preferences, that's all. Am I

the asshole for insisting that her decision was unreasonable? Wow? Yeah, so a lot to unpack their um thoughts is first thoughts, is uh the mom Mary Barry from The Great British Bake Off? I was gonna say, is his mom Gordon Ramsey? What the fun? Yeah? Yeah? What is high stakes? Is it? Cake episode? Um? That's not I could see this being a fun thing if it was treated lightheartedly and not so cutthroat. But it sounds uh like mom's psychical. But also you could just say, you know, they're good, to

keep them on the side. Maybe don't make a couple of dozen, you know, I don't think you can tell someone to stop their passionate aking, you know, for the holidays, like the holidays, they're they're all about It's all about like inclusivity and like being together, and like this is the exhaust opposite of that. Yeah, to make it into some fucking cutthroat ship and of like and and I am the judge jury of the cookie samples, like and also why is it only the women? Why don't the

men make any I love making cookies. Yeah, what the fuck? What happened to her? Do you think as a kid, because this is a childhood trauma that is playing out in holiday drenched him. I think at some point she must have hosted a party and everybody brought stuff and then somebody was like this is bad. This is all this stuff is bad. And then she was like mortified and be like I'll never have an unsampled party before

ever again. Geez, she's acting like this is like a wedding, you know, when you have like cake testing before, Like this is just mom paw around the fireplace, Like I don't think anyone would be that offended if the snicker doodle was bad. Like, also, can you really mess up a cookie? Yeah? I mean yeah, if you use salt instead of sugar, you can. Okay, Well, but I'm sure like she spent a lot of time working on this recipe. I'm sure she got it down and it tasted good. Yeah.

Well then part two, do you think that's unreasonable? Like I think I would be like, all right, you don't like the cookie, haha, make a joke about it, but I'll see you at Christmas dinner. For her to just pull out completely. Do you think that's unreasonable? I might say, yes, that's a bit drastic. I you know, I have two suggestions.

One is the mom is an asshole, and that she should instead of taste like testing everybody, everybody should bring whatever cookies they want, and then she can have a gold star or a blue ribbon for the best one if she still wants to have this kind of like weird competition part of it, but be like everyone brings and then yeah, and we can vote. We can also like people have different you know, preferences. Some people like a soft, gooey some people like a crispy cookie. You know, like,

don't decide my cookie preference for me. Let go on my cookie journey. Maybe the more the merrier. Yeah, you never know who likes the weird ones or I don't know. There's no need to completely remove a cookie that sounds like a crime. And then my second suggestion for the mom was, well, this is more for the sorry for the wife is is still go, but bring some ross asked cookies, some disaster cookies in a secret compartment and replace the cookies that are out there that the mom made,

replace them with some just crusty, gross, salty ass. I don't know what honestly tastes like pure putting telling tellers, I would then to make a mockery of it. Um, I would like show up every year to this cookie contest competition with the worst sour dough, ol'tmeal, strawberry cookie, upside down loafer cake, you know, to really scare them all. Yeah, that sounds good to me. Also, though I do before we vote, I just wanted to say that the wife probably needs to have a little bit of thicker skin.

I'm so sorry mom was mean to you, But to just like not go because you're scared, Yeah, you just got to grow up a little bit. Yeah. Also, she's taking it to a new level, like now there's now there's war with with mother in law. Also, just don't just don't play the game, like, don't play mom's game. Yes, good one. Don't. She's she's you know, she is participating, right, she is. She's willingly participating in this hunger games. Uh you know that the mother is is m Is Flavious

Corbin Neu Tella Johnson of Districts five ive. But just be just. I would just not participate, and then I would show up and I would just I would shoot on all of her cookies and I'd be like, these are this, Yeah, these are too soft, too dry, be a little Goldilocks with all the cookies. You're you're right, But I wouldn't play her game. No, I'm like, if she wants to be dramatic like that, then do it the opposite way. Go to Christmas, get a marsk capone cookie.

Bite it. It's so dry you faint and cough and you need time like remover, you know, like really commit to the bit that you know she's just pulling out too fast and it's a bit, it's a bit dramatic. I will have an allergic reaction and an EpiPen episode and the EpiPen exactly that'll show her. Just commit. Okay, So there's an update at the bottom here and says

the guy. Original poster says, great. So I just got off the phone with my brother and he told me that his wife is doing the same thing as my wife and that she has decided to back out of the invitation to spend Christmas with the family as well. Turns out, my wife I must have told her about her decision and she decided to follow the lead. My brother's pissed, saying, my wife is encouraging his wife to do this. I see that the problem has gotten bigger now.

Who knows my younger sister might not join and has decided to not go as well. I don't know how this got out of control so quickly. I guess we'll have try to have a discussion with my mother about this soon and see how it goes. So there was a There was a follow up question to where somebody asked which other cookies were denied, and the guy said, my wife wasn't the only sample who has rejected. We have sister in law, brother's wife and younger sister were

also rejected. From her own daughter. She rejected her own This is now yeah, this is now just good enough, Jessica turning into a sketch where Will Forte and Will Arnett walk in with turtlenecks and say, mother, you've offended my wife. You've offended my wife, and my wife won't come and sister won't come either, and you need to do something about this. Mother. Yes, mother, I would like to suckle from the nipple though first before these boys need this whole thing. Reeks of the mom being like,

no one's good enough for my beliefs. Yeah, mommy, that's insane. Also, who passed the test then, mommy? Clearly without the whole family. I think she picked her own and then maybe some a cousin or two. Oh will I actually just got an update on this story. Uh, the rehditor is Mike Pence. Mike Pence was the redditor. Ah that makes sense. Yeah, yeah, wow, it's all clear. Okay, let's vote original poster. Is the

original poster an asshole in this situation? Um, Danielle, what do you think like the wife or you're saying him not the wife, the husband, the man is the husband saying that she's honestly, now that we've discussed it, yeah, I think that he is being the asshole because his mother and he's on understanding. It's just a weird setup and I don't like it. There's just there's no need for this. I will say he is he's being an asshole. He is being an asshole. Jason, what do you think? Yeah,

I think he's being an asshole. I think his wife should go. But I also think he should just speak with his mother, let her know how unreasonable she's being. And then I think his wife should get a little thicker skin and just go and be the bigger person, and he should not be so afraid of mother. To two votes for asshole, I'm going to I'm gonna make it unanimous that this guy is an asshole, although I will say mom is the supreme asshole in this story.

But original poster yes, also an asshole for calling his wife unreasonable and also just like making her participate in this weird family hunger games uh and not finding a way to to talk to his mom and and smooth things out between the whole or just not just tell her to stop this ceaseless criticizing and high you know, steaks for everyone's desserts and just we just all get together and eat some freaking cookies. Wow, I can't imagine

the process that goes into it. For like the main entree apparently she only does it for the desserts though, but so like, you can bring whatever you know Christy wants, not the scones. Yeah, Jesus, that's so she draws the line. I mean, as a sweet tooth lover, I might be siding with the mother. Suddenly, Um, I got a story actually that is. It's not an am I the asshole, but it definitely involves an asshole that I would love

to share that. Let's take a quick break, and when we come back, Jason is going to share a story about a real holiday asshole. All right, we're back, all right, Jason, I'm all yours. So this is also a holiday asshole? Uh? The redditor is split Ender. This was twelve years ago. Also, so different times. I really want an update. Yeah, at different time. I mean Avatar had just come out. Avatar

too was just a twinkle in Jim Cameron's eyes. But so split Ender says, how about one of my earliest childhood memories waking up early Christmas morning and running downstairs to find my parents passed out naked on the living room floor, where they apparently had decided to have sex after we all got back from a drunken Christmas Eve at Grandma's house. I was horrified and crept back upstairs to lay awake in my bed until I heard noises downstairs.

Slowly I went back downstairs. My mother was putting presents under the tree. Thankfully, she put a rope back on. In a raspy, hungover voice, she told me go back upstairs. Santa hasn't finished yet. Sadly, that was not the last time I saw my mother naked on Christmas. I think Santa did finish. Yeah, that sounds like they were all done there. Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry, split ender. Yeah, that's went from Christmas to Halloween real quick. Um, that's

really spooky. I mean, I feel speechless just the trauma that that kid. Because when you're coming down the stairs Christmas morning, the amount of like joy anticipation, Yeah, it's like that is the greatest feeling of That's like you're about to jump out of a plane level of like anticipation and excitement, you know what I mean. And then to run downstairs and to see your parents just in a sex puddle, sweaty, passed out, crusty sex. The word of the episode is gonna be crusty, but it really

is crusty Christmas. The last thing that you want to see on Christmas morning is, yeah, is your parents post coital? Oh my god. And then going back upstairs and then laying in bed and just staring at the clock and waiting. That just ruins Christmas for the whole day. I think I couldn't open a gift and be like looking at whatever the same, like I would have to sit. Yeah, I mean the holidays just ruined forever now, you know. And also what the hell is going on? Like what's

going on at this Grandma's Christmas party? That everyone was getting blast to me like non not probably took her dentures out, like it's just Christmas eat, you know, like this, uh sounds like a party. I wish I was invited to. Yeah, this is like the drunken, crusty version of I saw a mom kissing his Anta Claus. Yeah I was. I was going through the you know, like probably what happened

with the parents? You know, it's like all right, like Kevin's asleep, we should probably put the should probably put the presents, grab the presents, put the presents under the tree. But Mrs Claws is have you been working out? Oh my god? I'm sure you can find the whole scene on porn hub that's probably exists. And since since you said Kevin, I'm now realizing this is the exact inverse of Home Alone. This is home not alone, the nightmare

nightmare inverse of Yeah. Also another quality title for this is Nightmare before Christmas. Yeah, there we go. Absolutely, Oh my god, go back upstairs. Honey hasn't come yet. Oh my goodness, Literally and figuratively, I would just take my stocking and go to the neighbor's house. Calidday get adopted like it would be over. Yeah. Yeah, Christmas is not

like traditionally a sexual holiday. It doesn't seem like. But at the same time, I was thinking when I was reading this, how everyone's like sexually attracted to the Grinch now and this is like the story manifestation of that. Yeah, like the this is the Grinch in different form. Yeah, I mean, look when nothing gets the juices flowing, like, you know, like a bottle of egg nog and some figgy pudding. Yeah, did they even bite the cookies and like take a chomp of the carrots? For the cookies

were everywhere? You know, stockings. Mom was wearing Santa loves him so much. Oh my god. Yeah, I don't know about that. I would be deeply, deeply unwell, yeah, traumatized. I guess that also revealed that Santa is his mother, correct, like he the mom like killed two dreams in one. Oh yeah, that's also probably how they found out how Santa wasn't. What a brutal way to deliver that truth bomb. Yeah, this poor kid. But it's noon. It's a New Year's Eve. Mother, Um,

that is insane. Yeahs um, alright, great. I actually have one more very quick am I the Asshole that kind of relates to this one? Uh if I could share before we jumped to Danielle. So I'm gonna thro all this one in there really quick because I was such great. It's just such a great quick story. Okay, So this one, this am I the Asshole, is from a supposted by user oh mom uh, and they wrote, my husband's family likes to drink. Every holiday includes multiple bottles of wine

slash cocktails. I hate drinking. I've never drank. My father was an alcoholic. I think it's childish and if you can't have fun without drinking. This year, I'm hosting Christmas for a change, and I decided, since it's at my house, no alcohol allowed. We are all getting older and it's time to grow up. My husband's sister called to ask what she could bring. She saw a recipe for Christmas martini that she wanted to bring. I told her about my no alcohol rule. She didn't say much, but must

have told the rest of the family. Some of them started texting me, asking if I was serious and saying that is lame, but I'm not budging. Now. It turns out my husband sister is hosting an alternate gathering, but almost everyone is choosing to go to instead. It's so disrespectful, all because they would they would have to spend one day sober. My husband told me he talked to a sister and we are invited to her gathering. She said we should go and stop causing an issue, but I won't.

It's so rude. Now my husband is mad because I'm making him stay home and spend Christmas with me. But it was my turn to host, and I chose to have a no alcohol day so they could have dealt with it for one year. Wow. I think she's taking it a little too far. I don't think you could do it it's not even drying January, like it's the holidays. If you don't want people to get that toasted, you know,

I don't know, make it only be beer. And also if her family is getting like crazy wasted and slamming through pong tables, like you know, that's another problem within itself. Like and someone else is hosting and no one's going to yours. That's just horrible. And the husband probably hates his life. So oh my god, she is. Yes, the bamboozling the party is so funny. The sister being like, I'm just gonna throw my own party. Everybody's invited, and

everybody going, I'm going to that one. It's a little it's pretty childish. I mean, I think it's fine to host a party and just be like, hey, I'm not providing alcohol, like I want to keep it a little classier this year or whatever. Um, but feel free to you know, bring anything you want to drink. That's fine. But to say it's no alcohol party, you're you've been a little much. This is the most both humble scrooge Christmas I've ever heard of. Yeah, don't ruin it for

everybody else. Do you want to get a little tipsy. Also this lady, it sounds like I need to drinks to just hang out with this lady. Oh yeah, yeah, maybe that's why no one wants to be sober around you. Look, I understand that she's just realizing that her father was an alcoholic and that runs in the family, and there's you know, if she chooses not to drink, that's her choice, Like totally, that's great. But to be so judgmental and be like, you're all a bunch of children. You can't

be sober for one day? Cheese? Yeah too much? Yeah, hater, hater. Yeah, I don't. I don't even know if we need a vote on this one. I think it's pretty clear that yeah, like good convictions. I respect it, but don't yeah, don't

hold others to your standards. It's pretty funny. In the comments, there's some great ones of people just changing Christmas carols to like boozy things like I'm dreaming of a what Russian or all I want for Christmas is boom as m Rudolph the Red Nose drunkard at a very hotty pot. People only to go with caroling at her door with this. Seriously, let's take a quick little break and won't come back, and then Danielle is going to hit us with some

unpopular opinions around the holidays. All right, welcome back, all right, Daniella. I am fired up for these unpopular opinions. I'm ready to debate. So let's go alrighty, what is your most unpopular Christmas opinion? Anonymous asked, let's start off with the first one. In my opinion, the Snowman is creepy as fuck and only understandable as a public service film about strained your danger and I will not be told otherwise. So Frosty, specifically Frosty Frosty, Yeah, Frosty. I think the

thing that you're bringing a lot of baggage. The thing that's creepiest to me about Frosty is the is Frosty's mortality. Like usually we don't are like our holiday characters don't don't have like a built in death sentence. Yeah, born and died like it has his expiration date. And yeah, I think he's a little odd in the movie. He's definitely, you know, a sore subject to look at, but it's not not not the prettiest. Yeah, but I mean, hey,

he has Christmas charm um. Yeah, he's he's definitely like just the most fragile of all of the holiday uh you know character where it's just like, oh, you're you're gonna die at any moment. Yeah, yeah, get out of the sun or the movie ends early like that's we want to eat your Yeah. Also he's a smoker. Why why you know he's got his his pipe like and no wonder he's melting. Yeah, he's a little stoner to die. Yeah, what's that? What's that, Frosty? What are you smoking? Yeah?

Why are your eyes like that? Um? What's he? What does what does he want? What is Frosty looking for? Like? What's his goals? I don't just to not die? That the whole thing, it's rough. That is a sad life. Yeah, alright. Number two. Someone said Elf on the Shelf the worst thing to ever be created. I don't know if it's the worst thing. I I just I don't. I don't really. Do you think it's like pointless? Did you ever? Well?

I feel like elphan the Shelf is relatively new, or like I didn't have it as a kid, So it's like parents spying on their kids, or like an elf is spying and when the kids do good things. What happens, Well, I don't know if it's like good bad. It's more so like a game of hide and seek. So like you have this felt, little wooden elf and then every night the parent or people take turns and then you

hide it and make it do different things. So it's like in the blender for sugar cookies, or I've seen someone that it's like in a pile of snow and like you know, elephant crazy last night, or you know you can take it kind of anything. Yeah, it seems like parents giving themselves a hard job every night just for what reason. The joy of your children, ye, great reason,

but like get not worth it. Yeah, I definitely missed the elf on the shelf years and it seems like, I don't know, it's weird when they're new, uh, customs added to holidays, Like I feel like on St. Patrick's Day now kids make traps for lepri Cons like I never was trying to trap apricas. Yeah, whoa, I think that's like a new thing where it's like like you build a leprechn trap on St. Patrick's Day? Perps? When did that start? But it's all just commercialism, it's all

just trying to sell more ship. You know, I'm surprised that Elf and the Shelf doesn't have a horror movie yet. It feels like an episode of Chucky, like a holiday episode where it's like Elf on the Shelf, like Chucky's spirit goes into an Elf on the shelf. Someone commented on then and said, I think Alf on the Shelf is a creepy little bastard, and I think it is just about social media. I hate him. And yeah, he's kind of a stalker. He's a little crazy. Yeah, he's

a peeping tom. There's there's also one for he's a peeping out. Yeah, he's on a men on the bench on the bench. That's what it is. Yes, And that's just it's anti semitic. I don't know how. I just know that it is. It's just target semitic in some way. They're like, it's got a rhyme. I don't know, put him on a bench, okay. Um. Someone else says Christmas carols are way better than Christmas songs. Try to prove me wrong. Oh what is it? So we're going we're

saying silent night. I'm like, hard how the bell sweet silver bells all seem to say through cares away that that song is a bop. That's yeah, but she's claiming this person is claiming that the carols so are silent night are Um. I don't know which. I'm jolly jolly, I know now it's better than the like Mariah Carey, the Melancoli maka um. I don't know. I kind of I kind of fun with some some carols me too, now that we've really distinguished what's the carol or not?

I might be team Caroling. But also it's beginning the look Chris's so job absolute banger. Yeah, I agree. Um, alright, someone says this one is I'm not really sure because I can see it being a good one or not. I hate the movie The Polar Express. It is so boring. I always fall asleep and what is the plot? Creepy Eyes that was like early CG. That was like the first one of the first, if not the first, fully CG movies, and everybody just has dead eyes. It's just

the birth of the Uncanny Valley. They always referenced that film with Uncanny Valley. I I think that it is really long. It is a little snoozy, but it's just like a good Christmas feel. But the c G I is a little creepy. Everyone looks like they have a lazy eye. Um. But it's like a comfort film for me. Yeah. I mean I'll listen to Tom Hanks v O all day long. Um. Someone said, kind of becoming a try hard after he got COVID. He's active. He just how

many accents? Yeah? How many accents do we need to post? Elvis? You're saying, yeah, and Geppetto and Pinocchio, and now he's playing this grumpy guy named Auto. It's like, alright, Forrest Gump. It worked because it's the South. All your other weird accents. Take a break, Tom, I just want Tom to be Tom again. Yeah you know, Um, let us get back to Let's do Big two, right, Yeah Hanks's kid. Yeah, call it little little, big little t um. Someone said,

let's settle this debate. Is die Hard a Christmas movie? I think it is the most boring film ever. Whenever someone brings it up, I just know that they've downloaded their personality from Facebook or read it. What are you having never seen die Hard? Die Hard is fantastic. It's a fantastic action film, great performances all around. Yes, there's Chris it takes place during Christmas. It is Christmas Eve. There's uh ho now I have a machine gun? Ho ho ho. That's the one of the lines in there.

I mean, Alan Rickman. Hans Gruber is one of the greatest villains in an action movie of all time. Um, so I didn't download my personality from Facebook. I appreciate good quality action cinema. Yeah, I'm a behind you will. I think though this this person brings up a good point of people who are obsessed with that question. Is it a Christmas movie? Is a little bit. It gives me like coal from season three of Love is Blind energy, where it's like on a date, I'm gonna be like,

what is your favorite dinosaur? Everyone must have a favorite dinosaur. And it's like, Bro, if you are worrying about this on a date or making this a big part of your personality, something is wrong with you. You have a hole in your in your in your life that girlfriend is not going to fill. It's the same as people who are like moist is my least favorite word. It's like, okay, yeah,

and did you really lose sleep over that? Yeah? Like that, No vocab should be making you grow back hair Like it's not true, But I mean, die Hard is a fantastic film, Daniel, you should watch it this holiday season. Half of the movie because Bruce willis just talking to himself like this. He's just going like, way to go, John, Like come out to California, John, It'll be fun, John. Yeah, why have a good time? Why if you left? John? Come on, John, what are you gonna do? It's just

him like talking to himself. Uh, it's fantastic. I can't go around and what I'm gonna do next time? Though? Someone asks me if I think Diehards a Christmas movie, though, I'm gonna walk up to that person. I'm gonna give them a hug, and I'm gonna say I notice you. I notice you. You're being noticed. I see you are special regardless. Yeah, you're enough. Just tell me about yourself. That good I think everyone from now on, if anybody gets it, there springs up the die Hard argument. Just

go embrace that person and let him know. Yeah, there's no need I don't. Yes, Yes, it's a Christmas alright. One more popular last one, how does your family do it? Is Christmas? Gifts opened on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day? We do Christmas Eve? Wait, was that the reheator saying we do Christmas Eve or you Danielle, Yeah, yeah, yeah. The reheator said that, Okay, what do you do like family gifts? It would be Eve and then if Santa previously was more coming through, it would be day. But

we do more Eve now than day. Nonsense, total nonsense. Okay, Christmas Day, Christmas Morning is where the presents. That's when Santa comes on Christmas Eve in the night. You wake up and you open all the presents. That stand to Braun and I went to my girlfriend's house in South Dakota a couple of years ago for their holidays and Christmas Eve. They were like, let's open all the presents. And I was like, why, what what are you guys doing. You're doing it wrong. And they were just like, this

is how we do it. We open all presents on Christmas Eve. And I was like, this is madness. This is madness. Okay, not all, but majority I think e like you know, from ants or grandparents and then like my mom or my sister. I'll be like give it to me Christmas Day so I can feel like a kid again. Yeah, it's all about coming downstairs or whatever, waking up and getting in your pj's and going to the tree and then like just tearing open presents and

then having all day to play with them. And it's all that waking up and downstairs finding your parents naked next to the tree in a cuddle puddle of post coital bliss, and being scarred for life and then hating Christmas forever. Well, I would also bet that it says a lot about the impulse control of your family, because I would say families that open on Christmas Eve probably are having a boozier Christmas, and families that can wait are probably having a little bit more of a sober,

meaningful time. That's just my judgment I'm putting. Interesting, that's my read. Fascinating, I know. I mean when I was a kid, my parents would be like, we're not opening presents until eight am. And I would wake up at am and I would sit there and I would stare at the clock and I would watch the minutes go by until eight o'clock. Run into my parents room. Yeah it's time. I have a type. I'd be first up, wake up my sister, then the family, and then my sister.

Like even recently, not recently, but maybe less than six years seven, like I still will be waking up pretty early because it's just how it's done. And she often was like chill or not like young like that anymore. We don't have to be up at six like you clearly have let the Christmas fear die. Yeah, we were, you know. I used to obviously live at my parents house when I was a child and also sometimes as

an adult. But now we have Christmas Eve dinner and then we all go back to our respective homes and then Christmas morning we drive back to our parents house and I'll have Christmas together. Weird, weird. I forgot to mention this earlier, and my weird family customs. My mom always makes corned beef hash and poached eggs on Christmas Morning and it's wonderful. And now I just that sounds like, let me some corn corn be fashion poch eggs. I'm

excited for that meal on Christmas Day. But I feel bad for for my nephews now because they got to like sit in a car ride and wait. And also I don't know how they're Like Santa goes to like Miami and pep Yeah, so how does he know? I don't know. He's a tricksy one that Santa Claus Well, I think we I think we covered a lot of ground here. Um, I think we we've drawn some lines in the sand in terms of some popular opinions. We've we've we've learned about some asshole parents and uh, you know,

booze grinches. Um. I feel crusty. This is a real crusty episode. UM, I don't what did we learn? What did we learn this episode? What's one one takeaway that we can share with the audience? Um, now her have a cookie contest. Um, no matter how low or die hard movie fanatic you are, there's no need to put people's taste buds at steak for that. Um, And don't get too drunk, or if you do, at least make it upstairs. Yeah, Jason, want to do that. I learned

that just people need help. People need to just like hash stuff out. So I would say, like on December or out as far in advance as you need before Christmas, like call up your family members and just kind of talk to them and let them know you're all on the same page and you just want to spend time together because that can probably save a lot of heartache. Yeah. Yeah, My main takeaway is if you're going to bone under the tree on Christmas and set an alarm and get

your ship together before the kids come downstairs, you filthy animals. Well, happy holidays everyone, Marry Chris Mahana Kwansica. I hope you all have a wonderful new year. We'll be back next year with a brand new season of hashtag Storytime, so make sure to like subscribe and leave us a review. Also, if you want to call in and tell us one of your holiday nightmare stories, you can do that. Jason hit him with the phone number that would be three to three hang on and yeah, it's called the called

the Storytime Hotline. We love hearing your guys stories. Um, thank you so much for listening, and have a happy holidays. M thanks for listening to Hashtag Storytime Season four. We'll be coming at you early next year, and we've got some really top notch guests like Adam Pally Right or Strong and Lucky Yates. So make sure you subscribe so you don't miss a single episode. If you love Reddit stories like these, make sure you follow us on I G and TikTok links in the description. Finally, I'd just

like to say how grateful. I am for each and every one of you Fable babies out there listening and sharing. I hope you all have a magical holiday season filled with love, laughter, and his few interactions with assholes as possible. Hashtag Storytime is produced by I Heart Radio and Curativity, hosted by Will McFadden. Produced by Jason Shapiro, Jordan Elijah Michael, Daniel La Mora, and Will McFadden. Original music by Scott Simmons.