Managing Childhood Stress

and let's begin today's journey. Way back before the quarantine, I was invited to talk about meditation to sixty second graders at a suburban elementary school in New Jersey. Unsure of how to begin, I asked the kids, almost in a joking manner, how many of you feel stressed out? Naively, thinking maybe a few would raise their hands. Instead, they almost all did. I asked another question, how many of you have a hard time falling asleep at night? Almost

as many hands went up. Afterwards, their teachers told me that kids these days are really stressed second graders. When I was a kid, I don't think I even knew what the word stress meant. I left feeling sad. I keep talking about kids on this podcast because I feel, without any exaggeration, unless we do something, we could be in danger of losing an entire generation. And I'm talking about all kids, every one of them, including those attending some of the most elite prep schools in the country.

No one is immune. For these reasons, I went back to Dr Bill sticks Root, co author of the bestseller The Self Driven Child, for a second session with him of Stay Calm. I wanted to get more of his insights and share them with you, and if you don't have kids, maybe you can pass these along to someone who does. The first thing Dr sticks Froud said is that there's an optimal mental state for a student to learn,

and that's called relaxed alertness. And there's an optimal environment for a student to learn, which is high challenge but low threat. Good teachers create that optimal state and environment. They challenge the student, they stretch the student, but they let the student know that if you make a mistake, it's okay because you're still learning. It's actually the same for good parenting. We want our kids to stretch themselves, but we also want them to know it's safe to

do it. Number two, stress is contagious. In fact, there's a whole science called stress contagion, which shows, for example, that if a teacher is stressed out, the courtisol levels go up in the student, and if parents argue in front of their kids, the courtisol levels go up for them as well. Number three. I made this point in my previous podcast with Doctor sticks Through, but I say it again. Teenagers really need to have a sense of

control of their lives. They need to have the confidence to think that, yes, I can manage my life, I can make decisions. I don't have to feel helpless all the time. And this confidence has to develop at home because when they go off to college it's often too late. And finally, Dr Sticksford leaves us with two positive things we can do to help our kids right now stay calm and resilient. First, we should model what he calls calm, courageous, coping.

Kids want to see that their parents don't get overshadowed with all the upheaval and uncertainty of these days. They want to see that their parents can still be present and positive and loving. And second, we should listen. That's the main thing kids want. They want to be heard. Yes, it's fine to give advice and reassure your child that there's no reason to worry if you think your child is worrying unnecessarily. But before you do that, your first

message needs to be your willingness to listen. You can just say, tell me what you're feeling. I know it's scary. I get scared sometimes too. Then once you know they feel they've been heard, you can offer ways to cope. You could say this is what's worked for me, it might work for you. Remember these tips come from an expert who's been working with children, teens, and young adults

for over thirty years. He's got a one year waiting list from parents who want his advice, which means, given a chance, these tips can work for the young people in your life as well. All right, let's end this time together doing something that I think should be a feature of our everyday life, and that's appreciation and gratitude. So let's take thirty seconds of quiet, thirty seconds to take a break, just take a moment. It turns out when we do that, it's good for our health as well.

I'll be right back, all right, thank you for joining me today. I hope you heard something that inspires that uplifts you and that you can incorporate into your own life. This is Bob Roth. Stay calm. Hey, all of you out there, I'd love to hear from you. You can send me your stories, your questions, or anything else on your mind. Just connect with me on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram at meditation Bob. You can also send me an

email at meditation Bob Roth at gmail dot com. I look forward to hearing from you