Separations

Happens, the Divorce Down Under podcast where we talk about everything and everything family law related. Thanks very much for tuning in to Split Happens, the Divorce Down Under podcast with me, Alex, and my legal colleague Liza. Today we're looking at From a family law perspective.

Things that you might need to think about if you are going to separate, if you're thinking about separating, or if you have recently separated. So from a family law perspective certainly, but these are more about practical considerations to do that your family lawyer might point. So it's sort of a things to consider, a bit of a to do list, my checkoff list. It's all come to an end. What should I do next?

One of the first questions that I I very often get asked, and I'm sure you're the same, is what do I do about that? Should I stay late? what do you normally I say that very annoying answer which is it depends. Depends on your circumstances. But that's that's the truth though. It does depend. Um If it's a case where the If you've got a vibe. Um it may be better that we're going to be able to do that Yeah.

Safety first is my Um but if there's no safety If I'm feeling a bit bitter, say I'd be probably more inclined to kick him off. Probably wanting to stay in the house myself. How would you go about that? Probably. We're caught in that dilemma every single time you ask this question. If there's no violence and you're both co owners, there without a court order you can't require somebody to leave.

And so you get asked that question about should I change the locks? And I don't know about you, but I usually say sure, but they can change the packaging. Yeah. So I think sometimes I should set up a locksmith's It's it's a tricky one. I look at it for more of a Who has someone? Who has um friends or family? Four years. Ever. Um no It's grim. I mean I've been there a very long time ago.

Remember leaving a property once with a a a black garbage bag full of clothes and not much else. So that's it I've done. Yeah. A very long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. Well, that's the thing, that's... I would probably want to do if I was if I was in that situation and I was um separating, I'd probably want to stand my ground as much as possible. Pack all his stuff up and put it on the front of the room. Changed the locks, knowing full well that he can just change them back.

But taking those practical steps are things that you can do and very often it'll sort of force the the other person to reflect upon I really don't want to. Rydyn ni'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd if you react ad adversely to say, I'm taking all my stuff back in, I'm kicking down the door The metaphorical jam sandwich rolling up. Days of the Sweeney. But seeing the police um arrive uh because of the other thing.

Before you know it, police protection notice, domestic violence order, including what's called an ounster order. Yeah, so I think that I'm just saying. Mm-hmm. Sorry, but identifying at the moment as no that's a whole other show. No, what I meant to say was that When I when I So if I was I would not want to possibly could occur. And I would probably It's always gonna be a bit tricky because as Very tight. It's really hard.

Because it's like well neither of them have Neither of them have anywhere to go. And and they don't have sufficient mu even if they did have somewhere to go and that Yeah. Well you'cause you're not going to be able to will be the Same. Yeah. Pay for the It makes it very difficult. I think your answer is depends is It's very early stages. you get a good understanding of what's happening inside that relationship and what their practical Do either of them have family?

the monetary situation, does somebody have a little bit of a nest egg that they could use just to live

And one of the big things of course is the children. I mean what what do we normally say? I mean what do you normally say? What should I do with the children? Do I take them with me or do I Yeah. You're in a much better. You're in much better. I'm raising an eyebrow. Yeah, well, yeah. What I'm gonna do. This is what I would do. And I would not Ha ha. I I would hold Anyway, I'd hold on to my keys. Um if I was choosing to leave. I would

And children of course means all of the children's arrangements need to be thought through as well. That's right. So where they're going to school, what their you know, their activities they're Their day to day lives need to be maintained as much as Except if you know there are dire circumstances. Particularly if I have the kids. It might not No obvious Yeah, as you do, I get... haven't afforded to move out and so they live under the same roof for a number of months or even

post separation and strangely sometimes those arrangements that you they become a little bit entrenched too. And even yeah it's like the odd couple almost you've moved from a marital relationship to this sort of odd couple. You co depend upon one another, but not in any matrimony or not in a domestic as a sheer pragmatism, if you haven't got anywhere else to go. Okay, so the living arrangements are gonna be short term focused for now because the idea will be to try and sever all of those

That means to start the ball rolling with your lawyer, with your family lawyer, you're gonna need documents. So one of the things I often Make sure that you've got copies of all of the important stuff. If you if it's not yours, if it's joint, make sure that at the very least you've got copies and you know where things are, you know the Who owns it? The hard copy bank statements still.

So where possible you take hard copies and if you can't take hard copies then you know w we live in this era with smartphones and cameras. Just take lots of pictures. Um, so there's the you know, your rates notice, your your bank statements and in particular not just if you've got Oh yeah. Quite a few. If you've got a joint account that's paying the mortgage, for example, then you're both putting in all of your salaries and income going in there.

Is there anything to stop the other person that you've separated from, possibly acrimoniously? From just going in and saying, Whipping it all away, I don't care about the mortgage. Yeah, I'm gonna just keep that cash. So that's that's a really important thing. So access to bank accounts and controlling access. If it's joint or if it's yours. You are you're a decider. You you have the authority. Another thing, a little um trick if particularly if you're Get all your utilities.

Yeah. This is brutal planning, isn't it? It is. It is. But this is this is what people of people who will threaten to cut off their electricity. 'Cause it's a control thing, isn't it? No, I want... Cut off this. sort of thing that that goes on. So set up those This is something that you're doing. I immediate time prior to and of You've just thought of it. This isn't something to do like a year in advance. Because it it might sort of trigger that separation conversation.

Well that's right. Who knows? Why is the bell in your name all about? Lego is proud to sponsor split happen. with Alban Legal. For all your family law needs, call us on zero seven. 62044 or visit our website at arbanlegal.com.au. But what you need to make sure of is that you have those Have you got Yeah, that's a very good point actually. A lot of people we talked about you know the the difficulty of trying to maintain

the same outgoings with only the a lesser income if the other person's gone, they're going to need money to pay for their rent as well. Do you need Do you need to contact I I think that is very much a bank decision. Right. A lot of discretionary decisions in that field. So be friendly with your your Get on the phone, get a contact. Bye. We're just basically what we're trying to do here is think about your end goal and think about how you're going to get there. One of the things that you talk

Email account. Email accounts. I was going to say shared email accounts or access to the same email account. You need to be getting in and changing that setting up Password that's only known to you. That's only on your device. Only on your devices, yeah. Yeah, find my friend. But don't you think that's a good thing? If you like most people. Hãy subscribe cho kênh La La School Để không bỏ lỡ những video hấp dẫn How about it?

a new email address so I can communicate with them because then I'm I know for sure Same kind of process. Yeah, then it's a bit of a Okay. Yeah. So we've got some the things to consider. We we've we've talked about what sort of documents people might One thing that gets overlooked sometimes'cause we get so uh busy with the business Making sure that you know my clients looking after themselves It's an enormous strain upon the

So if they haven't got family and friends is to try to encourage them to get some Yeah, their emotionalness. Yeah, so there's a lot of services out there even related for people that are separating, um, self help. But there's There are divorce coaches that we see advertising now, I'm I'm I'm yet to be convinced, but I'm I'm sure there's a place

Make sure they've got somebody to talk to. It's really, really important. I mean talk to your lawyers by all means, but that gets to be phenomenally expensive if you talk to lawyers about non legal Those are counselling issues. Go go get some help. And for the kids too. They might need just even the in school counselling, sorry talking across. No, that's okay. Well, We have to when you're in court. Is it my go now? That's right. That's right. The difference here of course. But anyway I digress.

Well no, I have a cat. In a crumbling house, smelling of weight. It'll smell like whey, but it'll be it'll be. But anyway, um no, so th w do you want to talk about the dog?

Yeah, yeah. So I mean it's it's the kids and dogs thing. We're lawyers, we know that dogs are infected. I know, I was coming up to that. I feel like I don't know. I'm I'm sure I've eaten lots of them in curry houses in the past. because he's so much easier to look at. Well they consider themselves gods, don't they? Well that he does. But in terms of the And it's actually really, really hard for the kids to overcome that loss. And so I I sort of think that if it if I were Yeah.

And yet there can be you know huge psychological support the family pack. If there are children. gets a little bit more comfortable. Totally thank you. It really is. Yeah. Yeah. Mae'n ymwneud ymwneud ymwneud ymwneud ymwneud. You think about your day to day life, uh mostly you know A couple of cars in a family normally. And they might be held in joint names, or they might be held in one person's name. You've got to try and where possible.

Yeah. Yeah, good yeah, good luck getting those statute of declarations. Okay, Rado. I've got no points left. Why's that? That's right, every toll road imaginable. That's definitely not advice. Again, like everything here. This is just No legal advice in any of this. This is just some of the practical things. Do I get to keep my car? Should he move out? Who do I talk to about some of the things? Um and keeping busy. Yeah, when you're in that Self care is the name. I say that to my

you know, giving me ridiculous instructions from time to time because you know you're too caught up in the drama of something. So what I really And Then you've got to wait a year from the time that you've said. So that's not gonna happen. You can do your property.

Rydyn ni'n ei wneud â'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i' Well d there's another thing. Um They're doing that themselves these days.

So the other thing that I always Have a baby, have a baby. bits and bobs furniture or things like that. It sounds absolutely No, I think it's awesome. Totally entitled, isn't it? I mean we didn't have any baby showers for our children. I mean how awful to go around asking your family and friends, Hey look, we've done something that's got nothing to do with you and we want you to give us stuff. Yeah. It's a terrible thing. I think. Right way. It's an interesting idea.

Yeah. But I won't become a good thing. Um where you get together with some friends. Like g Obviously not with your ex there. It's not one of those what do they call? Oh, yeah. My thoughts. I'm I'm very old. But anyway, but so getting back to this divorce register, um, you sit there with your friends and you put in a little Yeah, K K Mart and Big W are available. That's true. But more of a household budget.

Yeah. Okay. Great new divorce register corporation of Australia is taking over the world and lines Mae'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw. That's what I'm saying. It's following on from parties. Terrible idea. Okay. Ah, dear. Well anyway, there'll be plenty of them. I I'm I'm sure like and some people go, Well cut well of course they wouldn't be my friend if they didn't give me some, you know, pointless material object. I've got one too. I've actually got two. Isn't hers air fryer?

Oh, gosh.

Uh okay. I think we've digressed a little bit on that. So um l let's try and round up some of the things we've talked about for the practical perspectives if you're thinking is make sure that you lock away access Make that you keep copies of any important shared documents, your own personal private import. insurances, all of those things, you make sure you keep those care. It there's a lot of stuff that's out there these days. I'd used to be advocating to say that I'm not sure.

Make sure that you take advantage. Save documents there because when it comes to that point in a few months' time when you're ready to instruct a of your choosing, then you can just give them that link and they'll have all those documents. It saves us as lawyers an awful lot of time if we have Stay in the house. Yeah. If you can. Be practical at all times. Put safety as the number one thing for everyone. and be mindful of self care and and your mental health. And Is that a battle?

Divorce return. Well on that note I think we might wrap it up. So th watch out for a divorce register coming f to you uh to a home. Thanks for watching.