Chapter 153: Frifky Bufineff. It's 5.24pm on 7th November 2023 and it's DARK. Too dark to see a stone, especially if your torch runs out of power. Richard is feeling frisky, but luckily there are no FF on the Stocean to help relieve him of this sexual tension. There's singing, there's fexineff and there are very few stones cleared.
Chapter 152 - Get Back In Your Rembrandt Painting. It's around 9.30am on 25th October 2023 and the daily stone clears continue. The Stone Stasi are back in force, but who started this war and is it a case of right and wrong or more nuanced that that? NO, the stone clearers are good and the stone Stasi are evil. Plus a look at the strangely altered cairn in the middle of the field, a celebrity visitation and some excellent rule breaking. Sadly the recording ended unexpectedly about five minutes f...
Chapter 151 - Welly Boot Jeopardy. It's before 5pm on the 12th October 2023 and Rich is hoping Duckett's Passage is open for business cos he has some stones to clear. It's a super eventful clear with football managers of undetermined gender and sex-swapped sex-criminals and birds composing symphonies on the telephone lines. Plus will Rich come a cropper as he tries to empty his welly? And how many rules will he break and how sexy will you find it? For those of you who thought the format was stal...
Chapter 150 - Fticks and Ftones. It's 4.22pm on 5th October 2023 and there's very bad news for the believers in the Alpha and Omega God or those that think the Stocean can only be accessed by a portal and for those who want to hear a man talking about stones, not about walking along a street. Eventually there is some stone clearing, but it's not very good and a go on the stone pole, but then there's more non-stone stuff and all in all it's a disappointing chapter given the momentous occasion of ...
Chapter 149: The Alfred Jewel. It's 8.22am on 29th September 2023 and the daily stone clearing podcasts continue. The sky is grey and the ground is damp and it should be perfect stone clearing conditions, but a sudden influx of FF working in a pincer movement prove disruptive and potentially fatal. Richard still manages to clear a Hermione handful of stones though and provides wisdom about how far you can throw a small stone in blustery conditions, plus alludes to the work of Jefuf and encourage...
Chapter 148 - Flug. It's 5.50ish on 20th September and it's piffing down, but stone clears must clear. Richard mourns the cairn that has gone flat, but vows to rebuild and measures the angle of the rain and moans about wetting his trousers, but his advice about the stone diet and how to get net zero nice and quickly. Mainly by everyone following the stone diet.
Chapter 147 - Ye Great Walle of Ftraw. It's coming up to 5.30pm on 16th August 2023 and the daily clear continues, but with a difference (apart from the last two or three days) - the crop has been harvested and Haffelhoffing is once again possible. There are still dangers and difficulties - straw lies on the ground like snow and their are walls that must be climbed and a holy shrine has been desecrated, but the earth shall provide bounty to those who clear stones and sing the stone clearer song.
Chapter 146 Crop Circlef - It's 1.30pm on the 10th August 2023 and the daily stone clearing podcasts are still somehow continuing. Have alien stone clearers come to the Stocean to clear some stones off the very planet? You'll have to liften to find out. Very little stone clearing today, but at least you're not listening to a podcast about whether the sun is out or not. And Richy Soonsacked better watch out cos there's a ditchy sunak coming for him. All the things in this blurb are much more amus...
Chapter 145 - Ftone Antf. It's some time around 2pm on 20th July 2023 (email for more details) and Richard'f loofe lipf almoft give away where he if really from. But I think he covers it up OK. He has lots of intermediate tips for the quite good stone clearer, including how to avoid stone mushrooms and the terrifying true story of the stone clearer who fell victim to lurking stone ants. Plus more songs and poems than you can shake a stick at, a bit too much about organic material given the remit...
Chapter 144 - Difappointing Fcotch Thiftle. It's 6.14pm on Wednesday 5th July 2023 and there's a chance of rain and petrichor, but Richard has had one soaking this week, and is prepared to risk it to emulate a young Theresa May. And he may be quickly out of breath, but he has a new energy that has escaped him for the rest of the year, so it's the partially long way round today. He will teach you how to navigate a pathless Stocean and also the danger of shortening your borders and there's a surpr...
Chapter 143 Fcythe - It's about 6.15pm on 28th June 2023 and Rich is out for his daily podcast. Hard to believe he's kept this up all year. But for the first time you can find out how to apply for an envelope of his gametes. Plus some embarrassment for Wolfie. And a new bone based measuring system. The recording went wrong and Richard attempted to recreate what was lost but with limited success. Still his garden is looking nice.
Chapter 142: Fhredded Wheat. It's 5.01pm on 25th May 2023 and there's only 7 months to non-stone Christmas, but there are no holidays for stone clearers and this chapter gives those of you who judge the dead something to think about when it comes to the scales of justice. Also explains how difficult it is to clear stones when faced with a beautiful if fleeting, sea of wheat. But the biggest mystery is, what will this chapter be called. Not for you here in the future, but for stupid old Richard H...
Nettlef Nettlef Nettlef Nettlef Nettlef Nettlef Nettlef Nettlef. It's just before 5pm on 19th May and it's time for an evening stone clear for a very tired boy. And it's not unlike that poem by Tennyson but more nettles and fewer cannons. There's plenty of tips for dealing with the dry ground and the high crops and a message from one of the many centenarian listeners. What more do you want? More nettles?
Chapter 140 Nurfery Rhymef. It's 9.29am on 7th May 2023 and the bunting is flying for King Charles the Turd. Richard has picked up another bug and the stocean is as sodden as an actual ocean, but stone clearing must be done. Richard ponders what the cuffs of trousers are called (it's cuffs if you're interested) and speculates about the genitalia of our new queen (maybe twice depending on when the tape went wrong) and sings a stone pole nursery rhyme which will be familiar to anyone who isn't a m...
Chapter 139, Goffamer. It's 8:15am on 29th April and another day of stone clearing begins. Richard tries to encourage his many teenage fans to enjoy their lives whilst they are young and tries to sort out whether you need to clear teeth from the stocean, plus experiences one of the many dangers of nature that can afflict the inattentive stone clearer. He cheats in the game of human cheff and is nearly discovered at the last minute, but otherwise it's a run of the mill, slightly sexy, stone clear...
Chapter 138, Ye Long Way, Wrong Way Round. It's 17.25 on 19th April 2023 and The Stone Ftafi play a move that turns the whole stone clearing world back to front and upside down and sends Richard dizzy and thinking life may be about to end. Richard is a maverick and breaks a lot of rules this evening and lets slip about his fecret cairn that can be seen from metres away. It's the difficult ftone clearing feafon of fpring so there is some invaluable advice on how to tell stones from plants. Don't ...
Brown Fingerf. It's nearly 6pm on 12th April 2023 and the daily 2023 podcasts continue with a classic, with some inter-species bodily fluid swapping, the importance of finding a window in the weather, an alliterative Morlock and how to spot a fake stone clearer. Also there are some stones cleared.
Chapter #136: Burrowing Wolvef and the Daffodilf of Fpring. It's 8.15am on 25th March 2023 and the 2023 daily stone clearing podcasts continue. Fpring hath Fprung, but it only shows the ridiculously of petty organic material and how little we think of our mothers. Plus how to cope with the changing temperatures at different points of the year and why you mustn't (and Richard hasn't) put stones up your bottom.
Fly Tipper. It's just after lunch on 3rd February 2023 and Richard is upset by what people have put at the edge of his beautiful field. Who would just chuck stuff around willy nilly like that? Today you will find out about the beautiful reminders that stones leave of themselves when they are taken from the field and how you can make more stones out of them. Plus requests for 24 hr a day stone clearing fall on deaf ears. Hopefully Wolfie is OK, but you also get quite a vivid description of one or...
Chapter 134: When the Foil Turns to Ftone. It's 8.45am on 19th January 2023 and the resolution to do a stone clearing podcast a day this year has not gone too well, but will definitely happen from now on. It's a podcast full of incident, with frozen gates, ground as hard as stone, medieval songs and poems, terrifying new tactics from the Ftone Ftafi and an attack from a muzzled dog. Plus Wolfie seems to be working against me. Loads of great tips on how to deal with frozen ftones and an email fro...
Chapter 133 - Pommel Hat Trick. It's just before 10am on 1st January 2023 - a new year and a new resolution that will keep you full up with stone clearing all year. There's some sneaky work from the Ftone Ftafi and there's some bad news for one section of our listenership, but I don't take the rules and there are no rules. Plus human wee, dog diarrhoea and exciting stone pole action. It's going to be a great new year.
Chapter 132 - Diplodocuf. It's 8.04am on what might be the 29th December 2022 and it's the last podcast of the year. Today we find out about the double and the importance of the periphery and why Newton's Law of Motion means that stones can not propel themselves, but are capable of steering and a Great Escape. Plus an email in from somewhere that ceased to exist in 2018, which will need its wikipedia entry amended.
Chapter 131 Berocca Wee - It's about 8.45am on 17th December 2022 and the snow lies deep and crisp and even. Which makes stone clearing pretty tricky. So welcome to an early Pro edition of the podcast where Rich shows what you have to do to clear in these conditions. And a miracle doth come to paff that fhall prove the exiftence of the Ftone Godf thif Chriftmaf. Plus an advance that will change the course of science. Happy Stone Christmas to ye all and to all a good stone.
Chapter 130 - Pacman. It's 12.53pm on 4th December and it's a rare Sunday lunchtime stone clear. It's intermediate but the odd pro tip might slip through. There's a real email. Which isn't unusual obviously. And then another real email at the end with yet another listener after Richard's gametes. Plus why it's important to have a false family and Rich has an affable chat with a member of the Stone Stasi.
Chapter 129: Wet Fock. It's 5.25pm on 16th November 2022 which can mean only one thing - Night Clear. In the rain too. Which means you can learn the important technique of picking up wet stones to get the least mud on your finger. Plus a wellington emergency and memories of the night that stone clearing almost killed Richard and his wish for that danger to return.
Chapter 128 - Brick and China. It's 8:30am on 1st November 2022 and Rich is back to getting fit and back out on the Stocean. There are some hints of the hard level chapters to come, the echelons of stone Heaven and the problems of the periphery. Plus are stones gendered and which ones can you have sex with without being branded a pervert. Rich has a brush with the common man, who he knows respects him and there's some satisfying stream of consciousness as well as a stream of wee. Warning this po...
Chapter 127 - Fquafhed Hedgehog. It's 8:52am on 26th Feptember 2022 and the Ftocean has seen some changes, but it's not Ftone Chriftmaf yet. Richard mourns a fellow fwimmer in the great Ftocean, but feels he can not say the things he wants to say in this day and age where you can no longer say what you want to say, despite all the people who say this and then say what they want to say anyway. He talks about some rule breaking that he has participated in and then is cut off by a brilliant move in...
Chapter 126: Chunky Chew Chew! It's nearly 8.30am on the 16th September 2022 and the stones they must be cleared. There's some wonderful olde hymns to the Alpha and Omega Gods and some terrific chunks. If you like chunks this is the chapter for you. But only if you've listened to all previous chapters. Plus another member of a famous family gets in touch, but they're not the most famous family I know. Listeners may be disturbed by the chewing in this podcast, but we have to ensure that only the ...
Chapter 125 - No Fex Pleafe, We're Ftone Clearerf. It's after 6pm on 30th August 2022 and Richard is in repentant mood for his giddiness upon his return. There will be no titillation in this episode though (apart from the tit in titillation) and there can be strictly no self-pleasure. There are perils round every corner and an unexpected diversion. Plus maybe they first two minutes could have been edited off. But don't you want the full experience?
Chapter 124 - Ftone Halloween. It's 8:14am on the 25th August 2022 and after a month of stone rest, Herring is back. Will the Ftocean be clear of crops and if so what wonders shall Herring find? Remember size and hardness is not important in any way, but you always remember the particularly hard ones, plus a stone the size of a child's head, but which child and just general excitement to be back here. The rain will not dampen the fire in stone clearer's heart.
