Ep 2: Romantic vs. Platonic Relationships

Hey, what's up? Hello. Welcome to Sounds Fake But Okay, a podcast where an arrow ace girl, I'm Sarah, that's me, and a straight girl, that's me, Kayla, talk about all things to do with love, relationships, sexuality, and pretty much anything else that we just don't understand.

On today's episode, romantic relationships are more important than platonic ones. Sounds fake, but okay. What is up, my dudes? Welcome back. What are they welcome back to? The podcast. Good one. I already introduced it. Kayla, what are we talking about this week? Romance is dead. Romance is dead. No. Basically, I have a bit of a, it seems outwardly controversial opinion, but I think if you guys will hear me out.

Sarah just has some feelings. I have feelings about this. For once in her life. For once in her life. Sarah has some feelings. Listen, don't perpetuate stereotypes. These people have no feelings, Kayla. That's true. You have a lot of feelings. I have a lot of feelings. You cry a lot. Okay, but yeah, so basically, I've got a lot of things to say. She does. I don't really know where to start, so we're just starting. We're out here, though. We're out here. So, um...

Basically, I don't know if any of you guys live in this world, but I think most of you do. And in the society that I live in... And the one you live in, Kayla. Congratulations. Michigan. Good one. But basically, something I have found in my experience as an ace person, which I'm sure you guys... Have also experienced. But if you are not Arrow Ace. You may not have noticed it. Is that.

is the way society views romantic relationships versus platonic relationships and the way it values or does not value them. So I'm going to give y'all a little... A little example for starters. So if you think about, like, say Kayla has had an emergency.

And Kayla needs to go to the emergency room. Honestly, a real situation. A real situation. It will probably happen within the next few months. I'm sure I'll bring you to the emergency room at some point. Oh, for sure. But say, so say she has an emergency, and I go with her to the emergency room. And because of that, I miss work, okay? So, and then I call into work and I'm like, hey, I, sorry, I have to miss because...

I have brought my friend to the emergency room. They might be like, um, okay. Like, sounds fake. All right, sounds fake. But if that same thing happened and say I was like, engaged to someone and I took my fiance to the emergency room it would be something that would be people would understand it more and people would be a little bit more forgiving when it's someone that like oh you're in a romantic relationship with them you know you're engaged to them you're gonna have a

long relationships, supposedly. I mean, divorce rates these days. Am I right, ladies? Yeah, I mean, earlier this summer I got in a pretty bad car accident. And I was fine and everyone was fine, but it freaked me out because I already hate driving. And I called. my boyfriend like crying because I was like stuck in my car and I was like I'm dying yeah and so he had just been about to go into work

And he emailed his boss and was like, my girlfriend just got in a car accident. I'm not coming in today. And just left. Like, he didn't even go talk to them. And they were like, yeah, for sure. Like, go. Right. But I have to think about if he was like, hey, my roommate or my friend. Like, I don't... Would they be okay with it? Would they have had the same, like, immediate, like, yeah, go reaction? Exactly. And then it's a similar thing that happens also.

when you're, like, say I'm at the hospital with you. Yeah. As someone who... But, like, you can't come into the room. I can't come in with you. I can't, like, there are certain things that I can't do, like...

I know some of it is to do with, like, well, if you're married, you have certain benefits. And that's a whole other topic, the legal end of it. But, like, just, like, the fact that... if you are in a romantic relationship with someone it is seen as like you of course you're very important to this person you must go in with them where if it's like a friend it's like

But that's just your roommate. Or, like, do you really want them here? Or, like, they're just going to be in the way? Or, like, that sort of thing. So, it's just kind of the thing of, like, no matter...

how long you've been together because the person at the hospital your boss doesn't necessarily know if you've been together for five years or if you've been together for like a month yeah it doesn't matter how long you've been together it doesn't matter like they don't need to know anything about the relationship like how deep your connection is or like how well you know each other a romantic relationship is automatically gonna be like a reason for you know

that for you to be like okay like go to the hospital whatever whereas like a friendship not necessarily so and that's not necessarily to do with the depth of the friendship or the relationship but just by virtue of it

being romantic. And you know, I think part of the thing is, is that with friendships, there's not like a hard label, I think. Like when you get in a relationship, you're like dating or you're seeing them and then you like...

go steady or whatever. Right, you're, like, boyfriend. Yeah, so then your boyfriend, girlfriend. Yeah, and so then you are officially, like, partners, you're officially in this relationship. For friendships, like... the line between acquaintance, friend, and, like, best friend, like, doesn't really...

mean much to anyone. And, you know, this is not much of a difference. It's very fluid with the friendship, how deep your friendship is, because I have people that I consider my best friends, but those two relationships look very different. Whereas people that I've called my boyfriend, the depth of the relationship is kind of standard, I guess. Right. And I think people, when you say...

you're dating someone or you're in a relationship, a romantic relationship with someone, people know what to expect. They know what it's going to quote-unquote look like. Right. Whereas with a platonic relationship, that's not necessarily the case. Right.

Um, which maybe that's part of it, but, like, I mean, I've had, I've had this experience with friends, with other people that I know who, you know, they get in a relationship and they just ditch all their friends. Oh, yeah. Because, like, you know, this, this... Like, having a romantic relationship is, like, the height of a relationship. Like, this is the only one that matters now. And, like, that sort of thing. And, like, I mean...

That's, I think, a shitty thing to do. But, like, just the thought that, like, even though that's kind of seen as, like, kind of a crappy thing to do, it's not, like, taboo to do that. Like, it's not unusual to do that. No, I have a long time. And, like... Also, just like, when you're with your significant other in a group of friends, like...

I feel like I've experienced this at least sometimes where, like, I'm in a group with two people in the group who are dating and they, like, just, like, get distracted and kind of just ignore everyone else. And it's like, why is third wheeling a thing? To be fair. I would say that when we're in a group together, we often get very distracted by each other. That is true. For me, when I'm in that situation, personally, if I'm with...

the person I'm currently dating, he gets very shy. And so that's why I often give him more attention. But, I mean, that's just... I feel like it does depending on the case. But I do understand what you mean. Right. Because I've been in situations where people, like, you're... with a group of people, whether that's family, whether that's friends, and, like, two people who are dating just kind of, like, go off away. And I'm like...

What? But also, I mean, that could just be like an infatuation thing. I mean, when people start relationships, they're so obsessed with each other. And that doesn't happen so much with friendships. It doesn't happen with friendships. But I also think friendships are more slow evolving, though. Like, we...

I don't know. Like, our friendship, I suppose, our friendship did not take long to develop. But if you think about, like, I don't know. I just feel like friendships, since they don't have that hard label... Right. Like, they take longer to evolve most of the time, and you don't have, like, that honeymoon. There's no honeymoon poop. Honeymoon. Nailed it. Nice. Honeymoon period to a friendship, really. Right. It's not as much of a thing. Right.

But I think that is partially a testament to how relationships are treated by society. And it's, like, just the fact that society views them as having... a higher value and so you place more value on it and so like when you first start dating someone you're like oh my god I love you so much like this is gonna be forever this is gonna be the greatest relationship ever and like I think that's kind of part of the reason why honeymoon phase happens yeah I mean I

Not an expert on that dating thing. Sure. Whatever that is. Honestly, me. But, I don't know. I feel the need to give a disclaimer here. Where, like, I understand that some romantic relationships... are going to be, you know, quote-unquote greater than platonic ones because of the two people, because of the connection I have. Like, I think, like, especially, like, romantic relationships that are, like, very much based in friendship, that relationship over time...

might become your most important relationship. Right. And that's okay, and that might happen. Yeah, but it shouldn't be... Because the reason it's more important shouldn't be because it's romantic. Right. It should be because of you and the other person and the connection you have. And so, like, I just have beef with, you know, people are like, oh, like, they assume that that...

connection is deeper like you're closer like it's more important just because like what you're fucking each other like like i mean i know that i know that not all romantic relationships include sex but like if we're talking societal norms here it's like oh man They're doing the do. They're buds. That's also stupid because then you have a lot of people, especially in college and I feel like our age, are just hooking up. Yeah. So why is it then that hookups...

Which do involve sex. If sex is the thing that's different. Yeah. Then, like, why aren't hookups your most important relationship, you know? And, I mean, like you said, not all romantic relationships have sex. Right. But... I mean, they cut, you know? Yeah. No, I don't understand. By the norm, they go together. Right. And I think...

And, like, obviously there are people who, you know, they'll wait until they get married to have sex. And that doesn't mean that their relationship is somehow lesser until they have had sex. But I think just the thought that, like, you will eventually have sex. Like, you will eventually get to that point. It's what a lot of people view as, like, oh, this is, you know, this relationship is greater than platonic ones. Yeah. And I think there's also just, like...

When I tell people that I'm, like, you know, not... I don't expect to be in a long-term romantic relationship or expect to get married, they, like... pity me and they they think that i'm saying that not because whatever but because they think that i don't think That I will ever find someone. And they think it's me being pessimistic. When really it's like you don't.

Right. Like, there's a difference between people being like, oh, I'm never gonna get married because they are, like, single life forever and I suck and no one loves me. And the difference between you, who's like, no, I don't want that. I don't want that. And when I explain that to them, I'm like, no, I just... I don't really want that for myself. Like where I am right now, I don't see that ever happening.

their first question or their first response is always, why? Like, why do I not want this relationship that's, like, the pinnacle of all relationships? Like, why would I not want this, like...

I almost feel like they think I'm missing out or that I'm not going to be fulfilled if I don't have this romantic relationship. And obviously I'm kind of biased because... of my situation but I like I don't think you need a romantic relationship to be fulfilled in your like friendships or your relationships in general like you don't you don't need that shit I mean if you want that shit cool yeah but you don't need it to be a human being. Yeah. Or, like, to be fulfilled. Yeah. I mean...

I don't know. And a lot of that, it just makes me think of how many like rom-coms there are. And so relationships are just like, oh, that's so great. And you go see movies about it and everything. And so people picture that. When you picture your life, I think a lot of people picture like, oh yeah, I'm gonna get married and I'm gonna have kids or whatever. And they don't realize that there's another way.

To visualize your white picket fence house. Legitimately what happened to me is I thought for my entire life, up until high school, that I was going to get married, I was going to have kids, because that's what... everyone I knew did with a few exceptions but to me those people were exceptions like I was you know gonna get married and I was gonna have kids and like I never thought about whether or not I really wanted to I was just like oh this is what's gonna happen and it wasn't until

I was in high school, and one of my teachers was unmarried, didn't have kids. Like, she was a teacher, so, like, they don't get paid much. But she was, like, able to travel the world because she didn't... have, you know, all these other things that, like, to her weren't, at least they didn't seem that important to her. And I was like, whoa, you can do that? Yeah. You can lead a fulfilled life and do that?

Oh, and that was when I first started realizing that maybe I don't want to get married. Maybe I don't want to have kids. And there are absolutely ace people who do want kids. Oh, for sure. But, like, for me, like, that was when I first started thinking, like... okay, well, maybe the, you know, husband, two and a half kids, white picket fence is not for me. But, like, I spent my whole life thinking that's what I was going to do because that was the norm. That was what was expected. Yeah.

I don't know. Yeah, I'm thinking about it.

When I was growing up, the only people I know that didn't have kids, it was because of necessity or they couldn't. I have a family member that couldn't have kids, so she never did. And I remember asking my mom when I was very little, like, why doesn't she have kids? And my mom was like, well, she can't. But I had... ask that question of like why does she not have children right and I have other family members that are married and they're both in the military and so they've

It took a long time for them to even get married because they were both, you know, deployed and all over the place. And so I don't know if they ever wanted kids anyway, but it's not like they could have feasibly had them and kept their careers. So, yeah, there's not many examples. of people that don't want them, and that's why they don't have them. And that's a whole other pod. Real. But, I mean, that idea of, like...

you know, that this specific connection of a romantic and sexual relationship is one that you're expected to have. And I didn't realize that not having that was an option until I was like 16, which is old. Yeah, it's old. And so that kind of relates to, so I, a couple weeks ago, ran across a, it's basically a TED Talk. It's not, it's some other thing similar to TED. But it's a TED Talk, right? It's a different brand. It's a different brand of TED.

And it is by David Jay, who is the guy who founded... the website AVEN, which for those of you who don't know, it's, it's at asexuality.org, asexuality.org if you want to check it out. Promo, you're welcome, David J. And we're doing so much for it. Our three listeners. We have like...

We have, like, 60. And they're all our friends. We're killing it. No, but basically, it's a website. It's basically the basis of the ace community as it is today. It was basically, like, the first real... place like this like open space for ace people and people who fell under the the ace umbrella to kind of like talk about their experiences and like relate to each other and be like oh there's nothing wrong with me this is a thing I'm not crazy. Yeah. There's like a name for...

And so it's very important to the ace community. And so we were watching this TED Talk. I also made Kayla watch it, much to her dismay, because she doesn't have the patience for 16 minutes. But we did. We made it. It was just interesting because I don't, I don't think he did the greatest job of explaining sex, like, asexuality. No. Which, you've definitely explained it to me better. Yeah, I think it's just because he was trying to do it quickly and, like, he made it sound a little bit like it.

was your choosing not to have sex, which is not really how it works. I didn't get that as much. It's just like... I know there's more of a spectrum of asexuality, and he labeled it as people who really like sex, people who kind of like sex, and people who don't like it, which isn't really what asexuality is. But I understand why he did it. If you're explaining that to someone who's never heard of asexuality before, you can't just throw it.

damn much at the moment and expect them to really, like, take it in. So I understand why he had to do that. It just kind of sucks. Yeah, but basically, he was talking in this TED Talk, whatever talk, about, like... connection and like how in our society like connection and like relationships are very tangled up in sexuality and so if you you know don't feel attracted to people sexually or romantically like it's it's difficult to like kind of not find your place but like

It's hard to figure out for everyone, but, like... It's kind of hard to, like, fit in, I guess. Right. Yeah. Right. And, like, one of the things he was talking about was he had a friend who they were really good friends, and he and that friend... sat down and, like, had a conversation about their relationship, about, like, where it was going and, like, the kind of time that they were, like, wanting to put into it and that sort of thing. And, like, it really, like...

deepened their friendship, but it was still completely platonic. And that was something that was really interesting to me, because when I think of people sitting down and talking about their relationships, it's always romantic. Yeah, at first when he said that, I, like, looked at you and I made a face, because it made me so uncomfortable to think about...

sitting down with you and talking about that. And I really think that's the difference between a friendship and a relationship that I started thinking about is in a relationship, you talk about your relationship often. Right. Especially long-term relationships, you're sitting down talking like...

What do we both want? What are we doing? The classic, like, what are we? Right. Like, I mean, we all make fun of it, but it's an important conversation. Yeah. But with friendships, you don't really have that. Like, we kind of just mutually know, like... we out here we love platonically but like we don't have that conversation right yeah and I think that's definitely an interesting thing that like

differentiates romantic relationships versus platonic ones is like, well, romantic ones, we talk about them. And I don't know if maybe talking about them makes them feel more important, make them feel more real.

I think it makes them feel more, oh, I just hit the word. Like, you're self-aware. Yeah. In a friendship, there's a lot of friendships that I have that I'm not very self-aware of. I'm like, yeah, I'm friends with them, but I don't think about a relationship. Right. Right. They're just there. Yeah. And I think that might be part of the reason why they're viewed so differently, is just because...

It's just the amount of time we spend thinking about that relationship. Not the person, but about the relationship. Yeah, and people ask you, like, people ask me that I haven't talked to in a while, like, oh, how are you and Patrick? They don't ask about Patrick, they ask about... How are you and Patrick doing? How is your relationship? Yeah. And so, oh, that's my boyfriend. I don't think I'm ever saying this.

Hi, Patrick. Patrick is Kayla's boyfriend. He's gonna be listening to this. I don't know if I'll kill him. Yeah, so people ask about the relationship. And people ask, no, I don't think everyone's ever come up to me and be like, how are you and Sarah? Right. Like...

We're still in love. I don't know. People ask about you when you were in Germany. They were like, oh, how's Sarah doing? And I was like, probably dead. I don't know. No one asks me and Sarah about our relationship because they're always, they assume.

that we're doing fine. Right. And it's like, and one of the things, additionally, that he was talking about in this TED Talk, whatever talk, is that a relationship, there's a person, and there's another person, and a relationship is something that falls in between them. Right. And I think that was an interesting way to think about it because I don't think of my friendships that way at all. And so I think it is interesting to think about friendships in more of the way that we do think about.

romantic relationships and they're like all right well what is this friendship, where is it going? Yeah, and it's kind of like the relationship itself is a third person. Right. Like, there's you, and then there's the other person, and then there's you together, which is completely different than you two separate. Right, you don't necessarily think about the person in the same way.

way you think about the relationship. Right. Yeah. Oh, man. So many things. Sarah, should we talk about where our relationship is going? I feel uncomfortable. Good. Yeah, but I think it's just... It's just, I just have beef with people. Because, I mean, it's similar to people asking about you and Patrick. It's like, they, I mean, yes, they do sometimes ask about me, too. But, like...

They ask about Patrick because that's seen as, like, a more important relationship than necessarily the one with me. Right. And, like, I feel like the people who... like, ask me about you are people who know both of us personally. Yeah. Whereas if you're in a relationship with someone, even if they don't necessarily know your significant other, they still might ask. Right. Yeah, I have friends that I don't talk to as often, and they'll check in and be like, are you still...

Still together? Right. No one asks me if we're still friends. Right. But I think that kind of... That's the other thing with friendships, and I think, especially after you get out of high school, they're less... kind of volatile, and so relationships end more frequently than friendships. Right. I would say, on average. Right. Unless you're very dramatic. I hate you! I know. Okay. But yeah, people...

I don't know. Yeah. Right. And it's just, I think that's part of my beef, is it kind of, like, feeds a fear that I think... I...

I think a lot of other areas people have this, like, fear of, like, okay, well, all of my friends are gonna get married or get into long-term romantic relationships, and they're gonna be all about their partner and, like, forget about me. And, like... Because, like, I feel like a lot of times you'll run across, like, people who are, like, married that only hang out with other married people. Yeah. And it's like, hi.

I'm still here. You can live in my basement. Me and Patrick have talked about it. You're allowed. He said you're allowed to be a non-sexual third party for the money you'll bring in, to which I told him, Sarah will have no money. But you can still sleep in my basement. Amazing. Yeah, but I feel like I'm about it. As long as I don't feel like a third wheel. Well, I don't know what to tell you. I think Patrick will be the third wheel. Yeah, but I think it's just like...

This... It's just... Society. Man. My life is not any less fulfilling because I don't have a romantic relationship. That's not the reason your life is less fulfilling. The reason my life is less fulfilling is because I'm dead inside. That is the reason. But I'm not dead inside because I'm airwaste. I'm dead inside for other reasons. Lots of other reasons. No, but. Sexuality has nothing to do with it. Sexuality has nothing to do with it.

But yeah, I think it's just, it just makes me sad when people automatically prioritize romantic relationships just by virtue of them being romantic. Yeah. Or, like, people will, like, get into a relationship and they'll be in a relationship. for like a month and like these friends that they've had for years they won't necessarily ditch them but like very suddenly their significant other is always prioritized over this friend that you've had for six years and it's like you don't have to

like, ditch your significant other for, like, your best friend. But, like, I think... As a person, you need to think not just about how you're prioritizing your significant others, but also how you're prioritizing the other people in your life. And, like, I mean, that again comes back to, like, having conversations. Like, even if that's just sitting down with yourself and being like, okay. What relationships do I view as a priority? And that I want to take the time to be like...

an active member of this. In romantic relationships and platonic ones, they are different. Like, no matter how equal they'll get, they're always gonna be different. Right. But, I mean... I don't think that the reason you should prioritize one over the other is because of what amount of romance is in it. Just because they're different doesn't mean that one type is necessarily better than the other. Right, it's just that they're different. Okay, right. So yeah, moral of the story.

Don't make your airways friends feel bad. I don't even know what the moral of the story is. Stop it. Moral of the story is don't break up with your significant other. Only friendships from now on. Only friendships from now on. No romance.

Dead. See, I told you it's dead. That's the topic. Romance is dead. You know, anytime we say anything like that, I feel like I have to disclaim it and be like, airways, people don't believe this. No, I'm just making fun of you. I know you are, but I just feel the need to disclaim all the time. Never listen to what I say is Sarah's. That's my dessert. Don't listen to Kayla. Alright. I have great opinions. But yeah. So. I've got a lot of beef. I feel like I was pretty calm though. How?

Whole cow beef. Whole cow beef. Maybe even two cows. That's a lot of cows. That's a lot of cows. I recently heard about a cow that was the size of like... an elephant because it was pumped up on so many steroids and then it was very sad and I had to go to like a rehab bar. No, I'm kidding. That's not, that's not my beef cow. I had like arthritis. All right.

That's unrelated, Kayla. No, it did. I don't have arthritis. The cow had arthritis. To the pod. They need to know. Cow's rights. Okay. But yeah, no, tell us how you feel. Uh, we have a Twitter and an email. They're both, well, okay, well, the Twitter is at soundsfakepod and the email is soundsfakepod at gmail.com. They're like reverse. The at is just on the other side. Yeah.

Um, but yeah, like, tell us, tell us how you feel. Have I changed your mind? Was I completely non-eloquent? So you don't understand what I said? Well, that, yes. Yeah. That happens. Unrelated. Um, but yeah. Or like give us ideas for other pods. Or if you think that...

You want to have us answer your life questions. Yeah. Because Sarah can't give good advice. I'm horrible at giving advice. I say I give mediocre advice. I give like good advice like on accident sometimes. Yeah, it's very out of the blue. Right. But, like, I am not really reliable for advice. So ask us advice and get dubious answers, like the podcaster John and Hank, where they just give dubious advice. I feel like I would give good advice, though. Don't do... Alright. Don't...

Alright, calm down. Alright, we're trying to wrap this up, Kayla. Psych major. And then, if you want to keep listening to us and give us your support, you can, whatever area you're listening to us from. We're on... Keep doing it. Keep doing it. We're on iTunes, SoundCloud, Stitcher Radio, Google Play. That's all of them. That's it. And in your ears. And inside of your ear holes.

So click that subscribe or follow button inside your ear hole and leave us a comment or a rating. Give us that. Five star. Five star. We should do another question. All right. Oh, I don't have one. I don't either. Thoughts on cows. Thoughts on cows. Tell us your thoughts on cows. And also... Press 1 for... Cows. Cows. Two for two cows. How much beef do you have with this topic? Is it one cow, two cows, or are you stupid and is it zero cows? Yep.

How many, how many, one cow for, I have a small amount of beef with House Society. I'd say it's an average, one is like an average amount of beef. One is average amount of beef. Two is like a Sarah amount of beef. Two is like me beef. Sarah beef. And then negative cow is, um, is... Leave. I assume you're prioritizing your romantic relationships just by virtue of them being romantic, and I urge you to reconsider.

We politely ask you to rethink your life. Yep. So just in the comments or the ratings of whatever you're listening to us for. Or just tweet us aggressively. Or just tweet us cow pics. I don't know. Send. Send moo. Die! You know what's better than dick pics? Cow pics.

Cow picks. Anchor you up, though. I would accept an unsolicited cow pick. Speaking of which, if you want to listen to our last podcast, our very first one, it was about dick picks. Not cow picks. Dick picks. So if you want to give that a look. A little listen. A little listen in your ear hole. That'll be good. Alright. So that is it. We need to stop. Yep. Alright. Bye! We still don't have an outro.