¶ Defining the Overexplaining Trap
In today's episode, you'll discover two common forms of overexplaining. It's a trap that makes us sound immature, and I'm going to share how to stop doing that. Welcome back to Speak Up, the podcast for high performing introverts, including you social introverts, where we reveal the charisma and communication secrets of A-listers. So that you get the recognition and the opportunities you have earned.
I am your host, Laura Camacho, your magical communication and executive presence coach, godmother, and strategist. And by the end of today's short episode, you will know the two common forms of overexplaining. and what they sound like? A completely unexpected research finding on why we fall into this trap of over explaining, and it's a doozy. Finally, how to stop yourself even once you've started into that trap. How to pull yourself out. So let's get into it.
So what do I mean by overexplaining? Because it's different from someone who always has to have the last word. or who's always dominating the meeting, maybe it's different from interrupting, and by the way, there is a good way to interrupt and a not so good. This is particular to over explaining something. And it can be difficult when people have different levels of knowledge about your topic.
Nevertheless, there's a nervous habit of overexplaining. So it's when you share more information than necessary. It's when you bury your main point under a lot of details. that don't really add value in this context. So it happens in a couple of w ways. Well first of all, there's a person that gives the entire history of the issue. Like they're narrating this documentary. And folks This happens a lot to you who are highly conscientious high performers because you think
that by sharing the history, people will buy into your conclusion of your solution. But people m for the most part don't really want the history lesson. So cut down to, you know, what's going on, what's the solution, and why you're going with this solution. Like we don't want to hear how it started. Here's an example. Let's say your boss asks about a project, why it's delayed. And you could say, Oh, well, we had a issue with the supplier, but it's resolved now.
that would be not overexplaining. But when you go into, well, this happened and so I emailed and then the email it didn't get answered. And so I ended up calling and then it was not the right person. And you know, all those little details people don't need to know for the most part and don't care. Second of all, this is another form, what is the circler, like the person that gives an answer.
But they're thinking, well, but there's more to it than that. And so they go around the topic again with more detail. And then they can go do another round. I've seen it multiple rounds, even adding details, and it seems like the person just doesn't know when to end. Like they're stuck in a loop. So imagine this would be an example. Oh yeah, sorry I was late. There was traffic. Yeah, it was on highway seventeen, you know, there's a lot of construction.
Oh, but you know, actually though it started with this truck that was blocking two lanes and I tried a side road, but it was also blocked. And so you just keep spiraling, right? Like you're unable to stop. Afraid that your first answer was not enough, but it was. So both of these habits, both of these ways of overexplaining, overwhelm listeners and dilute your message. So, yes, how do people perceive overexplaining?
I mean, if it's now and then it is not a big deal, but if it is an order if it's a common response in a meeting, you are perceived as wasting time. It is not a good look. People often tune out because it's really hard to follow. It truly is hard to follow. And then you're like, whoa, but and there's more. And and so it's easy to start wondering, did my Amazon package arrive?
And so the main point gets buried, people tune out and It's just not good, especially if you want to have executive presence and be in the C suite.
¶ Psychological Roots and Negative Impact
And there's science behind what I'm saying, as always. In the journal of Language and Social Psychology 2023, pretty recent, shows that excessive elaboration can make you seem less competent. Yeah, I didn't say less competent. I said less competent. That is extremely hard to overcome.
Why? Because over explaining signals to others that you're not really sure of yourself. It's like you're trying to prove your point by throwing in more details and just hoping that these things make it more compelling, these details. And the worst of all though, this is the worst about overexplaining.
Is it comes across as immature. It reminds everybody of when they were a kid trying to explain why they didn't do their homework'cause the dog was barking and the si you know, my sister took my pencil. And then I couldn't find my notebook and I left my textbook at school or you know, all these things. Because when we're not confident about our argument, we tend to elaborate. That is a very immature, normal for a child, not good for you as a leader.
And we're thinking that it more volume of language makes it more convincing. No, you have to be smarter about what how you explain things. So as adults, overexplaining can make us seem like we're still seeking approval or dodging accountability. And so it makes people question your confidence. Not good. So why do we do this? It can be from habit, from childhood. It could be because one or both of your parents was an over explainer. It can be insecurity.
And, you know, here's a really good motivator for overexplaining. You fear that they don't understand or they don't get it, or you fear that you'll be judged for not giving the right answer, or you just want to cover all your bases. And that's valid. That's admirable. You're casting this verbal safety net, but we don't need it anymore. It's just this habit rooted in past experience.
And you may be naturally detail oriented. Most people are not, especially when it's details about something that's not their domain. There's also a psychological angle. Research from the American Psychological Association 2024, just published last year, folks. Suggests that overexplaining can stem from social anxiety. And listen to this. This is what's amazing. A need to control how others perceive us.
So we think, you know, just like if turning in an English paper back when we used to write them and not have the chat write them. We thought that more words was better. More words equals more clarity, but actually it's the opposite. It takes more time and more effort to be concise. and much more effort to be clever, to be not necessarily clever, but creative and really sticky. But volume of words is not what we're going for. That's clutter. All right, so enough about the problem.
¶ Practical Strategies for Concise Communication
Here's some solutions. So you want to maybe pause before you answer and think about prioritizing in advance. I mean, this is gonna require some of you to think a little bit, maybe prepare a little bit. And think what is the core, what is the absolute minimum that they need to know and give them that. So that's number one. Just give them the number one most important item. And if they want more, they can ask for it.
Another way to think about it is come up with three things. Like always this is for, you know, more general things and where there's actually a lot, you could say, just pick three. So Either pick one, pick three. It takes practice. Next time you're about to launch into it, just pause for two seconds and see if you can edit a little bit your response. Trust me, less is more. You always want to Develop the skill of one clear sentence that hits the main point. That
is a master executive presence skill. You may have had a long time. So I'm gonna assume that you're gonna find yourself because you went on your way to work, heard this message, you get into a meeting and you find yourself beginning to overexplain, what do you do? You simply Stop. Even if it's in mid sentence and trust me, people will notice. They will be extremely impressed.
Just say, Oh, I think I think I've said enough, moving right along. And turn it to the next person. And then if you know, if you have some sniggling doubt, you can say, Is there anything else you'd like to know? All right, but just stop yourself in mid-sentence. People will be very impressed. All right, to wrap this up. Over explaining is when we drown our message in too much information, TMI, and we lack structure. Structure is your friend.
And the problem with overexplaining is that it makes us look less confident. It's harder to follow. It can even sound Immature, it seems to reveal insecurity or a need to be approved, and it backfires. So another way to help you refine your communication, I've offered this before. A lot of you have taken it so you have the clear point of view cheats sheet. go back to the hut and bring it. I've seen people have it printed out. They've sent me pictures. It's printed out on their desk.
when they're in a virtual meeting or even bringing it to an in-person meeting. If you don't have the clear point of view meeting prep cheat sheet, you can have it for free. But you do have to email me for it. Just put P O V In the subject line or POV cheat sheet, hello at speakupwithlaura.com, which is also in the show notes, and I will send it to you. Have a fantastic day, and I will catch you on the next episode.