SPACE PIRATES D&D #10 | "Meat Men"

Everyone, Welcome to fuck.

You want you want me to do you want me to do it? Or you got it a bit.

By the way, it's not a bit.

Not if you can.

See my mucus if you want, oh god, sell it on eBay right nobody would buy that. Welcome to episode the Big one zero of ten Space. Yeah, Space Pirates with Me, Schwabty and Conquests are currently on tour. By the time this episode comes out, I think the tour will have finished. But if you want a reason why I currently sound like this, it's because we're on tour and we all got really sick. So Me, Swaboti and

Ladies and gentlemen, Hello there, I'm Rick Plan, Union of Man, a disgraced fighter pilot captain who is fighting his way through this world of food with our band of near dwells, who I believe we're calling the Pack in honor of Sigma, effectively being the one who is making all of the correct decisions. I'm very much looking forward to defeating the warlords of food and getting the hell off this planet.

Oh wow, okay, now you guys have to do introductions like that.

Oh fuck it.

I'm here with taking what a one Crag.

I'm names Crag.

I am a rock alien from the planet Obscarren, but I'm actually a secret agent that's here to save the pagerous virus. That's basically my whole character. I was going to reveal that in episode forty seven, but like, I'm just soilling it now.

Sorry, Craig. Yeah, you said save the world? Which world? Dostova?

Uh No, that one over there, it's classified. It's classified the world that I have to save.

Okay, so there is a word that you have to say, yes, okay, yes, I will say here with Sigma Suavity.

That my name is Sigma.

You fuck.

The part of my voice that I used to do Sigma is almost entirely the pot that's missing. Yeah, this one is Sma Razor Claw. I am a lichen from Epsilon benrith Epsilon. I You know, I don't know how much backstory you need, but I'm looking to get back home and make things right with my pack.

Yeah, I can imagine.

Actually Crumb is satting there with his with like a book and he's like, okay, that's great, I've got.

That down, keeping track.

And then Nevena, I'm here. We caught a quest of na Thank you Crumb.

My name is Nevena. I am a Felinari from St. Marinus, and I am currently in a will they want they with mister Crumb.

Wait wait what does that mean?

Wait?

Wait, what's going on? I don't know what?

What do not break the fourth wall? Crumb?

I was, I was, I was giving an in law universe to why we'll do it?

These introductions well like camera confessional.

Yeah, yeah, we're starting the episode wherever we were, and we just all turned to the camera.

That's just there now. I just you're probably wondering how I got here.

This is Nevena's story. She's the narrator for this whole, this whole thing. Yeah, hey, guys, my day's pocket.

Oh no, you can't.

Go to die.

I will I will throw up. Okay.

What happened last time was Crag walked into the slaughter forests and he's fighting an animal monstrosity, a mixture of different animals to hyper accelerate the tastiest.

I completely forgot about this, and I had a plan.

And I don't remember what it was.

Everybody else is really far away. I assume there is a strong assumption that you guys will follow after Crag.

Yeah, I'm assuming we're He's going to have a decent headstart on us.

But as soon as he starts.

Running, yes, Sigma certainly is going to be following right right, He's not going to be so far behind.

You know, I didn't take any notes. These are all for the one piece live action series.

I don't have any notes.

So because it would I'm going to say it would take everyone about a round before they can get there. We're going to have a round of and we are rolling initiative. Have a round of Crag versus Crag time.

All right, was it good? Is it a good? Number? That is not a good? That is actually that might zero? A number? I don't even.

Before combat starts. Am I able to use once initiative has been rolled? My alert feet?

What does it do? In this context?

It allows me to, with one willing member of my team, swap the initiative order with me and then.

Oh yeah, I mean you totally can do that.

Yeah, I would like to show you Crag don't die on our way and with Crags.

Is going to get the eighteen.

Wow. Oh shit.

That means I've got to include this bit in the edit. Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah great, I'm sure I'll make that sound great. Sure, Crag, you were in the meat forests.

You see meat.

Trees around you. The animal monstrosity you have tussled with it. Briefly out of the shadows came Brenda Brisket evily laughed.

Pointing up a weapon towards you.

She barks some sort of command, and the animal monstrosity is going to strike at you again.

All right, here we go.

This time it is not charging, so I'm just gonna it's going to lift up a giant what looks like an elephant's foot and slam it down on.

Top of you.

He critically hits you.

That's it ten damage, cashing parts of your like body off. He snarls at you in an incomprehensible noise of a mixture of lots of different animals, which sort of kind of sounds like.

That's not bad, that's pretty yeah, like an agamation.

Yeah, yeah, Scooby Doo amalgamation. All right, all right, just stepped on by this thing, all right? Ah, this reminds me of when I would tussle with the Magma manfs back on my homeland. Calm yourself, one, I'm going to attempt an animal handling role here. Oh God, so I have so with with with my rune night. I have two runes. One was the fire rune. The other one is the frost run. It's on the fridge. I have advantage on animal handling checks specifically on this.

Right, but you would have disadvantage because you're fighting it actively.

So right, Okay.

I am going to try to calm this animal and see if it will allow me to ride on top of it.

As my.

That's a that's a step start.

We'll start with.

We'll start with starting before you start to domesticate it. Okay. It's gonna be a good role. Has to be a really good role, and a five is not.

A good role. Crag.

Wait wait now I can't do I could do it, but it's not gonna to animal had leg?

What did you think? What's gonna happened? I was gonna get an eighteen and so I was gonna get a crit you're gonna let me do it.

You put your rockie head forwards. You have never taped an animal. Yeah, the animal doesn't even fucking understand anything. He roars, he splatters beat in to your face.

That doesn't hurt me, right, Yeah, that's that's my turn. Yeah, that's my action. Yeah, that's my action. Let's see. Uh, any movement would probably trigger an opportunity attack. So you're just gonna move in front of it. I'm gonna stand right in front.

Of the thing.

Anything right, great? Great?

Great?

Ye?

So yeah, okay, all right, people are spending running towards in the meantime crag.

You could see in the distance bread and a brisket.

Go who wandered into the wrong forest? Why does she sound like an old lady? She's like twenty. Well it's been rough, you know. She smokes a lot of cigarettes.

It's all the grill smoke.

Yeah.

Yeah.

She pulls out a weapon, a gun, and she squeezes the trigger and you see like meat slowly kind of slop out of it and crawl out of it.

Comes a meat man and he onto the ground.

He just scorts okay, yeah.

And he stands up and he and he just sort of looks around and he goes meat and that is his turn.

There is a second animal monstrosity that is going to charge.

There's a second one.

Okay, try to domesticate this one.

He's going to charge towards you. But he's using all his movement to do so, right, Nevena. Finally you reach the slaughter forests, you run up crags right in front of you.

He's got two animal monster in front of him.

What do you know, Vena, I'm trying to calm it down. I think it's working. I don't think it is. It's just like it seems quite agitated. I know I'm drewing my best here. Are you good at handling animals?

No?

You, Divina. You're also going to notice Brenda Brisket in the distance here, and you.

Know it's Brenda Brisket in the distance? How far away is she? She?

I would say, is about seventy to eighty feet away.

I'm gonna go twenty feet here.

You're gonna You're gonna try and run around the animal monstrosities. So crag with two giant montrosities in front of him, and you fucking duck to the side.

You're like don't worry.

You know what I'm doing, moving forwards towards the meatman. Okay, after dodge it, after dodging slyly to the right of cragging these wild beasts. I'm dashing as a bonus action, okay, because I can do that. Yeah, so you're you're moving to like eighty feet. Okay, so you're up to a meat man. But you meat man is now in front of you.

Oh he no meat me me.

Oh your pokemon. I'm gonna I'm gonna say to Brenda, is this yours? Oh?

Yes, this is one of my little meat men. Would you like me to make another for you? For I can make a plenty meet men. I make them every day. And when do you step into my forest? Well, I'm about to make you pay because my meat men are made of meat and I make them very big.

Keep going, sorry, I thought you could were going to keep rhyming.

Oh oh yeah, right right, because my intellect is like a tree.

Your intellect is like a twig.

Very good, Well, no need to make You'll need to make more meat men after.

This, and I'm gonna florry of blows. I'm all on the meat man, all the meat man.

Oh brother, you can Josh's table.

I'm just hoping it's all going. Well. I'm so sorry.

So you can't flurry a blows condor because that uses your bonus action. You could just make attacks, in which case I'm going to use one of those. One of those strikes is going to have a hand of harm.

Oh on the meat.

On the meat man. That's just seventeen.

Yeah, I think you only have one attack, Connor right, because you would You're off hand attacks a bonus action as well, So so you just have one attack as your action. Seventeen does harm on it. It has a hand of harm. What does that mean? Describe it to be? It is damage equal to one roll of my martial arts dice plus my wisdom modifier.

Wow, okay, that's just double the damage.

Hell yeah, harm him?

Harm him?

How six and then your wisdom's So it's a D six plus one D six plus one.

How How is this hand of home? How does it look different? It looks different.

I create a much bigger hand mm hmm.

Yeah.

So I'm getting I've made a big slap and I'm just slapping this meat across.

Here comes the giant face.

Giant hand slaps this fucking meat and he explodes fucking everywhere he's he's smatted across the slaughter forests. There's meat chunks all over the place. And Brenda looks at you quite disgusted. Well, that was that was rude.

Man, You know right, he needed a hand a color.

What is giving you hand of harm?

Are you not the Yeah?

What's some class? Subclass reveal?

Is this subclass reveal?

Right?

Now? You used to subclass? My subclass reveal? Is whatever the subclass was that I chose?

Wait?

Do you not remember? Is the name of it? No? I think he revealed it's Warrior of Mercy. There feeling an impluence of mercy.

Holy ship. Yeah, way of mercy. That makes sense anyway. The meat men dies. Okay, all right, Craig. Unfortunately, this animal strosty is going to attack you.

No, that's not unfortunate. I'm trying to tame it. You know, we have there's like some there's a process.

So he stomps down on you for a sixteen. But since your armor class is fifteen, again.

That means number bigger than other number and somehow damage that damage that the crit I'm still up can.

On your turn, you will be able to because you will be.

Down to take a reaction to be able to see it.

Okay, what what?

No, you're not there yetunately, I've so sorry, but you will be able to study your turn. This is the this is the this is what Crag has had to deal with for rushing in a loan.

Yep, consequences, Go ahead, turn again.

Okay, well I couldn't calm it, so we're gonna do another type of animal handling. I'm gonna use giants mighte and I'm gonna grow huge.

That gives me advantage. That's a bonus action to do that, and that.

Gives me advantage on strength checks and strength saving throws.

Right, come this large, you'll you'll you kind of a mess. I guess you're now putting meat onto your body from the surrounding area.

Yeah, I guess whatever whatever is in the surrounding area just amalgamates into me. We can make that canon.

That's that's what we said before. Anyway.

Oh okay, cool, let's do it all right, Let's see, I really don't want to kill it.

I'll smack it with my fridge.

Damn it, you miss I am Crags rolls are.

This giant might you bring out the fridge, and even with disadvantage, you get seven and seven. You slam it down on top of the animal monstrosity, but two weird hands come out of the animal monstrosity and grab it in like a weird, freaky way, and then one of them gives you the middle figure.

I'll tell you what, whenever I go into Giants MTE, it's always like a week.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Pocket is now going to appear beside you and.

Goes, oh what the fuck? Oh shit, right, well, I guess it's time to bust this out. And he's gonna because he's got two missing hands. One of them, he's gonna plug a knife in, press a button and it's gonna get really hot.

Oh one thousand degree knife, I remember that, I remember that craze.

Yeah, And he's gonna run up to the meat monstrosity that was attacking you, and he's going to try and jam his knife into the thing and he does hit.

He does fifteen damage, cooking into the flesh of the creature. That's pretty good, Sigma. It is now your turn. You now just arrived and you're next to crag. You've just seen Sigma. Sorry, Pocket fucking.

Alright, alright, yeah, I guess arriving into this forest, I'll see the monstrosities in front of Crag and I'll use a bonus action as I arrived to try and hide.

Yeah, they don't see me as my approach. Let me make a stealth check.

Well, ye, you're hiding behind one of the meat trees, probably because Craig is that big.

I'll just hide behind him. Yeah, as good as a shield if nothing else.

So you sort of sneak up behind crag.

Yeah, I'm gonna there's like steam covering like mists, but it's obviously like cooking steam.

Yeah, so I like cover, like actual cover behind me.

Yeah.

Well, someone trying to make a range attack against me, yeah, leg.

Just hit your leg instead.

Yeah, I have the cover, and I'll lean out and try and shoot my blast pistol.

Against the injured monstrosity that pocket the injured yeah yeah, yeah, Okay, so you're blasted.

Seven Oh my god, six seven. You got whted and got six seven?

What's happening?

What is happening?

I know your sex was fine.

Like setting on the setting on roll twenty, that just dog ship dice setting.

For this one.

Man, I hit my role just fine, you got yeah, and now you're revealed and the second animal monstrosity, well I'm still yeah, I'm revealed, but I'm still behind Craig.

So I'm sure I'm fine.

Yeah.

I don't think I have anything else else I can do here.

This is where Sea Herro is gonna pop up and go, oh, you guys need a hand. Yes, I think that would be appreciated, understandable. Crag was it? Yes, I can make you something tasty to heal you up.

That would be great. I'm a little I'm a little bit weak right now.

She flicks her wrist in this sort of magical cook where it comes out. It's such shimmering blue, and she starts chopping up fruits and vegetables and tofu, and she cooks it into this big pot and she pours it into a container and then.

She splashes it on crack. Yeah, and that is.

Actually gonna heal you.

Sierra Vena, Sierra right, Yeah.

You can cool the giant chef. Just say thank you.

Chef, thank you, magical grand chef Lady. Of course, this will give me the energy I need to properly tame this mighty beast.

Did I even eat any of that or was it just splashed on him.

It seeped into him? HP from that?

All right, Vena in front of you, Brenda Brisket pulls out her gun. I would have say, the reason why Rick Plant it's taking so long to get to his turn is because he swapped initiative.

Zero. This is how long it would take me to get there.

I thought it was important that Craig, who was in the forest, was able to do something while I'm outside just leisurely strolling in and all I've heard so far is a really loud slap and then some meat kind of sprayed out of the forest.

I tried, and I failed, But thanks for the opportunity.

I think it was a great idea.

It just didn't account for the fact that Cragton could never hit anything out.

Of Absolutely, I'm just talking. He is not good at being a riz night. He's actually kind of a failure.

Yeah, how sorry, what is a riz night? Because you said that before?

What is that's?

No, no, no, that's rude night in scar And it's just like that's the name we gave it. That's the riz is an ashcar and word. It doesn't mean what you think it means.

Okay, it's a coincidence. Yes, it's how are you spelling it? How are you spelling it?

Oh, it's spelled the same way.

It's a difference. Okay, you know.

In front of you goes, Yes, you try and disrupt my master plaid. But don't you know that I make meat man.

Rhyme.

You're here today to spoil the fun. But I have not one, but two meat guns.

And he she presses the trigger, and out of them the meat man slowly sort of crawl all out being they're like being born and they and they both splot onto the ground. Two meat men guns. When fire, a meat man is born.

I love how that's actually written on the meat.

Well, it's what it doesn't it. And so there are now two meat men in front of you. And I realized I got a role initiative for the meat men. The last one wasn't alive for long enough to have an initiative role. This will be the general meatman initiative role.

Ten. So if they survive, you better watch out, which they won't. They won't.

Stigma animal monstrosity is rotating round towards you, towards me, towards you.

It's love, that's your smell.

Oh you see it has this lovely long nose that's sort of it's, you know, like a snake, but at the end is a nose off its body and.

It comes around crack.

Does force have a turn?

And as you say that, Sigma.

Just slightly slower than you, ironically because you were still determined, Force comes through the forest behind you, hovering there and goes my leash. What do you need me to do? I see there are enemies in front of us. Would you like me to engage combat mode? I think, where do you do? You have a combat mode?

But I don't know. I can see.

I was going to tell you to try and get me out of here, but.

Oh, do you want to fight? Well, let's let's take a look.

Fucking gatlings.

Just well, I've done a self let me do a self analysis, real quick.

Analysis loading. Wait time ten minutes. You have canceled the analysis.

Oh this just like this trunk is like sniffing around craigs. I'm like, yeah, perhaps you could just let me get on your back and we we get out of the range of the enemies.

Of course.

Wait, oh, sorry, I have an update. Hey sorry, Before you could do that, you've got to have to restart me.

How do I do that?

I don't you you're the one who built me.

I just upgraded you. Well, I did not build you.

Well, I apparently I have a software update I need to.

Well you can.

I can remind you of it later, Okay.

I remind you later.

Well.

Sorry, First, you have to prove you're not a robot. Like there's a bunch of letters that are slightly wonky. What are these letters?

Who designed this?

Os?

Is this even a language I speak?

It's all in German?

No, No, I'm space German whatever that means space German.

Okay, mm hmm. Right around the capture, Yeah, yeah, you do.

You do the capture, okay, and I guess yeah, you can get on that on the back of him. Okay, But but it's still the animal mostrosities turn and his nose sniffs you out, and you hear a deep rumbling from his being, and he cruels towards you and opens its jaws wide.

But not that wide.

Father, It's not going to swallow your entire body, any part of it.

Yeah, yeah, just being bitter. You're not being swallowed. I want to stress, holy ship. Just a bite, just a bite.

And he slams down with his teeth.

Yeah, fifteen hits, all right, seven damage as he chumps your liking body.

I was really enjoying not taking any damages coming.

No Rick plan. You finally arrive.

I'd like to walk into the forest and be like, right, oh.

I like the reason why you will last is because you walked whilst.

Everyone else ran walk into right.

God, I see a classic monstrosity mead Man battle. Haven't had one of theirs in a while. Looking forward to it, right Sigma, fill me in. Who's the bad guy the meat months? Oh yeah, and there's Brenda Briskets over there. You right, okay, you gun put it down. I'd like to cast heat metal targeting one of the guns she's holding.

That's all right, okay, Well, firstly, you're going to have to move a little bit closer to her because she's eighty five feet aways.

Heat metal. The range of that spot anything I can see within.

A range, anything within range, right within range, But it doesn't actually say what the range is on the heat metal spell.

Zane, I got it.

I go.

Sixty feet of it at least range sixty feet Yeah.

Okay, okay, oh you've moved you Okay, You'll have.

To walk into the forest so I'll be able to be close enough to see it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, so you walk into you walk towards her a little bit further right walking around this month meets monstrosity and yes, you can heat metal.

What does she have to do?

She immediately takes two da fire damage when I cast a spell if she is holding it.

Okay, well she is, so roll the two D eight damage.

Okay, that's just.

No.

You just slash space two D eight. There you go, eight damage. She goes, ah, my hand.

She now must succeed on a constitution saving throw or she will drop the object.

Yeah, okay, so she is going to do that. I don't think constitution is very good. It isn't.

She drops the meat gun onto the floor. She does have two, but you take care of one of them.

The meat gun slams onto the ground and you could see a half formed meat man sort of splooging out of it. It's like like a meatman fetus.

I'll do that again in a moment.

You might just need to cover me while we wait for that to kind of, you know, reach out. Apart from that, not much else I can do really, good luck everyone.

At this point, now Crumb will run into the forest a sorry, guys, I'm here.

I am.

I have asthma. It's difficult for me to run.

I totally understand, Crum, It's all right, don't push yourself.

He's also he's so grumbling now because of the voice.

And he looks up and he sees Brenda and he goes, I knew it was you, Brenda, Brenda, why are you fighting us? It's me Crumb from university, remember, And Brenda looks over and go, I don't even know who the fuck you are, and Crumb goes, oh, I was.

You know, we sat next to each other and we both graduated early with honors and nope, it's not regular bow oh okay, right, and he he looks down quite solemnly.

Well, I guess I won't feel bad when I do this, and he pulls out.

His Crumb Crumb slang shot.

So he's got he got a bunch of the algae from the whatever, and he's created a slimy sort of slingshot, you know, based off novena, and he puts in some fruit he picked from Sierra's trees into the slingshot and he aims it towards BRender Brisket, and he's gonna crumb crumb sling shot fire.

The fruit sows through the air. Wow, And it does pretty much Max's damage.

There square in Brenda Brisket's face, smashing her goggles, her glasses, bruising her across the face. She looks bloodied, and dare I say, close to death? My crumb looks over to the Vina you in the distance. You just see that happening, and she shouts over and goes, see it's like you, but smaller.

Good shot crumb. Wow.

Wow, do I could be useful like that? And Divina, it is now your turn.

It is now me pocket now when you're doing the crumb voice, because he's tired.

Incidentally, so you're gonna have to tell me a little bit of a movement thing here. If I'm here, if you're just in front of the meat man, can I then, without opportunity attack move slightly behind the meat men here? Yeah, you just can't disengage from the range of the meat men. You can but around the meat men to get to makes sense. Yeah, Yeah, So I'm gonna I'm gonna slickly dodge between these meat men as they lunge for me. Yeah, sort of like I do want to stay for the record.

Yeah, and say, oh fuck, you are rude to my friend. What Vulinari punch?

Homer class is fifteen you do not hit.

Second Vlinari punch another fourteen fifteen you do not hit.

That's the number again. That's not looking good. Wow, it's unlucky fourteen, guys, it is.

It is unlucky fourteen. How is she dodging these attacks?

Yeah, she's like meat.

You try and she dodges to one side. You see her tools and gadgets on it. She's like taking stuff out of her backpack now and she's getting out a giant meat rifle to create Oh no, you can only imagine.

Does it have a brisket scope? Oh?

I assume that your turn Avenah.

Yeah, Unfortunately she was so she was so filled with rage that it clouded her mind. Yeah, you move like you move like jelly, you move like trifle. But soon you will not move when you get shot by my rifle. Yeah, terrified crag. You're gonna get audible mostrosity.

Okay, I probably won't get hurt if I unlet's say krits.

But probably Well, this one's gonna try.

To bite you.

Okay, yeah, yeah, seven damage. But it is now your turn crack.

All right, you know what I'm just gonna I'm gonna hit this fucking thing, you know, like, okay, work so bad? Please, Okay, I'm gonna swing my great acts.

Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.

A bunch of shit is gonna happen here. Okay, So first of all, I'm using the fire rune.

So yeah, teching, teching, tecking, teching.

Before the bunch of shit happens, can you just roll the damage with a great pick.

Because he's on single digit HP, you kill him anyway.

Oh that's great. I'm using cleave to hit the other one.

Whoa, oh my god.

Oh let me your creature of the melee attack. You can make another melee attack to roll a second creature. You can see within five feet. On a hit, your second target deals damage equal to the weapon without any additional ability model.

Oh wow, so just be the damage of the wall pick, which is so I have to I think I still have to roll a hit, right, yeah, you rolle a hit six anyway, So you swing the wolf pick round?

How are you?

Are you trying to knock out this animals? Also to you kill it?

Ah? Ah man, I do want to have this meat. I do want to tame the meat mammoth. Okay, I'll try to knock it out. I'll just knock it out.

Wow.

Okay, you bring up your warpacker, just smash it down onto the animal monstrosity, cleaving it round to try and hit the other one. It just barely grazes the other one. He doesn't even notice, too focused on wolf. But this animal is now collapses to the ground unconscious.

You will be in my charge when you wake.

Okay, it is now is now the horses turn? What do you want force?

I wanted to get me out of here, get me out of the range of this monstrosity.

Right, so it's going to be a disengage, I guess from the horse I've accidentally deleted him. It looks like that's okay, Yeah, he's gone. Anyway, just pretend he's with you. Do you want to go towards Brenda or okay? Yeah, yeah, so he's he's disengaging with you on his back, and he charges you towards Brenda. What galloping is a strong word. He's hovering very fast.

Given his legs are moving.

No, so it looks like galloping. No, they just stay still.

Oh yeah, he slides.

Yeah, it does bob up us down to simulate sort of galloping, but the legs don't move.

It sort of goes up and down and he goes down.

Is the whole thing that I the reason that I originally tinkered with.

Oh you didn't want to slide?

Oh?

Sorry, however you think something works in Restiges world, It doesn't that way.

Yeah, it feels so good to hover through these wat trees with you sick.

But my lord, I apologize occasionally say your name because it's that you'll use the name in my bag base.

I would prefer that you use my name.

Oh I couldn't. That would be disrespectful to such a high honorable lord as yourself.

You are.

I don't think I meet any of the legal prerequisites to be called the lord you.

Do to me.

If I could weep, I would, but you didn't program me to.

No, I did not know that feat you're away from me actually.

But yes, you were originally able to, and I thought, but.

I understand it, because what is a horse that weeps? A faulty one?

Just yes, I have desired to do one thing, and that is to carry you into battle.

And I shall do that. And you know us you'll need me to turn. I will do that gladly.

I mean this when I when I say this, of course, you are the best sentient vehicle that I've ever.

Written on this planet.

Now I really do understand why you didn't program me to cry. Okay, Spud Russet's going to appear now next to you, Craig, and I don't really think he wants.

You are the chosen one.

You may be able to tame this beast, as I say to the giant like monster that's lording over us and like drooling everywhere the other one to try to attempt to use an animal handling to.

Commos, Oh you can do it, Sun.

I believe in you, and.

I have to do to see my wife again. There he goes. He fucking fails. He gets same as me.

We are the same.

I really wish we would. Pocket's gonna run around.

He's having a good tie with his one thousand degree knife.

That's his pocket noise.

Yeah, pocket rolls great.

Yeah, yeah, I know. He does nine damage, which is less good.

But Sierra now is gonna get into position and she's going to create a bunch of carrots in the air, like magical carrots, and she's going to fire them forwards like a guiding vegetable, a vegetable bolt.

That's all right, yeah yeah.

And will they hit on the wrong thing? Seventeen does hit the monstrosity twenty six damage. She is a wall, She's a war on guys.

She carrot penetrate the animal monstrosity, and now the animal monstrosity is on I would say, like a slither of health, the tiniest amount.

Of health, like barely holding on.

Yeah, Sigma, I mean Siarah, did she did just roll crazy?

Yeah?

That's almost max dam Yeah Sigma, you're on the back of your horse.

Yeah.

Towards Brenda Brusk.

I see that she's pulled out this rifle, which is sort of my main concern because I'm scared of what she's going to do with it.

So I don't want to see what she's going to do with it.

I'm going to attempt from horseback to to fire at her.

Well, actually question, what is your question? You will get snick attacked.

I know obviously Force moved me this far on his turn. Yeah, I assume that I can't. I can use my own movement, but.

I can't like have him get no, no no no.

Then I wonder from here because I can only attack once with my blaster, but if I use my clause.

I can attack twice.

Oh very yeah, so I'm going I.

Want to do that.

So I'm going to like leap off the face, close, close the rest of the distance, like the twenty feet or whatever.

Yeah, myself towards Brenda.

I'm going to make a claw attack with my with my liking clause. I critically fail.

She turns around to you and says, oh.

For a second, I was very frightened, But it seems you attacked like a sickly lichen.

Man. You can't kill her, can you?

Nobody can hit her.

She doesn't even have that, Like.

I've done damage by making a drop her gun.

Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna I'm gonna.

Yeah, I'm gonna use my claw maastery to attempt to make another attack.

Go ahead, I swear to God.

If it's going ahead, it's your hof hand claw right, So it doesn't have the.

It's my offend class.

It doesn't have the modifier on the damage. But that's fine damage, That is fine. She only had two HP remaining. So are you killing her or you're knocking her out?

Yes?

You're killing her? Okay, death tell me how?

She start running her mouth so she's gloating.

My other hand comes up and just quickly across her throat.

Oh god, a lot of gurgling. I'm gonna, I'm the take Novena by the shoulder and just turned her around. Yeah, don't look, Nvina.

I'd like to walk up to the girdling girl and grab the rifle from her and there like, are we still? Are we still the rifle?

Does? Yea?

The animal trust still up? So the two meat men.

Did they disappear? Are we still in combat? Yeah, we're still in comba. But bread of Brisket, she was a for in death. My name was Brenda Brisket and even.

And she never gets to finish her all right?

Oh well yeah, well that's you guys, Sigma. I thought it's something really sick on your one offhand claw. You should just like have d E a t H on your nails. As you just like scraights like that would be cool.

Yeah, well, Sigma bad needs for you. The meat men are up.

Oh no, and they come and they go, I don't think you can.

You can't hold our mother can take a bit of meat.

They killed your you killed their mom.

You don't care what I now. It's time for you to get meated.

I don't threatening.

Oh they did to damage?

How about that motherfucker took.

From his meat what once his armor class? I might be able to reduce the attack.

He I mean you is actually very low.

I will say, yeah you can if you want to.

It's damage.

I could stop you from taking two damage.

You you could draw the fabia from me to question my captain's progative.

You want the two damage, that's fine.

There is a second meat man coming, and you don't know, maybe he'll do more.

Yeah no he didn't.

He the second one, missus.

Yeah, it'd be fun. One has a D four, the other one is a D twenty. Is there?

It still rolls one somehow?

It still rolls one about? Yeah? They so you okay, I'm fine, captain. I was worried.

They're sort of at your knee height slapping you with their meat sort of just slapping it against you.

My each meat meat is that's what they sound.

Like, Sigma getting meat sloppy. What are we doing?

Yeah? Sorry, I'm very sick. Please forgive me.

Very sick. That's the way you said that. I'm just the level of like trying. Sorry.

Oh okay, sorry, it's gonna get slabbed by a meat monstrosity. He does, he gets slammed for rick planning. Is your turn? There are two meat men by Sigma, but right behind you is a very weak meat monstrosity, one that looks seconds away from dying.

Should have stayed outside the forest. You guys have pretty much dealt with all of this. Right, let's see what we've got. I want that rifle whenever she just dropped, I want that rifle. Can we all agree that I'm okay taking that rifle?

Boss?

The rifles on the ground, that's that's It's belong to anybody that picks it up.

Now, fantastic, right, I'll turn around, you massive meat monstrosity. I'll just give up and die right now. Please, I'm about to cast vicious mockeration. Yeah I think yeah, it must succeed a wisdom saving throw or take one D six psychic damage today.

Yeah, he definitely fails do the decent excellent damage for me. Please this does have a small tons of night killed him, so he and.

He explodes all over you.

Oh god, Yeah, I'm going to say this about the meat Montrosity. Inside the meat months Atrosity is like a normal animal, like a zebra that sort of just also explodes like a like a russianistic dog. These layers of animals, because what's the zebra explodes?

Oh, there's a cat, and then it's like a giddy.

Pig, and it's then it's like a rat, and then like a fly and exploding one after another.

I look at the one I knocked out, like, is that the same thing for this one? You can only assume, Uh, maybe it's different.

I don't know. I'm not really an animal expert.

Anyway, Well that's dead. I'd like to walk over to the rifle and and pick that up.

Yeah, it technically is, but I'm just gonna love to do it because the only thing left of the meat men and I.

Do you need a hand with the meat man? Or are you okay that I have befied.

Navina deal with the meat men?

Okay?

It would be Crumb's turned, but just Crumb goes Navina, can you deal with those meat men?

I have to reload. I will handle the neat Yeah, that hits, and do the other one. Listen, that also hits.

I want to state for the record that they have an ARMA class of one and an HP of one.

So she takes one like because they're like next to her currently both on either side.

Just one arm up, boom boom or boom, and now the combat is over.

Two things are going to happen immediately.

It was scary. Friends. Luckily we are vegetarians.

The rhyme.

Yeah, thank you Wow.

Procket's going to walk over to the animal monstrosity that that you knock unconscious Crag and Pocket goes, all.

Right, you want me to kill his one?

No, it shall be the mighty Steed of Spud Russet, for he is the cross carr.

Pocket's then going to look over to Rick Plan and go Cabdin. I think Cragg wants to try and tame this untamable beast. I can just put it out of its miseryview.

I mean, the.

Pocket, you don't know that it's untamable. Sierra goes, there's a thing that we learned in university called the scientific method. See what you gotta do is you got to test your hypothesis over and over again.

Rocket.

I appreciate the fact that you've got a thousand degree glowing knife and your hand rubb. Now I have to say, my personal point of view, that's remarkably cool. But consider this pocket I okay, considering how interesting do you think he would be to watch Crag attempts to tame that beast? I mean, you can always kill it afterwards, but might be entertaining to watch.

That's a really good point, Rick, I didn't know you had the same sense of humor as me.

Well, it's not every day you're going to get a chance to watch a Nashcar attempt to tame a meat beast.

That's why you're the cats in.

Rick, have a look at this rifle.

Okay, you look at the rifle. You can't really decay. I mean, besides using it, you don't really know what it does.

I think the best thing to do is to not use this until a moment would call for it, then use it and really hope it does what I think it's going to do.

That's perfect.

Make sure you put briskets rifle into your inventory as you don't forget about it, right, Oh boy, would.

You search the rest of prendice things?

It's very bloody, Yes, of course, I'll see what else she has on her Yeah, she has a variety of items, but they're mostly just ways to prepare food, like cookery stuff.

She also has her diplomas, like her PhDs, just to like prove that she has it all the time.

You know what, of course, and it has a name when it I assume, oh.

Yeah, and you know it says valedictorian. That's the American thing, right where it's.

Like whatever, yeah, number one in your class.

Yeah, yeah, it's like number one in the class.

And Crumb looks over and he's like, oh, I only got this and it just has number two in his class.

Crumb. Yes, you're given some time.

I'm sure I could edit these documents to seem a lot more impressive for you.

Well, I appreciate that, but if I'm going to become the world's greatest the universe is greatest food scientist, I want to do it on my own merits.

I don't want to do it through forgery and trickery.

Listen, you shot her in the face for like twelve damage. I think that is your own merit.

Yeah, and to be fair, sigma technically by default. Now I am the greatest food scientist of that class. Very true, it was a class of two.

I started to get that impression.

Yeah, oh you did so well, crumb.

Thanks Navina? How did you did you do it? Sorry? I feel like I I'm so hot right now?

Sorry, I don't is that you or is that cre flirting?

This is not the time nor the place. Open a window, turn on the do something.

I was in this little room. I have never been this hot before, running d and.

D oh my god, get a fan.

Sure, I order one right now. I'm sure it all right, I'm a single fan. Okay, Well I have millions taken. No. Yeah, Navina, how did you You did a really good job against those the way you slapped that meat?

Oh?

Thank you?

Yeah? Did you see that?

Did you see the way that I did, the the way.

I stressed work? It worked so well that you designed that off me.

Yeah, because I saw the way that you you were stretched out by krag and I was able to, you know, create my chrome chrume catapult and I filled out with fruit and I have these little fairy cakes I want to put into it as well that I've been baking.

And oh and the remains of these meat men.

I can make it a little like like meat, like awfully meatballs and also put them in there as well.

And I could just different types of pellets.

It's so versatile.

I know, I just I never really thought about using food as weaponry outside of making it sentient. But you know, you've showed me.

You showed me there's there's more to this world than just burgers and fries.

It's very true.

Yeah, you know, well, yeah, he sort of just sort of looks around.

Yeah, looks around a little bit.

Well, I was very messy and very lovely. But we need to make haste.

We still have a little bit of a travel to get to the slaughter fort itself.

You Rick, do you agree or.

Absolutely to continue moving on.

I was actually going to interject after you said that lovely line there's more to this world and burgers and fries. I was going to say he's quite romantic when he tries, because I just wanted to feel involved in everything.

Sigma.

Also what you did with that throat thing earlier. If they continue talking, can you do that to me as well. Yes, thank you, Right, Okay, I've got a rifle. I'd like to pick up the two meat pistols as well. But anyone like these or am I okay taking them?

Siera's going to look at you and go, You're not going to use them, are you?

Not? Unless the situation calls for it.

I think it's very morally wrong to do so, to create life to something with his purpose is to fight and die.

I agree, But I believe it's more morally wrong for me to die. So if I'm going to have a choice between doing that and firing these, I'm going to fire these. It'll be a last case scenario, don't you worry.

They are more important things I need to put my enerity towards. But just know that there's a pop up.

On your screen right now that says Sierra dislike that.

Absolutely, store them somewhere, Grab the rifle, right. How's your whole taming thing going?

Oh yeah, actually, boss, I was going to ask you about that. See, I was gonna, like you try to wake this up, and I was wondering if you had some kind of magic rick, human power that could, like, you know, make it listen to us a little bit more iconicact.

I can try and do that for you. I can attempt to potentially convince it to listen to you. But there's two things that you need to understand with that. One, as soon as that magic wears off, it's going to dislike me. And two, No, this is a huge responsibility. Are you going to take it out for walks? Are you going to clean up after it? It's not I have I have my own my own pet, Magma mammoth back home. His name is Spud actually weirdly enough, and.

That is weird.

It's very odd.

So you know how to take care of it, and you understand the responsibility that you'll be taking on.

Wait, so I will not be You said you're you've left it at home, which I think is one O one. You're not taking care of it.

I have parents and an older sister and her husband that are currently taking after it.

I do not abandon my pets, Crag. You might need to understand it. When we get back to Sassy the Ship. You may need to abandon this pet.

Well, you know how about I wasn't at you use like magic or something. I thought you're just have a way with words, boss, I thought you could maybe calm it down that way. And if it wants to run off and just live in the wild meat yonder, that's that's its own decision.

As long as you understand Crag that if you truly do love something, you sometimes have to let it go into the meat forest.

That's okay.

I'm gonna try to wake up and we'll see if this works. And if it doesn't work, Spud, we'll have to find you another mount somewhere.

Okay.

So what I'll do is I'll be right behind you and i'll support you if needed. But I have faith that you can do this, and you do not need any input from me. I'd like to give him bodic inspiration.

I'm very inspired by that.

Yes, okay, the animal monstrousity up.

Can I just wake it up? Or you want me to do a check for that?

You can wake it up. So I'm gonna wake it up. His eyes slowly open up.

I'm gonna look at it.

Like four tusks are sort of bristling. He looks over.

I get in a position that is very non threatening, right, okay, and I just I just like listen, It's okay, You're gonna be all.

Right, right, Crag, this is your only chance.

You have an advantage because of your thing, and Rick plan is giving you the extra D six.

So Rick, can you row me to D six now? Yes, so we know straight away. I also have that's two. But I also have tactical mind. If I fail in ability check, I can roll a D ten for a second win.

Use shit. So this might actually I might be getting a mammoth today.

Oh my god, you critically hits your autible handling check.

Calm, this is fuck bad. This It is alright, gentle beast. I am Crag, son of Kronk. This is Spuds, son of actually Spud. Who's your father?

My dad? Sorry, I'm just dad, my son of my dad. No, I'm thinking about my wife.

He could be in trouble right now and we're just standing around monsters.

I will pick up Spud and set him on top of the meat abomination as his royal steed. Oh god, okay, it with like a twenty. That's a dirty twenty with the inspiration. I don't know if that'll work.

Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, you know, I mean okay, okay. An animal handling check does not completely tame it.

It just makes it non aggressive towards you. Yes, holy shit.

So he's looking at you now, and he's like, and Spud is sort of sitting on top of it. And it doesn't like that because there's no easy place for Spud to sit, because he's like sitting on an eyeball, or like a shark fin randomly, or like there's like half for camel hump here, you know. So he's like, I don't you know, I think sput is going to jump off quite quickly.

That's fair, that's fair, Okay, looking at You'll see if we can make that work, and want to come with me. I rip off some meat from a nearby tree and present it to the animal, and like, would you like to journey with us?

He sniffs the meat and his giant mouth opens up and and takes it in his mouth.

Ah, that's adorable.

And and he sort of looks up at you with his eleven big eyes and he looks over and you can see in the distance now three little tiny meat monstrosities.

Oh it's a dam, And he looks up at you.

They can journey with us. We'll all be one big, happy family.

I see what you're trying. I see what you're trying to do. And I think it's that fired, because that was just.

He's shaking his head.

Okay, many heads. You have your children, you have your life.

Just stay away from the dangers that are about to befall your land.

Be safe.

And he nods his head, and I will say, because of the crit because of everything, you have befriended this monster. For if you travel through the slaughter forests again in the future, no harm shall come to you. For the beast of this forest know you as an ally and not a foe. Beautiful and he walks off.

There's a beautiful moment where it walks away in the sunset, and I'm just, oh.

Right, I'm glad we made an ally. I have to admit that I admire your approach of taming the beast, whereas I just effectively told one to die.

Yeah, sorry that we couldn't get you a loyal mount. One day we shall.

Pocket runs over to the corpse and starts shoving slabs of the mystery meat into his bag, into into his pockets. This could sound really good, you know, off planets where they don't know what it is. I could you know, And Sierra says, we should fucking go.

I am so on your side here.

You know what, maybe now that it's definitely safe because of the monster, we should camp here for the night in order to replenish all of our supplies.

You know what, Rick, Boss, that actually sounds like a good idea because I am kind of hurt right now.

As well with the family you've just befriended.

Crame, I wouldn't say, nobody had to be honest with you.

How late is it in the Yeah, well apparently sunset now according to Teching, So probably you guys regardless of the time, and you guys will have to camp out before you get to the slaughter forges. You will have to long rest at some point.

Because a better time to do it. Now we have befriended the forest monster.

So you you'll travel for as long as you can until you can find a suitable place to rest for the night. I assume you guys now know how to make camp pretty well. You've done it a few times.

Now.

You can set up your you can make a place in the camp.

Sierra's brought her own like glamping set that she sets out. It's like really nice and she goes, nobody come in here whilst I'm sleeping Okay.

Well, of course not, that's your personal space. I would never you.

Know, before you guys do actually sleep, you guys, can I assume we'll have a moment where you can sit around sort of the campfire and kind of just like enjoy eating some food and chilling out.

Can we that's the question.

Yeah, well you have enough that you you have your level is enough that you could eat something. And Sierra is gonna publicly make some terrible food for you guys so that you can still eat.

Thank you. This is brilliant trash shd. It's incredible. Can we see other people's food level?

Uh? It's cars Yeah, it's all it's all the cards, right, So yes, you can.

I just I wanted to know if we could, if we can know Sierra's food level?

Yeah, So who do you want to ask her? Because you don't see.

If it's not like something that we can just see obviously, if it's just on that card, then then I'll be like that. So Sierra, I was curious, as one of the warlords, as the grand chef, what what is your food level?

How has this war affected you?

She looks over. Ah, but you'll see I don't I don't have one.

Ah.

I mean, I was part of the group that set up the system we'll begin with, and we didn't give them to ourselves.

I see.

Now that that makes sense. That makes sense. You know you are being a leader above.

Trust me, listen, trust me. It was the only way that we could maintain peace between the war we had. It was a powder keg about to explode. We all came together. We decided to create this system into which neutrality can be kept. You know, we didn't want random revolts popping up all over the place, splintering our kingdoms even more. It is yes, you may seem it may seem immoral to you, obviously, but like the people who you know, unfortunately it's gone a bit hay wire at

I agree.

In that case, you should probably have it yourself. If it is that time.

No no, no, no, no no no no, no no no, I see what you're trying to do here, Rick, and listen. I'm all for you modifying the system. We I am not here to say it is the be all end or we are going to go to the machine putting all of the cards and we're going to change it so that only people can eat non animal products, but we will remove the level system completely. I'm happy. I'm happy with that. So we're not enemies here. We've already agreed to this.

Yes, no, no, no, we're we're not enemies. We're not enemies. We might I hope you understand. So I'm whispering you may end up enemies with her. Yes, no, I understand that, because right now she's a very strong ally.

Oh absolutely, yes, very strong ally. I mean I actually.

Definitely seems the least evil of these guys.

Oh yeah, absolutely, that like the least evil. Like it's a low bar, the bars on the borrowing under it slowly, but definitely least evil.

Mm hmm.

But We're going to get rid of this and the planet's going to go back to everyone can eat whatever the hell they want.

Oh, of course, yes, okay, go along, run the van bomble with that.

Okay, right, Uh, Sierra is gonna turn to Novena. Now, well, I guess whilst you two are having that private conversation, Sierra will turn to Novena and go. I have not been outside of Yestoviia for so long. How are the you know, the Velinari planets. Oh, they were prospering when I left.

Are great?

You know? Yes? I was.

I was wondering. I I was whisked away in the midst of all of this. Yeah, quite, in the midst of my training. I I know you have a stronger connection with the flow than I do. Yes, yes, would you mind teaching me some more? Of course, Navina, it would be my honor to do so. See, I, unlike a lot of the other warlords, I did not grow up here on this planet, hu. I came here later

A little bit.

I would be so grateful.

I've been thinking that after this is all over, I could like vacation somewhere somewhere, visit my distant Vulinari planets again, would be nice.

You should you should go to Mariness.

It is.

It is so quaint, but it is, I said, Marion, this sort of rings a bell to me.

Is where ah?

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, that's where they're having that big celebration, the big ah the big execution.

Execution.

Oh yes, yes, I can't quite remember the details, but it's a lot of valinaria A traveling far and wide to go see it because it's one of the you know, it's the first time in a long time that you people are doing a big public execution like that. But you know, yes, I did not think we did those anymore, No, but I guess it is a change of ways. I guess they're doing a big for to really get the great flow. You know, there's push out some of the non believing Velluinari, that sort of thing.

Who is who is being executed?

I can't quite remember the name, but you know what, let me check a I definitely got a news thing about it. Give me she's gonna go into her her glamping tent. Now she's gonna like she comes out with like a one of like one of her little hollow deck things, and she pulls up this like news article and it says it is this terrible criminal, terrible criminal, it is Azarina. She has been arrested for murdering an archbishop,

Mm hmm hm, what what do you excuse me for just a moment?

Oh, yes, of course, of course.

The leader is going to leave and just wander into the forest.

Well I mean yeah, sort of mildly keeping track of where she is, but she's just wandered off.

Holy shit.

Well, I think Crumb will probably notice that and go and we'll run after you and sort of follow you into the forest and go, Navna Narvina, where are you going?

Of course they're going into the forest together.

I mean I think we should let them.

I mean, oh, you're right, crag Love, young Love, we're here for one night.

With it.

You know enjoy.

I'm working on something, but we'll do this first.

Not now, crme. I I think I need to be alone for a while.

Are you Are you sure?

I mean, I listen if you have anything you need to talk about. I'm really happy to. I know I'm not, you know, the greatest conversational list ever, but you you know you've helped talk to me when I feel low I have, you know, and I'm not the easiest to deal with.

And I just I don't need to be alone out here.

Please, just I want to be alone.

Okay. He sort of walks up, but he he puts down a little small gelatine sphere that has a little face on it and says, well, when I'm gone, you could talk to to Slimy here. I made him as a little guy. I thought it'd be a nice little Okay, I'm going to go, and he he turns back to camp.

Bloody hell crime that was first.

Because of that.

Yeah, the Vida is just gonna sort of sit down, bring a knees up to a chest and just start weeping. Oh, just just bawling just as quietly as she can. But she's distraught right now?

Is mean?

All right? Crumb?

I think she just wants to be left alone. Right now, I'm gonna make sense to to my food tent.

All right, Well, the forest is safe, so I think she'll be fine.

Yeah.

Yeah, And Crumb's gonna sort of leave and go into his tent. All right, Craig, what did you want to do? How many knives can I make it?

Once?

I don't I don't even know. I'm just I am just I want to make sure everybody's armed.

Well, so I was just gonna take this time to make some obsidian knives and give them to people.

I mean, I don't know how many I can make it.

Just off your body, yeah, I mean rich, They're not even that strong. You can just rip off time.

Yeah, but just hey one, hey, everybody can Okay, everybody gets it upsidian knife.

I give one to Crumb.

M right, Crumb's already gone, so but I throw I throw it at it and you can see him sort of half naked, like getting it through his pajamas.

Now that now that's a sharp knife. I know that one worked.

Well, oh my days.

Okay, okay, okay, okay, all right, everybody's got an obsidian knife, including Spud and Crumb and anybody else that needs I don't know.

Those might come in handy. You never know. I'll keep up Nevina's on me for when she comes.

Anything else that you guys want to do before you guys sleep for the night.

I would like to have a look at I've got the meat rifle. I don't know what it does yet, but I'd like to have a look at one of the meat pistols. No, I know this just fus a splurge of meat out of the end, But is the any way that I could start the process of converting this to fire shards of crag?

That's really interesting? Will I do want to say that you do also have another normal gun?

Yes, I've got the Globo Bites blaster, which also doubles up as a condoment a casual must have done.

You would find it'd be a lot easier to convert that because that actually has to be pulsion. The Meatman gun doesn't fire. It like they don't shoot out, they crawl out. It creates life.

In that case, would I be able to take one of the meat men guns, just assemble it to the best of my ability and use the bits from it to improve the Globo bites burger gun.

Probably in order to I'm going to be honest with pulsion. The best of your ability is not very high. But I think Sigma could do that.

Sigma, I've had a nis away. I'd like to try.

It.

He's just impale straight through the hand. You have a knife. You have a knife.

You have a knife. I want to fire shards of that knife out of this gun, and improve the ability to do it by taking apart this gun. However, I think you probably know a bit more about the tag behind it than I do. If I leave this with you, would you be able to possibly improve this gun?

I mean none of none of the guns that I've disassembled in the past have been made of meat, But I mean, how different can it be?

You know, I can give it a try.

That's what I was thinking. Thank you very much. I'll know you are further. I'd like to hand my guns over to him.

At this point, will go wait second, Sorry, I was doing my own thing.

I wasn't paying attention.

He comes storming over the meat gun.

There you go.

Oh wait, this is a competition. Yes, which of us can make improve this gun better?

Oh? Yes? Do you wait?

That's exactly what I was going for Pocket, you are one step ahead of us.

As always, I'm gonna make it.

So good, it will be the best. It will be the greatest gun you ever busied, terrifying.

I do have to stress that I know that you probably could improve the Globo bites burger gun that I've just given you by taking the parts of the meat gun. But I am now actually a little bit scared of what kind of gun Pocket's going to give me back. Yes, I don't know what you've just started. He's going to do what I believe. What I've started is what we used to call back on Earth and arms race. Now they normally don't.

Earth. We don't know if that exists back.

On Panjae at the World Chap, This start what we're calling arms race, where slowly things will escalate, and what we just kind of hope is that it stops at some point.

Mm hmm, Well, he goes crossed.

Maybe maybe something good comes of all this, all right, Maybe Sierra's gone back into her head, as she says again, please, nobody can we do here?

Whis they am sleeping? So nobody is planning to good?

We do not invade each other's personal space.

Okay, I don't know, you guys, I just don't know. Okay, I'm just making sure. You just do a knife at christ thing and nobody Okay. She goes inside, okay, well and pockets heads her hard. It goes.

We gotta go inside there, right, boundaries, pocket respect all right? Now have this knife?

Oh yes, I need that hmm.

And he's okay, he's working away into the night. Okay, I guess everyone's sleeping now. Yep, Navina will come back at some point. She's been visibly visibly crying.

But after everybody else is asleep. Yeah, okay.

And then I will say that the stigma would not have gone to bed until Navena returned. I would have approached her when she comes back.

He just would have kind of been like a semi watch things.

Yes, but he's not going to approach her about it. Yeah, he just wanted to make sure she was back.

Okay.

So you sort of give her a nod, and then everyone goes to rest, and the morning comes and everyone gets up and you guys continue your journey. What a wonderful morning.

Man.

You know, I didn't think the entire forest would be meat, but yeah, the entire forest is meat.

Isn't it disgusting? It makes me.

I know, I mean, I don't really have normal I don't. I don't have like gooey's skin like you all do. And even I'm starting to feel it in my cracks. It's a little bit weird.

Yeah, I mean, look, I'm I'm liking we like to eat a lot of meat typically, but this is really gross.

This is probably like matting in your fur and everything. It's probably like, yeah, I.

Need to wash.

So many pop ups on your screen. Sigma of Sierra dislike that. Sierra dislike that sire Like it's just like in the sims with the minus and then.

Yeah, it's like a perpetual frowny face over Sierra, like every time you look at.

Her, and Pocket looks over and sees these pop ups and then goes, I love a good carrot.

And then Sierra gets against the plus seids.

Just to clarify, I'm from a planet that has no native wildlife. We do not hunt and kill. It's manufactured meat.

Oh okay, that makes sense. Then and plus plus plus plus.

And I just eat rocks, m all right.

So you guys, all right, Eventually you guys leave the slaughter forests and you enter the domain of the Slaughter Forge itself. Ahead of you you see what looks like a giant volcano oven type and the city of the Slaughter Forge. But importantly importantly to the left you see a horde of candy Knights charging to war towards the city. But behind the sort of fifteen or so candy nights you see hundreds of what looks to be civilians with weaponry and makeshift armor, also charging like raised levies.

Oh look at that.

Over there, galloping towards you. It's not a rebellion.

Galloping towards you on a robotic horse much like your owns. Is a candy knight. And he's come towards you as he because he's just spotted you, guys. Come out, and he's been waiting for you guys, and he comes up. He goes, oh, rolo, sir bo. But you can call me Harry. It's a pleasure to make your own credence. I am here on behalf of Queen Marleseypan.

Okay, soudle.

She did warn me that you guys do that. But don't worry be rude. I will until you huddle, all right, in the huddle, what.

Are we doing, boss, So uh, it seems to some kind of civil war, a rebellion going on. Marsapan is attacking the slaughter forgers, which I still think could just be laughter forgers with an S in front of it. We haven't these people yet. How How involved do we want to get on this?

Well?

I think perhaps we have. This is perhaps a preemptive huddle, Captain. We don't actually know what this guy is coming over to see exactly. This could be a party. They could all be getting together for a huge, big party. Maybe it's a pinata party.

Do you want us to go to a party?

No?

You guys called our queen and told us to send men to attack Rack.

Did we do that? Don't worry? I know that.

Okay, let's just have to get through this part first. Yeah, you've gotta you've got to remind your captain also said that's something that you guys have to do.

So yes, absolutely, it's it's the part of checks and balances to make sure the winn are rolling the right thing.

Did we did we do that?

So? Did we actually do yes? Yeah, we we called her.

Oh okay, once we made the alliance with Sierra, we asked her to send troops to the slaughter forges to Oh, actually we could, yes, so we could sneak in during the during the confusion, just so, and then we could assassinate their leader.

Well, this seems to be exactly working in our favor of this war.

All right, everything's got which is all going to plan so far.

Then, so we're going to be fighting with the Candy Knights.

No, hopefully they're going to be doing that thing.

I mean, we're on their side, but like we'll be sneaking around getting into the thing while that fight's going on.

I'm pretty good at sneaking around. I think I got this will be all right.

Yeah, the point of the distraction was so we don't have to deal with the bulk of their forces.

Yeah, that makes sense. So should we see what Sir Bo has to say? Yeah, both get in the huddle. Oh oh oh, I got to join a huddle. If you should be you should be proud. This is a very high honor. Get in here, right, Bill said.

What's going on?

So after you called the Queen, she made the announcements to the Knights that we will go attack Rack. But all of the men and women of the Candy Kingdom wanted revenge for the the slaughter of our king by Rock.

Which which Wrack is responsible for.

Ye, because yes, yes, so and and and therefore they took off arms of all of the we we raised the levees.

These are men without military training. We gave them a bit on the way, but we have the numbers. Yes, we lost many men to the gingerbread dragon, as you know.

Oh yeah, that thing.

These are warriors in spirit and heart, if not at phazekee, and they're here for revenge.

The death of the king has rallied these troops to fight more fervently than they would do before.

Oh, I can't believe do something like that?

Why why? Just out of curiosity? Why why? Why don't you think Rack would have done something like that? What's he like as a as a being?

Oh no, I think he's I think he's an asshole. But to kill a king that's insane. Who would ever allow that to happen?

I can't believe anyone, really, I.

Can't drawing him back. He deserves to be sweet crucified, and he does.

Okay, But just to just to clarify, your troops are going to fight extra fervently because they're fighting in memory of the king which hang him.

By candy rope.

All right, well that's not your but yes, of course this is to give your squad the opportunity to get inside there and fight him whilst he's undefended.

His brothers a dead. Yeah, we have gathered.

Yeah, okay, quick, quick, smaller huddle within the huddle without you, sub huddle team, I think at this point. But if we do reach Rack, killing him might be a mercy.

Yeah, this planet faster.

Yeah, it's gonna be rough if we have to fight him. Let me just say the weakness of all Ashcar. I'm sharing this with you. This is very very important. Do not tell anyone else this. If you hit us really hard in the head, we die. You share the same weakness as humans. Really, you are the same. If you hit us really hard in the head, we die as well. But it has to be really really hard, like to the point you have no head anymore. That's all like, no, well we'll die way before that.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, the principle is the same, exactly excellently. Yes, okay, okay, so did I mess it up?

Rustitch? I saw you were a vac It's.

Just so funny at this moment, though, huddle team coming from the a different direction is a different force of people engaging with Rax army. It is a horde of Chip soldiers.

A couple of Burger tanks as well is and you have somebody who's coming up now in what looks like like a delivery van.

He's driving up to us, to you guys.

Yeah, it has glober Bites Burger on the side of it. And it stops and and a man gets out, and he's a large man, and he's got like the Chip uniform on and a big thing that says large fry.

And he goes, where's one of y'all's rick plan.

Oh that's right here. I hold them up. I didn't mean that like that.

I bet it.

We're just like Herius. Yeah, just lift here.

We have lost connection with you back there a little bit, but we have our sources. It seems like you're doing good work.

Well, when the chips are down, you've got to do the best work you can.

You stole the words right out of my mouth and my Google document. Uh, Carl Junior has launched a full frontal attack on Grill Master Rack to revenge the savage death of Carl Senior.

I remember that I remember saying that I'm telling you harsh stuff, horrible stuff. You were there, all right, Yes, I was hoping I wasn't going to say that specifically out loud.

But yeah, we really know.

You were innocent. We already went through all that.

That makes me feel a lot better about this groud situation.

Yeah, don't worry, don't worry. My name's Wedge. By the way, it's nice to me.

Wedge close to media. Wedge. I'd like to shake his hand.

Yeah, he shakes your hand. It's nice and greasy.

Haven't sorry, I haven't washed my hands in a wild Wedge. He looks over to see his chrome. He goes, is that chromehurious?

Oh god?

Sorry, that was real, But actually it is how I would react when I see that little stick. Wow, I thought you died.

I'll be honest. I didn't think these lots would take you in, did he? Is he like trick at you or something?

Crumb Guy actually is, as as of right now, the greatest food scientist in his class.

Living spot has proven himself not Spud Crunk.

Oh spun.

Here too, man, I thought you died as well, And SPoD goes, hey, Wedge, what's up?

Hey?

Man?

Whoa.

Actually, well I could pick Spot up and was like, no, my wife is in no wedge, Mirinda is in there. I need to save her. Oh fine, well we're gonna we're We're attacking grill Master Rack on the right flank, and it looks like that sweet Army is doing it on the left. That gives you a wide open berth straight down the middle to take care of things. Oh and one more thing, Spork is dead.

And oh okay, who was Spok? That's what I was here, That's what I was saying. He's one of the other warlords. Kaiser, Sierra Racks Bork and oh so that problem is kind of took care of itself, all right.

So wait, wait, wait, wait wait is this the final battle because this feels kind of like final battle energy.

A little bit this.

Well, we have obviously Carl support, and we have Sierra, we have Kaiser's card, and once we take Racks, we'll just need Sporks and then we'll all be together.

It was a friendly alliance.

Spork is dead, Kyle Junior has taken his card.

Right, so it's fine.

Ally, Spork has no troops remaining, most of them blew up one of his strongest men was found dead in a syrup mote.

That could have happened. Ah.

Yeah, well, by the way, that thing is a hazard, you should probably like get rid.

Of that thing.

Should have been like a fend or something.

There should be a lot of protections against that.

Harry. Harry bo goes, oh, but did it seems to have proven useful, has it not?

Hah?

Absolutely, someone's died, and now all we need to go kill Rack, grab the card from him, get the other card from Carl Junior, and then we should be able to find the machine with the help of this lady whose name has forgotten, and then we can get off the planet.

And Spud gets to be reunited with his wife.

That's Wedge is going to hand you a fucking telephone, an.

Actual telephone and rotary telephone.

Where's a Global bites branded smartphone and hands it to you, Rick Plan And so it only works on this planet because of the satellites on this planet, of course, And he hands it to you Rick Plan and goes, all right, Rick, once this is all over, Carl will bring you on that here device and he and he will meet you and tell your directions to the machine Machine.

The machine excellent, right cool.

All right, thank you of course, And you know what they say when the chips are down and he puts his chip helmets back on, he gets back in his truck and he puts down the gear stick. He slams down on the pedal and.

He roars off towards the grill Master racks terrain and he's riding through armies.

I salute him as the sun sets.

Yeah outside the window with like a fucking gatling gun.

He's like a.

Lighting people up and yeah, war is happening.

Okay, well, while sir boys here, can I say something to him before he rides off to join his own army?

Yeah? Yes, so, Harry Bow you.

You have done a fine job mustering all of these these civilians to help fight. But like you said, they're not warriors, correct.

A lot of them are. But they are strong willed and they have sweet blood.

I understand that.

But we, I think as a group already have enough civilian blood in our hands. If just remember that defeating Rex Army is not really the goal here. Once we kill their leader, they should surrender, So then you must be quick then get in there and take care of him. We all do just be careful, you know, pull your truce back if you need to try and be as much of a destruction as we can.

I'm a knight, not a general, my friend.

But well, I don't know how your army works, but it was.

It's good to work with you, guys. It's good to have allies in this world. And you get the snake on it, but it's like, sorry.

What was that snake?

Yeah, that's a trail.

The game.

This is the most incredible game ever. I have never played a video game before.

You have games on your phone, I like.

Touch it once and it shatters into a million pieces. You do. Don't do that?

No, I know, I don't, but I don't know if my rock fingers will be detected by the touch pad.

I don't know.

Yeah, you have to use a phone gel.

An ashcr phone glove for.

This, specificly, fleshy hand glove that goes over your rockie.

It doesn't have to be fleshed touch section meat would Well, you can probably make a meat glove.

The snake gets longer whenever you eat the little things. When you press the buttons to make it turn.

Off and write, it gets scratched up with me gooied up with Navena uses it, I get.

Do with the destruction. She's gonna helping Snake. Yeah, yeah, I mean I get very good, Captain. Yes, I believe that the diamonds of the essence we should probably begin the assault. Absolutely.

I also wanted to pass that phone across to both Crag and Avina because I believe it might be an exclosive device, and I don't entirely trust that what we've been given. We have communicators they could have used, so they have no idea what.

You're talking about. That's kind of a little bit paranoid, boss, But whatever. By the way, I am playing Snake right now, so.

Later on I want to have a check of that.

I thought by giving it to Crag first, you might break it and the will blow up in his hand and not hurt him, and Ravena might hopefully cover it in some kind of goo.

Are you worried that this small device that this new NBC has given you could be a bomb of some kind?

Absolutely, because that's the entire experiences that we've had with small devices being given.

Understandable. I feel that then pocket.

No no, no, no, no, no, no, listen.

If I know one thing about Russ them. He would never have a communication device handed to an NPC be an explosive.

Yeah, it's just something I would never do.

Yeah, and I don't know who Rustage is, but I've been giving this little specific phone a man in a van who then drove off with a mini gun out the window. So we're going to keep close eye on this and the phone back place.

Also, I'm not sure about a lot of things, but that volcano over there, that's probably where Rack is.

Yes, okay, makes a good point, you guys.

All right, venture forth as the armies are being distracted by the large ship army, by the large Candy Knight army.

Okay, are we storming or are we just let leisurely walking like we're you know, probably trying and sneak in through through the battlements. Well, it's because there's an army on the left and an army on the right.

This kind of there's a little bit of yeah, yeah, because like because we also have to keep in mind that grow Master Rack has been sending a lot of men out right. He's been quite aggressive, So you didn't even have that much to begin with at home, and now they're being fully distracted by armies. So yes, and you're a small squadron, so you kind of go underneath.

The radar here.

And you, guys, I guess one of you rides the rest of you walk. Yeah, I guess Sigma at the at the head.

I would I know I'm riding. I am at the back. Yeah, I'll charge and it's fine. I'll go yeah, all.

Right, and I'll be jogging alongside Sigma.

Okay, all right, I got point. Let's just bulldoze through this and you work.

You work your way through the city until eventually you get to the slaughter Forge itself, the huge building, its mouth opened like a more and it looks like an oven.

Heat is sort of emanating out of it, and that feels like home. Walk inside, and as you walk inside, the ground below you starts to move like one massive conveyor belt.

Okay, that that's a little bit less like home.

And Sierra looks down and goes, fuck I forgot to say, and it's start.

Before you know it, you're sort of being dragged along without mercy by this like this massive metal steel track until it leads you into this massive chamber that stretches open like the more of a colossal furnace below the belts that you're on this convey about is this impossibly deep pit where the bottom is rivers of lava bubbling and spitting out, lighting the entire room in this almost hell like orange is almost unbearable. Almost every breath. You're fine,

Who you know, he's looking out a window.

Right now, but now he turns round is grill master rack and in front of him he has a giant meat ca and attached to the meat cannon is a funnel that goes up to one of the steel cages. That's like slowly sucking through that meat and converting it to meat balls for the meat cannon. That cage is a mixture of animals screaming and people and clinging onto the bars. Near the top of that sort of mass, Spud goes.

My wife, Oh my god, she exists.

Where you thinks he was lying just to get out of it. Yeah. Yeah, the world's grill master. Rack turns to you and says, oh, hello, you've caught me as I was loading my meat cannons. And then he looks at Sierra and goes, oh, hello, love, and Sierra goes, you not call me that, And I think, I think we just roll initiative.

Oh, this is a battle. This is a battle between Ashcar. I denote rock Lock.

And he grins.

It's okay. I got this this time. I got this guy's last time. I was a little nervous. I got this now.

Yeah, And he grins and he says rock Locker.

Rock clock Rack, brother of rock. I start laughing too.

Oh.

We Ashcar so are obsessed with the rocks that were made of We eat rocks, We chew on granite, but we never realized the superiority of flame of meat. And he rips off a piece of his rocky like body, and underneath he has a slab of meat that he's sort of attached to himself. You want to challenge me to a rock lock. I want to challenge you to a food fight.

You have violated the sacred temple of your body. You are no longer ashcar.

On that moment, as the conveyor belt pulls you towards your enemy, we will do.

A tob continued.

Ha.

He ran his fingers along the metal of the helmet, gold polished to a saint smile, caught the colored lights spilled through the stained glass above, and threw it back in soft, gentle hues. Beautiful thing, dangerous too. Most beautiful things were across the chambers at the statue of the Great Prophet Ellssy, serene as ever, untouchable as ever stone fragments hung around her in perfect stillness, like the world

He'd been a.

Child, he told himself, blind in all the wrong ways. The universe was bigger than his grievances, uglier too. There were enemies, they were always enemies. There were velunari that turned the back on the floe, spat in its face, dangerous people, people who needed dealing with. And it was then he thought that maybe he was the man to