¶ Welcome, Guests, and Resilience Foundations
Welcome to Stories of Special Forces Operators Podcast. Listen to some of the bravest and toughest people on the planet share their stories, Sit back and enjoy.
Welcome back everybody. Well, today we have a very special show. Co hosting with me is Tier one operator and the co host of The Collective, which you can catch on YouTube at eleven am Pacific every day of the week kiding it every day, seven days of the week. His name is Sean Taylor.
Welcome Sean, Hey, great to be back. Thanks for inviting me into this conversation.
Buddy, thank you very much for being here. Folks. You might have heard him and Master Corporal Chants Burls in our last interview. But today we have somebody who's returning as well, but its returning is Green Beray Ryan Hendrickson. He'll be here shortly and we're going to be talking a little bit about his story it's amazing really, and then we'll be talking about resilience and a whole lot more. So before I get started, you know what to do, share, subscribe,
hit that like button and join us. Now as we go into the green room, talk a little bit about resilience before Ryan gets here. So Sean resilient to something that's kind of interesting. There's two things I always see in the world of trauma that you don't see a lot of I guess me phrase it that way. And two of the things I don't see is usually protective factors, which is usually the opposite of a lot of the
factors that cause problems. And some of you can control, some you can't, obviously, But and then the other one is resilience. And this is the one I guess we'll be talking a little bit about today, and we'll probably cover a little bit of protective factors too, because I
like to explore that. And now pabably ask Ryan what he thinks something what happened to him during his development, during his early years that might have helped him he so resilient and whenever he overcame, But what do you think about resilience?
Well, before I give my opinion on resilience, which is a great topic to discuss, I'm curious as to how you would define protective measures or protective portions I'm assuming coping mechanisms to some degree or or how would you define that?
Yeah, protective book factors would actually how would you say, increase the efficacy of coping mechanisms. I always say there's three things I might approach you before coping mechanisms, support systems, and resources. Resources are the easiest now, thankfully fifty years ago is a lot harder. So we'll just stay focused with trauma for instance, trauma, PTSD, whatever it may be, and resources a lot more now. So if you're a victim of domestic violence, of shelters, if you're PTSD, there's
places to go. Support system that's the hardest. We'll get to that in a second. Coping skills are the one you usually therapists will help you with if not, parents can if they've raised you accordingly, And I'll talk about
that a minute form the protective factors. But the third one support system is the toughest one is do you have those friends that really can how you talked about this on the collective about the social connection engaging with individuals, but it's not just simply engaging with somebody's actually somebody who really I don't care what you tell me, Sean, I'm still your friend. You all have something, and those aren't that many.
That's true.
Yeah, you tell somebody something and all of a sudden, shit, this guy's going to turn on me, or she is or whatever it is, and then they're going to turn and or they're going to look at me differently now, And that's a problem. That's not really an unconditional type of Christianity. He likes to use a conditional love. For instance, that's gone and for human beings, we tend to want that, even as children want this unconditional love from our parents.
And I think that's where the protective factors. One of the protective factors is having parenting, good parenting. And this could be single bombs. I know people are going to say, oh, it just have to be both families. Doesn't have to be. It's much easier if you have both parents, But those are one of the major protective factors. Teaching them is one of the key things about parents. So if it gets a phone call and they're upset about something, how does the parent handle it in front of that four
or five year old. These are early lessons that they started learning. Well, dad's flipping at him, yelling, he's smashing things, he's hitting mob whatever it may be that's not protected. But dad says, you know what stuff happens ticket as it goes go with the blows, roll along with it. We learn from our mistakes and learn from this d D.
And they start explaining that. One of the things plugs me the mostions when you see parents sometimes in the grocery store where the kids throwing the cereal box all over the place and the parent yells of them not to do it, and then grabs them and takes them away. And I'm looking at it, going, she didn't tell them? Why you didn't tell them? It was the kicks that think, maybe it's just cereal boxes. I just grab the oatmeal
box and throw that. He has no idea what the heck is going on, So there's no understanding of why you don't do this because it hurts other people. This is why you don't smack other kids in the head when you're five. That says so. Protective factors are that good moral values taught by the family, love staying away. Obviously for substance us that's another one. It's the opposite really of anything that's going to lead into making the individual handle trauma effectively. Trauma.
¶ Cultivating Connections and Diverse Wisdom
That's a that's a good that's a good lead in for an idea that I've been considering recently. I didn't know that. I haven't really considered it in the way that you just put it across. But it's something that I'm actively pursuing with the collective. And so to your point, if if someone never learned how to do these things when they're a kid, which I didn't, I wasn't I didn't learn these things. I wasn't taught these things. I
didn't know how to do, uh, these kind of things. Well, but I've I've started to learn how to do them better. I now do it better, I feel. And it's we're trying to demonstrate over on the collective. And I know this, this is not a shameless plug. I had no intention of talking about the collective per se. But we're trying to demonstrate how to connect with humans on a deeper level now, how to communicate in a more effective way so that we can feel the love for each other
to some degree. And if we weren't getting those connections in our childhood, we can get those as adults. But you've got to go find the right places to get these connections. And I'm not talking about connections on a shallow level. I'm talking on a much much deeper level where you allow that person to express themselves and then through that expression, you can dive deeper into those expressive moments.
I feel that it's really powerful when you can connect with people who not only care, but it's a communal car ring. So one on one sort of situation can be powerful, but a group connection, I feel, is much more powerful. So again back over to the collective, we're really trying to connect on a deeper level as humans. It's a powerful thing.
Absolutely. I think it's great that you bring that up, because, again, folks, I feel like the collective and I are connecting in different ways and it's really funny. So I have no problems, and you know before I've plugged other podcasts as well, but I think it's a great podcast because it generates conversations for me, it makes me seek out other individuals and maybe vice versa as well.
For sure, we're really benefiting from hanging out with you. As I'd mentioned to you just before we went into this recording, I really appreciate the depth of knowledge that you bring on a technical level, but also you've spoken to so many people on so many subjects at a deeper level that you have an innate, deep wisdom within you. That is a multi factorial combination of all of your stories that you've listened to and all of the relaying
of information to a variety of individuals. You need to listen and talk to so many people over the course of your life that to become better, and you have done that not only through your professional career, but in your own personal time through podcasting. To communicate better and to listen better, you have to do it more.
So, thank you very much. You know what's one of the interesting things I always tell the students is that I've found out over the years that human behaviors everywhere and every discipline, that they look at it differently. And that's why I got it so involved in so many podcasts. Because there's behavioral economics that look at how we behave with money and that varies, and how we havethropology, sociology, criminology, and then this world's psychology and you have different levels
of that, and it's sports psychology as well. There's just so many facets of understanding human be here. Even physics gets in the way. Everybody joins in the game, right, chemistry, physics, nutrition, everything plays. So for me, it's been a wonderful journey just to be able to talk to people and learn just like ourselves. The show is interesting because I get more of a almost like a qualitative study. I get a bunch of people that I can listen to, hear
their stories and see how they're viewing the world. Yeah, it's not a research study like a quantitative one. You're not getting a controlled study. But still I get to hear the anecdotes that are coming out. How's like Tanya, for instance, very insightful individual. I know she's doing something, she's up to something, she knows something out there, she's been doing research, and she's passionate about topics. Sev is another one we talked about before. He has a lot
of insight too. So back to resilience. I've always liked the the simple ter definition of bouncing back, the ability to kind of bounce back from a situation. And I grew up. I'm a little younger than you. It looks better than I'm a little younger than you, but I remember listening to watching Actually, sorry, folks, I don't plugging my own, so hopefully the quality is better now.
Sounds tight.
You know, we don't do much with editing around here. Well, Rocky was one of my first experiences with resilience. Everybody's probably seen the movie or a lot most people at least listen to this podcast depending where you're from, but even other countries have caught up. Now I've watched a
lot of them. But the ability of him to come back from Apollo Creed, the ability from the guy to come from nothing to go somewhere, and we've seen it constantly and the mma boxing, and that to me takes the special quality of an individual because there's a difference there between them and other individuals that are not champions. It's that ability to say, Okay, I got knocked out, but I got to get back up and I got to get to my goals somehow. However, that is I
don't know, what do you think about that? Did you like Rocky?
I did? I did, And as you mentioned that movie, I was already preliminary considering how I would best use an example. Rocky didn't come to mind. But it was a combination of No movie came to mind. It was just simply a combination of the observations that I've had throughout my life of other individuals, real humans on our planet, not actors. Even though the movie Rocky acts as a great representation of all the humans out there on the
planet who are resilient. And I think the first thoughts that come to mind are breaking it down into the individual domains of are we talking physiologically resilient, mentally resilient, emotionally resilient? Or are we talking about all three? Is the perfect multi dimensional combination of resilience. It's a really interesting question. So which one would you like to speak about first?
¶ Ryan Hendrickson: Landmine Removal in Ukraine
Actually, know what We're going to stop the green room folks, and we're going to bring in our guest. Fantastic welcome back everybody, were I guess is here Ryan Hendrickson. I mentioned him earlier. The book is called Tip of the Spear. Incredible Story, and I'm not kidding it. It really is the incredible story of an injured green Berets return to battle. This is the story that really defies the odds. You just don't hear what happened to him and he just
goes back to battle. Amazing story. Nonetheless, you can learn more about him over at the Tip of the Spear the book, great book, and catch him also on Instagram. Actually, I'm gonna have to ask him his handle on Instagram because I don't have his hand on, but we'll get to that a minute. Also check out line landmine Removal dot org Landmine Removal dot org. You're probably wondering what that is. Well, we're going to talk about that a
little bit later on in the show. Let's not wasting any more time and welcome to the show, Ryan Henderson. Welcome back, Ryan.
Hey, I appreciate you guys having me back on.
Definitely, thank you very much for what you're doing as well in the Ukraine. I mean that's extremely honorable. Maybe we'll start off with that. Tell us a little bit about landmine removal dot org because that's right now. You've been doing this for what is it almost a year.
Over here.
Yeah, we So I started going over to Ukraine last March. The mission there was to evacuate civilians out of areas that the Russians were moving into. As the Russians started to move east, civilians started going back to their homes and hitting uh land mines, booby traps, explosive devices and
stuff like that. So yeah, as you know, as as civilians started to come back to kind of survey the damage she was left of their livelihoods, they're they're getting you know, they're getting hit and from what we call the leave behinds or the you know, just the the land mines and all that other stuff that the Russians put out there to slow the Ukrainian forces down. It's it's, you know, pretty pretty typical where hey, we're we're we're moving east.
Now we're gonna mine everything in our path.
To slow down the the the counter offensive or whatever, you know, whatever you want to call it, the pursuit, I guess for lack of better words. And but in the end it's you know, civilians get caught up in that too, and so there was a lot of casualties being taken. And that's when you know, I I decided I was going to try and help out as much
as I could their last April in May. And you know, just from my background as a eighteen Charlie Special Forces engineer, I've definitely found my fair share of IDs and minds in Afghanistan. So I decided, you know, just for first first thing I was going to do was was awareness for the children. Don't grab this, don't touch this if
you see this, report this stuff like that. Trying to keep these kids safe because you know, PFM one butterfly mine looks looks like a fun toy to play with, and then that's then that's it for your your hand or your arm or whatever. So started off as awareness and then training. A lot of the Ukrainian forces were not really sure how to use handheld detectors, sweeping techniques,
clearance techniques, stuff like that. So I kind of moved into that when I had time, because I was also simultaneously working with a missionary group bringing food and medical aid out to areas that the Russians have just left, and so we were we would go in and try and help them out the best that we could. So and then from there it turned into okay, yeah, I can I can train these guys advise them in a system.
So I went home in middle of May, and then I came back in August and I linked up with the group and we started doing we started doing battle area clearance in farm fields so the farmers could you know, get back out there, start cutting harvests and stuff like that. It and so basically, you know, I did what Green Bereys do best, trained up a group of Ukrainians and then advised them on the minefield and assisted them on the minefield. And then all the equipment that I brought over,
I donated it all over to them. And you know that that was when I realized like, yeah, I can I can actually do this. I could do the trained advice assists bring over detectors, remote pole equipment, safety equipment, medical equipment.
I can. I can bring all this over. I can train these guys up on it.
I can go and d mine with them, which is my way of vetting the unit, making sure that they are going to actually use the equipment for humanitarian d mining. And then I donated over to them. That gets me
out in the minefield. I get to have some fun too, and we and we're we're pulling land mines and and you know, we're we're making areas safe for the the civilians so they don't have to worry about their next step or you know that that tractor he doesn't have to worry about, you know, rolling over that mine and and stuff like that. So that turned into the five oh one C three tip of the Spirit landmine removal. And yeah, I went back again November December to uh
here Sun region and then April to July. All Right, I'm sorry April to.
Late June.
I got home, like think the twenty eighth of June, twenty ninth of June, but and all that was up in Harkiev region and just landmine removal doing a doing some some good work, helping some people out, donating some equipment, and and yeah, having some fun.
So remind everybody against landmine Removal dot org. I think you're down playing how important the work is that you're doing. I mean, to me, it's inportally amazing that I haven't seen anything I don't think on any of mean major news network is about these landmines being left behind and innocent children and people just being victims to this is incredible to me. They talk about a lot of other stuff, but this is another one that should have been highlighted too.
¶ Personal Journey: From Injury to Purpose
I guess my first question before I hand it over to Sean is well, you and I have, first of all, have different definitions of fun. I was gonna have some fun to get out there. It's like, all right, right, but what motivated you really? What was the impact that had was it all your years as a Green Ray? What was it that said I got to get out here and help these people.
So the number one motivator for me was the fact that I've stepped on I stepped on an ied in Afghanistan, and I know the pain and I know the life changing circumstances that come comes as after a fairly traumatic incident like that or or situation, I guess you would say. And so as i'm you know, as I'm seeing and I'm I'm hearing reports and civilians, mainly, you know, children, whether it's Afghanistan or Iraq or Ukraine. But that's you know,
children don't need to go through that. I mean, nobody, nobody needs to, but especially children.
They don't.
They don't need to have their lives, you know, basically.
Destroyed or changed, catastrophically changed through through a landmine. I think destroys the wrong word, because you could, you could, you know, be, you can make your you you could do a lot of great things in life, regardless of the situation, injury or circumstance that you're under. So destroyed was the wrong word. But a catastrophic injury like that,
it changes your life. And especially when you're just a kid and you're kind of you just want to go out there and play and be a kid in this warm you know, in this war torn country and and you know, you have I mean, there's there's just tons and tons and tons of instances of kids stepping on anti personnel minds, picking up those PFM one butterfly minds, and there's not a lot of reporting about it because it's it is it's the ugly part of war and
and people don't have the stomach for it. People don't you know, the it's just it's heartbreaking, especially when it comes to the children. But yeah, that was that was my drive to get over there and do what I was doing. Was because I mean, it goes back to September twelfth, twenty ten, when I stepped on my you know,
ID and it changed my life forever. And I know that I could have I could have I could have become a I could have became a victim of it, and you know, you know, let that IED become you know, who I was, and and and you know be you know, and and let that I ed you know, my I never you know, I could have been victimized and never left September twelve, twenty ten. I could have you know that that could have been me for the rest of my life. But and I headed down that path for
a while. But I chose. I chose to use that situation and in those dark times that I went through and the mental struggles that I went through, I chose to use all that to to make myself stronger, but not for myself, but to but to help other people. And and as I continued to help other people, it gave me more strength and and and and that purpose, that purpose that I needed as as a veteran that worked at you know, a certain level.
And then I got out and it's like, who is Ryan Henderson? What? What?
What is my purpose? What am I supposed to do? I I don't even know who I am right now? And I found it in Ukraine and it was it was it was helping people. So yeah, that it all just kind of came together for me. And yeah, it's that it's that higher purpose of helping other people with a little bit of danger, a little bit of excitement, and and yeah, it's that's that was the ticket for me. So and you're helping people, especially kids.
I can see. It was definitely personal, Sean, I guess is a good segue to you.
¶ Tough Love: Addressing Veteran Entitlement
Well, Holy moly, I think that what Ryan just dropped there is so legit. I've heard it in a variety of different ways from a variety of different veterans that I've spoken to, But it's almost categorically picture perfect stated. And I mean, I'd love to ask questions and I'd love to add more, but I mean, that was such a freaking mic drop. I'm not even sure where to go with it.
No, I get it. You covered a lot of territory in our.
There's no questions go forward, No, No, not at all. I I I, well, I suppose I do have one if I if I'm going to add some nuance to it. Ryan, Now that you have formulated what works best for you and you're you're demonstrating the resilience and the results that
that are making you happy, how best are you? Have you started to engage with other veterans in a way to expand that awareness or to demonstrate your path is a good path and have other veterans pick up on our traction, up on that uh that path forward?
Yeah, all the time.
I mean mental mental health is huge with me, especially the crisis we have going on in the United States, England, Canada, Australia mental health in the way that I'm not I'm not going to go into how we left Afghanistan, but it does segue into a lot of the mental health crisis we have going on right now. I do I talk to veterans and and and first responders whoever's going
to listen. I do talk about having that purpose and but the biggest thing is there there's a lot of tough love that goes with with with taking charge your mental health. And that tough love is nobody owes you shit, and and and so and what veterans have a you know what what they have in let me let me see all I say. One of the issues that I see veterans haveing right now is a sense of entitlement because of there because of the you know, their service to this country.
And so you'll be and you'll hear it.
You you know, I served the country, I protected your freedoms, your way of life, you know, filling all filling all the blanks that you want. So what happens now is veterans become you know, and I'm not saying all veterans, but I see this trend in the veteran community is that there is this sense of there's this sense of entitlement that turns into a victimization. And that victimization is
when your titlement, when your entitlement void. You know that that hole in you that can't be filled by anybody but yourself, But it's this entitlement void. When you can't get that filled, there's no thank you for your service at Applebee's that's.
Ever going to fill that void.
When when you can't get that void filled, you become a victim of it. Nobody understands me, nobody respects what I did. They don't know what I've done for them, And then you become a victim of this entitlement. And it's not just veterans. The United States is full of victims. Oh my gosh, watch the news. But you become a victim of your perceived entitlement, of what you think you did for everybody around you, or the level that you operated at.
You have no idea what I've done. Well, of course they don't.
They weren't there, and even if they were there, they weren'tn't you, So then you become a victim of it at And as you become a victim of it, you start to push people away, and people will try and Russian to help you, and you'll push people away, push people away, push people away until you're all alone. And then that's when that's when veterans are making really really bad decisions and because they're trying to fill that entitlement void in their life with that quick fix, and that's
usually alcohol, drugs, or something else. So that's what I talk to you know people about it is you you have to take control. There's a lot of help out there, but nobody is going to hold your hands all the way through the process.
You have to take control of your own life.
¶ Purpose-Driven Life and Self-Care
And the best way to take control over your life is to find that higher purpose.
Who are you? What can I do? And usually in my experience.
There is not a lot of fulfilled people out there that have just focused on me. It's usually people that understand the we over me. And once you understand that, you know, helping other people and and and and making yourself vulnerable, not being afraid to fail, try new things and get out there and find what your purpose is, that's when you start to heal your life. And that's when you start to you know, you start to fill that entitlement void. And I mean to me, people say,
is there a cure? For PTS, and I say, yeah, there is find a purpose that's bigger than yourself and go and help people.
That's the cure.
But no I do I I reach you know if if, if someone wants to.
Listen, I could talk to him about it.
But a lot of the times it's you know, it's what are you doing to help yourself? You know, I I got it here calling me all the time with this issue, this issue, this issue. What are you doing to take care of yourself? No one's going to do it for you because guess what, as much as you think you're owed something, you're not old shit.
It's just the facts of the matter, nobody the.
Facts of the matter. And you're like a younger, smarter version of me, I think, because what you just said is what I say all the time. You crystallized it so well. So thanks for that. Now I understand the main theme of how to get someone moving generally tends to be you've got to give some tough love. And if they're not willing to do it for themselves, and if they do genuinely want help it, it's usually a bit of a rocky road. They have to be prepared
to get some tough love. So have you found an effective way to Obviously, you calibrate yourself to the individual. You don't go in with a chain mail fist and punch everyone straight in the face even if you don't know them. So obviously you move your tough love around a little bit. But have you found a I don't want to say the most effective way, but a more effective way that will hit the general population?
Yeah? Through my actions?
Beautiful?
Oh man?
Okay, I could just leave what is even going on here right now? You're reading in my mind?
Or what?
Yeah?
People, you know, I mean, if you want to, if you want to, I guess see why I say the things that I do and why I guess you can say, preach the way I do. Look at it through my actions, look at it through my past. I mean, there was a time in my life that I definitely could have been one of the twenty two a day easily because I didn't take control over my own life. Everybody else owed me something except for me. Why, because look at
what I did for you? Look at all this. You know I was a green beray blah blah blah blah blah, and the list goes on. I didn't take responsibility of myself. I thought I was owed something until I finally got to such a low place in my life that it's like, if I don't change, I'm not going to make it. So it's not like i'm pret because I'm holier than thou.
I'm not at all.
I've been there, and it's not like I got this revelation and I wake up every day and every every day is fucking great.
It's not.
I continue to fall on my face and I continue to fall into self induced pitfalls, and I have pity parties and then I drag myself out of them.
Yeah, it's life.
Life is hard, and life could be ugly, and life beats you down and it doesn't really it doesn't matter all the great things you've done, and it doesn't matter how many people you've helped.
None of that matters.
Life is still going to hit you with right hooks all the time because it's life. And once you understand that, and once you understand you're not owed anything, and once you understand that helping people it is it is extremely therapeutic. Then life starts to make sense and it becomes a little bit easier and a little bit easier, and then the next time you fall flat on your face, it's a little bit easier to get up.
I don't know.
I agree, that's me. That's that's slightly how I run my life. That's precisely how I try to explain it to people. There is no there is no easy path, and if you're on the easy path, you're on the wrong path. And so life can be hard, and engaging in that hard path is the only way to move forward in a positive manner. Man I was in phases of my life as well, where as you've described some pretty low lows. And in order to look out and
see a brighter sun, you're more colorful world. It takes work, and so obviously in order to explain that to someone or line it out for someone, you've got to have been there. You can't do it from a book. You've got to do it from worldly experience, which obviously you have. So when someone pushes back against your not your message but your wisdom, do you just shrug your shoulders and walk away, or do you do you take a different tact or how do you face those kind of moments.
I'll be here when you I'll be here when you're ready, all right, Nice you know right, I'll be here when you're ready.
But there people need to understand there there is something extremely therapeutic about understanding we over me.
There is not a lot of mes that are happy in this.
Life, even regardless of how successful they are, regardless if they think they're at the top looking down and they're looking down on all these people that they think are less than them, and they are happy and content and fulfilled because they believe in the we over me. But no, you can't force anything on a person. The minute you become so invested into that person's misery, you're gonna you're gonna get drugged down yourself.
You when you.
When you're when you're dealing with people and the mental health. The best thing that you can do, besides being understanding and having that tough love, you do have to take charge of your own life. No one's going to take charge of it for you. But the best thing that you can do is to make sure that you remain mentally healthy and happy or else, because you can't help
anybody out. Regardless of the great speeches you give on you know, on whatever podcast it is, You're not helping anybody out if you're miserable.
Yeah, I agree, mm hmm.
So I I I can't. I don't entertain it as just say, man, I'm you know, I'm here when you need me. I'm here when you need me.
That's a great.
Because you got to stay mentally healthy yourself. You have to, Yeah, in order.
To fight the fight, You've got to be prepared to fight the good fight. And the only way to do that is be good for yourself first before we can go out and help others. But I it's a it's a tricky balance and you're you're it is powerful to be part of the Wii. It's it is powerful to be part of a big team and want more for the big team. But at the same time, you've got to look after yourself. I'm not talking to you specifically,
I'm speaking to anyone who's listening. You need to look after yourself to be strong for the Wei and finding that right balance is a little different for everyone, would you think.
¶ Rejecting Victimhood: Own Your Choices
Well, yeah, no, absolutely.
But the biggest thing people need to understand about taking control over their life is it is extremely easy to be a victim. Victimization is one of the easiest things to do. It's everybody else's fault by yours. This is the reason why I am the way I am. It is because of you, guys. Being a victim is simple. You have to understand that because taking control of your
life is hard. It is very hard to be To take control over your life and to actually own it, own your decisions, own your mindset, own it and actively try to help yourself. That's extremely difficult. What's really easy is becoming a victim. That's why we have so many victims in America today. It's simple.
Well, it's the same up here in Canada. And funnily enough, I'm up at a drop zone right now. I'm about nearly a thousand kilometers away from my hometown. I'm out here with my son, and the drop zone that I'm at is it's a gathering for this whole week of veterans. And last night there was a mental health talk by a mental health professional, we'll call it. And as he was describing, and I fully agree, the biggest problem out there is a lot of veterans are really angry at
everything else but themselves. They're eager to point the finger at the guy down the street, the guy on the TV, the guy on the commercial, the guy at the car wash. It doesn't much matter. It's everyone else's fault. They're angry with everyone not giving them the respect, not giving them the nod, and not giving them the free coffee, whatever it is. They don't feel like the world is giving them what they deserve, when it's quite the opposite. You
deserve nothing. What you deserve to do is give more of yourself for the team. And the moment that you can shift the anger away from the world and shift the focus into your own internal world, that's the moment that you can start to get a little bit better. Stop laying the blame elsewhere, start looking at your own feet and lay the blame right there. You don't have to be really tough on yourself, but it is tough
love over a period of time. I think that the responsibility that we all have is to own up to our own nonsense, get right with the program, and then start delivering more good out into the world for the team.
Yep.
Entitlement is very, very dangerous. It is very dangerous road to go on. It is very once you become so entitled, is very hard to undo it.
Trust me, true, it is true. And by the way, one way to improve in that area. One way to modify that that habit or limitation or mistake is just to hang out with cool people. Go find cool people who look not who fake happy but are putting out good into the world. I don't take much interest in people who are happy in their own tiny little lives.
I take interest in people who are happy by being a big part of other people's lives, like yourself, as you've just described, and over the last twenty four hours of me learning more about you, that's what I see. One of the more recent videos that you put up, I believe there was a bunch of line land mines in the back of your vehicle as you were moving around, and I just thought, like, you know, who drives around with a pile of land mines, whether they're inert or not.
Who does that. That's a guy who's in the game of working for the team. He ain't in the hobby of transporting land minds. He's in the hobby of doing better for the world. And that is the distinction between the victim mentality. You're either in it for yourself or you're in it for the team.
Yeah.
No, that was a crazy day, and I'm really glad we found them all on that route because.
We drove it.
So by the way, folks, again, it's Landmine Removal dot Org. Landmine Removal dot Org. The name of the book is Tip of the Spear, the incredible story of an injured Green Beret return to battle. I get the funny feeling, folks. We probably have another book in the making here sooner or later in the upcoming years. Right, Ryan, you get the funny feeling.
I don't know. It's the first book was hard enough, so.
¶ Father's Wisdom: From Victim to Purpose
You know. I have a couple of questions for you. You got a great conversation. It made me think between you and Sean, I guess the first one is this time of the question. It's a statement you mentioned earlier. Both of you have mentioned you have to take care of yourself if we can help others. This is actually something we always tell a therapists before you work with somebody with trauma, and you have to be able to
deal with it. Somebody having resolved their own trauma and then they go and work with somebody but they can't deal with it. So if they've been abused or something of that sort and they work with somebody else who has doesn't work well. It overwhelms the therapists and then nobody's benefiting out of that. So that was interesting to see that comparison. But I guess the other question I have for you, I have two questions. I'm trying to figure out how to organize this, but let me start
off with this one. That discovery that you had what you needed to do. Nobody owes you anything, did you have it as a Green Beret? Did they instill it in you as a Green Beret? And did you lose it temporarily and then it came back. I'm trying to figure out the origin of that now.
The origin the origin of that came in the hospital after I got blown up, and and it was it was, you know, I was going through a really dark time and it was my dad that actually had talked to me about it, and it basically he said, hey, you know, we got to have a talk because you're you're going to a really dark place right now. And he said,
you know, the injury that happened to you, let's face it. Yeah, I mean it was bad, but it's not the worst injury that that's ever happened, and it won't be the last one. Plenty of guys have gotten hurt, and there nothing makes you special about it, he said. But you have two choices right now, he said. You can you can become a victim of this injury. You can let this injury run your life. You can be you. You
will always be stuck September twelfth, twenty ten. You'll never move on from that day, and you'll push people away, and you'll and you'll go into you know, the depression in these dark places because you'll be entitled and victimized by your injury. Because you want to force people to know what you've been through and what you sacrifice for them, and they can't. They can't even you know, someone can tell you, you know, thank you so much for everything you've
sacrificed for me until they're blue in the face. But you can never feel entitlement. It's impossible. And he said, So as you continue down that road, you're going to continue pushing people away, and and you're gonna segreate. You know, you're going to segregate yourself and next thing you know, there's going to come a time when you're all alone.
You're at a very very dark place in your in your mind and in your life, and you're probably going to end it, because that's what happens when people go down the route you are, and it starts off with what you're doing right now. You're being an entitled victim. Nobody owes you anything, all right, So you got you got blown up in Afghanistan. Congratulations. A lot of people get hurt all the time. Why do you know, Why do you think you're owed something? You think you're the
only person that's ever gotten hurt. It's like, that's that's pretty selfish, and you need to get over yourself. He said, what I recommend is you have another path. The road is forked right now. And he said, the other path you can take is you can use this injury to make yourself stronger. You can use this injury to you know,
renew your relationship with God. You can use this injury, you know all those things when you were you were laying on the ground there by the helme and river, thinking you were going to die and wishing you didn't do this, this or this. He's like, you got the You got the the reset button. Most men in life will never get to reset and go back and and and change their ways.
You got it.
You were you should be dead you're not. You got the reset button. All those things, those regrets that you had, you can change all that. You can make yourself stronger. And he said, but don't do it for you. Make yourself stronger to help other people. You have that you're you're at that fork in the road. I know we were going to get here. You're there, but it's up to you which direction you want to go. I highly warn you against taking the entitled victimized route because you're
not going to make it through it. You're not strong enough mentally to live to be an old man. So that conversation there just you know, and again it's it's not like my entire life change, And I mean, it's life. You're you're constantly battling. But that's what kind of got me started on the path of you know, taking my life back and understanding that you know, you're not out anything, and yeah, I can.
Okay, So you got hurt.
That's life, man, Lots lots of people get hurt and banged up in life. Lots of people go through some really really bad times. It's life. Get over yourself. You're not any more important than anybody else out there, So quit thinking you are. Quit thinking people owe you something and so that that was.
What kind of you know.
I didn't realize that I had an entitled, victimize you know, type of mindset until I went through that really dark time after getting injured.
That's when I.
Realized like, oh, I've got some I've got some major holes in my life. I need to I need to patch up here. And it took an injury for me to actually see that. And a lot of people, you know, they may not understand this when I say it, but stepping on that ied probably saved my life because I was forced to. I was forced to take care of myself mentally when I never had the chance to do it before because I was so busy with being a Green Beret in life that I never really focused on
who I was. And again, it wasn't an overnight thing. I mean, hell, it's thirteen years later and I'm sitting back and I'm still learning lessons like oh wow, yeah that makes sense now, got it? Or you know, I need to adjust fire here or tighten up my shot group there. But that's the amazing thing about life is we're constantly learning. It's not borring if you don't let it be.
I agree do you mind if I ask a question dot? Thanks? So what your dad gave you as advice was freaking amazing. Now can you put someone else in that position? Not your dad? Was it only your dad that could have said that for you to in that moment get some traction on it. What if it would have been a random guy down the street or or in a hospital, if someone would have sauntered down and walked into the wrong room and they didn't know you and they saw
that you were struggling a bit. What if someone else would have delivered that message that you weren't too familiar with.
It wouldn't have been It wouldn't have been the same as coming from my dad, because I know, you know, I know my dad's passed, and I know that you know he's been through some through some very very tough times in his life and he and he never.
Took the victim role of it. So it is. It is one of those conversations that you have to.
Be you have to be very careful with how you deliver it because you you can definitely come off hostile. But no, with all the medication I was on and the narcotics I was on, no that that came at a perfect timing from the only person that it probably would have got through to me.
How sure that that's incredible stuff? Well that's a good segue, I guess once again Landmine Removal dot Org. The name of the book is Tip of the Spear, The Incredible Story But injured Green Beret return to battle. I know we're heading towards the tail end here. We got about another ten or fifteen minutes. I think, are you good on Seien's chill?
Sean, yeah, I've got about another fifteen minutes myself.
You two right, You're good? Okay. You mentioned empowerment. I thought this was a very interesting because you said working or living not for me, but living for we empower as individuals. And how did that How would you describe the empowering for you? What did you feel like when you did you feel like you could do more things? Did you feel more liberated? What did empowering feel for you?
¶ “We Over Me”: Empowerment and Vulnerability
So, when I realized that it wasn't about me, the world and people have heard this a million times, but it's different.
There's a difference between hearing and listening.
But when when I finally was able to to understand the saying that we've all heard the world doesn't revolve around you. When I finally understood that, and when I finally understood the fact that you're only a part of this, you are not the whole thing, and and it and
it is it rolls back to that entitlement. A lot of entitled people think that the world revolves around them or they're owed something because of filling all the blanks that you want to when you're when you realize that you're only a piece of the puzzle or you're a part of something, and you are stronger when it's we, then it's me. That's that's again, that's when life starts to become just the just a little bit easier.
I mean, it's still hard, but.
When you can when you don't have to take that burden on alone, when they're when when when you understand we and that tribe mentality, yeah, life, life becomes a lot simpler and we and that and and and that that tribe mentality, that understanding with you understanding that you're also helping other people too, because it is it's it's it's a we.
It's a we over me. And I know and I know in the teams we over me.
Is it. I mean, it's critical. Especially in combat. There's not a lot. There's not a lot of me's running around special operations. I mean there's there's some, but there's not a lot because we's don't I mean, we's is how you know, the WEI mentality is how you're going to survive. There's I don't know, it's just yeah, we over me is yeah, it's.
It's simple to say, but it definitely is. It's it's it's.
And there's also there's also a there's also a vulnerability that you have to accept. A lot of people they think that being vulnerable is a negative thing, Being vulnerable is dangerous. But there's strength through vulnerability, and you can't take chances and you can't take risks healthy healthy risks.
I'm not I'm not saying, you know, go running through a through an anti personnel minefield to see what happens, but you know you're you're not going to test the limits of your life and really be able to help other people if you don't understand strength through vulnerability. So and and it is, and part of part of that
is also opening yourself up. Another part of we over Me is is you have to be emotionally available for for people, No one's gonna know there's there's not a lot of people that are going to trust somebody that is just telling you something straight out of a book, whether it's mental health or self help or anything like that, and they're reading it to you and you go.
Home and you're like, wow, that was horrible.
There is there is, there's there's an emotional there's an emotional aspect to it, and emotions are vulnerable, are vulnerabilities. So that's another thing that you know, I mean, I struggle with it a lot because you know, not a lot of team guys like to like to be vulnerable, but their strength through vulnerability, and and you.
Know, that's another thing that I talked to guys about.
But part of being we is there is some vulnerability to it, and you're taking a risk, but it's it's worth it, and it's and it's and it's really the only way you're going to be able to go at this, whether it's mental health or just life in drum in general, because not one person can burn in the entire load.
It's it's impossible, agreed.
And And on the on that vulnerability point, I think it's critical that everyone understands that if you are being vulnerable, you're being courageous, and as you're being courageous, you're building your resilience. And it's a funny little loop that builds on itself. The more you can be vulnerable, the more courageous you are. Is the more vulnerable you can be, the more courageous you are. And it's a self fulfilling
prophecy almost that you are going to become resilient. You are going to become a better person if you just stay in the loop of adding a little bit of vulnerability out there into the world. That vulnerability. Myself, I'm trying, like yourself, I struggle with it. I'm trying to be really open and transparent and vulnerable to the internet and in the roles that I have lived in through my
various careers, and it's tough, man Like. The ego is a wicked thing that will fight against the ability to be vulnerable, but it does take a lot of courage, and I think that that's a really really powerful tool for sure.
Yeah, ego is all me that revolve around me.
And one of the great things about that what you said in respect to being vulnerable within a we team is the moment that you start or not specifically for speaking to yourself, I'm speaking to anyone out there who's listening. The moment that you're more vulnerable is an opportunity for those around you to see that it's okay to be vulnerable, and then the we team starts recognizing that, well, we can all be just a little bit more vulnerable. It's
okay to do it as a we. And I find that building a team of vulnerable individuals who are respected either leaders in their community or are respected amongst their peers to some degree, simply builds the team up and to be more transparent and caring for each other.
¶ Strength, Empathy, and Martial Arts
Yep. But yeah, for people listening, vulnerability doesn't mean weak. It doesn't mean weak.
Agreed.
Yeah, the the.
The strongest people in the world that I know are the ones that are capable of inflicting mass violence if they needed to, but they don't.
They're the people that are.
They are emotionally there, and they have compassion, they have empathy, and they have all that. But it doesn't mean you're weak. Don't ever be weak, because being weak will make you a victim. You have to you have to be able to understand that vulnerability does not mean weakness.
I agree. Some of the language that has used, some of the words out there that are used are are It's when I first started using them myself, I struggled, Man, I was feeling a bit weak by talking about being weak and it's not weak at all. But initially, in the early phases, these words are being vulnerable, like I wanted to turn turn a one eighty and run away. The first time someone said, dude, you just got to be vulnerable, it was just it was these were words
that I wasn't used to. But you have to have the courage to embrace the the adversity of the moment, the psychological disconnect from really what we should be doing in life, and that's being courageously vulnerable for sure.
Yep.
Interesting, No, that's no. Absolutely.
I was just gonna say it's interesting because it's reminded me. I don't know how I got over here, but I got over here. The ethos of an old TV show called Kung Fu. You guys remember that one?
Oh yeah, David Garden, No.
Remember that? Yeah? One of the few shows at Why Chang Kane, Why Chank, that's right, One of the few shows that showed martial arts in the way that I've always embodied it or envisioned it, which was just like Ryan said, I know I can hurt you, but he didn't want to. He didn't want to engage in any of the fights. Unless there was some kind of severe justice, he was going to jump in, but most of the
time he didn't want to get involved. In Every black belt that I've ever talked to, soft guys included, they don't get into things they don't need to get into. They don't worry about the ego. I know I can destroy you right now in probably half a second, but there's no point. There's a point in doing this. Maybe this person's drunk, maybe this person's that I'm not going to engage, And to me, I see, you're putting yourself on the line vulnerably right because everybody's gonna look at
you or you're a whimp or this and that. But in your heart, you know you're strong enough. I can take care of this guy and everybody else around me if I had to, but I don't because that's the stronger guy in me. I don't know it reminded me of that. I don't know if that resonates it all. Maybe I'm too far off with me.
No, No, it absolutely does. I mean being able. You're being able to immediately inflict violence of action on somebody if you need to protect your family, or your way of life, life, limbit, eyesight, or somebody else. You know that that can't do that for themselves. That is absolutely critical to not becoming a victim. But being vulnerable doesn't mean that you're weak and walking around and kicking everybody's ass because you think you can.
That's that's weakness. That's weakness.
You have something going on that you're trying to make up for. But no, that's that's what I tell guys. You know, strength through vulnerability doesn't mean that you know you're gonna let somebody walk all over you.
That's that that's not the case at all.
But it also doesn't mean you know, if a guy walked in to the bar and wanted to pick a fight with me and I can walk out, I was like, all right, man, yeah, you're you're you're a badass. I'm out of here. I don't care is that I don't have anything to prove to you, and I'm not gonna I'm not going to involve myself in that the you know, maybe I'm maybe it's the forty four you know that I am or whatnot, But the the ego that I had as a kid, which was which surrounded me, not
we it just it doesn't It doesn't serve anything. But you corner me or you put your hands on my family, well then you're going to see that. You're going to see exactly what I'm talking about. That being vulnerable doesn't mean you're weak. And so that's the one thing that I tell guys, Vulnerability doesn't mean weakness. It just there's strengths of vulnerability and you have to understand that. And and that word vulnerable is it's it's it's a nasty word.
And a lot of you know, either special operations or whatnot.
¶ Embracing Failure and Overcoming Obstacles
It's the same thing as fail. You know, fail like, oh man, you're you're ruined. Why what happens if you learn from that failure? What happens if you take to you if you take the lessons from from you know, that failure, and you make yourself stronger than it was. Failure?
Actually that bad.
A lot of people, a lot of people that are great, great leaders in life have failed more than they succeeded, but they learn from them. But vulnerability and failing they're just taboo words.
Yeah, and I actively pursue failure most days. And I have a little motto in my head, I like to kick ass. I'm sixty years older this year, and I still like to kick ass. But the ass that I'm kicking is my own. I'm kicking my own ass in life, and I've said it before to other folks, But there is also the part where I'm trying to kick my ass in life, sass, And that means all the people around me, Like I'm trying to pursue a pace that raises the boats all around me through kicking my own arson,
demonstrating that that's just how I live my life. And someone wants to hop on board of kicking life sass as well, then I'm a big fan of that.
Yeah, yeah, absolutely, Well, then we're down to the last for few minutes again, Folks, you can find more information on land Mine Removal dot org land Mine Removal dot org. Feel motivated, and I hope you do donat and help them out in any way possible. Tip of the Spear is the name of the book, The Incredible story of an injured green Berets return to battle. You know, we're down in the last few minutes, and I don't want
to get to deep into engage any big questions. But you mentioned fail Did you have anybody who told you when you said I want to go back after the Ied incident and you went back again to return to battle. Did you hear people tell you Ryan, you ain't gonna do it, brother, just let it go.
Oh yeah?
And if you did, what did you say to yourself?
Oh?
Yeah, no, no, no, I I mean I had people telling me, hey, look, you're setting yourself up for failure management expectation. This is huge. You're you know, you're not You're not going back this injury. You're you're gonna be lucky to ever walk unassisted again.
You know it.
Just you need to control your mental health management expectation.
Get this out of your head.
This you know, you need to understand that it's done, even to the point to where I was medically retired and then I came back to active duty on a waiver. But yeah, it's I mean, there there there was definitely a lot of people that were trying to look out for my mental health, saying, hey, like you need to understand it's done, you need to refocus on something else, and you know. But then there was a few people that said, hey, why not give it.
A shot, man, you never know, you know who knows.
And and it was and it was that drive. It was just a couple people, my my physical therapist and my orthopedic surgeon. It's just a couple people that said, yeah, I mean, it's life, man, give it a shot.
You never know. Maybe. And then I ended up going back to Afghanistan seven times.
So so it's you know it and it's and it's not you know this, oh man, and you're you know, you did something that was absolutely unheard of. Blah blah blah blah blah, you're this superhuman or anything? Not at all that not even close What it is is I you know, the biggest thing.
I stopped doing was feeling sorry for myself.
And I started understanding, like, you know what, I'm going to give this everything I got. I'm going to dump everything I have into it, and if it works, great, If it doesn't work, at least I know I tried and I gave it everything I had. I didn't hold any reservations back. And if it doesn't work, then let me figure out what my path is. But right now, this is my path and people, you know, a lot of people say that my mindset on this is wrong. But they said, well, what was your backup plan or
your alternative? And I said, I didn't have one, because when times get really, really tough, if you have a backup plan, when the pain into despair and everything gets to it gets it's overwhelming, you're going to take that backup plan.
If you don't have a backup plan.
Then you're going to continue moving forward until you just physically there's just no way in God's green earth that you're going to be able to continue on.
It is not possible. Period.
Well then, okay, you gave it everything you had. You had no backup plan, you had no alternative anything.
This was it. It didn't work out.
And in the end, like my dad told me, you know, when you're that old man sitting on your rocking chair looking back at your life on the things that you did or the worse, what you didn't do, you'll be able to look back on this and know that you gave it everything you had and it just wasn't in the cards, and that you'll sit back and you'll feel good about yourself. You did it, life worth are well lived, and he gave it everything you had.
Yeah, I love that. That's a man that's so powerful.
¶ The Power of Belief and Self-Motivation
You crystallize how I'm trying to live my life. You just said that so much better. I do have a quick question for I know we're running out of time, Doc, would you would you mind just quickly touching on your observations of the folks who were telling you, no, you can't do this, man, it's impossible and all of that good stuff, just trying to really discourage you from heading down the path that you chose to, like get after it. How did those people respond.
So they they thought that they had my well being and my mental health in mind. Hey, you're setting yourself up for failure. You are putting all of your emotions into this and it's.
Not going to happen.
You're getting you're getting medically retired, like you need, you need to focus on something else.
Let us help you.
So they you know, they thought that what they were doing was beneficial to me. And in a way, you know, you do have to have management expectation of your life. But when you know, as as as as things started to take shape, and now you know, okay, I'm uh okay, I get read. The army decides, okay, yeah, we'll we'll give you a waiver to stay on after duty. All right, Yeah, you're moving through physical therapy. Things are going in this direction.
Then you know, the the cheerleading squad gets a little bit bigger and bigger and bigger. But I do understand, you know there the motive behind what they were doing is because management expectation is extremely important for mental health.
But yeah, no, it wasn't.
I mean, there were there was a couple of people at the end that were just like I just didn't think this was possible. Like I, okay, I was wrong. My apologies, I was wrong, but I didn't do it for them. You know, whatever people I had to say say for me, and nobody was malicious about it.
So yeah I did it. I did it for me. If you you.
Know, there's no way in hell I would have played but that kind of blood, sweat, tons of tears into something like that if I was doing it for somebody else. Now, now you got to do it for yourself or you're you're not going to do it.
Roger that awesome stuff again, folks, and it's really an amazing conversation. Sean. You brought this interview to another notch, another level. I can't thank you enough for that. Ryan. Like always, it's always a pleasure and honor to speak with you, my friend. Again, Folks, is Landmine Removal dot Org. Tip of the Spear, the incredible story of an injured green be Raisee we turned to battle. Ryan. I can't thank you enough for doing this. Thank you so much again for coming back.
Yeah no, this was awesome. I appreciate you having me back on. I love love talking with you.
And by the way, Ryan, I don't think I've ever told you. I show clips of your incredible story to my class every semester when we deal about resilience and trauma and how people overcome things. And each and every time the classes gets blown away when they see the clips the interview and they're like.
Blown away. That's that's no puns.
That's a great way to end it.
Thank you Sean as well for joining me on the Thanks. Thank you everyone for listening. You know what to do, share, subscribe, hit that I like but you know we like it, and go check out Landmine Removal dot Org.