Carl's Doomsday Scenario, Chapters 15-17

Very torn. Welcome to spoil Me. Welcome to the show everyone. I am Natasha. Thank you very much to Michael for commissioning this episode. So we start off with our friends walking into the Desperado Club, which is described as like an Art Deco sort of construction type architecture. That's the word I wanted, and Mordecai explains that over City has two clubs, Desperado and Vanquisher, and usually if you are given access to one of them, you aren't allowed in

the other one. I was sort of wondering why this was, and it's not really explained except for the fact that they are very different energies, so I'm assuming that like, once you have picked the vibe that you want, they basically determine, like, oh, you're not one of our people. So he describes it as Desperado being easier to get into, while Vanquisher is more like a country club where old clerics sit on leather chairs and smoke pipes and occasionally

tell racist jokes. This place is like your Las Vegas strip mixed in with Marty Grass and the discos of the nineteen seventies, which frankly sounds much more my speed. And Mordecai, when Doughnut says this sounds much better, says, oh, believe me, it is, which feels like it carries some

weight of experience. And I would love to I just wish what do you think it would be like, you, guys, if we were to do a sort of retrospective with Mordecai at some point where we got to hear about the things that he has been through in his life, because ye boy has lived, he has been through it, you know what I'm saying, And I just want to

know everything that he has been through. I'm just really like, I have to imagine he has got some crazy stories and has seen stuff that would make a fantastic memoir. So just here to say that. I'm here to say somebody should exploit that, somebody should get in there. I'm sorry, there's a whole chat going on about meal planning. Guys, guys, I need you to get on topic here. Okay, they're distracting me because I am very much in the midst of trying to find a good meal planning app and

this is of great interest to me right now. This is genuinely I'm genuinely like, oh, what do they have? They a meal digest email? Oh, it's that. So anyway, if you all wouldn't mind putting that over in the discord so that I can go over there and engage in the conversation when I am done recording, I would appreciate it. Rob says, save that shit for the Dungeon Anarchists' cookbook. Oh man, yeah, that would be a good time. Man. He would have some crazy shit. So I really love that.

The priority for Donut here is trying a cocktail for the first time, and she says that she wants to try one of Miss Beatrice's favorite drinks, which it makes sense that you would try the drinks of the only other person that you know that had alcohol, like very much like it's she said, contact with other people as we see, like Bee's parents and stuff. But yeah, B was her person. And I just really wonder sometimes, guys, if B is going to turn out to be alive

after all. I'm very very curious because I can't decide what this writer wants in that respect. You know, is it more effective for us to just know about be in these like little flashbacks. Do we want there to be anything more with her? I feel like later on in this particular couple of episodes, there's a point where they get their fan boxes and there's a photo of B and Carl realizes that, like, this isn't hurting him the way that he was expecting it to or the

way that clearly the audience was expecting it to. And I can't help but wonder if like that's it, if we were just meant to have this one moment and there's no need for me to be still alive because we've done this now he has finished the exercise, so to speak, by getting over her and seeing past that pain, and maybe we don't need to run into her. But not everything. This is something that I have been struggling

a little bit with lately myself. So I'm not at all trying to like throw Miles under the bus here, but Miles and I. Miles is the co host on My Patron's Only show covering true Blood. I'm the spoiled one, and he has never seen true Blood before. But we did cover the Sookie Stackhouse books first, which true Blood is based on. And Miles and I are both trying to write books, and we are collaborating a lot on

our ideas and running things by one another. And something that has been very much on both of our minds is every time we come up with an idea, we have to ask ourselves, like, how does this really serve the story? Because sometimes you can get very caught up in things that are just fun and they don't really turn out to be necessary or they kind of derail

things a little bit. And yet there's also times where I can't help but feel like both he and I can get a little bit too focused on like the themes of a thing, you know, and we're both kind of wrapped up in like, Okay, what is the greater meaning here? When I believe that occasionally it's not greater meaning, it's just that this was too good an idea to

pass up. So there are this is a question in this book, is like how much are we going to adhere to theming and Carl needing to learn certain lessons or level up in certain ways like not in the game, but obviously sort of internal personality level ups. And how much are we just gonna do some things because they'd be very, very interesting, And how interesting really would it

be to meet Bee. I'm not sure if I actually brought it up last episode, but there is a point where he's describing how Bee would sit and play Candy Crush with the sound at full volume. We've heard a lot about b and the various terrible things that she has both said and done, and a lot of things about her tastes and habits that are really unappealing. Do not paint her in a great light. You could kind of wonder what it was Carl saw in her to

begin with. But when I tell you, nothing made me so glad that he dumped her as her playing Candy Crush with the volume turned all the way up. I wish I was joking, but I had more of a visceral reaction to hearing that she did that than I did to hearing her she was sitting on her ex boyfriend's lap on a vacation that she didn't tell Carl this guy was going to be on. I feel like there are certain things even a fucking three year old

should know better than to do. And a three year old maybe isn't gonna understand why sitting on your ex boyfriend's lap on this cruise ship is such a shitty idea. But a three year old would know this is loud, and mom tells me to turn the volume down or use my headphones with it, or I get in trouble. And if B can't even grasp the kind of thing that I would have grasped at three years old, I simply cannot be asked. That's a wrap for me, you guys. I know it's irrational. I do not pretend, nor have

I ever pretended to be rational. I want that on the record, you guys know this about me. My God, the way I cringed and curled up, especially because even when I am playing that game, I get irritated at the sounds. I always on games like this, turn the volume all the way down because I find it irritating, and that is like I am the one engaged knowing what the sound effects even pertain to. I can't imagine.

I have heard tell stories around the campfire about people on trains and buses, public transit playing games with the volume all the way out, and I have heard a couple of different stories that I really liked, like most people just seethe, and I admit I am most people. I have never actually said anything to anybody playing something out loud, I don't think, even though I have found

it horrifically irritating and wanted to actually commit homicide. But there was one woman who told a story about asking a guy if he had headphones, which I just want to applaud her even asking the question, and somebody when she said I asked him if he had headphones, and somebody replied, so what did he say? She says, you're

not gonna believe what he said. He said, yeah, sure, and pulled his headphones out and handed them to me, like I was asking him, do you have headphones for myself to borrow a stranger to borrow them off of him, Like he just wasn't getting the fucking hint, and the other one was a woman who was speaking. It was like a little kid with an iPad, and she said something like to the little kid, like, sweetie, can you

lower the volume a little bit? And the mom took the iPad away from the kid because she was so embarrassed, and then the kid began crying and like cried the rest of the trip, which was much worse, and the lady was like, that was not the goal I was aiming for. I just wanted the volume lowered. I didn't want the kid to have it taken or for them

to start crying. So the lesson I have learned from hearing these couple of moments of confrontation is that it doesn't work usually and there's no point, which is probably not the takeaway I should have, but there it is. Rob says love can be complicated, feelings can be complicated, but blasting sweet at max volume really isn't. That's kind

of it for me. It's like, there are some things that are so basic, you know, like I'm not trying to say that her going on a vacation with her ex and not telling Carl that there's really any excuse or anything she could say that would make that okay, But I could see getting through that with somebody. I could see it. I just don't see how you get through with somebody who would be willing to do that. The level of complete disregard for the people around you

is emblematic of the type of person B is. It's perfect as an analogy for her. From everything we have heard, she just doesn't seem like somebody who takes others into consideration, and it's always about what she feels like, what she wants in the moment, and everybody better just roll with that.

So anyway, I'm so sorry, guys, I just completely you know how I am so Carl says cats don't drink cocktails, and she says cats don't shoot lasers from their eyes either, But here we are, Carl, mama needs a night off. I don't know why, but mamma needs a night off. Really got me cackling a little bit. And also, cats don't shoot lasers from their eyes either. It felt like the author preemptively shutting everybody up who was about to

make a comment about her having a cocktail. Like I don't know that that's what it was really that he was doing, but I could see just wanting to head folks off who were gonna have a fucking comment. I really could see that. So anyway, they go inside, and the whole vibe in here once they actually get in, it's, like we find out later a lot of the activity is actually NPCs and like bots basically because there's a difference between those types, and bots evidently are really like

not autonomous in any sense. They don't do anything that is story related. They're just there to sort of fill space and make a place feel lived in, and like we've got other character characters with rich inner lives and potential stories happening on the sides, you know. And so when they go in and it feels super super busy, Carl is just like, how do they think this is dead? But that's why. It's because most of this is an

actual real activity. They have a whole like thing about whether or not they can bring Mango in, and eventually they put Mango in that poke ball thing. And when they go inside and they are greeted by what is her name, I'm trying to find her, she says, Clara Belle. Here she is, she says, do not let him out. I'm glad you have a carrier. The pet room is currently out of order. We don't want another incident like

last night. And later on Carl asks what happened and we get quite a story, which I will get to in a moment. So Mordecai explains about how like everybody who goes into one of these members only areas winds up in the same place, no matter where they are on the floors they are, they all wind up going to the same place. But when you leave, you leave where you came in, and you aren't able to use

this to like travel places. And let's see, Oh right, Doughnut orders a dirty Shirley, which is a Shirley Temple with vodka in it. I didn't even know that this was a thing, and I'm wondering if there's any additional ingredients, because I'll be honest, guys, I loved me as Shirley temple back in the day, and I have never had a dirty Shirley. So let's see what else you've got in here. Vodka, grenadine, lemon lime, soda like sprite or

seven up or ginger ale Marichino cherry for garnish. I think I would probably do sprite because ginger Ale just doesn't feel like it would be sweet and sour enough, and that's so so simple. I really want to try this. I bet it would make me throw up. Though some alcoholic drinks that are too sweet they can really fuck me up. Anyway, Carl gets a bottle of bourbon for fifty gold and later on and he asks if they have cigarettes because he smells something that's sort of like

tobacco and I love that. When she says no, but we have this other thing, he turns it down because he says to himself, the last thing I need is a new addiction, which is a very very good way of looking at it. Carl, I am proud of you, Glad you made this choice. He does get given some blit sticks later that are put in his inventory, but he does not smoke or snort. I think there's a couple different options of what you can do with these things.

So he looks up at the signs. One red casino, one read the Hunting Grounds, and the third was guild o Rama. Of the lit signs, they were Bitches, Penis Parade, Jobs, the Silk Road, and restrooms. Bitches is the female strip club in brothel Penis Parade is the same thing, but for those who prefer dudes. Don't go in either of those places, especially not on this floor. You'll get shanked. Plus, viewers tend to ridicule the crawlers who go in there. Jobs is a place to get quests. They tend to

be NPC assassinations and theme theft themed gigs. Silk Road is a marketplace. We'll go in there in a bit. Gildo Rama holds several rogue themed guild rooms, including an explosives guild. There are guilds available on the third floor, but the more specialized ones don't become available until later, so that section isn't open yet. And he says, are those stairs really to the hunting grounds? Yes, but the club will be harder to find on the fourth and

fifth floors. When you go in, you'll find yourself back here in this room, just like my guildhall. Those stairs to the hunting grounds open up once you hit the sixth floor. You can only come back up to this floor once you get to the sixth floor. That hunting Grounds level is much bigger than this one. Something else interesting happens once the crawlers hit that floor. I'll explain that later. I thought it was interesting that they can

come back to this floor at some point. I'm wondering what reason there would be to do that, just you know, curious about it. And he notices that there are some humans that are talking with elites, and he feels this very strong urge to get up and go and warn them. But of course you can't save them all, as Mordecai has pointed out. And I love that. Like when their drinks arrive, Donut doesn't seem to like hers, but she keeps drinking it, which is extremely extremely relatable to me.

I just keep relating to Donut, you guys, I really do. And I don't know what all to think of that, but uh, you know, it is what it is. I'm just going to cop to it. So this is when Quint comes over to their table. He is the pharmacist aka drug dealer, and he is half gin, half garbage scowl and this is an apossum. I adore the concept of a drug dealer who is an apossum. It just it just suits, It just just works. I can't explain

it any better than that. You know, you could do something like a rat, you could do something like but it's it just feels so on the nose and an apossum. It feels less obvious but still immediately understandable, you know what I'm saying. Quint greets Mordecai, and it's like I thought you were free, like a few seasons back, and was just bummed that you didn't say goodbye to me. And Mordecai does not explain why it is he's still here, and he just keeps sort of avoiding this topic in

a way that's drawing my attention quite a lot. I've got myself all like involved mentally wanting to know what is it though? Why are you still here? So many people seemed to believe that you were going to be out. Something had to have happened. I don't know. And there's a like throw away in line of his where he says, like, Eh, a manager, not bad. I'm kind of jealous. It'd be nice to be immortal. And thankfully Carl brings this up later and it's sort of like, I don't get it.

What's the problem. Everything about getting out of here is still going to happen the same way, according to what Mordecai tells him, and he's immortal and protected in a way that he hadn't been so why does he seem to be upset at having been made a manager and he does not want to talk about it. I am extremely curious, guys. It's killing me, Like there's a there's a lot of ways that this could go, y'all know that, Like one of my biggest questions about them choosing to

lie to Mordecai. One of my biggest questions was what could this potentially fuck up for him? Because I didn't like them lying just on GP. You know, this dude's supposed to be your ally. She knows that he is not going to like a thing, which I feel like should be reason enough to not do this to him. But I also didn't have a good sense of what exactly they'd be fucking up if they did the thing

that she was advising them to do. And obviously there is something there is like a kind of consequence to this choice that they have made that he doesn't even want to get into, and I can't imagine what it is. I'm like the way that he describes everything. I've been trying to find somewhere to poke holes where I can be like, okay, well you know the wording of this. I could if I pay attention to what he's not saying.

He's sort of leaving out details about this, and maybe that's something, you know, Like it doesn't it's not really pointing to. There's nothing that I can sense out of the gate as being sus regarding the freezing of anything

or stuff that he's not saying. And the reason that, the only reasoning that I can come up with here for him to be so withdrawn about what it is that could happen is that there is something that the game makers that he's like trying to hide from them, either regarding his thoughts on this the consequences of it being like, I don't know. I've just torn my head apart a little bit, guys, trying to figure this out, and I have not been able to come up with

any viable theory. So let's see. Let's see. Okay, this is the part where Quinn he I'm sorry, guys, if you can hear that, I don't know what's going on out there. But there is first of all, a hair of the dog potion that they can give to Donut, who is getting quite drunk, to sober her up. And then Mordecai wants to get a kit that is for starting becoming a what do you call it? Not? Well,

is it a pharmacist straight up? Or I'm trying to find the the bit here where he says it a starter kit, a suitcase still with everything you need to start your own pharmaceutical empire. You'll be the Dungeon's next kingpin. Mate, just don't be selling in my territory. He shot at me with a pair of finger guns. Quentin is delightful. He's just a good time. I just like him. That's

all I'll say about that. So I'm curious about this because, like, obviously the knowledge that Mordecai has regarding all of the alchemy stuff is invaluable. What the way that he is able to save their asses over and over again? I can't overstate how important this skill obviously is. But I also I'm wondering because, like Carl, he's giving him the recipes, and Carl's mixing stuff up so that he gets the XP and he gets the recipes after Mordecai instructs him.

And I wish that there were a way for them to like have an intensive you know, where he goes into a spot where he can be in a sort of safe room. Do all this stuff and just like level up, level up, level up on his alchemy and learn a bunch of potions at the same time and come out with a bunch of more skills and also

more supplies. But I'm wondering if it's possible even to make potions in the safe rooms, because he had tried, like both he and Donut had tried using spells repeatedly within the safe rooms in order to level up, and it had not worked. So I'm kind of at this point assuming like certain things that sound like they'd be really great hacks are just not going to function that way because the rules would make sure that they couldn't. So let's see. Here is the part where Quinn describes lucymr.

I can't remember what her race was called. She was human, a real looker, but with one goat leg. She had two pet dogs. She put them in the playroom and they went bonkers. The monsters killed two attendants plus another pet, and then they broke out onto the dance floor, snapping and biting and snarling. The bouncers moved in, but their owner cast a spell that froze the whole room. I've

never seen anything like it. A crawler from the third floor, casting magic that powerful anyway, While the room was frozen, she stole a couple bottles of tequila from behind the counter while her dogs made a chube toy of a few dancers. Then she took out a mace from her inventory and splattered the brains of an elite knoll who'd been talking to her. Luckily, she didn't kill any of the real bouncers. You should have seen this place afterwards. The playroom ain going to be open for our week.

She got away, but she ain't coming back. Her membership has been revoked. Those dogs sound just awful, doughnut, said Bishop Sarah Wiler's almost as bad as Cogger spaniels. They think they're so smart. God damn it, donut don't be saying that stuff. I said, I Lucia girl, I just want to talk. I'm just you know what I'm saying, like, I just want to know what is up? Is she a maniac? Is she has she just reached a point where she doesn't give a fuck, because I could see

how that could happen. Is she you, guys, I don't even know. I don't even know. I'm just fascinated by her being so disruptive and destructive in a way that feels like I could see it if you were not good at the game, this sort of behavior probably would just lose you followers. But obviously your girl is compelling because she is super powerful. So even if she isn't

like following the rules. And I say this with a great deal of salt added because you know what I'm saying, but like, even if she is doing things that are are disruptive and that in most cases an audience probably wouldn't like if you're that powerful that nobody can fuck it, Like she freezes the entire room. I mean, that's got to be really good television. I can see how she manages to get away with things. I can't even really be mad about it. Anyway, I'm riveted by her and

also terrified. I feel like the fact that her dogs kill somebody else's pet, and also like maul a bunch of dancers. It feels to me like she has definitely adopted a fuck them mentality regarding everybody who isn't her, And I absolutely believe there's a massive advantage in that. I don't like it. I wouldn't be able to operate

that way myself. But it has to be one of the most efficient ways to play, I would imagine, and when she is as powerful as she is, I guess it's not really necessary to worry about like making allies and playing as a team, because who all is going to be playing? Like, you know what I'm saying. So I don't know, guys, I'm just I have a lot of thoughts about her and a lot of questions, and I would love to know more about her background as

a person before she came into the game. I would love to know who was her mentor who taught her, because obviously that has a big influence on things. And I feel like there has to have been something that either before the game or during that caused her to just be like and now it's me. Now it's me, and I'm all I care about. It's just really hard for me to be mad at this kind of attitude, because in this instance, with this game, it makes more sense to me to adopt this attitude than it does

out in the regular world. And yet, as much as there is a part of me that sees the sense in it, I just keep coming back to the question that ultimately is where we came down when we were talking about Carl leaving behind the old people, which is what can you live with? What can you feel okay with carrying for the rest of your life after a situation has otherwise resolved. Are you going to be able to sleep at night having done certain things or not

done other things? And for me that would not I couldn't sleep at night having mauled a bunch of NPCs. I can't be the bad guy, even in games where I know it's not real, it's just I can't do it. I don't like it, it's not fun, it stresses me out, and she clearly has no problem. So I don't feel like I want our guys to encounter her because there is no reason in any universe that I could see her like looking at them and thinking we need to

work together as allies. I don't think she would that if we were in regular circumstances in this game, all things being equal, that she would ever reach that conclusion. The only exception being how bonkers donuts charisma is that's the one mitigating factor that potentially if she could win Lucia over or Lucia's dogs, which I don't really see how that could work because Honestly, it's not like Donut wants to be buds with her dogs, but maybe she

could still win them over anyway. I just this whole story. It kind of it freaked me out a little bit because this sort of behavior is the type of thing that we would hear about regarding elites, people who are the baddies in game would act like this, And to hear about a player behaving this way, it's just got a whole different energy to it. So Donut goes out on the dance floor and plays, which I'm sure people

were really really enjoying watching. And this is when Mordecai and Carl have the discussion about being a manager and what all it entails. System wide protection. You can still get wounded and feel pain, you can still die, but when you do die under system protection, you don't really perish. You just get kicked from the game. Your body is

transferred out of the dungeon. Before, as just a guild master, I wouldn't be offered any sort of security, nor am I protected right now for the remainder of this level. But starting on the fourth floor, managers such as myself are given a protection package. I can still be killed, but I won't really be dead. I'll just be kicked from the game. And he explains that like managers used to fight alongside wards and when they died, they be

available again on the next floor. But now I'll be done for the season, and as long as don't it makes it to the fourth floor, my obligation will also be done. I'll be free to go. They don't protect the other NPCs, like the guild masters or the merchants, so you can step in front of a murder dozer on the next floor and be done with all this. Yep, don't worry, though they incentivize us not to do that. The longer Doughnut survives, the more money I earn. And

again Carl is just like, I don't get it. Why is he upset? Then? The only thing I can think of is that he has been in this game so long that dying and being kicked from the game entirely is freaking him out, you know, like this is It's this thing that happens in prison as well. Some folks they stay inside so long that they don't know how to function when they are out in the world again, with nobody watching their every move and telling them how to spend every minute of their day and they feel

totally lost. And I can't help but wonder if that's part of it, if it's just like this sheer anxiety about they You guys have given me an out that I know I'm getting as long as we make it to the end of this floor. And even though it's allegedly what I wanted this whole time, now that I'm faced with it, maybe I don't want it the way that I thought. But I don't know. I feel like it's got to be more than that. But why why does it have to be? I don't know. That's the

best guess I've got. So they go to the Silk Road, which is the market, and he takes five hundred gold for them and is gonna go check out the alchemist and get them some supplies. And they go into Hobgobs and Boomsticks Pustule Hobgoblin level thirty and she has an open sore on her cheek that bubbles with black and green ooze. The puss ran off her shoulder, down her shoulder and stained her ran off her face, down her shoulder and stained her shirt, which was a threadbare pink

graphic tea featuring a unicorn wearing sunglasses. She smelled of rot and sickness. I swallowed. I still had the bottle of cheap bourbon in my hand. I took a drink to get the smell out of my sinuses. Carl don'not whispered. She's ugly, like really ugly. She also has excellent hearing. The hob goblins, said her voice, surprisingly feminine. This is

such a wild interaction. So first of all, I can't tell how much effect donuts charisma is having on this lady because they don't get off on the right foot. We wouldn't want anyone getting off on any feet. It's a little too late for that. I just like, you know, Mordecai had said, you're going to run into this lady lot, so make sure to leave a good impression. And it doesn't really did that. So I'm sort of worried about this going forward, but I don't know how much of

a big deal it's going to be. And this is when she's like talking about some piece of equipment hoblobbers, and it packs a punch if you're interested. I once wanted my mother bite the head off of vorpal muskrat. She said she did it to teach the warlord a lesson, but I'm pretty sure there was another reason. Carl, this lady is crazy. I decided it was best to just ignore that last part. Okay, So does impact enchantment mean what it sounds like? Have you guys ever met somebody

like this? It's always like, I always feel bad because I know that in their mind the connection between what they just said and what we were talking about probably is very clear, and there's not really a polite way to say, I'm so sorry. What relevance does that have to what we were just talking about? Like, no matter what you say, it's gonna sound like what the fuck you know? But also it just is sometimes like what the fuck what? And later on it turns out her

mother died from doing this because there's no avoiding it. Really, if it's a vpal rat and you take a bite out of it, you die in And I uh, I'm pretty sure there was another reason. I don't know. It feels like she's trying to tell them some thing because one of the last things she says to them is

watch out for meteors. And then they have one of the sex workers who's dropped on their roof that night, which feels to me like that was something that she was sort of weirdly referencing, but unclearly whether or not it's because she's not allowed to say certain things, or whether it's because even in her head she doesn't have all of the information and so she doesn't know what

the relevance is yet, you know. So I was trying to think it's there, like some other significance to this vorpal rat story that I could assign to what it is that she's you know, I cannot come up with anything, though, Guys, I just don't know. Sorry. Rob is in the chat saying, I am married to a person that does that. Brain does that slash, brain does A to Z, but only says A and Z. And the best way I found

is asking what the antecedent is. And yeah, I've done that with my husband a few times, where I've said a thing and he's replied and then he has said a following thing and I'll just go, Okay, so where what led you to that? And it's funny because sometimes the way that it leads him is very logical, and I'm like, Okay, you know what now that you've explained it. I get it. And sometimes he'll start explaining and he'll just be like, wow, I don't know what made me

think of the other thing, though, I don't know. Sort of the path just sort of breaks off somewhere and he just wound up in a place. So let's see. He shows her one of the boom jugs, and she's like, look, this is really nicely designed, but you're using an accelerant that's like way more valuable than this thing is in terms of its overall destruction. If you had something else as an accelerant, it would be a lot cheaper and it wouldn't burn as hot, but it would still be

pretty fucking effective. And the moonshine being sold as is is worth much more. So let's see. I'll have more for you tomorrow. Beware of meteors, she called. She wasn't so bad, Donut said, as we left. She just needs both a dermatologist and a psychiatrist. I can't tell you how relieved I am. You didn't pick that race. Excellent hearing, Postural called from her booth about fifty paces away. Wow, Donut said, looking over her shoulder. You'd think someone who

blew things up for a living would be deaf. Oh, Donut, don't fuck this up. Keep your charisma going girly, please.

So they split up here, Mordecai says that he's going to catch up, and the two of them head back towards the One eyed Narwhale, and on the way, Donut releases Mongo from his little pokeball, and just as he is complimenting her on how well trained Mango is, and she's graciously accepting said compliment, Mongo turns and streaks off, and we find out a little bit later that somebody cast a spell that draws all predator pet class to them. So they did this on purpose, and Mongo couldn't help it.

It was a spell that got hold of him and it had nothing to do with this training. So Donut is in the clear, which I personally did appreciate, and they get there and it's there's a corpse. It was gum Gum New York. Guys. I've listened to this section twice, and I couldn't help but laugh at myself because the first time I listened and he said it was Gumgum New York, I went oh. And then even though I knew that was her, when I was re listening today and he said it was gumgum New York. I went, oh,

I don't think the exact same re action. I was just so sad and like he tries to tell himself, she's not real, but he's like, strictly speaking, that isn't true. The world she believes in isn't real, and everything that she's like fighting for isn't strictly speaking real. But she

was real. She was a being that existed. And he's just you know, like understandably kind of struggling with the guilt that you would feel over any other person getting got and your connection to them and whether or not you had, you know, you played any role in that. I Uh. Eventually Donut says, well, we have to solve this now. We have to take this quest because she's

dead because of us. If we hadn't turned her down and she you know, like it hadn't been involved at all, she'd just be waiting for somebody else to come along and help her. But whatever it was with these city Elves, which we find out about more later, our involvement seems to be what caused this to go the way that it did. And uh, it's pretty clear Carl has no argument. He's just like, yeah, you're right, and I knew you were right. So we get these creatures, their long hair

flapped around them like sea creatures. They have their disembodied female heads with their organs hanging from the hole in their necks, and the cross EU level sixteen. Holy crap, these things are terrifying. Who comes up with this shit? And they're only injured by magic or magical items, and if you kill them, they're not technically dead because they still have a body, and it's not until you kill their body that they are dead dead, as he puts it. So, uh, yeah,

that is a lot. And I just you, guys, these things sound. They sound terrible. They sound like the worst I uh, I feel for them as creatures being made by somebody as well. Like, so, then we get the elf who appears right in front one of them, yelling the final battle is here. And I gotta give props to the voice actor narrator yet again, because he decides to adopt a very Mad Max or like, yeah, I feel like the Thunderdome is in the original Mad Max movies, right.

I don't think I've ever seen the originals. I have seen Fury Road and that is pretty much it. I'm pretty sure. But he goes for that sort of voice acting and it is so funny and over the top. He's like only a third of the way into what feels like a very long monologue, and it starts to say, now, watch as I kicked him in the nuts. At the same moment, Donuts magic missile slammed into his neck. The elves head ripped off as he was raised bodily off the ground. I felt my foot shatter his testicles and

fracture his pelvis. The dead, now headless elf rose into the air like a rocket. He splattered onto the ground in a heap, blood showering over us. His head tumbled like a poorly inflated soccer ball, and Manco picks it up and just starts playing with it. And Carl winds up taking the jacket off of this guy and bringing it back with him so that he has some information for Mortarkai to explain who this dude is. Sorry, guys,

I hit my mic there or my camera. So Zev chimes in about him kicking the elf and the nuts and says, some people had some snide comments about that. I honestly personally, don't think that people would have an issue because of the fact that this guy was being so self important about this attack. I think that in real life most people would be delighted by the fact that Carl got him by kicking him in the nuts. I think people would really resonate with that in a

way that do you know what I'm saying? Like, I have no doubt that some folks would feel a bit of a way, But like mostly in entertainment, it's the quality of the overall message, I guess is what I'm trying to say. And the message to a dude who really thinks a lot of himself and starts to go too hard on his monologuing to just getting kicked in the nuts, I think is perfect and I have no

issue at all with it. So he's got fifteen hundred gold and a scroll for a spell called meat Hooks, which is the one that he was casting to have Mango come to him and lure them down the alley. So they also there's a moment here where Donut is looking at his jacket and is able to say a bunch of like very specific shit about the patch on his arm, which has to do with the badge collector skill, but she doesn't know that yet, and we find out later that this dude is part of a particularly psychotic

what's the word I want? Subset of the elves, to the degree that they have been utterly denounced by their own species because their stupidity is so profound that it was seen as a genetic defect, which is honestly very funny. And he the comparison that Mordecai brings up is like, you know, people who are afraid of like five G cell phone towers and who covered the back of their cars with weird bumper stickers about like radio waves and

gay frogs, that you know, that kind of thing. And all I could think was, is there anybody who was reading this series that was a person who thought like that, that got like their feelings hurt by this description and was sort of like, hey, that's me. Why are you saying this? But yeah, and the fact is that they are also like throwing themselves in the way to allegedly protect these beings, the ones that what do you call it?

Skyfowl that Mordecai was originally because of some text that is very much like not fully uh, what's the word I want here. It is not internally consistent and it requires a lot of interpretation, and some of it, as he points out, is actively uh apocryphal. And this is also really really familiar, like, oh boy, you know what I'm saying, Guys, sometimes things are just like not funny because they're too correct. So these dudes have got their names for some reason. And I'm going to tell you

what my theory is here. My theory is that bro who Carl humiliated on that talk show is out here in these fucking chats and forums like radicalizing these dudes because they are very easy to manipulate and is managing to create his own little like weirdo private army by convincing these guys that this is a holy mission for them, and is probably doing some wild QAnon type like fake hidden message shit where you remember when he said this, Well, if you play it backward, doesn't it sound like he

said this? And if you do that kind of thing the right way with the right people, you can convince them of practically fucking anything. And I just it seems like the mo of that type of dude to like get a bunch of other people to try and do his dirty work and harangue them in a way that would be even if it doesn't kill them, is just

extremely fucking irritating. So anyway, I just think it's interesting and I'm curious about it because them having his and Doughnuts name specifically, it doesn't it just that's not a coincidence. There is somebody gunning for them in a particular way,

and there could be plenty of people. It might be the ones that uh, he killed their daughter with that that hidden explosive in the rat body or whatever it is, the worm body, but I don't know that they would have the kind of like clout that a dude like this or a group like this would necessarily respect. I feel like it would have to be somebody like like the Dojo's got this platform that he can preach from.

And it would also just tie in with the way that radicalizing people using a podcast fucking works, you know, like you get the most paranoid, mentally unstable people to buy into something that makes them feel like they are in on a secret and are better than everyone else because they know the truth. It's extremely simple that, you know. It's just yeah, that's my going theory. So we find all of this out about the what are they called

city elves. Later they also loot the corpse of Gum Gum and they just get a city pass, which we find out is like permission to carry a body around because she was collecting the dead bodies of these women. And also a mysterious scroll which when Mordecai looks at it he can tell is necromancy script of some kind, and it's like, I don't know that a necromancer wrote this, but this does have me on my guard a little, guys, And it would make sense with the creatures that this

thing was working with. They opened there I mentioned earlier, the fan boxes, and not only does Donut get a photo of Bee, but it is the photo from the beginning of the book where he found out that Bee was cheating, And there is just a type of this is something that I keep wanting to know more about, you guys. And I'm not like because he the fact

that they know about that moment. I know that they've been watching Earth, but like this kind of detailed knowledge of his personal life and how he was feeling and what motivated him to Dumper and all of that. Where are they getting all this information? And later on he's talking about how he thinks the memory of that the throwing of balls on like the ice floes, using one of those chuckers that use when you throw a ball

for a dog to go fetch. He mentions that he thinks that memory was the impetus for them giving him this this sestapunta skill, and I'm just like, why would they have access to that memory? Though, Like, I don't feel like that's been explained, or if it was, I've

forgotten it. It just felt it just felt very like he was making assumptions that would make sense sure, but he is saying them as if doubtless this is why, And I'm sort of like, well, no, some doubt what do you mean, why are you so sure of it? You know? I just have some questions about where that's

coming from here. And yeah, he realizes this that, like this whole thing does not bother him the way that he expects it to, and just looks up at the Cameron shrugs and says, you really think i'd care about that? Nice try so they do not get the rise out of him that they were hoping for, and then because they're expecting the worst with these fan boxes, he's very pleasantly surprised to actually get the like that basket thing for highlight, which is the sestapunta is another name for

highlight the sport. And I looked into this game, guys, because like the way he describes this year, I had looked into it before, and I described it as being similar to like lacrosse because of the baskets and like, yes, but I didn't realize when I was looking at the photos that your hand goes into like a sheath that hooks onto the basket. I thought you were holding a pole like they do with lacrosse. So finding out that it's like attached to the end of your hand is

so wild. And the game has killed people like the kinds of injuries because the balls travel at over one hundred miles an hour and they will injure you very badly because of the nature of how they can be thrown this way. So it is a vicious tool potentially and really helpful with his skills with explosive This is like a wonderful little combination here and this skill like that he was given this skill and given this tool. This feels like the AI is really helping him out,

you know it does. And I know that the ai didn't determine the gift, but I can't help but wonder if it wasn't influencing people to some degree. We find out later from Zeb that they had been considering a very inappropriate gift, and I would have loved to hear what that was, but she can't tell him that. And the second strap, just below my elbow had a small pull ring. I pulled it and the entire scoop yanked in on itself, forming and twisting over my right forearm

like a metallic bracer. The motion was quick and smooth. Once the scoop was retracted, I formed a fist to make sure my gauntlet would still work. It did. In fact, the gauntlet fits snugly over the end of the bracer, as if it had been made for it. Now, the missing right arm of my jacket didn't look so ridiculous, so that's very, very fun. And also the oranges that he tests with resize themselves to fit perfectly, which is lovely and uh oh I'm seeing In the chat, Rob says,

I always thought Hylai was closer to squash. I don't know how squash is played, but when I was reading the rules, it seemed very very similar to tennis to me, and I've always thought of squash as being somewhat like tennis, so maybe, but it is a sort of like a ball is allowed to bounce only once and you have to be able to catch it and sling it back

in one movement. You aren't allowed to like juggle the ball, and it can't bounce more than once, and when you serve, it has to hit a certain point on the court or else it's like you lose the point. There's a Yeah, it's a it's a really interesting sounding sport and apparently

you know, it's a sport that's like almost dying. It's played in a place called Basque, which when I looked up what that place was, it's this little area that's sort of between Spain and France that they have a whole language that is not connected to any other known language. It's like totally isolated, which it's the only language of its kind in all of Europe. Apparently that's like not

influenced by Latin. Apparently in any way fascinating to me, Like I this Sessapunza led me down a whole fucking rabbit hole, you guys, But but anyway, so this, uh, let's see he pulls out the hob the Hobgoblin Hoblobber, a mainstay of the Hobgoblin hoblobbing lobbers. The hoblobber is a stable, mostly predictable, more practical and tactical solution to dynamite. All right, but if you toss it, make sure it's wick is lit well, not guaranteed to do a premature blast.

It's better than nothing in it. I didn't even realize this was supposed to be a rhyme until he says, you're rhyming. Excuse all. So this is when he tosses the bomb up and down and like catches it, and they're looking at him like he's a maniac, and he remembers that one time that he saw Goblin doing this and sort of just like, oh wow, I've really come a little bit of a ways here. And then let's see him trying to make sure Oh yeah, there's a mention of the lich potentially might be who wrote this

mysterious note. And uh, I love that Mongo growls at the picture of bee when they go to lay down. Promise me you won't let me die alone, like Gumgum's mom or gum Gum. I guess she died alone too. She was probably really scared. Don't worry, Donut. We'll find out whose response and we'll make them pay. Woop, something hit the roof of the inn directly over our heads. It slid off the rooftop and crashed loudly onto the street.

In the morning, we discover the body of a naked, twisted human prostitute sprawled out in the alley next to the inn, scrawled onto her back and torn bloodless flesh where the words no you won't, which no you won't It sounds much more threatening, but all I could think was which if you have seen Sherilock, you know why. So I have to wrap this up. I'm overtime, as I have been so often. That's my fault. I appreciate you guys hanging out with me and really really enjoying this.

I'm looking forward to reading more and hope you can join me on Thursday. Until next time, to bloo motherfuckers. That was an Unspoiled Network podcast.