#172 - Nick Mullen and Dan Soder

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Hello everyone. We have a very, very fun show with my old pals Nick Mullen and Dan Sutter coming up right now. And yes, I am parked at a Wawa, but don't worry about that. What I want you to worry about is the fact that the Dream Boat Tour, the final leg of the Dream Boat Tour, is kicking off soon and a lot of the dates are sold out. But we still have tickets for Jacksonville, Atlanta. We just added a second show. Buy those tickets up if you're in the ATL. Uh what are some other big uh Rochester?

Milwaukee, buy those tickets and also the Baltimore special taping, April 24th and 25th. Four shows. Three are sold out. There's a few tickets left. to the Friday late show. Come be a part of the special taping. We're going to tape all four shows. The best stuff will get into the final product. So anyway, enjoy this. Super fun episode with two of my favorite guys in the world to riff with. I think you're gonna have a nice time. See you on the road.

Dan soda on the couch in the makeshift. Lower side studio. I feel like I'm in to do the stunts for Adam. We need a guy that can jump through a wall. I go. All right, is it union? Union scale? All right. What are you guys gonna call me? Uh some some kind of gay? Have you ever seen Rad the B I love you. They didn't even make an attempt to hide that all of what's the aunt's name from uh Full House?

Oh Becky. Be Aunt Becky plays the have you seen Radio? She's the hot girl in Rad. Yeah, so Rat in Rad Rad is a young Aunt Becky? Yeah. Interesting. Oh Becky was hot. Aunt Becky still is hot. She's in prison though. Oh, she was um married to Mossimo, right? The guy Mossimo shirts. Maybe she's in prison.

But her husband is like the the guy that looked at uh I think I'm wrong I think her husband like owned the shirts I wasn't allowed to buy in middle school. You weren't allowed to buy Mossimo shit? It was at the Target? It wasn't at Target yet. I was only Was it a target brand? They they became target after I got out the game. Oh wow. I wish I would have got Mossimo. I know what you mean'cause I I remember buying a Mossimo peacoat and being like, I'm fucking rich.

From Target? Oh, I thought you said you weren't allowed to buy it because they were like your mom was like, I hate it. Oh, okay. Uh I was like what? Did grandpa die in the World War? No, he didn't even serve. If you don't know, Rad is a BMX movie and it's like one of those eighties movies where it's like the bad guys come into town with bad BMX. Yeah. Yeah, they do evil BMX. But Aunt Rachel Aunt Becky. Aunt Becky has to are you sure?

A hundred percent positive. It's Becky for sure. Who the fuck is Rachel? Stamos put twins in her in full house. I was like, damn right you did. Who's who's who's Aunt Rachel then? Is there an Aunt Rachel? Uh there's a Miss Rachel. Miss Rachel in Full House? No. Uh in Full House there's just Aunt Becky. Miss Rachel, you know, the uh child educator who's poisoning our children's minds.

Oh, oh, Miss Ray, yeah, yeah. She's the one who's like, Palestinians are children too. And then people are like Now they're targets for this complicated weapon. She is my enemy. The nicest woman you've ever seen in your life. Just like a guy throwing a knife at a wall back in the day about Mr. Rogers. Taking your shoes off when you come in the house. Kinda queer shit is that?

Mr. Motherfucking Rogers. Shout out to him not having any creepy Thank God, dude.'Cause the one in England got caught fucking all. That's more of an English thing rather than a children's entertainer. That's the spoil of being British. Who was he? Gary Glitter, that's a good idea. He was the one that did the the stadium music. Yeah. Yeah.

But he's also pedophile, but no. He's such a bad pedophile. He got kicked out of Thailand. Jimmy Seville. Seville. Jimmy Sevilla. Jimmy. Yeah. And he was like. He got kicked out of Thailand? Gary Glitter. Oh my god, dude. Gary Glitter. Gary Glitter. That's like that's like when Homer. ترجمة نانسي قنقر That's increasing. They go, who, who? That man over there. It's got a six pack.

Fuck dude. That guy just that guy just thought like uh the Epstein the Epstein list was about sell-outs. He was like, nah man, I'm not for all that corporate pedal. Yeah. Oh, you guys went mainstream with that Epc shit. Oh, you're hanging out with Bill Clinton. Oh, now pet, now even Metaphilia. Metaphilia. Gillet. Monkey brains before I get sucked off by a kid. Yeah, shout out to the no shout out to Gary.

Die a painful I'm gonna say no shout out to Gary Glitter. But Jimmy Savile was like the wasn't he like British Mr. Rogers? I don't think he was quite Mr. Rogers. I think he was like But y he wasn't like a Willy Wonka type. Yeah, yeah. He was yeah, he just Pratt falls and then

Did like a child show, yeah. Didn't he do? I feel like every all of British television is just like uh like a different gay like a different gay guy or like a different guy that might not be gay just barely host like having a dinner party. Every British show is like those panel shows where they're like, Oh, uh you know I've only seen the sitcoms. Yeah. No, they have like those sit down shows where

Oh, like Graham Norton? Oh that one, yeah. Yeah, but I think Where they all look like they're at a like a airport lounge. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look that looks like a pretty fun show. It's always like it's always like Tom Hanks, Julia Robbins. It's like our elite rock. It's like our elite A list and then a guy that I've never seen from Britain that everyone loves.

Yeah, he's on some sitcom about like gardening that's been on British T V forever. British T V fucked me up'cause of the lighting. It was always lit different. Mm. And that what to me was like, What that's not T V. Yeah. Lit like shit. I never all I watched was there was one show in a And I, uh... Like the apartment store. The hotel too. No, faulty tower. Faulty Towers. Faulty Towers is the bed and breakfast, right?

I think that's a department store. Is it? Oh yeah. I don't know. I watched that and I thought uh what's his face from Monty Python was in it. John Cleese. But it wasn't. It was just some different British guy. Damn. And I remember like bragging, being like, I know all about British shit and showing it to someone being like, Check it out. This show John Cleese is always on. I've never watched any I've watched maybe one episode of The British Office.

Oh. And then a lot of keeping up appearances, but that's it. Outside of that, I haven't seen any of them. I don't know what Black Adder is. Me neither. It's Mr. Bean. Oh, is it? Mr. Bean. Well, I would like to go back'cause I I I was thinking about Mr. Bean in my head the other day and I'm like, that has it has to be bullshit. No. If I watched it now, it has to suck. Well, it's like Mr. McGoo.

I watched it. Mr. McGuy Almost falls and shit. Mr Bean just gets himself into situations and face girl extra expression of the thing. The one I remember is him going around his house like using a gun to turn off things. To turn the lights off. But that's just funny. He does I think it would hold up. I think

Mm-hmm. Court testimony against him. They just play that back. Is this you? Well it's crazy'cause he had so much success with Mr. Bean and then they let him do that one spy movie and they're like, We've had enough.

of this guy. Well there was Rat Race where he was also pretty much Mr. He was Mr. Bean in that. And then yeah, they made him like Johnny English sexy. They did Johnny English. And it's funny because Johnny English is like very I think it would catch on now because what it w you know what it was? It was kind of like Tim Allen core where it's like these young guys don't know shit. It was kind of a boomer a boomer spy thing where it's like like somebody had hacked computers.

So he had to use analog stuff. So they're like, We have a a hybrid car for you, you know, Johnny English. And he's like, What am I? A fucking homo? Give me a fucking ro Yeah. And he a he he asked for the old school like, you know, muscle car or whatever, or I don't know, whatever British car.

And they're like and it doesn't get hacked or something. I don't know. I I saw like five minutes of it. You that's way more information than I had on Johnny. I believe that's what happens in John Egg's. I imagine it fails because it came out at the same time as Austin Powers, which was so much better.

No, did it? Yeah, it's the same general like a twenty year window. Twenty years after some right. Twenty years for a British spy and then some giant came out in like nine in like two thousand something. Yeah. When did Gold Member come out?

Gold member's gold member's gotta be like two thousand two. But gold member I wasn't sucked. No. We rewatched it. Gold member actually the best part is gold member. You can't two thousand two gold member. Mr. Bean holds up without checking and then say gold member. Oh good spy.

Who Shag Me into Gold Member is crazy. The first two are great. Spy Who Shag Me, a regular Austin Power, Spy Who Shag Me, the fall off. Which is the one with Minnie Me where there's the silhouette and he's the got the penis. I think that's gold member. That that's one of the that's one of the gag in two though. But that

But that also and that's But that scene where he goes where they there's one lab coat and he goes, One of us is gonna have to get on the other's shoulders and he's got the tiny legs coming. That's one of the funniest things anything anyone's ever. But I will tell you The problem with Goldmember is that Beyonce very clearly

There was a note that's like she can't be horny publicly. So on the other one Do they think it was gonna cause chaos? I don't know, but the other two, it's such a horny it's a sexy black women won't be in this British fucks. You should be like a scary animal. No, no, no, you don't understand. They go, She can't. Yeah. That's how you get more of'em. She's horny and one senior next to know there's eight of them. The British were too racist against Beyonce in two thousand.

If she's horny, we could have nine beyond That don't sound so bad. What if what if Beyonce was really stupid and she hated Michael Myers but she thought all the characters were different people? Oh that's funny. So she was like fucking fat bastard. That's right. Right. And she thought it was a secret between them. And then Michael Myers just thought she was kinky. Mm-hmm. Mike Myers was just like she's crazy.

Yeah. She doesn't know what moves. He's gotta sit there, he's gotta be lectured by a navy SEAL on how to withstand torture to fuck me out. Yeah. Jim Carrey, right? The the Grinch. He actually hated it. But I will there is a sexual chemistry missing that the first two have because Beyonce clearly this was like her

She e she wants to be in a big franchise, she wants to be a movie star. But it's that thing that happens sometimes when it's like very famous people try and sanitize that shit. Sure. So it's like clearly they have this weird non-sexual relationship and it Austin completely. He actually has lost his mojo more

Gold member. To interracial dating. Because yeah, because yeah, for whatever. But the first two are Which is the one where he's got the cards. That's the first one. Okay. That was the Also Amazed. I mean amazed. It's w the the bits in that. Yeah. Also what fucks up uh Austin Powers for me is like the same thing when you find out Eddie Murphy was supposed to be in Ghostbusters. You find out Colin Mike Myers wrote Scott Evil for Colin Quinn. Yeah. Which is so funny to know that.

Colin Quinn was like I wanna be a part of this game. What he told me is he was like, I don't know, I got something going on. And Mike Byers was like, I want to put you in this movie. He's like, No, I don't know. But it would have been so much funnier it would have been as a thirty year old guy from Brooklyn being like, I don't know, I love you, Dad. It makes so much

The character makes so much more sense if he's older. If he's like I can just go get my gun, come down here and we shoot'em both. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like that's so much funnier to me. Do you think if w now w would we have ever gotten robot chicken? Without Seth Green's juices. Was he in comedy movies before Austin Powers? I think he was in that movie. He was on Buffy.

Buffy, but he was doing shit. He was Seth Green. But was he was he like a comedy guy before that? He was what? I feel like he is he's that teen movie where he's pretending to be like uh a sagalo style white rapper. Yeah Don't be smashed, okay? You tell me. I will. to just be like look Sagala one a week max. I need I need a Caesar Milanum. I go Too many bars. You get thirty two bars a month. It's so awesome how much he legit wants to be a white rapper. Dude, he's the man. He is Good.

He's technically good at it, but you gotta dole those out slower. Yeah. Distribution Just from a friend. I'm rooting for him. I was just Oh, but you're talking about Can't Hardly Wait. Can't Hardly Wait. Great movie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But he's I feel like he was like a a supporting comedic like teen Yeah, but not like an over the top comedic. No, probably not. Yeah. Yeah. But Robot Chicken rules.

So do you think that happens because of Austin Powers? He's got a lot of juice. I'm saying if if you're not Scott Evil, do you have the juice? Probably not. I don't think they wouldn't trust him. So unfortunately for Colin, you know, we would have got a couple more seasons of Tough Crabs. Mm, that's interesting. Honestly, I I would rather have Colin done it. And Robot Chicken really is the thing that you watch. When the thing on adult swim that you actually wanted to watch was over.

I'll watch seven minutes of fucking robot chicken while it's fucking fun. I'll watch Optimus Prime you know. Yeah, at in therapy. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know why. I was touched. I wanna go back and watch Goldmember though to see Beyonce have no sexual chemistry. You should watch it and report back. And honestly, I we all thought we watched it on the bus, it was the final movie we watched, the end of the tour. Tomar the tour.

Yeah, the driver. What's going on? Yeah. Stobs gonna get Tracy Morgan, but but it's but it's by a company with no money. Yeah, dude, fuck that suck. You're they're gonna sue you? Yeah. They're like, we got him. Fuck dude. I haven't been following what's going on. Oh man, there's like three accidents now where the first one was hilarious. It's like the seat guy just tries to make a U turn on the highway and it's crazy. Semi

And then his buddy is just in the truck for some reason. I didn't know you were allowed to bring your friend with you. Well they they do that here, there's a seat guy and he's like just trying to make an illegal U turn on the highway. And um the highway. Yeah, and he turns from the right hand lane on the and then the uh vinivan comes through and decapitates the like the whole family. And it goes under and he's just like

No, and there's been a couple more where they just kill like a hundred people. Yeah, in a big pile up Just what? Just be bad driver. I don't know. You've met seat guys. They're all like just so chill. They are pretty chill. I think they're maybe too chill to drive a semi- That's true. They are chill. I yeah,

Are they the ones that carry the swords? The dagger, yes. Dag it's a dagger. Every Sikh guy is a warrior. You know what I found out recently? You know Yemeni guys, they have that thing in their belt? Mm-hmm. In case they just had to bust out an oil or baste some chicken. If you look at yeah. I was I was trying to baste uh a roast recently and I didn't have a brush, I was pissed off, dude. Yeah, well that's why they got that thing on then. I would love to glaze.

I wanna do an egg wash over a fucking I made some Greek yogurt bagels and I had no paintbrush, it pissed me off. So I might start doing that shit. You get into get into painting. I get into painting through egg washes and buttering. If you want things. If you watch stavroast watercolor of fucking biscuit Just going to Hell Depot to get the long roller to do a buffet. What I like is Stavros w goes to the action. So they have a sword, huh?

Many guys they have well Sikhs do. Sikhs have a dagger. Where do they keep it? I think like here they got a thing on them? Oh that would be cool. Or in their sleeves. That's yeah. That's like a James Bond villain. That is, yeah. Or a Austin Powers villain. Yeah. Will Farrell and he was wearing a turban, wasn't he? Yeah. No, he was wearing a Fez. Fez. With one of the little fucking caps. What was it what w why did uh so there why do the Shriners

Who are the Shriners and why did they have Fezes? Because Fezes is Morocco, right? Yeah. Uh that's like a pretty small job. And then they drive the tiny cars. I only know the jokes from The Simpsons. I don't know if it's a big thing. Yeah, me too. That's the only reason that's the only that's the only reason. Shriners uh is that the one with the ki I thought that's the one with the kids. There used to be three of them.

And then the youngest one just murdered his father. Which the Shriners? It was Carl and Rob. No, no, no, no, no. Shrivers. And the youngest one, I think. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh yeah. In my mind, I thought you were talking about the sick kids that come on. Who are those commercials? Those are Schreiner. I think didn't we talk about that at one point? Because they're yes, the sick kids, and then they had that's St. Jude's Hospital. That's what I thought killed.

They had one of the guys, one of the kids, like was this amazing presenter. And so it came off like it was very like uncanny watching this boy who's like disabled be like We need all the support. He still does it. Yeah, right. He still does cursory. He goes, This Christmas? Yeah. He's got like that voice that's like slightly handicapped. Yeah. Where he's like, Don't forget this Christmas And you go, I don't But he could be doing

He could be doing the Golden Globes. Yeah. He's like Barack Obama. He has that level of charisma. Real quick, what have you been typing over there?'Cause you look like you're doing stuff. We asked eight fucking questions. God forbid you look up one thing. Uh what wait, what shrivers? Shrivers. Wait, what shriver? I looked up the Wolf Ferrell Fez thing. What that's the thing you looked up? The thing we knew about? Yeah.

Shriners, you motherfucker. What are the shining? No! Oh god. What the fuck have you been doing? It's the Simpsons. I don't want to say that it's Shriver. Maria I looked up Maria Shriver. Yeah, yeah. Shout out to her. Yeah, that kid though, you're right. He does have Obama like if you could save me. Yeah. We need all the help we can get. He's in like one of those high wheelchairs. Yeah. That seems unsafe. To be that stacked.

Yeah, they're always like way up here and then it's like half the wheelchair is like battery, I guess. Yeah. Half man, half machine. I don't know why they didn't do that from the beginning with wheelchair. I changed my mind. They should have big wheels and they should all be eye level should be six two if you're in a wheelchair.

That's very strange. People would respect disabled people more. We wouldn't have needed COVID to respect disabled. Yeah,'cause you could be you could crush a foot with your big ass You should be like the black guy from Twisted Metal. Yeah. I I don't know. Axel.

He's got he's a black eye with uh wheels his arms. Yeah. Oh yes, wheels his arms? Yeah. There's no sweet tooth, the clown. Yeah, the ice cream truck one. Yeah, he's the most popular from that. Yeah. He's uh he's icon he's definitely an icon. They had they made a twisted metal on Peacock. Shout out to Mike Mitchell, friend of the pod. He's on it Stu, who doesn't feel like he's in the games. It's the guy named Stu. Mm. Well I they have they made a game in a long time.

Mm-hmm. But they made a show. That was like the first PlayStation game. Like PlayStation One. It scared me. I was I was literally like, he's fucking evil, his head's on fire. His head was on fire'cause of Satan or something and then he got he got cured. And the the priest who cured him or whoever cured him was like, Okay. They they changed it up'cause I played Twisted Metal One and Two.

And then Black. And Black was like the goth one. Okay. Where they're all in a mental institution. Oh, interesting. Well he what happened to him is he gets the cure and then they're like, All right, you can have the cure now. The only down the only thing is you can't. I can never not kill. And I was like, ah! I was like, as a child, I was like, oh my god, this man is pure evil. Would you have friends pick him and you're

Do that. I'd be like scared as fuck. And honestly, I was pr I was not like young either. I was like twelve or thirteen. Were your dad's disappointed by your fear? I remember in the second one you could blow up pubes, blow up the Eiffel Tower. That was cool in the second one, yeah. Take that frame. There was a trick to do it. Yeah, no, that was the best part. Yeah. Like there was a co a cheat code. What did we ever do to anybody? They always get picked on to the point that they're like, We lost

World War Two very badly. Yeah, but they like gave up World War Two and then they And the British were like, Please fight the Nazis and the French And the French were holding their assholes open. They basically were in the middle of bending over and being like, Put it in here. Yeah, they they because of that You can go step right into Schnitzel in my asshole. As you want. Europe would have been fucking lost. If it was it was it uh Dunkirk?

Yeah. And that you know, they could have the Germans could've just fucking killed the rest of the British, but it was the French that like gave up before that. Pussy ass motherfuckers. And then they just became Then they became Nazis. They were like, ah we're I guess we're Nazis now. Do you want to be a big thing? That's why all their shit is still there. That's why all their cool shit isn't bombed.

England had a bunch of cool shit, but they were like, Fuck you, German. I do respect uh the more honestly the older I get, the more I respect the except for, you know Jimmy Seville. Except for Jimmy Seville. Oh no, that's not what makes me respect. That seems to be what you said here.

Cảm ơn các bạn đã theo dõi. Nick and I are picking up? I don't really mark against the British is that is putting Beyoncé in the beloved Austin Power series. Which has ruined the sexual element of the movies. When it was a chain smoking British whore, I said I could jack off to that. I stand by that sentiment. It did ruin the sexual element of Austin Powers. When it was a raspy skeleton covered in Nicoderm patches, I could jack off to that. No, Beyonce is not. It's not a good thing.

Not about her body. And I would like to say both Heather Graham and uh the other bitch, Heather who's the first one? Elizabeth Elizabeth Hurley. Both of them are also hot. Okay. When I see her, it makes me want to Elizabeth Hurley. I started Elizabeth Hurley. She's fucking no. Because you're gay? No. That's what you also do whenever you see pussy. Elizabeth Hurl. I was gonna go have some- Thanks for having me. There was women out there. He's back in

There was no gods. Yeah, Nick sucked. We cut the camera, Nick sucked eight guys off, and then we cut it back. back and make it look like a cut, please. Mark mark that. He got acid reflux because of all the cums. He's gonna be perfect. Goddamn. Yeah, so yep, Austin Bowers, the first two hold up. Ikea presenterar Gud av förändring. Välkommen till IKEA! Väng firar 70 år av resor, och det gör vi med massor av erbjudanden som är omöjliga att motstå.

Hitta våra bästa jubileumserbjudanden på wing.se. De bästa resorna försvinner först. I don't remember what else we were fucking talking about. What's going on with you, Dave? We're like due to we're due to flee. Are you gonna be Um Donnie, what you both did. You both broad. I guess he's He's Jeffrey Epstein's son. Did you see that? They're wire building.

Bill Clinton and Jamie Epstein at his brists and you go, He's Muslim. Dude, MAGA is just saying anything now. Dude, people It's just anything. I mean, that's crazy. They were sending they were sending funny. Oh, uh Mom Donnie's dad? Uh pedophile Jeffrey Epstein. What's that based on? Absolutely nothing.

Well Jeffrey Epstein was the John Travolta character that came in and raised Zoran. Yeah, yeah. No, John Travolta would have been his real dad would be John Travolta. No. The old guy would be He's a real dad. The real dad. Yeah, the old guy. So Epstein would be his real dad. Oh, it's like DNA. Who is the old guy from Gishi?

Yes, they'll go to the city. Which is that's the whole opening scene is him nutting in her. Isn't that crazy? Is it nut is a cum shot. The whole opening scene of Look Who's Talking is just him busting in Christy Allen. Yeah. And then you see the jizz go in the pussy. His ass quivering was in the original. Oh fuck. Does the j does the jizz have sunglasses on or he's talking? That's the one you know is gonna make it. Yeah. It's Bruce Willis. They offered Colin the role of the Jiz.

You know, running down a thigh. Forty five minutes of Jiz explaining the Declaration of Independence. You know, we the people, which is interesting'cause they had people working for'em. This fucking this sperm knows a lot about American history. Yeah, it's called Talking Cum. Uh, yeah. That good movie, Look Who's Talking, by the way. Great franchise. Mm-hmm. They moved it to the dogs. They made the dogs sentient beings. I never saw Look Who's Talking. I remember that as a youth.

Uh cr yeah, that was Kir Kirsty Alley's like What's funny is the second one, the little girl is Roseanne. So I would I would rather them if they reboot that they better re keep Roseanne. And let her go off script. Let her go off script, yeah, yeah. Bro, I I was confused. I thought you meant a young Roseanne was playing a child. No, no, no. She was the voiceover of a baby. Bruce Willis was the first that was the voiceover. Then he came back for the sequel and his little sister.

Yeah, it's going on. I bet one of his own. And then having a baby do the voice. I don't want to and it's called Help Who's Talking. I want pudding. I want pudding. I have a poop in my pants and I want pudding but I believe they did. Help who's talking is so fucking funny. I think it's his wife that's doing it. Uh yeah, that's c honestly, if you're look, it's not good. But like...

Rich as hell with dementia, it's like you get to be a baby. Every day I check to see if he's dead yet.'Cause if he's not, he's just like in a room somewhere with tits watching movies. Yeah, dude. Do you see when he possibly but e eats like fucking meatball subs gets his dick sucked. Do you see when he pops up and his hair's fucking wide and he's like

Yeah. It's kind of the best way to die. Like he jet g and you by the way, going senile it's nicer than knowing what's going on. Well you don't worry about the I think the best way to die is probably being killed by an Israeli F thirty five while you're shooting up uh a synagogue. Yeah. Bake Mullen's views are not representative of Stavby world. Then it's rich.

But you know Screaming screaming talk beer while shooting up in a synagogue and then you get drone strike. The g the equalizer about dementia is Everybody gets to be Bruce Willis. Is that the premise of the movie? Of the equalizer? Is the is Yeah. Denzel's just a regular black guy that went crazy. Or he just lost it and they told him that he was a badass. Do you know where the hell I am? He goes, You're not my son. Do you know where I am, Jake? Where the hell am I? I'm very

Where's Jake? He's in the Where's Jake? Where's Jake? I didn't know you like to get wet. Yeah. Maurice, do not talk to me like that. He's just in the checkout girl. I didn't know you liked to get wet. What's the one where he's the bodyguard for the little girl? Uh Man on Fire. Man on Fire, yeah. I wish you had more time, but he's insane. He's shout out to Creasy. That movie's good.

Incredible. Dude, that movie's incredible. And the like lat, like, if you really want to just put your nuts on the table, just go ahead and skip. And just watching it on fire. Just watch him. Watch him go off. Just watch him do revenge, dude. Although the the him and fucking uh the scenes with him and Christopher Walken so fucking good.

That's where Christopher Walken though gave up. I told you my name isn't Jake. Yeah. I've told you a million times. Does your daughter CIA together? Does your daughter know you're out of the house? You wander down here. I can show you the ring cam. You're telling me a little girl went missing. And you're gonna fight the cartel, you work in the lumber yard of Home Depot.

He's just a mishmash. Jake? He's doing the Jake thing again. Yeah, yeah. What if I am the guy who knows who Jake is? You might have been a former enemy And now I'm keeping secrets from you. Yeah, Christopher Watkins like Pacino. He gave up in one movie. Like I forget which movie it is.

It's not Man on Fire, he's good in Man on Fire. I don't think Pacino actually gave up. I I was I rewatched The Irishman the other day. He's great in that. And well, he's great in everything, but I watched the like special features for the Irishman and they have like a round table that's like De Niro and Pacino and um Pesci? Pesci, yeah. And Scorsese, and they're all talking. Oh fuck yeah. And I I guess I've never seen Al Pacino just hanging out.

But he's like kinda like shy and stuff. Yeah, yeah. So it's like, oh, that is a performance. I thought he just did himself but but no. The best part about him is he's still nutting inside a twenty whatever you like. Twenty eight year old. It's crazy. You're still nutting raw dogging? He was talking about how he texts his son. He's like, sometimes I text him. He's a fucking baby.

That's crazy. When you grow up and you're like, why did you let him have me? Yeah, yeah. Oh dude, you gotta be so mad at your mom. Because by the way, he's not even gonna touch the estate. Yeah. I wonder how many kids check out me. What's the Pacino range? De Niro's range is long. I think he also recently had a kind of a kid. Uh but Pacino, I mean the Nero's kids all black? So they don't expect to have a father in it.

I think they might expect it's right there. You know what? I'm playing chess. I have a lot of kids. They don't expect me to be there. It's kind of a move. That's why I was doing it. Gone. Yeah. Pacino seven kids with who? Oh I looked at the kids. Well, that's a lot of kids. Seven? Seven's tough. I bet it's less than I bet Pacino is less. What are the age rates though? Oh four to seventy three. Like two years older. Yeah, like the oldest is born eighty nine. Okay. Marie Pacino. Thirty six.

And that's quick math. Oh, you cheated. Oh, that's funny. I thought the same thing. I was trying to think of which way he did it where I was like, did he start it twenty twenty six? I was born in eighty nine. Okay. Then we got Anton James Pacino. Anton James 2001. Twins with Olivia Rose Pacino. And then Roman Pacino, of course, twenty twenty. Roman is the little guy. Yeah. Who's the who do you have this first kid with? A baby shouldn't be.

Roman. No. The fuck? That should be, if anything, given to you in the older age. You should have to kill your older brother. Roman should take his name. Roman the first. Yeah. Roman Pacino is a great. Roman Pacino's great. It's also setting him up that that kid could suck. Oh, yeah. Oh, for sure. Growing up the kid. He's gonna top out at four eleven. He's gonna be a white rapper. Also tiny but also wolverine. Mm-hmm. So he's gonna be hairy and small. Yeah. And just

ferocious. Yeah, I like that. He'll he'll do nothing until he hits fifty and he'll open a bar across the street. You've never been to Pacinos. Pacinos Like some guy fifty years from now, opening a bar called Pachita. His dad's been dead for 48 years. We know it. We're not going to be able to do that. Put on Cerpico. He doesn't even know. And everyone watches He takes voice training lessons.

Trans to talk like his dad. Can you teach me how to speak like him? I'm watching his movies. I said we got a drink special, cause my dad He's gotta go to governors and find some fucking dumb Italian that does it up. Do real trans people take voice training? I believe so, yeah. That seems like the biggest scam. That's gotta be a new business. And there's some people are just tricking trans people into signing up for lessons they probably don't need. I believe because you can't get a lower voice.

I think about the scene with So even when you become you look like a sexual if you had a deep ass voice you could train yourself to have a look at the No, more like this. Well, I'm wondering is it the scene where have you ever seen the scene where Richard Pryor teaches uh Gene Wilder how to be cool in any which way but up? Where he's like, Yeah, now get bass in your voice. Is that what they do? Where they go like Yeah, but the other way.

No, it's like it's like in miscongeniality when Stanley Tucci teaches. Oh,'cause I was thinking women transitioning to men and a guy goes Hey dude. And they go. Okay. Hey dude. Yeah, I think I think the the T does a lot of the work. Going that way. You're saying the opposite. You gotta brighten it up. You gotta brighten it up. Although I'm sure it would I'm sure voice training it did you ever know a guy I feel like I you would meet kids who would pretend to have a deep voice.

And then one day that it just stuck? I just always had my mom has it too. I don't feel like you're you know, there's nothing about you that's

Call my friends when I was a kid in fifth grade and be like, my fri'cause you'd call, you know, to see if they come out and hang out. Yeah. And I remember calling my friend Lewis, Lewis Condon. Shout out, Lewis. I hope you're all right. Shout out to Lewis. And I called his house and his mom was like I was like, is Lois there? She's like, who is this?

Like in a not in a like a mom like in a way that I've never heard of being like, Who is this? She's just trying to fuck somebody on the phone. Your mom's a your uh his mom's an Indian man. What are you doing later? Yeah. Please No, I said. busy. Are you looking for Lewis or me? For you, sir. But uh I was like, oh no, it's Dan. And she was like, Oh, I thought it was you were one of Lewis's football coaches. Damn. Did you ever use that? Did you ever do any hijinks? Oh yeah, phone pranks.

All the time. Pranking people. I used to hate that when when you'd like you'd be telemarketed or something, they would call. Yeah. And they'd be like, uh, hi ma'am. Yeah, right. I used to know I'm a ma'am a boy. And then I just start I'd start p pissing into the reception. Sir, you're breaking up the phone, are you peeing in the receiver? Yeah. I would call Toys R Us to see if they had toys and then pick up

But a child can do that. I don't know why. And they go, man. You're checking if they have gambit? You're a pedophile. No one's searching for gambit with the heavy leather jacket. No respect. I loved Gambit. But I was But I was I used to call Toys Ruskin when they'd pick up That's the Cajun X-Men? Yeah. That's the Mo Mo Cherine. What did he say? Sex up the sexed up X-Men. Yeah. Yeah. He would he would throw he would make a a playing card.

on fire. But he was the king of edging'cause he wanted to fuck the lady that you couldn't touch or she'd kill you. Yeah. So he had to like do it. I would do it anyways. If you were a condom, couldn't you fuck her? That's what I'm saying. She doesn't kill you immediately. It's like you have a It sucks your power, it changes your life force. So if you bust r like right away, you're good. Yeah, but you're gonna be like a prune. Professor X is telling someone that?

That's awesome, dude. If that's your girlfriend you could just nut immediately be like, Well, I died. I literally can't eat your pussy because I'll die. Or my mouth will stop you if you suck me off immediately. I'll melt like one of the fucking Nazis in Indiana Jones. If I suck your pussy. But I feel like with a condom you should be able to fuck her. Professor X is like her only weakness. If you come fast. What's the rumor Professor X like all the

The mind his mind is everywhere. So he's like in that place and then Rogue comes in and he turns around to see her and he's like, Hey and then it's just her pussy and tits all over the country. And he's like, What's what's going on? For a second it's like some fat old lady. It's baseball, but then it comes back strong and she's sucking. Yeah, right. The baseball bat turns into his dick and stone. I should take this off.

Before he does it's like his whole body going into she's a giant and he's just being stuffed in her pussy in the wheel. Like a setno I'm in the chair. No, I'm in the chair. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Shitty legs just being like wet spaghetti in her something. She's just fucking putting him in there. She's using him like a dildo. Tuesday is laundry day. He's like uh yeah. I just wanted to know where y'all keep your business.

He's like, Oh, you you startled me rogue. And then Storm comes in, but she's not sexually attracted to her. Yeah, right. It's not a good thing. Don't say the N-word. Don't say the N word. Red circle. She's like, Oh, should I come back? He's like, No, that's I shouldn't say it. No, no, no, I'm not sure. You're allowed in here, actually. Oh, oh I'm sorry, Storm. You weren't supposed to see that.

Rogue didn't tell you about my fantasies. And so she creates a hurricane so she can go loot the groceries. It's her waiting with a door and all the doors and all the groceries. Professor I brought in a TV. Why did you get a bunch of Nokia cell phones? No one uses flip phones anymore. Uh you startled me. She was fucking sexy. She so remember those cards?

Mm-hmm. To the cards? The X Men cards? I don't remember the cards. This might be s this might be slightly generational. Yeah, it's a little bit older. A little before your time. My friend had X Men cards. What's that? My friend had X Men cards. Yeah, we're the same age. Yeah, I'm trying to remember what the I definitely was horny for the X Men, but I don't know if I if there was ever if they ever made it to me jacking off to them.

Was there ever a maybe a vide because the video game Well the movie what's her name plays the No, but no no the blue lady from the movie. Yes. Yeah, Rebecca Romain. Ru d definitely I I There was I believe there was footage of her getting into the like being body painted. Damn, dude. I bet BTS did it for a young star. Absolutely. Not only that, I'll tell you one further. I then... In my rotation was body painted.

Porn. Really? Like they were they Well Sports Illustrated did a whole thing for a couple of years there, the swimsuit edition where girls were just naked with body paint on. Yeah, it was interesting. There was a very specific That gotta be awesome if you're colorblind. Yeah. That's just porn. Yeah, you go, Oh, look at these naked ladies. Their skin looks s a little weird. Sure I have dog eyes, but look at this fucking porn. Dog eyes.

Sure. You should be able to smell like a dog. You should be able to get dog scent.

That's what I said. You can't you're like a nosmic now. Oh yeah, you can't smell it all. I didn't know that. I don't think you told me that. I've had it for a while. No, COVID's would have knocked it out. Smoking cigarettes Severely doled it. I I like the couple of tim I I I mean I got sick again recently and I couldn't smell, but the first time it happened I couldn't smell for like two days and I was like really upset about it. Yeah. I my shit got so doled out because of smoking.

For so long. You were ready to go. That when it happened I was just kinda like, I guess it isn't there. But it's a gas leak. I'm gonna die. Yeah, don't you gotta fix that.

Yeah, there's people have been reaching out with like there's like therapies you can do to like bring it up. Well that's what I did. When I got sick and mine went away, I just I got all the spices out of the cabinet and I would just keep smelling where you all of them kind of uh recognized it and then I would just think about like, oh Rosemary or whatever, you know. You would think about it? Yeah, you have to think about it maybe.

I have to go to an island and find Luke Skywalker just to smell this stinky ass city again. Yeah. But you're pumped. You don't even want to smell. I mean Katie ha literally is like my smelling nose lady. Yeah. Like I go to her and I go, Do I smell? And she goes What about taste? Has it fucked up your taste? Dulled it a little, but I still have taste. I could still No, see I lost both when I had it. Yeah, I lost both, but my taste came back but just a little dulled.

Okay. All right. Yeah. Well yeah, you don't you can't smell well now you're a you're uh uh to be married man, you don't have to worry about strange stinky pussies. Nope. But that's a positive if you're a young man who's You know. Yeah, but there's stuff like it's like you know, like your mom's perfume or stuff like that.

might smell in the future and you're like your dick hard. Yeah. Yeah, that or you know, like I was that Liz Taylor? Yeah, your mom's perfume, your grandma's perfume. No, you probably have nice memories that are now inaccessible that you don't even fucking know about. That is great times in your life'cause it's a lot is a lot of memories attached to a scent. I might bring it back.

Do you think you have that capability? I they've they've been doing a lot of studies. They've been saying there's like medications that can bring it back now. Interesting. I think doing the spice thing. Yeah. And then he like snaps his leg. Yeah. He gets too like excited. Yeah. That would be me. It's like I don't care what the doctors say. I'm going to try and fix it my own way. Mine was

just kind of like eh I don't think I need it right now. It's more that I I don't want it, but I respect that. I'm gonna'cause I would be freaking the fuck out if I lost a sense. Yeah. A sense. Yeah, but my shit was always dull'cause of smoking. Yeah. That shit really upsets me. One of my eyes went like

Uh either up or down a diopter or whatever you call it. Where are my eyes? I like I don't know if I You were googly eyed? No, I I my vision had been stable and then I had a bad eye infection in this eye. Mm.

I don't know. It was like a sty and then it became infected. I got it was called the paraorbital cellulitis. Uh I'd take antibiotics. This was years ago. But I it was at the same week. Maybe it was because I could only use this eye and I was like fucked up or something. I was watching TV and then suddenly it was like Like a filter went over and I couldn't read anything.

Jizz. You have a almost a forced field of comb around your eye. But that shit made me really sad. I was like And then I'm looking online, I'm like, can you do exercises to bring it up? There was like times I gave up hope. There was like frustrating shit where I was like, dude, I'll ha I have to be able to And then I would pull my nose out like this. That was the only time I was able to smell Fun of me for the spices and the you're just like doing Pinocchio ep.

There's no way that's the answer is pulling your nose out. I think I like pulling your nose out of nail pulses. No, you're teaming up against me for no reason. Spicy's is better. Okay. Okay, spices but not. You can think your way back to having fucking smell. You can't be like fucking cinnamon and then Yes, you can. It's your brain. Your brain is doing everything. It's the same brain. By the way, his science isn't that off what I've read.

I do my own science and I'm always right. That's how he fixed his eye. Well, I'm I think I'm very scared that I'm just fucked because of my back. I was telling you guys before, but yeah, I just was fucking deadlifting not even a lot of weight and I just tweaked some shit. And it just has not it just I wake up every morning and it

excruciating pain for like three hours. You need to read that that book that cured Howard Stearns back. You gotta get it on Louis Simmons, dude. Who's Louis Simmons? Louis Simmons was the guy that ran Westside Barbell, but he like broke his fucking back.

And then yeah, do you you have you seen West Side versus the World? No. Oh, you should watch it. You'd like it. Is it a documentary? Yeah. It's like pumping iron it's like pumping iron and West Side versus the World. That's it was uh the two best. Okay. Yeah, but West Side versus the World It's all about Louis Simmons and his and his gym.

Yeah, a powerlifting gym in Ohio. I think it's still there, but it's like invite only and it's just a garage and it's like like they set a bunch of records, I guess, in the late nineties and early two thousands. But Louis Simmons broke his back. And then he's uh he's a welder, so he invented like the rehab machine that he used to fix his back. Yeah. That's the most manly shit I've ever heard in my life. Breaking your back and then welding your

For real. I'm just sitting here I'm like in a fucking like a Epsom salt bath, being like, ah I need more doors. I need I need more DoorDash. I have I have to I have to get to my job where I pretend to be a working class tire salesman tomorrow. I don't actually I'm not actually. Tire salesman, but I make so much pain. That's literally what this last fucking month has been like. I've been like, uh How am I ever gonna pretend to be a horny tire?

You could get into you could get into pills too. You could become a pillhead. That's how most people get into it. Oh yeah, I know. That's why I'm suggesting it. No, no, I got some. That's why I'm walking them to his path. No, no. I'm really I've been really worried about that. I've been keeping them at bay. I only use them like I've only used them like a couple times a month. They're in here somewhere in this apartment? I'm not telling you where they're.

Do you think if uh if your friend Nick got up and walked around you'd maybe shout out a hotter or colder once in a while? I I got into I I d you know, we would get like Kratom for free on the old show. Of course. It's always kinda gross to me, but then I when I I got so got surgery a couple years ago and I used the Kratom to extend how long I was on painkillers. And then um

And then I had this Kratum's very interesting'cause it's like Well, if you do enough of it, it it's like a Percocetle. Just three different drugs. Yeah. Yeah, but Yeah, but this is like you guys coming up with recipes for like biscotti. A biscotti ice? I never thought of both of those will work for me. I was doing this thing for a while where I would sit at home and I would have like six or seven non-alcoholic beers and then take forty grams of Kratom and be like, I'm sober.

Yeah, dude. And your brain's like, What's going on? It's not the same feeling. Yeah, yeah. No, that was that was awesome. That's like indoor skydiving for drinking. Just sitting there watching my girlfriend friend play Hogwarts Legacy, like pretending to be drunk. Good job. Good job. I just had six tiny zeros. I feel great. We're having a great night inside. So much that you're fucking redoing the shitty parts of it. Yeah. A thousand calories, Estella Zeros. That's so fucking funny. You're in.

After like two or three though, you wanna After three of they're bad. I went to uh I went to a Fourth of July barbecue with Shane and I drank a twelve pack of Heineseer's but those are good though. I like'em. I like the I like'em but Six was too much. Yeah, I I top out at like three of those. Well, and it's for a barbecue when you want to just fucking there were shotgun and beers. Drinking and I was like I sh I fucking Shotgunning NA's is that's

A beer bog to fucking That's like something the chess club does. But I needed it. I needed like it was like a it's like a pedophile sex doll. I like needed it. I was gonna fucking act out if I did it. I was in a really dark place. I was gonna Don't judge my child's sex doll. I needed it. Hey, um Shane, could you just tell those guys that was real beer? I was like, I don't give a shit, dude. I'll take three edibles. I was doing what Nick was doing. Just displacement.

Hey Shane, if Postmone asks that was real beer. If if George Kittle asks when I pour poor year, Postmone sitting there getting a temporary tattoo. Uh fuck. Eldus, what is it about time we we gave a little wisdom to the to the listeners, Eldus? Yeah. Wonderful.

You Dan, you are in the middle of a tour. Yeah, Golden Retriever of Comedy Tour on the Uh. Yeah, Dan Soder dot com, March and April are the final months of it. Perfect. Go see Dan. Nick, you said we were talking you said you're back on the road maybe or Yeah well I just did Chicago. I gotta line more stuff up. But I'm being lazy about I kinda wanna keep everything in driving distance for a little bit. It was kinda nice too. Yeah, I just bought

But I bought a RAV4 just driving. Driving places is awesome. Well I think it's the best. I realized Philly it was awesome. I had a flight I I like For some reason it's like on Saturdays I'm like anxious about the shows, even though it's the end of the week. Mm-hmm. And then it it took me until now to realize it's because I have to the fly on Sunday. Uh and I get like even before I go on the road, it's like I think like, Oh, why am I nervous? And it's just I hate

I'm like I'm gonna fuck up. I'm not gonna get to the airport on time. Dude and that also travel sucks. Especially with government shutdowns possibly happening again. It's like one of those things where like I might not make it and the stress of not making it to a fucking faraway city. Yeah. Because people are like Come out. There's gotta be and you're like,'Cause I can't fly there. Yeah, we fucking drove back from uh Greensboro.

We we fought. What is that, South Carolina? Ten hours? Yeah, what was it? Ten. It was like six hours to Baltimore, and then we like Yeah, we literally slept for like four hours. We slept for like three and a half hours and then got back to New York. Yeah. That's great. But it was a fucking hilarious ride. We saw a That's we we talked we were talking about the truck drivers earlier. We saw literally a guy was he had parked his truck In maybe the worst spot possible.

And we were like it was like there was like a detour off a highway and we needed to like go around his shit. We were like, What the fuck's that guy got in there? He was he getting sucked off by a lot lizard? And then as we said that like A disheveled woman comes out and it's like and it's like Telling he's like doing it. Literally Go around helping him back up so we can like cross through and sorry I had to come out here and scratch the cum out of my pussy.

Uh so go see the golden retriever of comedy. Go see Mull the Moldog when he when he throws some stuff up there. And uh we got some great stuff at this point. Probably Grand Radio City's coming up by the time this comes out. What do you do in Radio City? March twenty fifth? Fucking eh. Twenty eighth? Twenty eighth. ご視聴ありがとうございました Come hang. In the back there they got uh like f it's the original machine from like the nineteen thirties. It controls all the

Really? The fucking you know, the w the wi I don't know, ropes, wire. Yeah, yeah. That's if you chose the curtains and the fucking or it's just like I think they still use it. fucking awesome. I'm excited. No, that's fucking that's that's mad ghost too. That's ghosted up. That's Phantom of the Opera. Oh, is it? I'm sure. Radio City has to be. A lot of shit is haunted, dude. Yeah, that's why they all have that ghost light. They put on that stage of theaters. Oh really?

Just for the ghost to like perform? Yeah, the ghost is a monologue. Just doing ra just doing blackface. It's like it's like if it's a ghost. Well yeah, nineteen tens. It's just so offensive that they're not allowed in hell. Satan's like Jesus Christ. I mean I'm evil, but I like Good stuff. Satan's piss because he gets all the true. Satan doesn't necessarily have to have bad taste.

Rock and ro I stole rock and roll from black people. Uh saying another seltzer rookie? Yeah please do you want a zero? Yeah, that'd be great. Eldus will get it. No stop. You gotta Google things for Yeah. Vänner till rival. Väng firar 70 år av resor, och det gör vi med massor av erbjudanden som är omöjliga att motstå. de nästa jubileumserbjudanden på wing.se. De bästa resorna försvinner först.

Oh yeah, g go crazy. Damn, I've had like nine coffees today. Oh, this where's the fucking call, you dunce? Yeah, I fucking said it three times. Jesus Christ. Hi Eldest and esteemed guest. Uh I'll try to keep this quick. Um I blew two discs in my lumbar spine when I was like twenty five, had surgery, was good to go. Uh but a couple weeks ago Uh was in a lot of pain, got an MRI. Turns out it's degenerative disc disease and I believe two more and they'll just continue to get worse.

Uh it's manageable but I my career path is uh mobile mechanic. Uh I run my own business, I make okay money. But I'm at this point now where I've got to decide Do I change Well quick quick answer. Real quick. Uh immobile mechanics. That's true. Bring your car. Yeah. You jack your car up and you bring it to my house. Put put my hands on the car for me. Wheel me under there. Lay me down, wheel me under. And I'll give a glimpse.

Get a wheelchair and replace the car. Then people can you can ride people can ride you. Um that's fucking brutal. So this guy figured out his back is just fuck. He is degenerative. Disc disorder. Disc disease. Disease, which I guess I don't know what that is. Hopefully I've got to be able to do that. Like you got back problems, but this guy's got like Yeah. This guy is the character you're playing. Yes. This is like

I was a manager. I sell tires in this place I'm a manager and you go, What the fuck? It would have been awesome if you were supposed to be a mechanic and then you showed up, you're like, I'm gonna need a chair. I'm gonna need a chair to sit in. Uh, yeah, dude, I mean... You're pr that sucks, Dick.

Uh he's basically just saying he needs to change his career. Is that what you're wondering if he should seriously reconsider pursuing a different career because he should learn how to use Chat T V P to do coding for him. That's my advice to everybody.

And then use Chat GPT to do that. Mm-hmm. It doesn't matter, yeah. Yeah. But what would that even fucking be? He doesn't know. He doesn't know. Does he have any uh ideas about what he would do? Are you just saying should he I mean yes, because if you're asking us in a vacuum Should you take a job that is less physically taxing? Mm-hmm. The answer is yes. If you have that available.

Yeah. Can you imagine living in a giant vacuum? Is it a giant vacuum or a giant vacuum or you that's a big thing? Maybe a Kirby? That would be pretty cool. Oh, I'll tell you what, you're in a Dyson, your life's pretty good. It would be even better if it was haunted and then it's like Luigi's mansion and you're living in that you live in a vacuum.

Uh-huh. I don't want to be full of dirt and shit. Well, it's a fantasy world we're living in we're dust doesn't have a vacuum. It's charming in a Disney way. You can use it to fly off. No, at first, but then you become acclimated. Maybe you're in a different part of the vacuum. Okay. You might be in the brushes. That's like the inner city of the vacuum world. Yeah. You go, you don't want to live in the brushes. Let's just say this stuff gets trapped right. Yeah, yeah. Hm. I don't know. I mean

The sensation of being vacuumed, that would feel nice. Being in the vacuum, being getting a lot of jobs. No, dude, I just want like I don't know, I feel awesome. Just to be taken away? You want to be abducted. Being abducted would feel good. Being su being sucked, your entire body. Your whole body getting sucked would feel good. I was reading about the uh really getting sucked.

You get your dig is played with with a mouth. I was reading about the uh It's not really a suck job. The the Apollo Apollo one disaster. Yeah story. No. I really only know it from the beginning of Apollo thirteen. The movie? I don't know. I don't know shit about it. Well I s uh so it was the first Apollo mission and um like just the pre but if they were just testing. They were like, get in the cockpit and let's just make sure the radio works.

I can uh I immediately I immediately see Nick is Selling a comedic version of Apollo One to a streamer being like they've gotta learn how to be astronauts. That's what happened. So they put him on the they put him on the launch pad. They get in the cockpit and they were they have to, you know, they have to pressurize the cockpit because when it goes into space, it's a fucking vacuum. So they do that on the ground.

And at the time, I don't know if they changed it later, they did it with pure oxygen. Okay. And so and there's a recording of the comms, right? Oh no. And so they're sitting in there, it's pure oxygen, some wire shorts. And then you hear the guy like the guy's like already impatient. He's like, How the hell are we gonna go to the moon if we can't even get, you know, comms working right between two buildings?

He's like, Uh oh, we got a fire. Bad fire, bad fire. Oh And then like get us out of here And then it just cuts out. But then you hear the other guys because there's so much pressure in there, because they pressurized it, and it's also pure oxygen, the fire like makes it even more so they got squeezed and burned to death.

In like 30 seconds, but then there's the other side of the comms and the other guy's like, Yeah, Mike, can you go check on um so fucking the guy that goes checking a fucking D for me? Mike, you up there, you got visual on I s the the guy that always goes, Stop playing around. Yeah. You guys playing around, the guys being squeezed and burned. Oh dude. But you gotta think like all those guys went to like Korea in World War Two. So for them for him that's like

Like that's like nothing. It's like yeah, they all got gets get some more astronauts in here. We lost three. What do you want me to cry about? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That would be that would suck dick to be Number one though. And you're not only do you not get to go to space, you die in fucking Florida on fire. The smartest guy was like, I'll go to number one. Don't you want to be the first one? And he goes.

No. No, I don't. Not really. Have you guys figured out the old pressure thing? Well, that's I I never really knew the story. I rewatched Apollo thirteen recently and I never picked up on that as a when I was a kid, but like It makes the story so much crazier'cause it's like these guys are thinking about the other guys that burned to death. Right. And they already know how dangerous this is gonna be. And then they go up there and they just get stuck. Yeah. Like in between

Earth and the moon. Well yeah, that's what I mean, because as a kid I couldn't appreciate Apollo thirteen because it's a good thing. Yeah, I saw with my dad and I remember being like they got stuck and they got out of Yeah, well when you're a kid too, you're like Fucking Han Solo does fucking backflips. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like when you see an ac when you're a kid and you see a scan's up. It's like, what are you guys you just Nigerians from Jesse Smolette don't get me. This. Subway.

What do you mean you just went to subway? You are going to subway. You have become MAGA country. Welcome to America. We gotta do it again. Welcome to the country of MACA. Welcome. No, it's welcome to Met. Welcome. This is Maggie. Where is my midball sub? Where? You promised me a six foot on Italian herbs and cheeses. I wanted a teriyaki chica. Where is my teriyaki? It's crazy that's the only good thing on the menu. Everything else is bullshit. Because they know it's good.

Italian BMT? Nah, dude. Yeah. Sweet onion teriyaki. Honestly, the meatbo sub's not bad either. It isn't bad. It drops in a pinch. Yeah, but there's never. Always have the There's never a pin hold on there's never a pinch? What do you mean there's never a pinch? Unless you go in there like we don't have the sweet onion chicken teriyaki. It's not that good, bro. The fucking meat it also sometimes you you want something different.

True. We want a meatball sauce. It's good, but the chicken does kind of suck. It's that weird sound but the flavor is that weird rubbery ass chicken. Fuck Subway. Damn now I kinda want Subway though. Yeah, of course you do you fucking white trash. I got I got a Subway Thanksgiving sub they had on the menu when me and Subway. Stav stopped on the way back to Greenwood. That was a old Len that was an old Lenny's thing that they used to do. That was great.

Yeah, I mean I do think it's nice when sandwich when chains do something For the for uh a limited time. I did a night where I was way fucked up on Kratom to the extent that I I wouldn't say I blacked out, but I didn't remember it happening, but I like inquired about I inquired about opening a Blimpies franchise. I'm genuinely curious. Plumbies was my favorite.

There's no blimpies anywhere. Well see yeah I I I didn't say I'm dumb or that this was a bad idea. I just said that I didn't remember it anywhere. I just said I didn't remember it. Yeah, no blimpy there's no blimpies anymore. Blimpies if you opened a blimpies slash blockbuster

In like wherever the Harry Potter store is? Yeah. You would No no no it would it would need to be in like Ridgewood or some shit. Yeah. What it what's the fuck is going on out in Ridgewood? You would need it to be like hipster. You just said that like you're a black comic no shot. What's going on in Ridgewood? Richwood.

The fuck's going on. The fuck yeah. Well, I feel like I've lived in bed style long enough now that I can act like that to the people that are moving there now. You don't belong here. You don't either. I'm like, yeah, but less I mean a little bit more than you Play another call, LD. Hey Stuff, uh second shot here'cause I went way too long in the first try. Uh so long story short, I am having a hard time with my dad since my mom passed away six months ago. Um

She it's it's been a hard time and and all that, you know, goes without saying. Um since she passed away, my dad, who's like a deeply, deeply conservative like Catholic man, midwestern man, has started hanging out with one of her old friends. Um Like a lot. It started off sort of sort of low key that she would like bring him lunch sometimes. Um but now he's like seeing her like every day after work and

Uh my dad w he went to Texas last week uh'cause he had some health stuff going on. He needed to get some he needed to get some scans and they got like a second opinion down there. Uh my brother and did ways too well. Which by the way, what's up with stem cells? If anybody knows Inject them into my back.

Oh yeah, I need them fixed. Fuck dude. Some if somebody knows Mysterio's doctor, let me know. Having you doing six one nines. Having people trapped in the rope and I I kind of feel like we're on like and this is gonna get like conspiratorial, but with like all the Epstein stuff.

stuff coming out and everything. It's gonna be like we're all gonna have to make a decision. It's like the it's gonna be like, okay, it's clear. Everybody in the government fucks children. Right. They're all evil. They want to murder like an entire race of people. Yep. But we now have the technology where like everything could be cured, you can live forever and you're gonna have to make like a decision.

Let them do it and take the drugs or don't? Yeah, kinda. So like you can live Whether we whether we get rid of morality and kill God, basically, and then we have him with talent. Not yet. He's hanging on. He's in Iran, he's in Palestine. Yeah. He's got a lot of southern Lebanon in the cave. He's not really thinking about the Super Bowl this year. Um I so would I take the drug to cure everything? Yeah, I just overwrote this guy's question. No, no, we'll get back to his question.

But family's dying, I'm like, here's a better one. No, well listen, we'll get it's i his dad's getting new pussy. Mm-hmm. W not would you take the drug necessarily, but like would you accept that world? It's like you could have paradise on earth born out of like things that violate your principles. We we're still we're just gonna let them get away with everything. So they're gonna be that I don't think I could do that, but I don't know if like

I think we're sort of the natural outgrowth of like the life you already kind of live living in the West anyways. Exactly. True. That's true. That is true. You could argue we're already doing that just by being fucking successful in America. Mm-hmm. They They've cured being fat from eating too much food. Well And you know, that's easy for you to fucking say over there. Don't come at me. I'm handy. Altyazı M.K.

Tell me to smell the roses. And sometimes you're so fat you override the shot and you throw up'cause you had too much pizza. Do you have a band-aid tan line? I do. I think hold on. I don't know what that's from, honestly. It looks like a band aid. It looks like a band-aid. But I'm not sure. It looks like you had a tattoo of a band aid that got removed. When did I get shots? I'm saying we haven't cured it yet, but we've made

Are you on the uh uh and then are you taking the pill one or the injectable one? Uh the injectable one. Are you gonna switch to the pill? Uh I don't know. What if they put it in peanut butter and put it Oh you how have they not come out with different flavors? Come on, that's a no brainer. Yeah. And half of it should be placebo pills. They're just getting you to try to No, that's why they haven't made'em flavored.

We've overdosed. It's like that movie thinner. Everyone looks like they were cursed by a shaman. Everyone. Um all right, back to this fucking guy. What was he doing in Texas? They're going to Texas for a medical appointment for the prescription barbecue. Excuse me. I'm here for the I get first dips of the brisket. You were supposed to save me the fattiest cub, my doctor said I needed it. Uh we could knock this out with a half pound of brisket and some cornbread.

Okay, so he's in Texas and what, this bitch went with him? Um but he also invited this bitch to come with him as well. Uh but he also invited this bitch to come with him as well. Uh and those two stayed With with her family. She her family's from Texas. They stayed with her family. What do you want us to say? And my brother and sister in law stayed elsewhere.

Uh while they were down there my brother's like calling me and texting me saying it's fucking weird. They're we're apparently like holding hands. Dude, what do you think is going what is this question? Can I tell you something right now? As a child of divorce This guy is irritating me.'Cause he's going like What is why is my dad Acting like a man. My mommy's I mean, look, no disrespect. We get your mommy no disrespect. No disrespect, but uh disrespect.

I get it. But also, how old is he? Uh I don't think he's specified. Sounds like he's in his thirties at least. What's weird is that it's his mom's friend, right? That's fucked up. But also, your dad Hopefully. Dad did not cheat the entire time he was married to your mom. Right. So he did not know how to acquire outside pussy. Right. Your mom dies. I'm sorry. May her rest may she rest in peace. Peace.

But now Yeah, that almost makes more sense. I mean the nexus of their relationship is like the grief over this lady. This happens a lot. Brother, this is what they used to do when we were settling the West. Yeah. Someone dies, you marry This feels like you raised your brother's son, Jeremiah, and pretend he's your son. Raise a barn. Yeah, the child.

But this literally does feel like some village type shit. There's there's another little twist detail coming out. There's just a longer one. Yeah, like my dad and this this woman were like holding hands. My dad told me that he has an angel up in heaven, my mom, but now he has an angel on earth with him as well. It's just fucking weirding me out. It's a it's a lot. Um And to top it all off, this woman is married um and is the principal of a Catholic school.

Catholics are fucking hypocrites. Don't be so naive to even mention that like it's weird. But go the married thing is so funny. Is there any more elders? Uh I don't know. I thought that nothing was going on, but you know, that he was just in his grief he was finding comfort in her. But then last night my brother called me and uh said that

my dad his location was being weird'cause we both have our dad's location. I am not a person who checks locations but he was like check dad's location and I checked our dad's location. He was an hour away. at um this Doreen this Doreen woman, her dad owns a condo like an hour from where my my dad lives. Who's at the Smash Palace? But the guy who owns it is in Texas. And my dad and Doreen were like at this time.

That man's fresh from the fucking the the Houston Heart Center. Yeah. And he's fucking got Going to get a checkup to make sure he could fuck. The doctor was like, I you didn't need to come down here in person. You're hot. Is it good enough for sex? We're gonna monitor you. It's like that where he's he's got one of those masks on where he's What do you think?

Fucking explaining. Yeah. Just making sure he's boxing underwater. Getting ready to fuck. What's her name? Colleen? Miss Colleen. He called her Doreen, kind of. There's a fake little code name for the game. That's a full fake. Yo, he your dad is The Married thing is really funny. It's it's it's perfect. It's fucked up. This turns into she's the scumbag. She's the worst. What happened? Okay. De her dead friends ex-husband And she's married. Yeah, that's hilarious.

She's a dumb bitch. But here's the thing. That pussy's so good. Honestly, dude, what are you what are you doing? You're now you're being very naive. Of course, your dad is gonna fuck this lady. It's also none of none of your business. Yeah, who gives Honestly, what do you care? That it's like not right or some shit? Who gives it I would tell you right now, listen, obviously I don't have kids. I don't know about parenting.

I think he should've hit you more so you weren't tracking him. He didn't scare you enough to not track him. My mother's business is my mother's business. I I respect it, you know what I mean? She got she hit me. She hit me with a one-two-one New Year's Eve when I was twelve years old that I was like, I don't ever question this woman. So did he have a final qu like what is he even asking us? What should he do? Yeah.

He said any help would be great. That's basically his own. Any help is let your dad fuck. This is what it is. Your mom is gone, that sucks. Deal with that it's weird that he's quickly getting back You should start fucking the husband. You should find the husband and start s having sex with him. Or or this is doubtfire yourself, seduce your father. And then be like now you're fucking gay dad.

Daniel? Mm-hmm. The whole time you go, You molested me first. Yeah. What if he found out that the this lady's husband was fucking the dead mom? Oh, it's like a swinger thing? Yeah, and then he finds out at the end when the dad's Yeah, he goes like was just getting revenge for your mom. Don't you understand I couldn't do it while your mom was here. We didn't spend the best years of our year well, neither of our lives, but some time together before he died. He's like, I know. That'd be sick.

What if this is Zoran Mom Donnie and the dad is Jeffrey Epstein? That's probably what it is. Calling in. What if these are all code words? Yeah, but I see what you're saying. What if the dad, what if they had an arrangement? What if now, what if he, what if the other guy, he's in the cuck chair. Oh. Ging out this woman. Or what if what if the dad is sucking the guy's dick and fucking the lady? Damn it. Yeah, what if this is an MMF situation?

MmF situation that she's just getting, she's like, I need she goes, Now you're free. But either way, whatever freaky shit your dad's up. I mean I hate to say I hate to say this about your mom. But if you die in that situation, the ultimate cucking is being in heaven and watching. Oh tru well That's the heaven's the first cuck chair. That is true. Heaven is the first cuck chair. Well, I would imagine. You're in hell. It's just all assholes and fear.

Your wife and doggy. Yeah. You just see her tits swing, you're like, stop. You see his nuts and what's gonna swing. Residue dripping all over your You can't watch this baggage. Move around. Yeah, man, look at this is what happens. People, you know, what do you want'em do? Never fuck again? Yeah. I'm honestly pumped for your dad, and I've never met the man. Yeah. And maybe this relaxes his tight. Conservative views. He's Texas dad now. He's on testosterone. He's got his

Peptides. Mm-hmm. Oh yeah. Shit, I need some of those too. Yeah, he's just doing peptides. Fucking his stuff. I've just heard dudes say it. Yeah. I'm in, dude. I'm in. I whatever whatever it will take to fix my back. All right, so yeah, your dad's gonna fuck. Sorry it's your mom's friend, but What do you want? Really anything could help you go. It is weird for him to be like my dad is so

Super conservative, super Catholic guy, but he's the one being like a prude about his dad like getting pussy just because he's like married. You're being a prude and also you're being naive by Of course you're fucking dumbass hypocrite. There's nothing.

Don't believe anything. There's nothing. Now they're pretending it's no big deal that Trump fucked kids. Is that a against the religion to like fu like fuck somebody else after your wife? No, in fact, after your wife dies, I feel like that's kind of the one time you get new pussy little. Check those bylaws.

God lets you get new pussy after your wife dies. He goes, whoa, that was very good. That happens in the Bible a million times. Yeah. He goes, Oh, Daniel, your wife has died. How about new pussy? Turn the page. All right. Well fuck that guy. Next question Well not fuck you. Good good luck. I'm sorry, man. Here, listen. Uh this is an opportunity for you to

humanize your father. He's a man just like you. Yep. And he wants pussy. And this woman is the one breaking the marriage she has. Your dad at least waited till she died. So your dad, I would argue, not as bad as a person. And everyone knows when you fuck horrible people it's good sex. That's true. Not the man, though.

I don't remember off the top of my head. Well, next question, Eldus. Hey, Savi, Eldest and whoever else is there. Um I have a bit of a strange question about my boyfriend. So we've been together for gay, what's up? Oh big. How big are your tits? Your boyfriend's gay show us your tits. Doesn't matter. Let's go. I'll meet you in Texas. About my boyfriend. So we've been together for almost nine months or almost ten months now. Um also I'm twenty five, he's twenty seven, soon to be twenty eight.

Um and things have been going really, really great, like we've met each other's family, like I'm like ninety nine percent sure this is the love of my life and like we're in game. Um and everything else is going really well. Um And he asked me to do something recently that was a bit strange and I genuinely don't know what to do about it. So we Hope diamond in your pussy. I need you to break in. What was the painting that was stolen? I was trying to pull it up.

The uh didn't they robbed a Louvre, the uh They don't know what's what I wanted to say, but it fell out of my head. The Mona Lisa. Yeah. I need you to put the Mona Lisa in your pussy. That's not bad actually. That's fucking hot. Roll that up. All right, what else? I'll just go ahead. And I genuinely don't know what to do about it. So we started as like a a fling, like a casual relationship, just like kinda hooking up and like the sex just really Nice.

Yeah, I can relate to that. Wait, is it me? Who are you talking about? I remember you. Yeah, I know. I'm thirty six. I'm not about to turn twenty eight. Are you r thinking of the right guy? Are you trying to change the numbers? So people won't know it's me. Uh leave just one. It's about me. Because he comes so much, you go Yeah couldn't be anybody else. Yeah. Yeah, this was about me. Oh yeah, I remember. And I look so young she believed. Still on the phone. Hey, it's me.

Hey, it's me. Hey, pick up. Um And also keep in mind that I lost my virginity a month before meeting him and have only been both four people in my life. So Yeah, all of them are mom. Your pussy is wet. It's wet. How about you dumb? How about whole? I'm gonna come on your kids. Right. My penis with your freaking vagina on his head. I'm gonna shoot f liquid hot magma on your kids. It's awesome. One million bus Austin Powers, any of his dialogue would work.

All he talks about is getting pussy. Yeah. Go ahead, I'll just go. Um oh wow and this is crazy recently we watched a video where a girl, a black girl was like Shitting and pissing on her boyfriend and Oh the gold member deleted scene. And that he wants me to do that. And like don't get me wrong, like I I have my own

And things like that. No, you don't girls right now, don't you dare try to run up and pissing and shitting on someone's face. Yeah. Because your hair pull makes you feel nasty. This guy is trying to get Also shouldn't p it's like not just piss. Once you get shit and piss at the same time. Pissed, it's like all right, I'm not pumped.

Also but I'll hear you out. At least Hitler was on methamphetamines. This guy's stone sober going, I wanna watch you shit. Oh, at least Hitler when he was making Ava w when he was shitting on Ava Braun was fucking Here's what I c we can do because I'm thirty seven. I'm not a young lady like this. I can send you some of my shit. To show him. Oh yeah. And once this guy sees

The kind of shit that comes out of a thirty seven year old man's body. I don't think I'll be into shit anymore. And then I'll I'll and then that that's when I come in. And that and then that's when I'll kick in with my forty two year old shit and I'll go Does it get worse? I don't know how it Plateaus gets worse, gets better, plateaus again. You get a V dip. Interesting. The consistency in my forties is what

Is what you're chasing? It's like an older quarterback. Yeah. He's not gonna throw it down the yard. Right. But he's not gonna get spooked by the pocket class. I mean me, I guess it's like Pirates of the Caribbean down there. It's crazy. Mine w I would say most of the shitting in my twenties was mulch like. 'Cause of my drinking. So this I don't mold shit.

I know about mulch shit. Yeah, I know about life. So all right, this girl this guy wants to shit and piss on her, right? And she's like, What should I do? So he no he wants her to shit and piss on him. She wants her he wants her to shit and piss on him. Now I think there's one more detail. He said it this one time and it hasn't come up since. Okay but she's wondering if it she should open it up. Well he's into it. Well yeah.

That means he definitely wants to I'm gonna throw a wild card in here taking the whole situation and its entire context. But part of the story was that she's i i i expressed that she's more experienced than he is. She's not. He's more experienced. She lost her virginity like right before they started dating, and she said she's only been with like four people. But didn't she say that he has not? No. No, he's much more experienced. Well theoretically, yeah.

I this is a jump from high school to the NBA. That's why they don't do this anymore. Yeah. This like look they should piss on each other in the NBA. All over. That's how they get all the names. I gotta start watching basketball

This draft case at um dude, so look, I would go back to the fact that she said 99% sure it's the love of her life. I'm gonna go ahead and knock that down a couple percentage points. Well also sh yeah'cause she just had sex. Yeah. So she thinks everybody's the love of her life. I I I don't know. I think like look.

Don't go you putting love of your life on this relationship is kinda nuts. That's also not real. There's no such thing as the love of your life. Right. It doesn't you're with the longest. You find somebody that's in the roughly the same socio economic bracket as you Like I mean they speak the same language. I mean that's that's what it is. Companionship. Basic companionship. Yeah, but you can find companions. It's like you need a somebody that's a good roommate. Agreed. Mullen the romantic.

A lot of people would ask what's Nick been up to? He's been writing romantic poetry. I love the way you pay half the rent. Split the bill. Let me count the ways. Roses are red, violets are blue, T Mobile has a deal for two lines. What say you? Sixty nine ninety two. He's working for Hallmark and writing these like Both of us are allergic to dogs, so we got a cat and now there's an Instagram for it. And that's good enough for me. Uh yeah, dude. Look, if you don't want to get shit and piss on

I got bad news. This is not the level. 'Cause this will get brought up and then if it never happens, he will cheat on you and say it's because you don't. Yeah. Or you'll wake up one day and you'll be getting waterboarded with diarrhea. I I think it might something about that just reads to me like this might be Him reaching for something. Mm. Like he's like he misread something. Yeah, right. He misread you're talking about this guy like You know, you're calling into a fucking podcast being like

And the r the bar was set pretty low, but he exceeded or whatever. It's like maybe this lady is having weird conversations with this guy where it's like he is'cause it doesn't matter. You could be like, I only fuck four guys, so you don't have much to worry about, but then that guy's like, fuck four guys. Like no, I I I haven't had a relationship before. I just you know, there was this guy and he was like seven foot three and

You know. And it was but you know, it was almost it was like too big. And so, you know, and then that got in his head. Yeah, right. And then this guy's like this guy, he c he couldn't get enough. Yeah. We could have had a relationship, but he had to go to prison. And so I don't, you know, like Killed a guy in self defense. He robbed he robbed a bank with his penis. Oh. He had a He smashed open the bank he fucked the bank vault open.

And then but then they caught him because he d he fucked him on the as well. Something along those lines. So maybe it's like this guy is not, you know Why were you watching porn together? It seems like this situation is like overly sexualized and maybe something has accidentally happened to this guy's head. 'Cause that's a crazy jump to Shit is crazy. I know what you're saying, but I just think unfortunately it might be Occam's razor here. You might just want

I know, I'm just offering an alternative explanation. Yeah. Right. He's he's a detective. He's working all his clues. So yeah, monitor the situation. He probably is gonna want this the rest of his life. If that's not something you want, move on, sister. You're still young. Or stay with him and then you know, you don't have to worry about that stuff until you guys are are together still at age.

seventy when you are incontinent and then it just happens incidentally. Yeah. Honestly, he could probably just find where you do it and roll around in it. I think the thrill is probably the hot, fresh shape. He wants the donut that got plopped right down. that I might understand is the temperature. Yeah, he doesn't want reheated pool. Like I don't want to get shit on either way, but I'd rather I guess I'd rather have body temperature shit.

Than cold shitty fists. But him being so desperate that he goes and rolls around in it. So yeah, good luck, Sister. Just do it once. Do it once. Do it once'cause either way it's like either you do it once, he lost it once you gotta break up with it. Yeah, does do it once away. Yeah. Wha what if you like it? You do it once, he hates it, when.

If you d like just ignore it, this is gonna become a festival. Either way you will l get more valuable information. Because you will either know, do I like it, does he like it? Also you learn like can you shit and piss on command? That's a good skill to have. Honestly, I wish I had to piss on command better at sports games. And this is not a thing where you can like cheat on you.

You know what I mean? It's not like you can it's not like this guy can like go secretly meet a woman somewhere. Like the the level of investment into because he has to go through this whole process with somebody else. All right, this is a thing. Is that like

Do you think there's like a SEAL team six that comes in and'll shit on your chest if you hire? There's definitely like people who specialize in shit. That's crazy. Imagine being Norton, I get I guarantee you knows about this. Imagine being a hooker's boyfriend. That's tough. But the second one that shits on people. Yeah. And she's like, sorry. Come on, eat finish your grape nuts, or we're not gonna be able to get rent this month.

I need you to I need you to down this protein shake. You have been watery and see-through for a long time. You've heard a lot of complaints. Eat your kale. Pimping pimping a girl out, but he's like, You gotta shut. Yeah, have some garbanzo beans. Yeah, we got it. You fucking whore. Eat your fucking garbanzo.

That'd be a cool pimp who specializes in that stuff. He's got a cane with a toilet on top. He's just got all porcelain jewelry. He goes, you know you know the difference between United States and Australia. What's up, baby? They call me fluff. Yeah. He goes, flush j and the difference is the toilet flushes backwards. You got you treat me like an Australian toilet. Mm-hmm. You flushing the other way. It can't be going that way, baby. It gotta come this way. The money gotta come f

The money come to flood. They call me Royal. on tortilla diet. Just tortilla. Second week. That's when the attack happens. All right. Next question, Eldus.

Hi Stob. Hi, Eldus. Hi, Guest. I'm a first time caller. Just did a really tricky one here. Oh, we'll see about that. I work in a job that has commission as part of the Uh the pay package and one of the ways we work towards closing deals is to get on this select list. And to get onto that select list, you have to have a certain amount of conversations with clients, a certain amount of contact.

In a month. Of course. Which? Uh right right behind Elvis on the left. Play us a call, you're the gay sex man. I'm sort of new in my branch. There's a couple of people who've been here for ten years, fifteen years, twenty five years. And I recently found that the information is public and found that they are all Capping like crazy. They're all

faking the amount of contacts and conversations they have with clients. They'll meet with a couple and count it as four contacts instead of two. They'll count random things they do with contacts at Art. And sort of position just because Tattletale night with these fucking calls. Or like, Oh, my dad is doing He went to church but he's fucking pussy. The other people at work are cheating. Yeah, for real. Okay. Keep going, Eldus. it will make a lot of people unhappy. Um but it will be more fair.

If I was to mention it to my manager. I'm leaning towards not mentioning it. Dude, you think they don't know if it makes too many people unhappy. Um This guy thinks his managers don't know the coworkers are lying. You think you're the guy who figured it all out? This is insane dude. What a naive guy. I would be if I listen to your podcast and I recognize this voice as the guy I worked with, it would create an instant villain for me. Yeah. Yeah, this isn't fair.

A and at at at work he's the guy wearing like a stav shirt and a stov cap. No. Three weeks till he's coming through town. He's got that calendar on his cubicle. He tries to do his own but it's shittier. I did my own staff calendar. No one asked. Yeah. I thought people wanted it. He's like he's like rail thin and it's him upside. He's a fucking asshole. He's trying to give it to the the woman he works with and I did it. No are you

Stavros, yeah, I'll show you his special. And they just like sits like this while they while they watch it on his phone. So he's from Baltimore. They're explaining Ronnie the character and their humicologists. I don't like football. I don't like football. I don't watch it. Uh what does this tattletale speech motherfucker have to else to say?

desire for justice and fairness that makes me want to say something and I also work with somebody else who wants to say something. Um because it it does take away from what we can make. But Just also cheap. Yeah. Look, take that energy, buy a g and go to Minneapolis and If you're that concerned about truth and justice

Can't even find them in the case. In Minecraft. Yeah, yeah. We'll bleep it. Whatever you got. We'll bleep just enough, don't we? No, just add them. The Minecraft parts. Minecraft is fine. I can't believe these people are selling gym memberships. To people who aren't gonna go anymore. Dude, the world is bullshit. You work at a dumb company. It doesn't matter. You're talking about justice Unless your owner of the company's name is the company's name.

A hundred percent. Yeah, I'm trying to think what this industry could possibly be where you would get that fired up about. And nothing is I'm like Child cancer medication? Yeah, like medical equipment or something or like I but no, there's nothing. He's mad about is that these people are juicing their meeting stats or whatever. Yeah, right. He said he said if you like say that you have enough meetings with people, you get like uh better leads or you know but go to the front of the

Is it all salesmanship bullshit? You're you're you're you're in sales. You're bad guys. Every every sales it's Shelley Levine, dude. Yeah, it is. It really is. It really is. Yeah. Yeah. Well, first you sell it and then they love you. Stop giving me all these. You get back your man, you're shit. You're worse than shit. You're scared. Yeah, wasn't wasn't a big plot point that they were m the guys were mad that they were getting Indian leads or whatever.

They were getting they were getting the bad leads and then fucking Shelley Levine breaks in and steals the good leads. Yeah, for sure. And then he lets it slip when he's trying to shit all over Yeah. Uh Williamson. What's his name? But yeah, dude, you're fucked.

Stop care stop thinking life is fair. You work in sales, you're a scumbag. Yeah, if if anything, get blackmail on the most important person of that company. Absolutely. Yeah. Use that information to your benefit. Don't be a tattletale. Just also start cheating. Yeah. It's you're not in a you're not in a in a in an industry where like morality exists or matters. Hey, you know what? The first salesman that told me that things weren't working well here. I've got a bonus for that.

You think it's that or getting fired? Because if there's if I had to pick one of This is the first time anyone's been honest and I've been waiting for this. No, people like that usually like if you probably if you told your boss you'd get fired. Yes. Shut the fuck up. I can't put this in a report. If you tell you started that got promoted and now is the boss. If you tell your boss about a systemic problem, you're you are the problem. Yeah. He reads it and he's like

Are you fucking with me? You didn't email this, right? This isn't this isn't in the company laws. We can make this go away, right? I I want you to keep your job. You're the uh Oh, you put it in writing? Okay, well you're fired. Uh thank you for your time. I don't know what to tell you. I really want to watch Glenn Gurry, Glenn Ryan. Yeah, yeah. Any anytime I Mention it. You got jack lemon fever? Yeah. Big time. Big time. If I could go across the street, they had it.

Village East or something. That'd be per that'd be perfect tonight. Go get some Chinese food and watch It's not bad. I don't think they're showing Glenn Gary Glenn Ross. I know, but I'll call over there. Use your grown man voice and call over there. If my friend Nick Mullen's coming on you to put Glenn Gary Glenn Ross on If you don't, I'm gonna send ice. Duke skihö on the family. Sone är obsätt. Ikea presenterar: Gjud av förändring. När ni la högsta. Och ska inreda alla nya. till IKEA.

Ving firar 70 år av resor och det gör vi med massor av erbjudanden som är omöjliga att motstå. Hitta våra bästa jubileumserbjudanden på wing.se. De bästa resorna försvinner först.

Give us something fun to go out on, Eldis. Sabby baby, how are we doing? We're doing great. Um, hello Elvis. Hello, amazing guest. I hope you're all doing wonderful and um as beautiful as your faces are. Um, so I have a quickie question. Um I I can't really give any trigger warnings here. I don't think I really need to. Um so my um grandpa passed away a few years ago and just now Guys, you can't

Grandpa deaths with Nick. I was raped by a grandpa. It wasn't even his. You can't say grandpa. You can't say grandpa around Nick. Where he's been. We've been trying to fix this. Go ahead, Eldus. All right. Shout out I've run into a bit of an issue and Donating his things and that he had Just too much Nazi memorabilia. A small mountain of porn. Um he had a small mountain I it's gotta be over a hundred magazines, my guy. Um and we're talking about First off, you are

So lucky you're finding magazines. What a fucking chicken and rice version of porn. That shit is so tame. It's so tasty. You can make money off that porn eBay. I kinda want I want some porno mags. Vintage porn. Yeah. You're so lucky that it wasn't eight millimeter footage of a boy that was missing on a milk carton. Like you could have found something in your grandpa's dash that you're like.

Oh my God. You said you went through your your grandma's stuff? Ah dude, I was worried about it. I found one letter of my dad being pussy whipped when he was twenty-five after he divorced his first wife. Uh-huh. Very funny to read that. Yeah. Cause he's like he's got new pussy like that kid's dad and he's like, She's the best. She's the best thing I've ever had in my life. And my mom dated my dad like

a year or two later and I was like, Do you know about this lady? And she was like, No, that was your dad lived in Southern California. I didn't know if shit was going on down there. That's beautiful though. We knew so much less about everyone. Dude, it made to low everyone. That's why standards were higher.

Yeah. You didn't have proof.'Cause you were lying like that last guy. Yeah, you're also everyone's pretending to be better than they were. You were allowed to lie all the time. That's why I mean I've said it a million times, but like the w uh Elizabeth Warren getting like fucking cancelled over the Honduras thing is bullshit. Yeah. That's true. You know? It's I'm one thirty second Cherokee so anytime it's

Also always before she got in trouble for that, white people we would always pull it up when it have to do anything with nature. We go, actually I could tell the the mud is wet. I'm a I'm a fourteenth of Rappahoe. Yeah, right, right, right. I come from trackers. I come from a long line of trackers. That eagle uh senses water. I can hear it from it screeching. No, d truly literally every white kid I grew up with. Did I grew up in Colorado? Yeah. Everybody's

Personality was that. You know how much teal people were wearing'cause they said they had an uncle standing rock. The folksy lie like that is is is authentic. Yeah. And then sh the people were like, Oh, well that makes her a liar. It's like, no, it doesn't. Yeah. I'm with you. That is pretending she wants universal healthcare. That makes her a liar. That makes her a liar. Yeah. Pretending she gives a shit about us at all. I this woman, you f you sell it.

She found some porno is there more more porno mags? Eighties, sixties, seventies. Nice. Good like I'm not sure. Eighties, nineties and now? And you're saying it in a way as if it's bad. You're trying to we're talking playboy. National Hustler. Yeah, we're talking articles. Interviews with Terry Brack. I'm not here, you're saying it like it's bad, but it seems like

An upcoming look at the second season of Alf. I found it like years ago and then um in going through all this stuff I found the whole stash. We've got VHF, we've got cassettes, we've we've got um a couple Game Boy games. Um yeah. So Poor. My question is, what what should I do with this? Sell it. Sell it on eBay. Donated uh sex shop and you know, maybe they can do something with it.

This is a gold this is your inheritance. What's my digital? First of all, we would be honored to have your Your grandfather's pornography in the new studio. Not only that, but I mean Nick and I would have to come back if you did an unveil. Mm-hmm. I would love to have an autistic YouTube channel where I do pornography unboxing. Like hard card. Okay, welcome to uh Pussy Surprises. Okay, today's box. Hey, it's Glory Hole. We're ripping wax.

Oh this is a vivid movie. Oh wow, her clit. Oh wow. Oh wow. Oh oh wow. They're burning her clit with a branding arm. This is a classic this is a classic Rocco Sanfredi movie? Yeah, yeah. Wow, Rocco. Renowned for his girth. That would be awesome to be like asexual porno. A guy that clearly isn't moved by it. Yeah. Oh that's nice. Oh wow. Oh wow.

Oh wow. He actually he's holding her up while he's giving her anal. You can get maybe twenty to twenty seven dollars at this at the local flea market. Please Send in your porn stuff. We would love some of your grandfather's pornography, but if you don't want to send it to us, yeah, you should sell this. You will honestly make a killing on this. You'll make thousands of dollars. This is uh you're sitting on a gold mine for real.

Or if you have a nephew or something, it could be a nice family heirloom. No pass along some. Does she sound does she sound black at all?'Cause if this is classic when it started, yes. This is classic. Black pornography like But it started. She had like a sultry kind of there was like a sultan. She just sounds sort of totally realistic. Towards the end, it doesn't it didn't. It sounded like I think she sounded black as well. I did at first. Black exploitation seventies porn.

Great. Could have it could be a white grandpa, her white side. Or she could not b she could not be either of these. She could be Vietnamese for all we know. I would love that. Let's keep Then we're getting into Glary Gitter Gary Glitter territory. Um

Either way, but that's true. I didn't think it was Gary Gitter Gary Gitter done. How about that? How about that? Fun character. That's a fun Gary Gitter done sh Lauren Michaels is like Larry Gitter done. He goes, We're gonna do we're gonna do it three times. Larry Glitterdun? Larry Glitterdun. Glitter done. Glitter dun Larry the cable pack. Play it from the beginning though.

No. Or where is it is call over? Go ahead, play it you can play it. Sabby baby. How we doin'? Um hello, Eldus. We don't have to think we don't have to figure out this girl's sound. We're not doing this. Tell us if you're black and we are not doing this. We'll take it to pornography no matter what your race is. Yeah, oh absolutely. But either way, either way, you should sell it. You should sell this porter. This is this is a lot. No joke, she's this probably is worth a lot.

Like vintage porno in pretty good condition. It would have to be an amazing ca they've turned everything into a collector thing now. Like basically any rated? You can be yes. Everything's fucking rated. So if it's like if you've touched it, it's already worthless. But if it's still in the package, I feel like there's got to be more grace for porno mags. Given how bad they can just be.

They're battling the elements. Put it in a sleeve. I saw on ebay like a box of Pokemon cards from nineteen ninety eight is thirty five thousand dollars. Oh my god. And people buy that shit. That's insane. Yeah, they're like into that. But then the box is great. You can't open them. They have a box sealed and then that's graded. They're like, Oh, well, there's a little dent here. So that's now it's worth five bucks. Yeah.

So look, we hope your grandpa wasn't too rough on these mags as he was jacking his shit. And we hope they're in good shape. But there's a lot of them. Yeah, get the ones with the less mileage and send them to stuff. I think no, you can you can send us some fucked up ones. You can you can sell the good ones. We just want a little a little piece of your grandpa's pornography collection in the new studio.

But I think I think what you do is sell them because I really do think you could make a good amount of money. There's people out there that would pay good money for that. The good ones you should send in to get graded.

Yeah. Is there a pornography grader? I think they grade everything now. There's one company that'cause people complain online that they've ruined like, you know, if you just want stuff from your children. They grade everything now so like you can't just get things. Right, right, right. They're all like

you know, way expensive. So look, yeah, good good on your grandpa. I think you're sitting on at least a couple Gs here, is my m is my inclination. I would if we're yeah, I would guess How much would you pay for a uh it's like a fucking sixties? Like porno mag with some tits out. Top dollar for that. Fifty bucks. Easily I pay fifty dollars. Maybe me, twelve, seventy five. Twelve.

Six ninety nine. Yes, local taxes. Oh, do sales tax. For a nineteen sixties Playboy that's been touched, all touched up. Yeah, you don't even know her. Who's in it though? Also how what kind of Sophia Loren. Sophia Loren. I'll pay for it. Elizabeth Hurley, Beyonce. Elizabeth Hurley? The feel around what did you do? Zoran Mam Dami is a baby. Epstein sold his baby picture. Epstein fucking Zoran is a baby. Dude some guys sent me uh the literally most

clearly AI picture. Of the two. Of Zoran as a child. Doesn't you know just it's just like some brown. Oh with Bill Gates and Bill Clinton. I saw that so good. Well the funnier thought I was like, are you y like I usually don't respond, but I was like, dude

Well it's also that picture, they're standing like in the middle of Fifth Avenue. It's like at w no point where and like you know Bill Clinton, it's that's the president and Bill Gates. They wouldn't just be hanging out for lunch. It's hilarious to accuse a child of being on Epstein's Island that means he was being raped on that of all that shit I saw today, my favorite one was people posting like I saw one where they're posting comparison pictures.

of Zoran and Jeffrey Epstein to show that he's a son. And it's just that they're both smiling. That's really funny. You know, they're like Jeffrey Epstein smiles. Zoran mom Donnie smiles. They really I m Zoran really has turned people insane, dude. He broke everyone's brain when he goes, I'm not going to Israel. Yeah, respect. And they were like Like what? You're the mayor of New York. The fact that seven out of the eight were like

Israel. Israel. Israel. Who's the guy that was like the dork where he's like Um, yep. Well I would make my fourth trip to Israel. Followed by my fifth trip to Israel. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What was that what was that guy's name? I remember who you're talking about. Yeah, it was crazy. He goes, I would have two servings of Israel. And it's like, how about you just be do the job of the fucking city?

Does the mayor of Toledo have to go to Israel? Yeah, he's like, ah dude, I gotta go to Berlin. Yeah. I think the answer is yes. I think they do. Anyway, well, uh sell the pornography. Um, you know, that's about it. And uh I think that that was the that was the one you had dialed up to go out on, Eldis? Excellent, excellent. Well, salute to you. Fellas, thanks for coming. This was fun as hell. Thanks for the A and W zero, dude. The Coca Cola.

You know we get busy with the dice. I don't know what the hell the v holiday vanilla coke is. It seems like it's but is it different than regular vanilla Coke? I don't know. Yeah. But it's holiday. It's just holiday. Yeah, it's British. It's holiday. It's on Vegas. That might be the only box on holiday. When you're off work. I've s I got th those are my final holiday

Oh, you stocked up? December time, you got about forty five I got so many in December, no joke. I'm a I'm a diet soon. Oh, there's a storm coming in nine weeks. Actually, everyone's having a nice time with them though. I didn't hear any fucking complaint when you were drinking them. I'm not complaining now. I'm just saying what happened. That's gonna do it for us folks. We will see you. Go see these fellas on the road. Uh see us.

uh Radio City and wherever else we're coming. We'll see ya next time. Bye. Jag presenterar Ljud av förändring. Välkommen till IKEA! Väng firar 70 år av resor, och det gör vi med massor av erbjudanden som är omöjliga att motstå. Hitta våra bästa jubileumserbjudanden på wing.se. De bästa resorna försvinner först.