Welcome to the inspire people impact lives podcast. This podcast is for people who are looking to get more out of life by making an impact on those around them. Each week we bring you local influential business and community leaders, delivering powerful messages to help you live a more inspiring and impactful life coming to you live from northwestern mutual Middleton. Here's your host, Josh Kosnick.
This week we have Joe Sweeney, good friend of myself and the show, he's going to join us to talk about care, all important but short word, caring about people, caring about each other. I guess another word. Love. So Joe, welcome to the show,
Josh. Thanks for having me.
Awesome. So one of the reasons I wanted to have you on the show for this is I've always complimented you and seen you in action and in networking or just life event. You asked some of the most in detail questions to people, uh, right away, like there's no hesitation it'snot what's the weather like today or a doesn't the weather's suck or what's going on. You're asking an detail question right away. What, I guess, where did you stem and where did you get those questions?
When did you learn to do that and what makes you go into in depth to get people to feel like you really care about them right away?
Josh, that's a great question and I think for me it starts at a family level and my dad was one of 10 and you can imagine kind of those godfather, big Sicilian weddings and those were the Sweeney family holidays. So at a very young age, five, six, seven, you've got 30, 40, 50, 60 people coming up to you over and over and over. They're asking you, hi, how are you? What are you doing? How are you? Sort of conversations. And so I think questions are such an important key to be able to unlock.
Getting to know people and I think being memorable and being honest and leading with care to show people that you know, you matter as a person and I truly believe questions are the gateway to getting to know people better. That if I'm able to ask somebody a question that they haven't been asked before and we've built enough trust that they let me in and open that door for me, we're going to have a unique bond because they've shared something with me that they haven't shared with other people
for sure. Ah, I couldn't agree more. Now, some people may be sitting here and saying, well, that's great. That's family. Like you're kind of forced to care about them, uh, or be interested in them, especially in a family reunion type scenario, thanksgiving, holidays, whatever it may be. What makes you interested in care about perfect strangers?
Yeah, I mean, I really take just a, a learner's mentality with life Josh that the old cliches says everybody you know, can teach you something you don't know where everyone is your superior in some way. And I kind of gamify getting to know people and really trying to find a unique angle or asking them a question that I've been struggling with. That's an open ended question. Um, I think a lot of people ask very basic questions and they get very basic answers back.
And I think being vulnerable myself allows other people to be vulnerable back in which case has led me into some pretty interesting conversations very early on with getting to know someone,
I'm going to put you on the spot then. What's one of the more interesting conversations you found yourself in, in the last few months.
Sure. Um, so I'm recently single and asking people about the importance of different things in relationships and really empowering people to allow them to give you advice. Um, I've met a number of people who are 10 to 20 years older than me and really asking them, you know, what are the secrets to a lasting loving marriage? Um, if you could go back and tell yourself something before you committed to somebody, what would that advice look like?
And I think everybody, if you empower them to help you and teach you feel really comfortable sharing versus putting people on the spot. Um asking unique questions is not about making people feel awkward. Asking unique questions is building trust and empowering those around you and allowing them to share areas where you know, they have some level of experience or expertise.
Perfect. That's awesome. Now I know this and I want the audience to hear this as well. What are some of your favorite go to open questions and why do you, or open ended questions, and why do you ask them versus the traditional? Yes, nos.
Great question. Um, I really think there's a couple different types of questions. You have the Yes nos. Um, and if you ask somebody a yes, no question, the conversation may just come to a dead end. So if I'm trying to get to know somebody, I want to give them an opportunity to ask a question and almost stealing a page from a Dale Carnegie how to win friends and influence people. It really behooves us to ask people questions that they enjoy speaking about.
Um, I'm an avid traveler and love to travel, so I always love asking people about their favorite trips or where they're excited to travel to next. Um, if I gave them a blank check and they could go anywhere in the world for a week, what would they do? And it allows them to be creative.
And I think before they even respond, Josh, there's really a, an almost nlp, a neural linguistic programming moment where you can see their face kind of light up and luminate a little bit and their eyes look up and they're starting to imagine what that trip might be like and whether it's a previous trip that they're reflecting on happy memories and experiences that they've taken with them or a future trip.
It really starts to generate some positive emotions, whether it's excitement or happiness or adventure or love. And I really think that people then transfer those emotions to who they're having that conversation with. So for me, I really like asking people about, you know, where they've traveled. I love asking people what's the highlight of your day so far?
A lot of that comes from I'm an avid, gratitude, journaler and there's something I always say is that not everyday is great, but there's something great in every day. And a lot of times that's our mindset and how we look at things. And sometimes I'll get people who say, you know, I don't have a highlight of my day at, to which I'll look back at them and say, that's great. That means your highlight of the day is still to come. There's still time, there's still time and people chuckle.
And uh, so I've got a handful of questions and I try not to be scripted with it and just see where the, the energy and in the interaction takes us.
There's a lot of knowledge bombs in there love the idea. I love that question in general of, what's the highlight of your day? Get people to focus on the positive versus the negative. There's so much negative going on in the world, whether it's their facebook or twitter or instagram feed, there's negative stuff everywhere. And so getting them to focus on the positive is just phenomenal. And then if they haven't had that highlight, boom, go make one. Right?
And so, uh, so what I heard, there's star questions, how, what, why really being able to open them up, making sure that they're, the conversation doesn't come to an end, I guess, unless you want it to, then you can ask a close ended question and get them to move on as you want to move on. But how about that? How about how do you transition out of a conversation then that possibly you don't want to be in?
That's a great question. And I think a lot of that depends on the environment. If I'm at a big networking event, I think one of the great things to do is to really play host and introduce somebody to somebody standing there next to you, uh, ultimately getting the monkey off your back? Not necessarily a monkey per say.
But, um, you know, I think conversations and being a student of communication and lexicon and the English language, we can kind of pick and choose our conversations and being able to politely excuse, excuse ourselves from situations is perfectly okay to be positively selfish and say, Hey Josh, this is great. Look forward to continuing the conversation in the future, but I've got to go for now. Um, I think it's a very polite and professional way to excuse yourself from virtually any conversation.
And on the flip side, you know, being a good listener and listening for things that you might have said in the conversation is really a great way to continue that conversation. It's not canned question after canned question after canned question. It's using an open ended question to get them engaged and then really listen and ask a followup based on what they've said to dig deeper.
One of the things you saaid previously as well was the gameify things and you mentioned the networking events and uh, and I'm not a huge fan of networking events. I'm, I'm what's called an ambivert so I can act extroverted, but on my recharge, is introversion. So if you put me in a big room, I'm not gonna stand in the corner. I'm gonna go meet people. But that's not my favorite thing to do. You are fantastic at that.
But what I did was make a game of it and uh, I hated the question, what do you do? But we're all at a networking events. We're professionals at a networking event. The, what do you do question. I would try to avoid that like the plague. So I wouldn't ask it myself now and now I would just continue to ask questions about them until they finally go, oh, I've been talking for like 10 minutes, what do you do?
And then they asked me finally, and that gives me the opportunity to talk a little bit about me, but showing that I care. So that was the game I played. I, I, I'm sure there's many other games you can go into, but uh, for those, uh, that are high achievers that are listening to this right now, most of us like games. So being able to gamify life and making sure that it's not just about the game, our point is to care about people being interested in people.
But if that can help you in an uncomfortable situation, I think it's well worth doing.
Absolutely. And ironically, Josh, I'm not an extrovert as much as I like to network and talk to people and feel comfortable, I energize as well being alone. It's when I do a lot of my journaling, a lot of my reading, a lot of my meditating exercise. Um, so I think that's kind of a misnomer that people think if you're going to go meet people and be outgoing, that that means that's where you get your energy from. So very similar to you in that respect.
Yeah. Actually extroverts do gain the energy of being around people that's for certain but introverts, gain their energy, recharge on their own, meditating,
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so let's bring this back to sales because I've always admired your ability to sell, whether it be in the financial sector, whether it be photo booths or anything else, but particularly yourself. How do you earn people's trust in the sales world and showing that you care because I know that you do and how does benefit the overall relationship and possibly the sale?
Great question and I think one of the biggest misnomers about sales, Josh and I think people miss associate sales, as though there's some golden magic bullet that you shoot towards the end of the relationship that closes the deal and my experience and statistically speaking, nothing could be farther from the truth and a business opportunity. Whether you call it a negotiation or a sale, really starts at the beginning and it really starts with good discovery and discovery is asking good questions.
It's caring, it's being intelligent. It's being insightful, and really that's where you start to understand their business. To see if there is an opportunity at the end of the day, um, a lot of salespeople who maybe haven't perfected their craft yet, they try to close too soon, we've all heard that term and it's really that they haven't found a value or a problem that your prospect has that your services can solve for them.
So I really, really pride myself on doing an in depth and thorough discovery process in the beginning of the sale and really trying to dig deeper and really understand their whole business because ultimately if my product or service isn't a fit for them, I want to be able to be a resource and be a trusted advisor to point them to someone like yourself or someone else in my network who has a level of integrity with their sales.
That I think if you truly understand their problem through a good discovery process, um, it takes the scary part out of sales and you truly believe that you're providing value to the person on the other side of the table
Absolutely couldn't agree more. Now we've all heard the expression he could sell or she could sell ice to eskimos or ketchup popsicles to a woman in white gloves and those are out there. Uh, I guess, uh, do those mean anything to you or what are they trying to say there? Because I want to make sure we clear the mystification of those sayings.
Yeah. And it's funny because I think people associate the gift of Gab with being good at sales and in my opinion, you know, being able to communicate well is an important part of the DNA of my perfect salesman or saleswoman. Um, but there's really a lot more about habits and discipline and tracking your kpis. Um, you know, making sure your sales funnel has enough activity and enough of the right activity that it's a lot more data driven.
Yes, there's a relationship aspect of it and I truly think it starts with connecting with the person so they know you care. Once you get that trusted advisor status. And I think you do that through asking questions through your behaviors and, and following up and doing it in a meaningful way.
Whether that means writing a handwritten note or you know, the difference between writing happy birthday on somebody's facebook wall and showing up at their house with flowers or a card or a gift or something that takes 30 seconds or 30 minutes or two or three hours, but you truly show them that you care.
And I think we're living in a day of digital noise where a lot of people are not taking their name out of the pile and they're just going through the motions, whether it's automated emails or whatever they're doing. And I really think that's an opportunity for people who lead with care, who lead with love, who lead with connection, um, that there's, uh, a group of people that are high achievers today and they're doing business the right way.
And so I think that's really important to, you know, whatever your leading traits are, however you sell, whether it's love, connection, trust, um, I don't think gift of Gab and, and being a slick talker makes you a good salespeople salesperson rather. I think that's a lot of the stuff that really has gotten society into the snake oil salesman.
Um, where people fear salespeople rather than seeing us as teachers and educators and trusted advisors in a lot of times that comes from after doing a discovery or not doing a proper discovery, you still try and sell him something.
Or after a discovery, I would say seven out of 10 of my meetings, Josh, I walk away and say, I don't think I'm the right person to help you right now, but I've got a good referral for you that I think can really help you out in that builds trust more than anything else to tell them why I might not be a fit for you. People are already thinking that stuff in the back of the head.
So I think when you sweep that under the rug, uh, as you know, I, I used to sell and trade commodities and we would sell the risk, you know, we tell them about the upside and people got excited and you say this, oh, it's too good to be true. And I said, well, if I'm wrong, you can lose every penny you put into this trade. Does it still sound too good to be true? And you can almost feel their walls coming down that they say, wow, this guy's being honest with me about this and it builds trust.
I think horizontally throughout the relationship and through other recommendations,
That's key. And I think the two words you used that should get past anyone that's in sales and then they can utilize this verbiage is trusted advisor because that's truly what a salesperson is. Because anything and everything in this world, is sold. Uh, I've challenged a people when I've spoken at universities to come up with something that uh, uh, is not sold at somewhere in the chain. Right? And there, you know, religion has come up. I said, are you sure? Then some other things come up.
And I'm like, okay. And we've been able to demystify that. Yes, that has sold somewhere, some down the chain, but trusted advisor is so, so key because you're right, not everyone's going to be a fit for, for you. Now if you're in a retail world, you're trying to close anyone that comes into the store, right? But in almost any other sales process, your trying to see if you're fit for them.
And they are a fit for you and you got to be comfortable as well saying, I'm good, we're not going to enjoy working together and you don't have to necessarily say that, but knowing that we're not a fit is freeing and not being held to needing to sell every single person you come across because then you are going to come across as that snake oil salesman.
Exactly. And I think Josh, there's so much misinformation out there in the world today. There are sales gurus who are selling programs and holding big seminars and, you know, I don't know that I should or shouldn't mention him by name on the show, but it's a very car salesmany approach and it's, my family has to eat, you know, we need this deal.
Um, and when you push that hard, you just turn people off at the end of the day and it means, you know, your marketing and your message may need to change. Um, in a lot of people don't have the right message for their customer segments and they kind of do a spray and pray. And so that's kind of the car salesman theory.
They don't walk on the lot if they don't want to buy, um, we all know that's not true at the end of the day, but there's such a desperation in sales and I think folks like yourself who are educating people and really moving into that trusted advisor status are doing it the right way.
And so it's great to see folks like yourself giving back through a podcast and really helping to raise the water level for other successful business people and people who are just getting started in their business career.
Yeah. It's so hard when you're just starting too. You're in the scarcity mentality. I got a, I got my family has to eat or I have to eat, I have to pay the rent, I have to pay for my car notes or my student loans or whatever it may be. But uh, but the quicker you can get your mentality too is this is an abundant world and I have gifts to give to certain people, but only certain people because you can't serve everyone.
What does the new a number in the US, there's over 300, 350 million and the people in the US, you can probably only serve a few hundred. Right? That's all you have the bandwidth for. So why are we trying to think that we can serve everyone or we this sales the only one that matters. What would it just means? You're not hustling enough, you're not seeing enough people.
You're not getting in front of enough people to actually impact where the match is Right and the puzzle piece fits versus trying to force a square peg into a round hole.
That's a great point, Josh, and as you alluded to before, you know, I've been in a number of different industries where I've sold and run businesses and own businesses, and what I've learned is these deep connections that you make with people transcend whatever role you're in. You know, my first job out of school, I worked in San Francisco in the financial industry and built really meaningful relationships with people in.
Many of those relationships have continued for more than a decade after I've left that role.
And one of the important concepts I always try and teach people is just play the long game and as you just alluded to, if you're thinking about next month's rent or next month car payment, you do have that anxiety where if you're, you know, you look at the Japanese, they make 100 year business plans here in America, most of our business plans are three to five years and we want an exit and you know, we think we're going to be a multimillionaire.
And when you're playing the short game, there's no way you can compete with people who play the long game. I think Darren Hardy, the publisher of success magazine says, I know I can beat anybody in anything because my stick with it-ness is just going to keep showing up, keep showing up, keep showing up. And eventually you're going to develop the skills, the network and the plan to breed success. And that's what I think the folks I look at in my network who are uber successful. It's long game.
And I think the media today is doing us a disservice by sharing these, you know, two year Unicorn startups that, hey, we're worth $3,000,000,000 in two years and so I'm seeing more and more people in the startup world, they don't have a go to market strategy, they don't have a way to make money, they're not looking at solving a meaningful problem, they're not looking at a value prop and really delivering a plus value to their customer segments and they're hoping somebody's going to buy him and
you just shake your head and it's, it's truly about problem solving and caring about people on the other side that they have a meaningful problem and you have the right solution to help them solve it.
So you're saying just because I had a random idea in the shower, I can't, go to market and get $2,000,000,000 for it.
You never know. They say a fool is born every five minutes. So somebody who's a great salesman like yourself, I'm sure you can find some capital to fund your idea.
Potentially. We wouldn't be solving a needed problem in all likelihood otherwise. That would be to market already, but yeah, no, there's very few group-ons. There's very few, uh, airbnb's stuff of that nature, but those were solving a problem and they deeply cared about the, the idea that they had and those were the, those were those Unicorns as you mentioned, uh, that really stuck out there.
So, uh, some people may ask or think at what point do I go deep, do I, do, I saved myself to, to the next conversation to make sure that, uh, do I do that right away? Is it because a lot of people would be scared of being vulnerable, being scared of getting to that point because they've been burned in the past or whatever it may be. Do you have any advice on that side of things?
Yeah, I think it's a personal preference for everyone. I'm even looking at being online, right? We all have different comfort levels of how much information we're willing to put on facebook. Some of us will put intimate family pictures, other people say, Hey, I don't want any photos of my kids even online and I think that transfers offline. Um, so I think we all have an authentic DNA in a way we connect and I think we're going to connect with people who believe what we believe.
Martin Luther King, you know, I have a dream. So he gathered people who believed what he believed. Um, my approach is I'm very vulnerable with people. Um, as you know, I was a personal caretaker for my mom for the better part of seven years and that's an important part of my story and important part of my journey and I feel so grateful and so blessed that I was able to be on that journey with her. And for me.
I get a lot of strength and a lot of inspiration from all the love and all the impact that made on my life. And I'm very open to share this with people. And sometimes I literally well up and get tears in my eyes because it's so powerful. But it's so authentically who I am. And for me when I'm sharing things like that, Josh, other people have no choice but to feel more vulnerable if I'm being vulnerable with them.
And it's kind of a back and forth that, you know, you meet people who don't open up and they go to a networking event or they're at a big group gathering and this, how was it? Oh, it's okay to meet anybody. Great. I don't know. You've got to be somebody great to meet people. Great. And I think part of that comes from owning our story and not being shy, not being embarrassed. The, the good, the bad, the ugly.
Uh, I think the days of, of pumping ourself up into being something we're not a is not how you build connection. So for me it comes from vulnerability and I'm very open book, wear my heart on my sleeve. And for me that's been a great catalyst to make deep, meaningful connections with people. And then following up on those connections, we talked about a couple of those things before, whether it's a handwritten note to say, Hey Josh, it was great meeting with you.
I really enjoyed our conversation. We'd love to continue it in. A lot of people aren't doing that. People might send a text message or you know, we live in this world of noise and I think being authentic and being vulnerable for me has been the quickest path to connect with great people.
I couldn't, couldn't agree more. Vulnerability is one of the key traits to having meaningful relationships because if you can't be vulnerable yourself and show at least a piece of your heart. How are you going to get a piece of anyone else's? And that's what I tell people that I'm close to that ask any relationship advice. If you don't truly love yourself, you'll never be able to fall truly in love with someone else.
Got To love number one first, but there are a lot of people, and I, and I don't want to overgeneralize, but there are a lot of in particular men that I have a hard time doing that and I can admit to that I was one of those people earlier on in my life and I think through maturity and life circumstance and having great friends such as yourself that, that, that has definitely changed me but, but a lot of men really struggled with this and we have to put on this false bravado and one upsmanship
and, and this is where a lot of women are frustrated and finding where are the good men in the world. And then also, uh, just in general, like getting this bad rap as, as a, as a gender males, getting a bad rep as a gender because we can't get in touch with our own feelings to, to even be able to open up to anyone else. So how would you suggest to someone that's struggling with that really get in touch with their heart and be able to share that knowing that they could get hurt?
That's a great question, Josh. Um, there are a couple things that come to mind immediately. Um, we, we've all heard the, if my house was on fire, what would I run in and grab 'em I'm not a parent. If I had children, kids would be what I would go in the house and grab. Um, but for me it's my gratitude journal in my journals and being able to be open and authentic and vulnerable with yourself is that first step. Um, so for me that's part of my morning ritual.
Every morning I get up and, and writing in that gratitude journal is really, really important in that shaped how I think, how I view the world, how I see the world. And one of the things that you've got to realize at some point is you're not alone and whatever it is you might be struggling with other people are struggling with it too. I had a situation about 10 years ago after a, the most financial success I'd ever experienced in my life.
The markets and myself took a turn in the other direction and it challenged a lot of the image of myself that I had built up and I struggled with many of the things you were just talking about and it was being honest with people and being honest with myself and finally reached a point where I said, this is eating me up on the inside. I've got to be open with somebody. And I told to close friends at the time what was going on.
Thinking they were going to turn their back on me and that I was somehow less of a man for sharing this. And they both opened their arms metaphorically and physically and gave me a hug. And to this day they are two of my closest friends. And so what I would tell people is those things on the inside that you're afraid to share with people. Will bring the right people closer in your lives and if it turns people off, that's not a reflection of you. That's a reflection on them.
And I think as a man, as balancing my masculinity and my femininity and you know, really connecting with people of both genders, it, we've all heard this, but do you really believe, you know, the best gift that you can share with the world is your authentic self. And I think we get so caught up and all of these other mental pathways and self dialogues and self narratives that having the courage to truly be yourself, a third of the people will love you.
A third of the people will hate you and the third of the people won't even know you exist. So why not play your own hand authentically? And it's just so much easier once you get into that. It's like a weight's been lifted. And for me that's the last couple of years how I've really felt flow is just being closer and closer to my self actualized version of myself. And it's not easy. Uh, I don't want to make it seem like it was a linear trajectory up.
Its, its growth and learning and really building a strong support system of people who bring out the best in you.
That's, that's awesome stuff right there. Everyone should listen to that over and over again because it's absolutely correct. I teach our young advisors to be their authentic self. That's who they will attract to their practice is people that are identified with their authentic self.
If they're being inauthentic or any salesperson's being inauthentic, they, they're, they're going to attract the wrong people, but people that don't appreciate them for who they are and they're going to constantly be fighting this uphill battle of this disconnect because they're not attracting the people that I most identify with them.
And as you said, it's not an easy thing to change, but once you change it, oh my gosh, is it awesome because how easy is it to be just you and not feel judged and not feel just like this weights on your shoulders like you said, because you're trying to be something that you're not. And I mean those are. I'm saying that like it's just seems like a no brainer, but it's definitely not because the vast majority of society still lives in an inauthentic bubble.
Couldn't agree more as they say.
in old school, uh, you know, we take the restrictor plates off, it's not exactly street legal and admittedly it's like handcuffs are coming off that you're able just to be yourself and you know, having awareness to know that that's okay and you know, I've been to a couple of Tony Robbins events and it's just knowing that you're enough and whatever you are, wherever you are on your journey financially, physically, professionally, relationship wise, you're on the right path and you're going to get
there and you know, one day at a time and just keep growing, just keep learning and things will work out.
As a side note, anytime I can get a will ferrell movie quoted or referenced in my podcast, I'm going to consider that a win for the day. So there's our first one. Alright. So I want to shift gears a little bit because one of the things we know about caring and, and uh, really being seen as caring as being a good active listener. Now we hear that term thrown a lot around a lot. Uh, and I don't know how many people really know what that means. What does it mean to you?
That's a great question and I agree with you. It is so challenging and it's something that you need to try and shut off. Whatever's going on in your head. Stop waiting for your turn to speak. Stop trying to one up their stories, stopped trying to grab the talking. Stick back from people and truly listening to the words they're saying.
If you're in the room with them, you're fortunate enough that they've blessed you with spending time together, watch their body language, listen to how they say things, ask followup questions. If you don't understand something or you know, want to know more about something, there's nothing sweeter to hear then somebody I'm talking to wants to know more about what I'm talking about and ask the extra question and you know, if it's not totally clear, paraphrase back.
You know, Josh, what I'm hearing is, you know, caring about people and being a trusted advisor and really leading with integrity seem like really important things to you is, is that correct or am I missing something else? I'm checking back in with them as they're talking. I think people recognize people who are listening, um, put your, put your phone away.
Um, I, I almost slipped and had a more aggressive a family show I imagined, but, you know, even having your phone on the table when you're talking to somebody as a distraction, um, you know, I think the best gift we can give somebody is our undivided attention and we do that based on spending time with them by showing up and when you show up, be present.
Um, if we're in the same room and you know, you're on your phone and facebooking your friends and, you know, taking instagram pictures of the moment instead of appreciating the moment we're in, what you're indirectly telling me is telling other people about this moment we're in, is more important than sharing this moment with me.
And, you know, coming from a big family as I alluded to before, uh, I really value one on one time because when we talk about connection, when we talk about vulnerability, a, that's a lot more challenging for some folks to do in big groups. So when you get that one on one time, somebody is, you know, blessed you to say you matter enough that I want to meet with you one on one and learn about you make the most of that time.
Absolutely couldn't agree more my business. Coach and I were discussing this yesterday. That goes perfectly. Sos. Have you heard that? Where the art of listening SOS, the acronym? I have not. No. So I can't remember if it came from blanchard or Ken Blanchard or one of these other bigger, well known business coaches, but here's, here's what it is. SOS first step stop.
So like you said, with a phone or IPAD or whatever it may be that you're glancing at and your spouse or kid or your friend just started to put it down. Stop or the TV's on, mute it, pause it now. That's the beauty nowadays is we can pause live TV and be okay even if it's a football game, which would matter a lot to me to pause and then move forward and fast forward through the commercials. Awesome. I hate commercials. Anyhow. Oh, open your ears.
Show that you're listening and then s show you understand, show that you're listening. So Sos, stop open your ears show. You understand a beautiful thing for active listening.
I love that. And the other thing I would add is really about that, that mobile phone and keeping in mind, unless you're in a customer service base role where you've got to pick up the phone every time it rings, the phone is there as a tool for us. So, you know, turning off your phone from time to time really allows your mental head space to focus on who's right in front of you and the conversation you're having, um, versus whatever ongoing dialogues you're having on your mobile device.
So I think we're really the first generation that's dealing with this. So we haven't really had pioneers or thought leaders that have spent a lot of time on this. Um, you know, you think back to our grandparents, they would walk down to the local market or the local Deli and connect with other people and maybe have 30 to 40 messages or conversations a day where today we're bombarded with tens of thousands of messages on all these different platforms.
So really turning off the phone and realizing the phone as a tool, uh, I don't think can be stressed enough.
No, absolutely. And I've actually read some stuff recently that millennials and Gen z, I mean are, are getting anxiety about face to face conversations because they're not forced to have them there. They're literally breaking up with each other via text message. They can't have confrontational conversations when it matters because the phone and the technology is so easy that they don't get themselves into those situations. They just do it via that medium.
So there's actual anxiety to have face to face conversations, which that's one of the most human things possible. And we have a generation and now a second generation coming up that are having anxiety over having face to face conversation. It's just crazy.
And, and even Josh, I thank you again for having me here in your beautiful office today and you know, the connection we have just sitting here versus being on a phone call or a video chat or something, you know, you feel a presence, you feel an energy. Uh, I feel more connected, you know, being here today with you. So I want to thank you for taking the initiative to have the end versus saying, Hey, let's hop on a phone call and, you know, record this episode, so appreciate that
anytime and we'll do this again, especially if you keep dropping will ferrell movie quotes.
So, uh, that, that's a,
with what you just said on the body language and, uh, feelings, how does your gut play a role in active listening or in any situation, how's your gut brain as a Dr Cooper references that play into your conversations, interactions with people.
Um, I think people give off energies and Auras and vibes and you know, when you know a situation isn't right, you really have three options. It's a cognitive assessment that you realize it in your head, uh, you're processing things logically, a, something in your heart that you feel it emotionally and you're either connected or you're repelled or, you know, as Jack Welsh would say, straight from the gut, uh, the former CEO of GE.
And I truly think that, you know, our bodies, our brains, our hearts are, they know what's best for us. Um, so I think it comes back to that. Trust yourself. You know, more than you think you. Do you ever have a hunch just to say, hey, I really like this person. I don't know why. I'm curious to learn more. I want to spend more time around them. I want to see if I can help them with their business, see if I can help them reach some of their goals. Sometimes it's not logical.
Sometimes it doesn't make sense, but I do think you've got to trust your gut because for whatever scientific or rhyme or reason, there is a lot of my judgment over the course of my business. My personal successes have come from trusting my gut. Um, and the other thing is trusting your gut enough. It's like bumper bowling, right?
You know, when you're a little too far to the left, you know, when you're a little too far to the right and you've got to do it consistently to be able to trust yourself. If it's the first time that you say, Hey, I'm going to trust my gut, um, you may not have enough experience to say, this is really a sound decision making methodology for.
I'm trusting your Gut, knowing your values. That should get you to your decision. Absolutely. Absolutely. So, all right. Switching gears on the leadership and carrying through, inspiring your team, the people around you, how do you think business owners can do a better job of leading and showing that they care about the people that they are leading?
It's a great question and I think a lot of what I've done where I've had success is, again, it depends on the company size and your ability to connect on a one on one basis, but understanding what the intrinsic drivers are. An external drivers are for each employee. A Daniel Pink has a great book called drive. Um, and I know when I was running my commodity office, I took over and I brought everyone in on a one on one basis and said, what are you doing here? What are your goals?
How can I help you achieve them? In recognizing that left to our own devices, we're all going to do what's in our own best interest. And so I think strategically what companies need to understand is how do we align interests?
Because if I can align my sdrs and my reps at the lowest levels with our big company macro goals and our vision of where we're trying to go as an organization and hiring the right people, getting the right people on board, I meet a lot of companies that say, hey, we want somebody who's, you know, fighter pilot ready, that we can just put them in a, the best companies that I've seen hire people for attitude, for coachability. And we can teach you how to fly the plane.
We just need people who have an open mind and who are coachable. And I truly think getting the right people, you know, on the John Gordon Energy bus, you've got to get the right people on the bus.
That was one of the first books actually that I think we exchanged that you gave me and you know, you look at good degrade and Jim Collins in some of these, you know, case studies of how to run businesses and a lot of it is just getting the right people and having a system where you can identify people as being able to figure out who's who in getting the right people in the right seats on the bus.
Um, so I think a lot of times we see quotas and things sent down from, you know, large companies without the emotional buy in, at the level of execution. And you've got a disconnect there. Um, I think the strongest companies I see today really get people on board who align with her values, who align with their mission, who align with her vision. I'm one of the things I work with startups most on is what are your mission, vision and values.
And if you don't know why you exist, who you're serving and what impact you're making on them, those are some fundamental things that I typically see overlooked at the early startup level and is I'm working with bigger and bigger corporations, you know, can we sustain those mission, vision and values with new employees as we now have thousands of employees across our organization. Um, and I think ongoing training, um, is so important.
A lot of people teach once and then kind of push the boat from the harbor and whether it's athletics, whether it's skill building, whether it's business, whether it's sales, whether it's a relationship, whether it's learning to walk. If I gave up the first time I fell over when I couldn't walk or my parents gave up on me and just continue to teach, continue to share values. And probably most importantly, continue to live and reflect the values.
Because if leadership is not living what we're teaching, nobody's getting onboard
raw. There's so much in there. I want to key on a couple things you mentioned, starting with why I think why is the biggest small word out there? Someone could try and prove me wrong on that, but I'd have fun arguing that a why is so crucial. Simon Sinek talks about it. There's a great ted talk that anyone could pick up and watch either on Youtube or, or the Ted App. It is start with why is phenomenal.
And he lists some great evidence as to why that is the case and those visions values the training that you mentioned. We just actually recently added this up. Uh, I heard someone speak and they talked about the container store and they put in like 160 hours of training, I want to say to their employees in the first year, I was like, oh, that's curious. I wonder how much we do.
Cause I know we do a lot through mentoring, through joint work, through, uh, our skill builders and, and, and study groups and all that stuff. 296 hours in the first year. Wow. 296 hours. We invest into our people in the first year and that's.
And that's not to count any podcasts, any, uh, other, uh, videos and self learning stuff or, uh, additional education for designations or whatever that doesn't count any of that, that, uh, we pay for this is 296 hours straight, one on one or group small group setting training. So you got to continue to invest in your people.
You got to continue to show that's a, that's a big way of showing that you care because you cannot be everywhere at once, especially as you run larger and larger organizations and more and more people that count on you, uh, you got to have other trusts, other people do that and create other systems to be able to, uh, continue to show that you care. And that training and development is by far and away one of the biggest ones.
Absolutely. I think we've seen a huge growth in personal development within corporations over the last 10 years. And I think they've, they've got the message that if we can help build better people, we're going to build better organizations at the end of the day. So I, I couldn't agree with you more on those points, Josh,
and you think about some of your favorite organizations. I think about one of my favorite stores is costco. They invest heavily into their employees and then they, uh, you know, reading about the, the original owner and CEO talking about if you care about the employee, they're going to care about the customer. And uh, um, my wife, one of her favorite store Nordstrom's, same, same principles. A return policy is actually the same as Costco's anytime, any condition. Essentially.
I've people return stuff at Costco that I'm like, you're actually taking that back or, or that was clearly mistreated and broken into pieces by the person that bought it and you're taking. But that's unbelievable. They keep people coming back. They keep me talking about them right now because of how they treat me in the store.
Absolutely. You talk about care, that was a big topic for us today and what comes to mind is that Maya Angelo quote of people forget what you say. They forget what you do, but they never forget how you make them feel.
And I think if you think about that quote along the lines of so many different things we've talked about about meeting people, hiring people, running organizations, teaching people, if you make them feel like they matter and make it feel like you care about them, it's just a recipe for success at the end of the day.
Yeah, and another quote, and you've mentioned some great books, I'll mention another one, the seven habits of highly effective people by Stephen Covey, seek first to understand then be understood. That is the key. Seek first to understand then be understood. So many people nowadays are trying to get their point across. First one is if you just don't understand where the other person's coming from first, your point can either be totally irrelevant or you're right on the same page.
Right? Love that quote. I mean, that quote that you just shared, Josh could answer a number of the questions you asked me earlier in the episode. How do you meet people? How do you network? How do you build trust first, understand who they are in like a five minute conversation.
But no, seriously that, that, uh, that I want to say is one of the top 10 books of all time, uh, every, uh, you know, linkedin or business publication you read will say lists top 10 books and that one's on almost every one of those lists stuff,
interior point of continuing to learn and grow, you know, keep reading books. Um, you know, all of my high achieving print, we're always sharing books. We're reading books, we're sharing ideas. And it's not that you read them once, you take them back to the library, you know, build a collection of, of impactful books and read them.
I remember I used to read, think and grow rich every year when I was doing my new year and goal planning, um, go back, how aligned are you with living the seven habits and some of these great concepts that, okay, I understand them, but how am I implementing them and executing them in my lives? Because, you know, people have, have cracked the code. They figure out the combination of how to live and impactful, successful life.
And we've got to follow the clues and it's all there written for us at the end of the day. And a lot of that knowledge is in books.
Absolutely. The personal development is key. Uh, you mentioned Darren Hardy earlier. I went to a two day seminar with him out in San Diego number of years back. One of the things that stuck out for me, and there should be learnings. Anytime you do spend time away from family business, whatever, and you'd better make sure you get your money's worth. Here's one of the things I learned that he talks about people upgrading their technology annually if not more.
If you think about, you know, I'm on a verizon plan that actually they upgrade at anytime the new apple iphone comes out, I get the new one by trade in my old one, right. And I just pay a little extra per month rather. So I get an upgraded. And then how often is ios updating? So we're updating probably once a month on the IOS system, our phones once a year. How often are we upgrading ourselves? That was the question he put out there. A lot of that.
How often are we upgrading our own technology, meaning our own hard wiring, our own software and of our human being versus the technology that we hold in our hands. Your phone's getting better every year. Are you correct. Question and someone's, you got to look yourself in the mirror and be honest. Yeah.
Apple store should have to ask us that to get the new phone.
Yeah. That would put a dent in their sales. I feel like that's probably what they're going for so I don't know about that. All right. So wrapping up here, Joe, how can our listeners get in touch with you?
Sure. Um, you know, I'm online in a number of different places. My consulting company is at jdscg.com Um, we've got a contact form there. My phone number's there, my email's there. Um, it's probably the easiest way or you know, you can leave my info in the show notes on. I'd be happy to respond to questions or talk more in depth about any of the things we covered today.
Joe, great friend. As always. Thank you for being on here. Thank you for your wisdom and I am sure that we'll have questions from listeners and we will
have you on again. Great. Thanks for having me. I'm excited to see where this podcast goes for Ya. Thanks for listening to another episode of inspire people impact lives. If you've been inspired today, please share this episode with as many people as possible so that together our impact is exponential.