It is time to get solar powered. We welcome you to what may be kind of a challenging episode of the solar powered podcast. My name is Ryan Hall from Royal Hearts Coaching, royal hearts coaching.com. And I say this is this may be kind of a challenging episode because I have to level with you all. I'm I haven't been in a really good place lately. I feel like the I feel like the weather we've, you know, we've been getting hit with tons and tons of snow lately. I feel like the cold weather.
I feel like the lack of human connection. I feel like a lot of my financial, woes. I just feel like a lot of this stuff is getting to me. I'll tell y'all a story. I was at work in my Chromebook job just, just a just a few days ago, And, in all honesty, it wasn't going well. I was supposed to have done some some training with some of my staff. This was on a Friday. My work week ones, runs from Wednesday through Sunday.
But I was supposed to have done some training with my staff, with my associates, on Friday Saturday. Just some brushing up on some product knowledge. And I was putting a ton of pressure on myself. I was putting a ton of pressure on myself because I see myself as this dynamic public speaker, this trainer, this somebody who could walk into a walk into a room with people and just own it. Because I am.
I mean, I am that I am that good, and I can't wait to get in front of audiences again and bigger audiences. But I was just completely in my head the other day, And there was this really this really just nasty combination in my head of really deep depression and raging anxiety. And it was like a battle in my head, y'all. It was like a battle in my head. It was I mean, it was like a like like a like a Roman gladiator kind of thing. It was just going after each other. And my thoughts got dark.
My thoughts got incredibly dark. So dark that and I can't believe I'm about to admit this to this audience, but it got so dark that the thought of I just wanna die hit me. Now I never made a plan. I never had any kind of fantasies of jumping in front of a metro north train or anything like I did that one time. But the thought was there. The thought was definitely there. And I stopped myself. I pulled back. I stepped off the sales floor. Took my mask off, and just started to breathe.
It got me grounded. It got me a little bit more centered. And then I was able to go out and finish the rest of my day. But I can definitely tell you that the that living in my head lately has been a dangerous place. For my entire life, I have I have had just a never ending battle of depression. This is a, this is something that has been passed down to me for generations. This is definitely this is definitely a, a family legacy.
Brilliant, loving, powerful people just completely worn down to a nub by depression, by the voice in their head, by sadness. In growing up, I always tried to hide it. I always tried to hide my depression, my fear, and my anxiety. I developed a sense of humor to combat it. I I I mean, my sense of humor is a total survival mechanism, but I developed my sense of humor to combat it. I developed a real fear of of, intimacy, of just having those intimate relationships.
And it just piled on and on and on and on. And I've been doing so much better with this over the last few years. But recently, my mental health has been well, let's face it. My mental health lately has been complete and utter shit. I have let opportunities slip by. I have let, I've let a lot of stuff, slip by. I feel like life has started to slip me by or have has has started to pass me by because of this, because of my shaky, shaky mental health.
Because this this affliction, this thing that's going on in my brain right now, This is not who I am. This is not me. This is absolutely not me. This is not me. I feel like my my writing has been just sporadic lately. Haven't been able to focus on it. This is only going to be my, I believe, 3rd podcast episode that I'm releasing in 2021. Something that I get a tremendous amount of joy from, but I've just had no motivation to do it lately. So what can we do about this?
And I'm speaking about this. I'm speaking out about this because I know that I am not the only one. I am not the only guy listening to this, and I wanna really direct this to the men who are listening. I know I'm not the only man who is really fighting this right now. I know I'm not the only one. I can't be the only one. And a lot of guys, I believe, are kind of, I guess, fix it first when it comes to our mental health. Fix it and then figure out the problem later.
I wanna kinda give y'all some, I don't know about tips, but just some practices that I have been taking on to snap out of this. Because I cannot stress this enough. This is not me. This absolutely is not me. This is not who I am. And I think the first thing that I wanna talk about is when you're in a dark place like this, first admit it. Admit that that the fear and anxiety is real, admit it. Because if you treat it like the pink elephant in the room, it's never gonna go away.
And I think a lot of us and when I say a lot of us, I mean a lot of me. But I think a lot of us don't want to admit this, but when we are when we're in a dark place like I have been lately, almost feel like if you ignore it, it'll just go away. And I think you and when I say you, of course, I mean y'all, but, but you, me, and anybody listening to this knows that that's just bullshit. It's just complete bullshit. So the first step is just to admit it. The second step is, don't do this alone.
I feel like my first mistake from the story that I shared with y'all earlier, but I feel like my first mistake was trying to go about this alone, trying to get out of this, like pull myself out of this, pull myself out of this tailspin to, go about this, like I was trying to go about this alone. So call a friend. Call a doctor. Honestly, call call 911 if you have to. But don't go about this alone. Please don't go about this alone.
And And just to pull back a little bit, I had kind of a in my last therapy session, I had kind of a coming to Jesus meeting about what has been going on in my head. And admitting it for me was I mean, it was the first step, but it was definitely the most difficult. Being able to talk about it on this platform is is helpful as well. The next thing, which was a, like, a big obstacle for me, but the next thing is to, I would say, figure out if there's anything physically going on with you.
And, yes, that means calling a professional, making an appointment, and answering embarrassing questions. I'm recording this on a Tuesday. Yesterday, I had my first doctor's checkup in probably 5 years. 4 or 5 years. Granted, for the longest time, I did not have medical insurance, but I hadn't had an appointment and a checkup in many, many years.
And my doctor, the one that I met yesterday, you know, a lovely guy, Russian, immigrated, from the Soviet Union in the I think you said, like, 1987, 1988, something like that. And he prescribed a new antidepressant medication, which I was not crazy about. But I definitely need to feel better. But I went into that, like I went into that yesterday just scared to death. I did not wanna go. I absolutely did not wanna go. But he was very patient with me.
He was real, which I really appreciated, and set me at ease. And one very pleasant surprise that came out of that was the fact that my blood pressure was practically perfect. And for many years, I fought, and was treated for hypertension. And I'm only 40 I'm a you know, turning 44 next month. But I was treated for the longest time. I was treated for hypertension. And my blood pressure was perfect, right on point. I was very proud of that.
So figure out if there's anything physically, wrong with you. And I think one of my bits of anxiety about that, about that appointment yesterday was just the fact that I didn't know if I had any bandwidth for bad news. I really didn't know if I had any bandwidth for bad news. And I didn't get any. And I'm sharing all of this and being real, you know, about as real as I can.
But I'm sharing all of this and, you know, just being vulnerable, being, vulnerable with you all today because because that's something I want you to take away from this. Everybody listening, man or you know, men or women, everybody goes through this. Things are going to get dark. Life is going to get really dark. But, know that you are never alone. Know that you're never alone. And there's always a way out.
I think back to the time when I don't think I've ever shared this on this podcast, but this has been probably 2012, I believe, right before Christmas. I was in another really dark hole. And maybe about 5, 4 like 4 or 5 miles or so from my house was this, was this locking dam on the Chattahoochee River. And I got in my car, and I drove out there. And the time that I went out there, The time that I went out there, the water was flowing through the lock. And again, I was in a very dark place.
And that was the first time I had ever thought maybe I should take a swim. Now understand that I can hardly swim in calm and peaceful water, but swimming in those rapids And as Greg Hallman famously sung, it would surely be the end of me. Yeah. Now as I was sitting in my car, I heard a voice in my head. And that voice, it sounded like me strangely enough, but that voice just said stop it. I took a deep breath. I took a deep breath and got a pad that was sitting in my car.
I found a pen, and I made a list. I made a list of 3 things. And those three things were start exploring that book idea that I have. Get back into therapy and connect with that life coach that I've been hearing about. Now this was at the end of 2012. This was at the end of 2012. Early in 2013, early in the next year, I made the call for my first therapy appointment. And let me tell you, that was a damn challenging phone call. Later on that spring, I started exploring that book idea.
That book idea ended up becoming written in the stone. And then early the next year, I met and, connected and met with Michelle Lakin for the first time. So one of the lowest moments of my life became one of the most powerful. So I just want to leave you all with this. When it comes to living a soul powered, solar powered life, You have to be willing to look at everything. The light, the dark, the yin and the yang, so to speak. You have to be willing to look at it all.
Sometimes the dark is going to be really, really freaking dark. But it's worth it. Believe me, it is worth it. Because to live because to live that life from a greater purpose, from a from a higher purpose, be willing to look at it all. There are times when it will suck, when you will feel like you want to give up completely. Find the courage, and find the boldness to take that extra step. Well, I think I'll wrap it up on that note.
For those who have listened to this episode here, I really do appreciate it. This was not easy for me to talk about. But I feel like I feel like to to share myself and to find my voice and share my voice in the way I, in the way in which I wanna sell it, share it rather. I gotta show it all. Well, I really thank you so much for listening to this episode of the solar powered podcast, the presentation of Royal hearts coaching.
For more information about Royal hearts coaching and about me, just go to royal hearts coaching.com. You can find me on the, on the social media machines at Ryan hall rights on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram, or you can shoot me a good old fashioned email at Ryan at Royal hearts, coaching dot com, but that'll do it for this episode until we meet again. And we will meet again.
This is Ryan Hall saying thank you so much for listening so long for now and go get solar powered and remember you're never alone.