Hey, what's up? Hello. Welcome to Sounds Fake But Okay, a podcast where an aro-ace girl, I'm Sarah, that's me. And a bi-emisexual girl, that's me, Kayla. Talk about all things to do with love, relationships, sexuality, and pretty much anything else we just don't understand. On today's episode, same podcast, one year apart, the fifth. Sounds fake, but okay.
The most last episode of the year. What if I just started with that? What if I cut off everything else we just said and it just... And then it just... I think you should. But then also keep this. Perfect. Welcome back to the pod. Hello. Hello. Hi, everyone. You may notice my voice is still a little messed up. Isn't that fun? Let me tell you something.
My voice got messed up during the podcast last week. We recorded it on Friday. It is now the following Wednesday. It's still messed up. It's still messed up. At least it wasn't like, it's not like Sunday. On Sunday, I sounded insane. Podcasting is a dangerous business. They don't tell you about all the injuries that you can get from podcasting. But it does lead to great TikToks. I'm very proud of that TikTok. You did do a good, and I was really proud of my comment on the TikTok.
It was good. I made a TikTok when I had no voice. That was me doing wicked karaoke, except I had no voice. Yeah, it was really bad. So it was just bad. And I said, JoJo Siwa looks different here because Sarah sounded like... when Jojo Siwa is trying to sing, but it's like really raspy and bad.
Yeah. So great stuff all around. I guess if you want to know what my voice would have sounded like if we podcasted on Sunday, boy, howdy, do I have the TikTok for you? Kayla, do we have any housekeeping? Yeah, we do. This is the last one.
not ever just this year just this just this one just this time yeah uh we will be back on whatever day we said we would be back uh sarah stop moving your mouth around your microphone challenge i noticed i did that a lot next last week and i i would hear it move around in my ears when i was editing and i was like i don't like this at all
We're coming back on the 19th. Yeah, the 19th of January is when we'll be back. So look forward to that. Hoping you all have a lovely holiday season. Shall we begin? Yes. Kayla? Yep. What are we talking about this week? This week is our fifth installment of Same Podcast, One Year Apart, a la... the Billie Eilish Vanity Fair interviews we are going to be answering the same questions that we have answered for the past five years so we can I don't know reflect on our growth and
What not? I became and if you're listening to this like in the time it comes out, I think you'll probably like know why I'm saying this. I became very aware this week of our digital footprint and. That if I were to ever commit a crime. Oh, I was like, why? If I were to ever commit a crime, which I haven't, they could really. Kayla has never gone one over the speed limit. No, never.
Never. Never done that. It's because Kayla never drives. I know, it's true. I hate driving. But I was just really became painfully aware that, wow, if people ever really want to... to do a deep dive on our lives they really could oh they really could find out a lot of personal details oh yeah i've just accepted i recently was trying to internet stalk someone that i worked with and i
told him about this because i was trying to figure out what year he was born in because i thought he was older than me like that was the vibe i got but then he said he sent me a picture of an art he did and on it it said 99 and i was like oh was that the year you were born and
And so I was trying to find online what year he was born, but like this dude does not exist on the internet. And so I texted him and I was like, what fucking year were you born in? And he was like, wouldn't you like to know? And I was like, yeah, I fucking would. Yes, I would. And he is still. refused to tell me um i eventually did some like very deep diving and i found a facebook post he made in a group about italy
Because I couldn't find him anywhere else. And I was like, oh, okay, you were born in 1999. That's terrifying. Why did I say this? Oh, but I was like, I was like, I understand that I'm very easy to stalk online. And he was like, yeah, you are. And I was like, yeah, I know. Yeah, it's all right there. It's easy.
If you look up our names, especially mine, because like no one else has my name, like it's all of it. So much shit comes up when you just Google me. And even for you, you like rank highly among the Sarah Costellos now. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. Anyway, let's dirty our digital footprint a bit more. Even more. Well, I mean, Kayla, just don't ever shoot a healthcare CEO. Damn it.
I know. There goes my Saturday. Damn. Okay. Are you ready? Yes. I knew you were. I just asked that because I wanted to take a sip of my pop. It took me like a second to say yes, though. It's not like you. Okay. I'm going to have to edit out all those pauses anyway. I guess. Okay. I just don't quite see the point, but carry on. Question number one. What's your nam? Kayla Marie Kazaka. See, this is not helping with your digital footprint.
I think I've said this last year. Yeah, I know. I'm going to pull up last year. Please do because I will have – because remember how last year I kept being like, well, worse than last year, better than last year. But then I didn't know what I said last year. I'm gonna do- I'm gonna do that again. Okay, hold on. Let me just get past all of our yapping from last year. Okay, Kayla's name is Kayla Marie Casaga. I said this-
Okay, here's what happened last year. I said, you said, what is your name? I said, my name is Kayla Marie Kaska. You said, wow, you're just doxing yourself. So same conversation. And I bet if we went back to the year before that, it would be the same. My name is Sarah. You know my middle name, Costello. Last year you said, my name is Sarah Costello. If you want to find my middle name, it's not that hard to find, but you gotta do the work yourself.
I know I said that last year. That's why I won't. It's my little bit now that I will not say my middle name on this podcast. Well. It's easy to find. It's easy to even guess. Yeah, it is. But I won't say it on this podcast out of spite. Okay. Who am I beefing with? I don't know. Great. What's today's date? It is Wednesday, December 11th, 2024. At 11.27 p.m. Eastern Time. No, it's 8.27 p.m. Pacific Time. Thank you. Okay. And it's 10.27 p.m. Central Time.
And it's 9.27 p.m. Mountain Time, but we're not in either of those time zones. No, that's true. How old are you? 27. And the only reason I answered that so fast is because I was looking at last year's transcript where I said I was 26. Great. Because recently someone asked me how old I was and it took me an extremely long time to answer. I admire how bad you are at knowing how old you are. It's because of COVID. Before then, I was good. But COVID really... Yeah.
I feel like all the late 20s, like 25 to 30s, you're at the same age. Well, I know how old I am because it was my birthday. And it was my Pride and Prejudice birthday. Right, which is important. Yeah. So, will I... Oh, ew, I'm going to be 28 next year. Yeah. You know what's more terrifying? My sister's going to be 29 next year. I think my sister's already 30. I think she is too. She's listening. Are you 30?
Rachel, are you 30? The other day my sister asked me what the age difference between you and your sister was and I guessed. I wasn't sure. It's like two and a half. Yeah, because... The person was like, isn't it similar to you and your sister? And I was like, I think there's an extra. I think there's an extra one in there. Because your sister was a year above us, right? Was Rachel two years above?
Yeah. Okay, I was right then. She was two years above me. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, it's like two-ish years difference. Now I'm doxing my sister. Great. Congrats. Um, how do you identify? Biromantic, demisexual, woman. Woman. Woman. Woman. I identify Arrow Ace, baby.
And I am baby. And you're baby? Mm-hmm. I see. I identify as baby. You're not gonna... no movement on the gender meter this year we gotta check in I have a manifesto we'll get to it later uh oh is it later is there time will I do it later do I have to do it now I'm looking at the list
Okay. I think it might be time now. I think I have to do it now. Damn. I was really hoping to like ramp up to the manifesto. That's really tough, but it is time, I think. Damn it. Okay. It's the yearly gender check-in. Y'all ready for a manifesto? Yeah, I am, because I have no idea what you're about to say. Okay, okay, okay. okay wait i have i want to i want to start this with a question for you okay what do you think my gender is like if i had to assign you a gender what would i assign you
Yeah, like gender assigned by Kayla. Assigned gender by Kayla. Okay, so, okay. Wow. I was not prepared for this question. Are you, like, about to come out? Am I, like, guessing? No, not necessarily, no. Okay. I could see you being agender. I could see you pulling a triple A. I would be like the car people. Or the battery. Very good. Well, right now I'm already a battery. I'm just a bigger battery and I would be a smaller battery. Smaller battery. Yeah.
all right interesting okay here's my thing here's my thing i'm i'm still kind of like whatever but part of me is like should i just put on the internet that my pronouns are she they not because i necessarily want people to they me like i'm fine with it with it you if i'm fine with it youth you do uh-huh i nailed that
Yeah. I'm fine with it if you do, but like I'm also... fine it with being she'd for the rest of my life you know okay um like i don't feel the need to ask people to make a change but the reason why i would be like maybe i should just put that on the internet is because it is a signal to a community that like Hey, I'm sort of existing in this same space as you. Like, you know, do you get, do you understand what I mean by that? I do. I do understand what you mean.
Because like my gender doesn't necessarily feel significantly different than it did a year ago. Yeah. But I also don't want people to look at me and be like, That's a, you know, do you understand? So you don't want people to look at you and say that's a woman? No, I'm fine with that. Okay. See, this is the problem. I cannot describe it very well. I'm just trying to... I guess for me, I'm just wondering about the utility of...
It's not so much that you want someone to they you. It's just you wouldn't mind if they did. Yeah. So to me, I'm wondering about like the utility of like, because like for me, if someone they'd me. I wouldn't be like offended. Yeah. But that doesn't make me feel the need to like add that to my list of pronouns. I think for me, it's that I still have that level of like apathy. Like that, like that.
that level of female gender apathy. And so I feel like adding that pronoun would convey to other people that there's something a little... funky about my experience of gender end of sentence I get that I think I think in a queer community that is easily conveyed. I don't know that you could take that outside of the queer community and have people understand what you're asking for. Right. And I think... there's also part of me that looks at that and is like is that bad like is that
Would that be cosplaying as something I'm not? Sure. Just so I can feel, like, accepted in a particular space. Like, to take on this identity as, like, a bat signal. Rather than like a projection of my inner they. I did have that thought too. It's like, are you taking it on because that's how you want to be? Because that is how you identify or because that's how you want to be seen? And are those connected? Somewhat, yes, but. Am I shooting myself into this corner? You know? I see. Yeah.
um but then i also think like if i'm asking that question isn't that kind of proof that like i do have a place in that space like because like if a person does not have these like interrogative thoughts about their own gender and like what it means and what like to what extent it matters like they're not going to feel compelled to roll up to that space to begin with right um i have more Manifesto, it keeps going. Wow, I'm shocked. Hold on, I gotta scan it. Okay. It's been a while.
Was this written in prep for this episode or are these your general musings? The first thing was written like in the middle of the night in September. Okay. With this episode in mind, knowing that I was going to be asked about it. You were going to be asked your yearly checkup. Yeah. And then I had a follow-up in October that's even longer. Great. Okay. Okay. We're going to fly through this. Okay. Okay, I don't know that calling myself non-binary would feel right or accurate.
Because like I again, as I've said in past years, like I do feel some connection to like the woman of it all. But the woman of it all that I feel that connection to continues to be a social structure and a social construct, not necessarily.
inherent understanding of womanhood and like what it is to be a woman and like i'm not far enough away necessarily that i want to use the term non-binary but i also don't feel that womanhood should be binary or restrictive at all and like isn't that the definition of non-binary
But that's referring to gender as a whole, not necessarily my own presentation of it. But also, is it? This reminds me, and I feel like maybe I've said this before, this reminds me a lot of the concept of being a non-binary lesbian.
of like because it is not a binary you can be non-binary but like towards the feminine end of that spectrum if you know what like yeah does that make sense i don't know that's just what came to my mind i i know i'm thinking of someone who identifies as a like is a non-binary lesbian who's like pretty butch presenting and has two different names that they go by. And I remember at some point in the last year, they were like, hey, I think I prefer this name over...
What I assume is their birth name. Yeah. And they're like, I'm still fine with you calling me either. But like, I've kind of switched what my kind of preferred one is. And it's a much more. ungendered name but it's like that person is still they're a butch non-binary lesbian like that can all exist at the same time i recently saw someone online
call themselves a bisexual lesbian and people were getting really mad at them. And I was like, I don't know. I kind of get it. I kind of get what you're saying. Like, I can't, I don't know. Okay. So here's my conclusion from September. In conclusion, I am not sure much has materially changed in the past year about how I feel and how I identify, but I'm also not sure how much I still want to be associated with the strict...
gender binary which may in turn lead to a change if that makes sense like i genuinely wish i could just put she her i guess i don't care as my pronouns everywhere but like that doesn't work on like um i was gonna say the u.s census but the u.s census doesn't have pronouns
yeah no it doesn't but like a google form you know like in real life adulting settings but you can't do that in real life adulting settings without looking wishy-washy or unprofessional which i am but we don't want to telegraph that as a first impression
Future employers who may be listening to this podcast, this is a joke. You are laughing. It's really funny. Employ me. I think it's, again, the thing of like what spaces you're in. Are you in a queer space? Because then you could say that and people would be like.
Me too. But if you're at work and it's a bunch of straight people who have learned that you're supposed to start with your pronouns now, and you throw that out, people are going to be like, huh? Yeah. Like you're going to confuse the olds, unfortunately. Yeah. I would love to hear non-binary genderqueer thoughts about this. I don't know if you would, so you don't have to invite that if you don't want to, but I would be interested.
and hearing if people have had similar thoughts in the past um okay here's my follow-up that i'm not gonna do all of because it seems like there's too much um but this was like not long before the election and i was thinking rip and i was thinking about how i was thinking about the 2024 election in comparison to how i was thinking about the 2016 election um and how i like felt less connected to the like
potential like first female president which obviously not happening um but like i feel like in 2016 i was like yeah like first female like i have my shirt that was like future is female like yeah and like I had I do think part of that was maybe naivety and part of that was maybe like optimism that turned out to be misplaced. And now I'm just super jaded and I'm like.
fucking nothing matters but this cycle i was not like oh yay like first female president i was like that wasn't something i was thinking about at all and i think partially i think in general people were talking less about it because they realized that last time it didn't
do us any good wasn't exciting in the end but because like i'm just less invested in the gender binary now and so like sure i and so like i haven't like i still have my futures female shirt but i haven't worn it in like years yeah But and I'm like, should I get rid of it? Because like, I'm not the demographic for it anymore. Yeah. Like. i don't know like i want to take that shirt and like just take a sharpie and write like and non-binary and trans and everything and everything um
And I was listening to a podcast or an interview of Alyssa Mastromonaco with Nancy Pelosi. And Alyssa co-hosts the Hysteria podcast, which is like a political podcast. It's based on women and their point of view. And I don't listen to Hysteria, but I do. I like the hosts of Hysteria. Like, I like both of them. And so when I listened to this interview, I was surprised because it...
Alyssa and Nancy Pelosi were talking a lot about, like, the glass ceiling and Congress and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I was just like... like like this could also just be a result of me getting like more and more left-leaning as i get older um which contrary to what boomers will tell you is exactly what is happening um but like the the whole conversation like felt kind of like simplistic and like neolib i was like yeah like okay the glass like we're work but like
It's more, it's bigger than just the binary. And then I was taken aback when they were saying that Congress is only 28% female because I did expect that number to be a little higher. See, this is, yes, I do think- We live in a bubble. I think the problem is that we live in a bubble because I had a similar experience where the class I am taking is like an organizational psychology class. So it's like psychology of the workplace and.
One of our topics was leadership, and then a subtopic was gender and leadership. And when I saw that, and there's actually at the school an entire course on gender and leadership that I had looked into for a bit. And then my thought was like, I...
I'm not going to be super interested in this class because it's going to be very binary. And it's also going to be like shit. I probably already know. However, and my professor actually brought this up. He was like, I understand that the conversation we're having right now is extremely binary. But. And he brought up like the 28% of women in Congress. Like it's like 20% of Fortune 500 CEOs or less are women. Like the rates of just like leadership positions for women are just like.
is astonishingly low and i think because yeah you in your mind do think it's more yeah so i think that's the problem is like people like us we're like it's so far beyond that we need to like push further But in reality, we are still so far behind. Yeah. That it's like the world is not ready for those conversations yet. If we're still at 28% of women in Congress. Exactly. And there's a big part of me that's like, I.
Like obviously it's important to like have women in these positions of power, but like focusing on the firsts and the woman of it all and disregarding the actual impact these women are having. Like that's not necessarily the conversation I want to be having. Like I have zero words to celebrate the win.
of marjorie taylor green being in congress when she is out there being marjorie taylor green and so i think i think sometimes when we focus on like oh first woman first blah blah first but like if we talk about it more as a collective we talk about that like 28% number, then it's like, I feel like that, I'm like, okay, I'm on board. I got, I stopped talking about MTG, you know? I also think the other thing that made me think about this in regards to this.
election um i turns out i am going to read the whole manifesto is that um in the wake of roe v wade being overturned and abortion no longer being legal as a federal overarching thing in the united states um so much of the conversation in the election this year was about bodily autonomy and abortion and in its own way motherhood
And as a sex-averse asexual person who was no interest in having kids and has been incredibly lucky to not have had any firsthand experience thus far in my life with SA, knock on wood. Is that wood?
my head's wood um like i don't feel personally connected to that issue in the same way that many other women do because i don't consider like oh like i could have an unplanned pregnancy at any time because i'm like no no i no i couldn't yeah um and because so much of the focus this election cycle was rightfully the issue of abortion
And that has bearing on how we're talking about womanhood in 2024. And in the context of that conversation, like, I don't feel represented by that definition of womanhood. And, like, obviously... Like, I don't pretend that I could never be impacted by abortion laws. Like, I understand that shit happens. Yeah. But like...
I also understand that in a lot of ways, like my connection to the issue of abortion is one step removed. Like sort of like it might be if I were like a man married to a woman who needed abortion care, but. It was not that woman themselves. And so like my privilege also plays into that because I knew that if something happened and I ever needed an abortion for any reason, like I could probably find a way to get one. Yeah.
And so, like, despite being AFAB and being the exact age demographic most impacted by this abortion issue, like, I don't feel like I'm on the front line of it. I care a lot about it. And I care about it. But I care about it because of other people. not so much because of myself so i think that impacted my relationship to womanhood in relation to the election and how i was thinking about it that way i think that makes sense
Blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah. In conclusion, I was like, okay, I need to step back and think, like, because to... going back to this thing with alissa nancy pelosi i was like you're talking it seems like you're talking about it as like a one or two dimensional issue
Like we're so far past that. Why are we still talking about it in this way? But then I have to take a step back and realize that I operate in a very different world than like your median female voter in the United States. But then I have to ask myself why that is. And there's a large part of me that's saying like once you get put on.
these a-spec lines once you put on your little a-spec glasses bing bing bing once you detach yourself from even partially from the chokehold of the gender binary and the the should should should like how can anyone not feel a certain distance from their gender assigned at birth but then i wonder is that really universal or is that a sign that i am not so cis end that's a great question i mean i think
And I think we've heard this from A-spec people before, is that, especially women, well, I think I could go for any gender, really, but... So much of being a woman and the definition of being a woman is around the relationships, like the sexual and romantic relationships you have. Like that is how you define the difference between a man and a woman is like how you interact in those relationships.
And so I think it makes total sense that you would feel a disconnect from what people are saying womanhood is when you are not having those interactions with people. And in the 2016 election. I knew I was Arrow Ace, but I was at the beginning of that journey and I was not like publicly out yet. Right. I don't. Yeah. You didn't fully have like the culture of the community. I think.
Like you were saying, being fully embedded in the like understanding gender queerness in the A-spec glasses. I do think it makes us... pretty out of touch to be honest yeah with your average person and you don't realize it until and you have no idea you're like slapped in the face by it yeah right which is like it's an interesting thing too for like for me going back
to working in person and like working with I previously had been working with like all people my age my demographic and going back into like a more normal work setting where it's like a lot of diverse people of a lot of age ranges it really does slap you in the face of like i am actually extremely out of touch and in a bubble yeah with the way i'm thinking you're you're very in touch
but in a way that is out of touch with other people. Yes. I am in touch with my community. I'm out of touch with like your average American. Yeah. So that's that. We should really just rename this. podcast sarah's gender gender update how many social media followers does the podcast have i don't know i don't know and i don't care
We don't use them. I know. Someone called me out on the Discord this week, too. They were like, when are they ever going to post the poll on social media? I was like, I don't know. Never. Our Instagram has 9,568 followers. We've been so close to 10,000 for like three years. You know, if we get up to 10,000 on TikTok, we can make money off of TikTok.
We're not. We got pretty, like, I think we're actually, like, not that far off on TikTok, too. We're in the 9,000s on TikTok. There was a time where we were, like, really posting, and it was, like, happening, and then we just...
Amazing. Stopped. 8,990. So. Astounding. Who cares? The next question is how many... patreons do we have on how many patrons do we have on patreon um i'm trying to check but i don't know how to work this fucking website um let me see if it'll show me on the app audience oh but it's confusing again because it It added the free tier. So it makes it really hard. Hold on. I got to turn on the filters. Active payment. Paid members. Apply filters. 113. Slay.
Cool. I don't know. I don't know either. Oh, our TikTok went down from last year. Yeah, I was going to say, I thought I was at 9,000. It was. at a time nice I love becoming less popular it's so great like unironically no I love it it's actually great for my mental health it's actually so good for my mental health completely unironically and yet Do I have my Instagram fucking checkmark? No. It's because you don't try frequently enough. You need to just keep trying. I don't have, I can't remember.
Okay. Do I need to like remind you monthly? Maybe. Because that's how I did is I just like periodically would be like, guess I'll try again. i try i try it again probably it was probably maybe two or three months ago i have no okay you gotta try again you just gotta keep trying one day it'll happen do you have a job if so what is it yes i'm at the same job i was at last time i I'm not. You never are. That's not true. I was at the same company for like two or three years and then I got laid.
off no but i i just feel like whenever we do this it's always that's not true because my last job i was there for two to three years which would have spanned at least two to three years um I work at Harvard Law School. Harvard Law School. Harvard Law School. Like it's hard. I work at a production company and I produce. No, I personally don't produce. You're there.
When the producing happens. I'm in the room where it happens. I give notes on things. That sounds like producing to me. Producers do that. But I don't. Get credit. I worked at my last company for three years and three months. Wow. I've been at my current job for almost three years now, and that's terrifying. Where do you live in my house?
Me too. I also live in your house. I still live in Los Angeles. I have lived in the same place the entire time I lived in Los Angeles. It's so crazy. I'm so glad. Oh my God. I'm so jealous of you. I've lived in so, the amount of times I've moved since you have lived in that one apartment is actually bananas. But just think. You don't pay as much as I do. Yeah, probably not. I should hope not, since I'm splitting rent. Uh-huh. Yeah. Uh-huh. I live in Cambridge. Massive, huge chits.
You don't live in the same place you lived last time, but you live in the same place. Not the same apartment, but in the same three-block radius. Same area. Yeah. What's your relationship status? Single baby. Kayla's relationship status is delusional. What's your relationship status? In a relationship. Why? Are you being weird about it? I'm not. I'm just being delusional is all. Kayla's okay.
We don't think Kayla's going to break up. I would like to be I would like to be clear that we're not being we don't think her relationship is going to end. That's not what the delusion is about. Not what we're being. Don't worry about that. I was like, people may misread this entirely. That is not it. What's been the best part about this year, pod-wise? I don't know. That we still have one. Congrats to us.
What big happened this year? Nothing. I think you might be right. What did we do this year? It's a miracle it's still going. Did we have a single guest on this year? Yeah. Who? I don't know. Hold on. I need to do a bit of scrolling. We have. We definitely have. Are you positive? Uh-huh. I'm not. We haven't. Are you sure? Yes. No, we had Reyna Cohen on.
That was a highlight. We had Ash McCullough on McCullough. Oh my gosh, yes, there it is. Okay, that was also good. That was so long ago. That was months ago. Yeah, it was.
Okay, I did. Now that I remember them. Me not remembering them does not mean they were not good guests. Those were both very good combos. Also, I think that doing the listener lore first episode was... honestly a highlight for me i thought that was that i had the silliest time i had so many giggles i love that for you i just saw that you named the last episode rabbit rabbit red rabbit hole part 14 kids edition that makes it seem like it's kids bop
maybe it is like it's for kids yeah it's for kids okay tricks are for kids um what has been the worst part about this year pod wise um I don't think anything bad has happened. Just being tired about it. Yeah, it's just been harder to juggle, I think. I think it started taking me longer to edit. Yeah, editing's not fun. I think... I have gotten more and more obsessive about removing any pause longer than about half a second. Yeah, that's tough. You should break that. You should stop that.
Yeah. Well, it was like when you and me did the podcast together in the same room on the same mic, it took me half as long to edit the podcast. Yeah, because we were just yap, yap, yap. and it was one mic and i didn't have to line things up and i didn't have to like whatever i was like wow this is great yeah but these days a lot of times it takes me like multiple days to be clear
I have limited windows in those days. Yeah. But. Not like all day. Yeah. What's been the best, the worst part about this year personally? Um. Lots of like family illnesses this year. Yeah, my grandma has had 11 UTIs. So not chill. That's like not fun. Yeah, no. Oh, I got laid off. That was ass at the time. Fine now, but do you know how many gray hairs I found during those three months? So many, actually. At least one and a half. What's been the best part about this year, personally?
I have a nephew. Right. He's a baby. I like him. I got into the K-pop group 17. Because she needed one more. I needed 13 more is what I needed. it's so bad it's so bad literally that's the only thing I can think of I think one of the worst parts was moving because I really hate moving. But one of the best parts was my new apartment because I really like my new apartment. I have a sword on my arm now. That's true. Wait, I feel like I got at least one tattoo this year. Just one?
This one this year. When did you get your frames? That might have been this year, too, to be honest. I think that was this year. I think it was. That's crazy. No? No? I have a photo of you. At the Getty, where it's on your arm. At the Getty? That was October of 2023. Who's the Getty? At the Getty. Oh, when we did our pictures. Yes, it was in those pictures. Yeah. Okay, yes. So I think just the one.
I think just the one. Yeah, but you just got it randomly one day. I wanted it. I might. There's a small chance I get another tattoo before the year is over. But there's also a decent chance that it doesn't happen until next July. It's either going to happen. Oh, wow. It's either going to happen because it needs to happen in Michigan is why. I see. So it's either going to happen.
before the end of the year or it's going to happen next summer well only time will tell so um rate your mental health one to ten uh like right now not good but but that's also because okay i haven't been in the gym in like three weeks because i was home for thanksgiving And then I got sick and I have not been able to, I have not been physically well enough to go to the gym. And so then my...
Mental health is bad because I haven't been able to go to the gym, but I can't go to the gym because my physical health is bad. Yeah. I've been meaning to put up my Christmas tree for nine days. I have not put any decorations. Usually, usually I'm like, well, cause I'm, I'm only going to be here like a week and a half longer. So like put up the fucking tree right away. Fair.
I took half of it out of the bag this morning. Oh. I keep just doing one thing. Like I drag the thing into the room and then like the next day I unzip the bag. Every day, get closer. Like an advent calendar. And then this morning, I pulled out half of it. But every day, I keep being like, oh, I'll do it tonight. And then I'm, like, tired. Yeah.
It is a lot of effort. Last night I fell asleep without eating my dinner. I am unfortunately not surprised. Um, how confident are we? Wait, I never answered. I didn't either. Okay, well. Rate your mental health 1 to 10. Right now, I would say an 8. Wow. Pretty good right now. I was going to say 3. For me? No. Oh. Well, it's very, I am worried. I am worried because a couple of months ago, it was much lower because I...
I don't remember if I think this was my beef at some point, but like my medication got fucked up and I was like so fucked in the head about it. I was so unwell. And but I eventually leveled out. But I'm picking up a new prescription soon, and I'm worried that now that my medicine is going back to normal, that my body is going to take time to adjust again. I see. Even though I'm going back to the way it should be, I feel like my body...
It's either going to be like super happy and my body is going to be like, fuck yeah. And I'm going to actually feel like a bit euphoric for a couple of weeks until I level back out. Or I'm going to have brain bad again. Very temporary. Very temporary. I worry. I think... Seven. Okay. I'm going to bring mine up to a four just because the three is because I haven't been at the gym. Yeah.
I don't have control over my own brain. It's very cool and fun. I did bring it down to a seven because of how much I've been procrastinating a lot of life activities. Yeah. And I was like, well, if I was really an eight, I think maybe I probably wouldn't be putting stuff off that bad. So maybe we're not as good as I think. Yeah, I do think one of the downsides of me not having a roommate anymore.
is i've said this before there's no one to disrupt me yeah and when there's no one to disrupt me it on average makes my mental health worse but like i like having my own space
You just need someone to disrupt you. I need a cat. Yeah, I do think a pet would help you a lot. I've been thinking about that a lot. Once I get back... after christmas i need to start talking to my landlord and be like please couldn't you get like a medical thing like because i do genuinely think it would be extremely good for your mental health yeah i mean i
We'll see what happens if I ask. Like, we'll see. How confident are you in your identity? One to ten. The airways part? Yeah. The other part? clearly no one knows clearly not i would i'm gonna give myself a nine and a half i struggle to give it a full 10 because like you never fucking know yeah yeah that's fair like i want to leave wiggle room for like
Because I had been confident before, and then it changed, so I, you know. Yeah, I'll give my arrow aceness a good nine and a half. The other one, fuck, I don't know, four. I keep just defaulting to four. Yeah, yeah.
how because we talked about our relationships with our bodies as a specs how comfortable do you feel in your own body one to ten less than last time whatever i said last time just less um this one also i feel like fluctuates a lot for me depending on am i on my period when if i've been exercising lately which like recently i have been better about exercising so i feel
better also time of year right now i'm just like wearing sweaters a bunch so i'm not like looking at my body as much you know like not trying to like fit into summer clothes and be like my skin is exposed yeah anyway that's fair um We love giving ourselves rank 1 to 10 questions. We're both really bad at it. That's fine. Do you want to find it? Or should I just go to the next one? I don't.
I'll give myself a seven. I don't care. Okay. It's not that I don't care. It's just all the one through 10 questions are the same. So the transcript is just us saying numbers and I can. Yeah. Great. Wait, just kidding. I found it. I said the. It's possible I said the same thing last year too. Like we're slowly jumping down a number every year. I said this one is hard for me because it really varies like linked to my period.
I gave myself a six last year. And I gave myself a seven this year, so that's nice. Okay. I gave myself a less. You gave yourself a six. Really? Mm-hmm. I'll take it definitely down to a little bit. It was going to be a six and a half and then you changed it to six. I'll give it a five. I'll give it a, no, I'll give it a 4.67. Take that.
Okay, great. And now I do need to read some transcript from last year because it... I did the same thing last year, didn't I? Well, no, it's that. Two years ago, you said... whatever number i said last year two numbers lower uh-huh and i said i said two years ago six two years prior two years ago that's not right i don't know i'm gonna bring it down to a four
Okay, three years ago you also said that. You also said whatever I said last year, however many lower. But you had never given a number. So. Good. you went up then down and then down again last year out of six and now we're down again put a fucking four four point two four point two eight four point two eight one two five
And then I talked about how I was excited to do this again this year, this cutting-edge math. So this is going to be really fun because now next year, I'm going to have this to read. problem with rereading is because we're always we always go back to the previous year so that when i'm reading the transcript i'm reading
That year and the year before. We could just write our answers in the doc and say this year we said that. But that's not fun. No, no, no. How often do you should? I need to think about that. I always have to like. Because I don't know what I'm shitting, you know? Yeah. Lately, I guess I've been shitting a lot because of all of the things I'm procrastinating. I thought you were going to say the delusion.
That's not so much shoulding. There's nothing I should be doing. Right. Vis-a-vis the delusion. I love how cryptic this is. One day when you're older, we'll discuss the delusions. We'll talk about the delusions. No, my biggest should right now is I haven't bought...
The only Christmas presents I've bought are for two white elephants that I've had and nothing else. And I keep telling myself, it's like, oh, because I'm studying for my final. That's not why. My brain just doesn't want, I just don't want to do it.
so absolutely felt how often do i should you know more than i would like but not not an unreasonable amount i will say i think taking classes again has made me struggle with shooting more again because it's back to the thing of like there's always something I could be doing and so then there's often like I've had to work again at being like
Okay, yeah, there is always homework you could be doing, but it doesn't mean you should do it right now. Right. I think my increase in shitting has to do with my decrease in how comfortable I feel with my own body. interesting um what do you want most for the ace back community in the next year i say this with so much love and affection uh-oh
I want the A-Spec community to leave me alone. It already is. It was coming for you. No, just like, I don't want to get caught up in shit. And I don't usually. but i'm just saying like i i want to not have to worry about shit does that make sense yeah but this is less I think that you're not answering the question. No, I'm not. Okay. Like, that's not something the community is doing. I want the community to leave me the fuck alone. I don't think that's constructive.
i don't think that's a constructive thing to say it's not and the community is not coming after me right like they are leaving you alone the thing i really want to say is that i don't want to be an a-spec activist like i but i don't want i don't want yeah like yeah but i am but i don't want to be
I'd say we're pretty far removed at this point. Yeah. I think we're really incredibly irrelevant these days, which is great. That's why we're losing followers. Yeah, and great. Good. I expect community in the next year. I want it to grow big and strong and not fight with itself. I want, and I think this gets at maybe part of what you were trying to say. Is I want there to be even more of an influx of like A-spec creators and activists and... I want to see A-specs on TV. I think like...
I want more Alice Oseman's who is like, this is a person who they are not only known for being a spec. They are someone who is like making a change in the queer community who also happens to be a spec and does speak up. for a specs not just like oh this person is famous and like like not that it's bad that like the only thing that you're known for is a spec activism but i think it goes further when you are also ingrained they're not known just for that right
Again, there's nothing wrong with that. That's what we are. But it's more accessible to the outside world, people who aren't already in the community when they're introduced to it organically. through someone who they know from something else. Yeah. And then also when there's more people like that, we become more irrelevant, which is great. I love becoming irrelevant.
Sarah and I, I hope people don't take this as us being like having a pity party or that like we don't care because we do. Yeah. But I think we had our few years of being very relevant. And we did a really bad job at being relevant. Yeah. We weren't responsible. And we didn't like it. We didn't like it. We weren't responsible. We made mistakes. It was bad for us and everyone else.
And now we're really enjoying kind of just like fading. We're enjoying just like observing. Yeah. Like, you know, in the Muppets, those two like angry guys. That's us. That's us. Yeah. Yeah. Like we are just we have our little our little corner and our little people and that's how it is. Yeah. And you can tell that we wrote these questions when when we were relevant and wanted to be relevant. Yeah. Yep. What gives you hope? I think young women.
Young non-cis men. I could not agree more because here's something that I was thinking about this year is often my answer to this question every year is young people. Because in general, that's true. However, this year I looked at the election results and I looked at the demographics and I saw the young men. And in my head, I thought of this episode and I said, what have I been saying? Yeah. Not the men. Not the men. Not the men. What gives me hope is Greta. What's her?
face the little girl she's not little she's an adult she's a full adult now but people like her yeah and the girl from flint who's also not a child anymore um copney I just know her by Little Miss Flint. My brain is trying to tell me Maria Kopney, but it's not Maria. That doesn't sound familiar, but also I don't do names. Oh, I know why.
I know someone with the last name Flint, and they have a name that is not Maria, but is similar to Maria. Great. Good. But her last name is Kopney. That's correct. Hold on. This is going to bother me. I don't know. Her name's Mary. M-A-R-I. Okay. Little Miss Flint? Yeah. Okay. It's short for a Mariana. Oh, cute. It's probably Mari. It's probably Mari Cobney. Probably. It's a good name. It is a good name. Anyway.
i had another thing that came uh what gives me hope is people who continue to like protest and work hard to make change even in the face of things being bad speaking of which what are you most worried about right now um so in this in this doc i actually this is one of the few ones where i actually did write down what i wrote last year because i wrote it in advance and i just never took it out of the doc um i said genocide fascism and the decline of global democracy
Little did I know what was in store. I don't want you to answer this now because I'm afraid of what you're doing. I'm just going to say that again because I'm still... worried about that and perhaps worried more than i was last year i think yes i agree a year where a year from now where do you hope the pod will be same place same same fucking place in my backyard
I don't have a yard, but. In our little pocket of the internet with our lovely little internet friends. Mm-hmm. Chilling. Having a silly time. I think I said this maybe last year too, but I just, I really enjoy. the turn we've had and I think it was mostly out of necessity of just fully running out of topics that are like truly a spec central like yeah core a spec culture core a spec like
Yeah. We're not like, we're not like a current events, a SPAC podcast. Like we don't, there's not like, yeah, I just, I very much enjoy that. We are just a podcast where we talk about like things happening in the world. from an A-spec perspective. Like, I just, I like that that's what we are. Yeah. I find that more enjoyable. Yeah. I think it's good.
a year from now where do you hope you will be i said writing last year i say that again with the hopes that i will be doing it more than i did this year i hope I'm still in this apartment. I'd be so insane if I moved. That'd be wild. Especially because my lease wouldn't be up. Wait. Your lease is going to end at the end of August.
next year yeah i don't know i don't know kayla doesn't know how numbers work i don't know um i hope i'm in this apartment i hope i just i hope i'm fucking chilling i don't know yeah I hope that as well. What's something you couldn't do this year that you hope to be able to do next year? Will 2025 finally be the year I get a therapist? I wish it would be. Maybe. Maybe. Haven't had one since.
2019. That's so bad. And what a five years it's been. It's so bad. Meanwhile, I've been in therapy consistently for like 11 years. My brain. I hope to visit more friends. I feel like, especially during the summer, I get caught up in a lot of travel.
which is really fun but then it leaves me exhausted the rest of the year so I don't like visit friends that I have around the country so like there's certain friends that have lived in other cities for forever and I've like never yeah been out there to see them and i'm like that i'm a shitty friend i think i hope to have friends i hope i do have friends debatable i've got like two friends that's not true
um okay three i would like to go on a trip somewhere with friends yeah like away like overnight because i travel to michigan several times a year to see my family but i don't ever go anywhere you're like doing vacation because i don't have any and also because again the whole thing like i don't have a partner i don't have a built-in person to go with yeah so i would like to i would like to go on a trip with somebody somewhere
Not anybody. Like, I don't want to go on a trip with, like, George Bush. Oh, well, yeah. What's the one thing you want out of next year? Is that not the same question? No. I want a new job, respectfully. Respectfully, I would like to advance in my career. I would also love that for you. i'd like to submit to one fucking writing contest just fucking one time which means i have to have a script done yeah that would be good what's the question one thing you want out of next year
I want to be successfully closer to finishing the education program I'm working towards. I should hope so. I should too, but I don't know. Imagine you're less far. That's what my hope is, is that I'm closer to wrapping it up. Okay, not further. What's one thing that made this year better? i got it this kpop group 17 and my friends one of my friends sent me an album a 17 album and it arrived in the mail today and i got it and i was like oh my god
So nice. See, you do have friends. I don't see them. But they do exist. I don't have friends that are available to hang out with me. That's fair. live too far away or if they live nearby they only live kind of nearby and they're busy and they won't drop everything to hang out with me one time and that's fucked up yeah And I only ever ask them once a year. Well. What made this year better? I've continued to be really into reading this year.
I'm so jealous. Which I really enjoyed and I think was very good for me. My friends. My family. A baby. A baby. Well. No, not well to that. Cut it off there. I want to say. So don't put that in. If you could give the you from a year ago advice, what would it be? Buckle up, bitch. Yeah. yeah lock the fuck in keep your hands and your arms and legs inside the ride at all times
Lock the fuck in and make sure we're taking our meds every day because that's the bare minimum that we can do to keep it going. If you were to give the youth from a year ago advice, what would it be? Get a therapist. Yeah. What's something you're putting off doing right now? Buying Christmas presents. Dentist related things.
okay i went to a dentist but then i couldn't go i can't i have i would have to make my my plan so much more expensive to go to this dentist again so i'm it's not worth it yeah so i i still have like this assigned dentist and of first so i'm having doing the same plan it automatically renewed but um i want to switch who my assigned dentist is but i don't know how to who to switch it to i see i see i guess that's not super urgent though like i could
do that in March. It's not like it has to be done before the beginning of the year. Did you answer that question? What was the question? I need to buy Christmas presents. Why do you do the pod? I don't know. I think it's nice to talk to my friend. I talked to Kayla and I talked to you and you talk back, but I don't usually hear you. Me? No, sorry. The audience.
Yes. I like reading what the listener has to say. I like going in the Discord. The listener. Not the one listener. I mean, at this point. Just kidding. Yeah, I don't know.
I like having a silly time. Yeah. Sum up the year with one song. Okay, the past couple years... I'm so... bad at this i know you are i the past couple years like i've had just for you you put this question in for you with no regard for my feelings yep um i actually don't have like a question i you can add one I actually don't have like one specific one that like stood out.
this year as the song but i was thinking and i was like it should be a 17 song so i was like okay of the 17 songs what should it be of the 17 songs it would be the song fuck my life um but then also i realized quarter life by
tomorrow by together which i was like wait did i do that song last year and then i was like no that song came out this year i've just mentioned it on the pod before um the other one that i thought of was good luck babe by chapel roan because it's how i feel about going into next year I was going to say My Kink is Karma by Chapel Row. That's a good fucking song. I think it really sums up my feelings of rage. Yeah.
Yeah, that's very you. I see that. That's like my favorite song off that album. Thank you very much. It's very you, my rage. Thank you. Thanks. I, the other day, was listening to California on loop. Because I hate myself. I often listen to California on loop. My sister-in-law was like, that's like the one song on the album that like I don't really love as much. And I was like, it's because you don't have a personal connection to it.
Here's the thing, Sarah. I also originally didn't think that much of that song, and then you... told me about you liking it. And so then I listened to it with your ears. And then I was like, this is so sad. Yeah. And now I love it. Yeah, I was listening. It like came on shuffle. Because it was it was on my I was listening to my my wrapped playlist. Yeah.
And so it came on shuffle and I was like, oh, man, I got to put this on repeat. So I listened to it on repeat for a couple of times. And then the next song that came on was Home by Seventeen. And that combination fucked me up.
that's ouchie okay um you don't even know that song but just the title is yeah i got i get the vibe yeah um ending fun what's the most memorable thing the allies did this year um last year i wrote every year i'm like damn i should have prepared for this one and earlier this week i thought of something i think it has to be the boy moms because i think listen
We're constantly going after men for being insane and misogynistic and patriarchal. But we should go after them. But I think we should attack women more. Equal opportunity attacking. Exactly. I just this week.
had a run in with some boy mom rhetoric uh yeah that's why that's why i wrote it down because you told me about that and then i was telling dean about it and he was like imagine if you became a boy mom like would that be so embarrassing and i was like i would kill myself aside from the fact that i don't want kids like the fact that if you have a child yourself it's a fucking
coin toss as to what flavor it's going to be and again gender isn't fucking real but if the flavor is penis i'm scared i fear for my life i have the same thing i don't know what to do with that again gender is not real however I have spent my whole life mostly around women. So I'm like, I don't know about you. Gender is not real, but the fact that people enforce it onto you is. Yes, because that's the thing. Even if I don't enforce.
the maleness onto my baby someone else will and then i have to deal with the repercussions of that in my own home and i don't know what to do with that yep horrifying i have a nephew what's your deal What's his whole thing going to be? When I found out that someone who I know decently well had a child recently and it turned out to be Flavored Girl, I was like, thank God.
Yeah, I don't know what... God-flavored girl. I don't know what... How am I sister gonna raise this boy? I don't know. What does she know about a boy? Who fucking knows? She's fine. She knows everything. Who's your most hated person this year? Last year I wrote Bibi Netanyahu and I think that's still true. Yeah, I do think that. Donald Trump. It's true. No, Donald Trump. He pissed me off. Both bad.
Elon Musk. Elon Musk. Joe Rogan. I don't like him. I don't think Joe Rogan is inherently. Here's the thing. Wrong. Here's the thing. In 2016, he was a Bernie bro. That's why I think he's an even worse person. Joe Rogan is not irredeemable. He's just been lured by the siren sound of the right, and the right takes him more seriously. that's why i think he's even more evil though because he is conscious like
He's doing it just for the power. But he's like a JD Vance where like previously he was like, fuck these people. And then he was like, oh, but they're going to give me more power. So I'll move over there. I don't think he's the same as JD Vance at all. My, my. vibe off because joe rogan like he'll have anyone on his podcast like he will have an open discussion with anyone the reason kamala didn't go on his podcast wasn't because
He said no. It was because of scheduling issues. And because they, he won't come to you. But he endorsed Trump, though. He did. I think, I just, I don't think he's... Beyond yanking back into more sane territory. Do I disagree? Also, because he is friends with some whack ass people. That's true. Some terrible people. Do I think.
We are going to drag him back into sane territory? Probably not. But I think, theoretically, it could be done. Whereas, like, Charlie Kirk, no fucking way. I don't know. You know? I'm not here to be a Joe Rogan apologist. i hate that guy um you know how the time person of the year thing comes out and they're always like oh here we're the finalists and everyone's like all these are horrible people like why are we platforming them and i'm like
Here's the thing that people ignore every time is that the time person of the year is not best person of the year. Yeah, it's who are we all talking about this year? It's who had the biggest impact on the world this year. Yeah.
And like, I understand that you don't want that to be fucking Trump or Netanyahu or fucking... It would have been Hitler. If Times was doing it back then, it would have been Hitler. It would have been Hitler. Several times. And y'all would have been like... i can't believe we're doing but it's like that it's not best person yeah it's not no it's not person of the year hitler it's like when we were the hitler hitler was the person of the year in 1938
see it's like when the person of the year was like you like everybody yeah you're not the we're not the best we all suck we were still person of the year yep is that true fact check oh fact fact check Yeah, he was the person of the year in 1938. See, there you go. Has Greta ever been person of the year? Give it to her. Gandhi was person of the year in 1930. Wow, the fourth person of the year was a person who was not white.
congrats hitler 38 hit wow what a run hitler 38 stalin 39 churchill 40 fdr 41 stalin 42 1950 was the American fighting man. Ew. 52, Elizabeth. 1960 was just U.S. scientists. 63, MLK. 1966, the inheritor. representing a generation of american men and women aged 25 and under the baby boom generation i don't even understand what that means how is that the inheritor 69 was the middle americans fucking
72, Nixon and Henry Kissinger. Anyway, we'll stop. We'll stop. We'll stop. I'm just checking for Greta. 2019. Yeah. Okay, good. The last good year.
In 2022 is Vladimir Zelensky and also the spirit of Ukraine. Yeah, that was an interesting one. And then last year was Taylor Swift and then this year is Donald Trump again. Yeah. In 2020 it was... joe and kamala imagine every election year it's just whoever wins i mean sometimes i mean this in terms of like the category of people 23 of the person of the years have been presidents of the united states
yeah 14 unique leaders and then a couple of the like other leaders of parties and popes we're gonna we're almost done we have to we have to stop what's the one thing you'd like to say to our listeners this is our last question i'm sorry this was so long That's what I would like to say. Yeah, that didn't need to be like this. I'm so sorry. Sorry. We're doing our best. Maybe that should just be the blanket. Sorry. Sorry.
Thanks. Thanks for being around and sticking around and listening to us for some reason. I don't know why you do that. That's it. Kayla, what's our poll for this week? Give me song. What? What? What? Give me song. You want song, Rex? Song of year. Oh, what was your song of the year? Song of year. And if there was anything memorable, the aloes did. Yeah. Oh, the golden bachelor.
That was a good aloe this year. What a fucko. Yeah. So do you want people like this was my top song of the year or like a song to describe the year? A song to describe the year. Okay. Okay. Okay. We also have a Patreon. No. Yeah. What's your beef and your juice? I feel like we can skip that. That was this whole episode. Yeah. I'm going to go to bed. Sure. That was our beef and our juice. You got it.
We also have a Patreon at patreon.com slash soundsfakepod if you, for some reason, want to support us. I will say, if you want to become a patron, maybe wait until January because you're not going to get anything for the next month.
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